Shaun Newman Podcast - #397 - Kaylor Betts

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Life coach, host of the Mental Wealth Podcast & social media influencer.   SNP Presents: Legacy Media featuring: Kid Carson, Wayne Peters, Byron Christopher & Kris Sims March 18th in Edmonton Tickets here: https://www.showpass.com/snp/ Substack: https://open.substack.com/pub/shaunnewmanpodcast Let me know what you think Text me 587-217-8500

This is Francis Whittleson. This is Benjamin Anderson. This is Dallas Alexander. I'm Alex Craneer. This is Forrest Moretti. This is Chris Sims. This is Chris Barber and you're listening to the Sean Newman podcast. Welcome to the podcast, folks.

Happy Friday. The week has cruised along. So here's what I'll get to. March 18th in Eminton, Kid Carson, Byron Christopher, Chris Sims and Wayne Peters discussing legacy media. That's March 18th, Eminton. In the show notes, click on there. There's still tickets available. We're closing in on time, though, about eight days away from when you're listening to this,

and certainly tickets hopefully sell out by then. But either way, I hope to see some people from Eminton there. If you're on the fence and you're going, I don't know, I'm thinking about it. Well, here, here's a few more names that maybe will be like, oh, I didn't realize. Tamara Leach is going to be in attendance. You got Nadine Ness coming from Saskatchewan. She's going to be in attendance. Marty up north is driving down.

222 minutes is coming. Sheila Gunn-Reed from Rebel News. Corey Morgan from the Western Standard. Yaxdak, who's been on here before discussing COVID statistics from Alberta and Canada. He's going to be in attendance. You know, Sarah Swain, Nicole Murphy, these folks are coming into town. You know, so it's going to be, oh, Chuck Pradnick. He's going to be there as well.

You know, these are the names that are going to be rolling in. Tarek El Naga, you know, 222 minutes. Did I say him? I don't know. Either way. You get the point. There's going to be a lot of different people coming to the show March 18th. MLA, Shane Getson is going to be in attendance.

You know, I asked Premier, but it sounds like Daniel Smith is not coming. But hey, I hope to see you all there. It's going to be an interesting group of people. And certainly, if you come, not only are you going to get an interesting show, because the people on stage, I think, are going to be fantastic. But you're going to be able to interact and see a whole different group of people coming from all over the place, and I think that's going to be a ton of fun. The next thing is a substack.

I've started my substack. I've put that in the show notes as well. It's free, certainly playing around with it. I'm going to try and write an – well, not going to try – going to write an article a week for the rest of 23. and just see whether I like it, whether you guys like it, you know, it's been going okay so far, I would say. It's free out. It's an uncomfortable process of writing.

Some of that is just the process. Some of that is the personal thoughts that go along with that. That's unnerving or unusual or something, you know, uncomfortable. I think maybe uncomfortable is the word I'm looking for for me. So either way, if you're interested in it, doing a little extra curricular, you know, the substack has come out here and it's been out three weeks. So certainly in the show notes that as well. So March 18th in Eminton, show notes, substack in the show notes.

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So buckle up. Here we go. This is Kaler Betz, and you're listening to the Sean Newman podcast. Welcome to the Sean Newman podcast today. I'm joined by Kaler Betts. So, sir, thanks for hopping on. I'm glad I caught the mic. I'm like, hmm, that sounds, you know, it's funny how you're,

I never had a background, Kaler, in audio, and now my ears hear things all the time. And I'm like, hmm, yeah, wow. Yeah, I know I'm a little disappointed that your audience missed out on the tarps off conversation and how, you know, I may or may not rip off my shirt. But, you know, it is what it is. Well, it's called blooper real. We can certainly put it in.

I mean, he was asking if he could swear folks. And I said, you can do whatever the hell you want to do, you know? I've even had a guy take his, I'm trying, Patrick McNulty was the man. He literally an hour and a half in. He pulled off his shirt and he said, I'm just so amped up. And I can't remember what he said. I was like, yeah, we had to have a batter. It was the first.

Patrick McNulty. He's a border crossing guy talking about some things going on with the pandemic, that type of thing. This is quite some time ago. He was a wild, wild man. Yeah, is that the ex-border cop? Is that the, yeah. Yeah, he's a cool dude. Yeah, he's got an interesting story.

But yeah, tarped off in the middle of the interview, which that was the first. You know what, I respect it. It's balzy. I respect it. that. Well, Kailer, I'm curious, you know, we got lots of time. So I guess I've sat back. I've done a little bit, you know, my little deep dive on you, which isn't much, you know, and I always love to hear it firsthand. I don't know how far you want to go back, but I want to give you some time to let the audit, you know, there's going to be a ton of people, you know, your name has come up quite a bit on the old text line of people I should reach out to. It's been on a list for some time. And then a shout out to Sarah Swind. for hooking that up. But there's going to be people who have no idea who you are. And I mean, the floor is yours.

I'm kind of curious to hear a bit of your story and we'll see where it goes. Yeah, I always really struggle with keeping this short because, I mean, there's been so much that's happened. Yeah, yeah, I guess we got time. You know, but I want to make sure I'm bringing things of value here. And there's a leaf blower right outside my fucking window. So it's just horrible. Here's the good thing. can't hear it. Okay, good. Yeah. These sure mics are are amazing. Yeah, they are. So yeah,

I mean, look, where I like to usually start is just to talk a little bit about, you know, I'm all about breakdown and breakthrough. You know, I think that we often, in fact, I think it's a theory that always seems to check out that when someone is on a path of, of helping people having a mission, making an impact, helping people achieve their highest quality of life, or gain information that is profoundly useful to them in their life. When they're on that path, usually what's preceded that is some sort of breakdown, some sort of pain, some sort of extreme discomfort that they had to go through. And they came out on the right side of it.

And that's really what happened to me is I went from a breakdown to a breakthrough. And my breakdown was for most of my life. I like to say I was in a battle with my mind. I really struggled mentally. And I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what anxiety or depression is. because they don't really teach you that in school. And, you know, so I just, I, I, I, I kind of thought everyone struggled with these things.

And yeah, I just, I had all the reasons to be happy. You know, we weren't, like, extremely wealthy. Conditionally and externally, we didn't have, like, an extraordinary life, but it wasn't bad. I was healthy, young. I, you know, had all the reasons to be happy, and I just wasn't. And, you know, for me, I really struggled. I was in sports, though. And sports really taught me all the things that I think all my initial principles and values that I think still serve me to this day, you know, how to be disciplined, how to take personal responsibility, how to work with others, how to communicate, how to lose, how to win, how to fail, how to train, how to practice, how to show up.

And I think that's really what did it for me is I just, I always struggled. And then I remember thinking, you know what? I'm always going to fight this. I'm always going to. There's got to be a better way to live. And I remember I was about probably 18 years old and I found some Tony Robbins tapes in my dad's car. And I ended up listening to these Tony Robbins tapes. And he was the first person that actually gave me.

the perspective that you don't have to be a victim in life. You don't have to be a victim of your external circumstances. If you're sick, tired, weak, and broke, you don't have to be going forward. And all you really have to do is you have to change your mindset, change your perspective, which ultimately changes your internal conditioning. And then slowly but surely, you're going to make game-changing shifts in your life that will propel you into the right direction towards your highest quality of life. And you can fucking thrive. And that's what I got a little hint of. And I got really excited. And I got addicted to it.

I got obsessive about it. And I just started really slowly. And I started making changes to my physiology and, you know, my physical health, my mental health, my emotional health, my spiritual health. And slowly but surely, I healed a lot of my internal wounds. I grew to a point where I never thought I could. One part I kind of skipped over because these fucking leapblowers are so distracting. Sorry, man, if I feel like I'm going all over the point.

place or I sound like I'm going all over the place. But one thing I kind of skipped over is I didn't even graduate high school. So I didn't graduate high school. And, you know, everyone in my life close to me, the system that we used to measure success told me that I was a failure, you know, because I wasn't doing well in school. So I got into the health and wellness space. Why? If you don't mind me, Kailer, why didn't you graduate high school?

Like, was it, you know, you just weren't good at school or was it, was it, was it, extracurricular or what was it? So I was extremely disinterested with the curriculum and the content in which I was learning. And I have always, and still to this day, struggled with doing anything that I don't want to do. And for better or for worse, this is a blessing and a curse. I've learned how to leverage it and I've learned how to use it to my advantage. but I am very unwilling to do things that I don't want to do. And here's actually the kicker too.

I am willing to do things that I want to do if I can directly see that it brings me that it brings me closer to the thing that I actually want and I'm very excited about. But if I don't want to do it and I don't see a direct correlation to bringing me to my highest potential or to a greater life, I have, I'm like allergic to that shit. So obviously school was, and I'm not good at memorizing shit and then writing tests on it. You know, I just, so yeah, I just refused to really kind of show up essentially. And then I got into the health and wellness space because I was really interested in fitness, nutrition.

I started working out and like taking care of my body and I started to feel really good. And then, you know, fast forward until now, you know, I got into the fitness industry, was a fitness nutrition coach. then I got into more holistic lifestyle stuff. Then I got into mindset principles and then I got into life coaching. And then I opened up, I had two gyms for five years that I ran and that was actually great. It was in Edmonton, Alberta. And then I decided, well, this isn't really, I feel like I bought myself a job.

And it was just really quite stressful, paper thin margins, dealing with fucking people's bullshit all day long. and I just decided to transfer out of that. And I made a huge shift. People told me I was crazy because the gym was actually doing not too bad. And I said, I'm not happy. So I made a big shift. I went online. I said, I'm starting a podcast, the mental wealth brand, which is my brand.

I'm going to start the mental wealth brand. I'm going to be a coach still, but I'm going to do more life coaching. And I don't even like the term life coach, but that'll probably give your audience the best idea about what I do. And ultimately, I started that podcast. I became a coach and went online and I wanted to produce content that was valuable to people. And fast forward, that was about three years ago. And fast forward to now, the mental health podcast is in the top 1% of all podcasts on earth. We have three different academies with hundreds of people in it that were helping transform their lives.

We have training. We have support. We have community. I have a team of coaches, a team of assistance, a team of managers, a sales team, and we're rock and rolling and, you know, I guess over 100,000 followers across platforms on social media. So I've worked hard and it's been an amazing ride. I'm making an impact, making an income. That's what I've always wanted to do.

And it facilitates the lifestyle I want. I can travel and I can be free for the most part, particularly. through COVID and all this bullshit. But here's the interesting thing, Sean. I'm the freedom fighting anti-woke life coach. That's my niche, right? So it's interesting because people look at my social media or they listen to my, and they're like, aren't you a life coach?

So why do you keep talking about COVID and mandates and infringing on rights and freedoms? Why do you talk about, you know, wokeness and the whole, you know, trans thing going, like, why do you get into these topics? Pride and BLM. Why do you get into these topics? and it's like, well, I actually look at, you know, all of these things are greatly related, but I also have realized that that is what my audience wants. That's why people follow me is because I kind of have maybe built a reputation of like having

the courage to say what people are thinking. Some people in society are thinking, but are too afraid to say because there's a bunch of fucking bullies out there who if you don't match the same opinion as theirs, they start whining and crying and they start to try and make your life really difficult, right? So I kind of broke through that. I've never had the ability to like keep my opinion to myself. And that's now a big part of what I do is I'm not only a life coach. It's kind of like, hey, let's bond over our worldview and the way we see our world, the world.

