She's On The Money - I Got Everything I Wanted Then I Burned It All Down

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

Ever had life give you everything you thought you wanted, only to wonder if it’s what you actually needed? This week’s Money Diary is a juicy, emotional rollercoaster, and trust us—you won’t want to miss it. Our Money Diarist shares her incredible journey of building her dream life, only to find it wasn’t what she truly wanted. After years of saving, buying a dream home, and getting engaged, she made the bold decision to burn it all down, walk away, and start over. We dive deep into her story, from navigating a breakup after eight years, to figuring out what she really wants in life, and taking control of her finances. How do you handle such a monumental life reset? Can you still achieve your money goals after starting over? This conversation is raw, inspiring, and packed with lessons for anyone rethinking their path. Ready to binge more relatable, inspiring, and downright juicy money stories? Check out our ultimate Money Diaries playlist. Listen now FREEBIE ALERT: Join the She’s on the Money 30-Day Reset—your step-by-step guide to refreshing your finances, setting achievable goals, and starting the year strong! Sign up for free here. Join our 300K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast that lets you be pervy about other people's money habits for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where we get to talk with one of our incredible She's on the Money community members all about their journey. Let's jump straight into it because this week I got a message and it went like this. Hi V and the She's on the Money team. I got everything I ever wanted and then it burnt down. After listening to every She's on the Money episode, my partner and I decided to save for a house at the end of 2019. Then COVID hit, which pushed our plans back. We spent four and a half years living with our parents, saving every dollar we could. In February, we finally bought our dream

home. By July, we were engaged. Now we've split up. I've moved back in with my parents and I'm trying to work out what's next. It's been a roller coaster, but I'm slowly picking up the pieces to figuring out where to go from here. Money Diarist, hi and welcome to the show. Hi. Plot twist, nothing that you ever wanted has seemingly worked out. Yeah, look, it was a bit of a surprise to me as well. Oh my gosh, I have so many questions and it's crazy because I feel like there are a lot of people in our community going through something similar at the moment. I feel like there's a changing the wind. There's something going on. So I'm excited to get into it. But before we get there, Money Diarist, if I asked you to give your money habits a grade from A through to F,

what would you grade them? I think a B plus is fair. A B plus. All right. I love that. Let's start there. And now let's get into the pervy bits. Money Diarist, can you tell me a little bit more about your money story? Yeah, sure. So I guess for me, money is the thing that you need to get what you want. my mum and dad are very live in the moment people and always said things like oh the bank's got money whereas I am very cautious and was always looking to do the safest thing which is why I was a good saver so you know good and bad I was like you said with my partner for eight years and we went to Europe in the summer of 19 pre-covid and when we got back we decided we wanted to live

together and we talked about how we wanted to do that and we both decided we wanted to buy a house so I did a massive research piece and a lot of excel spreadsheets about the houses that we wanted in what areas and how much they were going for and then what 20% of that would be and then how long it would take us to save up that much which at the time was about two years which is what I pitch to my mum and dad when I said, can I stay here for a little bit longer? Yeah. And then COVID hit and it took us four and a half years. Which is fair. I feel like that just threw everyone for a twist. It really did. And then eventually in February, we ended up buying a house in suburban Adelaide for $800,000 and we saved up 30% to cover the deposit and the fees. And then

we also had $30,000 to furnish the house and a $30,000 emergency fund because I don't do anything without an emergency fund. Okay. You're a woman after my own heart. I mean, I can't say the same because like I absolutely royally mucked up my finances when I was a bit younger, but like I'm impressed. Yeah. I mean, it took a really long time, but we got there. And then when we go into the house we got engaged because that was the next thing and then started planning a wedding and I have to ask before we get to what we know has happened did at any point you go this isn't right or this isn't going to work out or like because I feel like eight years is a really long time and to have gone on a holiday together overseas and then come home and said we want

