She's On The Money - Do You Pay For Your Parents?

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Friday is with us again, so get into the spirit with the gals as we celebrate your money wins, dive into some broke tips and answer a Money Dilemma about sorting out your super at 30 years old. Plus, you slid into our DMs about a boyfriend who is regularly paying for his parent's lifestyle. Is this normal to you, or a red flag? Tune in to get the goss from the gals!   Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for people who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, surprise, it is Friday, and it means that it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you. How incredible she's on the money community. Today, Miss Jess Gritchie, she's on the money wins from our community. Bex Syed, she's got some broke tips, and we're helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about sorting your super out at 30. We're also going to be unpacking something that you slid into our dams about, which this week is about parents who borrow money and don't pay it back. But before we get there, my loves, how have your weeks been? What have you been up to? Anything exciting to report?

You. Good. Good luck, Chuck, over here. How is your streak going? Good, good. Still going well. We had our little team retreat this week, which was very fun. Very fun. We had a pool, a whole house, and I'm just surprised we got any work done. I know, loved being down by the beach, enjoyed some beautiful sunsets. Stunning. For those of you following along and maybe haven't seen our socials, we stayed at Sagres. Sagres?

Is that how you say it, Jess? Sagres? Sagres? How do you spell? S-A-G-R-E-S. Sagres. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. In Queenscliff, most beautiful home, like legit.

It felt like we had like our little she's on the money sorority. Like we all had our fancy bedrooms, we had our communal dining room, we had a pool like it was very Elle Woods vibes for us to do work and get motivated but amazing I thought that was really important to get the she's on the money team together to like make sure that we've got content coming out because I'm having a baby so um I figured probably should take the team away lock them in a room together basically and go oh how are we dealing with my mat leave is there anything you need from me what can we do so that there's no bumps in the road because otherwise I will be like peeping over their shoulders and be like, hey Jess, what do?

And you'll be like, go back to maternity leave. And I'll be like, I'm bored, help me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was really fun. How was your week been? Yeah, very nice. I saw All of Us Strangers. Oh, was it good?

It was good. Is that a movie or a musical? Movie. I'm not a big musical girl. I was so excited when I heard that the Mean Girls movie was coming out and then someone was like, by the way, it's musical. And I was like, I'm out. I know.

The Mean Girls musical, though, is fabulous. Is it an actual musical already? Yeah, it is. So it was a movie that was adapted to a musical that has now been adapted to a movie. A movie that is a musical. Yes. No, I'm out. Any musical movie is like, it's just not me unless it's a high school musical,

in which case they were very clear about what it was going to be with the title. In which case I'll accept that. I do feel like the Mean Girls trailer doesn't showcase strongly that it is a musical, so I can understand why some people were taken by surprise. Yes. They really Trojan horsed us with that one. But other than that, yeah, it's just being real chill, living, loving and laughing at the moment. Oh, you're in the right conditions to live, love, laugh. Yeah. I love that for you. And what about you, V? I'm just feeling really heavy. That's it. We had a really good time at the retreat and now I'm just feeling like a bit

of a heffa-lump, to be honest. It's about to blow. Yeah, cool. That's my update because you don't actually want to know what's been going on with my body. Anyway, let's jump straight in. Ms. Jessica Ricci, community money wins. What are you bringing to the table this week? Firstly, this week I have a money win from April who said, went through my old boxes from my early 20s in my parents' shed over the holiday break. I found a bunch of notes from when I travelled to Europe that I kept as a souvenir. This is financial money notes.

That's quite cute. Dollar dollar bills. She said, I decided to keep some of the other more meaningful bits and bobs I picked up during my trip as souvenirs instead and I cashed in the notes over the weekend, which was an extra $150. Oh, my gosh, that's so much money. That's an expensive souvenir. Well, how often do you come home from a trip and you have just random coins? I have a jar of, like, foreign money, which I use as, like, decor.

