She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Jail, Debt & Learning to be Free

Episode Date: February 26, 2023

This fascinating Money Diarist grew up in a family with a lot of money, only to loose it all when her dad went to prison. Having then gotten into a huge sum of personal debt, she is now 100% financially independent, has travelled the world, payed for her dream wedding and honeymoon. You'll be inspired by her story!    Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kurni, Wolperi and Awadjuri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjuri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where we get to talk to one of our incredible She's On The Money community members all about their journey. Let's dive straight into it because we got an email this week and it went a little bit like this. Hey, She's On The Money. I grew up in a family with a lot of money and was very spoiled. Till one day when I was 15 years old, I was woken up by the police who were raiding my family home. This resulted in my dad going to prison and our family losing all of our money. As a result,

I've learned how to be 100% independent, manage my money, travel the world, pay for an expensive wedding and honeymoon with cash after going through a wild $30,000 debt cycle, kicked off by taking bad advice from my aunt. I can't wait to share my story with you. Marnie Darist, I can't wait for you to share your money story with us either. Thank you. What a wild journey. Yeah, it's been a ride. That has been a ride indeed. I cannot wait to hear more about it. First things first though, I want to know what grade would you give your money habits if I asked you to give yourself a grade from A through to F? I would give myself a B plus, I think. Awesome. All right. Well, let's kick straight into it. Money Diarist, I'm desperate. I need to know. Give us a little bit

more information about your money story. So yeah, like it said, I grew up in a wealthy family. I was pretty spoiled got what I wanted we'd go on holidays all the time and then yeah when I was a teenager I woke up one morning and it was a police officer waking me up telling me I had to go sit in our living room while our house was raided and then from that day it was 14 years until I saw my dad not behind bars anymore so this was super shocking obviously and confronting for everyone mostly I would say for my mum because she had no idea what was going on like where the extra money was coming from um so she was just in shock and everything was taken away so the lifestyle of holidays and buying whatever you want and all of that was taken away and

we had to learn how to navigate that life without money and my mum hadn't worked for a long time since when my last sibling was born so that was about 10 years yeah wow so it was going through navigating getting money and going back into the workforce and raising kids alone oh my god what is it like having a house raided it's not nice I can't imagine it being nice it's not the number one uh word that I would have used confronting terrifying maybe I wouldn't recommend it for anyone one out of ten can't recommend yeah no cannot I would say it's scary like even thinking about it now I still get like a bit icky thinking about it all these years later and it's like well they treated us like we were criminals even though we were like little kids and didn't know anything

that was going on and yeah they just make a whole lot of mess and leave it and then what happens what happens when they leave like you clean it up or you're not allowed to be there or yeah we just had to clean up the mess and whatever they took, they took. They seized a lot of assets, cars, houses, like all of that. And yeah, we just clean up the mess after. It actually happened more than once. So more than once. Yeah. I've been woken up a few times by the police. Oh my gosh. So you're like, oh, wow. That's a 5am knock on the door. Must be the coppers. Yeah. Not ideal. So wouldn't recommend oh my gosh no that is literally the worst and obviously you had no idea about what was going on what was going on in the background obviously your dad knew yeah so my dad had a side

hustle and he was just manufacturing drugs really just a side hustle well that's what he'd call it he had his normal business some of us go on dog walks some of us take our babysitting some of us we just manufacture drugs one of these things will get your house raided it'll get you head fast but then it'll take you real far back real quick yeah obviously oh my gosh well that makes sense then if the house got raided I was like oh well where does this come from because it's not you know his dog walking business gone awry that's not how these things work but talk to me a little bit more about I guess what happened with your mum because that would have been heartbreaking if she had absolutely no idea to then have to learn how to budget and cash flow and deal with

