She's On The Money - Baby Daddy Budget Betrayal!

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Friday is the day we celebrate you, our gorgeous SOTM community! Join Victoria, Jess and Bec as they share your money wins and losses, and answer a money dilemma about how to manage different income streams. PLUS this week, someone slid into our D.Ms with quite a difficult situation. She's discovered her partner and soon to be baby daddy is secretly spending money on Only Fans...against her wishes AND their budget! What would you do? The girls get real and share your thoughts on this one! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today is Friday, which means it is time to get together with the team and celebrate you, our incredible She's on the Money community. And today we're going to be sharing a few of our favorite money wins or jerseys, and then we're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about how to achieve your financial goals with multiple income streams. And we're going to be unpacking something that you slid into our DMs about, which this week was what to do about a partner who spends his money on OnlyFans but won't buy your baby clothes. So before we get there, team, welcome to the Friday show.

Woo. Thank you so much for having us. Party time. I feel like this has been a good week. We've had good pod content this week. Good pod content. Good pod content. That's hard to say. Good pod content. Yes. Good pod content. But have you had a good pod content week?

Yeah, I think so. And I feel like everything's brighter on a Friday. Can you tell that we've been talking about scarcity mindset? We just recorded that episode and now she's like, I'm wearing rose-coloured glasses because Victoria taught me how to be more abundant. I'm on to you. I'm on to you. What's the best part of your day today? I got a coffee from 7-Eleven.

Money win. Money win instead of going to the cafe downstairs. Money loss. Money loss. But it's a small business, so money win for them. So we've got to mix it up. Well, that's exactly right. But I got my walk-in going all the way to 7-Eleven.

Amazing. That was the highlight of my day so far. That's pretty good. Jess, what's the highlight of your day? Oh, the highlight of my day is that this weekend I have a lot of fun things planned. We're going to see our family. My sister-in-law's very pregnant right now. Yes! Babies everywhere! We're all about the babies right now. And then one of my other friends has a baby and I've just moved and we're really close to our friends where we used to be really far away from our friends. Money win!

I am excited to not have to drive 10 billion miles to see them. Yeah, no, that is epic. I'm just excited to go for a walk in the morning and get a coffee if we're being brutally honest, like this week has been so busy that I have done literally nothing that I wanted to do and everything that I didn't want to do. But let's move on to everything I do want to know about. And that is our community money wins, Jess. What have you pulled out for us this week? I've got some fun ones this week, starting off with Samantha, who said money win. I've decided to move back in with my parents to save some money. And suddenly I have an extra $400 in my account for not paying rent for the next two weeks.

Oh, that's very good. Money win. Own that queen. I saw someone else say something similar last week. They were saying they were embarrassed by it. Well, I think there's that stigma of like being of a certain age when your parents are like, get that bag. That's a lot of money.

Yeah, not only is it a lot of money, I also genuinely think it's a flex to have such a solid relationship with your parents that you're happy to move back in and they're happy with the circumstance. Like lap that up. That is privilege if ever I've seen it. And I love it. A thousand percent.

My next win this week comes from Paige, who said, big money win. I was paying $70 a week for F45. I recently can't. Is it actually $70 a week now? Isn't that insane? That is so expensive. That is ludicrous.

That, no, sorry, F45, you're probably not going to sponsor us, but that is insane. They don't even have a room full of equipment. Don't they? I walk past an F45 place all the time and they're just like jumping up and down on the spot. I could do that in my lounge room for free. Literally, let's do it.

Anyway, Paige said. $70 for this test. She cancelled her membership and signed up to her local gym for $12 a week. To keep her fitness on track, she downloaded the Sweat app for a training program which costs $5 a week. This means that she's now going to save $212 a month. She's going to support a small business. She's going to be able to work out more flexibly. And she's already gained some muscle in the new program.

Yes, Queen. I just do my kick Pilates workouts on the floor in my lounge room with my cats climbing over me. And I just think that's epic. Kiki's the best. That platform is so, so good. That's because you used my login. Steph, Laura, if you're listening, no, you did not. That is a money win.

