Shaun Newman Podcast - #376 - Dr. Jody Carrington

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Clinical psychologist, best selling author & public speaker.  Let me know what you think Text me 587-217-8500

I'm Rupa Supermonea. This is Tom Korski. This is Ken Drysdale. This is Dr. Eric Payne. This is Dr. William Mackis. Hi, this is Shadow Davis from the Shadow at Night Live stream, and you are listening to the Sean Newman podcast. Welcome to the podcast, folks.

Happy Wednesday, Hump Day, Holy Dina, another week of five podcasts. Four in a row. I promise I did not, I did not mean to do this. Not that I didn't not. I mean, anyways, I just didn't plan this. It's crazy. 2023 has started out with a bang. It is a bullet out of the gun and let's go and I'm just holding on for dear life at this point,

having a ton of fun. I hope you're holding on as well and keeping up with all the different content that I've been flying out. It's been a ton of fun. Well, here is another week where we're going to have Thursday is when the audio from the SMP presents this past Sunday comes out so you can hear that night in its entirety. And then, of course, the first, last week we had Premier Daniel Smith, So it was supposed to be only four days, four episodes, but Monday had two come out. So it's been four weeks of five, five, five, five.

So, you know, maybe we'll just finish off the month with five more just to just, you know, say I can do it for a month. I don't know. Either way, it's been a ton of fun on this end. I hope you guys are enjoying it. Before we get to today's episode, how we talk some sponsors, Blaine and Joy, Stefan from Berdy in plumbing and heating. They're looking for guys. You know, they say what makes us different is their service teamwork seven days on, seven days off, schedule, 12, shifts no night shift no on call and I was like although that probably does separate you from

from some I think what really separates a guardian is how their leadership team thinks and how they acted through some of the darkest months I think you give up what I'm talking about and if you're sitting anywhere in this province country looking for somebody who's going to protect you and or maybe just allow you to be you they're looking for those type of individuals they got great benefits, awesome wages, great team, and they're looking for plumbers, HVAC, techs, installers, and apprentices. Just go to gardiumplumbing.ca, where you can schedule your next appointment at any time,

or, of course, find out exactly who and what they are all about. Three Trees, Tap, and Kitchen, they got live music coming up. Actually, you know, it's funny. As I scroll here, I should have had this pulled right up. I'm going to hold you to the line here as Sean, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, du, pulls it up. because they have a live music. I've been talking about them having live music coming up, and here it is.

Okay, Thursday, January 26th, Courtney Stang returns to Three Trees with the amazing Mark Andre and Brent Farrants. It's from seven to nine live music. Everybody's always asked me in town, live music. Is there live music? And it's like, well, I know Three Trees does it. Here, I'll pull it up. Bingo, bingo, bingo.

There you go. So next Thursday, if you're wanting to take, you know, the special someone out there, give him a call. 780 874, 765, there ain't nothing better than a little bit of live music. That is good for the soul, I'm telling you. Deer and Steer Butchery, the old Norman and Kathy James family built butcher shop on the north side of Highway 16 and Range Road 25. Used to be used, well, I mean, it's still used by local hunters around the area for cutting and wrapping. While now, if you're in the area and you're looking to get an animal, animal butchered, of course, give them a call.

That's 780870-8700. If you're looking for the experience, I know, like, I'm heading to Sylva, link for this sovereignty, you know, workshop. There's a whole bunch of different workshops

going on, trying to, you know, show them some skills of things we've probably forgotten over the past. And then, of course, I'm, you know,

I'm going to be talking about a couple different things there as well. The deer and steer butchery, just like 10 minutes outside of Lloyd Minster, you can get your animal

bushered and you can help do it. And if you're like, oh man, that sounds interesting. Let me tell you, I've done it. And it was a super

cool experience, like super cool. So if you're looking for a little, you know, figure out some skills and see how and where all the different parts of the animal goes to, that's a ton of fun. It's a super cool experience and you might want to try that out. Also, they're looking for butchers as well. So if you're hearing this, and once again, I'm talking to wherever you're at. You're in looking for something new. Maybe you just want to explore a conversation. Give them a call. 780-870-8700. Gartner Management, their Lloyd, Misses, based company special in all types of rental properties, whether you're talking, you know, a small office,

or maybe you've got multiple employees. Give way to call 780808, 5025. Let's get on to that tail of the tape brought to you by Hancock Petroleum for the past 80 years. They've been an industry leader in bulk fuels, lubricants, methadone, and chemicals delivering to your farm, commercial, or oil field locations. For more information, visit them at Hancock, petroleum.com.com. She's a psychologist, best-selling author, and public speaker. I'm talking about Dr. Jody Carrington.

So buckle up, here we go. This is Dr. Jody Carrington, and you're listening to the Sean Newman podcast. Well, that's a new one. Welcome to the Sean Newman podcast. Today I'm joined by Dr. Jody Carrington. Wow, this is unexpected. And first I'm going to say thank you for coming in. Sean friggin' Newman.

I don't get to do this a whole lot, you know? I'm telling you, what an honor. This feels like such a professional deal. Look at you and me. Well, yeah. Huh? I think we should go on the road. You didn't think you'd walk in the little old Lloyd and this would be sitting here, did you?

No! I am wildly impressed. Oh, hey. I got to give a shout-out to the guy sitting in the corner, though. Without Mikey Dubbs, this doesn't happen. And I was saying, you the first time I ever sat down with you, he was running 124 kilometers on a treadmill, locked away in a room. And I feel like we were just razzing him. Like, it's our job.

