Sherlock & Co. - A Scandal in Bohemia - Part Four

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

THE BOY WHO WOULD BE KING - Irene, Sherlock and I finally had our chance to drop the disguises and speak, albeit in this holy place. It was clear she planned something, quite what destructive scale would unfold escaped even my imagination. We needed a plan and it was devised, inadvertently by me, during our kitchen fire. Would it be bold enough to work? Boldness had rewarded us thus far I suppose.  Part 4 of 5 This episode contains swearing.Listener discretion is advised. For merchandise and transcripts go to: www.sherlockandco.co.uk For ad-free, early access to adventures in full go to www.patreon.com/sherlockandco To get in touch via email: [e-mail] Follow me @DocJWatsonMD on twitter and BlueSky, or sherlockandcopod on TikTok, instagram and YouTube.  This podcast is property of Goalhanger Podcasts. Copyright 2025. SHERLOCK AND CO. Based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Paul Waggott as Dr. John Watson Harry Attwell as Sherlock Holmes Marta da Silva as Mariana Ametxazurra Chloe Zeitounian as Irene Adler Ant McGinley as DI Tom Gregson Karim Kronfli as William Ormstein Written by Joel Emery Directed by Adam Jarrell Editing and Sound Design by Holy Smokes Audio Produced by Neil Fearn and Jon Gill Executive Producer Tony Pastor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Come join the Patreon. It's a huge community now with loads of extra cool stuff. patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co. Previously on Sherlock and Co. www.sherlockandco.com I know it quite well actually. Whereabouts? Oh, do you know Bryony Lodge? I had a friend who lived there actually. In number three. I'm number four! Why did you do that? What was the point? Seriously, for God's sake! You know her background, her character, her schedule, and where she lives. And I took her keys through this alley. It would come out of the Brianny Lodge estate.

Run! Now! Run! Oh, you're kidding me! There's a back door, Watson! Hi mate, you follow that cab, there! Don't let them get away! What's that she's going? Galdor's Green Synagogue. And who is this? Frey. Irene.

He's my son. You'll bow for the royal baby. He's my son. You bow for the episode description. You've got your usual medium-sized serving of swearing. Sorry about that, but the moment, well, plenty of moments actually, called for it. So yeah, I will see you next week for the finale. If you can't wait, then sign up. You won't regret it. Is William Ornstein aware of this boy? No. Why? Because he's a cruel, selfish bully of a man, and I don't wish to bring my son anywhere near him. You are reclaiming his legacy? Well observed.

How? Sorry? This mikvah. What's its purpose? Its purpose? What is the purpose of immersing him in the living water? To cleanse him. To mark his belonging, Sherlock.

His belonging? Yes, to something that matters. Faith. An alien concept to you? Not at all. Your knuckles are whitening, your shoulders are high and tight. I sense discomfort in these halls of worship, do I not? Perhaps you might. A little.

Doctor? Hmm? Yes? Yeah? Turn the microphone off. Oh, I don't really do. This is part of our process. In cases where...

This is a mikvah for my son. This is not part of your show. Plus, you're my witness. A good doctor to oversee his immersion. I'm not... I'm not Jewish. This ritual is personal, Dr. Watson. Not institutional. Right. Okay. I'll do my best.

Nice to meet you, Frey. Good, cool name. You're staring. So are you. A lot of candles. Yeah. A divine presence, they say. Fire reveals... everything. Even God.

Even God. The burning bush, of course. Check out Rabbi Sherlock. And then... there's water. Don't get too close to that water, please, Sherlock, sweetie. I was merely observing. Maim Chaim. Water untouched by human hands.

Only by gods. Is it like a baptism? Some see it that way. Yeah. Like a rebirth kind of thing. Okay, what do you see it as? Protection. Protection from what?

His ancestry. The past that came before him. Okay, what do you see it as? Protection. Protection from what? His... ancestry. The past that came before him. You have seen the picture? I have. The Queen and her beautiful John. A heartless woman. Royal succession is a carefully managed strategy, Irene.

She banished him to Bohemia, like he's some traitor to the British crown a blind baby sent away That's shame and cruelty Sherlock That's not strategy How did you get past? Milverton's password he said there was a password on the drive easy How exactly is it easy?

He said there was a password on the drive. Easy. How exactly is it easy? Cerberus. Oh... Okay. Milverton referred to the drive in the terms of Pandora's Box. Hell... Contained.

In the same mythology, the god of the underworld is... Cerberus. The Rabbi's here. What else is on there? The drive. Who else? You think I'd stand here and tell you that? Who do you wish to use it against?

Microphone? Off. Is it Ormstein, or do you wish this boy to be paraded on the front of every paper as you throw the British crown into chaos? Answer me, Irene. Answer me. Like, it's as before, but it's such an improvement. The cabinets bigger, they look bigger.

