Sherlock & Co. - 22 - The Solitary Cyclist - Part Two

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

THE SHOTGUN WEDDING - we couldn't quite grasp the severity of our findings until it was almost too late. Violet had been systematically abused and it was time to intervene... exactly who we were intervening against remained unclear. For ad-free, early access to adventures in full go to www.patreon.com/sherlockandco Follow me @DocJWatsonMD or get in touch via email [e-mail] Listener discretion is advised. This podcast is property of Goalhanger Podcasts. Copyright 2024. ------- SHERLOCK AND CO. Based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Paul Waggott as Dr. John Watson Harry Attwell as Sherlock Holmes Marta da Silva as Mariana Ametxazurra Natalie Spence as Violet Carruthers George Greenland as Bobby Carruthers  Fred Trenholme as Zach Woodley Written by Joel Emery Directed by Adam Jarrell Editing and Sound Design by Holy Smokes Audio Produced by Neil Fearn and Jon Gill Executive Producer Tony Pastor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Just, yeah. That's Patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. Enjoy. Previously on Sherlock and Co. Oh my god, I've been sent a Valentine's card. Roses are red. My name is Violet. I've loved the show since the pilot.

Now I must ask for one little thing to rid me of these men that cling. They demand my attention, my love for a tryst. The one I fear most, the solitary cyclist. Zach Woodley. She's my fiancée, Violet. Ah, right. When's the big day? Tomorrow.

Oh, wow. Nervous times. I don't like him. Who, Zach? Correct. You don't know him? Yes, but he knows us. You sent my colleague a Valentine's card pretending to be your sister.

You asked for help and now you're getting it. I didn't. I didn't do anything. Bang, they found my TikTok, which is just me, not like my online persona. And from that, they found where I live. And I guess right now, at this moment in time, they're spying on me. I've seen videos they've posted of me through this window, down the shops in the village. Yeah, never caught any of them. Never seen any of them.

Apart from one. A solitary cyclist? Yeah. Who is he? I don't know. I'm going to kill them. Listen to me. I am going to commit a murder. Dad's gun. Bullet in the heart. I don't care which one. I don't care if it's some 15-year- old kid who thinks it's all a laugh. Dead.

Unless you and him can stop him. Bit of jeopardy for you, yeah? Keep you invested. Yeah. Yeah. Hello wakey wakey. Cup of tea for Mr. Holmes. For my homie Holmes. Hello, hello, hello. Okay, opening the door. Please don't be doing anything weird. Ah, sleeping.

Right, yeah, that makes sense. Because I think someone broke into our flat last night and played the violin until 4am. What are you doing? Get out. Why do you keep this room so neat that you ransack the lounge on a daily basis? Watson, I am sleeping. Yeah, no, got you a cup of tea. Coaster, get a coaster. Oh, OK, Jesus, flashback of my grandmother there, thanks.

So, what time are we heading out to Surrey? What? The solitary cyclist. Day of the wedding. Oh, what drama. Hey, mate, how exciting. Let's go solve it. Finish your tea first, of course. If you want, you can put it in a thermos, drink it on the way. Glug, glug, job's a good'un. Oh, maybe I'll look into it a little later. It doesn't arouse my interests all that much.

What? Sherlock, online weirdos drugging a girl, trying to abduct her. Come on. Shh. Sleeping. But you can sleep on the train. He's not going to kill someone. He said he was going to do it. If we fail, someone dies. On my podcast. Our podcast. Do you have any idea how many one-star reviews that's going to generate?

Sherlock. Sherlock. Sherlock. I'm going to go get a thermos. Train's in 40 minutes. Yeah, it's just me ha ha, jeez. Hey, hey, hey, welcome to Watson on a Bicycle. You better not steal my groove, baby, because Watson's on a bike right now. Oh, steady. Oh, God, sorry. Holding a microphone and riding a bike at the same time.

Ain't no walk in the parking hell. Jesus. Parking hell. Right, that's a new one. Let me just tuck this microphone in my... No, it doesn't fit in the pocket. Of course it doesn't. Sorry, everybody. You are heading to the crotch. There we go. Okay, well, new TK Maxx belt is holding you nicely. Here I am. Here I am.

