She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: A Phoenix Rising From The Ashes

Episode Date: May 8, 2022

This Money Diarist left us utterly speechless! Having survived an abusive relationship, she was lumped with $120,000 in debt on credit cards she didn't even know existed. It took 7 years and ended up costing her $250,000, but she is finally debt free. And you'd better believe she is living her best life; in her dream job, as a home owner, with a wonderful partner AND with a successful side hustle. Oh...and she may even out-game the SOTM girls when it comes to a good spreadsheet!Warning: this episode contains discussion of domestic violenceIf you or anyone you know needs support:Phone: 1800RESPECTOr head to: https://www.respect.gov.au/services/This year our Money Diaries are being brought to you by the legends at Shopback! Check them out at https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/SOTM and you'll get a cashback bonus when you sign up!The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are Authorised Representatives of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN 47 097 797 049 AFSL - AFSL 236523.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Just before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. They're the traditional custodians of the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn. We pay our respects to elders past and present and we share our friendship and our kindness. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another Shop Back Money Diary Monday, where we get to chat to one of our gorgeous community members, learn about them, their story, their money, arguably

the most interesting bit and ask them all the juicy questions that you want to know. V, I've got a good one. Do you actually? Because you say this every week. I don't think it's possible to have a bad one, if I'm being honest. I've literally yet to be disappointed. So that's okay. Let's get into it.

Read out the email. I want to know what we're up to today. Our diarist says, 14 years ago, I was in the worst kind of relationship. It was mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, and financially abusive. 10 years ago, I finally found the strength to get myself out of there. and while untangling the web of deceit I'd been living in, I found out the true extent of the financial hole he'd been digging me into. I was $120,000 in debt on credit cards I didn't even know existed. It took me seven very long years and cost me almost $250,000, but I finally paid

it all off. Proudest moment of my life. Today, I am consumer debt free. I have an amazing job that I adore. I own my own home and I run a successful business in my spare time. I'd love to share my phoenix rising from the ashes tale with you and your listeners. Oh my god, I have goosebumps. Literally, look. I'm like, oh, what a story. Money Daris, welcome to the show. Hi. Oh my god, before we jump into it, Jess, we probably should do a little bit of a content warning given that really beautiful intro you gave. So I don't know what we're going to talk about today, but we're going to talk about everything that was listed. So if this isn't the episode for you and you're just not ready for it, that is totally okay. We have a heap of other

money diaries you can jump into. But today, as always, we are going to be very raw, very real, and I am very excited to share your story, Money Diarist. Oh my God, that's crazy. That is so crazy. I have so many questions, but as Jess said offline, we have to get through the structured questions so that we're all on the same page and then we can have a good chat. So Money Diarist, let's start at the start. Can you tell me a little bit about your money story? Sure. So I grew up in a single parent family and money was kind of always tight for us, like we're talking black and gold food and homemade clothes and stuff like I never went hungry there was always a roof over my head and food in the pantry we just didn't have anything

more than the basics and once I kind of left home it led me to to not want to replicate that for myself but because of like a few life circumstances with growing up I just I made a bunch of really silly decisions. And yeah, I ended up getting involved with someone who really was the worst person I could have ever gotten involved with. But yeah, as I said in my letter, I was in a very, very deep hole financially, but I decided that I didn't want to go bankrupt and I didn't want to kind of escape from it. So I fought my way back to the top, paid it all off. And I'm so happy that my life is so much different now. Oh my gosh. I'm so proud of you. And we've only just met. Can you tell me a little bit about what your attitude towards money is now?

Like, obviously, growing up, it was quite tight and there's absolutely nothing wrong with black and gold. I still buy that every day, but it does become kind of a stigma in your life, right? Like you kind of look at it and go, oh, that means that I can't afford, you know, the CSR sugar. And I know that that is, you know, something that I've spoken to friends about who have been through situations like that. But what do you see money as now?

