She's On The Money - Let’s talk about Sex(ually Transmitted Debt) baby

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

Today we’re shedding light on the STD no antibiotic will fix – sexually transmitted debt. Join us as we chat through the tell-tale signs of STD, discuss why it impacts more women than men and explain how you can avoid ending up in this sticky spot altogether... Do you love the podcast SICK and want more SOTM? Of course you do! Join our Facebook page to share your money wins and money confessions, follow us on Insta for daily inspo to keep you on track and DEFINITELY subscribe to our newsletter, the written recap of the pod’s key takeaways,including some bonus bits you won’t want to miss…In a money mess and need help untangling the muddle? We’ve got you sorted – simply record your qualm and send it through to us at [e-mail] and you may end up on the podcast! Your podcast hosts are Georgia King and Victoria Devine. The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes only and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN 34 132 463 257 - AFSL 339151.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Georgia King. I'm a copywriter and journalism student with some money smarts, but still with stacks to learn. Thankfully, as always, I am joined by the lady with all of the Money Smarts financial advisor Victoria Define. Hello Georgia King. Hello Darla, how are you? I am well. That's good. Now today on the show we are going to be talking STDs but not the itchy ones we usually hear about. Lol. Oh you funny gals. Instead we are going to be chatting about sexually

transmitted debt which yes may sound a little crass or even a little far-fetched but trust us it is a very real thing. In fact, a recent study found that 52% of Australians had lied about their debts or hidden spendings from those close to them. Now, before we do unpack this huge topic though, Victoria, how's your week been? Money wins or confessions? What's been happening? Straight into it. Straight into it. Straight in. I have had a great week, Georgia King.

Happy for you. Thank you so much. For those playing along at home, it has been my birthday recently, which means lots of money wins lots of things spoiled and looked after which I am very very grateful for but when I was thinking about it this week I was like what money win do I actually have that I can share that I think is my favorite money win of the week and it's not birthday related I just wanted everyone to know that it was my birthday I needed a little bit of attention my money win is that I have actually started doing my own shellac nails at home and it is so much easier than I thought it would be what even is shellac what do you mean what is shellac are you

whoa okay all right sorry my bare nails so it's like a gel manicure okay that you can do at home that sits under an led light that lasts for I think mine lasts for about 10 to 15 days okay in perfect nick which I love but because I live in the Melbourne CBD or close to the Melbourne CBD usually pay about 40 45 dollars for a manicure with shellac okay um depending on where you go can be a little bit more expensive than that and i bought my shellac kit for a whole 50 dollars right including three colors a top and a base coat stop it yeah and i have done probably upwards of five manicures over the last that's great couple of months on myself and i think that's a pretty good money win you'll have to do me a little i will do a little manicure we can do it right

after we finish recording yeah yeah sounds good so georgia king before i ask you if you want a manicure would you like to tell me a money winner or confession i think a lot of people have probably done this over the last little while they've quit their gym memberships oh i need to do that yeah well because the gyms have been closed i think a lot of reopened now but i had to say no go because now i'm living with mom and dad i'm an hour and a half away from the gym it just isn't plausible anymore yeah um so yeah i'm not paying for that and i've actually found heaps of good youtube kind of pilates and yoga videos so awesome if you've got a favorite still sculpted yoga with adrian is my favorite oh my gosh i love her do you know her yes i love her isn't she beautiful

she is beautiful and her voice is so calming she's such a chiller and she's not pretentious at all no i love it i actually got my mom onto them and now she does them i love it it's good and it's free and it's amazing and yeah i'm zen yeah and you can set up a little yoga studio light a candle exactly yeah have a really nice afternoon with adrian that's what's happened in my world yes i'm excited that you found her thank you uh now let us take a quick little look at the facebook community victoria did anyone stand out to you this week yes they did georgia king i am actually really excited i have a money win from our friend miranda miranda you would have seen this post i think we all saw i think we all saw this post because it got more than 10 000 likes

um so she said good news story in april 2018 i got my pre-approval with my boyfriend at the time ready to buy our house and he left her three days later it's not great yeah let's call him that she said i was heartbroken had no idea how i'd ever be able to afford a home on my own so i worked as hard as i could got myself a job and promotion and saved everything i earned after looking at properties for the last 12 months and always losing out and getting my heartbroken again and again by getting way too attached to properties last week she bought her own home a hundred percent on her own with no help and she has the cutest photo of her putting her sold sticker up so cute i love this and i did all of the community literally there was so many

