Shawn Ryan Show - #242 Pete Scobell - SEAL Team 6 Operator Breaks Down the Hostage Rescue of Captain Phillips

Episode Date: October 6, 2025

Pete Scobell is a former U.S. Navy SEAL Lieutenant with 17 years of service, including six combat deployments, best known as the real-life member of the SEAL team that rescued Captain Richard Phillips from Somali pirates in 2009, inspiring the film Captain Phillips. Scobell served in the United States Navy as both an enlisted and officer in the SEAL Teams. He served at SEAL Team EIGHT, ONE, SEAL Delivery Vehicle Team ONE and Naval Special Warfare Development Group. Prior to the Navy, Pete was a ski racer in New York State and the Pennsylvania State Champion in the Pole Vault. While working as a lifeguard for the state of Pennsylvania, he was awarded the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Resources Heroism Award for a rescue he made at Presque Isle State Park. A graduate of the United States Naval Academy with a BS in Political Science, he was the third (and last) enlisted SEAL selected to attend the United States Naval Academy. After a four-year hiatus from pole vaulting, he walked onto the Naval Academy Track Team (Division I), set the freshman record, and placed in the IC4As. He was also a starter on the A-side Naval Academy Rugby team. Scobell suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI) from an explosion in Afghanistan in 2010, which ended his active duty career. After rigorous rehabilitation at the National Intrepid Center of Excellence, he transformed his experiences into advocacy for TBI and PTSD recovery, speaking to military audiences and veterans' groups. Transitioning to civilian life, Scobell pursued passions in music, releasing country-Americana albums like Wild (2015) as the Pete Scobell Band, acting in films such as Plane (2023) alongside Gerard Butler, and competing as a professional skier after a 17-year hiatus. A father of three and husband, he consults on security, writes, and motivates others through resilience stories, emphasizing mental health and second chances. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://betterhelp.com/srs This episode is sponsored. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/srs and get on your way to being your best self. https://bunkr.life – USE CODE SRS Go to https://bunkr.life/SRS and use code “SRS” to get 25% off your family plan. https://blackbuffalo.com https://meetfabric.com/shawn https://shawnlikesgold.com https://helixsleep.com/srs https://hillsdale.edu/srs https://ketone.com/srs Visit https://ketone.com/srs for 30% OFF your subscription order. https://patriotmobile.com/srs https://prizepicks.onelink.me/lmeo/srs https://ROKA.com – USE CODE SRS https://simplisafe.com/srs https://trueclassic.com/srs Pete Scobell Links: IG - https://www.instagram.com/pete.scobell X - https://x.com/PeteScobell LI - https://www.linkedin.com/in/pete-scobell-a066b0285 Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/62k89pP03yln7cMANadnQ1 YouTube (Pete Scobell Band) - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKKtdjkBgRv20sxrUre5QSg IMDb - https://www.imdb.com/name/nm14533987 Speaker Profile - https://speakerpedia.com/speakers/pete-scobell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs. No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. Pete Scobel, welcome to the show, man. It's an honor to be here. It's an honor to have you.

I've been wanting to do this one for a long time. Yes, we have. What an amazing path we have come to be intertwined in at various points together. Yeah, no kidding, right? No kidding. It's going to be heavy. It's going to be a heavy interview. It is.

I appreciate you coming, man. And I know this takes a lot of courage. I appreciate you having me. And I, being here, I avoided a lot of stuff in the last five years. And then we had these touch points. And it finally was like, okay, I want to talk. But I'm going to talk to Sean, nobody else. that means a lot man thank you i'm a big fan and you're doing a great job

but i mean that i i there's so much noise out there right now there's so much noise and you know trying to pull out what's real what's not real um it's like you're being bombarded with the algorithm and and trying to find the bits and pieces of truth in there and then take the time to digest them and then filter them through the people that you trust what do you think of this or what do you think of that and i think in that mess you're bringing a very reliable source of information that's not it's not saying oh believe this or believe this it's saying here it is what would you like to do with it and nobody else is doing that nobody but definitely not mainstream yeah that's no kidding i mean i take it you know very seriously

you know and and i think we were talking about it last night at dinner but yeah it's getting harder and harder to find any real truth and so it's you know i'm trying to like make people think a certain way i'm just trying to give them information and then they do with it what they want you know but um i think that's important but but let's get to you man you want to kick it off with a prayer yes but i want to kick it off with something so you sent me this book on uh june 11th i think was the first day i read calling jesus by sarah young you sent me a note and in the note He said, it's great hanging with you. I know we don't know each other that well, but I feel like we're carrying some

around, carrying some heavy weight. I'll leave the rest of it, but he said basically this is an important book to you and I think it'll be important, or important book to yourself, it'll be important to you as well. And so I'm a big believer in anything. I'll try anything twice. I always say that. Someone says, hey, try this out, whether it was for TBI or PTSD, all that stuff.

I'll try it because I want to know personally is at work, it is not work. So I started reading this every day from, and I would highlight it as kind of a reminder. And so this morning I got up September 25th, and I wanted to read it to you. Pour all of your energy and trust into me. It is through trust that you stay connected to me, aware of my presence. Every step on your life journey can be a step of faith. Baby steps of trust are simple for you.

You can take them with almost unconscious ease. Giant steps are another matter altogether. Leaping across chasms in semi-darkness, scaling clips of uncertainty, trudging through the valleys of the shadow of death. These feats require sheer concentration. as well as utter commitment to me. Each of my children is a unique blend of temperament,

giftedness and life experiences. Something that is a baby step for you may be a giant step for another person or vice versa. Only I don't know the difficulty. Only I know the difficulty or ease of each segment of your journey. Beware of trying to impress others by acting as if your giant steps are only baby ones. Do not judge others who hesitate in trembling fear

before an act that would be easy for you. If each of my children would seek to please me above all else, fear others' judgments would vanish. Fear of others' judgments would vanish. As would attempts to impress others. Focus your attention on the path that is just ahead of you, and on the one who never leaves your side. The piece of scripture that comes from is even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. you are with me your rod and your staff they comfort me what does that mean to you I think we're spirits having a human experience we're not humans having a spiritual

experience and when you realize that you realize this is all one big lesson and the more that I bring him close to me on a daily basis, the more I lean on him, the less I worry about what's coming, the stronger I feel. And, you know, you get to a point where you have these experiences and you want to share them

because you hope that they'll help someone else who's in a shadow in the valley. And I feel like we've both been walking through a valley for a long time. And I just thought that was a really interesting read for our first for this interview. Yeah, man. I think as much as we don't like to admit it, we like being in that valley. You know, feels like home. Feel that's where we do our best work.

You know, I love that book, man. And, you know, a couple years ago, Elijah, who you met, you know, he's the head of production here. He sent me a book, because you know about my story. I've been trying to find, you know, truth and understand the Bible and all that kind of stuff. And that's really hard to understand. And Elijah had sent me, gave me a book for Christmas, and it was all the things that just Jesus has said. It's a really good book. I can't remember the name of it.

it was still a little confusing and then somebody else sent me that and that just really breaks it down you know and and you know the three common themes that i've found is be more accepting call evil out and and um just be like you know and i think that's the commonality you know throughout all of the bible and i think you know if we just yeah i think we were just a little more accepting and hearing another side or another perspective, you know, I think the whole world would look a lot different, a lot better than it does today. That's for damn sure.

But it really, that book just breaks it down, man, into, you know, verbiage that dummies like you and I can actually understand. And it's almost, it seems like a guide on how to live. I like it because it's, you know, I started cracking the Bible and you're like, okay, what does that, what does that mean? Where does this fit into things and how does it relate to my day? And when I started reading that, it was just a, it's a constant reminder. And there's a constant theme that bleeds through every day and that's just bring me closer. Just bring, just lean on me, bring me closer. And when you're struggling, you know, or take a minute, stop orientating. about the things you can't control or worrying about the past, be present in the moment. And I feel like that's like the common theme. And being present is like one of the hardest things to do. And when you think about time, it's like, it's just now.

The future isn't there and the past is gone. And so much, I think when I was younger, and you're probably like this too, but I was never there. I was always looking where I was going, and I was working through the moment, but I was never in the moment. And I missed a lot. And, you know, getting ready for this interview,

going back and, like, reliving some of the experiences. A lot of them, it was heavy. But it was, and the things just opened up. I started going down rabbit holes that I was like I was having these vivid memories. We were talking right before we started about the plant medicine therapy. You know, people, you know, I've found my first one in 2019, but now we're, you know, I'm still benefiting from it. And that integration becomes a lifelong. I mean, for me, it's like I was here and then I went here.

And I'm still on that path. And so just being present in that book, it doesn't matter what you believe. Like, if you believe in God, just stop calling, everybody gets in arguments, what the name is, what the marketing is, who, what, you know, all the, but if you believe that God is everything, then God is in you, faith in God is faith in yourself. and the king of God is within you. I think you constantly go back to that. It becomes, with all the noise, and we're talking about all the noise that's happening right now, if you can just come back to that,

it's like a little island in the sea of chaos. And that just does it every day for me. to not get up, I crack that open. I kind of already know what I'm going to read. You know what I mean? I'm like, okay, you're here. Let's go through this. Yeah.

But then there's little pieces, and they put the different parts of scripture that back up what the statement is. But it's my morning ritual. And it's been fantastic. Good, man. Yeah, that's sick. Just fantastic.

Good. So thank you for that. You're welcome. You're welcome. I read it at night before. I go to bed and then on my first year too but I'm curious to see if the same things that hit me this year hit me next year if it'll be totally different you know sort of making notes on it after like what did I get out of that what does that mean and then I'll summarize it and I'll put

a quick note down or other things that I see I write in you know during the day I just kind of keep it as a not necessarily a journal but as a running record of where my mind is yeah and when i get upset or mad like i have something to fall back on immediately um and it was interesting the other the interview you did with um i remember his name about the religion the religion business the religion business um one of the takeaways from that was that the megachurches went to stanford and did they said how do we deepen people's faith how do we keep people in the seats right and the the study came back and said an individual reading scripture and praying is the only thing that deepens your faith

nothing to do with the you can't do anything in your megachurch it has to be the individual and i was like oh well that makes a lot of sense because it's it well it works it does and it's always simple keep it simple stupid like there you go yeah man yeah Well, I'm glad you to get something out of that, man. I am. It makes me happy. More and more than I can ever express, so. You ready to get into it?

I am, dude. I'm definitely ready. Good. All right. Everybody starts off with an introduction. Pete Scobel, a Navy SEAL veteran with six combat deployments. You served at SEAL Team 8, SDV, Team 1, and Development Group. Began your career as an enlisted steel before attending the United States Naval Academy,

only the third seal to ever do that. Leader of the Navy SEAL team, they conducted the rescue of Captain Richard Phillips from Somali Pirates in 2009, jumped into a country music career with albums like Walking a Wire and Collaborating with Legends like Winona Judd, a motivational speaker and also an actor with roles in films like Plain, A husband, father to three children, including Hollywood star Walker Scrobel, and most importantly, which we just covered, you're a Christian. So a couple things here before we get into the interview, right? So you want a lip pillow? I actually got a, I got my own soft, supple lip pillow.

Let me put a session here real quick. I can't read with the shit in my mouth. but I was going to wait until later. First of all, I want to start. I was also at, I was on the mission. I didn't lead it. I was in charge of getting everyone to the target. Okay.

And I was also spent a large portion of my time at SEAL Team 1. But, you know, since I'm very familiar with your team, I know, I know where they're lacking is, their research. We won't hold anybody personally accountable. He can hammer him at the end of the interview here. But, yeah, by the way, thank you for introducing me to Jeremy. Sorry about that. Yeah. And, yeah.

Apology accepted. But, dude, he's just been amazing. And you called me or you texted me and you said, if you don't hire this guy, you're a fucking idiot. And I was like, well, that's not happening. And then I was like, all right, maybe I'll. call him and see what's going on and dude jeremy's just turned out to be a fucking rock star i mean if you have a pulse in this world we will find you and get in touch doesn't mean they're going to say yes but every single person that we've targeted we've got a response out of and uh and that's that's

all jeremy man so thank you for that introduction it's really weird when that happened because i i was I had watched some of your stuff and I was like oh this is cool I started watching your interviews and then you cross paths with then I recognize

Cactus and Winona were you were friends with them and I was like oh okay this is different because Cactus and Winona are family to me and Cactus is

just I can't I don't know where I'd be in this world without him I absolutely love him like a father and and so that it wasn't that you were a team guy that gave you credibility in my mind it was that you were with cactus and and then I saw he was with you when you got baptized in the late and Jeremy's my roommate from prep school all the way through graduation at the naval academy and Jeremy had retired and was living up in the off the grid by himself with his family and kind of doing what he was doing.

And he, I had come down and meet, I met, or met you at Winona's birthday party in passing. We had a quick conversation. And Jeremy didn't know that I knew you or any of that. And Jeremy said, called me one day. We're just catching up as normal. And he was like, I feel called to respond to this ex post that Sean Ryan has about being his producer.

And I was like, okay do you realize you're going to have to leave where you're at and go here and do you want this do you really want this and he said yeah i feel called to it and i was like all right hold on that's when i texted you i was like let's see if this happens who knows let's see if the see if this calling works um but his background it's just unbelievable and i i could i saw how you thought and I saw how, I know how Jeremy thinks, and I'm like, I think this is exactly what you needed. And I hoped it worked out. It's been a perfect fit, man.

And then you got Eric as well. It's funny, I walk in here, and I'm like, blast from the past, you know, with your team. It's like my family. Yeah, it was interesting being the only enlisted scumbag at dinner last night. That's for... I was like, this is fitting. I'm like, every listen to you guys like, look at this. Three officers and the man at the head of the table is the enlist.

The way it's supposed to be. Right on, man. But, all right. So I got a couple gifts for you before we start here, right? So first one, vigilance league gummy bears made in the UFs, made the USA, no funny business. legal in all 50 states. That's a bummer. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, we go out to California and get the good ones. But those are just candy. And I think you'll appreciate this one. Oh, my God, dude. Whoa. Wow. So that is the Sig-Sour P-2-2-7. Legion so you know we're team guys pretty sure you probably carried a 226 when you were in it was

in that time frame right and so they've upgraded it it's no longer a double action you know no decocking lever but that thing is a Cadillac man wow so thought you about like that this is amazing dude can't wait to uh use that on that range out there yeah well we'll do it on the first break here. All right. To give me some instruction. Oh, okay. I'm serious, man.

Right on. Hey, you know, life is about learning. And I have a gift for you as well. I have two gifts for you. I love gifts. Jeremy said, hey, can you find something that would be cool to hang in the studio? this is uh the rip cord from the my shoot on the captain philip's mission holy shit are you serious dude it was sitting in a box in my basement i was going to do anything with it and and um this is a

pulse sign patch from that that was also in the box in the basement i was probably going to get thrown away out of here be serious thank you what is that it's a Viking gray squadron Vikings thank you

well that's going to be framed put in here I'm going to have to sign that flag sure man so thank you dude wow I don't have any it's interesting at home I don't have anything hanging on the walls I don't have any

plaques I don't have any it's all hidden away somewhere and forgot even had that and i was thinking i'm like what do i give them um then i'd seen some of the videos in here i'm like well maybe you can find you sport dude thank you and the other thing i got that was uh because we uh ride the short bus um i found this hero bible nice it has pictures in it dude i have something similar that's the action Bible series. The Action Bible. This is really cool, man. Anyways, I do great with a

little bit of words, lots of pictures. I read a lot of picture books. I thought you would enjoy that one. I read a lot of picture books. Dude, thank you. Thank you. I don't have this one. I just thought it was cool. Thank you.

I see my sons are always reading the anime books and they're these huge comic books and they're really into them. And when I saw that, and I was like, let's give this a shot. I thought you might. I love it.

Anyway. Thank you. Yeah, man. I thought that was cool. Thank you for the boomstick, the gummy bears. My pleasure. All right.

So one last thing before we get going, I've got a Patreon account, subscription network, and we've turned it into one hell of a community. A lot of these guys and girls have been here since the beginning. when I was doing this out of my attic. And, you know, in all honesty,

they're the reason that I get to sit here with you here today is because of them. So I offer them the opportunity to ask each and every guest a question. So this one is from Winona Judd. Could you share the story of events the night before and on the first day you started recording your debut album? yes so all right i grew up playing rock music and the dead and fish and grunge era like you know that was not like a you're a hippie i'm a total hippie dude i'm a love it i'm a total hippie

uh and long story long i got this had written a song kind of got putting into the like last minute for a movie and it got you know like we can't really use it and got floated around and it was just so I was getting out I had like 24 hours right it went away and I didn't think anything of it and out of the blue I get this phone call from this guy named Cactus and he says hey man

working with this guy Christian who's producing this movie called The Hornets Nest and we got your song and I was wondering if you wanted to come to Nashville and record an album and I was like okay I didn't know Cactus I didn't know any and I I knew who the Judds were, obviously, but I wasn't like a, you know, big, you know, diehard country fan.

And so Cactus, like, fly to Nashville, and, you know, we're going to cut this album over these days. And I didn't really know him. Christian, producer, movies, like, yeah, he's a great guy. He's Winona Judd's husband. He's drummer. And I said, okay, well, all right. Like, again, I'll try to think twice. Like, how often do you get to go to Nashville and record?

and this would be amazing. Or it's going to be horrible or whatever. Let's go try it. And so I fly here to Nashville. I get off the plane and got my guitar in my hand. And you know when you're coming through the airport, there's like a little stage right before you go to a badge claim. There's a dude playing guitar and singing,

and he's looking at me, like nods his head, you know, and I'm just like, this is a horrible idea. What the hell is I thinking? And went downstairs and got a rental car. And I drove to meet Cactus. And we sit down. We have lunch together. And I had scheduled a book to hotel.

And he goes, come on, you're going to stay at the house. And I said, well, I got a hotel. I don't need that. He's like, no, no, no. Why want you to stay at the house? And I was like, okay, we'll do this. So my first night in Nashville, we drive to the house. And at the time, you've been over there.

At the time, I was completely under construction. I mean, it was like a 100% construction by plywood floors, like dogs running everywhere, and there's barely any lighting. And I walk into the kitchen that has got a plastic table and why I'd put like a tablecloth on it. Her son Elijah was there. And we got to take out and why is all dressed in black and she's got her long red hair. And I'm just like, oh my God, like this is the queen. country music like and I'm in this there's just kind of a surreal moment

but very real in the fact that like you know it wasn't fancy it was like we're having takeout and we're gonna talk and so I sat down I ate and why I was nervous and I was like why are you nervous I should be nervous you're like the queen

and we had a steel bowl she goes what kind of music do you like and I'm like well yeah I like everything and she immediately goes name one song that I sing And I'm just like, I'm just sitting there, I'm like, Grandpa? Thank God, I knew one song. And she's like, do you know anything else?

And I was just, I was thinking of myself, like, why me? She's like, that's an easy one. And I was like, oh, shit, that's a song. It's totally like one of those moments. And I'm like, what did I get myself into? And so we pulled out our cell phones and we started playing music and we didn't have a sound system. So we'd take the phone and we'd put it in the steel bowl. and that was our speaker for the night.

And I had, my friends in Colorado owned a distillery, Woody Creek Distillery, and I asked Cactus, like, hey, you know, I send you guys out like a, you know, a gift. So I had sent out some Woody Creek vodka, potato vodka. It's unbelievable. So I sent that out, and we finished dinner. And Wye comes over and takes a bottle, puts it on the table, and goes, we're going to talk.

And I'm just like, oh, boy. Oh, man. Like, so why and I started drinking and we're going, Cactus are supposed to be in the studio in the morning, right? And eight in the morning, I'm still in the chair and why is yelling at me? What am I not interesting? But we talked about everything. I mean, we talked, a lot of the stuff that we're going to talk about tonight.

We talked about like life and death and parents. And why I just, why had I had this, I didn't know enough about her as a, as a, I knew who she was, but I didn't know anything about her background, right? And she didn't know anything about me. And so we met in this place of just this neutral moment. And it was, she immediately became this, like, rock in my life that night. And cactus rolls into the morning, and I don't know if your cactus is missing his left, leg, got hit in a head-on collision on a motorcycle and lost his left leg, which in itself

is an amazing story. And, but in the mornings, you know, he's sitting in a wheelchair. He rolls in in the wheelchair in the morning. He's like, what the hell? Look, we've got to be in the studio in the morning. And he's asleep in a plastic chair. Like, how are we going to pull this off? And he's like, get up.

So we make coffee and we go in. And then that kicked off my first album in Nashville. meeting Winona. And she's been in my life pretty much every day since. That's awesome, man. In some way, shape, or form. They're great people.

Great people. Yes. You never know what you're going to get when you meet somebody like that, you know, and they're just down to earth, real people. And, uh, yeah. I mean, that's, that's getting hard to find anywhere,

let alone in the entertainment. And I, and it wasn't until, um, it wasn't until we went on our first tour together, the Songs and Stories tour. I was opening up for her, and after I finished my first, that again is a funny story, because I'm standing on the side of the stage

and why usually hides in the bus until it's her time to go. She walks up, she goes, and I'm getting ready to go on stage. And we did like these smaller, like 3,000 person, very intimate songs and stories and she walks up next to me she goes okay there's a deal no one here came to see you and i was like i know that she goes and you don't get a band

she goes if you can win them over then you might have a chance in this industry and i'm going to be praying for you and uh i just you know they announced me and i walked out on stage and i'll never forget that that the just and she just smiled and nodded and went back to the trailer and I finished my first set and I wanted to see her so I went around to the sound sound booth in the back when she came out on stage and she walked out by herself all dressed in black and beforehand the band praised backstage and cactus leads a prayer so we do the prayer and I hurry up and run around to the front and I'm standing with the sound guy and why walks out alone one spotlight and she sings pretty bird acapella and i get chills i've it is to hear her that it is the it's the

voice of god and i didn't realize in that moment all the stuff that we had talked about and all the pain that she had been through in her life and we had shared. And then I heard her voice and I was like, oh, that's, you have to carry that. Like, that's what you're, you have to give this away. And it's a lot for her. It's a lot. And when you, when you just hear, and you, you don't see too many artists in Nashville that walk out alone without a band and they just, you know, get after it because everybody's hiding behind something and she doesn't she just walks out there and bears her soul and i get chills and that entire tour i would go out to the sound stage just to listen to her just to watch her wow do that i have so much admiration for her and all the stuff she's been through

especially in the last year um and then back to the stadiums and you know It's just a, I don't know, every time I go over there, I was there yesterday. Every time I go over there, I walk in the kitchen, and now it's beautiful. It's all finished, you know. And I'm just, I'm like laughing. Just remember those first night, first days of who are these people? And what are we getting into? What is this?

It was such a great, such a great part of my life. Thank you for sure. That, man. Yeah, I love them. I love why. I love cactus. Elijah, their son, who's a police officer, like a brother. Just the treasures.

They're great people. Yeah. Let's get into your story here. Okay. You ready? Yep, I think so. All right, man. Where'd you grow up?

Born and raised in Erie, Pennsylvania. My father was 51 when I was born. my mother was 25 my father was a was an attorney um world war two bet he uh he'd gone to philps academy andover and wanted to enlist to be in the airborne and catch he was trying to get into combat and got into the army took some tests and they made him a bombardier put him in the army air corps and he went to uh became a bombardier navigator on a b17 and he finished his time didn't he got over i think he got over to england missed the war and then they came back uh he did his four years he got out and his parents at the time were living in

chicago and so he went to chicago and they said there's a school up the road north western you should go check it out and he had the GI bill then so he went to check out northwestern and he ended up loving it so went to northwestern um Doing great until his senior year, played a fraternity prank, and he got kicked out. And in that time, his parents had moved back to Erie. But he had already been accepted the law school there at Northwestern. And so they said, your punishment is you've got to graduate from somewhere else. You can still go to law school, but you can't get your degree from here.

So my dad went to Allegheny. He finished one semester at Allegheny. He got his degree, and then went back to Northwestern undergrad. Or then he got his master's in economics and his law degree. And then they moved back to Erie to start his own law firm. And a lot of this, part of the reason why I'm doing this is for my kids because, like, his, I never met my grandparents. I didn't know, you know, like a lot of this for me is, was hanging on my mind.

Like, where were these stories? What are my, one of my kids, what are they going to know? But anyways, so this is, you know, my dad, he comes back and starts his own firm. He gets married. has a couple kids and he gets divorced and I have a half brother and a half sister that I don't really we met a few times and we have had a brief relationship but um but wasn't a lasting thing and he was working as an attorney he's very successful um and then uh meets my mom who at the time was a She was going to Edinburgh University and studying music.

She was a viola player and also playing the Philharmonic and Erie. My dad was just a newly divorced attorney. And he starts dating her. And they date for like, get married. I think when she was around 21. And, you know, he's in his late 40s. And I'm pretty sure I was an accident. And here I show up.

I'm, you know, he's 51 and my mom is 25, 25 at the time. And he had this house out in the country, and we had a horse stable there. My mom, parent, from pictures and whatnot, she loved horses. She was a musician. She would go to parties and pull out of guitar and sing. And everyone used to tell me stories about her. And she was this vivacious, beautiful woman. And part of what they used to the culture back then was they would,

And the winters in Erie, we used to get tons of snow. And so everybody had snowmobiles. And the snowmobile crew, they would trail ride all over and they would go bar hopping. And one night, I was, I must have been around 10 months old at the time. It was March. The crew came by the house and said, hey, come on, let's go out. My dad had just bought my mom a brand new John Deere 340 Lickle Fire snowmobile. And my dad said, you know what, I'll watch Peter, why don't you go out?

You haven't ridden this new snowmobile yet. And so my mom went out with her crew. And in Gerard, a few miles away from our house, there was a big open field. And the story goes that my mom got in the open field and wanted to see what this new snowmobile can do. And she hammered down on it. And she hit a fence and was killed immediately. And so their friends.

were there she you know they came upon her and she was gone and so here's my dad at 51 years old and he's a 10-month-old baby and he was not prepared to be a father in that capacity and we had we had a family from right near us that was helping the burcles and at the time my mom had helped from one of the daughters beach and there were German immigrants and Beach was actually born in Germany, and she came over, and her brother, Ralph, was actually born in Germany as well. He spoke German in the house, the father, Rudy, wonderful, wonderful man. He was a butcher. And Beach was helping with me, and my mom dies, and she just kind of goes full time. And my dad ended up, he post that, he kind of fell apart in like a big way, lost his

practice, you know, he'd gone from this successful attorney and he just kind of, I think, from what I can gather, he stopped kind of working. He went into a depression. He was a pretty heavy drinker. Um, very smart, but very ruthless with his words. And so Beach stepped in and started taking care of me and my dad married her. And she was with, she was my mother. she was the one that I identified with and my dad wasn't nice to her at all

he was really mean to her and as I got older I started to see this um they got divorced and I was probably six when they got divorced that was when my dad's world

was really coming apart the IRS he hadn't paid tax He had lost kind of everything. He had sold our main house. And I just recently remembered going through the adoption proceedings. My dad decided, you know, to give me to this, to beach. And so I remember being in the judge's chambers. Judge said, hey, who do you want to live with?

And I was like, I want to go with her. And the judge was a friend of my dad. And I think my dad changed his mind. at the last moment and said, no, I'm, he's not leaving because she had decided to move. And her family was moving to Texas, moved into a new house, and I would go visit her, and I'd stay at the house all the time. And the brothers were like my uncles. And one day, she came to the house and she said, I'm leaving.

We're going to Texas. And say goodbye to me. And in that moment, and post-IBAGene and therapy, but. in that moment i had this like they had told me stories about my mother and i'd seen pictures but but i had a mother so it wasn't like a priority you know what i mean it was like there but it wasn't there and then all of a sudden she was gone and i remember laying in my bed and i i still go back to this moment it was like the most horrific feeling i felt like it was being torn apart in every direction and i couldn't sleep i watched the sunset and i had this overwhelming feeling that

nobody was coming for me my dad didn't want me and she was she was gone you know no way you're not picking up the phone and calling and then here was my the pictures of my mom and my dad was like you know and i started asking questions but that i go back to that moment because what i found our community I think a lot of people go through a something like something at a young age that makes us driven that like put lights this fire inside of us that makes us want to achieve um and mine was fear nobody's coming for my dad would always tell me that and i'm going to die at any minute right after my mom died my dad had a catastrophic heart attack and was and he was in the CCU and he was a heavy drinker and the the physician actually told me like my your dad left the CCU and walked down he was at Hammond Hospital walked down to the there was a bar the buoy and he's like I found your dad sitting at the buoy in his in his robe like having a drink and smoking his filterless palm all so he's just like I don't care anymore like he's he was just constantly telling me like I'm going to die at any minute you got to figure this out how old are you at this point I was about

about seven or eight. Seven or eight years old? Yeah. Well, I mean, what specifically would he say? Just, it was a constant reminder, like, hey, listen, you know, I'm not going to be here. And so after Beach left, he took me out to this, took me to Ohio to a family that he was friends with. And we're going to stay a week. And he goes, we're kind of hanging out.

They have two boys, the buckles that are very nice. my dad like oh i'm gonna go i'm gonna go home for a little bit he goes home and i overheard the family like well you know we got enroll in school and um we got to figure this out and and i and during while he was gone they took me to the local school enrolled me in school and i was like hey what what's going on here and you know they were like well your father's he was suicidal at the time and he was ready to like hey this kid needs better than I can help him

better than I can give him and I figured he I'm like oh he's he's leaving me with these people and he came back to visit and I crawled in the car and I was like I'm not going not going anywhere without you and he just kind of looked at me

I don't remember packing I don't remember any of it but I remember getting in the car saying I'm not getting out like you're not leaving me we drove back and you never you know we went home and and and it was just a it was an it was just a lonely i mean the feeling of loneliness still haunts me like it still really haunts me it did and some of the families in the area i knew what was going on started calling my dad saying hey you know he's getting to this age you should you should enroll him in soccer you should enroll them in sports and so but i lived out in the middle of nowhere i mean i was 10 miles from

anywhere that were there were other kids and so we had we still had the snowmobiles and my dad had this kind of remnants of of toys we had a we had called it the toy barn and there was three we bought me a three wheeler and and we had a pond in our front yard and and I would spend my time in the woods with a BB gun or fishing in the pond and I would talk my mother just talk to her and I had this relationship and when I did my first abigane journey I was back in that in the woods walking around and it put me back into those those moments and I didn't feel lonely when I would go in the woods and talk with her I just that was kind of my my sanctuary I never felt lost I felt where I was supposed to be I felt loved and then my dad started signing me up for sports

You've got to stay busy. I'm super excited to announce a project that I've been working on. I partnered with Ironclad for their newest original series Target Intelligence Sciop. It's an eight-part audio experience where we find out who is really pulling the strings. Enjoy this trailer and stay tuned to the end of the show to listen to the prolog. Buy it today. It's Sciopshow.com. Link is in the show notes.

The stakes have never been high. higher. Do you feel it? That something's off? What if none of this is real? For decades, wars have been fought in silence. No bullets, no bombs, just influence. They're called psychological operations. Psiops. What if it's all designed for you? Find out who's really pulling the strings. I'm Sean Ryan, and this is Target Intelligence, Sciop, an ironclad original.

In this eight-part audio experience, we uncover the ghosts in the machine. Buy it today at Sciopshow.com. What would you talk to your mom about? Everything. I just have a conversation. Like, what kind of tree is that? I quite literally, like, where are those bugs from? Like, is that an ant-hill?

What do you think? Like, I was a kid having just a conversation with somebody who wasn't there. But they were. That makes any sense. It was like this And then I found her She had a guitar And there was

I found her guitar And I picked it up And I started trying to play it And I went to my dad I said hey can I take guitar lessons He was like no He anything I had to do with music He was like

I think it was too painful for him At one point I said Can I can I try acting My dad was like no I'm not doing that You can do sports And so I was kind of this lost kid

Sitting in the Sitting in my room and playing around in the yard alone, talking to his mom. And we had a couple kids in the neighborhood and a couple families. The Supers that lived across the street from me, Mrs. Super would step in, and she would pick me up on Sundays and take me to the Methodist Church and try to put me in Sunday school. And nothing really took for me, but she cared enough.

And in the mornings for school, I would walk up and I would get on the bus with David, her son who was a wonderful human being and she'd feed me breakfast and I'd get on the bus and go to school the summers my dad when he was successful attorney had joined the country club at this point he was still a member because he had paid the initiation fee but we weren't wasn't active in it and they'd a swim team so one of the parents said you should you're still a member there you should sign them up for the swim team and so my dad dad signed me up for the swim team and instead of driving me the 10 miles he was like i bought you a bike so you're going to get up in the morning you're going to ride to swim team practice so i get up in

the morning it was about 10 or 11 mile ride and crank on the pedals i get to swim team practice and um that's where i had my first group of friends like buddies that were you know we'd meet there the first thing in the morning and swim for an hour and the coach at the time was a guy named Dave Utley and Dave is this larger-than-life person to me he was a he'd broke every record and swimming at Fairview where we were in school uh he'd been went to Penn State swam for Penn State was accepted to uh Harvard medical school and he in the summers he was coaching and he took he deferred it so he could run the iron man and i was like what's an iron man and you're like well you know you swim two in a 2.2 miles or whatever it is and then a hundred-mile bike

ride and then a marathon and I was just like this guy is going to do that like what and he immediately he was just cool he's just cool man it was just a cool wonderful human being like he just has this calmness about him and so he was the first guy that I was like I want to be like him whatever he's doing I want to I want to be like him and so I started taking swimming a little bit more seriously. And he taught me to swim. And since I took to swimming, I was getting pretty good. My dad signed me up for another local swim team in the winters. I'd also play two, he signed me up for soccer. I said, hey, I want to play baseball. My grandfather and my mother's father was a baseball player. My dad didn't like that side of the family. And he was like, you're not playing

baseball. You can play soccer. So he dropped me off at soccer practice. and i started getting good at soccer um and then he said you're going to go wrestling practice wrestling okay pennsylvania everybody wrestles in pennsylvania signed me up for this little club team called jar barbarians and we practiced in the uh um in the like boiler room at the middle school and that was the real deal man i remember going to my first practice there and it was was hardcore calisthenics, hardcore, you know, we started out with 100 pushups, 100 sit-ups, chest spins, jump jacks, and we go and read run for 30 minutes, and then round robin, work on moves. And, I mean, it wasn't, it was gritty.

I started wrestling. I started getting good at wrestling. And every time, you know, and then wintertime, the one thing my dad liked to do was ski. and so we go to this little resort called Peak and Peak not a big resort 250 vertical feet and my dad loves skiing so I was like I wonder if I get good at skiing like maybe he'll like me or want me around so I started trying to get really good at skiing some of my friends raced I said hey can I ski race my dad was like man it's a lot of money I got a lot of hand-me-down stuff and the first year I raced

I placed in the state Wow And then second I placed both years And I was getting up towards around 8th grade Skiing was like the first thing that I felt this confidence I would go up there

And I was like I belong here Like this is my place And I was I love freestyle skiing But back then there was no freestyle skiing Peek didn't have it I didn't really like the racing I was good at it But there was freestyle skiing

I wanted a freestyle, so I was spinning helicopters, and I was about 13 years old. One day I'm in the lift line, and this guy looks at me, and he was like, hey, man, I saw you rip on the bumps about five years old than me. I think Paul. He's come ski with me. I was like, okay. And this guy is five years older than me. Turns out he was an amazing motocross rider. He ran with this other guy who was Trevor Vines, who Trevor was on the first Sobie Kahn, freestyle rider. If you remember the first Sobican, he was Trevor from wherever, Trevor and Paul and his crew, the buddies, Sean and they were five years older than me.

And because I was a good skier, they just kind of, Paul took me everywhere. And he said, you've got snowmobiles, you can come ride with us, he would drive out and pick me up. I mean, he's no reason to know each other. He just genuinely cared about me. And he meant the world to me. He became another big brother. And so it was like Dave in the summers and then I had Paul and got into skateboarding.

I got just any sport that I could get my, any sport that I could do in skateboarding since I was out in the middle of nowhere. We had a cement driveway. And he started building ramps and getting good at skateboarding. This was like Tony Hawk. This is, you know, early 90s. And I just, I got into everything. that was skating. It was alternative. Started running with a guy named Bobby Jensen.

And Bobby was this amazing swimmer. I mean, like, he could have been an Olympian, an amazing skateboarder. And his whole family, JR, Gretchen. And they were just these awesome athletes. And we were small communities, so everybody kind of knew each other. And, you know, I would bounce around to the different families. And people kind of knew my background, so they'd, you know, and sleep on a couch. They'd feed me here or there.

A lot of the families in the area, they just called themselves the herd. And they were this, you know, the mom, the Mrs. Zone and Mrs. Ferrier and Mrs. Thomas and Mrs. Stevens, they all knew my background, and I didn't know what they knew. But they'd make sure I was fed and they make sure I was, you know, loved and taken care of. And so I, you know, as I got it towards high school, um, let's backtrack. Yeah. When did the questions start for you about who your mom was? I mean, she died at 10 months old.

Immediately. You were 10 months old. My first memories, when my dad, when it was just my dad and I, um, at the house, I would ask her, ask him about her. What was she like? Who was she? like tell me about her and he always like shied away from the question it was such a painful thing for him um it's just he so i would ask anybody i could find like people come up to me oh i knew your mother like what was she like tell me about her um oh my god she would she was you know

so charismatic and beautiful and uh she was such a great musician and and they'd tell me some random story about her, you know, showing up at a party and grabbing a guitar and singing. And I was like, oh, my God. My dad was just, he was a very reserved, he was really nice to other people. It was interesting. It was very nice to other people, but it wasn't really nice to me. And I just kind of felt like any time I could get away, I would get on my bike and leave, ride to swim practice, go hang with my friends there, take my skateboard in a backpack. somebody you know somebody be building a new ramp somewhere and we go skate i just kind of got to try to get away from him and it's in the winter skiing was my way to get away um and it was this constant

theme when i was younger of just get away and he he started dating another woman and she moved in and her son a john great guy um he was like a punk hardcore punk He was into alternative music, and I remember he didn't really live with us ever, but he kept stuff at our house, and he had this box of tapes, and I never knew what the bands were. There were just, like, mixed tapes back in the day. Remember we just had to make a mixtape? You just go through all these mixed tapes, and I put them in my stereo, and, you know, I'm listening to, like, Black Flag and all these sex pistols and all these punk bands, and I'm just, like, listen to this right first heard the cult, and I started to foster this love for music. it just came like I'd go to where I was drawn and music really became this like

sanctuary for me and a couple of my other friends got into I'll never forget it we were going on a swim team trip and we were sitting on a bus and my buddy's like you gotta hear this and I put on a little, remember those little puffy headphones put on a little puffy headphones and I heard black toawk for the first time Led Zeppelin And I was like, what was that?

