She's On The Money - Budgeting For A Wedding

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

Here at She's On The Money, we LOVE a wedding but you'd be hard pressed to find another major life event that combines all of our aspirations, dreams, family and social pressures, traditions and expectations into one VERY costly package! They can quickly turn into anxiety riddled harbingers of debt, instead of a beautiful transition into the next phase of life. So on this episode we unpack the context, complications and costs of the big day.What's the history of marriage? What kinds of things do we forget to include in our budget? How does the day get so stressful? Listen in to find out.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are Authorised Representatives of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN 47 097 797 049 AFSL - AFSL 236523.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. They're the traditional custodians of the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn. We pay our respects to elders past and present and we share our friendship and our kindness. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Joining me as per is a woman who is actually in the thick of today's episode topic, but we'll get to that later. It is, of course, Victoria Devine. Hello, BD.

Hello. Now, today we are going to be giving you some of the history and context around weddings, which is going to include some weird and strange stuff. It's not just an episode on budgeting for a wedding. We're also going to talk about the sassy queen, Victoria. We're going to talk about why maybe you wear white to weddings. We need to know all of the gory details because some of these things and some of these traditions, as I'm learning are not that good. They make no sense.

They make me uncomfortable. But don't be fooled. We will also be talking about, like, how to budget for your wedding because, you know, that's what we're about. Exactly right. Got to keep the people happy. To kick us off, VD, I'm going to rattle off some stats and figures. Go stats, gal, go.

How big is the wedding industry in Australia, you might find yourself asking? In a normal year, Australia's wedding industry contributes $4.3 billion to the economy. with 110,000 marriages going ahead each and every year. I'm going to be one of those this year. Bless you. That's a lot of weddings. That is a lot.

I'm not going to have that many weddings. I'll just have one though. Just the one. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Next up, most Australian couples opt for wedding dates either in March or October, with March being the slightly more popular month in 2021. I'm getting married in neither of those months. Interesting.

You don't fit the mold there. Lastly, for Australian couples, weddings are mostly an expensive affair with costs actually increasing yearly. And I would say unsurprisingly, Victoria and New South Wales are both among the priciest states in the country for weddings. We need to move states. I'm moving anywhere, but if I've got a choice, I think I'll choose Perth. They have quokkas and you know how much I love a quokka. But moving on, let's get into some numbers and how much this will actually cost because I guess that's all I bring to the table really when it comes to the she and she's on the money, like I'm the money part, George is the fun part. Let's actually look at what states pay the

most for weddings. So here in Victoria, do you know what we win? We win for having the highest costs for a wedding dress. Do you know the average wedding dress here in Victoria costs $2,675? Good Lord. That's a lot. Wait for it. I haven't even got a quote for this yet, so I'm terrified. Wedding hair and makeup, $975. Oh, Lord. I will be doing my own if someone quotes me to have my makeup done for $975. I'll do it for you.

Yeah, all right. For $500. Okay, not so good. Very good. I would for $500 at least expect someone to own makeup. Yeah, I've got mascara. Do I also have to BYO? Yes.

All right. Bridesmaids dress. I'm shocked because I don't know about you, but I'm planning a wedding, Georgia King. I'm looking at all the standard bridesmaids' dresses and like they're maybe between like $100 and $300 maybe. The average in Victoria is $687. Do you reckon that means for one or for like multiple bridesmaids' singular dresses? I'm hoping it's for multiple, but obviously this study did not give us the information. That's all right. Regardless, it's a lot of money.

A celebrant is $898 here in Victoria. To be honest, I feel like that's pretty good. Like you're asking someone to come out, usually on a Saturday, and spend some time with you while you get married. It's probably what you should be paying guests. Well, yeah, that is true. Instead, they have to pay to be there. Wedding reception, $14,710. So that's the bit where you're drinking the shampoos.