pieces of engagement on that it was insane yeah i loved it um anyway miranda congratulations that is so exciting. And I'm so glad that the She's On The Money community was the space you wanted to share that with. Georgia, do you have one or did you try and pick Miranda's as well? I wanted Miranda's as well, but I'll let you have it. I've chosen one from Brie who has a money win as well. She's essentially said that she's sorted out her phone plan after months of putting it off and she's now halved her monthly bill. She said she'd tried a few times already, but it was always kind of half-hearted and now she's got it done so she's uh pocketing that away for some savings and again good is that i'm very inspired by that because i'm paying a ridiculous amount

for my phone and maybe you need to do that this week maybe i do maybe that's your plan for this week and next week on the pod you can say that your money win was fixing your phone inspired by by brie inspired by our friend brie all right well we'll check back in next week won't we i'm following up on that. All righty, now onto the main topic of today's show, sexually transmitted debt. Now, for those who are only hearing this term for the first time today, you are not alone. But essentially, sexually transmitted debt is the situation of absorbing some form of your partner's debt when getting into a relationship. As I'm sure most of us know, those first few months of falling in love can be so very intoxicating. So intoxicating, in fact,

that we can forget who we are, what our goals are, and some of us can find ourselves taking care of our lover's financial qualms because we just want to help them. We can't really picture a world where things could go bad with this person who we love, despite the proof that love is a lie. Just kidding. But quite genuinely, love really doesn't always end well. And if you're not aware of some of the STD flags we're going to be taking you through today, you could find yourself in a lot of trouble down the line. Victoria, please talk us through a little bit more about sexually transmitted debt and why it's something that we, and especially women, really need to be mindful love. Georgia, this is a topic that I wanted to talk about on the podcast last season, but we

obviously ran out of room and had a whole heap of content that we wanted to cover. But it is something that I think is so important to discuss because it is something that I have seen time and time again pop up in my office and I didn't expect it. So I obviously have gone to school and learned how to be a financial advisor and done all of those exciting things. I did not realize the amount of times people would come into my office and say Victoria I really need help I'm in a lot of debt and I go yep cool no problems you and your partner you come in and we'll have a meeting and they go oh Victoria my partner doesn't know and this is terrifying for a couple of reasons because one if you're not able to have money conversations with your partner like there's probably an issue

there and we need to be able to get you to that stage but two there's often a lot of secrecy around this type of thing. So sexually transmitted debt can be a whole heap of things. So it could be, yeah, it could be you getting in a relationship with someone who has a really bad credit score and six months into the relationship, they want to buy a new car and they don't have a credit score that gets the car. So you go, honey, I love you. No problems. Let's just get it in my name. And you make the repayments. And then a couple of months later you separate and you're left with the loan and they're left with the car. And I've seen that before. I've also seen couples where more recently, and unfortunately this is stereotyped, but it does happen in every

type of relationship. The wife came in and said to me, look, Victoria, I'm in a bit of debt. I'd love your help to consolidate it. You know, we sat down and I said, no problems. Like this is something that we can help with. Let's work out a plan for you. How much debt are you in? And she said, look, I'm probably in like $20,000 worth of debt. And I was like, oh, that's a lot. Okay. no problems like how did you do this she's like oh I've just got a couple of credit cards and one thing led to another Georgia started probing around and we realized that she was in a whole lot more than $20,000 worth of credit card debt she's actually in six figures worth of credit card debt and the painful part here is that her partner did not know so we worked through

how to tell him and she wasn't comfortable telling him on his own so he ended up coming into the office and like we mapped it all out and explained how we're going to get out of this how did it go it didn't go well um thankfully they're still in a relationship and they're working through it together but i do know that this is the type of thing that actually breaks relationships as well absolutely finance is one of the number one things it is the number one thing that people fight over so for me that was really hard but i know it was even harder for them and that was just a really challenging situation because he didn't know but to get out of the debt it involved him significantly so they needed to change their living situation they needed to

change the way that they had structured their lives and at the end of the day he just didn't know that it was an issue like he had no idea how expensive the bags and the shoes and all of the items she was bringing home were he just assumed all right well she must be spending from her savings because they had separate finances so for me it's a massive issue it could be small things it could be large things it could be you getting into a new relationship and your partner has a personal loan that you didn't know about are you liable for that what does that actually look like for you like does that become a joint debt or does it become a debt that they need to pay off and over the long term that kind of debt actually carries with you and impacts your ability to