I'm like, who, who, what is this magical sauce you just, you just poured into my ears? And it was like, oh my God. And Andy and Craig were they, they were musicians. Andy was a drummer, Craig's plays everything. And I was like, this is amazing. And so I was like, what are you listening to? And so it was like this time where music started to, you know, we didn't have Spotify, you know, like you did, if you had to save up money to go buy a, you know, a tape, you'd go to the mall and you'd, like, go through the tapes and you'd be like, oh, I'm going to get this tape. And you listen to everything, right? Like, you listen to both sides and over and over and over again. You read the inside cover, like, what was going on? And like, so music became this, like, haven, sports in music. How do I, like, disappear from this world that I don't really feel like I belong in or I don't feel like I'm wanted in?

And, yeah, I talk about music a lot because it really was this, like, safe haven for me. What about Beach? Did you ever hear from her again? Yeah. She moved to Texas, and she started dating a guy, and she was going to get married, and I was supposed to fly down to be in the wedding, to be there. and before the flight my dad said um flights the trips canceled and i was like what do you mean the trips canceled and he said um sat me down and he wasn't really like nice about it he goes look

the guy she's marrying doesn't want you there um he doesn't want any part of her past um he wants that fresh start with her and you know the this part of me that woke up that day was like the the protector

and I was like okay I don't want her to be happy like I remember looking at my dad like you were you treated her like shit you were not nice you were mean to her and she was a young girl she was like 21 mom and she stepped in between me and you and she made sure that I there was no gap when my mom went away and I wanted her to be so I wanted to be happy and I I respected that I never

I never pursued her after that and driving down here I I talking to God in the car and I said should I talk about beach and I look down at my thing and it's 333 miles to Nashville I'm like okay a few more miles go by and I pass an exit the beach road be e C-H I'm like she's this needs this needs to be said I was I was debating on whether are bringing up this part of my life but I know she's been brokenhearted over this all these years you know she had her 68th birthday two days ago and um her brother still keeps me kind of informed and I let her be um it's always been heartbreaking knowing that she was walking the earth and she didn't want or couldn't I don't know if she wanted to

But I want her to know that I forgive her. I know there's something, I feel it, and I forgive her. She did everything she could, and I wanted her. I hope she had a great life. I do. I hope she's happy. And, you know, and I wouldn't be here telling you this story had that not happen it set me on a course that i'll never be able to in a weird way

thank her for um that i forgive her yeah in that day you know it's interesting i go back to that day and that was a day that when I felt like nobody was coming for me she I lost my mom too she died in my head like oh she's gone like this is what it's a I was supposed to feel this you know what I mean like it ripped me apart like she had left but that leaving like opened up the wound of knowing that like my real mom was gone and my dad didn't want me And it was just like a, and I don't, I don't think he didn't want me because he was like mean. I think he didn't, he felt like he couldn't do anything for me. Like he was so, he felt so bad about himself that he felt so bad about himself that he felt like he couldn't bring anything to the table.

And he turned to me and he was really hard on me. about everything every sport you're not good enough you're not fast enough you got to be better why'd you get second place second place the first loser you'd be first and I became a niacal and and then the winners I would hide up in the peak my buddies would pick me up we go skiing and I could I could be free on the slopes is your dad still alive no Did you see that just happen? What's that?

The lights just shut off. I know. Yeah. He passed away my freshman year at the Naval Academy. Let me ask you this. You said you were talking to your mom in the woods. Yeah. Do you still do that?

No, I don't. Why? Because I've realized that that voice in my head was God. She's with him, and that's what that has been. That's what brought me peace. Do you think she's ever spoken to you since she's passed? I think she's had a hand in protecting me at every turn. no doubt my mind you go back and you think like you know after i got hurt and you realize like

you have 30 000 neurons in your heart and you got 30 000 neurons plus in your gut and you have this access of you know your brain's telling you one thing your heart's telling you one thing your gut's telling you one thing and i was always really attuned to that i think and as i'm an empath and i was always good at reading people and situations and finding my way. But I, because of that voice, I was trusted in, in that access, I guess. And there was definitely times where I'd be like, yeah, we're not going down that road in Baghdad. I'm going to keep going straight. And then, you know, I'd do find out like the next day. And M1 got IEDD'd on. on a culvert in the road that we didn't go down.

You know, and I just thought to myself, like, I'm just gonna keep, I'm gonna keep in touch with that, with that access. And all my big decisions in life, I always knew what the right thing was. I didn't always do it, but I always knew what the right thing was. And I think that voice and for years, I've always thought she was watching over me.

Do you think your dad has ever spoken to since he's passed? I don't know if that was him. I just turned the lights out. I think it was. I think it was, too. How does that feel? You know, he was a... It's funny when I got the high school,

spring sports I played soccer in the fall I swam in the winter and we skied and then spring came along in high school and there was track I'm like

I walk on the track team I don't know what I'm gonna do my freshman I see this pole vault thing and I'm like I'll try that I start pole vaulting and I sucked at it

I mean like it was embarrassing it was like the coach coach Kek at the time he's like oh my god you gotta you gotta just go jump in the sandpit like you just this is this is you're embarrassing yourself and my dad my dad would come to my sporting events just sit in the corner

never say anything he came to a track meet and after my first track meet he goes I got in the car he goes you need to quit this is embarrassing I was like I was like and I remember thinking to myself I looked at him and I was just like fuck you I'm not quitting man I want to figure this out and I go back to, I go back to practice the next day and Keck would be like, oh my God, like, you're back? And I think my freshman year I jumped like, I'm not kidding, I jump seven feet, eight feet, you know, and I wasn't fast. I wasn't a good sprinter at the time. I went through this growth spurt. I was like this, I couldn't really run. You know when you were a kid, I grew like 10 inches. I went from being like five foot to five, ten in 12 months. And when you'd grow like that, you just become gangly and

slow and uncoordinated and my dad's like what is you are I was horrible soccer that year I was horrible swimming that year I was horrible at track my dad was just like and your grades suck like you I don't even know what to do with you like he was just like you you got to figure something out and the next year I started I got a little bit my legs underneath me and soccer get a little bit together and swimming and then track season starts my dad goes you're not doing it You're not doing it. I'm not going to support this. Like, you just got to stop.

You're embarrassing. So I went, I jumped, I jumped. And then my dad wouldn't come to any meets. And then we had another jumper. My name was Ty Baird. Ty was just this amazing athlete. Everything Ty touched. He was just like unbelievable, unbelievable soccer player leading score,

unbelievable basketball player. And he's pole vault and jumping like 13 feet. And he was just a natural athlete light on his feet. And here's me like just, I was like stumbling all over the place. Ty, it turns out he had a degenerative back problem. And he was having all these back pains. And it would be middle of pole vault season.

They said, hey, you have to have your spine fused. And you can't jump anymore. And I showed up to practice. And it was cold and rainy. And Ty was sitting there. And I walk in. And my coach goes, okay. So I have you.

He goes, I want you to measure eight lefts, plant the pole. I'll make sure you hit the pad. And I was like, what? I mean, it's a 14-foot pole. And I'd been jumping in a sandbox. Like, I mean, this is straight out of like crowded kid shit. Like, you know, wax on, wax off. I'm jumping in the sandpit.

I'm like, is this going to work? Like, and then now I'm holding at the end of a 14-foot pole. And he wants me to run as fast as I can, plant this thing. And he's going to make sure I hit the mat. And I'm ever standing back there. And I'm just like, all right, you know what? I just had this moment where I'm like, I can do this.

I don't know why I thought that. I run down, plant the pole, and it happened. And it didn't just happen in a light way. Like, everything just fell into place. And that day, I jumped 13 feet. I'd never even gotten off the ground before. Wow. And I go to jump at 13 feet.

And I went into the next day in school. I had one of the other track coaches. And that happened at like 6 o'clock at night. So I go to the next day. and our soccer coach was also one of my teachers and the track coach. I'm like, hey, Mr. Doble, I jumped like 13 feet last night. He's like, no, you didn't.

Like, I just watched you last week. Like, you can't even, you couldn't even get onto the mat. I'm like, no, I did it. And I went back to practice the next day. And I remember the pole vault record at the time was 14 feet. And I was like, I can do this. Like, I can do this. My dad, I said, dad,

I'm really good at Polval. He's like, you've got to quit. I'm not supporting this. So I became an Iigal that year. I jumped at the county, me and the district, me and I jumped 12-6. Didn't jump as high as I wanted to. But you get to 12-6 in Pennsylvania,

you're kind of, people start to notice, mostly because your track season is so short. You know, anywhere else in the country, you can jump all year long, but you have two months or three months to run track. And so that summer, I started working with my coach, and my dad was mad that I was working with my coach all the time. And that winter, I stopped. There was another, my coach was like, hey, I think you can actually do this.

He called the other coach from Joe Sanford from McDowell, and he says, can Pete jump with you guys and indoors in the winter? And Joe was like, yeah. And Joe, another Christian, just the best human being I've ever met in my life. And I don't say that lightly. Like Joe Sanford, he just is, everybody in Pennsylvania knows coach Sanford. He was a football coach at McDowley. He played at Edinburgh as well. But he's like ball of positive energy, and he would run his pole vault.

He'd been just turning out state champions and record holders. And I show up as a Fairview kid. And Joe just, and so I got Joe and Keck. And when my dad's just like, yeah, you suck at this. And he's not coming to any meets. jump all winter and actually this summer I went to slippery rock poleball camp and uh spring comes around my first meet my junior year and I jump 14 feet 14 3 and I break the the record the school record that had been there since 1976 a year before I was born and I was

like this is I'm doing this and that year I ended up I won almost I won every every meet I entered. I went to states. I tied for first and lost on misses. Jump 14 feet that year. Damn. And senior year comes along. I'm blowing this thing out of the water. Like, I'm going to take this as far as I can go. And jumped all winter long. Senior year, same thing. I broke every record at every meet. I jumped in. I jumped 15.1. One districts, one states. And My dad came to that, the state mate, the only time he came to see me jump. And he shows up at the state meet. Weather sucks.

I actually jumped the lowest I've ever jumped that year. I jumped at the state mate. And I think partly because my dad out there. And I jumped 14 feet. And I tied for first, but I won on misses that year, even though I had jumped 15.1, the week before I jumped 15.1. And anyways, it was like this, I don't know, pole vaulting became my way of rebelling. Like, I can do this. In the summers, my dad said, you got to work, and there's Preskyle State Park, which is, it's a beach.

It's actually the most visited state park in Pennsylvania, and it in the country. And it's like six miles of beaches in Erie. and they have a lifeguard that go out every day and guard the beaches in the summers and that was where like all the elite swimmers in Erie would go work and you had morning workouts so it's kind of like the team should show up

and you'd have a morning run swim run you get your beach assignments and you head it out to your beach and you were there until 8 o'clock at night and you know rinse and rinse and repeat the next day and my dad's like you're going to work at the beach so all the swimmers work I know you like this track thing be your swimmer. And I was. My junior year, I think I went to States in four events. A couple relays, a couple individual events. And my senior year, I did the same thing. My coach, unbeknownst

to Mr. Jensen, I didn't go to any practices. Then I showed up first districts and go to States in a bunch of events. He's like, you said a horrible example. I was like, I'm Polval. But in the summers, I was working at Prescile. And that first summer, before I broke the record, was my rookie year as a lifeguard and all these guys are like all swimmers that i looked up to in the town from all different schools and um it was a real it was the first time i felt responsibility like you're you're looking at a beach and you know bob north and john dalstan are still the managers out there and they take it very seriously you know when i had started working there we had never had a drowning on on any of our beaches and it was a you know there have been accidents since then and everybody did their job but it

But, you know, but at that moment, it was like, hey, we got a reputation uphold here. And, you know, you're joining this, you're joining this elite group. And I like that. I'm like, I like feeling like I was being part of something that other people couldn't do. And so my rookie year, to discover Prescott days, they pulled me off the beach I'm normally on. And they said, we're sitting at Beach 8. we're expecting like 5,000 people on the beach and the water is just like

jam packed with people and I get out there and I'm like oh my God and of course being the new guy just like in the teams they're like there's a big nice lifeguard chart and they're like yeah you see the see the last one on the end over there that's like this is like rickety and barely holding up

you go to that one and so I wander down there and I'm watching this and I'm just like kind of overwhelmed with the amount of people that are in and out of the water and you'd see people in the unguarded area and you'd whistle them out

and I watch this guy run down the beach and stand up and I put my whistle in my mouth like I'm going to whistle him when he jumps in the unguarded area got to keep the people out of the unguarded area the guy runs down the beach

he dives in and I see him all of a sudden float up and he's face down and I see him start to shake a little bit. And I'm like, I knew right away, I'm like, he broke his neck. So I turn and I whistle to the head lifeguard. I jumped off my chair, grab my rescue tube, head straight down the beach, and everything

just got like slow. I got to the guy, put him in a head chin splint, and I flipped him over. He started taking his pulse with my other fingers as the other guards got there. had a rescue breathing mask on the end of my tube and I'm like hey get the tube out he's not breathing doesn't have a pulse and when I said that his family had come down the beach to see what was going on and then his crowd started to form like a huge crowd

and I said he's not breathing doesn't have a pulse as the head lifeguard showed up with his radio and then the crowd starts yelling get him out of the water get him out of the water then they start getting really mad and like a guy comes in he's like I'm a doctor He grabs him by the foot, and I was like, release his foot. And I was holding him in a head chin-spin, because I knew, like, listen, if I move this guy right now, he's going to be, like, he's going to die. Basically, I was afraid that it was a full, you know, sever the spinal cord.

And we gave him two breaths, and he started breathing, but like seven times a minute. So I'm like, there's a spinal cord injury. We've got to keep him in the head chins, and it's a chinspoon. And then for about five minutes, it was this onslaught. of people screaming like get them out of the water you stupid fucking lifeguard what are you're gonna kill him everybody had been drinking but I just I remember just being like no I know we need to do here and then I remember hearing that sirens as I'm laying in the water holding the sky and I was getting really

tired like you're dealing with the waves and the sirens and the jet skis everybody shows up and we put them in a board we sent him away. My boss, John Dahlstra, walks out to me, goes, all right, get back up on the chair. And I'm like, what? What do you mean? Get back up on the chair, dude. And he's like, get back up on the chair. And they start questioning people as to what happened. And in my mind, you're just running through your mind. You're like, do everything, right? You know, like, and the woman, his wife, about three hours later, shows up at the foot of my chair. And she says, I'm sorry. And I was like, what, who are you? She goes, you saved my husband's life.

and I said and then I remembered her yelling at me and she said when we took him to the ER the ER doctor said that he has a spinal compression and had you moved him there was fragments all around his spinal cord had you moved him he would have cut a spinal cord

and he would have either died or been permanently paralyzed and I'm sorry and I remember just being like I just had this moment where I'm like I found something I'm good at. Like when everything goes to shit, like, I'm good. Like, that was it. That was a fork in the road for me. I came home that night and it was on the evening news. I remember walking you in. I didn't say anything to my dad. And my dad's like, you want to tell me something? I'm like, what? You

don't, what? You don't care about me? He's like, I just, what happened at the beach? I was like, I don't know, made a safe. And the next day in the paper that said, um, the title of the article just said a rookie lifeguard makes save in the first line and says he was calm he never yelled he saved his life and was a quote from the man's wife and it was a that was leading into my senior year of jumping and I just all of a sudden had this when I was there I just had this moment of calm and just patience where I'm like this was exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know exactly what I'm doing. And I am meant to be here. I don't know how I knew that. It was like that feeling that someone was watching over me. And that led me

into my senior year jumping. And that confidence kind of all of a sudden bled through. And around that time, that was when I first heard about the SEAL teams. And I'm like, I'm going to be a Navy SEAL what did that before we get into that I mean what did it feel like I mean did your dad did your dad ever give you positive affirmation for that never to my face

I mean he he was constantly saying hey listen you need to be ready to do this on your own because I'm gonna I'm gonna die at any minute and you're not good enough you're not strong enough you're not fast enough

you're great suck you got lucky you know my when I tied when I tied for first my junior year I was still

that was right before the summer of working at the Prescott my rookie season there came home and I was like

hey I get here's my silver medal state silver medal and my dad goes congratulations you're the first loser

you should have been working and I was like okay put it in the drawer and I went you know and had my summer And that happened during that summer.

And that was like kind of a, that was the, I don't need you, man. Did you ever get a positive affirmation from him? No. All the way up until he died. Yeah, man. When I graduated from Buds, he came out to the graduation ceremony. And it was over. I got my, you know, Bud's graduation certificate.

And my dad takes it, folds it in half and puts it under his arm. And he goes, why weren't you the honor man? And I was like, I just kind of looked at him like, whatever, man. And when I went to the Naval Academy, I said, Dad, I got into the Naval Academy. He's like, why would you go there? What do you mean? Why would I go there? He's like, why don't you get out and finish your time in the seals and get out and go to Northwestern, you know, do something else?

You don't need that chicken shit. He called a chicken shit, you know, experience. And not one time until the day he died. I just left class, and I got an A on a calculus test. And my dad told me a story that the only class he dropped in college was calculus. You got an A on a calculus. I know, right? I was like, so I run into fifth wing, and there's a pay phone.

And I had a, I mean, this is way before cell phones and all that stuff. Like, there's a pay phone. And I had an AT&T calling card. And I was like, I'm going to tell him, I got a fucking A on a calculus test. And I call him up, and he happened to answer. I was going to leave a message on the machine. And he said, what's up? And I was like, dad, I got an A on a calculus test.

And he starts laughing. and uh and he goes and he just had like a very calm way about him and i said i got i just wanted to tell you that i got to go i got to go to track practice and uh he goes i love you and i said i love you too they never said that to me and i hung up the phone what i didn't know was he laid down on the couch and he died I'll be 15 minutes after that. That's the only thing he ever said to me that was, like, positive. The last time I physically saw him was at the Naval Academy.

He came down for a visit. His heart was giving out. I wanted to show him around, like, this isn't chicken shit. This is a pretty amazing place. And we sat on a stribling walk, and he said to me, I think he'll be all right. I just kind of looked at him and I'm like okay you know and it was I don't have any I just remember thinking like when I'm a dad I'm not going to be like him that that was in my head I when I'm a dad I'm not going to be like him that that was in my head when I'm a dad I'm not going to be like him What would you say to your dad now if he was there?

Hmm. I forgive you. A lot of lessons to learn in his time in this human experience. You know, we learned them all. I think I ended up all right. Why do you think he was so reluctant to, give you any credibility or affirmations or i think he thought i was gonna quit pushing you think he was trying to prepare you i think he was i think he was uh you you know when he when he died i came

back to the academy and it was like it never happened i didn't think i had jeremy and brett and Johnny. But it was like, I remember feeling like alone in the world. It was a really kind of an empty moment. And to the credit, one of my friends' families, Bob Ferrier, he met me for breakfast the day I got home from the academy and my dad was dead. And he goes, we're going to join my family. And I said, what are you mean? He goes, you're part of the family. You're one of my sons now. and Bob stepped up and uh and i just i just put it behind me and i moved on yeah it was pretty heavy i was a lot as a kid and but i do i really do forgive him i think he was doing the best with what he had I think he was depressed.

I think he was dejected. And I think he, you know, he, he, he, I don't know if you ever found his faith. And that, you know, I pray that, I pray that he did. I don't know. It wasn't a bad, you know, I guess the way I tell it is he's, you know, it sounds like he was this horrible person. And it wasn't horrible, he was just over there. He was, and he was always pushing. And when you're a kid, you want somebody with you.

You know, maybe I could have, maybe it would have been a better athlete if he'd have been more supporter. You know, maybe I would, maybe I would have been a better student. Maybe I would have been better. I don't know, but I was like, I don't understand how you do that. as a dad i just don't and i you know when i when i got in the navy i remember that he dropped well i told him i'm i'm joining the seal teams going in the navy i don't care about SATs i care about all that stuff i'm not going to college and i had scholarship offers to pen state UMass for track and field i'm gonna go be a seal my dad's like you'll never make it don't do that

and that summer the summer after i graduated dead sentence under the navy and then i met a girl and she had gone to pen state and i was like yeah maybe i can go to pen state he's it was it was my first like girlfriend and it was the first person that saw me for who i was we like the same music She introduced me as Steely Dan. Like, you know, like Steely Dan, are you kidding me? She liked Nirvana and Rush, huge Rush fan. I love Rush. And so I kind of like, I hesitated.

And the last second, I went to Slippery Rock. They had the Polval Program. And about six weeks into it, I had never been to class. And I was like, this is stupid. And she dumped me. She was like, you need to go figure it out. It's the greatest thing ever happened to me. And I went on this round trip.

I got my car. I mean, we'd have GPS is back then. I got my car started driving west. I didn't stop till I got to San Diego. I wanted to see the beach. I wanted to see Coronado. So I literally drove from slippery rock, Pennsylvania, swung through West Virginia,

and where my wife was actually going to school. And I saw her. She was just a friend of mine at the time. And then I disappeared. Nobody saw me for about three months. for about three months and I went to Coronado I saw Bud's and I looked at the beach and I saw the training Bud's students running went up in the mountains I went to mammoth I went skiing that maybe I can maybe I'll stop here maybe I can pursue

the skiing thing and then the boys was like join the Navy I hopped in my car and I drove all the way back I drove straight to Penn State I saw the Penn State Michigan game Biaka Batuka was the running back I don't know how I remember that other than the fact that, like, Biocca Batuka, like, I was like, man, that would be a rough name to grow up with. But I remember, he was a running back from Michigan. And, yeah, I went back to Penn State to see a bunch of my friends, but we're going to Penn State at the time.

And you're good friends with Rhett. You just had Red on here. And I was going to tell the story first because Rut was on there, but this is one of the guys a good friend I grew up with, He's quite literally the Van Wilder, the original Van Wilder. He spent 10 years in Penn State and in fraternity. He was there 10 years, a decade. Everybody calls him Reese.

He's like Oprah. He's like a legend. And he was in this fraternity, and I'm like, well, I'm going to go see Reese. Reese is one of these guys that just does weird shit. And he ends up pulling stuff off. The first time I ever saw Pat Monaghan sing, who's a singer for Train, was in Reese's basement in Fairview and Pat Monaghan was singing for

Rhodes Gallery and it was a Les Eppelin cover band and Reese's like five years old with me and I'm like, oh my God, like that was the first time I saw. We had all these little like parties where the, that's where you, you know, got into the music scene.

Reese had, he was like a legend for parties. He just made stuff happen. So I'm like, I'll go, I'm going to go see Reese. I go to the KDR house and there's a bunch of pledges. I'm like, hey, I need to see Reese and they're all like I'm not taking them upstairs like come on I need to see Reese so finally one dejected pledge is like takes me up to the top floor like knocks on

the door and Reese is in there he's like enter open the door it's like 10 in the morning Reese's got like a he's got like a bathrobe on he's got a visor with like flashing lights and he's got a beer in his hand and he goes uh and the plebe's like this or the pledge is like hey this is peace go bow's here to see you and he's like oh Pete come on in And just as the pledge is about to leave, he goes, you're not going anywhere. Just get in here, pick a pepper. And I'm like, I'm like, what is it?

He's like, see these peppers? I've been drying them out for like six months. He's like, they're like the hottest peppers in the world. And this kid is just, he doesn't want to eat the pepper. So he grabs a pepper and he's like, he's like, eat it. He's like, pledge eats it. And he goes, all right, so what's going on? And I'm like, looking at this kid who's just starting to like,

dude, he's got snot coming out of every angle of his body. And I'm like, Doesn't he need some water? And he's like, no, no, no, he needs milk. But he's not getting it for another two minutes. He's got to go through two minutes. And I'm looking at a breeze and I'm like, dude, I'm going to join the Navy. I'm going to be a seal.

He goes, ah, we got a guy out there. His name's Elvis. When you get out there, look for him. And I'm like, what? He goes, you stay in tonight? And I'm like, no. He goes, well, anyways, good luck. And I'm like, are you sure he's going to be there?

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's been there a while. But yeah, when you get out there, look for El. this and I'm like, what the fuck was that? And I leave the fraternity. I get the buds and check in

208. You know, Matt, it's like chaos everywhere. Everybody's running around and I'm just kind of overwhelmed. Like, holy shit. And there's just one rollback who he like talked to the instructors and they'd be like, hey, come here and Ken's Rutherford on his shirt. And

they like kind of respected him. And he was in rollback land and I'm like, and I realized he had been beaten to a pulp and they were just like we can't beat the guy any harder he won't quit so they stopped they were just like respectful of Rutherberg anyways

you know we're going through getting your gear and he ended up getting me a pair UDTs and he's like now give him a new pair and I was and I'm like why do I get a new pair he goes and all the other ones had the names through the back you know you stenciled your name on it and there was like a name crossed out and another guy underneath cross out was all the quitters. She's like, that's bad luck. He's like, come on a fresh pair of

UDTs. So the first weekend meeting, I look over, and there's Rutherford, and he's wearing a floral shirt, and he's got Roy Orbison sunglasses on, and I'm like, that much has changed. And I look at him, I'm like, and in my mind, I'm like, I think that's Elvis. I walk up to him, and I'm like, hey, man, are you Elvis? He like, rips his sunglasses off. He looks at me, He goes, no one's called me that in a long time. I was like, Rees from Penn State said to come find you. And he's like, Reese, how's he doing? And I'm just thinking this like how the world just happened.

And so when Reese, you know, I became good friends with Threat during Buds because of my friend Reese, who ended up being the manager of my band. Are you serious? Yeah, so Reese ended up being the manager of my band. he does everything he's got a bar and ass but he's just one of these guys that does but he's he's a legend um he actually graduated in 10 years from penn state i think he got like an associates and like underwater fire prevention or leisure studies or whatever it was uh he's just he's a great dude he's that's that's how i met rutherford um anyways i decided to go in the navy obviously and um i come

I drop out of slippery rock, go around the country, and I show up at my doorstep. My dad meets me at the doorstep, and he says, you're not coming in here. And I was like, you dropped out of college. He disappeared for two months. You can live somewhere, but it ain't going to be here. And I was like, I'm joining the Navy. He goes, well, show me a piece of paper. I drive down to the recruiting station on State Street.

I'm like, hey, I want to be a seal. And they're like, nah, you want to be a nuke? I'm like, no, I want to be a seal. And they're like, yeah, you're, no one, no, no one does that, especially from around here. No one, no one does that. I take the asvab test and I did, did pretty well. And they're like, trying to sign me up for nuke paper. I'm like, I just need a piece of paper.

So they give me, like, you know, that first piece of paper, like your intention to go to MEPs or whatever it is. Take it home. And I have a MEP state. It's 1995. at MEP State in December, first week of December. And show to my dad, he goes, all right, you can stay here until you go to MEPs. I go to MEPs and go through the process. And I sign up for the die fair program.

And I want to be a medic. And I want to be a medic because on the beach, when I saved that guy, I was like, I want to help people. Like, I want to go to the worst place, worse places on earth and be the guy that helps people. And so the Diofair program, you went to Buds and then you went, or you went to boot camp, then you went to BUDS. And then after that, you went to 18 Delta and got your medic certification. I was like, that's perfect. That's what I'm going to do. Come home, show my dad, like, hand listed.

When you're shipping out date, it's January 26th, he goes, all right, you just stay here until then. on a day of boot camp we drove down to Pittsburgh he stayed at John's house the Steelers lost the Super Bowl to the Cowboys the night before I remember that it's like

and my dad put me in a cab like an old beat-up you know this nasty old smelly cab And I was like, later, went through a camp. Damn, man. I never, never stepped foot back in that house.

When I would come home, I would go stay with friends and stuff. Yeah, it was a, you know, in the summers when I was younger, I would go visit my grandparents in Pittsburgh. My grandpa was this legendary guy. He was a CB in World War II, was on Saipan. in Okinawa and then he became a working the steel mills pitched uh semi pro baseball and he pitched i think he pitched for pitch batting practice for the orioles it was just as larger than life guy and um i go down to visit them and my grandmother hated my father hated him and she was catholic and she was the expert of of the shame and guilt the Catholic shame and every time I get down there

she would just tear into me about my father and I was just like hey like I don't like the guy either but like you know he's he's still trying you know what I mean in the back of my mind I'm like he's still giving it the college try so I can't like you know I can't hammer him too hard and she is on this thing about my dad you know took there was a life insurance policy and when your mother died your dad it was supposed to go to me and your father took it from me and i was like and you know she'd show me pieces of paper i hired a private investigator and i was like as distant as my father was he wasn't evil you know what i mean and it just really soured I love my grandfather, and he was this wonderful human being.

And they were big on my, you weren't baptized. Your father wouldn't allow you to be baptized, but we snuck you in. And your mother and I baptized you in the Catholic Church. And, you know, she would tell me these stories. And I was like, I don't know, man. I just had a bad taste in my mouth about Catholics and Catholicism. It was my, and my grandmother kind of hanging over us. it wasn't a nice

they were great people though I go down in the summers and my grandfather would take me to the Pirates games and in those summers I would get to see my cousin Alex

who he had been born in Lesotho our moms were best friends and sisters and went we're college roommates and he had been born in LaSutu who was being raised over there

his father was an international engineer put in water systems and he was a air force uh combat bet from vietnam was like part of the first cct group and um i could see alex in the summer as that was like my highlight and um he's he was the one one summer we decided we wanted to be seals and we're going to do this and grandpa he told me about the frogmen uh at si pan and i was like like that's cool man like I want to swim ashore I want to I want to like the idea like being underwater and sneaky being in places that nobody was and doing stuff that you know that was cool to me and I was good in the water I was both Alex and I he went on to be a team guy as well a couple years after me and he retired

from the teams as well still one of my but that you know that those younger years it was I couldn't wait to get out of there but it was music I was playing in bands playing these little bands we would pick up and like

you know Grateful Dead cover songs or jammed a fish or then playing Urbana and Stone Temple pilots and Led Zeppelin and you know I was like into music into skiing

and just anything to get away from my house and i just kind of walked in the navy i just just started a new life doing all right yeah man good that was a lot i didn't know where i was going to go with my i hadn't talked about beach and i buried that feel good about it yeah yeah i'll bet this gets to her what's that i'll bet this gets to her. I don't know if I'd want her. Forgive her. I don't know if I'm wondering.

I think as a dad now, I look at it and I'm like, I get it. She was a kid. She needed to live her life, and I wanted that for. I wasn't her biological son. So there was part of me that was like, I understand that. but what i wonder if she understood is that like my bond was with her like i didn't know the difference yeah and that was what set it just changed everything that's a lot to go through man a lot as a kid man

I think of that with my kids like we'll talk about it later but like I want the opportunity to be on set with Walker and be there for all of that and we get into the Adam Project dude that comes full circle

on dad that movie is a father-son love story about going back in time and talking to your dad yeah Wow. That's when you're like, okay, I think I've been a little bit hard on him in the beginning of this interview because when all of a sudden it was Walker and I alone for four months shooting this movie about fathers and sons, it was like, holy fuck. and you know ryan reynolds and shan levy and we all had these issues with our fathers and

and we're all dads and they are they have girls and ryan finally has a son but there were moments where we were shooting this that it was like just heavy heavy for all of us but it was because like of the like the weight you've been carrying and like I saw my father from his side for that time when we're shooting that movie you know what I mean and I was like oh man that must have been much harder than I thought it was you know I just saw him pushing me but maybe he did feel what I feel for him and there was a lot of forgiveness in that of his this and behavior like he didn't and i and i felt that like my scars from the teams like i didn't want to pour that onto him you know like and i was pulled back with my kids and i mean that was that movie

i still had i got a plane guy next to me pulls up Netflix and he pulls up the atom project watches it and I'm like watching this dude watch my kid and he's crying and I'm like crying next to him and he's like you ever watch this movie this movie's amazing and I'm like yeah that's my favorite movie and I don't tell him I can't even say another word about it is it's like the ultimate moment you know watching somebody watch my kid my kid

changing the world in front of me you're just like whoa yeah a lot of you know I talk about my child and it's tough

and I'm tough on my dad but man if I didn't have the experiences that I've had failures that I've had like pulled me into you know the beginning of his career and being home for that

that was so healing it was like every day so much every day and Sean we'll get into that that was Sean

those guys that experience I don't care about fuck politics fuck all that stuff man we were there as rock human beings making a beautiful piece of art and i watched a kid doing exactly what he was put on earth to do pretty amazing dude you can't i can barely watch that movie man i'm barely watch a movie man barely watch a movie And it was funny, it was punctuated, but these moments we would have, just heaviness,

and then Ryan's sense of humor, he's very much like a team guy. Like, is that our same? And, you know, he carries around a lot of weight, too. I mean, his dad, and he covers it up with humor. And, you know, we, you spend four months with people, you see things and feel things and talk about things. And, you know, I, that's, everybody's going through that. Everybody's got an issue with their dad, I've found. And especially driven people.

Like, what, what's, you know, you find, you go to these elite groups, whether it's athletes, artists, veterans, whatever. You go to these elite groups called lead, achieving people. And a lot of it comes from pain in the past. It lights the path ahead, like, I'm not going there. I'm going somewhere great, and you're going to be mad when I'm successful or whatever it is. You know, yes, it's, dad was, again, I can't be mad at him. Do you think you would be who you are today if he wouldn't push you like that?

No. no no on those moments and in buds and you know what I'm talking about like Monday night when you're like fuck this like back in the surf you're watching the sunset over Point Loma and you've just been through Sunday all day Monday and you're realizing you got to go to Friday and then you're watching guys just getting up in droves walking away you're like fuck him fuck him I can just see him telling me you're not gonna make it fuck this

and then the guy would quit and I'd be like see I'm tougher than him I would never he put that that's we talked about yesterday like would i but i've been a team guy i don't know you know maybe i would have been a musician from day one and i would have explored that part of my life i would have never had a longing or a hold of fill and maybe it would have made me a better dad

but I wouldn't be I wouldn't have had these moments that I've had because of the shit and all the failure and all the pain that takes you right to that like like why me and then a moment like your kid getting cast

in that and you're just like oh you know Clay Planet Pentegras I was talking like I got I pick a ID and we were hanging out in clay you know we were having great careers and then and um clay one night

we were sitting around he goes uh you would have died for me and i said yeah of course overseas like yeah he goes what would you do for your kid to have the opportunity that he has right now to follow his dreams i was like like i'd fucking go to hell to kill the devil with a fucking spoon for that he goes so was it that bad would you change it like no it's like god put me right where he needed me to open that door and help him find that that that thing I can't bring it on, man. Well, bud.

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How long has it been? I don't think I've shot in a year. Every year I have my, I'll take out my stuff to our, we have a little property with some steel targets I set up, and I have some paper targets, and I do, from the holster, and I'll shoot one full load out. I'm like, because that's where I'm at. yeah you know that's how i look at it like and and then i assess i'm like meh i'm good enough can i still get the job done yeah can i still yes all right we're good nice yeah i like those

lever actions now i mean i love all of them but yeah i'm really into the the lever actions right now just because we never it's like new to me you know what i mean well again like i i grew up shooting, you know, a 22 and a shotgun and a hunting rifle every once in a while. And so when I got in the teams, the pistol, I remember the first pistol I ever shot was a P2-26. And then you go to Shaw's and, you know, you get talking points just drilled into your head and decock, thumb holster routine. And in that two weeks, so you're at the first trip to Shaw's, that first two weeks, you come away as a, you're like, I am a gunfighter.

you know it's like that it I think everybody goes through that you're like okay can I in the back of your mind what am I gonna do when it actually happens but then you go to Shaw's and you're like all right I'm like I got this I can I fuck yes let's go you know like I get and so I always stuck with the SIG and I'm like I know it I've shot so many we've gone so many you know back to Shaw so many times that those two platforms are ingrained in my head, and then I'm like, well, if I really need it, like if I really need it, I want the one that I know I'm going to be able to manipulate in any frame of mind.

Yeah. So. Same here. Those are my go-toes, but, you know, I like the other stuff. Oh, it's fun. I would love the lever action from a horse. Dude. I bet that would, I mean.

I haven't done that yet. That's got to be. I've seen videos of that, and I'm like, you know that teddy roosevelt man that guy's just what a teddy roosevelt lever action like all right that guy was badass he did it from a horse i want to try it yeah well let's get back to you so we were we skirt it around a little bit got got your childhood got a little bit of naval got him a little bit of buds but i want to talk about you know so i think where we left off was you told your old man you're going to you're going to buds yeah yeah i came home i dropped out of school um and showed up dad

was like no you're not you're not living here figure it out like you are a official fuck up dropped out of college you don't have a plan like what are you going to do and time went done went to the recruiter got my first paperwork did my test that went hit that We hit all of that. Yeah, and then shipped off the boot camp. And, you know, the first day of boot camp, you know, that feeling when you get in there and you're like, I had like long hair. I'm like, cool, I had like earrings.

I'm like, right on. And then all of a sudden, I'm here to be in the Navy. I'm going to be a seal. I'm there just tear into you. This is January, 96. And your head shaved. you got 28 vaccination shot in you and then you're laying in that

mattress you're laying on that mattress that's covered in plastic like alone in the dark and you're like what the fuck did I just do yeah in the boot camp goes and I remember about halfway through boot camp they're like hey you got to take the seal test whoever's in this program

seal test tomorrow morning you have to leave here at 2 a.m. they get in line for the swim and I remember showing up Well, let me back up. Before I joined the Navy, and I was like, I'm going to be a seal. There was one guy in my hometown, two guys in my hometown. One guy was a guy named Jake Banta, who was... You know Jake?