Which I'm like, oh, this is kind of fun. That's expensive decor. If you took it to an exchange place and they did all the coins and stuff, it probably adds up. It totally does. Fun little idea from April. Next, I've got a money win from Amber Rae, who said, I actually stuck to my budget this week.

Ah, queen. That could be so much harder done than said. So I love this for you. Completely agree. Then I've got one from Sia who said, I found an unopened copy of the board game Telestrations at the op shop. Telestrations? Telestrations, if you have not played it, is my favourite game.

It is so good. No, I've never even heard of it. All right, let me give you a real quick breakdown. Okay. It's good for small and big groups because you can buy like an upsized one that has up to 12 players. So everyone gets a little bit of fun. little pad like that's got whiteboard pages and a pen and an eraser and so on the very front page

you draw a card and it gives you something let's say you get the man in the moon right so the first person text like there's text so your thing is a text on your card so you write on the first page the man in the moon you flip the page and you pass it to the person on your left i love this everyone has the thing everyone gets the one from next to them you look at the text and you draw it right then you pass it along the person looks at your drawing and has to write what they think that you drew. And it passes along, the next person draws what the, so you're effectively drawing or writing from the page in front of you, right? So then you get back to the start and you start at the end and you go, okay, I've ended up with cat dog cheese. And you go, this is what the

person drew. And then you see the progression of how it's changed. I love this game. Okay, now how do you win? You don't win. It's just so funny. I literally played this on the weekend. It's such a good game. It's such a good game. I love it. At the end, I don't know if everyone Everyone does this. I'm competitive, guys. I need a win. Well, you can actually win the way that we do it is at the end when we're doing our slideshow of, like, progression and things like that.

We auction off the artwork. Oh, you auction off the artwork? Just for a few cents. That's very fun. This is worth four cents. Or, like, if your clues worked, I guess you could track how many if you really want to win. How accurate.

It's so fun. Anyway. Oh, I love that. That sounds really fun. But I'm more of a, like, gets-to-win-the-game Catan kind of girl. I love Catan. I love Catan too. I've played so much of it.

Like, every weekend, I think, for the last month, I've played at least two games of Catan. That shows you how cool I am. Wow. Jess, what else have you got? Let's not talk about this. Well, let me finish with Thea's win. She said the game normally goes for $29.

At the op shop, it was marked to $13. And on that particular day, it was 50% off toys, so she paid $6.50 for a brand new Telestrations. Wow, done. I'm going to have to go buy Telestrations. Highly recommend, even though I can't win. But you can also just think of your own sentences. You know, that's a $0 game.

anyway oh you totally could do it without the actual thing for sure next time i need i need the structure sure next i've got a win from carly who said i really drilled into my health insurance coverage my needs and i balanced it with having my own emergency fund so i've kept my insurance at a lower level and started my own emergency fund with coverage for what i felt like i needed hey that's really smart idea very smart review health insurances you're probably paying for something you don't need yeah i think i've shared on the podcast before that i have private health insurance but something I did a couple of years ago which made a lot of sense at the time was drill through it then call them and be like hey can I please have this this and this removed from

my policy because like I'm not going to use it right yeah and like sometimes there are blanket policies like I did not need to be covered for testicular cancer Jess yes like that didn't make sense and at the time I was like I'm a boss lady I don't need no child I don't need maternity cover Yes. How'd that work out for me, Jess? You did forget to put it back on. I did. And so I'm very lucky that the date I did re-implement it once I learned that that was, you know, missing from my cover. But thankfully, I learned before this pregnancy started. But it means that my cover only kicks in literally like three weeks before the baby is due. So I've had to pay out of pocket But for literally everything except my hospital stay, she burns.

Yeah. So, you know, if you've removed something from your cover, which is great because you're not using it, maybe put a calendar reminder in for every year and be like, do you want to check if you need this now? Like have you changed your mind? Do you now want children, Victoria? Yeah.

