She's On The Money - I Swiped Right on Love... and a Financial Mess

Episode Date: October 20, 2024

What happens when you fall for someone whose finances are in shambles? Our Money Diarist thought she’d found her perfect partner, but when the time came to get serious about finances, she uncovered a complete mess — years of unfiled taxes, no savings, and even an unknown case of financial abuse against him. But rather than give up, she decided to help him clean up the mess; Tune in to hear how she tackled love, money, and everything in between, proving that even the messiest financial situations can be turned around with the right mindset and teamwork! Content warning: this episode discusses financial abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing financial or domestic abuse, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit their website for online chat and video call services: 1800respect.org.au. In an emergency or if you’re not feeling safe, always call 000.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom welcome back to another one of our money diaries my favorite episode of the week where I get the absolute pleasure of talking to one of our community members all about their money story. So before we jump into it, I did want to give you guys a little bit of a content warning. We do touch on the topic of financial abuse. We don't get too deep into it, but we do talk about the topic, what occurred and how it occurred. So if this is something that is not right for you, please go have a look at our entire library of literally hundreds of She's on the Money episodes, and we will meet you next episode. For those of you who are sticking around,

let's jump straight into it. This week, I got a message and it sounded exactly like this. Hi, She's on the Money. While my money story is very normal, my partner's was not. When I met my partner, he didn't have a dollar to his name and hadn't filed his tax return in six years. This all came to life when we were preparing everything to try and get a home loan. I've helped him change his ways, but he came from a difficult household and childhood. Some of the things we had to work through was his ADHD, poor savings and planning habits, his blindness to any paperwork, and a discovery of an act of financial abuse against him, which has changed his relationship with his parents forever. Money Diarist, this is such a special, different view. I'm so excited to get

into it. Oh, me too. Thanks for having me on. I feel like this will be really powerful and something that lots of us in the community can resonate with, especially like as you learn more about money or you've been listening to heaps of She's On The Money episodes, you'll just be going, oh, I'm not that bad at money. And then realize that there are people in your circle that need the support from what you're learning in the community. I just think this is going to be a really good one. Yeah, 100%. All right. Let's start off the way I always start an episode. Money, Doris, if I asked you to give yourself a money grade, what would you grade yourself from A

through to F? I've been thinking about this one, and I'd have to say collectively between us, we are a C. I think we have really good habits and we track and we plan now. But what I've been thinking about is we are kind of in our debt era. We're at that stage in our lives where I still have quite a big hex. We've taken on a mortgage, you know, and we're still in a building phase, a glow up phase, if you will. So yeah, I have to go with C. Okay. But I love the way you phrased this because you didn't go, oh, we're in so much debt. You know, we're a C, we're not very good at it. You said, because we're in our debt era and here's why. It's as though you're automatically aware that

this is just a phase or a chapter of life and you'll come out the other side. How did you come to have that mentality? Because that's a literal, I would love to copy and paste that into every brain of every She's On The Money person ever. Oh, thank you. I must admit the time I've spent with my partner, I'm a firstborn daughter. I'm very headstrong. I've always wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and just went for it. And when you partner up with someone, you have to change those ideals and the way you see the world and the way you engage with people. And yeah, instead of seeing it as a detriment to us, I can see it as just a phase of our life because we're planning to get out of it. Yeah. Oh, I love this so much. All right. Let's jump straight into the next

question, which I think is going to be really juicy this time. Money, Darius, can you tell me a little bit more about your money story, I guess, collectively? Yeah. So I'll start with my own. So I grew up in a working class family. It was just myself, my brother and my parents. My dad was a firefighter and my mom just worked odd jobs. She, you know, just wanted to be a family woman. And we weren't well off by any means. You know, my mom likes to say that our family treat was once a month getting cheese pizzas

from the local shop. But that's really cute. And a cheese pizza is, don't get me wrong, incredible. What person doesn't love a good cheese pizza? Still to this day, I think of those memories and a cheese pizza always brings me joy. Exactly. It's all about the memories, not about how much it costs. That's it. And I learned work ethic from those guys. They're now comfortable in their retirement, not crazy well off by any means, but they showed me the value of sacrifice. And I've always been