you and your siblings and obviously as a teenager like teenagers suck to deal with already imagine a teenager going through that circumstance like I just I really feel like she might have had a bit of a hard time throughout this process yeah so it was a huge shock and confronting for her obviously and it took a long time for her to find her feet so I guess it's like imagine having your lifelong partner just taken away from you the person that kind of always relied on and having not have worked for a long time and then now having to go back through that so at first it was kind of like stick your head in the sand and all our money went obviously towards like solicitor bills and everything like that and then eventually it got pretty bad to the point where the mortgage wasn't

being paid and like everything was in arrears so actually when I was in my early 20s I was asked to put the house in my name to have our mortgage transferred to my name and the debt essentially and it was sold to me like it was going to be so good for me so I did it to save the family home and that was like the worst thing the worst decision I've ever made why was that the worst decision you've ever made what happened well because now it's like I don't have control so there's a caveat that like my mom and dad still own it and so I'm essentially I have their debt on my name and everything like I can't really move forward like unless it gets sold so like I can never get first home buyer grants or anything like that now that I'm married it's like

a whole thing like me and my husband can't get that because he has to go do that himself if he wants to get the first home buyer wow and then I'm always behind because I don't technically like I own it but I don't technically own something yeah you don't actually get any of the benefits you just have to hold all the debt for them yeah I just get the debt and the stress yeah great that's a really good money outcome um what is the benefit to them for having their debt in your name apart from the fact that obviously you know the debt isn't lording over them was it because they legally couldn't have it anymore or what happened there yeah so because the house was going to be repossessed and taken essentially taken off them because the mortgage wasn't getting paid it's just kept the

house within the family yeah which who cares why don't you just sell it and get a new one but that's that kind of generation is holding onto the things that they put their blood, sweat and tears into. So yeah, that's the benefit. And then like eventually they want to be able to buy it back, but the credit history isn't the best. And then they obviously have to prove servicing and all that kind of stuff. Like they pay it, they pay the mortgage, but yeah, it's like all of that kept it, kept it their house. That's the only benefit. Interesting. I am, again, super pervy because this is an anonymous money diary. So like I'm here to ask all the questions. You said they. So are your mum and dad still together after all of

this? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. What a journey for them to go through. I know. Do you know what? I'm really impressed. Yeah. If I found out that my husband had a side hustle of producing drugs and had to go to jail for 14 years and I was dumped with the kids, you best believe that that wouldn't be the best outcome for him. I've said that to my husband so many times. I'm like, you know, if you go to jail, I'm not sticking by your side. You're like, I have seen this firsthand and here's the outcome. I'm just giving it to you straight. Would not recommend. I'm not visiting you in jail for every week for 14 years. Like, hell no. Kudos to your mum though. That is epic. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I want to talk a bit more

about you now. What do you currently do for work? How much money do you earn? So currently I'm in business development and I have an online coaching business as a side hustle. Oh, very cool. So for my full-time role, I earn $110,000 before super. Oh, very nice. Yeah. And my side hustle, I make between like $10,000 to $30,000 a year, depending how much time and effort I put into it. Wow. What kind of coaching business is that?

I'm an online PT. Yeah, very cool. And how did you start that? How do you promote that? That's very fun. Well, I started, I became a PT and then did a whole bunch of extra courses on top of the personal training course, because that really doesn't teach you anything. And then, yeah. And then when I moved, I've decided I wanted to move on to online. I decided that because other than the time factor, you get so much more bang for your buck if you have an online coach rather than in-person coach in in-person coach you pay like a hundred dollars and you see them for 45 minutes a week and they just run you through a workout whereas being an online coach I could give my

clients like a full program with like all of the exercises their nutrition outlines everything like that and then they do video check-ins and weekly check-ins where I monitor what's going on with their body so it's just a whole like I would never just go to an in-person coach if I could because get so much more value with an online one. Yeah. Makes sense. All right. I want to know, what is currently your big money goal? What are you working towards? So it was until recently our wedding. So we managed to obviously pay that in cash. How recent was that? When did you get married? It was late last year. Oh my gosh. So exciting. Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations to you too.