Like it sounds trivial, but like that would have saved me thousands of dollars. Great tips are reviewed, but don't forget to come back and review. Yes. Then I've got a money win from Annette who said, I enrolled in TAFE to study a diploma last year and I got it for free. Money win! And then I've applied for another course this year, which is also free as well. How good's that?

Love that. Amazing. And then lastly, I've got a good one from Lauren who said, I got into the Oz Open with a $10 kids ticket because I'm five foot tall and can pass as a child despite the fact that I'm 26 years old. That's so cheeky. We definitely shouldn't be promoting it, but I do have a friend that also does that. And yeah, very nice.

Very nice. Carry on. Very nice indeed. No questions, no answers. Moving on. Bec, please don't use that as your broke tip. What have you got? If you look younger than you are.

No, okay. So as usual, we do have two from the community, one from myself. So the first one comes from Michaela who said that if you have any old veggies just lying around in your fridge instead of just throwing them out, chop them up and make some frozen dumplings or eat day of if you have the time. Oh, yeah, good idea. Which is a great idea because otherwise we just chuck them out. You can also do that with curries and things like that, but you can't really freeze it

as well as a dumpling. Also, you can still get the texture of the vegetable in a curry. You can't in a dumpling. It's almost wasteful to use a fresh vegetable in a dumpling. It's true. Use your little limp carrots and put them in dumplings. Those soft carrots. The next one comes from my housemate, Alison, who is currently just, I'm so impressed by

her. I know I've mentioned this before, but propagating, you know, plants and things like that. Yeah. But. Woman after my own heart. Yes. You should. A little bit of a snippy, snippy.

We love a little snippy. Totally. And even just like. Love a liberated plant, don't we, Jessica? Sure do. So in particular, using the seeds from your tomatoes and things you get from the actual grocery store and just literally, I mean, she probably does more than this, but in my mind, she just chucks them in the garden and they grow into these wild...

No, it can be as simple as that. Absolutely. I think we've got potatoes growing, we've got carrots, we've got tomatoes, we've got everything. A whole grocery store. We've got like a whole garden and she's doing an amazing job. She's not doing anything in particular. She's just using the things that she would have already bought from the grocery store

anyway, but now we just happen to have a whole garden. How cute! That's really wholesome too. Nice little weekend activity. It is. And it is a nice little reminder. I know we've mentioned similar things on the show before, but it is just a nice reminder to just chuck everything in the garden

and hope for the best. Yeah. Marv, what else have you got? What's your broke tip? Okay, so, Marv, because obviously Valentine's Day is coming up. Some people don't celebrate. Obviously, I am single. But I just wanted to give the lovebirds out there.

Is this your shout-out to go Beck single? She's, like, getting this on the pod early. If you would like to change that for me, slide into my DMs. Yeah, exactly. Or this is, like, dating for Beck. she's on the date is what this podcast is now so if you would like to date beck um don't slide into her dms because i would like to take credit as matchmaker slide into mine and i'll hook a gal up love it yeah please also how cute would that be very cute broke tip let me pay for dinner

i'm free on valentine's day no i'm not i'm suddenly free on valentine's day everyone in the room is free um no but i was gonna just share some cheap and cute valentine's Day ideas that you don't have to use. You don't have to use for Valentine's Day. You can use it for any kind of date, but also you can use it with your friends and things like that. Cute. What have you got? Okay. So one of my favorite things to do is to just take a couple of board games and go sit in the park with a $5 bottle of wine. I always mention this $5 bottle of wine. It's so cheap. I just can't get over how cheap it is. You can take a game of chess and things like that. But

what I did once with my best friend, who I mention all the time as well. Hi, Liv. Hi, Liv. What I did was I got her to leave the house for a little while and I turned our house into a pub. So instead of going out for – What? No, you didn't.

