She's On The Money - Debt Deception Dilemma

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

A very happy Friday from New Orleans! V and Jess have updates from their US travels, and even though can't be there in person she lives on with some cracker broke tips! Our money dilemma this week is when to cheat or break up with your mortgage broker in search of a better deal. Plus, a really juicy DM which gets the girls riled up about secrets, debt, and when this is a red flag in a relationship. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my loves, it is Friday, which means Jess and I are here together to celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, we're going to be sharing our favorite money wins. We're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about cheating on or breaking up with your mortgage broker in pursuit of a better deal. You bet you didn't see it coming. No, that took a turn. And we unpacked something that you slid into our DMs about. This week, we're talking about a fiance having a secret

a credit card, which has been completely maxed out. So to kick us off this week, again, we are Sans Beck because she is not well. And also, where are we? New Orleans. That's what I thought. So like, it's not actually that practical because Beck's in Australia, we're in New Orleans. So we figured we'd just like whip this one out. Jessica, how was New York? Oh my God, New York was amazing. We had the best time. I just ate bagels. We ate bagels. We ate pizza.

We went to Broadway. We lived the dream. I'm so excited. We recorded some fun podcasts, which you guys will hear soon. We did. We have so many guests. International, baby. So fancy.

We got to have a look at Squarespace, have a chat to their team. We went to their head office and I did a whole like financial literacy workshop with them, which I am genuinely so passionate about. But also, Jess, I did a financial literacy workshop in New York. How cool. So big dog. And then now this week we've been in New Orleans. We've been at FinCon, which has been super fun.

We came last year and I feel like you and I left last year feeling so motivated to like smash She's On The Money out of the water for the next 12 months. And I feel like this year was just like a no-brainer for us. Yeah, we're really excited. You're doing a keynote. I'm on a panel, which is really fun. And we just get to hang out with some of our friends from home. My keynote is tomorrow, which is a little bit scary because I've never done an international

keynote. She's going up in the world. I'm loving this. This is so wild. If you want us to fly to your country and give a talk, hit us up. It would be very expensive, though. It would be very expensive, but also very fun. I'd do it anyway.

We'd do it on Zoom. Oh, my gosh. We'd do it on Zoom. Totally. All right. So we have had, honestly, pretty good weeks. Like, when it comes to a work week, Jess, has there been better? I don't think so.

No, neither. Oh, actually, remember the time we went to Disneyland? Oh, you know what? That was pretty good. Yeah, like, we don't really do work at She's On Money, do we? All right, let's get into it. I know you have a number of community money wins, even though we are international, guys, we are still creeping on.

What is going on back home? So Jess, what are your favorite community money wins of the week this week? First money win this week I have comes from Tara, who said, I was the first caller to ring the radio station when they hear the cue to call, I want $100 cash. Money win. Love that. Money win, that never happens. I was going to say, I feel like I never hear about people winning those things.

So that was just really exciting for me. I mean, I hear all the time because like Jess, our studio back in Melbourne is literally in a radio station. True. But the phones go off the hook. Like sometimes if you're walking past the studio, you can kind of see the switchboards light up. Remember when they were giving away Taylor Swift tickets?

They broke the phones. Yeah, like it literally just stopped functioning, which I don't blame you. And all of them were like calling reception and reception, Josh at reception was literally like, can you not? Like I can't get you tickets. I can't help you. If I could get tickets, I would be getting the tickets.

And Josh was like, I didn't even get tickets. Go away. Next, I've got a money win from Tegan who said, the tyre repair shop didn't charge me for my puncture repair. Oh, that's really kind. Small and really sweet. Tina said, I decided to look into solar panels for our home. Who knew?

Not only can you put them on a payment plan with no interest fees. I didn't know that. There's also government rebates from $1,000 to $3,000 off the panels. Oh, money win. We saved $2,800 with our government rebate and it will reduce our power bill from $700 to around $300, maybe even less, which is potentially saving us $1,800 over the year. Ah, money win. I love this. Love that she did the math.

Stunning. Next, I've got a money win from Samantha, who said, I've been listening to She's on the Money for a little while now, and this week I finally downloaded my first investing app. And then in brackets, she's got sharesies. Obviously. And I invested for my very first time. Congratulations, my angel. You're an investor now.