That is a money win. My next win comes from Jennifer who said she recently bought a house that needed renovating and the backyard was all fake turf. She thought they were going to have to pay to get rid of it, but instead she put it on Facebook Marketplace for free and had over 50 messages from people wanting to come and pick it up. And I have a story, recently moved, as I told you, and we had like a whole garage full of stuff, right?

And I was like, oh no, I've just moved as well. The worst. You would know. A lot of it was really good stuff that I just, as we were cleaning, I was re-condoing, don't want to move it. Op shops aren't taking stuff right now. Aren't they? No, I think there's been a lot of donations, which is a great thing.

Is it though? Because I feel like sometimes people take the mickey and they just donate stuff that they really should have thrown out. Oh, absolutely. Rude. Which don't do it. It takes up more time. It's not helpful at all.

But anyway, after I was done taking it, I didn't want to throw it out because what do you do with good stuff? So I posted in like the page for my estate and I said, hi, everybody. I've got a driveway full of stuff. It's out the front. I did preemptively say no holds. First in best dressed. Don't message me.

I'm not picking up. And it was gone in an hour and a half. Was that actually? Like 40 items. Did you sit in your front room and just like watch? Like cracked the curtain. I was like, no. Yeah, I would.

No, no, no. I wouldn't have even said hi. I would have just been snooping on people being like, oh, they're checking out the full pile. What are you going to take? What do you reckon they came for? Was it the keyboard? I bet it was the keyboard.

We actually did have a keyboard. Did you actually say that? I didn't even see the picture. No. This is all for free. Yeah, well, because that was the thing is I was going to give it away and rather than, I didn't have the time to sell it. I was just like, do a good thing.

Maybe someone will get something good. Hey, that's good. I moved and I put a chest of drawers on my nature strip thinking that someone would take them and they haven't. and now my real estate agent is following me up to book hard rubbish because otherwise it's going to come out of my bond. So money lost for me, money win for you and our community member. And money win for Paige as well.

The next win I have here came from Annie, who said she ordered some makeup back in October and it got lost in transit. She got a replacement order that arrived in December. However, somehow the original order has now gotten unlost and arrived and they don't want it back. So now she's got double the makeup. including some of her staple products that she would have had to repurchase and they're free.

Money win. That's actually a very good money win. And it's like super ethical as well because obviously there was a period of time between it. You didn't just like lie about your package being lost, which we don't condone. But like how good. That's good karma coming around, I reckon.

I would like to think so as well. And then the last win that I have for this week comes from Rhiannon who said, money win. I needed a new pair of shoes for work as mine now have a hole where the toe pops out. Not exactly professional. That's hot. And one of the girls from work said...

Some people would pay for that. Only fake content. I think I would. You would pay for that content? Yeah, you would. That'd be great to see. You little scumbag. One of the girls from work said that she had a pair that she had worn once and didn't like

the feel of them, so she said that I could have them for free so they don't go to waste. Save myself $150. And I guarantee they're more comfortable than one when your toe sticks out. Not on a hot day. Oh, true. That's like free air con. Exactly. You know what?

You know what's got good air con in a piece of footwear? Crocs. Oh, true. Don't start. Elite. No, great. Great footwear. I'm team anti-croc.

I am team croc. Wow, that's very strong. Name an activity I can't complete wearing my crocs. Go to Fashion Week. Can. Balenciaga brought out their own crocs. And what happened to Balenciaga? Yeah, chaos.

See myself out. All right, let's go to a break before I get cancelled in the way the Balenciaga did. And we'll see you on the other side to talk about a money dilemma and also about what you would do if your partner's paying for OnlyFans but refusing to buy baby clothes.

Don't go anywhere. All right, everybody, we are back and it is time for what is, I feel like one of my favourite parts of the week at this point. Mine too. Money dilemma. Let's have a listen.

Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen

to this week's money dilemma. Hello, I have a money dilemma that I hope you can pretty please help me out with. I work permanent part time. So I work four days a week and I have a salary for that I also work freelance and have different amounts of money coming in from that each month I really want to use my freelance money to grow my wealth to also maybe subsidize my salary at times because it's not always a lot with the growing cost of life so how can I kind of manage this freelance while living off my salary and grow my wealth and like travel and do fun things that I can't afford to do just on my salary thank you I feel like this is a really common one for people who are either in that situation where they have an income and then they have a freelance

income or they have an inconsistent income in general. Like they might be a uni student, only work casually. So, you know, over Christmas they might become fully loaded because they just work 50 hour weeks. And then during the week they only have the capacity to do like five or six hours. So I think this is actually, there's no secret to it. And I'm sorry, I don't have like some secret like, oh, here's how to manage your wealth and still go on holidays and do all of these things, it actually sounds like the first thing you need to do is go back to basics and work out what your goals and values are and go, well, what actually am I looking to achieve here? Because if travel is your value, well, what does that mean? Are we traveling down to the beach

every weekend and it's a really cheap day trip or are we traveling to Italy? And if we're doing that, is it an annual international trip? Is it every two years, every five years? Like what does that actually look like to you? Because to say, oh, I really want to travel and I want to create wealth and I want to, I can't tell you the answer. You actually need to go back to basics and go, well, actually, what are my values and what does that look like? And then you need to look at your budget and cashflow and go, okay, cool. What does my actual budget look like? Like what are my outgoings versus my ingoings? And as you said, it's hard to measure what that freelance work looks like, but easy to understand what your salary is because that's going to be the same

thing each and every single month. So if I were you, I would get a good budget and cash flow system. Hint, we have a brilliant one. I know Jess swears by it. So good. And I'm biased because I created it and Bec has just been gifted it, but she hasn't done anything with it yet, but that's okay. We'll get there. Baby steps. I mean, just having the login is a start, but what I would be doing is really looking at, well, how much money do I have coming in and how much needs to go out? what are my base expenses? And then with your freelance income, topping that up. So if say one month you have an extra $500, wow, we could allocate that towards achieving a goal sooner than we had set out to with our base income. And I think that the way of working needs to be

quite structured because otherwise we feel a little bit wishy-washy and we're like, oh, I'm not really sure what I'm doing when it comes to wealth creation or this holiday goal I have, or, you know, you might be saving for a new car. I think we actually need to create some structure. So create the structure with your base income where you have that stability. And then when you have additional funds coming in, maybe that goes into your holiday fund so you can go on a holiday sooner or achieve that goal quicker. Or maybe you have an extra $200 one month that you didn't have the month before and wow, you could buy some more shares and work towards that goal but from my perspective having clarity on those goals is really important to begin with

because otherwise it feels really wishy-washy and often when you have an unstable income it can be like oh well I don't know how much money I'll have next month versus this month and what's the point well why don't we just strip it back to basics and taking that a step further if you're someone listening to this and you're like but V I don't have a base income it's always freelance sometimes it's $1,000 a month, sometimes it's $10,000 a month. What I would do is look back on the last 12 months of income and go, okay, what on average am I actually bringing in? What on average are my monthly expenses? And then creating a kitty and creating basically a cash hub where all of that money comes in, but you always have the consistency of what goes out. So you might have worked out

that your food, your fuel and your fun is $250 a week. So regardless of whether $10,000 or $1,000 came in that month, you transfer that $250 a week and live on a structure. And then maybe every three or six months you go into that cash hub and go, wow, I do have more than I expected to have, or wow, there's not enough there or whatever that might look like. And if you do have a surplus, you can reallocate that to your goals to achieve them quicker. But the most important thing, and I know I've harped on about this literally because I'm obsessed with budget and cash flow is actually creating some level of stability because that's what we crave when it comes to budget and when it comes to dealing with money. And often we feel most out of control when we

don't feel like we're in control, right? Jess, you freelance on the side and are a bit of a side hustler. How do you deal with that when it comes into your account? I kind of just treat it as extra. Free money? Yeah, well, not free money. It's not, what's the word? Fungible? Is that right? Fungible is the most disgusting word, but yes, it's correct in this circumstance. You're looking at me confused. I don't know what it is. I've never heard fungible. It makes me think of a mushroom.

