She's On The Money - High Pay vs Flexibility: What’s the Best Career Choice?

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

International Women’s Day is this weekend, and while we love celebrating incredible women, it also felt like the perfect time to talk about some of the very real career trade-offs a lot of us are still navigating *and this episode comes with a content warning below*.So if one job offers a higher salary and paid parental leave… but almost zero flexibility. The other pays less, but gives you more freedom. With kids potentially on the horizon, which one actually sets you up better long term? We unpack the parental leave maths, the reality of juggling work and childcare, and why flexibility can end up being one of the most valuable things a workplace can offer. Then we had a community member write in because she was concerned about her friend. Her partner earns significantly more, keeps most of the money himself, and has shut down her plans to go back to study because it would affect his income. From the outside it feels like a huge power imbalance… but it raises the question is this actually financial control. What would you do when you notice something in a friend’s relationship that doesn’t sit right? It opens up a really thoughtful conversation about financial independence, the invisible cost of motherhood, and how to raise concerns with a friend in a way that is supportive rather than confrontational. As always, the community also had a lot to say on this one.CONTENT WARNING: This episode talks about coersive control and financial abuse which might be triggering for some listeners. If you, or a friend needs support 1800 RESPECT offers free, confidential counselling and resources. You can visit them here.  NEW HERE?: Take our Money Personality Quiz and we will send you free resources based on how YOU actually manage money here.  Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here. Join our 400K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Nartarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My name is Natasha Bamblett, I'm a proud First Nations woman, and I'm here to acknowledge country. Tii, gilinyan ganya, nianakaka yao yinbina waka, nianakai nianbina yakarumja, duminyagumiga dumiga ithawaka nirawamundamun imalan, mumubangada boma ininyalan waka, gaunan yakarumja, wutunarana. Hello beautiful friends, we gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people, We thank, acknowledge and respect the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. She's On The Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,

bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It's our favorite day of the week because it's when we get the team together and we get to celebrate you, the incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Victoria is away on maternity leave. So again, it's Jez Ricky taking the reins, joined as always by the gorgeous Bex Syed. Thank you so much. Good to be here. Sorry.

Of course. You are so welcome today. Don't stress because I will still be sharing my favorite community money wins. Bex will, of course, be sharing her best broke tips and this Sunday it is International Women's Day and the theme this year is balance the scales or something that we are definitely all about here at She's On The Money. So we've picked some community dilemmas to answer that kind of fit within this theme. First we'll be helping to answer a money dilemma that asks the question is a better salary and paid maternity leave worth the payoff for zero flexibility when you have kids and a DM that asks the really tough question what do you do when you think you're seeing financial control in a friend's relationship

from the outside. That's a tough one. That's tough. That sounds like it's going to be good though. I have a lot to say about that. Absolutely. But before we get into it, should we start the show with some five-star love? Oh, I think that's the perfect way to start. Gorgeous. And this week I've got a five-star review from Belinda who said, this pod is life-changing. I discovered she's on the money after becoming a single mum and taking on a mortgage by myself while working full-time and raising my very young children. The thought of being financially responsible for everything was overwhelming to say the very least, and I knew nothing about investing. Victoria has been the angel on my shoulder as I emerged from

financial survival mode, and I now have a very clear budget and almost $50,000 invested so far for my family's future. Thank you, She's On The Money team. Oh my God, that is so cool. Well done. Good on you. Yeah. It's incredible. You should be so proud of yourself, Belinda. It's really tough out there. The single mums and, you know, even just keeping your head above water is more than enough. But it sounds like you are absolutely kicking goals. Surviving. We couldn't be prouder.

So proud of you. I think we should move on to the question of the week, which is my favourite part. I agree. It's so fun. I love this part. It's time for that part of Friday Drinks where you get to ask us one question you're dying to know. It can be about literally anything. So this week's question comes from Nicole, who wants to know, what is your best party trick?

I don't know if I have an answer to this one. You go first. Ventriloquism. I'm really good at ventriloquism. And I can sing. Do you have a puppet? Sometimes I'll just take my sock off and use that. I don't have a puppet though.