I seriously did. I did this through COVID, though. I probably have, like, photos and videos somewhere that I'll share. That is so cute. Did you, like, pour beer all over the carpet so it felt sticky? I did. I did. I made the carpet sticky.

I even put, like – Heat on the wall. Heat on the wall. um i did i did some grossing to make it as authentic an experience as possible exactly and you know we go north side pubs so yeah i had to make it extra sticky exactly uh very grungy but i just got some paper which is obviously you know it doesn't have to be too expensive and i wrote up menus i got frozen pizzas and put those i made them sound really good like you know i got ham and pineapple. I put it on there as a 24-hour slow-roasted pork. It was really just like a...

It was a frozen pineapple pizza. Just a frozen pizza. So, and I even put like... No, I love this. I put like signs in our bathroom. If anyone's making you feel uncomfortable, talk to us. And, you know, I got like a case of beers, which is cheaper, you know, 24 beers at a pub is like, I don't know, several thousand dollars. I don't know, I'm bad at math. But, you know it's probably 60 bucks from the the liquor store that's so expensive yeah no that's genius i thought you know and you put on a movie on netflix it's all it's all it doesn't have to

be that expensive at all it's actually so cute i want to do that that's really cute it's really fun i will not be pouring beer on our carpet though like there's a line that's where it is for me that's fair you still have to wear on the on the floor somewhere oh no not in the girls bathrooms no not happening we would never if you have a male and female bathroom in your home I will be very impressed. We're an all-site, so it's an all-gender bathroom, which makes it a lot easier. Yeah, so that's fine.

Just put an all-gender sign on your own actual toilet. I think I did that as well, actually. Yeah, from memory. That's so funny. But anyway, so that's my tip is to turn your home into a pub. I love it. I like it. I love it.

Thank you. All right, let's go to a really quick break. I need to see these photos of this pub. Yes. And on the flip side, we're going to be talking about sorting out your Super Ed 30, and we're also going to be answering and unpacking something that you slid into our DMs about, so don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to The Money Dilemma.

Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career, and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hey, I need your help. I'm 28 years old and I have no super, like zero dollars. I work full time as a nanny and I'm earning just shy of 90k. However, because I work for two families and less than 30 hours at each of them, I fall into a weird category of domestic employee that doesn't qualify for super from their employers. I adore my job and I love the

families I work for. But I just think that in this industry, it's just really hard to earn super from your employers. It's hard to qualify. So I know I need to start on my own somehow. And the closer I get to 30 and the more I listen to the podcast, the more worried I am for my future. But I just don't know where to start. Help. I love this question because I feel like there are lots of people in this situation, but also it applies to people who are self-employed. Like they have income and they're like, but I'm not being paid super. In these circumstances, it is your responsibility to build 11% into the amount that you are being paid. So if you want to earn $20 an hour, you need to add your superannuation to cost to that. And that is why more often than not,

those hourly rates when, you know, you're not paying super and you are paying a quote casual employee do not consist of superannuation, but they are higher so that, you know, a freelancer is meant to pay themselves, right? Like we've worked with so many freelancers and we never pay them super, not because we're dodgy, but that's how the world works. Like a freelancer might cost me a hundred dollars an hour, right? But I know of that when that gets to them, they're paying their tax, they're paying their superannuation or they should be paying their superannuation and their business overhead. So the true cost of it obviously comes down after their business expenses. But this is the way you should be seeing it as well.

If you know from the start, all right, well, I'm not going to get super instead of saying I earn $90,000-ish a year. Well, actually, you earn $90,000 including super and you need to work out what that amount is and take that out and put it into your superannuation for your future. it is so important to be putting to you first and it could also be about renegotiating a rate but to me in those roles it's not actually about even approaching your employer and saying you need to pay me super because of the way you're employed you're basically a freelancer so it's actually your responsibility to be paying you super and if you ask for a pay rise it's not oh Jess I need to up my rates because I need to pay myself super it's oh Jess my rates are going up

