She's On The Money - I Lost Thousands in Bad Relationships. Rebuilding My Finances Changed Everything.

Episode Date: August 23, 2026

Sometimes the biggest financial setbacks have nothing to do with money. After migrating to Australia from Malaysia, she watched her family go from a comfortable life to starting over from scratch. Money wasn't something anyone talked about, especially the women in her family, so when she entered her first serious relationships, she had no idea what financial abuse or manipulation could look like. By 28, she'd lost thousands, moved back in with her parents and felt like she was starting all over again. But instead of staying there, she got curious. She started learning about money, bought her first home on her own, built a share portfolio worth $70,000, grew her super to more than $280,000, and carved out a career as an emergency veterinarian earning up to $250,000 a year. Along the way, she also met a partner who supports her goals instead of holding her back. We chat about financial abuse, rebuilding your confidence after unhealthy relationships, migrating to Australia, buying a home solo, planning for a family, and why sometimes the best investment you can make is believing you're capable of creating a different future. If you've ever felt like you've fallen behind because of the wrong relationship, this one's for you. Acknowledgement of Country By Nartarsha Bamblett (nartarshabamblett.com.au) The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 4451289  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My name is Natasha Bamblit. I'm a proud First Nations woman, and I'm here to acknowledge country. T. Glyniananya. Nianakaka y'a'a y'an binawaka, y'nibaniya yankaii nirakuram and amalan. Myamabangata bama in ayanwaka, khananakram ja, wuttan.

Hello beautiful friends. We gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank, acknowledge and respect the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering on today. take pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. She's On The Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections, bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. Oh, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast that lets you be pervy

about other people's money stories for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries brought to you by our friends at SkyWalth, where I get the absolute privilege of sitting down with one of our incredible She's on the Money community members and talking to them all about their journey. Let's jump straight into it because this week, I got a message and it sounded exactly like this. Hi, She's on the Money. My family migrated to Australia just after I finished high school and we went from living in an upper middle class life to starting again with much less. Money was never openly discussed in my family, especially among the women. So I had to learn a lot the hard way. After losing thousands in unhealthy relationships, I found myself single,

back at home and starting from zero at 28. Now at 36, I own and have renovated my home, have six times my annual income saved and invested and have built a really strong superannuation fund. My husband and I have also navigated redundancy, a $120,000 renovation and a $70,000 wedding and we are now preparing to start a family. Ah, money diarist? Can we like dive straight in, please? Because like that sounds like a lot. Like having to restart from zero at 28 and now you're 36 and it sounds like you're an absolute weapon. Like what a 180. I love this for us. Yes. It is. It's definitely a roller coaster right on my end. And yep, I hope you guys are prepared for the journey today. All right. We're strapping in. We are strapping

in. I am so ready before we get there. Money Dyerast I ask this question at the start. of every episode, what grade would you give your money habits if I asked you to give them a grade from A through to F? I think I'm still a B plus. There's still so much more to learn and so much more to do. And I think my money journey is still happening and still ongoing. So that's where I'm at. Love it. All right. Now, my favorite question, tell me a little bit more about your money story and the things that have impacted it. Oh, man. Well, you just know it's going to be a good one when the diary starts with, oh man, you just know. Yeah, where do I begin? All right. So my money story began when I would say growing up, you know, I would say very, very early on in my life,

money was such a taboo topic in the family. It was almost like, you know, money was associated with you sort of being greedy, which I think that's such a negative connotation with money. There's definitely an overarching sort of like scarcity mindset, you know, there was all the reasons to save, but no reasons why we're saving for what we're looking after. You know, what was it? Yeah, okay. Yeah. And then I guess like what opened my eyes in the end when it came to money was, you know, realizing that in my family, only my dad would pay the bills. He'll do the mortgage. He would do the tax returns. And my mom didn't, even though she was working full time herself, didn't know anything about, you know, even to the day she retired. I don't think she even did

her own tax return ever. Oh my goodness. But that's so relatable, right? Like I think that lots of us listening right now have parents that are in the same situation. And it's not necessarily a bad thing, but just the way that the world was. But there's just so much lacking from that, right? Like, imagine the power your mom could have had. Oh, yeah. I think that, you know, if my mom had the same, like, you know, understanding as my dad, when it comes to money, I think they would have been a power house together as a couple, you know, much, much more. My mom, she definitely always strived for the better of the family, even though she didn't play a big hand when it comes to money. But she was the reason that we actually migrated to Australia.

Wow. And even though we never spoke about money, all we knew is saving growing up. I think my earliest wake-up call when it came to money was actually coming to Australia. Because you can almost imagine, you know, we went from a two-income household down to a single-income household. we used to have a domestic helper back home. Where did you migrate from to give a little bit more context? From Malaysia. We were from Malaysia. Gorgeous, but also culturally so different.

So different. I can tell you that. And we went from, you know, having owning two cars coming to Australia because of currency exchange. My mom being disobered, went off the family. Life just had a 180 change altogether. Suddenly, and because we don't speak about money, you know, But the signs were obvious, you know, like we went from two cars to one car. Suddenly, we were shopping home brand from Coles and Woolies. So that was a bit of a shock for me when I came to Australia.

And because, you know, you just read the signs, but you can't talk about it, you know. There was this weird, I think I had this, like, paranoid that there was no more money left. We were going broke. And I remember in my first two years of coming to Australia and studying, at that time, I'm not sure if I can even say this on a podcast, but I was actually like, I would go to the Red Cross, donate blood and actually have a free lunch.

