She's On The Money - Bossy Bride or Ungracious Guest?

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Join Victoria and Bec for your Friday (get well soon Jess) as they talk your money wins and losses, share some broke tips and answer a Money Dilemma about whether its better to have a lower interest rate or APR? Plus, we talk wedding etiquette on today's show. This community member is close to full term of her pregnancy and has just been advised by her OB that her labour date needs to be brought forward. Her friend (the bride) is now insisting she reimburse her for her seat at the wedding reception. Is this reasonable or outrageous? The gals have feelings about this week's community DM! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it is Friday, which means it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Miss Bex Syed is going to be sharing some broke tips. Miss Jessica Ricci is off sick because she had the audacity to get her wisdom teeth out. So guess what? We've replaced her with a baby. Harvey is here. yep thank you harvey he's absolutely ready to share some favorite money wins and confessions from the community and we're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma which this week we're chatting all about aprs versus interest rates and we're going to be unpacking something

you slid into our dms about which this week we're talking about having to pay when you pull out of a wedding due to pregnancy complications i feel like that's going to be so spicy and as somebody who has experienced pregnancy, I'm probably going to be also spicy. True. But Bec, how was your week? What have you been up to? It was so good. Why so good?

Well, okay, so I had a really lovely weekend. It was a pretty big one. And I think I was just craving a big one, you know. You were craving a big weekend. I think I was. I think it's been really chill for too long. Like obviously like haven't really been working that much and had a big weekend, saw a lot of friends.

And last weekend I saw Missy Higgins. Sorry, where? Because, like, you didn't call me and tell me she was around. She's literally my favourite. I am obsessed. I know every single word to every single one of her songs. And I have done since, like, grade seven. You would have loved it.

I'm obsessed with her. You can still see her. She's coming back in June. And I think she's, like, going around Australia. But for some reason she's playing in Melbourne in June again. Where was she playing? The Palais. Oh, that's such a sick location.

It was really nice. And I was like, I don't venture that way. But for Missy Higgins, I'll go anywhere. As far as I need to go to Missy Higgins. Yeah. Slay. I love that for you. She was really amazing.

So thank you so much. It was a really good week. How was your week? My week was good. I've just been out here parenting. I mean, I'm not the first person in the entire world to have a business and, you know, have a child, but it genuinely sometimes feels like I'm trying to make it work and like, what do I do and how does it work?

Which is why Harvey's here today, actually. I didn't want to be recording with him all the time because like, I do like to separate work and life, but I double booked myself. And I feel like that's one, stereotypical Victoria, but two, like you just do what you've got to do. So bring your baby to work day. Absolutely. And I'm very lucky that I work in a situation where that's completely possible

because like so many parents could never, but I just lump my responsibilities onto you guys and it works well for me. It does because actually we're begging, we're begging to take care of him. I got in trouble the other day actually because I came into the office and people were like, where's Harvey? And I was like, he's at home with my very competent husband why are you asking they're like oh because we wanted him here they weren't actually questioning why I wasn't looking after my baby no hello how are you Victoria that conclusion I mean I I've

been very used to that kind of experience in the office for a few years now because we bring Lucy in and so like in the office I have been known for a very long time as just Lucy's mum like who's Victoria nobody cares about Victoria I get it so that experience wasn't new but now I'm Harvey's mum. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, now you're like, people in the office are still like Lucy's mum, some of Harvey's mum. I feel like now you're just like, you're even less seen. And I'm sorry about that. But I will say I'm all right with that. Because I'm seen a lot of other places. And sometimes it's just really nice to be humbled. Oh, yeah. Just keeps me grounded, you know? Yes, yes. But speaking of humbled, have you got some like broke tips for us so that we can keep

