Sherlock & Co. - 13 - The Blue Carbuncle - Part Two

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

MAD TIDINGS - My companion and I found ourselves in a bizarre scenario as the interrogation of Henry Baker (the butcher) led us to a poultry farm in South London. What happened there... I can only apologise for. Follow me @DocJWatsonMD or get in touch via email [e-mail] Listener discretion is advised. This podcast is property of Goalhanger Podcasts. Copyright 2023. ------- SHERLOCK AND CO. Based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Paul Waggott as Dr. John Watson Harry Attwell as Sherlock Holmes Michael Lyle as Henry Baker Lauren Ingram as Fiona Oakshott Enrico Volpi as Giacomo Cavaliere Adam Jarrell as the singer Written by Joel Emery Directed by Adam Jarrell Editing and Sound Design by Holy Smokes Audio Produced by Neil Fearn and Jon Gill Executive Producer Tony Pastor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Previously on Sherlock and Co. John Hamish Watson is off to Deutschland with the boys. We had planned to hand over the blue carbuncle. The blue carbuncle? A gemstone, Mr Holmes. It was placed in a safe at the Hotel Cosmopolitan, where the Chinese delegation will stay and where the handing over ceremony will take place. A goose, plucked and ready to be cooked.

Look at the goose's rear end. Mr Holmes. Well, if it isn't the blue carbuncle. Up the arse of a goose. Hello? Hey Matt, it's me. Yeah, I'm not going to make it. Two items were recovered by the young woman.

This goose and this hat. This young woman found the hat and the goose on Tottenham Court Road. After a bit of a fight breaks out between the owner of the hat and the goose, the shop window smashes in the melee and they all sprint away. That is our

man. He attends the fixture, leaves the ground, then a bust or walk to Bounds Green. Why Bounds Green? Because he is an hour away from being apprehended on Tottenham Court Road while carrying a goose over his shoulder. He's a butcher, of course. Where are you going? To Breckenridge Butchers on Tottenham Court Road. What's going on?

Don't do it, Henry. Henry, what are you doing? He's running, he's running. Go, go, go! Henry! Henry Bacon, stop that man! Excuse me. There's nowhere to run.

You're having a laugh, mate. Just try and keep up. Just try and... Get off me. There we go. Get off me right now. Nice and steady. Get off. We just want to ask some questions.

For God's sake. Ho, ho, ho. Just dropping down your chimney with the Blue Carbuncle Part 2. All wrapped up with a nice little bow on top. Unfortunately, you will notice when you open it, it does contain the F word. Also, contains quite a disturbing scene with an animal. Yeah, you'll see what I mean. And, yeah, can't think of what else is in there.

A bit of Christmas cheer, so apologies to Ebenezer. And, yeah, that's about it. Enjoy. Criminal. It's a criminal coming through. A criminal. Nothing to worry about. I haven't done anything. Get off! Well, come into 221B, pal, and we can sort this out, yeah? Get him upstairs. What suits. And you're next, mate, unless you cut out that bloody singing.

Would you just... Really annoy him. Heavy goose, heavy goose, heavy goose. There. I've never seen that goose before in my life. Lies. Well, this goose says he knows you, says you go way back. Very funny. You guys done? You're hosting Christmas this year, aren't you?

Henry? What does that even mean? Stressful, isn't it? But you and your ex-partner said you'd make these holidays work. For Gwen's sake, at least. Don't worry. Just a little trick of mine. There's a reminder on your phone for Gwen's nativity.

Who are you? I'm Sherlock Holmes. And you are Henry Baker. Butcher. on your phone for Gwen's nativity. Who are you? I'm Sherlock Holmes, and you are Henry Baker. Butcher, for now. Homeowner, just about. Father of one, cat owner of two, supporter of Dulwich Hamlet, wearer of Summit's beard oil, Harmony Deep Press Bergamot and VO5 Matt Clay,

drinker of IPAs, APAs,as and irish red ale last night after the game and after one too many drinks you took a detour home via tottenham court road breckinridge butchers your place of work you unlocked the door with your key tried to open it split the wood on the top latch that you neglected to also unlock you went, climbed over the counter in those Adidas trainers, went into the back and took a goose. Free to roam, grass-fed, 5.5 kilograms, born in March and slaughtered after seven months. Free to roam, eh, Henry? Quite the difference it makes to us. Look at its powerful sinews of muscle, its lean fats, the golden yellow skin, ripples of definition. Not like those made to live inside.