Genius. Honestly. Yeah, because I was like, how can I save everything I have all my, my allowances for the week as much as I can because I didn't know what was going on. I mean,

you know what? Lots of people win out of that. So like that's a money win, but also like more blood needs to be donated. So if that's what you're getting like, pop off quick. I love that. Yeah.

And I think that habit state, even until now, I'm still a regular blood donor as a result of that. So I'm not allowed to donate blood anymore, but when I did donate blood, I was there for the, and I think they have them at every donation center, the nippies hot chocolate. Yes. That's what I'm there for. I'm there for the nippies. Oh, yeah, definitely. After that, we graduated.

I was, I'm not going to lie, during uni, I was very creative when it came to like, you know, sort of trying to earn like little bits of like income. here and there amongst the whole university schedule that was quite hectic. But because of our visa restrictions, we were not really the ideal candidates for people to hire us just because of, you know, the hours that we could work, what jobs we could do. So as a result of that, I did very odd jobs. I was like a kennel hand. So I was cleaning dog canals in a boarding facility in uni. I was actually a kitchen hand. So washing dishes on uni. And I even dropped like the little like, meals, you know, the junk meals and everyone's post box. Yeah. So it's six o'clock in the morning.

It almost became a family affair because my dad will come with me too and we'll be dropping. But also, you're a hustler. I love this. Yes. I think I was, I was very creative with, you know, what I had with me at that time. And then I would say that, you know, sort of my money story sort of shaped and developed as I graduated and I started working. Because for me, doing all these random odd jobs, by the time I graduated and started my first job, even for what I earned, anything at that time, it felt like a large amount. And I suddenly felt like, oh, my God. And I think that's when I started my first job, when I was earning at that time 41 grand a year,

I felt like a millionaire. I didn't realize 41 grand in the middle of Sydney. It was pittance at that time, especially when it comes to rent, cost of living. I think it was a bit of an eye-opener for me. And what happened shortly after that was, yeah, I'm just thinking about my money story because the next stage from when I started working was in my first relationship. So you know how in culturally the whole idea is like study hard, put your head down. But once you graduate, where's the boyfriend?

Where's the husband? Why are we not married? I've got a Malaysian friend and her parents, like they still live in Malaysia and she's over here. And I swear every time she talked to her parents, they're like, you've got boyfriend. Like every two seconds. And she's like, no, mom, I was just calling to let you know. And her mom's like, no boyfriend, no talk. Yeah, exactly.

I don't want to hear about it. Exactly. And it's so funny. Like, you know, growing up, it was all about the studies. But as soon as I graduated and got a job. Yeah, no talking to boys. But then once you've got your degree, hey, so where are the boyfriends? Exactly.

Mom, how did you expect me to have boyfriends when you told me I wasn't allowed to talk to them? I know. And obviously, you know, starting so much later in life, you know, when it comes to dating, oh my God. I mean, to this day, even my sister agrees that, you know, I really know how to pick them. My first boyfriend, oh gosh, never gone Tinder. I mean, look, I mean, look, I cannot complain because I've heard amazing Tinder stories and, you know, successful ones. You would just like lucky. Yeah, I probably scraped the bottom of the barrel for this one when it came to dating. I mean, maybe I should thank you because I met my. my husband on there, and I do not believe I scraped the bottom of the barrel, but you know what,

someone had to do it. Yes, exactly. And you did that for us. So I think that that's brought you and I closer. Yeah. Oh, my first guy, I would say, he was such a catch that it was almost like a daily ritual of gaslighting, like manipulation, emotional blackmail. Like, it got to a point where like, you know, like the control. Like, you know, initially it was all, I would say, rainbows and sun shines the first month. You know, they love bomb you so hard. You feel like, yes, this is the one. And then suddenly, out of the blue, there's, oh, why did you do that?

That's so inconsiderate of you. Like, you know, it begins as simple as that. And then you're like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. Yeah, I must be the selfish one. And then it got to the point where, because I was working and he was still studying, and he was studying to be a, I don't even know if whatever happened to him, but he was studying to be a lawyer. And he mentioned to me that, oh, because I'm studying as a student,

dating you has set me back financially because I'm paying. Don't date then. Nope, no, definitely not. And I didn't see it at that time. I was like, oh, this is how relationships are. This is my very first one. This must be normal. Oh, honey, no. Like, I want to pick you up hug you and be like, no, honey, that's not what we're doing. No. And then it got to a point where it was almost like, you're very selfish because I'm paying all this money for our dates. This is how much I've spent.

And for me, it just did not, like the math was not mapping. I was like, I just don't understand. And when I come to realize that this is not what a real relationship is, it was actually because it even got to a point where I couldn't even go to the shops. I couldn't even go to H&M without his permission or without him accompanying me. And I knew that was weird. That's when I drew the line. I was like, I've seen so many girls run to the shops alone.

And they're not selfish. This is not normal. No, no. And we need to call that exactly what it is. My friend, that was financial abuse. It was. And I think when you're in it, you don't realize because so many times financial abuse is wrapped up in gaslighting behavior where it's reframed to go, I'm trying to help you here.

And they're not trying to help you. But they'll say that. They'll say, well, you're really bad at this. You can't manage money. I'll do that for you. You can't, you're not trustworthy. You can't go out on your own. And then that external narrative at the start, you start going, wow, I didn't even realize.