That's what I thought. It sounds like fungus. Yes. I heard it on the podcast. I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, Victoria, fungible means you view it as like... Replaceable. Yes. There we go.

So I'm just googling it to give you the official definition. and it says, fungible, of a product or commodity, replaceable by another identical item, mutually interchangeable. And then the quote is, it is by no means the world's only fungible commodity. Not a word I get to throw around every day. Honestly, I just can't rate that word. It gives me the ick. I love how Google definitions always use the most unrelatable sentence to...

So uptight. ...to give you an example. I'm actually more confused. Maybe we should just go to Jess because she used it in a real life sentence, which honestly it should be banned. It gives me the ick. Well, I learned it on this podcast. But like essentially I view it as like I don't count on it being there.

So when the money is there, I'll allocate it to something. But if it's not there, I'm not preemptively allocating it, if that makes sense. Yeah, that's fair because I think you can get ahead of yourself and then, you know, maybe if it doesn't come in, you're stressed because you're not meeting the goal that you set or the bills that you've allocated for. And I think really working off the base amount of income that will come through is the best

way to do that. A thousand percent. Like I just never count on it being there. And I also try not to fall into the trap of when a lot of money does come in going, oh my God, I'm rich. Like I can buy this really expensive bag that I wanted or I can put it, you know, I can go on a holiday straight away. Like I try and pace myself a little bit.

Yeah. And I think that's the most important thing that you can do. And most freelancers actually go ham in their first year or two because they go, oh, my gosh, this month I'm rich and I'm going to pay for dinner for everybody and I'm going to, you know, buy my family this and new couch and new this and new that. And then the month after that, they're back to feeling a little bit frugal because they don't have a big invoice coming in. And I do think that we should see when we have additional cash coming in as an opportunity

to set ourselves up for a little bit more financial security. So if there's an extra thousand dollars in your account this month, how can we use that to put you in the best possible position? Can it go into establishing an emergency fund? Can it top up an emergency fund? Can it go into, you know, sitting just in your cash hub so you have a bit more of a float to work with when it comes to bills? Because we have retro coming up in a couple of months. Don't remind me. Yeah, but we don't want to be surprised by those costs because as you said, don't remind me, it's literally the worst when you have a thousand dollar expense come up and you don't have the money put aside. And I promise if we put it aside,

future you's got to thank you when that retro comes up and you'll be like heck yeah I don't even have to go into my savings for this one. Don't have to change the response. Exactly like we're excited. V I did want to ask if say for example I had an extra five dollars this month would you recommend I invest it or save it? Well it depends what circumstance you're in like if you have a fully funded emergency fund that you're really comfortable with and no outstanding bills and no debts, then yeah, you could definitely invest it. But I think that having an emergency fund and having bills up to date is actually really sexy. And as much as I think so many people are jumping or chomping at the bit, if that's the right word or phrase to

use here to invest, I also think that we should be investing when we're financially secure enough to invest and that we don't have to pull it out at a later date. So if you've got an extra five bucks it's going to really depend on your circumstances because an extra five dollars to one person might not mean much but an extra five dollars to somebody else could mean the difference of being absolutely stressed and not because sometimes we have as you said a couple of weeks ago on the show I have negative seventeen dollars in my bank account like five bucks is a savior when you need to buy some new eggs yeah so I think it's really important to take the situation into account and not just go oh should I be investing this five bucks no not necessarily

