She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Losing your Mum at 18

Episode Date: July 4, 2021

This Money Diary is one very close to my heart - our Money Diarist lost her Mum at 18 and shares how that has affected her throughout her life financially. Thankyou so much for opening up to us and telling us all about your lovely Mum!If you have lost your Mum and need some support, we can always count on our friends at Motherless Daughters Australia who support girls and women whose Mothers have passed away. You can also find them on instagram @motherlessdaughtersauOur fearless leader and money queen B has written a book! You can order Victoria Devine's book right here!!!!The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN 34 132 463 257 - AFSL 339151.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Toni Lodge and joining me as always for our Money Diary episode is Victoria Devine, author extraordinaire. Oof. Can we stop talking about that though? Oh, we're over the book now? No, yeah, we're over it. Okay. No, I'm kidding. Online masterclass extraordinaire. Okay, that's better. Victoria Devine. Well, actually, let's jump straight into this one because you

have said it's going to be a goodie and I genuinely can't wait to hear her story because You said that you can relate to it, but I don't know why yet. You're right. I do relate to this one. So I just want to quickly say that we talk about losing a parent quite extensively today. So if that might trigger you or upset you, then maybe hit stop and we'll see you again next week. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm glad that you put that in though, because that can be a topic that some people don't want to talk about, Toni. So with that in mind, let's get straight to her email. All right, here we go. Hi, she's on the money team. This is my money story I've been a bit afraid to write down. I was made to leave home at 18 unfortunately after my mother passed away and had to rent a flat with my sister in tow.

All within that, made terrible money habits and got into some pretty bad debt. At 26, I moved to Perth from New Zealand and had to pull my shit together. After a year in Perth, we left and ended up in Brisbane. My partner at the time was so good with money it scared me. He had only one vision which was to buy a house and do nothing else. We ended up breaking up and the breakup was tough. I had nothing and he had everything plus more. I had to really buckle down and save and pay off some debts.

I'm now 30 living in Brisbane, getting paid pretty well from where I started. I have had a few setbacks, but I'm working towards a bigger money goal, which is not living paycheck to paycheck and paying off my credit card completely. A massive thank you to She's On The Money for helping me get through it all. I've been an OG listener. Oh, my gosh. And as always, we have our money diarist on the phone. Hello, money diarist.

Hey, guys. Oh, it's so nice to have you. Thank you so much for sending in your story. It's one that is quite familiar to me and yeah, we just really appreciate you sending that in to us. Yeah, that's really special that you wanted to share that with us. Oh, totally. Oh my gosh.

So excited to talk to you guys as well. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to talk to you too. Let's jump straight into it with the structured questions and then we can have a chat about everything else after that. So, as always, first things first, what is your attitude towards money? um i my attitude towards money has changed within the past year i used to be really really um afraid of it um super afraid never enough and yeah um but certainly in the last year um it's not scared me so much i'm still a little scared of it but um yeah as it comes i know that

more will come in at the moment so do you mean scared like feeling scared that you like wouldn't have enough or yeah yeah yeah from just unfortunately I'm not growing up very you know obviously I've had I've got quite a lot of brothers and sisters and we we always were okay but never I never came from a wealthy family so and obviously being in bad habits yeah it's all kind of crept up on me so I've always been a little bit scared of money yeah that's fair and I guess that really leans into your money story and where you've come from and where you're going now and like I love when people have that level of introspection you're like hey cool like this is I had heaps of brothers and sisters and this was this and that's why I've always been scared of it

like learning that about yourself can be so powerful and just knowing why you make decisions or why you feel that way can make you feel even more empowered about moving forward and making changes instead of going oh it's so scary because it's not yeah yeah anyway next question is what do you do for work and how much money do you earn so um great question I have actually just changed job so exciting so I don't know if you want to know my previous because oh I want to know as much as you'll give us we're really pervy what have you got for us what did you do before what do you do now how much money do you have so previously I worked I work in banking um and Previously, I was a senior consultant in a call center, and I was on a wage, and roughly,