Locked up. Separated from their loved ones. Trapped. Affected as much physically as mentally. Devoid of colour. Flat. Soft. With stodgy coils of fat. Mus muscles like mucus. All right, all... All right, yeah, it...

Look, yeah, I stole the thing. All right? And what thing is that? The goose. Yeah. What? Come on, mate. Come on what? The supplier got some reservations mixed up. We had an extra goose, I...

We know. Know what? We know. Know what? I just told you. We know about the blue carbuncle. What the fuck is a blue carbuncle? Ah, all right, Henry. Come on now, there's no need for that. For what?

For swearing. I'm recording a podcast here. What are you recording a podcast for? Nah, never you bloody mind. Podcasting? Jesus. Get a real job. Oh, yeah, cool. Yeah, I'll take career advice from the great goose thief of Tottenham Court Road.

Listen, podcasts, mate. Yeah, what? Podcasts are the absolute pits of the modern media landscape. Oh, shut up. No, right. Modern media, mate. Modern media.

If modern media was a giant bin, right, then podcasting is the bin juice slopping around in the bottom of it. That is so... No-one wants it. No-one needs it. It's just all that excess rotten slime that's squeezed out of real entertainment and slopped around in the bottom.

Just shut up, all right? Podcasting is cool, OK? Not that you'd actually know what cool means, cos you just copy every other bloke in Shoreditch. He's telling the truth. What? Don't take his side. See? About the blue carbuncle. Bugger.

What? Sherlock, he stole it. What's a blue garfuncle? Carbuncle. Just go oil your beard, idiot. Who rears them? What? Who rears the geese for Breckenridge? Who's the supplier? Poultry is...

Oakeshots. Oakeshorts. Oakeshorts? Where are they? Down past Brixton, at the road farm. Right, road farm. Watson, let's go. That, my friends, is the sound of the South Circuit. You can find anything in London. Anything. And one of the rarest things you could possibly find is a farm. But have a listen. Amidst the hustle and bustle of the

South London high streets, the crammed urban sprawl and residences, the deafening wall of endless cars thundering along the South Circular, orbiting around this inner nucleus of... What are you doing? Great. Great. Thank you, mate. Quite all right. What are you thanking me for? I was doing a really, like... I don't know, a really poetic, like, scene setting there, and you've just... you've ruined it. Ah. Shame.

OK, I've located the geese. Fab. Where are they? The back right paddock. This way. I'm really glad I bought new shoes after Thorbridge. Really, really glad. Good. I'm glad you're glad. We are still working on sarcasm. I'm freezing cold. I'm squelching through mud. Oh, now what's that smell?

Fox excrement, I think. They would have spent hours lingering outside these fences. Great, freezing my arse off, squelching through mud and fox poo. Why did I abandon Lad's trip again? I could be knocking back a frothy pilsner right now with some gorgeous frow line ironing me up underneath the mistletoe. Oh, yeah, maybe that last bit's a little bit far-fetched. I'd have the beer, at least. Here, the paddock for chen geese, or snow geese as they're more commonly known.

Why are you looking at me like that? I was simply affirming your knowledge on the matter. Oh, is my doctorate in gooseology that obvious, is it? Oh, is my doctorate in gooseology that obvious, is it? Shh. You're about to ask, what do we reckon? How do you know that? Because that's what you always do around this point in a case.

And what exactly is this point in a case? Well, in this somewhat singular case, we are working backwards. We are? We are. How so? We have the priceless blue carbuncle already. We have that and its robbery at one end of the case and a Christmas goose with a gemstone inside it at the other end. It's about connecting those together.

Of course. Yeah. So, what do we reckon? What happened to these geese? We need to speak to them. Speak to the geese? No, them speak to them. Speak to the geese? No, them. There. Hello there. Hiya, can I help?

My name is Sherlock Holmes. This is my companion, Dr John Watson. Hi. Hello, I'm Fiona Oakeshott. I run Rofarm with me husband. What's wrong with your fence? For the main paddock, it's breached, repaired this morning. We just have some temporary repairs going on. I don't see any blood. Oh no, no, I don't think we had a fox or anything. So, an intruder?

Erm, possibly. I don't think it's anything to worry about. Why? Is there nothing missing? Nothing. No. And what of this paddock here? Well, Heather is a little unwell, so she's had this paddock to herself, you see. Heather? Yeah, yeah, that one. The white chen with the black-barred tail. She's unwell, you say?

