She's On The Money - A Friend In Need, Or A Friend Deceived?

Episode Date: January 18, 2024

The gals bring the yay to your Friday this week celebrating your money wins, talking broke tips and they answer a Money Dilemma about whether as a first time investor you should prioritise commercial or residential property? PLUS, this week you slid into our DMs about helping a friend pay for mental health support, then to find out they have spent their own money on drugs. What would you do? The gals have thoughts!  Links Lifeline Drug and Alcohol supportTurning Point Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, guess what? It is Friday again, which means it is time to get my little team together to celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Miss Jessica Ritchie is here. She's going to be sharing our money wins and confessions from the community. Bec Syed, you've got a few broke tips for us, which you've gatekept all day up until now. So I have literally no insight as to whether they're going to be good or not. We're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about investing in commercial or residential properties as a first time investor. And we're going to be unpacking

something you slid into our DMs about, which this week we're talking about helping a friend pay for mental health support. So before we get there, I want to know, how have your weeks been? Bec, stop trying to get Jess to answer first. I need time to think. No, my week has been really, really good. I feel so productive. You know, like at the start of the year, like what I did was I I feel like a lot of people are, you know, doing the calendar thing, the diary. And I was writing down all these like little goals and I've so far stuck to them. Like I, as you guys noticed, you saw me like touching my tricep before. I'm like, oh my goodness, I feel so good.

Who is she? Swole. Oh, that's a word that I haven't heard on this podcast before. True. Yeah. Well, maybe we could swap that for. So Becky's feeling swole. No, I'm going to start using swole because have you seen that ad?

You know how every year in January Lamb Australia drops their lamb ad? Yes. Right? I feel personally victimized by that video because they've got this whole lamb ad. And if you haven't seen it, just Google it because it is quite funny. Like I think my favorite part of it is your phone lights on talking about the grandparents, but they're like stereotype millennials using the word slay. And I was like, I need to see myself out.

Yeah, not good. Not good. Classic product of the millennium. I was like, I feel attacked. Miss Jessica Ricci, what have you been doing this week? Not much. What do you mean? Where do you want to talk about your bad luck string?

You know what? I feel like people are probably sick of hearing me feel sorry for myself. They're not. What happened this week? No. My cat knocked over a mirror. It shattered it. And I'm worried that that's going to bring significantly more bad luck.

I was just telling the girls, I'm not a superstitious person. It's not normally my shtick, but I have had such a bad run of it that when the mirror fell over, I was immediately Googling how to reverse the bad luck and I went outside. What did you text me and you were like, guess what I'm doing? I went outside, I threw some salt over my shoulder and I spun in a circle anticlockwise three times because the internet told me that that would hopefully work.

Do you think that worked? Do you think it worked? Nothing bad touch wood has happened yet. Our desk is wood. Nothing bad has happened yet, so too busy. But you know what, it's been a sunny week, we're hanging out with the girlies, might get some lunch together later. It's on the up and up.

We're looking for the positives. Nothing bad has happened since Jessica spun Andy clockwise in three circles and threw salt over her shoulder. That's the secret. It's the secret to success, guys. Wow. How has your week been? I've spent a lot of this week horizontal.

Yeah, like working with a laptop on my stomach because life is getting uncomfortable. Yeah, fair. I'm committed though. So, like, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here on the podcast. I'm lucky for you guys. People keep asking me, when are you taking my leave? And I'm like, I guess when I go into labour because I won't have any other choice.

Got to test everything. And my team are like, when do we get rid of her? We thought that we'd have a date to look forward to. And I'm like, ha-ha, joke's on you. I could have this baby next week and it'd be fine. Or in six weeks, you're never going to know. You never know. I think I just live in constant fear that at any second you could just start having the baby.

And that is what I'm looking for. It's not you going away. It's just me no longer living in fear that at any given point in time a baby could just shoot on out because I didn't know what to do. I'm pretty calm in a crisis. I'm actually quite good. Unless it's her crisis. Yeah, unless it's my own internal mental crisis, then all bets are off.

But, no, like I think I would be okay. Yeah, Victoria, right now water breaks, starts going to labour. I feel like you would be really good at that. I mean, the thing is obviously you're immediately on the phone to the ambulance and they just talk you through it. No, you don't. Like just because your water breaks. Depends how close together your contractions are.

Okay. Do you know what I find really funny? Because you have freaked out about this. Gabby, who works for She's On The Money and has been on the pod before, she's worked this out. One of her girlfriends is a midwife. She's full been like, well, what happens if V goes into labour? What do I do?