I see money as it's not the scarce resource that I used to think it was I think I've got my head screwed on straight finally and to me it's a means to enjoy myself like it's the reward that I get for putting in so much hard work like I have a day job and you know a couple of side hustles so I put in a lot of hours and so the money's the reward from that so I like to enjoy it like when I go out I like to kind of splurge every now and then and I don't think that's a bad thing because I'm not robbing from Peter to pay Paul. I budget for my splurges now. Oh my gosh, I love this. All right. So, money diarist, tell us, what do you do for work and how much money do you earn? I am so excited to answer this question. Oh my God, are you really?

I am. Why are you excited? Because I have changed things so much in the last six months. Oh, get it, queen. I love this. Tell us. So I am an analyst. I got a job at a new company last year and my numbers are so much better than before. I am on a salary of $95,000. I get 13% super on top of that. Oh, very nice. Very nice. So my total REM is $107,500. And then we have an annual bonus scheme as well, and that maxes out at 10%. So I could get up to a $9,500 bonus in July.

Money win. And then you mentioned you have a few side hustles. You don't have to tell us exactly what they are. But how much money do you earn from those and how much time does it take you each week? So I have three side hustles. I have like a crafting business where I kind of create things with my hands, which lets me kind of get my artistic streak out, which is very different to the work I do day to day, which is very kind of logical and spreadsheet based. And analytical, yes. I mean, there's nothing wrong with spreadsheets. If you came here to talk smack about spreadsheets, we're going to have to end the diary here, my friend. Oh, no, you are going to love my spreadsheets.

My second side hustle is a wholesale supply store for the same kind of crafts that I do. So I sell to other people like me, other makers. And then I'm also in the process of setting up like a clothing and homewares brand. But I'm finding it really hard to find the extra time to dedicate to getting it off the ground. So that's kind of just in its little infancy stages at the moment. I am not surprised. I've got two side hustles, full-time job. By the way, it's actually really hard to start a business.

I'm sure of why. Yeah. So the biggest side hustle, the wholesale business, turns over about $200,000 a year. What? That is not a side hustle. That's a full-time job. I don't know how to tell you this, but like that's not that side hustle. Well, it's not enough to live on.

The actual profit after I've taken everything out, the actual profit is only about half of my annual salary. So I'm not ready to give up my day job yet. But I know that I can grow that further. I just don't want to get too big too quick. And I know that managing growth is a delicate balance. So. Holy moly. Imagine being like, oh, I have a side hustle. Me thinking she earns like a few extra hundred bucks or thousand bucks a year. Oh, it turns out to 200 grand. Okay. All right. Well, I'll just get back in my box. All right, money diarist. I think you're beyond impressive. I am loving this, but I want to know as the next

question. What is your big money goal? So all of the money that was previously going toward paying down credit card repayments and things, that's all now been repointed to saving up for a massive relocation that we are hoping to do next year. We want to move and have a bit of a tree change. We want to kind of find our dream home and move to an area that's a little bit more quiet and start looking to wind down the busy life and start enjoying life a little bit more. ultimately I want to fire within the next kind of 10 to 15 years. So yeah, it's definitely time for us to start thinking about what we're going to do after the busy phase of our life. With that type of income, you definitely can achieve that. Like how exciting.

It is. It really, really is. And we deserve it. Like I keep pinching myself and going, is this real? And like my other half is always like, yes, this is, you deserve this. We deserve this. It sounds like you've worked really hard to get there. So you do a hundred percent. Oh my gosh. So being a little bit pervy, you said you have a partner, which I am really excited to hear because obviously having gone through so much and I don't know enough about it to have come out the other side and to have a partner that's like, no, you deserve it. Like, oh, I think you do too. Like, let's learn more about you. So if you want to do fire, you're probably going to need some investments. So the next question is, do you currently invest?

