She's On The Money - Emma Edwards on Saving Up or Spontaneity & More

Episode Date: March 28, 2024

It is a very good Friday this week with yet another elite guest, Jess and Bec are joined by the wonderful Emma Edwards of The Broke Generation! Emma shares her valuable insights on this week's Money Dilemma about getting back on track with your savings goals after ending and engagement. And this week you slid into our DMs about feeling guilt for spending in no spend month. Plus the gals share your money wins and losses and talk some top broke tips!   Get Emma's new book Good With MoneyCheck out The Broke Generation Podcast Find Emma on Instagram Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Bec Syed and Jessica Ritchie joins me today because it is Friday. And today we celebrate you, the incredible She's on the Money community. Today we'll be sharing our favourite money wins, we'll be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about getting back to your savings goals after a breakup. And we unpack something you slid into our DMs about, which this week is all about the guilt for spending when you set yourself the goal of a no spend month. Jessica Ritchie, how are you? I'm good. How are you? Very good. Thank you. But I feel like there's somebody else we should ask how they're doing because of course we have another

wonderful guest joining us this week. We've got the wonderful Emma Edwards, who you might also know as the Broke Generation. We are so excited to have you here. I feel like I have followed you forever. So I'm very excited to have an online friend here, IRL. Likewise, back at you. I've Yeah, great to be here. I'm so excited. Yay! It's been a while since I've been on the SOTM. I was going to say, people who have listened for a really, like, OG listeners will remember you were on season, was it season one?

It must have been season one. Do you know people still listen to that? People are like, I'm listening to Shoes on the Money and you're in it. And I'm like, you're in the archives, babe. That was a while ago. It's really cool. People, when they start, will often go back to our, like, our very first episode ever still gets downloaded, which is crazy because that's over four years ago now. So people are loving it. We thought it only makes sense to bring you back. Thank you. I love this. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me. So do you guys want to chat about how your week's been? Because that's usually how we start. Now, I just want to, I do want to say, I wanted to know with you, Jess, because I don't know if you have context for this, but Jess recently finished a bad luck streak, which I think came on to me. But we will get to that. But anyway, Jess, how's your week been? Bad luck streak's not done. Oh, no way.

Not to detract. I feel like I do feel terrible that I've passed it on to you. But my car had some issues this week. Oh, car issues suck. Which two grand later, oh, wildly painful. What was it? So the, you're asking the wrong girl. Something was leaking.

For sure. And also something, so I was driving and it just stopped accelerating. Like I was driving on a road, my foot was on the floor and she just wasn't going. And I was like, oh. So luckily like I pulled over and thankfully I could get into an emergency lane and I just sat there for a bit and I turned it back on and it was fine. So I got home and just like booked it right in.

Clearly something was broken. They did tell me. I just don't remember. I'm not a car girly, as I've said before. But yeah, two grand later and it was extra depressing because I've just completed a partnership for like a brand campaign and I was so excited because I'd allocated that money to something fun. And now it's paying, which you know what,

very grateful that I have that money to pay for the car. super thankful for that because two thousand dollars is so much money but like I was gonna buy myself a sewing machine and a film camera I bought myself a defibrillator well that's not a car part that's not I bought myself something to go in the car Emma how's your week feed no touch wood no car issues for me currently we got a new car at the end of last year and like me because me and my husband share a car and we've like he regularly just like stops and he's like my mental health is so much better now we've got this car because we had such an old car that like the second it was above 20 degrees you'd be like will it start yeah everywhere you went you had to be

prepared to be stuck there so like we never went on day trips or anything because we were like what can't afford to get stuck in bendigo oh my god um so yeah no car issues for me touch wood and i'm actually scared to say that because i'm so superstitious i'm like my car's not gonna start after this episode i can't leave the studio you live here forever but no other than that nothing like major bad luck wise but I had a bad luck streak last year so I um you know the feels yeah I really have the feels I've been like on the kind of tail of my book launch stuff so it's all kind of like everything getting back to normal now but that's very good yeah and just for I guess like both mine and Jess's peace of mind how long did this streak last

seven years okay I cracked a mirror seven years ago and it's just over it's hard to say because I don't know if you relate to this but like there were like it was a series of unfortunate events there was like a health thing that was like the health anxiety and then the money yeah and then there'd be you know something else or I'd lose a client or like a sponsored campaign would get cancelled and I'd just be like it was just one thing after the other but then it sort of it got so like embodied in my entire personality that I just got so sick of myself because I I guess through self-preservation I just started to expect the worst I was I whenever anyone would be like how i i'd be like well yeah not great and i was like oh my god i'm so annoying like i'm just a

black cloud for myself and everyone so i flipped it like the last quarter of last year and decided to embrace this mindset that i call the millhouse mindset you know millhouse from the simpsons it's all coming up millhouse i was like i went into every week being like it is all coming up millhouse is all coming up my house and anything that happened i just like tried to you know borderline toxic positivity but you know we try it was the depths of hell i just like tried to flip it somehow like i had to get like a scan on my foot which was expensive because i had like previously broken it but then it ended up not being broken so i was like it's not broken rather than being like that was 300 and it wasn't even broken i was like it's not broken yay me everything's

great um it kind of worked honestly so like that yeah it's the psychology fiddle and i'm excited to talk to you more about that because you touched on that in your book a little bit but it's the it's totally and i think i've said as well on the pod because i've been on that streak i've said oh I'm being such a downer and I'm just not going to be that person anymore. Especially with money, you really feel like, oh, woe is me. Everything sucks. Every time anybody does anything, you're like, well, it must be nice to not have a $2,000 car bill, you know?