We think so, yeah. Do you want to go round the front to our farm shop? Got a bit of a sale on at the moment, being this close to Christmas and all. The farm shop. Not where you do the majority of your business, is it, Mrs Oakshot? No, no, we're a supplier. To Breckenridge Butchers. Yeah. I haven't got my list on me, but we supply to them. Could we see it?

The list of customers? Yes. I tell you what, we'll pop into the farm shop, buy a few bits, and then maybe we could have a look at that list. Is that OK? Fig and sultana cookies. Ooh, sparkling elderflower press. Watson, is this absolutely necessary?

Ooh, get these. Lovely. Farmhouse oat biscuits. Sherlock, they are five quid. Put them back. I haven't got anything. You've nearly got a whole basket full. This is our Christmas dinner.

We've got a goose. Yeah, but we have to have trimmings. We're not going to tuck into a goose. Why not? Because we're not wild dogs. Oh, speaking of, Christmas dog treat for Archie. That's six pounds. So Archie can have a treat and I...

Fine, fine. Just put the bloody biscuits in the basket. Are we done? No more whinging, please. Or no biscuits. Yeah? We need to see that list. Yeah, this is a quid pro quo, mate, I'm afraid. Plus, you ever walked into a small business and not bought

anything? Awful. Awful. Makes you feel like a complete bastard. Oh yes, Yorkshire pudding. That is surely enough. Yeah, that is, actually. Yeah, let me just grab a bottle of wine for dinner. Yeah, that will do. Okay. Thank God. Hello again. Oh, hello. Christmas dinner. Yeah, that one will do. Okay. Thank God. Hello again. Oh, hello. Christmas dinner? Yeah, Christmas dinner indeed. The list?

Ah, yeah. Customer list is here. You've been busy. No surprise this time of year, I suppose. You open much longer? You'll probably be the last customers, yeah. I'll close up in maybe half an hour. Nice and quiet.

I thought it would be heaving. Yeah, everyone's sort of done their shopping already, haven't they? Yeah, not us. Always the last. Watson, we must leave now. What? What is it? Customer number 39. There.

The Hotel Cosmopolitan. Jesus. Who do you deal with? Sorry? The name of the buyer from Hotel Cosmopolitan. Jesus. Who do you deal with? Sorry? The name of the buyer from Hotel Cosmopolitan. Oh, the manager. The Italian guy. Giacomo. Come, Watson. Yep, just paying. Not the biscuits. You can put them back. Hello there. We've been working closely with Inspector Bradstreet of Scotland Yard and we just had a few more questions for Giacomo. Mr Cavalieri?

Indeed. Let me see. Hmm, I wonder if he's gone. I'll just check. That would be a first. Workaholic, is he? Honestly, he even lives in a suite here. Blimey. Hello. Hello, gentlemen. How can I help?

We have a few more questions on behalf of the British Foreign Office. Wow, OK. See, absolutely. Come this way. It's regarding the blue carbuncle. Oh, see. Of course. The gemstone. Yes. Giacomo Cavalieri. Is that correct? It is correct. Mr... Holmes. Sherlock Holmes. This is Dr. John Watson.

And what is it that I can help you with, Mr. Holmes? The Blue Carbuncle. Very important to our friends in China, and if it's important to them, then it's important to us. Of course, yes. We very much look forward to hosting the diplomatic convention this week. And I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job, Mr Cavalieri. We're just a little concerned regarding the security breach. We have doubled our security staff, Mr Holmes. We are looking into the hardware of the security cameras themselves, as well as seeking a new third-party security agency to assist with our current system, you see. That's good to know. So the security cameras caught nothing?

Mr. Holmes, it pains me. It cuts right into my heart to tell you that our cameras failed during the crime. Ah, that is a shame. How do you mean, failed? Circuit failure. It was a circuit failure which caused the cameras to power down in their... Lost your watch, Mr Cavaliere. What, sorry?

Your watch. It's missing. How did you know that? It is my business to know what other people don't know. Well, I know it, Mr. Holmes. It is not an unknown to me and to the watch repair shop. Ah, of course. It broke. What happened to it?

It, uh, the time, the ticking, it had stopped. Mm, yeah, probably the battery. Probably the battery, of course. It was an expensive watch, Mr Cavalieri. I'm sure you had a warranty. To cover the repair or battery change. Si, yes, of course. Patek Philippe.