and I only know this because I checked my payslip, I earned $81,000 in the past year. Oh, that's so good. Good on you for checking your payslip. And I've actually, like I said, I've just changed jobs literally this week, and it was actually a really good push for me as everyone was talking about this in the community, on Facebook about changing jobs and actually having a decrease in wage and I've actually changed jobs for the better for my mental health and having a social life and everything um so my new job pays $64,000 so quite a that is very dramatic yeah so um I'm gonna have to get used to life

with a slightly less wage and that's okay but I love that you've put your mental health first because to be honest all the money in the world cannot make you feel happy can't make you feel enriched and like that yeah I just really cannot speak highly enough of not just chasing money and especially with unfortunately my ex that's all we were doing is money money money and now I'm like you know what it's actually more about how to live um than money so I think that's brilliant and you spend more time at work than you do at home so you might as well be happy there yes exactly so I'm very happy it's all a bit scary and changing but it will be I think it will work out for the further i think oh my gosh i love that all right next question is what is your

big money goal my biggest money goal right now is to pay off my credit card i have a small personal loan back in new zealand to pay that off how much come on don't just say small personal loan that doesn't help me it was so i'm actually pretty peppy so it was at 30 000 when i left new zealand five years ago um it's now down to six thousand oh what yes queen so that's um that's been a huge thing for me to try and smash that out um that's huge i do have a credit card as well um and i'm actually and that's a weird thing but i've got a credit card which is interest free um so i've got a limit the limit's quite high but i don't obviously use it and that's at six thousand as well so they're pretty on par just trying to smash them out yeah awesome I love that you know

like what the interest rate is and that that one's interest-free and that you've smashed out so much thus far like that is epic all right next question do you currently have any investments no I well technically from your point of view Victoria I have super so technically yes yes good you definitely do. Australia and New Zealand. So, I've got two super funds. I don't want to combine them yet because I'm not sure what the future is going to hold. I want to make sure that I have, if I go back to New Zealand, I've got something there. And obviously, I want to have a little new stick here. But I don't currently invest in any other platform. Yeah, awesome. And I think that that's a really important point to make. One, yes, your super is absolutely an

investment. But two, I actually like that you're not investing while in debt because paying down debt in itself is an investment in yourself and I know you said that there's no interest rate on the credit card that you've got right now but I guarantee you that won't be forever it'll just be for a short period of time and then it'll revert to probably some incredibly high interest rate you'll have to think about it if you haven't paid it off by then but let's say it's 14% like you do not get investments that can guarantee a 14% return but I can guarantee you that if you pay off your debt right now and you start allocating it towards paying off debt that's like 14% that you're saving for future you like that's a great investment return and we really

need to be seeing it that way because so many people like yep I'm just smashing down debt but it's taking me a bit longer because I'm investing on the side and I go look you know you do you it's all about your values and what makes you happy but that financially often doesn't stack up because while you're investing and maybe you're getting like seven and a half or 10% return, you're putting off paying 14% off on your credit card by only paying the minimum repayment so that you can quote, live your best life. Whereas in reality, you're going to be better off financially if you pay off your debt first and then start investing when you've got that clean slate. Anyway, that's my sidetrack. I'm sorry about that. I was going to say, next question is, do you have any debts?

but you literally just told us about your debt we're not going to play stupid we already know so oh my god do you have any debts oh no actually I just paid them off yeah all right so we will skip straight to what is your best money habit my best money habit is believing that I'm always poor so I will seek out the best deal I will not buy lunch I will not splurge on anything I am very very frugal um so all my friends and family always do comics um and I often say unnecessary spending like if we're going out shopping or something I will not buy that because it's unnecessary spending I really like that like still living with a frugal mindset is really important and it's something that not many of us can do let's be honest like once you get out of

it you're more likely to spend more yeah I know that that's true for so many people we chat to that they say I started earning more money and then all of a sudden my rent was twice as much because I thought I'll live in a bit nicer neighborhood or a bit nicer apartment building or whatever so it's not easy to maintain that same mindset of like being a uni student lifestyle creep my friends yeah all right what is your worst money habit so I have been thinking about this I actually have two and they're quite different I feel to other money darris um what are they my worst one is I actually spend a lot of money on tattoos tattoos oh okay locations to tattoo yeah because I feel like that could stump you