Yeah, totally. And everything seems so much bigger and more compounded. So I totally get that. All that to be said, not to detract from your difficult week. I'm not going to toxic positivity you through this one. No, that's okay. I've toxic positivited myself. So I was unfortunately made redundant earlier in the month and I think at first, because

I obviously like love this company and I loved my job and I love the people. To be clear, not us. But I definitely do not love you guys. No, I mean not made redundant for months because I'm just sure there are people listening who just went, oh my God, when's she leaving? True. No, we should say, oh, sorry. Yes, I do.

I have a video producer role. I had, sorry, past tense, a video producer role and then also was on this podcast. but I'm staying here but I just was made unfortunately redundant from that role and I think that you know I had no intention of ever ever ever leaving that role in this company and so I was kind of like you know very sad but speaking of like shifting your mindset I have kind of been like well I was never going to leave this place maybe and I don't think that everything happens for a reason I feel like maybe that's a really like privileged way to think it's more so I wasn't going to do it. Maybe it was the world is telling me that I need to change my trajectory

somehow. I don't know. Anyway, for those listening, if you have a job going, let me know. But that's on that. But otherwise, I feel like the rest of the world, the rest of life is going great. It's going great. You're doing very well. Thank you. I've been made redundant before and it just is an awful feeling. Like as much as it is so not a you thing, 90% of the time, like it just is not a nice feeling at all. So yeah, I'm really sorry that that's happening. But I'm very impressed with how positive you are. Thank you. That's so nice. Ray of sunshine as always. Oh my goodness. But anyway, speaking of that money loss, Jess, do you have any money wins to brighten up the mood? Absolutely. I do. We've had some good ones this week. Firstly, I've got one from Kayla who said,

I did a challenge to earn an extra $2,000 on top of my pay in a week. And I achieved it. I took into account a lot of tips that I've seen through different posts in the group. And I'm really proud that I made it happen. Two green in a week is wild. Fill the tea. I know, literally. You can use that right now. Give us a dog queen.

If I could do that twice, that would be fantastic. Then I've got a win from Katie who said Cadbury cream eggs were on special, 33% off. So stunning. I stockpiled appropriately. I'm heading into the late stages of finishing off my PhD and they are an essential. And I just want to say that there's a lot of support under her post

for how essential those Cadbury cream eggs are. We love that. Yeah, PhD, good on you. I know, very impressive. Whatever gets you through, I think, is just you do what you've got to do, my queen. Next, I've got a money win from Jessica who said, great name, I realised on Friday that past me had added money to my daughter's school payment app so I didn't need to find money for a lunch order this week.

Oh. I didn't even know that. Like, that seems very high tech to me. Same. All the, like, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law teachers are, like, the tech now. Crazy. I'm like, what? Like, kids get Uber Eats to school.

Do they? Wow, wow, wow. Oh, my God. I remember our lunch order was literally a brown paper bag that you wrote and you chucked the coins in and you hoped that none spilled and got lost or you'd be in debt to the canteen for 20 cents or something that fell out. Totally, they bring it out in a milk crate. Yeah, oh my gosh, very cool.

Well done past you for looking out for future you. Next, I've got a money win from Lucy who said money win and delayed gratification. I've been wanting a particular French linen top from Witchery for a while now. It normally retails for $180, but I just bought it on sale for $50. Purchased it through Qantas Shopping, so I got four points per dollar spend. So she also got four times points on that. That's like 300 points. Huge.

It just goes to show Victoria's favourite thing. Put, what is it, 24 hours between you and your spending and you never know. And then next I've got a win from Kat who said, yesterday was the last day of summer season at our local swimming pool. RIP summer. I'm so sad. Don't know about anybody else. mourning the loss of the son. I am very happy personally, but I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much. She said they bought a season pass for $125 for the family in December. They used the pass a total of 20 times, which would have cost them $380 if they had paid each time that they went in for an individual visit. So they saved $225 by having a pass to the pool, which is about six bucks per session instead of 19. Great. I just wanted to say, I really like the idea of looking back at how many you used because I think a lot of the time we all get sucked into like those passes that make things cheaper or the bulk discount on the Pilates sessions or you know whatever it might be and you go oh that's a deal like I'm going to get the deal and then you don't use it and you're actually paying three times the price yes because there's

something to be said when you do the parting with the money up front yeah you don't have the like accountability like for some I think it depends how your brain works some people are like I want to get my money's worth yes whereas I'm a bit like oh my commitments kind of run out now yeah Yeah, like the money's gone. Yeah. So it's like, oh, well, it doesn't really matter if I go or not, which is... Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

Yeah, so really good. Good one from Kat there. Reflect on those little bulk purchases if you do them to see if you are in fact getting your money's worth. And then lastly, I've got a money win from Sharni who said, I did a live chat with Optus asking for a discount on my plan. The first person said that they couldn't help, but I just gave it another crack.

