She's On The Money - Blindsided by My Husband and Rebuilding My Future

Episode Date: October 13, 2024

We're chatting with a Money Diarist who was completely blindsided when her husband announced he was leaving just months after they relocated to a new state. With a divorce looming and joint finances tied up, she’s been left to figure out how to support herself and her two children after spending years out of full-time work. But here’s the thing, she’s not backing down. Despite the heartbreak, she’s determined to rebuild and create a stable future for her family. Join us as she shares her story of resilience, strength, and life after divorce. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to Shoes on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money days where I get the absolute pleasure of sitting down with one of our She's On The Money community members and talking to them all about their money story. Let's jump straight into it because this week I got a message and it sounded like this. Hi, She's On The Money. I'm a 35-year-old mom of two with a story that serves as a cautionary tale for all women. Three months ago, after relocating to a new state with my husband, he blindsided me with the news that he was leaving. I absolutely had no idea it was coming. Here's the tough part. We had joint money. He earns three times what I do and I have spent

the last nine years out of full-time work raising our kids. Now I'm having to pick myself up and reassess everything to start fresh and give my kids the life they deserve. Money diarist. That just feels like trash. That's one word for it. That's for sure. It's a bit more of a complimentary word, I feel. Yeah, yeah. I've had some other words for sure that have had less letters than that. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, let's start the way I always start money, Darius. I'd love to know what grade would you give your money habits from A through to F? I am like a D, maybe even a D minus. Oh, I feel like you're not, but also we'll chat about it. Okay. All right. I need to know my favorite question. Can you tell me more about your money

story let's go back so I was raised in a regional town I had two working parents we were just what I would say was just like standard Australian middle class you know like nothing was extravagant my parents worked in their jobs for like 30 years to put a roof over our heads and you know we had a holiday every couple of years and that was it that was it was good life you know my parents didn't really talk much about money though I often say like we can probably get into this a little bit later and we'll talk about some of the other things I'm working on. But I always say my dad is very traditional country. He, you know, don't talk about sex, drugs, politics. Oh, absolutely not. That is terrible. I'm from Tasmania. I get it. That's very taboo.

Yeah, exactly. That's disgusting. You would never talk about that, let alone at the dinner table. Exactly. So I went to uni, came out of uni and not long after, when I was 22, just graduated uni, I met a cute boy no we love this no we don't it doesn't end well I like meeting cute boys and anyway we got together he was eight years older than me I was only 22 and he was 30 okay this is going downhill real quick yeah yeah yeah and it's only in hindsight you know hindsight of 2020 that I can see that I'm like oh I was a 30 year old dating a 22 year old so we know we know well well because I was young and easily manipulated exactly

and so from that point on he was already much further along in his career he always earned like triple what I earned I came out of uni on a very low-paying job and we essentially ended up joining not living together pretty quickly after we got together and then I got married very young I had my first child when I was 27 which is definitely younger than I would have planned that but again he was eight years older than me so he was ready for that and I thought we'd committed to this life together yeah 100% and I had my first child was supposed to go back to my job that I really loved but do it in like a part-time capacity and when my daughter was about six months old I got an email saying like your job still exists but it's the job that you

had before. And it was full-time in the city, lots of travel. I didn't have family around where I was at the time. And so I had to make the decision to not go back to that job. I mean, this was only like nine years ago, but part-time work just was not as much of a thing as it was then. And definitely flexible work. Yeah. I feel like flexible work has really surged recently where people are realizing, I think after COVID with all of the like work from home and like the work flexibly arrangements, like it's definitely surged, but yeah, nine years ago getting a part-time role was kind of like the golden goose. Exactly. And especially in the kind of industry. And then so I turned in and did some freelance work, which I mean, look, it had its pros and

cons. I think if anytime you want to like start a business or start being a sole trader, you want to do it because you've decided I'm ready for this and I'm prepped for this. Whereas I had to kind of do it as a necessity. So I didn't know how much to charge. I didn't know, you know, like a lot of my old workplaces became my client. So that kind of made it a bit easier. And I continued on doing that all the way through for another three years till I had my son and then when he was younger I went back to work but I basically just worked part-time in jobs that I would say are below my capabilities that's the journey right like and I'm not saying it's okay that it's like the small steps that you make for your family that are sacrifices that you go that's okay we'll sort