I mean, if it's aligned to your values and the goals that you've set a thousand percent, what a cool thing to do. But if you don't have an emergency fund, I guarantee you, you probably want that five bucks next month. So because I do, this is going to maybe kill you, but I have zero dollars in savings. So I'm going to start on my savings and then invest. Okay. Exactly. And I feel like getting ahead in that sense means that when you do invest, there's going to be less stress and less anxiety because you do have that emergency fund to fall back on. Like what if something happens and you do need an extra 10 or 15 bucks? Well, you've got it in your emergency fund. We don't need to worry about the money that we invested because the plan

with investing is actually to be in it for the long term, not put it in there for a little bit and then pull it out if we need it. It's put it in there for 30 years and hopefully don't touch it, which is an absolute privilege in itself because that means that you're financially secure on the flip side. And I think that for me is the most important thing to structure yourself for. And that's just genuine financial security to begin with. That makes a lot of sense. And if you do want to do the masterclass, I feel like there's probably a lot of people listening to this right now going, oh my God, that sounds like exactly what I need. She's on the money and never talks about it. We really don't. So like this is the year of pumping the budgeting cash flow masterclass

because we always forget to talk about it. And it is so great. I use it literally every single week. It's amazing. Head to the website if you want to check it out. And because we love you and it is the season of love, it's almost Valentine's Day. You know I love a theme. We're going to give you a cheeky discount code. So if you want to use the code ILOVEDISCOUNTS because we love you. Oh, you're even making your own discount code up. I thought you were going to do the standard one that we turn on and off sometimes. Nope.

ILOVEDISCOUNTS is going to work until February 14th, Valentine's Day. No, do the 15th. Because what if it's like the day of self-love and you're like buying yourself a Valentine's Day gift? True. What if Valentine's Day goes horribly wrong? You need a budget and cash flow masterclass. To hold you and keep you warm at night. Yeah, 100%.

100%. You do a better job than your shitty ex-boyfriend, honestly. Running until Feb 15th, I love discounts. I'll give you 50 bucks off as a little we love you present. TLDR, it will not actually hold you and love you at night, but you know what it will do? Make you feel financially secure. So you'll probably sleep better at night. Make you rich. So 10 out of 10 idea. I feel like that's a nice little segue into our next topic as well, Victoria, speaking of something that'll love you at night. No, it will not. This is spicy and will make you anxious, but we have a little community concern. One of you has slid into our DMs this week. Actually, to be honest, a lot of people have

slid into our DMs this week, but I thought this was the spiciest topic. And we asked you guys what you would do, but first I want to hear what my team would do. So here's the dilemma. It goes. Hi ladies. I have a dilemma. Surprise. My partner has been paying for OnlyFans throughout my pregnancy and when my baby was born. I caught him late December as I saw a transaction on his bank statement, and he told me it was a once-off because I couldn't have sex with him due to pregnancy. I was so upset, but he said he didn't even like it, so I forgave him. Fast forward, there have been more transactions, some totaling more than $150 on subscriptions, but he won't even buy clothes for our unborn daughter. I'm so upset. I have a high sex drive,

so there's no issue there. I'm upset he prioritizes this over other financial things we actually need. Looking for some advice here, and in the brackets she says, I know you'll probably say bin him, but has anybody else in the community gone through this? Beck, your little face. I do obviously just want to make it known that I don't think there's anything wrong with OnlyFans.

I love OnlyFans. There's nothing wrong with having your own. Oh, you love it? How much? I love it so I have several subscriptions. I don't. I'm not rich enough. I'm not rich enough.

That's why. I mean, if they're paying $150 a thing, like, is that a monthly fee? That's insane. That's so much money. It's about that my brain went, some girls make them bank off that. And that kind of made me feel like. Low-key proud of you, sis. But not in this situation.

Sorry about that. Get it, queen. Get it, queen. No. Well, yeah, I think that, you know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these circumstances unless you have a pregnant partner and you're choosing to spend your money elsewhere. That's where it gets a little bit tricky, especially considering. and I'm assuming by her tone maybe that she's not happy with him using

or, you know, going on. Consuming that. Consuming that kind of content. It sounds like such a boundaries thing because as you said, you feel like there's nothing wrong with that and there's probably people listening who would view it as, you know. Absolutely not. That's cheating.