achieve shared goals so if your partner is in significant personal debt or you're in personal debt you are not going to be able to achieve the goals that you set out to achieve as fast as you would like to and whilst that's okay we need to be really realistic about what we're working together towards so george as you mentioned an std is actually a much more sinister concept than its playful acronym would lead you to believe sounds funny it sounds i mean they're never funny and i think that they're called stis nowadays anyway it's outdated yeah absolutely outdated we've taken over STD. Thank you. But sexually transmitted debt is one of the things that we need to be so aware of because it is often so hard to spot because it often occurs in a loving relationship

and it can be really hard to deal with. It impacts one in six people in a study that I was recently reading and an estimated $921 billion has been acquired by Americans. So this is an American study, but it's been acquired by Americans in the form of sexually transmitted debt, according to finder.com.au that is a huge that is a massive number imagine that being taken on in a relationship like I can't imagine and thankfully I am in a very lucky position where I've always been really open and honest with my money story with my partner so I'm not in a position where I carry that kind of thing but for a lot of people yeah for a lot of people it's not as easy to talk about and that's why we're here Georgia yes but also if I was in that position

like I don't know how comfortable I actually would have been telling a new partner hey like you know do you want to come over for dinner also I've got some credit card debt like where does that come up in the conversation is there anything else we need to be mindful of any any other stats you can throw at me so overall it's actually more likely that women would take on their partners so overall women are actually more likely to take on their partner's debt which I don't think any of us would be surprised by that statistic with roughly 53 percent of women accepting their significant other's debt versus 47% of men accepting their significant other's debt. That's still pretty even.

Let's call it even, but I'm not surprised that women are a little bit higher. However, the amount of debt that women are taking on is roughly half of what men are. So that was interesting. With the average man assuming about $31,740 of debt versus the average woman who is taking on about $15,681. Those are big numbers regardless of what side it is but I'm not surprised that it's the women that are carrying more debt because you know we could jump into a full argument about gender pay gap and you know gender inequality and the fact that women often do end up taking on more debt to live their lifestyles. Interesting stats because more women are taking on debt but those women are taking on less debt and when men take on debt they're taking

on more. So while women are more likely than men to contract debt due to purchases made in their name, men are more likely than women to take on debt due to marriage. So 34% of men compared with 32% of women. So just some more stats to be, you know, just transparent about this. Like they're quite even, but I think it's worthy of consideration. And like, as we were doing some research for this topic, I was really shocked about how many people are actually taking on their partner's debt because you go oh sexually transmitted debt haha that sounds funny yeah but it's real like you get in a relationship and you take on a lot of their responsibilities whether that's going into a relationship with someone who has children and assuming a position of

responsibility there or like it could even be about pets or you know you could get in a relationship with someone who has a mortgage and you make the joint decision to start contributing to that mortgage yeah I think it's really important to start talking about things like debt because we all assume that there's quote baggage that people carry but sometimes it's hidden how do we have this conversation and we will get to that you did mention before you had a lady that was in strife do you see this a lot in your line of work I do and it's terrifying the amount of people that come to me and I feel really grateful that I'm in a position where I'm trusted enough for you to come to me and say Victoria I really need help like always welcome that with open arms but the

issue here is that so much of it is actually hidden from their partners and i just find that that is a non-constructive position to be in because how can you build a life together if you can't understand what you are building with yeah so georgia as much as i see it in my office the stats actually show us that couples just aren't having these money conversations at all and a recent study by relationships australia found that for most survey respondents the state of their partner's finances was not important to them so that was 53 or of little importance which is ridiculous because it's going insane as if you wouldn't care about your partner's income like as much as we say look it doesn't matter what you earn it's what you do with it yeah i think it's

also really important to talk about it like it doesn't matter if your partner earns twenty thousand dollars or two hundred thousand dollars i think it's so important to be on the same page about how you can work together and I don't think that there's any shame in what you earn regardless of what it is I think it just is constructive to share that with your partner often when we start talking about like oh Georgia what do you earn like you could feel shame around that but at the end of the day that shouldn't be a thing if you're in a relationship with a trusting partner exactly like if you are worried about disclosing what you earn because you're worried about them judging you I think you need to have a bigger thing about why that relationship isn't as functional as it should

be. Exactly. Would you say that shame is the main reason that people aren't having these conversations from the outset? Yes, absolutely. Because nobody, and I mean, nobody gets into debt on purpose. Like no one goes out and gets a credit card and says, do you know what, Georgia, I'm going to rack up this debt and then I'm going to carry it like the biggest burden I've ever had. How great is that? That's just not a thing. Nobody does that. Everybody gets a credit card or a line of credit to help them out in one way or another so no one wants to be here and then once you do get there often there is a lot of shame around that because you're in a position that makes you look and i'm not saying that this is true but this is the perception of people who are in debt it