I really should get a, I should invest in a puppet. I'm shocked by how little people are impressed. I'm very impressed. I made the water bottle talk right now. This water bottle? Sorry, for anyone listening, there's a water bottle right in front of us. Okay, I need you to ask me a question. Mr. Water Bottle, how is your day been?

Hey, good, thanks. That's actually quite good. Is that good? Quite good. Someone's going to have to need to go to social somewhere. We'll put it somewhere. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I didn't put it in my mouth. Not a twitch in the muscles. Not a twitch. Wow. Anyway.

That's so interesting. I never would have guessed that about you. I hope you're impressed. I am very impressed. Thank you so much. I'm more impressed by you and less impressed by me because I actually don't think I have a party trick. I dare say that's not true.

I can't. Do you know what I mean? Can you flip your tongue or anything? No. I can't do any of those things. You know a magic trick. I don't. I'm a sucker for a magic trick.

So if someone comes up to me on the street and says, do you want to see a magic trick? I say, absolutely. That's going to get me every time in a while. I'll tell you that right now. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I fear I'm just the cheerleader. Somebody's doing something cool somewhere and I'm going,

woo, in the background. That's a party trick. Yeah. That's a party trick. Absolutely. I'm so sorry. No, don't be sorry. If anybody else has a fun party trick, we'd love to hear it.

Leave us a little comment on Spotify. And if you've got a question that you want to ask us, Leave it in the comments. It is only on Spotify. We're hoping Apple Podcasts will get around it. People sometimes ask us, where do we put these things when you're asking us questions? Spotify is the place to be. Speaking of, do you have any money tips?

What a segue that was from you. I said it wrong though. It's money wins. I'm so sorry. It doesn't matter. It was smooth. Thank you. And nobody would have noticed.

I hope. And I absolutely do have some for you. Firstly, I do have a very good tip from Lyndall who said she asked her partner to go through his subscriptions because she was rejuggling the finances. Turns out he was paying for two Amazon Prime accounts, one in the US and one here. I have done this before. It's like you can shop on the Amazon US website, especially I think I did it when I was setting up my Kindle or something.

And so you can find yourself with two separate accounts. And if you've got Prime on both of those accounts, like Lyndall's partner was, you'll be paying double. Oh, cheeky. I don't like that. No. So she sent off an email and he got back $170-ish because of how long they'd been paying it for.

Oh, that's so good. Very good. So just double check. This is why we say review what's going out because if you're doubling up, you might not even know. Next, I've got a money win from Megan who said she put an offer in on an apartment a few days ago and after a bit of negotiating, they have finally accepted. After three to four years of trying to get into the market on her own, she can officially

say that she's a homeowner. Oh my God. Congratulations, Megan. That's such a good feeling. It really is. So huge. Congratulations. It's so exciting.

It's so epic. Equally exciting, I've got one from Monique who said she quit her toxic job that she was unappreciated in because she can make money without dealing with that. Decided she was worth more than putting herself in that situation for a check. Nice. And I couldn't agree more. Big snaps for you, Monique. That's amazing.

Amazing. Then, it pains me to say this, I've got a win from Productive Chipmunk339. And guys, this is a little PSA because I used to run the Facebook group. I don't do it anymore. Chiara does it. She's wonderful. we have anonymous posting turned off because we believe that if we want to create open conversations about finances, anonymous posting is not an option. However, Facebook has changed

the rules so that people can comment with nicknames. I see. We can't turn that off much to my chagrin and I really don't like it because I don't know why people are feeling the need to put their comments, especially on a money wins thread. I can understand sometimes something is sensitive and you might be a little bit self-conscious. Sure. But Productive Chipmunk 3-3-9 and saying, I got a 24k bonus last week. And I think, girl, put your name behind that. Absolutely. And so I'm drawing a line in the sand, everybody, because I really don't like the nicknames because I want to be able to celebrate you. I will no longer be reading money wins that don't have a name attached to them. I'm putting my foot down. I can't do it

