She's On The Money - Gift Giving or Gaslighting?

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

It's Friday and you know what that means, it's time to join the gals as they celebrate you! Today we share your money wins, broke tips and we discuss a Money Dilemma about work options for a community member with a disability. Plus you slid into our D.Ms with the ever tricky situation of family gift giving. Listen in to get the low down! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for people who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it is Friday, which means, once again, it is time to get our team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Ms. Jaskari, she's going to be sharing her favourite money wins of the week from our group. Ms. Bek Syed has some broke, broke tips for you, and we're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma,

which this week is all about work opportunities for someone who is disabled and has chronic illness. We're also then unpacking something that you slid into our DMs about, which this week we're talking about family gift-giving and money, which is a little bit elusive, but I promise it's worth the wait. Before we get there, my friends, how have your weeks been? You go first, Jess. See, you say this every time.

I know. I'm just so... You're like, oh, I've got to think about it. I didn't see this coming on the She's On The Money Friday episode. Can't believe they asked me how I was. I feel like it's the equivalent of you holding the door open for me. I appreciate it. Totally.

Yeah, of course. Thank you. No worries. Jess Ricci, how was your week? I'm thrilled to report I have no disasters to share. You know, it was the throwing the salt over the shoulder. It was, and the three circles. The three circles.

A hundred percent, nothing, touch wood, has gone wrong this week, and that makes me very happy. Amazing. What more could I possibly ask? Like, literally nothing exciting has happened to me, but nothing has gone wrong, and that in itself is exciting. That's quite impressive. I'm very proud of you, Jessica.

Thank you. Me too. Ms Bex Syed, how has your week been? So good. I know I'm talking about last weekend, but, you know, it's still close enough for me to include it in my week. Really, really lovely. Well, we haven't had a weekend yet.

Oh, that's so true. So, like, it's fine. What did I do? I've been seeing heaps of friends, going to the gym. I got a new tattoo. Did you? I did. Where is it?

Show us. You haven't shown us. Well, it's just on my thigh. It just says the word tree. She's got full jeans on. We'll get to that later. You can take your pants off when we're off air. Oh, okay.

I'll put them back on then. Pants off Fridays. It's a matching tattoo with my best friend. And I just had, like, a really cute weekend. And this week as well. Just been sunny and lovely and just been so stoked. You are literally the most social butterfly I know. Like, it's so funny, Jess.

The other day, Bec and I were talking about something and I said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, when I get home, like, I'll do X, Y, Z. And Bec was like, oh, I never know what I'm doing after work. And I was like, wait, what? Like, don't you just go home and do, like, home things? Like, cook dinner, feed pets. Sit on couch. stare at wall for three hours yeah and bec was like no no i've always got something after work

just never know what it is and i'm just like that is so rogue like to me i know you wouldn't be able to do that either jess no like we're not socializing after a whole day like there's probably an avocado at home that needs using that night and like i'm not gonna then be like oh jess and i going out for dinner i'll be like jess you can come over for dinner yeah we will be using that avocado is the avocado it's actually insane you're a busy little bee it's a normal way to live the way you're living. You're unhinged. I can't keep up with it. It's a bit crazy sometimes. But Bea, how was your week? My week was really chill, as we know. I feel like I bring it up all the time, but I feel like I have to remind people I'm pregnant and I'm very pregnant now. So I didn't do much. But on Sunday,

actually, I did the Tiny Hearts course. So it's like a first aid course for babies and kids. Cute. Which I was really excited about doing. Full disclosure, that was a gifted experience from Nikki and Rachel who own and run Tiny Hearts and I just it was something that I wanted to do irrespective of whether it was gifted or not it was just very very kind for them to say that because they offered it to me when I was inquiring to pay for it and I was like yeah of course but it just I don't know it made terrifyingly parenthood feel a bit more real but also it was just so nice to like go through everything and feel like all right well in a crisis like I have been trained for this like I'm all right with it but then I also felt like it was so nice

because like my family came over and I was like at least we're on the same page and like I I'm not a parent yet and there aren't any other grandchildren in my side of the family so like in my head I'm like oh is this going to be one of those things where you know my mum goes oh but back in our day we xyz like she hasn't done that yet but like just gives you a little bit of anxiety and I was like well at least when it comes to the care of this child we're all on the same page we'll all be doing the same thing. It just gave me, yeah, a lot of peace of mind. So that was really nice. And I feel like I'm ready for this baby to come out now. Not long to go. I did my first day course. We're ready, Jess. We're ready. But let's jump into the show. I am very excited. Miss Jessica

