She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Achieving Her Goals with Borderline Personality Disorder

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

Having moved to Australia from The Philippines 5 years ago, this incredible Money Diarist was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Hear how she discovered, and deals with this day to day in amongst her busy career, planning for a wedding and managing her finances. We're so grateful that she shared her experiences and truth with our community, and if you're struggling please check out some resources listed below.Warning: Today's episode contains discussion of self harm, sexual assault and mental health issues.If you or anyone you know needs support for anything discussed in today's episode, here are some useful resources: Project Air Headspace 1800Respect This year our Money Diaries are being brought to you by the legends at Shopback! Check them out at https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/SOTM and you'll get a cashback bonus when you sign up!Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are Authorised Representatives of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN 47 097 797 049 AFSL - AFSL 236523.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom welcome back to another shop back money diary monday where we get to chat to a beautiful community member to learn about them, their story, their money, their life, all of the fun things in between. Have you got a good one this week, Jessica Ritchie? I have an excellent one. However, it is a little heavy. So I did just want to pop a content warning right here up the front. We're going to be talking about a whole range of things, including mental health, specifically BPD. There are themes of self-harm and drug use as well. So just keep that in mind. It is a really great diary, but if any of those themes might be a

little bit off-putting for you. Give this week a skip. We've got a whole back catalog that you can listen to and check out. We absolutely do. So without further ado, Jessica Ricci, what was this week's Money Diarist's email? So our diarist says, I came to Australia as an international student from the Philippines. In my five years living here, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. One of the main symptoms is impulsivity. I used to save, save, save and was smart with my spending. But if I have a relatively bad day, emotional rollercoaster, I just spend it all. That seems very relatable to some other people in our community that I've heard something similar from before. I think so as well.

Mani Darist, welcome to the show and thank you for wanting to share your story with us. Hi, thanks for having me. Oh my gosh, of course. It sounds like you've been here, there and everywhere from the Philippines all the way to Australia and going through all of that and still thriving. But also impulsivity is something that not just people with borderline personality disorder suffer with, but you would get it at a more extreme level, right? Yes, very much so. It's sometimes really unpredictable and just, yeah, a lot of stupid decisions have been made because of it. No, they're not stupid. They're not stupid. They're decisions that we just made along the journey and they are what they are and we're

just going to deal with it. Let's get into the questions because I have about a million questions for you. But as Jess always eggs us on, we've got to wait to the second half of the show to ask the non-structured questions. Isn't that right? Absolutely. So let's begin. Mani Daras, could you tell us a little bit about your money story? Growing up, I was really privileged. So in the Philippines, we were kind of in the upper middle class bracket. So private school education from primary to high school to university. Yeah. So my dad has always been the to say, hey, treat yourself, basically. Like, if you have some money, you can afford it, treat yourself. Meanwhile, my mother, on the other hand, she was kind of like, you need to save more.

So growing up, I've had periods where I'm saving a lot. And then another flip side, the thing that my dad would always say would be to treat myself so I'd have savings for like a few months then I'm maybe you know something happens or like I'm having a bad day there's always this thing that's like I spend it all so it's always been that struggle for me of saving and then spending it all in one go and just finding balance and what actually works for you sounds like a bit of a struggle would that be along the right lines yeah very yeah it's really it's a big struggle because if I don't sometimes I save too much that I don't treat myself or I treat myself too much that I don't save so yeah okay all right money diarist next question what do you do for work

and how much money do you earn I've actually just signed on a 12-month contract as an EA oh congratulations thank you for a company in Darwin but um yeah I earned 54k thereabouts cool that includes like a 5k bonus after the contract but it's also a part-time role so it's always cool so it's 55 is it pro rata or is that how much you'll make that's how much I'll make oh my gosh how cool for a part-time role and I don't do much too We won't tell your boss. This isn't anonymous. Good work. How exciting. All right. Tell me about what your big money goal is. At the moment, I'm paying off my wedding. I'm getting married next month. Oh, congratulations. Thank you. That's so exciting. It is. So we're paying off the wedding

and I'm trying to set up an emergency fund just so we have that fall back if things get worse again but yeah at the moment it's just cashing up on the emergency fund bit smart so tell me what an emergency fund means to you and your partner like how much is that and how did you work out what you wanted in your emergency fund at the moment I have maybe five hundred dollars in my emergency fund but it's for just for my own comfort I guess yeah of course because with BPD, I kind of get the, oh, he's going to leave me or things like that. So it's just a few, I mean, money for me to use if things go south in my relationship, which it won't, but you know, just that backup. It's always good to have a backup regardless of what is going on in

our lives. I think every single person should have an emergency fund. Always, always, always, always my friend. That's for my personal one, but for our shared one, it's for the pets mostly. For the pets mostly. I love that. As a pet mom, I get it. How many pets do you have? I have two cats and a dog, just like you. Oh my gosh. A queen. We love it. All right. Next question, my friend. Do you currently have any investments? I have like... Oh my gosh. So guys, we've had a brief intermission. Our Money Diaries dog has gotten up to try and lick the microphone and enjoy Money Diaries. She looks very excited though, very sweet.