I certainly do. Oof, give us the pervy juicy details. So I've got $170,000 in my super. It's not very much, but 10 years ago, I only had $12,000 in super. So I've put aside a fair whack. That is a very big chunk. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay, Jess. It's only okay. Well, I was a lot kind of further behind. I was a lot below the kind of average balances when I first saw it and looked at it. So I worked hard to kind of get it back up. And now I think I'm probably a bit above people in my age bracket. So that's good. I've also got Spaceship. I have

two portfolios there, only about two and a half K there. I do my roundups through Raise. I've got about four and a half grand there. And I love Raise because I've never noticed a single cent of that money. It is just completely free money. Jess and I were recording an episode recently, just about the different types of investing platforms that are out there. But we feel like our community has so much like to learn about what they are like what does a raise in a spaceship do compared to like sharesies and then what is robo advice and so we need to break all these down but I was saying on that episode like roundups are so powerful because it's kind of like incidental like it's always the small things like a coffee or like you know going out for lunch that you go

oh it was $13 or something but it was $14 if it rounded up and I just feel like small things really add up. And that's a way that we really need to prioritize ourselves, not necessarily through apps like that, but it's even if we just set up an automatic transfer to our savings account of like $3 a day or something, or $5. Like I remember ages ago, we were talking about putting your coffee money into savings. Like the small things really add up and look at you, you got four and a half grand saved and you're saying you didn't even feel it. Yeah. Never even noticed it going out of my account. What a money win. Yeah, it's the best. Oh, the best. And then I also do micro-investing. So I have shares, ease and stake, and that's like my play money. So they are total

gambles, but I'm kind of doing okay because it's play money and it's like, I don't care if I lose it. I've only put in 175 bucks, but I've gotten some huge returns on my picks there. So I've got about 500 bucks in those at the moment. So that's really good. How cool. Yeah. And then part of FIRE, I have some investments in ETFs via their self-wealth app. So I've only got about two and a half grand in there at the moment, but that's certainly where I'm funneling all of my savings at the moment into my ETFs. Very cool. She's very diversified. Lots of platforms, lots of things you're playing with. I love it. We do want to flip this and ask about debts now, though. And I know that you, a couple of years ago, paid off a pretty big debt,

but do you currently have any debts? The only debt that I have is the mortgage, and I'm so, so proud of that. Consumer debt is all completely gone. Yay. Great job. That's so exciting. Oh my God. It gives me goosebumps when people say that. Like, I kid you not, if you were here, you'd be like, you have very hairy, sticky, up your arms, Victoria. But can you tell us a bit about that feeling? Like paying off debt obviously is a really big undertaking. It is the long slog. Like it takes ages, especially from a situation like you were in. What was that final debt repayment like? Oh my gosh, it was amazing. So I was just doing some sums one day and I just kind of thought oh my gosh I think I've got enough like in the

paying down debt bank account I think I've got enough to get the last little bit on the card so I like made some phone calls and I went and made the last payment and then oh gosh now I've got goosebumps so do I look at me because I work from home so I raced next door and kind of said oh my gosh I've just done it I've just done the last payment then I then I drove down the road to the BWS and bought myself a really expensive bottle of champagne. Yes, queen. I love that. Oh, my gosh.

I feel like that is so well-deserved and that was probably the most delicious glass of champagne you've had in your life, right? Absolutely. Oh, my gosh. That makes me so happy because so many times when we're in these situations, it stretches out, it takes forever, and then you kind of click transfer and it feels really non-coincidental. You're like, oh, that part of my life is done. like it's done what do you mean like we need to be celebrating this so I'm so glad you got the

opportunity to run next door and to get some champagne and to actually enjoy it and if you're listening to this and you're in a similar situation please celebrate those things because you need to embrace them like you don't want to just sit there and go oh because that's what I did like when I paid off my personal debt which was absolutely in no way shape or form nearly as big as yours I just kind of like transferred it and I was like oh we're done oh and I just I expected fireworks and I got a submit screen. So, no, I'm so proud of you. How good.

All right, let's talk about more exciting things. We want to get through these questions because Jess is trying to wrap me up as usual. The next question, when you're shopping online, do you use ShopBack? I don't because I don't actually shop online. Who is she? I have moved over to a cash system.