Yes. So I got to tell you about this. So I'm on my... I'm lifeguarding on my beach. Now, at this time, I'm a huge... I love Stevie Ray Vaughn. I got poster Stevie Ray Vaughan all over my room. I'm huge into music.

I bought an old Squire Stratt saved up and I was like, I love Texas Blues and industry very much. I'm lifeguarding on Beach 10 and they're having a lot, they're having a free concert and Jake's Blues is playing and I'm listening to this guy

and I'm just like, holy shit, like this dude is just tearing it up and on my life bar break, I go back there and I had heard that he was, they're like, oh yeah, I got to be a seal and I'm like, okay, and he's, playing a left-handed strat and I was like I forget what year it was I think it's like late 60s

strat and I look and he's got a tiny little trident on like pinned into the front of the strat and 69 on it and he is just tearing it up and I'm like whoa so he finishes up and I walk up to him and I'm like hey man are you a seal and he's like he just kind of looks at me he's like yeah I was but and I'm like I'm going to buds and he goes okay I'm like all right whatever

so I met Jake on the beach and where I'm working and another one of my friend's fathers was a seal it was in Vietnam it was an ABLE Academy grads

and he was Dave Strong and two tours in Vietnam and he ended up being the CEO SEAL Team 1 he was retired he'd worked at a school teacher in town and both of his kids were in my school

went to my high school and we had a small high school 130 kids per class and so I go called Mr. Strong I'm like hey I want to join the SEAL team so he has me over and sits me in the living room and he's just like tell me what you want to do and I said I want to go to Buds tell me about Buzz and he's like

he's like listen he's like you know there's three phases all that stuff he's like but that doesn't matter he goes there's a few things that do matter he goes what sports did you play and I give my list of sports and stuff and he's like yeah I know about you're swimming and I know about your pool vault and he'd kind of follow me a little bit because of his kids and um he goes when you go to butts your first day look around and you're going to see all these guys that are just you know they look huge

they're strong they're going to be you know all these athletes he goes I want you to pick all the guys that you think are going to graduate in your head he goes then on graduation day because you're going to graduate I want you to look around and make note of how many of those guys are still are still there and he goes none of them are going to be there he goes I promise you this, because it's not the guys you think are going to make it or going to make it. He goes, you have everything you need. Don't second guess yourself. And I was like, okay.

And with that, I went off to Buds. Those were my only two exposures I had to real seals were Jake and Dave. And so, you know, go through Boer Cam, go to Buds. And I was in class 208, and we had this amazing officer corps in 208. Mike McGath was a, he was a naval academy grad, and he was a SWO for a few years on a PC. So he was a full lieutenant when he came, which he just had a different presence. He was really big. He was actually from Franklin, Pennsylvania, which was like 30 minutes down the road from me.

And he was a state champ of the 100 freestyle. He was an amazing swimmer. He had hands like coal shovels, and he was just calm. It was just a calm guy. And I kind of'm looking around, and, you know, we've got Tom Donovan and Restoraldi, we've got Brian O'Labin, just this stacked crew, and they're all Naval Academy graduates. And then we had one guy named Adam Smith, who was just this tall, really good-looking dude, and he was just calm as a cucumber.

And day one, everyone starts shitting on Adam. And it turns out that his dad was Admiral Smith at the time, so he was the two-star. Well, you know, you get a sign of swim buddy, and Scobel and Smith aren't too far apart. So I end up being Adam's swim buddy. and Buds took on a whole new adventure for me because everywhere he would go, they'd be like, Smith, drop, take your little buddy with you. I was like, I got an extra.

Nobody knew who I was, but I was, you know, Adam's little buddy. And, you know, he'd get called, he'd get pulled in front of the, you know, the different phase offices. You better not tell your daddy the shit goes around here. You think you're going to make it, you know? And I'm just like, damn, dude.

And Adam was, he played football, I played football for Coronado High School. He was like the captain football team, went to USD. And he's just this, he was bigger than life. And I looked around, I looked around that class. And we had some professional, I think there was a guy who was like Olympic swimmer. He quit like the first week or somebody to do as an Iron Man triathlon. He quit like the first week.

And I looked at the guys that I'm like, I'm going to listen. I picked like Mike. I picked Tom Donovan and I picked Adam. And I'm like, those guys are going to make it. I'm following them. and that's what it did I kind of just tucked in and the water stuff was

I love going to the water anything in the water I was very happy with no one was yelling at us no one was beating Adam and I like I could need to tie me up throw me in the pool like drumproofing is like no one's yelling like this is great all I got to do is exhale

and in high school I was I could do like 100 yards underwater 100 yards four laps under water 100 yards four laps under water before I when I was my senior in high school. And so I was like mentally ready to do the water stuff, but I sucked on land. I could do the obstacle course and I could do water. I couldn't the distance running, not so much. Sprinting's fine, but just the treading and the soft sand.

I just hated it. And they told me right away, they're like, listen, be good, but don't be great. Like you want to be, you want to pass and be, you want to be in the middle of the pack. maybe the upper pack you don't want to stick out in anything they're going to come find you and once they signal you out that sing you know sing you know sing you're going to get you get screwed over or you're going to get beaten so i just kind of stayed in the middle of the pack until we did the 50 meter underwater swim and so 208 was right around the time the movie the rock came out remember the uh oh yeah sean connery nicholas cage the rock well uh the command master chief was in the movie uh buds was in the movie and

And a couple of the instructors were in the movie, one being instructor Haas, the gigantic, ripped African-American guy. I mean, he was just like, and he had this real deep voice. And the movie hasn't, wasn't out yet. And so we'd go on runs, and you'd hear instructor Haas on the speaker, he'd go, I'm going to take pleasure and gutting you, boy. Like, what the fuck is that? Like, wherever we go. We go to the 50 meter under underwater swim, and I was like, all right, I got this. Like, the deeper you go, the easier it is to hold your breath.

So everyone's freaking out. I hop in the pool, do my breathing exercise, get relaxed, hop in, you know, go down, do my flip, and I stay real close to the bottom, and I'm just cruising along the bottom, touch the other side, and I come back. All of a sudden, I feel it's tap on my shoulder, like, look over, and it's Haas, and he's looking at me, and he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, fine. And I really slowly get to the end, touch, and I come up, and I'm like, all right, good,

that's over with. He's like, what? Scobel! We got ourselves a fish! I'm like, I was like, oh shit. So every time I went to the pool, it was like, hey, where's the fish at? We had this handful of guys that were great swimmers. Mike was a great swimmer.

Tom Donovan was a, I think he was captain of the water pole team at Navy. It was just a beast. And there was a couple of us that were swimmers. And Nick Hawks, who Dave mentioned, we were the two young guys in the class. He was 17 and I was 18, turned 19 that year. And so that whole adventure was like, You know, the other thing, I was music colors those times in my life. And that's how I go back.

And that summer Metallica Load came out. And I had enough money. Remember you, I was like an E2 showing up to Buds. And I had enough money. I went to the exchange on NAB, and I bought an alarm clock that had a CD player in it. And I bought one album, and it was Metallica Load. And there was a song on there, Hero of the Day. And I had that as my wake-up song.

It's like, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. And every day, I would hear the spinning-up of the CD as like, and you're like, fuck. And then that song would start playing. And that was kind of punctuated that time. And I was just like a sponge watching. And nothing was, you know, the evolutions are hard, but nothing is, it's just the amount, I think.

You know, it's evolution to evolution. into evolution. And we get to Hell Week, and, you know, that, everybody has their Hell Week story. And he was like Tuesday night, or it was Wednesday night. They were sort of torturing us, and the sun was setting. And it was, if you look on the paper, the Cornado paper said, Big Wednesday, Biggest waves in 50 years.

Like, of course, we're like a summer hell week. Of course, we're going to get this huge wave. and uh we're getting we're getting served tortured and instructor schmec i'd remember this the clearest day instructor schmack's like who's going to quit well you know bob they do the whole bullshit who's going to quit and i was served tort i was locked arms with tom donovan and tom out of the blue goes whatever punk and there was this pause and then over the bullhorn was who the fuck was that Tom looks at me, he goes That was a bad idea

And he kissed up He's like, it was me, it was me And Tom was my boat crew leader And I'm like Oh no They're going to start beating him And if they If he quits like

That's my guy You know Like he's my bow crew leader And they send us back out And you know We reorganized And we paddle out And they're just

They beat Tom mercilessly I remember the truck's going down The beach And you know His feet up on the bumper Is getting wet and sandy and in my mind i'm just praying i was like please god don't save him save him i'm like and uh we come in they put him on the right before we do surpassage on chief's beach they put him on the

back on the boat and tom was like all right he's he's like that guy is just born to be a leader and he's like all right guys and i'm like are you know is he okay we paddle out and we see these waves roll in and I'm just like we start getting closer and closer and the sun's going down and like these waves are like two boat lengths vertically and I'm watching the back of the waves and we're like sitting out there and they're giving the signal to come in and I'm just like what the fuck is this and Tom's like ready paddle we start paddling and I the one of my only like vivid memories of Hellwick was Tom the boat picking up and then I was number one man I was on the I was on the I was on the port side number one man, and I watched Tom just go that way, and the whole boat just

went, and it was like, it was just in every direction. And somehow I got my foot hooked under one of the cross members, and I just got drugged all the way into shore, like, with the boat. It's like, just gasped me for no paddle, and I was just like, what the instructor's like, yeah, one made it. Just stand there looking around, and it's like a sea of bodies. And that night, you know, you do the fire thing, and you're telling the story, make us laugh. And at night, every single person they sent to the surf, they sent Tom with.

And I'm like, oh, they're trying to, like, they're trying to break him. And they're like, hey, you know, you tell a story. We're down to probably 25 guys at this point. Every story, fail. Go ahead the surf. Take the tournament with you. And I'm just watching Tom. And he's just shivering and it's getting colder and colder.

And then they have his dig a hole. and our boat crew loved him and we were like Tom get in here throw him at the bottom of the hole and we're like all right everybody pee and uh you know hell week

after that it was like Tom was just this resolute guy and I saw it in his eyes like he's acquitt and I'm like I'm not quitting and you know made it made it through hell week and made it through second phase and third phase and everybody's got a thousand

bud stories but the bud stories that i always took away were the people that affected me personally like that made me like the the day buttleys of the world the the the jake bantas the the dave strongs the tom donovan the adam smith like what i saw in them that i wanted to try to emulate myself and and mike mcath and we got to the end of buds and um Like, I knew Mike and Tom had gone to the Naval Academy. And I was like, I think I want to go to the Naval Academy. Whatever those guys did, like, I want to do that. And in the back of my mind, I was like, my dad always said, well, you can join the team, but, you know, get a degree at some point.

And I was like, and I remember my high school GPA, and I was like, yeah, it's probably not going to worry. I was so good. graduate we go to jump school jump school is pretty uneventful except for except for hawks hanging a banner off the big tower and all the SEALs always getting in trouble

checking a SEAL teammate and get thrown in training while we're waiting for back then STT and the training at SEALT at the time was just a bunch of guys who went on to be legends and one of which is Jeff Tobos Turbo. And, you know, you're, when you're a new guy in training, you don't have your Trident yet. And, you know, you just do everything. And I remember

getting there, like, well, actually, what happened was I checked into 18 Delta and they said, you're going to be here a year before you class up. And I was like, a year. I'm like, you're 19 years old. Like, I don't have a year to waste. So I literally got on the horn and I called, I called the quarter deck at CLT Mate. I dug up the number and I was like, is there a command career counselor there? And Rich Black gets on the phone. He's like, who are you? And I'm like, I'm Siemens Scobel. I'm at 18 Delta. I've got a year. There's any way I can get orders to CLT mate. And he's like, makes a few phone calls. And all of a sudden, the set of TAD orders comes in from through the 18 Delta. And the CELO as a rep there was like, I have

TED orders for you to seal Team 8. A bunch of guys, Gary Ellis, being one of my class, had gone to Team 8 and so had Mike McAth. And so, you know, kind of politiced a little bit and they got me orders and I checked in. And I started doing team guys stuff, you know, like, hey, we're going to, we're jumping tomorrow and I got like all five jumps in a day and I got my gold wings. And, you know, we're going to go do VBSS at the time. and you know hey let's got set up some kid got thrown in a stack and you're like this is this is cool like i want to i want to do this i don't want to go to that 18 delta course for a year and um and so rich black's like hey listen if you just go up and go to quartermaster school um you can get your

rate and you can just stay here you don't have to go to 18 delta and i was like all right they send me up to quartermaster school. And I was like, well, in the back of my mind, I was like, if I apply the Naval Academy, I got to, like, do well in one of these schools. So I went into quartermaster school thinking, which is being a navigator. And I ended up finishing first in the class and being the honor grad or whatever from QM school. And I came back from that. And I just, I looked at all the programs that were available. And there was a ROTC, Seaman Admiral, and the Naval Academy. And I was like, and there was an age limit on it.

And so I talked to Rich Black, and I'm like, I want to apply the Academy. And I'm like, I graduated Buds. It was first in my class in A school. Polvald State Champion, a good athlete. And he's like, dude, that doesn't, we don't send seals to the Naval Academy. Like, it just doesn't go that way. well I'm like well what would I have to do and he's like you're going to have to get some letters of recommendation you're going to have to go up there visit there's like a whole process so

I called Adam Smith who was my swim buddy and buds and I was like hey man um I'm going to apply to the naval academy do you think your dad would write me a letter and he's like I don't know let me call my dad but I'll be happy to ask for you and 10 minutes later my phone rings I'm sitting at home, and it's Admiral Smith. Hello, is this, Beechobello, and I'm like, hey, this is Admiral Smith. And I'm like, what? Damn. He's like, Adam called me.

He said, you won't apply to the Naval Academy. He said something about you being track and field? I said, yes, sir, I was a home state champion in the pole vault. He said, ah, I jumped. He said, I jumped 15-1. He's like, you know, when I was at the Naval Academy, I was captain of the track team. And I said, I thought to myself, I'm like, this could be good for me. He goes, and my coach is still the coach there, Al Cantello.

What are your grades in high school? And I was like, well, I got like a 2.3. And I didn't take the SAT. Well, I did, but I was, I only showed up like halfway through. And, you know, he's just like, hmm, hangs with the phone. He calls me back. He waits like a day he goes by and he calls me back. He goes, drive up to the Naval Academy.

You're going to meet with Al Cantello. I drive up the Naval Academy. Now Cantello was this legendary Navy track coach. He was an Olympian. He's from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He was an Olympian javelin thrower. And at the time, he was coaching both cross-country and distance at Navy. And we used to have Cantellisms.

He just had these one-liners that would fly out. And he was just to the point. He's like, drive up the Naval Academy and knock on the door. and he's just like, come on in, sit down. He's like, I talk to Ray. So I'm like, that must be the Admiral's first name because it's Admiral's to me. It's like, I talk to Ray.

And he said you're a 15-foot pole balter. Tell me more about your pole vaulting. So I told him my background. He's like, he's like, you can jump to Vision 1. He goes, now tell me about your grades. And I was like, well, and I got my transcripts at the time. I went back to my high school. And my guidance counselors, I was like,

Kate, can I get my transcripts? They're like, why? I'm like, because I'm applying the Naval Academy. They're like, shoot, you're never getting to the Naval Academy. And I was like, well, show it to him. He's like, oh, my God. Well, build out the paperwork. We'll see what we can do.

And I go back to the team. I'm like, whatever. At least I tried. You know what I mean? But I remember walking on the yard and being like overwhelmed with the architecture. I remember the first time I walked there. And I was like, I want to be part of this. I'm like, that's what made Tom and Mike who they were.

Like, there's something about this place that makes you want to be better than who you are. And I just felt this like calling to the academy. And no shit. Yeah. You had your Trident. And I already had my Trident. I had just gotten my Trident. And so I went back and I'm in the platoon and we're doing BBSS.

And I'm actually in the Alptatoon. with another one of your guys and I come back from BBSS one day and the admin officer who's a senior chief she's like

meets me at the quarter deck and she's like you've been accepted to the Naval Academy and I was like what? And immediately she goes well you got to go

to the Naval Academy prep school first and I was like oh what's that they're like well that's kind of like the, that's for the guys that they're usually a bunch of athletes that they red shirt or prior enlisted. And in your case, we're going to see if you can actually hack it academically at the academy. So you go up there and you do 10 months and it's an academic

course. And I immediately got the sinking feeling. I'm like, oh shit. I'm like, I'm not smart enough to go there. Like, I'm going to fail. Like, I hate school. What I didn't know at the time was I'm partially, I'm kind of dyslexic, this graphic. I mean, I have a tough time reading. And I'm like, oh, no. And I just dealt with it through high school, but it was, you know, I was good listener. And she's like, yeah, get ready, pack your bags. And I call Adam.

I'm like, dude, I got into the naps. And he immediately calls his dad and his dad calls me. And about a couple days later, actually, we scheduled the call. And at this point, I'm like, like, I'm not going. I'm like, I don't want to go to the academy and fail and then try to come back to teams. Like, the teams are going to eat me alive. I'm not, I can't do this. And so Admiral Smith calls me. He goes, congratulations. Got him to the Naval Academy. He's going to prep school, which is fine. He's like, just get up there, knock it out. You'll be a plea in the class 2003. He goes,

he excited? And I go, Admiral, I don't know if I want to go. And it was just a pause on the phone. I got, I really love being a seal, worked really hard to get here, I'm in a platoon, jumping on airplanes, I got my own car, I got an apartment, like I got a life, and the idea of going back to, you know, shaving your head and pulling your socks up and somebody yelling at me again. And long pause on the phone, Admiral Smith said to me, the greatest piece of advice I've ever been given in my life. He goes, Pete, when you're forced for the hard decision, always choose the hardest path.

It's always the right one. every time call me tomorrow with your decision and I hung up the phone and I was like fuck oh no this is going to suck great response yeah

called him the next day I said sir I'm going to do it and a couple weeks later check out and head up to Newport Rhode Island for another round of boot camp and that's where I met Jeremy

and I show up and all the prior enlisted guys are kind of looking at each other. You know, you're looking at each other's chest and a couple marines wandering around. Everybody's doing the butt sniffing thing. And this circus began immediately for me. Get your little issue. I go to my room and I'm like, you gave me a robe.

I was like, oh, cool, man. I got a robe. I'm like, I'm on my way to be an officer. They gave me a robe. So I put it on my robe and I'm like going to, so I get my shower shoes. I'm like, this is awesome. I got a shower shoes. I got a robe.

I put my toothbrush in my mouth. And I'm just cruising down the hallway. And I didn't know what midshipmen were. And I looked, there were some midshipmen there from the academy that come in and they do summer detail. And they have their collar devices. And when you come from the fleet, the midshipmen collar devices, they don't mean anything to you. You know, and they start kind of like, what are you doing? And I'm like, what?

I'm just chill out, man. I'm just going to the bathroom, brush my teeth. They're like, you don't talk to me that way. And I'm like, whoa. I'm like, everybody needs to take it. wrap off here. I turn around and this gunnery sergeant hat, like, hits me in the bridge of my nose. And this gunnery sergeant, he just starts tearing at me, tearing into me like Marine Corps boot camp. And I was like, I remember I put my hand up and I just pushed his hat back.

And I was like, everybody needs to calm down right now. I'm just trying to brush my teeth here. I'm just, that's exactly it. I'm like, I'm just here to brush my teeth right now. Like, get in this office. They dragged me in the office and it's the Marine captain. And they knew exactly who I was and they were like okay here's the deal they put the paper in front of me like sign this and you can go back to the fleet and I was like I just got here they're like we don't want you here we don't want the trouble we know you're going to be an issue and I was like okay well I didn't know we were starting this stuff I was like I'm like I'm take a second I didn't know that we were doing this so can you give me a little reading as to

what's happening and they were like well this is boot camp and you're back into boot camp and I was like okay well that would have been like good to know before this this whole thing like unfolded I didn't know we were playing boot camp here yeah well exactly it I was like I didn't know we were doing this game but now that you told me I'm like now I'm here so you don't need that I'm not I'm not gonna quit and I went back you know then I just like pull my pocket put in my pocket and I'm fine I won't brush my teeth geez I guess we don't brush your teeth we'll wash our hair they you know everyone starts to show up And all the priors go through this, like, adjustment period.

And it's all, it's athletes, division, it's all the red shirt athletes from the football team. And, um, and they had a track team. And so now, mind you, when I was in high school, I was 160 pounds pole vaulting, I was 511. I went to Buds as 160 pounds. I graduated about 180 pounds. And then I really started to lift at teammate, and I got to be about 205. So I show up at NAPS at 205, and I'm there to,

walk onto a division one track team and pole vault again pole vault is a math equation it's how fast you can run like how far you can long jump and essentially the lighter you are the higher you can go so i'm like i got to like recalibrate my entire mindset now and i got to start losing weight and that's what i did i started running like 15 miles a day and not eating and i was like shedding pounds. I just became like the shell of myself. Did you know that you were only, you were the third ever? Were you the third? So were you? Yes, I was the third one. There were two for me. Jim Goladay, who was in 1995 grad. He was on Petitia Airfield when everyone, all those seals got shot up and got the Bronze Star. And so he showed up as a plebe with the Bronze Star and

a combat action ribbon. This is, this is 1990. at the time and the stories of Jim like just just saturated like it was this legendary he was a legend like he was mystical and there was this the second guy was Jim Foreman and Jim was SDV-1 super cool dude surfer blonde guy he played lacrosse at the academy and I actually met him when I went up to visit and he was still he was getting ready to graduate and I was like what would you do it all over again he's like like fuck no I'm like

that wasn't exactly that's encouraging that wasn't what I was looking for man so and I knew I was you know I'm number three but I hadn't been in comp no there was no combat you know there was and that was part of the reason why I went I was like well I'll go to school

what you know what can it hurt like take advantage of everything that the Navy throws at you was what I was always told if you get the opportunity to go to school go to a school If you get the opportunity to better yourself, go do it. Father Frank Mulcahy told me that. It was head of training at CL Team 8 when I was going through this, whether or not I should go. And he's like, hey, heard you got in the academy.

I'm like, I don't know if I'm going. He's like, nope, you're going. Anytime the Navy offers you an opportunity to better yourself, you go. And don't fuck it up. It's just like, everyone's like, don't quit. So, yeah, NAPS. Don't embarrass us. Yes.

What it really wasn't, we don't really care about you. Yeah. We care that you don't embarrass us. And, you know, plebeier, you know, that boot camp, that first year, it was academically unbelievably difficult because it was, they basically take your plebeier and they academically and they shove it into 10 months so you get a head start for your plebeier, right? So you're taking chemistry. taking calculus, you're taking, like a, I want to say, English class, but it's a pretty

heavy English class. And chemistry is always an issue at the academy, and calculus is an issue. And I was scared shitless of all of this. You know, like my academics, I always stayed away from academics in high school, because I'm like, I had a tough time reading. And now I'm in this, this is all, you're here. to do. This is buds for academics. And oh, by the way, you're wearing this, you know, target on your chest. You wear the seal trident in the academy? Yes. What is that like? So I used to take it off

and put it in my pocket. I go in the bathroom and I take it off. Are you serious? Why? Because it was like a different world. I would take it off and just blend in. I'm like, this is doable. And then the minute someone would see me they'd be like hey you're at a uniform and I'm like huh they go back and put my uniform and you know at the academy you'd be chopping down the hall and they'd be like seal I'm like oh here we go and you know some kid who got his lunch money stolen who's a you know academic whiz kid he's like you think you're a badass you think you're a tough guy like sir no sir uh you play the game and then they'd hold me up and I'd be late for class you know and then And they're like, and then you're getting in trouble for being tardy.

And then you're getting extra tours. And any time I would go to do anything, everyone's measuring themselves against me. And so it's like being a celebrity at the academy. There's only 16 billets a year. And everybody wants to be a seal. And everybody talks about being a seal. And here I am wearing this Budweiser. And they're all like, you know, is this guy, bad guy?

and they all want to, they all want to find out. Meanwhile, I'm like, dude, I'm in chemistry class and like, this is not easy. Like, you can have all of this, this misery, but I need to focus on studying. And, you know, so NAPS was amazing. I played rugby at Naps. I got my first taste of rugby.

I got my first taste of, I jumped again. I started losing weight. And, but I was focused. I was like, I really want a pole vault. Like, I really want, I want to see a high. I can go was in the back of my head and we'll see if I can do this like I just have to try this and um you know and then you go to plebe summer which is another six weeks of boot camp so at this point you know I've been through but I've been through regular boot camp and then

I went through buds then I went through boot camp at naps for four weeks or whatever it is and then a year at naps where you're basically treated like loosely treated like a plebe and then plebe summer where you're back to being like literally shark shit lower than shark shit in the ocean. You're like back to zero again and bootcamping it all over. And mentally you're just like, and now it's not drill instructors yelling at you. Now it's 19 year old upperclassman, right? And they're getting in your face.

And you're just like, meanwhile in your head, you know, you're just like, what, what am I doing? Why? This is like the worst thing. Like I went to a place where I suck at everything. right everybody's competing with me and now people are yelling at me and I want to beat everybody up like I literally like I want to beat everybody up every day and during plebe summer and that's when you start to find your your crew did you just have Jeremy beat him up so so Jeremy ends up in my company from we go from NAP so we get in we end up in the same company and so he's prior enlisted

Marine and um boot camp comes around and we're playing the game plebe summer we're playing the game and it's easy it's not hard you're just you know folding your socks and folding your uniform and the same shit you're memorized and stuff and um but both jeremy and i were just kind of over playing the game and so a lot of the they they're like oh are you a napster oh you're prior you kind of get like earmarked oh you're going to be you know trouble and and we all have fun because we're we just send up fucking around with the upper class, you know, just like, and we're having fun on our own. And, uh, that was when we met Brett. And I'm, I'm hesitating to tell the story because it's, it's, it's hilarious, but it's kind of disgusting. Uh, but it's, but it's hilarious. And one,

okay, so one morning, and Brett ended up in our room and our roommate and a big part of our life. I mean, he was like a huge part of my life. It wake you up in the morning and you chop. So every time you go somewhere, you have to go, go Navy, and make a right-hand corner. So you run out of your room, you run to the center of the hallway, and you go, go, Navy, and then you turn right. And then you say, beat Army, and you run down to the next corner, and you go, go Navy, beat Army, and you have to square all your corners everywhere you go. And it's, you know, you've got your socks pulled up, you're wearing your, like, grandpa new balance shoes, and your head shaved, and you're just like, dude, I'm back.

So I might roll out of bed And I'm like last to formation I'm like, oh, Amy, beat army I get in and they start screaming and yelling at me Scobel Like what do you think? You think because you're a seal You can do whatever you want I'm like sir, no sir

And you brace up and you put your shin back And they just you know It was great for the other people in my class Because they were like he's going to take all the shit anyway And at that point it was like I'm getting all the shit anyway So you're not helping me. So I come in the room, I come into the hallway, and this upper class, this female upper class,

who was rather pretty, she, I come in, she starts yelling at me, and she's like, you know, you're late, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And all of a sudden I hear this, go Navy. I'm like, okay, dude, someone's later than me. He's going to get this shit. And he came, Brett came, around the corner. And now in the mornings, you wear, you have these mesh shorts that are like

down to your knees and you have your shirt tucked in, a blue rim shirt, and your socks pulled up. And Brett turned the corner and I kind of looked at the corner of my eyes because everyone, all eyes, I'm like looking at this, who is, who's late? Because he's taking the shit off of me. This is going to be great. Brett comes around the corner and the first thing I see is his member and it is massive and he has morning wood and he comes around the corner

and I'm like oh he's high kneeing he's like oh navy and the thing is bouncing he turns in and he stands across from me like you are and he whips around and he braces up and he looks

at me and he has this infectious smile and I look down and I'm like oh my God dude And the pretty detailer, she looks at me, she's like, why are you smiling, Mr. Scobel? Why are you smiling? What's so funny? And I'm just like, I don't know what to see right now. She goes, you think I'm cute? Is that why you're smiling? And in the back of my head, I was kind of like, well, yeah. And she turns around and she goes, Harmon, oh my God, she's getting room. And very calmly, he has this gigantic smile on his face. He goes, go Navy.

into the room and I'm like that guy is a legend and halfway through that day I mean I was laughing all day about this story and halfway through that day they pull me aside they're like mr. we're going to put you and mr. Harmon together you know he needs to mature a little bit more and he needs to grow up and we think that with your experience as a prior listed seal you can you can help him raise his standards and I was just like who's helping who here like Like this guy, so they put me with Brett and the plebe summer ends and, you know, we, we, it was always a joke, you know, his nickname was tripod. He was just like, he was on the wrestling team and we would go to, he was on the wrestling team and we would go to the matches and sit next to the thing because he would tuck that thing into a singlet, like, he'd go out there and the guys would shake hands, you know, before they mass and they were like, what the? It's just an unfair advantage every four in life.

And he was unapologetic about it. And so, plebe here, I get set up with Brett. And Jeremy's in the room next to me. And these guys got to see what it was like for me during that year. I couldn't study people come to my room. You didn't know who was coming in. Some guy wants to fuck with you. Some guy who wants to ask you about buds.

You know, and you're just like, hey, I'm not, I've got, you know, you don't realize, like, most people understand it. Like at the academy, it doesn't matter what you major in. You're taking, you're going to take three semesters of calculus, two of chemistry, three of calculus-based physics, you're going to take electrical engineering, thermodynamics, weapons systems engineering, one and two, which is applied physics. You're going to take naval architecture. And then, oh, by the way, what's your major?

And then you get your majors on top of that. And then you have leadership courses. And so this is like, this is a full load. You're taking, you know, 20 credits a semester on top of professional knowledge as a plebe. And then every day you have to memorize the menus for all three meals. You have to know how many days to the next Army Navy have been. You have to know just this massive amount of information. And so you're just constantly studying.

And there's just all this crap you have to do. And that's at max capacity already. And then you add the layer of being a team guy. And everywhere you go, you wear this big gold. And, you know, people are like, oh, it must have been full. fun like no it wasn't because it was like a it was like a bullseye on your chest everyone was everyone wanted to see what you couldn't go anywhere without people staring at you like i'd walk you'd walk into bancroft hall and people be in the rotunda and like they would stop the tour

and be like this is our seals like you know shit like that like you couldn't get away with anything and everywhere you went people were you know constantly and i was always late for class because people would stop me. I was doing tours. And they were always commenting like, you got a bad attitude. What do you mean doing tours? What does that? So you get it up to merits or you do something stupid. They assign you a tour. So if you get up early like four in the morning and you take your rifle and you go down to the, wherever, whatever, there's a courtyard. That's a big square courtyard, depending on the hall you're in or what wing of bankrupt you're in. And you walk around in circles as punishment. And they'll assign you 10 tours. That's 10 mornings. That's 10 morning.

you've got to get up at 4 a.m. and just go walk around with your rifle. And, you know, demerits. And it's just like everything you do is watched and graded. Every physical PT test, every academic, it's plebeier is, it's two full plates of food. And then throw on top of it being this team guy, this, you know, and I'm carrying around all of the, so every team guy that goes there, the legends begin, you know, what Jim did, and then what, you know, Jim Goladay did, you know, and then what Fortman did, and then what Fortman did, and then when I did, you know, what I'm building. So there were these crazy stories. And since then, what's funny is I'll run into a midshipman now, and I'd be like, hey, it was a, whatever a seal that went there?

And they'd be like, oh, yeah, his plea beer, he killed his detailer. I'm like, they just get blown. out of proportion you know it's just like this um but what happened is you know Jeremy and Brett they saw what was going on and and Johnny our other roommate they saw what was going on and the rugby players and those guys would run point for me and the prior enlisted Marines and you know they I would be getting you I'd be getting rated on my way to meal by some other upperclassmen and Ryan Curry and Mark Bavondra these two prior enlisted Marines would just slide in between them, me and the upper classmen, and they'd be like, leave, and I'd just bolt out of there and like, who are you guys? And like, and they would take the heat and they'd run point for me. And because

they saw, they're like, hey, man, this isn't, this is already hard enough. It's not fair. But whatever, like, I signed up for it, you know. And meanwhile, I'm trying to walk on a division one track team, that in itself. And I got back into jumping. I lost I went down to 170 pounds. I went from 205, 208 or whatever, back down to 170 pounds. So now everyone's like, they're looking at me, and my uniform's like hanging off me,

and I'm like skinny little seal. I can try it dangling, getting yelled at all the time, like just getting my ass handed to me on a daily basis. But I started jumping well. First semester, you know, I did okay academically. And then beginning a second semester, was February, and we had a forestall lecture. So every Wednesday night, someone will come in and give a lecture.

And that night, it was Ross Perot. And Ross Perot was an ABLE Academy grad, and he came to give a speech. And so Wednesday night, you get in your full dress blue uniform. So you go to school, you got a class all day, you go to sports, track practice all day, come back, get dressed, then go to meal, then go to a couple-hour forestall lecture and then study for the next day. And

I go to the forestall lecture hear Ross Perot speak, head back to the hall. I stopped by my friend's room and my friend's mother had emailed her and this title of the email was go find Pete, his dad just died.

And I walked in and I looked over her shoulder and I saw that she just looked at me and I walked out and you're supposed to chop and run and I just walked I just walked upperclassmen are yelling at me

and I'm just like I just had this I was like that people don't unless you've lost a parent you don't know it's like the day after the day the feeling that the world is never the same without that person in it again good bad or ugly like i walked back to my room that night and

the upper class were like yelling at me in the hall because i wasn't chopping i was just i was like fuck you literally and they go tell the company officer you know by my bad behavior and i walk in and brett was there and man i just collapsed into his arms and he's like what my dad's dead upper class come to the door Scobel get out here and Brett just fucking slam the door he's like fucking leave locked it and Brett and I just sat on the cat

sat on my bed and I I just it was like the world came undone for me and it turns out that he had died right after I'd gone to track practice I told you before

I got an A on a calculus test and I went on my way between or between class and track practice I stopped at the pay phone and called my dad and that was the moment I said hey I got an A on a calculus test and he was like he starts laughing that was the class he had dropped in college

and I wanted it was like me saying like I got this and he just you know I love you was the first time only time I didn't know what to do with it at the moment when I hung up the phone I was like wow that happened

and I didn't know it but he had just he literally hung up the phone he had a couch phone was next to the couch used to read on the couch everything he just books like it was nobody's business laid down and take a nap and his heart gave out he died on the couch

his girlfriend came in and found him they called the academy and they knew before like while I was at track that this had happened but your attendance at meal and at forestall lectures accounts for a point system

for your company at the academy and we were up for color company and that's a great fit rep for your company officer and they waited the word had gone out

and they waited until I had gone to all of that and the chaplain I had already found out I found out via email and I was sit in my room and the chaplain shows him in the room and he's like

come to the company officer's office and I walk in and like your father or dad passed away I'm like yeah I found out on email you're like well we're gonna we're gonna send you home and immediately the company

the officer's like you're gonna watch your attitude and I was like next day got up that was a Wednesday Thursday morning I got up I flew home my friend's parents picked me up took me the airport I flew home got there immediately went to the funeral home he wanted to be cremated picked an urn came home my dad's girlfriend was like here's the the will I get everything you can have whatever pictures

you want and I was like whatever I went to a lawyer that afternoon I pointed to the executive state and I I was like listen I couldn't get everything done I actually had to sign some more paperwork

I forget what it was but I had to be there I had to be there there was, Monday was a day off and I had to be there on Tuesday. I'm like, I have to be here on Tuesday to sign paperwork. So I called the company officer and I said, hey, sir, I need an extra day. I got to clean this mess up. It's just me. There's no one else. And he's like, you know, Pete, you're not focusing on being a midshipman right now. I was like, uh, what? Like, come on. Like enough with the games. Like this is, this is, I got to deal with this.

so i called the seals in the yard and um the seal chiefs in the yard were like what the fuck and i get a call back from the company officer and he's like all right you're extended until tuesday so you have to be here wednesday morning and i'm six hours away sign everything hop in the car drive six hours back um to the academy and i wasn't supposed to have a car but it was my dad's car and so i pull in park it at uh jim golladay was a seal He was actually living in Annapolis at the time, and he had been, he'd come, you know, if I needed stuff, he was, he would help me out. and I'm like hey I got this car I parked at his house and um got back to the academy and first thing went to the company officer's office and he's just like once you just go back to the teams

just go back and I was like excuse me like he's like your behavior you're not focusing on being a midshipman just go and I was I'm like and I remember looking at him in my mind like I'm like he he he he I saw my dad's face and I was just like fuck this guy like you know what I'm gonna make it I'm gonna make it I was like no not I'm not leaving and put me on the upper class because my bad attitude put me on all calls which is me I had to be outside their door at five in the morning because I didn't memorize my rates the one upper class stopped me in the yard he goes what's the menu for morning meal and I was like dude I just literally walked in the door I just buried my dad he's like

like doesn't excuse you from your duty i was like dude fuck you guys and i looked around i'm like what kind of leadership laboratory is this like this this is just unbelievable so i went back just like nothing happened it's like put that away damn be dad's gone you know you're Everything's gone. A couple weeks later, we were a trackmate, and the freshman record was 16-3. And it was, the weather was perfect. It was like the sun was out.

It was March. my dad dead dead in February it was the end of March and home meet and I don't remember who we were jumping against it's interesting about Polval that it's all about you competing against yourself and

that day I just had an amazing day I broke that freshman record I jumped 16-3 and I swear to God on that jump I felt like something pulled my hips up said I swear God And for me, it was just like, I had that moment, and I'm like, okay, like, I continue to run track.