And let's bond over, you know, personal responsibility and ideology as well too. and then let's build a community and then let's speak the truth and let's talk about solutions and how we actually move the needle forward. And oh, hey, by the way, I'm a life coach. I can help you achieve your highest potential and highest quality of life. So I'll shut up and pause there. You know, it's funny. I think the first time I ever had you come across my desk, the text line that I keep open for listeners, because they are, they steer the ship as much as I do, you know, of where we're going. And it's an interesting little community because if you just speak openly, your thoughts and speak to some of the troubling things that is going on, you don't even have to be

perfect. If you just speak openly to it, now if you could be one step further and be articulate to where you like, you nail it to the wall and be like, that's what's bothering me. There's this underground, well, we all got pushed underground, right? Because, you know, we were told that we're a bunch of Looney Tunes for not going along to get along. Anyways, so what happens is, Kayla Betts goes from being a life coach, which I think everybody, you know, understands. And you go to something completely different

because now you've just went across, I don't even know how many thousands of phones, to be very frank. You know, whether or not everybody tunes into what you've said, there's all these like little nodes that are stretched out across, not only Canada, but the world, because for a long time, everybody was like, can we say that? Can we do this? You know, like, are they going to come and take the family away if we poke her head up? You know, there's a thousand memes about just that, you know?

And so by sticking your head up, having the courage to, you know, just say openly what you think, all of a sudden you put yourself in, you know, I mean, the guy who comes to mind is Zubi. Zubi, and I think you've had them on, I've had them on, and he's got over a million followers on Twitter alone. and why is that? Because he is articulate in his thoughts and doesn't back down from people attacking him. And the world needs more of that. And what I mean, not just angry mob, you know, they don't, I'm not saying we need that. They need people to be able to articulate their thoughts in a well-mannered ego. Yeah, that rate there makes sense. And Kailer, I mean, my hat's off to you because you, that's what, when I dig through your channel, that's what I see. Yeah, thanks, man. I appreciate that.

I couldn't agree with you more. I think it exemplifies how hungry a portion of society is for the truth and for counter-narrative messages.

And yeah, there's a huge demand out there for. Undeniably, there's a huge demand for it. So you're totally right. People like Zubi and, you know, we're maybe certainly not on that level because he's, you know, he's done really, really well for himself. But he's such a great example of someone who's just like, you know, even with like one of the favorite, my favorite things that Zubi did was identify as a woman and then go into the power of competition, you know? Like it's shit like that. Like we need that.

I mean, that sounds funny and people laugh at that. But like, I think people underestimate how important doing those kind of things are. Right. Like, like that that is fighting up, fighting for and standing up for truth because obviously that's ridiculous to be able to identify as a biological male identify as a woman and then go into a power lifting competition. And it's important that, you know, people have the courage to do that. And it takes a lot of courage. A lot of people are not willing to do that. And I understand that. It was on April 8th, 2021 when I actually put out my first video, it was seven, 30 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. I remember it. It was called Enough is Enough. It was a nine minute rant about COVID. And I talked about masks and metabolic health and how we're not talking about that. And mental health, we're not talking about that lockdowns and how they're, you know, seemingly useless and doing more harm than good, all that stuff. And I put out this nine minute video and I'm like, oh, fuck, my heart was beating when I put it out because I knew that I was going to not only get judge, criticize, abandoned, shamed and rejected for that video. But I also was like, I also was like,

like maybe I get fucking canceled. Maybe my reputation is done forever. Like those thoughts literally crossed my mind. And there was a lot of love and then the mob came out, you know. And what's funny is they actually helped my video. And this is why I think cancel culture actually is counterproductive. And in some cases it's even helpful. I mean, I have to admit, this whole cancel culture thing is actually, although I fight against it and I think it's bullshit.

And it does need to be stopped. It has actually helped. I mean, in actuality. I mean, these mob people, these haters, they seemingly don't know how the algorithm works and they don't understand that they're actually helping me when they, you know, post a critical post and then more people see it and then the algorithm pushes it out more.

But once I posted that video, Sean, I just felt liberated. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm like, the sun rose the next day, I'm all in one piece. And like, sure, I got a lot of hate, but I got a lot of love. I'm speaking my truth. I'm getting validated for who I truly authentically I'm instead of putting on a mask and pretending that I'm just like, you know, the life coach, like telling you what you want to hear, look in your mirror and tell

you you love yourself. Like I don't want to be that coach. I want to be real and raw. So that's where I'm at. Yeah. It's funny that you can remember the specific day, time, everything. Isn't that a funny thing that, you know, someday you'll probably write about if you haven't already, right?

John, I'm telling you right now, sorry to interject, but that might actually be the pivotal moment of my life. And I know that sounds maybe hyperbolic or dramatic because it's Instagram, but honestly, it was more than just Instagram. It was, it was the day I decided to truly authentically be me and be unapologetic about it. Well, the reason I find it interesting is you're a sports guy, right? Look on the wall. I talk about this from time to time on here. I'm surrounded by hockey, uh, you know, in my first 100th. episodes, you know, I worked my way to Ron McLean and then by episode one, whatever it was, one something folks. I had Don Cherry and, you know, and like you're talking Braden Holpey and

Brendan Gallagher and Brian Burke and all these huge NHL people. I was working my way, you know, in theory, I'd reached out to Glenn Healy and I wanted to work with the alumni. I wanted to tell some of the old stories of all my, to this day, folks, you know, I remember the conversation I had with Glenn is that he's like, oh, they're working on something. I'm never seen anything and uh you know every year can you imagine sorry this is my hockey uh fan coming out on me but can you imagine like mr hockey or or whoever you know gorty howe wayne grexie waynes probably that's a poor example because some of these guys who are in their late stages of life to sit down and actually have their story told anyways i was trying to work towards that

i was trying to you know and anyways you can get where i was at by episode 100 i was like okay by episode 200 i did my final and i got to think about that I did my final NHL interview with Glenn Sather. And if you're an eminent man, you know all about the history there. And I had the really,

I was getting harassed a little bit, a little bit. As you probably have seen from my social media, I'm not a big social media guy. I don't really care for it. In saying that, I understand the usefulness of it. And folks, I will admitly say this. I'm probably doing myself,

a disservice by not being on it. And yet, uh, mental wealth here would, you know, if you're not happy, what the hell are you doing it for anyways, right? So I make the choice of like, I'm not going back to hockey until COVID is gone. And I had to tell that to a bunch of people. And that was about as uncomfortable as it gets because it's like admitting like, okay, well, this thing that I've built, yeah, I'm going to throw that away. And we're only going to interview people that are talking about what's actually going on. And when you talk about the most pivotal, no, that makes complete sense to me, Kaila,

because here I sit. I'm not interviewing, you know, like, who should I be interviewing? I'm sure there's some people that have got just a list. Can you please go back and interview this? Every once in a while I hear it. The truth of the matter is, is, you know, like, Djokovic still can't, like, what the hell are we doing?

You know, the United States, they still got their, their travel restrictions in it. You're like, Yeah, I'm an illegal immigrant right now. But if you're vaccinated, I got three young kids. If you're vaccinated, my three kids can go with you because they've got a responsible adult with them. And you're like, how's that stop COVID?

Like, are we fucking morons? Like, I think we are. Like at this point. But here we said, you know, it's just la la land. And so going back to it, I completely understand when you look back and go, this is the moment because I have a few of those moments where I'm like, I'm going to get absolutely. Absolutely. And yet it's turned out to be one of those liberating things I've ever done.

So let me ask you this. Like, you know, you've had guys like Don Cherry and Ron McLean. And, you know, if there's Americans listening, they might not know who they are. But they're a big deal in Canada. So let me ask you, like, have you found, have you been rejected for asking guests to come on, you know, because of now what you're speaking out? Like what are some examples of rejection in that regard? I would say that the rejection that I've felt is from trying to get the other side on.

So I've tried inviting a few different doctors on to come on and explain, you know, or even debate, come on and like just be like, hey, let's have a conversation. And they're like, that wacko guy, no, I'm not coming on with him. You're like, oh, that's like too bad because this is what society is missing. But, you know, it's funny, like, Ron McLean has been on several times since. We still text from time to time. And I feel like I'm feeling a need in his world of somebody who he disagrees with because he doesn't get it from Dawn anymore, and we all know the story there.

But one of the things I do appreciate about Ron McLean is he will come on and have a civil discussion about XYZ. It does not mean I agree with him. And it does not mean that I am the greatest at it. I guess what I would say, Kailer, is the way I've done things allows people to come on and say their thoughts. That pisses the audience off because sometimes I really disagree with it. But I've done that for everyone. I've given them the opportunity to come on and share their thoughts so that I can wrestle with it.

The audience can wrestle with it. And we can kind of get a feeling of where we're at. And that allowed us to have a lot of interesting people on. But if you're an NHL superstar. right now, I think you look at the SMP and go, maybe this isn't the best place for me. I don't want to get pulled into COVID talk, even though, you know, like, sure, we talk lots of COVID, but I love all different sorts of subjects. It's just, you know, when it's still slapping us in the face three years later, at times, you still need to talk about it.

And that's why it's so important to have these conversations. I mean, look, there's so many more people who are awake or who would be willing to like, you know, do more reading into. it and like understanding the truth and and whatnot um you know if you look at i don't know even just take the n hl like if you were to literally for you know if this if this experiment was actually possible to take every nchl player and actually say like hey what's your take on covid like what's your take on the vaccine like i guarantee you there'd be way more than people think uh of players who and i'm just taking a random you know a group of people uh well not a random group of people but like that's that we could we could do that experiment and you would find that a lot of these players

have that like you know how many people come up to me when i'm out and they're they're just like hey man like i i don't post on social media because of my job above but i love your stuff like just keep this between me and you like i've had that happen a lot and it's like oh that's funny because your friend won't even talk to me anymore because of some videos that i put out on social media you know like if they only knew right so i think that the more we speak that that that that that that might be, you know, a lot of people are like, well, what are you actually doing with your videos, Kayla? Like what, what do you think, are you getting any traction? Are you just doing this for attention, whatever? I think that there's numerous components to why I think it's important

to speak out and why maybe my videos or my content when I speak what I believe to be the truth. When I speak that, I think there's numerous factors of benefit to society in the world and and reasons why I think that's important. But at the very least, the fundamental reason why that's super important is because the more, like, look, most of society just wants a sense of belonging.

It's biologically wired into us. It's a survival mechanism. It's like we need to get love care and attention. We need to get validated. We need to have a sense of belonging. Because for most of human history, we were thrown to the wolves if we didn't. So the more that people speak out,

it desensitizes people from speaking out. it desensitizes people from that fear of having, you know, the ability to go and speak the truth, speak counter narrative. That's a really, it's a really scary thing for a lot of people. And the more, I mean, you know, we've contributed to that. I know we've had more people, you know, I've been told people say, oh, I actually speak out now because, like, I've heard your videos so much. And then you put me in touch with Sarah.