makes you look like you weren't in control and no one ever wants to feel like they weren't in control or admit to not being in control when in reality the only thing that that means like if you're in debt the only thing that means is that you just spent more than you earned and that is it yeah And we just need to create a plan to get you out of that debt. We need to work on your budget. We need to work on your cash flow and just go, okay, well, we need to allocate some of your cash flow to debt reduction and make sure that happens. And whilst I've seen much bigger cases where, you know, partners have racked up $150,000

of personal debt without telling their partner, I think that it is really important to just be transparent. If you are spending and you're not telling your partner, I think that you need to probably have that conversation and create a cash flow system that works for you both. Whilst I don't think that every relationship needs to have shared finances, I do believe that every single relationship needs to have transparent finances. On the other side of the coin, what would you do if you think your partner has a lot of debt? You just suspect it. I don't know why you would, but say that's an issue for someone. Oh, just go through their personal belongings.

No, absolutely not. I think it would just be about calling it out early. As I said before, it is so important to trust your partner. It is so important to be in a relationship where you can have open and honest conversations. And my opinion is that you just need to approach everything with kindness. So if this is a topic that you want to be tackling with your partner, I think it's important for you to have a little bit of a reflection time before you do it, because this is not going to be easy for them there is a reason they haven't told you it's not because they don't want to tell you it's often because they are either carrying a lot of shame about telling you or there is potentially an addiction associated with that or there is

another reason why they carry that debt that they haven't felt comfortable telling you about because at the end of the day if it was something that they were really proud of they would have told you yeah and i think that that needs to be really taken into consideration before you jump down someone's throat and be like but are you in a heap of debt like I just assume yeah um so it's not even about you know finding facts or finding proof of this I think it's more about saying hey Georgia um you know I feel like maybe we're in a little bit of financial stress at the moment I'm not comfortable talking about money I would love to be more comfortable talking about money where can we both start yeah and often that starts with you being more transparent about your situation and

you talking to your partner in a way that you would want to be talked to yeah so approaching every situation with empathy rather than going oh well you need to tell me because I deserve to know yeah that's probably not the right angle no it's not the right angle aggressive yeah I think that you just need to be approaching that situation with a whole heap of kindness because that person potentially hasn't told you because they aren't comfortable so it is your job to make them feel comfortable with that situation. What steps would you say we can take to avoid ending up in this situation altogether apart from like staying single forever and dying alone you know what I'm saying? Oh that's actually really great advice we should have a relationship podcast that would be

a really good idea um let's go back to what I was saying before about transparency we need to share information and just stay informed start these conversations early in your relationship and I know a lot of you are going to be listening to this and be like Victoria but I've been in a relation for five years or 10 years or 30 years and I can't just start these conversations out of the blue if you're in a new relationship I think it's important to just start discussing things being open and honest when you guys are planning your first weekend away or a joint venture that you're going to do together be like okay no problems let's go away for the weekend what's our budget yeah and settle on a budget together that you are both comfortable with

because it is so easy in a new relationship to just get swept up in things and go oh I would so loved to go away and then you're stressed the entire time because you didn't tell him or her that you had $40 to your name and you're putting it all on credit and you were hoping that they wouldn't notice and you want to impress them but there's nothing impressive about going into debt so I think it's important to just start relationships being open and honest but if you're already in a relationship and you're not talking about money I think it's just about baby steps it's about introducing the topic if you're not across the finances show an interest don't jump up and down and say oh I need to understand this what the hell I think it's just about saying

like hey I don't get to see our credit card statements can you just take me through them so I better understand them or hey honey like I'd love to talk about money more often something that I recommend to my clients often is a money date where you sit down maybe once a month like it doesn't have to be formal like you don't actually have to go out on a proper date but you just review all your finances together really high level just go okay like how have you done this week share your money wins and money losses very similar to the podcast you can sit down and be like hey Georgia like what have you done really good financially this month and you can be like oh well Victoria cut out my gym membership yeah and then I can be like well what's something that maybe you could

have done better and you go look well I've been spending lots on private Pilates classes and you end up in this situation where you start more openly talking about money so you don't have to consistently talk about what are you earning what are you spending yeah it's just what were you doing well and what would you like to improve and you know what's some place that you're struggling or how can we as a couple start working towards having more financial security and everybody's got different values everyone's got different sets of beliefs around this so I think it's important to just start early and having these conversations with your partner from the beginning but if you're not at the beginning that is okay because you can start introducing them