Yeah, I'm in my late 30s, so I feel a bit late to the party. No, you're not. But better to start now than not at all. Also, did you use the code SOTM to get a free $10 when you signed up? I hope so. How exciting, Samantha. We're so proud of you. I love this.

Next, Lauren said, I picked this up free from the curb and I've got a happy little man. And it's a picture that she put in of this really cute little like wooden theater, like puppet theater. Oh my gosh, what? Adorable. She's popped in a photo. So I don't know if she's maybe done it up a little bit, but it is so cute. It looks very cute.

And it was free. How good is free? And your toddler looks like they are definitely enjoying that. He's having a lot of fun. And then lastly, I've got a money win from Imogen who said, I made my first sale on Depop. Enjoy your hoodies, Jackie. I love this so much.

You're a Depop girlie. I love a Depop sale. I know. I have been checking there when I'm looking for like dresses that I wished I got last season but didn't purchase. And then I find them there for like 50 bucks and I'm like, money win. Huge. my favorite is actually this is very self-centered so i do apologize my favorite is when like i

message someone i'm like hey is this dress available and they're like yep no worries and then i like ask a few questions and then i'm like yep i'll buy it no worries thank you i just processed it and they're like also love your podcast i'm like sorry sorry i do and then like i full go there i do love a money win like i am living and breathing that she's on the money way of life like don't worry like i believe in those values yeah like wholeheartedly and they're Like, this is actually so funny. And I'm like, thanks for the dress, babe. Oh, my gosh, that's so wholesome.

All right, Bec, not here because she's not in the country, but I am going to do the broke tips from the community this week. She's provided them, and I also have a tip from Bec because I was like, we didn't do one last week, and you're not getting on this week. Send me one. She's here in spirit. She's here in spirit.

Love it. So the first broke tip comes from Rachel, and Rachel said, try one month of just buying everything with no brand name on them. So like at the supermarket, includes food, clothing if you need to buy it, et cetera. Drinks. You are going to be so surprised at how much the savings add up. And you'll finally try all the home brand things you've been questioning. And everyone always says the home brand things are made in the same factory.

They just have a different label. They have to be because you really think like down the road, there's going to be like no name pasta factory. Like it just makes no sense to have an entire factory that pumps out no name pasta. Yeah. So there you go. maybe you'll find something like this is literally exactly the same. Exactly. And can you please tell us what your favorite home brand items are? Because I want to know what are the wins? Because

a few times, right, I have been pleasantly surprised. My favorite is Pringles. So the sour cream and onion Pringles are my favorite type of Pringles. Don't come for me. I'm not having a fight. Green ones are the only ones that I will let you have. Red? No, go away. Purple? are you joking save that for smith's like crinkle cut chips anyway we could fight but we're not going to because you're all going to agree that the green ones are the best but they have shrunk in size so pringles are no longer as great a value as they used to be cole's home brand pringles though are they are the exact same size as the old pringles and they taste exactly the same and they're like 199 for a tube you know what they did that with the red rock deli chips as well that are

now like $8 bag or something absurd. Eww, no. Coles do like a deli chip that tastes literally exactly the same. And it's just better. It's three bucks. Because it's cheaper and you're like, I can taste the savings. Taste the savings. I can. I can taste them. Oh my gosh. So definitely try those. The next one is from Tori and Tori says, recycle as much as possible. If you find yourself with recyclable waste before you put it into the recycling bin, see if you can try and get a few more uses out of it. For example, a box from a parcel that came in the mail, they could be used as a moving box or for packing something else up that you've purchased and you need to ship out. You could also use things for gift wrapping or like a glory box or something like that.

I'm not sure what a glory box is. Do you know what a glory box is? Oh, you do? Yeah. It sounded really questionable. No. I just thought you'd open it and be really surprised. You'd be like, this is not the pizza I ordered. I had one. It's like an older fashioned concept. You would have it. I feel like it's from our mum's generation, but you would collect things for your future home while you still lived with your parents and it would go in your glory box. So maybe. What? Yeah. So maybe for like Christmas or birthdays, or if you saw something on sale, you would buy tea towels.