And a plea beer ended, at the end of that year, my, when my dad was dating at the time, she sold everything, had an executive, had a sale, the house was gone. But my friend's parents had welcomed me into their family. you know life goes on and i just kind of put that part of it that's just what it is your parents die you know um but yeah my junior year or my sophomore year i ran track again was jumping well i jumped mid-16 um in the beginning of junior year 9-11 happened and Johnny, Jeremy, Brett and I

I walked out of one class into the heart room upstairs. I got a cup of coffee and they had those gigantic TVs. Remember the big screen TVs that are like four feet deep? It was not now where you have the thin screen. And I saw everyone was crowded

around it. Like what happened? They're like a Cessna crashed into the World Trade Center and I was like dude that you ever been in new york city like that's not a sessna and i said that's a terrorist attack i just knew it i was actually in a political science class walked out of political science class and in between i was going to a philosophy class called friendship and death just then the second plane hit the tower the second tower and i we all scurried off the class i went into friendship and death and the teacher's like all right let's talk about last nights and i'm like no turn the TV on

like this is happening right now turn the TV on and everyone was just holy shit like we watched the towers fall and then the announcement came everyone go back to Bancroft Hall

and so all the all 4,000 midshipment are back in Bancroft Hall which I was like because then you're hearing like the planes crash in the world or into the Pentagon and I'm like

well I'm not sure the smartest thing in the world let's put all 4,000 midshipment in one building building right now, you know? And we get back there and a lot of the guys from my class who were, would always come in. Brett, Brett was a legend. He would, he would cut everybody's hair. And so, you know, guys from every team and would, you know, come in and he'd have this haircutting, we'd all talk and BS, Travis Mannion, Brian Stan, who's a UFC fighter, Brian came

over that night and he's like, what do you think, dude? I'm like, we're going to war. this is this is bore and we just had this moment of like holy shit we were juniors and all my buddies from naps Ryan Pabondra we're all kind of like looking at each other like this is the game just changed like the game and we're settling in on that and I was like I need to be part of a team and I quit the track team and I walked on the rugby team like I need to be around I need to get ready for war and that was like that was my my way of shifting gears like enough of this my dad's gone it broke the record now it's time to get ready for war and so I walked on the rugby team and uh my last years I played rugby started A-side um played NCAAs a couple times

and um yeah it was I that's one of my most vivid memories was like it's fucking on and but you know rugby team is right my my you have to take double electrical engineering and electrical engineering is like the class that everyone everyone struggles through and there was a cheating scandal back in the 80s about the electrical engineering test and and I had these two amazing coaches in the rugby team uh major Renforth and Major Shea, Sparky Renforth, he's a three-star, and Major Shea, who's a recon Marine. And my first double E test, I got like a 5%, not like a 15%, like he got five. And Major Shea taught double E. And I go to rugby practice, and Major Shea is like, hey, dude,

I saw your test. Like, what's going on? I'm like, he's like, who's your teacher? And I told my teacher was, he's like, eh, sleep through his class. You got a free period afterwards. Come to my room. Come to my office. I'll teach you, double E. And, man, Major Shea, he just, was it, God said. I walked in there and he would, the teacher that I had would spend two hours, an hour talking about electrical engineering.

I'd walk in there and Major Shea would be like, teach me what I need to learn in five minutes. And I was like, and I ended up getting great grades in double E after that. Like, right before the final, I remember Jeremy and Brett and Johnny came out, and I'm, like, given extra instruction to other mids, and they were like, is he? He's teaching them? And, but you had, I had applied to come back to the teams. So it wasn't a, it wasn't a, it wasn't a, it wasn't a foregone conclusion. And at that time, I started, you know, post, post my dad dying,

I started picking up my guitar again bought myself a nice little Martin guitar playing in the room and it was my way of like just calming calming it making going away and I had like kind of a communion with my mom was like I like that part of my life

I want to go back to harnessing that and get the noise of the academy out and I started playing in the bars I could go out and sneak out and put civilian clothes on I get up there and sing in the bars and play. It was so asinine that when, you know, other officers on the yard would see me, they're like, he's got to have permission.

I mean, while I'd be like, you know, throw my guitar in the back of my car, sneak back on the yard. And so, you know, the years went by, and I had a selection again. One of the summers I went, they actually, the SEAL rep at the time said, you've got to go to minibuds. and I'm like for what thank you

well you gotta you know just because you went through buzz before doesn't mean you're gonna you're gonna go back to the community and everyone was like wait you know Fortman and Galladay went back he's already got his Budweiser

why would you and at the time that officer was a he was a team guy and he was on the rugby coach as well and

I would button heads with him I was just like come on he's like hey listen there's 16 billets and he called me in his office he's like there's 16 billets these guys have worked really hard just go out and go to SWO put SWO is your second choice go out to a ship get your pen then you go back to teams

and we get an extra billet and I was like no that's bullshit I went to naps I'm here for four years I'm like the war is on like this is this is assinide to me and I go to rugby practice one day,

and Major Shea is like, Pete, come here. Major Shea and Major Renforth, and one of the summers I did in a Marine training, and I won a leadership award when I was there. And you have to go to, like, leatherneck, and I hadn't gone to the formal leatherneck. I'd just gone to, like, the Marine fan. And Major Shea goes,

hey, we found out that they're trying to boot you. And I'm like, yeah. They're like, you want to be a Marine? And I'm like, but I didn't go through any of the stuff. And they're like, it doesn't matter. We'll take you. And I looked at Major Renforth, Major Shea, and I was just like, they're like, put it as your number two choice.

And that's like the kiss of death. Academy, you put your number one choice, suspect war. You put your number two choice. It has to be swell because then you can let transfer. That shows you're committed to the community. And so when I had to fill out my preferences, I put down NSW, then I put down Marine ground, then I put down marine air, and I put down every other service selection. for Swallow, and I put that at the bottom as my, like, kind of fuck you.

And I went into my, right before I went into my interview, I'd go into an interview for NSW, it's all the NSW officers. Major Shane, Major Renforth, knew when my interview was, and I was standing outside the door and they walked up to us, they're like, hey, we want you. So if they don't want you, we'll take you. And I was like, these are two of the best leaders I've ever come across in my life. I mean, they were just absolute champions. And I'm like, I want to be like those guys.

Like, that's leadership. And I looked around the yard and the Marines, the guys I looked up to the most. And I was like, you know what? Whatever. I went in my interview and I was not very good in Spanish. and there's a slide behind you with your grades and the captain

who goes and they're all looking at me I got a Budweiser and jump wings and they're just like looking at each other like wait a minute why is he in here

and the officer at the time briefs your record and he started briefing my record and not very kindly about my attitude and my behavior and the admiral or the captain

who ended up being an admiral after that he goes well I'm not going to ask you any questions in Spanish, given your grades. He goes, but you put marine ground as your number two choice. You want to explain that? And I said, sir, I'm 26 years old. I want to lead men in combat.

And if I'm not ready to lead men in combat by now, I'll never be ready by spending 18 months out on ship. And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's fine. You're coming back to teams. It's a done deal. And, but it was stressful. It's like you get to your senior year. You know, like the guys that you think got your back, they, you know.

Man, that's crazy to me. What was that? What's that an ego problem? They're just fucking with you? Why would they do that? It's fresh after 9-11. Fresh after 9-11. You're a seal.

Yep. Fresh officer. Yep. And they want to send you to a boat? Yeah. A lot of times when you get an officer program, a lot of the, They'll compete for officer programs, enlisted seals, and they'll take a SWO billet just to get a commission,

then LAT transfer back in if there aren't enough billets. So it's not an uncommon thing. Some guys come in OCS, they want to be SEALs, but there's not an NSW billet, so they'll go get their SWO pin and then LAT transfer in. It's the easiest way to get in the community. So we have a lot of SWOW officers that turn into SEAL officers. And I think at the time, you know,

the thinking of that particular guy was, I can get another billet I can get another seal in and you know he'll just get a swoop in and he'll come back to the community anyway so it's a win for the community and

yeah if the guy even makes it yeah it's like an 85% dropout rate at buds I know well the Naval Academy has like a 95% graduation rate well I've seen a lot of Naval Academy grads go through that never should have fucking made it

I've seen them quit Yep And then the instructors ask them Are you sure you want to quit And miraculously they're better the next day Yeah Which is a fucking shame It is

It All that said and all that headache It was still The most amazing experience of my life the education I got there they taught me how to think not what to think

you know like weapon systems engineering is applied physics and it was you know understanding the electromagnetic spectrum and wave provocation and you know

why HF why use HF comms why use VHF why use you know how night vision interacts with NVGs and like it was like applied physics for battlefield my political science

was the understanding, you know, how governments interact with people. And, you know, I wanted to know what the problem was. I always saw being a SEAL officer, like, you got the why that what and how. And, you know, you got to explain to the guys why we're doing what we're doing. We're a tactical unit that makes strategic impact. And, you know, can you look at the scope of what's happening on the battlefield and figure out how to apply this force and have the most bang for the buck? And, you know, I was a political science major.

You got a Bachelor of Science and Political Science, but it's like, I don't know what my, I don't even know what the politics were of any of my professors, you know, like, that's unbelievable these days, right? It was like, this is what's going on and let's talk about it. Let's, the Middle Eastern politics. Let's, you know, I did a deep dive and did like 85 page paper on the Muslim Brotherhood. And, like, it was just unbelievable, like, that portion of it, the how to think and how to prepare. I felt, I felt extremely well prepared when I left there as a thinker.

That makes any sense. You know, look at, like, that was worth its weight in gold. Like, that place, they always say it's a great place to be from, not a great place to be. I'll double down on that one. But the education that I walked away with was. was, you know, we used to joke around, like, that's a $500,000 education shoved up your ass, one nickel at a time.

It's like, it is. But I, it was worth it. It was all worth it. You know, graduation day, I, everyone else could get you get 30 days of basket leave and I hopped in the car and I drove straight out to Coronado and I joined a SQT class, went through a brush up.

And then went over to SEAL Team One, found Commander Wilson, said, hey, you guys are deploying first. I want to deploy. And he said, Commander Wilson sat me down. He goes, all right, here's a deal, man. Your education's on the battlefield. You run a gunfire. Any chance you get to deploy, you deploy that. So you don't take your disassociated tour and go get a master's degree.

You go back, and this is, like, we don't know how long this war is going to end. And to be an effective officer, you need to be. be down range. And so that was my, I went back to the team and I was just like, okay, let's go. I want to do this. How do it feel getting back to the teams as an officer? It was weird because as an officer, you have to go from the, I was enlisted on the East Coast and then I had to go to the West Coast because they don't want you being enlisted

in the same, on the same coast. But I've been gone for so long that it was like, you know, I knew a bunch of guys. And it was always It was great because you had a ring So you were part of the circle But I had a good conduct medal And I was a prior enlisted team guy And so I didn't get sloughed off

By the enlisted guys You know what I mean? It was like I was able to have one foot in each And getting back to the teams was like I was like okay This is what I did all that bullshit for And there's a war like I had purpose You don't want to go down range

it was like coming home Coronado was home to me one of the my senior year so you have different sponsors at the academy and their families that take you in during the time and you go there in the weekends

you can wash clothes, hang out with their families you become like a part of their family and oftentimes you have multiple families because you'll go home with your roommate's family and become friends with them and then they come to your family And so there are all these families in Annapolis that take care of the mids. And it's a really cool aspect of it that often gets overlooked when people talk about the academy.

And I had two real groups, and one were the McWaters. And she was a Navy captain. She lived on Captain's Row. And my plea beer, when I met her, I go over to their house and we knock on the door. And her husband answers the door, Bernie. And he sees my Trident. And he's like, what the hell are you doing here? And I go, I don't know.

And he goes, where are you from? I said, I'm from Erie, Pennsylvania. And he goes, I was an intel officer in Vietnam with the Navy SEAL from Erie, Pennsylvania. And it was Dave Strong. And I was like, I know Dave Strong very well. And he's like, come on in. And they became. It was one of those moments where you're like, oh, I'm in the right place.

They were this amazing family that took care of me. And then Jeremy, we had another, these two gentlemen, Alex and Joe, who owned the Annapolis Inn. And they've sponsored hundreds of Mids. And Alex and Joe were our other sponsor family. And, you know, we go over there, and Alex was a, he was a Spanish teacher. Thank God. He putted me through Spanish. so I could get through the academy.

But my senior year, the McWaters came to me and said, we're going with the Catholic Midshipment Club to Rome and then Magigory on spring break. We'd like you to come with us. And I was like, hell no. Spring break, my senior year, we're about to go back to war. I'm like, I'm going to Cancun. Like, there's no way.

And, you know, Bernie's like, our son, Brandon, really looks up to you and we want him to go. And we'd really like for you. to come with us and i was like okay i'll do it and so i went and i was you know i had my grandmother as a catholic and my dad always just did not like the whole catholic church and i'm like but these people were so important to me and they were so good to me and when they asked me i'm like okay and Bernie and I you know he was an intel officer with you know with the teams and he's just

the nicest there was just the nicest people ever so I went and we went to every basilica in Rome and there were some admirals there were some there were some young midshipmen some old retired admirals and was just a massive group and I was like kind of security I guess you know like this gaggle and so I'm like all right I'll go this but I'll just like you know, I just kind of look over everybody. I don't buy any of this stuff. And the chaplain became my drinking buddy. And we go to, he was, they were doing communion like four times a day.

And I was just like, oh my God, this is like, this is crazy. And every day, we get down, we go to dinner, and then I would sit down and I would just start to talk with the chaplain, you know? Because in my mind, I'm like, maybe I should find this thing. I need to find this. Like, maybe this guy can, he's going to open up my heart and tell me something that I don't see. And if I'm going to combat, like, I should have this. And every day, we would just pick it apart.

And I'd be like, I don't buy this. Like, I'm reading his words, and his word says the kingdom of God is inside you. Like, why do I need this building? Why do I need you? Like, what's this voice in my head? And he'd laugh. And he was a great too. I wish I, Father John can remember his last name.

we went every basilica went to the catacombs where the christians prayed when they were being persecuted and they were buried like walking i mean it's tunnels under rome and their bodies are stacked and the skeletons we had mass and there's a there's a small cathedral under st peter's cathedral that's like a private mass we had a private mass down there um and then we all got on a plane and flew to magigory where the virgin mary appears to um they appeared to these children these visions and it's in Serbia it's in Bosnia you know like you know this is like 2003 and Bosnia is still kind of I'm like is it you think guys this is smart we're taking a bunch of like military people into Bosnia to go on this adventure and we go to

this town and Magigori is this really interesting place and the story is that these children were playing and the Virgin Mary appeared to them and they flew up the mountain and over a 40 year period she would appear to them and give them you know to talk to them about what's going to happen and then they would repeat what's going on and i was just like you with the priest i'm like you really believe this he's like i'm not even supposed to be here because it's not sanctioned by the catholic church and there were all these things you do in magic or you go up and pray on cross mountain and uh in virgin mary if you're there and when the sun comes up you're going to get blessed, you know, and first day we're having breakfast, one of the midshipmen comes down,

and they've gone up and been there for sunrise, they come down, and she goes, I saw the Virgin Mary, and the priest and I at the same time were like, bullshit. And I was like, you don't believe it either. He's like, I don't, he just, he couldn't wrap his head around, I couldn't wrap my head around it. I went up there. I was there in the morning. There was another, actually another guy who became a team guy, Batista, Jimmy Batista, went with me. And we, we, we, went up for we went up and slept on cross mountain and you know we're there in the sunrise and we did everything we're supposed to do and i'm just like listen i don't buy any of this and so though the second the last day we were there um we went to see one of the vision the one of the

children who's now an adult they're going to speak through a translator and tell us what her latest vision was and so i go i had bernie's next to me and the priest is next to me and There's probably 150 people and this woman gets up on a deck and she's talking about the vision and I'm just kind of like and the translator is given the translation and I'm just kind of like, all right, let's get this over with. This woman looks at me and she locks eyes with me and I feel this like someone's grabbing me on my shoulders and pulling me down and I can't move. And I'm just like, and I start to sway a little bit. And I'm like, what the fuck? And the priest, like, looks over at me.

And I'm just kind of like, and this wasn't like a, this wasn't like two seconds. This is like, now we're into like 10 seconds. And I'm like, I can't move. And finally, she just smiles and she looks away from me. And I look over at the priest and he goes, what was that? And I was like, I don't know. And I turned around and I walked away. And he came and found me and he's like, what happened?

And I was like, I don't want to talk about it. he's like something happened and I was like I don't want to talk about it like I don't want to talk about it and we left there and I'll never forget that I wasn't instantly converted

I wasn't like oh my god I found it you know I was like I don't know what that was but that happened and I was afraid to tell Bernie and Marty because they're like see

you're you're You're meant to be a Catholic. And I came back and I was signed up for confirmation classes. And I'm like, you know what? I'll try this out. And so I went to my first Sunday confirmation class because the priest was one of the chaplains. And I went in and he does the mass. And then at the end of the mass, if you're in confirmation class before communion, they go, okay, you guys leave.

Like you're not good enough to be here. and when we did that I turned around and I had I just looked and it was like this feeling came over me of like well why am I pledging why am I I don't the word says he's within me the God the kingdom of God is within me why do I have why do I need to do this and I walked out and after mass the father was father John was there and I was like I'm not doing it he's like why And I'm like, this just doesn't feel right to me. And that was it. I left it. Walked away. You know, graduated. And I was like, I tried.

I gave you, I gave it a shot, man. I did your trip. You know, I'm trying, I'm trying to play this game, but I couldn't wrap my head around the way it was structured within the Catholic church. It just didn't make any sense. It's like, well, what he said, like, isn't, what he didn't he said this this church thing doesn't he said he was flipping over tables

he was saying these guys were this is the problem you know this organized religion and he's saying that the kingdom of god is within me like I don't understand why I need you so I gave it up went back to teams what do you think that was I don't know I don't know will come to your mind guardian angel my mom okay time time I don't know it was real it was real it happened and it freaked me out but I couldn't I could Like, when you're not there mentally, my ego was in the way. I was like, I'm going to be,

I'm a Sierra Leigh in Commando. Like, I'm going to go do this. I'm going to war. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just playing these games for you. Like, that's where I was mentally, I think. You weren't open. I wasn't.

I was like, I'm trying, I'm playing your games, but I'm just not there yet. And I don't, but it happened. that's real 100% and it freaked me out does it still freak you out not anymore

I think it was the I think it was my mom I think it was my guardian angels they just make our job a little easier just can you just make Like, you are a complete shit show. Can you just, like, let's try this. Like, we can guide you a little bit. We'll have more pull.

Otherwise, we got to work overtime with you. You've got too much going on. You know, went back to teams and, you know, first deployment was a liaison officer on the expeditionary strike group. to general medina ended up coming into southern iraq and we were the northern arabian golf task unit and there was it was and i flew around to work with the brits there was nothing you know little stuff here and there patrols you know overflights uh that was when they uh the suicide bomber tried to take out the gas and oil platforms they took the boat out there and so we We were looking for the cell, but the Brits own the southern Iraq, and that was the Brit A.O.

And they wanted nothing to do with kinetic stuff. And so we were trying our best to affect the battlefield, but the Brits owned the battlefield, and they did not want anything happening on their watch. And, you know, we were, you know, little stuff get shot out on patrol, but not like a war. You know what I mean? It was like, is this, this is what this is? But during that deployment, I was at a Danish base. I logged on in my email. Hot mail, trying to figure out.

The keyboard looks a little different. You're trying to figure out like, where are the letters that I need? And I log on, and there's an email from Brian Bouchoir, who was in our company. And it said, I'm sorry about Brett. I was like, what? Then I scroll down, and it was a forward of a newspaper article. And Brad, my roommate, tripod, he'd gone to the Marine Corps and finished TBI, or TBS, the basic school. He went to the base school, then, infantry school, and he was down in Camp Lejeune,

and he was a rifle to lieutenant commander, getting ready to deploy to Iraq. He and a bunch of his friends, including his best friends. from high school and a fellow wrestler Kevin McCann, they all met up and went to a North Carolina State football game for opening day. And they were tailgating. And a car came ripping through the parking lot. And everybody was throwing stuff at the car because they were speeding. And the car came to screeching halt right in front of the Marines tailgate. These kids get out. And altercation happens. And with Brett, they almost hit a little. They almost hit a little. girl. And all the Marines are like, hey, man, you got to calm down. Like, you guys are driving

like assholes on these, they were obviously under the influence of something. And altercation breaks out. And Brett just wipes the floor with the kid and throws him back in the car. He's like, get out of here. And they drive away. Marines go back to tailgating. 30 minutes later, that kid walks up with a gun in his hand. And fucking, you know, shoots Brett to throw. throat kills him. Kevin McCann, his best friend, not a Marine. Everyone else hits the deck. Kevin McCann jumps on the shooter, starts wrestling the gun away. Shooter puts the gun to Kevin's head, executes him. Shut.

These kids get up and leave. He was gone. He had not war. He'd spent every single day of my time at the academy. He was two feet for me. He held me when my dad died. Quite literally, the most beautiful soul I had ever. known smile is like with light up it lit up happen and I just sat in this base I was like I read that

I'm like I don't even know the last picture I had with him is on graduation day standing behind him and Mr. Ferrier my stepdad he just walked on the field with the camera. He snapped this picture of the two of us together. And Brett's beautiful smile and we're in our whites. It was pouring down rain. He never, he never, he never, he was a born leader. He was an amazing wrestler. But he wasn't the best wrestler. He just worked the hardest. There's an award at the Naval Academy called the Brett Harmon Award. We give out every year. It's the kid it's like the fire in the gut you know he was a part of every good memory i had at that place all day every day we struggled through every class together we laughed played music made

up songs wrestled drunk on the floor jeremy and jeremy and johnny and i i i But to this day, I still think it's lost other guys in combat. You know, you lose friends in combat. That's, we signed up for that. Like, that's okay. That was like, that side, that hit me like, I can't even imagine. I still was like a train. Just fucking bulldoze me.

And the marine I worked for at the time, Jen, Till was his, she was a Naval Academy grad. Dan Till was his secretary, and I emailed that to Jen, and she went to the general, and he goes, send him home, send him home to be with her mother. The other Marines aren't going to get to go home. So I got this note on a base and was like, go home, find a way. So I grabbed field camis, my gun,

hopped on a helicopter, flew to Basra, like gave my shit to another seal that was there, caught a transport plane to Kuwait, then angled some orders. I was covered, and I literally had a backpack with a flip phone and a credit card landed and took a, had it beenangled my way on a flight with a group of Army reservists guys going back for their, you know, mid-year tour break, landed in Dallas and one of the sponsored dads for the Naval Academy, Mr. Bentley. He had sponsored a bunch of power-enlisted

Marines. He was the legend. He was a, you know, tried in industries in Dallas. I mean, hits to that, you can do a two-hour podcast and the good that man did. Had his guys pick me up and drove me straight to Neiman Marcus. And he's like, you need clothes. I was wearing field camis. He dressed me.

He bought a gift for Brett's mother. And he was like, here's a plane ticket to Chicago. Go be with his mother and make sure she gets that. And that's from all of, that's from your room. I got on a plane and went there and we all just congregated in Chicago and Brett was a huge Cubs fan and we buried him at my buddies from the academy went they found a they found whites for me they put together a uniform for me it met me and I mean I just sat with his mother and and then ass over tea kettle planes trains and automobiles finding my way back to Baghdad trying to convince people at Dover like

I just need a flight back to Iraq and they're like who are you? I'm like uh but it was that was that you know people talk about their first rotation like that was my first rotation it was the worst loss that I'd

ever experienced and it wasn't even on the battlefield damn beat Yeah. He was the best of us. I'm sorry, man. Yeah. Well, thank you. I came back from that.

Rotation in Brett, and it was. immediately started another workup at team one and uh i was like yeah anyways it was a hard to shift gears from that um that one just that one just doesn't doesn't sit well with me still to this day doesn't sit well with me i can see that i hope that's motherfuckers burning. They get life in prison. I don't know.

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Yeah, SEAL Team 1. backing up the tune and starting work up again um you know go to pro-deb whatever but i got uh i got picked to go to jatac school and i was like right on this is cool like and my shooting buddy at the time is bow nan kibble um and beau's roommate and best friend was j t tumlinson and j t and his platoon had been picked to be a jatac as well and so bo and j t and i always were hanging out together. I said, you guys are going to go the same J-Tack school. J-T. and I loaded up my pickup truck with two dirt bikes, snowboards, road bikes, all of our kit. And we headed up to Fallon. And we had two hotel rooms. So one hotel room was the gear box, all of our shit in the other

hotel room we slept in. And every night, we'd go to J-Tax school. And then as soon as it was cut, We'd either go for a road bike ride or go for a run or hop on our dirt bikes and head all around the desert. And I started, when I got out, I started, or got back out there, I bought a dirt bike and I started racing in the desert races. One of my chiefs, Hans Garcia, was like, you got to try this out. And so I bought a YZF 250 and we would go out and the desert races are like 60 miles, 120 miles, and it's just a loop. and it is a physical just it's unbelievable it's such a great workout but it's like as a team guy being a competitive person the minute they drop the bomb on that thing you're just like pin it and you're like bah like and you go until you crash and then you get up and you crash again

and it's just like but it is unbelievable so I started doing that and we're at J-Tack school and there's all kinds of trails to ride around Fallon so J-Tine I are ripping around Fallon. On the weekend, we'd go up to Tahoe. We'd go skiing. He was a snowboarder. I was a skier. And we just had the best time. And during that, I think it was a month, J.T. and I became extremely close. Like, we were together all day, every day in class, and then all day every day after class. And it was like, he, I just, I don't know, it was, it was, that was, that was the best part of that workup was that trip, you know, dropping bombs learn how to drop bombs with the top gun guys and then that night heading out on our dirt bikes and you know tearing up the single track around Fallon so that was you know we came back from that and then my troop commander at the time it just come over team five Dave Silverman he said hey do you want to augment damn neck and I was yeah let's send me down range so I went over and it was said right after red wings like

when I mean like they were those guys were on their way back and I was coming into country passing the airfield and it was my first augment and as soon as I got there I am neck is seal team six for those who don't know yeah and so as soon as I got there I went over the compound so you have see Gisotif and J-Soc and Cigisotif is combined joint special operations task force which would be all the foreign guys plus all of the white side green berets seals um steebs and then jsock is obviously joc um anyways we so as soon as i got there went over to the compound i mean they just lost not like the biggest loss in nsw history and a couple of my friends um dave williams was on the helicopter behind the helicopter that got

shot down and it man there there was just weight on that compound and it was just it was just heavy and Kevin Pope um was like a one of my C daddies at teammate he was a he was a mass chief at the time found Kevin and like you know just what happened and it was that was you didn't you didn't see the effects of war and I hadn't seen the effects of war until that moment you know like you saw it on guy's faces that were like they looked older you know the guys that were young happy laughing dudes at the Naval Academy like Dave like he was visibly shaken and it was like this is real like and it was it was a really I remember that's very specifically and we

I was at the time, I'd just gotten over there and we were running some of the, I was working the desk of the Omega desk and we were putting together in the, so the minute the helicopter crashed, the investigation went from Siege of SOTA and it became a C-SAR and the authority went to J-Soc. So at that moment, all of the investigation was shouldered by J-Sock of the Red Wings operation. And they were in the middle of it. And since it was out by Assadabad, and I was working with some of the omegas, which were the outstations, we were tasked with helping with the investigation. And so going through all the reports and just getting to, you know, see the whiteboards are still, the whiteboards were still drawn with like, you know, timelines and this went to here and like trying to, you know, piece this whole thing together.

And being in the jocks suck, man. It was like the car, the plywood palace. And one of the master chiefs, Billy, he's like, we had a couple other friend, team guys that I had been through buds with. And they're like, oh, you were prior enlisted? I'm like, yeah, like, you got any good qualls? And I was like, I just went to JTAC school. And I'm like, he's like, perfect.

There's a helo leaving in 30 minutes for Canada Har. He hands me a lot of cash. He's like, take this down to Omega down there. Get out of here and don't come back. And I was like, Roger that. And so, you know, I got to, that deployment was fantastic because it was, I got to call in some airstrikes. I got to see the different outstations. I got to see how J-Soc operated, which is completely different from how the regular teams were operating in country.

Um, and that was a, I mean, went down to, when I was in Kandahar, I was beginning to riding dirt bikes, made dirt bikes down there and, uh, um, they had a track out in Kandahar at Camp Gecko, well, which was, uh, Mulu Omar's old compound, and Mula Omar had built a cave, uh, cave, uh, cave, uh, Kama, I saw him Bin Laden, had built a cave for Mula Omar, and it was on the compound. And there was a statue of the front of Camp Gecko that had a, it was like his interpretation of what hell looked like. It was this crazy, like it was really freaky.

We'd go out on the dirt bikes and rip around the track. We took him into Bin Laden's cave and did donuts. That was a... I think we were there at the same time. Yeah, probably. So that would be 2005. July and August. in August, July, August, into the beginning of mid-September, 2005, when I was there.

Yeah. Weird. Yeah. The 50-meter single shot, there was a plate at 50 meters. You go out in the morning, one shot from the holster, pistol steel plate, and then the hike up behind Camp Ganko. Yeah. Yeah, a little workout. Yeah, that was, I came back, and since I was a new J-TAC,

I went and talked to the AC-130 crews, and they were going up to site in the 105s, and I said, hey, can I come along? And they were like, yes, sure. I'm like, I would love to see, from a J-TAC perspective, what you see, you know, what is, what, I know what it's like to talk to you, but like, it'll help me picture.

what you're seeing so i went up and we were over the range i was up in the cockpit and the selector the bone of ahmed shah who was the guy they were going after during red wings the selector popped on a mountain and uh they spun us over there and they said hey man you want to we're going to roll over there you want to clear hot on this guy and i was like yeah like it was a guy under a blanket making a phone call at the top of the mountain and uh I don't think it was, I think there's no way it was Ahmed Shah, but it was a bad guy, nonetheless. And so he's no longer on a blanket underneath the land under blanket on top of a mountain. He just picked up the wrong cell phone.

Yeah, that was, that was interesting to be in the plane. And we're just like, you know, looking down. What was that experience like? Just seeing it from the pilot standpoint, seeing the flare and how the, you know, everything, how the whole system worked and being in the plane and watching the aircrew. crew, and sitting up in the cockpit and watching the pilots, AC-130 pilots, like, that platform is, that's the most amazing platform we have in, you know, the spooky guys, I can't say enough about those guys, because they fly low and slow, and they hang it out there, man. And the amount of firepower that they are able to bring to bear in a fraction of a second, I mean, because you, you know,

You said the TGB, the green beam, it looks like a lightsaber, and you just kind of, on the ground, you just, you know, hey, rope, yeah, I'm Mark here, call contact, contact, and then they just start hammered, and their precision is unbelievable. So to see that from the sky and to watch the cruise and just kind of be present in there was a really amazing experience. But, you know, had the chance to i'm not sure who we got but got somebody nice uh but yeah we came back from that rotation and um they immediately put me in uh ahead about a month and they threw me in free fall school and my wife heather at the time not my wife uh she was uh my friend growing up and we used to ski together she actually knew my dad um

I had this huge crush on her. I met her in the sixth grade, and I was like, oh, my God, this girl is amazing. She's an awesome skier, an awesome soccer player. Post-college, she went and played soccer at WVU, and she's beautiful. I just had this thing for her, and I wrote her some music. I sent her it out to her. In the mail. I'm like a CD.

Like, hey. and I said, hey, you want to come out going a road trip? And she's like, sure, it's off-season in Aspen. She was working as a snowboard instructor on Snowmass, and she coached the soccer team in Basalt, high school soccer team. And so she came out for a road trip. And I ended up get thrown into a free fall school.

And at the time I was living in Coronado, my sponsor parents from the academy of the McWaters, they had this awesome house and they had a back alley apartment. And so they rented me this back. alley apartment that was a single car garage converted into a, converted into a living space. It had bunk beds. I'm 26 years old. I got bunk beds and a tiny little bathroom.

And there's a dirt bike in there and a, you know, like a love sack. And it was like the crash pad for all the team guys. They get drunk at Danny's and they'd be like, I'd come into my, I'd come into my apartment. That'd be like, dudes, I didn't even know, like, crashing because I'm like, hey, if you're drunk, don't drive home, just crash at my place. And so you'd wake up in the morning and it was like littered with frog men. Like, dudes would be coming in the middle of the night, you know, like, hey, can I stay here? I'm like, I'm like, whatever.

Dude's coming. I had, I had this tiny little window and these, and I had cinder blocks with, like, two by eights that were, that had like a little TB on that were on the windows. And I can't tell you how many times dude came through my window and wrecked my whole two by eights. It would be all over the floor in the morning. And there's like, some half-clothed frog man, like, laying on the floor. And I'd be like, hey, dude. I'm heading in. Do you need a ride?

Like, what team you had? I'm T5. All right, let's go. And I had this awesome little apartment. And, you know, I didn't really leave Coronado back then. I love Coronado. Like, that's just, it was awesome. Home.

We go to Danny's. It wasn't the tomb that it is today. It was just kind of lighthearted. I met Eric Schellenberger there. And I thought Shelley was a bartender. Turns out he was actually a team one at the time. I was like, oh, you're the bartender from Danny's. He's like, actually, I'm in the Delta Platoon.

I was like, oh, cool. So I invite Heather out for a road trip. And I'm like, let's just hang out and do something fun. She comes out and get stuck in free fall school. And I show up and she's sitting in my little apartment. And I'm like, I'm like, this is my dream girl. And we ended up hanging out six days. And after six days, I was like, you want to marry me?

And she's like, yeah. And I had hoped something like this would happen. And on my deployment to Afghanistan, I actually ordered a ring on USAA. So I was like in the jock like ordering a ring. I sent it. And it was supposed to be like delivered, you know, to the apartment. and they delivered it to the apartment or the house across the street

because I couldn't find my little back alley apartment I came home, I'm freaking out. I'm like, was there a package here? It says it delivered. No, she's like, no. I'm like running around knocking everybody's door and this woman hands me this like, you know, one-carad diamond bringing in a box.

And we go to the hotel Dell and asked her to marry me. I was like, you want to marry me? And she's like, yeah, I'm like, all right, gave her a ring. And I'm like, I guess we're doing this. and this is about six I don't know we're about two weeks from deploying

and a couple more I'm still tying we're just tying up loose ends before deployment and I go in and Silverman and Ann Kibbler are there

and they're like so you're gonna do this or what I'm like what do you mean like you're gonna marry her or what I'm like well yeah eventually and they're like no no you got to do it before we leave like you got nobody to give you

have nobody to sign your SGLI paperwork to and I was like oh like let's go so we all packed it up and went down to the courthouse and and we like the the four of us coughed up our cash was like they wouldn't take cards they wouldn't take a debit card you had to pay cash so we're like I'm like you got 50 cents like we scraped the money together and uh and hether and i get married and we go to dany's afterwards and of course beau and dave are like calling the platoon they're like scobel got married and everyone's like, wait, what? And so they all show up because they're like, who is this girl? And the

guys show up and everybody's, you know, we're all drinking and hanging out. And, um, and, uh, one of the guys goes, uh, Mrs. Scobel, would you like to order a shot for the, for the troop? And she's like, sure. And they're like, what do you, what would you like? A lemon drop? She goes, I don't drink that pussy shit. Jack Daniels. And they were like, this is the girl. And so we hopped in the car. After we got married, we hopped in the car. I take that, the party happened before the marriage. The next day was the marriage.

We went to Dave's house. We had pizza. And we hopped in the car and we drove up to do like a road trip. And we ended up pulling over at a rest stop. And we slept in the back of my Toyota Tacoma. And so our first night was in the back of a pickup truck. Nice. Headed up to Heelsberg.

and went up to Heelsberg. We stayed at this place called the Madrona Manor. And it was a cool bed and breakfast. We were there like two days. Did some wine tasting. And then I bought a ring in town in Heelsberg. And we drove back and it was like getting on a plane the next day. I'm like, who was that fast?

And I'm like, well, so I did my paperwork. I'm like, so here's a deal. I don't know. have anybody, I don't have family, I have anybody, but, you know, if something happens to me, then, you know, you'll get this and, and here are the keys to my car. I don't know, that's what I'll, you know, she drives me to North Island. And it's right out of a movie, you got the band playing, and all everybody's saying goodbye to their families, and we were flying out on C-5, and the guys get on the plane, and I'm sitting

with Heather and I go I don't know how we do this and she goes don't be careful and I'm like what she goes looks at me just very calmly she goes don't be careful what she goes every time you try to be carefully do something stupid she goes just go all out kill everybody and come home and I was like all right I can't her my keys and I got on the plane and beau goes what'd she say I'm getting to the plane, I'm like, she told me not to be careful, and bug I thought, this could be a great deployment. Told me to kill everybody and come home. Yeah, not to be careful, I'd get everybody to come home.

And they were like, dude, that's awesome. And, you know, that was goodbye. And she drove, she'd never even drove a standard. And she drove my Toyota Tacoma pickup from San Diego back to, back to the valley, Roaring Pork Valley. And I bought her a computer. We went to the Apple Store. I was like, and we set up an email.

I was like, I'll email you, and later. See in six months. Yeah, CNN six, about eight, ended up being eight months. And that's, you know,

we got to Baghdad, and there was 2005 in Baghdad, and it was like, you know, you had the invasion, and then there was that lull after the invasion, and then we came in

and made a bunch of stupid decisions like firing the entire leadership of the army, the Iraqi army, you know, I mean, the makeup of Iraq is like, about 70% Shia, 20% Sunni, 10% Kurd.

And Saddam Hussein was a Sunni. And so he, you know, he was in a minority leading, you know, he ruled with an iron fist to the Shia. And Iran is Shia, right? So that's, you know, the Iran-Rak wars over the border down south. So he used it was the massive influx of Shia. And most of the officer corps of the Ba'ath Party was Sunni. so when we fired these guys it was like chaos and that's you know these guys all packed up

and that's what started the insurgency I was like it was in my mind probably the worst decision and I still hadn't like figured out like like like I get Afghanistan that one makes sense you know bin Laden al-Qaeda that makes sense what are we doing over here you know I It was like, it was from a geopolitical standpoint in that moment. Yeah, I was just like. That's what we were doing over there. We were what? Halliburton.

Oh, yes. That's what we were doing over there. Yes. Feeding Dick Cheney's company. We were feeding. And this kind of jumps a little bit. I remember coming in from an op one night. And it was around Thanksgiving.

And we roll in on Dubai app. And we've just been out getting after it. And there's an ice sculpture in the chow hall. And I'm sitting there looking at my chief, and I'm like, what the fuck is this? Like, you know, we had been working with the Iraqi counter-terrorist force and we had no budget, right?

It's like we're trying to scrape together, you know, gear and whatnot for these guys. And you roll into the Chau Hall and there's a ice sculpture. And I'm just like, I remember, this is fucked up. Like, this is, like, how do you explain to the guys? Like, yeah, we're doing.