And I got somebody else who gave me $10 off a month for 12 months. $120 win. This is great. I do this all the time. they must have like a like dartboard with my face on it i'm in the life i'm in the live chat regularly they never tell me no though they never tell me no i like like if they say no just give it another try someone else what's the harm they're there to help right now and we do have we have been asking our guests when they come on to share a little money win or confession of their

own if you happen to have one i do excellent it's kind of a money loss but then it turns into a money win okay quite a journey the journey love it so a couple weeks ago I went up to Sydney to do like a speaking thing which was obviously like heavy on the anxiety for me because I do a lot of panels but like I don't do a whole lot of like keynote speaking so I was super excited to do I was prepared but I was like practicing a lot I practiced and got so anxious about practicing so much that I did not think about an outfit and I'd been so busy doing other stuff with my book I was just like on the morning of like i was flying up the day before so the morning i was flying i was packing my suitcase and i was like oh my god i haven't thought about what i'm gonna wear like

this has to be it was like in a corporate setting so i was like this has to be a slay and then i was like okay i'll wear this and there was just cat hair all over it i couldn't find my lint roller i tried i put it in the wash it came out and the cat hair was still there okay so time was a ticking and i was like i need to do another go over of my presentation i was going to record it on my um like voice memo so i could listen to it on the plane i had it all planned out and I was like right I'm going to make the executive decision that I'm going to have this hour to practice my speech and I will find something to wear when I get to Sydney I took something obviously I didn't go with absolutely nothing I took something I could wear but it

wasn't ideal so then I get to Sydney and I scramble over to like H&M Country Road all that stuff to try and find something the loss is that what I ended up finding like there was lots of things I could have worn and there were sales on at that point so it was great but lots of stuff not in my size XL girly not a lot left usually a sleigh because most people aren't buying that size but not this time so I ended up getting a dress and like a little sleeveless jacket that all up was $300 I know so money loss but I was like whatever you know it works out for being paid for the thing anyway so then I'm getting ready the next morning and I'm like this is a sleigh it was kind of worth the money I'm actually really vibing this jacket I'm gonna wear it again

I realised that the dress is, like, malfunctioning. Like, it's faulty somehow. But it doesn't matter because I'm wearing the jacket. So I'm like, sick. So I go back in after I've already worn it to the event because I had to because I had to run off and go to the event. And I was like, this, I think, is faulty. I don't think it's meant to be like this.

And she was like, oh, no, it's not. Let me give you your money back. So I got to wear the outfit. And then I got my money back. That is so good. Really said I had your back on that one. Yeah. Yeah, it was really coming up Milhouse for me.

Because, yeah, I was really, I didn't want to, I was thinking, oh, if I spend $150, this is fine. It's something I can wear again. But like, if I spent $300, I was like, ugh. Whereas now, like, the jacket was fine. It was half price. It was a pretty good thing. But I didn't have to pay for the dress.

That's so good. And do you feel like you would have not worn it again? It was like one of those things that you... I mean, I would have, but it was faulty. So I couldn't have, really. It was weird. It was doing like a weird ruching thing that it wasn't meant to be doing. But, you know, I was a bit kind of like, this must be faulty.

It wasn't, like, abundantly obvious that it was faulty. So it was a bit of a shame, but, like, I didn't need it, need it. It worked out well. It worked out. That is so good. It was a journey. Pray for a faulty dress, I think. Whenever you're going out and you're kind of stressed,

maybe you go to, like, some sort of event. I'm going to a wedding soon. I'm going to pray for a faulty, everything, just, like, a tiny fault that you can't really see with the untrained eye. Yeah. But enough to get your money back after that. To get your money back. Yeah.

Is that your broke tip for the week? That's my broke tip for the week. I love how we always find a unique way to segue into my broke tips. And that was actually perfect. Thank you. Okay, so broke tips for this week. As always, I do have one from the community, one for myself. And Emma, if you're comfortable, we'll get you to share one last.

I've got one. Oh, you have one ready? Yeah. Amazing, amazing. Okay, here we go. Okay, so the first one from the community comes from Bridget, who says that Continental Mushroom Cup of Soup makes a good cheap pasta sauce. Just put some olive oil in a pan, add one or two sachets of soup,

then stir in milk with a fork until the sauce is as thick as you want. You can also add cooked mushroom or chicken, but it's good by itself with pasta. That's great. That's probably like a, I don't know, I'm doing quick math here, but maybe $2.50 meal. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

This is like a subreddit of this, is you use it with rice and it's a risotto. Oh. Yeah, someone did mention. I feel like we've had that before. The risotto one. I think she also recommended the cup of soup, which is a great idea. Because they're really good for, like, office lunches. But, like, if you ever look at, like, the nutritional info of soup,

like, it's giving, you know, keto starter pack. Like, there's no calories in there, which for me, you know, I need, like, a decent meal, otherwise I'm hungry. So it's like I love, especially in winter, soup is so good, but it's not really enough. Whereas if you bung in some microwave rice. Perfect. So you can do it all in one microwave.