It's not a disappointing pizza. No, it's not a disappointing pizza at all. So you'd like buy tea towels and put them in your glory box. Or pans, like if pans went on sale, like if there was a super clearance somewhere and you were like, oh my God, well, one day I'll have a house on any pans. You'd buy the pans and they'd go in your glory box. And then the idea was when you moved out, you didn't get hit with all of the expenses of stop laughing. I can't keep a straight face. Just why is it called a glory box? Glory to God, maybe? I don't know. That's not why. Let me Google it for you. One second. No, I don't even

want to know. Am I going to get some questionable things? I think you're going to get some questionable pictures and videos, Jessica. I have Googled it. It says the origin of the expression of glory box is unclear. Well, that makes sense. I'm unclear of what a glory box is. Have you found any other definitions? According to the Australian National Dictionary Centre, glory box is probably related to the British dialect expression glory hole. No, it's not. Did you just make that up? Denoting a place for storing odds and ends. Oh, okay. Do you know what? I think we might move on because this is a very G-rated podcast. Was I right, Jess, in thinking what I was thinking? Cool. I was. Thank you.

Tori also suggests that we save our pasta sauce jars because she said it could actually become a really cool drinking glass, a small vase, a candle, et cetera. And we really should be trying to recycle first anyway before it actually goes in the recycling bin, which I really liked. I have one from Beck and we've been in America and the exchange rate is absolutely abysmal. So we have no broke tips for this week except for how we feel really broke this week. I need Beck's help lay it on me. Yep.

All right. So Bec says, check out the free section of Marketplace first. I feel like this is channeling from your money win section, Lauren, who said she got that play center thing from the curb. But she said, check out the free section of Marketplace. You could find a money win and also you could find something that's not well marketed, take it home, clean it up, flip it for a profit. I've seen people do that on TikTok.

I think it's genius. Really smart and recycling. Bec also said when I messaged her, she said, I furnished my house over the years with heaps of free things from Facebook Marketplace and Gumtree, you'll be super surprised of the quality. Sometimes people just want to get rid of their things and they don't actually want money. They just want it gone and moved and they don't want to have to like negotiate delivery fees or pickups or whatever. And like, they're just like, take it Jess. I don't want this anymore. If you're willing to put in

the work and if you or someone you know is strong, there is something to be said in that. Because I remember when my friend moved, she lived in an apartment and it was a really narrow staircase and she was on like the third floor and she was like over my dead body am I carrying this couch down and so she literally put a whole nice couch on Facebook marketplace for free she's like the only catch is you have to get it down the stairs yeah that's fair that's a good catch imagine how many people would do the same thing they're like I just can't be bothered moving it but it's yours because then I don't have to pay for like a junk removal service yeah no that's true also another hack that Bec threw in she said set your location to the wealthier suburbs oh that is so smart what

a little genius. Find out when they have their hard rubbish collection. Oh, that's a good one as well. How do we find that out? Be trawling those rich suburbs, baby. Yeah. Go on their council websites. See what's up. Literally. Be like, I'm not paying your rates, but I definitely will look at when your hard rubbish collection days. One rich person's trash is definitely treasure for the rest of us. A hundred percent. All right. Let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, we're going to be talking about cheating on or breaking up with your mortgage broker. And we are also going to be discussing a like spicy little DM that someone slid in to our messages about and said, I have a fiance and they have a secret credit card and

it's been maxed out. What do I do? Don't go anywhere, guys. Welcome back, everybody. Should we take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma? Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi, she's on the money. So I plan on breaking up with my mortgage broker or potentially cheat. To give you some background, I've bought my home with my first mortgage broker

already and they were great. However, I'm now looking into an investment home and they said there's absolutely nothing I can do because of cash flow. I've asked whether there's anything else we can do and they said it's a hard no. Hence, I want to get a second opinion. But I still want to stick to this mortgage broker to refinance our first home. So my questions are, can they see on their system if I engage in a second mortgage broker for our investment home? And two, are there any negatives with engaging in two mortgage brokers at the same time? Thank you. This is giving me a few red flags, Jessica. Red flags. Tell me more. So you either, from my perspective, trust your mortgage broker inherently

or you do not. If you do not trust your mortgage broker inherently, you go find a second opinion and you don't want to refinance with them. So I would be interested to know why you want to leave your first loan with your mortgage broker that honestly you're telling me you don't trust because you're saying, I want a second opinion. I did trust them. They're now telling me that cashflow is an issue. I would be asking more questions about like, why is cashflow an issue? How does that work? To me, that makes perfect sense. I own a mortgage broking company. I fully understand that, you know, let's say Jess, you bought your first home. You might have a whole heap of deposit or you might have a whole heap of equity for your next home. But I look at your

