She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: From Anxiety Disorder to Healing Her Money Trauma

Episode Date: October 16, 2022

It's been a rocky "money story" road for this SOTM community member. From hating and not feeling deserving of money, to managing her anxiety disorder and beginning to heal her money trauma, she is an inspiration and we know you are going to love meeting her!This year our Money Diaries are being brought to you by the legends at Shopback! Check them out at https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/SOTM and you'll get a cashback bonus when you sign up!Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another Shop Back Money Diary Monday, where we get to chat to one of our community members to learn all about them and their story and their money and all of the fun bits and pieces in between. Victoria? Of course I'm ready, Jess. Oh, I knew you would be. Let me tell you all about today's diarist.

She says, hi, gals. I've heard you mention the concept of money trauma on recent episodes of the podcast and would love to share my story of how I have healed my relationship with money after a few traumatic instances with my finances over the past few years. I'd also love to speak about how money impacts my anxiety disorder and my mental health concerns. Oh, what a queen. Now we get to have a chat with her. How special. And we've got her on the line. How are you going, Money Diarist? I'm very well. Thank you so much for having me. Oh my gosh. Money Diarist told us before, Jess, that she's been listening to the podcast since season one. So she's an OG listener and that

makes my heart so incredibly happy. I said to her before, I was like, so basically we're best friends. Yeah. Is that what that means? I think she said yes. But even if she said no, I'm going to say yes. In my brain, it's definitely a yes. Money Diarist, are you ready to jump right in? Because I'm so excited. Yes, absolutely. All right, let's do this. So to start off, as always, question number one, can you tell us a little bit about your money story? So my money story has kind of been a bit of a roller coaster over the past few years like I hated money for such a long time like I saw it as not something that just brought so much pain and I just hated it I had such a such a bad relationship with it I wanted nothing to do with it it used to cause me so much

distress but now I guess I've worked through quite a few things like the show and like my partner now like has helped me kind of I guess navigate the challenging parts of money and knowing that I'm able to actually manage my own money and that I'm worthy of money if that makes sense I don't know it's very confusing oh you are worthy you are so worthy my love it was once I finished I used to be really good with like saving and everything I used to work at like a Thai restaurant I had her whole $12 an hour and made like $250 a fortnight and I thought that was like the most money we've all been there we have all been there yes and so yeah I used to be really good with savings by the time I finished year 12 I had like four thousand dollars in the bank I didn't have

any plans for it but it was there and then once I left year 12 and got to uni it all just went downhill from there I think it was a combination of like mental health issues impacting money and like spending habits and once I realized I could access my savings and then spend it that's where it all went downhill so I kept thinking oh I'll just I'll put it back in next pay it's fine that's a lie. That never happened. That's so common though. That is so common. Yeah. So I ended up with no money and fast forward a while, I moved out of home and cause I really needed to for my relationship with my mom, it was not doing very well. I mean, I needed to get out of living with her. And so I moved out of home with no money at all in savings or like just $0 in my bank account.

My dad said he would help me sort of like pay rent and all of that. And like for that first few months while I like worked part-time and saved and everything. But then I think I didn't realize the cost of living out of home. So I, I was only working part-time because I had a few other health issues I was going through at the time. So I couldn't work full-time and I'd taken a gap year from uni. So I was earning, I think like $850 a fortnight. And then my rent was going to be $600 a fortnight. But in my brain, I hadn't thought, which was already way too much rent to be paying on that salary I'm always aware of that now but in my brain I hadn't thought oh I have to pay $600 and then I have $250 left over it was like I'm earning $850 so I have $850 to spend

and then I'd yeah so common you know what I mean so no no the same thing happened when I moved out of home as well like you just don't realize that everything like existing costs money as an adult and there's like groceries and just like needing to buy little things like you know like having to go to Kmart and buy like a spatula at 1am because you've realized that you don't have one at home sort of thing. So yeah. Paper towel got me. I was like, what do you mean I have to pay for paper towel? Light bulbs? So true. Light bulb goes out, you gotta buy a light bulb. What? Yes. Seems like a scam to me. And like sheets and stuff. Scam. Linen. Linen? I don't need linen. Are you joking? Yeah. Having to actually buy the vacuum to do the vacuum cleaning? What are you talking about,

