She's On The Money - Family & the Cost of Keeping It Together

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

Join us for a bit of a family focus on Victoria's last Friday episode before she goes off to Europe for a month. This week as the gals chat about a Money Dilemma asking if you can inherit debt from your parents? Plus this week's D.M wonders who should cover the cost when you live far from your family and are feeling the pinch of keeping up with family events? Plus the team talk your money wins and losses, broke tips and so much more!  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it is Friday, which means it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you, the incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Ms. Jess Grieche is going to be sharing her favorite money wins from the community. Ms. Bex Syed has some broke tips to share. We're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about inheriting debt and we're going to unpack something that you slid into our dms about this week we're talking about the cost of traveling for family commitments so guys before we get there how were your weeks what did you get up to nothing exciting to report from me to be honest just like

that's boring moving on i know literally that's it i had a money win i discovered that i can get remedial massage um under my health insurance that is a good way love that because despite my boyfriend being a physio he was like you need to go see somebody else I was like oh and I was like why am I in pain I'm doing all my exercises why do I have to see someone else when it's free in my house literally he's like because you sit like a shrimp for 16 hours a day and I was like rude but okay um but also why can't you fix that if you're a physio aren't you saving this household money he's pretty good like he is pretty good but I complain a lot when he like pokes and prods yeah I would too because I don't hold back because he pokes and I'm like, ah!

I feel like that is so true. Like my husband works in marketing and so like you would think that that means that I would lean on him a lot for like, you know, she's on the money marketing. Do you think I do? No, absolutely not. Get away from my business. Ew. Ew, David.

Like who do you think you are? Yeah, and there's all that gentle cushion of like stranger to stranger. Yeah. Like, oh, I don't know if I love this, but if you're like, you know, if it's your partner, you're going to be like, this is so gross. And I hate you. Why do you think that that would work? Yeah, are you dumb?

Are you dumb? Yeah, I think what happens is he just like drops some stuff. I lose my shit, say that that's never going to work, and then he waits a couple of months, and then I come around and suggest his idea to him. Don't have a plan. Genius. I'm like, still, I was thinking, he's like, wow,

I wish I had had a plan like that. Anyway. Wow. Bec, how was your week? What have you been up to? So as we speak, I'm actually in Japan. I don't know if you guys can see the cherry blossoms behind me and Mount Fuji. I can just see the She's On The Money screens behind you.

But given we recorded this on Wednesday, it makes sense that by Friday you could be in a different location. I could be. Who knows where I am. I don't want to ruin the magic of She's On The Money, but like it does take us a little bit to actually edit the podcast, upload the podcast, like and get our stuff together. Totally. And if we recorded this on Friday, I wouldn't be here. So, you know, I'm kind of glad that you guys. I feel like we're not ruining anyone's, like, you know,

like rose-coloured glasses. Of course. Because, like, this episode does drop at 5 a.m. on Friday. Yes. So, like, when on Friday did we record it, sis? Oh, exactly right. Cash is in the studio at 1 in the morning. 1 in the morning.

You know what, I'm committed, but I'm not that committed. Definitely not. And, like, even if I had decided to do that, I don't think anyone else on the team would be as passionate about it as me. hey I'd be here I wouldn't immediately like no yeah I wouldn't I'd come oh well all right so you're in Japan at the moment and Mr. Scariucci can get a massage I feel like that's a good week and what about you it's a really good week I've just been bopping along yeah hanging out I had the biggest week of all time last week so I feel like I've just been trying to step back