He made them so they go right into the corner, see? Oh yeah. So now we have a corner covered too. Right about the kettle, genius. Making a cup of tea just got, eh, five percent easier. Oh, I am all about the slight improvements. And crucially... Doesn't smell.

It does not smell. Yeah, well done, Mike, even if you did wake me up the last couple of mornings with his saw and picks oh hey maybe we don't play with fire homesy boy just a thought fire reveals everything even God hey sorry gonna do my serious voice now. Can we genuinely not play with fire? New microphone, I see. Yep. Small.

Well, it's not the size that matters. It's, uh, yeah, well, it's mostly down to editing. Hmm. Hey, Sherlock. Yes? Can we, um... Can we engage with something outside of your own head for a moment? Of course, yes.

Are you alright? Can I, can I get you anything? No. Would you like to hang upside down? That usually helps. No, but thank you, Marianna, I just need... I need a plan. Yeah, it... Things have got a bit more complicated now, mate. She has a young baby. A very important baby.

Sherlock, and this is to both of you. This is a scandal from the 1800s. I said this to you, John. You've got to give yourself a break with the whole weight of this thing. I wish it was so. I'm serious. Royal families are messed up. The line breaks all the time. Listen, I'm Spanish, okay? Our guys are just as weird and dysfunctional. The line broke, yes. Not uncommon for the eldest boy to be robbed of his inheritance for any number of reasons. But...

But... They paid them off? Generation after generation, consistently. John, it's me mate. This is taking the piss now. Shit, right, I'm gonna call him. Where's my phone? You're holding it, John. You are holding your phone, mate. Get some sleep. Or a brain transplant. Let me see.

Gregson... There is no smoke without fire. The smoke is the hush money. The fire is the boy. I think we're in a good position despite this creepy doom-mongering thing that you're doing right now. Is that so? Yeah, we know her. We know what she's got and what she knows. We know where she lives. I've got the police on my case constantly, as you've seen. All we have to do is direct them her way. I'm going out. Sherlock, can you not, please?

I can, and I must, and I will. Yeah, but... But what, John? I have to go with you, because I've got the mic. Then I shall record with our new little friend should anything exciting happen. Would that satisfy your listeners? Would it? I mean... yeah.

That was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Give it up for Tony, our Sportless 12 piece orchestra. Absolutely fantastic filling this room. Marvelous job, Tony, marvelous job. It's like being at the Albert Hall, isn't it? Next up we have Irene. Come on up, Irene. Come on up Irene. Evening everybody.

This one is for my buddy Sherlock over there. Un bel di from Madame Butterfly. Enjoy your evening everybody. Thank you Tony. I'm actually thinking we can start storing afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm afraid Let me handle it. It's probably just a new client who's stressed or, you know, freaking out because it's... John Watson! Don't move! Agh! Do not move! Agh! I told you, John. I told you to answer your bloody phone. Tom! What are you doing? Agh! We've asked you not to move!

I can't move! You're on top of me! You are under arrest! Ow! Come on, guys! Come on! This is not okay! Ow! Now, just easy on the leg! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You know you actually conform me of the charge. You see tomorrow. Augustus militant. Sike! Go! I'll meet you at the station. Go! Guys, just get off me! Ah! Go! Go!

Argh! Ugh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! No, I know they're doing their job, but I'm saying they don't like me. Yeah, they just don't like me. They're they just don't like me. They're the police. Look at the cups of tea they made us.

Ay, not this again. Feel yours. Mm-hmm. And feel mine. Freezing cold. Freezing cold, really? Come on. Alright, room temperature.

But how is it even possible to get two drastically different temperatures from the same tea run? I don't know, John. I don't know. I will tell you how it's possible. Sabotage. That's the crime here. And the motive? They don't like you. Correct. They don't like me. Yeah, I kinda see why. I'd say it's just flat out cold. It's not even room to...

Do you want to have my freakin' tea, John? Is that what you want? No! Oh wow, is that your shout-out list? I... Yeah, it is. John? Well, I've been busy. Why didn't you do any last adventure?

Mmm, why was it? Why was it? Er... Oh yeah, no, it's because I was trapped in a closet watching a man get stabbed. That was it. Urgh! Shout-out to Davin Cornwall! Urgh! Oh yeah, no, it was because I was trapped in a closet watching a man get stabbed. That was it. Shout out to Davin Cornwall. Happy birthday to Mel in Liverpool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

I get it. Thank you. But in all seriousness, happy birthday to Leah in South Africa and her best friend Kyra. Sorry if that's late, Leah. Oh no, no, no, no. You're not doing this now. Well then when am I doing it, Mary? I don't know.