sir. Yeah. I could go on about this forever. Like why do I have to pay for floor cleaner? Yes. So true. Exactly. So yes, flipping was just expensive. I didn't realize it. And my dad was amazing and he really did help me out where I needed it. But I think where it all went downhill for me is I got into lots of problems with after pay. I like over, overused it and I ended up being, I cannot pay back these repayments. It's not happening. But I was really lucky that my family were like, look, we will help you out this time. But I'm a very independent person I was raised to be very independent and to always be able to look after yourself and knowing that I had to rely so heavily on people for money was really hard like a hard

concept for me to grasp I think where it all really really really went downhill for me was I ended up realizing I couldn't afford the rent in like the place I was living so I moved in with a friend of my partner's at the time. And I ended up getting really, really badly screwed over in that whole thing. And the long story short of it, I ended up completely, completely flat broke with $0 and $500 on a credit card, like maxed out, no money. And I ended up with a dog that wasn't mine to begin with, but ended up being my responsibility. And then I went to my family again for help because I really needed it at that time. Not because I'd spent money on afterpay or whatever, because I had nowhere to live. I had to move out. I had nowhere to live. I had no money

in my bank account. A lot of health problems that require a lot of money. And this one particular family member that I went to, who we do rely on them quite a bit to help us with money because they're relatively wealthy and their way of like expressing love is to pay for things for us. So I went and I was like hoping you know that they will be able to help me it would sort itself out yeah but he ended up saying I can't remember exactly what he said but the gist of it was you're going to be left completely alone no one's ever going to want to help you if you can't look after yourself financially no one's going to assist you anymore like no one's ever going to want you and like you're basically worthless if you're not able to like save your money and like

do good things with your money but at that time I was like well it was like an attack on this puppy that my housemate had bought and it was like the option was either to let this dog die who was six weeks old or to like rescue her no what the hell you're scaring me anything involving animals I'm like right I'm out bye well the good thing is she's fine now she's fantastic they managed to fix her leg and she lives with my dad now and all right she's thriving and wonderful so it's all good, but it was kind of like, you know, I was trying to do a good thing and it ended up just completely screwed over from it. And from that moment on, like money became such a horrible anxiety trigger for me. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So anytime it would come up, I, I get so like anxious

and overwhelmed that I just like shut down and I don't want anything to do with it. And it's taken me a really long time and like a lot of like reading finance books listening to this podcast like talking things through with my partner to sort of realize like money can be a positive thing yeah of course it can be but it's hard afford good things like it's not designed to just cause you lots of pain all the time yeah absolutely I'm loving this narrative because I feel like it's really relatable like you know we might not have been in your exact shoes but the way you articulate it I'm like oh I can totally feel that like I can totally understand that I think one of the biggest problems that I had was because I come from a pretty well-off family like we're not rich

but we're also not poor like we were never like I went to a private school we always like my parents both own their houses like they have very well-paying jobs like we never went without anything we didn't get everything we ever wanted like we weren't spoiled but you know we always had the good clothes the good shoes and you know we got to go do extracurriculars so we had all of that so when I was always thinking about like money trauma or like you know having issues with money I'm thinking people who like are genuinely like struggling like have have no money like they're really really poor and I'm not in a position with that so I always felt that I wasn't justified to like feel anxious about money because I have a seemingly good life with my money I don't

know. Does that make sense? It makes sense. And I think that that's something that our whole community could probably resonate with. And that's that sometimes we look at other circumstances and we're like, oh my gosh, why do I feel so bad? Like I've got no reason to. And I don't think that that is healthy. I think that downplaying our own experiences because somebody else has it worse does not help us get through our own circumstances and doesn't help us get through our own traumas because even if your trauma is quote on paper smaller than somebody else's it doesn't mean that it's not significant to you it's kind of like you know if somebody floated through life and had nothing happen to them significantly and then all of a sudden their parents divorced