Rucci, money wins are some of my favourite things about the community. So what have you got this week? Firstly, I've got one from Emily who said money win. I bought a bag for $950 in 2020 and I just sold it for a whopping $2,250. I'm sorry, what? Wow. Is there a picture? Do we get more content? No, I'd love to know. Oh, I need the pervy details. What is this bag? That is a great asset appreciation. Probably like a Birkin or a Chanel or something. It'd be a designer bag. Yeah, 100%. It's not like a Coles green bag. Like even if it was limited edition, it's not worth that. No, I don't think so at all. Next, I've got a money win from Robin who said, I've taken up cleaning houses locally for cash as my second job. I put my headphones in and listen to She's

on the Money podcasts while cleaning. I have the $5,000 savings plan on my fridge to tick off the different amounts, and my goal is to go overseas. It's good exercise. It keeps me busy and focused. Welcome to the cult. Love it. Well done, Robyn. Next, I've got a money win from Melanie, who said, Bedthread sent me a king-size fitted linen sheet by mistake in the color I actually was wanting, and I wasn't charged. Amazing. Now you just have oversized sheets. Don't you just always love, like, a little extra something ending up in there

and then you reach out and you say, hey, I got this, and they go, oh, just keep it. I love, I love bit trends as well. It doesn't happen often. Really nice, really nice sheets. Next I've got a money win from Emily who said, I'm selling my kombucha scoobies that made themselves for free. And I don't know why, but I feel like you know how to make kombucha.

I like how she called them scoobies as well. I absolutely know that Jess does not make kombucha because it's scoby. Is it? It is scoby. I was going to say, I think you're part of the Scooby. It is spelt Scooby, like of the Scoobit-doo variety. Scoobit-doo? Do you mean Scooby-doo?

Yes. Yeah, okay, she's cancelled. Scoobit is his government name. Yeah, that is. No, it is. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, totes, totes. It's on his birth certificate.

You can tell she doesn't make kombucha, but, like, maybe I've given it a crack before. But that is lucrative because if you get a good Mother Scooby, like, you have good kombucha for a long time and it's hard to build them. It's like a sourdough starter, right? Kind of. Yeah, it's like the mother. Yeah, the mother.

There you go. I've accidentally made kombucha a number of times in my life. That's because you don't clean your pots, babe. Next, I got a money win from Dana who said money win. I went into Kmart as we needed to buy a birthday present and I had all the Christmas clothes out on a rack for 50 cents each. Oh, money win. Got both my kids a couple of new Christmas shirts in a bigger size

that they can grow into and some Grinch pyjamas that were originally 18 bucks but are now 50 cents. Found some men's boxer shorts. They were discounted to $0.05, so I bought two pairs. You can wear Christmas boxes all year round. My boyfriend does. Festivaz. I love it.

Huge. I found at Best and Less they have really cute Christmas baby outfits that are $2 at the moment. Oh, my God, money win. I bought a couple for my friends who are currently programming because they're very cute. She's a genius. Lastly, I have a money win from Heidi who said,

I remembered some sneaky stuff, discounts that I was allergic before. Next I got a money win. Sorry. It's a brain. Who's having a baby? Not me. Come home. Remembered some sneaky stuff.

Discounts I was eligible for. I managed to get 50% off travel insurance that I needed for an end of year trip. Money win. Love that. I like it. And just a reminder, use and abuse your friend's staff discounts. Probably don't abuse it. Abuse gently.