I too am leaving the country this weekend I'm going on a Europe trip which will be really fun because we're taking Harvey and it'll be his like first holiday and I'm just I know that lots of people have been like he won't remember anything I know like he's literally three months old he's not gonna remember anything but I will yes and so will my husband and we're creating little family memories together and like can you imagine being able to show him the little pictures be like oh this is you on holiday when you were little so I just think it'll be fun yeah and like it'll be good time for Steve and I to bond and like I've heard that there's such thing called a four month sleep regression right and like we're fine he's a little angel at the moment but i'm telling you

right now i would much prefer to be overseas where it is summer experiencing his sleep regression than here in melbourne where it's started to get really bloody cold fair enough experiencing that sleep regression if it happens i mean lots of people say it doesn't some people say it does but like i can parent over the other side of the world promise you oh yeah it's basically the same thing she'll be right anyway let's get into the episode because today jess you were saying before that there are some really good money wins from the community so let us know what they are i'm starting off with a just a solid one and i think she posted this half as a joke because she put like the laughing emoji crying emoji but taylor said money win i didn't pull any money out of

my savings yeah money that is a money win i just want to say we're in a cost of living crisis like that is common. That's huge. That is actually huge. We're proud of you. Next, I've got a money win from Brianna who said, I didn't know Telstra rewards existed outside of tech stuff, so I'd never bothered looking into it. I went on there the other day and had 90,000 points and I got myself a $100 Bunnings gift card so I can now finally buy a pot for my plants that I've been wanting to get for ages, but I couldn't justify. And then I also got a bunch of Woolies gift cards for my groceries money win pardon i know did you use telstra that sounds freaking amazing i had no idea no that's really cool money win i love that next i've got a money win from kelly who said

she's organizing a baby clothes swap with one of her friends her and her friend have children of slightly different ages and different sizes so they've organized to meet up and swap clothes between like the group of friends that everyone kind of ends up with things that fit their baby because they grow out of stuff so quick they really do yeah like I had been told you know when someone tells you something over and over and you're like yep yep yep whatever whatever whatever yep they like they grow like they are tiny weeds like all of the stuff that I bought like not even a month ago does not fit Harvey anymore like I thought his stuff would have a tiny bit more longevity yeah it does not but I recently did that Jess because my best friend

is having a baby which will also be my best friend at the start of June which is literally so soon but Harvey's just grown out of a whole heap of stuff and she'll have a newborn so I've gifted all of that to her but she has a son that is a year older than Harvey and when I dropped that off she's like oh actually I have a tub of stuff that I've been meaning to give you and we did a little swap it wasn't planned like Kelly's but we did a little switcheroo and I just was like this is a funny win that's great and then when your best friend's baby is a year old you give back yeah it's like a little cycle tiny little economy yeah cool very clever from kelly next i've got a money win from claire who said i wanted to use my private health insurance allowance on

glasses but i really didn't like any of the new frames better than her old ones and the lenses of her old ones were scuffed which is why she was getting new ones turns out you can pay to just replace the lenses in your glasses which she only had to pay about 15 out of pocket for as opposed to what she would usually pay out of pocket, which is about $100. Oh, my gosh. That's so good. Where did she do that? I didn't even know you could do that.

She didn't, but I would assume most optometrists probably. Everywhere would do that, surely. Yeah. Cool, okay. I didn't even know that was an option. I love that. BYO Frames, good little saving. Next, I've got a win from Gemma who said she took her girlfriend shopping

as she needed a new winter wardrobe and she managed to get her nearly $300 bill down to $120. Okay, but how? By asking the cashier to price match online sale prices, which the girl was more than happy to do and they nearly didn't ask oh my gosh cool that's a lot that is a huge saving don't ask don't get we always say yes lastly i've got a money win from tanya who said she put some pawpaws in a box out the front to give away just you know like free take as you please nice little community moment someone tucked five bucks in her front gate as a

thank you well thank you sir yeah i know i just i hadn't considered that that fruit was in season Me neither, actually. Yeah, where do you get a pawpaw? I don't know. I've never had a pawpaw either. They must be from Queensland. I reckon they're from the Far North. Somewhere nice and sunny.

Somewhere nice and sunny because, like, all I've got in my garden, which is quite niche as well, like, pawpaw isn't, you know, fruit where you go to buy apples and oranges, right? I've got a feijoa tree. Are they yours? Yeah, a feijoa tree. Like, if you're a Kiwi, you're like, oh, yes, feijoas, but I hate them. They are awful.