that might be the biggest thing in their entire life and it might throw them for six whereas someone who grew up in an abusive household for their entire lives and then you know went through lots of different traumas and then their parents divorced they might be like oh whatever that's another thing that happened and that didn't impact me because they've had different circumstances and I just think that we all should stop comparing because comparing just leads to one anxiety but two it doesn't help you looking at somebody else's circumstances can be inspirational it's why we do money diaries to show you different you know ways that people live and different experiences but it's not to show you this is how you should be it's to show you that we're all

different and that's kind of cool but you can't compare your journey to that of others because if you do you're going to find yourself in a massive pickle anyway we can go off on another rant another day but yeah I just think it's so destructive of us to be comparing ourselves to others or saying like oh I feel bad like I am privileged yeah you're right but that doesn't mean that you aren't upset or it doesn't mean that you aren't struggling yeah sorry sorry sorry we can move on Jess is like come on stick to the questions no not at all but I'd be excited to talk to a little bit more on the other side of the break for sure. I agree. I agree. Sorry, sorry. Next structured question is what do you do for work right now and how much money do you earn?

Okay. So right now I work at an occupational therapy clinic working with kids with disabilities. Basically it's what we do. I'm working in reception and administration assistant right now. I work part-time, so 24 hours a week. Currently the full-time salary is $65,000 a year, but I obviously get pro rata that I think it works out to be about 45,000 a year at the moment I get about $1,300 a fortnight in my bank account if that means anything and yeah I'm at uni as well full-time this is my last semester so I'm very excited for that to be over so I can be working full-time next year but yeah that's what I do at the moment how are you finding uni are you getting through it yeah I've been doing this degree for like six years so I'm so over it yeah I'm just

ready for it to be done I'm taking a second year course this semester and all of the people in the course are like you know fresh 19 year olds who are taking their degrees so seriously and I'm just like I've been here for six years I just want to pass I feel like I've become a mature age student please get degrees I've become one of those oh my gosh don't sit up the front and ask all the questions though after everyone wants to leave I know I don't don't worry like right at the back of the lecture theater, like, please don't look at me. Just here to learn and leave. That was me towards the end of my uni career, I suppose we could call it. And I would love to go back and be another mid-year grade student. I've got this. I want to know, what is currently your

big money goal? So I've got two at the moment. So my partner and I really want to buy a house. That's one of our big things, but I live in an area where the house prices are unbelievably expensive. So we've got to kind of see whether or not it's worth buying right now or whether we just rent for a while. I'm trying to convince my partner that it is actually okay to rent. We don't have to buy anything right now necessarily, but he's got it in his head that we're buying. So that's something we're saving for, which I'm excited for, but we're also getting married next year in September. So that's also something we have to save for. Exciting. Oh my gosh. When did you get engaged sorry Jess this is important content we got engaged on our third year anniversary actually

in May this year congratulations I'll ask about that after the break I have lots of questions wedding life is consuming me yeah next question do you currently have any investments if so what are they not currently other than my super I don't really know how much is in that when I checked it a few years ago there was like ten thousand dollars in there I think I actually have no idea I should probably find that out. I would really like to invest. That is something I'm interested in doing, but I think that I have to take baby steps with my finances because I've tried before, I've overextended myself trying to save or whatever, and it's just backfired completely. So I'm better off taking small steps and just work on being able to save and be comfortable with like

having a hundred dollars of my pay that I don't see or touch before I'm willing to like let go of that into an investment. But I do want to eventually. No, but that's very fair. That makes a lot of sense. I think like to want to spend a bit more time thinking, I think is actually quite powerful. Taking your time means that you can spend more time in the market because you're not going to pull your money out and be stressed later. Yes, exactly. Next question. Do you have any debts at the moment? If so, what are they? I don't anymore except for my HECS debt. So I've got that currently which I think last time I checked is sitting at about $38,000 which is a bit overwhelming but I know that will just get paid off next year like slowly so that's okay