Yeah. Actually, I'm quite certain. I'm quite certain. Yeah. Yeah. Like, could you run a little harder? Get those chickens. legs going. Anyway, it's cool. I don't, I, uh, I live out of this room, but I, you know, it's funny. You'll see

my logo on that wall. 99, well, we'll go 90% one out of 10 times. Maybe I get somebody in studio, but through COVID, everything was done from that spot with the logo in the background. And, and you know this as well as I do. This is way better than this. Way better. Yeah. Your neurophysiology changes when you're in the same room, right? And you just can't replicate, like you can't replicate it online but I think yeah I'm so excited to do this today so you give it to me what do we got what are we gonna do we're gonna change the world Joe Rogan says whatever time you have attack like you're trying to save the world and I feel like let's let's go can I swear yeah you can fucking swear okay I was worried I wasn't gonna we're not gonna dampen your energy in here we

want we want you to we want you to bring the place up okay now I'm I'm gonna start you the same way I start everybody and that's simple There's going to be a ton of people who know exactly who you are, but there's going to be a ton of people on this podcast who've maybe never followed your stuff. My wife would not be one of those. She doesn't listen to me, so she does listen to you. She is coming tonight to see you here in Lloyd. That's awesome.

And I was the bad husband who was supposed to be going with her to come see you. And then realize I got a show happening the next day at the Gold Horse. Yes. And one of the guys is flying in tonight. So she gets to have fun with the girls and I'm home with the kids. So what are you going to do? That was my fault. Thanks for that.

But let's start with you. I know a lot of your background, but wherever you want to go and then we'll hop in from there. Okay, so I grew up just up the road in a little town called Viking, Alberta, Canada. Home of this guy named Daryl Sutter? Home of seven boys. Six of whom playing in the NHL. I tried to marry one and didn't fucking work out. It's fine. I had to make it on my own.

And I had seven shots of that shit. I couldn't land one. But anyway, it's fine. And I, here's the thing. It was everything that happened in that small town that I think really set the trajectory for where, you know, the world is starting to unfold for us now. Like I can tell you the first and last name of every teacher I had. I can tell you my bus driver's name. I can tell you, you know, all of those things.

And my, I had the same ringette coach and hockey coach, most of my sort of growing up. And I remember thinking, you know, like if there is some place to land, you can do great things. And I decided I wanted to be a psychologist because of an experience that I had with a teacher who just really made me feel seen back in grade 10, and I didn't even know that was a thing. And I really wanted to work with adults. I wanted to do sports psychology, and then I ended up as a civilian member with the RCMP for two years, and I started to learn about organizations and stress and how, you know, trauma can really fuck you up if you don't have anybody looking after you. And so I decided I wanted to be a police officer.

I love, love, love the organization, the people in it. I don't love the organization or the way they treat their people necessarily, but I love the people in it. And so that was sort of my long-term goal. And then I did my residency in Nova Scotia, and I had to do a rotation with kids. And they said, you know, you have to do this rotation. I said, I'm not a fan of kids. I'm still not a fucking fan of kids. But anyway, and I fell in love with the tiny humans and realized we knew less about kids and trauma than we know about adults and trauma. So I took my first job at the Alberta Children's Hospital. And for 10 years, I was on the psychiatric and patient unit. And clinically, I think that was the time that I learned.

so much about relationship and connection and it has nothing to do with like sort of behavioral modification that was the whole training we had is like rewards and consequences and how do we like change behavior with no question of you know not the question was always what's wrong with you not what happened to you and when I started to shift that way of thinking you know I I've finally got married it took me for fucking ever but I landed a farmer which is fine he's a nice guy and um then when you when you say you know as a guy you want your your oh my God, I love him, and he knows I love him. He's fucking great.

But anyway. You know, but he's okay. But he's okay. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. If there's one word in the English dictionary, I fucking hate, it's fine. Anyways, that's, hey, that's me.

Well, he's stellar. And then he says, we should get a kid so we got one. And then we got that so right that then we got twins at 38 years old. And in real life, I'm on a five-foot fuck-all Ukrainian chassis. And so twins at 38 was not the vision. And I had three kids under three. not a fan of kids, and he said, you know, I know what I'll help you? Let's move closer to my mom. So then I fucking woke up.

So he's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. So we live in Old Alberta, Canada now, and I started a private practice and coach and hockey. And then I just started to consult on some tough cases in, you know, sort of central Alberta. And then I started just talking more and more. And, you know, people would say, could you come here? Could you speak to our school? Could you speak to our superintendents? Hey, we have a conference in Canada. And now I speak to, I mean, everybody I you know farmers first responders um corporate execs we've been all over the world and we you know self-published the first book it sold 50,000 copies in the first sort of year and became a national best seller what did you uh you have these moments you know and uh for me and the podcast um

it was a million downloads of like not social media just download like people and you hit that and you I don't love to pat myself on the back, and I don't like to slow down because it's like, go, go, go, go. But you have these moments where you're like, I better just sip this one in just a little bit. You're going to be, well, you are on a book tour, right? Like, I mean, you're wearing the shirt. You're jazzed up this morning.

But every time you complete a project like that, so your first one's self-published, now you're, you know, your approach to write feeling seen. I'm curious on how you ended up on the title. But that's a side question. Just sticking with completing a project as large as a book, because to a guy who doesn't write, he just sits and talks to people, I assume that you had to have a moment where you took a step back

and kind of like, better drink this one in. Okay, so can I tell you there's sort of two things that happen in this process. I know where I'm going, so I can see the end game quite clearly. Where are you going? There will, so here's the lofty goal. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to push that in just... I feel like it's really loud, isn't it?

I don't know. I've never been told them too fucking quiet, so I was trying to... Well, I can do whatever I want to do here. Oh yeah, I got it all here. I told you I'm the one man bad. If I'd know what Mike was going to be in here, I would have had him all set up

and he could have done this and we could have just... But hey, this is my life. Hey, what are you going to do? Okay, so I'll tell you this. So what I know without a doubt is that I can see the end game. So whenever I've talked to my therapist about what the plan is in this whole big fucking process, I started on third base.