They have a branch on the King's Road, I believe. Si, they have it. They are fixing it. It will be back tick-tocking in no time at all. I see. The front desk. They told you, no? They know I have expensive tastes. Oh, I could tell that, Mr Cavalieri. You can? Absolutely. And I could tell you're missing your watch because you felt for it twice, glanced for

it once. You've bought a shirt with cuffs to fit a rather large wristpiece. And why wouldn't you when a Patek Philippe would set you back £10,000 at the least? And how did you... Know that it was a Patek Philippe? Because it's a rather nice pen you have of theirs right there, Mr Cavalieri. Si, of course. Would be rather distasteful, would it not,

for a man like yourself to visit Patek Philippe and only come away with a pen? You are very skilful, Mr. Holmes. British diplomacy at its finest. Very good. I hope, I very much hope that I have been helpful. The room. Whose key card was used to get in the door? I've been through this with Inspector Bradstreet and Scotland Yard, Mr. Holmes. Yeah, and now you'll go through it with us. Because only a pass from management or a guest booked in the room would work on that door. That is not strictly true. Well, what is strictly true?

It, um, okay. So it is important you listen and understand me. The front desk staff enabled management access to a keycard for a plumber, Mr John Horner. It does not mean a manager entered the suite. I have spoken to the police about him a lot, John Horner. It's not him. The doors require a management-enabled keycard and a guest keycard. Yes, so there was a room below the top floor that was booked out, and the guest was not around the moment the gemstone was taken. So he went missing. That is correct.

We believe the plumber with the management access and the guest... The name? Of the guest. And the booking was... Ah, James Ryder. And why, he disappeared? Si. Look, gentlemen, this is a very important week for the Hotel Cosmopolitan. I hope you can appreciate my time, but now I must... I must be going.

Mr Cavalieri, you've been ever so helpful, whether you meant to be or not. Merry Christmas. Buon Natale. Merry Christmas. Good luck with your watch. Oh, by the way, there is no Patek Philippe shop in Chelsea. It's on New Bond Street. But you knew that,

didn't you, Mr Cavalieri? Ha! Ha! Ha! But you knew that, didn't you, Mr Cavalier? Bang! Have that, you big smarmy knobhead. Brilliant, mate. Brilliant. Not nearly brilliant enough. Why not?

Mate, he was on the ropes. He was flailing. You know, we just need the knockout blow. Although you shouldn't really go for the knockout blow when they're on the ropes, you know. I mean, really, the ref should be stepping in at that point. We need something. What do you mean? Listeners are going to love that, what you just did. Watson, I'm not doing this for the listeners.

Yeah, no, I know, just... Oh, got a message from Peterson asking how we're doing on the case. He says the thugs from Tottenham Court Road have been spoken to. Let me guess. Yeah, go on, then. Protesters. Vegan. Yeah, go on then. Protesters. Vegan. Ha!

Yeah, you're right. I literally just saw a man with a goose and went for him. There's no connection. Tell Peterson we're nearly there. Okie dokie. We need something that connects Giacomo Cavalieri to that goose. Well, we've got it. The hotel buys from the bloody farm that sells to the butcher.

That's not enough. Why is it not enough? Because it doesn't narrow down to Cavalieri. It's his hotel. It's not enough. What are we suggesting the plumber could have done? Taken the blue carbuncle, stuffed it in a goose that was being prepared in the kitchen

and escaped with it? It's plausible, but Peterson said they searched everybody at the moment the robbery was noticed, which was immediately. There is one big question remaining at this point. What's that? Who stole the blue carbuncle? We know who stole the blue carbuncle. Oh, Giacomo? Yes.

So, what's the one big question? The one big question is why did he try and break into the geese enclosure at Oakshot's? You think he was after Heather the sickly goose? Why? Yes, perhaps. And the why. I'm almost there. Heather was moved today, so she was taken ill this morning. Which means she was in the main enclosure that was broken into last night. OK. Well, we could head back there, couldn't we? I forgot parsnips, so, you know, two birds, one stone.

Two birds, one stone. What? Two birds, one stone. Stop the bloody bus! Sherlock! She's ill. I don't think it's fair that you go in her enclosure. It's important, Mrs Oakshot. Right, I'm calling the police.