How about any time that you're not in a police station? It doesn't seem any time soon, does it? Drink your delicious tea. Another belated happy birthday to Savannah. Shout out to Hannah from your BFF, Carissa. Happy birthday wishes from I, sir, to my dear baby cakes, Henry. Hi. Tell your baby cakes, Henry, I said hi. No, that's not my word word it's a shout out.

Don't let me stop you. Okay okay okay can we get this figured out? I have a report I gave you guys a week ago and we can go through it. Oh no no don't worry about that Johnny has got his precious shout outs. No it's really not necessary. No no you go on mate. We don't want you thinking we don't like you. Shout out to, um... To Chris Oates in California. Hi, Chris. Yep, hi. Er...

Emmett from Utah. Hi, um... Emmett. Can I stop this now? Are you done? Not yet. Then finish them. This feels like I've been caught smoking, and now you're making me smoke the whole pan. Can I stop this now? Are you done? Not yet. Then finish them.

This feels like I've been caught smoking, you know, you're making me smoke the whole pan. Just do the damn shout outs. Shout out to Tilly, Chris and their dogs, Thor and Loki in Tonbridge in Kent. I've actually got a very special shout out to Donovan, Donny, you can use either name. Yeah, hi, big shout out to Donny. Hi, Donny.

Yep. Shout out to Beatriz in Brazil. Shout out to Giles and Sylvia in Northern Ireland. John, I think that's enough. Maida, Ida and Paula in the Basque country. Oh hey, no way. Yep. Okay, you can carry on.

From Basque to Bracknell now. Dolly, Philip, Phoebe and Annabel Gibb. Shout out to Silas and Roxas in Niagara, Canada. Happy 14th to Newt in Birmingham. A shout out to Bea and Birdie in New Zealand and to Rex in the US. Shout out to A&P Adrian. Is there a shout out to Charles Augustus Milverton in there mate?

Um... no. Why do you think that is? Because he's um... he's dead. He is, yeah. Although... He was never going to ask a shout out, was he? On your little shore. Because you knocked him out in a pub, didn't you?

Look, we've talked about this. Everything I know I have recorded. And you are welcome to the Raw Files. Right, John? Of course, yeah. You know it doesn't sit well with me, John. Yeah, I know. So I'll ask you again. Like I asked you last week. And on Tuesday.

And yesterday. And in the car on the way over here. Did you kill Charles Augustus Milverton? No. That's what you're going with, is it? Have you listened to the episode? Yes, unfortunately. What the hell are we doing here? You're a witness.

Tom. D.I. Gregson. D.I. Gregson, you listened to the episode. Oh, for listeners? Hi, that's the previous adventure. Charles Augustus... Oh my god, can you please just not record absolutely everything? Please!

You're recording? This is a police interview! We have to... It's the law! For your bloody legal rights! If we didn't record absolutely everything I wouldn't be here. Yes you would. You punched a man that was later found dead. You would 100% be here. Well alright that's fair enough but it...

This girl... there's a situation unfolding that we feel that we are best place to... solve. Adler? Irene Adler, yes. She stabbed him? She stabbed him. What happened after that, you can tell by the audio I wasn't there. Oh, I mean, yes, I was close. I was nearby. I saw the immediate aftermath, but I swear, Tom. Who's the killer?

I don't know who this guy is. Neither does Sherlock. And that's the truth? Yes, completely, I swear. Full fat, caffeinated, pulp-in, organic truth. Thanks for the rundown, but you forgot Pinch of Salt, which is what I'll be taking this with. God's sake, Tom! Gregson! You think he knows Adelaide, this guy? Well, maybe, maybe.

John. What? I think they would be understanding if we just let them in a little. Let them in? You're hiding more stuff? I'm not bloody hiding anything! John Kent? Oh yeah no I am hiding stuff. What happened in Kent? No she means John Kent, a person. Right. God almighty. Um, Irene Adler is... has stolen the drive of Charles Augustus Milverton. Yep, heard that mate. In between your adverts. I don't choose the adverts. The adverts choose me.

Guys? Right, alright. Um... So, on the drive... yeah, there... Yeah, there... On the drive there is proof that her son... is the rightful descendant of... the, um... You know. No, I don't know.

Yes, you do. Come on. I don't! The House of Hanover. A precursor to the... Saxcoba Gothas, which is the Windsors. Thanks for the history lesson, but I'm here to get answers on Milverton. She has evidence that the royal family has been paying off her son's descendants for like a hundred years because they are the rightful heirs to the British crown. Oh. Yeah.

Right. British crown. Oh. Yeah. Right. So Sherlock has got us to this point, okay? We know why she went to Milverton. We know what she took back. We know the reasons for taking that back, but we don't know where the drive is. Yes, but there is a plan, Gregson. I told her not to let you in. She doesn't follow orders. People at the very top rarely do. Sherlock, I'm not in the mood, all right? Neither are we. It's been somewhat of a stressful week. Our flat nearly burned to the ground.