Yeah, like it kind of really depends where you sit on that emotional scale. Some people love porn, some people are really against it. Like we're not here to pass judgment on what people do or do not think is okay. Yeah, absolutely not. And like I fully think that porn should be paid for anyway because like that's one of the ways to guarantee that it's basically an ethical outcome, right? Like so however you're consuming it, I think that paid is great. But I think this concern from my perspective is not necessarily around whether he's paying for that service or not because we're not a relationships podcast. We're a money podcast.

So I'm assuming she's asked about a money dilemma. And I mean this one is a little spicy so it does go into the relationship side of things. But it's really, hey, my partner has this spending problem, I would assume, and it's impacting my everyday life. I feel like it would be similar to saying, oh, my partner has a gambling addiction and we can't afford children's clothes. Or my partner has, you know, maybe a drinking problem and is spending money on gin instead of on, you know, baby clothes.

Does that make sense? Like, that's the way I'm seeing it. And it's being, I guess, prefaced in my mind because she's seeing it as a problem. Yeah. But yeah, again, as you said, no judgment. If it's OnlyFans, it's OnlyFans. Yeah. I guess like hypothetically, if she didn't have a problem with him on OnlyFans, then

we're still looking at the issue of you're not spending your money on your unborn child. You're spending it somewhere else. So whatever that somewhere else is, that is still a bit of a thing that we need to be looking at. Yeah. But the actual, what he's actually spending the money on, of course, has its own complexities that they kind of need to work out. Maybe she needs to find out why he's doing that.

I feel like there's going to be some people listening to this and they're like OnlyFans isn't porn like it's different yes and I totally get that because I also think that I don't know I don't know how much Steve's going to appreciate me talking about porn publicly but I feel like porn to me is different to OnlyFans I mean I've never subscribed to OnlyFans so I can't talk to the experience of it but in my head that feels like a far more personal connection than you know going on to like the world's biggest porn stars website and paying for her content because it feels less personal like that to me feels like a boundary overstep in addition and obviously she didn't know about it like she said you know yeah I found a transaction and I'm unhappy with it

like do you think that's cheating I feel like it would also really depend on who the only fans person was is it like an only fans girl who has 400,000 followers or is it like an only fans person who's a local mum that maybe is a mum that your other kid goes to school with and she has 300 fault. Does that make sense? I feel like there's such a delineation between. How far removed is this person? If they're close enough that you do know them personally, or you could be off my rocker. Absolutely not. Maybe that's a bit, you know, but if they're so far removed that this person won't even ever know that you ever existed, then like, whatever, like go wild. I feel like the other important thing that we're kind of missing here is that she had set the

boundary. Like she had found it earlier on and said, no, I'm displeased with this. I'm not okay with it. I can hear people yelling at us through the pod. He's pregnant. What? Yeah, I know, right? She's carrying your child. Fair enough if maybe you hadn't had the conversation, you weren't on the same page. He was like, I thought it was fine. She's like, absolutely not. That's something to be discussed between the two of you. But if she set the boundary and he's done it, I feel like that's a real disrespectful thing for her for him to be doing to her and then obviously the fact that it's impacting them financially is then an additional like you're gonna pay some random girl but you're not gonna buy your baby something that it needs that's where I kind of really have the

issue is you're putting your I have so many issues from this whole thing I know I'm just they're coming out of my brain like they're just coming out everywhere no but it's like that is for me the biggest problem is it sounds like maybe they don't have the most amount of money but too expensive you know like that's such a tough time for you guys and then for him to be funneling the money into something that I view as quite selfish in this situation for him to be disrespecting the conversation that they had had previously and to be doing all of that while she's just literally pushed a human out of her hoo-ha like it's just unacceptable quote Jessica Ricci 2023 do you know what else really really frustrates me about this conversation and I'm gonna read it