And usually at your desk, it's non-perishable. I was going to say that's a good one to have like in your pantry for just like the weeks that you're really skint or the nights where you just go, oh, I can't be bothered. Chuck a cup of soup, chuck a rice. Yeah. Done. Where you're like dangerously close to ordering Uber Eats.

Yeah, five minute, $4 meal. Perfect. That's a good one. The shift though from like scrolling on Uber Eats and being like I'm just going to cook something home, the mental shift is really a struggle. So congratulations to anyone that has successfully done that. Okay, so my personal broke tip,

I don't know if you guys, this is probably more of a Melbourne-based thing. I do apologise for anyone listening outside of Melbourne. Hawthorne have a cinema called Lido Cinema. Have you guys heard of this one? Well, if you sign up, if you become a member basically, and to my knowledge it's free, you often receive either in your inbox or you can just like jump on their website. There's usually like $1 tickets or just really,

really cheap things that they're giving away. Every couple of weeks or so you might find that you have like a $1 ticket in your inbox and I just think that's a great idea. Especially if you still want to like, if you are broke, but you still want to kind of like go out and do things and, you know, have fun like the rest of the world. Like you can do that with Lido. And I'm sure there's an equivalent in other states and territories, but just have a look, have a little peruse.

Anyway, that's me. Emma, I would love to hear your broke tip if you're awesome. Thank you so much. Well, so I had one that's like a savings tip just that I've been using recently. Yes. That has just been very helpful for me. So last year, I bought tickets to Taylor Swift ERA's tour, obviously. Of course.

And I also bought tickets to see Simple Plan because both sides of my personality just slaying in one day. So I got Simple Plan. Yeah, cool. I'm into it. But Boys Like Girls is supporting them. Oh, my God. I loved Boys Like Girls when I was a teenager.

So good. And I saw them last year in a show that had been delayed from like 2020, I think. And the friend I was supposed to go to, she couldn't come. Anyway, she was like, they're supporting Simple Blank, let's go. So also did that. And also in the third dimension of my personality, where I'm like the most basic bitch of all time, I also bought Coldplay tickets.

Yeah, love it. I just can't really explain it. It's good. But I was like, ooh, okay, not loving these. You know with tickets, you've got to be so immediate. You've got to be on it because you can't be like, oh, I'm going to think about it. You're like a six-minute timer counting down on the screen,

stressing you out. And that makes you want it more as well, right? So what I did at the start of this year is every week, I'm just kicking $15 into, which, you know, maybe I should be doing more, but that's kind of where I'm at in terms of the people I think I might want to go and see. I'm not, like, crazy into artists. Into a separate saver called I Will Not Be Bankrupted by Concert Tickets so that when tickets drop, I've either got all of the money or I've got some of the money.

And it already worked because, I don't know if anyone follows Christopher Hall on TikTok or Instagram. He's a comedian out of the UK. He's coming to Australia, and I was like, oh, my God, I really want to go. But, like, they're the ones that will get you. Because they're like $50, $60, $70. They're not that expensive compared to Iris, for example. But, like, it adds up. Oh, absolutely.

And I had the money there and I was like, this is so good because I'm not like, oh, I want to go but I can't afford it. Oh, I bought them but I feel really guilty. Like, I was like, got the money. Let's go. So excited. My friend's got her ticket too. So saving up for stuff before you need it is, I guess, the umbrella tip. I love it.

Save up stuff in advance. It's such a good one. That's such a great idea. And, like, things like that where it's, like, either maybe say you want to go to the movies once a month or something like that, just, like, putting that away so you don't feel so guilty. Yeah. Saving up for spontaneity gives you permission to be spontaneous. Yes. Oh, I like that a lot, saving up for spontaneity.

I love that. Because I've also got another saver called Captain Spontaneous, which is saving up for a spontaneous trip because I really want to do that thing where you're going, let's just, should we go now? Let's go right now. Let's just go now. But then I always, I'm like, because obviously I'm a finance girl, I'm obviously like, oh, I better not. Oh, it's a bit expensive. Oh, it'd be cheaper if we booked it in advance. But then you miss out on the opportunity to be spontaneous.

So it's like preparing for spontaneity, which I guess is not really the same thing. But we like financially safe spontaneity. Oh my God, I need you to go through my bank account and just name my different savers for me because yours is so fun. I'm going to start doing it because those are the exact two things

that I want to be saving for. I just want to be like sat on my couch one day and be like talking to my girlfriend and be like, hey, should we like literally right now go to LA? Yeah, exactly. That'd be so fun. Anyway, let's go for a quick break. And on the flip side, we're going to be discussing getting back to your savings goals after a breakup.

