She's On The Money - Maria Thattil on IWD, Rainbow Washing & Peer Pressure

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY! We are SO excited to be sharing it with you and one of our absolute favourites, Maria Thattil. The author, speaker, former Miss Universe Australia (and so much more) joins Jess and Bec to celebrate your money wins, talk broke tips, and this week they chat about a Money Dilemma over a rainbow washing workplace. Plus, you slid into our DMs about judgement in your friendship group over your financial and relationship situation, is it cruel or cool? Don't miss this chat cause the gals have sage advice. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for people who want financial freedom. Today is Friday, which means it's time to get the team together and celebrate you, the incredible She's on the Money community. Today we'll be sharing our favourite money wins, we'll be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about rainbow washing workplaces. And we unpack something you slid into our dams about, which this week is the pressure to be personally and financially set up by your 30s. These are good, exciting things. Yeah, I know.

They're very relatable. Actually, both of these are actually relatable to me. But Jess, the energy is different in this room today. I feel like we've got someone else with us. Well, that would be exactly why, because we do in fact have somebody else with us. We have our wonderful friend Maria Thetil joining us for this International Women's Day episode. And it's a very full circle moment because if you came to our Melbourne International Women's Day event in 2022, you would have seen the gorgeous Maria then as well.

We're so excited to have you back. Thank you guys for having me. When you were saying that, I'm like, oh my God, am I breathing too heavily in the mic? Your edge is off. It's me. I'm the one. So it's good to be back. I'm so excited to be chatting to you guys.

And I can't believe it's been, what, two years since then? Oh my God, it's flown. It is crazy. But for those who don't know you, Maria is a woman of so many talents. She is an author, a speaker, a host, former Miss Universe Australia, as well as a huge Advocate for Women and the LGBTQIA plus communities. Literally, I feel like there's nothing that you can't or don't do. I feel like that list makes me sound so much more impressive than I actually am. I can't stop ordering Uber Eats. I can't read a map very well. I'm surprised

I got here on time. So there's like, there's a lot you guys, there's a lot. I mean, it wouldn't be fair if you were all of these things and also very timely. So something had to give. There's a lot that gives you guys. There's a lot that gives. That is extremely comforting to know. She's just one of us. Just a human being. Who breathes heavily into microphones and disappears into the ether. Perfect.

That's my kind of woman, honestly. First of all, let's start off with talking about our weeks. Jess, do you want to go first? How's your week been? It's been good. I love International Women's Day week because I feel like there's two sides to it, right? Because sometimes it can feel very performative, like we're rolling out the pink cupcakes in the corporate office.

we love women, woo, but we'll never promote them. So, you know, it's kind of a double-sided coin where it can feel very performative, but I love that we are celebrating women and all of the amazing things that they do. And it's a bit different for us this year because it's the first year in three years that we're not doing our events because VD's just had Beautiful Baby Mini, which is very exciting and new and different in and of itself. But it's just really cool, I think, this week to see all of these incredible platforms creating space for women in all different sectors in all different areas of the world. And I just am like gobbling up the content and absolutely living for it. So happy International Women's Day, everybody. I'm loving it.

Happy International Women's Day. Happy IWD. How about you, Maria? How's your week been? You'd be busy, I feel like at the moment. Busy, busy. It feels like one thing I'm getting better at over the years, I would have to say that I wasn't when I last did your event is finding a sense of balance. So even though it's busy, I'm still making time for life stuff to go for a walk, read a book, not lose my mind. And that's really nice, you know, so things are good on my end. I can't complain. Bexta, how's your week been?

Really nice. I stopped meditating a little while ago and I just started up again. So I feel like maybe it's placebo effect, but I feel like so much more zen, you know, and I think I needed it this week because it's always, always around this time that you see the, the M word, misogynists popping up every now and then. The international men's day. So every other day of the year. But anyway, so I feel like I've needed it this week and it has really come in handy.

So for me, I've just been chilling as well. It's just been a really nice week. But Jess, I feel like I don't have a good segue. I really wish I did. I was trying to, but I really want to hear about the community money wins. All right. Let me give you some. So firstly, this week, I've got a money win from Rachel who said, I bought my first home.