able to work. When I was in high school, 14, nine months, I had two jobs. So I'd work one job in the morning before school. I was a mail sorter. Oh my God. Iconic. yeah I didn't realize at the time looking back I'm like man how do I do that you know without sleep but yeah I would sort mail in the morning in my school uniform go to school and then go to a bakery after school and do the the closing shift yeah thinking back on who I was as a teenager there is no chance you would have gotten me out of bed to do mail sorting before like absolutely not like I had an after-school job and even at that point I was like this is a drag like yeah Don't get me wrong. That's iconic. Yeah. I didn't even think twice about it at the time. All I could

think of was my weekends are free because I'll do all the weekday shifts. I'll get all my work done during the weekday. I was a kid with money and my weekends free. So that's what drove me. Okay. But that's genius. How did you learn how to hack the system so young? Because I spent all weekend working. I didn't get free time. And I was saying this to a girlfriend the other day. We went out for a coffee and a walk. And I was saying, do you know what? It's not until I got past the age of I think 26 that I started to get my weekends back because I was doing hospitality and retail and all these jobs that just didn't allow you to have a weekend which is fine but I remember being so lost when I finally got one so you never had to go through

that era. No I did eventually move into retail to support myself through uni so I realized looking back how good I had it during school but it was something that helped a lot for me to be able to sustain myself, set myself up while I was in HSC as well and still being a kit. I had goals, I saved, I self-supported travel around the world while I studied. I really think I did all right. You sound like you're iconic. I need to know, going back, sorry, we need to talk about you at 14 years and nine months. Where did that ethic come from then? Was that your parents saying, all right, money diarist, it's now time to go out and get a job? Or was this you going, hey I see the value in this this is something I want like how do we motivate other 14 year olds

to do something similar because I have a couple of people in our community who are like my 14 year old does not want a job and I really want them to learn some independence and it's like well I mean everybody's different but like where did your motivation come from yeah it was my parents I wanted the things I was a you know am a big bookworm and to support that my parents couldn't you know they you know but wanted to support me but I also learned once you make a commitment you're there so you know once you sign up and you get the job like I was committed to seeing it through going to all my shifts like supporting my boss and I must admit when it comes to things like that I don't think twice and I put it down to my parents watching my dad go you know

four weeks of rostering on and off night shifts at a time like just to help us like it's just imbued in me I suppose yeah wow all right well I love this so tell me more after uni what happened Yeah, so I took a job that was out in the country, New South Wales. So that was about five hours inland away from my family. Oh my gosh. Yeah, this was 2020. So I accepted and started the role January 2020. And then I think we all know what happened after that. And I got cut off from my family for a little while at least. But I realized if I was going to survive in this new space, in this new role, I was going to have to meet people. And I met my now husband. Oh, come on. Tell us more. Like,

I love, love. How did you meet your husband? We, we met online. We're both quite introverted. So we, um. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. It wasn't going to be the traditional way for us. Oh, I met my husband on Tinder and I am proud of that. It wasn't at the time though. Like I remember when I first said to my parents, oh, I've got a partner. Like, I'd love you to meet them. They're like, how did you meet? And I was like, oh, I don't really want to share this. But now I'm like, oh, Tinder, it was elite. A hundred percent. I think we first mentioned Tinder in our wedding speeches but other than that everyone had been a bit in the dark oh my gosh same like our wedding celebrant actually outed us because we told her and like so many people you know how

like you get past that period of time where people stop asking and you're like great like we passed this period she mentioned it and I remember thinking literally I'm the bride standing at the front going like what are you doing Megan what are you doing oh god I didn't mind but it was actually so funny. All right, so tell me a bit about your partner. Yeah, so he comes from a larger family than I do. He's got five siblings. He grew up in the country where we met. He has a very different money story to myself. They didn't have as much money and the parental guidance around money and parental guidance in general, it was a very strained relationship with my partner and his father who left and mum and stepdad. And there just wasn't any guidance in the space of

finances and when there was money it wasn't prioritized and spent on himself and his siblings it was held and I think that in my eyes that's what led to some of the habits that I found him with and you know that's in combination with some ADHD tendencies that yeah he's he grew up and he got his apprenticeship out of school and went straight into the workforce so he works in the mines now and you know he's been in that for 10 years making really good money and when I met him he didn't have a dollar to his name so yeah it's taken a while for us to be able to understand each other where we come from and how to work together but it's coming to terms with those realities of his backstory that's been able to lead us here. Yeah that's honestly so cool that you're working

