She's On The Money - How To Identify Spending Addiction

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

We have all used the phrases "shopaholic" and "shop until you drop" and most of us can admit to an impulse buy or a big spending splurge, but spending addiction is a very serious, very understudied and under-appreciated disorder. On today's show we put the spotlight on spending addiction and look at ways to manage it and where you can get support.If you need support, here are some places you can reach out to:Lifeline online or call 131114Turning PointSmart Recovery AustraliaNational Debt HelplineAcknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. The stereotypical female shopaholic is everywhere in pop culture, even in 2022. There's the cult favorite Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City who bought so many pairs of $400 shoes that she couldn't afford a home deposit and bragged to have purchased a copy of Vogue over dinner. Then there's Rebecca Bloomwood, the compulsive buyer turned personal finance guru heroine of Confessions of a Shopaholic. Interestingly, this addiction doesn't discriminate by gender, regardless of how many episodes of Sex and the City you've binged. The media turns a blind eye to the issue of male shopaholics, even though men

are about as likely as women to be compulsive buyers, and by doing so, it downplays the seriousness of the issue, which is exactly what we are going to discuss today. My name is Jessica Ricci, and joining me as always is Victoria Devine. V, this chat has come at a hopeful time, given Christmas is less than three months away. I am so excited. Look at your face. You are always so excited when Christmas is involved. But I feel like this is very timely. I would agree. And Christmas is cited as the hardest period of the year for people struggling with onyomania. I've just used a definition I hadn't heard of before doing the research for this episode. And I'm impressed you got it out clearly. I'm doing the best that I can.

Why do you think that this is the case, though? Look, we've all used phrases, Jess, like shopaholic or saying things like, oh, my gosh, I shopped until I dropped. And most of us can admit to an impulse buy or a big spending splurge, but spending addiction is actually very serious. It's very understudied and that's probably why you've never heard the proper definition for it and it's also really underappreciated. At the end of the day, onyomania is a shopping addiction and it is characterized by an eagerness to purchase unnecessary or quote superfluous things and a lack of impulse control when it comes to shopping. Onyomania, which is compulsive shopping or most commonly referred to as a shopping addiction is perhaps one of the most socially acceptable

addictions, which is why we don't use the real name for it very often, Jess. Think about it, we're surrounded by advertising that tells us that buying makes us happy and it's something we should do on a daily basis. That's a really good point, actually. Before we get any further into the show, let's add a little content warning because this is an episode about an addiction, even if it is one that seems maybe frivolous or frilly on the surface. And we will be talking about abuse as a cause for this, but we are looking into it and talking about it to offer support. So if you're not ready to hear this, or if you do need any extra help, check out the resources that we've popped in the show notes, reach out to a professional or a supportive

friend, and please look after yourself. That's right, Jess. It is also really tricky because of the world that we live in. Like you said before, it has been romanticized for forever. We've got Carrie Bradshaw and Rebecca Bloomfield, all of which a lot of us historically quote cough me have really looked up to and arguably idolized like what young woman doesn't want to live in New York and have the shoe collection that Carrie Bradshaw does like I am literally Jessica Ricci buying Manolos to wear at my wedding because she had them if that is not iconic I don't know what is which raises the question of why we've romanticized people in these positions before and not really ever called it out Jess when was the last time you heard a

story about a guy with a shopping addiction. I can't even tell you. Well, actually, I've got an example. Do you want to hear one? Absolutely. A little while ago, and I saved this probably a couple of years ago, I put it into my email so that one day when we did an episode on shopping addictions, I could bring it up. But it was from an article in GQ and it was called My Gucci Addiction, if you want to look it up. And it was about a guy who managed to spend $638,412.97 and cents in three years on designer clothing. That is insane. I thought it was insane at the time, but it's really rare to see a prominent example of a male shopaholic because often when men spend their money, it's seen to be, oh my gosh, he enjoys what he earns and he deserves it.