Property Playbook helped me immensely. and that might be a little bit self-indulgent because Property Playbook is the show that I co-hosted but I'm just really excited for you Rachel. I feel like that is such a wonderful feeling and I know what a hard slog it is to get there. I feel like all of us do so congratulations. Proud of you girl. Amazing. Next I've got a money win from Leah who said my partner and I are moving in together after Easter so I have been scouring the op shops to stock up our home. This coffee machine popped up on Facebook marketplace on Saturday for free and And I thought, surely not.

So I messaged the guy who posted it and I was the first one to reach out. So I went and picked it up straight away. And my partner could hardly believe it when I told him. RRP would have been around $2,500. So it is my biggest money win today. And she popped in a photo and it's one of those, I'm not a coffee drinker, but like fancy barista digital. That's incredible.

And it made me think, you know, on Facebook marketplace when people list something as free, but really it's not free. yeah so i was worried that that's where that was going to go but it didn't happy ending that's amazing i can't believe that i know how good well done leah next i've got a money win from alana who said i cleaned out my spare bedroom and i had 120 bucks in a backpack that i hadn't used in years whoa okay i swear every week there is a win from somebody saying like i found 20 bucks in my jeans i found 50 bucks in my car and i want to know how these people are losing their cash because this is not a problem i've ever had how is it not turning up in the washing machine

how are you not washing your money and using it in the dryer like that's a good point maybe they had maybe it's just really clean money maybe it's really clean money on a different level that's a good one thank you i don't come out with the jokes oh my god that was great thank you she's so quick she's so proud of herself i'm not normally the funny ones. Take it and run, babe. Next, I've got a money win from Ash who said 7-Eleven has struck again. This has to be the most I've ever saved so far. My fiance and I share a 7-Eleven account so we can bounce off the fuel lock based on the areas that we're in because, you know, sometimes more regional areas, maybe it's a little cheaper. So they share the account and they're

saving all the dollars that they can in the lead up to their wedding in September. And she saved $13 just by locking in the fuel. Oh, amazing. That's good. Well done. That's a very good start. Very good start indeed. Then I've got one from Amanda who said,

I rode into the city for work on my husband's e-bike last week and saved myself a $10.60 public transport fee and I got two hours' worth of exercise out of it. Very good. Those things are so good. Are they the electric ones, an e-bike? That you can publicly hire. You download the app, you just jump on, get from A to B.

I've done it in stilettos. It's amazing. Oh, my goodness. That is extremely impressive. It's very cool to see. And there is footage. Is there really? I'll have to find it and send it to you guys.

Please. It's good. It's really good. It's easy. And it's so good for the environment too, I feel, as well. Yes. Just getting around. Many wins there.

Yeah, well done. Excellent one, Amanda. And then lastly, I have a money win from Kira, who said, money win, I finally cracked $1,000 cash back in my ShopBack account. Oh, yay. And that's for all the people who say the little things don't add up because you know how sometimes you get like 50 cents back or a couple of dollars.

She's cracked a grand and that is extremely impressive. that is impressive yeah but maria we when we have people come on we say do you have a money win or perhaps a money confession that you could share with us for the week well okay i'm gonna start this on a note i'm gonna just you know martyr myself a little bit here and i'm gonna give you a money loss a bit of a learning we'd love that because hopefully this helps somebody else win okay by sharing this love it i you know when i realized i'm coming on the podcast i thought you know thinking about money thinking about finances i went into my subscriptions and i'm like, how much stuff am I paying for that I don't need to? Turns out, Rhea, you guys had my girlfriend

on this podcast a couple of days ago. So I have a woman and yet I've been paying for a dating app that I don't use. Hate. Hate that. Guitar tuner. Do you play guitar? I have not so much as plucked a string. I bought a guitar in 2021. So that was my lockdown. We all had a lockdown crisis. Mine was, I'm going to learn to play guitar. They're going to do some country music. Didn't pluck a string, had been paying for tuning up for about three years. I don't want to think about how much money I poured into it. So if you're listening, this was me sacrificing my, you know, it's a Money loss. This is my story.

I hope it helps somebody else by sharing. I think it will. Already I'm like I can't wait until we're out of the studio so I can quickly check what I've been paying for. Like all weird stuff if we don't subscribe to it. Let us know what the most obscure thing you've ever subscribed to and realised is because guitar tune is pretty up there. It's pretty up there.