ourselves humble yeah I actually do you actually do and I am not going to be as rogue this week you've decided to like take a little steppy step back honestly I think next week I will be rogue again but I figured I'd wait for Jess to be here because I feel like she really enjoys them oh yeah like that video and I don't know if you guys saw it I'll probably post it again to my stories it's just Jessica cackling like a little witch I had never she just could not stop we stopped recording because she was cackling so hard and she couldn't stop it was great it was so sweet have you thought about going into comedy because you're a funny girl you're a funny girl oh my goodness that's so cute I feel like when you're a regular person you're just like you can be a

funny person but when you're a comedian it's like you must be funny you're like proper funny you know you're like proper funny oh that's very sweet yeah I'd pay as much as you paid to go see me see Higgins really yeah oh my goodness well mainly because I just really like you so that's so sweet maybe that's a broke tip um get into comedy make your friends pay to see you yeah exactly no matter what you're doing yeah yeah yeah pay to play baby exactly all right what have you got okay so i have as always two from the community one for myself so we'll start off with taylor this one's like from taylor but also from my girlfriend who gave me the exact same bit of advice just over the weekend so they both say get your fruits and veg from farmer's markets um the local markets that

my partner goes to, Paran Market. She paid $35 for a huge box of fruit and veg and she made like this soup that will last the entire week. That's a whole week of dinners. I'm pretty sure it's for her and her housemates. So a whole week of dinners for two people. I feel like you could probably even get more out of it. She chucked a lot into this soup, but you could really extend this. This could last weeks conceivably. So giant box of fruit and veg, go to your local farmer's market. Farmer's market's also really wholesome. That's an activity. Totally.

That's a free activity. Even if you're not planning on purchasing anything, Bec, next Sunday morning, you and I could go to the farmer's market. Yeah. We could make our own coffees, take them, wander around, feel wholesome. That's so wholesome. It is really wholesome. It's so good for the mental health.

Like, I don't know what it is about. What's the science behind that? But I think it's actually getting out in the fresh air. Yeah, probably that's what it is. Like, that's actually scientifically proven to help you. I really love that. So that is one broke tip. the other one comes from Megan or Megan I'm sorry if I'm saying this wrong this is very clever no

need for dry shampoo use bicarb soda instead she pops it in a little salt shaker and it's instant dry shampoo so I've never had to use dry shampoo I don't really know how it all works to be honest with you but I'm obsessed with dry shampoo and I feel like that is a great hack yeah like it's I mean I don't know how much it costs but it's you know bicarb soda I'm assuming is less than Two bucks a box. Yeah. And dry shampoo is expensive. Like my can of dry shampoo is at least $20.

Well, there you go. That's a money win. It's very expensive. Oh, my goodness. I mean, my hack when it comes to like keeping your hair clean is not using dry shampoo because I literally will use dry shampoo to avoid washing my hair. Right. So you could just wash your hair too.

Sure. Like, don't get me wrong, dry shampoo can save the day. but when you're victoria divine you've just been using it so that you don't have to do the rigmarole of washing your hair um yeah just wash your hair babes just wash it do you know how much better you feel when you wash your hair like you know when you've been putting it off and you're like oh i feel a little bit greasy i'm a bit gross like to me dry shampoo doesn't make you feel incredible it makes you look good but like i don't feel fresh yeah sometimes you just need to have a shower totally get that totally get that sometimes i like to make myself so gross so that i can have

everything shower. You just like go full rogue. You're like, I am going to not shower for a week. Is that what you're talking about? And I also did like a no shampoo thing for a while and it was really nice when I finally washed. You are really concerning me. If Jess was here, she'd be cackling. I would hope so. Hopefully she's listening to this. I just hope she's back for next week. Me too. Jess, help. Help us, Jess, please. We'll help Victoria mainly because I'm really going broke here. So the next broke tip is obviously for myself. This one I have done in the past and it obviously depends on the person and where you're at in your life and things like that. But I was, you know, as usual, really broke at another point in my life.