Yeah, she is. She's still a puppy. She knew you were talking about her. She's like, that emergency fund for me, Mum? Yes. All right, so talk to me. Do you have any investments? I have a few, like $300 in ComSec for ETFs.

So it's just a pocket one and then I have Raise. Very cool. And what led you to pick those platforms? ComSec was just easy. I'm with ComBank. It's like an easy way for me to get into the ETF market because they have this like the sustainable one and then they have emerging markets and stuff like that. And I just found it a bit easier as a first step into investing. So yeah, went with that one. Yeah. And then you have Raise? Yes, Raise. Just for the roundups. So just trying to get into, get a feel of the market that way as well.

Because with ETFs, you don't really see it. With RACE, it's kind of there. You have the graph and everything. Yeah. Yeah. Epic. All right. Next question, my friend.

Do you currently have any debts? No. Personally, I don't have any debts. I'm helping my partner pay off his one, but I don't have any. Oh, what is that? And how does that work? you helping him pay it off it's more of because our finances are shared so every like every time I get paid and we have this account where we just put everything in and then we pay ourselves

basically an allowance every fortnight so that money that we put in our joint account pays all bills and everything. So it just, yeah, you just share everything. So I don't know how to explain it better. No, no, no. That makes absolute sense. I'm asking just because sometimes when you come into a relationship and one person has debt and the other doesn't, like it can be a sticking point or it can be something that's really tricky to have a conversation about. How have you had that conversation with your partner? Like, did he have the debt when you met him? Yes, he had part of the that we met but um it kind of grew in the last two years because I didn't have a job yeah and he needed to like finance both of us and yeah I wasn't doing very well

during 2020 2021. How good is it that you had such a supportive partner? Yeah I'm very lucky. Get to marry him next month. Like what? Yeah, I'm very lucky. He's very, he's been really good. Really supportive. I love that for you. All right. Next question, my friend, do you use Shopback when you are shopping online? Yes. I just signed up like a couple of weeks ago. Oh, what was your first purchase, my friend? Two pairs of jeans from Cotonon. Oh, good. We love a good staple. And not only do we love a good staple, we love a money win on a good staple. Yeah, I had a discount on it as well. So it was really good. That is an epic win. That's like a double money win. We love those extra. All right. Next question

is money. Darius, what is your best money habit? My best money habit would be saving as much as I can with my allowance. So apart from our joint savings, I save some money from my allowance to go towards other stuff like gifts. Like I have a sinking fund for gifts so that I don't really feel put out when Christmas time comes around. Hey, that's smart. I feel like not enough of us plan well enough for Christmas, even though Christmas literally just keeps coming up on the same date every single year, Jess. I'm always underprepared. It is wild. And to flip that on its head, Money Jairus, what is your worst money habit? Spending too much when I'm not feeling great. Talk to us about that. How does that happen? How is it facilitated?

And what does not feeling great mean? It's mostly when I'm really stressed that I can't regulate my emotions as well. So I've managed my BPD, thankfully. And there are times when I just have days when it just goes from just up and down, up and down. And at the end of the day, I'm always like, oh, I need something to make myself just feel that little bit better. So I usually spend a lot of money on food. On food. I don't feel like food's the worst thing. That can absolutely pick up my mood. What is your go-to? Ten nuggets at Macca's, to nugget meal. Oh my gosh, same queen. That's the Jessica Ricci special. I know Kid Leroy got the Kid Leroy meal. Like I'm waiting for the Jessica Ricci meal. And what is in it is it's a

medium chips. It's a full fat proper Macca's Coke because apparently that's the only good type of Coke. And then it is a six pack of nuggets. It has sweet and sour sauce. But the different thing here, guys, it comes with a sauce holder to put in your car so that the sauce can be held because Jess has one. That's how much I like nuggets. I have a sauce holder especially in my car. That's who she is person guys. All right last question before we go to a quick break. Money diarist if we forced you to give your money habits a grade what would you grade yourself? I would grade myself a C plus. And why? Because I just have a lot of things to catch up on just the finance side, just having those foundations I don't have yet because I basically had to start

over again this year. It sounds like you're well on your way though with a new contract, you're getting married in a month. There's a lot of bright things in your future and I want to ask you a lot about them right after this quick break. All right, Money Diarist, let's get into the nitty gritty of it. In your story, you wrote into us and you said, I'm struggling with borderline personality disorder and this really impacts the way that I manage money and spend and this is obviously really significant for you but I also think there are a lot of people in our community who go through this. Can you explain to us just briefly how does borderline personality disorder affect you? So I usually it's also called emotional dysregulation disorder. It's