See, that's what I thought. But then they also broke it down as a caterer being $5,761. but because I've been getting quotes and stuff I can tell you that that wedding reception probably does include the food it might not include the alcohol at $14,000 but it would usually include the food because what I'm finding just anecdotal evidence is that usually venues are charging anywhere between like $150 to maybe $250 per head for a wedding including food and alcohol for the reception. And times that by how many, what would be the average number of attendees at a wedding? Apparently, according to all of the, you know, wedding people I'm talking to,

they're saying, look, 80 is pretty standard. It's not too small. It's not too big. That takes you up to $12,000 in like food and beverage costs immediately. If you have 80 people at $150 per head. Not cheap. That's a lot of money, but then you add on everything else and you can see why the average wedding ends up being more than $30,000 because you've got your hair, you've got your makeup, you've got your bridesmaid's dress. You haven't even thought about the groom in this list. Like what? We haven't even got a photographer, a videographer, which I've recently learned is a must have. Like what? These things are all so expensive. And I will definitely be doing an episode after I get married of all the stuff that I bought that I

regret. Yeah, that's a really good idea. 100%. Because I guarantee it's going to be a long episode. But moving on from, you know, slamming Victoria, New South Wales is the most expensive for flowers. So on average, people are spending $2,188 on flowers. Crikey. A photographer on average is $3,646 and cake, cake. I'm not having a cake at this point in time. I'm currently negotiating with my mother about this, but cake $593. Wow. Do you reckon I could just get two Cole's Mud Cakes and smush them together. A couple of Smarties on top? You could do it in the shape of S and V.

Jess could do it for me. Yeah, of course she could. Honestly, yeah, S and V in Smarties on the top. I'm going to argue with someone because Cole's Mud Cake is elite and that ain't going to cost you $593. Do you know Tassie gets to play this as well, which I didn't think they would be the most expensive for something, but a DJ or band in Tassie is the most expensive,

coming in at $2,399 on average. There you go. Maybe it's because there are less creatives there. Or, get this, the creatives actually value themselves properly. Well, yes, and we all should, shouldn't we, V? For anyone who doesn't know, a little bit of a background here, V is getting married in November, and I'm probably never getting married. You're coming to the wedding, so that's your connection here. That's my connection to weddings.

Now we're going to move into that weird space that we alluded to before, VD. We're getting historical. We're talking about the history of weddings and the premise of marriage, which is mostly heteronormative. So we will flag that as well. And it's also quite unromantic, which may surprise some people. So the best available evidence suggests that marriage is about 4,350 years old. Great. Thank you.

For thousands of years before that, most anthropologists believe families actually consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people. With several male leaders, of course, multiple women were in those families, shared by those men, and also some children thrown in, of course. No, that gives me the ick. Not because it's not, you know, if you want to do that, you do you. Like, polyamorous relationships exist, and that's totally a valid form of having a relationship, but it's the premise that it's just, like, led by men, and then the women are shared. Like, ew.

Well, that's what it all stems back to, though. It's interesting. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates back from about 2350 BC. So ages ago. In Mesopotamia. But back then, marriage had little to do with love or religion. Women were just tradable resources, no? Well, yeah, man.

Marriage's primary purpose was to bind women to men and guarantee that a man's children were then truly his biological heirs. What? Through marriage, a woman becomes a man's property. In the betrothal ceremony of ancient Greece, a father would hand over his daughter with these words. Okay, brace yourself. I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring. Among the ancient Hebrews, men were free to take several wives.

Married Greeks and Romans were free to satisfy their sexual urges with concubines, prostitutes, and even teenage male lovers. while their wives were required to stay home and tend to the household. If wives failed to produce offspring, their husbands could give them back and marry someone else. You could give your wife that. I'm surprised it wasn't like you can stone them to death and then, I don't know, eat them.

Probably needed to do some more research. I'm absolutely certain that there would have been some kind of quote punishment. Gross. I reckon. But as religion became big in Europe, the blessing of a priest became a necessary step in the process. Obviously.

Apparently, bringing God into marriage meant men were taught how to show greater respect for their wives. It forbade them from divorcing them. Yeah, good. That's obviously really important. We love. Christian doctrine also declared that the twain shall be one flesh. Poetic. Giving husband and wife exclusive access to each other's bodies. This put new pressure on men to remain sexually faithful.