because I'm scrolling and I'm scrolling and I'm scrolling. And one of my favorite parts about this is we recognize a lot of your names, especially the people who comment and interact a lot. Like, I feel like I know you. And so when you're hidden behind this nickname, I feel really detached. I understand. I don't know you, but I understand. This is my boundary that I must set. And so going forth. Yes. No more nicknames. I mean, you can post with one, but I will not be reading. So do with that information what you will. Wow. 2026 you is so like. I like her. Thank you. I like her. Knew you knew me truly. And then lastly this week, I've got a money win from Flick who said, money win, pet stock after dark sale. I got my dog food for 20% off, stacked it with 25%

cash back or from top cash back. And I spent more than I planned on the road launch. So a little money loss, but I'm kind of balancing that with the saving on pet food. Gorgeous. I'm going to say you came out in the wash. Absolutely. It all comes out of the wash. And I really want a road peptide lip treatment. I'm resisting the urge. And that is it for me this week. Have you got some broke tips maybe to round me out? I do.

And I just want to say, if you do have a nickname, I will read it, but I am supporting your course. Thank you. This is the other thing I'm worried about is that some people's names sound like nicknames and you never know. You never know which one's which. No, you do know because they give them a silly little animal cartoon for their picture as well.

I can clock it from a mile away. No, she can sniff it out, okay, if you think you've been cheeky. Okay. So, my broke tips for this week. First one comes from Amanda, who says, I called my car insurance. I'm on maternity leave now. I lowered my annual kilometers and updated the policy to not include travel to work. Saved $200 on my annual premium. Gorgeous. And then this next one comes from Kate, who says, there are so many good TV shows and movies on the free streaming platforms, SBS On Demand and ABC iView. I could not agree more. We haven't had a streaming service for ages and tend to only now get them

when we get offered a deal so we can watch specific shows. That's a great idea. Yeah, and isn't there like 7 Plus and 9 Now as well? I think you might get ads on those. So fun. I mean, they're free. Honestly, I love an ad because it gives me time to like recoup. Sometimes I haven't, like I'm desperate to chat and then an ad comes on

and you can let it all out. This is my moment. This is my moment. So I don't hate an ad. Also, Nine Now have a really great series. It's called Evil Lives Here. I was obsessed with this show. Oh, what's it about?

It's like a docu-series. None of them are, like, linked, so you can just go in and watch any random one. But it's on Nine Now. Also, some YouTube-free shows on there that you randomly will find. Oh, I used to love a bootleg. You know, back in the day when we couldn't watch things from America, I used to watch, like, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders making the team in, like, 15 parts on YouTube, like four minutes a clip.

Yes, yes, yes. So I think bring that back. There's also Streamio, which is like really, it is a bit bootleg and you can sometimes see people laughing in the audience of the movie, which I think is great. It feels like you're in the movie. A little bit on the arms. On the arms, exactly. You need chewing.

So I think, honestly, you don't need to be paying for a subscription. That's a great tip. Okay, so my one, because I have quit my job, as some of you may know, I am jobless. So recently I've been just getting random shifts, hospitality shifts. there's an app called sup s-u-p-p and there is one I guess like category where you can just get like one-off shifts and another one where you can get like more permanent shifts and so I picked up a kitchen hand shift picked up a barista shift I'm just like picking up all these random one-off shifts every now and then which I feel like because I don't really want to be in hospital

again only because it's like there is no greater feeling than like being sticky and dirty after a long day and then going home your back's a bit sore it's such a nice feeling but I do get really sore. So I'm like, I don't know if I could do it anymore. So it is just temporary, but it is nice knowing like I go into a place, I meet everyone, we have a great time, there's no expectations, no one's watching me because I'll never be here again. It's just a one-off. And then they'll tell you how much you're going to get paid. They'll tell you the hours, they'll tell you the hourly rate. You don't have to be like calculating it or wondering. And then you just pick up all these shifts, you chuck it in the calendar, you go to them, you make some money. That's all I'm saying.