Whereas when women do it, it's seen to be frivolous because people don't project the same value onto women's things as they do men's. But it was an interesting read and you guys can look it up it was called my Gucci addiction and he talked about how he owned this fancy ostrich leather Gucci jacket from Gucci which was like $13,000 or something ridiculous and how he actually never wore it and to me it was wild but I think it's really important today Jess that we really talk about this tricky issue because in the world we live in where shopping is part of life it's honestly harder to avoid feeding the addiction when every day offers up a new dopamine hit in the form of adding more items to our physical or more relevantly our digital cart. Yeah so it

definitely goes beyond you know going a little bit overboard splurging in a sale or treating yourself to a few cute little new things. It looks a little bit different to that. Can you explain it a little bit further? Look like any other addiction or compulsive behavior people literally can't stop with this. It is a very common addiction. Again as we said before the most commonly accepted addiction but reported cases of shopping addictions can literally end in suicide. A lot of people have ended up in jail and there are multiple cases Jess even in our own community where it's been the reason for a marriage breakdown. Is this a new disorder or a new thing or has it just recently been identified? I don't believe it is new at all but the phenomenon of excessive or uncontrolled

buying or shopping has been described in a clinical setting for more than a century. So, finally, in 2021, international experts in psychology have built a framework to diagnose compulsive buying-shopping disorder, and surprisingly, up until now, there's been no formal accepted diagnosis for the disorder, despite it being highly prevalent, disabling, and a growing problem that continues to contribute to overconsumption and massive amounts of debt. The new guidelines, which were published in the Journal of Behavioral Addictions, confirms that excessive buying and shopping can be so serious to constitute a disorder, giving researchers and clinicians new powers to develop more targeted interventions for this

debilitating condition. And an international collaboration, which was led by Professor Mike Kyrgios from Flinders University and Professor Astrid Mueller from the Hanover Medical School in Germany, have come up with the evidence-based criteria for compulsive buying shopping disorder. Awesome. So what was the framework that they came up with on how we define spending addiction? Look, there are lots of different definitions, but their definition includes the following. So the first is preoccupation with shopping, which is basically an irresistible urge to buy a product. Reduced control over buying behaviors, so you're spending more time or money shopping than you ever intended. Buying products and not using them for

the purposes they were intended to serve. Using shopping to regulate your mood, to experience a high or to reduce tension or if you're just bored. As a result of compulsive buying, experiencing negative consequences or impairment, so things like guilt or shame or significant debt or even just debt in general and relationship problems. Negative mood and cognitive symptoms if you're attempting to stop. So for example, if you're trying to stop and not go shopping anymore, you end up anxious, you've got agitation, you're angry, you might be worried or you've got a whole heap of rumination. And the last one was that despite the negative consequences, you continue to engage in dysfunctional shopping behavior. So I feel like all of those at some point or other,

I've experienced. But moving on, Jess. A lot of those sound to me a lot like the signs of like a smoking addiction, because I feel like that's something you see really commonly and you hear people talking particularly around like the anxiety and the agitation, which is really funny. Because it's an actual addiction, like you are not wrong at all. And these things would apply to gambling or smoking or drug use. Literally, Jess, every other type of addiction has these things. And even though you're not going to get, quote, withdrawal, clearly the negative mood and cognitive symptoms, if you're stopping of anxiety and agitation and anger, those are literal withdrawal symptoms. Is there anything else that we should know about this particular addiction?

Yep. So in the article, it also said it could be episodic or chronic. So it could happen, you know, infrequently, or it could be an ongoing issue. Compulsive shopping shares several characteristics with other psychological disorders, unsurprisingly, including anxiety and mood disorders, substance abuse, impulse control disorders, and OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder. And the research suggested that compulsive buying because of the cravings, the highs, the other similarities in terms of the impulsivity is very similar to other behavioural addictions, as you said before, Jess, like gambling, OCD, hoarding, or even drug use. That's really interesting. How common is this?