New Year, New May, also just like cost of living has increased, full stop, end of story. But some of that income that you already earn needs to be allocated towards super, like end of story. And I feel like I have danced around it for a long time. And I am also very aware that I sound hypocritical in this conversation because if you know me personally, you know that I did compromise my super to start my business. Lots of small business owners do that. Is it the right thing? absolutely not. Like this is definitely a do as I say, not as I do thing. But I also want to let you know, if you're a freelancer and you don't pay yourself super yet, bub, I get it. We've all been there. Like sometimes I didn't have enough money coming in the door to even pay myself a

wage, let alone superannuation. And I just was trying to hustle to get my business where I wanted it to be. And now I do and I've sorted it all out and I've definitely back paid it and we're all good. But one, I get it. But two, prioritize it. It's future you that's missing out and you're not working in these jobs to put yourself behind. So many times you talk to freelancers who are just like the biggest hustlers and you're just like, you work so hard to put yourself ahead and no one works that hard and doesn't want to be in a better position after to find out they're shooting themselves in the foot because they will retire with much less super than the average PAYG employee just because they haven't prioritized it. Yeah. 90K inclusive of super is like, that's a

package that a lot of people earn in the year. So even if you're not upping your rates, there is, from my perspective, no reason to not be going through. I agree. The other thing I would suggest is you said you're 28, you have zero super. You need to be working on building that up, whether that's within super or whether that's in investments outside of super. Obviously, super has a lot of really fantastic tax benefits. So look into what works for you. But if you genuinely have zero dollars in super, and particularly if you didn't have an investment either if you've just kind of been spending the money or saving the money or living your best life. Definitely, I would say sit down and look at a plan, as you said, VD, to prioritize that

and start contributing because at 30, I think the suggested amount to retire with a livable wage is around $35,000, $40,000. Yes, that's correct. So whether that's in super or whether that's in an independent investment, your call as a business owner, but if you're not kind of sitting around there, I would be looking at a strategy or a plan to help get you on your way. And I don't mean that to sound overwhelming, but like that's... No, that's the reality of the situation. You need to put future you first. One website that could be really helpful for you is paycalculator.com.au. So what you do is pop in your annual salary. So I've just done this, $90,000. And right now, not including super, your annual

pays $68,483 because you have a taxable income of $90,000 in the 2023-2024 tax year. You're going to pay a total of $21,517 tax, not taking into consideration if you have any student loans. But if we click the option that says include superannuation, that flips it and it says, well, actually, your annual package is now $62,641 with a taxable income of $81,081. Superannuation that you would be paying out of that $90,000 package would be $8,918 a year, which means you're paying $18,439 in tax a year instead of the $21,000. So there are some tax benefits as well to putting money in super. Obviously, this isn't advice, it's more like go and work out what works for you. But at the end of the day, if your structure is that you

don't get paid super, you need to build it in. So not, I earn $90,000 a year. I earn $90,000 as a package each year, which means I actually earn $81,000 and I pay $8,900 in super. Does that make sense? That totally makes sense. And that's still a great wage, like a fantastic wage and you're putting future you first. Totally. My only advice is don't be harming yourself. She sounded very stressful at the end. Yeah, she did. You've been doing the best that you can. Yes, exactly.

You're doing great and it's never too late and you're fine. Don't worry. It's good that you're thinking about it. That's awesome. I think it's really smart to think about it and you are absolutely correct, Bec. Like there is no better time than today to start. And I'm so glad that you're in our community because you're going to be in the best possible position that you can be.

Oh, when we get to be along for the ride, how good is that? Yes. All right. Let's move on, my friends. We once again have a juicy money dilemma that you slid into our DMs about. So here is our DM of the week. Are you ready? Ready.