cashflow and I go, I'm really sorry with the income that you make, you can't service two loans and the bank's not going to accept it. So for me, it's a massive red flag that you're feeling a bit like, oh, I really want to get a second opinion. I think a second opinion is beautiful. Don't blame them. I don't blame them. Like I totally get that. If you're not feeling your first broker, then leaving them is a good idea, but you either trust them or you do not. So go engage a mortgage broker. I would a thousand percent recommend my own business, Zella Money, because the girls there are not just going to do what you're asking of them. They're going to deeply explain to you why. So I think to me, the other red flag is that you're kind of like, oh, the broker said it was

cashflow and there's nothing more we could do. Full stop, end of story. Like, whereas with my team, I know they would have gone above and beyond to explain the intricacies of why that works and at what point we could reconsider it. And maybe you need more equity, maybe you need more income, but you would know deeply why they can't do it and why no other broker could do it. So I think that communication piece is missing with your current broker because you're questioning them, right? When you go to another broker, no, they don't have to refinance your next loan. You could absolutely leave it with your first broker. Your first broker is potentially going to know if they looked into your file because next time they go to look into your credit, they're going to see

other credit inquiries from other banks and the broking company and what that looks like. So no, you can't entirely hide it. But I think also we need to have some conviction in ourselves that if you're saying you wanted to seek a second opinion, you should have conviction that you wanted to seek a second opinion. And if they go, oh, I see some more credit inquiries, you go, yeah, yeah, I was really frustrated with the outcome because I really, really wanted to buy an investment property and you said cashflow was an issue. So I got a second opinion. You were right, Greg. Like, you know, cashflow was an issue. Every other broker couldn't do it. So I'm back here. Like, I don't think that's a bad thing, but I definitely wouldn't be trying to be

sneaky. Yeah. Particularly if there's a clawback as well. Yeah. So that's also a really good point. If you, and it depends on the term of your loan. So a clawback is where, so you don't pay your broker, Jess. So your broker works for you individually for free. They get paid by the bank, But the bank says, in order to get paid by us, your client has to stay with us for a minimum of 12 months. It could be 18 months. It could be two years. Jess, that means if you leave your broker and go to another broker and they refinance

it during that what we call a clawback period, the broker you originally worked with is going to get a letter from the bank saying, hey, by the way, we're taking the money that you earned away from you. And to me, that's not that ethical because people should get paid for what they deserve. Also, if you're not happy with that loan, you should be talking to the broker first about fixing it, but also I don't mean to be rude. If you have a loan that can be refinanced within the first 12 months to another broker for a better deal, like your broker's not looking after you in the first place. So I'd just be like, we don't really see it in our business

because I think that our team and our clients trust us. And also we're always trying to get the best deal. Like we have reminders in our calendar every 12 months to check on certain clients and make sure that they're up to date with it and they're getting the best interest rates and all of that. Like your broker is not a set and forget kind of relationship from my perspective. Legally, they can be set and forget. But I think that the best type of brokers are the ones that are like putting reminders in their calendar going, oh my gosh, Jess's loan, it'll expire on this date and the, you know, set periods or do ABC. Let me do some research before then. So she's always in the best possible position. Like your broker should be working hard. Yeah.

from my perspective. So yeah, like there are a few elements that I go, oh, that doesn't sit right with me. But ultimately, if you want a second opinion, go and get one, but really have conviction in why you want a second opinion and maybe come to the realization that it's you not trusting your broker to begin with. Yeah, interesting. Rude from me, maybe. Speaking of keeping secrets though, this week's community DM has a little bit of a secret plot in it, doesn't it? You are correct, Jessica. It's a little bit spicy. Are you ready? I am. strap yourselves in my fiance has a secret credit card crying face it's crying face emoji hi ladies on top of trying to budget for a wedding dealing with the cost of living and

trying to get in a better financial position for our future my fiance's credit card statement came in the mail and it showed us that we are in five thousand dollars worth of personal debt which he has maxed out and i didn't know about i went through the statement and it's many apple subscriptions and really silly little things we could have covered, but it's just snowballed. And to add insult to injury, he makes his $50 minimum repayment, but that doesn't make a dint in it. Do you have any advice on how to navigate this? I feel defeated. I've got $2,000 in savings. I was going to put towards essential tech upgrades, but that seems to be completely out of the picture now. Oh my gosh, that's awful. It's your fiance, so you're going to be married.