to live together like that's pretty big because after a holiday overseas you could have driven each other up the wall like I know even traveling with my own husband I'm like all right so we need some alone time but you came home and said we want to live together so at what point were you like tell me more like did you know did you not know I just it's so funny because I've had so many people ask me this sorry for repeating it but now the millions of people that'll listen to she's on the money they're not going to ask you because they'll already know so I'm basically doing you a service? No, it's fine. I think we're very similar people and what I needed at the time was safety and someone who would support me, which was lovely, but I think it was almost too safe.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I think that's what changed. It's actually the catalyst for all of this was that a friend of mine at work we went out and you know we were having lunch and things like that and then one night he said oh you know some of us are going out do you want to come and I said oh yeah I'd love to sure and then we went out and for whatever reason a bunch of people had pulled out and it ended up just being the two of us and then he told me that he liked me oh no yeah and I was like oh my god this is not what I thought tonight was gonna be about yeah and he asked me what do you want and I went home and like told my partner and was like look this is what's happened oh good I was about to be like because okay I'm a bit black and white and like literally no judgment

if you'd said I cheated on my partner I'd be like cool can you tell me about that like it's not my decision you're making but like in that moment why did he feel safe enough to be like by the way money diarist I have a raging crush on you and I know you're already in a relationship so what do you want were you like what the hell mate like where did this come from or was this a like oh they're like yeah there were eyes across the office like tell me well I think I was very naive because after I spoke to my team they were like yeah did you not notice he came over like all the time and was like you know always trying to talk to you and I was like no see I'm a bit naive like that too yeah yeah yeah like if you don't put up a billboard that says I like you like I just assume

we're friends like I just think we're pals like were you when you're a bit younger did you get accused of flirting with people as well and then you were like but I wasn't and it turns out you were just super friendly yeah this is not the first time this has happened I just assume everyone's really friendly and helpful. Yep. Yep. And it just turns out maybe we're all just a bit friendly. Yeah. Oh gosh. So I spiraled for like a whole week and just really thought about what I wanted. But you went home and you told your partner? Yes. So awkward. How did you have that conversation? Oh, by the way, tonight I accidentally went on a date and the guy told me that he really liked me. Was your partner like, yeah, cool. Like I

like you too or was your partner like what are you on money diaries like I don't know how this would have gone credit to him he's a really lovely patient kind person he was like I'm really sorry that happened and you know that wasn't what you were expecting and that sounds really hard like if you need anything let me know and I was like thanks what a guy because if my husband came home and said I went on an accidental date I'd be like cool so um have you got the keys or have I got the is because we're going. Yeah, literally. No, he was lovely. And I said, oh, look, I just need a little bit of time to just think about what happened and why it happened. And so then I went on like a week long analyzing party of my own and really thought about why I

made the choices I had. And I was really lucky. I have a really supportive team at work and they made it so comfortable that I could actually make a decision like this and I after a week said to my partner because the poor thing was so anxious and worried. Oh he would have been stressing. Yeah my partner's just said hey I actually want to think about this guy that wasn't a prospect the minute before. Yeah yeah it was a I referred to it as a disaster quite often. And yeah, I said to him, I'm really sorry. I didn't realize, but this isn't what I want. And I'm really sorry. And take as much time as you need and reach out to me when you're ready to talk again. And we can. Oh my gosh. So within a week you went from being like,

I don't even mind to, oh, by the way. So I've actually come to my senses and I don't want this at all. Yep yep it was a bit wild. Oh my gosh did you give yourself whiplash because I feel like I've got whiplash. Yeah it was pretty intense and all the people around me were so shocked and confused and I had to do a lot of explaining which is when you're trying to process it it's also quite difficult. Yeah because you're like I actually don't know but I just feel this way and I've made the decision and I feel like that's the right thing for me because I feel lighter but I can't even tell you why I feel lighter right now yeah it was a bit like that and yeah it just so much relief that you know I don't actually have to do all of the things that were set out

before me like I don't have to have the big white wedding I don't have to have kids if I don't want to I can keep pursuing my career in the way that I have been and it was just like so cathartic to be able to have choice again so was it more of a I don't want a relationship at this point or was it like I would like to date this other person like how did that happen because I feel like there's a lot to it I didn't I feel like often as you guys know I have a background in psychology so these things are not always just straight laced and like oh yeah I just broke up with my partner and started dating someone else full stop end of story it's kind of like a mix of emotions and I actually genuinely don't want the first thing and now it's awkward because there's someone else