And like her housemate has like prepped her for this. I think it's so funny because I'm so chill about it. Like I think I'm the most chill person in the entire team about it. I'm like, oh, if you want to break, you'll be fine. Go into labor, you'll be fine. My husband's really worried because obviously, Beck, Jess and I are going to the Taylor Swift concert together. Yes.

This is part of my concern. That happens to be when I am 39 weeks pregnant. I regret nothing about this decision. Baby's first concert. Baby's first friend. Baby's first concert. Baby's first friend. So I'm excited about it.

My husband was a little like, well, what happens if you go into labor? I'm like, dude, the MCG is much closer to the hospital that we're going to than our house is. So chill, I'll meet you there. I can get a new bar. I'm a completely self-sufficient independent woman. We would not make you get a new bar. I feel like Taylor Swift would be partial to assisting with the birth.

I draw the line at naming my baby Taylor, though. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Disrespectful to the Queen. I'm not meaning to be disrespectful to the Queen, and the name Taylor is not even a bad name. I'm like, that's not why. It just feels a little bit too swifty.

Too swifty. We can't be doing that. Exactly. But it does work for a boy or a girl. We don't know the gender. And you guys know I love an androgynous name. Yeah, I'm back on board. All right.

Sorry, sorry. Let's move on, though. I want to know more about the community, less about me going into apparently spontaneous labor that is going to happen really quickly, so quickly that the paramedics will not be able to make it. But Jess has to deliver my baby. Yeah, in my mind it's literally like, oh, my God, I'm pregnant. Shoo! It's coming quick. Someone do something.

Pregnant is also quicker because you mean like you, I think you meant to say I'm in labour. Shoo! But you said I'm pregnant. That is incredibly fast. I agree. I think that's usually how it works. Moving on, moving on.

I don't have a birth plan. I have birth preferences, right, and I can go into that on socials or something if people are actually interested. But there's a reason Jess and Gabby are not involved. Like they're not part of the preferences. In fact, my preference would be to not have them there because I feel like they'd both be like running around like headless chickens going, what do you need? What do you need?

And I'd be like, to leave me alone. Sure. Coincidentally, it is also our preference to not be there. So I think that works really well for everybody. Wash a co-inky dink. Anyway, what has the community got to share with us? All right. My first Money Win this week comes from Hannah who said, Money Win, using ChatGPT to do a

meal plan for my family of three, two adults and one teen. I requested a budget of $100 to $120 for five dinners with five adult portions, extra lunches for the next day. I just did the shop at Aldi and it came in at $110 for all of the ingredients. I then added some snacks and some breakfast and it came to $155 for the week. if you're a beginner meal plan utilizing chat gpt is a game changer and i want to know if hannah got this tip from our instagram i was about to say i have been using it recently with jess but we've been using the microsoft co-pilot yes and we were like we need to create some

content for socials and we're like well let's actually make it good because obviously but like we just told them what we had in our pantry and or what was in my pantry and it like full spat out a recipe, the instructions, you know, what additional things I might need. And I replied a couple of times being like, oh, I don't have that. And they were like, substitute for this. And I was like, great. That's also in my pantry. Slay. Really cool what you can do with AI nowadays and awesome that you can use free platforms. I know that some of the chat GPT ones you have to pay for, the Microsoft one's free. Chat GPT might have a free element, but it's free tools that you can use to save yourself money, which is sick. And it's kind of like, I have explained it to a

couple of friends who were like, oh, I just don't know if it'll work or not. I'm like, think of it as an unpaid intern that's just started and knows nothing about the process. So like feed it the information like, okay, Bec, today I want you to create me a recipe and it needs to be a recipe using only items in my pantry. And I have like, you kind of have to spoon feed it and that's okay. But I think some people jump on to these things like Copilot and go, oh, it didn't work. I asked for a recipe and I like spat out you know three random things I'm like oh no this is an unpaid intern who's never had a job before doesn't know how to do anything you need to spoon feed them and then you can tweak so like it comes back with something in the recipe that you don't want or you

don't have you can go back and be like please regenerate this response but exclude the cream because I don't need it and then it will literally do it again or go oh have you got a more budget friendly option for the steak that you recommended and I think that's it it's just fun it's really cool. It's like an ongoing conversation and you don't have to keep saying sorry for asking so many questions because they're AI. Yeah, it's their job. I still feel pressured to be like, thank you so much. And oh, no pressure. You don't have to answer this. It was really hard when we were doing the Microsoft to not instinctively say please and thank you. But I did anyway. And Jess was like, why are you introducing yourself? And I was like, hello, I am trying to make dinner

tonight. Just like, I don't think they care about your intro. Doesn't mean they empower you. Sit down, Jess. Look at this recipe. It's lit. So good. Next, I've got a money win from Olivia, who said, I found this on a local buy, swap and sell group for my daughter. It was $30 and it still had the tags on it for $270. Is this the jacket? The jacket. The really cute one. I saw the jacket. Oh, cool.