But wait a minute. Why did you all look at me like you don't believe I could play the guitar and serenade you all with the country tune? Everyone's eyes widened, you guys who are listening, and I'm like, maybe I play it. Tuning a friend's guitar is what I thought. Mine. It accumulated a thick layer of dust.

I actually got rid of it last year. Did you tune it at least? No, I didn't. I called my dad and my dad, I can't work this out. It just didn't happen for me. Nothing. Really, the guitar thing didn't take off. So you won't see me opening for Taylor Swift anytime soon.

Sad. Oh, that's the only reason I would have bought tickets. I know. I know. Maybe one day. Maybe one day. Have you ever seen, like, the hot drummer, like the hot girls who play the drums?

Yes. And, like, the hot, like, guys. The G-Sleep energy. Yeah. It's like, in what diluted parallel universe did I think I was going to become? I'll be one of those hot guitar girls. It has not happened. But who knows?

I completely get you. I'm exactly the same. When I go to, like, gigs and stuff, I'm like, I could be like this. I could be like this, you guys. But I've never touched a single instrument in my life. Not a musical bone in your body. No, not a single one. You know what your body is made up of, though?

I was going to say broke bones, but savvy money-saving bones. Broke bones is not good content. I was trying. You had it at money laundering? And now what? I was like, I can be funny again. She got too confident. You wanted a segue and I tried to give you one.

I am so grateful for you, Jess. I am trying. I loved it. Honestly, you can try again because we can go three for three. Jess, I do have some broke tips for you guys. We have one from the community, one from myself, and then hopefully, Maria, if you have one, no pressure. Feel free to share yours at the end.

So the first one comes from Abby who says, roast leftover veggies that are going bad and blend with a can of crushed slash chopped tomatoes to make pizza slash pasta sauce. Add some dried herbs, make it even better, but not necessary if you don't have them. That is something I had never thought of before. Also good if you have kids and you want to sneak veggies in. I've heard that that's a very popular like, oh, my God,

there's 15 vegetables you'd never know. Totally, just pulse them into oblivion. So it doesn't resemble a vegetable in any way, shape, or form. That's pretty good. And also money saving. So I usually just chuck loose things in the garden or like whatever. In the garden? I don't know.

To compost them, right? To compost them, exactly. But instead, you can make yourself a lovely pasta sauce or pizza sauce. Gorgeous. It's pretty good. And my one for this week actually came from a very good friend of mine, maybe my girlfriend, I can't say. But basically, if you go to the markets as things are closing up,

you can either get things for very cheap or for free. Like a weekend market, like a Camberwell market? Like a Camberwell market or even just like, I don't know, I haven't tried it at a Paran market. I feel like it's probably going to be a little bit, for those listening and if you don't know Paran, it's a little, I would say, more expensive part of Melbourne. Try it there.

I mean, go for it. But yes, those little like pop-up markets or just like any kind of like food stalls, food trucks, that kind of thing. People are usually giving things away for free at the very end when they're going to chuck them out anyway. Yeah, like I did the Hunter Markets, which is a fashion market here in Melbourne. And there was a girl at the store next to me who had like very expensive stuff. And the market's like four or five hours, whatever.

And by the end of it, she literally just had a tub that she put on the floor and said, take it, it's free. Because she said she didn't want to take it home. And so I feel like you're totally right. Like sometimes people are like, well, better some money than no money. Totally. That's pretty good. What was it?

What, like in the box? Yeah. Clothes? I didn't go through it. I was selling my clothes. I did not need more clothes. that's incredible yeah maria do you happen to have a broke tip to share well i do but you know what i originally my mind went to like a really boring place i i'm gonna say i'm gonna share two

okay so one's boring but one's kind of like i know but one's kind of like cool and fun and whatever but the first one is i try and trick myself with my budgeting spreadsheet because everything's like automatically formulated so like as say invoices come in i work for myself you know you could do this with your income if you're a salaried employee. I actually change the formulas to make sure I'm putting more away for tax and super than I'm meant to. So then I have a certain amount that I'm allowed to play with and I budget very strictly. And then at the end of the end of financial year, I'm left with like a little bonus. And I'm like, oh, look at this. It's like a fake refund. So it's like a fake refund because I've tricked myself. But once the spreadsheet is set,