Like, I wish I liked them. Like, I wish I could swap my feijoa tree for, like, a fig tree or something I actually enjoy. But I have an abundance of feijoas. And if you're a Kiwi, they're hard to come by. You can't get them in the supermarket. So I put a box of them up on Facebook Marketplace the other day because I was like, I just don't want them going to waste.

Inundated with messages from Kiwis who were like, give me them feijoas. And I was like, ah, sorry, they're already gone. Can you bring some in for us? Yeah, I can bring you one. I've never even heard of. I had to Google how to eat them because I thought that my problem was that I was eating it like incorrectly, like eating the skin or something, which you're not meant to do. Turns out I was

eating them incorrectly. Like a kiwi fruit. Yeah. But turns out they, to me, taste not that good. So I am sorry. Oh, interesting. Cut that out. They're kind of like trash, but yeah. People are going to come for us. Oh my God. Let's move on. I'm scared personally. I'm scared. I'm glad I'm literally leaving the country. Yeah. Leave the country. I will too on Sunday. Bye. but let's move on what are your broke tips of the week beck okay so as per i have two from the community one for myself i'll start off with that i know that's i'm really keeping you guys on your toes so the first one comes from danny who says that paid market research australia-wide is a great place to earn some extra pocket money so this is one that similar to what i said the other

week about like you know clinical trials and things like that i don't actually know i think it's kind of different maybe it's like surveys or or something in that you know kind of realm but yeah paid market research australia is a great place to go if you just want a little bit of extra cash to splash if you're like maybe struggling with it whatever you need it for hot tip i've done two in the last week have you actually how much money did you make 200 bucks what 100 bucks per thing yeah sorry what that's not like four dollars yeah that's not like oh i spent two hours on a survey and i made seven dollars which i'm like like yeah that is free money but like seven dollars to two hours of my time jess what did you do so market research is

a little bit different generally from surveys because they get you on like the ones that i did at least they get you on like a zoom you might have an activity to do beforehand or something it's you know a company is paying this company to do the market research and you might be in a group or you might be by yourself sure you can do ones in person but i only do them on zoom because i live like far away for everything so it's just easier the ones that i did were literally they said to allow like an hour and a half but they only took 45 minutes so winner winner literally powered through and then i get like a hundred dollar gift card what are they doing like are they asking you about like oh do you eat vegemite or like what so one of them was about an app and

like the usability of an app and it was related to travel and it was good because i actually used the app before oh cool and so they screen everyone in at the start so like the company will send out an email saying we're looking for people that fit this demographic like this age this gender maybe like this location and then maybe like has traveled overseas in the last year or you know depending on what they're screening for and then you respond and then if you fit it they'll call you and screen you again and just make sure that you're not making it up yeah and I think they need to have like a diverse range of people probably so they've got to fit people into categories and then if you make it through they'll like send you the link and you get on and you answer their

question and they send you the gift card and they say thank you so much and I go you are most welcome thank you for the free money exactly so research is great like there's lots of companies that do it and generally like once you sign up to their email list they'll send you like regular emails she's just been doing all this stuff yeah we didn't even know was an option one thing about me is if there's a way to make money doing it i'm doing it okay well yes tips uh are now by jess totally let's no no no no no no no no carry on carry on this is sweet beck's better at them anyway sorry yeah sorry thank you guys okay this next one comes from shannon who says that her council does rebates for reusable period products and cloth nappies and reusable nursing pads so

this one is whittlesea so do check your local council website because you might have a similar thing i don't know that's awesome i haven't checked it i didn't even know that was a thing yeah i'm gonna look it up now how cool because that will save you a fair bit of money absolutely it would and what's yours beck mine is actually you get this grim before you tell us a terrible broke teeth. A little cheeky. No, we're listening. We are open ears for you, Bec. Okay. This one's double because I thought like the one that I wanted to go with is really, really silly. And then, but my actual one, that's kind of helpful. It's, it is, it is commonsensical, but I guess like obviously I'm going to Japan. What I did was I just like called up all my, you know, gym,

I'm going to BFT now, you know, all these different things. And I just like froze for the period of time that I'm going for. Yeah, smart. So that's a really good idea if you're just like. Also really proactive because most of us forget to do that stuff. Thank you so much. But to be fair, I emailed him actually. I think I am. Are you a new woman? Because this is not something you would have done last year. You're so right.