And then, you know, then I discovered Kid Carson and then Mark, you know, and it's, like now they have the courage to speak out. And that's why it's important to because there's a lot of people who still haven't because they don't feel comfortable. It's one of the one of the things that was very unnerving about the early days is you didn't know how many it was no different than catching up to the freedom cowboy is like I wonder how many people are actually there. Right. Is it 10 trucks or is it 10,000? You know, because that's a pretty big discrepancy. and one of the things about today even, you know, is, you know, people, you're worried about being thrown to the wolves or being ousted from society, except then you realize actually a lot of society believes in exactly what it is just said. And if I could just harness my thoughts and articulate it in a way that made sense, they'd probably agree with me.

And they probably understand why I'm so frustrated. but when we've been locked up told not to talk about these things, our thoughts are labeled, you know, all the worst society has to offer over, over, over, and over again. And our side of the coin isn't even talked about in mainstream media. It's hard to articulate your thoughts, you know, unless you are an avid writer and talk to a bunch of people and have an open space and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

then you're wrestling with this in your head trying to get, you know, out of your, to percolate out. that's a pretty hard thing. And so you fast forward a couple years, you know, since you first made your video. And I know for this side, and I'm assuming it's the same as yours, once you started talking about it, then you started to have to really, you know, understand what you're actually thinking and trying to say. And now you got to read and you got you got to bring on different people. You got to do all these things. It just takes time. I guess is what I'm saying. It takes time for us to get to a point where you feel comfortable and you feel confident

and in yourself to be like, I just disagree with this. And this is why. Yeah. And I, I tell people when they, because one really common question I get is like, how do I speak out? How do I, you know, have the courage to speak up and like, you know, to my uncle or my dad who disagrees with me or even on Instagram or whatever, my group of friends? And I just say, look for low risk opportunities first, right? Like, that's how exposure therapy works. That's how you desensitize yourself from a fear is at least properly or effectively, efficiently, is to look for those small risk opportunities. Maybe it's just like, maybe it's just like with one person and maybe it's with the person you feel most comfortable with first, right? And maybe you just have an honest discussion and you just say,

you know what? Like my gut tells me that that's maybe not the right way to look at this or, you know, and if they ask, well, why and you are having a hard time articulating because you feel comfortable with that person, you can just say, you know what? I actually don't even know why. It's my gut telling me. let me do more research and I'm going to like look into it and then let's have a discussion about it later. Are you cool with that? Are you cool with like maintaining being friends even if we have a difference in opinion in this? Like that would be a good way to approach it. And then you just get like, man, I was so afraid to even just say anything that went against the narrative or what I thought people would disagree with two years ago. But I've been so desensitized to it that it's so easy for me now.

And you want to know the interesting thing, Sean, is that it's counterintuitive. intuitive, but I've never, in terms of social connection and relationships and bonding with humans, my cup has never been more full than in the last two years. It's wild because I've realized that the theory is, is that the cost of entry to having those really deep and fulfilling connections is being your true authentic self. If you don't be your true real, raw, authentic self and you don't express that into this world, well, that's not healthy. And then you can't build healthy relationships with other humans because you're not being

you. You're putting on a facade. You're putting on a mask. Now, the cost of entry to that, as soon as you be your authentic self, well, now you've got to say things that are convenient. Now you can't people please. Now you can't just say what you know is going to get you liked and accepted. So then you get hate, you get judge, you get criticized, you get abandoned, you get shamed, and you get rejected.

That is the cost of entry to then lose the people that shouldn't be there in the first place that weren't aligned. And by the way, you can't lose something that wasn't aligned in the first place. So I wouldn't even call it losing. It's a process of eliminating those people. And then that clears out the people that shouldn't be there so that you can then connect deeply with the people that should. And there's something about like, Sean, even me and you, this is our first time. meeting and we already have this bond that I never used to get years ago because I know that we are very aligned in that we prioritize the truth.

And that we're willing to be disliked for the truth. The price of admission for me and you, Kailer, was at least for me, and we'll see what your thoughts are on this, is the price of admission was, you said be your, and accept. and then you got to start speaking the truth and whatever is over the past couple of years if you you know and people and people who got vaxed don't like hearing this probably don't like hearing this I shouldn't speak for them I'll just say for myself going through unvaccinated was very uncomfortable because you just don't realize it you know you didn't realize that every time you went to a restaurant or a kids hockey game or whatever towards the end

you needed to have a pass. Well, you didn't have the pass. Like, okay, so then I got to go get tested. Okay. Well, what's the big deal with that? Okay, well, I'm fine. I'll go get tests. And you can see how this snowballs. Now, I'm not allowed to leave the country. Well, that's your choice. It's like, yeah, okay, right? And I'm trying to bite my tongue and be like, this is okay, but I can't leave my country. They're starting to build quarantine facilities that nobody seems to think is that big of a deal,

but it's kind of a big deal, you know, and on and on and on it goes. and if you held firm, and then you get, you know, certainly on this side, an email saying you need to be backed by this date or you will face consequences. And I know a ton of people who face the same thing from their jobs. You just don't understand because you went along and you don't see anything problems. So the price of admission was I didn't want to be. I just wanted to be this fun loving guy who interviewed Don fucking Cherry and told some cool stories. had, you know, had found a hobby and was like, wow, this is really cool. And instead, the world just kept squeezing me and squeezing and squeezing.

And finally, you're just sitting there alongside a whole group of people who all got squeezed. And when you walk in the door, you go, you know, what's your story? Oh, this is what I did. Yeah, okay, I get you. And I don't need to know anymore because I lived it. And normally that doesn't have. I don't think that happens. I don't know. Maybe in the last hundred years, there'll be, somebody texts me, well, there was this time and this time and this time, but they're pretty rare, and we just lived through one, and we all had the same thought process or similar. And if you had that similar thought process, you got squeezed about as hard as it could go. And in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, probably a couple others that I'm missing, all had the same shared experience. Their governments all tackled it the same effing way. And to get through that, you,

what you're made of. And I don't mean that the Gestapo came to my door. They didn't. But any time I went out, you know, and that's even if you wore a mask. Like I, you know, I had Chris Barber, or Chris Barber was on, geez, what was that? A month ago, folks. And he talked on stage about how he wore a mask all the time, you know, he did all the things.

He tried. He got back. He did all these things. And there still wasn't enough, you know? And so like, I say vaccinated and don't understand. But actually, they probably understand more. than I give them credit. And I truly mean that. It's just when it comes to me and you, the price of admission was paid. And if you walk through that door, you're like, I get it. Yeah, the way I look at it is,

again, it's, you learn a lot when you understand that we are biologically wired for survival. Like, that's how we've, you know, really come to be is we have stayed alive for most of human history. Most of human history was just like life or death. Everything. was life or death. I talk about how they, you know, there were no dream boards. There was no, I want a G-wagon one day and I want to fly to. They didn't do a dream board in the cave? No, they didn't. Their only fucking dream was to survive. Everything was life or death. So that's really how we're biologically wired. And what's really interesting is for most of human history, the stay with me now, because I'm going to wrap this all around to what you were just saying.

But there were, you know, the way in which you survived was actually immediate. return activities. So like for most of human history, it was like, if you did something, it had an immediate return. So it's like you kill an animal, you have food for your family. You start a fire. Your family's warm. You run away from a saber two tiger. You survive. Like everything was like an immediate return. And that's the environment that we lived in. Nowadays, the immediate return activities, when we get that quick hit of dopamine, the pleasure centers of our brain light up, the things that are right at our fingertips and we can get a quick return on, Well, what are those things?

Those are not good things. Those are the sex drugs and rock and roll thing. Cocaine, social media, gambling, you know, sexual relations, you shouldn't be into porn, you know, like highly processed food. Those are immediate return activities. So if love, care, and acceptance is part of survival, and it always has been,

that's how we're driven still to this day. Well, we are biologically wired to have a quick return. an immediate return on that love care and attention. So in the micro, most people are conditioned, and I was for many years, to get that micro hit of love care and attention and acceptance and validation. So that's why most people put on mass and they just show up and they just say the things that they think are going to be convenient for the people around

them so they can get validated. And then they can say, well, maybe then I'll feel worthy and I can go out and do something in this world, right? So that's what happens. We just are looking for this micro, these little micro, hits. So we're showing up as not who we authentically are. And we're putting our needs on the back burner. We're putting our authentic self on the back burner. And the way I look at it is I did that for a lot of years. And then in the macro, I was very unfulfilled because I knew I was showing up as an

imposter. I knew I was showing up as someone who I wasn't. And that weighed on me. And I think it just burst out on April 8. And that's why it was such a passionate video. And then now I flip it. Now I actually sacrifice the micro love care attention and validation in many situations sometimes i do get validated for what i do obviously on social media and stuff like that but it's for who i truly authentically am and every time i do it i also get hate which we have a negativity bias so we actually put more weight into that we prioritize that we see that more so i get this micro hit of negativity judgment criticism rejection whatever for macro fulfillment so you see how i reversed it and how our human, the way we're biologically wired is to get micro attention,

love care, and attention. And that's how most people do it. But then in the macro, they're unfulfilled. And they know that they're breasting their pillow on the head at the end of the night. And they know that they're not being their real selves. And that weighs on you. And I flipped it. And so have you seemingly shot.

And that's, to me, that's how you liberate yourself. That weight is unfucking bearable. Yeah. It can be for some people. I think some people can bear it more than others. I can't and clearly you can't, and that's why I think we're doing what we're doing. When you talk about men, that brings up like,

I don't know, not sour memories, but there was a stretch there where you just couldn't say what was on your mind. And I have times like that, certainly, you know, audience always, one of the number one questions I get asked on the text line is, How do you remain calm when you were talking to somebody you disagree with? And that's, well, I want to be respectful because I truly believe every person on this planet has a little nugget that you can take and be like, oh, hmm, that was interesting, right? It doesn't mean that it's going to be comfortable, chances are it's not.

But there was a time there where you just knew you're waking up every morning and going, well, let's find our way through here. and don't step on too many toes and, you know, keep your head down and your mouth shut and, and, you know, because I fully believed, you know, when I look back on it, I fully believe when they came out with the vaccine, you know, I think the number, I can't remember folks. Was it 70% or was it 60%? Whatever the number was in Saskatchewan at the time and Alberta for that matter. You know, when we hit it, we're going to move on. Like I was just, I didn't think about it any further than that. I was like, yes. That, okay. herd immunity. Yeah, we're going to reach that. And you know what, Sean, and that chips away at your confidence. Every time you show up as someone who you're not just to please the desires. Yeah. Others, it chips away because your subconscious has a bullshit detector. It knows that you're not showing up as who you truly, truly are.