there like what did that look like messy yeah yeah understandably so I obviously took that week to really analyze my own behavior and what I wanted and I've been seeing a psychologist as well to talk through this because it's a pretty massive life decision and chatting to them about why I wanted this and I think it's got an awful lot to do with being the good girl and doing everything you're supposed to do and getting a bit older and being a little bit more self-critical and self-aware going well is this actually what I want it turns out it wasn't it wasn't what you wanted exactly and I think this person from work who I'm now dating hello who who saw that coming not me yeah I know right it was so ridiculous because I was so shocked by it but apparently the entire

office was like, oh yeah, we knew for ages. And I was like, well, did anyone want to tell me? Yeah, this is when my best friend literally flew to my state from a different state to tell me that she was gay. And I was like, sorry, what? Like, you didn't know? Like, did you not know? And she was like, what do you mean you're not shocked? And I was like, really? Really? Like, I feel like everybody but you knew this at this stage literally it was so like that at this stage I just thought we weren't talking about it because you weren't that comfortable sharing that part of your life not oh Victoria doesn't know oh it was so funny and like so silly that everyone knew except me and I think what's really nice is that I spent a fair bit of time

working out what I wanted and I feel really comfortable knowing now what I want from life and he's just you know a nice added bonus yeah and I feel like having a conversation with you and obviously the privilege I have right now is I can see your body language and no one else can like you are clearly quite emotionally intelligent about this I feel like some people aren't I could tell from the way that you were talking about it either you had a background in psychology you've done a lot of inner work or you'd seen a psychologist like you are talking about it in such a balanced way and also I'm so impressed with the respect you have for your past partner like the way that you're like oh no he was really kind and safe and like I trusted him like

that is such a beautiful way to it's like let's be honest the messiest of situations because you probably are also dealing with a whole heap of guilt you're like I hate the fact that I met you literally right now and this is happening why couldn't this happen 12 months in advance instead of like now like all of those things but it's very nice to talk to somebody about a situation like this but like yeah it was messy and it was awful and all of these things and not great but it is what it is so essentially you burnt your own life down and now we're building it back up tell me what does that potentially look like because you said earlier I don't have to have the big white wedding. I don't have to have kids if I don't want to. And I mean,

Messy, you already owned property with your ex-partner. Like when she went hard, she went real hard. Yeah. My parents said to me when I made the decision, they were like, you didn't want to do it before the house. And I was like, look, if I'd known, sure. Do you know what guys, you're really lucky I did it before kids. Well, exactly. And that was part of the reason why I was like, I need to make a decision sooner rather than later. Cause it's also unfair on my past partner as well. You know, he has a life to live as well, but yes, no, it's crazy. Now I have so many options, but I literally got a call yesterday and found out that I got approved for a rental. Oh, exciting. Wait. So this is super fresh, is it? Oh yeah. Yeah. This is like happened

in October. Yeah. Okay. Cause like in what you wrote in, you were like, you know, in February we purchased. Now we've split up like July, but it feels like maybe this was like a couple of weeks ago, as opposed to a couple of months, like, you know, four or five or even now six, even though it's like real fresh, hey? Yeah, no, it's real fresh. Oh my goodness. Well, I think it's so lovely. People often reflect, you know, a year or so after and you get to hear about what it was like, but I'm literally in the mess. Oh no, she's in it. Yeah. She's in it. So tell me more about this mess. Like you met at work, so I need to know what do you do for work? How much money do you earn?