Who is she? Thank you so much. It's the girlfriend glow up, I would say. I love these. But I also want to attribute some of this to you. You just want to talk about your girlfriend. That's very kind of you. But you just want an opportunity to talk about your girlfriend, Jess,

who is not the Jess at this table. Not the Jess at this table. Not the Jess at this table. But, like, Jess is a great name. We are finding out. Oh, yes. Your name's Jess. Prob's just real hot.

You're a good person. You're probably my girlfriend. I'm really sorry, everyone. her okay no no no we wanted to come up all the time oh that's so sweet the other one that was the one i wanted to go with it's i promise you this is real so my friend my housemate and friend allison downloaded this thing it's called cash app and you basically just play games she stayed up until 6 a.m and made like a dollar 60 that sounds really healthy i know that that's not much money but really if you what's the cost of sleep exactly and if you're really really

struggling that $1.60 literally could buy you a can of sardines or a little thing of rice like if you're really struggling. I'm not disagreeing like that is a great idea. How do you access the money? How does it work? Okay so this is the thing. You can link your PayPal to it. Sorry it's called free cash. I know that sounds like a big scam. It does a little bit. That's screaming scam. It is screaming scam but you it kind of like on there it has like different games you can download. So you download separately. The one I'm playing right now is Alice's Dream. And if you get to level 10, you make like $7 or something. And then you get to level 15, you make $70. But it does take a long time to get there. Okay. Well, I'm proud of you and your tenacity.

Just make sure you read the T's and C's on anything you download. Because I feel like with stuff like that. They're selling your data. Yeah. They're breaking into your web. They're watching you sleep. I'm saying take my data, watch me sleep. I don't mind. People are only scammed if it's not consensual. Exactly. She's in on it. Actually, that's a, before we go to the break,

I have recently discovered a new podcast which Brooke from our team recommended to me because I had a really big drive last week because I'm a genius. I decided to drive to Wagga Wagga and back instead of just flying there. Crazy. Cool. The flight times weren't working for me and I just, I felt like a little solo road trip was a good idea.

So I asked for a recommendation of a podcast and she recommended Scamfluences. I love that one. Have you listened to it? Scamfluences, yeah. Why didn't you recommend it before? I am in love. I'm very sorry.

I just didn't want to take anyone away from She's On The Money podcast. Oh, no, no, no, no. We're the podcast to give you good podcast recommendations. Oh, yeah, true. Like, that's who we are. Like, I will spread the pod love. But Scamfluences, Jess, oh, my gosh, each episode is a deep dive into a different scam.

Interesting. And, oh, they, like, do, it's like a true crime podcast set up in the same kind of way where they're, like, you know, deep dive into the history and what they did and then how they came to their downfall. and I'm just like, this is so juicy. So, like, obviously, big scam. It's like Bell Gibson, not covered.

It's the smaller ones that are like, you know, oh, this person did, yeah, wild love. Yes. Adore. That sounds great. I'm going to go listen to that right after this. You'll hear me on there soon talking about free cash app. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Beck's going to be on there. They're going to be like, so, Beck, big joke. She's part of She's On The Money and got scammed. Anyway, let's go to a break. On the flip side, we're going to be talking about the cost of travelling to family commitments, But also, we're answering a money dilemma, which this week is all about inheriting debt. So don't go anywhere, guys.

Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma.

Hello, everyone. She's on the money, long-time listener, love the podcast. This is less of a dilemma and more of a random thought that I had that might be helpful for other people is I was thinking about my future finances and getting everything set up. And then I thought about when my parents eventually die, which is really grim and sad. But I also thought, and to ask them, am I going to inherit debt? Which was very important because my parents own a business and I wanted to make sure that if I was planning for the future, if debt was going to come back on me. And I thought maybe if that's something that everyone should be asking, yeah. Oh, great question. I'd never really even thought about that.