And what that does is it affirms to your subconscious that, well, I'm not showing up as who I truly authentically am. I'm showing up because my real authentic self is clearly not good enough because I can't even express it into this world. so it chips away at your self-worth and your confidence. It's, and it's funny, you know, like, I, like, I ask a lot of dumb questions. Like, and I know there is no dumb question, but at times I'm just like, how about simple questions? It doesn't matter.

I just like, I'm like, I actually don't know. And part of being who I am is I ask a lot of simple questions because I'm like, the only way I'm going to get through this is by starting to understand a little bit of what you or whatever guest it is talking about so that I can start to piece it together in my head, right? And I think a lot of times, you know, issues get really charged with emotion, like really charged. And you can feel that. And you're like, man, if I ain't say this, people are going to be mad at me. And what is hard to understand, Kailer, is how many people are going to be happy that you were the one that would just ask the question?

Because they just want to know, right? All of us just want to know. But there's so much emotion. Like, I mean, the tribalism, the teams, the, we're going to kill you. But, you know, when you get around people, it's like, well, I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. I'm sorry that elicits it's an amount of emotion in you that I can't control, but that's obviously your problem and not mine.

And, Sean, do you know the emotional part of our brain, the limbic part of our brain? Do you know what other part of our, let's just make this fun? Let me test you in your audience. Oh, God. Well, the limbic, but the emotional part of our brain, there's, you know, the human body doesn't do two things at once well at all. Like it doesn't like, you know, your sleep system and your digestive system, it doesn't work well at the same time, similar to your psychology. So if, if we're hijacked by our emotions and the emotional part of our brain is lit up, then what other part of our

brain shuts off? Probably the common sense part that can think. The frontal lobe, the logical part of our brain. So we wonder why we see all of this crazy activity. I wonder why I go into, the grocery store and I see a guy with a face shield, nine masks, gloves on, and a bunch of poisonous bullshit food that's highly processed. That's slowly... Well, he pulls down the nine masks and has a smoke, you know? Exactly. While he can't barely even get the shopping cart around his belly, you know, and I know that's

judgmental. I call it whatever you want to call it. It's the objective truth. I see that. And what I actually am more afraid of because I'm all about people doing what they want. I'm a freedom guy. So if someone wants to be able to do that, I don't think that we should outlaw that. However, you want to know the scariest thing about that is people aren't turning their heads.

That's what I looked at. When I saw that, you know, in Eminton, I made a video about it. I mean, I've seen it numerous times, but there was one time I seen it and then I made a video about it. The thing that I was looking at is I wasn't looking at the guy with the face shield and the nine masks and a bunch of chips and O. Henry's in his grocery cart. I was looking at the people around him and no one was turning their head

and I thought wow we've normalized stupidity and that's the problem I mean we just talked about what was it what is it is it Caleb Lemieux damn I'm it's something the shop teacher out in Ontario with the giant prosthetic breasts right

like she just just got removed from her position although she's on paid leave are we're calling her she. I don't know. I don't know. What am I supposed to do here? You know, it's like I'm advanced. I think you have the audience for being able to call him, he. Sure. At the end of the day, it's like, I really don't care. Yeah, of course. If she wants to be called a she, what do I care? I agree. I agree. I just go, like, we live in this world where they defend Lemieux's rights to the nth degree while she walks around, look in the way she does. And you're like, it's great. You want to

want to do that. It's great. But at the end of the day, there's a dress coat. You got young, impressionable children because, you know what? I went once upon a time as a jackass 17-year-old too. And I just can't imagine that. Like, I'm like, isn't there professional conduct here? Like, we live in the upside down right now. Like, it's just, it's bizarre old land. But the problem is, and I've been talking about this lots. So here, my audience can have another laugh. Sean's been pushing really hard. There's a bet going on on how quickly I talk about men's groups. And Sean's been talking an awful lot about how important it is to get in groups of men specifically

and to talk some of these things out. Because as we've been talking, if you've been sheltered away from public debate, getting your thoughts out, et cetera, all these things, the first time you ever get frustrated by somebody saying your idea is stupid, you're going to lose your absolute utter beans. And if I'm sitting there in the middle, I'm one of the quiet few that's sitting there and I'm listening to the argument,

I go, I don't know if I want to dissing that, even if you got the right argument. And so I go, we need more civil discussion. This can be done in men's groups where you attack each other in a competition way, not a competition, in a way that builds each other up instead of destroys each other, not an enemy, but an adversary is what I was looking for.

so that when it comes to the point in your community where you have to walk in, and it's coming at some point, folks, whether it's, you know, all the pronouns and everything else, you know, cat litter boxes, weird things like that that are getting into schools that makes zero sense and you're like, how can we, because we want everybody to feel welcome. And at some point, you're going to have to go against, well, we just want everybody to feel welcome.

And you're going to have to sit there and you have to explain why. And the only way I think, and I could be right, wrong. Interested in your thoughts on this. That you win that argument is if you can do it in a calm, articulate way that gets the middle of the room who is going to side either way, who can discuss this more or better or convincing, whatever the word is. And if you can do that, you'll sway the audience. Because more and more people are waking up to the fact that things are strange. They just don't want to side with the person who comes in screaming and yelling and calling every, doctor, teacher, et cetera, the worst human being on the planet.

Yeah, I think, so am I answering, because I would love to, am I answering what the response would be to someone who says, well, we're just trying to make everyone feel welcome? Sure, you can answer that. Is that maybe, I guess I didn't understand the question. That's what I kind of thought I was going to ask. Well, because I didn't really give, I forgot to put the question mark on the end of my, my round above.

My question, sure, is what do you, I think I have two in there. One is, do you, one is, I believe in the importance of groups of men coming together. What have you seen maybe on your travels when it comes to men

in particular and their abilities to debate, discuss really complex issues? Even if it seems straightforward, you talk about like your bullshit monitor going off, it's great that it goes off, but if you can't articulate your thoughts, you're kind of powerless.

So that's one. And two, I guess what do you say to the person that we just want everybody to feel welcome? Well, I'm going to start with the, just because it's top of mind, what I say to, you know, look, the problem I have with progressive ideology most often is they claim to be the party

and the ideology of empathy and compassion. Like, you know, if you really care, about people, then you would believe this. We would, you would believe that rich people should be giving poor. The government should be giving poor people money, right? You would believe that someone can come to school who identifies as a cat and we should lay out the litter box and the meow mix, right? Like that's, that's always their argument.

And then at a, you know, at a higher level, governmental level, you hear it in the speeches and stuff, it's always for your safety, right? It's always for the greater good. It's for your community. It's for the next person. Number one, it lacks logic. But the other thing, too, when I would, you know, if someone were to say, well, we're just trying to create a safe space for everyone, right? We're trying to welcome everyone. Well, it's like, well, that's never how life has worked. And that actually is, it's not how school should work in particular. Let's use the example of someone coming to school and saying, well, I forget what the example was, was it identifying as a cat or whatever, you know, coming to school. You know, you said something that would be their argument. It's like,

well, we just want to make feel everyone welcome. Well, no, that's not how it works. If I would have came to school, particularly in an institution or something that needs order, a school needs order, it needs rules, it needs a framework, it needs a blueprint, it needs boundaries. So does society, so does a corporation. When I go to my team of 15 and we have meetings, we talk about what the boundaries are, what the rules are, how you need to show up, how you need to fit into our culture, what the principles are, what we value the most. And if you don't fit within that order, then sorry, you're not welcome.

I mean, you know, that might sound like I'm being a dick, but it's just the fact of the reality. Now, in a school setting, we don't make everyone feel welcome. If I would have shown up one day and said, I don't identify as someone who does well in school, so I'm not going to show up and I'm not going to do anything and you better make me feel welcome. Well, you would say no, because as soon as we allow you to feel welcome, you're identifying as something, someone who values something that goes completely outside of what we're trying to accomplish here in the school system. So I'm sorry, kids don't get to just say, like, I identify as a cat, you need to cater to me because as soon as we cater to everyone and make them

feel welcome, then there's no order, there's no direction, there's no mission, and then the outcome is utterly going to be all over the place. And you're not going to get anything accomplished. So I actually refute this idea that we need to make everyone feel welcome. I think that in like a grocery store setting, sure, someone can come in and wear masks and have a face shield and wear gloves. And I think we should allow them to do that. But you're not going to be able to work for my company and do the same thing. You're not going to be able to go into the school system and identify something weird

that goes against the, you know, ultimate mission of what we're trying to accomplish here. and we're just going to make you feel welcome. It's like, no, that's not how it works. And then you lose order and you lose structure. And then, you know, that's when you actually don't get anywhere. Does this make sense? Oh, yeah, 100%. I think one of the most influential times in my life,

and this is shout out to Larry Wintoniak. He was a coach I had. And what he did was is he implemented structure to a group of young men playing junior hockey. And did you want to be out every weekend drinking beer, chasing women? Certainly. but the rules said that wasn't the case and I needed rules.

I desperately needed rules back then and it was the best thing that ever happened to me because it forced me to, you know, it forced me to do things at the time that I didn't want to do, right? Even though, you know, you come back to a lot of things you said, it made Sean a way better person,

right? But it was informative years where, you know, it could easily just been out every weekend. And the thing is, as soon as you allow one, one goal than more go because the rules don't mean anything. And believe me, kids test the boundaries. Young adults test the boundaries all the time. And they shouldn't have a say in many

cases. You know, it's like we, and this is, this goes into how we're, you know, just for a lack of a better term, and I know how this can be criticized and particularly in my industry, you know, people who really understand psychology will not like this term when I say that we're getting soft and we're raising our kids to be soft. But I'm just going to use it because I think it's pertinent to what we're talking about. Like, you know, we're really, we're really shaming parents for saying no to their kids and saying, no, that's not how it's going to work. Get on your, your stuff and we're going for a hike.

We're going, we're getting outside. I understand that you don't want to do it. Now, you've got to make sure your kid feels seen, safe, heard, and understood. I mean, those are important aspects. But there's a time and a place where you have to step in and say, say you're a child, your frontal lobe of your brain, which is the objective, logical, rational thinking part of your psychology is not even close to being fully developed. You don't know what's best for you.

And I want to show you that life is about doing hard things and there's a return at the end of that. Life is about delayed gratification. And I'm sorry, no, you don't get to identify as a cat or a they, them until you're actually in a position to know that that's actually best for you. because you deciding that may then lead you to make decisions that are irreversible and you may regret it one day. So it is a fine balance and it's difficult,

but particularly children, like, no, it's not about making everyone feel welcome. It's about actually, just like you said, with sports and stuff, if my coaches would have, you know, and that's kind of how sports coaches are nowadays, I've heard because I haven't played, you know, high school sports and stuff like this in a long time. Our coaches used to fucking run us into the ground. And they used to tell us how what was up and tell us how it was. And they were hard on us. And they put us through adversity.