again he told me it was one-off because i couldn't have sex with him due to pregnancy that is gas lighting sir what oh what oh woe is me like my partner's going through the entirely traumatic process of being pregnant but she couldn't have sex so i had to resort to other things get in the bin and i know she said at the end in brackets i know you'll probably say get in them yeah i do say get in the bin like you belong in 2022 sir like 2023 ain't for you because that is not the take that men should have that is so true it is so primitive to be like oh men men need their sexual urges satisfied no mate no no sit down that's actually gross and i just think that that is one as you said jess disrespectful of the boundaries that had been set but also like

whoa are you stuck in the stone age to think that that is something that in 2023 women owe you yeah oh she was pregnant so she couldn't have sex with me that's why i was naughty you don't get a free lease on life because your wife's pregnant. But you don't get a free lease on life. That is so true. That's not a pull pass for you to be like, oh, she couldn't you know. She couldn't so I needed to

sort it out myself and I did and now she's mad at me and I can't believe it. Like, oh. Disgusting. That is really disgusting. You know who would have something to say about that? Clementine Ford. Yeah, she would. She would. I want her opinion right here. I'm going to DM her.

I'm going to call her. I'm calling her. Clem, watch out. But honestly, I think this whole thing, I guess, to sum it up gives me the ick because as you said, Jess, it's disrespecting the boundaries that were set. And obviously there are other financial needs. Like if it's 150 bucks, that's a lot of money. And I mean, as we said before, might not be a lot to somebody, but might be heaps to somebody else. I think it's really important to really distill it down. It's not, you know, let's put aside all of the misogynistic conversation. But I think to distill it down, this family has a budget and he is not allocating finances in line with their shared values and taking advantage of that and then overstepping

boundaries that were set. That's disrespectful and we need to deal with that. What did the community have to say? All right. So the community were as spicy in their commentary as we were. Someone said the fact that he hid it is a red flag. Someone says that boy needs therapy stat. I tried blind optimism and I do not recommend. Someone else said, I think it might be a sign that there's something in the relationship he needs that maybe isn't being met. And that response gives me the heebie-jeebies because that is never the answer. Like, oh, his needs weren't being met in the relationship. So he turned to OnlyFans and, you know, spending money not on our baby. No, not a response someone else said not acceptable amen good someone said porn only fan addictions

are a real thing but the huge red flag is it being prioritized over other things for your baby maybe consider how you'll feel if this continues in one two five or maybe even 10 years as a child with a dad who has a gambling addiction it hurt our family for years and the impacts are internal and I'm still working through them today. So I think that that's a good point. Someone else said, he blatantly disrespected you and your child. I would not remain in a relationship with him. Someone else, Ash, says, no, full stop.

To the point. You're on sweet. Someone says, yep, I've been through this exact thing. I forgave him but then found out much later he had a separate bank account for his OnlyFans and that was just the tip of the iceberg. Oh my gosh. We're dying to hear her story. I know.

If you could just DM me that, that would be great. Someone said, binning is simplifying a situation that's actually quite complex. We need to understand what's driving it. I feel like that's a fair thing going back. That's, yeah, I think that's really adult. But like, I'm not really adult. And if somebody is being treated like trash by somebody else, I'm very likely to be like, put them in the bin.

You deserve better, my friend. the amount of red flag emojis that have been sent and the amount of times people have said boy bye i think is that but i think it's really interesting as well and i mean to wrap it and just to remind people that we're not against only fans we're against the situation of dishonesty is someone said genuinely only fans isn't a problem at all the problem is that he's hiding it from you and disrespecting your wants and i think that that's probably a really good place to leave it because we could go on and on and on about it and we're probably gonna go on and on and on about it once we stop recording. The other thing I want to put in here is like obviously

we've had I would hope a well-rounded conversation here about this topic but this isn't the court of public opinion and I would actually suggest getting some professional help on this topic because I think that as everybody else has been saying there's something else that's underlying this and whether that is disrespect or him not understanding or something else going on I think some professional help not just she's on the money commenting on your relationship saying boy buy is absolutely needed. And I think with that, we can wrap the show, guys. Amen, sis. Amen. All right. Well, as always, we'll see you next week, guys. Have a good weekend.

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