She's On The Money - Egg Freezing Economics

Episode Date: May 18, 2023

It's Friday again fam, so we celebrate your money wins, answer a Money Dilemma about the best way to pay for getting your eggs frozen, AND should a couple split wedding costs equally? Well you slid into our D.Ms this week about this very topic and there are MANY feeling about this one! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today is Friday, which means it is time to get the team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's on the Money community. Today, Ms. Jess Garucci is going to be sharing some of the community's favorite money wins. We have a new segment starting, which I am so excited about. Ms. Bex Syed, you have asked for your own segment. You said, Jess gets one, I want one. I did. And we are going to accommodate that. So stick around and we'll get to it very quickly. As always, we're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week, guys, a little bit spicy, is all about the cost of getting your

eggs frozen, which is a little bit topical at the moment. And we're going to be unpacking something you slid into our DMs about, which this week we're discussing splitting wedding costs with your partner. How have your weeks been, my loves? Very good. Very good. Very good. Yes. Why? What happened? Well, I'm home now. I don't know if you remember, but last week I was house-sitting. Yeah, which is elite, Mr. Jean Parmesan. Yeah. And so while I do enjoy living by myself, I'm happy to be back home with my housemates and sleeping in my own bed. Are you going to get a cat? Like, maybe. You should.

You're sold on the cat. I'm kind of in love with the cats, and I never thought this would happen. No, no. It's a slippery slope. Slippery slope. I didn't think I was a cat person. then I was a cat person, then I had one cat, now I have two cats. Honestly, it just keeps going on. Miss Jessica Rucci, before she joined She's On The Money, how many cats did you have? No cats.

How many cats do you now have? Two cats. Yeah, exactly. Hold on. Our producer and Elisa, you're not on mic. Why did you get the job at She's On The Money? Cat. Yeah, she had a cat and we talked about the cat in the interview.

So, Bec, it's actually time that you stepped up. Yeah, what the hell have I been waiting for? I really need to get a cat. I don't know. It's really disappointing. I'll talk to you about this off air later. Miss Jessica Ritchie, how has your week been? My week was good.

Nothing particularly exciting. Oh, we had a staycation this week. Yeah, take that back. We had a staycation. It was very fun. We did some planning. We had some sticky notes. It was all happening.

We ate probably a kilo bag of Alan's lollies. Yeah, I got sent to Officeworks for sticky notes and I walked out with a 1.3 kilo bag of Alan's. I was like, this seems like an office essential. Yeah, it was. Business expense, obviously. so we were very high on sugar. But you know what we've done? We've planned a lot of content for She's On The Money and I am super excited. I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed with how much I

was biting off and I said, Jess, we need to lock ourselves in a room and get this planning stuff done. So we did and now I'm super excited. So that was a good week. It's been a good week, guys. Good week all round. But it's also been a good week for the community. So Miss Jessica Ricci, what are your favorite money wins from this week's thread? My first money win this week comes from Teresa who said, my girlfriends and I have been entering lots of Insta competitions and we just won a $150 bar tab at King's Cross Distillery

and their full pre-mailed cocktail range. And I was just like, you never hear about people winning Instagram competitions. You'd love to see it. We do throw a few Instagram competitions around on our socials and people literally win. So it's a money win for everybody involved. 100% at She's On The Money AUS if you want to follow us.

Next, my money win comes from Paige who said, my colleagues and I just voted to endorse our union log of claims for our new enterprise agreement and the pay rise for the first year we're looking for is 7.5%. Heck yes. This doesn't necessarily mean we'll achieve that, but it's a good start. I feel like it is so important. I got cancelled this week on the internet. Well, not really cancelled. I just had a lot of people in my DMs very angry because I made a little piece of video content that said, if you're not getting a 7% pay rise this year, you're actually financially going backwards. Where is the lie? There is none. Where is the lie?