$270 down to $30. Love a buy, swap, sell group. That is a money win. Next, I've got one from Sophie, who said, money win. I started a new job in August and I haven't even passed my probation yet. And I just found out I got a 5% salary increase. A money win! Effective 1st of January. Happy New Year to me. Huge. Congrats. Congrats. I like that it's effective 1st of January because that means some back pay, guys. Love a bit of back pay. Then I've got a win from Victoria, excellent name, who said, Victoria, I was going to buy your book as I

just had an offer on a property accepted thanks to Queen Nikki at Seller and my money win is that it was actually free included it in my spotify subscription yes and she was very kind and she said v i hope you get royalties otherwise i will buy it i don't actually know how it works but i'd much prefer you to just read my book than pay me to be honest and if you get the free audiobook like slay i heard someone real cool read it yeah so if you want to pay afford share a screenshot on stories or tell your friends about exactly that is just as helpful save yourself those dollars queen yeah save the money put it towards your house because in this economy i'm really sorry you're gonna need it congratulations

Congratulations, though. That is so exciting, Victoria. Next, I've got a money win from Alyssa, who said, money win. I asked both my parents' households just before Christmas if we could have their bottles and cans for Victoria's new deposit scheme. They collected them over the past month or so alongside ours, and we cashed them in yesterday, and we got $37 for them. Just ours alone came to $3, so it paid to ask others who were just going to throw them out anyway. Money win. Jess, what happens when you leave my house? I take every can that I can find. Victoria says, I have a present for you, and it's a bag full of cans it's like bottles and like coke bottles and stuff I've been keeping it in the

bottom of my pantry and I'm like I've got this for you best present ever that's so sweet very fun and then lastly I've got a money win from Casey who said money win I needed some extra cash for my wedding and I was making these crayon names for my nieces as a part of their flower girls gift I ended up having a bunch of leftover crayons and I reached out to our neighborhood group and I made It's $62, selling them so far. Wow. Crayons? Yeah.

Crayons, that's so cool. Oh, like crayon names. Yeah. She's like, this is a really fun activity with your kids. If you have like broken crayons or if you buy, you can buy them at the op shop often, you know, the just mixed up ones that have been donated and you melt them and then you pour them into chocolate malts and then you have all of these fun letters that they're like usable crayons, but they're really beautiful gifts as well.

That's actually really cool. and also just reminds me why I have already nominated before my baby's born that Jess's craft aren't. Yes. I will happily take that. Easter bonnet. You need one? I won't be making it.

So fun. My friend is a teacher. We actually did make her Easter bonnet this year and it was lit. Quite literally it had lights that switched on. My kid is going to be the coolest kid ever and I'm going to be like, it was Jess. I'm very excited. That's all from me this week, guys.

All right, Bec. what have you got when it comes to broke tips? These better be good. I have high expectations. Thank you. They've been hyping them up and gatekeeping them, so they better be good. I do hype them up and then when we get around to it,

I mean like the community ones are always good and my ones are always just funny and silly. But I think this one this week is actually going to be kind of good. I'm excited. Okay, so the first one comes from Georgie who says that Target right now has heaps of stuff on sale because it's merging with Kmart. I didn't realize that was a thing. did you guys know that was a thing yes i've seen it on social media not fully i don't think but

they're replacing a lot of the homewares with the kmart homewares brand there's been a lot of outrage yeah because people love target homewares yes i love target homewares but i saw someone say it was like 70 off a lot of the time yes i saw a couple of tiktoks actually where a lot of things were like marked down to two dollars like this girl got a whole suit it was like pants the vest and the jacket for $6 in total. Jealous. Wow, it's almost like, it's just too silly, isn't it? I think it's wild, but they're actually clearing a lot of stock.