through that but also so common I feel like I have spoken to numerous people in and outside of our community who have worked in the mines they're earning epic amounts of money but it's like they do FIFO and then they come home and they live their best lives and absolutely blow through the cash because they're like well I am FIFO I have more than enough money I can live my best life they come back for a week or so blow through cash go back earn more and like it's just a cycle that keeps going on so tell me a bit more about that and how like it came up in your relationship because money can be a fickle topic and it can be something that makes or breaks a relationship. And obviously you guys have tackled it head on, but what did that look like? Because

it could be confronting. Like if you turned around to your partner and said, hey, you need to get better at money. He might've been like, money, Doris, off your trot. It was, it was very daunting at the start. So while I'm very good with money, I'm also not very open about it. It's not something you do openly talk about, but I think it came down to the first year or so we were together and it will be noted that we did move very quickly in our relationship. So, we met in 21. Oh, girl, I get it. When you know, you know. You know, you know. In 21, we met and then early 22, we had a house together. So, it actually, yeah, it was a very quick turnaround. So, the conversation had to come up quickly and it came

up tax time. And I was about to put my tax in and I asked him if he wanted some help with, you know doing his and that's when that kind of first discovery was made that he hadn't done them in six years and at first I was shocked and I suppose like any rational person who's just met a new person red flag red flag central you were like what is going on here run yeah you know another admission is that before my current husband I hadn't really had any partners any long-term partners I was like is this normal like it should I be running away very very quickly like is it worth trying to work through this? And once we did work through the tax stuff, which did leave him with quite a hefty bill afterwards. So one thing when you're making

good money and you don't have private health insurance, you get taxed quite a bit. And that's what we had discovered after, you know, so long making money, not doing his taxes. He had a bill. Yeah. The Medicare levy surcharge does sting and it would compound over six years. So you might go, oh, it's 1% of what I earn, or I think it's 2% now of what I earn. That's not much, but over six years, that's 2% every year. So that would have been a pretty hefty bill for him to pay. That would have been a surprise. And he probably was really frustrated once you started breaking it down with him that had he just got private health insurance, it wouldn't have been an issue. 100%. Like it wouldn't have come up. And I'm, yeah, it's one of those things where

is it a red flag? Well, that depends. And in your situation, I don't think it was at all. It just was, hey, my partner actually has his head in the sand about finance and money and, you know, that might give him a mad amount of anxiety and we can work through this. Or it could literally be someone evading tax. But at the time, you don't know. Yeah, 100%. And that's what I realized. You're like, which one is it?

Balancing the scales there. But no, he was so embarrassed. Oh, but you don't need to be embarrassed. Like this actually happens all the time. We had a money diarist, what was it? like maybe 2021, who hadn't done their tax return for 15 years. And like, I got it sorted out. Like I got them hooked up with an accountant and it all got worked out. But like, if you're in that situation, it can be fixed. Like the ATO, they get it. And the best thing that you can do is actually

organize it before they come to you. Like organize it, do it before they come to you. Because if you're the one putting your hand up, they're like, oh, thanks so much, money diarist, we would like to help you there. Whereas if they're coming to you being like money diarist, we have, you know, got a record that you haven't done it here, here and here, that feels a lot more stressful. Yes, it does. And yeah, while it was, you know, an awful thing, it allowed us to open up that part of our relationship to talk about money and for me to be like, do you need help? Can I help you? And for him to be able to say yes to that. So it was quite a defining moment for us, which I look back fondly on now. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that for you guys. And now

what does your money story look like together? So together, we work as a team. So I do a lot of the organization stuff, but I also consult with him to make sure that our values are aligned, to make sure that he's feeling heard when we're planning for our future, to make sure that he understands where our money's going. So it's not just me doing it and him being completely in the dark. He knows all our accounts, all our goals, how we're moving and tracking towards all those things. I will admit it's been a bit of a build of two years. So when we bought together, he still had a house so we had two mortgages for a while during the epic rate rise of 22 23 oh no thank you it was a big learning curve because while I you know think I'm good with money I've