Ready. Hi, She's On The Money. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. His parents always ask him for money. I'm talking like $400 every couple of weeks, but they never pay him back. We don't share finances, but we are trying really hard to save for our shared goals, like buying a house together in the future. this is getting really difficult to save when he continually gives them money and now i'm

contributing more towards our shared goals as he has less savings due to this also his parents have well-paying jobs they just have bad expensive habits and rely on their son as backup which is even more frustrating we've been fighting about this and i told him this is negatively impacting our ability to reach our goals he said i'm being controlling trying to convince him not to help his parents but really i'm trying to do what's best for him and our future together i'm not sure what to do now as it really doesn't sit well with me what he's doing please help uncomfortable very yeah awkward and just what do you do i feel like it's hard because to me this is one of the very few things I feel like nobody else really has input over like I think that I know that you know

when your parents have raised you they have obviously put a lot of money into raising you as a child not to make you sound like a prize coward affair or something but they've looked after you for so long that a lot of children I think want to repay that when the roles are reversed and you know I think there's I've seen a lot of quotes and discussion around how people kind of age up and then age down, like you hit your peak and then you kind of regress. And then sometimes, you know, for some people, they then want to step in and support their parents in the way that their parents supported them. In certain cultures, it's also very common for children to support their parents completely once they reach a certain age. So, you know, that's another.

There's a lot of aspects we don't have insight into. Like, is this a cultural thing and you just haven't tapped into that being a cultural thing. And, you know, who knows? Or are you just like me and you're straight straying and that's not really a part of your culture. And that's why you find it really frustrating because, you know, just to extrapolate it out, you're saying, and you said in this that, you know, they have some bad expensive habits. What are those bad expensive habits so why is your partner funding them if they're not good for their parents as well like I just feel like there's a lot more to the story totally I feel like my suggestion for a solution would simply be that if you are feeling uncomfortable with the fact that you now feel

like you're contributing more financially you feel like it's a bit uneven if he wants to continue to support his parents I think that should be his decision but I suppose to equalize the playing field, maybe the conversation is, okay, well, if you're taking $400 out a month or a fortnight or whatever, I'm going to contribute $400 less and I'm going to put that towards something for me. So maybe you put it in an investment portfolio or maybe you put it towards something you want to treat yourself with and you kind of equalize those contributions in a way that you want. Like I know we've discussed before, there's many different ways to approach your money and not everyone wants it to be exactly tit for tat. But if it's a point of contention, maybe that's the

best way I can kind of think of to solve it. I totally agree. Kind of pull that back. He continues to do what is important to him and important to his family, because I do think that that's maybe not necessarily something that anyone else can tell you how to manage. Like your relationship with your family, I think is deeply personal. Yeah. And if our listener is worried about the impact on their financial goals, you know, strip it back, kind of even out the playing field and maybe rejig the timeline for the goals that you have. I totally agree. My advice is going to be similar to that almost exactly the same but obviously communication is what she says what she said no but yeah communication is key and also yeah i would say i guess it would be

really frustrating if you have already mapped out when you're going to reach your goal by and it's like you know your second half you you know the person who's meant to be contributing the same amount or not that much less is kind of like not really pulling their weight in that regard but Yeah, it is one of those things. It's like you can't really say anything. You can't talk to the parents, obviously, because they're not yours. It depends on your dynamic with them. Maybe you're super comfortable.

I don't know. I agree with you on the communication piece, though. It feels like there's a lack of understanding from both sides. Like you're clearly not on the same page about it. I think we need to step back and then go, oh, hey, Jess, can we sit down and like properly talk about this? Like obviously that's important to you. We need to factor it in.