It's incredible. I love that. That's such a good concept. It's so good. It's keeping me afloat right now. Tell you what. Yeah. If anyone's got a job for Bec, you let us know. Yes, let me know. Because she's lovely and very employable and absolutely the personality hire. That is so sweet. Thank you. Of course. You should bring nothing but joy to your workplace, I promise. Oh, Jess, that's so cute. Now, we'll go away. We'll pump you up a little bit because I think you need it. And then when we come back, we're going to be talking about high pay, low flexibility or the reverse is a better option. And also taking a look at a really difficult DM, which is what do you do when you think you're seeing financial control in a friend's relationship from the

outside? Don't go anywhere, guys. Welcome back, everyone. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career, and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi girls, love the pot. I have a bit of a career dilemma. I'm set to return to work as soon as my maternity leave comes to an end. My current role is a great paying high level role, but the hours

are very long, 24-7, all late nights, no work from home and no flexibility. I won't be home five nights a week for dinner, bath and bed for my one-year-old. But it does have 16 weeks of parental leave. I've been applying for other roles and have been offered a new job. This new role is office hours, two days a week work from home and a lot more flexibility. But it comes with a 15k pay cut and no parental leave. We're looking to start trying for our second baby towards the end of the year. And I don't know if I take the job with a pay cut of flexibility, but it means not as long off after second bub arrives or stick with current job with better pay, parental leave, but no flexibility. I will admit there is a lot more room for future growth with the new job.

Would love your advice. Thanks. I actually, and I could be wrong, but I gather by the sounds of the way you are explaining it, you've already made your mind up, you know? That's very insightful. Thank you. I feel like if I was to flip a coin, you know that old trick, if I flip a coin, what do you want it to land on sort of vibe?

I think without any question in my mind and heart, take the better flexible job with less money. because also if you're trying at the end of this year, did she say, that gives you plenty of time. So if you start this new job and you're sure the pay is really, you know, not as great but there's flexibility and possibly room to move or some opportunities, as you mentioned, then I think that's plenty of time to kind of like work your way up

or like get your foot in the door in other places. Or even if at the end of the day you were on the salary for a little while, it didn't work and you just like look for another job you know what I mean at least being somewhere in the interim that isn't truly dreadful will open your mind up to other things it will make you happier in the meantime you'll feel more free you'll feel more like things will be more flexible and then the working from home I don't know I just I think it's all like taking a little break to catch your breath and also figure out what your next step is and so I think you should leave this no flexibility job. Also, I didn't even think it was allowed that someone

couldn't give you parental leave. So, an employer is not required to have a parental leave scheme wherein the employer pays you. I see. If that's the case, though, you are entitled to government parental leave. The thing with government parental leave is that generally speaking for people, the amount that they receive is significantly lower than their income, whereas more often than not, it is a higher rate when through your workplace. I don't know if on some level you can stack them or like jiggle them a little bit. I'm not too sure on those details, but generally speaking, programs through employers are seen as better or more often than not better off financially, I suppose. Got you.

I would be looking into options, you know, as you're saying it's parental leave, not maternity leave. Does your partner, do they have a parental leave policy at their workplace that you could take advantage of? Is that something that you could kind of juggle around to make it advantageous to you. Because if so, maybe that kind of, you know, the 15,000 you would lose in moving jobs can come out in the wash if you were able to return and then take advantage of your partner's parental leave policy. I agree. I really highly value flexibility. I think it's so important. And it, for me personally, has made a huge difference in my life. I also would argue as a parent, flexibility is paramount. I have quite a few friends who have kids. They're still quite

young, kind of aged between like one and six or seven. And flexibility is crucial to all of them. They all, even if you are able to pay daycare fees and things like that, and you don't need to do school pickup, school drop-off, or if you've maybe got family available to help, kids get sick all the time. You're constantly having to pick them up. You're constantly having to do things. I think that flexibility will serve you really well down the track. Whereas if you have a super rigid workplace. Not that it can't be done. There are plenty of people who work jobs where a nurse can't leave their shift more often than not, for example. They don't have that flexibility and lots of mums work in those kinds of roles. But I just think it would be helpful if you can have it