never had to deal with that much and that much debt and that much you know movement before so it was yeah and that becomes stressful like that becomes genuine pressure it's not oh we would love to save and buy a house it becomes next month you have a very large sum of money due how are you paying it. Yep. A hundred percent. And then after we managed to sell his house, we got engaged. And so the last, we've been married four months as of yesterday. Oh my gosh. Congratulations. Thank you. That's the best. Yeah. It was a beautiful time, but also a very expensive, stressful time. So yeah. Absolutely. But it's over now. It's over now. You don't have to have another wedding. So Manu, Darius, what are your big goals? What are you currently working towards

now? So we didn't go into debt for the wedding, which is great, but we did dip into our savings a bit. So we are trying to put that back together. But after that, the next big goal is land and building the forever dream home. Oh, what does that look like? How long do you think that'll take? My plan, I would like it in five, but it's probably more 10 years for us just with the current mortgage that we have, which is a little bit higher than we anticipated buying together. So probably a 10-year plan to get that one done. Yeah, I love that. I feel like it's so nice to hear someone go, you know what, that's probably a 10-year plan, but it's still on the cards. You're still working towards it. Tell me, you said something there that I want to dive a

little bit deeper into. You said the mortgage is a little bit more than what we had anticipated. Why is that? How did that happen? So originally when we decided that we were endgame, we wanted to buy it together but we were hoping to utilize myself for the first home buyer's stamp duty exemption in our state so we're hoping to buy with just my name on the title to you know it can be 20k 30k like it's quite large yeah it's a good deal but where we were looking to buy it just wasn't feasible to get something that wouldn't require work and my partner and I realized we love each other but we probably can't reno together we probably cannot my husband and I of going through that right now and it's testing. Yep. Like I'm grateful, don't get me wrong. And

it can be super fun, but it's also super stressful. Yes. Yes. I can only imagine. And yes, we do love each other. We do have strengths, but we... But knowing that is really important and a little bit more debt, like, and knowing that your relationship is not going to suffer because of it. She's a smart woman. That's the decision we made. We ideally should have stayed in his home that he had by himself, which was his family home that he purchased, but it needed work and love that we couldn't give it as a fresh couple. So that's fair. All right. I want to know, what do you do for work? How much money do you earn? Yeah. So I work in state government in primary industries and I earn 120,000 a year and my

partner is in mining and he works 160,000 a year. Oh, very nice. Plus super. Yeah. Oh, plus super. Does he also get bonuses? Yes, he does. Production targets. Yes. Ah, how exciting. And what do they look like? I think his last bonus was $5,000 for the year for meeting their production targets, or it could have been six monthly. Yeah, that's so good. And do you get any type of bonuses? I don't believe you do in government, right? No, we do get things like leave loading, which is a little bit extra. And we do usually increase

with CPI each year as well. So we're usually guaranteed that increase so it keeps up. Okay, that is nice. Now tell me a little bit more about that because I am a really big fan of salaries increasing with CPI. Is that written into your contract? No, through our union. Right. I love this. And is there a lot of pushback from the organisation? Yes. From the union? And how did that go? Because I know that lots of people have been having these prickly conversations over the last, I think, 12 to 24 months, I'd say.

Oh, yeah, for sure. So I believe we're still in negotiation for this year's CPI increase, but last year's was very profitable for us. I believe we got 4.5 backdated percent increase to keep up with the inflation for last year. So that was awesome. But yeah, we're still looking at this year's negotiations, but I know my partner's mind is also going into negotiations as well for their, they're on a contract agreement. So they're going into negotiations for their salaries as well. So we should have a result for that by the end of the year, which should look like a nice increase as well. Elite. I love that so much. I mean, I don't love hearing that it was 4.5%. I'm glad that you're happy with that. And that like,

obviously that's much better than most people are getting, but let's not forget that inflation was 7.1%. So that doesn't exactly keep up, but it does meet more than half of it. So, I mean, it's better than a kick in the pants. Is that what we'll agree? That's what we're going with. We'll agree. Let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, I want to dive in. I want to know so much more about these properties, your investments. I want to know your best and worst money habits. And I feel like I have some more relationship questions for you. So guys, don't go anywhere. Money Diarist, we are back and I want to know, are you guys investing? If so, how? What

does that look like? So currently, no, we are not investing, but it is in the immediate future for us. So I have mentioned that when we bought a house together, my partner had a house and we did get a small profit from that sale about 100k that we have held on to with the intention of investing it. Oh how cool. Yeah it's just been a leap we haven't been able to take yet or been comfortable to take yet. Oh of course and will you guys do like property investing or share investing or what does that look like or just no idea yet? We intend to go into shares. We do have a financial advisor in the family so we were hoping to utilize some expertise there to help us. Amazing. I love that for you guys. Yeah. So that would be the goal. And then we'd continually each month put