Yeah, this is a bit mad, but I've got one of those rental bikes from London. Named after a bank or an infamous eton boy take your pick uh anyway i i got on the train with it uh had a few dodgy looks but get this i thought it would shut off or or something you know being so far from london uh out here in surrey but no no still going. Hey, not bad for two pound an hour. Guys, gorgeous. It's absolutely gorgeous around here. The fresh dawn sunshine easing through the delicate morning glaze as I cycle in the golden glow of the Surrey Hills, looking for stalkers and perverts. Lovely. Sherlock has charged me with a bit of field research. Literally, I'm going to go sit in a field and research. Well, I'm opting for a bush, but we'll accept any concealing foliage, tree, shrub, hedge. I'm

going to stake out this road that goes along the heath. As Violet says, nothing really around. Some hay bales in the fields, a tractor, a... I don't know what that is. A plough or something like a plough. Whatever. Right, I'd better find a place to hide before Violet, and ideally the cyclist with a death wish, come along. Not Jeremy Vine. The solitary cyclist. The stalker. Who, if he carries on, is going to get killed by Violet's brother Bobby. Oh, OK.

I'm going to go for this bush here on the roadside. Let me just... Ah! I'm gonna go for this bush here on the roadside. Let me just... Ah! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ramble! Ah! God! Ooh! Oh! OK. God! Bloody hell! Ah! Right. I'm in. My rental bike is hidden in the field behind me. And yours truly, like the well-trained soldier he

is is concealed in the hedgerow awaiting cyclists this is of course a huge waste of time potentially because it is her wedding day but that's why I've come early you know to catch a a possible pre-wedding workout to blow off steam? I know I would. God. One minute you're winning podcast awards for drama. Next minute you're sat in a bush by the30 in the morning. Not much to report. Feel a bit like a bird watcher. Not a tit in sight, apart from me, of course. Sat in a bush.

Now I... Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Why am I shushing you? Hold on, hold on. We've got biking action. It's a guy. It's not violent and I have literally no idea where he came from. Okay, this is insane.

He's hiding in a bush too. What the hell? He's on the other side of the road to me. He's literally hiding in a bush. I don't know what on the other side of the road to me he's literally hiding in the bush i don't know what to do i don't know if he knows i'm here or okay okay wait wait wait here comes violet okay she's gone past and now i expect creepy blackbeard is gonna yeah he's coming out of his bush his hedgerow yeah He's getting on his bike.

I can't see his face. Just a beard. Damn it, he's gone past me. He's stopped. It's because she stopped. Jesus, this guy. Oh God, Violet is cycling towards him. What do you want? What do you want? What are you doing, Violet is cycling towards him. What do you want?

What do you want? What are you doing, Violet? Hey, you! The guy is cycling away from her. I'm talking to you! He's gone through the hedge. Stay away from me! You're a freak! Yeah, he's gone. He's gone.

Rubbish. That's absolutely rubbish. Sorry? What? Your hiding place is extremely faulty. Rubbish. That's absolutely rubbish. Sorry? What? Your hiding place is extremely faulty. Oh, I don't think so, mate. I saw the whole thing. You saw everything we already know. Because you positioned yourself on the opposite side to the cyclist. If you had been on the other side of the road, you would have seen his route through the hedgerow and where he's hiding.

You would have had a better look at the man. Big black beard. And he was bending over the handlebars to hide his face. It doesn't help. Well, yes it does. It doesn't. We know he's hiding his face from her because he's keeping his distance. So we know that they are acquainted outside of the online activities.

You think it's someone she knows? I know it's someone she knows. Concealment, Watson. Why else do it? Goodness sake. You're acting like I achieved nothing. Think, mate. I saw his escape route through the hedgerow. She lost sight of him. I couldn't find him afterwards either. In the wide open fields, he found an escape. He knows the area. What have we

gained by your expedition? The knowledge that the girl's story is true? I never doubted it. That there is a connection between the cyclist and the surroundings, I never doubted that either. That he had a big black beard, it's not helpful. What are you doing? Not talking to you. Why? Cos. Cos? Yeah, cos.

What is this? What are you doing? This, great detective, is called the cold shoulder. Watson. Nope. Would you like a high five? I would not like a bloody high five. I'm just pointing out that...