Insider info, don't ask me where I got this. From Georgie? Yeah, maybe from Georgie. Let's call it from Georgie. They aren't just replacing all of Target's stuff with Kmart's stuff. They have merged. They actually were always owned by the same people, which is West Farmers Group, own both Kmart and Target.

or you might be surprised to hear that they also own like Officeworks and Bunnings and stuff like that. They actually are a very, very large organisation, but they are taking a lot of the product lines that don't sell as well in Target and replacing them with Kmart because it does. There might be different products across the stores, but obviously they've got their factories that do ANCO, so they're bringing that in. But don't worry, they are keeping a lot of the main product lines that sell really well because I was really worried honestly about the baby onesies because like $9.95 cute onesies organic cotton I can't find anything nicer than that that feels as good at that price point and I was like don't take them away they're not gonna so amazing it's

not everything like targets are not becoming Kmart's but I feel like a lot of people have just assumed because it does look like that yeah I'm just three targets trying to find some bargains that are already being cleaned out. Oh, no. Well, try and try again, they say. For a $2 suit, I'll try again. 100%. That is so silly.

I love it. But, yeah, like maybe go to, like, you know, country towns and stuff. I feel like those targets will still have some stuff going. Yeah, probably don't go to, like, the Chadston. Yeah, don't go to Chadston. Go anywhere else. They're being cleaned up. Okay, so this next one comes from Indy who says that if you live near a uni,

make the most of the free food at O-Week, which is coming up soon, which is a great idea. That's actually very smart. Yes, totally. Like even if you don't live near a uni, if you're like going to get free food, just make those. You're like go to uni even though you're not going to go to uni. Yeah, like you don't have to be going to uni to be getting that free food,

I imagine. I would feel very uncomfortable, but I mean, you do you. I rate that. I think that's smart. I think it's smart. And what if you just want to go there for info? You also get a free feed. Great idea, Indy.

Thank you so much. That is fantastic. I might even do that. We can make a day of it. Okay, so mine comes from, I don't know if you guys have heard of this girl named Viv. Her Instagram handle is Viv Loves to Eat. She shared a post about, this is the name of the cafe, Five Buck Schmuck in Thornbury. That sounds fun.

It is. There's no catch. There is a menu that is dedicated to items slash meals that cost $5, literally. And she posted this video. In this economy? In this economy. They can't be making any money. Well, this is why I say no catch because, like, she posted in the actual, like, you know, caption that the owner just wanted to do something nice for the community.

Oh, what a wholesome idea. Which is really lovely. So I don't think that the whole menu is $5, but there's a dedicated, you know, thing that's kind of. That's cool. So you can get, like, you know, a roll or a croissant or something like that that's, you know, it's not, they're not losing money, you can tell, but it's still like they could be charging you way more, but you're still getting a good feed out of it. I paid $9 for almond croissant the other day. Daylight robbery. So that's my one.

There's probably an adjacent or an equivalent in your state, your city, your suburb. If you're in Melbourne, just maybe spend. Can you please share it with the She's On The Money community if there is? Absolutely. Because we're going to need it. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. But for now, five bucks schmuck.

I cannot think of the last time a meal cost me $5 out. Yeah. Same. Maybe penny pinches at Macca's or something. Even then, I'm always like, can I please have a large Coke? Yeah. Yeah, it ends up costing like $8 still. I ordered a Happy Meal the other day and it was almost the same price

as a normal meal. Oh, shocked. It is actually a small cheeseburger meal. Yeah. You look like a Happy Meal orderer. I order her Happy Meals. If I'm coming in and I'm like, do you want lunch? And she's like, yeah, I don't know, anything will do.

Like I guarantee I'll walk in with a Happy Meal. Happy Meal always goes over well. That's very cute. I was asked for the toy, not the book, by the way. Yeah, no. All right, let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, we're going to be talking about investing your commercial or residential properties as your first investment. And we're going to unpack

something that you slid into our DMs about this week. We're talking about helping a friend pay for their mental health support. So don't go anywhere, guys. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve, the She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi ladies, I have a query I'd like your advice on. My partner and I are in our early to mid-20s

and have decided we'd like to start saving up for an investment property. My partner has heard that commercial properties can produce a higher return than residential and I'm wondering what would be the best option for us to buy as a first-time buyer considering there are more grants available for residential properties versus commercial and what I can see online and any other factors we need to consider when comparing the two and saving up for the deposit. Thank you. I have a lot of thoughts about first properties and you are correct. If you looked at the rental yield of a residential property versus a commercial property, more often than not, commercial property has a higher rental yield. The problem there is