They let us. And they didn't fucking give us participation ribbons and say, you know, well, at least you tried and stuff like that. They didn't do any of that. And those were some of the most valuable lessons I ever learned in my life. And now it's my understanding that often the school won't even allow the coaches to even yell or raise their voices at someone because it might risk offending that athlete. and then they might go home and they might cry and they might get all, you know,

and I'm just, I'm done with this soft bullshit. Look, I come from the mental health space. There is a time for, again, making someone feel safe emotionally. I'm not saying that kids should, we should be teaching kids to stuff their emotions inside. I'm not saying that if they want to identify as a cat that you shouldn't actually listen to them. You should make them feel seen, heard and understood. But then tell them the logical facts about how, well, that might change. well, let's wait it out.

Well, why? You know, ask questions, but continue to provide that structure and direction for them. And sometimes you have to put your foot down. You know, I was going to say that parents, every generation of parents faces, you know, I'm going to use to say tough circumstances, even though what I mean by tough circumstances is the complete opposite. Like they face, you know, in today's society, it's the best time ever to have lived, you know, arguably. What I mean by that is, is like, you know, food, heat, et cetera, is just, you know,

honest God, even the health care system, you know, like I've said the slots. If it was 100 years ago, I would have for sure two kids, but probably my third and my wife would both be gone, right? We had complications on third. Both are living. It's great. You just, you understand that you don't have the hardships that 100 years they would have to go. And I don't think anybody wants that. they want to be where we're at right now. But that becomes difficult because now you talk about raising soft children. I'm sure my grandparents looked at me and said, man, you're raising a soft child. And I'm sure every generation.

But you want your kid to have a good life. So you try and give them everything. But you've got to put in rules. And you've got to do things. And society today is interesting because participation medal at a young age, I think is probably a very beautiful thing. There's kids that are trying to get into sports and things like that. And I never thought I would say that aloud.

But watching young kids, you know, and I'm talking U7 hockey, so five and six year olds, they just don't, like they kind of get it, but they don't really get it. And to give some kid that's working his butt off but can hardly stand on his skates, something to make him feel part of the group, it's pretty cool to watch. But at some point, that has to go away because that's not the way the world works. you know like long term that's not the way it works but that's a tough decision what what age group why do you do it and people are going to argue this all out and blah blah blah blah blah and you get the point it's it's interesting when you the rules part of this is interesting because you know

and even the work part of it because so much of our life you know if you go back and listen to the stories from 60 years ago they weren't quite at the we need to shoot a deer to have a meal, but they talk about how they remember as kids at the cold, right? Like their house was cold. They had to stoke the fire. They had to do this. They had to do that. Everything now is just, you know, like, how soft have I become, Gailor?

You know, let alone my kids. I mean, geez, you know, it's just, that's what it is. And yet today's world, you need to find a way to master your thoughts, get that in order. So you can talk to the actual problems we face because they're different. different than 100 years ago. And yet they're just as debilitating and harsh on not only adults, but kids alike. I think that we have to strike a balance. Like, you know, I want to be clear. I am not suggesting we go back to how even our parents were raised, our grandparents were raised, and in previous generations, because it was, it was the other extreme. It was like emotions didn't

matter what at all. And it was like stuff you know, no one cares, stuff those emotions, you know, deep down in your, you know, and there was a lot of wounding and stuff and a lot of trauma that people experience, whether it was big T trauma or little T trauma. And it was like stuff that under the rug. And what I now know about psychology is that shit doesn't go away. I mean, if anything, it actually builds up within the subconscious. And then it comes out in ways that we don't want. It maybe comes out as an anger problem. It could come out as a drinking problem. It could come out as a drinking problem. or so forth and so on. So I'm not suggesting that we go back to, you know,

like hardening our children to a point where they're cold and then they, you know, it manifests as some sort of problem later in life. I'm not suggesting that, but I think now we've gone to the opposite. And this is our, this is our answer for everything. It's like, you know, even with gay rights and black, you know,

you know, the pride movement, BLM, even with this, we look at, well, they fought for rights for so many years, because they didn't have any, right? And that was a horrible thing. And now that they have rights, at least in the West, equal rights,

well, now we go so far to now call white people racist and homophobic, just for being white and straight, essentially. It's like, let's go all the way in the other direction. Let's give them reparations

and let's give them special treatment. And I feel comfortable saying this because I have enough gay and black friends that will say the, exact same thing. They'll say, we've been fighting for equal rights, not special treatment. And it's just like going or even feminism, right? Modern day feminism is like, well, women were oppressed for a long time. So now let's demonize masculinity and men. And then it's the same in this regard. Well, for so many years, you know, people were hardened

and their emotions didn't matter and all this stuff. So now let's go in the total opposite direction where we literally make our kids as comfortable as possible, we protect them at all costs, we don't let them experience any sort of adversity. And it's like, we need to get rid of these extremes, right? I think it was Charlie Munger who said a quote I really like. He says it's often best to avoid extreme ideologies.

You know, the answer is often somewhere in the middle. I don't think the answer is always in the middle. I think it's somewhere in the middle. And I think for me personally, I believe that it's a little more to the side of letting the kid experience adversity, letting them go through some really difficult things so they can then build the resilience to be able to handle

the inevitable adversity of life. With also making sure they feel seen, heard, understood, they have love, care, and attention, you hug them, you hold them, you look them in the eyes, you tell them you're proud of them, you love them, however, you also let them go through some shit. Parenting is a,

it's a it's a battle. Oh, man, 100%. I don't even understand. I'm not a parent. I'm an uncle. I'm the world's best uncle. So you have a certain credibility that I don't have because you've actually been through it. And by the way, I'm not suggesting that any of this is easy. I hope I'm not. No, no, you're doing a great job. Honestly, I just, I think one of the things, you know, you talk about feeling seen and heard and these different things. And I'm just like, you know, some days, yeah, some days, no. the thing I always come back to is you just have to be present. Like, you know, you have to, you know, all the older generation that I think very highly of, they look at me and, you know, you're dealing with just like, why are they doing this? Why do they keep doing this? And they're just like, oh, you got to enjoy it.

And some days you're like, fuck you, I got to enjoy this. This is like painful. This sucks. Like, what is going on? And then you have other days where you're like, I get it, right? like this will be a short little stage and someday they're going to be, you know, whether it's 10 or 15 or whatever the age is and different parents can certainly school me on that because they're further along the road than I am. But parenting is, man, it makes you grow up so fast. And if you're going to be around and worry about these things with your children, the first thing that I learned is you just got to be present.

Half the time that they're acting out is because you've been gone for some time. That's all this. You just haven't been around and they just want to. You want some attention. They want to be around you. Do you mean present conditionally and like externally or do you mean mentally and present? I mean like mentally present and physically because you can be physically there.

But, you know, and I'm to the listener, I've got my phone, but you can be sucked into this. And certainly on the podcast, I can be doing a thousand things on the computer at night trying to like, you know, list of things. And so I'm physically there, but mentally, I am somewhere else. I think you have to be both. I think you have to be physically present and mentally present because sometimes they just want to wrestle.

Sometimes they just want to color and they want, you know, and that takes energy and effort and everything else, but you can catch on to a lot of things that your kids are going through if you're just present. Yeah, I just had John Vroman on. He's the leader of, he's in Austin, Texas here. He's a rock star and he has,

a group called front row dads and it's a big group of dads and he just teaches dads how to be, I don't know what his actual offer kind of statement is, but he just teaches dads to become the best dads that they possibly can be. And what you end up realizing just like, you know, this is just how it works and this is very kind of typical for my industry because I think it's the truth is the way to become the best dad is to actually become the best version of you first. And then you can, you know, You don't help them with filling up your cup. You help them with the overflow. That's where the real guidance and aid comes in.

But we talked about how, I think I actually brought this up. I said, hey, here's my philosophy. You tell me what you think. And he affirmed it. And he totally agreed. And that I just said, I think it's, and presence is very correlated to this. In fact, you need one and what you can't have one without the other. But it's your energy.

I really think that our energy is biologically wired into our children, right? So it's like if anything, if you know, because I think parenting, I even just know as an uncle, like even just from babysitting and being around them and having to like help them even just that, which is a fraction of what you have to do as a father. I know that sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that you're just like, what the fuck do I do? And it's like easy for me to sit here and say like, you know, well, you know, show up and do this and do that. And you're like, yeah, some days. Yes. And you're right. But at the end of the day, if you can always just go back to my.

energetic presence like my kid feels my kid listens my kid sees and way more than I think we even realize and I think we can always go back to just having the energy the energetic state and that means when you're frustrated that you can actually honor that emotion but do it in a healthy way and then show how you can emotionally regulate and then transition into the right you know kind calm, you know, regulated energetic state. I mean, I think that to me is like what you can continue to go back to and I think will make a huge difference and impact on a child. You bring up a very, very good point. I've been, you know, when I was bringing up the men's group's idea and what you're seeing with men, I mean, I'm sure you know the man, Jordan Peterson,

who doesn't, right? And one of the things he talks about immediately is clean up your room, right? work on yourself, you know, because you can't, you can't even begin to fix your family if you're, if you're a tire fire. And certainly, I 100% agree with that. You got to, you got to look at some of your demons and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and I think that goes all across the board. You know, one of the things I wrote down, uh, when I listened to an interview with you and one of the ladies, and I forget her name, doesn't matter, was, uh, was game changing shifts. And I heard you say it, you know, early on when we first started talking. And, And game changing shifts on this side.

And I'll be curious to hear yours, Kailer, is I'm not a big writer. I'm trying to be better at it because I know how important it is. Everyone I follow talks about it, you know, and I understand trying to get your thoughts down and everything else. But for some reason, about four years ago, I started, I got really frustrated with myself because I'm like, I want to lose weight, but I can't seem to figure out why I just can't get there. So I just started tracking a few different things. I was tracking what I was putting in my body. So just a nice little food journal. It was it was uncomfortable because I had to come to terms with what I was actually eating.

And what I found out of that, geez, I, hmm, there's a trend here. I like to drink a couple drinks at night or every third night. You know, I'm not sitting here saying I was having a beer every night, but you kind of get the. And then I started to really track that and I went, geez, you know, if I went to the root of the problem, if I just cut this out, I bet you things would improve. immensely. And so, what was this? We were just talking about this. It was this four years ago, three years ago. We're in our book club and I said, I think, I think we should do a month of no drinking. And they're like a month of no drink. Are you crazy? I'm like at that time. I'm like,

I think we could do it. I don't think it's that big deal. It's funny to say it loud now because I know that it's not at all impossible to do. Like, that's such a short stint. But what it can do for you is like you can feel that. And then all of a sudden, things will start happening fast. Like a media fest. And while I say this, I laugh. I'm like, and yet there's a, and you probably can understand this and can probably explain this to me a little bit, why there's like a mental block, why you don't do that all the time. I don't, and I don't understand that part. So, oh man, this is now juicy for me because this is getting into the realm of what I find the most interesting. You know, anytime, let's just break down the, let's get really practical here. Let's

break down the actual losing weight. So if someone wants to lose weight, because they say, you know what? Like, hey, like my body composition is not optimal for, you know, health, right? I mean, let's call a spade a spade. I don't, I don't, and I've been 50 pounds heavier than this. Like, I've been overweight. I haven't been obese in my life, but I've been overweight and I've been unhealthy from a body composition standpoint.