You're pointing out that you're a genius and I'm an idiot. That is not accurate. No, no, no, no, no. Mate, you think that you're some mastermind and you've been lumbered with some ex-army brawny lad... Brawny? Nobody thinks you're brawny. Lad that isn't smart enough to work on these cases. Well, let me tell you.

Oh, bollocks, I've left the bike in Charlington. Oh, God, they're £2 an hour. Jesus. Mariana? Mariana, can you call the credit card provider, please? Right now. Thank you. Mariana? And right, so the victim, Violet Carruthers, is going to marry Zach Woodley. Now, they usually live together. She, however, moved back in with her dad and brother after her drink was spiked at the local pub and threats to her life became more severe. Why are there threats to her life? I hear you ask Archie. Well because she is closing down her OnlyFans account where she strips and stuff to

pivot as they say in wanky Silicon Valley startups towards her passion of mountain biking and of course the hope of having children as her and Zach have been trying for quite some time. Now the solitary cyclist… Jesus Christ. Sorry, remind me again how this is necessary. He said something about Netflix or… I don't know.

Er, John, can we… I'm not doing it cos Netflix do it. I'm doing it cos it… This is what people do, they tie red string to various things on a cork board. Ow! Gee, bollocks. Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. You stabbed yourself with a pin.

For God's sake. Have we finished playing this game now? Game? For goodness sake. Have you read the messages she gets? It's not a game. Why are you taking this whole thing so seriously? Why are you taking it so unseriously?

Because my helping of Violet is merely a plaster over a deeply infected wound. Here. What's that? It's a plaster. For your finger. Ah, great. Thanks, Thomas the Tank Engine. If you're going to continue your red string and photograph decoration, you can have the whole pack. Here. Ah, thanks. And what do you mean? She needs our help. She does need our help, yes. Whether she'll take it fully, that's another question.

Is that why you seem so uninterested? The case has a few notable curiosities that keep me interested, but it is not the investigation that frustrates me, but the outcome. Can't you see it? Oh, Mariana, could you grab my crystal ball? It's just next to the laptop. We don't know the outcome. I do. We help Violet, but she continues to be dictated to by men.

Which begs the question, why help at all? If she's just going to repeat the behaviour, continue with the problematic lifestyle, then why bother? What, the cam girl stuff? Is that problematic? Not really. But being with Zach is. We haven't even properly spoken to Zach. We don't know him.

As I said before, he knows us. I don't think he does, mate. He had a ring doorbell. He saw us, opened the door and gave us directions to Violet. Why would he do that if she was being hounded by her fans? Why give away her location to two men he doesn't know? Because he does know us. You introduced us as Dr. Watson and Mr. Holmes. When we left, he said it was nice to meet you, Sherlock. He knows who we are. Right. Right.

But if you think withholding that is the worst of him, then you're definitely not paying attention. What do you think is going on, Sherlock? What's going on with the doxing and the fallout of it, I can't quite tell yet. But the relationship with Zach Woodley is becoming more and more apparent. Violet doesn't just pay for their wedding, her engagement ring and their honeymoon. She also pays for Zach's lifestyle entirely. While she spoke to us, her phone notified her of a payment made from a bank card.

It was a retail purchase. I couldn't make out what for, but it would mean she shares her account with him. He ran her fan club for some time. He worked on her father's farm for some time. But now what? She's given up this venture. Has he gone out and got a job? We haven't properly spoken to him,

Sherlock. Again. I feel I don't need to. Like her dad said, Zach waits on her hand and foot. He's a good guy. He doesn't have a job. So he makes her life as straightforward as possible. It's not doesn't have a job. So he makes her life as straightforward as possible. It's not unusual to have a relationship where one person earns more than the other.

So she earns more than him. Big deal. Is it because she's a woman? Correction, Mrs. Hudson. She earned more than him. The business venture is no more. For now. What is his problem? I think he's suggesting she needs a therapist. Not a detective.