And so what I did was I signed up to a clinical trial. There was one that was like, you get like three $50 Coles gift vouchers if you just attend three times. All I did was I went to this like uni and I sat in an MRI and I literally just had straws in my mouth. You had straws in your mouth? I did. I had to drink milkshakes and look at a screen. You had to drink milkshakes? Yeah. I don't know. I didn't understand it. I didn't understand the science behind it. What was in the milkshakes? There was a strawberry one, a chocolate one, but then also a carrot juice and an orange juice. And it all sounds like... Do you know what the name of the study was? I'm so sorry. I don't remember, but I do know.

They're just like, we're just testing our brunch options. Yeah. I couldn't really figure out. I think they were trying to figure out... Was there something in the juice? No, they were trying to figure out like satisfaction if you are like how you perceive food. That's the other thing. I couldn't eat at the beginning of the day. So satisfaction based on if you ate at the start of the day and if you didn't. Something like that it was.

But anyway, so this three times I was there for like 20 minutes each time and I got $150. Sometimes I go, my life's really boring. I'm going to call Beck. Like, honestly, you've always got something that you've been doing that is super interesting and really left field. Like, I cannot go, oh, I'll call Bec and see if she's had, like, an interesting week at work. Sure.

Not like any of my other friends. You're like, so I went to this university and I drank carrot juice. Like, what? And you got paid for the pleasure? I certainly did. And that, like, was enough. And there was nothing in the carrot juice. Not that I'm aware of.

but I just I always remember leaving there feeling like really a bit sickly but anyway because they would fill me to the brim with liquids. Couldn't be vegan because you had to drink some milkshakes. No that's true and so this is the thing so if you just google clinical trials it was another one that I was very close to doing but something came up I'm not sure it was but you stay in hospital for like three nights you get like literally four thousand dollars they're just trialing a new drug or something like that so honestly if you're out there and you have uh if you're healthy, you're not immunocompromised. You don't even have to be like in a... That's a lot of money.

It's really good. You don't have to necessarily be like in a quote-unquote healthy weight range because I'm like, you know, I like to think of myself as a little bit chunky. No, she's full of life. Oh, she's full of life, baby. Chunky. Thank you. Chunky but funky. That's so nice. Thank you so much.

Like, what is that about? We don't call ourselves chunky in this house. Oh, I see. No. Chunky but funky. Chunky but funky. But yeah, this is the thing. So I would recommend Googling it and you can go through like an eligibility test and and just find out what's good that's so cool call and yeah just you know whatever it's really good it's really good quick way to make some money that's a genuinely good

broke tip thank you so much if you are broke you can get some cash and at the end of the day like saving money on stuff is good yes but usually when you're broke you don't have money to save exactly exactly that's a good deal and you're also helping the researchers community i don't understand that you're helping someone out there. I love it. Well, I would usually right here segue into Miss Jess Griechi sharing some community money wins and confessions. So, Bec, would you like to see what I have pulled out this week? Yes, please. It's good. Are you ready? I'm ready. I have picked a few that have stroked the She's On The Money ego because obviously. All right. So the first is from Eliza Jane. She said, a money loss for us and the confirmation of why we are

changing over to the she's on the money way we are away for the long weekend and i thought we had a lot more money saved for it than we actually did so in the hotel reception i had to scrimp and work out what money was where to pay for the hotel having things in accounts both of us can't see left us almost cancelling our accommodation and just heading home my husband was not 100 on board with she's on the money to begin with now he sees how transparent and beneficial it's going to be for our future. Money for me has always had a bad feeling. I have generational money trauma from my parents who lived way beyond their means and should have been able to retire now but continue to live outside what they earn. I'm trying so hard to change this narrative for my

kids. Isn't that cute? I mean, I'm really sorry that you went through that because that just would have felt like trash. Like, you know, going away for the weekend and then realizing you didn't have the cash and just being like, why are we doing this? Like, but I hope you still enjoyed your weekend. Totally. I'm so glad your husband's now on board. Like it's so hard sometimes to convince someone of a passion that you have. Yeah. It's like, you know, Becca, I've been talking to you about something for so long and you finally get on board and then we're trying to get our other friend who's never heard of it. Like that's going to be challenging to convince them. Yeah. And it's so satisfying. It's so satisfying when you finally get them across the line because you