I work as a senior marketing engagement advisor for a not-for-profit and I earn 98,000. Plus or including super? Including super. Cool. Very nice. Nearly on six figures. Is that a goal that you have in your mind? Yeah. It's just, you know, I just kind of want to get there because it's so close now. Yeah, yeah. It's one of those lame things that I'm not saying that people should strive for this, but I remember in my head, I used to have this idea that I'd be like, you know what, by the time I'm 30, I want to earn six figures. I feel like it's so common. And when I talk to people, I'm like, 30 sounds like that would be achievable. And you're like, what, two grand

off. So surely you're like, come on, I want to earn six figures. It's not about having more income or lifestyle it's about like the marker the milestone yeah it's just it's so close and I'm really lucky I have a really great manager and a really great team and if I want to talk about things like that they're very open they were all so excited for me having this interview today and such so it's really lovely oh I love this I laugh so hard though because I wish I was in your office, the drama in your office would be piping hot. Like the water cooler chat, my God, nothing exciting happens in my office. So like, if you're looking for a new role, I know, I know that you said that you've got a really good team, but like everybody in my team, except for one is partnered

up and like, we're kind of boring. Well, I mean, frankly, I was partnered up. Yeah, I know. But like maybe someone in my team needs to pull a stunt like this. It's wild. And I've often said to the team, you know, if I wasn't the person in this, I would think this is like the most wild gossip I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, I'm here for it. I'm here for it. So tell me, because life has changed significantly, but it's kind of like a self-inflicted change. It's not, oh, yep, I did this. But like you were on the trajectory to having the 2.5 kids, the big white wedding, you had the house, all of that. How have your money goals changed? Like, do you know what you're currently working towards? Is it currently like you in limbo? Is it a mess? Is it a situation

where you're like, actually, Victoria, I have more clarity than I've ever had in my life. Like, what does that look like? What are your big money goals? It is a bit of a mess at the minute. And we've got a lot to work through with the house still, but the intention is that my partner will buy me out and I'll get my deposit back. So what I would like to do is use part of that to go see a financial advisor and start my share portfolio. Yes, I've heard that financial advisors are good eggs. If you need a recommendation, I'll give you one after the show. Thank you. So I think for me, getting that money back. I really want to set up the kind of life where I can do what I want. So for me, I think I'd really like to have a million dollar investment portfolio by 60,

which I think is reasonable and achievable. Completely achievable. Yeah. But also have a little bit of money aside if I want to go back into property again. So yeah, it's definitely changed a lot because yeah, it was, you know, saving up for a wedding and for kids and stuff like that. And now it's like, no, it's very individualized. It's just me and for what I want now. So yeah, it's very different. I adore that. Tell me, like, it's just so fun talking to people who are like, oh, I've changed my mind. So tell me, what were those feelings that you had when you were saving for a wedding? Was it kind of just like autopilot? You were like, right, well, the next

step is wedding. I guess we should save. Or were you excited or were you, I don't know, a little bit anxious about it? Like when you think about that period of your life where maybe you had a date night or something, you sat down, you talked about this wedding savings account. How did that work? It's so strange to think about it now because I remember when we got engaged, there was a moment where I had walked in and he was on one knee and I had this feeling like oh oh no and at the time I was like no I must just be nervous yeah yeah yeah you're like gaslit yourself like I'm just excited it's a big moment you know and then when we were planning the wedding it was sort of autopilot and everyone's giving their opinions you know what weddings are like oh do I

ever. And it's, you know, we were very aligned as well. Like we're very similar people and we both really wanted very similar things when it came to that. But there were a few times like when I went wedding dress shopping, I tried on a dress and I felt like I should have been more excited and I wasn't. There were all these little things that I was flat out ignoring and in full denial but all things that like can be anxiety right like I have moments like this often like where I you know let's be honest I do a lot of speaking on stage and I am so excited about that but like I have that moment of dread before I step on stage I'm like oh no like yeah and your stomach drops yeah and your stomach drops and you feel a little bit sick and like you're

catastrophizing what could go wrong like I totally get it but I know on reflection that that's actually anxiety talking and it's so easy to gaslight yourself but now what is it like they say like looking back is 2020 so now you're like oh that maybe wasn't anxiety that was actually maybe me needing to listen to myself a little bit more tell me about this idea of kids you mentioned before and I'm being super pervy so I super appreciate this but you said now I don't have to have kids like you were like I get to choose was that something where you were always like all right it's autopilot how does this work like what's the next thing or was it a you know you're maternal you just hadn't met the right person like what does that look like well for me

I'd always been really good with kids and I love kids they're so much fun and I'm very involved with my niece and nephew and my nieces two sets of twins my brother had it was wild oh that imagine Like I've always thought that twins would be really fun. So like if I get pregnant again one day and it's not twins, I'll be a little bit disappointed. But imagine two back to back. It's pretty hectic. Talk about getting kicked while you're down. Oh, yeah.