money into that account once we set that up. Yeah. All right. I want to jump into your debt era. So at the start of the episode, you said, V, I'm in my debt era. And I loved it because one, it's really blunt, but two, it's just an era. We're just going through this. So can you break down what debt you currently have? Sure can. So we have one car loan worth $40,000. We have a mortgage, which is technically split in two. So, we have a variable mortgage at $167,000 and then a fixed mortgage at $580,000. And then I also have my HECS. Now, this is something I'm not proud of. I did do two degrees and I did max out my HECS. So, I do have $120,000 in HECS. Oh, so did I. Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry. We've all been there. We've all been there.

Mine has just, big flex for me, mine's just dropped under six figures. So, that's pretty good. Oh my God, that is a big congratulations. I know. I'm still up to my eyeballs in HECS debt. Have I paid off any extra? No, because I have bigger financial goals at play and I'm just grateful that the government is letting me do that. But I feel like it's done me well so far. And I mean, you, you are doing very well. You earn 120 plus super. So like, I'm not upset for you. Thank you. Sorry, not sorry. What other debt do you have? That is it. That's what we have. Yep. I love that. So tell me, how did you guys decide to get a car loan for 40 grand? That's pretty reasonable as a car loan.

It is. That was a little bit of a personal decision. So my partner has his own car, which is all paid off. It's a work car. It will be driven till it dies and it won't die, you know, probably before us. I tell you that it's a Toyota. My dad always used to say that. He'd be like, well, if you're a reliable car, you're obviously going to have to buy a Toyota. My first car was a Toyota too. A not very attractive one. I'm not going to lie. I wish I could be like, oh, I had a really cute Camry or I had like a Corolla or something. No, I don't know if people know what a Toyota Avalon is, but like that's what I drove. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Stunning, right? Yeah. I can

see it in my mind's eye. I sold it for a very hefty profit of, get this, $500. Oof. Oof. You can't go past the Toyota. Big dog. But yeah, so because we have that, we decided that we did want to spend a little bit and have a nice car, have that car for a good few years and enjoy it before we have a family. That was the thought as well. So we did buy a little BMW and I had a car that sold literally for what I bought it for brand new. It was a Mazda. I bought it for 35 and I sold it for 32 and a half. Like, yeah, it was ridiculous. So it was a really good time for us if we were going to upgrade to upgrade. Yeah. How exciting. You dropped, we want to have a family at some point what does that look like I've actually been listening to

your pods Victoria and all the family financials so yeah we do want to look into starting a family next year so how exciting I know I'm very excited it's daunting but I'm very excited I've already got the spreadsheet together it's the best thing in the entire world like I don't think it's very lame and historically whenever I'd hear people be like I love being a mom I'd be like yeah, all right, cool. Like I didn't get it, get it. And now I'm a mom. I'm like, why didn't you guys tell me? Like, why didn't you tell me how cool this was? That's very comforting to hear. I'm very excited. Oh, it's so good. It's so good. You're going to adore it. But I want to know,

given you're planning on starting a family and in your money story that you wrote into us, you said, my partner discovered an act of financial abuse against him, which changed his relationship with his parents forever that was a big bomb to drop and with the idea that you're planning a family like can we dive a little bit deeper into what was that bomb and how are you going to be managing money as children to the family? Yeah that's a great question so as mentioned when my partner and I decided to buy together he had a house previously the house that he had was his family home that he had purchased from his mum and his stepdad at the time that he purchased the home As I mentioned, he's not one for paperwork. He's not one for looking anything over.

They needed the purchase to go through so they could move to a new state and start a new life and he trusted them with that sale and they had it valued by the local agent and he signed the mortgage documents that they'd all organized for him and it wasn't until we went to sell his home and we had it valued seven years later by that same local agent that he let him know that he did the original valuation and he had way, way overpaid. He had overpaid by $100,000. What? Yep. So the local agent did the valuation, put it at mid threes and he signed paperwork for a private sale at mid fours. And when he confronted his mum and his stepfather about it, the stepfather had no idea. He thought that the

sale had gone through at the mid 300 price point. And it turns out that, yep, his mum had change that figure. And what? He just paid her more? And like, I'm so pervy. I'm so sorry. No, it's totally okay. You're anonymous and you couldn't ask this at brunch. So like, this is why I'm asking now. So did his mum take off with an extra a hundred grand off the top or like what happened to that extra cash? Yeah, she took it. It went into their new life, the home that they bought in the new state, the cars that they bought. Stepdad was just oblivious to it all about where it had all come from because they re-bought with a mortgage. So it just, yep.