that out that's okay we'll sort that out and then you fast forward and realize that all of those tiny little steps that you thought you were making that were in the best interest at the time were actually not in your best interests. Exactly. Because I was thinking of us and I wasn't thinking of me. And now, like I said, it is a cautionary tale. It's bitten me in the bum. I had no separate money from him. I always felt sort of at the mercy of that. We're both terrible with money and I am like open to admitting that but he kind of isn't and we got a financial advisor a few years ago and I was very open about that you know I'm we're terrible with money help us you know and one of the suggestions he had was look I can basically take control of your money

and give you guys essentially like an allowance each week and I'm like great yep that's the level of oversight we need my husband didn't like that I think it's a bit of an ego thing maybe for a man a control thing for sure because you know he would get a new hobby every couple of months and just go and spend like why why are people like this well because they haven't been to therapy and dealt with the root cause of what's going on oh yeah yeah that makes a lot more sense now yeah yeah because why do that when you can just fill the void with buying new things oh you know actually yeah like why spend money on therapy I'm like oh yeah so smart so smart so smart so what happened after that so we we moved recently we did a big move interstate move the

audacity sorry like I don't know enough about this situation but the audacity on that man to let you move states and then go by the way I'm not feeling this oh also to move away from family that was in my other city moving from home to somewhere else you're probably thinking new life great we've got these great opportunities as a family yeah so oh mate like the week before he sat down and told me this on a random Thursday night I was literally drinking a cup of tea on the couch and he sat down and said I can't do this anymore sorry what sir you can't do what me drinking tea because that's currently where we're at exactly like that is our life stage deal with it and the week before that we had met with our financial advisor to talk about buying a property here no work you know and

now he wants to turn around and say you should have known you can't act what do you mean I should have known you're literally talking with a financial advisor about another commitment together and this is the thing right and I like I know it's so cliche for a woman to say in 2024 but he's a legitimate narcissist like I have learned this now and I'm like you don't know at the time no and you don't want to say that at the time and I get it like people have said to me was he like this the whole time and I'm like I guess in a way he was but I just I wanted to excuse it because this is the man who was the father of my children I wanted to make it work I wanted to have that family so anyway so we moved to where we are now at the start of the year and

about three months after yeah he told me he was out I was still on probation at a new job and that just like that mental load that stress like not even taking into consideration the fact that you didn't see a divorce coming like just oh that would have flipped the narrative so what happened i mean i just had to turn around and deal with it like i was literally living did he give a reason obviously he was like you should have seen this coming not really just this isn't working exactly there's not really a reason look from your perspective was it working i mean it wasn't the best but i also just thought that was the season of life yeah like we have young kids like stuff's just stuffing yeah and like i've just watched so many you know my mom and dad and

aunts and uncles and things like that I've seen marriages have ebbs and flows and like there was nothing so so terrible in it that I would have ever considered walking away you know like it just wasn't like and so I genuinely believe he's having a midlife crisis and he had to run away from something okay you're not 22 anymore and I want 22 that kind of midlife crisis yeah I think so and just I've lost control like so we had also bought a property in the other city that we were in and when we were selling that for a loss just because the timing was bad and again like we're just not super financially true which is why I've become obsessed with you guys welcome to the community we are actually so stoked to have you here it's been amazing yeah and so I think it's

no surprise that the week we found out we were going to make a loss on that sale is the week he decided he was out you know I think there's a whole bunch of how do we tell him that that's not what's going to solve the problem but that's okay you do you yeah so I was still on probation my job I'm just living through this like trauma and shock and trying to be the best mom I can to my kids and they're living through it and I'm having to comfort them through it and I mean it's literally been the worst few months of my life but it definitely builds resilience you know we are oh my god yeah like I mean yes it does but it wasn't consensual resilience like I didn't I didn't go wake up and say I want to be more resilient like you were forced into it so tell

me you get told that your husband isn't in anymore on a random Thursday night while you're drinking a cup of tea what happens then so then he tells me I was obviously shocked heartbroken begging him to stay and he said you know it's not a nail in the coffin there's things that we can work on but I just need to get out I was like okay you know so it means that within a week he had moved out of our family home he within a week he found a furnished rental that he moved to and then my kids had to start adapting to coming and going from his place yeah so I tried to talk to him about it he didn't want to talk so I was like okay I'll give him time and in that eight weeks I went And I was like, right, I can work on myself in this time.