Oh, gently. Yeah. Like if your friend has a staff discount and they are allowed to use it for other people, hit them up. Miss Bex Syed, you've got some broke tips. What are they this week? Okay, so my first broke tip comes from, so I'm using an Instagram handle for this one. So Crisp Forest has sent through an idea for a cheap eat, which actually sounds delicious.

So it's porridge, $2 for a two kilo bag of oats. And cocoa, if you have the financial capacity, you can put it up with some home brand honey and fresh fruits. So I guess like, you know, oats are very filling. A little choco porridge. Yeah, choco porridge. That's what I like to say, actually. I like it.

Choco porridge. Five times fast. Choco porridge. Yeah, so that's a really good one. And I actually might be trying that. I share about my oats relatively regularly on social media. You clearly don't look at my stories as much as Jess does. I can feel Jess being like, yep, she does.

My go-to is literally oats and brown sugar. I just, I'm so basic. Cocoa, that's fancy, too fancy. We're going to need some oats and some brown sugar, full stop, end of story. Yeah, no, that's true actually. But this is like a, you know, you get home brand cocoa. Oh, yeah.

Like it's not even about being expensive. They're just fancier than I am. That's so fair. It's actually really tasty, but brown sugar, I won't knock it, that's for sure. No, it's delicious. So the next one comes from Chloe who has suggested freezing pesto in ice cube trays because the jar tends to go off. It does.

And I personally can't remember a single time where I've used a whole jar. You throw it out at some point. Do you reckon you can freeze tomato paste in the same way? Probably, yeah. Probably, yeah. I always run out of tomato paste and then I go to use it and I always buy the bougie one, the squeezy one, because I'm lazy. And then I'm like, oh, it's all good.

Jess, I've got some tomato paste in the cupboard. And then I like pull it out, not the cupboard, the fridge. I keep it in the fridge just so everyone knows. And then I see the little bit of mould on the top through the clear plastic and I'm like, I do not have tomato paste. Oh, wow. But like maybe if I put it in ice cube trays. Try freezing it right back.

Yeah. Yeah, and then easy to use. You just pop it out, you chuck it in. I feel like MasterChef too, be like here's something I prepared earlier. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it's a good idea. Genius.

So I love that. Thank you, Chloe. Okay, so my one. is, I actually got this from my housemate and another friend of mine actually who suggested. Oh, so you stole it? I stole this. It's a broke tip that was stolen. I feel like that's very on trend. Very on brand.

But also, you know, you'll soon realize that it is something that I've lived by my whole life. So I want you to know I've never been to a hairdresser ever. And also theft. Just kidding. So my housemate was telling me that she has saved, I think around $3,000 in a year because she, instead of going to the hairdresser to get her roots touched up, she just bought box dye instead. And so I'm assuming there's some sort of toner or some sort of lightening kind of thing in the box dye that she uses. And she just wants, I think, like a reddy orange color. Genius. She gets that easy. So she went to box dye instead. And my other friend was telling

me about how she got her housemate to cut her a little bowl cut, which is... I could cut you a bowl cut. I would have a lot of fun doing that. Let me know when you're ready. Totally. And it's in fashion depending on where you are. You and Jess? You want to cut Bex hair? Yeah, that'd be fun. I did it to my boyfriend right before a wedding. It was not in... This was in, like, just after COVID. Please tell me you didn't put a bowl on his head. I didn't put a bowl on his head.

He just asked me to cut his hair and I said, this is a very bad idea. And he said, that's okay. I trust you. And then I accidentally gave him a bowl cut. Oh, he shouldn't have trusted you. No, he shouldn't have. I told him that. He didn't listen.

That's on him. I would trust Jess as well. I don't know why. She just gives trustworthy vibes. I don't know why. And then I'd obviously be like, oh, you messed it up. No, that's a big mistake. It's definitely not your competency.

This just must be a once off. And then I'd probably let her do it again. Do it again and again and again. Yeah. I could trim your ends, maybe your bangs. Thank you. But, yeah. Perfect.