I used to have a $500 credit card which I know doesn't sound like a lot but that was like putting so much stress on me just having that $500 to pay back because I just didn't have money to do that with yeah it's relative to what you're earning for sure oh absolutely especially because I have quite a lot of health issues which mean that I have to spend at least $500 a month to like maintain my health yeah so like I just like I just didn't have money to put towards it so I ended up having to be like I just can't save right now I just have to work on like paying that off and now it's paid off and I'm so happy I remember going into the bank with my card I'm like I'm cancelling this now take it away from me

and she was like okay are you sure I'm like yes take it away I don't want it again and it was like this tiny little card that only like I know some people have like hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt and like so I felt again I felt like oh my god like I only have 500 of debt like this is nothing compared to some people but once I paid it off I just like the weight lifted off my shoulders it was good that's what you want to hear that is exactly what we want to hear yes so I was very excited about that next question I have is do you currently you shop back when you shop online I don't I know I should I can't I'm not here to be rude I just impervy I want to know I just I used to be a big online shopper but I've had to like ban myself from doing too much of it

so I don't do that much anymore but I really should get it like get the little chrome extension or something I feel like so I hear people like you know they buy their groceries and stuff on there or yeah like maybe tickets they're much smarter than me that's actually good I should totally do that yeah don't forget if you do decide to sign up little plug here sorry not sorry but you can use the code sotm and you'll get 10 bucks for free into your account so even if you sign up and literally just get the 10 bucks like to me for the free money yeah for sure absolutely yeah I love free money money win don't we all 10 out of 10 can recommend next question I've got for you is always my favorite because I feel like I get lots of tips and tricks what is your best money

habit so I think now which is surprising to me is budgeting so I'm a little budget queen I love a good budget same girlfriend same yes I've literally made it my career yeah well yes obviously you're very good at it I didn't say I was good I just said I was excited so I use up bank which has been like game-changing I'm like have the little sub account so I have like one for I have my emergency fund in there, which is $500 to match the credit card that I have. Cause 500 is like a good amount. And then I have like a beauty account. I love being pampered. It's my thing. It's like, you talk about like making sure you're spending aligned to your values and like putting money aside for things that you value. And I'm like, I value getting my brows done and my hair

done. So that's in my budget. So yeah. So always budgeting for that date night as well. I have one. So my partner and I value date night. We do that every week. So put money aside for that. And then I've currently got one that's like trips away so if we ever like we've got a few trips down the coast coming up so like just chucking some money in there and I just find that like having that structure makes it the money that I've got sitting in like the actual like spending part of my out bank it's like that's the money I've got to spend and if I'm using the money from like the date night fund for date night like I don't feel guilty because I'm like that money's inside so your Budgeting is now, like, one of my really good money habits.

Character development. Exactly. One thing that my partner actually picked up on, and I didn't realize this, he can tell when I'm going through a really, really, really anxious period is because I'll start budgeting, I pull out my budget again, and I'll just sit there. And even if it's just rewriting what I've already written,

I'll rewrite it all and make sure I've got enough money to cover everything because it's, like, such an anxiety inducing concept for me. It gives you peace of mind. I totally get it because I'm exactly the same. The second I feel things are losing control, I'm like, all right, grasp it. Everything that can help me create control. All right. My budget is number one. All right. This is going to make me feel powerful. And like, I'm the boss. This is exactly what I need. I get it, my friend. I get it. Yes, exactly. So just really focusing on like making sure that like because I've been without money for so long that like having money I'm like wanting to make