So I went, I got myself into it. You're a queen. You're an icon. You are who I hope that everyone going through a situation like this is. Like, I'm going to work on myself. Like, what iconic behavior? Well, it's just when you have no choice, right? A hundred percent.

But so many people also bury their heads and go, we'll talk about it at some point. Like, just don't get me wrong. I feel like you and I know that you didn't have a choice. like this is what's happening but you also have a choice on your mindset you also have a choice on how you work on yourself and those choices are gonna serve you very well exactly so I got myself on anti-anxiety medication so I was like okay maybe that's impacting the relationship I started doing cognitive behavioral therapy because I like many other 35 year old women am a late diagnosed ADHD welcome to the club which by the way when I heard you refer to that

as neuro spicy I laughed out loud I thought it was the best thing I've ever heard because I was like yes let's just normalize it we're reframing it like we are all a little bit neuro spicy and it's just it's no different to like me having a double jointed thumb like it's whatever which we do because we are neuro divergent and those two things go together I actually also did a six-week hypnotherapy who are you you are a self-help queen yeah well I just thought let's get to the subconscious level of like my lack of self-worth and my insecurities and stuff and let's go real deep on that my view on it was at least I know I have done everything I can to save this relationship if he still doesn't want it well then none of this stuff is that's actually not my

problem exactly and I've then put myself in the best possible position so after about eight weeks I asked him to come and talk, and he was like, yeah, no, I'm out. So that's that. Deal with it. Okay, so have fun. Was the CBT what helped you discover that your husband was actually a narcissist? Well, that and, let's be honest, Instagram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. Like, that's a form of therapy. My algorithm these days is all just, like, how to spot a narcissist and, like, how to. Sometimes I feel like your algorithm really algorithms too hard, and you're like, have you been listening? like how did you know I know I know so yeah so that's kind of where we are now I decided to

take a bit of control of it I got a lawyer which not cheap obviously and got myself with as much info as I could I actually spoke to a really amazing lawyer and she was like look there's all these different ways to do this the best way to do it if you guys are amicable enough is to do it through mediation so you're not having lawyers represent you so you're not like wasting that money and I was like it's so nice of you to say that yeah thank you also an iconic queen yeah and she was just like I'm the one who does these invoices for these clients and I invoice them for like 30 grand and I just think to myself that's money that could have gone towards a deposit or the kids and I'm like you know so we did that a couple of weeks ago we did the mediation which

is like a one-day thing to deal with property and family I'd also in the meantime had quite a few meetings with my financial advisor. He has been amazing helping me with negotiations and stuff. And so I came out of that pretty well. I went in probably over-prepared, but I think that's a better way to be. And he went in completely under-prepared. And so that's very mediocre middle-aged white man behavior. Exactly. So why should I prepare for this? The world will work for me. Okay. Well, that's interesting. I feel like you are killing it. And it reminds me of that quote sometimes something you lose is not a loss and like that is so true like you feel like you're losing something but you're not it's not a loss and that just right now is like what you're

going through I think in a couple of years you'll be like oh my god I'm so glad he did that I know and I do feel like I'm starting to see that now I feel like I do feel like in the end I will look back and be glad this happened because, you know, I am 35 years old. I've got my whole life ahead of me. I've just put the gas pedal back down on my career. My kids are both in school. So like, let's go. Cheers to him for not doing it while you had two tiny, tiny children who weren't in school. Like that's, I mean, very considerate of him. What a great man. Oh, one out of 10 cannot recommend. These are the moments where you realize that like being straight is actually not a choice. No, no. I look, I am open to any and all possibilities now. I will.