I don't really look outside of it. And then my other tip is one of my best friends, and you know, you do this with a friend or someone you trust but every six months gather up clothes that maybe you've just worn on high rotation and swap it wardrobe swap with a friend so that you're sort of like getting a little bit you know just don't buy things so much if it ends up in landfill and clothes you know pre-loved clothes you can get good wear out of your mates wardrobes families wardrobes just wardrobe swap yeah that's my idea i've seen girls do like little wardrobe swap parties and i always think that looks so fun and then just keep track like if you're like me type like I'd keep like an Excel spreadsheet, you know,

this top, these two, but like if you want it back. But it's just fun to, you know, mix it up and try and experiment with your style. That's such a good idea. I really like that. I also meant that actually because I do need more clothes. I don't want to be paying for them. I love how you think I need more clothes.

It does require you to part with some of the thought. Oh, yes, true. I want to break even with my clothes. Okay, let's go to a really quick break. But on the flip side, we're going to talk about rainbow washing workplaces. Don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here

to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hey team so like I've got a really curly one for you right uh I work for a smaller business and I would say that overall they're not very supportive of LGBTQIA plus communities but what really annoys me is that when pride comes along suddenly they pretend that they care and they do that by pushing us as in like the staff into donating to these causes so they can talk about it on their social media and it makes them look super generous but like I know for a

fact they're donating nothing so the whole thing seems really insincere and I feel quite pressured to take part and it's not that I wouldn't donate it's just that I don't want my job to be telling me that i have to donate anyway i would like to bring this up with them politely i don't really know how to do that and i don't know if i should bring it up at all if i'm going to be honest because i find this whole conversation super uncomfortable anyway i'd love to know what you thought and if you have any advice okay thanks bye i feel like this is very on brand with what we were saying earlier about international women's day kind of the same vibe true the cupcakes and the performance do you know what it takes me back to it takes me back to 2020 the black lives matter

movement and the black square the black square and brands who have never engaged a person of color in front of the lens behind the lens all of a sudden yeah there's a black square and no action to follow yeah it takes me back to that how yuck it just that listening to that just made me want to like my skin crawl a little bit yeah people still do that it's really unfortunate i think because the reason that I think these brands do it is they've cottoned on to the fact that particularly our generation, Generation Z, like the up and coming generations, brands and companies that align with our ethics are incredibly important to us. Like I am not buying from a company that goes against my personal moral code or my moral compass, right? And so they've realized that to

get people's dollars, they need to align to people and they need to publicly be seen to be doing good. And logically, the solution there is for that company to do social good, to support causes, to support employees who may or may not be members of the LGBTQIA plus community. Employees are people too. And I think that there's also the element, as our listener was saying, of feeling really uncomfortable about being put in a position where you don't want to look like the bad guy by saying, I don't want to donate to this cause, which may not be because you don't support and believe in that cause, but you might want to work or advocate in your own way outside of the workplace. And I think that it's particularly hard because as an employee, I think sometimes

you can feel like you're representative of this brand, especially if they're wanting to wave their banner on Instagram and be like, look at us, like go pride. But then behind the scenes, they're really not supporting the people who need and want that support. And that's the whole point. and so I feel like it's just this whole big uncomfortable thing for these employees and I I don't know how you bring that up necessarily and it's such a rock and a hard place because on one hand I want to be like no like tell them that that's not okay advocate for yourself but also we know that if they're not supportive to begin with maybe they're not going to be receptive either and that's tricky very good point I don't know like I think so the workplace

they currently work in if anyone in this workplace is listening tune out I'm just I'm not going to say anything bad, but I know that for Pride Month, I think it was last year or the year before, we weren't doing anything. We do have a whole social committee that's dedicated to things like this. And so I was like, what the hell's going on? It's like, was it June? And I was like, you know, I just kind of had a conversation with the head of the social committee. And if your workplace doesn't have a social committee, I know that's quite rare. Maybe someone in charge, someone who has the power to be making bigger decisions, maybe have a chat with them.