know it's for the greater good. Yeah. All right. Lily says, I'm a horrible, horrible spender and it runs in the family i made the ambitious goal of saving ten thousand dollars this year i had a few bumps in the road with birthdays and overspending but i am now only one thousand dollars behind my ideal on track goal i'm so proud of myself and it's like literally may it's may but like isn't it cool that she's tracking it yeah and just going i'm only one thousand dollars behind the goal that i've set so she knows where she's at and where we need to be like you've got so much time to make it up. You're still going to get there. Yeah. Isn't it cool? That's really cool. Tracking goals. Good on you. Money win. All right. Next one we've got is from Chantel. She said,

it's a relatively small money win, but I found organic eggs for half price at five bucks, reduced in that little sales section at Woolies they sometimes have. Considering it's usually about 12 bucks a dozen, I may have gotten a couple of dozen and I partly stocked my freezer with some veggie slice for another time. Nice. Isn't that good? Yeah, very good. Genius, genius.

Melissa, here you go. I've got a few of these. I'm so excited. I just got a little bit carried away this week. Melissa, bit the bullet and I paid off a $1,500 credit card. Whilst my savings did take a hit, it feels nice to have one thing completely gone. That's so good.

Good for you, babe. You know who else is a queen? Suze. Because do you know what her comment was? What is it? Four words. This was the entire comment. After pay, gone forever.

Oh, yes. Slay queen. That's so good. And then I have two more for you. I couldn't stop. I'm really sorry. So Annabelle said, my partner and I have started shopping at the markets like your broke tip. And if we can't find what we want, we go to Audi.

We keep all the receipts and then go onto the Coles app and put in what we bought, closest possible, obviously. And whatever the difference is, we put that money in a separate savings account. Nice. Well, it didn't take long for us to save a decent amount and we were able to celebrate my partner's graduation with a really nice dinner from all those savings. So good. Isn't that cute? Yeah, I really like that one.

I like how it kind of makes sense as well. It's like you're actually going in and transferring the difference between what you would have paid and what you did pay so that the savings add up but you can see it. Like it feels good as well and we all love a feel good money win. Oh, yeah. Like not just like, oh, yeah, save some money, I think. Like, no, she's added it up and then she could have a bougie dinner. Yeah. Slay.

I love this. And then the last one I've got is from Tara. And Tara says, I used a bulk payment from a client for my side hustle to pay out all my remaining debts, get six months ahead on my phone bill and contribute significantly to my emergency fund. That's so good. Must have been a nice amount of money, Tara. Yeah. She said, I also Googled product for this client at 4am and achieved a significant discount. discount. So my overheads dropped and I had a little more profit. So I pre-bought three weeks

worth of meat to freeze. So my kids and I don't run out down the track. These are huge money wins for me after a few months of transitional wages, moving expenses and living really lean. Isn't that cool? Yeah, really cool. She finally had a big win. Like it was like that light at the end of the tunnel. She was like, oh, finally I can get rid of my debt. I can pay off my phone bill. And she got ahead, stocked up the freezer so that she's comfy in the future. Is that not the best? I just love people. I love people. I love it. Anyway, that's all I've got from the community. I reckon we go to a really quick break. And on the flip side, Bec, we're going to be talking all about APRs versus interest rates. And we're going to unpack something you slid into our DMs

about, which this week is about having to pay when you pull out of a wedding due to pregnancy complications. So guys, don't go anywhere. Welcome back, guys. Here's our Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hey girls, my Money Dilemma is about APRs versus interest rates. I have a loan

at the moment and I've had it for a couple of years. I've now started to learn a little bit more education around finances and I've decided that I think it's best to consolidate it into a new loan provider with a lower interest rate so I'm not paying as much long term. I'm just a little bit stuck on the difference between an APR and an interest rate. My current provider has a 47% APR, which seems quite high from the research I'm doing, but I'm not too sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Buckle up, you guys. APR. I am buckled up, Bec. Are you answering this one? interest rate and APR, the difference is substantial. And so I think now, Victoria,