Especially when like they get to that point where they can walk and then one goes in one direction and the other one goes in the other direction. That's when you've got the issues. I can't imagine. And I'm assuming like, you know, obviously his money story. also if anybody listening has two sets of twins I would love you on the podcast imagine going do you know what we've got twins we've just gotten through the hard part honey do you want one more baby like a family of three that would be so nice let's try and then you get another two I would be

like what is this it's so fun though because that's all they know and by default it's now all we know yeah it's beautiful chaos yeah it's so much fun though and I love being an auntie and taking them to dance classes and soccer and all this stuff. It's so much fun. And I've always loved kids. So I thought naturally that would mean that I would want my own. But as I got closer and closer to the age where I thought it would be reasonable and financially viable to have my own, I got really critical about it. I read this amazing book called The Most Important Job in the World by Gina Rushton. And it was really interesting, but it was all about trying to work out whether having kids is, you know, what you want. And it went through all these different

kinds of topics. And I think for me, I just didn't feel the need anymore. I just felt like I had, you know, been so involved with my nieces and nephew and my brother and sister growing up. and that I didn't necessarily feel the need to have my own. And it took a lot of pressure off as well because I felt like I needed to have so many things lined up to be able to have kids. Like I needed to get as far as I could in my career before I had kids and I needed to have a house, you know, and I needed to have a certain amount of money saved so that I could send them to, you know, private schools and make sure that I had, you know, enough money to deck out their room and all the stuff and, you know, make sure that they still, you know, that we could actually

afford to have them. And it just, it felt like such a relief when I went, I don't have to do this. Yeah, that is wild. Like in the best possible way, like I adore that you've had this opportunity to go, hold on, hold on. It's not too late. I can actually change my entire circumstance. And it's wild because I had, obviously I am a mum now and I adore it. And it is my favourite thing in the entire world. But growing up, same as you, adored kids, was surrounded by them, had the best time ever. But with previous partners, I just didn't feel like parenting was for me at that time. I just didn't know, like I'd always wanted kids, like very, very maternal, but wasn't sure about how that would work until I met my husband. And then I was like, oh, I don't want kids. I want

your kids. And I think that it's such a weird thing to say that now I was like, now I'm obsessed. Now I'm like, how many babies am I allowed to have? But I like that it's a choice. It wasn't a, oh, well, we got married and then the next thing that we should do is like we got to plan it out. And I just, I'm obsessed with this idea that you got that reflection time and you were able to go, hold up, hold up. This isn't for me. But to do that, it would have been really challenging and really hard. And as you said, really messy. I have a lot of questions. We're going to go to a really quick break. On the flip side, we're going to talk more about this potentially million dollar investment portfolio, debt, best and worst money habits. So don't go anywhere.

money diarist we are back and i'm obsessed like i know that this is an honestly a roller coaster for you but i feel like i've been let in on the gossip and oh it's just it's so juicy so i want to know you said all right my ex-partner and i we're selling the property or you're selling your portion of the property to him and you'll be bought out and you're going to take that money to a financial advisor. What are your thoughts on investing? Are you already dabbling in investing? Is this something that you've thought about before? Have you just like completely 180'd and you've gone, all right, well, we had property now. I never want property again. Like talk to me about your investment journey. Investing for me has been something that I've been really