I'm super privileged. White, straight, able-bodied, come from money. And I didn't recognize my privilege until I stepped into this world of serving generally marginalized, disregulated people. That's the job of psychologists. That's the job of health care professionals. That's a job of people who step into say, in a moment of your biggest distress, I want to be the person who walks you home.

It's based on a quote, you love Joe Rogan. I love a guy named Ram Dass. He said, we are all just here walking each other home. And when I heard those words, I was like, put me in coach? What do I need to do to be able to do this? Because I come from this place where I have this amazing family. I mean, we all have a fucking story. Like, let's not kid ourselves. But I have so much ability to serve and to show my babies how to do it. Because you can't tell anybody how to be great or kind or anti-racist. You have to show them, yeah? And we've been in this

beautiful position where Aaron's family, my family, everybody is sort of on, we have these three babies who are healthy. And it just feels like the stars are aligning and I better fucking take it. Okay. And so at the end of the game, if I'm going to shoot for the moon, it's a New York Times bestseller, it's on the stage. I become a thought leader with people like Oprah and Shonda and Pink, and I can sit down and talk about how do we change the world? How do we get better at this? Where can we insert resources? And I have a big dream of changing the education system globally. I have a big dream of really making a mark on first responder worlds, particularly the RCMP.

I think we do a shitty job of looking after our police officers in this world. And we do an even worse job of looking after the people who, hold them. And you're only as okay as the people who hold you, you see. And so I have these big things. But in the middle, I have no fucking idea how I'm going to get there. This is what it looks like in the middle. All right. That's chaos. Okay. And that's the ride. So the critical thing for me is to surround myself with people who think I'm amazing. And that changes monthly. We do a re-look at everything. But in this room right now is Marty. We started together. Our babies were four when we first started working together.

I met her in a hockey rank scorecard, like where you keep the score clock in the morning because your kids are on the ice at fucking 2 a.m. Well, I got a game tomorrow, 8 a.m. 10, 4. Okay. Set up the boards at quarter after 7, 7.30. Yeah.

I get assigned to this one who, you know, was 10 years younger than me. She's Spried, doing all the things with her children, looking great. She's got coffees and shit. And I show up in the score clock. I don't even fucking know if my kid's on the ice. I don't got a bra on. And she's like, we got it.

I got it. Here you go. And her husband's hopping over the board, trying to get us all set up. I don't even know where my fucking husband is. And I was like, I need somebody like you. And so we've been together now for, is it seven years, eight years? Seven years.

And single-handedly together, these two moms have built this company. And, you know, we now have 20 people on our team, contractors full-time people. And we just navigate this message. And this is the funnest part for me is that, like, I've already arrived. the fact that I could come into this community tonight and sit with, I don't know, 600 people and remind them how incredibly powerful they are to not only change a life but save it in the context

of the next 24 hours. Like tonight, here's the thing that gets me every time, okay? Sean, there will be 600 people, 400 people, whatever it is tonight. If I take, let's for it statistically speaking, 12 of them will have a plan to end their life. In those two rooms tonight, 12 of them. and our only job is to show up for each other. Our only job is to understand that four seats down, this guy just got a diagnosis,

two seats behind us, this guy just buried his mama, 20 years or too early. And all we want to know is that we matter. And that's the platform that we built. And my only job is to make sure my kids are okay as I navigate this big old world telling that truth is the biggest fucking gift I can ever imagine.

Hmm, that's, uh, as you, uh, lay out where you want to get to, right? Oprah, all the big stages of the world. It's funny, I, uh, I, uh, I, where I sit, look at it the opposite way. And maybe this is, uh, I'll throw an idea by it and, and then you have at it because you, you, you got the background and the, the degrees and everything else. One of the things I see, um, you know, I've written, uh, read a stat that you wrote by age 40, about 50% of the population will have a mental illness. And I was like, yeah, and COVID accelerated that.

That didn't slow it down. That sped everything out. And so one of the things that's got me through a lot of different things is I had a book club we formed back 2018 was a stupid idea. It's kind of like you stumble into Marty. It's like, well, what is that? And we can go down that rabbit hole for as long as you want. But the book club forms and then things come and, you know,

tough parts of life and you have this group around you. Anyways, I sit here and I've been thinking, about, you know, how do you help people, but you can't be everywhere, you know? There's only one person or one entity that can do that, whatever we're gonna put that name to. And so I go, we started a men's group, and the men's group meets once a week,

and we talk about things, and, you know, to me, that idea can travel across all of Canada, all the world, because it's people taking responsibility for where they're at, And then there's good people around you everywhere. There's people that don't want good for you, but there's a lot of people who do want good for you. And you start talking and going to bat for one another,

and you'd be amazed at the things that come out of that thing. Well, one of them was the podcast came on the book club. You know, and the first time I interviewed you, the guy ran 124 kilometers. That came from an idea of approaching the book club, and you see what happens with one little good idea, how much of a butterfly effect it can have, so to speak. And I kind of want to be the father-at-house.

home, you know, we started the book club, better husbands, better fathers. You know, I was chuckling. I was setting this all up at like six this morning. You know, I'd come in and I, you know, you get a guy in here by himself for a year or two. Let's just say it started to become cluttered. So I came in and made sure it looked a little better. Spruce it up, Sean.

That's right. That's right. A couple of years ago, I would have sat with, I would have sat and listen to you talk for probably 48 hours. And before I came in today, I was sitting with my kids watching Saturday morning cartoons, you know, it's just like same guy, but priorities kind of shift. Anyways, I hear your plan. I'm like, well, good on you, because that's going to be an interesting route, an adventure.