Like, I lack self-awareness. You don't. You're being gaslit. But over time, that external narrative becomes your internal monologue. And that's when that internal voice that you've got goes, I am pretty selfish. I'm not thinking about him. Oh, that's really awful. That is not it.

You are abused. You are being manipulated. And it makes me so mad because the way that it's wrapped means that so many women can't see what's actually happening, even though it's right in front of their faces. Like you and I could see it from the outside because we want to jump up and down and scream and shout. But when you're in it, you just go, of course I can't go to H&M by myself. But I'm so glad you thought, hold on, other women go to H&M and they're not selfish.

I'm glad your internal monologue was tapping on your shoulder being like, Money Darius, this ain't right. This is not good. Oh, and what's crazy is that I only found out later on after when I left that relationship is that the statistics is that normally women would attempt to, you know, to leave the relationship seven times before they're successful. in that relationship all across six months, it was six times. It was the sixth time I was able to leave. And that was when he was picking on everything he spent in the relationship. And what I did was,

I sat down, I did the math, and so happened. My first text written for my very first job came in, and every cent went to him. And that was the wake-up call. I was like, I'm, I'm paying you back every cent that you say that I owe you and I'm walking. And I owe you nothing. Oh, good girl. But also you owed him nothing. I know. Nothing.

But at the same time, that was the cost of getting out peacefully. Exactly. And, you know, I walked away. That was the strongest, like I would say stance that got me out of that. I'm so proud of you. Oh, well, you haven't heard the end of the story yet. I'm ready. I'm strapped in.

You did say strap in, so come on. I feel like everyone that's in my family was probably strapped in because this was the first one, second one. Oh, you did it again. Oh, no, no. I wouldn't say the second guy, but the second guy, I was like, oh, he's a sweetheart. There was no gas lighting.

Sweet as pie. And then I was like, okay, so, you know, what do you do? What do you work? And it was only six months into a relationship. I found out he's been. unemployed for two years. How? I have. And then it only struck me. I was like, oh, that's why he always cooks eggs and we always ate eggs with barbecue. Maybe because I came from relationship number one thinking that that was the bare minimum. And for me, just cooking eggs and

eating it for every, almost every meal, I thought that was the sweetest thing ever. Top here. I love you so much. that you are so sweet, but I want to shake you a little bit and be like, babe, what? I don't know. And funny enough, it was actually me who sort of convinced him to actually get a job interstate and that's how the relationship. And we sort of ended the relationship. Oh, you shipped him off, literally. You said, bye. I got you a job, but I'm sending you into state. And this is how... Good girl. So I need to know more. How did this man? Was he pretending to be employed? So yeah, he, when I spoke to him, he was like, oh yeah, I'm a photographer. And I was like, okay.

And I never knew for the six months that we were dating. Every time he would pack his camera equipment, he would just go to the library or something like that and just like stay out for the day and then come back. Yeah. I know. What's the point? Like, why lie about that? Exactly. And now when I think back about it, like now that I'm much older, I actually, I almost feel a bit of empathy, you know, sympathy for him.

I was like, oh, he feels like he needed to sort of like, you know, live this lie because I think maybe in his past relationships, you know, he was pulled up for it, you know. And instead, like, you know, when he finally confessed to me that he was, you know, unemployed for two years, you know, the first thing that came to my mind is like, how can I get you a job? Where can I get you a job? Yeah, and that's it, right? Like you went to immediately, oh, okay, well, how do I help you? Not what the hell, like, I can't believe it. I just, that's really sad as well. Yeah, it is. And, you know, in the end, like, the reason the relationship did not work in the end when he moved into state with his job was because he had this, like, constant need of like, oh, I have to come back to Sydney. And I said, no, no, just focus on building you. We can always catch up. And eventually, we decided that it's probably best that we went our separate ways. So at least he can focus on his job in a different state, build him. And I wish him well. Like, this is one relationship that I was like, He was the sweetest guy in the toughest circumstances. And that's how, you know, the relationships are. So, I mean, obviously, I'm having a very interesting track record going on here from one to the other.

You know how to pick him. I mean, I don't know if I could trust someone who had lied to me for two years like that. But you're not in that relationship, so it doesn't matter. Who did you meet then? Who's next? Did we meet our husband? No, husband came a little bit later. Okay.

So the third guy, which was after this, it was, I would say, the longest relationship I've been before I met hubby. So this was the one where we were dating for 10 months and out of the blue, he is like, I am moving into state. Do you want to come with me? Like 10 months into the relationship. And me being, you know, maybe there was something about in my mind, I was like, you know what, I'm just going to go for it. I'm just going to go with this relationship, the wind blow and see where it is. In my mind, I was thinking, you know what, maybe it's about time I put a bit more effort. And maybe because he seemed to be, you know, he has a job, he's working, his direction,

you know, maybe this is it. So I move into state 10 months in. And he turns around and decides that he wants to be a student. And, oh, but this was the toughest relationship because there was nothing wrong. We were making the relationship work. but what happened was when he was a full-time student and, you know, he wasn't earning an income and I was the sole breadwinner in the relationship, paying the bills, the rent, all of, like, you know, furniture or whatever that we need.