But, I mean... What, so we just do some half-assed investigation because she makes poor life decisions? What are you writing? Just noting down what you said. Ah, for your Netflix board. It's a crime investigation board. Because we are a serious detective agency,

okay? Oh, Archie, stop humping her boots, for God's sake. Okay, will you chill, John? Sorry, sorry. Aw, he brought your pen back. Thanks, mate. Sorry for shouting, Archie your pen back. Thanks, mate. Sorry for shouting, Archie. You know, it's just a cheap biro.

But thanks. John, don't worry. It'll come. It always does. Yeah. But what if it doesn't? It will. Sure. Sure. What time is the wedding? What time is it't? It will. Sure. Sure. What time is the wedding?

What time is it now? Two. Yeah, it'll be around now. Ceremony, anyway. So, yeah, she's married him. Yeah. Do you think he's right? Sherlock?

He usually is. Not always about relationships and dynamics between people, though. He can have a bit of a blind spot there. But if he can see what he says he sees, she could be really stuck. Yeah. I suppose. What do you see? Um.

She's unsure. About everything. Apart from mountain biking, apparently. And being a mother. And Zach Woodley. I guess she is. She's marrying him. Or has just this second married him, I should say.

He sounds nice. Especially if he waits on her hand and feet? Is that the expression? Yeah. Yeah, hand and foot. Just means, yeah, making her food, doing laundry, bringing her snacks and drinks or whatever. What? The toxicology report.

It's on your phone. No, I printed it out for the thing. The Netflix true crime board. It's not a Netflix thing. It's right here. Toxicology. I have a previous blood test. What do you mean, previous? As in, before she...

before the rehypnol night. They'll submit multiple copies to compare the chart to show her normal levels... Ah, here, from four months ago. Oh, shit. What is it, John? They've been trying for a baby. For a year, right?

That's what she said, what I noted down. She said for a year. Yeah? And? Look. I don't... I don't really know what any of it... Progesterone? No.

The asterisk means it's high. Above natural levels. The pill. Why... why would she be on the pill if they're trying for a baby? She's trying. He's not. John, there's no way. No way what? That he's slipping her the pill every day? I mean, he... It's not like that... It's not that straightforward.

Why not? He'd have to know her menstrual cycle. He'd have to... Why wouldn't he? He's engaged to her. He lives with her. He manages her. Oh, God. He was slipping her the bloody pill, for God's sake. Okay, okay, okay. Um, she gets

her blood taken, uh, four months ago. So... So what are these tests? This middle one is from three weeks ago. Yeah, that test there, uh, see, with the Rohypnol and those others? That was in A&E with the, um, the date rape. There's a third test. Yeah, that test there, see, with the Rohypnol and those others? That was in A&E with the date rape. There's a third test.

Yeah, that's monitoring. That was taken, like, this week. And the birth control is gone. Because she's living with her dad and brother. Zach can't get to her, can't give her the pill every day. I knew it. I knew the crime investigation board would work. Where's my red string? Oh, my God. All this time she thought

she was trying for a baby with this guy? What a twat. Sorry, but yeah, it's true. I hate to say it, but secretly feeding your partner birth control would mean it's a pretty toxic relationship. Which means

Sherlock is right. Yep... Sherlock is right. Yep. Sherlock is right. Bucker. What are you doing? I've got a wedding reception to attend. Okay, but what about the solitary cyclist? Oh yeah, forgot about him.

Well, Sherlock will figure it out. Oh. Your bike rental has expired. Please return the bike to a pick-up point. Oh, God's sake. Are you still sulking? No. You're being quiet. You'd usually be talking incessantly.

It's a quiet carriage. You make a podcast documenting our crimes, and you've chosen a carriage where you can't talk. Yes, I know. I'm sorry the train is busier than I expected. Now, shh. I hope you don't expect me to dance at this wedding. Firstly, why would I do that? Secondly, will you please shut up? Can't answer the question if I shut up. Fine. Don't.

Don't answer the question or don't shut up. This is the quiet carriage, you know. Yes, I know. Don't. Don't answer the question or don't shut up. This is the quiet carriage, you know. Yes, I know. Apologies. Oh, God, who's that calling me? You can't answer your phone in the quiet carriage. It might be important. It's a mobile number. It's against the rules to answer your phone in the quiet carriage. I'm just going to see who it is.