So I want to know, let's get into some nitty gritty questions because I'm sure it'll come back up. But now that you are getting back into your career, what do you do for work? How much money do you earn? So I'm a communications manager. I am on 103 three per year plus super oh how good is that I mean at the moment you're probably like oh everything's so expensive but like that is a great career trajectory yeah and I feel like there's a lot of room for growth which is awesome where like and this is probably not a question that's like a kind question to us but like where do you think you would have been had you not you know put the brakes on your career back when you were making sacrifices so that he could earn three times more

than you. Well, I know exactly where I would be because this is part of the research I did with going into my mediation. So, my best friend and I graduated from the same degree at the same time. She's just recently had her first child, which by the way, having kids in your 30s is a way better idea for so many reasons. But anyway. When I'm still not getting sleep and I'm really tired and you get to climb into your bed and no toddler is going to be in the middle, you'll be saying ha try having an eight-year-old and a five-year-old in bed every night it's uh that's right you know what I feel like you're living my dream so she had an amazing stuff with her career like not to take anything away from her like she's brilliant at what she does but

we had very similar you know I would say work ethics and all that kind of stuff she is currently on 210 yeah okay you know so that's the sacrifice I made in terms of being the one at home raising the children. And when I said that to him, he said, well, I didn't ask you to do that. I'm going to literally bunch you in the face. So weird. My hand just slipped and fell into your nose. The milk coming out of your boobies wasn't that good. And your two days of paternity leave would not have gotten us very far. Oh, that's so weird that we had kids when it suited you. And I was 27 and didn't think it was going to work, but we did. So obviously that is actually a fantastic benchmark to have and having these money conversations with your friend really

empowered you to have a successful mediation right so like what were those conversations like did you sit down with your friend and go hey cool like you are basically like we split off it's like the superannuation ad where they're going up the escalators and that's really powerful but like what was that conversation like with your friend were you like can you just tell me what you earn was she open to that like what did that look like yeah so she's obviously been there for me during this whole like massive life change and she knew that I was going to mediation and and I literally just rang her and I was like hey can you like we all as women need to get better at talking about money and talking about this stuff can you tell me what you've earned in your last like three four

jobs and she's like yep when I was at this job I earned this when I was at this I learned this when I was at this I learned this and I love that and she's very similarly minded to me in terms of like we need to change this narrative for women especially like let's not be like weird about money or weird about sex or whatever like let's just normalize everything and so she was fully just like yep anything else you need to know you let me know I can send you a pay slip for an example I love her so tell me how that played into mediation like what was that conversation like I obviously thankfully haven't been through this process but I know that it can be quite fickle is that something that you said well actually I'd be here yep so I said I would be

there. And I said, to make up for that, I believe I deserve X amount. Unfortunately, because we are both bad with money, we didn't really have much of a property pool to split. So I negotiated really hard for a good monthly payment because in Australia, unfortunately, this is another thing they don't teach you. They don't give you alimony. So you have to do it as child support. So that's what I negotiated for so I negotiated for four thousand dollars a month from him which I think for me puts me in a much better position in terms of lending capabilities and things like that so I went in really armed with all that information I also went in armed with what he has earned over that time what you know when they break down those calculations of how much a woman like it's not just

the amount of time that you spend out of the workforce it's also the slower career progression because in the time that I was home with the kids, he progressed really rapidly in his career because he had the time and space to do that. It's almost like he had someone supporting him at home to do that. That's very strange. So weird, I know. He didn't know that though. So that is a super powerful position to be in. You manage to get a good amount of child support. But obviously, like when I do the maths on that, that actually gets you to being on par or close to what your friend earns but that then puts you in the basket of being a single parent exactly so like yes you're kind of getting that but like that child

support according to australian government regulation is meant to go towards the kids not necessarily towards your income so now you're on par what type of custody arrangements exist like is it 50 50 are they with you like has he just decided not only am i walking away from my marriage I've had a midlife crisis I want to be a single male like what does that look like to be honest in a way I wish he had have done that that would have made things easier but instead he has turned around and insisted on having them so I refuse to do 50 50 because they are incredibly bonded to me absolutely not they're too little exactly oh he turned around and told me that they don't need a primary parent. Oh, okay. That's so strange.