But what I did was I basically said I would like to be seeing things happen for this kind of, you know, like a Pride Month or maybe Mardi Gras, things like that. I'd love these things to be celebrated in the workplace to make me feel a little bit more, I don't know, welcome. But also, I know it's a little bit awkward, but just maybe broach it in a way that's like, hey, it would be really cool if we just maybe did some things year round. Let's have a flag, let's put a flag up or something, you know, nothing hectic. but just to make people who may or may not be part of that community feel welcome and and I don't know it's it can be something as small as that but yeah that really is a tough one yeah oh I just think you know for businesses what I think what astounds me about that is that this person from your community sounds like you know they're really feeling like their business does not actually get

behind supporting these certain communities which to me feels really strange in in this day and age in 2024 in 2024 it feels really strange because of what you've said unfortunately a lot of businesses are getting around it for commercial reasons but for the most part what i think has happened after the big lockdowns in 2020 is there was a bit of a digital revolution and now the people with a voice it's not just reserved for people in power or traditional media it's like anyone with an internet connection can speak up and what they say gains traction and so now people that you haven't heard from say like people from the queer community or women and it's just we get to speak and say what we need so it's astounding to me that this business isn't sincere in their efforts and your

listener who's written in they sound like they're really struggling with that dissonance of it's not that they don't want to support the cause but I just can't get behind this performatively and I think that's fair so when I worked in HR so in a past life I worked in corporate HR and it reminds me of myself back then because I worked in a male-dominated industry and I remember back then like I've always been very passionate about diversity and inclusion and I wanted to champion you know what are we doing for gender equality in the space you guys and I remember bringing it up with the manager of mine and she allowed me to to create and host and lead an event celebrating women in the industry and their stories. And it was amazing. But what was uncomfortable for me

was dissonance between that and like things culturally that were actually not right. Like, you know, senior female leaders in the business not wanting to share that they had kids and not feeling supported. And it sounds like, you know, put your money where your mouth is, they're not doing it. I saw it not happening. And so I'm with you, Bec. I think a really, you know, you have every right to speak up and whether you're talking to your HR rep or you're talking to your boss I'm very like you catch more flies with honey than vinegar so I'd say hey it's so great that you know you're doing this thing around pride or international women's day but there are 364 other days in the calendar so what else are we doing so you know put it to them

keep everything in writing take it from a HR gal everything in writing but you know I would even then try and pitch them ideas like take things to them because then you know if they're really not you know they don't want to create an employee resource group after you've suggested it they don't want to support local charities then if you have the means i recognize in this economy it's a privilege to be able to do this work out whether you know with your moral compass is this a place you want to be totally you know like it just sounds like from the start when you said they don't support the communities like i just you know if that's something you believe in like do you want to be there and if you can afford to maybe it doesn't align culturally totally and i

guess that goes for like every you know company's kind of like core values if they don't align with yours are you comfortable working there and if you are cool if not maybe explore your options again as you say Maria if you have the capacity to if you have the resources you know that kind of stuff I think that's very very good advice I was just gonna say before we move on the the last aspect I guess of the listener question was you know what do I do about the financial side like they want me to donate. I don't really want to. It doesn't align with my morals. I feel like if you want to get out of jail free card, it's really easy to say, hey, like I love and support this cause myself. I actually, you know, work actively to support outside of the workplace. So I'm going

to continue to do what I'm doing. Love that you guys are raising funds, you know, would be awesome if the company could maybe match or something like that. I think don't feel bad for not participating through your workplace because everybody can support a cause and advocate for a cause. And even if you're not putting funds behind that, you can spread awareness on your social media. You can talk to your friends and family about it. There's lots you can do to support something that's important to you that doesn't require you to cough up, particularly through your workplace. If it is, as you say, making you super uncomfortable because it's not your job to be the poster child for them. Yes. I love that advice. And it doesn't

mean that you are not behind that cause. That does not have to be a medium you choose. And I think people feel pressure, you know, when it comes to advocacy or supporting causes, people feel pressure to do it in the most visible way, in the most, you know, sometimes advocacy is something as simple as being in your own circles of influence, being at the dinner table with your parents and saying, hang on, that's not an appropriate thing to say. We don't say that anymore. Sometimes that's enough. It's not about saying, hey, this is a check that I just put down for this cause in front of everybody, especially when it doesn't align. I think that's great. Yes, that's so true. Support and advocacy doesn't come in one form. It can come in many different