God's work. Like, this is God and country. Like, what are we doing here? You know, I mean, anyway, so when we get there, we kind of got chopped away. It was an interesting time. And the insurgency was starting to pick up. And there was a green berets that had trained the Iraqi counterterrorist force. So the SIF companies had been training these guys for about two years. And they had been billed as like the Delta Force of the Iraqis. And so we're like, well, that sounds cool. And they wanted to put an Iraqi face on all the operations. So we were in this, like, hybrid mode of outdoing assault, but with Iraqis.

So, you know, we like, you know, a total like maybe 10 Americans going out and then, you know, 50 Iraqis. So we get there and we're working with fifth group. So over the other time, we're a fifth group, third group, and seventh group. And we were kind of chopped away in this really odd. We weren't, we weren't working for Siege of SOTIF directly. And we weren't, we got loosely attached to 17 or 16, which was J-Soc. And at the time, like, you know, Delta, that was when Delta was spinning up. Dude, those guys are legends, man.

I mean, I remember rolling in the green zone and just watching, like, every night. the little birds lifting off the green zone and those guys are just getting after it and slaying people. It was like, holy shit, man. I got so much respect for the D-boys. Those guys were living the dream during that time. I mean, it was, they were just running a gun. So when we got the, we got the Delta, we got the Delta force, the Iraq, the Iraq. And, you know, they break it up. We get over there and, um, they're like, you're going to take, um, you're going to take a wrecky, the wrecky guys and, um, you're going to do ground mobility because I was into the mobility thing. Like, I was riding dirt bikes. I was doing the, all the off-road stuff. And, uh, and we had,

you know, NSW didn't do ground mobility. Like, until we got to Afghanistan. It was like, we were allowed to touch anything that had wheels on it because everything that we touch brakes. Like, you know, remember that old saying about like, put a frogman and a, room with a room with no doors, no windows, and three steel balls, and he'll break one, lose the other one, and get the third one pregnant. Like, that's the, like, nobody was going to give us vehicles, right? And we get over there, they're like, okay, you guys are going to, you guys are going to patrol in Humvees. And so the NSW mobility was in this, like, infant stages. And so it was like, write the book on it. How are we going to do it? And so at the time, you know, we got over

there and like looking at the battle space and the IEDs were going up and we're like five or six like a week and then it started getting more and more and more and so and I was in charge of ground mobility and the Rackie guys and so as soon as we got there I'm like hey I went to the OD guy and I'm like let's plot every IED on Falcon View so we had Falcon View which is flight planning software and we were actually using that as our navigational software because it's like the only the way you'd navigate around Baghdad is like there's like a map right and you have a GPS and you try to match it up and so what we did was we took GPSs like maritime GPSs and we would take the GPS feed put it into a tough book and then we would download all the available maps and geolocate them

including overhead imagery into there and then I would start to layer uh you know hey this road isn't here the latest imagery of whatever got blown up the night before and so we built this database um with every iED time stamped and we started to see these patterns emerge and it was like you know right before curfew idies would go off and then right in the morning and they're on the main MSRs and then you'd see him around the FOBs and so you know as a lead navigator I was like all right so we would I would throw these potential routes in there you know red yellow and green routes and we would just we'd head out and I'd navigate we would navigate on It's flight planning software so we could use the latest and greatest navigational stuff.

The Army had a navigational component in their system, but it was like this big thing in the Humvee, and then your blob was like this big, and you can't see turns, you can't. It was like kind of useless. So we created this like our guys do. We just innovated, you know, we created this database. We created a new way to navigate. and my recky guys, I get there, and I'm like, oh, this is going to be cool. Like, you know, like, we get the recky guys.

Like, they were playing clothes. And their mission was to, you know, we would give them a location where we, a known location of a bad guy. And we'd put them in a car and they had cameras in the car. And then we would put the, we'd put an E-Trex in it with a hidden puck. And they would drive out. They would go to the, where they think. thought the location was take a couple pictures, they would come back. I'd download the pictures and we would pull the breadcrumbs off and analyze the route. And then that night,

that was used for the assault force. Right. So that's how we were kind of using these guys. And so, you know, and they were also tasked with, you know, cumin. And so we get there and, you know, we had a great working relationship with the green brace. I love those guys. a phenomenal group they were just like we've been training these guys for two years we take them out to the range we're like let's you know let's see what we got

and you know let's do some they're wearing plain clothes so the reckey guys are playing clothes and I'm looking at my crew and I'm just like feeling like maybe I didn't get like the elite group you know what I mean these guys pull out of holster and dude like we were diving for cover we're like what the bullets going everywhere

sweeping everything Come to find out, one of the guys, he had shot himself in the foot like the week earlier in his barracks room. And I'm just like, I'm like, oh, maybe, maybe this can be a little rougher than I'm thinking. And I come to find out, like, nobody wanted to be in Recky. So, like, I got the, like, the bad news bears of the group. The fifth group guys are like, okay, magical seals, let's see what you can do with these fucking guys. And we were just like, all right, I guess we got to start training these guys. And the other side was like, well, take the car.

And they were like, no, we're not driving that car. I'm like, why aren't you driving? They're like, we've driven this car in every neighborhood in Baghdad. And every time we drive in, this is via the terp, every time we drive in there, like, they know the assault force is coming. So we're going to, they were scared of driving the cars in. I was like, well, let's get them new cars. And, you know, of course, the Green Braves are like, no shit, we haven't thought of that, you know. We're like, we don't have any budget.

We got no money. And I'm like, you know, there's ice skull. in the in the in the in the in the chow hall and there's no budget for these guys that are out there you know we're conducting op so I'm like so when I'm going on a lot and we kill a guy and uh there's a key there's a set of keys in the room in the house and I walk out on the street and there's a clicker and I was like beep beep there's a suburban I was like he's dead and it's my new guy I'm like just drive this thing back we drive it back and I'm like we got to so we had a mechanic that worked there his name was Ali he was either a new guy I'm like he's either Muhammad or Ali and I go to Ali I'm like hey you know we need to sell this and buy a new one and I'm working with my terp who's Sudanese you know and he's doing doing the go between his name was Pete and um Ali he gets it right away goes yeah me go bad dad and he the next day he comes back and he's got a new car and I'm like I'm sure he's you know sold it kept some money whatever I didn't care. So then I'm like, where else are their cars around here? They're like, well, the Diff

has got cars that we confiscate, the interrogation facility. So we sneak over there one night and jump the fence. We start looking at cars with Ali, and we're like, pick a couple that can be fixed. And so we gank those and we steal those. Take them Baghdad, swap them out, bring it back, rig up new cameras. Now we got, we got, we've got new stuff. Meanwhile, we're trying to train these guys who they're not, these guys are not elite. The one morning, I'm like, Like, hey, all right, guys, got to be here tomorrow, 9 o'clock. Lieutenant Mahat looks at me and goes, inshallah. And he leaves.

And I look at the turp and I was like, God willing? He's like, they're not coming at 8 o'clock. The 10 o'clock, they show up. Like, hey. And I was like, all right. Next day, I'm like, 8 o'clock. They're like, inshallah. So at 8.05, I'm standing at their barracks for the flash crash grenade.

I was like, whee. Blah! I'm screaming out. And they're running by me. I'm like, insula. You'd think that would get a motivated. They showed up at like 9.30 the next day. They're like, you know, it's better.

I'm like, we're making progress. So we started scavenging. You know, we started scavenging. And I go to the dump and I found like a CP generator. And we'd sell that on the black market, use the money to buy new equipment and gear. And we were training with them, and they started to get more capable. I mean, you know, like they were getting more confident. We teach them out of shoot from the holster.

We get them some new gear. Like, I had a step-sister worked for North Face, and I called her up. And I was like, you got any, like, old North Face gear that you guys don't want? Because they would see us in Kit. You know, we'd have, like, cool, cool guy stuff. So I had her, she mailed over a bunch of old stuff from the, that was, like, laying around. extra inventory and I handed it out these guys get like Black Day they're like we're like cool guys now you know you're running around and Recky like started to become like cool as that was going

on Dave Silverman was just you know I call him the Silvermanian devil he just knows how to get shit done and he he just spins and Dave's working liaison piece and we send some like we send there, uh, we sent a couple guys up to, um, MNFI. We send a guy over to, uh, to 16. And at the time, you know, like, there's a whole bunch of, you know, inter, there's rivalry everywhere, but it was just like inner, inter-service rivalry and within the army from the green brace to, you know, Cidia SOTO to SIP, um, or J-Soc to Siff. And, and so we send one of our guys up there. And, uh, and he won over the trust. And they, started farming out targets to us because we had, we had the Iraqis. And so our op tempo started

to increase. And so, you know, they'd come back. I'd take the information, throw it in the, throw it in Falcon View. And we started, our op tempo started to increase. And just during that time was when all of the cell phone stuff started to take off. And that's when like Delta's ops went to like four a day. I mean, they were just like, just over and over. And, um, You know, we, we, we, they started winning, we started winning their confidence and a lot more targets started flowing into us. I think what also happened was they just had too much work. And we had the, so they would send us to the sensitive stuff. Anything that was, we don't want an American face on that.

We need an Iraqi face on that. And we had this amazing working relationship with the fifth group and third group. And I feel like, I mean, it's just awesome. a handful of team guys, a handful of Green Brays, leading this hodgepodge of, you know, our Iraqi Deltivores out and about.

And we ended up going from one-op a week to four a day. Four a day? Yeah. And we cleaned out the top ten deck a few times. We caught, I think, the number of number four, Alcor.

I mean, the stories out of that, I mean, it was just making shit happen, dude and like you you're trying to figure step out one of the i went to the green zone one day um and by this point you know it was that was like wild west of bagdad in those times like you know you'd leave out of the flying man you'd leave you know from the flying man heading the green zone you'd cross that big bridge and then you entered the green zone and every time he'd roll out of there it was just like RPGs and small arms fire and everyone would button up and it was just

like a race course, like convoy after convoy, making the, you know, the B-line. And what I found was like, you just drove in a regular car, nobody shot at you, nobody cared. So everybody, my assault force was sleeping all day and they were up all night. And since I was working with my recie guys, I was up all day, I just, I'm like, hey, I need shit, I need to get done. So I would just take one of the cars that we still drive in and meet the guys in the green zone, get target package, come back. And, you know, we were just making shit happen. And we were just making shit happened during that time and it was it was a it was a crazy it was it was one of those like but it was it was team guys doing what team guys do um you know make make make it make a way it wasn't

and it wasn't all pretty you know like i remember you just we'd be we'd be out like herding cats and with with the iraqis and you're just like i mean i mean our assaultors would go in the room And instead of having a gun on, they would have their hands on the back of an racket. They'd be like, you over here, you over here. Like, directing, it was that kind of, you know. But, you know, hey, we make it work. And, you know, I can remember being out there and seeing the Delta, like, coming by, like, taken off from the green zone and the little birds. I'm like, it's like thorough breads.

Like, wow. And I look down and I'm like riding glue stick in combat. This is not what I was expecting. But you know what? We're getting work done. You know, everybody's experience over there is different. And, you know, that, you know, a bunch of interesting little stuff happened during that. But it was, it wasn't until the end of that rotation.

That was when the Sauter City Uprising happened. And it was like March of 2005. I don't know if you recall that. And there was a couple car bombs that went off in Sauter City. And it was just like, like, tensions were really high. And our force was like, fuck this, we're going home. Are you serious? Yeah, they were.

I remember sitting down. The Iraqis. Because they would rotate every two weeks. So, and, you know, you get a new batch in. It was like, they knew everybody. Every two weeks would rotate. And when this civil war kicked off, I was like,

hey, I got to go home and defend my family. And we had the same kind of demographics of the force. You know, we had, you know, 60% Shia,

20% Sunni, 10% Kurd. And, you know, that you could see the guys, like, percolating in it. And I remember during that time, like, trying to, you know, like,

hey, you guys are the future of Iraq. And trying to, like, mend this, this, I don't know. It was unnerving because you're going out on Target and you're just like, are you going to turn on each other?

Are we in the wrong neighborhood? You know, it was a really, that was an unnerving time. And we had sent guys out to follow essentially. There was one guy we had been looking for. And we hit his house, but like a soft hit because he had a sister. and we had hit the house and we had essentially made friends with her and she didn't like the guy we were going after because he abused his wife and so we'd convinced this girl to just take a cab to where he lived

and our guys were going to follow it marked the target and come home and that was like right as the uprising started and while we're conducting that they like I'm on phone with these guys and they get rolled up and it's like hell breaks loose in in solder city and it they got grabbed and silent like probably six guys we've been working with and um they got tortured tortured and killed and they got stuffed in a morgue and our assault force all of the guys all the Iraqi counterterrorist force guys and hopped on the gun trucks and drove in to the morgue and then went winchester all 50s or shoot pistols out of the uh turrets dug through the morgue and got their guys bodies damn and um they came home how did they torture them they had cut off their

genitals put them in their mouth it skinned them they had they had um drilled there were drill in their legs they were drilling them and i i this was iraqi on iraqi it was like and those guys man they fought their way in fought their way out and brought their brothers home and I don't know why we went to Iraq I really don't but you know we always talked about like why do you fight you fight for the guy next to you and I was I was really proud that day of what they did and they went in there and they fucking fought to the last round dug through a morgue and got their brothers that had been tortured and brought him home and you know I'm sure it went against they were in the wrong

neighborhood. There were Shias and Sunnis and Kurds fighting together. Those guys went in there and just duked it out. They brought them back. And I went to the head of the ICTF and I said, let's get the families. And I nailed their coffin shut. I'll never forget that. I personally nailed their coffin shut because one of the guys, Sod had given me, gave me a gift and one of the red had dresses and he gave it to me like and like right before that like and he was like just he'd given me that and and it and it was his he went on that up and um I was like fuck this we'll bring the families in and we did the best that we could I nailed the coffin shut personally and I gave him back and I could I could never

explain why you know what I mean like that was it I started to lose a lot of like we're supposed to be doing good we're supposed to be this was supposed to be a positive you know we're going to free this country and I was just watching what they were doing to themselves and the only good I could find was in the brotherhood of of those warriors they were amazing and you know I joke about at the beginning they were the bad news bears but they fought like lions they really did and uh we came back from that rotation and um i actually flew back early about a week because i had gotten orders to as db team one my old boss said don't take it any downtime get an operational you know chance to take another

operational rotation you know we came back from that one and uh Heather picked me up actually I landed flew to Colorado met Heather and I was like hey we're going to Hawaii pack your shit and uh we got pregnant with Lena right after that she got pregnant I hate when dads are like we got pregnant yeah not us of them but you know now all of a sudden it's like we came back and you know coming back from that it was the first time he's like you you within 48 hours of seeing that and being part of that to sitting in a restaurant in Aspen Colorado having dinner I was like that short of a time frame and I was just like I remember

having second thoughts about what we're doing but I was excited about going to the undersea stuff you know what I mean I'm like I always want like the frog man thing was why I came in but that I still can't get that one out of my head I can't get a rack out of my head because it just could never I never got the answer to why and I think a lot of guys we lost a lot of really amazing Marines and and just Americans are in general but guys that i marines that i knew personally from the academy and you know that it just never sat with me never sat well with me but coming back after that was just the the the sheer where you go from this massive violence to you're in a five-star hotel restaurant

in aspen you're like this something's wrong with this picture and you're trying to be okay and at that time i was okay to your new wife yeah you've barely spent any time with yeah and so we talked to her about it no so she have any idea i don't think at the time i just kind of kept that to myself why what you say like uh so how was here what were you doing i was i mean we nailing coffin shut i mean some of the nights were worse than others you know i mean we flipped humbys off a bridge one night off the bridge going into bagdad we're trying to teach the Iraqis how to drive. And Iraqi police got into our convoy.

Our guys tried to, Iraqis tried to get them out of the convoy, lost control. And they flipped the Humvee with a bunch of ICTF assaulters in the back. They flipped the Humvee off. And they landed upside down. And then the ambush started. And I, you know, that was a night that I was heading out

to another op and they called me QRF and I rolled up. And I was just like, oh my God. You know, we're like picking up body. parts on the street the iraqi just got there were two seals inside the car that were okay fortunately but the iraqis in the back when the humby went over it flipped upside down and laying on top itself and it was just it was just a mess i mean i remember walking up to that scene being like oh you get shot at her just like holy shit you don't see this isn't this isn't in the movies you know, like that

you literally pick up a hand that's in a movie but like literally pick up a hand throw in the back of Mahmvi the Iraqis were like freaking out on our ground force commander Will Hodge at the time like you get helicopters here and we're like the hospital's right there

and they're like you wouldn't you wouldn't if this were Americans you get helicopters and you know some of the Iraqis were really emotional like ripping their body armor off while we're getting shot at and you're just like I remember pulling up to the scene And I'm seeing Will, and I'm just like, dude, and he's like, just get him out of here.

Get them out of here. And we were putting body parts and Iraqis in the back of a vehicle. And this was all kind of happened at the end of the deployment. Like, it was like, it was like quiet, quiet, and then ops ramped up. And then it was just like, shit everywhere. And the stress of the, you know, that was right at the time when the EFPs showed up. And you saw the pictures of the EFPs, you know, it's a shape charge and explosively formed projectiles that the Iranians had built and shipped over. And, you know, the offset was already built.

And they were using the garage door sensors where they would put the garage door sensors out. So when the front of the Humvee broke the laser, it was the perfect distance. So the EFP would go off and go through the passenger side and the driver's side and suck everybody. the overpressure would suck everybody in the Humvee out. And, I mean, these IEDs were happening everywhere. It was just like, and I remember some of the Marines were building like arms that stuck out over the front. Remember that?

They drive around the bag down with the arms. What that was the best you could do? You know, like, let's let the bomb go off and take out the front of the Humvee. Let's stop the, not stop the bomb. I mean, you know, and then we were doing four ops a day. And it was just like, it was, that ending, it was just like this. I mean, are these ops?

I mean, are they all kinetic? Oh, what? Are these all kinetic ops? Yeah. So what was happening is that's when all the signet stuff was kicking off. And they were tracking selectors. And, you know, essentially what would happen is they would start popping. They would, green would head out.

And they were hitting and whatever was left over. they were passing off to, or the targets, like, you know, we hit the Ma'am Ali mosque one night. They didn't want, they didn't want, they wanted more Iraqis on assaulting a mosque than Americans. And so when there were sensitive targets like that or anything that was quasi-sensitive, they would send us. And so we ended up as this like additional arm of green during that rotation. So it was just individuals going after. but what's in it you know i think that's the hardest thing for me was like they're hvTs well defined high what is a high value target like you know what i mean like what

like when the risk got to that point you're you're putting you're putting all these people at risk in my mind i'm like strategic force tactile operation like is a juice worth to squeeze on this or we just are we just chalking up numbers and you still can't explain to me why we're here in Iraq you know like I I you know I never did you did you personally go Connecticut maybe like shoot somebody yeah yeah and the most of the engagements happen in for us for me it wasn't in the house it was out the street so as soon as you pull up and and you breach the door that's when the shitheads come out and so yeah we were engaging guys in the street all the time that was I mean 100, 200 yards.

Like, did I hit him? I don't know. Returning fire? Absolutely. Yeah, I mean... I mean, how did all the killing feel to you? Wasn't in my... Did you even have time to think about it?

No. That, we were, at the end, when we were hitting targets, it was like, most of them were either the wrong place or a dry hole and so that was frustrating as well because you're you're following you're chasing the imaginary cell phone right and that's the bad guy um and so again the engagements for me were out in the street um guys pulling up tank pot shots driving off to get in gun fights with the iraqi police you know what I mean it's just like you didn't know who the

like who's are you the good guys are you the bad guys and with the with they're thinking the same thing what's that the Iraqi police and the Iraqi army 100%

because when we you know we were driving everywhere blacked out on nods as fast as possible like that's I'm like hey we go on we go blacked out on nods

drive as fast you can keep a low profile and avoid IED alleys and it was and then you know they just kept they start dropping more grids so you're hitting a grid you know and tensions are rising it was the that's when the Sauter city started and they just all over the country they were bomb in different churches um it was like everybody just wanted to fight and we were kind of trying to navigate that if that makes sense it wasn't like a you know the team three guys that came after

us you know that they had a completely different they were they were moving to moving to engage as you know full platoons but we were out there onesy-toosies with you know five five Iraqis or you know taking them from point A to point B so you're that was always unnerving for me because It's not like I've got 40 seals with me. I got five seals who are, or Green Berets, who are managing these guys. And literally running around, I mean, it was, it, it was chaotic. That was, that, that, that, it just, it was like this. And then it ended here.

And then it was like, now you're home. You know what I mean? I do. It was like this slow build. Yeah, this isn't so bad. And there's a lot of funny shit that happens. You know, I always like to remember the funny, the funny moments more than, you know, we had a rocket hit next to our trailers. And shrapnel went through my guitar, was sitting up, stand when our trailers were all in a circle.

And everybody's doors fly open. okay my chief my chief was standing cross rock and roll and I was like butt ass naked I'm like they got my guitar and rock and roll he goes those sons of bitches turns around and slams a door

I'm like come on man you're gonna get my guitar like this is bullshit you know it was yeah that rotation was again it was like this

and then you know that the ending of nailing the coffin shut and was like go back to your trailer pack up your shit fly home it all happened in that period of time and I left and they just kept

going for the next I mean they were I think they I don't know how many more ops they did before they got on the Mavs probably home two weeks early and they they went all the way up to the gun and then four a day

Yeah, I mean, it was crazy And I came home And orders and packed up And I was there when the guys came home You know, say goodbye to the platoon And then we went to SDV school Where I was like, you describe what SDV is For the audience?

So, delivery vehicle So it's a 22-foot mini-submersible Sounds really sexy Battery-powered mini-subversible Submarine, submersible, I guess, not submarine. It's wet inside, so it's not dry. So, you know, you navigate with Doppler. You do GPS updates.

I've got about... That's run by batteries? Oh, yeah, man. I didn't know that. Oh, dude. I've never been in one. I've never been in one. Thank God.

I never wanted to go there. SDVs is... Always envisioned it is looking at a screen packed in there, freezing your ass off all the time. Oh, dude. Just constantly. what? I always tell this. I tell the story all the time. One of my pilot was Tebow. And Tebow was actually attached to SEAL Team 1 and was with me in Iraq. So when I got to SDV Team 1, he's in my platoon, we knew each other pretty well from being overseas together. And so he ended up being

my pilot. And we went up to, you do a regular workup, but you're diving every day. I mean, you're underwater six hours a day in Pearl. I mean, underwater. Underwater. all the time. And then you're using different rigs, you know, you're using Drager's, you're using Mark 16s and trying to learn how to fly the boat. I mean, back then, I think they had

much better stuff now. But back then, it's like fly-by-wire, dude. You know, you've got a stick, and you've got a potentiometer, and you're filling up tanks inside for buoyancy, and you're just kind of bobbling through the water. And it's like a... I remember when we got there,

I was like, this is it? Like, dude, you're going to send us, like, we're screwed, man. This thing is not, it's like, I mean, it, but then you, like anything else, you know, you get good at it. And, but I remember, I always tell the story, we were in Keyport. We do cold water training. And, you know, water's 42 degrees up in Seattle. And Jeff and I were doing about an eight to 10 hour dive, 42 degree water.

and you're wearing crush neoprene wetsuits and you can try everything like diapers you're eight hours dude you know you guys are trying diapers you got pee tubes with catheters you know you're wearing

you try everything you can to stay warm they keep you alive but they don't keep you comfortable it's like you know like right at that edge of like what the fuck is this is where you sit for 12 hours there's no food you can try some

water with like a camel back and try to you know suck it under your face mask you got a full face mask and you got boat air you got all these rigs you know i call it the death rig mark 16 it's always flashing out the pPO tool of auction you're like i'm gonna die at any second now like this thing is just not made for success and jeff and i we two guys normally would fit it can fit four guys in the back um and you pack them in and maybe you pack them in like i remember being on top of Matt Leathers and it's snowing out and I'm on my knees on his dragger and I'm trying to push him in and shut the back door and Matt like undoes he like cracks his valley and his lips are purple and they're huge and he's just so fucked up sir I'm like I know dude get in there pops it back in

and you know shut the thing and then six hours later you know you open it up and you're just like how you doing what you've been doing down there and they're just you know they got their emergency regulator and it just packed in like sardines. And the level of misery is, the level of misery is just next, it's just on another, it's so hard to describe. But there's one night, Jeff and I, and the boat breaks. I'm in the boat breaks all the time. There's just something wrong with the boat all the time. The navigation systems are like Windows 95. You know, they're like decide to just reboot. You have like three Windows computers and you're flying on a battery operated thing. It's salt water like you think this is going to work well see you're not going to work well at all and so

we're up in keyboard training and uh we do like a bottom up on the aircraft carrier so you drive into the aircraft carrier and you can see the screws on your on your obstacle avoid and sonar and you're and you get underneath the aircraft carrier and you blow um put some water in the boat and they pin it and the guys go out and they go swimming the aircraft carrier it's not like there's the edge like it's it's huge you know when you're under there you're not getting out from under there and you just sit while the combat swimmers go do their whatever they're doing taking pictures you know putting on Olympic line or something and you just sit there and you have your full face mask on you're just breathing and you have a well what's

called a brick and you can you can talk to your pilot talk back and forth and you're just breathing and our boat just started like all of a sudden valves started blowing like over pressure like they're you know it's hand tighten you know like so valves break all of a sudden air starts leaking in the pressure relief valve the boats just start erupting all the gauges go everywhere you know

Tebow and I are like the boat our SDVs bounce along the bottom it pops out and there's a dive suit boat and I'm like laying on top of the SDB trying to get it back underwater like no worry don't worry sneaky guys here no one's going to see us

push the boat underwater and I'm like all right this thing's screwed we got to get out of here and it's about an hour and a half back up to where we were and you got to go through you know ferry channels where you got to do excursions down to 50 feet so you don't get hit by a ferry doing 18 knots and get cut in half and Jeff and I've been in the water about eight hours and at this point you're at like that breaking point of like I can't even I can't even fucking believe I don't know why I'm doing this and your mind you have gone to every dark place

And you're finding dark places to go. You're just like, what am I doing with my life? Like, why am I existence? What is this existence? Why are we here on earth? Like, you are just like, your mind's going. And I hit the next leg, and it's like, and the number pops up on the screen, like, how far you have to go to the next leg of the dive? And it's like 12,000 yards.

And I hear Jeff, and I hear this. And I'm like, like a look over. and there's a screen so there's some light shining in his mask and then I hear Jeff again he's like and I was like dude are you crying and he's like

fuck yeah he's like I quit but there's nowhere to go I'm like it's okay we're gonna be fine we only got like another two and a half hours and about and then there's silence in the boat

and you just hear the humming of the motor and all of a sudden I'm like just like it's okay buddy and then the potentialometer breaks and the boat's at full blast he's like how far do I go I'm like just go as far as you can crash the boat comes to the surface I'm like it's over

you know I mean it's like night after night of this just clown show but you know you got to figure it out and guess what you know you're not you're not having this night the next night you're on dive souping and you're sitting in the cold rain and you're watching the buoy

and you're watching them figure it out you know and you're watching the shit you know what the shit show is down there that these guys are doing and and but what ends up happening is over time like pilots are this magical existence like when you find a good pilot

is a unicorn it's like you know how to do this nobody else can do this and we had a couple amazing pilots and yeah I had some of the One of the guys from the platoon who became my best friend of the platoon in Matt Leathers. And Matt was like, he was an alpha platoon from SDV-1 with Mike Murphy and the guys from Red Wings.

But he, when they split up the platoon, he went to Iraq. They went to Afghanistan. So his whole platoon dies and then he comes back. And Matt was, I think he was the most talented human being I've ever come across in my entire life. First time I met Matt, we get to Pearl and we're doing a bottom up and he's not even a pilot at the time he's like, and I'd never done a bottom up. He's like, hop it, I'll pilot. I'll go with you and I don't even know who he is. But I know that my chief doesn't like him.

He's like, we're getting rid of him. He's paying the ass. He doesn't listen. And he just, you know, he's on his own program. So I'm like, whatever. So Matt and I do this dive and we have this like bottom up and you can't see anything. The tide's going out. The ship's coming down.

and Matt is that he's a magical pilot and we get done with this op and I'm just like dude like that was amazing like and I'm like hey we're keeping him and he could do anything he was an artist for Disney when he was a kid like he could draw he would draw our platoon

so I'm like Matt you know something funny would happen and I'd like draw a cartoon and so you'd walk in somebody would fuck up and they'd walk in there would be this like beautiful cartoon of you know somebody showing their ass. And we kept this running tally of this. And anything Matt touched, he could pull off. One day he asked me, he goes, hey, can I have Friday off? I want to go play this golf tournament up on the North Shore. And I'm like, what? I don't know. You play golf? He's like, yeah, yeah, it's a,

it's a qualifier for the U.S. Open. I was like, okay. Like, now I'm just morbidly curious. Like, I didn't know. Like, okay. He comes in on Monday, and I'm like, how'd you do? He's like, I won. I'm like, what? He's like, well, I didn't have a job. He's like, he's like, I don't have a driver so I had to use the driver out of the guy's bag that I was playing with he's like but he didn't mind I'm like wait he's like but I got I didn't win because I didn't have a handicap and that guy had a five handicap but I won like shot wise and I'm just like dude you this is unbelievable and he decides he wants to learn how to play guitar and I'm like yeah good luck I've been doing this 20 years like he's playing as good as me like oh shit you know and

to that we ended up you know we we were out there for about a year and Heather and I um you know that the SDB portion was that operational part I really enjoyed because it was it was different from the regular teams because you're all in that together there's no good job there's no like there's no cush like every job sucks in a CB platoon and everybody is sucking so you you're It was a very much like, there's only about 50 team guys out there, I think, at that command, but it's a huge command. And when we first got out there, Heather's pregnant, and she's like, I got to find a place to live. And so McWater is my sponsor that she had taken orders out there, and she was out there. So we were staying with them, and we're looking all over the island.

Like, I can't find a place to live. And Heather's getting pregnant and getting upset. She's like, I'm going home. Fuck the Navy. Fuck you who. Like, we can't find any place to live. The BAH is high, but there was, you know, it's like you walk in. There's just mold.

You know, you couldn't find any place. And Commander Sass, who was my CEO at the time, he's like, there's a place on Fort Island. You go check it out. And there's all these historic homes on Fort Island that were actually in the movie in harm's way. John Wayne's house is from that movie. You can actually live in it as a officer housing. So I got there and there's this, there's one duplex open. And so I go over to base housing and I walk in.

And it reminds you, it's like, commander, commander, captain, captain. And so I go into base housing, and there's this Samoan woman, just stone-faced. And I was like, hi, I'm a J.G. Like, my wife's pregnant next to me. And I'm like, is there any way we could look at 4806 Yorktown Boulevard? And she goes, no. It's like laughs at me. And I'm like, she goes, pulls out her desk.

And she goes, this is the waiting list of 4806. and it's just like a list of names. And they're all 04s, 05s, and she's like, you would be number like 42 on the list. And I'm like, and I'm in my khakis, you know, I'm just like, I'm like, please, can you help me? No. So we go back, Heather and I are fighting.

She's like, screw this. I'm done. I'm going to go back to caller. You call me when you're done with this Navy thing, and we'll do this. So I go to the Navy Exchange and I buy flowers and I go back. to the housing, and I walk in, I'm like, put her on their desk. I'm like, please, my wife is going to leave me. She's pregnant. This woman's like, no. I'm like, fuck. So I'm getting the car, I'm driving away. All of a sudden, my phone rings, and I answer it. I'm like, hello? And it's the same

woman, and she's like, giddy. She's like, is this a cute lieutenant that was just here? And I'm like, yeah she's like I have a house for you at 4806 and I was just like sweet so she scores me this house and Heather and I move in and you know we're doing the work up dive in like just learning this new tool which every day was just unbelievably it was just like comedy every day but really rewarding and I love the team guys out there I love that unit and comes around

we're getting towards Christmas and she's getting ready to pop and she's not worried about it she's like we're good like she's an athlete Division 1 athlete she's like

pop this thing out and we're going to move on and her due day comes and goes and she starts going to labor and I'm like okay we're 10 days late

like this is good let's get this thing let's get it on labor starts kicking up like three hours contractions like every three minutes she's like puke and bile and I'm like take her to the hospital and they're like she's not she's not ready yet she's not dilated enough I'm like listen I'm known this woman my whole life and she's tougher than me and this is not right and the woman looks at me she goes it's called labor for a reason it's supposed to be hard take her home we go back two more times finally get her into the hospital

but all they break of water, she starts into labor. And I'm like, something's not right here. And one of the midwives comes in, the nurse midwife, and she's like, all right, start pushing. And Heather's pushing, nothing, nothing. So we're at, now we're at like 50 hours of labor. And now we're into five and a half hours of pushing. And she's, my mother-in-law had flown out to be there,

and she's a nurse. And I'm like, watching, like, my wife's badass, but I've never seen this amount of, like, effort and pain. And now you see the whole nursing staff just start to get, like, nervous. Like, they start freaking out. All of a sudden, this one doctor walks in, and he goes, well, you're kind of too far along for this option, that option. I can't use the, I don't like to do forceps, and, you know, she, and I'm like, wait, and they basically said, well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, find me somebody who can answer that question.

Like, I'm not the guy you ask in this situation. I want to ask you, and I want you to have an answer. You don't ask me. So he leaves, and this woman comes running in. She's got her keys in her hand or Starbucks. She's like, I can flip that baby. And I was like, you're hired. And 54 hours later, 54 hours of labor, six hours of pushing, they break out their

four steps. And they're yanking my wife off the table and her, her. her vitals are plummeting. I'm like, and a flashing through my head, I'm like, I'm going to be like my dad. She's going to die, and I'm going to have this baby. And I'm watching my wife and my mother-in-law,

people start coming into the room, and this pediatrician walks in. He's like, everybody stopped. Who page me? Baby's not born yet. I want to know who page me, my mother-in-law. And I was like, get out. You're either here to help her get out.

my mother-in-law like owns the room she's like you and you you need to leave you stay you stay they ripped the baby out of my wife and i stay with heather and i was like i've never seen i just come from bagdad and all that shit and i was like i've never seen anything like that and i've never seen a woman do that my mother-in-law scooped up the baby and owned she was she worked in shriner's hospital for 30 years she was fucking amazing my my and i just sat there with my wife i'm just like well that was easy holy fuck 54 hours of labor and lena was born um it i've never seen anything like that but i have to give my wife props on the next level like tough as nails and then oh by the way

Hey, we got a deployment. So, yeah, I know we got a three-month-old, but I'm going to leave. And during that time, I'd screen for the command. And I was like, eh, they got this boat job, and they're offering it for a platoon commander. I'll take the book. I'll see if I can get it. That'd be kind of cool. I like mobility.

You know, I'm seeing a mobility kind of theme in my career. And now I'm checking the box on all the groups. I get group one, I group three, you get group four. So major command for me is I got a lot of options. If you stayed a regular SEAL team

as an officer, you're only going to command, you know, a regular team. But if you have SDVs and you can command an SDB group where you command, if you have boats,

you can command boats, you have J-SID command. And so... The command is... O six. For those that don't know. Yeah. So major command.

And I was like, wow, that's a cool opportunity and that'd be good for my career. So I screened, and then we deploy. And that's the one thing I won't talk about. We did an SDV mission, and it was the, I will say, the highlight of my NSW career, hands down. Coolest thing I've ever done. It was sit in a slipstream of nuclear submarine and a place you're not supposed to be

and pull a monkey fist and fly away and knowing that. You're the only people in the world in that moment doing that job. That was the highlight. Coolest fucking thing ever. Yeah, man. So this is after you screened? Yeah. So we go on deployment after a screen, and we go blackout on deployment, no emails, nothing, no communication.

We surfaced the boat, and, you know, antennas go up four months later, surface the boat, and the download of emails pops in. like sorting through emails like I'm like oh shit I got picked up oh that's cool like oh orders came in oh my wife has already moved oh I started green team in five days holy shit well like I'm looking there's tickets for me as I'm so I run down I pack all my shit the guys that help me pack up my stuff I they put me in the van they drive me to Tumon. They fill me full alcohol. They drive me to the airport and I hug my platoon goodbye. It was the last time I saw Matt. Hugged Matt goodbye and hopped on a plane. Four days later,

flew to Hawaii. I checked out. I flew to Cleveland. My wife picked me up. She's like, what the fuck? I just had to pack up our house for the newborn, our dog. I just drove across the country with my mother and with my mom uh i got us i'm staying at the house uh i found us a place uh in virginia and you're going to start this new command i was like well it's a it's a training command we're going to take a break i'm just there to uh test boats and she's like whatever so again uh we get pregnant with walker and in that time frame it's it you know if you look at Navy officers. The kids are all two years apart because when you come back from deployments, usually you got a window about five days and your wife still likes you. So I start Green Team

and welcome to the command. Five days after being on a sub for four months and we kick off Green Team 2008. And Heather didn't know what it was and I didn't tell her because at the time We nobody, I didn't even know it existed. When I check into the command and they give you the brief, and I'm like, Seal Team 6, I'm like, this is a joke? I was like, it's real? That's interesting. Yeah, and then nine months of green team,

which was gray green. So I'm doing the boat side. But we, the air portion is everybody's lumped together. And that's where, it almost came to a screeching halt Jonas Kelsaw, who was the troop commander on extortion he was in the class with me, myself, Nick Check, a handful of guys from the class, we all decided to float the Salt River on a weekend

during Green Team and Jonas and I were the two officers and beforehand were like, all right, we signed designated drivers and we send designated drivers everybody gets in their tubes a bunch of alcohol in the middle of green team you kind of threw that portion where you know you're going to make it

and everyone's ready to take a wrap off and we float in the river we get to the pole point and Jonas and I are well tidied up and so are our designated drivers looking around we're just like dude you know you're drunk trying to tell the guy you're like what were you doing

We're like, all right. So we pack everybody up and a couple, most of the leadership, a couple chiefs, myself, Jonas, our medic, Tori, and Nick, and we're hanging out. And there's no cell phone coverage. We're just like, all right, how are we going to get home? There's no Uber. This is like 2008. And Nick's like, dude, I didn't drink.