So Professor Kyrgios, who was part of the team to come up with the framework that we've been discussing, says that compulsive buying impacts around 5% of the population in developed economies, which makes sense. It's not all economies, it's just the developed ones, but that figure is very likely to rise. He also made two really good points that I've written down, Jess, that I think you might find interesting. The first was in the past to go shopping, the shops actually had to be open and obviously things are a lot more accessible. And the second was that the internet allows you to shop online at night when the ability to control your thinking and your decision making might be compromised. And a lot of people maybe have had a few drinks. That's actually

really funny because the first thing I think of is, and I mean, maybe not everyone's had this experience, but when you're stumbling out of a club at three o'clock in the morning in Melbourne, there's, you know, the main strip where everybody goes out or if you're going down Chapel and you wander past. Lansdowne Chapel, is that where we're going? Just like an impulsive kebab. But you're wandering past all of the shops and I have this really clear recollection of being quite drunk and wandering past a few of the like nicer boutiques and going, I could spend $4,000 on a bag, which I absolutely couldn't, but everything's closed at three o'clock in the morning, right? So I can't walk in and put my money on the table and say, give me that bag

that I really want that I absolutely can't afford. But the point that they're making here, the fact that online shopping is so accessible, I can plug my credit card details in. My credit card details might even be saved in my internet browser. Mine are. How bad is it? Three clicks away and that bag's on the way to my house. Jess, a little while ago we were on the plane and you let me know there was actually Wi-Fi on the plane. And so I came home from that trip. we went on to FinCon, I've come home to a number of parcels. I'm not mad about them, but I'm also like, wow, the free alcohol on the plane and that free Wi-Fi really did get me. And that's not to trivialize what's going on. I think it's just to say, look, as much as this can go really far down

the line, it's also in a way a little bit like alcohol. You've got different levels of alcohol abuse, right? Like we've got full blown alcoholism, but then we've also got binge drinking and maybe not being able to regulate ourselves properly when we do drink. And I think it's really important to understand that these things are on a spectrum and not necessarily you have a shopping addiction or you don't. And that's why we're talking about the legitimate frameworks around this, because these are things that everyday people struggle with. But then there is that small minority of our population, that 5%, that really struggle with this above and beyond my little shopping spree that I had while we were in flight, Jess. I feel like as well, the really precise cocktail of

not having access to stores and the rise of online shopping during the pandemic alongside the rapidly increasing mental health crisis means that this kind of behavior has probably become a little bit more normalized when it comes to online shopping as well, right? I mean, going back to it, at the end of the day, shopping has always been normalized. It's kind of a quote funny thing that we see people do. Like it's unacceptable from my perspective because at the end of the day, we shouldn't be normalizing extreme online shopping. However, when your friend puts in a big iconic order, like we don't go, oh my gosh, do you want to talk about that? Is there something else going on? You're like, oh, what did you get? Do you know what I mean? Like if I said

to you, oh Jess, I spent a thousand dollars online today. Your first comment, I guarantee won't be like, oh, are you okay? It would be like, oh, what did you get? And it's just such a different mentality. But I do think we need to be taking this seriously because just this is stopping our community from buying their first homes or getting out of debt or saving for holidays that they want to go on. Like this stuff is stopping us achieving our financial goals. And if anything is stopping us achieving our financial goals, it's important to talk about. Absolutely. Let's go to a really quick break. And when we come back, I want to talk to you a little bit more about what might predispose us to these shopping addictions. Don't go anywhere.

Welcome back, everybody. Today on Shoes on the Money, we are talking about shopping addiction. V, can you talk me through what predisposes people to having this particular addiction? All right. So going back to the research, because I think that's a very good place to start, researchers have found that one major risk factor for compulsive shopping is childhood adversity, which I found really surprising. So this includes having a physically abusive or negligent parent, an emotionally neglectful parent who demands the child earns their love through quote good behavior families that have experienced financial reversals and fixate on lost luxury which i think was a very interesting one and in these difficult family environments possessions are often used as

a means of easing suffering boosting self-esteem or restoring lost social status which i think is really interesting and definitely not what i thought i'd find when we dived into the research It makes a lot of sense, though. I've said on the pod before, and I don't remember where it was, but I grew up in a single income household. And I remember when I got my first job, I went wild. And I mean, I was working two days a week on the weekend. Wild within the breadth of a two day away. Yeah, literally. Like when I say wild, I was spending every penny that I had up to approximately $200 because that's what I was earning.