and I feel like that is a very big secret to keep and I don't want to shame anyone for their debt and I understand that that had to be. No, but we should be talking openly and honestly about it, especially if you've got shared big financial goals. Well, it's interesting because I noted our listener said I found out that we're in $5,000 of personal debt. I kind of like the way she framed that though

because if Steve had that, I would immediately go that's an us problem, not a him problem because we're a team. So maybe it's that. I do. Like, I do really like it, but I also am very conscious of the fact that $5,000 is a lot of money and a lot of debt to put yourself in. And it's a bit concerning that the partner is, sounds like burying his head in the sand, paying only minimum repayments, not being open about the fact that he is in that debt. If that was me, like if I found that out about my partner, I'd be real salty. So, so salty. And it's a hard one because you go, well, how do I approach that? Because

technically like she has opened his mail and obviously she said you know we've got all these wedding things coming and maybe she just thought it was one of those but you don't know if I saw a statement come in for a credit card like I'm really sorry and no you're not meant to open other people's mail I'd be straight in it I'd be like oh whoops I was opening mine and I accidentally opened this one ha ha ha it wasn't an accident Stephen yeah but it's like it's a hard conversation to bring up like hey by the way I know you've been lying to me if you're gonna lie to me at Please turn off the mail coming. Like, who gets paper?

Have your e-statements sent to you. Be better at lying. We ask the community. All right, Jess. So we said, do you have a secret credit card that your partner doesn't know about? Thankfully, 98% of you said no. 2% of you said yes. 2%.

2%. We said, how would you feel if your partner had a secret credit card? 60% of you agreed with us. We'd feel hurt that the trust had been broken. 37% said I'd only care if we shared our finances and 3% said wouldn't bother me at all I think that might change if you found out it was maxed out credit card Jess yeah having your credit card in general it's fine fine having a maxed out credit card where you are in personal debt different story especially if it dumb stuff like dumb little like app purchases but they do

compound and that's where debt is a really slippery kind of surface to be on right and I've said before and I'll preach again and again, nobody gets a credit card with the intention of going into debt. No one goes, all right, well, Jess, I really want to go into personal debt. So I think I'm going to apply for a $10,000 limit credit card. Like you just don't do it. You and I have both been in personal debt and when you go into debt, it feels like a necessity. Like you're not going into debt because you're like, hello, I'm just going to get a credit card and I'm going to spend my life away. Like you're going into debt because life at that point in time is challenging and you're, you know, saying, oh my gosh, like I have to move out or I have to do this or I have

to spend this. Mine was just frivolous. Like at the end of the day, like it just compounded and it does. But no one gets a credit card with the intention to be in crippling personal debt. So I can guarantee that your partner or your fiance feels really awful about this too. So I think we need to make sure that we're approaching this situation with the kindness it deserves. And this to me is a fantastic opportunity in your relationship to extend that kindness and practice it and go, okay, hey, this has come up. How are we tackling this as a problem? What does this mean? How are you going to pay it off? Have you thought about this? It's very, very hard. Yeah. We also asked, if you're in a relationship, do you and your

partner share finances? Spassy. 60% of you said yes and 40% said no. Again, there is no right or wrong way. I just really think this is, let's see it as an opportunity to grow closer and, you know, foster a bit more trust. So like if you were in that situation, Jess, and we were in a relationship, which we'd be real hot couple. Yeah, for sure. So that would make sense. But if you came to me and said, I have a credit card statement or I uncovered it, I think that's actually a really great time to go, hey, Jess, like I think we need to have a chat. How can we approach this with kindness? Because I promise yelling and screaming about it goes nowhere. In fact, it's setting an expectation that if there's anything to hide from you in the future, they need to work harder

instead of being open with you. Well, yeah, I feel like the bigger red flag for me here than the credit card is the fact that it was kept a secret. Yeah, no, I agree. I absolutely agree. And there's going to be a reason they got it. They might've been like, oh, I'm really overwhelmed with their finances or I've had it for years and it just never came up. There's going to be a reason, right? And I think that it tells you a lot about your relationship. We also asked the community, Jess, as always, would you like to hear what they had to say? Absolutely. So someone said, this is really concerning for me. Is this habitual? Yeah. Good question. Someone else said nothing wrong with having one if it's manageable, but this seems really deliberate that he hid it