My companion will spend £100 in your shop. Hey, I mean, I don't know about £100. You've got five minutes. Then I'm calling them, all right? Five minutes. Thank you, Fiona. Thank you very much. Watson, climb in here. Oh, there we go. All right, Heather. How are you feeling? Yeah? Feeling a bit rough, are we?

No footprints. Unlike the enclosure she was in last night. Just there. Oh, yeah. Human footprints, for the record. Not fox or badger. Or, you know, whatever it is that goes after geese. Lion? I don't know. The intruder breaks in.

Last night. Heather wakes up ill this morning. Is Heather the only one in this paddock? Fiona? For now, yeah. Why for now? If any others get sick, they'll join her. Oh, God, like self-isolation.

Remember those days? Christ furlough and Zoom quizzes. So no others have become ill. Just Heather. What are you doing? Thinking. Oh, OK. That's Sherlock making that noise, not Heather.

His thinking noises. Yeah, I don't really have a thinking noise, I don't think. Maybe that thing where you click your tongue. Yeah, maybe I do that from time to time. Feel free to where you click your tongue. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I do that from time to time. Feel free to get in touch with your thinking noise. Wait. Hold on.

No shit, Sherlock. Sorry? No shit. What? Sherlock, no shit. Good Lord. Sherlock. Heather hasn't been defecating.

What is it? Your goose is constipated. What? How can you tell? Let me have a look. Apologies, Heather. Ah. She's swollen. Let me see. All right, Heather. Just gonna... Just gonna take a quick peek at your arse.

Er... Yeah. Er, yeah. Yeah, that looks very sore. Something is trying to come out. What do you think it is? Not another stone. All right, all right, Heather. Yeah, it looks very sore. Something is trying to come out. What do you think it is? Not another stone. All right, all right, Heather.

Not another stone, no. You hold Heather. Let me speak to Mrs. Oakeshott. Take the mic. Mrs. Oakeshott. Is she all right? And obstruction, we think. How many Chen geese did you have before the Christmas period began? Oh, around 35.

And how many with that same pattern as Heather, the black barred tail? Er, well, there was definitely another one with that. I thought as much. And you sold it to Breckenridge butchers, didn't you? I did, yeah. And Mr Cavalieri, he visits

and picks out the geese. He does, yeah. It's usuallyalieri, he visits and picks out the geese? He does, yeah. It's usually his head chef, but he came this year. Oh, is this about his reservation? Because we had a mix-up and my husband says it doesn't matter because they're all fed the same and well-raised and... Oh, it matters. It definitely matters. Cavalieri, the last time he visited? Um, last week, Thursday. And when did you slaughter Heather's look-alike. The last time he visited. Um, last week. Thursday. And when did you slaughter Heather's look-alike?

The Friday. Thank you, Mrs. Oakshot. We'll see to Heather. Don't worry. Hey, it's okay. We all get sore bottoms from time to time. I don't know what she's saying. Giacomo Cavalieri was here the day the jewel robbery was discovered. And our friend Heather here was not the only black-barred-tailed

Chen. Oh, God. Yes. Cavalieri, being the effete hospitaliere, was more than familiar with foie gras. He stuffed the gemstone into the goose and reserved it, knowing that the jewel would then return to him after his questioning and after searches of his suite at the hotel that he likes to reside in.

But he received the wrong goose from Oakshots. So he broke in here, looking for a black-barred-tailed goose, and searched poor Heather for his gemstone, not knowing that his goose had been slaughtered and shipped with the stone inside. Can I let go of Heather now? No. Why not? Because we need to retrieve the evidence.

So what are you talking about? Listeners, I do apologise. What are you doing? Getting your headphone and plugging them into your microphone. Why? Because I need to hear something. Oh, no, no, please, please, please don't tell me you're about to shove this microphone up Heather's arse, please. Not right up it, no.

I just need to hear the ticking. The ticking? Oh, not his watch. Jesus, you think his watch is up there? Okie dokie. Deep breath, Heather. Sherlock, I just... Can you not put the listeners in a goose's arsehole? Can I just ask that you do that for me for Christmas, please? Good luck, Heather. Sherlock, I just... Can you not put the listeners in a goose's arsehole?

Can I just ask that you do that for me for Christmas, please? Good luck, everybody. Up you go. Ah, yes. I can hear it. I can hear the ticking. Well done, everybody. Listeners, I am really, really sorry.