I mean, that's a lot. Yeah, especially at a young age. But I can totally kind of see how people who are going through these kind of adverse experiences, want something that they can't have and then as an adult we have access. Has been like unlocked in a way? Yeah, you have access to credit products or buy now and pay later products and it means that you can utilize these platforms to have things that maybe you otherwise wouldn't be able to and I could totally see how that would be a slippery slope for some people. Yeah, it's interesting as well and I mean this is a little bit of a tangent but when you look into the research behind hoarding, it's really, really similar. It's kind

of maybe you grew up with a lack of something and now you just never want to be without or you feel like these possessions actually hold a lot more value than they actually do. We might do an entire episode on hoarding because I find it so interesting and it is so financially crippling that I don't think a lot of people understand the ramifications of it or how it filters down. But it is really interesting. Do spending addictions run in a family? Yeah, look, researchers have noted that compared to people who don't have shopping addictions, those that do have them are far more likely to have a parent, a sibling, or a child with the same condition or other mental health issues like an anxiety disorder, a mood disorder, or substance use

disorders. Well, how about when compulsive spending is a result of another condition or disorder? So maybe a manic episode or something like that? Yeah, look, that's actually a really important delineation because what we're talking about today is not things like compulsive buying during a manic episode of bipolar that is driven by euphoria and grandiosity or with disorders like schizophrenia where shopping behavior is far more likely to be related to delusional behavior and we're also not talking about neurodiversity. I've spoken before about impulsivity with things like ADHD and being on the autism spectrum. We're not talking about any of those things today. We're literally only talking about onyomania, which is literally compulsive shopping on its own,

not with another disorder. Okay. So, what are some signs that your shopping or the shopping of somebody around you might be out of control? All right, Jess, I have unsurprisingly written a list. Are you ready? I am. So, some common behaviours include the following. Hiding purchases or receipts or hiding your bank account information. Downplaying purchases. For example, you might say, Jess, oh, don't worry. It was on sale. Or no, honey, I've always had this item in my wardrobe. You've seen it before. Preoccupations of thoughts. So if I had this top, I would feel so much better or so much happier or so much smarter. Justifying behavior. So, oh my gosh, no, this is a treat. I absolutely deserve this. Replacing one addiction with another. So for

example, people who are abstaining from drinking might actually swap on over to shopping. Shopping to feel good, keeping up appearances. So the desire to present certain images to others, which we know is not a good thing ever. Revenge shopping, Jess, is a thing. This is, for example, when you have an argument with your partner and you're like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go buy a whole new outfit. And then shopping to please others. So gift giving to have someone like them. So obviously this is outside of normal experiences. It's not like, oh my gosh, it's July. It's Jess's birthday. We probably should get her a present. It's actually more about purchasing things to have other people like you. Reading through this list,

I can totally see how shopping addictions could go unchecked or undiagnosed for long periods of time because a number of those things I am guilty of doing. And I know that's why I'm reading them out. I'm like looking at you going, um, this is uncomfortable. And I know for a fact, like saying that out loud, I definitely do not suffer from a shopping addiction. I'm really regulated with my money. But, you know, a lot of these things like, oh, I deserve a little treat. They're relatable phrases, right? Yeah, absolutely. And so it makes sense that people would maybe have a hard time categorizing their behaviors as detrimental when they are somewhat normalized and things that exist, I suppose, on that sliding scale where maybe you're just giving yourself a little treat

once in a while versus giving yourself a little treat every day. And I think that that's a really important delineation as well, because we're not talking about you resonating with one of those things on the list, which Jess, you said, yeah, I absolutely do. It's kind of about the culmination of those things being a consistent in your life. So it's not like, oh my gosh, I do deserve a treat because I've worked really hard. Maybe that is really justified. Maybe it's the consistent justification of behavior. Like you literally do it every day or you do it every week. And then to add to that, you're also downplaying purchases and you're also hiding things from your partner or your friends or your family. And also you go shopping to feel really good. Does that make