I still have an arm and a leg to go but I um yeah so I mean unfortunately because I get quite well not unfortunately but because I love art and get beautiful art you know obviously on my body it's very expensive and people don't actually realize how much it is a sitting and so expensive any tattoos well actually i do they're my eyebrows yep i panicked i was like have you got some secret tattoo on your bum or something i've never seen i got really excited then i thought oh money diarist here's the inside scoop we're about to see victoria's bum no i don't i'm too conservative not as in conservative in that i don't believe in tattoos i've always wanted one but i can't commit you're too scared that you're scared that I'll like get it and regret it and yeah that's

why but here I am getting tattoos on my face yeah okay oh they're expensive too I've had mine done twice yeah so that that's where all her money's going I feel you my other one is um I'm a huge book nerd so I spend a lot of money on books I've got a book recommendation for you you know Yes, it's one by Mrs. Victoria Devine. Oh, no, no, no. Definitely less than that. She's already got it. No, it was Grit by Angela Duckworth.

Absolutely. It was Where the Crawdads Sing. That's the only other book that I can think of. Harry Potter. Harry, well, that's my – I love Harry. That's my obsession. That's all my tattoo ones. Oh, really?

You have Harry Potter tattoos? I love Harry Potter as well. We're going to slowly wear down the anonymity of our money darts. people like hey were you a money diarist last week you're like no i don't know who that was i just have a snitch on my forehead i think as far as bad money habits go they're not like it's it's funny that you said oh i treat myself that like i'm poor and you know it makes me think oh how do you give yourself self-care then but it's kind of like the things that are your version of self-care you consider your worst money habits yeah oh totally which is silly my friend

because we all have different values right and different vices oh my gosh you know like if your vice is buying a buying a new book and you know getting a tattoo or whatever you know it's the same as somebody going oh I love an expensive bottle of champagne I drink one a week because that's my favorite thing to do makes me feel great I sit in the bath and drink bubbles oh do you do i don't we should start not only do i not have a bath but i can't afford the champagne subtle stab at her employer there i like that i like that tony um don't think that went unnoticed but with the discretionary spending that made you feel like bad it's just it just sucks that they're often the first things that we pull out of our budget when we go oh we need to save so

they're the first things that you lose are like the fun stuff that you like yeah it's all right All right, so next and final question before we get into asking you a million other questions is what grade would you give yourself if we forced you to give yourself a money grade? Look, in all honesty, I'd probably give myself a C. A C? Yeah, I feel like I'm still learning. I'm certainly not saving a lot or investing.

I definitely have more to learn. So I think definitely in the coming months and hopefully years, I will definitely get up there to an A, but right now I think I'm about a C. You're on the way. I like that. Yeah. I like that you're like, no, like this is why and this is how and I'm working towards that A.

I really like that. Yeah. It makes me excited when people have actually put thought into it. And they're not just like, I'm an A. I'm like, well, maybe not. Yeah, maybe not though. But also I like when you can say this is why because it shows this level of introspection that you've actually thought about it not just like oh

i think i'm a b and i'll be like why and i'm like oh it just sounds like a good letter to give myself okay anyway let's ask you a whole heap of other questions right after this quick break all right so we've asked you a whole heap of questions about your money situation and what's going on but in the back of my mind I really want to talk about your mum I want to ask about her and what she was like and what kind of person she was because obviously you're you know let's be honest losing a mum really early I can't empathize with I haven't lost my mum and I you know she's really special to me so I can't imagine doing that but Tony you have lost your mum and you guys lost your mum at the same age yeah we did mistaken and so I would love to know one about your mum