I kind of want to test you here. Is this like when you're like writing your English literature exam in grade 12 and you're just trying to meet word count? You're like, that's the vibe I'm picking up from you. Yeah, it's a little bit like that at the moment, but because I've taught you so much, V, I feel like I want to hear you answer this one just to see if you've been paying attention. If I've been paying attention. I love that. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I have been away for a while, but I also am a little bit of a finance girly. So let's just backtrack a little bit. An APR is the total annual percentage rate. And this is the rate that can be used to calculate the cost of a loan, taking into account the reducing balance. So obviously you're

paying it off during the year of the loan amount expressed as an annual rate. So how much are you going to pay in a year. So for these purposes, the cost of the loan is exclusive of fees. So we don't want to talk about the fees and stuff like that as well, because otherwise we're getting a little bit too complicated. APR, it's a term that's often used by mortgage providers, so like banks or credit unions, or even credit card providers. And they calculate it by applying the rate to your loans, reducing balance over time, and then standardizing on an annual basis, regardless of the actual term. So regardless of how long the mortgage is for, right? So APR can be used for like comparison purposes, but it can't actually be used to calculate the

amount of interest you will pay each year because that's actually impossible. Simple interest or your interest rate, on the other hand, is the interest that you pay your lender on top of the actual amount that you borrow. So like that, it's very simple. That's why it's called simple interest. And the simple interest rate is a fixed percentage of that lump sum amount, right? So what you need to know about this. You're going to always find, Bec, that the APR appears high for short-term loans, but for long-term loans, it's lower. So, it can actually be quite confusing if you're taking out a loan across several decades. So, what you would usually do when taking out a mortgage, which our community member has done or is looking at, right? So, for example, if your APR

on a $500,000 home loan is 5%, you'll also need to consider the total interest percentage, so the TIP, which is a hundred percent. So like you're going to pay a hundred percent of the interest. You're not going to get off the hook for any of it. That means that you'll end up paying $1 million total over a 30 year mortgage. So for a $500,000 loan with your interest rate at 5%, you'll end up paying for 30 years, a total back to the bank of a million dollars. Does that make sense? So we're calculating how much the house was. So 500 grand, you might go, oh, my purchase price was $500,000 for this apartment or this house but then we actually need to look at well how much interest are you paying back because like the sales sticker on the front of the property sure

that's not what you're actually paying you're actually paying interest and that comes out at a million dollars and this is what she's talking about and this is why I think in a very long way I want to draw attention to this because so many times we just go oh my house was 500 grand yay and you go great and your interest rate oh I got a really good interest rate so you know five percent at the moment. And you go, well, what does that actually mean? Like, what's the interest rate going to mean that I pay back over the life of the loan? And most people will get a 30-year mortgage, right? So if I've got a 30-year mortgage, how much interest am I going to pay over that period of time? Bec, the answer is half a million dollars. That is outrageous. Well, it's good to

know as well. And it's good to know that our community member is not just looking at an interest rate going, how does this, you know, work? Or do I feel comfy with it? She's actually doing the math and going, okay, well, over the long term, this means this. So by contrast, simple interest is like a fixed rate. So it would be like that 5%. So you go and get a $500,000 loan and it's 5%. And it's really easy to work that out. So let's say you take out like a $10,000 personal loan with a six month term and an interest rate of 11%, right? The formula would then B, you do $10,000 times the 11%, so 0.11, and then you do times 0.05, sorry, then you do times 0.5 because it's for half a year, that equals $550. So that is the simple interest that