We'll start little. Yeah, get a friend like Jess and she can become your, like, in-house hairdresser. Hair Jess up. Totally. That's very good. You can see me out if you would like. That's very good.

Small business coming soon. Let's replace me when I'm on mat leave. I think I'm going to be unhinged. That's a good idea. It's going to be hard, though. It will be hard. No, but maybe that's an irresponsible tip, but I would recommend. No, I like it.

If you can, if you feel confident enough, hair will grow back. But you do that to your hair and your hair's fine and looks good. Yes, I've never been to a hairdresser. And look at me. That is thriving. Thriving. Thank you so much. Don't tell my hairdresser.

She would have a conniption. Sorry, Ange. If you're listening to this, Ange, turn it off. And that's it from me. I hope you guys enjoyed that little thing. I did enjoy that. I'm scared that I'm going to get like a message from Boda being like, stop saying use boxed.

I'm really sorry. As I told you, tune out. That was Bec's tip, not mine. Totally. And don't listen to me. I will look after my hair. I promise. I promise.

Let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, we're going to be talking about work opportunities for someone who's disabled and has chronic illness. And we're also going to be unpacking something that you slid into our DMs about, which this week is family gift giving and money. So don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to The Money Dilemma.

hi there have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve the she's on the money team is here to help every week we tackle your dilemmas both big and small to answer your most burning money career and life questions to get involved simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show now let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma hello uh this comes up quite often in discussion forums so i thought i'd ask here i am disabled i have multiple chronic illnesses and i have so much trouble getting ahead i have very little money huge medical costs and i you know i'm on a pension so if you earn more than a few hours per fortnight it gets cut and then you're only earning a small amount per hour

I don't have the energy or the money to start a risky new business venture so I can't type so I can't I can only type a little bit so I can't do things like VA or transcription from home there has to be something for people like me that's a really tough one I feel like it's super tough because she's obviously unable to do a lot of the things that you know the people that we know who are disabled or have chronic illness do. Like they'll often do like VA work or like work from home because obviously it's a little bit more flexible, but she's unable to do that, which would be honestly so frustrating for her. Like I'd be, I'd be rocking a hard place as well. I think it's a really, it's a really, really important question. And I feel like while we might not necessarily

have the exact answer where we, I feel like we usually do, it's a really important thing to, to not silence someone like this because we may not have the immediate answer for 100 let's talk about it i think this is a really really really important conversation to be having and for there are probably so many people out there that are struggling in the same way and you know it's they would love to hear about this as well that at least they're not alone you know what i mean yeah and i've looked into it before just how the funding works and what you get knocked for and it feels dismal like it feels like you're in a rock and a hard place like you really want to get ahead and you want something that engages you because you're still a smart capable human being

you just have some restrictions on the way that you work and sometimes you might be 100% fine to go to work for an entire day and then you know the next week you're completely out for the count and like that happens but you are smart and you are capable and you can totally do it and you'd an asset for anyone, but you need that level of flexibility. And obviously in this particular circumstance, she's like, well, I can't do that. And I can't brainstorm myself any other role that would suit. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to put a thread in our Facebook group. And hopefully I know that we've got a number of people in our community who are in similar situations. You can like go, oh, I did this or I did that. But the frustrating thing I was getting

at before was it's just so annoying how you try to get ahead. You might find a job that's like, oh Jess, like it's all good. Like you can have as much flexibility. Just tell us when you're coming in or not. But that then impacts your pension payments and it impacts your pension payments so significantly, but also you're earning next to nothing to begin with. So it's like being kicked while you're down. You're like, is this not like better for you guys if I'm out earning a bit more cash like you can't make millions in this situation anyway like it might be a couple of hundred bucks and then they're like oof we're gonna cut your payments i know it's a joke it's so unfair yeah this literally just came to me but you know she obviously is very well spoken