that if you are chasing yield, that is usually going to come at a higher cost, right? So let's just pretend you're spending $500,000 on your first two-bedroom apartment. To get a comparable like rental yield in a commercial property, you're probably looking at closer to a million dollars worth of investment. We also really need to talk about the risk that is involved with investing in commercial versus residential property. And that is usually how long that property is left vacant and you are up for that mortgage without any kind of help from a tenant, right? So in Melbourne, we know that rental tenancy sucks at the moment. Like if you've got an apartment and it is up for rent, you are in a prime position because there are a lot of

people who want properties and there aren't enough properties to go around. So your rental vacancy rate could be like 1% or 2% per annum, which means like there aren't that many days per year that you don't have rent coming in the door. Whereas when you look at commercial property, they tend to stay vacant for a longer period of time. Yes, you might have longer lease periods. So typically if you're signing onto a commercial lease, it's not just like a one-year lease. It might be a minimum of five years. It could be 10, 20, or even 30 years as a lease. And that's all well and good and fine. But the vacancy rate can be significantly higher because, you know, it's obviously harder to find somebody who wants your specific space in your specific area to run their business. So you might

even end up with a vacancy rate of like six months or 50% of the year it is not rented out. And so you've got to factor all of that in. Yes, when it comes to residential property, you have a lot more grants and offers because the government's kind of like, well, if you're buying commercial, you're probably a bit of a well-seasoned investor. However, it's definitely worth looking at the pros and cons of each, not just like, oh, they have better returns. You are correct, but we don't chase returns. What we want to chase is consistency and does this align to your goals and values? Does this help you in any way, shape or form to reach your next financial goal. What does equity in the property look like? We know in

the Melbourne residential market, equity has somewhat increased for people. I feel like the property market has kind of like stagnated given we went through COVID and now we're going through a cost of living crisis. But the probability is that that asset is probably going to increase in value. Whereas if you went and bought a factory, please don't get me wrong, not a terrible investment, but the capital growth on those properties is usually not as high as a residential property in the same area because it can't be rezoned to residential if you change your mind. Like it will always have to be a commercial property. So I think when it comes to, you know, what you should and shouldn't do, there's no right or wrong. Like if you're in a position

where you're like, I actually want to buy a factory V, I've looked at all of the stats, this area is up and coming. I have had a number of past clients and even friends purchase factories, especially in like, you know, those kind of like big development areas. They're a little bit like commercial, but they are completely bare and then they rent them out and they, you're right, they do have really good rental yield. However, they don't have a lot of good capital growth on those from what I have seen. Does it mean you shouldn't do it? Absolutely not. Like it might really align to your goals. Like you might actually go, do you know what? I don't want to deal with everyday tenants. I want to strip this out completely and make all of this,

you know, my new tenants problem to furnish and upkeep and maintain. So it really depends. But what I would say is, to me, it is a bit of a red flag if the reason you want to go with them is because you've heard they have higher rental yield without actually looking at, well, what would this look like in 10, 20, 30 years? Because a mortgage, as we all know, is a long-term commitment. And then I guess on top of that you're not looking at a residential home loan either you're looking at a commercial loan and they have different things that you need to take into consideration so talk to a broker before you make a decision is what I would say yeah I imagine that like and this is obviously not coming from an expert opinion but I imagine that the cost of upkeep like you know

like getting a tradie out to fix like a blocked toilet wouldn't cost as much as a potential something in a whole factory you know what I mean I don't know well the factory it's actually on the tenant so like if something happens yeah it's on the tenant and the tenant will usually pay for complete fit out as well so like you would lease them your completely bare factory but you don't have as much responsibility as a residential landlord you'll go that that's your problem You know, if you want stairs put in over here or you want, you know, an office built in here, that's on you. But given it is actually a little bit more difficult to attract tenants to commercial properties, what you often have to do is also incentivize it. And I've signed a number of

leases. I've never owned commercial property. I've always leased it. And I've signed a number of commercial property tenancy agreements. And often I'll ask for incentives up front, like Jess, you probably remember this when I was signing our last office, I was like, well, how many months at the start can I get free? What other bonuses can I get? Like, you know, there's a fit out there. Can I have that? Or, you know, do I have to buy my own? If I have to buy my own fit out, I've estimated that that's going to cost me $50,000. So like, how are you going to incentivize me to rent your property over somebody else's? So normally they offer this by offering a couple of months of free rent and it will clearly depend on like the value of the commercial property

as well, but like it's a different ball game completely. But most of the, I guess, costs actually fall into the tenant's wheelhouse when it comes to commercial versus residential. Whereas, you know, we've spoken a lot about Jess going through, oh, the ceiling's leaking. If I was commercial, I'd be like, well, Jess, go and fix the ceiling then, hey. Sounds a lot like a you problem. Sounds like a Jessica problem. Yeah. If you're looking at putting that much down, maybe it might be worth chatting to a financial advisor would be the only thing that I have to contribute there if you're putting that much into an investment. I feel like I talked a lot as well. Sorry. Oh, don't be sorry. Do you want to talk about the Ask Spicy DM? Yes, please. Yes, we do.