just don't introduce them aggressively and remember we actually spent a whole episode in season two talking about navigating money with your honey so there's probably some good ideas in that one absolutely i think have a listen yeah i don't want to repeat everything that we said in that so i think go back have a listen to what was it navigating money with your honey i thought that was pretty sassy yeah yeah have a listen to that episode because i think shared relationships and relationships and money are complex and hard to get your head around but the second you feel comfortable one understanding your own finances but then someone else's it kind of takes a relationship to a higher level and you're going to feel far more empowered because you've done that

what other things can we be doing to avoid ending up in this spot so there are lots of things another thing i would really like to say is don't ever sign anything without fully reading it and looking into it properly and understanding it um too many times i've met women and men who say oh i have debt but i just trusted my partner they said just sign on the dotted line and you go oh my gosh like you didn't even read it and you understand why they didn't because they trusted that person and you trust them endlessly it's not about trust it's about your own education so if your partner puts anything in front of you i do not care how much you trust them or if you've been married for 30 is for your own education and for your own financial literacy read the document understand

what you're signing and be smart about it you know if you're going in with your partner to purchase a new car and you guys want to finance that car no problems at all it's not to say don't take on debt together I mean I've got other opinions about that but that's not what this podcast is about but read the document because you're smart enough to know that maybe you could get a better deal on your interest rate like maybe there are places you could add value it's not just about oh don't sign anything don't get into debt yeah go into things with the knowledge that you deserve to give yourself something else is understand joint debts so if you've got debt understand what the repayments are each month understand what level of debt you hold understand

what power you have in relation to that debt like when I say power I mean if you paid an extra $100 off a month, it could cut 12 months off your debt kind of thing. So just really understand what that means and what interest rate you've got. If you've got really high levels of personal debt and a number of them, potentially consider getting them consolidated. If you've got a mortgage together, have a think about whether the interest rate right now is competitive. So many times do I talk to my clients and say, oh, like, what have you got? Like we go through the whole fact find process and they're like oh yeah we've got a mortgage and one of the first things I say is well okay what's the interest rate and they'll say oh we don't even know we got it a few years ago

yeah it's like okay but that's a really important number because if you drop your interest rate by one percent we could literally shave years off your mortgage and those are years where your mortgage agreements could be going towards creating wealth yeah we refinance heaps of clients into better loan structures so that they can better understand not only their debt but also be more powerful and have more control of what they're spending. On top of that, I think it's just about maintaining independence as well. So when the discussion of merging your finances or combining savings for a house deposit, just make sure you have a finance chat. Make sure you're on top of things with your partner. Keep this consistent. Back to the Navigating Money

with Your Honey podcast. Have a really good listen to that and actually start having some awkward conversations. Yep. Just jump into it. Now we've spoken about this before and I think what is it georgia i'm assuming not all debt is the same so we don't need to be breaking up with our partner if they've got a mortgage or you know they've got a hefty uh hex debt that's not like sexually transmitted debt right no no it's not sexually transmitted debt to me is personal debt that you take on because of a partner right so it's not to say be wary of any partner or any person in debt like they might be in constructive debt they might be in a debt that you know helps them grow their wealth like really understand that if they've got a mortgage fantastic they're

probably working towards financial independence to own an asset that will help increase their overall wealth fantastic if they have hex debt that will not become your responsibility at any point in time in fact hex debt is the only debt that actually dies with us morbid but true so yeah if someone passes away and they still have hex debt it actually gets wiped oh that's great Yeah. Whereas if you have personal debt, that goes to your next of kin. So I think it's really important to understand that that's not your responsibility and it never will be. But if your partner takes on personal debt and you get married or you're in a de facto relationship with them, in the eyes of the law, that's also your debt. So regardless of whether your partner is

taking responsibility for it and says, honey, don't worry, I have some personal debt, but I'm paying it all off. As much as you might be in a situation where that's absolutely fine and it works you need to also be really aware that in the eyes of the law if something were to happen that is also your debt right is it always a form of financial abuse or can it be quite innocent like what does that look like so georgia i actually think it can be both so going into a new relationship when do you even talk about that you don't go on a first date and be like oh my gosh like it's like asking people on a first date like do you want to get married like how many kids do you want no you wouldn't get a second date I don't think however I think you do really need to