I don't agree with the, you know, health at all sizes. you know, particularly after COVID, we got to call a spade a spade. I mean, like, you know, if we would have all been metabolically healthy, the fact of the reality is, is only about 12 percent, this is at least in the states, only about 12 percent of the population is metabolically healthy, right? That means they have proper metabolic function. It's like the absence of, you know, anything that hinders just their overall functioning in terms of their physiology and their metabolic health. So if we would have been able to go through this pandemic and everyone was metabolically healthy, I don't even think it would have been, this is, I suppose, my personal opinion, because I can't lay out all the data,

but I think it's pretty evident that, you know, we wouldn't have had this be a crisis. So you got to that point, and many people at some point, you got to that point where you're like, I need to lose some weight, right? And I've been there. Well, anytime we have a pattern of, you know, not. being able to lose weight. We want to intend to and we want to lose weight. So we do like the latest diet or calorie restriction or whatever,

we move our body more. And if we keep repeating that old pattern, we keep going back and we keep wondering why we can't actually get to a point where we lose weight, well, then really at the end of the day it comes down to some sort of addiction, right? Because we're either overeating in food or we're drinking too much, right? So we're abusing something. We're either abusing food or we're

abusing alcohol. We intend to and we want to lose weight. We want to be healthy. We want to eat the right amount of food. But something is sabotaging that. Now, we're either addicted to food or we're abusing food or we're addicted to like alcohol and we're abusing alcohol, which both can contribute to not having the body composition that we want to have. So then we have to go to addiction. Now, if we're going to addiction, then all these surface level things like, oh, I got to, you know, maybe if I count calorie, maybe if I do this, maybe if I eat this, maybe if I prep my meals, maybe if I all of those things are kind of just band-aid solutions. They're kind of just surface level and they're not getting to the root of the problem because

like Dr. Gabor Mate says, who's one of the, I would say, leading experts in the world on addiction, he says, don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain. And I'm a firm believer and, you know, Dr. Gabor Mate and anyone who really studies addiction, I think in large part, if not all of them would agree that all addiction and all dependency on something, all of the abuse of something that lights up the pleasure centers of our brain, there is pain behind it. It comes from deep-seated pain within our subconscious. So it's interesting. You said, like, okay, why do I know that I should be doing this? But yet I can't actually day in and day out go and do that. Do you know why? Because when that part of your brain

that says, I want to do this, I want to lose weight, I know what I need to do, that's your conscious mind. that's only about 5 to 10% of your day the other 90 to 95% of your day is subconscious subconscious is sub below sub below consciousness this is an autopilot computer like program that you're not even aware of that you run off of 90 to 95% of the time 90 to 95% of your thoughts actions ideas and emotions are subconscious you're basically a computer program that you run off of now what's the code that that computer program runs off of it's all your previous environment and experiences that happened that then made you formulate beliefs about how the world works who you are as a person and guess what we have that negativity

bias like I told you about so when something shitty happens in your environment something negative that has an impact on you it's kind of highly negatively emotional well then that imprints within your that code that I'm talking about in your subconscious right and that then formulates that conditioning that you run off of. And then because remember I talked about how we only care about survival. We're primed for survival. Our subconscious mind just wants to keep us alive. Well, think about it. If we have something negative that happens to us, some sort of pain gets instilled within us that creates a wound. And then our subconscious goes, well, it looks at it as life or death. It doesn't know that it's not a life or death because for most of human history,

everything was life or death. So it thinks, I need to go out and make sure that I never expose myself and open up this wound ever again. So it just looks for safety and comfort. And guess what? Reaching for the booze, when you're in your subconscious programming, you're not even in that conscious part of your brain that knows you should be eating healthy,

knows you should be losing weight, whatever it is, shouldn't be drinking. It just wants to feel safe and comfortable. And we now live in a society. We're literally at our fingertips. We can just walk into a liquor store and go get or walk into a pub or whatever, go with our friends or whatever to our friend's house.

And we have literally at our fingertips as much booze as we want to drink. And that pain that's instilled within us, right, it makes us not feel safe. It's a wound. We want to avoid the feeling and avoid it at all costs. So we pick up that drink, that bottle, whatever it is. And immediately the pleasure centers of our brain light up. Immediately our nervous system calms down and we feel good. And it's this quick way of avoiding that deep internal.

pain that you actually have. Now, you might be thinking, I'm not going to say this is necessarily the case, Sean, but what a lot of people, and you might be thinking this, but what a lot of people think is, I didn't really go through trauma. You know, I didn't fight in a war. I didn't see a dead body. I didn't go into a car crash. I didn't have a health scare or a near-death experience. I haven't had anyone die closely to me. Now, maybe you have, Sean, in your past. But trauma actually isn't the objective thing that happened. Trauma is actually about how we, perceived it. So even something like getting spanked, which I did as a child, could be perceived as a life or death thing because I was fucking afraid. My dad was yelling at me and spanking me and hitting me and it hurt. And I felt so unemotionally unsafe that that really made an imprint on my conditioning and in my subconscious. And that gets stored within our subconscious and within our conditioning as a wound. Right. And that's just like one thing that happened. right? I also got dumped and abandoned. Actually, after four years, my first love,

I actually caught her cheating on me, right? So I felt extremely abandoned. So that also did a number on me. And again, the subconscious views these things as life or death, and it wants to go out and protect you from ever experiencing those things again. So then guess what? I did pick up the bottle and drink too much because I was still hurt. There was still pain internally.

So what we need to do, and I'll pause after this, what we need to do is we actually need to get to the root. cause of what's actually going on and anytime anyone has like a pattern of like drinking too much eating too much whatever it is and then they might do it for a little bit because they do all these surface level things and they might go 30 days 60 days without it and then they revert back to the old program anytime that happens well it's textbook to say that that is just because you're reverting back to, you know, all of these things that are within our fingertips that just light up the pleasure centers of our brain. They make us feel safe in the moment. And it's actually just trying

to cover up for that deep-seated pain. So then the obvious question is, I think. What do we do about it? Yeah. If you're like, well, you just got to get to the root of the problem, which is trauma, pain, et cetera, how do you know? How do you know what, how do you, how can you possibly identify that? Okay, so this is something that we could do a weekend course on. This is something that I literally, I mean, this is what we do in my program. I'm going to shamelessly kind of just tell you this is what we do in our program. And I'll tell you at the end what it is. So I wish I could just say everything you need to know about how to heal those internal battles that are causing you to sabotage and go revert back to the old program and not allow you to live the life you want to live.

I wish I could just say that right now and be like, yeah, that's all you need. to know. But the fact of the reality is, is I can't. So my brain goes to how and what can I say to provide people with some useful tools to at least get the process started. I would say you got to hire a coach, you got to hire a therapist, you got to hire someone who's going to take you through the journey, not just sit around and talk about it. That's not what we do. Talk about it, identify it, become aware of what's going on, but then you've got to go on the journey because you've got to take action. And that's what I would say. is at the end of the day, the first step, Sean,

and this is what I would even recommend to you or anyone listening, still to this day, this is what I focus on, is going from understanding that most of society is unconscious and asleep, and they are out there reacting to that internal program that I talked about. And that's why they're picking up the booze. They're gambling too much. They're cheating on their wife.

They're doing whatever it is. most people are doing those things and they don't even excuse me they don't even realize it because it's all unconscious so they react the most powerful thing in initial step fundamental to this journey of healing these and changing your life is just to become conscious and aware so you can become conscious of those unconscious patterns

and programs right so you can really look at like well where am I sabotaging and let me just give you you a really good, I'll give you a very practical example. I told you that I had a relationship for four years. It was my first love. She was my world. I was so emotionally invested. I was unhealthily attached. It was hyper codependent. It was really, really unhealthy. And then I caught her cheating on me. And I felt abandoned like crazy. And that did a number. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I had to go to my mom took me to the doctor. I couldn't even go to school i couldn't play basketball it was really bad like that's of course that's traumatic right

so what happened was then i got an abandonment wound so again my psychology experienced something and it prioritizes the negative it interpreted that as life or death because it was so highly emotional because most of human history if i felt that way it would have been life or death so then it goes on hyper alert and it says i need to make sure i never experience this again so guess what in my next relationships after that. I didn't even realize it, but I actually was pushing the women away. So I would get someone who would be a good fit. I would like them. I would want to continue consciously. Just like how you said, well, I know I need to stop drinking less. I know I need to stop eating. I know I need to this, that and the other thing. I knew that I should be engaging in this relationship because this girl was

awesome. But then I would slip into my subconscious and I didn't even realize it, but I would sabotage by creating fights. I would sabotage by pushing her away. I would sabotage by putting up my walls up, not letting her in, being a dick, and I would wonder why I was doing that. And it was because I was afraid of getting abandoned again. And the way my subconscious thought was, well, if I push them away, if I put my walls up, maybe if I don't let them in, then I'll actually be able to not ever get abandoned because I won't be vulnerable to it because if I let them in, I will. Right. So my subconscious essentially created the belief that letting people in equals they abandon me. So then I sabotaged relationships.

I put my walls up. I wasn't emotionally available. I actually had meaningless relationships with women, right? And I would keep it very surface level. And it wasn't healthy for me. So then I woke up one day and I started to get into this work and I said, oh, I have an abandonment. wound oh so then what did i do about it well as soon as i was conscious to it now i wasn't reacting

anymore now i could literally be in that situation where i was starting to see a girl i was on date three it was going well and i could literally become aware and conscious of like oh caler 1.0 wants to sabotage this right now because he's afraid of getting hurt so you actually want to create a fight right now so you can push them away so you can actually feel more safe so i would recognize that and then guess what i wasn't reacting to it anymore i could respond and I could tell myself the truth. I could say, you know what, even though I want to push this girl away because I'm actually afraid of getting abandoned, I actually don't want to sabotage this even though this is going to take courage. I'm actually going to do the right thing.

I'm going to respond by actually communicating to her and saying, you know what, I actually want to sabotage this right now because I'm getting a little afraid because this is going really well and I have an abandonment when. And then she was like, holy shit, this is like a highly conscious, like very, like self-aware men here getting vulnerable with me. And then she got a little hot and heavy, right? Because girls like that, right? Even though for me it felt really naked and vulnerable, women like that. When you can own that shit, don't be a victim.

Don't cry about it. I mean, well, if you need to cry about it, cry about it. But don't be a victim. Own it and say, yeah, this is the deal. And then I consciously responded by actually saying I'm not going to sabotage it, even though I feel really uncomfortable. And the only way to heal a wound is to face it. So I faced that abandonment wound. And over time, when I faced enough vulnerabilities to abandonment, Sean, that ends up healing it because what you're doing is you're actually showing your psychology and your nervous system that it's okay.

it's actually okay to be vulnerable to abandonment because the only way to fully love is to actually be willing to get hurt so over time with enough repetition because that's what heals the subconscious or that's what conditions the subconscious i should say i did it with enough repetition that eventually now i have i don't have that limiting belief anymore i don't have that wound as much anymore because i've desensitized myself to being vulnerable to abandonment that's how you heal Does this make sense? Yes. I'm taking a lot in.