I was going to say that's genuinely a thought that has never in my entire life crossed my mind. And it's a very good question that we probably maybe should be asking. it is a very big question and i mean lots of people are going to worry what happens to their debts after they die but then also it's a very valid concern if you know that someone carries a lot of debt and you know you might be their next of kin or you might be the person in their will so like i get it it's a morbid topic but sometimes we have to have these uncomfortable conversations to get ahead in life right and like it's better to have this conversation now than later down the track because hopefully this inspires you to get your will and your estate planning set up,

which you should be doing anyway. But essentially, long story short, if you don't want to keep listening to me, no, you don't usually inherit debt. But essentially what happens is your executor of your will is responsible for collecting and then distributing all of the assets of your estate. So your estate is just all the stuff that you own. Firstly, they have to pay any debts. So like if there is an outstanding debt, like they've got a mortgage, for example, and let's say the mortgage still has $200,000 left on it and then they've got superannuation and they've got, you know, some savings and stuff,

they just hadn't paid off their mortgage. Your super and your savings and all of your other assets will be used to extinguish that debt first. So it'll kind of like balance itself out and then whatever left at the end, that's then what is distributed from the estate. You're not just going to get all their savings and then, you know, get rid of their debt

and it just gets written off. Like their estate will pay for it. but essentially when a person dies, any debt that they have paid off by any money or property that they have. So let's say back to that example, they pass away, they have $200,000 left on their mortgage, but no assets. The property will have to be sold to pay back that debt. Or the family members might be offered the opportunity to go, all right, well, you know, say something happened to me yesterday, Jess, and you were inheriting all my stuff and you were inheriting debt. they would say, oh, well, Jess, to keep her house, you can either tip in that 200 grand

or you can just sell it and extinguish the debt and then take what's left over. And that does happen in a lot of circumstances. And then the remaining assets are given to the people nominated in the will or the beneficiaries. So the people nominated in the will are known as a beneficiary because you benefit from that will being in place. The executor is responsible for making sure that whatever debts need to be repaid are repaid. And that executor is either somebody that's listed in the will or an estate planning lawyer or somebody who's been appointed to run that. And they actually have to advertise asking for any creditors before they distribute that money, which is honestly, you would have never thought. You would have just thought,

no, you're just going to their bank account, but they do. And if there's any money in the estate, the executor will pay off all of the debts owed to those creditors using that money before you see it Jess from me because I passed away yesterday and if there is not enough money in the estate which is what you are all thinking I know you want to know the answer to this the executor will sell the property and then use money from that sale again if there is not enough money in the estate after all assets are sold the debts might not need to be paid off which is a breath of fresh air to a lot of people who might be really scared of inheriting significant amounts of debt. So other people are only responsible for debt if that debt is secured against an asset that

is owned by someone else. So like if we had a co-owned house or like, you know, we owned a car together or something, Jess, or the debt is in the joint names of somebody else. So like if we were married and you were inheriting all of my stuff, well then it's your debt too. Like it's your mortgage too. You don't just get it for free. Or if someone has guaranteed the debt. So that's where a guarantor comes in. So let's say Jess, like you're in the home buying market at the moment, which I need to ask her about off air. Got some updates I would like to chase up, which one day we'll make it to the show. But if you and I were purchasing a house and I guarantored it, and then you passed away yesterday, I would be liable for that debt

if I signed on as a guarantor. Does that make sense? So it's also really important to understand the difference between secured and unsecured debts. So a secured debt is something like a mortgage when a creditor lends you money, but they take security. So they kind of go, oh, well, Beck, we'll give you the money for this house. But we know that if, you know, the proverbial hits the fan, we can sell the house and get our money back. And then an unsecured debt, that just means those repayments would stop because it's not secured against any type of asset. And the borrower would actually have to go to court and then get an order to take the borrower's assets and sell them to pay off that debt but if there's nothing to sell the debt basically gets written off and it