forms and it can start from within. So yeah, I absolutely love that. But on that, are we ready for a juicy, juicy DM? Yes, absolutely we are. Okay, so this week's DM, a listener writes in and says, hey team, so I've just turned 35 and feeling deflated. My friends from school have followed the typical path of quote unquote, get a stable and good job, meet their life partner, get engaged, get married, buy a house, have kids, end quote. And so it goes on. My path is totally different I have changed the industry I work in multiple times gone back to uni at 29 recently broke up with my partner I thought I would marry have only 2k in savings as I have prioritized travel I can barely afford my rent let alone dream of owning a property I feel like I've done

everything wrong I go out with my friends and they arrive in their nice cars and beautiful clothes slash accessories whilst I'm catching public transport and in an outfit I have worn 20 times before with them they make comments about me living like I'm in my 20s and it hurts I just can't relate to them at all there is so much pressure to be personally and financially set up at this age any advice on how to deal with these feelings oh and it's a love heart and one of those you know those emojis with the the eyes that are looking up there's like a bit of a glisten yeah does that make sense i guess i could just show you the glassy eyes yeah oh i totally get that actually as i'm reading that i'm like that sounds like a good life you know like coming from

i think my friends and i it's probably a different lifestyle my friends and i are all kind of on the same page no one's really partnered up like some of us are but no one's married no one's having kids literally one of my not to brag one of many friends have one child one other on the way and she's still kind of coming to pubs and going to gigs and all this kind of stuff so it really just sounds like the people you're surrounding yourself with are the main not an issue no one's way of living is an issue but the fact that you're feeling like this it's probably in the environment you're in because from reading that and I'm sure reading that to you guys as well. I'm like, fun, fun, fun. Good for you for getting out of a relationship you

don't want to be in. Good for you for going traveling. Good for you. Good for you. Good for you. I'm loving it. I'm loving your life. That's such a good point. That's such a good point. And you know what? So I'm 31 and a lot of my friends are also in a similar place in life, but we're all on very different parts. And I remember my best friend and I were just chatting about this. We were actually talking about this in the context of romantic relationships, but I think this applies to life choices with finances and work as well. We were saying how, you know there's no one like you know people talk about partners like when you meet the look this is just my personal view so but you know you meet the one or you end up in your dream job or this or

that it's like there's actually just paths that you can take certain relationships your life will look different depending on the choices that you make things that you do with your finances if you choose to buy a house if you choose to go off and travel but ultimately these are just paths based on choices and decisions that you've made and it's not inherently good or bad they just are and you're right it's it's for no one to judge you did what felt right for you you this is what your life is look like maybe it doesn't align anymore with what your mates are doing but there's nothing wrong with it no totally and it's never too late to choose a different path yeah so it sounds like this person's kind of going well maybe you're thinking more about wanting to have

more savings and to change your financial situation and kudos to you that's amazing but also I don't think I don't without knowing what this person's friends are like and not wanting to make any assumptions it could be that maybe they're concerned about your financial situation and that's just coming from them imposing their ideas of what you should be doing but also it's they shouldn't be making you feel bad like I think with my mates we're all in different financial places and I cannot imagine a world where we'd ever make one of us feel bad for not being able to afford doing something or you should be able to talk to your friends about it I hope you'd be able to say hey it makes me feel this way when you say this and yeah that's not where I'm at so

if you could just be sensitive yeah like maybe they don't realize and then yeah I think there could also be an element of like wistfulness we spoke to Michelle Battersby a little while ago and we were chatting about you know similarly people in different life stages and it was really interesting. She raised such a good point in that, you know, the people who have kids, they might actually be envious of your lifestyle because I think with any of the different paths that you can or might choose, there's pros and cons. Like nobody's living the perfect life, no matter how good it looks from the outside, there is always an up and a down. And I think, you know, people with kids or people who are in a better financial situation, maybe they're working really long days.