extremely extremely intelligent and just like i don't know but maybe there's obviously like for us we have a career like i know you have other things on the side and i do too but we kind of have a career in audio, podcasting, things like that. So I'm sure there's someone somewhere that would be so interested in hearing her story. I don't really know what that looks like or how to really get there or what I'm saying, but I mean, she just sounds so well-spoken and I feel like if nothing else, she could find a way to maybe use her voice as a means to, I don't know, find a career in that. Does that make sense? Yeah. I was just like mulling it over and I thought the only other thing obviously we don't know the the realm of the limitations that you

have but if you can't use your hands maybe something around audio as you were saying narration work voice work yes something like that even like working in a call center or something like if they had remote jobs where you get to answer the phone have a chat with people you sound friendly I would want to chat with you yeah voice acting voice acting and then the other The suggestion that I could make, and I don't know how helpful or not helpful this would be, but maybe looking into technological aid, you know, there's so much that you can do nowadays with AI, with voice to text, like there are lots of things I think that hopefully will start to make it easier and easier for people with varying levels of abilities to enter workforces in areas

that maybe historically they couldn't. So looking into what's available, but I think definitely leaning into the community and maybe people who have gone through comparable lived experiences, to have a look at that thread in the Facebook group and hopefully we get some great recommendations there. But yeah, I'm really sorry. I feel not super qualified to answer and that's the best kind of suggestion that I could give, but just know that. You don't have to have every answer, Jess. I feel really grateful that they reached out to us and thought, yeah, these girls might know the answer. Like that's really kind that you did. Like I just feel very trusted in these situations. But if I were you, I'd reach out if you've got like a caseworker or someone who

managers, like your pension, giving them a buzz and being like, hey, what are people doing to, you know, earn a little bit extra cash and stay engaged? And, you know, what are they doing? Have you got options? What does that look like? Because they might have a lot more personal experience than obviously we do. But yeah, I think that thread, which I'll post today in the Facebook group, that could be really helpful to get some like just tips and tricks and inspiration. And even if there isn't, you know, a comment in there that you're like, oh, I definitely can do that. Look at that little community you've just tapped into so that you don't feel as alone in this. It might be a whole heap of people being like, girl, we get it. And I know that always

makes me feel better about things too. Yeah, 100%. All right, let's move on. This week, we have another spicy DM, which honestly, this is becoming a very, very close to my heart segment because I love the gossip. I love the drama. I don't want to be involved. Like I want to hear about the gossip. I want to hear about the drama. And then I want to be like, nice and walk off. Yeah. And have a good night's sleep. Yeah. I'm going to have a good night's sleep. I don't want to create drama. I don't need beef with anybody, but like, I'm going to hear yours. Okay. All right. Here is the DM that we got this week. Hi, She's On The Money. I have a money dilemma. A family member offered to buy me a present. Yay. And suggested something I don't really need. I thanked

them, but told them, look, I didn't really need that, but suggested something of similar value that I would prefer and use, but also I don't really need it. The family member then told me to just go and buy whatever I wanted and they'd just reimburse me. I don't actually have the spare cash to buy that in my budget right now. So I suggested that they buy me a gift card instead and they said no. My issue is that this person sometimes doesn't pay me back straight away. Sometimes they wait like two weeks to pay me back. I'm really grateful that they want to get me a gift, but I don't need this present and it would take a significant chunk out of my budget for the week. I don't know what to do. I'm grateful that they want to get me a gift, but I also don't want

to pay for it. That affects my budget, especially for something that I really don't need. Guys, what should I be doing? It's such a weird situation. Hey, I want to buy you a present. Can you buy you the present? Yeah. I mean, I do kind of get it. Like I've had people in the past who have been like, you buy it and I'll just pay for it after so that you can get what you want to get which I do like the idea of. Can I just send you a link? Yeah exactly. I think in this situation if you can't afford to wait until they pay you back I wouldn't risk it. I know it's nice getting a present but it's also like it's funny because advice usually is communicate and just communicate