Hello? Doc Watson. Speaking. Zach Woodley. You alright? Ah, okay. God, hi. Shouldn't you be busy at your wedding? You can't use your phone here. Alright, alright. For God's sake, I'll go in the toilet.

Sorry, Zach. Two seconds. No worries, mate. Oh, God. Oh, no. It won't flush. Oh, sake. Hey, Zach. Hey. Meant to call sooner, but fees have been...

You know? Right, yeah. No. Yeah, I think if we could just get... Everything, you know. Just tell me your recollections. Your understandings of what's going on in one big info dump. Big fan of the show, by the way.

Second favourite pod after Rogan. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Happy to be number two. Gonna be weird hearing myself on it. Jesus Christ. Oi, oi, Lester, is all right? But no, yeah, actually, I I won't, won't hear myself, because we're going to say thanks,

but no thanks, sort of thing. Didn't mention when I met you yesterday, but all that stuff, the pissed off fan club and the cyclists and that, it's sorted, so, you know, cyclists was the problem. Weird, weird behaviour. Something didn't smell right, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you mean. Just lingering about. We've been trying to confront him, but he keeps coming back. Like a turd that won't flush. Yeah, yeah, Jesus Christ. I wasn't sure she was ready, to be honest. To sack it all off. She makes a ton.

A lot comes with it, is all. Like a lot of jobs. Just lots and lots of shit. Yeah, yeah, Lots and lots. I'm not doing this on purpose, I promise. You what, mate? No, nothing. Just... Talking to the listeners.

Classic, mate. Classic. All right, listeners. She's buying the ring, isn't she? The engagement ring. Yeah. Makes the most sense, really. She's the breadwinner, mate. Was.

Sorry, what was that? Was the breadwinner. She quit, right? Nah, we just had a chat this morning. It's sorted, mate. Kosher. Tickety fucking boo. Sorry, what is sorted?

She's seen the error of her ways. I'm pretty sure this outburst from her fans... Because they're fans at the end of the day. You've got fans, you know how it is. Yeah, but, um... You know, they don't stalk people, slip things in people's drinks or threaten to rape them, Zach. Yeah, yeah.

But what I'm saying is... This has put her back on track. No more babies. For a bit, anyway. Back to being in front of the camera. No one is going to spend 50 quid a month watching some pregnant girl, are they? Oh, I've got to go. Boxer's getting the shots in. But, yeah, thanks for your services, but we're sorted now. Jobs are good. Turn up, we've got to go.

Goodness me, Watson. It's grotesque. It's toxic, mate. Toxic. Yes, I notice. I told you it was a toxic relationship. I told you. He's been slipping out the pill, right?

He's monitoring her menstrual cycle. You do realise you have told me this? Of course he'd never buy a ring. He doesn't want her wearing that on camera anyway. She's supposed to be some young, hot, horny single girl or whatever, as far as the paying customers are concerned. This is good, Watson. Very good.

Aha, it gets better. See, I knew it. Look, the blood test from the night she went to hospital. Rehypnol. Rehypnol, yes. Date rate, yes, of course. It looks that way. But we failed to notice what else registered in the bloods

and when her stomach was pumped. You may have failed to notice, but I didn't. But we did, Sherlock, we did. Mephepristone. We made a mistake and so did Zach. Mephepristone. We made a mistake and so did Zak. Mephepristone? He missed a few days. She got pregnant, so he spiked her drink. The rehypnol was a cover. And amidst all the chaos of the online weirdos hunting her down, it was a pretty good cover.

It was hiding the mephepristone, which terminated her pregnancy. High bloody five, Watson. her pregnancy. High bloody five, Watson. Tremendous work. Your finest yet. We must get to Violet and inform her. First things first. The flat where they live together. We've got to go there, Sherlock.

To confront Zach Woodley? He's at the wedding. I see. Oh, God. That's fine. It's a key here, I think. Welcome to the Breaking and Entering podcast with your host, John Watson. We are in the flat of Zach Woodley and Violet Carruthers. Well, no, Mrs Violet Woodley. Mrs Violet Dickhead, if you ask me. Yeah, not that she's, I mean, she's not the, he's the, you know what I mean.