I was going to say, are you an envelope person? Yeah, I am. I'm a cash envelope stuffer. So all of my spending is in cash. Yeah, incredible. I actually have my little folder just here with all my little cash envelopes. Oh my gosh, you're so cute. So I do cash stuffing. So my little wallet comes with me whenever I want to go and spend money. And aside from that, I can't spend because I don't have cash. Oh my gosh, that's genius. I feel like I am so surprised that so many people are still using cash because obviously I'm such a tap a card kind of gal and go and I'm always shocked that people still do it but it makes so much sense like especially if you're a very visual learner and you're more of a creative I find that having it in front of you is the best

way to go okay this is how much I have left even though you know what's on your card it's just such a different experience and then when you have to separate with the money it just feels different so you're more likely to put another block between actually buying something. And it just makes sense. Like some people need cash systems and you're obviously thriving on it. I love that. Yeah. I found that it really helps me to like picture how much I'm going to have left. Like if I've got, let's say it's payday and I've got a hundred dollars worth of spending money in my purse. If I want to go and get sushi and that's going to cost me like $30, then that's taking a third of the money out of my purse. Whereas if I'm just tapping plastic, I don't notice it.

But yeah, with cash, I really think about it before I hand it over. How do you manage investments with cash? I take the cash that I save up. So like my little investment envelope, I take that cash once it hits $1,000 and I go and deposit it in the bank just at the ATM. Oh, how cool. And then do the online stuff after that. Yeah. Epic. Oh my gosh. I love that. That's so interesting. All right. I feel like you're going to have a really good answer to this. I want to know what your best money habit is.

Yeah, you're going to love this. It's really cute. You like to sit down, Victoria. You are not ready. So I'm an analyst by trade and I am huge on spreadsheets and data. I have this massive spreadsheet that has got every single bill I've ever paid and all of the estimated amounts and dates going forward for the next 12 months. It has our household budget. It has how much needs to be transferred into each of our little sub accounts. When we get paid, it had all of my credit card repayment projections so that I could see when each card was due to get paid off. Yeah, it's got everything. And now I do it on the first day of every month and I calculate my net worth

every month. Oh my gosh. So you did it yesterday. Were you excited about it yesterday? So excited. How good. Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm going to be asking you for your spreadsheet after this because I am so pervy on people's spreadsheets. Like it's bad. All right. Next question. We've got to bring the tone of this conversation down. What's your worst money habit? I think my worst money habit is probably that I like a bit of luxury in my life. So I am very fond of the finer things in life because I struggled for so long. So now that I'm not on struggle street anymore, like I prefer to fly business and I really love saving up all of my points so that I can upgrade to first class. And I like splurging on expensive hotels. And

like, I don't just get the basic room. I get the club room on the high floor with the cocktail bar and the free nibbles. Oh my God. No, no, no. That's not a bad money habit. That is you living your best life because you absolutely deserve it. Absolutely. We're not having this argument. That's not a bad money habit. Money diarist, I'm not going to ask you for another one, but like I'm rendering that invalid. Terrible, terrible, terrible answer to that. I think that that is fantastic and you absolutely deserve it. Like that is not a bad money habit. That is you going, do you know what?

Look how far I've come and look how much I get to enjoy my life. Like that is so cool. Thank you. All right. Next, before we go to a quick break, is money, Doris, what grade would you give your money habits if we forced you to give them a grade? I'm going to put tickets on myself here.

I think I deserve an A. You do. You absolutely do. All right. We have lots of questions for you right after this short break. All right, Money Diarist, we are back and your story is huge. I am so inspired by you. You have a full-time job. You have two side hustles, nearly three side hustles. Your side hustle turns over 200 grand a year. You're earning like 100 grand a year, but that is absolutely not where you have

come from. Can you tell us a little bit about your history in your email that you sent to us? you said that you had been in the worst relationship of your entire life and there was credit going everywhere and you didn't even know about half the credit cards. I feel like listening to your diary, and I know other people are going to have, you know, been along this same journey with me. I feel like I'm just so inspired. You speak so confidently and you just sound like this epic human that I can't right now comprehend that that was your history. So can you tell us a little bit about that and how that worked. Yeah, yeah, sure. So, 14 years ago, I got involved with a man who very quickly became my abuser and it was just the worst time of my life.