interested in for a really long time. So when we were saving up for a house, it was something that I was looking into and learning about through the podcast and through your book as well. And I just saw it as such an opportunity and I'd always really wanted to do it, but we were focused on the house. So that was the priority, but I had built into the budget a line for investing. So I had always planned to invest. And I think now that I have this amazing opportunity to get my deposit back, I think it makes sense to go and speak to a financial advisor and start my portfolio. And I'm actually so excited to chat through with a financial advisor about what that looks like and what I'd be investing in. And yeah, I can't wait actually. Tell me, how much are we

talking? What was your deposit and how much of that would you be considering investing? So my deposit was about $100,000. Oh my gosh, you're going to have such a juicy little portfolio. And Erette. Yes, it's going to be so sexy. I can't wait. So I'm thinking, you know, about $30,000 to start. And then I would, I'm hoping, I mean, I'll chat to the financial advisor and make sure that this is, you know, in line with what would be best. But I'm thinking about, you know, adding about $500 a fortnight to it. And yeah, I think that's reasonable and achievable for me. Totally. And I think the thing about investing, right, and I just asked you about a sum of $100,000 and you said about 30% invested, and then we'll see and I'll contribute

ongoingly to that portfolio. It actually goes back to your risk profile. So we've talked a lot on the show about risk profiles and your tenacity to take on risk. And I think it's so important to remember that that percentage of what you invest will be reflective of your risk profile. And then on top of that, of what types of investments you're investing in. So like if your financial advisor sits you down and says, hey, money diarist, here's your pie chart. You know, this many is like this much or your 30% is actually going in shares, but we might actually do 20% in bonds. But you might go, oh, I'm so fine with that because that's really stable as opposed to it all being in shares or something. And it's just, it's so fun to talk to people about this. And I would, if I was a

financial advisor right now, I'd be like, are you sure you don't want to work with me? Like, can I do it? Because you're just so excited about it. And often financial advice, right? We always get, or when I was an advisor, you always get clients during life change. Like you don't just get a client who one day woke up and said, oh, probably should finally do something about that. You get people when they're planning a pregnancy. You get people when they're finally getting married. You get people when they're moving in together. You get people when they're retiring. You have the life stages and you are a stereotypical financial advice client in the best possible way. But let me know if you need a match because I don't know if you know this or if anyone listening knows,

but I do a matching service on my website where I match our community with my trusted financial advisors that I've worked with because I'm no longer an advisor. I'm like, but you still need access to good advice. And like, nobody knows what a good advisor actually looks like anymore. Anyway, I want to know about your partner, like your ex-partner. Tell me, what did that look like when you said, by the way, I'm out? Obviously, they were financially stable enough to buy you out. Was that relieving? Was that, you know, anxiety inducing? What did that look like? how are they doing? Yeah, he's good. We're still in contact because we obviously have quite a bit to work out with the house, but the initial conversation, he was quite upset. And as you

can imagine, it was, you know, eight years of our life together and it was really hard. And I said, just reach out when you're ready. And it took him a couple of weeks, but he reached out and we had a really open conversation about you know why this had happened and I tried to assure him as best I could that it's not necessarily anything to do with him as a person because he is a wonderful person and will hopefully make someone else really really happy it just wasn't me and he's in a really good position in that his mum and dad have offered to buy me out so that he can then take on the house and what is I'm really pleased about it because we both love the house but there's no financially viable way that I can keep the house so I'm really pleased that he gets to keep

it because his intention is that he will rent it out with the hope of moving back in one day so that's really good and I'm really pleased that that's happened and I think the longer that this goes on the easier it is I think for him which is really nice and it was I felt incredibly guilty as you can imagine it's one thing to do something for yourself but the impact it has on others is really hard to hold what made me feel a lot better was we had a conversation a couple of weeks back and he said, you know, as much as this has been really hard, I don't miss you as much as I thought I would. Ouch, but also great. I know. You're like, that hurts, but also sure. It's really good though, because I'm just so relieved that he's feeling that way, because I think it would have