But the church still held that men were the head of families with their wives deferring to their wishes. Gross. Hmm. Moving on, love is also relatively recent in marriage too, with the Middle Ages seeing the first documentation of love over practicalities weighing in on marriage. I love that. Good. And finally, flash way forward to the 9th of December 2017, when the right to marry in Australia was no longer determined by sex or gender, when Australians friggin' finally voted for marriage equality via a postal survey. 10 out of 10 from us.

That's just a brief little history of marriage. I think it's interesting. I feel like there's so many different reasons why we did things and do things, but it's not that often that we actually question them. And this whole marriage process for me has been a lot of questioning. Like, why do we do that? Why do we have a cake? Why do I have to be walked down the aisle by somebody else?

Like, why would we get married in a church, which we're not? Why would we do all of these different things? I keep Googling things like, why should I carry a bouquet down the aisle? Like, why am I carrying that? Do you know why, Georgia? because people didn't used to bathe and they would smell, so they carried flowers. Cute.

So I'm a stinky bride if I carry flowers. I don't want to be a stinky bride. I'll shower, I promise, on my wedding day. Well, I can't promise any other day, but I sure as hell can confirm that on my wedding day I'll have a shower at least once. It is all quite strange, isn't it? That is definitely all quite a time and I will shower on my wedding day,

but let's talk about some of the things that are generally regarded as wedding staples. like let's get into it did you know that the og obviously queen victoria herself she chose to wear white because it was the perfect color for her to flex the delicacy of the lace that was on her gown that's why she chose white and then she asked nobody else other than the bridesmaids to wear white on that day because she wanted to be the center of attention because she's victoria after all and until that point most women actually wore bright and colorful dresses that could be recycled for different occasions because obviously dresses used

to be so much more expensive. Before Queen Victoria, women who wore white on their wedding day did it to show how rich they were because obviously they could show that they could keep their stuff clean, which was definitely not, you know, the norm of the time. See, I thought it was a symbol of like your virginity. No, it's because Queen Victoria wore white and then that became quite trendy.

Up until then, we just wore whatever we want. And then bridesmaids, speaking of them, they weren't allowed to wear white. Spoiler, I think I want my bridesmaids to wear white, just to shake that up. But bridesmaids in ancient Rome, it was believed that bad spirits would descend upon the wedding, so bridesmaids actually ended up wearing similar outfits to the bride to confound the evildoers. Seems legit. Yeah, it is legit, right?

And in many cultures throughout history, brides presented their grooms with a dowry of money, furniture, and other riches, which made them targets for robbers and their evil exes. And, again, bridesmaids actually served as, quote, decoys so that the bandits wouldn't know who the actual bride was and who to rob. What? I know. Also, you know, I probably should mention the idea of being given away

and a dowry and all of that makes me wildly uncomfortable. But, yeah, I won't be given away. Are you taking Steve's last name? I'm not. Is that? Okay. That's what I thought you would say. But if you weren't Victoria Devine from She's On The Money, if you were just, in quotation

marks, a financial advisor with no media career, would you have taken his name? I've never wanted to take somebody else's name. I've always felt really connected to my own name. Maybe there's a lot of reasons and we can get into it very deeply one day over a couple of wines. But ever since I was little, I have wanted to keep my surname Devine because my dad's actually the only boy left in his family. and he's in a situation where if I don't keep my name

and give it to my children, which is the plan, like I'll have baby divines, his bloodline I suppose dies out and that's obviously quite, quote, traditional and definitely not why I'm picking it. But I just love the idea of that name not dying and being able to honour a family that I absolutely love and adore and, you know, having spoken to Steve and flipping the narrative and going, well, what would happen if I took your name?

Like there are lots of baby Morrisons floating around at the moment And to us, we're like, oh, well, that makes sense. So, yeah, I'll stay divine and our babies will be divine, which is kind of cool. Love that. Very good. Let's go to a break before we talk too much about Victoria's wedding instead of weddings in general.