sure it's always there and I've always got more than enough for things yeah no it's smart all right the opposite of that what is your worst money habit so I had a few but I think my worst money habit is I feel obliged to pay for things for people all the time when no one has expecting me to or has asked me to so like we'll go out for brunch for example and I was like oh I'll buy your brunch like that's fine let me pay for it which is like like I suppose a nice thing to do if I had the money to do it then I end up like really broke for the rest of the week yeah and so like that's probably one of the things that I need to need to work on and like also I love gifts like I love giving gifts that's one of my main love languages is buying things for people this has been a theme

of today's recording obviously we do a little bit of pre-recording and and bunch a few money diarists up I think three of the four money diarists we've spoken to and Gabby and I in the car on the way here to record this morning we're all talking about how our love language was gift giving all of us yes it's the theme of today I love it I know I feel good being able to buy something for someone that they've always wanted and yeah so I don't like I don't set a budget for that. Like I'll just buy whatever, even if it's like a little bit, little bit out of my price range or it means that I have to sacrifice my oat lattes that week. Oh, girlfriend, I get it. I get it totally. All right. Let's move on to the very last question before we go to a break. I want to

know what grade would you give yourself if we forced you to give yourself a money grade? So I think, like, if you had asked me this question like two years ago, I would have been like an F like a double F no complete fail but now I've worked really hard so I would put myself probably at like maybe like a C plus where like I still have a lot of work to do and like growth but my budgeting is there and I have a lot more like discipline to save and stuff she's got good structure. We love it. So what would it take to get to an A plus? I think to start like thinking more further ahead in the future with my money. So looking at investing and like saving maybe a little bit more diligently for a house, but I can't really do that until I have a little bit

more income. So you've got a lot to go. You're still at uni. It's all about the journey. I do know that. And like my partner, he works full time and he earns very good money. So like having that is really helpful. So he can focus a little bit on the same thing, but I'm like, I want to contribute too. Yeah, fair. I feel like that's a common thing to feel as well. All right, let's go to a really quick break. And then I want to break down all of the information that you sent through in your submission email. Guys, don't go anywhere. All right, Money Diarist, we were speaking before about money trauma and how it's a relatively new concept to you. And I feel like this is a conversation that has been going on in my DMs for, you know, the last few weeks, because it's not

really something that people have confronted before. I know that we're not the first to come up with this term. Absolutely not. We're just talking about it. However, it's one of those things where I think people go, oh, oh, that is what I've experienced. How did you feel when you kind of found a term to put to your experiences it made a lot of sense it definitely helped I guess I don't know justify how I was feeling in a way I actually first realized I think I had money trauma like in your book you have like in the first part of the book you have like questions or something yeah like you you're supposed to answer the question so I was like I'll do that she's asked me to I'll do it but I just started crying and I was in like so much physical pain

no it's not like from you but like it was so unbelievably distressing for me to even start thinking about my relationship with money oh my god and I think that's when I realized something was like really wrong I'm like wow okay this makes a lot of sense like my partner and I we have like a lot of the same values so it works but like we both have very different ideas on like spending money and everything he doesn't do budgeting but he's always got lots of money he's always been the sort of person that has like three thousand dollars sitting in his bank account just there as like a buffer so when I'd be like oh my gosh I have like zero dollars in my bank account right now can you please put petrol in my car and I'd feel really guilty about doing that and then

he was always happy to do it but he also wanted me to get to a point where I could do it for myself so I could understand but he'd be like you know oh no Jess we're running like I'm running quite low on money and I'm like no you're not like you you don't know what that feels like so even though like he's completely justified in feeling the way he feels but I get super defensive whenever the topic of money comes up because I think I've just always felt very attacked especially with that one particular instance with my family member you know telling me that you know if I didn't have money I'm worthless and that was like one of those things where with a little like a lesson for me to learn but I still just like have this whole if I can't support us then I'm you know I'm terrible

like why would you want to be with me I have all these health problems like I spend so much money on like doctor's appointments and medication and all of that every month and I'm like you could just be with someone who doesn't have those problems and that doesn't spend that money and obviously I'm aware that's a toxic mentality for me to have. And so I've worked through that a lot now, but for a long time, that was kind of how I felt about a lot of things. And it was all out of my control. Like there was nothing I could do about it. It totally makes sense. And I guess that's why I wanted to ask because often you feel out of control, especially with circumstances that you can't manage. Talk to us about the health problems you've mentioned. Obviously you don't