sense. It's the culmination of all of it together, not just one phrase, which I think, as you said before, makes it so much harder to identify, especially in other people, because you go, oh, well, Jess just bought that. I don't know her financial circumstance. I don't know if she's abusing her circumstances or just has a really good budget and cash flow system, right? Whereas if you were doing the same thing with alcohol, it would be far more obvious. Yeah. And I guess it's when all of those little habits or all of those little thoughts start to add up and have a detrimental impact on your life. Also, an interesting little, I guess, sidebar here is that a lot of these things on this list are things that advertisers tap into and they reiterate it to

us as consumers as a way to get us to buy. Like you deserve this little treat or it's on sale, buy two. Or hey, go shopping. It'll make you feel good. You should come down to department store X, Y, Z, or buy this new top. It's in fact... I hate that, Jessica. Why did you bring that up? Well, it just goes into the, I guess, the fact that advertisers are smart and they really play into the psychology of things without any regard for the impact that it might be having on people. Sneaky, sneaky. They know exactly what they're doing. Of course. But V, if someone is suffering from a compulsive shopping addiction, how can it be managed or treated? What can we do about it?

Look, first things first, I think the most important thing you can do is actually see your GP and get a referral to a psychologist or a counsellor that specialises in addictive behaviour because at the end of the day, that's exactly what it is. You could also reach out to our friends at the National Debt Helpline because they have, as I said a billion times, a plethora of gorgeous resources to help you. They have access to free financial counselling. And to me, that's something that maybe we need to get on top of. Maybe chat to a financial counsellor and they'll say, look, here are your issues. Here's what's going on. You need to take it a step further and actually go and see another psychologist or another counselor. It's a bit

beyond just financial counseling, but I reckon that would be my first step. I also have a few little dot points of some other strategies that could help control spending and they include the following. So first things first, I would unsubscribe from any emails that trigger the urge to spend. I know my inbox is absolutely flowing, free flowing, if you will, with marketing emails, especially at the moment. I would remove all your credit card details online, cough Jessica Ricci, get rid of that from your computer browser. I would keep a shopping diary. So keep track of your purchases. Honestly, I don't know if I'm comfortable doing this myself because I'm so good at being like, oh, I need this dress for work. And then the next week going and looking

at another dress, it would actually be quite confronting having a list right there of like, hey, Victoria, you spent $100 on a dress last week. And I'd be like, oh, that was kind of recent. So that could be a really good idea. I would consider removing devices from the bedroom. I mean, that's a good idea in general. One I'm not ready to do because I do like having a little cheeky TikTok scroll when I said I was going to bed. But if online shopping is happening at night, maybe that's a really good step to take. I would also, Jess, avoid going online shopping at night, particularly after having gone out for a few little drinks. I would develop some healthier ways to handle negative emotions, such as practicing mindfulness exercises. There are

so many free apps on this. My favorite mindfulness app at the moment is actually a free app called Oak, literally free, has really good mindfulness activities, free breathing activities, and good rain sounds. We love good rain sounds. We do love rain sounds. And then before going shopping, I would absolutely urge you to make a list before you get there so that we can stick to what we were actually in the shops for. I feel like as well, even if you don't think you're struggling with an addiction, these are some really good habits that you can implement to rein in just your spending for financial reasons. Yeah, absolutely. To help with your budget and cash flow. But if this episode has raised any concerns with you, please talk to a healthcare professional. We'll

have a whole heap of links in the show notes to Lifeline and Turning Point and a couple of other really helpful resources as well. And even if you aren't listening to this episode thinking, wow, I've got a full-blown shopping addiction. If you feel like you're a little bit out of control or if you feel like you're just really prone to using your Buy Now Pay Later app a little bit too often, I would really encourage you to talk to someone or make use of these resources because if you nip it in the bud early, it's a little bit easier to get in front of the boat before things become too detrimental. 100%. Good episode, Jess, I reckon. I hope everyone enjoyed it. It was really interesting to learn about. And I think if we talk about it more, hopefully we'll

help to destigmatize it a little bit. Yeah. And if you take away anything from this episode, I would love to think that we stop using words like shopaholic or phrases like shop till you drop because they can actually be quite detrimental to normalizing shopping addictions, which as we've just learned, can actually be really detrimental to your life. Absolutely. But I think that's about all we've got time for today. See you on Friday, guys. Bye.