We're here looking for any indication of further wrongdoing. Something... Well, a lot doesn't add up with this guy. What are you doing? His laptop. Look. Ah, yeah, Liverpool fan. Certainly not helping himself, is he? Not the desktop background. Look at the icons. Lots of different instances of web browsers. Multiple logins?

Multiple logins. Why? Perhaps Zach Woodley is more than just Zach Woodley. In what way? Okay. Care to explain? Anything I can help with? Please, do your shout-outs or something.

No, I'm not going to do shout-outs to our fans whilst actively breaking into someone's home. What is going on? Bugger. I was wrong again. Violet Carruthers was not doxxed. What do you mean? Zach Woodley just made her think she was.

He created a chat group and multiple accounts lambasting her, abusing her, threatening her. He took the photos of their flat, of her out of her house, of her going to the shops. It wasn't stalkers. It was all him. Hiding behind an army of fake accounts, he ran her fan club. He manipulated the information coming her way, which was all bile, vitriol, hate, fury. Zach Woodley created a world outside of her business so hostile she'd had no choice but to return to it. No choice but to keep earning the money.

Wait. That is absolutely bloody mental. What is it? The mouse was on the left-hand side of the laptop. The pictures on the walls. Look. His watch is on his right wrist. He wrote the card.

What? Why? Sherlock, what do you mean? Why would he ask for our services? He's the perp. Always wanted to say perp. He's not the cyclist. The cyclist is not threatening her. He's protecting her.

Who's the cyclist then? Bobby? Look, in the nicest possible way, I don't think you're invited to the reception, lads, and I've got to head back in. We just want to talk to you. I haven't got time. They're doing speeches, like, right now.

I can assist you with those cufflinks. And that bow tie, too. Can't do a best man's speech looking like that, can we, Bobby? Yeah, two. Can't do a best man's speech looking like that, can we, Bobby? Yeah, sure. I'm telling you, I didn't send that card. Alright, I didn't. We know. Cufflinks sorted. Bow tie sorted. Nothing I can do about those marks under your ears and around your jaw, though.

Still, that's what you get for wearing a costume shop beard on the morning of the wedding, eh Bobby Carruthers, the solitary cyclist? Shit. Don't tell her, please. Dad and I, we sort of, we take it in turns to make sure she's safe. Whenever she leaves the house, we follow her. Make sure there's none of them weirdos about. If she goes mountain biking, which is nearly every day at the moment, I... I park the tractor nearby and... Yeah.

I follow her. On the bike. How do you feel about This? What? The wedding? Hmm Come on, I'm not that guy

If she's happy, she's happy What do you think of him? Of Zach? He's my pal He's one of my best mates I know the worst of him Yeah, sure, bit of a scrounger But

He's lovely to her And good for her. Wakes on her hand and foot. Once for nothing, that girl. When you say scrounger... Look, I'm not an overbearing brother about this sort of bollocks. I'm just protecting her from the psychos. Not some lazy boyfriend. Fiance, sorry. Husband. Right. Husband, yeah. I don't care if he's lazy or likes a drink.

Half the time I'm in the pub with him anyway. Who she dates, don't care. Do not care. That's not me. But what she went through. What they're saying they'll do to her. There is no them, Bobby. What are you on about? I've seen it, mate.

I've seen the chats and the comments. They're accounts that Zach Woodley has created. You're wrong. My dad and I have got a speech to make, so... Yeah. I have been wrong for this investigation, and for that I apologise, but I am not wrong about this. Bobby, it's important that you keep calm

and trust that we, the authorities, will handle this. But Zach Woodley has created this whole thing. He wants to keep the money coming in. He doesn't want her to be pregnant and he certainly doesn't want her to shut it down. He's been drugging her with birth control. When he missed a couple of days, he spiked her drink with a drug that terminated her pregnancy.

Bobby, Bobby, wait. Bobby, Bobby! The gun. He's taking the gun. Bobby! Bobby, just wait. Wait! For God's sake, why has he got a gun in his car? Because he's a farmer. Farmers have guns. Shit! Oh, God! God!