He started feeling a bit insecure. And when I started trying to sort of like better myself by doing, you know, sort of post, sort of graduate studies to, you know, advance in my career, there was a lot of pushback. a lot of pushback. He was like saying things like, oh, you're never at home. But, you know, it's a sacrifice. You know, I could see he was studying to make things better for us for our future. And I wanted to do the same as well. But he was like saying, you're never at home. You're always working. You're always studying. And I was like, well, I'm the sole bright winner. What did you want for me? Like, I'm never at home. That's the point so that you can be. It got to a point where I think the

tipping skills was when I sort of committed to doing this postgrad study because I knew it would put us ahead financially as a couple, you know, as my career as well. Yeah, absolutely. It got to a point where he would even ask me, did you study today? And I would sometimes go, oh, no, I went shopping. I was like, I can't live this lie. He was happier that I was actually shopping than studying. Oh, and wait, you were lying about shopping. Yes. I would go out to the shops and I went to the library to study. This is how I sneaked out. And, you know, it all came crashing down when I realized that, okay, I've been in this relationship for too long. It was two and a half years now. And I was like, maybe this is not the one. Because I went for my friend's wedding back in Malaysia. And I saw

how my best friend getting married, how their interactions was one another. And it just dawned on me. And I was like, I don't think my friend ever lied to her husband saying, that she's going to shop when she actually wants to secretly study to better herself. There's no way. Oh, my honey, no, no, that is not love. No. And when I came back, my family at that time was visiting Malaysia. So they were, I called my parents, because he went back to visit his family back in Sydney.

We were staying in Queensland at that time. And I called my parents that was back in Malaysia. I was like, Mom, Dad, I'm breaking up. And I think my mom had a meltdown. Oh, was she not happy with that? Oh, she was not happy. I think she was like, oh, my God, she's going to die a single woman. This is it?

She should be so lucky sometimes. And I remember my moment. I don't think my parents remembered that moment. But when my mom was, you know, obviously so upset from hearing the news, my dad picked up the phone and I said, Dad, I need to move back home. I need to move back home. But, you know, we have shed furniture. We have shat expenses. I've just paid the rent for the next six months.

Yeah. There's so much money that we have to get back. And I think my dad, one of his like, I would say golden moments in my life. And I will never forget the words. He picked up the phone and he was like, don't worry. Just go home. Just move your stuff home. Money can always be earned.

Whereas your dignity, you're just got to take it and walk away. I love him. Dad is a girl's girl. Yeah. Like, oh, and like, it sounds terrible, right? But it should be that simple. Like, it should always be that simple. And I know it's not.

But I just, I'm so glad that your dad was like, money direst, just go home. It'll be fine. Like when sometimes it feels so much more complicated and you go, oh, but I should stay. And it's kind of that like, that fallacy of putting good money after bad. Like you've already spent the money. So you kind of try to. justify it and go, yeah, but I've spent six months of rent. Like, that's so expensive. It was 19 grand at a time. Let it be wasted. That's so much money. What were you doing,

Queen? It was a lot of money. I think that was like, you know, but that was, oh no, actually, 16 grand was the whole year. So I paid down eight grand for the rent six months in advance. Yeah. You try to justify it, right? And you go, oh, well, I need to keep this amount going because like, I already spent it and otherwise it will be wasted. Sometimes, let's waste it. Like, let's just waste it. And it will come back and I know it doesn't feel good at the time. But like it's the best for your mental health and your physical health.

And as your dad said, your dignity. Pick it up and take it home, my queen. Yeah. So I, you know, with my tail between my legs, I went home. No, your tail was wagging. We wanted to leave this relationship. I came home. I moved back home with my parents at 28.

I, at that time, you know, it just dawned on me. Like, as much as my mom was relaxing, line on my dad and, you know, he, he sorted out the finances. I got to do this alone. I'm a captain of my own ship, you know, in this part. There's no one else but me. Yeah, that's crazy, but also so good. Yeah. So when I moved home, I had a year of studying before my exams. And during that time, I kept my head down. I sort of worked hard. I think that's when I realized it dawned on me. And I think it was actually another money diarist who said it on the podcast. She said, it is not what the external or what you hear from other people telling you what you need to do. It's only when you realize

that you really, really wanted. That's when you would really go for it. And that's when I moved home, I just realized, you know what, screw it. I'm going to rely on me because, you know, no one else is going to disappoint myself, but, you know, I will make sure that I'll not be disappointed, you know, like I had my own back. Totally. And that's hard, right? And so many times we go, no, I really want it, but deep down, you don't want it hard enough yet, so you don't change. And then all of a sudden, something dawns on you, you go, that's all I can think about. That's all that's going to ever happen. Exactly. And funny enough, that same time when I move back, my mom slipped me a book. And I've never, she's, I mean, she's gifted me books over the years. And it was

actually the Bairfoot investor. Good mom. Yeah. And then, you know, the sort of the rest was history in that, from that point onwards because when I start reading the Barefoot Investor, I spoke to my sister and she was the one who introduced me to She's on the Money. Oh, thank you. You tell her that I'm very grateful. And I've never missed a single podcast ever since. Stop, really? Yes, I've listened to it from the very, very first start when it was just your very first episode and I've been listening to it every week when it comes out. I'm obsessed. Thank you for being here. That is literally the best, Like, I never gets old when people are like, I'm in the community or I'm around or I listen to the podcast. Like, it's actually so insanely exciting to me that look how many friends I have, guys.