It's a lie in the room with us right now. No, it's not. No, it's not. Because it doesn't exist. Literally. All right, Jess, what else have you got? My next money win came from Siobhan who said, I learned a great tip from a friend this week. We went to the farms market, which I am notorious for impulse buying from. She went around and collected business cards from each stall that she saw things she liked out so that she could purchase from them later. Oh, that's actually so smart. And a good way of

like supporting a small business so that there's a little bit more longevity. So like instead of just impulse purchasing something and being like, I don't know, I just got it at a market. You could like follow them on socials or like, I don't know, share it with a friend. How good. Pass it along, you'll love to see it. Next money win is from Dana who said money win. Our city's zoo has free entry for kids for the month of May. So we did a family day out for Mother's Day yesterday. Genius. Glorious sunshine, free kids entry, free parking on a Sunday, and the mothers were given a free gift of beautiful smelling candles.

Oh, how cute. Awesome as. My next money win is from Alicia who said money win. I moved my emergency fund from an account only earning 1.95% to one earning 4.5% interest. Genius. I feel like as much as the cost of living has been increasing and everybody is talking about how the cash rate is so high

and our mortgages are costing more, do you know what this actually means for us little savvy savers the interest rate on high interest savings accounts it's coming back baby you love it we love to see it incredible my last one for this week comes from alissa and i felt this in my soul she said money win emotional loss not getting picked for the australian taylor swift pre-sale and i just i'm right there with you bestie so sad it's okay okay i'm on taylor swift tiktok and i keep seeing girls making their cute outfits and rhinestoning their boots and I'm like I just want that to be me we will be going to Taylor Swift I don't even care like it's going to be a thing Becca you're going to come do you

want to come to Taylor Swift I will come if there are free tickets going I'll buy your ticket you have to make a costume okay that's the trade-off so everyone I'm just gonna make everybody in the team come to Taylor Swift nobody else in the team cares about Taylor Swift like Jess does I mean I'm probably secondary to that yeah but like jess og we're going to taylor swift i don't even care yeah i want to go to taylor swift and watch um jess cry probably she'll just cry like jess is the type of girl that like i don't know if this is correct or not because i'm just hypothesizing her dream proposals to be proposed to at a taylor swift concert oh that's jessica that's really cool she's saying bye taylor swift oh that too she would absolutely say yes if taylor swift

to propose. I would be there. I'd be like, can I be the bridesmaid? Can I? I don't care what you say, Jess. I know you would thrive on that energy. Like Taylor Swift, live singing while you got proposed to. She's for the girlies. She's for the girlies. All right. Usually we go to a break right here, but this week and every week that is coming in the future, we will not be going to a break here because Beck, what are we introducing to the show? Okay. So what I've thought about doing now is, and also, you know, this may change. It's not going to be a very strict sort of format, but I started thinking this week, it was the week before pay month, pay cycle, and I had $8.56 and I thought, God, I wish there was somewhere for me to find like super cheap foods or some

sort of access to like maybe some tips and tricks and how the hell to get by on $8.56. And, you know, in my travels, I find really cheap foods and I find ways to, you know. You're a little money wizard. Yeah. Like instead of buying like a Frank Green drink bottle, I'll find ways to like do things cheaper. So I'm thinking of just every week telling you guys what I did in the week to save a buck. Yeah, sweet. What do you want to call this segment? I mean, you pitched it to us and it was as unhinged as that explanation was. And we were like, you know what, Bec, if you want to do that, you can do that. We are here for it. Perfect. Do we have a name for this segment?

Is there a jingle? How are we introducing this? Sure. So jingle is in the works. I'm thinking of calling it Broke Tips. Bec's Broke Tips. Bec's Broke Tips. BBT. BBT. If there is anyone listening who has a really, really good broke tip, sounds similar to a money win, but it is not. It is, in fact. It's not a money win. It's just a really good broke tip. Really good broke tip. So you had $2 to last you a month and you made it work. Let me know. Send it to either myself, Bex Syed on Instagram or She's On The Money, AUS. And in the spirit of brokenness, if you want to make me a jingle because I'm obviously broke, I have zero budget. Send it to me. You can send it to me on Instagram at Bex Syed. That's B-E-C-S-Y-E-D. I would love to use that jingle if you have the