It's funny. You said at the start, you're like, well, I can't just like, you know, da-da-da-da-da-da, give you the answer. And that's because the answer is work. Yeah. You know, this isn't a simple pill that you take and all of a sudden you're better, right? This is work. And I've read a book, and I can't remember if it's a power-changing habits.

I'm trying to recall the book. the book that I read. And it talked about, you know, essentially what you just said. It takes repetition. You need to teach yourself, which is, you know, everybody wants, even myself, right? You just want to wake up and I don't know. I don't even know what it is, right? Like just boom and you're changing.

And it's like, well, that is that literally nothing in life happens that way. Sean, there are so many overeducated underachievers out there. and I don't mean to judge or shame them because I was one of them. But there's so many people listening to podcasts, reading books, like watching TED Talks, going to events and they're raw, raw, I'm changing my life. And it's like, no, you're just learning things consciously. What the fuck are you going to do about it? Because that's where the hard work is.

You convince yourself you're doing something. You're just doing the comfortable work. It's so comfortable to learn and listen to a podcast. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to show up and actually face your biggest fears? because on the other side of that is liberation. This is where I think I'm realizing. Maybe I'm right.

Because, you know, once again, I'm big on men's groups. But in fairness, I understand the importance of Kaler Betts right now. Because if it takes, let's see, I'm just going to put a stupid time frame on it. And I know that I, to the listener, please don't take anything from Sean's time frame. Okay. I'm going to say a year. Could be five years, could be six months. You get the point.

But if you need to be consistent for a year to get past a hump so that you can be the person you want to be, whether that's physique or relationships or whatever it is, right? You get the point. Then it is of utmost importance that you get involved in. For me, it's been men's group. It holds you accountable. You get to talk about things that actually matter. It forces you to walk a certain line because you have to come back to the account.

accountability. And I assume, and I could be putting words in Kaler's mouth, but I assume that's the importance of hiring Kaler because he's going to make you accountable for what you're talking about. And if you understand that it takes a certain amount of time, whatever that is, then literally the easiest thing you can do is like start that immediately because the sooner you start, the sooner you get to where you want to be. And once you're past the hump, the hump never goes away because you can certainly fall back down the mountain or what have you. But at the same time, it'll be harder to fall back because you'll instill that. And once it's instilled, it's like, oh, man, but I know what happens if I don't do this.

Am I right in that, thought? Bingo, man. We have a mental wealth men's academy and we have a mental wealth women's academy. And look, most coaching and therapy is you sit around and you talk about your shit. And again, that's the comfortable. You need action. You need action. Our training program takes about two weeks to go through.

There's a lot of what it does is it helps you understand. You know how I said that I have that abandonment when? well we all have wounds literally birth is a trauma like a lot of people say like oh no i don't have any trauma well were you born because you have trauma now trauma isn't an excuse and it isn't an excuse because you have to take responsibility of it and we all can we can all heal from our wounding and our trauma and some people have a lot of trauma and some people have like you know little tea trauma But that's exactly what it is. Our training program takes about two weeks to go through.

It helps you identify what those internal condition programs are. That's the first thing. It gives you fundamental things to change your life that are common for everyone, buckets that we all need to fill. And then it gets you to go on a journey. That's why we're different. We don't sit around and talk about it. Yes, we have one-on-one calls.

You have calls with my team. You have calls with me. You have group calls every single week. We have community, support, accountability. We engage. You have a place where you can go and ask questions at any point. You become friends with all the men in the group. group or the women in the group.

But the biggest part that will change your life is the journey that we facilitate. We actually have a certain amount of time and it's actually based on science. You remember you said a year? Yeah. Well, science actually in 2009 in England actually told us that it takes about 66 days to create a new automatic behavior. It's 66 days? Yes.

On average. Depends who you are. I might have even read a book about that too. You know, it's funny. It would have been in the habit. If it was something about habits, it would have absolutely. It's a big famous study. That doesn't mean it's going to be exactly 66 days.

It depends who you are. It depends what behavior you're trying to implement. And people need to understand if it is, in fact, 66 days on the button. You don't just to get to put it on autopilot on day 67 and assume you can just revert back. Like, that's the thing that is hard to understand. Yes, you can create a new habit. But it's still going to take work. You know, you choose your bloody hard folks.

You want to have potato chips and I always stick to the food. I love food. You know, like I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I love, I love a good meal. Anyways, you get the point. It's like, but you choose your heart, you know, like at all, all steps of the matter, you know, you choose your heart. I'm a former, I'm a former abuser of food. I was addicted. I had a food addiction.

I was a, I was a binge eater. So I always say if I can do it and a lot of people probably don't believe this. Because I'm very disciplined with food, and I still enjoy food, but I love pizza, donuts, beer. I love all that shit just as much as the next person. I love it, but it's choose your heart. I've recognized over and over again that it does not serve my highest quality of life to engage in that consistently. So I just do it when it's very calculated and intentional.

Every once in a while, I treat myself. It's very, very structured. But then I get so much better when I don't. really get obsessed with that five minutes of satisfaction of eating a meal that doesn't ultimately serve me. I want to quickly use an example, though, that'll be helpful for your audience. A lot of people have a wound in that they got judged or criticized or rejected or shamed in like elementary, let's say, or wherever, or with their parents, their caregivers, their brother, their sister, their best friend. they got judged or shame because they did something and then everyone judged them and shamed them

that creates a wound and then later in 2020 when the COVID pandemic comes around and they see the truth and they're like whoa what's going on here this isn't adding up like what's the media talking about the government's being corrupt and pharmaceutical companies are being greedy and they're corrupt as well too and you start to realize that then we wonder why we actually don't have the ability to actually say our opinion. We wonder why we're not able to go on social media and say that. We wonder why we put on a mask and just say what's convenient. Well, it's because you have in your conditioning the belief and the wound that when I speak out and be my authentic self, I then get rejected or I get shamed or judged, which makes me feel less safe because now I don't

have as much acceptance or belonging. So therefore, I should hold that. that in and say what I believe will get me a likelier chance of getting loved and accepted. So that's really why these things happen. That's why behavior, that's why people say like, oh, I know that I should be speaking. I know that I should could say the truth. But that's why is because 90 to 95% of the time you're going off that conditioning that is primed for your survival. It only wants you to feel safe and comfortable.

It doesn't care about you speaking the truth. It wants you to feel safe. So then what do we do? Low risk opportunities. The only way to heal a wound is to face it. So you look for low risk opportunities. You desensitize. And just like what you said, the repetition,

it takes on average 66 days. So it might take 60 days. It might take 180 days. It might take 50 days. But just keep going. And eventually you'll do it so much that then you won't actually have that same unhealthy hyper nervous system response, elevated nervous system response anymore.

It won't trigger you like it used to. You're developing a muscle. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how many times. And yet, it's funny, some things come, this is just like sports, you know. I watch my kids. And when they, when they, my oldest strapped on hockey skates, you could just tell I'm like, always going to enjoy this, right?

But then he'll play, well, actually, he pretty much plays everything. But I'll take me, for instance, I play hockey. I loved it. Played volleyball. I sucked at it. This short little guy who's got to be that, I can't, I can't do the cool thing, which is jump and smash the ball at the other team. I've got to be the guy setting everywhere.

You're like, fuck. Even though they're super important, I'm not bashing volleyball players whatsoever. It's just, you know, so some things in what we're talking about, I feel will come really easy to somebody, you know like uh consistency is something that I would say at times I've been poor at and then I stumbled in the podcasting and um minus a short stint from from February to April 2020

um Sean has never missed a week birth of kids Christmas etc etc etc etc and you sir are going to be episode 390 geez what are we at ladies 397, 398, somewhere in there. Not to mention all the archives and mashups. It's well over 400 episodes.

And I can safely say to people, at one point in time, Sean was not that consistent. And yet, here I sit. So some things will be more difficult, I think, and other things will come a little easier. And yet the outcome is the same if you push through where you can really do some damage. And, man, I don't know.

You're putting a couple thoughts in my brain, Kayla, that I got to think on. I got a nice little drive coming up here, where I get to think on. some of this. And I think like, it's like, well, you can start like, I, like, I walk out of this room and I can like immediately start. I don't have to wait six months. I can immediately start some of this. It's pretty safe to say, like, do you know why you were non-consistent or weren't consistent for so long with, with things such as stuff like this? I don't know. It goes down to your conditioning.

I would guess. I don't want to speak in an absolute. because, you know, psychology is really complicated. But if we're going to look at it from a textbook perspective, I would say that I would be willing to put a lot of money on. It's probably, it's just deep-seated fear within your conditioning, fear of failing, right? So it's really textbook to sabotage success. You know, Homer Simpson said something really interesting

on a Simpsons episode to Lisa. He said, you know, the first step towards failure is trying. right so you know being consistent in something leaves you vulnerable it literally now creates the opportunity for you to fail and deep within your subconscious i would guarantee you that there is what an uncomfortable fucking feeling that is i wouldn't i wouldn't guarantee sorry again i don't want to speak an absolute there's likely to be a deep-seated fear of failing so if you don't it's similar to me pushing that girl away it doesn't logically make sense sense. It doesn't consciously make sense.

But you're subconscious when you understand what it wants. It wants to feel safe and protected. It wants to be able to predict the future. It doesn't want to step into the realm of possibility. It doesn't want to interrupt the pattern that you've lived to be where you're at today that has made you survive. So why the fuck would it want you to step into the realm of possibility, do something different, commit to something that you could ultimately fail at. So then you self-sabotage subconsciously and you throw it away and you do something

for a little bit. You get the excitement, the dopamine, and then as soon as it gets like, ooh, this is getting kind of serious, then you sabotage it, you do the next thing. I'm going to tell you a funny story, okay? Yeah. So this is, this is, after our first kid,

Sean put on what a many would call sympathy weight, you call it whatever you want, but I ballooned, you know? A dad, beyond a dad, in my opinion, I looked like a beluga whale, but you get the point. You know, it's just, so Sean understands, Sean's work things.

And I'm sitting, you know, as a salesman, there's always like donuts and, and, you know, the one that sticks out is an A&W breakfast sandwich. And Sean has been going good for about two days, okay? I'm like, nope, not that. And I walk in and you can smell it and you're like, fuck. Okay, how am I getting around this? Because I got to sit in a meeting and they've got to whatever and blah, blah. So anyways, I do great.

And everybody leaves the room. And Sean picks it up, but it's cold. I don't want a cold breakfast sandwich. And I'm literally having this conversation my head. So I put it in the microwave, heat it up. I'm like, oh, but I should probably, okay, I'll put a little ketchup on. Oh, yeah, that looks good. And I mean, I get it to like here.

I go, what the hell am I doing? And I walk over to the garbage and I throw it in the garbage and I'm like, that was really strange. Okay. And then that's when, for me, you know, when you talk about being conscious and like realizing things, one of the hardest things can be doing a stupid food journal and just realizing how much shit you put in your body.