Yes. If only I could tell you, you know, the changes because like ever since I got onto the bandwagon of She's on the Money, since I was 28, 29, I was able to took a trip to Europe for three weeks. I took my aunt along with me. I funded her trip because it was her retirement. present from me on that year at 30th. That's when I bought my first place. I also started investing in shares for the very first time. You would be very proud of me as I go along to tell you my story. I am already very proud of you. So I need to know how did we meet our husband? Like, I know I need to ask you what you earn, but I also need to know how you met your husband. So husband was because I

changed apps. I went to Bumble. Okay, all right. So we stand Bumble. We love Bumble. We love Bumble. Funny enough, I didn't give up on the apps. I just went to a different app. And I met my husband at 32. And that was after I bought my house. Oh my goodness. He really got a catch.

Like, imagine him. He'd be like going home to his mates. He's like, I have met this girl. She is a hustler. She is so kind and so beautiful. She also owns her own property. Like, oh my goodness. He won.

Tell me, did you win as well? Or have we got another one of the cup paste that you're liked to have before? No, he was completely different. First thing is that I've, it was only with my husband, then I realized how supportive a partner can be in any form of way. And I've never met a guy who loves my cats more than anyone else. As somebody who found an also cat guy, get this money, Darius. He let me get a second one. I know. That's why I have three cats at the moment. I love this for us. This is amazing. Yes. So you bought your own house, then you met your husband. Tell me, let's start learning about the financial side of things. What do you do for work and how much money do you earn?

So I'm a veterinarian. Of course you are. I love this. And because my work, I do a lot of overtime. I would say that in the year I earn around 200 to 250 grand. Oh my God. You were here hustling for better, weren't you? You were like, I need to do this post-grad. And sorry, this is what you were hiding in the library. before? Yes. Yes. My queen, my queen, I feel like that was not necessary. And so what does it mean before you and I got on recording, you said, oh, I do shift work and I didn't ask anything more about it because I didn't want to know at that point because I didn't want to ruin the show. But tell me, what does it mean to work shift work, but also be a vet? Like what type of vet are you doing?

It's more like emergency. Yeah. Oh my heart. Is that really hard? It's a Sounds really hard. It's definitely a passion career. I love the work. I love how tough it is. But at the same time, I love being there for the clients and for the patients. I knew that I always wanted to be a vet since I was young. And emergency, funny enough, it tickled my adrenaline junkie side of things. So it's fast-paced. You think on your foot, it's quite full on. But at the same time, you know, whenever I am there in those graveyard hours in like the middle of the night, to am in the morning. There's a lot of reward as much as there is so much sometimes heartache that comes from the job. Yeah, I would say it's definitely a passion career. You know, if you don't love it, it's very hard to stay in it, unfortunately. Oh, it absolutely would be. And I feel like the mood's already down, but I don't want to bring down the mood, but we know that people who work as vets experience some of the worst mental health in the country. So I think that's worth noting as well because obviously it's not an easy career and you've just said oh I earn like 200 to

$250,000 and a lot of people would be like whoa that's crazy that's so good but also we need to go well at what cost like are you okay is that going to be sustainable for you and I think yeah that's really important as well so tell me is that sustainable to continue earning that amount of money in the job that you've got I think it's it's a sacrifice I always see it as that It's a sacrifice that you give up. You give up your weekends, you give up your public holidays. It can be quite lonely, especially if you don't have the right support system around you. I think that's what people don't realize.

It's a real sacrifice to be able to earn that. And it's a lot of hours to put in. I've been doing it for quite a long while already. But if you're not careful, the burnout rate is really high as well. So that's an unfortunate downside of my career. It's good when it's going. but at the same time you'd be so careful to look up, like, you know, make sure you look after yourself.

Oh, 100%. And that's why I'm like, you're okay, right? Like, let's just point this out. Yeah. So money, Dyrus, you also have bought your own house. Before you even got a husband, just like, that is incredible. But what are your current big money goals? What are you working towards?

So at the moment, we are working towards starting a family. I guess, like, what I'm looking for is the opportunity of having some time off or maternity. leave at least. And because, like, you know, my parents were hustlers. So mom was very busy working most of the time. Whereas for me, I want to change that narrative. I'm hoping that at least I can be around, you know, with my kids raising up and hopefully go down to part-time eventually.

So for me, at least one thing I know is that I always tell myself, it is not forever. I know that there's an expiry date eventually with my career due to either the mental load, the family commitments, you know, or even the strain it puts on the body. So I always tell myself, you know, make hay well sun shines because you never know when it's going to end. Yeah, absolutely. So tell me, and I want to be a little bit pervy if you let me. Yeah. What does planning for a family look like to you? Because you mentioned you are 36 and I'm 35. So I know what that looks like from my perspective. But you don't have any kids yet.

Like how far down this family planning route are we? What does that look like? Well, we only just got married last month. Ah, so early. Yes, so early. And that's why we are hoping, like, you know, in the next sort of six to 12 months, you know, we would consider start trying for a family. At the moment, what family planning looks like for us is sort of like putting money aside for maternity leave.

Yeah, cool. Yeah. So, and we know that children are not cheap. So having a bit of that buffer. They are very expensive. But that is okay because, like, from my perspective, if they are definitely worth it as somebody who has two. And like, honestly, I've got to chat to my husband.

Three, which sounds good. Like, I don't know, four. Like, the more than merrier in my house. But it is something that takes a lot of planning. Are you just stashing away as much cash as possible? Or are you, like, keeping a budget? Or are you looking at, like, family content? Like, where's your head at, you know, prior to getting pregnant?