All right. So this week we got a DM and it sounded like this. Actually, verbatim, it was this message. Are you ready? Ready. Hi, team. I've got a DM for you. Really? A close friend of mine has been really struggling with her mental health. So I suggested she looked into getting some help and seeing a psychologist. She said she can't afford it at the moment. So I offered to pay for some sessions as I wanted to help her in any way I could. I've currently paid for her first three appointments which were around $90 each. Now here's the issue. I just found out she spent $400 on drugs for a festival she was going to and I'm really upset by this. I was more than happy to help her out but if she can afford drugs then she can afford to pay to see the

psychologist. How do I go about asking for my money back but also ensuring she continues to get the help that she needs. I'm really not sure what to do. Any help is really appreciated. Before we get into it, I feel like we have to say we're going to be discussing the drug use. We do not condone or encourage the use of recreational drugs, but it is a part of the story. We're going to chat about it. Yeah, like no judgment from me, like it's a choice somebody else has made and that's fine. But yeah, it's not an endorsement. Yeah. And if you do need any resources regarding something like that, we'll pop some links in the show notes that you can access and have a look through. Obviously we're a supportive

safe space, but it's just something that we have to say. Yeah, absolutely. I also think it's relatively interchangeable as well. Like stepping back before I actually start answering this question, like if you've paid $90 a session for your friend to go get help on something, it could have been like her going out to fancy restaurants and spending 400 bucks and you going, I thought you said you had no money for like recreational activities or, you know, they might have decided to just go to a festival and spend 400 bucks on a ticket and you were like hold on like you said you didn't have funds so I don't think it's really the quite drug use yes obviously that's not ideal because I'm pretty sure that that drug use is probably playing into the need

for the mental health care and that's absolutely fine but I think I'd be equally as frustrated if you know I helped out a friend and found out they're just blowing $400 a week on going to the club like irrespective but moving forward what do you guys think I think like if I was maybe I don't know if my friend was like saving up for a festival and that I guess like you don't really just blow that like that's kind of something that you prepare for ahead of time paying for like psych sessions and stuff like that I'm gonna like mentally put that in a different category and say that the actual spending of that much money on whatever it could have been we just don't know like it could have been something that she had really saved for and was looking forward to it

sounds like something that's something that happens like once a year like we've all you know like meredith for example like i if i was saving up for that and my friend was like hey i need you to go see a psych i'd be like i actually don't have capacity right now because i'm saving up for Meredith which I know is like not it should absolutely should not be the priority here my own mental health my own mental well-being should be but if that's kind of what I need just to stay sane like prioritizing my social life and someone else aside from that offered to pay for a few psych sessions then I guess I guess like it was all about transparency if you're like hey this is actually what I'm spending my money on this is what I'm saving up for this is

everything that I'm planning on buying. If you're still comfortable paying for these, cool. If not, cool. But yeah, I guess like the transparency maybe is my main thing. I don't know if that's the same for you guys, but you sound like a great friend and you, you know, you sound, you deserve a very good friend in return. Yeah, I agree. I think that you've done a really kind, generous thing. You obviously care about your friends. You want to put them first. I understand what you mean about like someone may choose to prioritize something else over their mental health and that is their prerogative I think for me the fact that it is drugs is kind of a little bit of an additional layer of gray I think it's very different from saving to go to

a festival or saving to go to an event or maybe saving for a trip versus something you know if you blew it on alcohol or something similar I still mentally categorize those into two different things again sure I think the unfortunate thing is though I don't know that you can ask for the money back I think I'm on that page too yeah I agree I think a gift is a gift and as much as you know when you gave her that gift you were helping her out within you know a certain framework that you thought existed I don't think that you can ask I firstly don't know that it would come back to you it sounds like she's pretty strapped for cash and it might just put an even bigger rift between the two of you. I think I would probably go down the route of just