to just put your own jingle yeah okay like i have a production team you don't want to use them no no you're not getting to use them it would be way better if it came from the community it would be nice it's actually amazing so we're going to do beck's broke tips or bbt every single week um beck are you going to kick us off with like a pearler like is there something that you're going to tell us like that's a good broke tip or are you just like baiting us and you're like it's coming it's coming yeah i'm just actually i'm going to beat you guys for the till the end of time and never give you any tips um but no i do have a really quick one so this week i literally did have $8.56 to last the entire week, plus the weekend. So what I did was I went to Woolies. You

can go to Aldi, you can go to Woolies, you can go to cheaper by miles. Why didn't you go to Aldi? It's obviously the more cost-efficient option. This is why, because I was on foot. I couldn't buy petrol. I literally had no petrol. Oh, she's on foot. I'm on foot. The closest place was Woolies. All right. I'll allow it this time. Okay. So a really cheap $2 loaf of bread, really cheap home brand butter or margarine, and a really cheap home brand sort of Vegemite or some sort of condiment. You're not trying to be healthy this week. You're trying to not die. Oh, that's a good tip. You're trying to die. Don't be healthy, just don't die. Yes. Sorry. Unfortunately, you're going to have to throw all that out the window. I would love

a frozen veggie if I could, but I couldn't. Yeah, they're expensive. I literally lived off of bread for the week. That's my broke tip of the week. If you can't afford food, loaf of bread will get you a long way. That's true. How much is the cheapest loaf of bread? Is it still like a dollar? Yeah, well, I think I can't remember. I think it was like $1.59 or something. Yeah, see, that's a good deal. You could make toast from that. You could make sandwiches from that elite. Absolutely. Good broke tip, Bec. I am hoping that the quality of the broke tips does increase over time. If you have a broke tip that you want to share with Bec, slide into her DMs and you might find it on the show. But now we are going to a really quick break and we are

going to be covering the cost of getting your eggs frozen and splitting wedding costs with your partner up next. Welcome back, everybody. Let's listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi, she's on the money. My money dilemma is I am looking to get my eggs frozen next month. And I'm wondering whether that would be better for me to put the cost onto my credit

card as I don't currently have enough money saved at the moment, or if I should take up the option that the provider has, which is using zip pay. Would I be end up paying more over zip pay or on my credit card? Thank you. This is such a good conversation to be having because I feel like so many people in our community, Jess, like we've had this conversation before. Like if I wasn't in a position where I was actively talking about having kids, I think I'd go down the route of egg freezing. Have you guys done any research into it? Not a lot. Enough to know that it's expensive because I'm hurtling towards 30 and everyone knows the saying it's downhill from there in terms of your egg health not everything else but it makes you think about it because I go

I always thought I wanted kids and now I'm like I don't want kids right now but then you go oh but what if I do later on and all of a sudden things are really complicated you want to keep your options open yeah and I remember like I haven't done anything like extensive research but I did enough cursory googling to be like that's expensive yeah it is so expensive Beck have you is this something that you're interested in or something you're like, I think I'd consider it. But I guess I do have a friend that froze her eggs and she said it was very expensive. So I just know realistically, I'll probably never be able to afford it. But I also don't mind too much whether I do or do not have children. So I'm not too fussed. That's fair. So if we look into it,

it's an elective surgery, right? It's an elective process, which means there are going to be lots of out-of-pocket costs. The average cost for egg freezing is between $4,000 and $5,000 for an initial cycle before medication and storage fees and a whole heap of other stuff. And the thing about that is going into that process, I think a lot of people assume that one round will be enough. I actually have a few friends who have gone through this process and they actually had to do two or three rounds because what they didn't realize is they had low egg count or like the quality wasn't good and they needed to do it again. The process is actually very, very similar to an IVF process where you have the same drugs and you go through the same process to kind of

harvest an egg and if you're going through IVF it would be fertilized and you go down that route but if you're going to freeze your eggs the process stops there and they freeze it right so between four and five thousand dollars I think in major cities it's closer to ten thousand dollars on average just from conversation and doing some research but then there's also storage fees so storage fees could be between four six eight hundred dollars a year depending on where and when you're doing this. So it's really important to have these conversations. So it makes sense that our friend who has a money dilemma has written into us and is like, how am I going to pay for this? Should I be putting it on my credit card? Should I be putting it on zip pay? Because