Like let's be honest, it's happening so often. It's happening every week or whatever it is. we now need to build this into our budget. If you're going to continue it, that's fine. But like, we need to be talking about our goals and what that looks like. And, you know, I think that if you don't go, I don't want you doing it. Let's talk about that. That's going to create some roughage. But if you say, look, we actually just need to revisit our budget because obviously we're not able to do this. We quote, we need to be contributing to this. And then once you sit down, you go, well, I don't want to contribute to that. I want to be doing

this, but what does it look like? Like if your parents are asking you for this, let's have a look. How much have we given them over the last few months? Okay. X thousand dollars. Okay. No worries. How do we make sure that you are in a position to do that and achieve your goals? Does that mean, and I think that the reality of the circumstances might come tumbling down then, because if you're doing it ad hoc, you go, whatever, whatever, every time, right? But if then I go, oh, Beck, like that means that, you know how we wanted to buy a house next year. it's not going to happen that's okay what will happen though is we could probably buy a house in three or four years you're all right with that and I'm almost certain that your partner will be

like wait wait no no no that's not what we wanted and I go but that's how money works it's not endless like I think having a really good non-judgmental conversation about it because you might think it's the worst thing ever but then I look at it and go if my parents reached out to me and said they need a cash which they don't uh I would give it to them in heartbeat I don't think I'd even question it. No, definitely. Like sister, sibling, honestly, Jess asked me for cash tomorrow. I'd be like, oh, of course, I'll look after you.

Like, don't worry. I'm that type of person. And that's not, that sounds terrible, but it's not a flex thing. It's more a that's what I would want to do in that circumstance if I have the means. So your partner might be very similar and they're like, oh, yeah, but like I know it compromises my goals, but my family's more important. Sure.

So like we need to have that conversation and get on the same page because you might not have grown up in a similar situation you might go oh my parents I left when I was 16 want nothing to do with them would never give them a dollar and then that mindset is overlaying what they're doing and you're going well that makes no sense I'd never do that why would you do that so I think we need to kind of like step back and just have some open honest communication about this because you both deserve that clarity because then at least you can feel at peace with the decision they're making and going back to what you said Jess if there's spare cash because you're like, well, I'm not going to be buying this house on my own. You can allocate

it towards another investment goal to make sure that you're still working towards a safe financial future. Yeah. Love that. What did everyone else say? Oh, God, spicy. You ready? We asked obviously for your two cents. First question we asked was, would you be frustrated if your partner was giving significant dollars to their parents? 90% of you said yes. We said, if your parents continued to ask for your help with money, would you give it? 40% of you said yes. 60% said no. I guess it does depend on what it's like if they're using it for drugs then you go okay probably not exactly and that's where I'm like we need some context you said it was a bad habit but like what is a bad habit that you just keep overspending and you didn't allocate money for the bills this month

or like is that crystal meth like there's a big difference delineation you know we then asked you if yes so as if you would continue to give your parents money why and we have a number of different answers. So they've always helped me whenever I'd need it. It's reciprocal. Someone said if I was in a position to help my parents, I would, similarly to how they've always helped me get as far as I have. Some people said mine wouldn't ask if they were desperate. So if they asked, I'd sell everything I own for them. I was like, it was so wholesome. Someone said, look, I trust them to always return it with some interest, of course. Someone said my mum sacrificed everything for me And she wouldn't ask unless she really, really needed it.

Someone said, the Bank of Mama Dead's actually supported me thus far in my hard times. I would want to return that favor. So it was very much, if you said yes, that's absolutely it. But then the tables turned and someone said, I'd do it. I don't want to. I just feel guilty. I can see where that comes from. Someone said, I grew up in a Chinese household.

It's actually expected that I fund my parents' lifestyle. Right. someone said they're not going to ask for it for bad habits but if it was for good things i'm sure i would be happy to give it to them and then a lot of other people said if it's a cultural thing maybe your partner could give cole's gift cards so they don't have access to cash for whatever bad habit that is that's an interesting like idea yeah well i don't know because i don't know what the cash is being used for correct yeah it depends on i suppose i mean you could extrapolate that up be like, oh, what's it for? And if it's for a bill, be like, oh, send me a copy of it and I'll