explaining to her how you feel and saying, hey, I wanted you to put yourself first. I thought that you didn't have any money. Having seen you behave this way or do these things has really made me feel like you value your money over mine or something like that. And explaining to her, maybe she doesn't see it from that perspective, but in terms of getting it back, I don't know that you will. And it's hard when you love someone, you want to support them, you want to resource them, you want to do whatever you can to make sure that they're well off. And I know that it might go against your instinct, but I think my advice would be to probably not do it again. Maybe try to find other ways to help resource her. I know that there's, you know, the mental health

plans in Australia. I don't know whether or not she qualifies for those, but looking into that, looking into you know some of the hotlines that have access to resources and things of that nature things that you can do to help her without necessarily taking money out of your own pocket because it sounds like you guys aren't valuing her mental health or those psychology appointments in the same way yeah what do you think they do I feel like I have been the friend that has wanted to do this before I can't say I've paid for someone's psych appointments but I definitely have given money to friends or people I know in the hope that it fixes them or changes them. And this is just in hindsight. I'm not thinking that in the moment. I'm just trying to be generous and

look after them. However, in, I guess, retrospect, when you look back on that, I feel like when you do that, you're kind of tunnel visioned. You're not going, oh, this is going to actually have to play into their value system and their priorities and where they're at mentally, I kind of go, well, if I pay for your psych sessions, that'll help you get better, full stop, end of story. And I think that, you know, when you probably offered, you didn't put a lot of parameters around this gift. You would have maybe, and I'm assuming that you are the same type of person as me. And I would love to think that it's because I'm empathetic and generous. And if I've got the means like I want to help. So you might've just been like, look, Jess, what if you're saying you

can't afford it? What if I pay for that? I just really want you to be in the best possible position. And Jess, you go, oh, well, actually that would be really kind. Because in the back of your mind, Jess, just using Jess as an example, in the back of your mind, you really do want to change. You do want to get better. But the overarching thing is that ultimately your priorities are not there yet. You might not be willing to get help. You might not have the drive to do that, even though that conversation was really motivating and it was really nice. Like how many times have we sat down with ourselves? Like, I remember even me going, look, I'm just going to stop biting my nails. And then the next week I'm biting my nails and I'm

like, like, and I had every intention of doing the right thing. Like I bought the fancy nail polish I did, you know, looked up on YouTube, how to do a meditation about not biting my nails. And like, you, you have all the gung ho at the start, but maybe you fall off the bandwagon because maybe you're just not ready for change. Maybe you're not ready to, you know, take on mental health help. And I think that there's a lot to say about that because also it is really hard to reach out for help. Some people aren't ready for it. Like you only hear what you want to hear in those sessions. And if you're not open to it, it's actually, I won't say a waste of time, but it can be a bit of a waste of your money if you're like, I'll go to these psych sessions,

but I'm definitely not going to implement anything they do. And like, you know, let's pretend that the, and this is a wild speculation, let's pretend that your friend needs psych help because they maybe have lost their way and they are doing a lot of drugs and you thought that you could sweep in and that would be like the magical key that opens the world to a new kingdom for them. They're not ready for that. And like, maybe they're not ready to hear from a psychologist and maybe they're even going to those sessions and being like, yep, cool. I'm getting help. No worries. So Meredith is next weekend. I've got 400 bucks in my account. I'm just going to spend on that because it becomes a need, right? So I think we need to step back and look at the

psychology behind, well, why did you want to do that? Like, obviously you wanted to put your friend in the best possible position, but by doing that, were you acknowledging whether your friend was in the position to change yet or not? Or were you trying to push them down a path that maybe they weren't ready to walk? Does that make sense? Because like, I just look at it and I go, well, if someone else is not ready for it, they might be super motivated. And you know what? Your friend probably had the best of intentions when accepting your help. Like how beautiful. If I turned around and said to you, Bec, there's this thing that you need and you're telling me you can't afford, I would love to make sure that you get that. You'd be like, oh, there you like that. So generous and

so kind. I would love to do that. I don't think your friend ever set out to disrespect you or the money that you have spent. I think that clearly there's a lot going on here. But also the second layer to that question, how do I ask for my money back? I would say you don't. It was a gift yeah yeah it was a gift and you gave it to them with no intention of saying actually there are some stipulations on this if you cross that boundary a b c d e or f i will be asking you for the money back because i can almost guarantee if i said hey beck i'm willing to help get that thing and you go yeah great great great and i go but also if you do a b c or d you'll have to pay it back you go oh i can't commit to that yeah because maybe your friend wouldn't have let you do that in