Oh, I love it. Tell me a bit more about your wedding. How did you budget for it? How did you work out how much you were going to spend? Well, as you know, you think one thing and then you go into it and it's a whole different ball game. It's a shock of your lifetime. And even though I had known, like in my head, I've always said to people like weddings are so expensive. I know they are. And I used to hear people be like, oh, I would never spend more than $20,000 on a wedding. And now, like even before I got engaged, I was like, that's not realistic unless you're having a backyard or like a really small wedding. And I'd never wanted that. And my husband didn't want that so we went into it thinking you know 45 000 that's like all right that's a good sum

but we decided we would choose the top things that we wanted to spend money on so like it was like photography videography food entertainment venue and then everything else I was like budget mode like wild but it's still just like there's so many so many things that add up so it was very quickly we were like 45,000 is not going to cut it and then we're like 65,000 is not going to cut it oh no so I think it was it was around $80,000 in the end but it was perfect like I wouldn't change a thing and that was me like being so like I'm so good with getting the cheapest deal I can completely sympathize our budget went from one thing to a completely different thing and while we weren't, I don't know how you feel about this, but we weren't mad about it because

we knew we were getting what we wanted. And once we'd, you know, started talking about the budgets and what it would cost and the vendors, you go, okay, I can see why this costs this. We will pay for it. But I was still a bit salty. What was the number one thing that the price of it shocked you? Florals. Yeah, same. Florals. It was wild. I was like, what? I did not believe that florals cost, and I get it, it's a lot of time, a lot of energy, a lot of effort. These things are expensive, but I genuinely believed, I was like,

this will be our budget. That is so much money for flowers. Double it. Yeah. Double it. Triple it. It was wild. Oh no. Yeah. And then because obviously all the floods that happened last year, the florals went up more because it was harder to get them. And then, yeah, and I don't do things small. I was like, I can't just have no florals. No, that's fair. No, I totally get that. And once you've gone that far, you're like, I haven't come this far to only come this far. And it's a really negative mindset. Like that

is not a good thing. But at the same time, I can completely sympathize with brides who are like, no, like it was a week before the wedding and I decided to spend X on this. And I'm like, you know what? I get it now. I really do. Whereas before having not planned a wedding, I'd be like, well, why can't you just be a bit more conscious about your spending? And now I've done it. I'm like, nah, nah, no judgment ever here. Yeah. And my husband kept saying like, cry once about the price and we'll have the wedding of our dreams or you're going to regret cutting it. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, I had this picture of exactly what I wanted. And he was the one like, cry once and we'll pay for it. Like,

it's fine. Okay. So I thought my husband would be really budget about things and not see the value. And he was the one that was like, but what about we add this? And what about this? And I'd be like, do you realize how much these things cost, Stephen? Do you not realize? Yeah. Yeah. It's wild. So it's surprising how involved the partner gets, even though I thought that I would be planning a hundred percent of it. It wasn't the case. Yeah. No, my husband, I did everything, but he did have like decisions, but I'm the doer. He just follows along. Yeah, fair. He complained that he had to write a speech because he's like, I thought I just had to show up. I was like, no. Oh, no, sir. No. But he did a great job. Yeah, good. So, and now you're off on a honeymoon. How did you decide

when to do that? Because obviously that's a couple of months after getting married. Was that strategic or purposeful? It was because our wedding was so expensive. So we needed time to save for the honeymoon. We didn't include the honeymoon in our wedding funds. Yeah. So we've saved since the wedding, like crazy to pay for the honeymoon because it's a long, longer honeymoon than the average person. That's so exciting though. Yeah. Yes. So exciting. And I had always said I wanted to go here for my honeymoon. So I'm doing it and I'm paying for it. And, you know, like weddings, travels doubled. So everything's doubled the price it would have been four years ago, but I never regret spending money on experiences. It's just being able to save for