bring it up once you start feeling like that relationship is really serious like if you guys are at a point where you're comfortable talking to them about something like that and don't get me wrong there might not be a time that you ever feel comfortable but the moment that you realize that relationship is becoming quite serious I think that's the point in time that you really need to start thinking about okay well maybe I need to be a little bit more transparent about this burden that I carry. Because at the end of the day, as I said, debt is just a reflection that you at some point in your life spent more money than you earn and you're working your way out of it. But debt impacts your cash flow significantly. So if you're in personal debt

and you've got an $800 a month repayment, that is actually taking away from your ability to create wealth or create the life that you want to create with that person. So they need to be aware of that it shouldn't be in my eyes a deal breaker it should be something that they go okay no problems like let's see how we maybe they can help you not financially but maybe they can help you look at it and feel a little bit better about the situation and I promise you the more you start sharing things that are stressing you out the less they feel like they are weighing on you so no I don't think it's always financial abuse I think sometimes it's done really innocently because we never feel completely empowered to have that conversation but on the flip side

yes i have seen very financially abusive relationships that have significant levels of hidden debt yeah and this could be anything from people applying for loans in other people's names without them knowing and getting them to sign forms to having women that i have met where their partner has forged their signature to apply for loans and not knowing what debt they're in i have seen it honestly all and it is terrifying so no it's not always financial abuse absolutely not, but it can be. Yeah. So stay vigilant. Now we've spoken a lot about how to avoid ending up in this situation, but what do we do if we're actually in it? We haven't avoided it. We're in it. What do we do? Run, just get up and run. No, no. I think it's about having an open,

honest conversation with your partner. There is a thing called a financial agreement that you could enter into if we want to get super serious that your partner might sign that says that you're not liable for that debt if the relationship dissolves a little bit like a prenup but prenups aren't a thing in australia yeah it's a very american thing never knew it's always like in legally blunt yeah we'll talk about it in another episode i think anyway i think it's really interesting to ask as well so i think it's about just being open and honest like whose responsibility is this um i know couples who are in relationships where one partner had personal debt and they've come along and said, look, it's actually as much as, you know, I didn't incur this

debt, I'm actually going to take responsibility for it. I'm going to start helping my partner pay it down because it means that we are more likely to achieve financial goals sooner. I'm not saying that that is the right outcome. That is just what has worked for, you know, another couple. I've also seen partners where they say, look, I'm going to start saving. My partner needs to be in a position where they're paying off their debt. And once they're out of debt, they can join me on my savings journey, but they don't want to be a part of the debt repayment, which is very fair because it wasn't their debt to begin with. Every relationship is different. Every relationship is going to deal with it differently. But if you're really worried about it, have an open, honest

conversation with your partner about that because you don't want to be stung or be in a position where you are liable for something that you don't want to be. Would you recommend speaking to a financial advisor at all? I absolutely would because a financial advisor is not just going to help you create a plan to get out of that debt they're going to help you create a plan to create wealth and often debt is a reflection of a deeper issue and that deeper issue is that you are spending beyond your means a financial advisor is going to help you not only get back on track but create a plan for the cash flow that you have so that you can be really productive and not get in that position again

hi there you've reached the she's on the money mailbox do you have a money problem you want help solving do you just have a money dilemma you really want to chat about victoria is here to help every week we'll be playing your questions to help make sense of a money mess you may have found yourself in make a quick recording on your phone and send it through to podcast at she's on the money.com.au and you might even find yourself on the show but for now here's today's listener question. Hi ladies, big fan of the show. I'm calling in today because I have a bit of an issue. I'm 25. I'm in a relatively new relationship and it's been so amazing. Things are starting to get more serious and we've had the chat about our future and I can really see us

moving in together, getting a dog together, you know, all of those amazing couple-y things. But I have a stack of personal debt $20,000 of debt to be exact that I'm working on getting rid of slowly but surely I feel like it's a bit of a dirty secret that I should tell my partner but I don't know if I really have to or if I should because my money and the debt that comes with that could be his one day any advice would be amazing thanks girls what's your advice here victoria i think this is a really interesting one and i feel like i say that at the start of every single day always interesting yes of course you should tell them it is definitely worthy of the conversation well that's what we've been saying this whole time yeah have the chat yeah

i feel like this is just a recap of everything that we've just been talking about yes absolutely you should tell him no you should never hide something like that yes it's hard and sometimes you feel like when you're approaching your partner to say hey honey like i've got personal debt it can sometimes feel like you're approaching them to tell them that you killed a puppy or something like it's really scary but I promise you it is not the hardest conversation you will ever have more often than not your partner's probably aware of some level of financial commitment that you have that might be stressing you out so potentially it won't even come as a surprise to your partner so I think just sitting down and being like hey I really want to have a chat with you about