If they've got children, it can be really hard to get out and about because you've got someone that you can't leave by themselves depending on how old they are. There's elements that it might be, maybe they want to be living life like they did in their 20s. So there could almost be like a little bit of envy there, which is something to consider. But I think more than anything, like what you were saying, Maria, like if you are unhappy, you can change, you can start saving more money, you can start pursuing different things, you could change careers. There are all of these options available to you. The world is truly your oyster. But if you're happy the way you are, that is also so valid and so fine. And we talk a lot about on the

pod, like we draw the comparison between you and I, Bec, like I really want to buy a house. It is such a high priority to me. And I've worked incredibly hard and sacrificed a lot to get there. You could not care less. You're like, I want to sit in the grass. I want to live my best life. I want to just enjoy and spend my money and do what I want, which is also completely fine and valid and a great choice to make. And yes, those two things can exist in the same space and both be perfectly okay, good choices for each of us. And so I think like there's also the element of it can be hard. I know that in this day and age, comparison culture is such a big thing and there's a lot of pressure put on us to have the nice cars, have the nice clothes. You can feel left out or

not as good because you don't have those quote unquote valuable things. But I think that if you can step outside of that and reflect on are you happy with where you are and if you are you're doing everything right and if you're not you can make changes to get to where you want to be I feel like that's the the crux of what I would say yeah I totally agree can I share something like what not to do in this situation please because so I've actually been in this situation before when I was 26 I was I think at that point I'd been in a relationship with the most beautiful man for like four to five years. And he was a little bit older than me. And at that point, I was actually broke and in five figures of debt because when I was 21, I just finished uni. I didn't know what I

wanted to do. So I just worked in retail for two years. And honestly, I was just living paycheck to paycheck, like working minimum wage just to fund my lifestyle, like going out on the weekends or whatever. And then I decided to go back to uni. So broke uni student life. And my ex was a little bit older than me and was working full time at a great job. And all of our shared friends were in a similar position. So I was around people who were able to travel and do things and have things and were starting to move out and were starting to buy their own cars and do all this stuff. And I couldn't afford to do anything. And I remember this, like when I heard this DM, I was like, I have been there. I felt like I didn't belong in those circles. I felt like I wasn't good enough

to be around them. And that's my own stuff I was projecting onto myself. But what I will say is my ex and those people never once made me feel bad about it. There was never snide remarks about my financial situation or things like that, which I really appreciated. But because I was so stuck in that rut, I ended up trying to keep up with a lifestyle that wasn't aligned to me on a credit card. And I ended up in really, really shitty debt. And it took me a while to pay that off and then you know get to the position that I'm in now and what I really wouldn't wish for people is to internalize somebody else's ideas of what their life is meant to be and then you put yourself in a position that's even worse off like if this is where you're at you know own that like you've

like you said there are pros and cons to every path we choose own it be happy but don't put yourself in a position where you're set back because you're trying to buy someone else's perception of you being more well off and successful than you are and success is so subjective it's perception like we're trying to buy and keep up with perception yeah so true just got to work on your own yeah yeah i completely agree i completely agree my last um thing i do want to say is that this listener mentions that they've changed industries a few times and in the famous words of i think it might be renee brown or someone that renee brown interviewed recently but um it wasn't recent it was a little while ago but she said uh something to the effect of

sometimes we don't have passion sometimes we just have curiosities and that could mean that you change your curiosity a million times that could like myself I've I've had like 30 different jobs and I'm I don't think I'm particularly passionate about one single thing I am instead curious about many things and I will forever be do you know what I mean I am so sorry if I've misquoted Brene Brown I don't know exactly where I got this information from but it's stuck with me I might have made it up. I don't know. Maybe it was me actually. Wow, I'm so wise. Let's see what the community said. So we asked the community, can you relate to this person? 51% of you said, yes, big time. That's really good to know that like literally half of us, one in two of us are

like, yeah, I'm literally there. 49% of you said, not really. That's fair. And then we asked, Do you feel pressure to achieve certain things by particular ages slash timelines? 81% of you said, yes, it's the worst. And then 19% said, no, I don't let that stuff get to me. Do you guys ever reflect on the timeline you gave yourself when you were young? Stop.

Because I so vividly remember I was like, great, I'm going to graduate high school at 18. I'm going to meet the love of my life, be married probably by 21. Yeah. Couple of kids I would say maybe be done by like 28, 29. And by the time I turn 30, like we're all set up. We've got the house. We've got the kids.