been harder knowing that he was still in that space of, you know, wanting me, whereas he's at the point where he's like, no, I know this is for the best. Maybe it was two ways. Maybe it was both if you had a really safe option and you were the one that pulled the trigger and he's going to look back in 12 months and be like, I'm so glad she did that. Even though like, you know, I love her as a person. Like, I feel like that's a maybe good thing. I want to get even more pervy. I'm sorry. Can I ask about the logistics? So leaving a relationship for a lot of people is really hard. So you came home one night after having an accidental date and you probably crawled into the same bed because like, what else were you going to do? What happened then? Were you like,

oh, I really need to think about this. And you went and stayed with mum and dad or you moved into the spare room or like, how did the logistics work? Well, I stayed at the house until I made the decision and I was just really like quite anxious and it took days for me to get to the point where like I could actually speak about it because it was really very self-critical as a person and I was working through in my head all of the possible scenarios and how it would affect everyone, not just me. And it was really hard, but my partner at the time was really lovely and gave me a lot of space. And we sort of carried on as best as we could and in as normal way as we could until I had made that decision. And I think that was really helpful because it was really good

to, you know, you're going to the same place, you're cooking, you're getting ready in the same place you don't have to like worry about I need to move all my stuff now and then I need to think about this massive life decision so then once I'd made the decision I called my sister and was like oh my god I broke up and I said can you tell mum and dad did you see that coming no she was and she was like what the heck are you sure are you drunk to her credit she was really good she was like oh my God, are you okay? And I was like, I think so, I don't know. And then I was like, could you tell mum and dad for me? Yeah, yeah, I don't want to tell them. Literally. And she was like, yeah, okay, on it. So, she took over the logistics of like telling them and, you know, making sure

there was somewhere for me to sleep and stuff. Okay, but that's exactly what I would have done if I'm being honest. I'd call my sister and be like, can you tell mum and dad, I don't know how. Yeah, literally. It was a bit wild because about six months earlier, she'd broken up with her long-term partner and called me and was like, can you tell mum and dad? And your parents are like, why can't any of you just talk to us? Yeah. And her parents are like, what the heck? But yeah, it was a bit wild. So then I moved back in with my mum and dad and that's sort of how we did it until he was ready to have a chat. Yeah. Wow. So, moving into this, you're obviously in a situation where you're going to get your

money back, you're going to start an investment portfolio, but do you have any debt at all at this point? Technically, I'm still on the mortgage. So, technically, we still have a debt of $618,000, but obviously that won't be in my name for much longer. And then I don't have any other debt except for HECS debt, obviously. Are you paying for that right now? Like, how does that work? Yeah. So that's the cost. That's your cost. Exactly. That's my cost. And I said to my then partner, I said, you know, I'm more than happy to pay the mortgage up until. Yeah. Until it's actually yours. Like otherwise. Yeah. No, that's fair. So as well, when it came to like avoiding any possible stamp duty issues, I said, look, I had committed to this. So, you

know, if we need to get to the end of the year of our mortgage for them to change the terms or whatever, like I'm happy to take that on and continue paying my half because I don't want him to be in a worse off financial position because of a decision I made. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Now tell me, I feel like you've been the good girl for a very long time, which means that you probably do have some pretty good money tips for us. What do you think is your best money tip? I am just a really consistent saver so if I've got a goal I just know how much I'm putting in there and it goes in there every fortnight and that's it I don't think about it ever again which

is great until I reach the goal and then it's then it's fun so how was that instilled did you grow up with consistent saving parents did you just lock it away and that just became a habit like how do we do that because so many people that are listening are going to be like that's great money diarist, but unrelatable content. Because the second I lock it away, all I do is think about it. And then the second I want Uber Eats, I go in there, I pull it out and then I buy my Uber Eats. How do I stop that? I think I was really lucky. My nan and my mum are both incredible savers when they have a goal. And they sort of instilled that in me a bit. And I'm also a little anxious gal. So I love having savings and seeing the money go up and knowing that like I've got that there and I

don't have to worry about it yeah yeah love all right now tell me what is your worst money habit I spend an awful lot of money on food fair it's just I love food and it's so much fun and I see it as like a celebration and I love cooking and things like that so and I work really close to a market that has incredible food. So that's been a real hit to my wallet lately. Fair. And I feel like, is there a fair bit of comfort eating going on as well? Oh, 100%. I think it's fair. Oh, there is no judgment here. Like, in fact, I think it is warranted. In fact, is that not an investment in your mental health?