Welcome back, everyone. Here's our Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi guys, I have a bit of a money situation. I'm really hoping that I can get some advice on this situation. I have recently entered an engagement with my fiance as I found out there was a bit of an infidelity and together we had some really good earned savings and we had

quite a lot of goals for our future. However, I've been single for now just going on six months and I have burned a lot of cash to be honest with buying things and just doing things that have brought me joy in this really really tough time that I never thought I'd have to go through and obviously I've been incredibly low and that's obviously spurred on me buying just things that I don't necessarily need so I would really appreciate some advice to get back onto the savings bandwagon. Any advice would be very, very helpful. Thanks. This is such a tough one. I mean, obviously, when it comes to like money, I'm not the expert, despite being on a finance podcast. But I would say to our listener, firstly,

obviously, and I'm sure you're doing this, hopefully, to some extent, but just, you know, making sure that you're healing your heart and soul because a breakup is really, really tough. and it's not the time to be I don't know about everyone but for myself personally when I'm like in a situation where I'm like going through a breakup and my heart and my head and my body is just so sore and sad and empty and grieving I'm not like how can I make myself better today I'm more just like I'm gonna set some time to be a little bit self-destructive not so much that I'll you know come out of the other end and be like wow my life is a really messed up but just more so like I'm going to do everything that makes me feel good right now and

I'll set a little timer for that I'll be like this week self-destruction week next week I'll kind of think about how I can you know move forward but I think just like really just taking care of yourself and making sure your heart and your mind and your body and your spirit is being taken care of before that but you know again I'm not the finance expert I know that's what you came here for and I've not given you any advice. So that's me. But do you guys have any better financial tips or anything for our listener? Yes, I would say so. I mean, obviously, every breakup situation is different. And to the listener, I'm so sorry, you're going through that. Well done for leaving that environment, especially when there was an engagement, because sometimes that can be like,

oh, you know, I'll just keep pushing on because of the pressure of what's coming up. So yeah, you know, being really kind to yourself on that sense. I think here, there needs to be a sense of trying to stop yourself from looking back. I feel like when you've had savings, not only have you had savings and then started to spend them, but you've had savings in a completely different life experience to what you're now living. So I would imagine there's probably a sense of like spending can often be an attempt to regain control, which is probably what's happening. And that's okay. Like that's a very legitimate way of doing that. You're doing it with savings. You're not getting into debt. You're not putting yourself into like immediate financial danger. So probably first step

would be I would say neutralizing what's happened because often when you've spent savings that in a way that you didn't intend to spend them it's like oh my god I've got to scramble to get back to where I was whereas actually that sort of like comparing a previous optimum state when you had completely different resources and circumstances at that time to where you are now and trying to scramble back to that is probably just going to make you feel even more out of control and actually foster the spending behavior even more I would be looking at if this was like a friend that said this to me I I would be looking at working on a progressive shift in the behavior and in the mindset. So rather than being like, oh, my God, I have to stop all of this right now and I have to

save $500 a week or whatever you consider optimum in the old circumstances, I would be thinking, OK, I want to work up to that. So start really small. All I've got to do this week is put $50 there and then whatever else happens, that's OK because I've started. And then the next week, build up, build up. and what that kind of allows you to do is gradually rehearse the behaviors that you want to practice over and over again currently it's obviously been spending living your life regaining

that control probably flexing that independence I guess finding like the positive side of that awful experience that you've had so kind of rather than cutting that off completely because it is serving an emotional purpose for you I would imagine shrinking it down and repeating that behavior of building your savings up again gradually because the impulse is to want to like with everything like I'm suddenly going to the gym five days a week I'm now not doing that spending anymore I'm saving all of it like we want to course correct so quickly but it just puts extra pressure on especially when there's other emotional factors that are already making us feel more out of control so I would set like I'm a big fan of a six-week sprint but maybe not

sprint in this environment like a six-week build-up where each week you focus on one different thing you've just got one small action and then that is your new 100%. I do this with work a lot, but it applies to money. Like previously in your old relationship, when you had a double income and you weren't grieving a relationship, your 100% might've been saving that $500 a week. Whereas now your new 100% is saving 50 or is saving nothing, but not using credit or whatever your circumstances are. And then building that up so that you're not putting the pressure on yourself to suddenly be perfect. And then you're kind of accepting the situation for what it is. you like money is a resource that we use to do various different things right now you're living

your life a bit and you're spending it a bit it is what it is totally don't you know if we're being purely mathematical yeah you know cut it off and put it in your savings but behaviorally you've got to be much more gentler on yourself in that situation anyway and even more so because there's been a breakup involved yeah i imagine it's also quite costly with the breakup from moving home and you have to buy furniture and all this kind of stuff you have to put bond down for a new place and all that. But anyway, I totally get what you're saying. I really, really like that, the six-week walk. I think as well, also just recalibrating your goals. You know, previously, maybe you were hoping to purchase a house within, you know, a couple of years or

whatever that might have looked like when you had that dual income. Just because you don't have that dual income doesn't mean you can't achieve those goals. I understand that it might feel very different because your financial situation looks entirely different. And as you said, Emma, you're really navigating that around all of the emotions that you're feeling, which we know has such a huge impact on the way that we, you know, handle our money and how we feel about our financial position. But, you know, just because you're now doing it with one person instead of two doesn't mean that whatever those big goals that you were talking about having, they don't have to go away. You can still save to travel. You can still save to purchase a house. You can still save to get a pet