you would pay over the length of that loan. So to take out a $10,000 personal loan at 11% for six months, you're paying $550 for that privilege. Sure. Does that make sense? So like there's simple interest for short periods of time, then there's the TIP and that's for a longer period of time. So do all mortgage brokers and lenders look at this? Not necessarily. She's doing a lot more research than many of us will do. It's important to understand. 47% does feel quite high, but again, the market is a little bit off. And what I would be doing is going and talking to a mortgage broker. So it sounds like you're doing a lot of this yourself. Your mortgage broker is going to be your best friend. And I mean, not so subtle plug to the girls at Zella Money,

like I obviously am obsessed with that business because it is my own. And we talk to people every single day about this stuff. So go and talk to somebody who does this and it is their bread and butter and they do it and could do it in their sleep to make sure that you're not getting overwhelmed by terms that aren't as important, I would say, as the outcome. The outcome is, Bec, are you comfortable with the interest rate and how much you're going to be paying for the property over the long term? Does it make financial sense to you? And you might say, yeah. Or you might say, absolutely not. And that's where a mortgage broker is going to help you to really simplify things. Does that make sense? Because I feel like maybe our community

member is getting into a really deep rabbit hole of like, okay, well, this means this and that means that. And now I'm overwhelmed and I have analysis paralysis. And you don't deserve that during your home buying journey. We want it to be stress-free. Totally. The only thing I'm kind of confused about is APR different to TIP? Yes. And can you choose between the two? You can't choose between the two. They're just like methodologies of calculating things. Like it's not, you know, you get a choice of paying one or the other. Like the bank is going to give you an interest rate. An APR is just an annual percentage rate. And so she would have calculated that herself more often than not. It's not something that we usually provide clients with unless they

ask for it. And it's because of analysis paralysis. It's too much information. It's too much information overload and it doesn't usually serve us. You know, that's where my brain would be at. It's not necessarily like one is better than the other. It's just, you know, I could look at your investment portfolio and what you already own and calculate lots of different things from it. Does it mean good or bad things? Not necessarily. We also have to kind of like zoom out and look at the market and be like, okay, well, the interest rates right now are higher. Like you're not going to get away with it for cheaper, unfortunately. Like there are no mortgage facilities out there offering a 2% interest rate anymore. I wish they were. I already would have gone to them myself,

personally. I think it's important to remember as well, when we're looking at mortgages and when we're looking at, you know, making big purchases, sometimes relying on the professionals is going to make you a lot more comfortable with that journey. Like I know, Bec, if I sent you down the rabbit hole of buying your first home, you would get analysis paralysis because I know you well enough to go, Bec would be trying to look at everything and make sure it's okay. Whereas if I had stepped in and said, all right, well, let me help you through this and go, yeah, that's fine. Bec, don't worry about this. Do worry about that. Look at this. You know, when you go in, here's a list of all your first inspection things. You're just going to be way more empowered. Like go and

get a professional on your team because you don't pay a mortgage broker. We get paid by the banks. The banks are going to pay us when I get you your loan and it's in my best interest to make sure you're in the best possible position. So definitely use a service like a mortgage broker, whether it is us or it is somebody else. I think it is just really important to have a professional on your team when you're making arguably the biggest financial decision of your life. Absolutely. And then because you're speaking to a mortgage broker, if there's anything in what Victoria just said, if say you're speaking to them in person, you can ask as you go. Yeah, just call them and be like, hey, VD said I needed to talk to you. And hopefully they know what you're talking

about. They won't, but that's okay. That is solid advice. Let's move on because I've got one that I think it's going to be pretty simple from you and I, Bec. Yeah. Are you ready? We received a DM this week and it was frustrating for me. Anyway, let's hear it. Hi, she's on the money. My friend needs advice. A while back, she was invited to an interstate wedding. She knew she'd be 35 weeks pregnant on the date of the wedding, but as it was a close friend, she got the green light from her OB and RSVP'd yes excitedly. She booked her accommodation and had every single intention of going. But fast forward to the current time, it's looking like her due date's going to be pushed up so her OB doesn't really want her travelling. She's had to tell the bride she can't make it