So let me just. Mine is a more simplistic, I think. Maybe not. I don't think that it matters so much about sort of how you do it. I think it's what you do that really matters. And I think it's, you know, you said a couple of things. there, right? Like, how do we make a difference? How do we do these things? Like, listen, it's so simplistic to me in the clearest moments is like, next best, right, kind thing. That's all you

have control over, right? There's different seasons, right? Where we're parents or we have to walk our, our own parents home. We are trying to figure out how we maintain friendships as our lives take different directions, like all those things, right? But our only job, right, is next best, right, and I always think about, you know, how do you eat an elephant, right? And, I mean, it's the cliche, but it's just like one step at a time. If the thing is for you right now, it's the podcast that has led to a million things. It is, you know, the book club that has done these things. It is coaching the hockey team, and you get to be on the path of other people.

I think there's just such a belief in giving that over sometimes to like, okay, like, show me how to do it. And I think that the less you try to sort of worry about whether you're getting it right and just enjoy it. I mean, I say this to Marty all the time. We've arrived. Right? Like, I mean, I cannot wait to sit on those big stages. But I mean, when we talk about writing a book. But when you get on the big stage, what people will ask you over and over again is about the journey to the big stage. Sure, and I think you don't want to miss it, but I also think there's a piece of it that is like, okay, you just got to do it one step at a time, right?

And that there was never, there was always the dream that like I have every expectation that it's going to get bigger, that we're going to do more things, that we're going to do all those things. If it doesn't, that's okay. And you know what I think one of the most important things is that there's always people around me that believe bigger than I do sometimes. And I remember being amazed, I write about this in feeling seen. I remember being amazed that, you know, Marty's husband said, to us very early on, like, maybe four years ago, he's like, you know, this is going to be big.

And I was like, oh, yeah, do you think so? And I remember my father saying, like, you know, he was standing in a theater that we did. We, like, in Edmonton, this is probably about three years ago now. And he was saying to somebody else, you know, one of the women who worked with us at the time, just like, Tara, like, I always knew she would do great things. And I was like, you, you did? Like, I love it when other people are like, do you know? When other people can see.

Right. Yeah. And sometimes you don't, right? Because we just, this is what we do. I mean, I cannot wait to be there tonight. Is it hard for me to public speak? No. Fuck, are you kidding me?

Bring it. I mean, I'm just going to go out of the time. No, you're kind of a natural at it. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a good time. In a world in a world where, you know, the first time, well, I mean, go back to the live stream. Everybody comes on their prim, they're proper. And, you know, you got Mike running and you come on.

And I'm excited for it because I know you're going to drop at least one F bomb in the entire thing, right? and that's breaking out of a mold because the mold is there that we all have to sit up straight and everything else and it's this live production and everything else. And then, I mean, the world of podcasting has changed everything. Social media has changed everything. But podcasting is really, well, I mean, I sit here and I'm making, currently making a career of it, which is kind of a wild thought when you think about it, you know, you go back to the start. When you go back to the start, right, you got this lovely career,

you must have had, you know, I remember watching your, I don't know if Mel, I'm going to say Mel, I'm going to put it on Mel was watching it and I tuned in. When you used to do your morning coffees and different things like that, you might still be doing it and I apologize if you are and you can show that I haven't flipped open your Facebook in a while. But, you know, when you first go back to the original idea, let's try this, because we've all, I think anyone who's creative has like a thousand ideas, and you're like, oh, let's try this and then it doesn't work. It does worry. Oh, crap.

Go back to that day for me. Because I'm curious, you know, lots of people have lots ideas and want to try things. But getting the courage to step out and embrace that and everything else is a difficult step. Gosh, I mean, here's, I think, the thing that we've been criticized for, Marty and I will tell you this the most, is that I'd never had a strategy. I'd never had a plan. I don't have a fucking clue what we're doing. And I think that was, you know, anybody that has been a part of our company and left at that's the biggest concern, right? He's like, what's your strategy? I'm like, what the fuck do you mean?

And that really, there was never any big thought about that. It was like, I jumped on and did a live one day and the response was really great. And I was like, I can do that every day. I mean, I know people are hurting and sad and scared. And so like, okay, like, turn on the, okay, let's do it. And there wasn't a lot of like, okay, how are we going to do this? How is it going to land? And I think it's risky to operate that way, to be honest with you, because I don't, I often have a lot of forgiveness that has to be asked of people, including, you know, the College of Alberta psychologists when, you know, like, are we going to break the mold of mental health? How are we going to sort of talk and show up differently in the way? That's not the expectation, right? And so how do we be careful to be able to

sort of, you know, push boundaries and do new things and know that there will be push back for that? It is so much safer to stay in the status quo of things, right? But I've never operated in that way. And I don't think I can. And so for me, to be very planful and thoughtful, and be very sort of like, what's the end game going to look like, is okay, but I'm much more comfortable just being like, fuck it, let's try it, and see how it all falls out. And sometimes there's a lot of like, oh, sorry, that's maybe not okay. But I don't know how to do it any other way.

Yeah, it's, it's, I don't know. Strategy's good. There's nothing wrong with strategy. I mean. Apparently it's amazing. Like, and for some people, like my personal husband, he's got a fucking spreadsheet for everything. thing. And I think that's the point, right, is that you have to be surrounded by people who are good

at the things you're not. And I've just been so lucky in that regard because Marty is the kindest person he will ever meet. She's everything I hope I could be. And she's organized and lovely and she can shit and like cooks for her family and fucking stuff like that. I'm a fan of Hello Fresh. I don't even fucking know where my kids are most of the time. And then my personal husband, right? We're on a budget. He knows happens. And I'm like, you know what? I really need that seven. jacket and I'm just not going to tell you and then we're going to figure it out later you know do you know so if I think you have the people who are so much better you're you're you're you're I bet your husband would be one heck of an interview maybe that's what we'll do next day is fucking hilarious okay

he is the he's the most amazing human I think I know and if you think about everything I am he's everything the exact opposite people say this so we just had a lot of family time we lost his mom unfortunately a couple of weeks ago, and it was the biggest blow our family's ever experienced. And there was so many people that are like, how the fuck did this happen? Like, we have the most stoic, controlled spreadsheet guy married to this, to me, right? Like that, what is happening? And it just works. It's like, and that's really how I'm learning about building this company is, like,

do you have the most ridiculous people that are surrounding you? Because, you know, we were never meant to do any of this alone. I always say that. But I think that it's easiest to be surrounded by people who think like you and sound like you and do the things that you do. Well, that's an idea that I would love to talk about. You know, on this side, I joke about being the one-man band. And you can kind of see it here as I kind of like tinker and do things. And I haven't, you know, it's like retraining my brain.