and it sounds like it is also something that you feel is kind of important to you and I'm a big advocate for it personally. So I would just be looking into what those options are. I agree with you. I think sometimes money is not the most important thing in a job and maybe it does sound you've made your mind up a little bit. Totally. All right. Should we jump into the DM this week? A little bit of an abrupt change of tone. I'm very sorry, everybody. But I think this is an important one for us to tackle at any time, but especially with all of the discussions that are happening at the moment around International Women's Day. So we got a DM and it says this, help please. My friend has been with her partner for 10 years. They live together and have a child,

but keep their finances completely separate. He earns a high income, which honestly would not be possible without her taking on most of the childcare, but he keeps most of the money himself. She works in a lower paid job and wants to go back to school to improve her earning potential. She was so excited about it, but her partner has said no because his income would take a hit for her to do it. She's now saying she's fine and doesn't want to make it a big deal, but I can tell that she's devastated. From where I'm standing, this seems like such a power imbalance. And I hate to say it, but financial control. I don't know whether to say this to my friend or just to stay out of it. And I want to know if I'm overreacting, what would you do?

This is so sad. I just feel so sad for this person. Because it's also like, in my mind, I'm like, well, the best case scenario, you leave, everything's smooth. You start your life, you get your identity back. I mean, I'm only assuming that this person was doing something before they had children, before they got married, for all of these things. I'm not sure if they are married, but I think that their life would be so much brighter if they had the freedom. I know that's obviously a little bit harder with children and things like that. But yeah, I can just see a bright future for them. But the process in doing that, you have to assume that this person that they're dating or they're married to is kind enough and reasonable enough to let it all be

amicable. And it doesn't seem like this is the kind of situation where it's going to be a nice, smooth separation. So, I think that what you should do is certainly just be there along the way the whole time and make it known that no matter what's happening, whether she stays in this situation or leaves the situation, you will be there. Because the fact that she's not going back to school, even though it's something she really wants to do, I get a sense that there might be a little bit of fear there. Where there's control, there might be a little bit of maybe she's not scared, but I just think if I really wanted to do something and someone didn't quote unquote, let me, it might be because I'm either afraid of them or I just don't want the

whole drama of it all. Yeah, like you're walking on eggshells. Walking on eggshells a little bit. In which case, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a quick and easy like realization and then fix, you know. So I think you should mention it in a very gentle way that is free of judgment and in a way that I know this is a really hard thing to balance, but when you're trying to tell your friend or when someone's trying to tell you something about the person you are married to or in love with or whatever you might get defensive so try and do it in this way that will stop her from feeling the defensiveness because you are on both sides even if it's made up even if you have to pretend you're on both sides for now do it in this way where it's a level playing field you're

on everyone's side and you love everyone and you're just kind of noticing some of these things deliver it gently and then stay by her side no matter what. But yeah, it's a really tricky one. It does sound like maybe financial abuse, would you say? I completely agree. I think it's a huge red flag to me. And I think sometimes people who are in those situations or in those relationships might not clock the red flag as clearly as somebody who is on the outside can, especially if, you know, coercive control and things like that more often than not scale up. it starts with small things. It starts with, oh, I prefer you wouldn't go out because I wanted to go out or, oh, I wanted you to be home in case I, you know, and then it scales up to, well,

I don't want you seeing your friends or you need to be at home with the child or whatever it looks like. Those things generally start small and build up. It's like the, what is the saying? The crab in the pot or something. The frog in the pot. The frog in the pot that doesn't know the heat that is turning up and they don't realize that these things that are happening are not normal, are not acceptable. I think it is very much in the phrasing, like financial abuse is not a light accusation to make. And I think it is all in how the situation has panned out. I think it's one thing if there was a conversation around, we can't afford this right now because the bills are really high, this, that, and the other. Is it something