it's such a big cost. And the unfortunate part about this big cost, it's not like a car from my perspective where, oh Jess, well, if you want a new car, save up for it. Because the longer you're saving, the lower your egg quality. So the sooner you get this, the better if you've decided it's for you. So should you be putting it on your credit card? Ideally not. Should you be putting it on zip pay? It's not the worst decision. As I've said before, I'm not against buy now, pay later platforms. I'm against them letting you get out of control. But if that's a platform that enables you to have the freedom that you desire with no interest chargeable, then that might be a good payment plan option. Discussing payment plans with your provider could also be really

important. But what you might not know is that under compassionate grounds, you might be able to access your superannuation to pay for this. And now a lot of you might go, but V, I don't want to compromise my super. Yes, I get that. I do not want you to compromise your super either. But if we went and had a compassionate release of superannuation to help fund IVF costs, because you, you know, meet the release criteria, which is very probable if you sit down with your GP and have that conversation. Even a fertility specialist would be able to help you with this because I promise you guys it's not their first rodeo. But what we're going to do is treat that like a payment plan. We don't look at it and go, all right, well, I'm going to pull 10 grand out

of my super ha ha ha and worse off. Absolutely not. But you've just given me a credit card or zip pay. And what might be better is if you then just sacrifice a bit more super and talk to your employer about doing a couple of hundred dollars in addition each pay to get back up to that amount that you had before. So you're not worse off, but you don't have to rely on a different payment method. I think a lot of people just automatically assume that early super access isn't possible for egg freezing because they think, well, it's not for IVF. It's just like completely choice. No, that's not the case at all. It is completely possible to access super funds early for any type of fertility treatment. You just need to have a good conversation with your doctor.

so given the circumstances I don't have a lot of other context I don't have a lot of other circumstances to consider but if you're saying my options are zip pay or credit card I would be saying hey Beck go down and see if the superannuation route might work for you I don't want to compromise your retirement at all I don't think that that's smart at all because who knows you might be like Jess and freezing your eggs because you just don't know if you want kids or not and you might not rely on it later. Who knows? But if you're someone who wants the opportunity to do that and you don't have immediate access to those funds, maybe superannuation is a good idea. And I'm telling you this right now, Bec, Jess, you pay super fees. You pay super fees for a number

of different reasons, but one of them is for advice. Pick up the phone, call your super fund. Hi, Australian super, it's Jess. I would like to know what it means to get early access to my super under medical grounds. I want to understand if I'm freezing my eggs, what's this? What are the terms of release? Because there is going to be certain criteria that you need to meet, i.e. they might say, okay, Jess, to do this, you need two different doctor's certificates saying that under compassionate grounds, it needs to be released. Great. Fantastic. You now have a plan that you can go to your GP and be like, hey, spoke to my super fund. This is, this is, this is. Does that make sense? So it's going to put you more in control. I promise you,

your superannuation fund is going to know exactly how to do that and what that means because some super funds might have different processes than others so you can't just rely on the government website to go oh the process is this because like one super fund might have a different form that you need to fill in another super fund might be trying to be super compliant needs you to get a secondary doctor's certificate while someone else doesn't call your super fund ask them for the advice that you are paying for my friends so from my perspective that is exactly what I would do I think that's I hope comprehensive enough I'd avoid a credit card unless for some reason you're able to pay that off within the

interest-free period which is usually 28 to 30 days which I really doubt is the case yeah good advice is a good advice I don't know I think it's just about education right like in Australia it's kind of cool that we can actually access that but also we might have the funds we just didn't know we did. Maybe that's something we can look into for a future episode. I would love to deep dive more into how egg freezing works, what it means, because there are just so many people in our community who feel overwhelmed by it. And it's not something that we openly talk about. I feel like fertility has this umbrella over it where it's still a little bit topical to talk about it, but also a little bit shady. Like, I don't know, I think we need to break down those barriers