it, obviously. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. So when you get back from your honeymoon, what is going to be your money goal returning returning we're going to knuckle down and save for a deposit to buy a house that's exciting that's so fun all these big ticket items being ticked off let's hold it right there and go to a really quick break i want to know next question do you have any investments if so what are they yes so i obviously have my super which is at about 55 000 from memory that's very good yeah i was actually surprised when we were doing our wills the other day our solicitor asked okay but like queen behavior yes we do wills here i was like we need to do our wills so yeah and that's i was like wow

i was shocked because i swear last time i checked it was much lower than that and then we have about eight thousand dollars in like etfs and shares and then a few thousand in crypto which i just kind of leave that to ride very fair all right and then debts obviously you've got this house debt yes do you have any other debts and what are they other than that I currently have 1500 left on a loan that is only about eight percent interest which I will be paying off as soon as we get back from our honeymoon and that loan was over 30 000 from consolidating all of the credit card debt I was in. Oh my gosh. That's so close. Like that is so close to finishing it. What are you going to do when you paid all off? I feel like it's always super anticlimactic. So we've got a plan

for ourselves to have an exciting time. Yes. I don't know. Maybe like go out for a bougie dinner or something. We did it. Dinner or a bottle of champagne or something like there has to be something because when you submit your final debt repayment, they're like, thank you. And then the window closes and you're like, what? That's it? There's no like streamers or balloons. No one locks on my door and says you're out of debt like what is this about yeah I might buy some streamers that you pop a pop out and do it yeah yeah 100% I am totally behind that please film it and send it to me because I get so excited money diarist I want to know what do you think your best money habit is my best money habit is I can get a bargain anywhere and I make money work for me

in every way I can. I'm not a sting, but I'll always look for the best deal if the product's the same. Yeah. Epic. And flipping that, that's a very good money habit. But what is your worst money habit? My worst money habit is I would say gift giving. Gifts is my love language and I budget for it, but I don't think I budget enough. And because I live very close to my family and friends, I can't just do like kind of free things. So I often am sending them things like gifts or flowers or anything like that and buy them experiences. And that's obviously not very cheap. And I always think I'm only going to buy a few people, but I just randomly send people gifts to cheer them up and things like that. That's really sweet though. That's not the worst.

That's so wholesome. I love it. It's a good thing that I just need to be more realistic and be like, I need a bunch of thousands for that yeah like instead of sending flowers maybe like let's switch that out to just a nice note or something occasionally yeah that's true a nice note I never think of that but then I always come to writing the nice note and I'll be like the nice note would look really good on a bunch of flowers yeah or like with a candle or something so I send it yeah a hundred percent and you know what always gets me when you do the florist checkout because gifting is my love language too is the upsell they're like do you want to add the vase do you want to add the chocolates or the teddy bear or the whatever else. And you're like, yes. And also

I want to buy your gift card, even though you're going to give me a free one. Like I always do that too. It's really bad. Yeah. And like they even charge you for a card now. Yeah. What the heck is that? I just believe they should be absorbing that into the cost of the flowers instead of charging us 50 bucks, charge me 55. I won't notice the difference and say that there's a free card. Like that way I'm paying for it, but I don't feel like I'm paying for it. Yeah, I agree. I feel like it'd be better for me mentally if it's just all one price. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. None of that helps my budget, but it does help me mentally. Yes, mentally. Marnie Doris, obviously you've come a long way, like going through the situation you went through is insane, but unfortunately it's not

an exclusive experience. This happens unfortunately every day to families around Australia. What would you say to baby you at 15 what would you say to her now to say ah it's actually gonna be okay because I'm assuming you were terrified at the time yeah I was terrified at the time especially because I was really close with my dad so that was kind of losing him was like losing my best friend even though he was obviously around just not in the house anymore I would say like this is probably as horrible as it is it's probably the best thing that's going to ever happen to you because you're going to learn how to be so independent and not rely on anyone and just do everything on your own and pay for yourself and pay your own way and you're just going to