or do whatever it is that you wanted to do. And you can totally do that by yourself as an independent girl. Like just because there's not two people doesn't mean that you have to change all of your goals. I think as Emma said, like recalibrating what that looks like and maybe adjusting your timelines or making sure that it's really realistic and attainable so you're not beating yourself up if you don't get to where you wanted to be is so important. But I think also remembering that you're a strong and independent queen and you can totally achieve the things that you want to do it just you have to be kind to yourself on the path to get there I think is important but I know that I'm someone who really does catastrophize and in a big change like that

would send me for a spiral and that's also okay but yeah I just wanted to remind you that you can do whatever you set your mind to and you really I think with you're doing the right thing like you're thinking about what to do which is even just becoming conscious of the problem is such a big step that takes a lot of people such a long time to get there so it feels like you're doing really well and I hope that you're okay because yeah like you said back breakups are just the worst generally like there's no good way to go about it and it sounds like this one's been particularly difficult and so I just wanted to send you some love and say you can totally do it and we're all thinking of you but absolutely I completely agree with that I really do hope you're

okay if our listeners listening I do hope um that you you know I when I kind of like went through a similar thing recently and again this is not financial this is all emotional but I had a friend who just said, in three months time, your life's going to look so different. In three months time, you're going to be so much happier. Or in three months time, you're at least going to know where you're headed. And I think that's really important. So just keep that in mind that your future self is having a great time. But right now, I can totally, totally empathize. So hope you're okay. Okay, is everyone ready for a juicy DM? Absolutely.

A listener has slid into our DMs with the following dilemma. So I'm currently 20 days into a no-spend month that I set for myself, where I'm not allowed to spend money on anything except the essentials, in brackets, bills, rent, groceries, shopping, etc. But I have already failed and broken this three times, making impulse purchases on a dress, a pair of shoes that were on sale, and a bottomless brunch with my friends. I'm so disappointed in myself that I couldn't even make it a month, and now I'm struggling with big feelings of guilt.

I don't know if maybe I set the rules too strictly considering this was my first time doing this and maybe I set myself up for failure for setting such high expectations or maybe I'm just out of control I need to address my issues with impulse purchases what do you think any advice on how I can do this better for next time please help I feel like Emma you're so well placed to talk about this because you did a no buy yeah last year on clothing which was so I think I've spoken about this on the pod before about how I found it so interesting watching you do it yeah i have a lot of thoughts around no spend i feel like no spend in general has such a there's so much to say about it there's so many pros and there's a lot of cons as well so i last year did

a full category ban of clothing but it was still quite relaxed in that there were certain things that didn't count like i really knew what i was trying to do i was really not buying outfits like anything that was outfits i would still have bought had it been the eras tour i would have bought a merch t-shirt i shoes were still allowed because i don't have an issue with buying shoes i actually hate shoes i kind of wish i find them really hot like i don't over consume those again bags accessories if anything i under consume them i could probably benefit from having more of them to get more mileage out of my outfits so i think that an option here would be to revisit the intention behind the no spend no spend a bit like we said in the previous dilemma like you have this

impulse to be like, I'm suddenly forever changed. And the person I was before the start of this month, don't know it. Like I'm going to be perfect. And it sounds so much easier than it is. A month is a really long time. Yeah. When you're actually trying to do something for a month. So I would be looking at the intentions behind the no spend and see what the motivations are behind the impulse purchases that are causing you to, for want of a better term, slip up. Because it's creating guilt and it's probably creating like a domino effect of more purchasing or it's creating a feeling of being out of control, which as I said on the previous dilemma,

like that can foster spending as well because it's the one thing that we can control. In terms of the guilt, what I would be doing with that is instead of seeing it as a failure, just seeing it as data. So what were the three purchases? It was a dress, a bottomless brunch, whatever. Yes. Those things are now data points.

So we can look at around those what happened in the lead up. Was it that everyone was going for a bottomless brunch and you felt left out? Was it that the bottomless brunch was actually always there and you forgot? That's a different problem. That's a FOMO problem or an organizational problem. The dress, was that like an emotional purchase? Were you feeling a bit shitty about yourself that day that made you buy that? Or was it actually that you had an interview and you didn't have enough workloads?

Again, two completely different problems. So by looking at it as data, it takes away the guilt because guilt is very different to shame in that guilt has you like regretting your behavior. you see the issue for what it is and you're just constantly trying to change but you're up against a brick wall having information and like taking action on that can help to dissolve that guilt because you're not feeling like oh my god i just need to change it like you're actually in there working with the data so seeing it as data points in terms of those individual things but also i would see the month as a data point as well like when did you find the month easy did you ever find

the month easy what planning did you do did you do any planning like i think they mentioned did they set themselves up for failure like what does that kind of look like what did work what didn't work and then kind of using that to think okay where can I go as a next step like everything is really just an experiment you tried that it didn't work that's okay we can move on maybe we do a category ban of something if the bottomless brunch was an organizational thing and actually you're like well I wouldn't want to miss that so there's really no point rather than waiting for a perfect month where the circumstances are perfect for you to do a no spend we can look at a category ban or maybe banning isn't for you maybe you're more of a person that can work with having a