because I don't even know the actual process. Like what happens? I go to an initial consult and then what yeah I really want to know what that looks like so that if I was in that position I wouldn't feel overwhelmed going through it anyway let's move on to the next segment because I can't wait because we all know I am low-key obsessed with wedding content like my wedding was in November and I swear I bring it up weekly I'm like remember the time I had a wedding yeah um do you want to see more pictures yeah yeah do you know what we did at our wedding Beck like it's not even good content like if you ask me about my wedding nine times out of ten you know what I'm going to bring up? The chalk tops at our after party. That was pretty elite. Yeah,

like we had chalk tops at our after party. Elite content. And popcorn right before bed. Stunning. Yeah, we had popcorn and chalk tops. Is that not? Get stuck in your teeth. Yeah, but also like, is that not a really cheap way of feeding a crowd? That's true. Like, hey, you guys are getting popcorn as a midnight snack. And I was loving every minute of it. Look, we're not mad, but this week's Community Dilemma spoke to me because I have some opinions and I think you guys will too. So let me read it to you. Hi ladies, love heart emoji. My partner and I are currently planning our wedding. We are paying for it ourselves. However, we have different ideas on the budget and I'm finding it really hard to navigate this. I found my dream venue and whilst

my partner also likes it, he isn't overly fussed about the venue and would be happy to have a more casual wedding. He believes the venue I want is too expensive and not worth the price. I've suggested spending more on the venue and less on other aspects of the wedding, but he won't budge. Regardless of cutting costs in other areas, he refuses to pay for that venue. I really love this venue and know it would make me so happy to get married there. I'm considering contributing more of my own money towards this, and then in brackets it says, we are paying for this wedding out of our combined funds. But then I feel like it's unfair that I've contributed more. Do you think weddings should be split evenly, especially when we have different money values on the wedding.

Any advice? Over to you guys. I don't know. No, I, it's a bit of a tricky one. Like it is, did she say how much the venue was? No, she didn't say how much the venue was, no. So if we don't know how much the venue cost, if it was like so out of the combined budget, then sure, put in extra, but I mean, I'm not the best person

to ask about this one because I obviously have a... Your opinion is so valid. Oh, thank you. Like, I know that you keep saying, like, oh, I don't know. Well, just because you're not getting married doesn't mean you can't have an opinion on this. I'm not getting married, but also if I were to get married, it would be with a female, so I'm assuming a, I guess in, like,

I can't assume, but it sounds like they're in maybe a heterosexual relationship. Yeah, I'm assuming it's a hetero relationship. Why does that make any difference though? The reason why that makes a difference. I'm so confused. No, but this is what I'm thinking. The reason why it makes a difference is probably because maybe we assume that because men make more, they should be contributing more.

But without that in mind, if we're not thinking about that, it should be split equally, I would say. But if you do want something that's completely out of budget, then put in the extra is what I would say. Yeah, that's fair. So yeah. Jess, what are your thoughts on this? I kind of want you to go first because I think we're going to have different opinions.

We're going to have different opinions. Okay. So I think that everything in life is a compromise. When you're living your best single life, it is all about you, my friend. Like you are putting you first. If you have made the decision to be in a consensual adult relationship that you want to move forward for the rest of your lives, so much so that you want this ceremony to legally bind you to one another, I would expect you to be on the same page financially. I am concerned when people say, oh, we're not on the same page when it comes to, you know, money values and how this works, because I just go, well, what's it going to look like when you're buying a house? What's it going to look like when you have kids? What's it going to look like when they can't see your

values in the same way that you do? I'm not saying that he should be spending more. I'm also not saying that you should adhere to the budget. What I'm saying is you should be on the same page about this and I am in a very privileged position where I have an incredibly supportive partner and if I say oh babe this is really important to me he goes you're really important to me so how do we make that happen if that makes sense so it's not necessarily about me going oh well it's really expensive and him going it's not worth it if I have said look this is one of the things about our wedding when we sat down and did our non-negotiables this one's the one that means the most to me. I know that Steve, my husband, would be like, all right, well, let's make it

happen for you. Obviously, within the realm of being reasonable, if it's completely unreasonable, he's going to be like, look, we can't really do that. But I'm the same with him. I'm obsessed that he has his own hobbies and loves doing those things. It would be really unfair of me to say, golf is such a waste of money. I don't know why he spends any money on that. Well, that's his values those are the things that he loves and as a part of our you could say family budget we allocate to that because I know how important it is to him so I think going back to regardless of what it costs I would hope that by the time you're getting married you're on the same page about we should spend this we shouldn't spend this this is where we are and I think that it's a very big