I'm listening. But I'm worried about this. I'm looking down at that. You know, you get the point. And for a lot of the podcast, it has been a one-man show. It's been me going as hard as I can. Well, that's how any entrepreneur starts. How it starts.

So for you building the team out, when did you realize, like, okay, it's probably time? You know, the chaos, I can do a lot in that. And I mean, you're, you get a sharp mind, Jody, but you're a wonderful performer as well. Like, you get on the mic, and you got a personality that really shines, even if there was no video, no nothing, right? You can just hear it. And you're like, well, that sounds interesting. I'm going to tune in, right? So when did you,

when did, when did, well, you're not wrong. But I, but I, like, let's talk about entrepreneurship for a second because I think that's how I started, right? Is that like, we all started in this place of like, I have an idea and do you have enough guts?

I mean, whatever the statistic is, 78% of all entrepreneurs do not get past go, right? Because you have an idea. And it's really like, yes, were we in the beginning? Was I in the beginning starting this practice? Yeah, I'm going to show up the school. You know what I really have. My mother-in-law, who we just lost,

was an EA at the school. And she would come home talking about kids in ways that I was like, what, Lori? Jesus, fuck, we can't talk about kids? You know what? Can I come at lunchtime and just, I'm going to bring some snacks. And do you think you could get all the EAs together in the school lunchroom? And I'm going to talk about emotional dysregulation in kids. Would that be okay?

That's how this whole thing started, right? So by myself, innovative, creative, all these kind of things. Not a fucking clue where this is going to fly. Should I be asking for permission? Should I be doing all this? I don't know. And then as that grows, then it's like I would be better if. And then I think, you know, one guy explained this to me so well is that you can only give 100% of yourself.

Like no matter how hard you try, you can only be 100% of yourself. And I think entrepreneurs really start to feel like, but nobody will do it as good as me. So I want to be the one. We all know that feeling. Well, it's hard because it's your product. Right. So you understand it isn't certainly your book is feeling seen, but it's Jody. Carrington, right? It's your name. It's your brand. When you become the brand, when your name is on the

podcast, you got to figure out who you bring along and what that happened. And Rob Syke, one of our business coaches once said to me, okay, so look at, if I lay this out like this, you will only reach this level because 100% of you is all there is. You cannot squeeze out anymore, right? If you say, like, find three people that are 75%, okay? You know that they're great. You love their character. You believe, they believe in the message at least to an eighth that you do. You add up three people at 75%, you are now operating at the next level. 250, I don't do matter. Yeah, you put, you push yourself.

Do you understand? You grow into a new bubble or a new level. So you've got to decide if that's what you want. If you don't want that, that's cool. For many people, 100% being a dad, being a husband, being involved in this community, I've reached it, yeah? We decided as a team and Aaron and I as a family that we, the call is for more. The call is to be able to balance our family and our kids and like the tears that are

going to be like, Mommy, you know, why do you miss today's hockey game? You got to decide. And we decided that it was worth it. And we decided that it was going to be hard and that people were going to judge me and us and what does that look like and how do we make sure our husbands are on board. And that's never an end game, right? We have that check-in conversation often, right? Marty's parents moved to the town where we live. My mom is on call all the time. Like all of these things are like, it takes a village, right? Yeah. Well, I think that's cool to tell people too, right? To me, you talk about, yeah, I'm just kind of out operating in a chaos. But what you just said is a whole lot of strategy.

For a whole lot of values that I hold very high. For my family system, there's always strategy. That's what matters the most to me. You do have strategy to help make this thing fly. Right. And a business strategy is very different in my mind from an emotional perspective, right? So if I think about how I'm going to stay in the game, this is what I talk about feeling scene.

You're going to fall off. You're going to fall apart. You're going to want to throw up punch people. your marriage is going to get rocky, you're going to doubt yourself as a parent, all those things you're going to fucking happen. Don't try to avoid it. Be ready for it. And so at the end of feeling scene, there's a whole section of the book that says, when we get lost, not if, when we get lost, what do we do to find the roadmap back? And for me, I got to reconnect on my best days to my people and to my breath and to my why. Those three things. Some days I only drink wine. Other days,

I'm doing all three. Okay. So my people are only the ones that matter to me, right? The bigger we grow, the more people there are that are, you know, wanting to do stuff with us or, you know, I mean, I'm a fucking good time. Like a lot of people want to hang out with me, right? But there's only a few people that really I know know me to the core, right? And it's those five. That's who I lean on for input. That's who I lean on when things get really tough. That's who I want to know what they think about things because they'll keep me humble. And my breath is really like how in my moments where I feel overwhelmed and whether I'm fucking failing everybody is do I drop my shoulders, wiggle my toes, drop my tongue from the roof of my mouth, let my gut out, then I can make a

decision because it is from that state of emotional regulation that I have access to the best parts of myself. That's where I know my truth. And most of the time when I doubt myself, I'm not in, I'm not in that space. I'm like, holy fuck, what did they say about that? Oh, my God, that CTV news article, Jesus Christ, oh, what is going to happen now? What are we going to do? Okay, well, and then I, next best right kind thing right this is this is the job this how we navigated and then the next thing is always the last thing for me is always my why why are we here what is this whole thing and i can tell you i'm i'm i'm just walking each other home that's why we're here so i'm going to do the next best right kind thing that's all i got and some days is going to be great people you're going to trigger people

regardless of who you interact with and both whether you trigger them and make them grow or trigger them and scare the fuck out of them or push them away, both of those things are growth. And so you just cannot navigate to the needs of other people if you live in your integrity. That's the plan. I would argue you have to push people to break them out of just kind of going through life, staring at the ground.