Like, I'm fine. And I'm like, no, we're not doing that. He's like, trust me. I can just, we got to pick up truck. We can pile everybody in. We go to stay out and sail to the hotel. It'll be fine. I'm just like, Jonas and I look at each other.

We're just like, Nick's a junior man. And I'm like, no, we're not doing this. This is a bad decision. And he's like, I'm fine, Pete. Like, all right, fuck it. We're going to sleep out of here. Hoping the car. Like, not like, we literally pull out of the parking lot.

And it's like, boo! They pull us over. And, of course, they scream. They smell alcohol in the car because there was plenty of alcohol in the car. And they give Nick a test. He passes the fields of sobriety tests. And then he blows the legal limit at 0.08. And they arrest them.

And I'm just like, fuck. So we get guys, we go to the hotel, we grab guys, and we go to the DUI checkpoint. We start making calls back to the command, our back to the green team cadre. We're just like, hey, this happened. Jonas and I are just like, fuck. Well, that's it. You know what I mean? Like, I went in to see the head of green team.

He starts tearing into me. And I was like, hey, I got it. I take full responsibility. Like, he's a good kid. He was trying to do the right thing. Like, it's me. Like, I'm an officer. Like, keep him.

But don't, he was trying to do the right thing and we put him in a bad position. dismissed we finished we finished that portion of green team and I'm back and everybody's kind of like waiting for the shoe to drop like what's going on all of a sudden the green team cadre's like hey get your camis on head up to the CEO's office and I was like fuck here we go I get my camis on I get up there Jonas is there his camis one of the other officers bloom there or cheap bloom quicks there and we march in and it's commanding officer every squadron commanding command

and every squadron command master chief. And the ass chewing starts. Like, what the fuck were you guys thinking? Just, I mean, like, I've never been, they were inventing words to call us. I mean, it was, at a certain point, I was like, Jesus, like, this is the, hands down the worst ass chewing I've ever gotten. You go to Jonas, what do you have to say for yourself?

And Jonas is like, at this point in our careers, I should be able to trust my men. And he said he was good. and, you know, and he was right. What Jonah said was right. And they just tore into him. And I'm like, Mr. Schobell, what do you have to say for yourself? And I was just like, I take full responsibility for petty officer.

I checks actions. Like, he's a good kid. You can delegate authority. You can't delegate responsibility. Like, I'll take one. Just keep him, though. He's a good kid. and there's silence in the room.

Like, Bloom, what do you have to say? He's like, what he said? See him or more than that's doing. They're like, all right, get out of here. And I thought that was a great time to throw out a classic line and top gun. I was like, hey, Jonas, you got to a number of that truck driving school? We might need that. And the whole room erupts in laughter.

And we get outside, and the head of green team comes. out and he's got these non-punitive letters of reprimand and he hands them to jonas and i and he's like get the fuck out of here like you pull your shit together and jonathan we go back to training and we both make it through and uh it's it was that became kind of an interesting interaction they kept you know nick and um When I left, my last day at the command, I was, we had moved to, last day at the command, I was leaving, and I see neck on the quarter deck, and he's like, hey, man, where are you going? I was like, I'm leaving. It was that post-TBI stuff. I'm leaving.

I'm getting, I'm going to the west coast. He's like, dude, he's like, hey, it gives me a hug. He goes, I never have to thank you. he was like that what you did like I love my job I love coming to work every day like I really thank you I was like yeah man like you're a great dude and that was the last thing he said to me and I always you know I always keep that like letter of reprimand as kind of a as a as a thing after Nick had died I went to one Navy two Navy SEAL foundation events one of them has this is kind of a as a thing after Nick had died I went to one Navy's two Navy SEAL foundation events one of them has this This is probably five years ago. His girlfriend at the time walks up to me that, you know, he was dating at the time, Stephanie. And she goes, are you Pete Schobell? And I said, yeah.

She goes, Nick left a list of people to think. And you were on it. And I wanted to find Nick's mother to ask me to, if you were one of the guys that I wanted to need to tell that too. And I was like, what? wow you know I that was like one of those like and I still I still talk to Stephanie keep in touch with her and she that still I get chills when I think about that you know like Nick was number one man on the hostage rescue op that Ed Byers won the Medal of Honor was awarded the Medal of Honor for and he got shot coming through the door and I And I still, like, I'm glad he stopped me on the quarterdeck, though, and said, thank you. But I had no idea that he had, like, written, told his mother about it. And she thought to come make sure I was aware of it.

So Nick's mother and Stephanie, thank you. that was a gift from that was a gift truly a gift um anyways let's take a break beat let's take a break check this story out a new discovery found a massive trove of gold coins in the check republic minted by a long lost civilization it's from before the second century bc they also found silver coins among artifacts. I mean, the proof is there. Not only have gold and silver been valued for thousands of years, but they can physically last that long too. Just another reason why I'm partnered with the award-winning company Goldco. They sell gold and silver, and they do an amazing job with it. So if you're ready to learn how gold and silver can help you protect your savings,

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All right, Pete. Back from the break, we're getting into your career over at Dev Group. Yep. And so you went to Gray Squadron. Yep. And I've never had a Grey Squadron guy on before. So can you describe to the audience what Gray Squadron is?

Yeah, so Gray Squadron is a Mobility Component. at the command, if it's got wheels or it floats, they drive it. And so each squadron has a component of gray squadron that's attached to it and supports all the underway, hostage rescue ship takedowns, ground mobility elements, panders, what we used to have, I don't know if they have them anymore, that we're using up-armored six-wheel vehicles. So if it has wheels and it moves and we get guys from point to point B, that's what gray is. Okay. It's the pain.

It's the pain pain. So is gray attached to a specific squadron? There's a, each squadron has a gray troop attached to it. And so you're usually the fourth troop attached to each squadron. Yep. Who are you attached to? The first, at the beginning, I was attached to. red and then I stood up gray blue okay and so I was attached to red when I first we first

finished we were they had pulled all the seals out of gray and put them in the assault squadrons when Afghanistan kicked off and then they gave the boats back to the swick guys and then they started bringing seal officers back in to expand grays gray went down to like port and starboard for a while because of the combat rotations and then they were bringing seals back into gray, and that's how the job opportunity opened up for me to come over there and do my platoon commander in gray. And so I thought, well, hell, I'll just go over there early and then I can, you know, do my time there. So, yeah, the gray portion of things is, you know, Underways, ship take towns, like we have our, NSW has a whole group that does all of our boats, any kind of drop off, any kind of, you know, insertion and extraction.

The gray portion is, you know, we do airdrop, so we'll drop the entire package and do a four-boat drop with all the assaulters and take down a ship. So that's kind of like why the command exists really is to do, to have. that response element for the ground, whereas Delta exists for, originally existed for hostage rescue of airliner. So the core mission set was ship takedowns. So the gray piece was stood up in order to facilitate that for a helo assault force, boat assault force, or just a boat assault force. So we trained to do, and you know, seeing the internet, the boat drops. So you're doing a you know these boats are 25,000 pounds you're dropping from 8,000 feet you know at night on nods yeah yeah it's a pretty it's one of the cooler things you'll ever

experience is just watching a boat get ripped out of a C-17 at 140 knots it's uh it's super intense how did it feel being over there uh being an officer over there it's like officer hell week every day there's always something spinning you're always planning for something But it's a weird, a weird command. As officers, you're not really welcome over there. It's an enlisted man's command. You know, you kind of looked upon as like a short timer. You know, you're in, he might do a rotation.

You go away and you come back. It's a lot of times guys don't spend, you know, you'll get an enlisted operator that'll spend, you know, 20 years over there. Whereas as an O, you might spend a decade or so, maybe 15 years, but you're in and out. you're not there for the long term. It's a different relationship between an officer enlisted over there, I always thought. Interesting. Yeah.

Interesting. What were some of the highlights of your career over there? So you mentioned the Captain Phillips mission. I had just got into the command, and we'd finished up Green Team, and Walker was born. Fortunately, quick birth. He came out like a grease pig. We joked around. And he was like...

And second one usually does, right? Yeah, exactly. Lena paved the way. Walker was born, and he was about two months old, and I was heading into work, and I remember just leaving my wife. And the night before, we knew that the Alabama had been taken, but we were like, what do you want us to do? They had left in the dinghy.

It was kind of like, eh. So we spun up, and then it just kind of percolated, and so we were kind of watching it, like starting to, starting to make. move in the planning session and then we just hit us pause because it was like we can't do anything with the dinghy went home i woke up the next morning and i was like hey i'll grab some chicken and i hopped in the car headed into work and i got there and was just like mass chaos like dudes running everywhere and they're like get upstairs so i threw my camis on and ran upstairs and i walked in and it was like there's a joint staff on the btc and they're like where's my gray i literally walked in

like where's my gray i was like here i just got to this command like i didn't know anybody really i mean i'd finish a green team and it's like four months after that's like april damn right off the bat huh yeah so you're it's like you know i get over there and i'm like what's going on we had two of our liaison officers who were two of just rock stars and they start feeding me intel like pieces of paper like hey basically he's in the dingy we got a shouldering ship the bainbridge is here they're moving the boxer and i'm like okay okay okay and we have the package ready to go and packages um standing by of four boats that are rigged for drop and you can be launched with a four hour window anywhere in the world with the C-17s.

And I'm just like, okay, so. And at the time the CEO was like, all right, tell them what the package is. I give the joint staff of the packages. And we're just kind of hold up and we're doing the calculations. And they're like, hey, we got to make a decision. Otherwise we're going to do a night drop. And they're trying to figure out like all those scenarios, right?

Like, you know, okay, it's a. dingy, but he's getting close to shore. Are we going to go over the beach? And is he going to be taken ashore? And then we're going to do a full OTB hostage rescue mission. Like, we were trying to figure out all of the contingencies at one time. And normally you have to pick. It's like, hey, if we're doing a ship takedown, you have this gear. If you're doing a OTB take down, you're going to do this gear. And there are different loadouts that go on the plane. And our CO at the time was like, we're taking it all. We're like, okay. like fucking A, we're taking it all

and we're taking the whole squadron and we're taking all of our support personnel and so, you know, you normally have Holy shit, you guys are taking all of that? Yeah, they didn't know, you know, like, you're going to get over there and like, it's better to have and not need than to need and not have

to the point where we started spinning up a third, we spun up a third C-17. And, you know, everybody's like, we thought what was going to happen is we're going to spin up, this is what always happens, you spin up, and it gets a certain point and then they don't push the go button and then you spin back down and that's a constant that's why it's a constant cycle it's like a constant cycle at that place and that's why isn't

it's an oh you're like walking in and like all right we're going to do this go figure this part out and you go back to your office and you start figuring out you walk upstairs you're like all right I got it and they're like scratch that we're going to do this so it's like a constant you know churn for planning and you know hey listen if we want to do a day drop we have to leave we have to push the button now and joint staff was like all right go we're like holy shit this is the day before the day before east right we're a day before easter and so we just you know and when you watch the machine kick off it's like semis with boats and everybody's got their go bags packed and everybody's pulling armory guns the whole deal buses they're all

number like this whole system is set in a place and c-17s fly in you know my my job you know i wasn't in charge of the whole lot i was in charge of getting everyone there i was in charge of the boat drop and you know we had at that point had never done a real full mission profile boat drop it was like it was always on the books i think that jumped in once before but it had never like gone all the way through with like a green light I think, and so it was like, holy shit, this might, this might happen. But in the back of my head, I'm like, nah, we're just going to fly over and land in Djibouti. This thing's going to resolve itself.

And we're going to be in Djibouti for like two weeks. And then we're going to fly home. Like, that's what I, that's what everybody was in everyone's mind. And we were all like, it's fucking Easter, man. Like, my wife already hates me. Now I'm about to leave, you know. And so we launched and we get in the air. and it was, I think it was like the heaviest lift

in C-17 history. I mean, I remember when the plane took off and it was like screaming. Like, dude, we're going to crash into the trees at the end skimming to the world's shortest mission. Like, congratulations, they're all dead. Anyways, we launch and we had east. And, you know, through this whole like workup phase,

everybody's just exhausted, you know? I mean, you're planning and just like pulling gear. Everyone's like, how are we going? And getting guys in the right planes. And we take off. And as soon as we take off, you know, you got a long flight. And everybody just passes out. And I get us, I fall asleep on one of my boats.

And I get shaking, a guy climbs up on my boat, shaking. I mean, it's like tall. It's like tall in the ceiling where I'm at. And a guy climbs up on my boat and shakes my foot. And he's, like, hey, come with me. And he's one of the liaison officers, but he's wearing army camis. And there was another guy with long hair. And so he takes me up into the cockpit and he grabs the mission commander.

And he goes, tell him what you told me. And the guy goes, I lost comm then I don't know where we're going. They just told me to fly east. We're like, what? What do you mean? Like, we got like $10 million for the income equipment here. Like, I can figure it out. He's like, we're trying right now, but we don't know where we're going.

The satellites were dedicated to, you know, they start going through the details of why we lost cond. And I'm just like, fucking. And so my team leader at the time, he comes up and he's standing next to me. And he's like brought up a E-TREX GPS. and I'm like, the liaison officer myself and the Army liaison officer were looking at, we're like, and you remember the E-TREX GPS is just a fucking, like, about its basis is against. Like an outline of Africa.

Yeah. You know, we're like, well, it was here, but Boxer was here, and it was going south at 18 knots. Like, so how many hours is that? We're doing time, speed, and distance. And the Air Force guy go, hey, we got a, we got a great coordinate. We're good. and we kind of we kind of take back and

affiliate liaison officer being really smart he copies it down real fast and he comes over to us and he goes put it in the GPS so we put it in it's like dead center of Africa and like I gotta go brief my skipper who's downstairs and I'm just like guys like I gotta go tell him something and I don't want to tell him this thing

and so we pick it we go literally on a G-E-Trix GPS and we're like it's right about here that's a drop zone we're like fly here and the pilots are like look like are you serious we're like yeah absolutely and the army liaison officers like he's like do the calculations and you're like well it's still going to be a night drop because we got to refuel over Saudi Arabia and he's like no there's a refueling route over the red sea and the pilot goes well I'm not authorized to use that and he's like you're

fucking authorized right now and I looked at the army guy I'm like fuck yeah I like this dude and so literally we did the calculations it's like we'll do a last light drop and I'm like okay because we had guys there were people that were free fall qualified but they weren't operators you start doing a night drop with a bunch of guys that you know are qualified but not not you're going to kill people and I'm like this is not good and every we all knew it like this is not good we're taking admin people in and so at the still at the same time in the back of our heads are like we're going to get diverted and land in Djibouti So we all go back to sleep

We wake up like hour and a half out They're like, all right And you guys start prepping for drop We're like, we're really gonna fucking do this Like You know, we had the CEO Command Chief, everybody's like All right, start prepping

So my guys start prepping We're pulling bags We start loading up the boats And there's scales underneath the boats And the load master that flew out with us Is like he comes to grabs me He's like dude We're like 10th or not about 3,000 pounds

per boat over the weight And I was like well how much fudge do we have He's like none there's no fudge in this one like if those things go out they're already 25,000 pounds like those things go out those you're going to lose the boats and I'm like well that's not what I wanted to so I just we climb up there we're like hey we got start like scraping some gear off here like this is over the top I remember at one point one of my guys opens this pelican case this gigantic pelican case and inside of it is a fucking printer like this little HP printer

we're like who brought a fucking printer like what is this I'm like take out the cartridge you can bring this it was one of the admin guys we just start ditching stuff and it got to the point we're like we're right at the edge and so guys are like well i'll jump in my personal gear which is like we'll just rig it and all these guys i mean this is the best these the best our guys jump like nobody jumps they jump you know 30 000 freefalls a year nobody jumps as much as that command does and so we start rigging it and turns out one of the young calm guys who had just gone to like comm school and he did really well

so he gets assigned to Naval Special Warfare Development Group not knowing what it is he's on the watch bill and he's not jump qualp and so we're like we'll just tandem him and I'm like this poor kid's like hey I didn't sign up for this program and we're all kind of like

we're looking at them and and we're all like looking at each other we're like well we got to fuck with the dude so of course the guy that's tandem tandem he's like I walk over and I'm like, how are you doing? You know, like, they start putting the harness on them and they're just like, don't worry. This works, you know, 30, 40% of the time.

This kid's just like, what? Like, we're doing this, man. And, you know, one of the other part that was funny about this was, you know, we had like 90 people on two planes, right? We're flying everybody over there. And the shitter's backed up. And so, like, the first part of the drop was like, you know, the first bags that go out of the plane

or the shit that clogged up the when we dropped the ramp and uh we see the boxer and i i was like this is actually going to happen and we start rigging for drop and the first thing i went through my mind was like dude i forgot to take the trash out like my wife is going to be so i turned my team leader and i was like fuck and he's like what what do we forget like going through the checklist i'm like i forgot to take the trash out my wife's going to be pissed he's like dude you need to focus like this is happening and i'm like all right and I'm going I'll be number one man out of the plane I'm like fuck it you know like if this thing in back of my mind I'm like if you don't see four boats then I'm just not going to

pull my shoe and burn this thing in because I don't want to answer for this shit show and um so we did the first pass was the boats and so what you do is you the boats go and then the boat drivers go and then you know you free fall in you five second hop and pop and you start chasing your boat to the water and when you get there the boats rigged up with the platform and the carry the the slide it out of the plane and you cut that and you sink it you sink all the shoots and you get in you start your boats and then you motor in the direction of the wind so the plane can planes can come around and drop the assaulters in we get down there and It went perfect.

It was like the, I'd never done, I'd done like one boat drop before that. I just got through training. Like my second boat drop, I'm like, and everybody, prior to that, it's like, nah, man, these things never work. One boat, we burn boats in, we've, like, everything that can go wrong will go wrong. And we get in the water and all four boats are there. I'm like, they're not going to start. You just drop these like super high speed, extremely expensive boats out of a plane at like

8,000 feet. Like, they're not going to work and they work. and motor in the line and then the pass comes by and it's 80 dudes and the light it just fills up the sky with blue shoots it was just like holy shit man and the boxer had the boxer was our the shouldering ship that we were jumping into and all the marines were out there lined up watching this like the arrival of of us and you know guys right piling in the boats and it was like holy shit we actually this work the boats everything happened i called in to the jock and just said hey you know i was a hotel at the time my call sign like called in the j sock like all president accounted for moving to the boxer and apparently you know the whole jock center lit up were just cheering we're like i think most of the team guys are like Fuck it, I can't believe that actually worked.

You know what I mean? Like, a lot of moving parts in that. We got there, and we have to, now we get into the crane and the boats on, and we have another drop, we're bringing more boats. We're bringing zodiacs. We're bringing lawyers. Like, they start moving heaven and earth. Immediately, they send the snipers over to the Bainbridge.

And we had another contingent that had jumped in, Jonas, actually, had jumped in with a handful of guys from Africa to the Bainbridge. And our guys all linked up on the Bainbridge and started getting eyes on the dinghy. My portion of the story from where I was, I was on the boxer. And at that point, we start planning for how are we going to assault a dingy. What's the boxer? It's a flat top Navy ship. It's an amphibious ship with helicopters.

So it looks like an aircraft carrier, but it's a flat top. And so we start planning for an assault. assault. Like, so, you know, a bunch of guys sitting around, like, how do we assault a dingy? Like, what are we going to do to, like, how is this going to facilitate this? And the snipers are over on the Bainbridge, and a handful of operators are over there. And I think that was the point. I think Richard Phillips talks about this, where he, all of a sudden, one of the boats from the Bainbridge shows up and he looks up and he sees one of our guys, which is a our contrast to what he had been seeing from the regular fleet guys. It's just like, here's a dude with this massive beard, like, gigantic Neanderthal covered in tattoos, and he's like, hi, sir. And he was like, oh, like the Calvary is here. And, you know, those guys, I think what was amazing was that was like, we were trying

to figure out, like, okay, what do we do? And at one point, the plan had come down to us. from up high that we were going to ram the dingy so we were going to take two boats i was going to drive one and we were going to put snipers in the other and i was going to drive at the boat the dingy he was in hit it and roll it because they write themselves so i would crash my boat into it roll it and the idea with doing that was we would knock the disarm the pirates and knock them all over the place we knew that captain phillips was taped to the pole in the middle like he'll be okay.

There's just going to be, it's going to be a shit show in there. And then the second boat was going to quickly roll up on it with snipers and board and take out the pirates. So that was like our, that's what we're doing. Like, but meanwhile, the guys that were on scene, they had hooked up the boat and they started railing it in. And, you know, you get to remember, like, we don't know what's going on outside. We don't know what the news is saying.

We're just like, dude, it's fucking Easter. And I want to get home. home, right? Like, these guys are all, like, you know, multiple combat rotations. Like, this is not a big problem for us, right? Like, this is, like, what the fuck are we here for? It was really the overarching, like, this is kind of crazy. Because, you know, we thought when we dropped in, like, okay, it's going to go to shore, and then he's going to be held on shore. And then now we have, this is our bread and butter. Man, that's crazy that you guys had that attitude. I mean, it wound up being such an iconic event, you know?

I think at the time it wasn't, nobody thought it was iconic because they started reeling the guys in and one of the pirates that he had been stabbed on the Marisk by the crew and his wounds started to fester and he was like the leader and they were like

do you want medical care? And when he bowed out he's like yeah I want medical care and they brought him on board then it was his three like underlings that didn't have any idea like they were just kind of like what do we do now like our leader is gone and so wait a minute you did what You brought him on the boat to give him medical care?

Right. So what they initially said was, hey, you guys don't want to go to a shore here. You're in the enemy tribe. How are you communicating with them? They would just go over and talk with them face to face. They take a boat from the Bainbridge over and say, hey, listen, you know, you don't want to go shore here. You're out of gas. We'll tow you south.

And then you can go ashore there. But we're going to help you out. We're your friends. And they were like, okay, so that's how they got the hookup. And then, you know, that guy was wound. The lead pyro was wounded. And he was, you know, I guess he started to plummet. You know, this now we're on like, we're day three or something.

So he'd been out there for a while and he had a knife wound. And so he was starting to like, hey, this is not good, getting infected. Like, he's nervous, you know, he's plummeting. And so they were going out, taking medical care, talking, hey, how can we help you, you know, trying to liaise and make this like a peaceful just quit just just quit and give us our guy back and then you can go free kind of scenario so really wasn't i mean we were stoked that we did the drop and everybody was just like fuck yeah that was cool like okay now what do we do and so snipers started reeling them in and they got them within like 25 yards and when they had when the lead pirate

got off uh now you have the three his three underlings and one guy's head one guy had his head out of the uh the opening the front of the hatch one guy kept sticking his head out of the side to see what was going on the third guy was in the pilot house and you know the snipers at the time were like let's just end this and the seal that was there was like yeah man do it they took the shot and it you know took out the pirates and then one of the seals jumped on the cable and like like firemen's crawl down the cable which i thought was the most the most badass thing that happened during that was like holy shit like he firemen's crawl just like buds down the down the slide for life he pulled the slide for life slide down the cable this big ass you know navy

toe cable covered in grease and got on board and you know secured camp phillips wait a minute how many shots was it well a lot more than three i mean when i when we got the boat back there was uh i want to say they each guy got maybe three man it wasn't like it wasn't one it wasn't one simultaneous shot no three snipers no i mean simultaneous but it was i think a handful of rounds um i mean you got you're on nods they it was a night yeah so you got your apt heels your lasers are on nods snipers dialed in was not a they made it out to be this like like you know obama was like oh my god like i was on the radio and that was three to one and they made these miraculous shots they were great shots i mean awesome

shots um and they did but i think at the time the guys were just like fucking let's get this over with that was my take on it you know i mean guys were it was easter was like fucking easter and i'm here and i want to be at home and so you know it was done and we're like let's get the fuck out of dodge and then if they started spinning like hey we got all these other ships out here let's start you know let's start planning and picking them off and we were like oh god and that all got kanked and we ended up flying off the boxer and then you know the route home were you on board when phillips came back yeah how did how was he dude he looked like i was there when he when we brought him off the helicopter and brought him in and he was dear to headlights

man he was just like and when i saw him after that he came out to you know kind of to thank us and walk around and check out all the equipment and we had brought the dingy up onto the deck of the boxer and and he was just very like he was very thankful he was like i think he snapped out of it and was just like holy shit you guys you guys did this for me like he said it and he took pictures with everybody and he was just very gracious um he was a really nice guy but when he first got on board i was like that dude is he is you know stockholm syndrome he was he was a hurting man um it was it was a it was a it was a pretty amazing feeling like when when it all wrapped up we were just like wow like everyone i can't believe we just

pulled that off like we are pretty cool and we're stuck on the boxer and then and so this is where it all went downhill in my opinion we're stuck on the boxer and we're watching CNN uh on the big screen and vice president Biden at the time gets up there and he goes man those he's like the guys from seal team six did a great job and we were all like did he just say that i i know really it was like this moment in the room where we were like dude what the fuck and in my mind all of our ops second everything from the teams that was a moment it went out the window it was like when the vice president just blurted it out like guys from shield team six did great job it was just like in my mind that was the downfall of our just everything came unraveled after that um

you know i wouldn't be here talking about it if that hadn't happened you know what i mean yeah it was like yeah so and then we're still on the boxer and then there's a south park episode that comes out of, you know, dude, like, Salma Cartman shooting somebody off the fantail of a Navy destroyer. And I'm just like, I was like, this really escalated. This went from, like, within like four days, you know, my wife thinks I work at a training command to Cartman?

Like, all in one thing? And, you know, what was interesting was like, you know, we're getting home, we flew to Mumbai, And then we flew to Qatar and we started standing up a new task force. And then I flew to Balat. And I spent another, I don't know, another month gone. No shit. Yeah.

And so that turned into me like working to help stand up a new task force for that area of the world. It was like, shit moves fast in that place, man. And hey, you're, you're, you're, all the other officers were in the squadron. They're just like, dude, hey, you get a great guy, you go. And so I end up in Balad, wearing the same pair of pants for the next, you know, next month plus, you know, doing task force shit. What are you doing over there? We were just standing up a new task force for the Horn of Africa. And that's where a lot of the, you know, missions after that came from.

It was like a division, like, okay, now the wars, the war was shifting gears at that point. It was like, hey, Afghanistan and Iraq is, eh, and, you know, a lot of the Horn of Africa and Al-Shabaab and, you know, IQ, AQ, Yemen, Arabian Peninsula, AQAP, those guys were all standing up. And just the shit got, it was like the war was shifting. They knew, like, we owned Iraq and Afghanistan, so now we were, they started to play out into eastern Africa and Somalia. and said, you know, operations went there post, post that. I came back from that, and, of course, my wife was like, what else? What else are you going to tell me? What's next?

I was just like, I got to go back to Afghanistan. Got another rotation coming up in about a year from then. So, and my job was to take these, the SWIC guys and teach them ground mobility and then take them over, and we're going to drive. trucks these panders in Afghanistan and so we you know we went and we stood up a full ground mobility component with Swiss guys and they were fucking awesome right on man they were fucking awesome man I was so proud my team leaders they just they're unbelievable but you know we start we took I took all the mobility stuff that you know we'd created and you know this just this was new it was like let's fucking

figure it out. And the SWIC guys were the perfect guys to do it. And so we did that workup. But during that, we're still driving the boats. So we have still to maintain our capabilities to drive the boats. And you know, you're doing 40 knots and 10 foot seas. You know, we've done testing on those boats. And that's where, you know, you do 40 knots and 10 foot seas. The G forces are astronomical. 6970 Gs per hit. And you're wearing your nods. You're nods. you're wearing your helmets and we came back from that and you know we're doing regular workups and training one night I was out normally we were short people so I would throttle a boat we had we had three guys to drive it it's like professional offshore racing boats and we had a new

guy and I was like hey let's get him you know teach him some throttling and I was working on talking to we had a P3 over that night so I was like hey I'll work on some C2 stuff and hitting it hit the radio and we stuffed the boat, which is essentially like he timed it wrong and the bow of the boat went through a wave. And so you go from 40 knots to underwater and stopped in a matter of seconds. And I woke up in the back of the boat and I had sheared off my night vision goggles. I'd slam my face on the bat, the board, on the transom that was there. And I'd been knocked out and I didn't know how long. And we were 26 miles out to sea. And I called all stop. They were like, you okay and I was like no I mean I was fucked up and my team leader's like well you got two options we can

met a vacuum or we can finish our run and I was like fuck it let's just keep going and we're big Cs at night and I don't know how many more concussions I got it was like and that was a that was one of the most that was a really pivotal moment for me from the concussion standpoint because and then the injury started I had I got three herniated discs in my neck that night and I got my I don't know how long I was out and then the cognitive deficits started in like like I couldn't I was driving to work without even knowing where I was going I was vertigo I was throwing up randomly like I'd be sitting in a brief and be like excuse me go out puke come back in and I'm just like holy fuck this is but what are you going to do for a concussion

you know back then it was just like just you Charlie Mike keep going and um so we we worked up and we redeployed Afghanistan and we took the ground mobility component that's when I was in deployed a Jalalabad and I was just a strike force commander we had a troop out there We had the helos, and we had our panders and the rangers. And we had a few of the Omegas under our command, and we were conducting ops in northeast Afghanistan. And it was like, hey, bringing these new mobility guys over. And, you know, the team guys, they don't want to fly. They don't want to ride.

You don't want to get ID. We were friends of the, they were just like, dude, we want to go near you guys. And, you know, during that rotation, it was really, that was a, that was an interesting one because we started to win favor first with the Rangers. We had a ranger platoon there. Our guys shuttled up to Masary Sharif and left me down in Jalalabad with, you know, a troop that was spread out at the Omega's. And then I had my panders and my rangers. and we just started we're like

started hitting targets and so we started going out and we went out we had a lot of success Rangers were fantastic they were really great guys man and was like

well we got this I pitched it as we're brown on the ground like where do you want to go where's the target we'll drop you off extract set security you know I had Marfleers I had automatic weapon systems

you know basically joystick six, 50 cows, 40 mic mics, armored. Like, let's get after it. And we just started hitting a bunch of targets with the Rangers. And they were, those guys are awesome, man. Those guys were absolutely phenomenal. I've been blessed.

Every unit I've worked with, and I've got to work with a lot of units and see a lot of different parts of NSW and a lot of different parts of the military, every one of them was awesome. And the Rangers are no. No, no, no, no, no, no, Those guys were rock stars, man.

I was working out with them every night. And they were good to go. They were young. That's a big difference I found. You know, with the shield, you got like a 35-year-old guy who's, you know, a lot of combat at that point. Like, our guys had a lot of combat experience at that point. I mean, like, a lot.

And the Rangers were young kids who just wanted to get dirty. And they were willing to sit in the back of a pander. They were willing to do the hard work. the hard work. And, uh, so we got a lot of work during that, during that time. Um, um, one of the last ops I went on, um, actually not last up, but it was around Christmas, it was Christmas Eve, actually. We pulled all of our guys together at a, and at a bad. And there was a reports of a IQ fighters that had come across the border and were storing, um, all kinds of of fertilizer, like thousands of pounds of fertilizer, IED parts up in this remote area north

of a Sadabad. And the road to get up there, no one in the Army would go on because at the time they were putting IEDs in the wall and it was along a river and like the Colorado River, not a small river. And they had blown a bunch of Army Humvees into the river. And so, beyond a certain point it was like we're not going up there and the troop commander at the time came to me was like dude you think we can get the panders up there and i was like yeah we can do that and so we headed up we pulled the whole troop of uh assaulters they all met up in uh abad and i took my guys and we drove up and on that drive i had my sit in the back i was sitting over the middle wheel

and I have my helmet off and it's a quick we drive really fast blacked out and the idea being by time you hear us we're past you you know the faster you go the better off you are

and no lights don't don't acknowledge it so we're hauling ass and it was really quiet at that point it's Christmas it's around Christmas and just you know December everything slows down in Afghanistan and fucking I

egos off underneath my seat like my my seat and it blows me straight up and i fucking hit my head and i got knocked out and we were like what the fuck and i just kind of you know everyone's like and it's just me um my com guy i don't have any assaulters in the cars it's me my com guy and my um my weapons guy who's here and here and then we had one of the drivers um and he's in his little driver seat and a pander it's like it's a six-wheeled up armored vehicle and the driver's got like this little, like he sticks his head out and, you know, he's all bulletproof glass around him and ate at automatic weapon systems on top. And the thing went off underneath my seat. And I mean, I was just like, what the fuck? And we're so rolling. And it turned out it just blew

that tire. So the tire that I'm sitting on was shredded. And, and I don't know if it was, I'm guessing it was an ID or it was an RPG. I don't know. But it hit that tire that I was sitting on and blew me straight up and knock me out. We pull in to Abad and they're just like, what's going on? I'm like, fuck, dude, just got ID. My guys, being the rock stars that they were, tire off, tire back on. We spare with us. They're like, everything's good to go.

The tire's shredded and the rim's fucked, but we're still operational. I'm like, all right, we're going, Charlie Mike, let's go. So we load up the salters. And we head up into this fucking, it was like the worst, the worst area you could go into. No one had driven up there. The panders are already wide as they are. And you have a straight cliff on one side, a straight cliff on the other side going up, one going down, one going up. And the river is raging.

And I'm just like, and we're trying to navigate, you know, all of our panders into this area with the assaulters. we get to a like we found a little area to pull the the the vehicles in we start turning them around for exville and then we put up our marfleers to be basically we had these pneumatic poles that would extend up with marfleers so we could watch the assaulters and go in and we had our our wS systems remote weapon systems that we could over over watch on it we had great success with those things I could it was like having a sniper because it would do windage and elevation instantly on the with the joystick. He's just basically like, we had engaged, we had engaged guys up on the ridgeline when I, during an assault at a thousand yards, and they had RPGs and they were sitting on a ridge line watching us. And my guys found them. And I was like, yeah, go for it. Like single shot knocking these guys off. Wow. The RWF systems were fucking amazing. So we start doing overwatch and salters hit the target

uh start they call troops in contact and then the the gFC just starts dropping bombs and dude he dropped like 20,000 pounds ordinance on these fuckers and

there were 18 guys up there I think 18 or 19 guys and they killed them all and so now we just dropped 20,000 pounds of ordinance there's one way in one way out. We just let everybody know

that we're there. We've got planes flying overhead. Everybody asked over T-Kettle back to the panders and we're trying to get out of there as fast as we can. Get on the radio and our command element says

you guys got to stop at the FOB to do a battle space handoff. I'm like, what? Like the little army outpost that's up there. You got to go tell them what you did. And I was like, and the ground force commander

I look at each other. We're like, that's a fucking horrible idea. We need to get out of here as fast as we can because there's only one road. Like, this is not a smart idea. They're like non-negotiable battle space handoff. So we pull in and we got another flat tire. So my guys, fucking back at it, pull that tire off.

Myself and the Ground Force commander run in. We wake up this guy. He's in his, like, you know, his Ranger panties and a T-shirt. And he's like, why the fuck are you guys here? We're like, we have to do a battle space handoff. He's like, okay. Thanks. Like, get out of here.

We're like, okay, yeah, well, they're all dead. It's like, this bad. We need to leave. I mean, that was pretty much the extent of it. Like, pile back in the panders, and we head out and come around a corner, and about 25 fighters had set up an ambush on us. And the first, I was looking at the, I'm looking through the thing, and I watched the first RPG fly by my driver. head i saw the like i was like oh fuck and over the radio they're like contact right and i turned my i'm i'm sitting across from the the gfc um the other the assault troop commander

and i'm like fuck and i turn to my combat i'm like call it in dude and he calls in troops and contact and our guys just went to fucking town like this unbelievable maneuvering And RWS systems fly over. And I had a 40 mic mic on mine. And I watched a dude pop up with an RPG and my gunner shot him in the chest with an RPG. I mean, started him in the chest with a 40 mic, mic, grenade. Wow.

Because you know, everyone, you can hear the 50s going off and all the other vehicles and all the gunfire. I mean, it was just like, holy fuck. and I look at the RWS screen and I'm like and he's zooming in on this dude and I'm like we got a 40 mic mic

and he hits the guy and it's just like white on the screen and the dude just disappears and we slow down clear the area and I'm like hey do we want to set security and we're like

fuck no blow through and so we blow through we pull into we pull into we pull into Saddamad we get out and the fucking panders are just fucking peppered like our guys get out and you know the salters i remember that the

troop just looks at me and he was just like he just nodded he's like fuck yeah man like he was one of the guys who was like fuck no i'm never getting a pander like i'm not getting in with you guys was swick guys he was like your boys are fucking good man and i was i was i walked in and And every single assaulter was like, dude, that, that, I hated those things beforehand. I'm a change man. And I was so proud of my, my troop that night. I was like, these young SWIC guys, never been in combat, never been in engagement. And I walked out and they were just like, holy fuck, sir.

I was like, well done, man. That's awesome, man. I was, to me, I was like, that was NSW at its finest. It was really I was so proud of them that night They were like Well this thing They were kind of freaking out

You know Because you start You get out And you start looking at the vehicles And you're like That's a lot of rounds Like Those are a lot of guys

And it turns out We got The The FOP guys Like two days later They're like Yeah there was another 25 enemy

KIA At the ambush site No shit Yeah I was like dudes welcome to the show man and that was Christmas Eve that was Christmas Eve that was Christmas Eve

Wow Christmas Eve you know that we did a bunch of a bunch of and then ops picked up with the Rangers after that we did a we worked with some of the agency guys out of some of the Omega's word got around and then the one of the ops that kind of turned me sour

my guys were up at omega-60 and siting in because we had a range up there they were sighting of the panders and I was down at jabad and I had the Rangers with me and selector pop for a guy who was a 23-year-old Taliban sub-commander and it was outside of Bogram

and I was like what fuck is this 23 year what is a 23 year old anybody like in there anyways it was an area that had been IED all the time Army didn't go in anymore

and this guy was in there and that's why he didn't he was like nobody's going to come get me and the jock says hey man send the panders and the rangers and i went i went to the headshed i'm like hey this is like we got storms i got no cass i got no i got no meta back i got j dms through the clouds i mean like we're fucking hanging it out there and this is like iED central and they're like so go and i'm like what do we do it like i'm okay with this. But what do we do it? Like this is a Taliban, 23-year-old Taliban sub-commander. Like, I'd take one catastrophic ID. I'm killing like 15 Rangers and four of my guys. And is this,

in my mind, I'm like, is the juice worth to squeeze? I got no, I got no medevac. I got no Kazevac, and I got no close air support. And they were just like, fucking go. All right. So I scramble a C-130. I get the Rangers. We load up in J-bad. My guys are, and omega-60. They hightail it down to Bogram. We meet in a hangar, C-130 pulls up. We literally, I have chalk, and we plan the, I pull up my computer, and we fucking, we look at the target.