All righty, VD. Now let's dive straight into a little chat about family and social pressures as they relate to weddings. Oh, my gosh, there are so many. So many. You're going through it. It's insane. It's insane. Let's not talk about my personal experience. Let's talk about Zola. So Zola is

a wedding website, and they recently surveyed 500 engaged or newlywed couples, and they found out that 96% of them are freaking out about wedding planning. 96%? 96%. Same. I'm in that 96%. 71% thought it was a more nerve-wracking job than any other major life event, like finding a new job. 53% of couples said that their parents are the biggest stress-causing culprits. I am very happy to say that that is not the case in our situation. And 33% said it was their in-laws. Again, not the same in our situation. I mean, Steve might think it's my parents, but he hasn't articulated that that's the

case at any point. So it's a life transition for everybody involved, obviously. And with life transitions comes an identity shift and a sense of loss for who you were before, which I think is another thing and another reason why, gee, I just, I don't want to change my name. I'm already changing so much about my life. It's just not for me, gee. Meanwhile, all of this happens when everybody's eyes are directly on you. You're spending loads of money and you're expected to be the happiest you've ever been or ever will be. And the culmination of all of these circumstances honestly makes wedding planning incredibly stressful and exasperates an already

estranged financially dynamic if it exists it creates hurt feelings and conflict and I just feel like too many people put too much pressure on weddings I'm now going to say something that is extremely predictable no it's not spicy it's probably it's what everyone would expect me to say at this point and that is how much we think social media plays into this whole thing massively I thought you were actually going to say something about your personal values and really upholding that. So like, good job being, you know, not too predictable, you saucy minx you. But it's true, right? Like, and I feel that, and if I'm feeling that, I know every other bride is feeling that, or every other person who is planning a wedding. Like you see on social media, all of these fancy

dresses and you see all of these people getting married in beautiful locations and you see, you know, these gorgeous photos and expensive videographers and you compare yourself to that and you go, wow, like maybe that's the goal. But often if you're seeing big weddings blowing up on social media, it's because they've got enough funding for that. It's because they either are social media influencers that might have things gifted that they haven't, you know, maybe acknowledged. I know a lot of brides recently, if they are in that social media space, have been gifted their dresses. And when you go, oh, gee, like I would love that dress. And you go to inquire, the dresses are 20 plus thousand dollars. I'm not saying that any of these things you

shouldn't spend money on. Because I'm very much a believer that if it's in line with your values and you've made the right decision for you, you do you. But there is a lot of pressure floating around. And if I'm feeling it, I know everybody else is feeling it. It's just a lot, G. It is a lot. I'm obviously super sceptical and cynical about social media, but seeing like the same photo with the same L-O-V-E cutout in a field, black and white photos, you hugging each other in a hayfield. I don't know. I find it a bit cringe, but I'm also an asshole. So if you could just get me to get in my emails later and cancel the big L-O-V-E that I'm going to have at my wedding, that would be great. It's beautiful, but people are very drawn to

what other people are doing. Exactly. It's very Pinterest worthy, right? Thank you, yes. And every single wedding that you go on Pinterest and see, it doesn't mean that you have to have that wedding. And I mean, I'm in a very privileged position where I've actually been to a lot of weddings. I used to work at weddings way back in the day when I was a waitress. And I also have been invited to a lot of special people's weddings. And to be honest, all of them are incredible. All of them have been very different. All of them have different budgets associated with them, but I can't say, oh my God, the bigger, the better. Like I think my favorite wedding that I've been to that really, like, I think I was

crying half the time was when a couple of my friends got married and there was like a total of 30 of us it was just like so sweet and it was so personal and it was within their home and I just felt like that was the most special wedding I've ever been to not to downplay all of the weddings that I've been to of all of my other friends who I know are listening so this is an awkward episode but I just I don't think that a wedding needs to be this big massive you know hullabaloo in saying that gee my wedding's getting out of hand um my partner is a a sock and nut and And, you know, part of the soccer team is like on the little committee and stuff. So basically everybody at the soccer club will be at our wedding.