but two like how did that impact you how did that change your money story like did that have something to do with you moving like talk us through that process because I think it's often quite taboo to you know it's not taboo and it shouldn't but it's often quite taboo to ask someone about a parent that might have passed away when in reality it's one of the most complimentary things you can do right all you want to talk about yeah you're like what was your mum like and like I know all about Liz like Liz and I are already friends like I've decided but like what was your mom like tell us yeah oh look and I really appreciate you asking because you're right most people are really scared once they find out or anything like that so my mom was crazy she was

absolutely fabulous um she was very young as well when she passed she had us me and my sister very young so I think growing up we didn't have a lot of money um and I don't want to say to make a sad story even sadder we me and my sister we actually lost our dad when I was eight oh that's shit yeah so it was a it was a pretty crappy I mean obviously it's pretty young so but when mum passed that was it um and at 18 I had to to really grow up I had a 17 year old sister look after and she didn't die suddenly mom mom had cancer and you know obviously it progressed it was awful but mom was 39 when she died so 39 39 years so in my head money and she mom was a little bit naughty and just said you know what we're gonna we're gonna die at one stage just spend it so

really really young age just thought well we might as well spend enjoy the money go out I to spend a lot of money on my car um and and honestly she was having a great time closed and not really understanding the concept of why we're saving um and that put me obviously set me up quite bad for a good 10 years um and now I'm only finally figuring out hey I've actually got to figure you know why am I doing this um and it's actually taken obviously I was listening to when I found your podcast all that time ago and listened to the money story you know the money story part that you first did I was like wow okay this makes sense and I really started writing stuff down and figuring out why am I like this and trying to really imprint it on my sister as

well because she is very like my mum spends a lot of money she would hate for me to you know obviously out her but she knows that she needs to change and I always always send her your podcast and she does eventually listen. Oh my gosh I love that that's so kind of you to say and to share as well but it does really make sense right like you hear this story and you know if you look back on the questions that we've just asked you like saying I was in $30,000 worth of debt here are my values this is what's going on like so many people can so quickly jump to a judgment of like oh well that's quite irresponsible you go well actually you don't know anything about this you don't know the background you don't know how you've gotten there and it doesn't serve anyone

it doesn't help anyone it doesn't help empathize with a situation and to be honest if you're saying that you were living in line with the values that your mum had I guarantee you you wouldn't regret the decisions you were making when she was still around right like you weren't going to change that you were just doing the best you had with the tools and resources you had at the time and I think that's really powerful and I think we don't give people enough credit when that's the case so I love asking and just being like well you know how did that happen you're like yeah mom was crazy like you know she just lived in the moment and had a really good time and you know obviously let's be honest that worked out for her because living in the moment like long term if she

was saving for retirement she wouldn't have been able to seize that opportunity but it hasn't been a positive thing for you guys who hopefully will never be in the same situation as she's gone through and yeah I think it's really special to be able to talk about this stuff and talk about how that works without feeling like we're treading on anyone's toes or offending anybody when asking like hey like your mum passed away that's really shit like I've got nothing to say to that but what was she like how how can I learn from your story? I think as well saying oh you being in debt's really irresponsible or what you did around the time of your mum passing away is really responsible like we were similar ages and i know that after that happens you just feel so out of

control like you actually just and you do kind of feel like you need to take on this thing like i could die at any minute my mom's gone now and like i need to enjoy myself i need to have fun i need to do all the crazy things that i ever wanted to do and it takes like a while before that kind of part of you settles down you go okay well i'm actually still here and i do have a future i need to plan for and like it does take a long time to get your head around the fact that what's I guess it's part of the grieving process is that you need to come to terms with the fact that you are still here and you do need to enjoy yourself but you also need to be responsible and it's um yeah just that out of control feeling is it's funny that you said you don't know the background because often people