Our youngest is five years old. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're the one that chose this. So I'm going to give them a stable home and you can go do your midlife crisis stuff. You're not coming back, but like go have fun. So currently it's about a 60, 40 split. It's not perfect. There is a bit of toing and froing. And that's just because I have certain days that I have to be in the office, which means I leave home early. So they stay with him those nights. So that's two nights a week. So that's what it was originally. And then once he'd moved out, then he started insisting, I want them every second weekend as well. And I'm like, well, you can't have your cake and eat it too, sir. You know, but then it's really hard because you don't want to be the

parent who keeps their children from their other parent. But for me, it does still feel like I am the primary parent because every second week I have them five nights in a row and they are never with him longer than two nights. Like my daughter, especially, she's like, I don't want to be there any longer than two nights. And I'm like, that's great. That's fine. So I definitely still feel like the primary parent, which is really good. But yeah, they do still see him. And I think like I will forever bite my tongue and I will never say anything bad about him to them because it just doesn't serve anyone, anything. That's iconic mom behavior. That is so hard to do. Like Thankfully, I haven't done or been in that situation, but you just know that that is

such a powerful piece that they're going to go into adulthood going, hold on. Kids look back, right? I've got friends and family members who have been through that situation. And by the time they're 18, 20, they look back and go, hold on. The math isn't mathing. Far out, mom's a good egg. That's exactly what's going to happen. And that's what I want them to see. I'm very aware that this is like the hardest period of my life but what I want my kids to see is yep dad upped and left but mum turned around and she killed it in her career and she did all these great things and that's kind of what I want them to take from this and I I want them to make up their own decision about him they will yeah kids aren't silly no my daughter especially she's already figuring it out

she's a bit of a she's too emotionally intelligent for our own good at this point which is really sweet but also you're just like I wish you weren't as smart as you are yeah and I just I wish you weren't going through this I wish I picked a better person sorry babe oh no you did the best that you could and you got her so like that's a perfect outcome so talk to me you've just gone through all this what are your current big money goals what are you working towards my biggest money goal the biggest thing I want in life is just to buy a home so when we moved here we moved quite quickly. And we wanted to do that to get to where we were going before the start of the school year for our kids. And so we were renting and because we're also selling the property that

we bought in our last city. So we're renting. I also have to move out of this rental because the owners are moving back, but that's a whole separate drama to deal with. Oh, of course. When it rains, it pours. Literally. It's like every day there's something new. So I want more than anything to just buy a home for my babies. I just want stability and I want predictability. And I just want to be able to have control of my finances and to be able to take them on holiday. I want them to experience different cultures and see the world. And to be honest, those are my two main money goals is just a lovely house for my kids and I to call home and to expose them to the world and to travel.

So I get it. I'm incredibly fortunate. My parents, when this happened, they insisted on you know helping me to try to buy a home of course at first I was like nope absolutely not I'm gonna do this I'm a strong independent woman yeah and I was just like I need no man they've worked so hard for so long I don't want them to then have to turn around and be my parents again you know I want them to actually enjoy being grandparents but they were sort of like well everything we've got just goes to you and your sister anyway so you may as well have it now than when we kick the bucket and so I was like well I guess oh and they can probably feel like they're really helping you and their grandkids like I get that but also they're like I don't know now I'm a

mum as well I feel like if Harvey ever went through anything I'd be like no no I'll fix it like and like you have kids you would bend over backwards so you kind of get it and I mean of course it's a privilege but like I think the powerful thing here is we're talking about it and the different outcomes and what that looks like and that there is often a fair bit of guilt when you even have this privilege and this access? So, what does that look like? Have you started talking to mortgage brokers? Have you started that process of understanding what it could look like? Yeah. So, to start it down that path, a lot of it was dependent on the outcome of the mediation. Yeah, of course, because it would depend on then what payments you're getting,

which would play into how much you can borrow. Yeah. So, I have had my financial advisor, they've got some mortgage brokers at work in their company and they've sort of run some numbers for me, which is awesome. But this is where it comes back into it with my dad where, you know, don't talk about sex, drugs, politics, religion, or money. It's kind of like that. I'm so grateful that you and mum are going to help. But like, what does that look like in dollar terms? He's just like, oh, well, you just find a house and then we'll tell you if we can do that or not. And I'm like, it's not really how it works. That then sets unrealistic expectations and it's really uncomfortable yeah and look he hasn't he's only ever been in a regional area it's like