have to disclose what they are, but just how they impact your finances and how you're managing that long-term? Yeah. So I've got quite a number. They kind of just like accumulated over the years. So my main one, I have generalized anxiety disorder. That's probably the biggest one. I think that impacts all of the other health problems as well. So basically what that means is like my day-to-day life is I'm just in a constant state of anxiety, regardless of whether there's a reason for me to be anxious. It's just like constantly in fight or flight all the time. And just always stressed, worrying about things that don't need to be worried about. And so I've been in therapy for that since I was 13. I'm actually celebrating my 10 year anniversary with my psychologist next

month. Happy birthday. That's fun. Most consistent relationship. I like that. At least they're a good fit. Yes, exactly. No, she's fantastic. And I am really lucky that I do get a very good deal with her but that's still you know like $50 I have to come up with every month so I also have endometriosis which I found out a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with that not a major issue in terms of my daily functioning like I'm really lucky that I'm not in a lot of pain but I have to take a specific medication for it that's not covered by the PBS because apparently the PBS doesn't acknowledge women's health problems so I have to pay for it out of pocket right yeah which is like an extra, I think it's about $80 a month for that medication. I have to take it. I also suffer from

daily chronic migraines. So I take two different types of migraine medication every day. That's not as expensive, probably about $20 a month for that. It all adds up. It does. And then I have to go to the physio every month as well, because my anxiety manifests itself in a physical manner in like my shoulders and my neck. So it gets really tense and that causes the migraines as well. So I need to go to the physio to have like that basically massaged out and dealt with. And that's $70 a month as well. And then I also have narcolepsy type two. The way that I describe it is it's like plugging your phone into charge every night, but the charging cord's really terrible and doesn't do its job very well. So your phone only ever charges to like 20% and it can work, but

not very well. It's a real dodgy cord. That's on Apple. That's honestly on Apple. I feel like every cord I've ever had has broken. So that's a really good analogy. I would say that's a great analogy to use. That's a very good way of explaining it. I've just immediately related to it and be like, yeah, all right, I get that. Yeah. Yeah. So that just basically means I'm just tired all the time. And it's like the vicious cycle of those things together. Like when I'm really anxious, my endo flares up, I'm more like in a lot more pain. And then if I'm anxious, my shoulders flare up and then that causes a migraine and then you know it causes bad sleep and I get night terrors as well and then that impacts the narcolepsy as well so you just sort

of I just sort of end up like I need to take some more time off work than most people because sometimes I just need to sleep for four days straight in order to be able to function as a human being again. Understandably so though like all of that adds up and makes sense and it's kind of like a domino effect right like when one's down the other's far more likely to come down because once you get hit from one way you're just going to get hit from the other to be honest that just sounds like a really terrible circumstance I'm sorry that that's the case oh it's it's fine like I've learned how to deal with it like I'm just I'm kind of used to it mum told me apparently I used to get sick a lot when I was a kid as well so she's not surprised oh so it's one of those

things where like I'm kind of like I'm used to it now it's really hard a lot of my conditions as well because they're all like invisible conditions it's really hard to explain to people especially my family so my family are very much of the mindset of you know just need to get over it like you just just don't be sick kind of thing so like if I had a broken leg like they would understand that but because I'm like oh I've got you know these invisible like I get migraines like people who don't suffer from migraines just think they're like bad headaches yeah no you don't understand like I get arm paralysis like I stop seeing I can't see like I'm in so much pain like it's one of those things where like you look fine you look healthy like why do you need to go to the