We probably have a couple of cats. I love that. I'm turning 30 this year and I have none of those things. I have the love of my life, but I don't have a house of kids. Oh, I love that. That's so cute. And what's it been? It's been an adventure.

Exactly right. Totally. Can I tell you mine because I've raised you. Please. I've raised you. Oh, my God. This is so cringe. When I was 18, mine was, I actually wrote it in a journal entry and I'll, it's worse.

It's not just a writing. I drew a picture to accompany it. Iconic. So I wrote that I was going to be, and it was written like poetry. It was like 25-year-old psychologist. She sits by the window drinking tea, watching the rain on her day off. Darn it. It's like manifesting.

I kind of love it. None of it happened. But I said that I was going to have a private practice. I drew a picture of myself with like a dog sitting on the couch and we were going to be married, first child on the way. Don't have the dog. Married to the dog. Sorry, I didn't know if I heard that.

Go for it, go for it. I did not try and manifest being married to a dog. It was married to a man. Surprise, I'm queer. it's just so much of it like you know we have these stories and timelines and the best thing is that if you wed yourself to that and you chase it you know you might be you know very likely disappointed but if you open yourself up and you're kind of like hey this would be nice if it doesn't happen I'm open for the adventure and staying curious which that word is amazing that

you said I think life just opens up in a bigger and better way than you can imagine my life is so different and it's better than anything I could have conceived of for myself. And only because I just took risks and was like, well, this doesn't work. I'll try something else. This doesn't work. I'll try something else. Which is, it sounds like what that last listener was doing. So you're on the right track. Yeah, totally. Personally, loving your lifestyle, baby girl. Okay. Then we asked you guys, do you find it hard to spend time with people who are in a completely different life stage to you? 66% of you said, yeah, we just can't relate to each other. 34% of you said, no, I haven't found this affects my relationships. Fair enough. And then we asked you to give us

your two cents. One listener said, finding people in a similar boat to you that value similar things helps. That's so true. That really does help. But it's not essential, I suppose. If like, you know, with us, we're saying here that we've had those relationships where you are at different life stages, but no one makes anyone feel bad for that. One listener said, got to find friends who value the same stuff. Some friends will never get the life path, but it's not wrong. Another listener said, get new friends. Your experience is so normal. Don't let them make you feel less.

And I can kind of, I mean, I don't know, like your friendship dynamics. Maybe you can just have a chat with them and be like, hey, you're making me feel really sad. But maybe you do need to look for people who will be kinder to you. That's up to you. Another listener said, they may wish for your life and what you have experienced. Embrace it, which is what you were saying, Jess. So true. Another listener said, what's your why?

remember what your goals are and how you're achieving them which I think is really nice because I think that we don't sometimes we end up in a on a path or in a life stage and we kind of are like oh I feel really bad about this but like why did you get there what were the things that you know some people actually don't have a choice and that's you know it's very privileged to me to say but some people are like oh because I made decisions along the way that made me very very happy and they made me these friends and they made me this job and they made me this whatever So find out what your why is. And honestly, it really doesn't sound like you're living a life

that is anything to be ashamed of. Not at all. No, no, not at all. And lastly, one listener said, everyone has their own path. Be with friends who don't judge you for it. Great. I think that's just fundamentally it. Totally, totally, absolutely.

Just know you're doing a great job. Don't feel bad about it. I want to live your life personally. I love that. Good for you. And good for you for identifying you want something different for yourself. Now's the time. Go get it.

Absolutely. Go get it, girl. snaps for that. What a perfect place to leave it. Yeah, I think so. Thank you so much, Maria. We have loved having you on. This has been such a great episode. I've loved being on. I feel like we've just laughed and talked about sage wisdom and embarrassing

things in our past. So I will try and find a picture of my diary entry in the picture and I'll send it to you guys. Please do. We'll put it on the stories. And if people want to find you, where can they find you? Oh God, it's nowhere. Keep that in. Yeah, because I snort sometimes and I laugh. If you want to find me, you can find me

on mariethatale on Instagram. on i have tiktok it's my more unhinged platform perfect podcast a book go have a look have a google and don't read daily mail articles because they're silly so that's it amen love that thank you so much again maria you guys have a great weekend and we will see you next week bye bye guys the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards

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