So when he confronted them after the fact, stepdad didn't realise, thought it was still at that lower price that they, well, the price that they'd been valued by the local agent. And mum said, no, no, we repainted. It was, you know, worth the more. And my partner's like, it's not worth $100,000 for a paint job. Absolutely not. Yeah, since that time, it was a, you know, strained relationship to start with. But we're, yeah, he's decided to go no contact since then.

That is heartbreaking that somebody's parent could do that to them. I mean, sadly, it's not an uncommon theme that happens in the world, but that is why obviously he was heartbroken. Do we know what the property is valued at now? Like, is this something that's slowly bouncing back or is he still at a massive loss about this? We did sell it for a profit. So, um, Oh, thank God. It was actually, it was, it was quite amazing. So part of the reason we got rid of it is because of that emotional attachment that was... It's got bad karma sitting on it. Feels weird. 100%. But we sold off market. The day we got the photos done before it went on market, someone came through and offered full price. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It was awesome. It went

for 590. Oh my gosh. Money win. You guys would have been over the moon, especially after hearing that it was valued at 350 and you paid 450. To get another 100 plus grand on top of that would have just been so relieving. I know it should have been more, but at least you weren't in the red, right? It is. And it was tainted by, unfortunately, that discovery. It will assist to set us up, but it could have been so much more life-changing for us and our future family. But it is what it is. You've got to run with those winds. Yeah. Wow. It was an expensive lesson. And how does your partner feel about that now? He is trying to teach his younger sisters better habits and better ways of working and trying to open their eyes like his weren't at

the time so that they can make better choices and not be influenced by these family members moving forward. So he's taking it as a learning and he's, yeah, really growing from it, which is beautiful to say. Yeah, but it's also just, it's so sad, but I think it will instill such good values in him when he and you become parents, because you'll just go, this is not how I'd ever want my kids to feel or, you know, work that way. That's just absolutely heartbreaking. But out of I'm sure you guys have become really good at money which segues me very nicely into asking what do you think your best money habits are I want yours and his yeah yeah I think my best money habit is tracking and planning I have a manual tracker which I track everything down to

the dollar and personally categorized for us oh my gosh love yeah we were able to to self-fund so our wedding was $65,000 it was very expensive and we did split some of that with my parents but over 12 months we were able to fund you know the 30 to 40 grand difference just by being smart wait you paid for your wedding in cash and it was that much cash yep oh that is very sexy money diarist it took a lot Victoria I will tell you it was a hard 12 months but it was by this tracking and having everything interconnected and not being able to put our heads in the sands from the growing bills that allowed us to be able to do that but how good you're not starting your marriage in debt like you're just starting ahead and I mean you've already got like some assets and you

guys are building everything up but like the idea that people and don't get me wrong like I'm not here to shame anybody's values if someone's like they I've thought about it well and truly and we're going into debt for our wedding all power to you like go for it you do what is best for you my job is actually to give you all the tools and resources and lay them out on a table so that should you want to use them you can but you don't have to like everyone's different but I love this idea that people would start fresh in a relationship or take their relationship to the next level without having debt to pay back a wedding. Because to me, it's an item that you don't get a lot out of. Like, yes, I got married, but I don't have an asset that's going to increase

in value. Like I can't sell my marriage, can I? Agreed. And after coming through that 12-month period of two mortgages and that extreme stress, I couldn't imagine a relationship with that much money stress in it. So that was really important for us. What an icon. So what's your partner's best money habit? Is it you? Are you his best habit? Because I feel like that's where this is going. I think that's part of it. But also one thing he does tell me is, and I learned it from the pod and he keeps instilling in me, is our money values. We can't be so focused on our goals and our plans and our future that we forget the now and what brings us happiness. So he makes sure that we have a big value around food, not necessarily McDonald's, but we like to spend