I got the Ranger GFC. I'm like, all right, I'm going to drop you off here. We're going to go here. This is what we got. We were rolling there, and the fucking Rangers crushed it. And it was fucked up, a super channelized terrain. The RWS systems were worthless. The walls were taller than the guns.

So we just literally drove in and I remember this whole time just had this sick feeling I'm just like dude this is it I've rolled the dice so many times in my life like this is this is it fortunately nothing happened we grabbed the dude and we get out of there we get back to boggroom and I'm just like oh fuck good I lay down about 20 minutes I've been up for 48 hours scrambling this thing I go into the jock McCraven's there and I'm with the young ranger captain and uh McRaven's like, gentlemen, great political victory tonight. And I was like, that's an interesting thing to say. I was like, well, what's with the guy? Listen, he's really, his father is really close to Karzai. We let him go. But we got a lot of, we got a lot of political clout from this one, a lot of leverage.

And I think I'm not very good at hiding my emotions. I was like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? It was like that moment. And I'm like, and in my mind, yes, I'm a soldier, I follow orders, I do what I'm supposed to do. But in my mind, I was like, not one of those guys' lives is worth, these guys are highly trained. Every single ranger, every single swick guy, every single seal, like, they're treasures. I'm like, what are we doing?

You know what I mean? I just had this moment where I was like, and that was part of my like, like, okay, I don't know, I don't know if this is where I want to be anymore. I just didn't know how to rationalize it. We come back from that, and the last stop I go on, Omega 60 calls me and there's a team guy up there, hey, can you guys come up, do mobility for us? We got some of the Mohawks or something, the Indige force.

We were going to go out with some of the agency guys and hit this target. And I was like, yeah, sure. So I'd go up there, and the seal that was there was super squared away a guy, really good senior enlisted young guy. His name was Sean. And that night we go out and getting a little engaged, but nothing crazy. But we had the agency guy in our vehicle with us, and we weren't driving the Panthers this time. We were driving. We went out in the high luxes.

I just took my guys up there to do the mobility portion for him. It was kind of cool that they were, they thought that highly of us that they would say, hey, come on and do this. Anyways, we go, we come back from that op, and I'm sitting with Sean, we're kind of like laughing. And he hands me the AAR from the, from the op. And I'm like, dude, who is this guy? He's like, fucking Rambo. And he's like, that was a dude that was hiding in the back of our, in the back seat of the highlights who never got out.

And I was like, what? And so I just start laughing. I'm just like, whatever. Everybody was writing themselves up for all, you know, it was like, how do you get promoted? And it was in every aspect. It was like numbers. And it just, it just felt like, it just felt wrong. You know what I mean?

It just felt wrong. And Sean and I laugh about it. And I was like, dude, where are you from? I didn't really know him in the squadron. And we'd know each other. And he's like, I'm from this little town of Pennsylvania. I'm like, me too. He's like, oh, yeah, where?

And I'm like, I'm from here. He's like, I'm from Warren. I'm like, dude, we're like 20 minutes apart. and we start chatting and he goes yeah man I used to ski at peak and peak and I'm like you used to ski a peak I used to ski a peak and I used to ski a pee

and he that's nuts man we probably rode the same lift together riding our you know car heart warriors ripping around the mountains and you guys to fish in Lake Erie trout and perch and perching uh walleye I'm like that's crazy that's the last stop I go on

I fly home after that and that's when the wheels I mean my the TBI stuff starts bad like bad I'm driving to work without even I was on a Sunday I was sitting in the parking lot at the command and I'm like I don't know why I'm here and my wife calls me she's like you left an hour ago you were supposed to get diapers and I'm like shit fuck it well I was getting I was getting vertigo all the time and but I'm like well maybe you see legs because we're you know we come back from rotation, you're immediately back out on the boat. I'm like, oh, maybe I'm just getting sea legs. And then these headaches started, like, unbelievable headaches, splitting. And I'm just like, okay, I'm just starting Excedrin by like the handful. And my back, I'm going into Portsmouth to get pain injections at the pain clinic where they

injected into your spine. And my back pain, my neck pain, my head. I'm just kind of like, holy fuck, this is. and my behavior goes to shit I'm missing meetings I'm like I'm a fucking mess

and and I'm I'm feeling like I'm feeling like something's something's coming apart but I'm like fuck it you just keep going you just keep you just keep going

and then my friend Walt knocks on my door he's like hey man this Friday he goes you're going to start green team on Monday and we're just going to get you through assaults

and then you're going to go take a troop up on the second deck and I was like, Monday? I'm like, dude, I'm still in my troop commander job here. I'm like, I can't just leave and go do that. Like, you're fine, already got covered with your boss. Everything's going to be good. You just needed to get through assaults. And I'm just like, physically, I'm fucking shot.

I don't know what's going on. And I'm kind of losing. losing my mind. I couldn't even read emails. I would just delete all my emails. That's what I do. Exactly. So I'm just like the fucking shit's going south, but okay, you know what? I'm on the ride. What are we doing next? Let's go to Green Team. And so I show up and I know all the guys. I've been at the command for four years, you know, everyone knows me. I've been there buddies with everyone. They're like, what are you doing? I'm like, I got to go through assaults

again. And but I'm getting my gut is like, this is bad like I don't want to go to the second deck not because I don't want to operate but because like I'm gonna get somebody fucking killed like I can't even like control myself right now we start doing get through the first week of assaults every night I'm going back and I'm doing troop commander work the best that I can which my troop chief was just like dude what the fuck is going on with you and I'm like ah it's fine and we head out to uh I think it was like third week of assaults and I couldn't remember in four-man entries I couldn't remember which way I was going to go and so I would sit there and I was wearing solomons and I would count the things and I'm like left

right I'm going left so I would put a rock in my left shoe I'm like that's how fucked up my brain was and my my cousin was running assaults and everybody thought he's like I had peach is going to fucking breeze through here and my cousin's like what the fuck dude like you're a mess and i'm like i like something that was very easy before i was really fucked up that week three they pulled me aside and they're just like my friend walt's like hey man i i i i there's a bad timing for you and i'm like yeah and they drop me and i'm like and i'm like And we got in the car, and on the ride home, I turned to Walt and I told him everything. I'm like, dude, I'm happy right now because, like, something's fucked up with me.

Like, I don't know what it is. I've never been here before, but, like, this is a good thing. And they're like, well, just finish out your time. Heal up. We'll reload you next year. And I went back and I wrote my letter of resignation. Oh, shit. and I walked out and put it in and Heather left she moved back up to Pennsylvania and we'd

bought a house up in Erie and I was just kind of riding out my time and I moved in with Morgan Mottrell and I was just kind of limping through like hey how long are you going to be here time to get out you know they put me in an ops job I was just like ah I had Pete's off the fucking off the train and but I was getting worse and man I started drinking like like just to go to sleep at night, I was drinking glassfuls of Jack Daniels because my back pain was just unbelievable. My left arm

was numb. I couldn't even play, couldn't play any music. Couldn't think. I was driving play. I mean, Morgan finally says to me, he had been in a helicopter crash and he had gone through NICO, National Trappist Center of Excellence. He was the first deal to go there and living with him. And he's

watching me in the kitchen. He goes, dude, you got fucking TBI. You need to go to NICO. And I was like, what the fuck is tb i and what's nico he's like i've been watching you for three weeks and you you like you you can't sleep for your headaches you you like you quite literally can't hold a conversation i'll start a conversation with you and then you'll walk away like you walk out of the house four times to want you come back in to get your badge your wallet your keys like you'll forget where we're driving when we're driving in the car he's like dude you you're

fucked up and I was like yeah but I went to see this psych at the command and he goes well you're just like everybody else man like and I'm like thinking of myself I'm like everybody else is yeah I'm like okay all right well fuck it and I remember sitting thinking to myself like okay I had a great career you know I'm lucky I'm lucky to be alive we lost a lot of you know lots of friends and all this stuff and like maybe it's just time to you know if this is the end of the road and this was the price that I paid then okay I'm losing my mind and um getting ready to get out and we're just when this happened Morgan gives me a brochure for Nike and I walk into medical and Matt Hickey's the commander who's a naval academy grad and went to med school

became a doctor and he was the DMO at the command and i walked in i sat on his desk and i was like i need help and he's like he was checking in he just dropped everything and he sat me down he goes what is this and i was like i don't know what's going on and i just like dumped it on him matt calls the detailer pulls my resignation he's like he's not getting out yet i can't let him out he's not medically he's he's he's fucked up he calls up to nico i got a guy need to get him in what are you what do you do there talks to jim kelly the physician in charge and this july they're like beginning of july they're like you got a slot to go to nico in august first and i'm like i don't try anything and so head up your wife notice on any of the

stuff oh yeah she was just like it she was confiding i think in her mom a lot but she's like she would watch me do shit and I was like she's like you weren't in there like you were there but you weren't in there like it wasn't like you didn't come home and pick up a guitar and play you were like absent from the kids um she had moved to Erie and Tanner was born my third son and like I wasn't holding him and she's like I held I'm like I'm a I love my kids like every second I get to be with my children, I'm like picking them up, carrying them around, hugging them, like, and I didn't hold Tanner. And she was like, what's wrong with you? And I'm like, I don't know. And then I started, and my drinking was just going through the roof. And I'm going to this

NICO place. I don't know what it is. I'm going to try this. So I check into NICO first day. And you sit me in this room, walk me in the room, there's $12. doctors, there's nutritionists, everybody in the room. And they made my medical record out. And they go, tell us your story. And they're like, and Dr. Jim Kelly was sitting across me. He goes, listen, part of the problem here is it's disconnected. What we're going to do is we're as a team, we're going to analyze your story so you only have to tell it one time and walk us through this. And so I sat in there for hours and talked them through the story. And then they start scheduling appointments for me.

And over the next month, I got 93 doctors appointments and I got five MRIs in my brain. I got, and Jim would sit me down and say, let's talk about what TBI is and what was happening, explaining me how my brain worked. And so I started building a brief. I'm like, because I'm the last words from the psych where, well, you're just like everybody else. I'm like, well, if everybody else is going through this and there's an answer, then they need to know about it. And Jim was a great teacher. And so he's like, hey, listen, my brain,

it's, think of your brain like a city. You've got, you know, gray matter, the buildings, the white matter of the streets and the sidewalk. That's information travels on that. And when you pass energy through the cortex of your brain, it's like an earthquake. So if you were to fly over Washington, or Washington, D.C. on September 11th, you look down and you saw the Pentagon, that's a sports concussion. You know, that's Troy Aikman. You can rewind it, see where you got hit. You can say, hey, this is this part of the brain.

This is what the cognitive deficits might be from this type of injury. He goes, but with you guys, he's later on, I was in Washington, D.C. on August 23rd, and Jonas's funeral, when the earthquake hit and the building shaking, there was plaster falling off the ceilings. Well, after the earthquake, you'd fly over Washington, D.C. and you think everything was all right. But the damage was actually in an order of magnitude greater because it was passing energy

through the region. There was cracks in the sidewalks. There was cracks in the Washington Monument. There was infrastructure damage that you couldn't tell. He's like, that's the same thing for blast that passing through the energy of your cortex, your brain.

It's damaging all those streets and sidewalks. And now information has got to take detours. That's why you got a sweet tooth. That's why you're drinking massive amounts of caffeine. That's everything is difficult for you. You've lost words. your headaches he goes and what we found is that so when your brain is injured the white matter is injured in your brain your brain releases stem cells to repair the white matter but stem cells are

killed off by cortisol and adrenaline and he goes the major producers of cortisol adrenaline are lack of level three sleep chronic pain and chronic um what's sorry chronic pain chronic uh chronic uh lack of level three and four sleep and um um i've said this like 10,000 times. Grand pain lack of level three and four sleep and memory loss. Memory loss. Yeah. It'll come back to me in a second. Anyways, you guys live in this perfect storm where you flip-flop your circadian rhythms. Oh, stress. High levels of stress. So high level of stress, lack of level three and four sleep and chronic pain. He goes, all you guys are injured.

You got some kind of neck back. He's like, your neck, you're back. Your body's producing high levels of cortisol. You fucked up your sleep because you're up all night, and then you sleep all day. And I wasn't sleeping at all. The only way I would fall asleep is if I chugged a bunch of alcohol

or took some ambient, and you pass out. He goes, and then you're in chronic stress. You've been deploying, you're in a high-stress job. And so what's happened is these cognitive deficits, it's just start to add up, and you just start to get to worse and worse and worse and worse. So what we need to do is break the pain cycle, break the stress cycle, and get you sleeping again. And that protocol there is to analyze how every part of your body. Like we got orthopedic pain, let's address your orthopedic pain.

You got headache pain. Let's address the headaches, but without, let's look at what we can do. They used acupuncture. I went in for acupuncture, and Dr. Kaufman did this acupuncture in my head. And I remember it was like somebody hit a button and my headache went away. And I left, I walked out of his office and I went to the, I was staying on Bethesda at the time

at the NICO on the National Naval Medical Center. They put you up there. And I fell asleep, I slept for 18 hours. The first time I slept like that, I came in and I'm like, and they're like, welcome back. And I started to piece myself back together. And during that time, I was there, extortion happened. So the first weekend, I'm at, I'm at NICO.

I get there on August 1st. I go through the first week where they're explaining stuff. I start my testing. And then I drive home to see my kids. I crawl in bed and my phone lights up. It says, two troop is gone. I'm like, what? And then the names start.

And I was like, oh my God. a sinking feeling because I'm like I'm thinking of the guys in gold and I'm like which who's in two troop

and then I see J.T.'s name J.T. Tomlinson and I'm just like and then I see Jonas's name and you know you know everybody on that list it's not like it's not like

hey names are flashing a TV screen it's like you have faces popping in your head and I'm like they're all gone and I went and I crawled in bed with Walker I was like, dude, he was a baby. And I crawled, I just held my kids. And I'm like, holy shit.

And then it came in waves. It was just like, that month was just like, I'm in NICO. I'm starting to come back together. I'm healing. But I'm like, you know, the command just got thrown into this mass casualty drill. We never lost that many people at one time. Like, how many kids woke up that morning without a dad? It was like, like, you know, we're sending out teams to families like over and over and over again.

I mean, it just was like a shockwave that went through that place. And thank God I was at NICO. Thank God I had the support that I did. And, you know, JT's was the one that hit me the most because he was, we were so close. he was in my wedding um when we came back we had a formal wedding at home and he flew up bow was the best man and j t was in the wedding and and um bo calls me and says hey man um we're gonna bury j t and rockford at home and i said okay i want you to sing a song i was like okay i didn't even think about it i'm like fuck

come home and i'm like that day i woke up in the morning what was messed up was before bow called me and all that stuff happened i woke up that morning i had like a little mp3 player and i went for a walk in my neighborhood the same neighborhood i walk in right now and the song came on called hell for the company and it was written by a guy i went to the naval academy with uh day bodakian and he and i used to play guitar together and jam and i was like what and it just kept playing in my head and when Bo called me said hey I need you to play JT's

I was like kind of my worst nightmare because I knew the whole command would be there we flew out to we flew out there and I got some I got a couple extra days off from NICO

and thank God Dr. Kaufman was there he was a psychiatrist and I flew out there and it was like right out of of a movie it's like 1950s school at a you know a town and rural town in Iowa with one stoplight and we walk in it's like that the the old gymnasium with then there's a stage inside the gymnasium right and that's you know the all the old bricks and the you know the seating on each side and the the kid is um you know the kid running the sound

board and and um the guys started arriving and it was the wheeled jtn what was what we thought was and when the when the RPG hit the helicopter it just incinerated and i mean it was like lights out light out and it i just you know how many times you've flown in a helicopter how many times have of you, like, coming in on landing, you're just like. And fortunately, I think, you know, Pete Van Hoosier at the memorial said it best. Yeah, that's another Pete Van Hoosier, CEO of the command at the time. He was the CEO of Group 2 when Red Wings went down. And they brought him back.

He was in retirement. They brought him out of retirement to be the CEO of the command, and then extortion happens. Damn. You tell me, that's not a calling. He knew what to say to the fans. families and how to handle it. And, you know, he said, and I always think about this, he said, you know, at the end of the speech, he was given the memorial at the end of speech, he says, he starts laughing.

He's, you know, I got to laugh. He goes, you know they were all jocked up. They're getting ready to land. The Rangers are called troops and they called for the QRF, and they're getting ready to get after it. he's like the RPG hits and all of a sudden they're sitting on the other side they all look at each other and they go

motherfucker and he he said it in this way and he's like and then they all walked into heaven I'm paraphrasing but you know how many times you replayed like what were the what was the last second like

and I kept thinking about that and they wheeled JT in and all the command walks in they sit down JT's dog Hawkeye his chocolate lab walks up to the casket and lays down

in front of the casket the command is there all three of JT's girlfriend's were there they all met at the same time we're all like that's kind of funny you know team guys being in team guy humor and I'm in my blues and Bo gives this absolutely amazing speech and then they're like and now you're going to sing and I remember looking down and playing in front of team guys they're singing in front of team guys is like being a wounded zebra walking in front of a pride of lions they're just like

you they just there's just you can tell like don't what are you gonna do what the fuck and i sang hell for the company and close my eyes i sang it and my hither had met me there and she had brought tanner with me with her because he was newborn he was still breastfeeding and you know we we that memorial you know we I wasn't drinking I stayed sober once the minute I went to make oh I put the booze down and I was sober for that whole thing and it was and I experienced all of the extortion stuff sober and it was it was different and it hurt more I wanted to I wanted to grab a beer and and I wanted to think do a shot and I was just sober

and clean and clear and I could just I felt at all and we we packed up and I went back to NICO and I get a call from the chaplain and he says hey we're having the Arlington ceremony and he was on the 17th and the plan is they're going to do the change of command they're going to say a few words, it's in the All Face Chapel, and you're gonna sing. And I was like, no way. And he's like, listen, here's the deal. We can't have a denominational service

because we have too many guys. We're gonna do the quick change of command. Pete Mannhoos is gonna give the remarks. Wyman Howard's gonna take over and he's gonna give his remarks. And I was in Rockford and I want you to sing. And that's what it's going to be. And I was like,

I'm like, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to be at the command. I want to be anywhere near. I was like, I'm a failure. I'm a quitter. Dropped out. I, like, I guess shit can.

You know what I mean? I was like, I showed up. And I got up there. And I closed my eyes. And I sang. And we buried. them and that that was you know i can talk about that all day but for me i shut the door on it

on it all that was it that was it for me that was it for me that was it for me it's a tough ride man It was a tough ride. But then, you know, went out to the West Coast. I built this brief. And I'm like, I'm gonna, we got a TBI problem. You know what, I'm gonna help the guys. Started getting phone calls, two in the morning. I went back, I gave the first,

the first blast effect brief to Red. I walked in. I was like, hey, can I have 30 minutes of your time? They were like, where'd you go, dude? Did you go to the Nut House? like what the hell happened and i said uh so i gave the first tbi brief i explained what traumatic brain injury was i explained the symptoms i explain the comorbidities between tbi and PTSD you know talked about sleep walk through all of it every guy in the room was like dude i got all of that

and i remember commander williams was like and the dock at the time was like whoa there's a way out of this like i and we started stacking guys up on a nico nico became the revolving door for the command everybody was going up there and i was fielding calls at two in the morning from guys hurting and i just found this purpose and i'm like well you know what i came here to save that's what you said at the beginning they're not i'm this is what i'm to do to save these fucking guys and with the west coast started giving the brief and I hit this brick wall. Ah, we don't have TBI.

That's a damn group problem. Yeah, we don't have any of that. I mean, you ever read a concussion? Well, yeah, I've had hundreds of concussions. I'm like, but I don't have TBI. My boss at the time was like, you made it all up. You're just lazy. And I got this, this, this, I hit this wall at Warcom and Group One.

And it was like, we don't have this problem. Meanwhile, I'm fielding phone calls of guys being like, how do I get help? And I had gotten a lot better. Like, the NICO just, it was like, I just changed directions out of NICO. And it was like within two months of being out of there, I mean, I wasn't good, but I was, what I thought was like night and day better. And we started, my wife and I started speaking to the teams that would come back. and every time we would give our speeches at the family post-deployment retreats

which we never got we would give the speech and I would start talking about like you know bad walking out and with my forgetting my badge and keys every other every time and drinking and my wife would

then she would get up there and just basically throw me under the bus and the wives were just elbow the husbands and I was like okay Like, you know, we've been through 15 years of sustained combat.

Like, like, the Navy doesn't, I came to this conclusion, like, the Navy doesn't love you. Navy does not give too fucks about you. Naval Special Warfare doesn't love you. They don't give two fucks about you. And that's okay. They don't, they shouldn't. They've got a mission. They've got a job.

And they didn't want to acknowledge the problem. I don't think they have yet. Because it was like, if we acknowledge the problem, then we got to do something about it. And if we do something about it, we got to start changing our modesty. operandi we got to start changing how breaching protocols you know you eat enough you know you stand three feet from door and clack off explosives you're passing all kinds of energy through the cortex your brain like we just we got to come up with a way you know and I was like so the problem isn't now going to be solved by the commands inside of NSW it's going to be solved by the support

mechanisms around NSW and there was a couple other guys from the command with me out there there and I put in my letter of resignation and our parting trip five of us went up to Alaska and we climbed and summited Denali and then skied down and I took my my bracelet my memorial bracelet from I went up to the top of the Nali and I tied it to the tied it to the plaque that's on top that marks the summit I'm like I'm done I'm done grieving I was a about a year after that like I've grieved I'm gonna now I'm gonna go try to fix this the best way I can on the outside I left I came home got out of the Navy with no plan no job like they were just like see you

And some guys didn't even know I got out. They're like, wait, you got out? What's going on? I'm like, at one point during that time, called the Detailer, and they said, well, because you fell off your career path by essentially taking time off, going to NICO, because it wasn't acknowledged.

Nobody knew what it was. You're going to have to take another troop with SEAL Team 7 back to Afghanistan for a year if you want to stay in the path in the pipeline and I came home and I looked at Heather she's like no you know like these three that's your priority and I was like okay they got out and I just kind of walked out the door stayed in the reserves for a couple years but when they looked at my background like I was a great reservist. I can be plugged into any part of NSW that you made. They called me up. They're like,

we're going to activate you. I was like, I just got out. I was going to every, I was trying to speak at nonprofits. I was trying to raise money. I did a campaign with Napa. We raised, I don't know how many millions of dollars we raised, but we opened up 10 more NICO satellite centers. I started that first year, I worked as a ski instructor at Snowmass, and I started skiing the big mountain competitions. I was like, my love of skiing i felt at home there like maybe i'll prove in my mind i was like if i go do this then i can prove that i'm healed and that was when i was approached by the men's journal guy and said hey i want to do an article and i was like well jim kelly had left nico and he wanted to open up another facility um in aurora colorado for the veterans

And I was like, perfect. You know, NICO was for active duty. We need something on the outside for veterans. And this can be for veterans. Same protocols. So Jim and I start working on it. I was like, well, I'll do this article about how, like, your protocols healed me. And, you know, that'll bring some attention.

And maybe that'll help with donors. And a guy came out. We talked about the article, doing the article. He came to an event. I did horribly at the event. And I was new to any of that media. And at one point, he goes, he said to me, we're going to, he's like, hey, and the next article I'm doing is about that Captain Phillips mission, talk to these FBI guys who said, you know, the seal story is BS. And I'm going to do the article about the FBI guys. And I was like, don't do that. That's not true. And he's like, well, how do you know? I was like, well, I was there. And I was there when the FBI showed up after the shots were taken, you know, came across the, hey, pirates are dead. We were. We're like, who-hoo, like, 24 hours later, the FBI was like, we're here.

We're like, for what? And so I told that to the author. And when the article comes out, it was about how I led the Captain Phillips mission, and they timed it with the opening of the movie. And it wasn't about healing from TBI. And I was like, and then the hate poured in from, what were you thinking? And I was like, that's not what I wanted it. I intended it to be about traumatic brain.

injury and how i was getting better and and it was supposed to be raised money and nobody cared damn man then we found bernie marcus founder of home depot and he signed on and he gave us thirty eight million dollars we opened the doors to the marcus brain institute rora colorado and i got to give the opening speech and um and jim kelly uh took the home there and we started healing veterans and it was fucking awesome congratulations yeah that is fucking awesome it was pretty cool man i was like i don't that was that was i made it and then i fucking took a massive digger skiing he got another massive concussion and i called jim and he's like okay this like skiing thing it's big mountain you just can you just not hit your head again because you're

going to be licking the windows and i was like okay and you know it's kind of tumbling through different jobs after that and um i worked at a place called rally gave a speech it was a software health care company um started by his young and the original idea was to fix I pitched him my thing called life optimization was how to use wearable devices to manage you know heart rate variability and cortisol levels and be able to predict predictive modeling on who is going to get in the red for TBI symptoms and he's like we're doing that here and then like tech works you get in for one reason and then money arrives and you hang a right hand turn And that company, you know, granted very well.

Raleigh turned into a fantastic success. He was like 33 when he sold it. We're talking about Grant who? Forstand it. I know Grant. Yeah. I went to work at Raleigh when it was Audax. Oh, shit.

Yeah, I went and gave the blast effect speech and like a leadership speech. And then I handed Grant my business plan for wearable devices. And, you know, how do we do predictive modeling? And Grant said, we're going to do that here at Raleigh. Come work with us. I went to work at Raleigh. And then the first tranche of buyouts came with United coming in. And, you know, we went from startup to in worth $500 million overnight.

And then Raleigh. you know it was an engagement tool but it was it was a great education on you know tech startups and how that all and I was flying back and forth from Colorado and um just I mean I was burned the candle at both ends again how do I got to make a living I got to figure this out with my kids and you know Grant being a wonderful dude is super supportive through all of it and when it took the right hand turn and became we weren't going to go do the wearable devices integration to fix tBI it was an engagement tool for um united i was like i'm out i'm and i'm pulling apart and just then cactus called me out of the blue hey man i got this song

passed to me and we're doing this documentary you want to come record an album and i was like I got nothing else going on I flew to Nashville and like you heard the first story that's how I met Cactus and Wine and then the Patriot Tour came up and you know Marcus was going to take a bunch of vets out to talk about

stuff and said hey I'd like somebody to come play music so I went out and I did 14 stops on the Patriot Tour with them recorded that film to get into music yeah the music part was a that was nice because Because, you know, Jim Kelly was like,

music is the best thing you can do for your brain. And I was like, oh, maybe this is where I need to, maybe this is where I need to go, you know. And I, you know, the first EP we cut was really the heart and soul of what we were gonna do. And then I started to see the music business and I recorded the second album and I realized like, and you had John Rich on here talking about the music business

and, um, uh, But the reality was, I remember I sat down, I was getting a record deal, talking to different A&R guys, and this is going to happen. And they said, here's the deal, man. There's 273 radio stations around the country, country radio, 75 million daily listeners. The way it works is, we sign you, it's going to be a 360 deal. I got a bunch of great songs. You're going to cut them. In the meantime, once we cut the record, you're going to fly to all 273 radio.

radio stations and you're going to meet everybody and show your face and we take one of your singles we put our radio team behind it put a bunch of money behind it and essentially you buy a spot on the billboard and then that summer we're going to put you out on a tour and you're going to be opening up you'll pay to open for a big name to get in front of their their people and then we're going to rinse and repeat for five years and at the end of the five years you're going to be poor but you're going to be famous

and you know we can you can move on from there with another deal or however direction you want to go and I sat there and I was like but I want to write my own songs the guy goes it doesn't work like that you can do that later I'm like so you're just going to

use my story to sell your shit, and then I'm going to play your stuff, and I'm going to have to play your stuff for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not, and I'm going to be on the road 300 days of the year, and basically going to make nothing. The 360 deal, they take a piece of everything, your merch, everything. Like, well, it's only for five years, and I was like, that's a horrible idea. Cactus was like, like, that's a horrible idea. Cactus was like, that's a horrible idea and I was imploding like I was playing shows I was traveling you did it no I didn't take the deal I started to try to I kind of took the route that Tim Montana took and that was go out and get sponsors and you know you get sponsored by an outdoor company and you know you put out a

bunch of you do their social media for them and they're going to pay you lump sum and you know you try to push pay for your own record uh your own record teams and and so i did that shortly i had one single called walking a wire that was um hired a record team for like 10 grand and it was a co-write with dirks bentley and david lee murphy and who got the 39 on the music row charts i hated the song i cut another song for get to 39 yeah on music row charts it wasn't on the billboard chart it was on the the jv chart but i was able to get to 39 and And I was like, that's kind of cool. And American sniper was coming out.

And I've been on the Patriot Tour with Tea, Kyle, and she said, would you cut this Heartside Lee Behind song and we'll put it in the movie? And I said, yeah, I went to why. I'm like, you want to do this with me? And it's going to go in this American sniper movie. And so, Why Cactus and I went in? And we cut Hearts I leave behind.

And right before the movie came out, they're like, yeah so we it was supposed to be in the memorial page for chris like where they show all the pictures at the end of the movie and uh they're like it's going to be silence um i was like what i just invested a bunch of this money and recording all this stuff and i was kind of like okay so now i got this song what do i do with it and i'm like i know going back I call it Glenn Beck and I'm like hey Glenn I got this song recorded for this movie and it's not going to be in the movie but what I'll do is whatever we make off it I'll donate to Teia's charity above the what it cost me to cut it just so I can get out of this thing and Glenn's like let's do it so he put me on talk radio and Glenn told the story and said hey this movie the money's going to be donated and it went to number one in iTunes you went to number one number one on iTunes for a couple days and it's the last number one that

winona's had was hearts i leave behind and i cut the check to tie to cut the check to taia i looked around and this is like i mean this is when And this is when the PTSD hit me like a freight train. I thought it was like TBI is everything good. PTSD is not going to happen to me. I'm good. I'm being clear of it. And the stress of that whole time frame.

Throughout your entire, everything you've been through. Yep. From 10 months old until what age are you here? 30, some 48 now. So I was probably. probably 39. So damn near 40 years. Yeah.

All the shit that we just discussed and you didn't think PTSD was going to affect you. Dude, I'm bulletproof. I'm a Sierra Land Commando. You get a massive ego. I'm a country music star. Like, nothing is going to affect me. I can do anything. I can ski big mountains.

My life is good. I just made some bad business decisions. lost a bunch of money sold my house in Colorado and I moved home I quit music and I was I ended up sitting down on our family's property with 357 sitting in the creek and I was like I'm doing nobody any good at like emotional wreck couldn't control myself like i'm seeing visions of my father being mean was drinking like and i was full-blown i was never physically addicted to alcohol but i was like i'd drink from the get up in the morning and i was just off the rails i mean off the rails

went down there to end it and then i heard this voice in my head say no I shot the tree and it went home and I was just like I don't know what to do I need help where you where were your wife and kids at home in Erie we were all home back in Erie at that point and uh I was a I was working from Velocity Outdoors, Russ Rowan and Tom McGahn called me up. They had worked at another project with me, and they said, hey, listen, you want to come and they had sponsored some of my music, and they were really great to me. They said, come in and do brand with us, and Russ, he came from Burton.

He was, Russ and Tom, Tom was the CEO of Burtain, CEO of Spider, CEO of K&N. And Russ was his brand guy at every piece. And I said, you're a creative guy. Like, come in and help us with brand. And so I had been working with them. And they were just like, dude, are you okay? Like, it's starting to come apart. And like, we can see it.

And I was just like, I don't know, I don't know what to do. One of the guys I climbed Donnelly with that I was in the squadron with, calls me out of the blue and he says ed calls me he says i love you i said i love you too ed he goes we're going to go to mexico and do the world's most powerful psychedelic drugs and i was like okay has anybody done this he's like yeah a couple guys i'm like who anybody i can talk to And he says, yeah, Sean, the guy I went on the last stop with out of Omega. He just went. And I was like, oh, I call Sean up.

He's a very stoic dude, really smart. Got out, got his MBA, working, crushing it. He said, he did this, Ibegain. But what is it? Like, at this point, I'm like, you know, I just had a gun in my mouth. like I began what is it I'll try it

and he goes well I don't want to give you too many expectations but uh it he goes when I was under in the medicine I was in the delivery room

with my parents he goes I was you don't know this but I was adopted and I was like dude my mom died when I was 10 months old and I've always asked

like why did God leave me alone he goes that's your fire question and I was like what's a fire question? He goes, you got to write down your intention for your journey before you go into the medicine throw in the fire. And I was like

okay I had no idea what I was getting into since 2019. So I called another friend of mine Micah Fink who started Heroes and Horses and I said Micah fucking shit's coming off the road like I'm bad. He's like all right you're in the you're going to come to

Heroes and Horses in June, first class of 2019. We're going to do 40 days in the wilderness riding a horse. And I was like, all right, well, I'm going to go do this plant medicine right before that. So I'm like, I'll just throw everything at the kitchen sink and see if any of this shit works. And if it doesn't, then I'll go back to that 357 and not torture my family. Like, my father tortured me. What did you say to your family when you got back from the creek? Did they have any idea what was going on?

No. Did you ever tell them? This is going to be the first time they hear it? Yeah. How do you think they're going to react? I think they're going to be upset. Do you think they're going to be understanding? You know, the kids were really young at that point,

and I don't think they saw them. much. I think Lena might have understood that I was upset. I was distant. I was just hiding in the basement. You know, drinking all the time. But I'm not, like my dad, I'm not an angry drunk. I'm a fun guy. You know, like no one was ever going to tell me to stop drinking because I didn't have a problem with it. Like, I was the life of the party. You know, and so drinking was a way to make me happy. And I think, but I know my wife knew. she was just like dude what is this like what do you who are you she knew what i mean i just wasn't myself i was just plummeting like our she's tough as nails and she she hits she met me

where i was all the time she wasn't a pushover you know she's a she's a lion when it comes to the kids and she's like no no you're gonna like but she saw like like Like, I emotionally, I was just like, all over the place. And we were fighting left and right. And she was holding the fort down. She's like, we'll figure it out. We got to figure this out. We got to, we got to make a living.

We got to do this. We got to, we got to keep moving forward. You have to keep moving forward. And I was just like, I don't know what I can't. Like that's when the nightmare started. I wasn't sleeping at all, sweating through the sheets. like she would roll over and be like whoa i'm like soaked and i just get up you know and i was again i'm a very good drunk like i and then i lighten up and i'm happy and she was just like hey and my

mother-in-law noticed my friends noticed my buddies from home so i'm back at home at this point and they're all just like you know hey what's with pete something's going on you know and and A couple of my buddies were starting to sniff around. And I was just like, I remember what, I remember thinking, like, now I know my dad felt. Like, now I know what he was thinking. He was, he was like, I'm no good. I'm going to hurt him. I just got to get out of this.

And I was like, I'm my father. I remember thinking that, like, I've become my father. I was like the worst I think that's what really like set me down to the creek like you're him are you worried about them saying this no

no will you watch it with them yeah I will because what came after that is beautiful and I believe that

the cracks in the armor let the light shine through and life is going to be shitty for everyone it's going to take you to places you know with my son doing what he's doing I don't care how tough you are

I don't care what you wear on your chest I don't what your job is how much money you make like you're here to you're a spirit here to learn lessons and you're going to learn those lessons and the only thing as a parent that you can do is love your kids of everything about them and for them to see this and see that and know that I was there and to know where I'm at now um That's just as important as any story, war story, or anything like that. More important. That happened a million miles away, and they may see it on a movie or something, what it looked like. But that moment was, I should know. I flew out to, I flew out there. And you, dude, you have 14 guys show up to do, I began together.

We're all just like, what, okay, you're kind of making jokes. You're back in the, you're back in that like mindset. Yeah, I'm with my buddies. Like, this is good. We're going to go do this stuff. And we had a fire ceremony. Why'd you leave me alone, God, you're in the fire. And then, fucking blast off.

into ibegain land i remember the i remember laying there and i'm like one of this is when this is going to hit and it was like somebody plugged me in you know the vibrating was like and then the memories and it was like a rolodex it was like every memory that i didn't even know i had it was like sitting watching an ipad and all the bad ones i just kept coming back and and then the purging and the the guys in the other guys in the room I didn't purge as much there was one dude in the room

I was like he's giving birth to a demon he's over there I remember at one point like pulling my headset off I'm like get after it buddy we're like cheering him on and that dude man

I don't know that substance is truly a divine gift. There is no I remember that before the therapists were like so the first few hours you're not in control then at a certain point you're going to be

you're going to be able to ask the medicine questions and then it's going to show you things and I'm just like I remember just being the smart ass that I am I was like well how should I address the medicine she's like just call it medicine and I was like like we're all kind of like laughing at each other when I got through the first part I was just like medicine like can we talk now like and you know that first Ibegain journey it was like night and day and I woke up from the first part of it and I was I kept

seeing this demon it was like his tiny little demon and he came to the foot of my bed and the first time I called him Bart and I kicked him out and he was cute I was like tiny little demon of his head tail that hung over top and he like swing around and he just walking around

and then he came back and I called him Doug and I kicked him out and he came back a third time because three's my number and I called him Dart and I kicked him out I got up laughing about Dart and I went downstairs

and they were like what's going on and I felt really good like some guys post Ibegain or like, they feel like shit and they don't move. But I get like this burst of energy. And I got up and I'm just like, wow. I go downstairs and I start talking to therapists. And I draw dart.

And then all of a sudden I got this, I'm really tired again. So I go back to sleep. And I have this like movie playing in my head, like a 4K movie. Like I'm watching it, but I'm off. And then I'm in it. And I'm watching it.