And it just, it's blown out of proportion. But that's okay because it's really in line with his values. And every time I say to Steve, what do you want? He's like, a party. I want a big party. Yeah, you've always said that. Like, okay, no problems. Whereas I'm trying to balance the fact that I just want really good food.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, social media aside. Sorry for that little tangent. No, I think it's important because we need to talk about these things. because I think a lot of people will be like, oh, I listened to this episode because I hoped that GMV would tell me what is an appropriate budget to spend on a wedding. Like weddings are no less valid if you just went to the registry and decided to get married or if you had like a 500 person mega wedding. Like they're all just as beautiful and it should be about you and the

person that you're marrying, not about, you know, how big your wedding is. Exactly. And I feel like that is sometimes what gets forgotten amongst all of this is that it's a celebration of two people coming together to start a life. Yeah. And it really upsets me that so many people put so much pressure on themselves to have these big weddings and thus compromising their future financial goals. Like, I don't want you to start a marriage in debt because you were getting married. Like debt is the number one thing people fight over in relationships. So it just feels really silly to go into debt for a wedding. And I think that's the number one thing that I, you know being really personal at the moment that's the number one thing Steve and I have

said like we've set a budget I want to pay for everything in cash I'm trying to pay for things you know we're getting married in November but I've been trying to pay for things along the way because I also don't want the amount of money owing to add up because I think so many times I keep getting invoices and stuff right because I'm booking a photographer or I you know have finally found a gorgeous celebrant and they'll send through an invoice and be like all right it's 20% to like lock in this venue and I'll be like okay that's fine but then like when is the rest due and they're like oh the week before the wedding and I'm like oh my god like if I left everything to the week before the wedding I'm gonna have so much money that's owing and I don't

want to be stressed about money the week before the wedding and obviously there's probably a lot to say about not paying your photographer until you locked it in and all of that other stuff but like I just want these costs out of the way so I've really been trying to spread them out over a period of time and, you know, pick up a few things here and there. And, you know, I really wanted love heart sunglasses for all of our bridesmaids to have on the day and just like really lame things that I know I can purchase now and put to the side so that it doesn't feel like a really expensive week the week before the wedding because I've forgotten about all those things. I don't know. It's just a lot. That leads perfectly now into talking about budgeting. V,

what are your top tips in this space? Set a realistic budget and for me personally that has just crept up and up and up and it's not because I keep going oh my god I want to spend more it's just I forget that things need to happen it's that I didn't know that there were certain costs like this is going to be a very entitled comment but I didn't realize that chairs weren't included when you hired a venue and that if you want nice ceremony chairs they don't just pull them out of the back. You have to hire them. That seems farcical. I didn't know that was a thing, right? And that's totally fair and fine. And some people listening are probably going to be like, V, how did you not know that? I just didn't know that. And that's fine. And that's

added, you know, money to our budget and things are creeping up, not because I keep choosing more expensive things, but because I just didn't know. So I've been keeping a very detailed spreadsheet, as should you, and I'll drop mine later in the year once I feel like I have got it tweaked to perfection and also included everything that I spent money on because I feel like that's what I needed. I didn't just need to go and download a random budget template. Like I needed someone to go, oh, this was this and this was that. And, you know, I want to buy two pairs of shoes, at least George, because I know that I want a beautiful pair of heels, but I also know I want something flat and really pretty to dance in. Like that needs to be in the budget. And I just didn't

think about adding shoes to the budget because like in my head, the most important thing was actually the dress, but it really needs to come into play. So obviously budgeting, but then think about everything else that gets forgotten. We had an engagement party that needed to be a part of the wedding budget. I don't want to pretend that's not a thing. The hints, the bucks, if that's going to cost you money, wedding party gifts, thank you gifts for people. I just, so many of these things are adding up and I'm trying to think of them as I go. But even the gift I'm going to give my bridesmaids when I officially, because I still haven't, God forbid, asked my bridesmaids to officially be my bridesmaids. Like I want to put together a little gift for them. And that's just

spiraling out of control. And very quickly that's become more than $50 each. I'm like, what? Like this is crazy. Like, and in the moment you're like, oh, it's $50. It's not that much. But then you go, how many just $50 are happening on this wedding? Like this is just so much. It's such a in my opinion. So I'm assuming then V, you are going to say that having emergency backup funds is really important. Yes. When planning a wedding. 100%. And I think that adding in a buffer of maybe between 10 and 15% for everything that you spend and just popping it to the side as kind of like a wedding emergency account is not going to be the worst thing because either you'll need to rely on it or you'll be in a sick position where you just got married and you didn't have to rely