anymore. It's about a month out from the wedding so it's not super last minute and it's as early as she could tell her. The bride's reply has us shook. She's requesting her friend reimburse her for $375 as she said she can't afford it and she's already paid for her and it's too late for her to invite somebody else. She said my friend didn't take her wedding seriously and should have RSVP'd no from the beginning. Is it really okay to ask guests to pay the cost if circumstances change and they can't attend anymore? Should my friend pay? What's the etiquette here? We need other opinions as we think it's a bit ridiculous. This is really mean actually. Is it mean? It's like I mean I totally get it if she kind of like didn't even check. She was just being like

oh I can definitely do that. Yeah I'll be super pregnant but I'm just gonna wing it. I'm just gonna like risk it. But she like checked with her OB. Everything was all good. She had absolutely no control over this whatsoever. I think it's so mean to be like well you gotta pay. Also it's a month out still like there's plenty of time to be like literally anyone here hey can you bring a friend like literally anyone you get anyone in a month's time you know what I mean yeah no I agree the other thing I would say is can we just step back back if you go to a wedding how much are you spending on the present is it 375 dollars um not hopefully not I would hope not that's a lot of money yeah in my head like there's so much wedding etiquette right like and I think it

depends on your friendship group and your circumstances and like what you can afford because to be honest you don't owe anybody a gift if you've been invited to their wedding you go to celebrate their love and that's it like I don't think that people should be expecting gifts I don't know I I specifically called out at my wedding and this is just because I felt like we were already in a privileged position I was like I don't want gifts thanks but yeah I just think that that's not fair I already live with my husband I don't need you to set up my house like all of this is you know all good thanks though yeah and everyone's different but like 375 dollars is not what she would have paid anyway like for the wedding to attend like

I'm assuming because like sometimes you go all right well like it's a hundred dollars a head or whatever for food and beverages like I'm just gonna pop that in a you know wishing well card or maybe she was real savvy and was a bit of a she's on the money and went down to like DFO and bought really beautiful photo frame or like did some art for her herself. And like, that was the gift. Like, I don't know, there's just a lot going on here for me because obviously at 35 weeks when I was pregnant, I could do a lot of things. I did have a lot of complications, which meant that every day I had to check my blood pressure and that would then dictate what I could do that day. So if my blood pressure was good, great. You can go to Taylor Swift, Victoria. I went to Taylor

swift and partied my butt off at 38 weeks pregnant like you can do it I promise but you've got to you know know yourself if your obstetrician has said absolutely not sorry but you just can't do it yeah like you're putting your baby at risk exactly so that's complicated to begin with but then for her friend to invoice her with a month's notice please don't get me wrong but you're confirming menu items you're confirming head count as somebody who's gotten married uh two weeks before yes so like, I think that's enough notice. So I would be like, also, is this not one of the things that you allocate for? Like, I remember planning our wedding and going, cool, you know, I think we had 122 people at our wedding, Bec. I just knew that on the day, 122 people is a lot of people. Something

for someone is going to go wrong and they might not be able to attend. That's a cost I just have to cover. If you can't afford to cover one or two people who can't attend, why are you spending so much on the wedding to begin with are you financially putting yourself out we need to think about this yes i don't know i just feel like if it's so much money that you can't afford it to not be reimbursed your wedding could have been put off for a bit longer yeah or just like you don't have to spend that much you know what i mean but also like she's already paid for accommodation and everything like i just feel like this poor person's already probably out for accommodation and a deposit or whatnot and then if you think about it like $375 that's more

money than her like food and beverage surely yeah who's paying $375 yeah what are you getting for like and I'm just again I don't want to make this all about me but I had a pretty expensive wedding beck it didn't cost me $375 a head for just the food and beverage in the seat at the table don't get me wrong like I'm sure that once we calculated out decorations and venue and all of that but like you're already going to be paying those overheads irrespective of whether Bec attends or not. Yeah, exactly. So like, what's the deal? That's so true.