just communicate but it's easier said than done but I would say just communicate. wow you're really diverse in these responses over the last few weeks back thank you i'm very worldly but i would yeah definitely mention that and if it's something that you know maybe they're not even thinking about that when they're suggesting you buy that yourself and then i'll pay you back but if they knew that you were strapped then maybe they'd offer to come with you or i don't know but yeah this is a very interesting dilemma yeah the refusal to give them a gift card is what's weird to me like I can understand if they maybe didn't want to give you the cash or whatever but to me the gift card was kind of like the middle ground option yeah I feel so awkward yeah the only thing

that I can say is maybe they are also tight for cash in which case why are we buying this present well yeah why are we buying this present or I guess for our listener you could say oh like I understand if maybe why don't we go in a couple of weeks or something like that the fact that they don't always pay them back is a point of concern for me because what if our listener went and bought the present and the person never paid them back and so they've bought this present that they can't afford that they didn't necessarily entirely need on the premise that this person wanted to give it to them but then they don't give them the money so it just is a bit of it's much more complicated than it needs to be I think either you know as you say kind of communicate to

the friend and say oh like I actually like can't really do that you know not in the place financially to go out and buy it would love to go out with you and get it together and make a day of it and you know if they kind of are avoidant maybe go oh if you're not in the position right now we can put it on ice you don't have to get me a gift or we can do it in a few weeks or something like that but it just sounds like it's more complicated than it needs to be to me totally maybe the maybe the person already like was gifted that gift that they suggested because or like maybe they found it on special or something because she's like or the whoever wrote in was like i found something of similar value which i think

is very respectful to suggest something in the same ballpark. But maybe initially the person offering the gift was like, oh, this is so much cheaper than the RRP. What's that stand for? Like they offered to buy a present. Recommended retail price. Ah, thank you. But they offered to buy a present.

They didn't gift you a present that you didn't need. Yes, you got me there. In which case, if they already had it, like this is just me. No, but they could find it on. I'm so good at Cluedo, so it makes sense. No, that's true. That makes sense. That does make a lot of sense.

Okay. Now I'm back at square one. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much, Bec. Oh, I wish I could do that. I don't have the cash in my account. End of story. Like, I'd literally be like, I just don't have the cash in my account for that at the moment. Like, that's all good. Like, we can do it another time or like, let's just put this, you're right, let's put it on ice or whatever we want to talk about. But I just feel so uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable about being given gifts at the best of times. But then the idea that I have to negotiate getting the gift, I'd be like, I just, I would run away and be like,

I don't want that. No, thank you, Beck. Yeah. Thank you so much. I find it. Yeah, really awkward. But again, I think your response is perfect. We do need to communicate and just be like, hey, like, I mean, I probably wouldn't bring up the fact that they haven't paid back things promptly because you don't need to start an argument or make them feel bad when they're trying to do a really nice thing for you. But I'd literally be like, oh my God, I wish I could go and get that right now. I'm so excited about it, but I just don't have the cash in my account. I've got so much stuff coming up this month. You know, maybe we can just do it another time.

And your friend is probably going to be like, oh, my God, no, let me sort it out then. And that would make sense. We did ask the community, and I feel like I do want their responses now. So we asked them, would you still want a present if you had to pay for it yourself and be reimbursed at a later date? 14% of you said, yeah, of course, I love presents. But 86% of you said, nah, I wouldn't want to spend my own money. Yes. So at least we're on the same page as them.

we then asked do you think this family member is being inconsiderate telling them to get the present themselves 81 said yeah definitely and 19 of you said no I prefer this because I can then get what I want I agree but I told you what I wanted yeah exactly that makes me feel entitled I hate it I hate this whole concept of the gift giving issue like just don't get me a present it's all good like yeah high five me or something and then we can go away we also said have you ever told someone you would prefer to not receive their gift as you just don't need it? 72% said, yeah, honesty is always best. And 28% of you said, no, that sounds ungrateful. I think it's situational. Like I think if someone had said to me, oh, I've been thinking, I think I want to buy