that case does that make sense I totally agree there's like such a strong or there can be such a strong link between drug use and mental health too like we don't really know the context of whether it's consistent usage or whether it's just oh I was at a festival and that's what people would do we don't really have we have no idea but if they are having ongoing mental health struggles like that could lean into why they chose to do that which again is just like an extra layer of complexity that you're not really equipped to handle and also it doesn't make them a bad person. Like change is really hard. Like human beings at a base primal level do not like change because change is risk and risk means I could be in trouble. So, you know, it's the devil

you know versus the devil you don't. Right. So I think we need to acknowledge that change is really hard. It's hard. It's slow. It's part of the process. I think that, you know, there's actually a lot to this I'm just so glad that your friend was open to mental health you know yeah help I think having a genuine conversation definitely not asking for the money back but going hey Jess can we have a chat I'm just feeling like it's a bit frustrating I really thought that you were going to get help for x y and z you know I'm even paying for it and then you spent 400 bucks like on something really discretionary and like you in it or you're out of it because like obviously it makes me not want to pay for your sessions because you're not learning anything like nothing's

happening like what should we do and maybe your friend will actually go oh my god jess i'm actually so embarrassed about this situation like it's one of those sleep it could be a really beautiful learning experience for both of you totally and just to like add to that as well like i obviously don't have enough context here and what um your friend's going through but in that moment trying to frame it as something that's she shouldn't be ashamed of shouldn't be embarrassed about that kind of thing because that could really make someone spiral. Even myself as someone who I wouldn't consider having any very serious mental health issues, something like that would make me spiral into oblivion. So I would say keep that in mind. Also just trying to find

out best ways to support her moving forward without the financial support, basically. Physical and mental, emotional support, trying to find the best way to meet her needs without dishing out any more money yeah 100 so we got heaps of responses on this a lot of them were saying look your money's gone you're not getting it back it's whether you lose a friend now too or not which i thought was a really good point yeah a lot of people were saying look i just wouldn't pay for any more sessions moving forward again wouldn't ask for the money back a lot of people said she really needs to help herself it's actually not up to you like you don't have that power which is really sad as someone like me who sometimes wants to come in and fix everything

but it's true a lot of people then said you know sit down and have an open conversation with her talk to her about it openly have a frank conversation a lot of people wanted to let us know about the 10 times i think it's 12 times medicare rebate psychology sessions if you go to your gp and get a mental health care plan i do also want to acknowledge that that is getting harder and harder to access nowadays. So it's hard nowadays, especially in Victoria. I know in Queensland, it's really challenging. I don't know a lot about the other states, but I'm assuming we're all having the same issues because across the board, Australian doctors are having to increase their prices. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. The cost of living crisis, paying their

staff, all of that, it has to come into it. But Medicare is not keeping up and finding a GP that has no gap is getting increasingly hard. If you found a GP that has no gap and you just can claim it all on Medicare, it's even harder to find a psychologist that operates under having no gap. If they do exist, they usually have a really long wait period. So I don't want you guys to think, oh, they just said go to Medicare, but I've tried that and it's really hard. I totally get it. it's becoming inaccessible and we need to do a lot more about it. However, it is still a very valid pathway and I wouldn't be discouraged knowing that information. I'd go, all right, well, I'll give it a crack because you know what? Even if there is a six month wait

period, you're going to need the help in six months anyway as well. Yes, you need immediate help. I totally get that. And we're going to put a whole heap of like tools and resources in our show notes for you that involve immediate help. But if you want to get onto a mental health care plan, I wouldn't shy away from the wait. I'd sign up and, you know, what can I do in the interim? How can I, you know, build towards that? Because it could be invaluable to changing your life in a way that you want it to. Again, lots of people are saying, look, it's really hard, but I would accept it as a money loss, but keep my friend. Basically, all of your responses were really on the same page, which I really liked. That's not that common. Usually there's like lots of like

spicy opinions, like, oh, you should tell your friend off or you should cut them out. You should do this. You should do that. Everyone here in our DMs this week has been so empathetic and kind. Wow. That's so lovely. Which honestly we kind of expected from our She's On The Money community. But yeah, lots of people were just saying, look, it's just really important that next time you do something like this, set really clear boundaries about what you paying actually means. So that's probably a good place to leave it, guys. Anyway, have the best week. We will see you bright and early on Monday morning for a Money Diaries. See you later. Bye, guys. Bye.

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