eating out and so we have to budget for it otherwise we feel the guilt around something that we love and it's just not worth it so he he helps keep me grounded it's about the journey it's literally about the journey like the tagline of my I have a mortgage broking business which people should know by now because it's all I talk about but the tagline of Zella money is literally it's your journey because it's like so important to make sure that we're not just trying to buy the biggest best house but we are trying to find a really nice balance of creating wealth buying property but also enjoying that journey because like I say this all the time and it sounds a little bit I don't know hippy dippy but like old age is a privilege that's denied to so many people

and to not experience the journey to its fullest extent along the way like I don't want to get to 65 and be like wow I'm super rich now glad I skipped out on all those brunches and family time glad I didn't have any you know friend memories glad I didn't go on all those family holidays that we we didn't go on like I just there's so much about life that we should be enjoying and I just go you know if it's not for you that's not for you like if you're one of those people in you know the fire movement so like financial independence retire early if that's for you fantastic just not for me agreed yeah we're the same we thought about it had a try of and we just, we love life too much.

I mean, you had so much sacrifice leading up to your wedding. You were probably like, this sounded great in theory. Not for me. We tried it. Let's do the journey part. 100%. 100%. That was exactly us.

I love that. All right. Flip the narrative. What's your worst money habit? I have a love language of gift giving. Oh, same. It's so, look, I'm getting better at it and learning how to work around it in terms of, you know, starting early, waiting for sales, picking items, but I budget $5,000 for Christmas

every year and we don't have children. Yep. That's it. Okay. I'm sorry. You can't drop that. You can't drop that on me and then not give me a breakdown. Who, like, I don't even spend five grand for Christmas. What's the breakdown look like? Like, what are people getting? Is everyone, do you just turn up to Christmas and you're like, I'm Oprah, a car for you, a car for you, you guys get air wraps like what's Christmas like? Yeah that's look it's somewhat like that like if my mum wants the new Dyson air wrap or hair dryer like I can't not because I know it's something she wants I find it really difficult within me to not do it even if I know it's you know a big budgetary spend and yeah we've my cousins are going through their kid era so we've got lots of little people

running around and I just can't not I find it really difficult because it is you know my way of saying I love you because I've thought about you and I've got you something you really want that, you know, shows that I know you. I love that though. And I love that you've budgeted for it. It's not like, oh, every Christmas we completely blow out because like I need to be better next year. You're like, nope, my love language actually is gift giving and I have to allocate a big budget to this because it actually gives me as much joy as it gives the other people that it goes to. So I'm not mad about that. That's not the worst habit. Thank you. I'll take that. People have spent more on less. I'm telling you now. Yep. What do you think your partner's worst

habit is. Please tell me he also is a gift giver. Yes, he is, but he doesn't do the planning that I do. So he can't overspend because he'll just pick it up when he sees it. Hasn't thought about it. Hasn't picked it up in the sales. Impulse shopping is my partner's worst habit. And it's what has left him over the last few years, not being able to put savings together. I put it down to being denied as a kid. So as soon as he got his own money, he doesn't deny himself. We're trying to work towards, you know, oh, if we can't do this thing this week, we've got to wait till payday. He struggles with that, that waiting, you know, even if we've got the money there, but it's in a different category, he struggles with that. So that's his worst habit is that

impulse spending. But it's good to be aware of it. And I like that as his partner, you're aware of it as well, because it means that there's probably been some really good conversations about it and you guys are on the same page and you're probably implementing strategies that can help minimize that. Am I right? Yes, you are 100% correct. It's been a really long journey, but one worth having to put us in the place that we're in. I love it. Money, Darius. I need to know more. At the start, you said, V, I think like a C, like between the two of us, like we're a C. But then I'm thinking, okay, cool. Great. Tell me more. And you said, I'm in my debt era and I'm thinking, okay, cool. Like she's probably got a few personal loans, maybe a credit card

because that's what debt era made me think of but it's not the case you have a mortgage you actually have a hundred grand sitting to the side to invest you've got a forty thousand dollar car loan which as you guys said was a very conscious decision it wasn't like oh damn v we accidentally got a car loan because we didn't have a financial education and we regret it massively you were like actually we're enjoying the journey like we are loving life pre-kids and we wanted a little bmw you to have a good life like slay you guys earn more than enough to justify a purchase like that you guys know so much about not only your money story but your partner's money story and I think that that's really empowering like I look at that and I go I wish everybody was able to sit down