Towards the end, he was showing the scariest of all of the abuse types and I knew that if I stayed much longer, I would die. I wouldn't make it out alive. So, 10 years ago, sorry. oh my gosh take your time I'm so sorry you went through that we don't talk about it no no no no no it's it's all good it's just heavy right at that part I just always go that's a lot for someone to go through it is yeah it really is so 10 years ago I finally went and got some psychological help for the first time in my life and my psychologist helped me to find the strength within to leave. They say that it takes a survivor on average about seven attempts to get out. And I managed to do it on my sixth attempt, which I was really proud of.

Above average. I was just so happy. Like I got back in touch with all of my friends and my family whom my abuser had cut me off from. I could use the bathroom without permission. I could go grocery shopping I could, you know, like I could just do anything I wanted and I didn't have someone yelling at me all the time. And it was like I just had this whole new life. I'd escaped and I was free. And then a couple of months later, it kind of all turned back into a nightmare. I kind of found out that, well, these credit card statements just started showing up and I didn't even know about them. It turned out that there had been cards taken out in my name that like some of

them were even from banks I'd never even heard of. The two credit cards that I did know that I had, I thought that they both had a $2,000 limit. But when I finally got to see my bank statements for those, he'd increased those credit limits and he'd applied for all these other ones in my name and forged my signature and stolen my driver's license and stuff. And then he'd maxed everything out. It took me tons and tons of digging and I actually had to go and get all of my credit reports so that I could find out some of the cards because he'd put different addresses on them and the post wasn't even coming to the house. So eventually I kind of tallied it all up and it was $126,000 that I owed. And I was just petrified. I was so scared. I had no idea how on earth I was

going to get out of that. And like we were talking 10 years ago, this was before the banking reform and before banks had DV, you know, and hardship policies in place and things like that. So I was on the hook for all of it. I went to the police and they spoke to him, but he said that I knew about them and I'd signed all the forms. So it turned into my word against his and I had no proof. It was awful. I briefly considered going bankrupt, but I knew that like I wanted to buy a house and I knew that I wanted to keep my options open, like for a possible career change one day. Cause I know that if you've been bankrupt, you can't have some jobs. So I decided that bankruptcy wasn't something that I personally wanted to go through. So yeah, I just, I moved everything that I could

across to 0% interest cards. I called all of the banks and asked them to like close the accounts and just let me pay them off slowly so that nothing else could possibly get added to them. Yeah, of course. It took me almost seven years and the total payback figure was $247,414.84. What? The fact that you paid that amount of money off in seven years is such a testament to your willpower, to be honest. That is a mind-boggling amount of money and to pay it off in such a short amount of time while recovering from trauma, while having to set yourself up with a whole new life, completely different from the one you had. That is no small feat. That is incredibly impressive. So a big congratulations to you for doing that. I'm so sorry that that was your experience.

I'm so impressed. Like I just, I also can see this now that you had where you're like, look, I looked into my options and bankruptcy wasn't for me. And I think that so many people in the moment, it's like you have blinkers on when you have that much debt staring you in the face, especially having come out of a DV situation, that they go, oh, that'll get me out of the situation. Okay, let's just do that. And they think about the ramifications later. You were like, no, I'm going to look at my options. Imagine going through that situation and maintaining a level head. You, my friend, are a superhuman. Who can actually do that? But it's true, right? Bankruptcy isn't for everybody. And if you want to work in certain

areas or, you know, in a period of time you want to buy a house like that actually is going to stop you. So the fact that you were like, you know what, this is going to cost me X amount. I'm going to do it. I'm in awe of you. Like how cool. So tell me a bit about the future. Like you've obviously gotten out of this debt and started saving aggressively, which is very exciting because you want to achieve fire. How quickly are we achieving that? Because if you can save $250,000 in seven years, which is basically what you did. You've taught yourself how to do that. What's next? Where are we going? So we're hoping that we can relocate towards the end of next year. We are aggressively paying down the mortgage here at the moment. So along the way, while I was

paying down the debt, I also bought a block of land. I saved up a deposit. I built a house. what yeah yes I met this is a made-up pretend story you can't be this good no serious I mean like I had a second job to help with saving up the deposit and things but yeah and I met a wonderful patient kind understanding human I got engaged and married we had these two amazing overseas trips but I did all of those in a really scaled down way like I bought the cheapest block of land in a housing estate a long way away from where I wanted to actually live. I built this minuscule little house on it so it was just big enough for me and my dogs and that was all that I needed at the time because it was just me. So when we got married we had a