sucks for them like because it could be you know a small business or something but that's kind of how it works in australia in america it's a different story so you might be like oh my gosh they inherited so much personal debt that's not how it works here in australia thank you what a good thought for a listener to have a bit of a morbid topic not so fun i mean it's never fun but like it's a good question to ask because like who else is going to tell you the answer to that apart from me who the mama finance likes talking about morbid things i mean my mom was a coroner for a really long time so i'm not sure what you expected happy talking about death and money but moving on we need to unpack something that you guys slid into our dms about and this week

it's all about the cost of traveling for family commitments which you know a bit of a family episode this time it is on theme for us yeah i like it i want to say we're a little family but it does give me the ick when people work together and they're like we're like family like corporate red flag feels culty but like but really we're i still love it but we really feel like jess and i we go on family holidays so are we family maybe basically all right so let me read this out because this is the dm we received hey she's on the money team i have a dilemma for you guys that i'm hoping to get some opinions or assistance on i live with my partner about an hours drive from my closest relative. My brothers and my mum all live close-ish to each other and

my dad and step-family all live in that vicinity too. And whenever we have days like birthdays or Mother's Day or Christmas celebrations, they never factor into the conversation that I have to travel around two hours for a lunch or a get-together. I love my family and I don't want to be left out of things, but I need them to understand how much it costs me financially and time-wise. It ends up having to be an all day outing for just a meal or a two hour visit. I'm a uni student, so I don't have the money to be consistently paying for fuel and parking and tolls. One of my brothers has a work car with fuel paid for and still won't put in the effort to come out my way. How do I get them to understand that it's taking a toll on me in many different ways? It's a good question. I

like obviously, well, maybe it's not obvious, but my whole family is in Sydney. Actually, one of my brothers is in melbourne now yeah that's exciting yeah so i totally get it like for christmas sometimes for easter things like that or just like every time i miss home for a second like i'll drive up i didn't expect them to come visit me every time i miss home but you know for bigger things you got to the point where i would be like for christmas last year for example i was like if you guys want my company you're gonna pay for it i would like calculate how much it costs it also is like wear and tear on your car like my actual car is gonna break down sooner than if i had just stayed in melbourne for a year so like kind of calculating and being

reasonable and like adding up all the tolls luckily i have like three brothers and my mom that i'm going up to see my dad and his partner as well um so i have like a lot of people to delegate those funds to so i'm like okay let's split it by seven and everyone pays like 20 bucks and they give me $20 each. That's so cute. I like that you've got the balls to ask your family that. Oh, yeah. You're like, give me the money or you don't see this.

Totally. Or like I'll kind of not threaten them but I'll be like, I just can't afford this, you guys. And they'll be like, no, please. And I'll be like, okay, well, pay up. I am learning that debt is actually manipulative. Extortion. I'm an extortionist.

How do you think I got here? And I'd pay it. I'd be like, oh, but I don't want you to miss out. It's worth your company. Exactly. But it's also, you know, I totally see where this person's coming from. It does cost a lot of money. So, I mean, I wouldn't recommend being like pass-ag about it like I am.

Oh, you're not even pass-ag. You're like, give me 20 bucks or you won't see me. Directly ag. I'm just ag. You can try. It depends on your relationship with your family. But just like, yeah, just I guess being upfront and just being like, hey, this is maybe even like calculating how much it costs you for the year

and then giving them the full amount. so it kind of like really hits home. Being like, hey, it costs me $1,000 every quarter to visit you guys and it costs you guys $0 because I'm coming to you and then maybe we'll be like, whoa, I didn't realise it costs so much. Just kind of doing it that way. Just making them know how much it costs. Like adding up one trip might not be like, might be like $50

and they're like, oh, we don't care, you can afford $50. But being like, hey, over the course of a year, it's costing me an arm and a leg. This stuff adds up. So just kind of frame it like that. See if that changes anything. Jess, what are your thoughts? I think I have an unpopular opinion.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think that this is... It's not going to be unpopular. Oh, good, okay. I know. I know. I know what you're about to say. I just think that there are some things in life,

I believe very much in sharing expenses and making things relatively equitable where possible. But I do think that there's a line in the sand where, like, things are your responsibility. And I think if you're the one that has moved away and you are the one who wants to go up, it's kind of on you sorry sorry um just I think that like with that being said I think that you are well within your rights to say hey guys like it's so expensive for me to come down

you know I'm just gonna come down for the big ones like I'm not coming down for Sunday lunch every weekend or you know it would be nice if like for my birthday you guys came to me but I don't think it's necessarily it logistically to me it just doesn't make sense to say hey can all 15 of you drive two hours to see me. Oh, Bec expects that. Bec expects that. Have you met Bec? Or one person.