doctor so much like why do you need to go to the physio like you don't need these medications like you could just you know go outside and eat your veg and fruit and stuff I was once told that I need to just put my pillow up higher and that would oh my gosh do you know how much money you could save just by putting your pillow higher, my love? Did you know that? Like you won't have to spend any money on any medication. Actually, don't take that. Don't take that from me. Like I am not a medical doctor. Have you tried just not being anxious is my personal favorite. Yeah, have you tried? Just like, just don't be stressed. Just don't stress so much. Yes. How do you manage in your day-to-day life? So the combination of, you know, some of those things

sounds quite chronic. And as you touched on earlier, there's a really strong correlation between mental health and physical health and how you then can approach your day-to-day life as a result of that. How do you manage within your career the, I guess, disclosing within the realm of what you're comfortable with while still asking for the support that you need? Because I'm assuming that with this many different health problems, you're going to need certain levels of flexibility or allowances that someone who's fully healthy doesn't need or doesn't have access to. how has that worked for you in terms of the workplace? It's taken a really long time for me to actually find a workplace that is really understanding of it. I've had some horrible

bosses I've worked for. My first part-time job that I got like outside of uni was at this medical centre and the boss, she was a nightmare. She was awful. She had five bullying complaints put in against her and they still wouldn't fire her but I digress I ended up having a migraine attack and I was like I need to see one of the doctors like I'm not well and she was like no you're fine you can't do that like you're on shift right now like you just have to wait I'm like I'm sorry well like I I need to go home I need someone to help me and she goes nope sorry it's not within the time and then I ended up passing out because that's what happens when my migraines are left untreated and then she turned around and blamed me and told me it was because I didn't tell her

it was severe enough that means you didn't take me seriously yeah and I was like excuse me what that's happened a few times where I've just been like I'm unwell I need to go and they're like no you look fine I'm like I'm not please and just like not being listened to so it's taken a long time but my current workplace they are absolutely fantastic I think because we work with people with special needs they're very understanding of what it's like to have to have you know special considerations put in place and it doesn't make you like bad at your job it just means that like sometimes you won't be able to come into work that day and you know it's not your fault like I was always made to feel like if I couldn't come into work the whole place was going to fall apart and

yeah like you know I'm putting everyone else under so much stress by not showing up to work kind of thing and that's not the case at all absolutely no and you don't want to work for someone who isn't flexible on those terms no exactly so I'm definitely like finding a good workplace that's supportive of it is a big thing but also my main thing is I need structure I need routine that is like my main thing with dealing with my anxiety is I have to get up at the same time every day even if it like seems like really neurotic I have to make sure I get up I have my shower I get dressed I have my breakfast and I do everything in a specific order before I leave because otherwise I just I need to start it well otherwise I get really stressed and anxious for

the rest of the day and having that routine and knowing that I'm getting what I need to get done done is one of the things that just I guess reduces that anxiety when the anxiety is reduced my other health issues tend to be a lot better like even with my sleep if you let me I would sleep for 20 hours straight like I would have no issues doing that but the doctors told me like I'm gonna be just as tired whether I wake up after eight hours of sleep or whether I wake up after 20 hours of sleep you might as well just get up after eight hours of sleep and get more done in your day than you know just sleep for the whole 20 hours so I think yeah getting up at the same time and having a good sleep routine really really helps with me that would have been really hard to

hear like just get up oh are you saying that my resting is not yeah oh my gosh I'm sorry that that's the case it's honestly fine it's just one of those things that like you just learn to deal with it and yeah go about your life but that's not that healthy my love yeah but I'm doing so much better than I was like I'm in a place now where I'm managing my schedule and I'm keeping myself accountable and like now my money's better like I've got my emergency fund like I'm working towards my two thousand dollar savings score like I know that if something happens like I have something there and that helps yeah that makes me really happy you're on the right track and you have a lot of clarity and I think that that is just amazing so well done to you I'm so proud of

you oh my gosh thank you Jess I'm looking at the time I think we've run out of time today sorry money Dyrus but thank you so much for joining us your story has been so special and I feel like a lot of people are going to resonate with that and love listening to it so I really appreciate it oh thank you so much for having me I'm so excited to be here see you on Wednesday guys