Please don't report this to Goldhanger or Spotify or anything, please. OK, Doctor. She's all yours. No. Yes. No, no. I'm not doing it, Sherlock. Doing what? Rescuing this poor bird from discomfort? Further infection?

Sherlock, I... Oh, Jesus. You are sure of this? I heard the ticking. this poor bird from discomfort. Further infection. Sherlock, I... Oh, Jesus. You are sure of this? I heard the ticking. So he put his hand up to get the blue carbuncle and his watch came off? Correct. Promise?

Promise. Hence why she hasn't pooed since. See? That was my observation. Thank you very much. Don't try and pass that off as your own. OK. Right. OK, here we go. Sorry, Heather. Sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry about this. Ah! Oh, God. Ah! Sorry, so sorry about this. Long old day, really.

Just don't talk. Just don't even talk. When do you want to eat? I'm going to go wash my hands again. Ah. Cheers to us. To Sherlock and Co. Yeah?

To, um... To solving the case of the blue carb uncle. To solving the case of the blue carb uncle. To the listeners. To life at 221B. That's enough. Yep. Cheers. Cheers.

Right. Tuck in, my friend. Tuck in. That is a big old goose. Blimey, there'll be plenty of leftovers. Oh, wait, wait. What now? Crackers. Ready?

One, two, three. I won. Oh, red Christmas hat, Swindon town. All right. And, er... Door. Yep, but it's Christmas dinner. But someone's at the door. All right. Wow, look what the cat dragged in.

Hello, Mr. Holmes. Ah, Giacomo Cavalieri. I am, er... I am here to apologise very, very strongly and passionately. I am, I am so, so sorry. I don't think you are. Sure, please, Mr. Holmes. I am begging, begging you to

understand. No, you're not. What? You're not. You're not begging me to understand. I already understand. I had a pretty good understanding the second I stepped foot in your office. Watson? Hmm?

Do we have any Italian listeners? Uh, we do, yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go. I think they understood pretty early on as well. What do you mean? James Ryder. The mysterious guest whose keycard could access the penthouse,

along with a management one, of course. Good for him. If he wasn't with a management one of course. Good for him, if he wasn't completely made up of course. Per favore, mister Holmes, per favore! Giacomo. The Italian given name that corresponds to the English name James, and Cavalieri. Well, that would translate to rider, wouldn't it Giacomo? Per favore! Does your hubris know no bounds?

You can beg all you want. Your watch is long gone. What? Why? I disposed of it. It's the least you deserve. I understand. I want you to know how sorry I am. I only returned to the goose to get the stone and give it back.

I did not intend... I know your intentions, Giacomo. And it is ours that we should be left alone to our Christmas dinner. Oh, of course. Yes, of course. Merry Christmas. Thank you for your understanding. Thank you, thank you.

Grazie, grazie, thank you. Oh, what's that then? A little Christmas generosity? When is this adventure out in full? Tomorrow, Boxing Day. Gonna edit tonight. Well, the police will find out then, won't they? Ah, yeah, good point. Do you reckon they listen? Let's eat. Oh, before that, got a gift for you. There you go.

Oh, Watson, you shouldn't have. Of course I should. How exciting. Ah, ear defenders. Yeah, that's right, buddy. And look at that. My initials on each ear. And it's like shh, isn't it?

Yeah, because Sherlock Holmes, SHH. Very good Watson. Oh, here. I got you something as well. Did you? Yep. There you are. Oh wow, you even wrapped it. Wrapped it and had it cleaned. Had it cleaned? Why would you need the watch?

Not too shabby, eh? Yeah, yeah. Bit too flashy for my... Then again, that looks all right, actually, doesn't it? Oh, look at me. I look like I'm bloody minted. Oh, it smells. It still smells.

Well, thank you for listening to the Blue Carb Uncle. Merry Christmas. I wish I could get you lot all a gift, but, well, I can't. But you can give me one by leaving five stars and a nice review where you can. Telling friends and family about the show. Don't tell them he put you up a goose's arse. But, you know, spread the word. Thanks so much, everyone. I hope you have a fantastic Christmas. Oh, you are joking. You are

joking. Oi, will you shush? It's 10 o'clock. Stop it. I wish it was a bloody silent night, mate. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's it. Just ignore me. Keep singing. All that riffing bollocks. Who do you think you are, Mariah Carey? This is rude. Yeah, yeah, keep disturbing my recorder. This is Aspen behaviour, you know. Sleep in heavenly peace

Sleep in heavenly Peace