on it and that can be either some more savings or your actual emergency fund or go towards a honeymoon or something that you want to spend money on. I also have a few hot takes. Alterations can be really expensive. I didn't realize. I thought, you know, I've had a couple of pairs of pants taken out before. G20 bucks here and there, right? No, it's hundreds of dollars to have your wedding dress altered. Really? Yes. Do most people need to do that? Like when you get your dress fitted? Sometimes when you buy your dress directly from the store, they'll be like, no all of your fittings are included like in the cost because it's a few thousand dollars but if you're like me george king and you went on stillwhite.com.au and bought a second hand

wedding dress because you just can't comprehend how expensive dresses are you then realize that alterations on top of that are literally hundreds of dollars because you need to find an independent third party who's willing to work on a relatively customized dress fit which i totally get but i hadn't comprehended like I just hadn't thought about that and then correct invitation postage postage dollar per envelope so we've done digital save the dates and then I really wanted the stationery to go out because like I don't know I just have this thing about getting letters in the mail I love it and I love the experience of getting it and I wanted everybody else to have that but that has added up really quickly like we are at a total guest limit of I think it's about 140 now

so that's 140 bucks just on stamps. We haven't even got to the wedding stationery yet and that adds up. Then what happens if there's bad weather? So we have been informed that if there is bad weather, we're going to need to hire a marquee for the venue that we're at and doing some Googling, that's not a couple of hundred dollars, that's a few thousand dollars. It could be anywhere between three and seven thousand dollars depending on the marquee that we pick. Bridal transportation, separate to the bride and groom, going to cost you some money as well. Thankfully, we don't need any transportation. We're just going to be in the one position. Do you know what? Anyone needs a car? My parents both have cars. It's going to be great. The other thing I kept

forgetting to do is factor yourself in to the overall headcount. So for a really long time, I was like 138. Steve's like, babe, a couple more people. There's two people who are going to be at that wedding for sure. And they're not on the guest list right now. So we needed to do that. Event lighting. What? Extra lighting so that like the dance floor is lit up properly. Like insane. Didn't know that was a thing. Vendor meals and overtime if they are needed. So in all of the contracts that I am getting through for the videographers, for the photographers, for our, you know, celebrant who we're actually getting to be the MC as well. Meals. One of them needs accommodation because of their travel. Like all of that needs to be paid for by us,

which I'm so fine with but these are things I had no idea existed and then post-reception transportation so thankfully I'm just going to stay at the venue that I'm going to be getting married so no need to leave that was like one of the reasons I picked it because I was like I can just roll on upstairs after eating all of the good wedding food heaven laughing at all the people who were like haha I didn't eat at my wedding that's all I'm gonna do I promise that's all I'm going to do. Make sure you do, sis, because people pass out at eight if they don't eat, e.g. my cousin. But transportation after for the bride and groom to get wherever they need to go, even if it's just Ubers, you need to take these things into consideration. Like things

are creeping up. But honestly, if I had been more planned, completely unavoidable. Like I could have avoided all of this, but I also didn't know where to find that spreadsheet or that template. So I'm just making it myself and I will share it with all of you guys once I think I've just got it right. Brilliant. We'll look forward to that. Do you reckon that'll be on the website or socials? Oh, it'll 100% be on the website. Okay. Amazing. But did you know on the website, we literally have a whole section of free downloadables? I mean, I did, yes.

You did. But lots of people don't, but we literally have a free budget. We have free eBooks. We have all of those saving charts that you might have seen on social media. Go and have a look at that because it's free stuff and it's all free. Make the most of it. Money win. Anyway. Money win indeed. V, let's put a pin in it there. The advice shared on She's Other Buddy is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes

and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision. Or wedding. Yeah, exactly right. And we promise Victoria Devine and She's on the Money are authorised representatives of In Focus Securities Australia, Proprietary Limited, ABN 47097797049, AFSL 236523. See you Friday, guys. Bye! Thank you for watching.