we could look into? And then there's a whole conversation around, well, if the male partner's priorities are being met and his job and his life and whatever is being satisfied in the female partner. That's a whole different conversation. Yes. But I think exactly as you said, the term letting your partner, nobody needs to let you do anything. No. Like I can understand if you look at a broad picture and go, oh, as much as I want to go back to school right now, financially, it just would be really hard. That's a completely different scenario to me, to someone just saying, well, I don't want to change my life. So too bad. Like make it work. Yeah. I will say there are other options available to her. If she doesn't want to leave her job, she could look at a night school

potentially or short courses or things that she could do around it if she's not in a place where she does feel ready to have this confrontation, but does want to make those steps for herself. I think it's important for her to feel empowered and to feel like she can do the things that she wants because her wants and needs are very important and she needs to know that. Going purely off what has been provided to us by our listener, I will say exactly as you said, it sounds like there is an element of control or abuse, especially with the imbalance in finances. Like that's another thing that I'm not really understanding. I'm fine for people to have separate finances, my partner and I do, but why is he keeping the majority of the money?

just a lot of things are not adding up to me. And I think that, yeah, sitting her down, gently kind of talking to her about it, just playing it out a little bit, I think, and saying, hey, like, what is the reasoning for this? Because from my perspective, like, it just doesn't make the most sense that you're not pulling money towards things or that he earns more. Why not give you the opportunity to increase your earning potential by studying? Or have you considered studying part time? What did he say? Tease it out a little bit and see where it goes, because I think you were so on the money when you said people can get defensive with things like this. Also, you know, maybe just sharing some resources, I think as well, because it's very

nuanced financial control, coercive control. It's really difficult. And sometimes people need to see things in their own time as well. It may be that as much as right now for you and I, this is a huge red flag. And we say, leave him, screw him. You don't need him. If somebody's not in the place to do that. They need time. They need other things. And that's also okay. You can lead a horse to water, but you can only do so much from the outside. And so it's important that they feel supported. I think it's important that they have access to resources that they can look at in their own time. And the one that we would recommend is 1-800-RESPECT. You can call them. They have a really fantastic website as well with lots of resources. And if you or anyone you know needs

any kind of support, I would strongly encourage you or them to take a look at what they have on offer, but it is a really tough situation because I think things aren't always what they seem from the outside and I want to take it with a grain of positivity. But also if I'm honest, the flag is fluorescent red, right? Like it's bright crimson. We'll put a link in the show notes below to 1-800-RESPECT and all of their resources as well, if anybody would like to access those. But we did also put it out to the community to see what everybody else thought. We did ask a couple of questions. So firstly, we said, what would you do if you were our community member? 26% of people said they would call it out directly. 66% of people said they would plant the seed gently.

4% of people said they'd wait till they were asked about it. And 4% of people said they would stay out of it completely. Okay. Next we said, what are your thoughts on what is happening to the friend? 47% of people said this is definitely financial control. 48% of people, so unbelievably close said, it's a red flag, but I don't quite know what to call it. And 5% of people says it is up to your friend to decide. Then we obviously said, what is your two cents? What do you think? And we got a lot, a lot, a lot of messages and feedback. The first one said, I'd hate to see her retirement fund compared to his. The invisible costs of motherhood strike once again, which is extremely true. So true. I was thinking the same thing. Yeah. And maybe something worth raising

with her as well is I think women are often put so behind when they take time out of the workforce. There's all of those long-term impacts to your super fund, even to your ability to then apply for more senior roles or pay rises. There's a lot of prejudice that exists against mothers, particularly, that is working against us constantly. And so that is also something that I feel like needs to kind of be factored into these kinds of decisions. Again, there's no right or wrong, but it's something that I think is really critical that people at least consider. Totally. Next, we've got one that came through in four parts. They said, this is financial abuse, but you need to tread lightly as this isn't the only abuse happening.

With any abuse victims, it's important to plant seeds gently and ask questions slowly. Always be a safe, non-judgmental space for them to vent or run to. It will likely take years for her to release and then longer for her to leave if she even can. Yes. Which I feel like echoes a lot of what you were saying. Yes, I completely agree. Very true. Somebody said, keep some notes of things that your friend tells you. She'll need them for a family law affidavit one day. True. It sounds like it's coming from somebody with a bit of experience. Yes. Someone else has said, my dad similarly did this to my mum. They're now getting a divorce. Bro needed a reality check. Somebody says he wants her exactly where he has her.