I think you've got to lead them that way, though. I don't think you can push anybody to things that they're not ready to do. And so our job is, you know, you can't tell them. You've got to show them. Certainly, certainly. I guess I wasn't thinking of trying to pull a dog when he doesn't want to go more of you have an audience. I have an audience. You know, Mike has an audience.

I'm sure Marty has an audience. She does. And in that, you can bring up new ideas, wrestle with new things that your audience is probably thinking about, probably struggling with inside their own brain on how to talk about it, etc. I mean, it plays out in society over and over and over again. And talking about it can help start to unlock some of the thoughts you have in your head that you can't wrestle with. Actually, I just come back to the men's group. It's why it's so important for me because there's lots of things.

I'm sure when I go back and listen to this, there's lots of things you've said or I'm like, I want to talk about that. Like, I really want to go at that. But at the same time, a person changes over time. And so, you know, any interview, I just listen to one. one from February, one of the guys I have coming in tomorrow, Vance Crowe. He's from St. Louis. And a conversation we had like a year and a half ago, I just listened to again.

Man, that's an interesting thing to do, right? To go back through a wade through a conversation where, you know, in the course of a year and a half, I've probably done like 250 episodes. That changes the person. No different than your journey changes the person. And certainly this conversation gets etched in time. And if you ever come back to it, it'll, you know, it's different. Anyways, people need to be certainly guided or shown how to do things and modeled things.

At times, all of us need to be challenged a little bit too. Yeah. I mean, that's the only way you grow, right? I think what is interesting to me, though, and this has probably been the biggest learning of this season, is that we are way more alike than we are different. So race is a social construct. Our DNA as a human race is not. 99.9% the same. We all started in exactly the same place. Well, tell me this. You bring it up.

Tomorrow night, the conversation, we do, so the SMP presents is loosely titled solutions for the future, and then we pick out different topics, and we talk about them. So tomorrow's topic is the rural urban divide. Obviously, everybody can see cities are different than the rural, sorry, and you coming from that background and now living somewhere different, et cetera, et cetera, you kind of get it. And yet I go, and yet we're also similar. you know, 90-some percent of the city folk don't want to burn the rural, right? We don't want to go to war, but how do we find ways together? And it was a guy named Daryl Sutter who said something on TV that really stuck with me,

which was you bring people together through music, church, and hockey. And we added one more in in comedy. Because when you get a group of people and a good comedian together, geez, and I just witnessed it in December, all of a sudden everybody's just like speaking the same language. Do you want to know why that is? Why is that? Joy is the most vulnerable emotion. And when you get people in joy, they have access to the best parts of themselves.

There's a universal desire on this planet. Everybody with a heartbeat just wants to be seen. And you will only be as able to be open to the world as you have access to emotional regulation. So that's a prerequisite to feeling seen is being in that state of calm. and when you don't feel challenged or when you feel seen, you're open to the best parts of yourself. And so for a very long time, when we think about the antithesis of the rural divided is, what is better, what is worse. It becomes a very, you know, your small town.

Absolutely. Your small town values are so much bigger than that we all have the exact same need to be seen. And when you are acknowledged, you rise. When somebody truly wants to know your story, regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic, or gender identity. When you are truly seen, you will rise. I'm going to show a video tonight in the Lloyd Show that talks about, it's actually a very commercial, a Heineken commercial, and it shows these people with wildly different beliefs on climate change and whether transgender people should be allowed in this world, whether feminism is actually a thing that we need to have

a conversation about, like these very deep entrenched topics. And these, you know, people who don't know each other are paired and they are the opposite side of the political spectrum or their whatever. And all they're required to do is work together for eight minutes. Build this bench and they sit down and they just start to learn each other and they laugh a little bit with each other. Oh my goodness. Yes.

Okay. Thank you so much. Can you carry this? And at the end, they're given an opportunity once they learn that they're absolutely at different ends of political spectrum is what happens and you should see it. It's beautiful. It's magic. And part of this is that we all just.

just want to be seen. We look all the time that we don't see. If you slow down long enough and look in the eyes of another human, you remember that we all started in the same place, listening to the heartbeats of our mamas. And that is the epitome of emotional regulation. It happens without words, often happens without sound. But it is that universal sense of when it all comes down to it, we need each other. So then how, I mean, that's like, love everything you just said, how do you get two populations to hear that and come together? You know, you can't. You can't. You've got to do it one step at a time, right? And so we often, Bernay Brown talks about this. You don't start with the haters, right? You don't start, you're not a jackass whisperer.

You start with the people who are willing to reach out to start the olive brands. That's how you create a movement, you see? You start doing things like this, having conversations like this. You watch what happens tonight when we start to have these conversations and get context is a prerequisite to empathy and when we start to give context to people when I said to you you know tonight we're going to talk about the fact that four seats down right somebody has a plan to end their lives two seats behind you somebody has buried their mom 20 years too soon all we want to know is that it's going to be okay can you offer that to her tonight in this community to the people who are coaching your babies and being at the hospital when you get sick in three months from now,

when you come into, when you get in a car wreck and the police officer's going to come on the corner of 8th Street, right? These are your people. Don't be a fucking dick. These are your people. So that's going to be the message. Don't be an asshole. That's basically what it comes down to, okay?