Isn't that right, team? Yes, that's right. A lot of anxiety, of panic. It does something to you, those flames, the billows of smoke. We activate our emergency faculties and let go of our tightly held behaviors. Something else takes control. My reaction was to get out of the flat immediately. Marianas was to look for Archie. John here wanted to fight the fire. A very John thing to do in

my opinion. And when faced with its growing fury, he made another decision. If his mind was really in control of it, it seemed like it was more his heart. Is there a point to this? Because these interrogation rooms get booked up. I had to make an appointment for this on the office system. She will do the same. She'll do what the same? The fire will reveal all.

You're gonna what? Burn her flat down? No. But we can have her think that. Why the hell would you do that? To find the drive. We will read the flat, and we will take the drive. I can't get within an inch of this woman. What makes you think you can?

Because. And what then, when the gates of hell open, what then, when the darkest secrets hell open? What then, when the darkest secrets surface? Will you take the blame? You think if she fills with panic and the boy is out of the house, she will do what I did? Correct. Wait, what did you do? I, erm...

I went back for Mary's music box. Right. I just... Knew it was something that if the worst case scenario happened I couldn't replace and um... Yeah, I didn't want to lose it. This is unorthodox. Even by your standards. I will see it.

I will see where she keeps the drive by a glance of her head, by a flick of her eyes, a quiver of her body language. You're certain of that? I'm certain. Una città di passione! We do have a show tonight, Mr Holmes. This will only take a moment, William. Yes, well, let's... here.

Ah, the Royal Box. As you can imagine, this is the most private seating area I can find at such short notice. Seems dangerously high, doesn't it? What do you need to tell me? Also, the angle is a bit off. Why would people even want these? Watson? Sorry, yeah. So, Sherlock, do you want to do the honours? It's not much of an honour. No, true, true. Although I think it's a nice thing to tell someone. It's good

news for most people. Yes, but not remotely in this instance. I feel, as Mr. Ormstein here has made it quite clear... Will you please just tell me? William, as you know, Irene Adler took the hard drive that so many of the rich and powerful seek, present company included. You very kindly informed us of your scandalous family history. Yes, and she wishes to sell that information, I know. Well, it would seem that that history has another few chapters.

Sorry? Watson, I thought I'd be rather better at this, you know. Yeah, I see that. Uh, William, Irene had a baby and it's yours and I believe well we believe that she is going to bring some media attention to the significance of that baby of your son William I mean she might not she She might not do that, right, Sherlock? She might do what the Ormsteens have done for, well, since forever. Indeed. She could approach the Crown and demand further payments for her silence.

I told her to kill it. Oh, alright, woah, woah, woah, let's not- I told her to kill the damn thing. Hey, stop, stop, stop, we're not going to talk like that, William. Easy for you to say. Shit! She made me do that prenatal paternity test. And I told her when we got the results, I told her I would have no part of that bastard.

She swore to me. She swore she wouldn't bring it to term. That bastard could be on every front page of every paper in the world, William. Don't you think I know that? That stupid cow! Stupid! Unfortunately for you and us, she is neither a cow and neither is she remotely in the vicinity of stupid. She can't go to them. She cannot go to the king and beg for yet more cash. A deal was made. A promise was signed on the blood of the Ormsteins. They saved us from the Nazis. And now what? She wants to go and throw that back in their faces?

Some Jewish girl is now going to spit on the memory of my father and my grandfather who fled those Third Reich beasts? A Jewish girl? And for what? For a bit of extra cash so they can be on Celebrity Big Fucking Brother or I'm a celeb? Why doesn't she just go and shag some footballer, she's pretty enough for it? William! Christ.

That woman has the hand grenade of the British society in her grip, Doctor, and she's about to pull the pins, so don't fucking William me! Once again, an American woman slithers into the cracks of British nobility and breaks it all apart like some festering mould. If it's not Simpson, it's Markle. If it's not Markle, it's Adler. You have to retrieve it. We will. Listen to me, Holmes.

If you don't, if you don't, sir... Are you threatening me? I'm threatening her. We will. Are you threatening me? I don't recommend that course of action. Again, I don't recommend it Mr. Ormstein women have done in the past, and that is get in line and do as you're told! Again, I don't recommend it Mr. Ormstein. You're welcome to try of course, Milverton certainly gave it a good go. What? And that's why Scotland Yard would like to speak to her. But you needn't worry, all is in hand. Tonight there will be a police presence in the wings, along with our colleague Mariana Ametriusola. You cannot!

We won't. Not until the performance reaches its end. What are you going to do? I'm going to win Mr Ormstein. I'm going to win. To get all five parts of the Scandal in Bohemia and so much more, sign up for just £6 at patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and co. The You