decision to make I'm not saying oh you should get what you want but there also should be some compromise from you. Might be your dream venue. You know where my dream venue was, Jess? Lake Como in Italy. You stole my dream venue. No, but like we're on the same page with that, right? Like that is the OG. Like if I could have had a Lake Como, oh my gosh, the vibe, the vibes would be insane, right? But for us, that just wasn't feasible. It wasn't going to happen. And so the compromise of let's pretend for a hot second that that was the only venue I ever wanted to consider. Compromise means that, you know, Steve and I could have made that happen. We obviously would have had a very different wedding to the wedding that we have. It might've had been a

completely different guest list. It might've been a million different things, right? But when it comes to compromise, that just wasn't going to work out. So we kind of have to both compromise in a relationship. And I think that that's really important. So I guess from my perspective, I'd be asking not necessarily about the finances, I'd be asking about the value set. Like, did you actually sit down and say, what are your non-negotiables? Because I remember when I did this with my husband, he was like, I want a big party. I was like, far out. I would have been so happy to elope. Like I would have been happy with a really small lux affair. Don't get me wrong. Don't regret my wedding for a second. I adored it. But a lot of the conversation that we had

was about making sure he was happy and I was happy and we're both getting out of the day what we wanted as a couple. I don't know how I feel about you contributing more. If it's your values, then maybe you can contribute more. But I don't in any way feel like if you say, I really want to contribute more to get this item, that he should then have to do that too, if you had an agreed upon budget. Jess, is that enough of me waffling before you go, yeah, I've got my opinion? Yeah. Well, I was going to say, is her not paying more? That is a compromise. My thought on it is this. If we flip the narrative and I use a stereotypical example of this venue right let's say she wants to get married on Lake

Homer if my partner said to me I want to get married at the MCG because I love football and it's going to cost us twenty thousand dollars I'd be like I'm not paying for that like flat foot on the ground absolutely not like if that's something that you are so like I love you I support you that's not for me do I want you to have what makes you happy absolutely I'm not willing to foot that bill. I want to understand though, let's dive a little bit deeper into that. Let's hypothetically say that your football loving partner, which Jess, does your partner even watch football? No, that's a stereotypical example. Okay. All right. I was like, I really don't think this is coming from a place of truth. This is not a fight that we're going to have.

So let's say that the MCG costs $20,000 and then another venue that you happen to like costs $20,000. Are you saying that it's not really about the venue? It's about how you're allocating the funds in line with your personal values? Or are you saying that I assume that the MCG is going to be way more expensive than another venue? Yes, it's that. So I'm saying it's not so much about I like here versus there. It's I like here versus there. And within our budgetary constraints, it's putting in the same, to use an example that might be more relevant to me. Can you even get married at the MCG? I have no idea.

Can you actually? No, I said, can you? I don't know. Oh, I don't think. If you have enough money, yeah, you can get married. Our producer reminds us that when you have enough money, you can do anything. So back to the conversation. By the same strain of thought, if we had a, you know, a wedding budget that we were adhering

to and I was like, I really want a $15,000 wedding dress and that's half our wedding budget, I would not be expecting my partner to give up everything that he also wants within that wedding. 100%. So I can have that $15,000 dress. I feel like in this scenario, potentially, and obviously without knowing all the facts, her paying or contributing more so that she can have exactly what she wants, that is a compromise. And that's what you're saying, find a compromise. If that was the case, if I really wanted that