like overcome everything whereas some of my siblings that were older at the time they had been spoon-fed to the point that when they moved out their rent was paid and they've never come out of that mindset. So for it to happen to me when I was younger, I'm so glad because yeah, I've just gone out and done it all myself. And I have a thing where I'll always earn my own money and I don't want anyone to ever like have that over me. I feel like this is a really good place for this conversation to lead because on the surface, like I don't mean to generalize, you are a very beautiful blonde woman who has just gotten married. You obviously had a dream wedding. Like it's stunning, right? And I think that if people see this on Instagram or on Facebook

or online, they must be like, oh, she must be so entitled. Like, you know, her family must be so wealthy because a lot of this stuff is hidden, right? People aren't going to know the full story of your family because it's none of their damn business. Like people would see this, but the reality is you did this all yourself. This wasn't your family funding your wedding. This wasn't your family organizing your honeymoon or setting your financial goals and you won't have that leg up do you find that people still put you into that bucket of like oh she must just be really entitled yes people look at me and like on any social media but even people that meet me or like me my husband they think oh they've just got it lucky they just earn lots of money they just

this they just that it's the same with fitness when people look at someone with like a strong muscular body and they're like oh it must be easy for her and it's like well no we've we work really hard to get to this point like I was in 30 plus thousand dollars of debt credit card debt and I had to dig myself out of that and I never thought I would get out of that and I'm 15 hundred dollars away from it like which is so exciting yeah it's so exciting and they don't know your past and because I don't like I don't lead with hey like yeah this happened to me I don't actually tell anyone about it because it like I don't want their judgments I don't want them to think of me in a different way but yeah like you don't know what's happened in people's lives to get

them to where they are some people yeah it's on the silver platter but not really like we could say I was privileged because I was and I'm privileged in the fact that I have a loving family who always kind of stick by each other's side but yeah we did have everything taken away from us and we did have to try and save the day which hasn't been a great idea and it's taken a while, but slowly come to the point where I feel like I'm in control of my finances and I'm on top of it. And it's all on me. The buck ends with me. Yeah, a hundred percent. And I just, I find it really interesting because I guess the more successful you are, the more you work towards things, you know, the wedding, the house, you know, organizing all of this stuff. I think people just

automatically start assuming that you must be privileged to achieve these things, but it's all about putting your head down and getting the work done and organizing it. And I mean I've said it before if you're in a situation where you are in poverty no budgeting isn't going to get you out of that there are a million other resources that you can rely on but if you see somebody who has achieved some things I think we need to be reframing our thought and going well how did they do that like if you're interested about it but also knowing deep down it's actually none of your business how they achieved that focus on you if you're not in the position you want to be in what are you doing to change that instead of looking at someone else and being like oh my gosh

that my need IRS is so lucky. I can't believe they had an $80,000 wedding. Like those are your goals and your values. And I'm so bloody glad that you got to achieve them. And I think it's a good conversation. So in light of that, it sounds like you are a actual legend having gone through all of the circumstances that you've gone through, you know, obviously growing up in that situation would have been really tumultuous. You told Annalisa, our producer, before we interviewed you that you actually moved out at 16 as well, which is only going to add to all of that stress. But now you're a business development manager and you make six figures and you're killing it. Your super's looking really sexy. You have an online side hustle. You just paid off your

wedding in cash, which was 80 grand. You got $55,000 in super. You're only $1,500 away from being out of debt completely when it comes to personal debt. Do you really think you're a B plus come on yes I do think I'm a b plus all right I'll leave it I think I could do more like I just want more in shares and more consistently be investing in them that's the only thing all right well I will let you have that because I still think b plus is a pretty good grade but oh my gosh you are doing so well and I'm so proud of you and it's just so interesting and a little bit pervy to hear from someone who's been through a circumstance like that so I'm really grateful that you shared it so thank you for coming on the show money daris it has been a pleasure

Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. All right, guys, that is all we have time for today. We will see you on Wednesday. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.

If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the pds tmd and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs victoria divine and she's on the money are authorized representatives of money sherpa pty ltd abn 321-649-27708 afsl 451-289 Thank you.