with their partner and go well how did you grow up around money and I know that yours probably came as a consequence of learning about the financial abuse that your partner went through so you know up until that point he probably wasn't as forthcoming but then you know when something happens or when something triggers an outpour of like okay cool well actually as much as it's very negative I think it's been very positive and it's going to mean that you become even wealthier over time but I just feel like you're an icon like paying a $65,000 wedding in cash and I know you said your parents helped out a bit but that was still what like you paying $45,000 in cash like most people can't save that over 12 months. Be for real. I know it took some serious,

you know, motivation and restriction on your end, but what? Hearing this back, money dourist, are you sure you're a C? Now that you put it that way, Victoria, I do feel we could probably bump that up. I still believe that there's room for us once we move past this, you know, our highest debt error point to get better. Yeah, but that's fine. Like most of it is wealth creating debt. Yes. Yep. And that's very sexy. Like, I love that for you. I'm very excited about it, but I just think, oh my gosh, what would it take for you to say, oh V, we're in a family. Like we absolutely,

we're smashing it. Like what would that take? I probably think the car debt we do, you know, our eventual goal is to have, you know, nice cars, but not have the debt attached to it. So that may take a few years for us to get to that point. that would be where I would see us moving into that A territory, you know? Yeah, no, I totally get it. I want to be a little bit pervy and go back and ask a question that I completely forgot to ask. Talking about that car debt, what kind of interest rate are you paying on that car loan? It was quite high, higher than I expected. I believe it was eight to nine percent. And do you know what the average rate of return on the Australian share market is?

I do not actually, Victoria, and I probably should. No, no, no, no. You shouldn't know. I'm the finance girl, not you. But my job is to educate you. And if your car loan is 8% to 9%, now this is not financial advice. This is just food for thought, right? If your car loan is 8% to 9% and the Australian share market on average returns just over 9% per annum, do you think it might be worth considering using some of that $100,000 profit to consider putting it towards your car loan to put you ultimately in a better financial position? I'm not saying yes, no, maybe. You have a financial advisor in the family. Maybe that's a question for them. But I look at it and I go, there might be some, and I'm assuming there's

probably some emotional attachment to that $100,000 profit and wanting to invest it for your future. But what if you took the amount that you're paying off on your car loan and started that as your investment stream. Just food for thought. Yeah, it's a really good point and it's something we considered, but you're a hundred percent right. I have left that decision to my partner and it is an emotional one because it was his profit, his emotional trauma that kind of brought it about. A hundred percent. And that's why I was like, but also there's probably an emotional overlay here. And I wanted to bring it up now because talking through these things is not as simple as you might think. Like I'm pretty sure that someone somewhere was listening

and they're like, what are they doing? They've got a hundred grand sitting in a savings account and have a car loan, like paid off. But that's why I was like, hold on, hold on. Why haven't we done that? Yeah. It's my partner feels comfortable with that as a safety net. That's also why we haven't invested it just yet either. Cause we've had that for, you know, a year, 18 months now. A hundred percent. And just knowing that tomorrow, if you woke up and you were like, oh my gosh we are in a bigger financial pickle for some reason you lost your jobs you could extinguish that debt tomorrow and that's quite empowering so I think that that is you know obviously a very good position the idea that you're having kids hopefully soon like that would

also make me want to sit on some cash so there are and I guess that's where I wanted to lead this question it's just there are so many reasons why people keep debts and while the logical on paper that answer would be, why don't you just get rid of it tomorrow? You could. There's always this emotional overlay of, well, actually we're trying to live our life in line with our values and how we feel most comfortable. We always need to take that into consideration. So financial advice is not cut and dry. And I think that that is a very good lesson to come out of this as well. I agree a hundred percent. And it's something my partner's taught me. My spreadsheets can't make all those kinds of decisions. It's wild. It's so annoying, isn't it? Like I'm so good

at spreadsheets. Like if I could give you all the answers, I absolutely would. Sadly, I cannot. But Money Diarist, this has been a pleasure. I have adored this money conversation. I've enjoyed so much learning about your money story. Unfortunately, that is all we have time for today. But I know that our community is going to love this as much as I have loved it. I've just adored getting to know you. So thank you. Thank you so much, Victoria. The advice shared on She's on the Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy

a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's on the Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.