no one a bloke who knows a bloke and so I don't think they quite get how like the market and stuff works these days but yeah it doesn't cost twenty thousand dollars to buy a house anymore dad no yeah so like it might actually not be feasible yes so let's figure out what is feasible so they have a financial advisor themselves so I've said can I sit in on a meeting with her and we can talk because the first thing I want to talk to their financial advisor about is to say I just want to make sure I'm not in any way going to be negatively impacting their life you know so you tell me as their financial advisor what are you going to tell them not to do and what are you going to tell them is actually like a good thing to do and that's really thoughtful yeah

and then the second thing will be okay like what are we talking about in terms of dollar figures so that's kind of where we are right now I should have that meeting next week and then I'll meet with my financial advisor because the banks want to see like three to six months of the child support payments coming through. I'll need to wait a little bit. My huge massive goal is I would love to be in the new house by the time the kids start the 2025 school year. I'm sure it can happen. We're manifesting this. My friend taught me how to manifest under the full moon. So I did that. Okay, good. I love this. I mean, what have we got to lose at this point? Literally nothing. Literally nothing. Like not one thing. All right, let's go to a really

quick break. And on the flip side, I want to talk about investments and debt and best and worst money habits. So, don't go anywhere. Money Diast, we are back. I want to talk investments, but I actually want to step a little bit back. When you were in mediation, did you talk about superannuation? Did you negotiate for any? What did that look like? Yes, we did. This was again where he came in very unprepared. Get it, queen. I love this so much. I'm like, deserved, deserved. yeah well I mean yeah if you understood how like beta I had been in my relationship you would be like who is this person like I'm just like let's take control of our life now

oh no he was shocked too yeah exactly that's what we want we want to blindside him yeah so when the subject of super was brought up he was kind of like what why do you get my super I love this so much and you were like well actually here is the research here is the reason why well and I didn't even have to say it the mediator said it which was even better and I was like you know I took nine years out of full-time work my earning capacity my earning potential blah blah blah and then he's like yeah but I'm eight years older so I'm closer to retirement than you and it was like irrelevant. Well you had eight years more to think about this terrible decision didn't you? Also and as the mediator pointed out but you also still earn

triple what she earns. I love this mediator this mediator we know in the background this mediator was like my new diarist I'm on your team. Well he was recommended by my lawyer for that reason. iconic yeah and so in the end part of my negotiating was I negotiated for a higher figure for the monthly payment and said I want 50% of your super and he was like absolutely not to both and I was like okay fine what about an equalization of super he was like what does that even mean I was like silly boy it means we join them together and then we split them in half and he was like okay fine we'll do that but then the mediator said well actually I don't think the court will sign off on that because that's not a fair division. So in the end, I've gotten 60%

of your super. That's not a fair division. You asked for half and now you've got 60% of your super. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't laugh at this because obviously like, you know, there's two sides or there's actually three sides to every story, but like, you know, he deserves to be financially secure as well, of course, but like not going in prepared, saying that 50% is not okay. Continuing the conversation, ending up with 40%. Oh, I love this. So, you got 60% of your super. Yep. And now I need to work with my financial advisor about where we put that and how we put that in some super aggressive accounts to make sure that that's doing the most it can do. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That is probably my favorite thing I've heard all day. So, where does that

put you in relation to the average superannuation balance for your age? What is the average balance? I don't know. I think it will end me with about 185,000 in super. Yeah. So that puts you way above and beyond for your age because you're 35. So that means that you are doing really well, 10 out of 10. I like that it has set you up. In a couple of years, you're going to be like, this was the best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes I like seeing women win and today is that day. So tell me a bit more about investments now. So you're obviously, you've got some super remuneration, you now are back at where potentially you could have been had you worked those nine years. What other investments do you potentially have? If you don't, obviously completely fine,

but like, have you thought about it? What does that look like? Yeah. So I was always really scared of investing. I always wanted to invest in property. My dream has always kind of been to have like investment properties and stuff like that, but we've just never been in a financial position to do that. But listening to you guys made me just decide not to be so scared of it. So I downloaded Sharesies. Oh, icon, icon. I got my $10. I contributed another 30 and I was just like, well, you know, you got to start somewhere, got to be in it to win it 100 and I just look I didn't do a whole bunch of research I just invested into companies that I buy from a lot and was like well I may as well be a shareholder there