Any more questions? No. You know, it's funny, though. You still have to be firm in your beliefs, you know? You can't, like the whole, don't be an asshole. No, Canadians, no? What do you mean you have to be firm in your beliefs? If you're an asshole, don't stay firm in your beliefs.

If you get evidence to suggest that you might have in your entrenched, white, able-bodied, racist, privileged way, needs to be challenged a little fucking bit, then stay there, asshole. If you want to be open to it, then let's talk. I feel like you're talking. I guess I look at. But, you know, for all my life, I've been open to pretty much every idea, which means you're pushed around the entire time.

Yes, but you have remarkable biases. You have remarkable biases. Each of us, I am so deeply racist. I was born and raised. I never saw somebody of color until grade four. And every time we drove through reserve, the message in that car was, go fast, people don't, I got a PhD in this country. I have no idea.

I didn't learn one time about the residential school system. Not one time. I put an orange shirt on my kid five years ago because everybody else did. I'm a highly educated resource available human being and I had no idea about my privilege. That's the definition of privilege because you don't have to. I've never been treated differently when I walk into a store because of the color of my skin. Not one time. Nobody has ever threatened to take away my kid. The last residential school system closed in this area in 1996. This isn't history. We are different in this country.

We are different in this globe because somebody decided in Europe that one heartbeat was better than the other. And we are paying the cost of that for the rest of our days. We continue to do that. There's multiple judgments based on how you show up in this world that have nothing to do with reality. Race is a social construct. So I go back to, I've had, you know, First Nations. Let's stick there for a second. And, you know, a couple guys came in.

I've had a few different women on to talk about it. And one of the things that really bothered me, you know, because, you know, Onion Lake, for one, is sitting right there, right? So hear exactly what you're saying. You go back to the 1890s, and they wouldn't allow them to, you know, get together, do traditions, that type of thing. They still don't. No, they repeat.

They repealed part of it in World War I. So it took 20 years. And, you know, when you fast forward, and I think there's a portion of the population in Canada specifically that it didn't matter your color, your race, your age, your sex, blah, blah, blah, blah. In the last two years, it felt exactly probably what they went through, obviously in a different way, because how can you ever recreate what happened 100 years ago?

But there's people listening to this right now that were denied access to just about everything on a medical choice, right? And I hate to bring COVID into it, but I mean, seeing what happened to First Nations 100 years ago and continued through residential schools and different things. Today. You know, is certainly. There's no running water. All I'm saying with all. For human beings. 100%.

In this province in this moment based on race. Right. But listen. when it came to, when it comes to clean drinking water, I've had on, um, Berziac. She's a lady out of Manitoba. And it's, she's trying to build all these things for First Nations. The government's not paying the bills. Yeah. Right. And so she's trying to, you know, she's, she's trying as hard as she can in Manitoba and nobody's listening. First Nation lady, we brought her on here multiple times to talk exactly about this. And yet it goes nowhere.

And so anyways, I come back, when I talk about standing firm in our beliefs, if we'd stand firm in our beliefs in the 1890s, because I'm starting to learn real fast, you think every human being wanted to destroy the First Nation culture? No. I think government did, and I think there's a lot of things there that happened. Do you think everybody wanted to isolate a huge portion of the Canadian population in the last two years? It's based on exposure. So if you look at the social, psychological, underpinnings of any cult movement, of any idea, right? We do what we know. We do what we've been told is right. I mean, all we can do is look to the people guiding to decide whether we're making a good choice or not. That's the epitome of parenting. That's the epitome of parenting. You permit what you promote. And when I'm in a group of people, I mean, Hitler's regime is the perfect example, right? You are killing other people in front of you and are being told. And are being told that this is right because these are not sacred people. So you can only do the best you can with what you got. And when I talk to any indigenous person who was like, or any person who is

being an advocate, an ally in this world of, you know, bringing light to the experience of marginalization, particularly those of us in this position of privilege, it is really so much about exposure. It's about learning. It's about like unlearning the things we thought were true. Because you can only function based on what you've been given. And for so many of us, we had no facts. We didn't know the things. And once we learn atrocities, right, truth and reconciliation, that Truth and Reconciliation Commission came out with 93 Cause to Action in 2015, we've addressed a very small portion

of them. But you can't reconcile what you won't acknowledge. The truth has to come before reconciliation. and we have not even considered a quarter of what it has been like in the history of this country. And I think it's part of not if you're going to do it a towel. Some of the greatest conversations I've had in my life are, I mean, my dad and Mikey's mom are partners. Okay, so some of the greatest conversations I've had are with my parents. Some of the greatest conversations that I've watched my nieces and nephews have with my brother

are learning together, having conversations about things we never fucking. even knew existed, right? Not because we're assholes. Not because we wanted to hurt people. Not because we're dicks. No. And that's all we hear sometimes is like, holy fuck, really? I'm a bad. No, no, no, no, no, da, da, you can only do with what you got. The quest now is how do we become more involved in understanding what the truth is? How do we understand before we ever sort of try to fix shit? Because that's our thing, right? When things are hurt, we just want to get back to normal. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. The quest isn't for an apology, it's for an acknowledgement.

Seek first to understand before being understood. Stephen Covey stole that from the Bible. You understand? You cannot address what you don't acknowledge. And when we don't have the facts, it becomes very difficult to speak on something that we're not clear on. And I think that's where we get in trouble. When we stay to what we know and are not open to the things that are actually other people's experiences, if you are surrounded by people who look like you, sound like you smell like you, it becomes very difficult.

grow. I actually really agree with what you're saying there at the end. Like if you're not willing to explore new conversations, new ideas, see different perspectives, everything like that, you limit yourself to grow, you get stuck in a little thing. I 100% agree with that. I, there is somewhere in there where standing firm in your beliefs isn't being ignorant of what other people are going through. I'm more grounded in... just said to me that everybody changes every single day. Certainly. Right?