$15,000 address and it was in line with my values and I could afford it, that's the route that I would go down. And I don't think that that is an example of them necessarily entirely not being on the same page. You need to be able to come to a compromise that you're both happy with. And it sounds like as of yet they have not. But her making that financial contribution is a compromise that is an option. Just as her deciding to choose a different venue or him deciding to give up something else within the wedding, those are all compromises that are options on the table. I really like that. But I think if you are dead set on your guns, I want this thing and I'm assuming that this

thing is significantly more expensive and that's why it's blowing out their budget. If you are not willing to compromise on that thing, I don't think you should then expect them to have to give stuff up so you can have it. I agree. I think over like, so I could not agree more with that. I agree. That's the compromise you spend more. I think the comment that's really sticking with me is, and I'll quote it, but then I feel like it's unfair that I've contributed more. I think it's that level of, I feel like it's a bit unfair that I would be, you know, engaging in this compromise. You don't have to engage in that compromise. You could like just be within the budget. Right. But I think, you know, let's hypothetically say Steve and I sat down and we'll

use the expensive dress like what was it $15,000 if I wanted that and Steve goes that's ridiculous I know that I would still want that yeah so I think that I would then go all right well I'm just gonna buy that for myself that's exactly what I would I think that's the circumstance I don't think it's unfair that after you've set a particular budget that now you want something above and beyond they also have to go above and beyond I think that you you did the negotiating you did the compromise. This isn't something that's actually outside of the realm of possibility for your wedding. There's a few things that we could do here. So first things first, you could talk to your partner about being like, is it unfair that I'm contributing more for my dream

wedding venue? I can almost guarantee that your partner would be like, no, because I don't see any value in it. And if you want it, you can pay for it. And I'm happy for you to do that. But like, I don't see any value. On the flip side, your partner could go, yeah, okay, I'll contribute more, but then where's the value exchange for them? Your partner could say, oh, I would love to, but like this budget is already a lot. Maybe we need to push out the timeframe of the wedding so that the wedding budget can increase to meet the expectations that you have for this wedding day. But we also aren't under a lot of financial pressure for that to happen. Or we could just talk about, well, where could we cut back in other areas? And while they've mentioned in this message

to us. You know, he didn't want to do that. I think we actually need to go back to the drawing board and wipe budget off completely and sit down and go, Bec, what are your non-negotiables? Like, why are we getting married? What's your dream day look like? And you might go A, B and C, what's the most important thing to you on that day? Yeah. Like have that conversation first, because I feel like we all forget to have that. Yeah. I got swept up in it too. And I had to kind of like reframe Steve and I back to the start and I went, hold on, hold on, hold on. What do you actually want. And that's when I was shocked. I was like, what do you mean you want a big soccer club party? What? That's not what I want. Yeah. And you want everyone to be getting a level of

what they want. Like, I'm not saying that he should get exactly what she wants and she should have to compromise or she should have to get exactly what he wants and he should have to compromise. There has to, as you said, be a quote unquote value exchange. You've got to meet in the middle. So it's like, how do you do that within budget, within timeframe, within all of these things. And if you're not willing to compromise, do you care enough to go above and beyond and put the money in yourself is where I kind of sit on it. And I think that that's reasonable. I agree. It goes back to a couple of weeks ago, maybe even a couple of months ago. I don't even know if you guys remember this. We're talking about the concert tickets. Remember how two

friends were negotiating about like, let's call it Taylor Swift that were going and the normal Taylor Swift tickets, let's say were $100, but the really good seats were $150. And so the other friend wanted the expensive ones and we said, well, the compromise is your friend wants to go with you. Their budget's a hundred. If you want to do the 150 ones, then you can either do that on your own or you can pay to upgrade your friends, but your friends shouldn't have to go above and beyond. I think if that's super in line with your values, that is your cost to bear. But at the same time, I really think we need to talk more about values and where this is sitting because I just feel like there's a lot not on the table. And as much as he doesn't see the value in

the venue, what value does he see? Like what is he most excited about? Yeah. Because you don't want to be going into a marriage with resentment either. And it's giving a tone of resentment to me like that. It feels unfair. Yeah, I agree. To me, it's not even about the money. It's not even about who's spending more. It's about how you feel about this. And that's probably something that you need to talk about regardless of what compromise you make. That's exactly what I've been trying to get to with the last 10 minutes of conversation. Sorry. She should have just gone first. Yep. Absolutely. Next time. Next time we'll know. All right. Well, I think that is unfortunately all we have time for today. Guys, I'm glad you've had a good week, but now have a

beautiful weekend. We'll see you bright and early on Monday morning for a money diary. See you then. Bye. Bye. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.