you, you know, a new pen. And I go, oh, thank you so much. I actually have 6 million pens. So don't waste your money I wouldn't personally be asking for a different gift I'd just be like oh my gosh Beck that's so nice but I actually already have that or I actually don't need that or something because like I'm so non-confrontational I'd just be like oh but if you buy me something and I don't like it I'm not going to tell you I'm sorry yeah it's just who I am like I know that's not the best money decision I don't even care if you gave it to me I'll be like Beck I love pens thank you so much this is the best. Because my belief on presents is that presents are not actually about the item, they're about the thought and the feeling. And you delivered that to me, right? You gave me the pen

and you felt gratified that you got me a present that I liked. I felt thought about and heard, and I felt like you really cared about me. I'm probably going to re-gift the pen. Yeah. Because the present served its purpose. Yes. Because ultimately, a present isn't about the item. It's actually about the thought and the feeling and the exchange of a gift, right? Yeah.

But to me, it sounded like the family member had said, hey, I want to get you this thing. What do you think? In which case, I think it's pretty reasonable to say, oh. Oh, and that's why I'd say no. Yeah. Because you haven't got it yet. Yeah. So there's no financial implication there.

100%. But yes, if you gave it to me because you already bought it. Oh, I love it. It's the best thing I've ever gotten. Oh, you bought me a Furby. I love Furbies. Yeah. They're creepy.

They are so creepy. But you know what I mean? Anyway, we then said, all right, if you said yes, so you told somebody that you'd prefer to not receive their gift, how did they react? You guys said, some of my family members respected it. Others bought me practical gifts that I still didn't need. They kept persisting saying, no, no, no, you'll love it. You really need it. So awkward. Someone said they were really defensive at first, however, felt better after they bought the items I really wanted. Someone said, if the family member can't be bothered buying it, they should just transfer them the money so that they can. Yes. Good call. I didn't

even think about that. Like, hey, I told you what I wanted. You can go get that. And then if you don't want to go get that, you could just give me the cash to go get that. Yeah. That's a good point. No reimbursement. Like you just send me the money and then I do it. Yeah. Good call. Some others said they were really happy that they didn't need to spend the money. They thought it would be thoughtful but when I said don't worry they were actually elated. They asked for a link to buy the specific gift that I actually wanted so that I knew I was getting something that I loved and they felt better about that that way. Someone said it was my sister and she was kind of expecting it. I said I just didn't want her to waste her money on something I wouldn't use and she was

fine with it and then someone else said they agreed and we keep just giving gift cards so honestly it feels a bit pointless. Yeah like the going back and forth. Like hey Beck it's your birthday I'll give you a gift card and then you give me a gift card like yeah yeah I see the magic out a little bit yeah so then we said have you got any other thoughts give us your two cents and they said that family member I feel like is gaslighting them yeah someone else said that's not the essence of a gift the best gifts are thoughtful unprovoked and meaningful someone said I wouldn't say it's ungrateful on their part but it's inconsiderate of the other party for sure Someone else said, ask her to organize and pay for a lunch or an experience together

so you get a positive experience together and you don't even have to talk about the item. Someone then said, nothing wrong with being conscious of what you consume. And then someone else, I'll give you two more, Bec, hold on to your horses, said, my kids' school friends, I will just give a receipt in the card so that they can swap it if they don't like it and we don't even have to talk about it. And then someone else said, I just think they're being a tight ass. And I was like, you know what, each to their own. A range of responses.

I feel like it's diverse. It's different. Yes. You're never going to win. And I feel like different people, like, have different love languages. And, like, I'm very aware of that. Like, I think that if somebody was really about gift giving and approached me and said, I really want to get you this,

okay, I know how much time, energy, and effort they've, like, put into that thought. Yeah. So I'm probably going to consent to it even if it's not right. Mm-hmm. Should I speak up? Yeah, probably. But am I going to?

Yeah, probably not. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. That's so fair. In shocking news, Bec's suggestion of communication once again seems to be the answer. Seems to be the answer, weirdly. We'll see what happens next week. What your responses are.

All right, guys. I think that is more than enough for this week. I hope you all have a really beautiful weekend. And we'll see you, guess what I'm going to say, bright and early for a money diaries. Have a good weekend, guys. Bye. Bye, guys. the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your

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