Exactly. Thank you. Exactly. Exactly. Money Diarist, I feel like you've got your shit together at the same time is it completely falling apart? Is that fair to say that like, you know, if you're going to go through a situation like this, you've kind of got the perfect storm. Like it probably feels terrible and you're like, Victoria, this is not perfect, but you've got an ex-partner who is so kind and you are amicably working it out. You're going to get your deposit back. All of that stuff is happening. You know, you're finding your feet moving forward. I mean, you're dating someone now, but who knows what's going to happen there. It sounds like you're setting yourself up to be an

independent finance girl and I love that as well, which I think is so important. But you said at the start you were a B plus, but you're a really good saver. So tell me a little bit more about what it would take to get to like an A or an A plus, because I feel like I don't know what you could individually do better at this stage. Well, thank you. I think the B plus is just reflective of the point in time that I'm at because I was very financially stable when I was with my partner and we had really clear goals and really clear savings plans and things like that. And I think it's just the upheaval of change. And I'm hoping that I'll increase my grade when I go see my financial advisor and get my share portfolio set up. I think that for me is what will bring it up.

Yeah. I find it such an interesting concept, right? This idea that you were, let's pretend you're an A plus, right? Like you were with your partner and you're an A plus. What about going through this situation makes you worse at money? I think it's just the not knowing of how things are going to play out and how long and what it looks like. But that doesn't mean that you're worse at money. See, I like, and I'm not trying to start an argument with you, but I really am. I have done a lot of financial advice in my career and some of the people that are the best at money are the ones with the least amount of it, but they're just good at managing money, understanding what's going on.

And some of the people that I would say are like Fs in my book have the most amount of money. And I think that we so closely tie our abilities to how much is sitting in our bank account. And I swear if you were like, oh, actually, Victoria, I earned $300,000. I'm making bank. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. And I'm also going through this situation.

I think that you might have seen it a little bit differently. You'd be like, oh no, I'm still in A plus at money. Like money is not my situation. I would challenge you to think about money, not potentially being tied to what you're going through, but rather a completely separate entity. Because from what I'm looking at, holy moly, you're going through this absolute rollercoaster of a time, but then also you're still managing to come out on top. And like, that's an A plus because how many people go through these situations? How many money diaries have we heard of people going through situations and going, I'm going to have to start again? Like, oh, I'm so excited for you though. Money diarist, this has been so pervy, like delicious.

This has filled my gossip cup. So thank you for that. I appreciate it. My favorite type of gossip is the gossip that I'm not involved in. Like the type where I get to listen, I get to hear it, you tell me all the pervy details and then I say, thank you so much. This has nothing to do with me, but I'm glad that we got to share this journey. But you are just so well balanced. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but do you think it would be possible if you and I do a money diary in 12 months to see where you are and what that looks like? I think the next 12 months are going to be hopefully slightly less of a roller coaster, but I think there's going to be a lot of growth and I'm really excited for it. I'm so excited for you. I'm just, I'm so excited that you're so

emotionally intelligent throughout this process and that you're so aware of who you are and not what you want. You don't know yet, but like you're so aware that you're going to work that out. And I just think the next 12 months for you are going to be pivotal. And that is so exciting. And I'm glad that we have you in our community and that you wanted to share your story because do you know what? There are probably some people that are listening to this and they're a little bit confronted because they're like oh no this is me about to go on a weak spiral yeah but that's okay we have to go through what we grow through right exactly I really wanted to share while I was in the middle of the storm because I think you know we get both sides of it and I just I wanted people

to know that as much as it's hard it's definitely worth it yeah no I love it I feel like it's an emotional time. And the Taylor Swift quote, I cry a lot, but I am so productive, makes a lot of sense right now. 100%. Thank you so much, Marnie. It has been a pleasure. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money

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