She is his employee. Oh, my God. So true. That's what it sounds like. Money aside, if she was really excited to go back to school, that's super heartbreaking. I think this happens way more than people think. Somebody said enroll. She doesn't need permission for her life.

Yeah. Somebody said, I've been there. The most helpful friends called it out gently. For example, I would not feel okay about that, which I think is very helpful because we were kind of struggling to put into words a little bit. I think or I was going to ask you like what would you say if a friend of yours was in this situation they told you this exact story yeah what would you say to them specifically I would say something similar to this I like the I would not feel okay about that but I do think that like

sometimes in that situation you can kind of tell yourself especially if your partner is saying something so nonchalantly something that's really a red flag in this way that is like not a big deal so casual so casually and then you are like oh that must be really really normal I must be really sensitive or like this is a very reasonable thing to. It's the gaslighting. It really is and so if you say something very similar to this where it's I would not feel okay about that or I would just be asking questions like is that something you really wanted to do and are there any other situations where you feel like you want to do something but you're not maybe like quote-unquote allowed to or you have to maybe like ask permissions for stuff and then just

kind of like gently lead it into this way where it's like how does that make you feel and if they kind of open up about like feeling like oh I just think I'm being silly yeah then grab onto that and say you are not silly and just like make them feel heard so I think yeah it's a really depends on the person you're talking to depends on so many things but starting small starting gently a great place to start I really like that phrase that I would not feel okay about that yeah definitely you're not putting it on them and saying they're making a bad choice but you're exactly you're just expressing your own feelings I thought that was really helpful practical suggestion. I've just got two more. One person said, I'm so angry. We give up career advancement,

income, super and our time. And it's just taken for granted. And then lastly, I have someone who said, I work in DfE. It is financial control and it's insidious and it can lead to much worse. Please call it out. Yes. And I think like that's the overall thing. We've only got a very small amount of information, but if us and so many people in our community were looking at this and going, this is a problem. Yeah. I think as a friend, it definitely is your responsibility to at least try to bring the conversation to the forefront and then support your friend in whatever way she needs, knowing she may be ready to make a choice she may not. And all you can do is try to help, encourage her to pursue her dreams, encourage her to have what she wants,

because she deserves that too. And yeah, when all else fails, really rely on those resources at 1-800-RESPECT. Again, we'll put that in the show notes, I think. You know, International Women's Day is about really highlighting all of the gaps and the struggles and all of the progress and the wonderful things that we are doing as well as women. And it really breaks my heart that so many people replied to a message like this and said, I have had this experience. My friend has had this experience. And, you know, it gives me a lot of hope that this podcast is bringing people together and hopefully making a change in a small way. Because I think that, you know, as much as the pink cupcakes and the whatever that we see roll out at this time of year,

I think like this practical stuff, like women looking out for women, like that's what it's about to me. And I'm so grateful for everyone who shared their opinion and I'm sending all of my love and my thoughts to, you know, this person and their friend. Beautifully said. I feel exactly the same way. I think, and it's definitely like such a, I mean, it's always important to talk about, but yeah, certainly coming up to International Women's Day. So I'm really glad that we read that one out today. Please keep us posted. I really love to know how it all goes with your friend. And it sounds like you're a really good friend. So very well done to you as well. Yeah. And with that, I think that's it for the episode,

you guys. Happy almost International Women's Day. Tell a woman you love them. Tell a woman you appreciate them. See all the good things that they're doing online as well. There's lots going on. But thank you so much for joining us. If you haven't already, check out the Facebook group and the Instagram where we collect a lot of the fun things that we do every Friday. Leave us a comment if you're listening on Spotify. Ask us a question and subscribe because that's a thing you can do now as well, which is crazy. Crazy. All the things. Thank you guys so much for joining us. And Victoria, we'll see you on Monday for Money Diary. Bye, guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your

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