I love this you're buying from your own business there's a lot more research I need to do I need to like sit down and I need to invest in your investing course and all that kind of stuff when I've got time to sit and do it 100 because I need to do that I need to and that's what I love about this is like breaking down that barrier, it's making it approachable and accessible for just normal people. I think it was just something, this is how the rich kept getting richer. It was all this like secretive stuff that the everyday person didn't understand. And now that we can... It's literally why I left being a financial advisor, because the information that I was sharing every single day, I just knew how powerful it was when put into the right hands. But the

hands that I was putting it into were the ones that could afford it. And the ones that could afford it. Amazing, incredible. I was so happy that I could do that, but it was always in the back of my mind that how much more powerful would it be if it was in the hands of a 35-year-old money diarist who has just gone through a divorce and needs that support and deserves to absolutely shine, but wouldn't know where to start. That's what I wanted to do. Obviously, I'm so proud that I have, but now I just know that we're in the right place and we've made financial advice accessible. And I mean, as you said, you've got a financial advisor, but like there is this barrier even with financial advisors where often, especially as women, we just hand over the

keys to the kingdom because they're usually male and they can run it for us and they tell us what we need. But even if you have a financial advisor going and doing the investing masterclass or listening to the podcast means that you go to those meetings so much more informed, so much more empowered, so much more motivated because you're like, well, actually, I know it's possible. I don't just have this dude that sits down and shows me a graph and says money diced in this many years you will have x many dollars and you go oh okay no worries like you're empowered by it as opposed to overwhelmed and I just think it's so smart and just learning those like there's been so many like little things that I've learned because I mean I've like binged like your whole

catalog pretty much in the last four months sorry that you're probably over me but I'm not going anywhere so I love that and just even little things right because I was like traditionally I've always been paid monthly and now I get paid weekly and I was like that's so annoying for like cash flow but then I heard you guys talking on an episode recently where you were like it's actually better to pay your mortgage weekly because it and I was like oh yeah it is because you save on interest yeah so then I'm like actually that's a great thing that I get paid weekly and yeah and you can automate it like you could do a direct like debit and transfer it all automatically so that your money's working super hard for you exactly yeah smart women doing smart

things. Money Diarist, I want to know, do you have any debt currently or did you come out on top? We cleared the debts. So that's part of why we've not got much in the property pool. Clean slate though. I love that. That's how I kind of look at it is like, let's just start from here. So no debts, which is good. You, from my perspective, are an icon. Like you negotiated his superannuation. You've come out of it with a really good child support payment. He probably didn't see this coming. He's like, this is actually not how I thought this would go. I'm lucky for you, sir, but I feel like you do have a few good money habits. What do you think is your best money habit? I never buy anything

full price. I can't bring myself to do it, especially when it comes to like clothes and stuff like that. I always, always wait for a sale. And I often do the, like put a cart, log in, make an online cart, and then you log out of it and like close it down. And then they'll and you're like, oh, hey, we'll give you 15% off your cart because they're afraid that you're about to go. Yeah, because like you're a lost cart. The other good one I do is I love like skin treatments and stuff like that.

And a lot of like the big companies, they'll do like 60% off Boxing Day sales. And so I buy like four like skin needling treatments and then I use them over the course of the year because you get them like 60% off. So I kind of try to hack the timing. Oh, that's smart. So you like bulk buy to make sure that you're getting good value. I love that. Skin needling

is something that I've wanted to do for so long. I have to ask you about it off air because I'm like, what else can I do for my skin? I feel like you hit 30 and it really starts to feel like things decline. Yeah. And if you couple the skin needling with some laser. All right. All right. I'm on it. I'm on it. All right. I want to know on the flip side though, what's your worst money habit? The aforementioned ADHD. Oh, you're just a little bit spendy, a little bit impulsive. I'm so spendy I'm so impulsive I just am like we're just a little bit neuro spicy exactly and I need to get better at that but I think and even like learning about like up bank by listening to you guys like I've started creating all those little tiny accounts and for me that's already