Or you don't get me. I mean, like more power to you. If it's working, it's working. Cool, stay away. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I think maybe it's just about. Oh, we didn't even invite you, V.

Maybe it's just about finding like a middle ground. Like could we meet in the middle, you know, every now and again at a restaurant or could you take a train part of the way or all of the way and maybe someone picks you up at the station. But I just don't think that it's fair when you're the one who has moved. Like you did this. If we blow it out to extremes, like if I moved to London and then you were like, hey, do you want to come to my birthday?

And I said, yeah, but, bitch, you're going to pay for it. I don't know how reasonable that would be. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Like that's to take the same. I'd be like, so that invitation to my birthday, can I just have that back? Redacted. I'm just going to take it back. Like I just think that I understand when you're a uni student it's really hard and I understand

that you want to see your family. Just delete her from the Facebook. Not invited anymore. Not part of the family anymore. I think that it is kind of something that you need to wear and like absolutely like let's try find a middle ground. Public transport's a great option. Meeting in the middle occasionally or reducing the amount of times you go. And if you have this conversation they go oh but we really want you to come to this lunch. Then I think you can say okay well if I've said it's not within my means and I'm happy to leave it but you really want me there. Can you, you know, then I think it's reasonable to ask for a financial contribution. But I think just generally, I don't think it's their problem. Sorry.

I think it's about communication. It's so about like you touched on that before where you like tell them and then you go back and forth for a bit. I am in this legit situation as well. So my family all live in Tasmania and I live in Victoria. And so my parents are over here, but all of my extended family, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my nana, like they are all in Tassie. Shout out Zella. Shout out Zella. You queen who does not listen to this podcast. But it's kind of been a mismatch over the years. And like, because so I moved over from Tasmania to Melbourne because of my parents. Like I was still in school when this decision was made. So it wasn't my decision at all. Don't regret it. Cause like, obviously it's worked out pretty

nicely, but they would always, you know, send us back and like send us back to hang out with family and whatnot. And I think that we always saw that as our responsibility because we were the ones that moved away. So like, you know, we chose and Jess, you're correct. Like, or not correct. Like I'm on your side, I suppose. We share an opinion. Yeah. We moved. So it's our responsibility to travel back. However, I think reading into this, I get a little bit of nostalgia from when I first started university and my parents started complaining love you mom and dad we've all sorted this out now and I feel like it's a really common thing they'd be like you never come back home like what are you doing like you've moved out I'd be like well you're an hour plus away like

yeah it's also a two-way street if you want to see me and you're complaining about not seeing me like I don't want to have to always do the drive like we can beck to your point meet in the middle or like you could come up for dinner at my house sometimes too and now that's like totally not of thing but I remember feeling like they would always say oh but you never come down and see us and I'd be like well it's a two-way street like you can come up to me as well and now it totally is back and forth and we do go down a lot but they come up a lot and whatnot but over time I think it's you know actually having that conversation so I'd be interested to know if you've had that conversation with your relatives about going like oh my god it's a two-hour round trip like

ha ha it's your turn to travel to me next time like are we having these conversations or your family just going you know maybe they've got some blinkers on and they're like oh love to create dinner oh it'd be so nice if jess was there yeah invite jess yeah yeah we'll book oh that place around the corner la porchetta really nice like we'll just book la porchetta and then they just text you jess and say oh jess like dinner at la porchetta on friday question mark they're not actually thinking about it because it just hasn't crossed their paths i don't think it's malicious I think they're just like oh they just want to see you they just want to see you like oh definitely make sure Jess and Beck are on the invite and then you're frustrated and rightly