money and about what's going on you know you don't have to say that you've been hiding it you don't have to say that you've been lying because you haven't the conversation just hasn't come up just frame it as though you feel like it's the right time to have that conversation because it is because it is getting serious and they deserve to know and you want to be on the same page and you want to be working towards shared goals while them still being really understanding of the things that you're dealing with. I think often partners get in trouble having this conversation at the beginning when they start it with like, oh, I've been hiding this from you or I haven't been completely transparent. Like do not set your partner up with negative commentary before you

tell them because I think that it frames the conversation really negatively. Frame it as though you're sharing something with them that they want to know and that you want them to know and you're trying to be really open and honest don't frame the conversation with oh look I've been hiding something for me for the past 12 months you haven't been hiding it you just haven't been comfortable and I think that we need to give ourselves a little bit of permission to sometimes not tell someone something until we are completely ready so as I said before like it's probably not first date worthy but if you feel like things are getting serious then start having the conversation but equally like if you're listening to this and you've been in a relationship for a number of

years you live together and you have this secret yes your partner's probably not going to be happy but at the end of the day it means that you've spent more than you've earned and you just need to create a plan to get out of it share it with your partner you'll feel better for it are there any quick tips you would have to getting out of that personal debt or is that a combo for another time there are so many things that you could do first things first probably talk to someone but do your own research so if you've got a number of different personal debts with credit cards or personal loans or store credit I think it's really important to potentially consider consolidating it talk to a broker about consolidating your personal loans together one it will become one payment so

it's not lots and lots of payments coming out each month and two you're more likely to be offered a preferable interest rate on that because as we know credit cards can be upwards of 23 to 25 whereas a personal loan might take it down to you know 17 or 18 depending on what your credit score is and whether we can actually refinance the personal debt you've got it's going to be completely personal but also another method is debt snowballing so if you haven't heard of it do a quick google but it's essentially picking the lowest amount of debt that you have and just smashing through it and then using your minimum repayments to go towards the next step just smashing through it while not worrying about your interest rate and the reason i believe in debt

snowballing as opposed to debt avalanching it's where you actually pay off the debt with the biggest interest rate first. Debt snowballing is where you pick the lowest amount of debt that you have and just smash through it. I love it because it is instant gratification. Like you're more likely to feel gratified sooner because you've ticked something off the list and you just feel like you've made progress. And the more progress you're making, the more likely you are to stick to your overall goal. So for me, as much as interest rates are really important, getting rid of the debt and feeling empowered to do so is more important to me. Amazing. So have that chat girl. You got this. Today's money diary is from a savvy saver who had a bit of a rough experience

with a mortgage broker. Hi, I'm a financially fit feminist and this is my money diary. My attitude to money is that I like to save a lot. Since I started earning money, my savings goal has always been to purchase a house as quickly as possible. And that was my goal until I moved to London two years ago. I wanted to tell the She's On The Money community about my experiences with a mortgage broker when I decided, aged 22, that I was ready to buy a house. I went to this mortgage broker. I had saved up $40,000, which I thought was pretty impressive for my age and was wondering what my next steps were. And instead of telling me how much more I needed, what I needed to think about, he said that I should come back when I had a boyfriend or husband. I felt angry, understandably,

I think, and it actually affected my savings goals as I used that money to move to London and have an excellent two years traveling around. Everyone was shocked when I told them, but no one in my friendship group had had experiences with mortgage brokers, So we didn't really know what to expect, if that was a normal thing that young women were told or if it was really out of line. It felt really out of line, but it also made me a bit scared to approach others. It affected my outlook on money because I had spent so long saving and not going out for the fancy dinners that all of my friends went out on.

And then when I was treated with such what felt a bit like disdain, I had a bit of a fuck it attitude to money and started spending a little bit more. And I think it did help me not be so uptight about budgeting and spending, but it was still not a nice way to learn that money lesson. My partner and I moved back to Australia because of the coronavirus pandemic. And we've had a good look at our finances. And now that I have a partner, I can look at saving for a house again, but we are making sure that it's a very, very even split so that we both own exactly half of the property. Because I think it's very important that women have their own stake in the future. Until two months ago, I was earning $60,000 a year. However, I have recently gone