And then I'm in it. And it's about dark. and it is hilarious but it's the realest thing i've ever seen a bit a part of and uh like i fall back asleep and it's like 4k movie i'm watching this guy walk into a bar he's like i think he's like a finance guy a good looking dude he's got a couple girls they're getting ready to they're at a bar they order they order some uh you know martinis and he knows everybody at the bar and they're like, hey, let's go to the bathroom and let's do some, you know,

I'm watching this guy do drugs with the things and I watch the, the girl goes, here, I got this stuff, it's like mushrooms, but, you know, it's more powerful. Do you want to take it? And the guy's like, I'll try anything. And he's like, what's the call? He's like, I began.

I was like, don't take that shit. And the guy in the movie takes it. And then they leave the bar, they go to this apartment, and all of a sudden he starts getting sick. and the girl's like we're out of here and this guy's just

he's purging and I'm like I told you you know I'm like having this half in half in that's out of this trip

he's purging and all of a sudden it goes black and then it starts up again and now I'm in the guy's body and I'm sitting I'm leaning against the bathtub and the toilet is here

and the demon is sitting in front of me dart and he he's got Danny DeVito's voice and he goes let me back in I was like

what the fuck was like oh my god what the fuck was that i'm like what is this can't be happening and i get up and i'm like somehow i know i have to go to work i'm like i got to work and this demon's like come on man let me back let me back in let me back in and i'm like whatever i took last night like that was way too powerful like go into my room i get closed i don't know how i'm doing any of this is like part of this movie darts follow me around we take the elevator downstairs and i I walk out in the street, and now there's, like, hundreds of darts. I see him everywhere, and, and he's, like, seeing guys, like,

hey, and they're all these cute little demons. They're not mean. They're, like, a hybrid of, like, Pokemon, but, like, demonic, and they're in this little realm, and they're just kind of strutting around and talking to each other. And I'm just, like, whatever I took last night, like, I shouldn't have taken that. But this demon, it's like, this dirtiest thing, he's just every thought that you have that you don't want to come out of your mouth is coming out of his mouth and he's just running around and just spewing it everywhere go to i go to work i don't know i get to work just playing in this

movie this movie's going along and you know he's just like every girl that comes up he's trying to look up her dress he's motorboating him he's just like the dirtiest little demon and he's like you know he goes into he runs into like a guy's office and there's a bunch of booze and he's just like trying to grab the booze but he can't grab the booze and i'm I'm having this conversation, like, stop it, like fighting with the people. But nobody else sees the demon except for me. And Dart, so finally, someone's like, dude, you need to go home. And so I leave, and Dart follows me.

And the sun is setting. And I sit on a park bench, and Dart sits next to me. And I'm just like, what are you? And he's like, who are these? What is this? He's like, we're demons. I go, well, what's the deal? He goes, I need to be in you so I can enjoy things.

You and I have been together forever. He's like, I love you team guys. He's like, we've got a great relationship. He's like, you guys are like winning the lottery. Like, what do you mean? He's like, look, you guys play hard and then you party hard. He's like, so I let you do what you need to do. We do fun stuff together.

He's like, and then when it's time for me to get what I want, and then I get what I want. I've been with you since the academy. And I was just like, I'm like, what? I'm like, how do you get into people? And he's like, see that guy? He's like, he's like, look down.

He's like, everyone's got like an aura. He's like, he's like the green. Don't go for the green. We don't go for the green. He goes the yellow and the red. He's like, that's the guys. Those are the target guys. Those are the ones that are primed for the picking.

And so we're sitting out there. The sun goes down and I'm having this conversation with the demon about how demons work. Guy comes out of a bar. He's like, see that guy right there? He's like, that's Billy. And this little demon is just like, just cute little guy running around. He's like, Billy always picks the bad ones. He's like, that guy, that guy's going to go cheat on his wife.

And just then, Billy jumps in, the demon jumps into the dude. And the guy grabs a girl and they go off. He's like, here's the problem. That guy, he's a good dude. He's just having a bad day. He's going to wake up in the morning, have a crisis of conscious. He's going to kick Billy out. And Billy's going to be back out of the streets.

He didn't pick, like I picked. He's like, I picked you. And I was like, sitting there looking at Dart. I'm like, starting to make a lot of sense to me. So I go home and I get on the computer. I'm like, I've got to find like a shaman lady. Because I'm like, whoever does this medicine. Maybe I get this medicine stuff out.

And the whole time I'm asking dark questions. I'm just like, well, why don't you pick some like rich guy and just have all the fun in the world? He goes, no, no, no, no, no. Don't pick the rich guys, they go to exotic islands, and they do all kinds of weird medicine, and then you're stuck on that island so you find some poor sap to get a ride home with.

I'm just like, whoa. And so I find this shaman. I don't know, I find a show. This is the movie. We go down, and I go to this, go across town, hop in a cab, go up to this apartment, I knock on the door, and this woman opens the door, and she goes, can I help you?

And she looks down, and she goes, and hello to you too. And I was like, you can see him? She's like, come on in. We need to talk. And I was like, okay, I need to get rid of him. And she's like, well, it's not that easy. And I go, well, how do I get rid of him?

She goes, you got to let him back in. He's like, see, I told you. The whole time, it's like a comedy show with this with Dart because he's like cracking jokes and it's funny. And I'm laughing. And in my dream I'm laughing. And the therapists, I didn't know this, were sitting up there watching me laugh. And I'm just like having this thing.

And I go, okay, well, what happens? She goes, you got to let them back in. See, demons are just toxic egos. And when their body dies, they don't believe there's anything bigger than them. They don't join the universal collective. The only way for him to join the universal collective and leave is to feel forgiveness. And that's what true love is. So you've got to let him in and you've got to forgive him.

and then he'll leave you and I got up from the couch and the movie ends now I'm out of my body and I'm watching this guy walked down the street with his little demon walking with him

and I woke up that's how my I began trip ended and the therapist was like Cynthia goes what was that and I was like we got to talk and I just dumped it on

Cynthia and she was like that is amazing and then she starts she starts helping me you know piece things together the next day we do i don't want to do the five i was like dude i got dark to deal with i don't need whatever this next thing is i don't want to go down that road and she's i was the last guy to do it in the house and uh i walk in there are three other dudes sitting there and they just go go upstairs and i was like i don't want to they're like you go upstairs I went upstairs and um I did the five and I immediately went to the place it'll let go that when that moment came to die I was like yeah I'll let it go and I went to this place no way I can describe it as infinite awareness and I felt

waves of forgiveness and I was like bring it to me bring bring me all your hate and I was turning it into love and it was just wave after wave wave I woke up from that and Ed was right there and I sat up I cried like I'd never cry before and the two of us I just let it go and I was like I know I know what I know what the other side is and I know where we're going I know where they're all that it's going to be okay I came back from that I remember walking in the airport and I could feel trauma on people I was like sitting I'm sitting in the San Diego airport and I'm looking at this guy and I could like feel his trauma and I had so much empathy I'm an empath by nature which I found out

10 and I could feel the trauma on everyone around me and it was like this I came home packed up and then I went to heroes and horses and I spent 40 days riding around on horse and the mountains Montana integrating that experience And the combination of those two things, I came back from that. Heroes and Horses was just, it's not a vacation. It's, you're sleeping in the dirt, you're pushing cattle, you're doing pack trips, you're riding wild Mustangs. It's the real deal.

I came back from that. And the combination of those two things, I was just a different person. did you get the answer to your question not yet i went back a few years passed and i went back and i did i began again um with a couple other team guys and i never got the answer to the question and I was like I was really upset about this but I wasn't upset um

I so back up when I came back from that first time that's when Walker said to me I came back a different person I really was like present in a really amazing way and I was just like

this is good it. And my wife was like, who are you? Like, you, you, what did you do? And I was like, it's the great, I don't know, but I'm like, I was, I was in a great place. And my friends said, hey, we were going to play this, we want you to come play this fundraiser show out for the Grammy Museum. And that week, Walker said to me, hey, dad, I want to be an Avenger. And I was like, dude, they're actors and he goes well i'll do that then and i was like okay you want to be an actor he goes yeah can you take me to hollywood and i go it just so happened then i'm going out to hollywood to play a show come with me i'm like let's do this i took him out and uh it was a red carpet event and i played

and walker was just running around trying to find producers he's like 10 years old pulling on people's hey are you a producer At that time, we went and I took him to the Hollywood Walk of Stars, and we walked on the stars, and he loves Robert Downey Jr. He loved Iron Man. And I was going out there to play the show and write a song with a guy named Tommy Costor who wrote, he was the songwriter for the album, The Real Slim Shady, and he wrote all the piano stuff. Tommy's this amazing guy. Tommy came to my show, and he meets Walker, and he goes, let's write a song with Walker. I was like, all right, So the next day, we bring Walker into the studio, and we start writing his tune.

And it's called Walk on Stars. And it's all about Walker's journey into Hollywood. And I watched this kid just like, his imagination explode and how he was talking about it. It was a green lantern. He was talking about Iron Man, all Spider-Man. He wrote this amazing song, and we sang it. And he's really embarrassed about it, but I love it. And Tommy goes, dude, I want to introduce him to somebody.

he's got it and so he calls his friend priscilla and priscilla and i meet with tommy for walker's first business meeting and she goes and Tommy and i are kind of sitting there the next day and she goes why do you want to be an actor and walker goes because when i pretend to be other people i understand how they feel he's 10 and i looked at tommy and i was like that's pretty good man Priscilla says to me, and Walker had just been cast in Mary Poppins at the school, middle school play. And he's like, well, I'm in Mary Poppins, very proud he's playing Michael. And she goes, if it's okay with your dad, can I help you with your play? And I said, yeah, absolutely.

So over the next few months, she would do Zoom calls and help him with his part. And she's like, hey, she called me. She goes, I want to get him into an acting school. There's an acting school in L.A., and I'm like, these are all bullshit. He's like, no, this guy is the real deal, John Di Aquino. And at the end of it, they have a showcase. And I was like, okay, let's try it. I'm like, he'll probably go there and every kid.

They're like, I want to be a football player. And they go and they play their first football game. Like, hey, I want to be a basketball player. You know, he's going to bounce around. And so I take him to the thing, the camp in Burbank, an whole family went out for a little vacation. and I was in the best place mentally. I was just like, I'm dad, this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm really happy. Just the three-day camp and does a showcase at the end and their agents and managers there. And the guy who runs a camp, he's like, hey, there's a lot of interest in Walker, can you stay? And I was like, we have three kids. I can't stay. He's like, I want to introduce you to a manager.

I was like, I know how this works. I just got done with entertainment. I know agents and managers. I understand this whole situation. He's like, no, no. I'm like, I'll take one meeting. We go back to the hotel, and there's a manager waiting in the hotel lobby with a card.

I'd love to talk to you about Walker, and I'm just like, hmm. Next day on the way out of town, I met with April, and I just kind of read her the riot act. Like, listen, I know the system works. I know what you do. I'm not signing anything, but if you bring some work, we'll talk.

And we go home. She calls me a week later. It's just as COVID starting out. goes, we want you to meet an agent in New York. I'm like, dude, there's COVID. I'm not going to New York City. It's like the epicenter. She's like, come on, just go meet these people.

They're not going to sign them. They just want to meet him. Like, all right, you know what? My dad told me no at every turn. I'm like, I'm going to say yes. Walker, let's get in the car. We drive to New York City. Go to the, I forget what floor in the Empire State Building.

We meet with A3. He goes in for 10 minutes. The girl comes out, goes, they want to talk to you. walk in like we want to sign Walker and I'm like no I'm not sign anything but you bring work you know we'll talk about it and I'm thinking to myself I'm like how are we going to do this like there's New York and L.A got to be for auditions we live in Erie Pennsylvania like this isn't going to work but you know what I'm going to do what my dad never did I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to see this thing through with him and we go home and COVID lockdown starts and it's just like

the world comes to a screeching hall well the entertainment industry went to self-tapes and so they're like look here's the deal we're gonna you do the self-tape and then the casting um the casting people look at the self-tapes and then you'll get callbacks so you don't have to go any place for an audition so i was like all right and so i built i get on amazon and i get some lights and i built a studio in my basement and um they start sending self-tapes in and walker and i'm like hey you know playing video games you said you want to be a an actor, we got these auditions, let's go do this. So every night, we go in the basement, we'd read the sides. I don't know anything about acting. You know, I was like, a performer, but I wasn't, and I was just like, do I believe him or not? And every night we do it, send the tape in, nothing, nothing, 50 auditions, nothing, 100 auditions. Now we're at a couple months into this. We're trying everything. I'm like, Walker, watch Iron Man without the sound on so you can understand how Robert Downey Jr.

communicates with body language. I'm trying to come up with ways to, like, to do this. And he's getting better. All of a sudden, I get this email. And it says, Ryan Reynolds, Sean Levy, project. And it's a full script. And I'm like, hmm, I like Ryan Reynolds. I don't know who Sean Levy is at the time.

So I Google him. I'm like, oh, wow, stranger things. Like, this, he's the real deal. And so I read the full script for the Adam project. And I'm like, dude, this is Walker. Like this, it's mini Deadpool. Like, he can recite all of Deadpool. Like, he, he loves Ryan Reynolds.

So I'm like, Walker. And I knew, I knew this context of the script now. It wasn't just like three lines where you're trying to, what is this for? They don't ever give you any information. They just say, hey, you're three line. But I had the whole script and I was just like, dude. So we start rehearsing. And we do like a week of rehearsals.

and we send the tape in and it's it he gets a callback i'm just like dude your first callback this is huge man and covid is ending it's about it's beginning of september and um i take a business trip out to my guys at velocity and walker has his first callback and when you do a callback they sit you on a zoom call and then you take one of your cameras and you film it as well and then when so they want the film and they want the zoom call recorded he gets in the zoom call and they go through the sides and you can i still have it on my phone and the the woman goes have you ever seen any of ryan's movies and he goes yeah uh i've seen Deadpool and she goes can you recite any lines from Deadpool and he goes he goes yeah but can i say the swear words

and she's like if your parents don't mind he kind of waged she see him like think for second and then he goes fuck wolverine first he rides my coattails and he goes through the whole opening monologue of five minutes for deadpool two with all inflection and he's having the time of his life because he's like i mean all of the dirty shit like he's got it down to a tea and you can hear on the zoom call the casting director laughing and i was like i said i get back that we send the thing off And I'm just like, I just get this feeling inside me. I'm like, he's got this. Next day, they want to do a chemistry read.

They want to call with the director. They'll call with the director. It goes through the lines with him. Sean's like very, very calm. He's like, all right, Walker, thanks for your time. No indication whether he has it or not. Call back. Now you're going to do a chemistry read with Ryan Reynolds on Zoom.

I'm just like, dude, this is awesome. Like, you're here. Like, I'm like, we're making progress. You're with Ryan. So he does it with Ryan. And the last scene is pretty emotional. And I hear, and I'm in the room around the corner sitting on the stairs. And I can hear Ryan go, oh.

And in my mind, I'm like, holy shit, he might actually get this. Next day, you get a phone call. It's the agent. She goes, hey, Sean Leapy wants to FaceTime with you guys to thank you for your time. And I was like, oh, like Friday. So I get on the FaceTime with Sean Levy, and Sean's playing, he's like, he goes, Walker, you know, a lot of kids tried out for this. And, you know, they were a lot older than you. They had more experience than you.

And I'm thinking to myself like, dude, if you're going to break the kid's heart, like, break it quick. Like, come, I'm going to punch you in the face. And then he stops. He goes, but Walker, you're going to be in a movie with Ryan Reynolds. Congratulations. And Walker goes, holy shit. And I was like, dude. And it set in.

It was just like, oh my God. Like this is, this is fucking happening. Like, this, he's number two on a card and a $140 million movie for Netflix. And he's starring with Ryan Reynolds. And we start shooting in a month. Wow. And I'm like, I'm like holy fuck

so I'm going with them I immediately get nervous because I'm like well who are these people like they're going to be a big part of our lives do I know anybody that knows Sean or Ryan so I start calling everybody I know and a friend of mine

who's an investment guy in New York Dan Loeb called Dan I go you know he runs one of the biggest hedge funds in the world I'm like if he's going to know him anybody's going to know him Dan's going to know him. So I called Dan. I'm like, hey, you know Sean Libby or Ryan Reynolds?

He goes, I know Sean. He's got a house next to me in the Hamptons. And I go, well, he just cast my son in a movie. And he goes, what? So he immediately calls Sean and says, dude, you cast my kid, my buddy's son. He's like, who's your buddy? Wait, Walker? And so he gives him my background.

And so Dan calls me back and goes, you're set. And I'm like, what does that mean? He's like, Sean, I've talked to you, to Sean about you, and you're going to have fun. So I tell my wife, I'm like, all right, we're in COVID. You know, you have like, you have to go up there and do 14 days of quarantine in an apartment by yourselves where they deliver food. And then, you know, all the COVID protocols in Canada are like 10X anywhere else. And you're going to go up there from basically November to March and we're going to make this movie. the Walker and I hop on a plane and father son and we take off we go quarantine and first day

is shooting 14 days in a room with an 11 year old like like dad on 11 dude but it was awesome man and first day we're getting ready to walk in we pull up and we're shooting at a school and when you see a production in its full fledge, you know, in its monstrosity, there's hundreds of people and there were all these background kids. It was shooting in the school. Walker's never been on camera before.

And he's like kind of looking around and he's got a trailer and there's makeup people and he's the only, he's number one on the card today because Ryan's not shooting. And like, first day on camera, we hustle him in there and Sean says to me, week before he goes normally we stick parents in a corner with a tent and a

you know a screen so you can watch it and he goes but you got a seat next to me or you're going to wait with the first AD Josh McLaughlin Josh was an executive producer as well with his sister Mary you're going to be with us for the entire thing so you're going to get to a different experience first day of shooting I plop down

Sean goes and now Walker's kind of like looking around. He's all these kids that want to be actors who've probably been in stuff. And he's the star of this movie. And he gets on camera for the first time I pull up my phone and I take a picture of it. Sean turns to me. He goes, has he ever been on camera before? And I, you know, so one year ago, he was in Mary Poppins. Now, we're in, mind you, we're in like full face shields with masks, COVID protocol. And I see Sean like, I could just see in his eyes. She's like, holy shit

I just rolled the dice on the $140 million movie or the kid had never been on camera action and take take take and Walker just settling in

he's taking direction and Sean took a break and Sean looks at me goes I've been directing kids for a long time I've never seen that

and then it's just started happening and Walker was improvising lines and there was these scenes where he was just like Sean can I try this when I do that and Sean has this way about him where his set is extremely well run it's discipline but it's free

and he is just wonderful he just sets the tone and Sean's got three daughters Ryan has three daughters and just had a son and we now they have we had like we're all quarantined together and we've got we've got this kid who's just like soaking this in man and I'm watching and I'm like I remember thinking of myself like he was born

to do this this is exactly where he's supposed to be and through that entire process every day it shoot was Ryan and we had you know we had teachers on set so you'd have to go teach you have to go to class and come back to set and we we were all stuck in quarantine and we were all piled in together so you had like the red the yellow and the green so you couldn't like You know, you can't really associate with other people. So on the weekends, you know, you can only associate with a couple guys. And we became good friends with stunt coordinator, Jim Churchman. And Jim was a stunt coordinator for Iron Man 3, all the X-Men movies.

Like, he's the flound of Superman, Man of Steel. Jim's, his IMDB page is just a mile long. And he's the nicest human being you've ever met. And he goes, how would Walker feel about doing his own stunts? And I'm like, you love it. And so we started stunt training and Walker started doing all of his own stunts. Jim's a dad as well. And we had this like four month like time together where every day was like a kid's dream come true.

He's shooting with Ryan and he's shooting with Mark Ruffalo and he's shooting with his mom is Jen Gardner. And they're Ryan's wife in the movie is Zoe's Aldana. And he's with all these amazing actors and they're all like he's in every scene. more days than Ryan during that and we just it was this most there was the most magical experience you can it was like it was out of a movie making a movie and Sean and Ryan where the in this the the storyline about the Adam project is a it's about a man who goes back in time to find his father who's Mark Ruffalo who invented time travel and he

finds his 12-year-old self, and then they go back in time to find their father. And so you have this storyline about, what if you could go back and talk to your dad? What would you say? And every day, there's scenes in that movie where the whole crew is a mess. But there were these moments that there's a scene. And we all got to know each other, and we all had issues with our dads. And there's a scene in the movie at the end where Ryan and Walker are trying to tell their dad, Mark Ruffalo, that he's going to die. And Mark Ruffalo is like, I don't want to know.

I can't know the future about time travel. And Ryan, a lot of actors have a tough time crying on camera. but you just can't cry on demand you know crying on demand is rough it's just hard sometimes you'll with walker on one of the early scenes we were using like blow menthol into his eyes and and and so he gets he can tear up and mark ruffalo we're rolling the cameras and ryan is there and walker's there and they start the scene and shan just lets it roll and they're like going back and forth dialogue dialogue and there's this break we're supposed to be an emotional moment mark ruffalo grabs ryan he looks at him he goes you're not your dad you're an amazing father

wow and when you watch that movie those tears and his eyes are every single one of us lost it like It was the most, I, I just sat there, like, paralyzed, Sean. It was the most amazing moment, and, you know, Walker, it hit walk, everybody. That scene is just unbelievable. But after all the shit that I had been through in my life and my stuff with my dad, to watch your kid, walk into this movie and have this story be about going back in time to see your father. And the movie was just littered with all these amazing moments, but that one just sits with me. We finished shooting principal photography, and in the movie, there's an office where Walker meets Ryan for the first time.

And it's their dad's office. And Sean says, I want to show you some of this. So Walker, Sean, and I go in and we sit down, and he's got on his laptop, and the lights are off in the room. And Walker's on the other side of Sean. and Sean's next to me, and he plays that scene. And I just cried like I've never cried before. Man, I just lost it. And Sean gives me a hug, and he's crying.

He's like, come on, Walker. And we walk out, and Walker turns to Sean, and he goes, man, the only time I've ever seen my dad cry like that was when Eddie Van Halen died. And Sean busts out laughing. It was kind of That was like how There's so much more to that movie But I

You know We came back from that And where we were shooting that Walker says to me I go what do you want to do next He goes I'm going to be Percy Jackson And I was like

What? And I call the agent I go he wants to be Percy Jackson And I remember he had read all the books When he was a little kid He was super into it And she goes Well they're not even casting

And I was like listen The kid's manifesting again Whatever you're doing like we need to get like the sides for this so we do the first tape for percy jackson and goes in don't hear anything for like a year in the meantime we he gets cast another movie called secret headquarters with owen wilson or he stars in that movie and i get a phone call from jim churchman he says hey i'm shooting this movie playing with gerard butler and you want to come down and help me um it's a essentially it's a plane crashes uh on a deserted island jello line in the philippines

and a bunch of mercenaries jump in and rescue the people and jarred butler flies out and i was like what do you need like a military advisor he's like yeah oh i was like whatever i'm not working walker's shooting and um his mom's going with him my daughter's uh my daughter's covered hanging out with Nana. It's, you know, summer going into September. I was like, I'll do it. I fly down there and Sean, he's like, dude, you got a costume fitting. I'm like, what? He said, like, you're going to be a mercenary, but I didn't actually believe him. He's like, yeah, man, you're in the movie. I'm like, all right. I go do the costume fitting and then first day of shooting, we do like the rescue scene to, you know, rescue Gerard Baller. And I just had to do, like, I just had to,

this amazing experience like it was like putting a gun back on but for real but not for real it was like a surreal kind of you know you know thing we shot for a month or a month at two months and um you know you finish up a movie and you just it just kind of goes away and then you kind of forget about it and then it pops up again like oh it's going to premiere somewhere and um we we finished up shooting that movie home and get the phone call like hey Walker's uh we got to get on Zoom we have an announcement to make and Rick Ryarden the author of Percy Jackson been on the York time bestseller for 16 years or I guess 20 years now um five book five part series Rick Ryarden the author is on the Zoom he says hey Walker congratulations you're Percy Jackson and the story behind Percy Jackson

is that he's the son of Poseidon and he finds out he's a demigod and he goes on these adventures and they're all about Greek mythology and he has all these powers with water and in season one you can Google it Percy gets claimed

and there's a scene where he's at Camp Half Blood and his co-star pushes him in the water and he has all these powers he doesn't know about he doesn't know his dad's Poseidon And all of his cuts start to heal. They've just been in, they've just done like this, capture the flag battle.

And all of his cuts start to heal. And he looks around and the camera pans out. And Annabeth says, your dad's calling. And a trident floats up above his head. I'm like, okay, I'm starting to see these signs. We come on my own shooting season one. And my friend, Sean, calls me. Earlier that week, I was having a rough week.

And for the first time my life, I said out loud, I go, God, if you're real, you need to show me because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not working. I'm like in this, you know, it's, when you're on set, you go from being Pete's go bell to being Walker's dad. You're just there.

And you're there, but you don't have a job. You're not paid. but you have to be there and you're you're kind of like in this it's just it's like it's like in purgatory and i'm breeding everything i can read and i'm trying to grow and trying to be positive and you know like the ibegain glow wears off and um and so i'm really struggling a little bit again and uh so i say out loud god if you're really you need to show me because i don't know what i'm doing Next day, Sean calls me and says, hey, man, the guy from the last op I went on, the guy who told me when I go to Ibegain, ask why God left you alone, because I got a favor to ask you.

And I said, I'll do you. What is it? He goes, man, I found my mom, and she still lives in Erie. And I wrote her a letter. And I need you to deliver it to her. I don't want to meet her. I don't want to have anything to do with her. I just have to have closure in this part of my life. And it's got to be you. And I was like, I'll do it. Send it to me. So him being very squared away, the next day of FedEx shows up,

I open up to FedEx. I'm not going to use the real last name, but this is Patricia Smith. And I'm like, A guy who befriended me on the ski hill when I was a kid, Paul, his last name's Smith. I'm like, I was a lot of Smiths. There's an address on it. I just get this hunch. I text my friend Paul.

I'm like, hey, you have a sister name. Is Patty's name Patricia? And does she live at this address? And he writes back, dot, dot, dot, no. but can you come over tomorrow and talk to my son about joining the Coast Guard yeah okay I'm like all right that didn't that wasn't real okay next day I go over to Paul's house talk to a son about joining the Coast Guard he's a guy need to talk to you he's a guy I've known my whole life threw me a graduation party from Naval

Academy he's like my brother he goes um why'd you ask about Patty I was like that Nothing, just a, it's not a coincidence, it was a mistake. And he gets real emotional and he goes, was this about her son? And I like, this, I just got hit. I'm like, maybe. He goes, nobody knows this, but when Patty was really young, she got pregnant, my father forced her to give the baby up for adoption. and we fought my dad.

We didn't want it to happen. I told my dad, I'll be his big brother, I'll take care of him. We're a close family. We don't need that way. We'll live in a kind of compound. We can't give the baby away. Paul says, she gave him up for adoption and she just wrecked her.

And then she got pregnant. I'm pregnant again from the same guy. And that's Sarah, who you know. And now the wheels are turning, and I'm like, oh my God. Like, this is Sean's family. He has a sister, he's never met, full sister. I'm like, this is my big brother. He says to me,

You know, when I saw you in the lift line, when we were younger, I would look around for anybody who looked like me. Everybody used to call me PJ's little brother, so much so that when he was five years older than me, he gave me his ID, and I used to go buy a beer with his ID when I was 16, and he's 21. Because I used to look around for anybody that looked like me, because I thought maybe it was him. and when I saw you in the lift line that day I thought you were him

that's why I made you my little brother and I was like and he says to me who is he a good man he's the best he's SEAL Team 6 operator the legend

who's one of the finest human beings I've ever met and PJ and I just kind of stared at each other so I get in the car when I call Sean and I'm like hey man I know your family I don't just know your family like they're my family holy shit

And there was a long pause. He said, a good man. Like, you're a great man. Why'd they give me up? I explained him everything. You got a sister, dude. Full sister.

You've never met. It's actually looking for you. And And the next day, I walked around the same neighborhood and I live in, Sean and I talk for hours. Just everything. And I said, I want to introduce you to your mom and your sister. So we made that connection.

And I, his sister met. And they became like best friends. to talk every day their families get together damn beat and um he's he's i was walking and that all of a sudden i had this epiphany that those those couple weeks just flew by just trying to it just like absorb like what just happened. And, um, as epiphany, and I called them and I said, hey, man, something you need to know. That's a great family.

They're wonderful people. I said, but you would have been born in that family. You wouldn't have been who you are. You wouldn't have been the man that you became. You wouldn't have been the combat leader that you are. You wouldn't have been the frog man that you are. You wouldn't have been the dad that you are. You wouldn't have been the husband that you are, the businessman, like you just wouldn't have been you.

I said, God makes you and the man he needs you to be for the job that he needs you to do and then when you're ready, he heals you. And when I said that out loud, I had this peace come over me. I sat down and I had this, like,

I can't even explain. It was like the five. but in real time and he goes what did you get out all this man I was like I got the answer to the question that I went to I began to ask in the first place

but God left me alone I did this interview because I wanted my kids to know that God is real he is the most real thing that you will ever seek and that this whole experience whatever this is is the pursuit of him and in your darkest moments pursue him because it will lead you to where you need to be i i don't know you know i don't know where it all goes or but i wouldn't change anything wouldn't change anything man and when i say i forgive my dad and i forgive beach i'll forgive them all made me into the man

that he needed me to be to do the job and that he needed me to do. Now, you know, every day, every, you know, I talked a lot about Walker, but my other two kids, Lena, and, you know, Walker's thing happened at a very young age. and it was a it happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen

and it happened God put me where he needed me every fuck up every mistake every dumb thing I did everything I didn't get when I thought I wanted it he was moving me he was like no you don't get that right now you're going to get this no no no I need you here no I need

you here and I'm blessed on a level that I can't even explain because I had that experience with Walker that showed me that truth like I had this visceral experience I mean, I, so thankful. My faith is unshakable. I don't, I don't believe, I know. I have something that is the greatest gift that I could, anybody could ever wish for in this experience. God is real man it's so real and he's so beautiful and he's so beautiful and I think the awakening that's happening right now is I'm just not just me I think it's happening all

over the world and I think things are going to get crazy in the next decade. And I don't know what that looks like. As a dad, it keeps me up at night. But I want everyone to know, no matter how crazy against God is real, but just look for him. It's a great message. You're a good dad, Ben.

All the lessons you learned from your dad. You're paying it forward. That's right. parenting it's a hands down the hardest job on planet earth at least in afghanistan you know who the enemy is anyway that's came here to tell that story

because i think the world needs it right now and not just because mine it's just because it I think that I got lucky. I held on and listened to the voices. I embraced the struggles. Listen, it's not all, you know, can rainbows and unicorns. It didn't just go away.

Now I'm magically floating into the never. Like, it didn't get any easier after that. And the struggles are really. real and that, you know, this world that walks living in, and Lena and Tanner walking into, like, it's getting crazier by the minute and it's going to be, like, all this ride that we're on as a family is just unbelievable, but, like, that's the only lesson that matters. That's it. You want to know what this whole thing is, this whole experience, this whole human experience,

is the pursuit of him. that's it that's it that's it that's all you got to do you got to do that's a secret sauce you know

I don't know what the right names are you know Sometimes I have a tough time with the name Jesus because I feel like it's been used poorly. I call them Yeshua. I've got one last question. Yep. Your mom? Yeah.

What would you say to her? I don't think I need to say anything to her. with me the whole time I think she was sitting right next to me today and every day of my life I don't think that I know that I know that that that means you're a peace yeah Yeah, man. It's, it's a, yeah, I think back to everybody who was always dangling faith in front of me. So many people prayed for me over all these years.

People are randomly coming to me, I pray for you. I'm like, don't waste your prayers on me, you know, when you're young. And, you know, the McWaters, Marty, I hope she sees this. He's the one that took me to Rome and Magigori. This whole experience, that's all it is, man. People were like, which, people are like, I'm always looking for my purpose.

Like, your purpose is to love God. You're calling. that's different but if you stay true on your purpose then he'll put you where he needs you to do the things he needs done and if you can stay present in a moment and and bring him close to you

then you got nothing to worry about and death isn't scary none of it is you know like that that lightness just the happiness just

the calm it comes with that feeling that like that moment and I gotta find it there's times when I get spun up and I move in different directions and I get a book like

that that is like a lifeline for me it brings me back it's a reminder he's with you we're all just so lucky to have this we create our own experiences we manifest this you know I believe that we make we're here to we're humans having a spiritual experience I'm sure spirits having a human experience not humans having a spiritual experience and when you realize that you know i think like vibrationally obviously i love music but you know like everything's vibration everything's energy vibrating in quantum physics everything's a frequency yeshua is a frequency

You know, like a kundalini awakening is the opening of the Christ consciousness within you. And when that Christ consciousness, the Holy Spirit enters you, then it can work through you. And we're made in God's image, right? And a glove is made in God's image. But a glove without a hand in it's just a glove. and when that Christ's consciousness is ignited within you it allows the Holy Spirit inside of you and that's what it is

it's God the Father is everything the Son is the Christ consciousness and the Holy Spirit is him working in his followers Jesus is a frequency man tune your instrument you tune your instrument to him keep that thing tuned up and the chords sound right he said the kingdom of God is within you

he was a teacher he always said you're going to do greater things than I ever did I think he left a blueprint what to become if this world was I just think about like if this world was there a billion Jesus is walking around this place to be awesome

right right we don't have any problems there's the only one I know but what he was saying is do it i i set i set the bar you guys match it they can be eight billion of you we can't we can't hit that bar all we can do is try that's the point that's the experience That's it, man.

It's a pursuit. We've already fucked it up. Maybe. Maybe. But that doesn't mean you stop trying. You can quit. Never quit. You get knocked down and you get back up.

You push forward. That's right. You know, that gremlin, that lives inside you that refuses that kept you in the cold water a little bit longer that little thing like he's useful

the ego is not the demon you need him but you need him in check you need to be able to see where he is and how to use him when you need him and then you need to know when he's

crossed the line and he needs to go into time out for a little bit you need to be able to recognize that your body is inside of your soul you know my my daughter is the most beautiful thing the universe has ever created I mean that she was born with her soul on the outside of her body and it's so cool she is like just your daughter a daughter I would say like you don't know what true love is until you have a daughter because it eliminates that part and it's just like god i like i can just sit there and she just watch her when she talks i don't care what she's

talking about i'm like keep going like i just love you you know my my youngest tan man he's got him overdeveloped sense of justice and a healthy disregard for authority wired like a frog man i love watching him play hockey not being present man being there sitting on set you know i think in life you have you have you have jobs You have pursuits, you have jobs and you have roles. And pursuits, I tell people when they're young, find your pursuits. For me, it was music and skiing. No matter where I was in life, I found something to slide down and a song to play, guitar.

Music was there, it's carried me. It's been a pursuit. And it's led me to different jobs. Same thing with skiing. It led me to jobs. But then at a certain point, you realize you fill roles. And being on set for me, that's not a job. But it's being there is a role that I want that has nothing to do with money.

You realize that, like, the role you play, we're all actors. We're all actors in this big thing. We're all playing different roles. What role do you want to play? What role is the one that means something outside of jobs? Like, your jobs come and go. Like, you figure out your roles, any job will do. You know?

And those pursuits are important. Chase those when you're young. They'll take you places. I'll then find the jobs are good, but find the roles you want. And focus on those, just being a dad or being a husband. I think the real mission is peace of mind. Yeah. Yeah.

We get too wrapped up in possessions, money. Yeah. Shit like that, but that doesn't bring you peace of mind. No. And that's the real winner. Wouldn't you can sit with yourself? Yeah. At peace.

More peace of mind you have, the less shit. you need. You don't need any shit. Exactly. Exactly. Gets it. It's such a beautiful thing. You just see all of the teachings fall into place.

You know what I mean? I do. I'm looking at the Bible connections on the wall. it's just like yeah they gave you the playbook it's all been done man yeah

well Pete I think this is the end my man I think it is thank you it was an honor honor to be here it's an honor to tell you this story

thank you I love you dude I love you brother I'm Sean Ryan former host of the Sean Ryan Show. Much of my life has been dedicated to seeking truth and getting answers no matter how uncomfortable the questions are that we have to ask. But in the age of the SIOP, that search has never been more difficult. In September of 2022, the U.S. Army's fourth SIOP group released a

cryptic video on YouTube. There is another very important phase of warfare. It has as its target, not the body, but the mind of the enemy. Between clips of troops assembling chess pieces and social unrest, phrases begin to appear on screen. They ask, have you ever wondered who's pulling the strings? These are the Siwares soldiers. The series you're about to listen to is an attempt to answer that question, and an even bigger one.

The global power brokers that conduct psychological operations constantly evolve. Technology like AI has evened the playing field, and now, in the era of social media, in the democratization of information, all it takes to Kentucky is a smart phone. Like and subscribe. In each episode, we look at it. look at a different method of psychological operations, how they've evolved and how they are being deployed. There's a quote that is attributed to a scientist named E.O. Wilson that says, we are drowning in information while starving for wisdom. This is a life raft in that sea of

both information and misinformation. Are All Around Us. They're conducted by corporations, governments, activist groups, intelligence agencies, foreign adversaries, and anyone who knows how to shape perception to get what they want. The series provides an in-depth look at how these SIOPs work from conversations with whistleblowers, experts, historians, tech innovators, and more. We look at world events that are being shaped by highly constructed psychological operations specialists, and look at the terrifying possibilities of where this could all be headed. Along the way, you'll learn about everything from Russian troll farms, fake ghosts in the jungles of Vietnam, and mind control cults to the

CIA's involvement in Hollywood. Do you have any people paid by the CIA who are working for television network? The early history of Psiops and psychological experiments laid the foundation for what we see today in modern campaigns that seek to divide culture over polarizing issues. We look at where we are and how we got here. But ultimately, this series is a toolkit to help you understand how you're being manipulated and how to spot the signs of a PSYOP. Before the Army's viral PSYOP recruitment video ends, the words on screen inform viewers that war is evolving and all the world's a stage.

This series is a peek behind the curtain. Welcome to the SIOP. Buy it today at sciopshow.com.