so because you're like well I'm gonna have to drive two hours there for this dinner and then two hours home and your family are just stoked that you said yes so I think there needs to be some conversation before making a decision and it's not about yeah I don't think we jump to Beck's response of like we'll charge them for that but mine maybe go oh hey I totally love that any flexibility on the restaurant like could we pick somewhere halfway between or you know next time could we do it at my end of town maybe it's about being a bit more proactive and you get on the front foot and be like oh my gosh next time why don't we try that place near my place and just see how that goes and then if it doesn't go well then going hey guys like I'm the one that always

you know is put out completely by this what do you reckon so I feel like it's a mix mash of both of yours but my defining factor is communication once again once again she's on the communication I feel like we tend to end with that and I hope but it really is it really is the key so much about money is about having a good chat with someone and being on the same page and being able to be empathetic and being able to step into like oh actually that would be really tough for Beck because it does cost her a grand over the year like far out hadn't thought about it because I promise like as much as I would love to say that everybody's always thinking about everything for you too they're just not they're just not sometimes you need to put your hand up and be like hey did

did you realize that's not great and they go oh my god I'm so sorry yeah um so maybe give them the opportunity to do that absolutely what did the community say all right so we asked the community and it's common it's common so we asked the question do you live in a different location to your friends and family and do you have to travel to see them for celebrations and stuff 76% of you said yes. So this is common. The next question we asked is if yes, how much money would you spend on having to travel? 29% of you said 50 bucks, 22% said 100, 13% of you said 200 and a whopping 36% of you said more than $300. Wow. We said, do you think the family should contribute to the travel costs if they are not willing to travel themselves? Caveat there, if they are not

willing to travel themselves. 33% of you said yes. And 67% of you said no. Okay. We then said, give us your two cents. We want the insight from the community. Yeah, I want the juice. I also love it when you guys have spicy opinions in here, like nothing sets my soul on fire, like feeling like I'm in on the gossip. So here are a few comments. So first one, only travel for really special occasions like birthdays and Christmas and definitely set a budget for them. Someone else said, make sure you're asking for venues that are halfway between the two of you. If they don't want that, then maybe don't attend. Someone said, that's actually just part of life. That's your responsibility. No one owes you anything. The name on that

wasn't Jessica. Weird. Oh, that is weird. Someone else said, depends on whose choice it was to move, but it's something that should have been factored into your moving decision. Well, that's fair. Jess is like, told you, told you guys. I'm just glad that I'm not the really mean horrible person that was like oh no you know what in this situation i don't think there's a right or a wrong yeah i think it's just like what works find a solution in the middle somewhere it's like if i sat you guys down and said well how do your families do christmas absolutely diverse experiences yes does that mean that my way of doing christmas is the right way no it's probably the wrong way let's be honest but everybody is different and there's no right

or wrong especially when it comes to this stuff like totally we're all just doing life for the first time together guys exactly we're doing our best someone said you need to select what is important to you you need to be selective in what you attend in person maybe you could do zoom a little phone screen at the dinner table table for three things and just have one with the zoom screen adorable i actually got rejected recently i asked my husband to put me on facetime when he went to a wedding because i couldn't attend because i just had a baby yes he said no oh he was like that'd be embarrassing I was like that's funny you are a groomsman so that someone else said it's okay to have boundaries with family and events but your location is

actually your responsibility and then the last one someone said I either make the financial sacrifice or I make the social sacrifice I made the decision to have a sacrifice because I chose to move sure so financial sacrifice social sacrifice I mean everything's a balancing act these days, isn't it? Yeah, that's a really good point, actually. It's very hard. But, I mean, if you're like Beck and you can get people to cough up by all means, why not, girl?

Oh, my gosh. Next time Jess is like, hey, it's been a while. Do you want to catch up? I'll be like, 20 bucks, babe. Yeah, there's no harm in asking. You might lose a friend. You might lose a friend, but if you're Beck, you can make a million more.

Oh, and you can make some money as well. Oh, yeah. You know what? I think that is a really great place to leave it. guys have the best weekend and we will see you bright and early on monday morning for money diaries bye bye guys bye the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision if you do choose to buy a

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