just be paying myself, like I'll organize it. We did then say, well, if you wouldn't give your parents cash, how would you go about telling them that you can't help? Someone said, sharing with them that as an adult, their finances are not my responsibility. Also technically true. It's such a hard thing because I completely agree and understand what everyone said around like wanting to support their parents who have supported them and helped them. But at the end of the day, like you didn't ask to be born. It's very aggressive, but do you know what I mean? Again, depending on what that bad habit is, if you're not in the position where you don't want to, I think that's also fair and valid. Yes. Yeah. Someone said, I discuss boundaries with my parents about my

parent-child relationship and my future goals and how that's impacting them. Someone else said, in my situation, I'd express that I have my own goals and I'm trying to meet them. Someone said, I'm really not in a position. I'm so sorry. I can't do this anymore. I would have loved to help. It's just not a possibility. She feels like she's a bit more gentle.

Someone said, I'd be really blunt. I'd give them all the information for Centrelink, financial counselling, et cetera, and leave it at that. Resources are really helpful for people. Yeah, totally. Someone said, I'd just be straight up. If I can't afford it, I can't afford it. And then someone else said, sitting them down for a calm and honest conversation about their

habits and how they are not helping themselves. I feel like I would probably be a little bit more gentle than that. Like I just can't imagine doing it, but that's my relationship with my parents. But I guess this idea of just saying, look, I'm really not in the position to support that, so sorry. Even if you've been doing it for a little while, I think you can go back and be like, look, I can't continue to do this. It's now impacting my bigger goals and stuff.

Cost of living is getting worse. Yeah. So I think that that is absolutely fine and obviously they're your boundaries. Draw them. Enforce them. We then said, have you been in a similar situation? If so, what happened? And someone said, I regularly help support my mom and my partner and I have open communication about this. He doesn't mind at all. Someone said, yep, I send money to support my family who's in Ethiopia. It's an obligation I can't ever shed. See, cultural again, like I just think that there's so many layers to this conversation that we don't understand. Someone said, yep,

very similar where my mum ended up taking out a personal loan to start a business. It went south and I had to clean up the pieces. Someone said, I'm in a really similar situation. And it's a real shot feeling for all those reasons. Someone said, I'm Asian. Most Asian parents expect money from their kids. Mine asked for 30% of my pay. Wow. I refused to give it. And then I was being compared to my cousins who actually did it. And I have to pay rent and mortgage. So this is very hard on me. It's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. It's hard, I think, as well. A lot of... 30% is like less than what a lot of people are paying on their mortgage. But like on average, if I could put everyone in a perfect position, you'd be only spending about 30% on your mortgage. So that's

a mortgage repayment, guys. Huge amount of money. I think it's hard for a lot of people who maybe are balancing their parents' culture and their own cultural identity, especially immigrants. I have a few friends who have either them or their parents prior to this. And they're like first generation, so it's not really something that they've tackled before. Yeah. And it's almost like navigating, you know, the set of rules and the way that it could realistic work in one country versus here and the norms that they observe in other family dynamics. And I can see how it also would be really hard to say to your parents, hey, like, I know you've spent your whole life thinking that I would pay for you, but there's only so much that is within

my means. Like 30% is huge. You're in a cosy, livy crisis, man. So a couple more. Someone said, how long's a piece of string? Someone said, you should set up a binding financial agreement. Second last one, because I don't want to end on a drainer, but someone said, I ended up having to have an intervention with my parents and their overspending after a few health issues arised from what they were spending money on. And then someone said, look, I used to support my parents and now had to reset some boundaries, but we are both on the same page because we had open, honest communication.

And I think that that's where we will leave it. But yeah, I think again, open, honest communication, exactly what you were saying, Bec. Like you just can't leave it in that situation. And I feel like there's such a lack of clarity from both parties about like what they can do, what you can do,

and like how are we sharing finances in the future? Like we need lots of chats. Yes, agreed. Right. That is all we have time for today, my loves. I hope you have the best weekend and we'll see you bright and early for Money Diaries on Monday. Bye, guys.

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