Bobby, please, stop! And just each table I look at, to see old friends, new friends, family, everyone. It's amazing for us. Amazing that you've come all this way to the beautiful Charlington house not as beautiful as my bride of course who one day I promise we'll have a diamond ring just as bloody beautiful promise ah there we go the best man has finally graced us with his presence Bobby Bobby just stop better late than never

oh who knows might regret saying that I haven't heard his speech yet you bastard oh he's not pulling his punches. You fucking bastard! What? She was pregnant with your kid! Oh, Jesus. Not denying it, then. You are sick, mate. Sick! Bobby, what are you doing? She don't want to do the videos no more, mate.

And you're pushing her back into it. Making up stalkers and predators. He made it all up, Violet. He made it all up. What? Oh, Bobby. How many have you had, mate? This is pathetic. You're pathetic?

Won't even buy her a bloody ring, for God's sake. What is it then, eh, Bobs? Am I not rich enough? Or am I some date raper? Which one? Getting mixed signals here, lad. Your blood results, Violet. He had you on birth control.

Slipping into your food. Shut up. Yes. No! Shut up, mate. He's controlling you and you don't even realise it. Enough! Shut up!

Shut up! Right, enough out of you. Round of applause for the best man. Sorry, the worst man. The worst fucking man on the planet. Violet, get away from him. Oh, shut up. Get away from him now. Violet, come over here. What do you mean, come over here? What gives you the right to... She's my sister. She's my wife. No, she's your widow. Bobby. my wife! No. She's your widow. Bobby! Let go, let go. Let go, Bobby. Watson, attend to Zach. Now. Excuse me, out of the way, out of the way. I'm a bloody doctor. Get the f... Move, big drunk idiot. Oh, there's blood everywhere. It's everywhere. Jesus Christ.

Out of the way, Violet. Let go of him, please. Let me see him. Zach, Zach, I'm just going to hold your head up. Why is he breathing like that? Jesus. His lung has collapsed. His lung.

Byron, Byron. Got it. Thank you, Archie, you fat bastard. Sorry, Zach. Oh, my God. What are you doing? Letting air out of his chest cavity. He's twitching.

Oh, Zach, baby, what have you done to him? What have you done? Shut up. Just shut up, please. Come on, Zach. Come on. Okay, okay. Feeling more even now. Feeling more.

That's it. There we go. Right. Okay, now for some more weird shit. What hell are you doing what's that this is my lucky condom finally gonna use it i hope for zach's sake it's very very very lucky i'm gonna seal his wound with it sherlock the plasters, the Thomas the Tank Engine. Oh wait, no, I've got them. He's a psycho. He's a bloody, a bloody psycho. Tell him, Violet, tell him. Violet. Violet. So the condom and the Thomas the Tank Engine plasters. They're mine. The plasters, not the condom. Right, and you sealed the wound with... I'm a doctor. The bullet caused a sucking wound.

It was pulling air into the chest cavity. That pressure collapsed his lung. I got air back into his lung. With the biro? Yes, the biro, just between the ribs. And the lucky... The condom, sorry, sealed the... The wound from pulling air into his chest?

Correct, yeah. Right. Well, we'll obviously be in touch regarding the case, but bloody well done, gents. Cheers. Thank you. Thanks. I should have corrected him. What? Why? Did they have wrong information from us? He thanked us both.

He should be thanking just you. Don't be daft. Well done, Watson. Really, well done. I'm sorry I wasn't much use. You were loads of use. What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about. High five. High five and a hug?

We best hurry. We'll miss the last train to Waterloo ah Christ you're right well thanks for listening everyone it was a bizarre start a weird middle and a completely bonkers ending but we got there in the end

the adventure the solitary cyclist oh god the rental bike get over get bloody over you big Audi knobhead The adventure, the solitary cyclist. Oh, God, the rental bike. Get over, get bloody over, you big Audi knobhead. Move! Oh, thanks a lot. Thank you.

For God's sake. Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed that adventure. Zach Woodley thought he could use us to identify the solitary cyclist because it was the one thing he couldn't control. Well boy did he underestimate little old John Watson and Sherlock Holmes. That backfired for him didn't it? Yeah let that be a lesson. If you come at the Kings you better not miss. Oh your knob.

Oh bloody hell. That's these jeans ruined now hey 21 miles to London baby everybody Everybody!