from her. Yeah. Which is true. And that's where I see the issue. That's not how you want to start a marriage either. A hundred percent. Like maybe you two decide to get a credit card because, you know, stuff's tight. Yeah. Great. I get it. But it's a joint decision and a joint financial decision. Someone said, I watched my parents deal with this back and forth for years, run it only gets worse oh no no this is an opportunity to set expectations in a relationship and have beautiful open honest money conversations and you know what five thousand dollars to be on the right page so that's a money win it's an investment in your relationship done someone said credit card no it would be impacting your borrowing if you're planning on purchasing a

property which is true yeah would have come up at some point because you can't hide lines of credit you need to have a secret emergency account though yeah anyone everyone should we've said that before a squirrel account is what i've been calling it recently because you squirrel money away yeah like a little squirrel and then you forget about your nuts yeah and then it's there exactly it's there for a rainy day like the squirrels in central park in new york because we were there last week so cute by the way did you know we went to new york oh great i'm glad that we're all on the same page have you heard all right someone said i have recently found out that my partner of four years has a secret gambling addiction and he has been lying about

his savings. Oh, that's so awful. It's a deal breaker for me. Yeah. Fair. Also, thanks for sharing that because that's big. Someone said, it's not the credit card. It's actually the secrecy that's the problem. It's okay to need one, but you need to be talking about it. Your debts are shared once you get married. And someone said, it's his secret love. So it's his problem to deal with, not yours. I'm rocking a hard place. I'm rocking a hard place. I just think it's an opportunity for more open honest money conversations like we all go through things we all end up in a situation where we find ourselves in a financial pickle and we feel like we might need to pick something else up so I just yeah I feel like this is an opportunity for

kindness yeah should you be lying no you need to have a chat about that too yeah awkward conversation absolutely not acceptable to lie but I think you're right like if you have the conversation And if you set those expectations, it's an opportunity potentially to really deepen your relationship with each other, to reaffirm that you do approach things as a team, to reaffirm that you do do them with kindness and that you are there to support each other because maybe that's why it was kept a secret because your partner was embarrassed or unsure of how you'd react or something like that. So hopefully it's an opportunity to strengthen you guys rather than something that's going to pull you apart. I agree. And I also think it's important to see that there is in a relationship a different between secrets and things that might not have come up because you're not comfortable yet. So like when I got into a relationship with Steve, I was in personal debt. I had not told him yet because I was so deeply ashamed of the debt that I carried. I was so worried about his judgments

on me. It actually wasn't me trying to keep secrets. Like I wasn't out having an affair, trying to, you know, keep that under wraps and like I was definitely hiding it. I was just so deeply ashamed of the debt that I was carrying. And finally, when I felt comfortable, I shared it and he's like, oh, that's fine. And the way he approached it has meant that our relationship, I feel very comfortable in. If I ever have anything to share, I know that he's not going to judge me. I mean, that's why he's my husband now. I feel very comfortable with this human being. And I think that that's why I'm saying it's a really big learning opportunity for the two of you. Because again, I think we need to remember that this could be one of the hardest

things that he has carried because for me it was too so like don't approach it with like I can't believe you didn't tell me because they're going to be sitting on the other side of the table being like I didn't know how to bring it up it made me feel sick I've lost sleep over this I would lay awake at night next to you going is he going to end the relationship with me because I'm in debt and I you know look like I have my stuff together from the outside in yeah so I think it's there's two sides to this coin and you need to see both so that you can have a very honest conversation and if it goes well it will only put your relationship in a better position come back and let us know how it goes i'm super interested i know all right jess it is friday tomorrow is

saturday and we are going to a halloween parade in new orleans so we better go get our costumes i am so excited about this sorry that you're not here my friends but you are living vicariously through us if you're following us on instagram if you're following us if you're not following us unlucky follow jess ricky on instagram victoria underscore divine and she's on the money aus and if you don't want to go type in all of those usernames just go to she's on the money because we tag the hell out of ourselves anyway have the best weekend but not as good a weekend as us at the halloween parade love you bye the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your

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