Yeah. So at the moment, we have already have a family budget that we have very filled. So, you know, we've sort of set aside like 50 grand for the maternity leave at that time. And that will at least, you know, cover most of the living expenses. We've also topped up our emergency fund along at the same time. So that is around. We're hoping to at least get up to at least 100 grand. And I was about to say that, you know, at this moment, hubby and I, you know,

we are trying to make time for ourselves to, to create these kids. Because we realized. Yes. Yep. Yep. Timing is everything. don't realize that until you're in it and you're like, oh, okay. This is not as easy as I thought it was going to be.

No, and that's why I told my husband. I said, look, we'll take it as it comes the next six to 12 months. Even if, you know, plans change, at least we are financially prepared for it, you know. Yeah, I resonate with that so much in my head prior to getting pregnant. I just thought, oh, you just like stop using contraception, right? Like that's just the rule. no, no, there's a lot of planning. And you know what? The type of planning that makes a baby from my perspective and from my personal experience is not that sexy. It sounds sexy. It's not very sexy.

It's not. It's a lot about clocks and ovulation tests and texting your partner. You are home tonight, right? Yes. And when I heard your podcast about, you know, your journey of getting your second one, I was like, oh my God, I'm in the early stages. I know what it feels. like all the supplements, all the estrogen tests. And you're just doing the best that you can and you're just so stressed because you're like, I don't know what I don't know. And every week, there's something new. And you're like, I didn't know that. That's crazy. Exactly. So, yes. I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for you, but I do not envy that position at all. I do wish you the best of luck. Let's go to a really quick break because on the flip side, I want to ask you

about your investments. I know you're working towards $100,000 in your emergency fund, so I want to talk about that. And then your best and worst money habits. So guys, don't go anywhere. All right, money, Dyerast, we are back. And in your entry letter that you sent to me, six times your annual salary saved or invested. How the heck have you done that in less than 10 years? Look, I would say that it's six times the original annual salary. So that was like their 41 grand. So six times, that's it. Yes, I would say it's a combination of, well, I did put a lot in my super in the beginning of my years for sure.

Smart girl. And also I sort of like shuffle as much money as I could in my shares portfolio at the same time. So at this moment, when it comes to investing, my investments overall, my current super is sitting around. 282,000. Stop, that's incredible. Yes. And at the moment, my share portfolio is sitting around 70 grand at the stage. That is so cool. And talk to me about your emergency fund. How is that trucking along? So at the moment, it's a team effort between Hubby and I. So at this moment, what is happening with us is that I came with the mortgage and the mortgage is pretty much under control on my end.

So hubby is literally saving everything that he earns. We love to see it. So tell me a bit more about this. You've been married a month. Congratulations. That is genuinely so exciting. I have a lot of wedding questions. But first and foremost, did you manage money together before getting married or only after?

Well, we actually started managing money in our third year of dating each other. So we took the slow route. to marriage. So we were dating for at least four years before he popped the question. Because I think he was scarred as much as I was from all the relationships that, you know, he wanted to make sure it was the right one before we committed. But we were already talking about money. Like in our sort of early, I would say in our first year of dating, we started the conversation because he's very passionate in investing, but he invests in he has his own self-managed super fund that he contributes to.

Okay. I like to keep mine stock standard simple. One of those like normal generic super funds that you see all around. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So I always joke with my husband. I always say, look, we'll go to the very end and we'll see who does better. The self-managed super fund versus the stock standard of super fund.

Could you let me know like in like what 30, 40 years you just call me up and be like, hey, V, this one, one. And then I'll be able to report back to the community. Yeah. So at least you know, it's like a live statistics of self-managed. Superfund versus super fun. 100%. That's crazy. So how did you pay for a $70,000 wedding?

Oh, so it, well, because most of the mortgage comes from me, my husband was, I would say he lifted the brunt. Within six months, we saved 70 grand together. It was a lot of grind, a lot of hustle. I think a lot of blood, bloods, hurt and tears from both of us in the end. It sounds like it. We eventually got there. So, yeah, we were actually very proud of ourselves in the end.

And that's why we're with my husband, especially because we navigated through, it was funny, like the timing of things, V, I'm not going to lie. So I met my husband when I was study too. Bought a house. I was like, sweet, you know, we just need to date this guy, find out he's not a bad egg. Not a psycho. Not a psycho. Marry him, happy days. And we finally, you know, sort of spoke to each other.

we moved in together, July, August. He was served a notice of redundancy. No. You can't catch a break. No. With these men with no jobs? Yes. I was like, I didn't know what I've done in my past life, but holy doly.

You definitely got hit with that stick. Yeah. And then it was sort of six months when he was out. And I was like, okay, we got this. Don't worry. I have all my dogs lined up in a row. At least we're not renting this time without a job. Okay, I've learned many relationships.

So I got this. I'm well-versed. And then what happened was once he got his job, finally, after six months, I said, honey, we got to start saving. And within 12 months, he actually, I got to give him credit. He saved our pregnancy fund. He saved our wedding every pay that he got. He was so diligent.

He had like, you know, put it all. We did the budget together. And we set the target and he was such a gun. That's one thing I love about my husband. Even though when life, you know, beats him down when he's back up on his feet, you know, he's willing to pick it up and just chug forward. Love. Love.