micro wedding. There were only like 20 people there and it was a bit of a surprise. We only told the people who were going to be invited to the wedding and after the ceremony we just kind have jumped on a public bus and we went to a restaurant down the road and we just had our wedding reception in a restaurant. It was really scaled down, but it was all we needed and wanted. We got to have the people who mattered the most with us there for the day and we didn't go into any debt for it. I think it only cost us about five grand. That is so beyond special. I love that you've been able to achieve these things along the way because so many times paying off debt that's that aggressive can often feel all consuming and overwhelming. How did you know that

going through that situation, how did you know that you could buy a block of land and build a house and do all of these things? Like, did you get advice or were you, you know, doing your own research? Obviously you're quite intelligent on your own, but where did you get your resources? Because I'm sure that there are some people listening right now that are either in your situation or have been in your situation. And I would love to know, I guess, what resources did you rely on? Absolutely. So when I got myself free of the whole situation, I got a lot of help from a domestic violence support group in the city close to where I live. And they were really, really helpful with information about grants that you can get and lenders who are good for

helping you get back up on your feet again and things like that. It was head down, bum up, get it done. I knew that I needed to get out of the situation I was in and I just put every spare second of my time towards achieving that goal. And I did. Oh my gosh. And if there was somebody listening that was like, oh my gosh, this is me in a nutshell. I am, look, that's the worst thing about these types of debts, right? Like where people are forging your signature. Like obviously you went to the police and I think that a lot of people would have been thinking like, surely you would have got the cops involved and you mentioned before you did but you're right it's your word against his and I'm sure you could have taken it further but then it would have included legal

bills and you know a lawyer and getting all of that and the emotional stress like sometimes it is just better and I'm not saying this in a way where I go just pay the debt like nobody wants to have to do that but sometimes you just go do you know what I know that's a lot of money but I'd prefer to pay that than have any conversation about this person ever again like is that the situation you were in? Absolutely, 100%. I knew that I couldn't even show up to, when you have a DVO, you have to go back for another hearing to have it extended. And I couldn't even show up to that because I was just too, I couldn't be in the same room. So absolutely, it was a case of, I just, I need to put this behind me. And the way that is going to be kindest on my soul to do that

is to get it done myself. What steps did you take following on from that? Obviously you've made that decision, which is a really big and hard decision to make. What steps did you take to prevent yourself from finding out that he had opened more credit cards or done something? Because obviously you've separated yourself from him. You've taken yourself out of that situation, but obviously historically you didn't know what he was doing. He was doing it without your permission. He'd obviously figured out how to forge your signature. Were there any things particularly that you did to make sure that that couldn't happen again? I did actually. There is a legal service specifically for women who have escaped from domestic violence and the legal

service actually assisted me by drafting a letter that I sent. I had it certified by JPs and had it sent with my ID off to, oh gosh, it must have been about 30 or 40 financial institutions that kind of said, I guarantee you, I will never be applying for credit. Do not accept anything with my details and nothing has ever come up. I have all of my credit reports emailed to me once a month now. That's a great idea. And so nothing else has ever come up. I check regularly and I think I'm in the all clear now. So you found out a lot of these debts because you looked at your credit score. And I feel like so many people in this situation, like you wouldn't have had any need to look into your

credit score before that, right? But you would have uncovered it a lot earlier had you checked it. Is that something that you go, bloody hell, Victoria, I wish I'd known about that? Or is that something where you're like, do you know what? I'm glad that I just got out and I'm done because they feel like credit scores. Some people just don't even know that they can check them. I'm of two minds. I've delved into a lot of stuff from that time period with my shrink and I'm of two minds. Part of me wishes that having those credit reports sent to every person. As soon as you hit 18, everybody should sign up for these credit reports and have them sent to you all the time because it's not just TV. It can just be going on holiday to Thailand and swiping