small budget for something each week I personally benefit from concentrated periods of focus in that context of a ban because I'm very like hyper I'll hyper focus on the month and or the year or whatever and all that category I couldn't do a no spend of nothing but like the category selection helps me focus and I'll like put my all into it and not just to complete it but to learn from it using it as a learning experience rather than using it as an experience to get to a certain amount of savings because even if like really and i know this probably isn't what you want to hear at this point but like really the getting through the month is technically the easy bit the hard bit is what happens next which i'm experiencing now having not bought clothes for a year

trying to balance it is harder than not doing it at all personally for me whereas if you actually you know again maybe a ban isn't for you and actually you would find that easier that was a lot of information sorry i hope that makes sense basically use it all as data about what approaches work for you and the surrounding circumstances around the purchases and use that to redeploy into a new plan and then assess rather than that pass fail mentality pass fail mentality ruins almost every form of habit change yeah every let's go there let's sweeping statements every form of habit change if there's an opportunity to pass or fail it's not going to create long-term change because if you pass that means nothing about where you go next and if you fail that

means everything about where you go next because you're disempowered you feel out of control and you don't know what to do whereas when you're seeing everything as a learning experience and using all of the spends successes whatever emotions behaviors as data points that helps you with where to go next and that's what creates lasting change yes forget about completing the no spend month unless you've learned something it's really irrelevant yeah because you can't never spend anything ever again and we don't want to villainize spending no not at all and I think like the failure thing is that you can fail something like I it's not a bad thing to fail like anyone who's ever done anything had to fail before they succeeded like you look at to do

anything ever you know you need to collect the data you need to do all these things exactly like you were saying failure is just it just means you're making progress really like you've tried something it didn't work okay great like how can we adjust it how can we reframe that to then be closer to the goal next time we try I think don't let it put you off feeling like you've failed I think particularly with goals and I'm very much guilty of this as someone who struggles a little bit with perfectionism is if it doesn't go the way that you want it to go you go why did I even bother what's the point and that mentality really stands in the way of you succeeding you know going oh I can't not spend money so I'm just not going to try to not spend money. Yeah I'll just be

about my money then. It means that you're never going to be good with money which you know you're standing in your own way with that mentality and I think reframing exactly like you were saying means that we can go okay well how can I adjust how can I set myself up I suppose to be more successful and you know whether that looks like changing the category or maybe you do two weeks or maybe you do have the little saver like you were talking about earlier where I'm not someone who does no spends. They don't really work for me, but I do exactly like what you do with the concert tickets. I've spoken before. I have 15 savers on my phone and I break down my spending into every little minute category so that I feel okay. I know what I can spend within that category.

And so I guess it's more of like extreme budgeting works for me. And I think recognizing not every system works for every person, you know, like my way wouldn't work for you. Your way wouldn't necessarily work for me. And that is so fine, but it's just about figuring out what system does work for you to help you achieve whatever that ultimate goal was, whether it's reining in your spending, whether it's not consuming mindlessly on certain things, whatever that looks like, you can achieve that without necessarily having to do what you think everybody else has to do. Does that make sense? I totally agree. To your point on goals, if this person was in the room with us, I would say what actually was the goal of no spend? Because I think with TikTok and 75

hard and everyone being like, I just did no spend. And like, I've seen a lot of stuff recently now that cash stuffing is back I just did a no spend and like they've got all the physical cash there yeah and often when we make those big grand promises we're just trying to absolve an immediate anxiety of like oh my god I'm gonna do that too because you're feeling there's a feeling about something else and having that sort of future goal where you don't really have to do anything right now but you've made a promise to yourself it takes away that immediate feeling but usually that's what the goal is whereas yeah if you go what actually was the goal yeah often we go well don't actually know. Everyone on TikTok was doing one. Whereas it was like, was it to save $200?

Could you still save $200 and have the dress and the brunch and the whatever? Like maybe you did achieve the goal after all. Yeah. And it's that comparison culture thing. I think we see so many people sharing, again, their highlights on social media or whatever it is. And you don't see the five times that they tried something and it didn't work before they completed. You don't see the days that they skipped the 75 hard or the days that they were miserable because they were, I don't know, I don't really know 75. You know, they're walking at 11 o'clock at night because they're like, I've got to close my rings or I've got to do whatever it is. We're comparing potentially to other people's successes, but your success can look totally different. And maybe that does just

look like this month, instead of spending a thousand dollars on random things, you only spent on three things. And that's an improvement. And that's huge. Like that's a movement towards changing a habit rather than just a snap period that you then relapse into afterwards because you've deprived yourself of something. And then when it's over, you blow out and you buy everything that you've been waiting to buy for the last month. Yeah, exactly. I also think like, first of all, if you look back at every other month of your only impulse bought three times, like, is this like actually quite an improvement in comparison to every other month? You know what I mean? But also, you know, that thing where you're like, I'm going to go on a diet tomorrow.