freelance and now earn more like $2,000 a month. My best money habit is saving a significant portion of my salary. I pay myself first and I think that's a really good thing. However, my worst money habit is overextending myself and dipping into my savings more than I should. The She's on the Money podcast and the Facebook community have really helped me open up about money. It's not something that my friends and I have ever discussed before, but suddenly I'm having all these really great conversations about investment properties and the apps we use to manage our money and it's been really, really helpful and I love it. If you'd asked me five years ago, I would have rated my financial behavior as an A plus. However, after two years spent traveling and

splurging, I'd probably rate it at more like a C plus. What did we think of the financially fit feminist, Victoria? Oh my gosh. I genuinely cannot believe that a mortgage broker told her to go away and come back when she has a partner. That made my blood boil. Oh, I'm still mad, Georgia honestly I think that that is like let's be honest I'm a little bit opinionated on this podcast that's disgusting like that is so wildly unacceptable it's not funny like the idea that we need a man to be essentially our financial plan is beyond outdated and it makes me feel bad that she's had that experience so don't get me wrong if she's gone to London and had an incredible time like that's something that I'm sure she doesn't regret but at the same time think about

the wealth and the creation that she has missed because someone told her that she wasn't capable and to me that's not appropriate so alfa and miranda was a prime example of this in the facebook group this week she's bought her own home done it all on her own as you guys know i do have a mortgage broking firm as well and that is something that we see all the time we often see women purchasing their own homes and it's one of those things where yes there are a number of factors that come into it so sometimes we see women that come in and I had a beautiful 25 year old come in recently sat down with her and we were talking about you know what she can achieve I'm her financial advisor as well and she's saved about $180,000 honestly insane and she's 25 yep

25 she's amazing she does still live at home there's a lot of you know privilege going on there in a really good way like she's got a lot of things going for her that have enabled her to save she's also just a really great saver like it's all on her if that makes sense like she's fantastic she's been saving for her first home since she was 16 so this has been a goal for her for so long she's gonna buy a mansion absolutely but Georgia she's not because she actually doesn't earn enough to reach serviceability yeah so you can't just have a big deposit and it's heartbreaking to say okay well sorry but you've worked so hard and you have this deposit and it's not actually about creating more deposit because you've got 20% for the home that you want to purchase. However,

you won't get serviceability. So no, it's not about her getting a partner. Yes, I'm sure that mortgage broker was right when it comes down to it. Yes, another income would have helped her get serviceability. But no, let's reframe this. What can you buy that's in your price range? Do we potentially start investing her surplus income, park her house deposit over to the side and wait for her to get you know a higher paying job in the future so that that can still be a financial goal while still creating wealth like there are so many things that we could have done together to create wealth and actually put her on the right path but instead someone shot it down because it was too hard basket for them by saying I'll come back when you've got a partner that's not the

answer it is not a good thing to say that it is not constructive and it doesn't actually help us feel empowered and I think it's really important to know that if someone says no to you it doesn't actually mean no take everything with a grain of salt a mortgage broker does get paid on the loan that they process for you so maybe they were thinking that it was too lower of a loan and it wasn't worth their time and I'm not saying that that's appropriate it absolutely is not get a second opinion like if you've got a goal that you want to achieve like anything is genuinely possible it might not be possible in the time frame but sit down with someone who can hold your hand and explain to you the steps you personally need to take to achieve that goal

don't let someone wipe it and then you go blow it like that is so upsetting like I'm glad that she's on the right path now yeah however it didn't have to be the case and someone shouldn't have treated her like that yeah I think it was nice as well I mean I don't know what you would say to this Victoria but she mentioned that her attitude to money kind of relaxed once once saving for a home wasn't her goal anymore like she went to London was able to enjoy all the things that she'd been quite disciplined on beforehand like she kind of got to enjoy oh I don't think it's a bad thing that she's been through that situation waste time absolutely and I think that a lot of us put too much pressure on ourselves that we need a home like a home is not

the one thing that's going to create wealth for you I work with lots and lots of millennials who have no goal to purchase a home they're just investing in shares and living their lives and going about creating wealth in a different way because the way that the world worked 30 or 40 years ago when property was the way to create wealth doesn't mean that that's appropriate now if it's a goal of yours fantastic like let's do it let's smash it out let's get it done let's buy you your first home because that's really exciting but if property isn't something that you were in love with and don't really feel the urgency around stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself stop putting yourself in someone else's shoes and start working towards something that actually

creates happiness for you that is all we have time for today but before we head off let's quickly wrap the boring but important stuff the advice shared on shoes on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances shoes on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision and stress less we promise Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management, Proprietary Limited, ABN 34132, 463257, AFSL 339151. And thank you, of course, to Ryan John for editing today's chat

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