You're like, it's being truthful to yourself. You know? It's like, uh, drinking is the same way. It's like, you don't think drinking has a problem or hold on you or anything like that.

It could be smoking weed, you know, like we got Aaron Kanda. You can smoke weed whenever you want. Just write down how many times in a day you do it. Just for shits and giggles. Just to see how much you do it and see how much you actually do it. And I remember the first month I did it.

It was like 84 drinks. I was like, how the hell did I put that in my body? like when was I doing that and the first step you know and I'm acting like I'm the expert I'm not I've just my personal experience is the first step is just like admitting like okay let's just let's be honest with myself and let's see where we go I don't know why this is maybe this just needed to happen Kaler I you know I always interested when when I get guests on at certain times and I'm like hmm I got a nice little drive coming up I'm going to sink into this for a little bit and I'm going to think on it because you've said a few things this morning that have really hit a chord I guess well look Sean I'm happy to hear that but you just exemplified exactly how this process works and the first fundamental step is to become conscious of your unconscious programs it's to recognize that I have two programs I run off of the conscious mind and the subconscious mind the subconscious mind dominates 90 to 95 percent of the time so you grabbing that breakfast sandwich putting ketchup on it you were unconscious in that moment you were unconscious in that moment you were were running off autopilot and then as you were putting it to your mouth, you woke up and you became conscious. And if people are listening and they're wondering, okay, this is so overwhelming killer. You throw out a bunch of stuff. Just start there. Just become conscious of your unconscious

patterns of programs. Wake up and live intentionally, live consciously. Understand that at any moment you can actually observe your thinking. That's what consciousness is. Is it's to wake up and be like, oh, I'm actually about to do this or, oh, I'm doing this. And it's to investigate it and to ask yourself, should I be doing this? One of the most powerful questions is, and then I'll pause, is, sorry, I'm meeting a phone call and that just messed up my video. One of the most powerful questions that you can ask, this is, if you only remember one thing and you want to change your life, you mentioned game changing shifts, which by the way, a game changing shift is a shift that when you do it, every other aspect of your life slowly starts to fall it more easily into place.

we all have them. The most important question that you can ask is, is what I'm about to do going to bring me closer to my highest quality of life and my highest potential and my greatest good? Or is it going to distract me farther away from it? And that's what being conscious is. And if you in that breakfast sandwich situation, that's essentially what you did is you just simply ask yourself that question. my friend will change your life.

That's pretty cool. I'm, well, I hope people, you know, it's funny, Kailer. Are you originally an Eminton man? Yeah, born and raised. Born and raised? So a diehard Oilers fan or not so much? Oh, big time, man. I'm out here in Austin with a VPN just so that I can watch Sportsnet on my dinky little

computer on. So you can see the McDavid show. Yes. 100%. I'm very, very loyal to the oil. Well, I tell you what. it's been an interesting couple of weeks folks because I'm just you know Alberta seems to be just bumping and kicking with people that are spitting fire

I've enjoyed this and before I let you out of here I got to do the crude master final question which is if you're going to stand behind a cause and stand behind it absolutely what's one thing Kailer stands behind Can I ask you what are you a flames fan before I get into that are you a flame stand I'm not a flame? Die hard oilers. Yes. Die hard oil.

John, I knew I had a good feeling about your brother. Now we can actually be friends. Listen, best moment in my life. Everywhere I went, it seemed like I was surrounded by a Calgary Flames fan. My college roommate in Wisconsin was a Calgary Flames fan. And you know what the Oilers did during that time? They were in the 10 years of just sucking and suck in life. And then last year, we get to beat them in the playoffs.

and I tell you what, it's like the world is all right, you know? Dude, that was so nice. But are you originally from Lloyd or where are you from? Just North Lloyd. Just North Lloyd on a farm. Just in a Saskatchewan. Is that common? Like, I thought more so people from Lloyd would be Calgary fans.

No, I would say. But down the middle? I'm going to even lean it a little closer to, I would say, 6040, Eminton. Yeah, okay. There's definitely flames fans here. Definitely. Yeah, certainly. Very interesting.

Okay, so what cause if I could unwaveringly stand? stand behind, would I stand behind? Is that the question? One of my major sponsors came on here years ago and said, we were talking about protests. And at that time, it was talking about oil and gas and obviously being in an oil and gas town. He was, his words were, if you're going to stand behind a cause, then stand behind it absolutely. and he was talking about, you know, you protest, you know, oil and gas, but then everything you do is made up from oil and gas. It's like you don't stand for much. So the question is, what does Kailor stand behind?

Yeah, I mean, I'm going to get a little philosophical with this. I'm got no problem with that. Typically how I roll. And I'm going to say that the cause that I've stood behind, the cause that I think the world needs more people to stand behind, desperately or it could actually be our demise. It could be the beginning of the end. And I truly mean that. I believe that to my core.

The cause that I would stand behind is truth. Objective truth. And to see and speak the truth, that takes critical thinking. And that's like a superpower in 2003 now. There's a quote who I don't know who to attribute this to because Google says a bunch of different people. You know how that goes.

But the quote is, you might have heard it before. the quote is that in which can be destroyed by the truth should be. And whether or not it's COVID, whether or not it's climate change, or whether or not it's your relationship with someone else, with yourself, whether or not it's your body composition goals, whatever it is, it's important to be able to sift through all of your biases, your agendas, your emotions, all of these things. things, your wounds, conditioning, limiting beliefs. It is so important to be able to sift through that

and get to the truth. And I'm not just talking externally, internally as well too, because the truth, I truly believe, actually does set you free and it will set us all free if we can get enough people committed to the truth. Well, man, it's been, it's been a quick couple hours. I've, I've enjoyed this. And when, I don't know if you're privy to share this, but how long, like, are you down in Austin for quite some time or do you come back to Alberta?

I am in Austin for most of March. Then I'm coming to Kid Carson's event. April 1st. April 1st in Calgary at his event, which I'm excited for. Then I will be going to Costa Rica. Then I will be coming back to Canada for

one reason and one reason only. that is the NHL playoffs. And I will be participating in the parades and the charades and the celebrations, April 17th approximately. Onwards. And onwards. And I'm very excited about this year. And I'll be there all summer.

I like to spend summer in Canada and then go down south where the butter melts for the winter because I'm not a big winter guy. And I'm kind of like a high-maintenance gypsy. but once I meet a girl, once I meet the mother of my children, wherever she is, then I'll settle down. What a great shirt,

high maintenance gypsy. That'd be fantastic. Well, I tell you what, then the next time we do this, we're going to do it in person. I would love that. I got to find,

you know, I was just talking to Kigg because kids in my event coming up here on March 18th. So, you know, a shameless plug on my own show, but if you haven't bought tickets

to SMP Presents Legacy Media with Kid Cars and Wayne Peters, Byron, Christopher and Chris Sims in Eminton March 18th. In the show notes, there will be a link. You should do that. I'd love to see you there.

Regardless, I'm trying to find a way to get to April 1st because I appreciate what kids done and certainly enjoy, I don't know, enjoy this little community that's just bubbling and dance and every which way. With all that said, the next time we do this, we're going to do it in person. And that way we can sit and have a friendly bullshit with, you know, a handshake and everything else that comes along with it. Because as fun as it is through the screen, we both know it's about 100, maybe a thousand times better in person.

Oh, man, 100%. And we'll have you on our podcast so we can do this all over again, but we'll kind of flip the switch. And I mean, this is a conversation regardless. But I'm excited to have you on, brother. And I would love to do that in person. That would be super cool. Right on.

Well, I appreciate you again and enjoy the heat. I kind of want to tell you to fuck off with that. But, you know, and soak up some of that sun for us. You know, here in Canada, spring is on the way. I can feel it. Somebody said to me, yeah, we still got three weeks. I'm like, three weeks. I'll take three weeks.

Hell, I'll take five weeks. I don't really care. It's getting so close. The sun's starting to peek out. And I swear for like two months, the sun didn't even shine. It was just hid behind clouds and darkness. So, dude, I love Canada. I love Alberta.

But holy smokes, man, that weather is just, Yeah, at least Alberta gets more sunshine than the rest of Canada. Keeps the snakes and the big spiders and a couple other things at bay, though. And I'm okay with that. That's true. I'm okay with that. That's one way to look at it, the optimist way to look at it. I also just want to end with saying, you know, I'm shameless with my plugs because I'm-

Oh, yeah. Well, how do people find you? How do people-in-you-I'm on a mission here? But yeah, go go check me out at the Kaler Betts on Instagram. if you, you know, like Instagram and you're an Instagram person, or you can go to The Mental Wealth podcast on all channels. Well, not all channels, not the weird ones, but we're on Spotify, Apple, you know, Google Play, all that stuff.

We're going to be having Sean on soon, and I'm excited for that. And then if you resonated with the stuff that I was talking about in terms of the reprogramming of the subconscious, and you feel stuck, you feel like you're sabotaging and reverting back to old patterns, and you're like, why can't I show up and live the life I want to live? We have a pretty amazing thing going on. It's tried, tested, and true. It's the Mental Health Academy.

Just go to build mental wealth, not health, build mental wealth. co, not dot com.com. co, build mental wealth. com. You can talk to my team, see you for a good fit. And next thing you know, you might be in our academies with a bunch of awake and aware badass individuals. And we just all go out and we just work on fucking winning.

I do enjoy winning. Thanks for hopping on, Kailer. It's been fun, and I always enjoy meeting new people. So when our paths certainly cross again, it's going to be a lot of fun. Dude, this is great, man. I can see why you've crushed it at this. And as someone who just crossed 200 episodes, 300 is extremely something you should be proud of. So good on you.

Thank you, sir. Well, and I chuckle, I just found out I'm in the top 1% as well. And I hit this monumental. I don't understand what it means. but at the end of 2020, I hit a million downloads. And I was like, shit, I don't know what that means,

but that's pretty cool. Like, I mean, and then I had a company reach out and say I was in the top 1%. And I'm like, well, that's pretty cool too. So,

hey, I'll take it. Dude, a million downloads is no joke. That is so different than like, you know, you go on TikTok or Instagram and you post a two-minute video and it gets like, you know,

millions of views or whatever. That's so different than a long form, hour, two-hour, long, you know, like that's no joke. So congrats on the million downloads. That's amazing. Good for you. Well, I tell you what, we're pushing hard, Kayla. I'm sure just like you, you have your goals set on where you want to be. In 2023, we're pushing as hard as we can go because I'd love to have a million in a year. And then, you know, only onwards and upwards from there. Either

way, it's people like you coming on the show that are certainly going to help that along. That's what this has been all about. And look forward to, you know, I don't know. I don't know where the world is taking me, but when I cross past with yourself or guys like Kid Carson or, you know, people were loving on Byron Christopher earlier this week. It's people like that that make this a ton of fun and I thoroughly enjoy it. Either way, I could babble on for another 20 minutes. Have I enjoyed this and look forward to the next chapter or the next event or the next whatever. Me too. And yeah, shout out to Sarah Swain because she put us in touch and she nailed it. good old Sarah yeah