So I think that's the point. I believe that you need to whatever you believe to be true, right? Like if you're steadfast in the things that you believe to be true. Well, I mean, steadfast is like how you treat another human being. I mean, I think you can be pretty firm and like I don't want to push them off a cliff. In your character, in your those things. But I think the point, and I think we're saying the exact same thing, is that you, if you want to grow and be a better human, you're going to listen to a podcast episode that you did two years ago. And I hope you've

grown since then. I hope I've grown since six years ago, right? I had no idea. The way that I would speak about people, the world has changed remarkably based on my exposure, my learning, my unlearning, the people I've met along the way. And I think you can always maintain integrity. But I think being open to growth is one of the greatest gifts that we have because there's so much we don't know. the ignorance and believing that our small world, wherever that is, is enough to know what it's like to be anything other than we're not in this moment, I think really limits us. And I think it's that idea of being open to that growth and reading more. I mean, the conversations around some of the smartest people, including, you know, that I've ever sat with in the world, say, read a book a week. learn about something that you've never thought about or talked about.

It doesn't mean you have to agree. That's the definition of empathy. Temporarily suspending judgment and stepping into the shoes of another person. Yeah, certainly. If there's one skill I could take in this world before I die, anywhere I go, my wish for the world is everybody had the ability for empathy. And it is a skill that we are really shitty at as a human race. Well, I tell you what, if there's one thing I'd like to put into the world,

it's more conversations like this where it makes you uncomfortable. You know, I don't, you know, I've said this since day one, you know, when I was back interviewing the hockey guys, you know, that are around here. Those were easy conversations for the most part, right? Like they were just, you fall into it. And yet where we're at in society, we need more of this, not less of it, more of it. It needs to be, what did I listen? It was, don't look at the other person as the enemy, but as an adversary. Because if it's an enemy, you want to destroy them.

But if it's an adversary, you want to compete and find different ideas and get to, you know, some deeper learning or thoughts that, you know, challenge the way you look at the world. Right. And, you know, that holds true, you know, that came from the podcast this morning. So maybe it was perfect timing, you know. I walk in here and, you know, I never know what I'm getting when I sit across from anyone. And I certainly think Jody walked into Lloyd not expecting to be, I don't know, maybe you knew exactly what you were walking into. but it's always interesting to hear somebody else's thoughts on it, certainly. I mean, it'll definitely challenge me to, you know, explore different conversations.

And, I mean, that's what I've been doing now for close to four years, right? Right. Isn't that the point? And I love that about the whole process of podcasting. You know, you and I were talking about this when we started today. I think that the beautiful thing of this medium is that you can bring on people. If you continue to bring people or you continue to talk to people who you like end up the conversation like, yes, amen, you know, I want those conversations where it's like, okay, let's think about this. Shit, I never thought about it like that. Okay. It doesn't mean you're going to believe what I believe.

It doesn't mean that you're going to be like, yeah, you're right. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be like, oh, my gosh, right? That doesn't, that's not the end game. I come back to the men's group. All of us do not think the same. It's actually the best. And I joke, it's a, you know, the Romans or you go back to any armament. they used to, not any army, I shouldn't say that, but jujitsu, any martial art, you train first, right?

But you go pretty hard because you need to learn how the skills work. And where we're at today, you know, what's the portion of the population that goes off to war? I'm not making light of it. I'm just saying it's pretty small. So the rest of us deal with mental warfare through social media, different ideas. Some of it's very good, some of it's very bad. You can go any which way. then becomes an issue where we then we say very small-minded.

Social media isn't social. You follow who you believe. We're not exposed to new ideas. You can very much curate your news feed. Well, the algorithm does that for you, Joey. I mean, you don't even have to do that. But that's my point, right? Is that like there are exposure to things that are outside of the way that we typically think

has to be something that you pursue on purpose. Otherwise, it's very easy to stay in your respective bubbles. And I'm not interested in that. Yeah, well, no. And I appreciate you. will have it at me this morning because, I mean, I don't know what I was expecting of a Saturday morning, but I mean, this has certainly set the stage for the rest of the weekend.

Before, well, I don't know, how much time do I have? I'm closing in on, I got five. Oh, yeah, we got it, yeah. Yeah, okay. You know, I'm watching the time, you know, I don't want to keep you too long. Well, then let's do this. It's the crude master final question. It's, it's he's words, okay?

They've been with me for a very long time, and I, you know, I've given them some interesting days, and today's no different. It's if you're going to stand behind a cause, then stand behind it absolutely. What's one thing Jody stands behind? That the only thing the world needs right now is to feel seen. Regardless of age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, or gender identity, all of us have the same desire to know that we matter. And we were never meant to do any of this alone.

Where can people find your book? Where can they come to see Jody through, give them the deets? Let them know if something hit them here. and they want to find you. Where do they go? Dr.jodycarrington.com is our website, and that's where everything we do lands. And there's lots of resources there and our blogs,

and all the books are on, you know, Amazon and all the big major players. And we hang out a lot on social media. Cool. Well, I've appreciated you coming in and doing this with me, and maybe, hopefully, it won't be the last time. I would love to do it again. This was so fun. You know, the first time I ever had Ron McLean on,

Ron McLean is my boyfriend. Hi, Ron. Hi, Ron. I love you. Well, the first time me and him went on, he came on expecting hockey and then I can't remember what I was talking about. But anyways, I left me with this like, whatever. And anyways, every time I talk to him now, he's like, he's amped for it.

Like, he's like, let's go. All right. What are we talking about today? I'm like, all right, Ron. Well, here we go. We'll set the stage. So either way, appreciate you coming in and doing this. It's always better in.

in person and look forward hopefully to the next time, whenever that is, and best luck on your new book and your tour and everything else that you're putting into the world. Thank you.