different from bipolar disorder which you have manic episodes and depressive episodes. With BPD you have both in a span of a few hours instead of periods of time. So it's really like a roller coaster. So that's one part of it, but there's also that intense fear of abandonment, impulsivity, self-harming behaviors. But yeah, those are the symptoms I've personally been through. when were you diagnosed and what was that process like for you because I'm assuming that you experienced all of these emotions and it can be really hard when you're going through that to take a step back and realize that that's not how everybody lives their life what was that process like and how long ago was it that you went through it so I got diagnosed in early 2021

but it was my partner actually he pushed me it was a few months after we met he pushed me to see the school counselor because we have like free uni counseling incredible and then I went from that and then going to the GP getting diagnosed with anxiety and depression at first and then I had a few episodes where I overdosed. So I think it was after two instances of overdosing that I was referred to a psychiatrist and was told that I may have BPD traits at first and then saw a psychologist, they tested for it and that's when they diagnosed me with BPD. Wow. So an official diagnosis is not exactly the start of when it happens, right? How long has this been affecting you prior? Obviously, a diagnosis is just putting a name to something

that you've already been struggling with, right? Yeah. I think it was in high school, if I'm thinking back. I think it was in high school when, looking back, I could see the little signs of it. But at the time, I was none the wiser. Yeah, it's very much that thing of, I guess that's your normal if you've been living that way. And sometimes it takes someone like your partner or your fiance to say, hey, like, I think maybe it's worth looking into if that is something bigger and broader. Since you have been diagnosed and it was quite recent, how has that knowledge changed things for you? Have you been able to kind of implement processes and has it become a bit more manageable where you're feeling like you're on a track now where you're feeling

healthier and more confident and working towards the future you deserve yes I feel like I've been able to manage it lately but it was I think late last year where I've started to feel like I'm on the path to recovery yeah it was just really hard 2020 2020 early 2021 was really hard for me and at first I felt like I was crazy because I didn't know why I was feeling what I was feeling. Like there were times when I feel like I wanted to cry, but I didn't know why. I just want to jump through the screen and give you a hug because I can just see how that impacted you in your face now and how challenging that must be. And I think congratulations on pulling through that. And congratulations probably isn't the right word, but I'm really happy that

you are able to get to a place now where you can reflect on it and say, that was really hard, but I am feeling like I'm on the way to recovery. That's incredible. Thank you. It's been hard work, honestly. It's been really hard work. And it's not easy work. And so many people just, again, it's like money, right? You just bury your head in the sand about mental health and don't ask for help. And the longer you don't ask for help, the longer you end up struggling with it. And you are literal proof that you can kind of come out the other side and it's still a struggle, but you know the tools and resources that you need to rely on that are going to help you throughout the day, right? Yes, definitely. I come from a

country that really has stigmatized still mental health issues. So even my parents don't know that I've been having these problems because they just brush it aside and, you know, you're making it up. so that didn't help with the diagnosis it was when I accepted that I'm not well that I started to heal. Wow that must be so challenging feeling like not everyone in your sphere is on your team can you tell us a little bit about the tools and resources that you use that are really helpful because I know that there's probably a lot of things that you've worked out that a lot of people could benefit from? Yeah. One of the resources my psychiatrist told me to look into was Project Air. Oh, I haven't heard of that. I think it's from University of New South Wales. I'm not quite sure,

but they have a segment where they have this lived experiences videos and like articles. And that really helped me see that with what I've been through, it's normal. People have been through it and people have come out the other side. So yeah, that was really helpful for me. That's quite cool. So we'll make sure I'll do some research straight after this and make sure that the link to that is in the show notes if anyone wants to check it out. Talk to me about money management. So you mentioned before that you are quite impulsive. How are you managing impulsiveness every day when it comes to your banking and finances? At the moment, I have different bank accounts. So I have this one account with Up where I put

all my allowance. So that's the amount that I have to spend. But the one thing that really helped me was putting time between me and my purchases. We love to say it. I love that. Yes. Yes. I've been very good with it lately. And listening to the podcast has also helped a lot. Oh, yay. We get to be helpful. Jess, it's us. Yes, it's you. It just makes me feel motivated because I hear it every time I listen to you guys on my drive to work and while I'm at work. So it's like, oh, reminding me that, oh, I have goals. I have money goals. So I have to. You do.