your credit card somewhere and having it cloned. All of those things are important. But there's another part of me that is like, well, if I had known back then before I was ready to escape, I would have just accepted what he was telling me and I wouldn't have been able to fight back and then it might have even been worse yeah so yeah isn't it interesting how in hindsight you go you know what it was a really shitty situation but the cards fell out in exactly the right way that they were meant to and now you're in this beautiful position that you absolutely deserve to be in and I guess you're the light at the end of the tunnel for everybody in this situation who goes, oh, I just can't see it. You can't because you only get to see it in hindsight. It's crazy

to think that 14 years ago, you didn't see yourself in this position. What would you say to yourself, 14 year younger you? I think I would probably say that I can survive anything, that I have the drive and the passion and the will inside of me, but more importantly, that I have the strength and everybody has it you just need to figure out how to harness it and I also firmly believe that if anyone is in a similar situation and they don't know how to get out go and speak to your GP go and get yourself a mental health care plan and then go and get some sessions they're free get some free sessions with a psychologist and they will help you to find that strength and that power within and they will help you get safe because without knowing how to escape a

relationship like that safely it can actually be really dangerous but because of my shrink we got a whole heap of stuff all kind of lined up and got all the ducks in a row and it made making that break so much easier because I had someone there to kind of take control and say these are the steps we're going to follow and I didn't know what steps I needed to do yeah and you have no idea because you've never been in that situation before like why would you know that but you've brought up a really important point and that's that these situations are and can be incredibly dangerous like as you said before it's incredibly hard to hear and sadly it's not the first time I've heard that it's if I don't leave I will lose my life and it's not a case and I think

it's such a naive point of view when people like well why didn't you just leave like no that's not how this works. As you said before, it takes seven times. It took you six, which is very, very impressive, but you actually need a plan. You need to put your ducks in a row because it's not just about you. It's about the whole situation unfolding in the way that it needs to unfold because otherwise you're in a worse off situation than you were in the first place. Absolutely. So one of the best tips I can recommend is obviously what you said, Marnie Dyrist, go to your GP, but the National Debt Helpline, I'm obsessed with them. Like they have so many

good free resources. They have free financial counselors. They have been through all of this before. It ain't their first rodeo, sadly, but go talk to people who are there for you and it doesn't have to cost money. Like absolutely, GP free sessions and articulate that to your GP. Do you want to see someone and you want it bulk billed? You don't want to have any excess or any over and that you need that. And they're going to prioritize it. They're going to only refer you to somebody who that could work for, but you really need to articulate that need because there's nothing worse than going, oh, I need to get some psych help. And you go to the GP and then they refer you to someone and there's like a gap of like 60 bucks and you're like, I can't, I can't.

So make sure that you're articulating what you need because that's actually so beyond powerful to be able to say, you know what, I just need a little bit of help right now because we all do. A hundred percent. And when I was like still in the relationship, I didn't have a card for my own bank account. He had it. So I had no access to money of any kind. He would top up my train ticket. You know, he would do the grocery shopping. I had no access to cash. So if I couldn't go to a bulk billing GP and get referred to a bulk billing psychologist, I don't think I would have been able to get out. Oh my gosh, you are so powerful. I am so impressed. Money Diarist, thank you so much for coming and sharing your story. I know that there are going to be people listening to this

going, how did she do that? That's insane. That's incredible. But some of the most powerful people I know have been through situations like yours and are honestly the most inspiring humans I know. So thank you so much for sharing that with us. Oh my gosh, Jess, what a powerhouse. Incredible. And if you are in a similar situation, check out the show notes. We will have a whole host of resources available to you. And if you know someone who's going through something like this, reach out because I think that it's hard to feel alone, but there are absolutely people and resources out there that can help you. You're not alone. We're here. Exactly right. Thanks so much for having me on the show, guys. I've been a listener for so long

and I'm just so happy that I could come on and be maybe a little bit of a voice of inspiration for some of your other listeners. So thank you. Oh my gosh. You are huge. You are massive. I'm obsessed. Thank you so much for coming. Jess, do you want to wrap the boring but important bits? Yeah, of course. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision. And we promise Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorized representatives of InFocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited,

See you on Wednesday, guys. Bye.