Yeah, I just think objectively, no. In this situation, absolutely not. But yeah, I think certainly- How do you have that conversation though? Like, that's awkward. So let's make the community answer. Yeah, okay, you have to call. I was like, you don't have to do this.

We asked the community, we said, let's talk wedding etiquette. What do you think is okay and what isn't okay to do in this situation? So lots of diverse responses, as always, which is one of my favourite things. Both people knew the potential risks of not being able to attend. It's out of the friend's control. But isn't it nice that her friend tried her hardest to be there to begin with? Yeah. I agree.

The next is, if I was cancelling for a different reason, I'd expect to pay, but not in this case. Yeah. Someone said, all couples need to factor in that these things can happen at their wedding. Life happens. It's not your guest's fault. Someone else said, she replied yes with the info she had at the time. It's not like she was being malicious. The bride needs to get over it.

The next is, if cancelling was a big deal, they should have made that really clear earlier on that it wouldn't be acceptable. That's a good point. Also, if someone said, V, by the way, I know you've RSVP'd yes to my wedding, but it's a really big deal if you cancel later. Like, I'm going to charge you.

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. I'd be like, better RSVP no now then. just in case like it's just better for me not to be in this situation like wild someone said my partner offered to pay for his place when he had to cancel at the last minute a month is not last minute yes you know what if I was cancelling my friend's wedding last minute and being like I can't come anymore I would offer but I would also assume that my friend would probably decline that offer I think it all gets lumped in together yeah I don't know I don't know what's right or wrong

here someone said the friend handled it great the bride is being ridiculous the bride could invite someone else she has plenty of time back to your plenty of time it's a month yeah it's a month seriously and like with weddings oh i don't know how big her wedding is let's pretend she invited absolutely every single human that she knew in that case big wedding that cost shouldn't be as big as you're making it out to be or if you're real savage and had to cull last minute hey, Bec, I know you didn't make the cut, but a spot has popped up and you are the person I thought of. That's still really nice. Exactly. Or there's going to be at least one person, at least, who's like, I actually don't know anyone at this wedding. I'd love to ring a plus one.

So there's someone there that's dying for a plus one. Someone said, what is good notice then if a month isn't enough? Yeah, exactly. Like how much notice do I have to give people for stuff? Someone said, pregnant friends should not be reimbursing. She has a child on the way. She does not need that stress and she tried her hardest someone else said the bride has spent the money regardless of whether that guest comes or not all she's losing is a friend yeah i think that's a good place to leave it we also surveyed you guys so no more comments but these are the questions beck that we asked the community we said would you ask guests to pay if they cancelled their attendance to your wedding close to the date 67 said definitely not 30 said it really

depends on how close to the date it was. And 2% said, yeah, I would. So it's the minority of people who think that you owe her. Yeah, definitely. I would deal with it however you feel most comfortable. If that means that you don't pay, if that means that you do pay, I don't know. I find that really ridiculous as well. And to be honest, as someone who has had a wedding and completely understands finances, the wedding was my choice. And I knew that there would be some kind of, you know, outcome that meant I'd be losing money in some way, shape or form on my wedding. Whether that was things I purchased that I didn't use on the day or people not turning up or people breaking something or, you know, there's like lots of things that could happen that,

you know, financially impact you. And I think when you're planning a wedding, you need to plan for these things. And it's not on your friend who's literally about to pop to cough up $375. I completely agree. It's really mean to ask that even, but yeah, absolutely answer it or you know go back to your friend in a way that's more comfortable and and just communicate it's actually always our answer is communication is key but do not pay that 375 dollars oh bex advice all right we'll leave it there have a good week guys and we'll see you bright and early on monday for money diaries bye guys the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your

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