I have to like, not really discipline, but to keep my eye on the prize, basically. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that we get to be part of this journey in really a positive way. Like to me, it is so special that you get to hang out with us in the car on the way to work. I was just going to say, I'm really glad we get to hang out with you in the mornings, even though we're not actually there. It's so silly that that makes me happy, but it makes me really happy to think of you driving in the car and us just chatting away like we're friends. Sometimes it literally crosses my mind, like while I'm driving to work and it crossed my mind the other day. So the other day I was quite unwell. I had laryngitis

and I couldn't speak. So I wasn't on the podcast, money diarist and Jess and George were on the pod And I hate listening back to our own episodes when I'm on it because I cannot stand listening to my own voice. It gives me the heebie-jeebies. But because Jess and George were on, I was like, well, I better listen to these podcasts. And I was like, is this what other people feel like? Like I was vibing it. I was loving the episode.

I was like, does everybody else feel this excited about a She's On The Money episode or is it just me? Yes, we do. The idea that other people love our content as much as, you know, I did when I got to just hear it when it was Jess and George. Honestly, I just feel like we've found our people, Jess. Oh, 100%. We've found them and they are you, Money Diarist. I wanted to ask you, Money Diarist, while we're talking about finances, obviously you're an international student, not a permanent resident. Yes. How has that worked for you in terms of, I know when I've personally been through

the process getting psychology appointments and mental health, that there are resources in place for me where I can access those for free. Are those resources also applicable to people like yourself who are international students or did you have to bear the brunt of that cost for all of those appointments? For me, we had to get a student visa. You have to have insurance so for the length of your stay here. So at the start, because I'm not on the student visa now, at the start, I had to rely on the student insurance, the student visa insurance, where GP appointments are covered, like everything medical is covered. So I had to rely on the bulk bill and it's actually really good, but it's also very hard to claim. But yeah, that really

helped when I was starting out. That is so good to hear because I do always think about, you know, assistance with mental health needs to be as accessible as possible regardless of where you're from because like you said if you come from a place where it's really stigmatized and it's not talked about that's an additional barrier to you like you said getting on your road to recovery and you had to kind of work through that yourself so I think it's awesome that you could access those resources here and I'm really glad to hear that's the case the last question that I had was just around what you were saying before when you were listening to those lived experiences from other people, you said that it made you feel not so alone. And when

you're suffering with mental health, feeling isolated is such a strong emotion to experience because in addition to all of the things that you're feeling, you feel like you can't talk to people and you're the only person going through it. And I personally know how challenging that that can be. I have no doubt that there will be people in our community listening to this who may have BPD or may be experiencing those same things that you were because of another reason, what would you say to them? Like what encouragement or what resources can you suggest to someone who might be struggling in the way that you were? Just, I know it's hard, but just reach out because once you start reaching out for help,

once you actually gain the courage to reach out for help, things will slowly get better and people will have resources like they'll give you things that you can read through or things that you can use resources that you can use like for one i was referred to the sexual assault research center and they've been really great help they're also free incredible headspace and then here we have the anti-mental health line which is really good because they check up on you and they have like different psychiatrists or psychologists on call all the time so just having that feeling of isolation and then you can reach out like it helps a lot. I love that and I love that you're so well versed in resources because sometimes we speak to people and they're like

look, I just went to my GP and then I saw a psychologist and that was my process and I don't have any external resources. But to me, having those resources is kind of like surrounding yourself with supportive friends. Sometimes you want to go out for a coffee with Jess and other times you want to go and chat to Georgia about something different because you have different relationships with each resource and person in your life, that it is really powerful to just have that suite. And I think that we all should build up a suite of resources that can support us, whether it is, you know, a money podcast or it is those resources that you just mentioned, like having those in your back pocket when you're having a bad day means that

that day is not going to be nearly as bad, right? Yes, definitely. I have this list where all the numbers are put in and like my counsellor from SAR gave me the list because there are times when I can't reach out to other people, but I can reach out to them. And that has really helped me. Because they understand what I'm going through because like they've listened to other people who has gone through them as well. So they know how to help. It was a lifesaver, honestly. I love that.

And I love that you've got a list. We can all take note from that and create our own lists of resources that just work really well for us. Manidaris, thank you so much for being so open with us because I'm personally super duper passionate about mental health. and it's something that we're working in the background on talking about even more on the podcast later in the year. So I think that you have been a really great gateway for us to do that. And thank you for being so open about your journey. And I can only say that I'm so happy to

see you thriving and working towards incredible things and coming out the other side of something that has been really challenging. You're absolutely killing it, you queen. And good luck and congratulations for your wedding next month i can't wait please send us photos yes please are your pets involved in your wedding by chance unfortunately not but we have this little okay pins i got pins made that has their faces on them oh my gosh so cute so they are involved in the wedding in some way shape or form exactly so i have one for my bouquet and one for my partner's suit so it's oh my gosh that is the sweetest thing ever incredible i love it well unfortunately that is all we have time for today so jess just before we head off can you wrap the

boring but important stuff of course don't forget guys the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision. And we promise Victoria Devine and She's on the Money are authorised representatives of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited, ABN 47097797049, AFSL 236523. See you next time. Bye.