just feeling like I've got so much more control about it like and I think for me to just have this is your pool of money for the month it just doesn't work I just go crazy whereas if I'm like you have $100 a month to spend on lunches. You have $200 a month to spend on, I don't know, clothes for the kids, whatever it might be. That seems excessive for the kids, but whatever. That's just a good example. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That really works for me and my brain. And so I need to start kind of really implementing that a bit more. Bucketing things. Yeah. Bucketing, I think for me will be really huge. And I think I haven't had my own money and

my own control over my money for like 10 plus years. So you are living, I'm actually going to set you up with my money masterclass, which has a whole budget and cashflow system for you. And it does it automated. So it is a very bucket system and it integrates really well with UpBank. You can use any bank literally, but like once you get your fun money as well, because I have a food, fuel and fun account and we put our money in there every week. And like, I've done it based on my spending as someone who is pretty neuro spicy. Like this is how I got to manage it. And it seems to work across the board, but it's going to show you how it breaks down and kind of put away the stuff that you need to put away, but then give you access to the things that you

need access to. And I think that that will actually turbocharge your budgeting and cashflow because it plugs into what you're already using. And like, we love a spreadsheet and it has a whole kids section, like you are going to be absolutely killing it. And I can't wait. Money Dourist at the start, we got on and I was like, oh, this is going to be a bit sad. Like this is not going to be great. You know, she's told us that she thinks she's a cautionary tale. She just said, oh, my money grade's probably D, D minus. I'm sorry. What kind of D minus negotiates and gets 60% of their ex-husband's superannuation? What kind of D minus gets a $4,000 a month child support payment? Because they were like, absolutely not. Who is that smart that they go to their best

friend that they did university with and says, actually, can you let me know what your career trajectory looked like? Okay, you were on $210,000 and then takes that to mediation and says, this is where I could have been. This is what I'm missing out on. Sorry, is that D minus behavior? like you might not feel like you're that good at it but I'm pretty good at judging people's you know money stories and yours is telling me that you are like very very a plus I mean you might not feel like you're there yet because you're like look they I haven't got the house I haven't got the savings like I just I feel like I'm behind but like you're 35 you've got a clean slate you've got a great super fund you've got two beautiful kids and you are able to afford a very comfortable

lifestyle. What do you actually reckon you are after this conversation? Okay. I love the reframe because I had not considered any of that stuff as part of my financial grading. I was more thinking of my day-to-day spending habits. Do I spend too much here? I got a sandwich today. All right. I will give myself a B plus because I do feel like I'm proud of myself for negotiating real hard. Oh, you are an icon and I hope that people listen to this and if ever they find themselves in a similar position, which obviously we don't wish on anyone. But if you do, here's an example of who we want to be in those moments. Like we want to channel our inner money diarist, like literally asking for what you deserve. You weren't even asking for more. You were just like,

this is where I would have been career wise. So if we could just make sure that I'm not missing out, that would be fantastic. Thank you. Yeah. And I think it's about just no one wants to think about this happening. I certainly didn't. I certainly never thought this was in my life. And there were many times throughout my relationship where I was like, I'm really being a bad feminist. I need to have my own account because like, what if you go crazy one day and I have to leave? And he was always like, don't be silly. Oh, don't be silly. You know why? You didn't have to be silly because he was. Yeah. So I would just say to all women, just have your own account with something in it for one day. Exactly. I feel like this has been a really

good chat. I'm so sad that we don't have more time to chat about literally everything, including skin needling. But alas, we have run out of time. Thank you so much for joining us. I have absolutely adored this money diary. I feel like, yes, it serves as a cautionary tale to make sure that you have your own emergency fund. You've got access to your cash and that we aren't letting all of those little steps lead us completely off path. But also that when these things happen, we don't bury our heads in the sand because if we do we end up in a worse off position and you've proved that by not burying your head in the sand like you've put yourself not only on a clean slate but you have put yourself in a position where you are going to thrive and I cannot wait to see it

so stay in contact my friend I will when I finally buy the house I will tell you oh I'm so excited please tell me and I hope that we cross paths in person at some point so thank you so much thank you the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision if you do choose to buy a financial product read the pds tmd and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs victoria divine and she's on the money are authorized representatives of money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.