And that's just something that I so respect in just human beings in general. Like it's so easy to give up or feel like it's too much. but it just sounds like he's got his head screwed on. I need to know if he was able to save that so quickly, like, come on, give us the goss. What does he do as a job? Like, how do you do that? He's an engineer. Of course he is. That's quite sexy. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say that our P brackets are roughly the same. Yeah, okay. That's quite cool, though. And like, that's got such power behind it. And like coming from, like, I'm just looking at your money story, like my favorite thing ever. And you've probably noticed, obviously, our community don't get to

see these podcasts like we don't record the video but every time we do a money diary I get the privilege of sitting down in my study with a money diarist and a cup of tea and I'm like sitting here like I'm getting the gossip I'm like and what next oh my god what does your husband do it's like the best thing in the entire world like if you enjoy listening to money diaries you best believe I have 10 times more fun recording them like it is so pervy but knowing you money story and where you've come from and you being like, Victoria, I grew up and I wasn't really meant to talk about money and like, you know, coming from Malaysia where you literally would have had domestic help and every single friend that you went to school with would

have had domestic help. Like that is normal. Yeah. It's like my girlfriends who grew up in Singapore. Like it's we don't like we joke about it because I obviously did not grow up in Singapore, but they're like Victoria, we should move home to have children because we would have how housekeeper, we would have a nanny, we would have all these things, and it is so normal. And here, you do it yourself. Like, it's just such a different culture. It is. It is. I always tell my partner, I said, oh, it's such a different thing. Even like, you know, yeah, like how I said, like it's so normal in Malaysia to have a domestic helper that prepares all your meals. And here, my husband and I are trying to work out Marley Spoon as best as we can.

Okay, okay, but we love Marley Spoon, but that is absolutely the case, right? Exactly. It is not easy by any stretch. So going from not being able to talk about money, having a completely different cultural background, to being a high-income household, pop off, Queen. I love this for you. Thank you. Thank you.

What is it like growing up in a family where you can't talk about money, but you're clearly stressed about money? It's very anxiety provoking, for sure. It's very, very stressful because you suddenly, you have to read the little, like, subtle signs sometimes. You know, you would start searching, you know, for the little cues. Like, oh, my God, we went from driving, you know, a Toyota camera with all the back spells and whistles, letters seats and all to a, you know, to a, you know, a Toyota camera,

Toyota Corolla, which is the basic model. And suddenly you're like, oh my God, it's fabric seeds. And it could be as simple as that. And because you're not able to talk about it, it'll be like, hey, why? Yeah, exactly. Because it could be as simple as, you know, it's funny because now I'm much older. I asked my mom, I said, like, what was the goal with the cars at the time? And mom was like, oh, yeah, we just didn't know what car to choose in the beginning. So we decided, like, let's start the cheapest option until we figure out the local brands and then work your way up. And I was like, oh my God. That is not what I thought was happening, Mom.

Like, I thought we were going to die. Yeah, I thought we were not going to have food on the table anymore. That was the feeling. And, you know, here I was thinking that we are not going to have food on the table, but it's probably just my mom's bad cooking because she has never cooked for 40 years. And suddenly she has to cook. Yeah. Yeah.

And now she has to cook and you're like, why are we having eggs every day with barbecue sauce? I thought that was love. Yes. And I remember, you know, for the first probably like two months in Australia, we only had two sauces in the pantry because mom didn't do a lot of the cooking back home. So that's why. And here I was thinking, oh, my God, we're going to run out of food. This is it.

We can't afford food anymore. Isn't it crazy? Because we just don't know what we don't know. And that's what's so beautiful about financial literacy because it's not actually just about money. It's not because now all of a sudden you know how to do a budget. It's because everything in life starts to make sense because at the end of the day, money drives everything. It does.

It's crazy. Money, Darius, tell me, tell me about your debt. How much debt do you have? What does that look like? So I have my mortgage. At the moment, it's sitting around $635,000. But the house is currently valued at $1.3 million. Okay.

look at you go. Yep. And what's the plan in the future? Like, are you planning on, you know, buying other houses, upgrading, changing? Like, where are we at? Well, we are looking at maybe an investment property in the, I would say a bit on the distant future only because, you know, family planning and creating a family is our main focus right now, financially.

So we decided that once we have the kids, then we can look at building our property sort of like empire or whatever we want to do. But I think one, I always tell my husband, I said, we just need one. One more and that's it. One step in the right direction. Let's just keep on keeping on. Exactly. I love that. All right, money, diarist. Talk to me about personal insurance. You are both high income owners. Please tell me you have insurance. I do. Okay, thank you. And it's personal insurance outside of super. Okay. I took that out as soon as I signed my contract for my mortgage. I'm obsessed with you. How did you know where to go and what to do and the types of insurances that you needed? Oh, I mean, I was consuming so much financial content at that time and I

found out that because I still had the money story, that there was no money or support for my family, it just dawned on me when I got a mortgage, that if anything was to happen to me, I had no help. That's what was it. And that's when I did my personal insurance. I even did a will. Good girl. I'm so proud of you, but it's, it's so true, right? Like, if, if something happens to you, there's no one to pick up the pieces and be like, don't worry, money, Darist, I will pay your mortgage in the insurance. That's not going to happen. No, that's why I took out personal insurance, life, trauma, TPD, the whole bells and whistles. And I also got a will. And I even nominated my parents. I said, if anything was to happen, this is what needs to happen. Love. Now, tell me a bit more.