Like, you know, I don't, I really hate diet culture, but let's say for example, I don't want to buy a muffin with my coffee every single morning anymore. And then the next day and for the rest of your life the thing that consumes your mind body and soul is that muffin every single morning because you're not allowed it anymore you've deprived yourself of that you're putting a hard ban on that instead of being like I'm just going to do this you know a couple days a week or whatever that looks like just putting such a hard ban and like going cold turkey on anything like you won't even realize but it'll start to like consume you be like oh that's right I forgot I'm not allowed to spend any money and that's all you'll think about you know what I

mean so I feel like it's a really hard way to do that sometimes it does work for people and that's like really really cool but I find that like a lot of the time if you're not thinking about something and then you put a ban on that thing that you're not really even thinking about then it's all you're gonna think about yeah so to slip up and I use that in quotation marks like slip up in three times in a month that's really really cool like the amount of times I've impulse purchased literally just this morning is probably at least three times so three times in 20 days because I know you said you're at your 20-day mark now like that's you know congratulations personally I'm like good for you but anyway like what you guys are saying before about habits I've

been reading this book Atomic Habits have you guys heard of this one yes incredible so you gotta like I think that a lot of people focus too much on the goal without like getting and this is you know all in the author's words getting your like systems in place is basically exactly what you guys are saying just like if you have a goal you must figure out how the heck you're gonna get there and set it in such like crazy detail. Just be like, you know, it's not even, I'm going to do this and this and this to reach my goal. It's like at 7.01am when I wake up, I am going to, you know what I mean? Just like look at every single thing and break it all the way down. And then, yeah. But yeah, also looking at the motivations behind those goals is also very

helpful. So you'll get there. Just don't beat yourself up. You're doing a great job. Absolutely. What did everyone else say? Let's see what the community had to say. So we asked, have you done a no spend month before? 22% of you said yes, and 78% of you said no. Interesting. And then we asked, if yes, what were the guidelines for the month? One of you said, I still made it align with my values, so I could only spend on replacement clothes, shoes, planned events, etc. And then someone said no unnecessary purchases for the month. Someone else said I banned myself from food delivery services e.g uber eats that's hard to do i feel like that's a popular one a few people

kind of like were in the same boat where they were just like no one thing or no the other thing you know it wasn't like a full ban on on necessarily not spending on anything but essentials but yeah i think that's the general gist and then we said was your no spend month successful 44 of you said yes i was so proud of myself good for you guys that's so impressive and very very hard to do So 56% of you said, no, I think I set too strict rules for myself. And that's a hard question because success is such a subjective thing. Because how many, you know, of those responders, and obviously we can only ask you so many questions in a poll on an Instagram story, but, you know, how many of those people made

an improvement? Because I would deem that, you know, a big success. Or how many of those people learned something? Because again, I would consider that a success, even if you didn't necessarily achieve the outcome that you set out with at the beginning of I'm not buying X, Y, Z. having those learnings having those data points is still putting you further ahead than you were when you started which in my mind that is what success is yes yeah so true which kind of reframes the whole point right as in like it's not just a month it's it's actually way beyond that yeah

and like i'm a huge fan of a margin for error so if this person the original dilemma had had a margin for error of three things suddenly that failure is actually a success yeah so yes i agree also in the book atomic habits they say you need just over 50 to like pass a vote to be like president of america or whatever so all i'm saying is if you're gonna you know and i still say this in quotes if you're gonna slip up just do it no more than 50 of the time and then we asked if the month wasn't successful what did you spend money on that you weren't meant to someone said i made one purchase of a Monopoly board game for the family as it was on sale. Fair enough. You got it. It was on sale. Someone said food. Another said socializing. Another said coffee

and takeaways. I feel like these are things that we encounter so often. So it really is hard to kind of put a ban on those like food, coffee, takeaways, socializing, you know, fair enough. Those are very, very hard things to avoid. And then we said, tell us your two cents. So one person said, be kind to yourself. You can always try again. That's so true. I love that. Another said, read the book Good With Money from Emma Edwards. Is that haunted? Oh, my goodness. That wasn't me, by the way.

That one came from Emma Edwards. Back trolling me. That definitely wasn't me. That would be the cringiest thing ever. It definitely wasn't. It genuinely was not from Emma, but that is an incredible tip. If you could share that to these stories, that would be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you prove that that wasn't from Emma? and just take my word for it another said go easy on yourself no spend months is super restrictive and can be hard to maintain absolutely another said don't be upset with yourself try again next month and see if you can beat those three purchases another said a month would feel too long and that's where i'd fall down auto transfer and spend what's left huh we do love an auto transfer in this house we do absolutely but that doesn't usually work for me i go into the account that that auto-transferred to. Give us some of that back.

And then Enola said, maybe picking one category for a no-spend month would help instead of going all or nothing, which is kind of what we were saying before. So I really, really like that. These are all great suggestions. I think, yeah, just go back to the drawing board. Try not to be too harsh on yourself.

Honestly, you've done a great job just spending only three times in, you know, 20 days. So good for you. I think it's a pretty good place to leave it. 100%. Thank you so much for joining us, Emma. If people want to find you or the wonderful and highly recommended book, Good With Money,

where can they find you? Loved by She's On The Money. You can find me at the.brokegeneration on Instagram and occasionally TikTok. And my book, Good With Money, is bright yellow in most bookstores. You won't miss it. Or you can get it on, you know, all the majors,

Amazon Booktopia, Dimux, et cetera. Incredible. Thank you so much for joining us. We had the best time and it was really fun to dive a little bit more into the psychology side of things. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. All right, guys, Victoria, we'll see you on Monday bright and early.

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