I'm sure you have so many. But what do you think? is your best money habit? I would say my best money habit is that I'm really good at looking for a bargain. So a good example was actually my house. Yeah, that looks like a pretty good example. Yes, because it was shortly after COVID in 2020 when I bought my property. It was actually, and that's the thing. I saw the house for what it was. It was probably an investment property before, so the tenants didn't really look after it. So when they were selling it, it was as is. It looked, it was dirty or stains and everything.

But I think what I saw, what the house was for what the value is, they were asking at that time was 619,000, and I low-bolt them. I was like 615. Good girl. Now when I look back, I was like, oh, my God, that was such a bargain. At that time, you know, I think for when I showed it to my parents, because, you know, they came from Malaysia. Their houses were Spickspan, brand new built from scratch.

And then I showed them my house. I think my parents was like, what have we done? What did you do? And then now when they look back, they're like, oh, great decision. You found a bargain. Yes, but also, isn't it so funny that this stuff gets so overlaid with their cultural expectations? and I find that so many people in our community who have immigrant backgrounds, their parents just simply don't get it. And it's not because they don't care. It's not because they don't have a level

of financial literacy. Like your dad or your mom could be like the best investor in the world, but because culturally they come from somewhere different, they're not going to see what you see. No. And that's okay. But like, I'm so glad they've kind of come around. And they're like, money, Dara. So I'm glad that you did that even though we thought that was really horrific. Yes. I love that. On the flip side, what's your worst money habit? I would say that I can be quite impulsive.

Like, I'm very impatient. Really? I did not pick that up from you. Yes. I think once I put my mind to it, I'm like full steam ahead. So that's why, you know, it got me to where it got me. But at the same time, it's got me into trouble sometimes. Okay.

When it comes to like, you know, impulse purchasers or things like that, you know, when I'm sold about, you know, something in particular like, for example, running shoes, I love running and I'm obsessor of running shoes and I would just buy running shoes on a wing. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Worst money habit. Very impulsive in that part. But that's okay. I feel like for my sake, I need you not to be good at everything because I was like this woman, she's so good. But also, we've just gone through so much of your money story.

and I'm just, I'm so grateful because I just know, can you imagine people listening to this in their cars? They're like, this is chaotic. They're going to be like, this is so gritty. This is so good. Also, a little bit chaos, but like that's what we're here for. But you said you were a B plus. And then you're like, I bought my house and I set up my wheel and I did all of my own insurances. And I'm like planning for a baby.

We're going to have 100 grand in savings before then. And also I'm married to an engineer. Queen, what? What? Can you hear yourself? I know, I think I just said expectations to myself too high because in my mind I'm an A when I'm retired. Okay, all right.

But also, come on. Let's be a little bit kind to ourselves. You are literally doing amazing things. Like, can I just take you back? Let's talk to 28 year old you. Like, she just walked out of another relationship that she thought was going to work and it didn't and you started from scratch. and now you're here.

Like imagine if I laid all of this out on the table. I'd be like, oh my God, you've got a really cool husband. He's an engineer. I get this real job, has a real job. And you've bought your own house. It's now worth $1.2 million and you're a hustler. So you bought it for less than half. Like, imagine me going through all of this and telling you about your super and your

investments and what you've done for yourself. What would she say? What would 28-year-old you say you were rated? I think she wouldn't believe it. and foremost. At that time, I didn't think I was capable of doing it. But at the same time, I think 28 year old me will be very proud on how far we come. Oh, she better. Otherwise, I need to have a little bit of a chat with her, you know, but it's so relatable to be in a situation where you go, even if we backtrack, right, how do you create this when at 28 you wouldn't have thought that

you were capable. How do you take yourself from that circumstance where you could have gone one way and been like, well, I'm 28, what's the point? And so many people do, but you are so young. But how do you go from there to here? Like, that's a success story, my friend. Yes, it is. I always think that if you hit rock bottom and when, you know, when everything is out and you're really like knees deep and you're at your lowest. I mean, the only way, you know, from there is really up, really. A hundred percent. Like, what's the worst? Yeah. And at that time, honestly, you know, 20-year-old me was probably thinking, like, I'm here. I'm as low as I can be. Anything above this is a bonus, you know, anything above this is a win. And that's how I think I saw and I took life. And I think that's what inspired me so

much to be where I am. Because after that, everything that I did, I was like, you know what, anything that was better than what I was at 28 is a bonus. And I think that's what got me to where I am because I sort of, I became a bit fearless. I just took every challenge, you know, by the horns and just ran with it. I love it so much. It makes me so happy and I'm so proud of you and just so excited to know that you're in this circumstance. And you deserve it. Like you deserve this and everything else that is to come. And I'm just, I'm so happy that I got. to meet you, but also so happy that I get to share this story with our community, because I just know that someone's listening and they're just like, how do I do it? What do I do? And you said it

best earlier. And I don't know if you know you said this, but you said, just like one step. Just like do one step. Just do one thing. And I think that that's the best advice ever. And your dad had some really good advice as well. And it was just take your dignity and go home. Like, that's so good. It's just so good. Yes. Money, Dyerist, I wish we had more time, but I'm just, I'm out of time, but I am so grateful that I got to have this chat with you. So thank you so much.

Thank you so much. It was nice chatting with you too. The advice shared on She's on the Money is generally nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.

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