that do go through grief at a really young age do um end up in like a bit of financial strife because it's really hard to control your emotions and it's really easy to get into debt like it is so easy to get into debt like credit cards are very easy to apply for and get and they often take a lot of the pressure off you for having to earn that money you can just enjoy life you can go deal with it later like it doesn't matter I'll just chuck it on there we'll talk about it later or even thinking I need to work less right now because I need to spend time with my family or you know all of those things money's the biggest pressure around people passing away whether it's yeah paying bills or if they were you know supporting you which was your situation which

is so heartbreaking and I can't even imagine how how difficult that must have been for you to then have to support your sister as well you know like that would have just been such a massive pressure and I don't want to say burden because it isn't a burden but it just is that massive like weight on your shoulders and i think especially at 18 like i didn't realize how expensive power and you know like and renting and we had to buy everything we had a bed each that's what we had we had to buy all the appliances like couches and tv like we had a small 14 inch tv for a long time because we just had nothing else and um we were lucky enough we had a um like a flatmate that came with us but we were all wild like when i say wild i don't mean

partying and drinking all the time but just really irresponsible and yeah but you know like everyone's irresponsible when they're 18 you know I like expected to be a parent like and lots of people you know they do have kids at 18 and they become parents but you didn't choose to become a parent of a 17 year old and you didn't like it's really hard to be thrown into the midst of that while grieving because you also feel like you have to be that person that's stable for your sibling and like it's just a lot of responsibility that you know you wouldn't change for the world I'm sure but also people just don't realize how taxing that can be on other people you're not wrong yeah but it all worked out thankfully I'm still here and yeah and I feel like your attitude towards money

like really going back to the very start of this episode you said that you were you know taking a lower paying job because you really value life and family and you know living life on your terms and it just makes so much sense that that is your approach and that you know money isn't a thing that you're chasing and that yeah I've still got debt but I'm actually making this decision for me and it makes a lot of priority is yourself I love that I love that because I feel like too many times I've run into people who have gone through this situation and you know they don't have a parent anymore and to flip the narrative they're now back flipping because they've gone through that they've been in debt and now they're chasing the highest paying job and they're sacrificing

absolutely everything to get out of that debt because they go oh my gosh I've wasted so much time yeah and it's not the case like we can get out of this debt we can you know work towards it and I just think that it's really special to be able to do that and I think like thankfully for me um my new partner is super amazing and very supportive and understands where I come from money story-wise um whereas my ex-partner unfortunately didn't um and they were very concerned you know all they wanted to do was buy a house and train you know really really try to drum that into me whereas my current partner is amazing and she understands that actually you know we've got to live and actually enjoy life and enjoy the little things and enjoy a weekend you know I came from

a job i would work three weekends in a like in a month and late nights and early starts and all this kind of you know i want to say call center with my mom you know work because it was um and it was also a really mentally challenging job and like you said um a couple of weeks ago um on the um on an episode is i think actually tony you said it is that people on the phones are you know they're actually people so when people are calling up these call centers and screaming and yelling at them we're actually people as well and 100% you are like and you're you're just understanding that like if someone calls and especially the bank they're like I don't want this interest you're kind of like girl I don't want you to have interest either but I don't want it either

I gotta follow the process um and the process is this and I can help you here or I cannot help you like don't yell at people on the phone it's not their fault I think coming from a job from that to being away from Cal, I'm not in customer service anymore, is really going to be really great for my mental health. And as much as I love people, I think it will be a really nice step away from them. I'm really excited for you that you took that leap of faith and just went, you know what, like being happy is just so much

more important to me. And you're pretty young as well. It takes lots of people many, many, many years before they realise that they actually should prioritise their happiness over what kind like how they've got or having the latest iPhone or whatever. And I know that I sound like, okay, boom, I'm being like, oh, the latest iPhone, like did your jeans come with those rips? But it's true.

That is true. It's this thing of like when you're young, you don't really have that foresight to look into how it's going to be. You just don't. And we deserve it. And it's one of those things that you don't learn. And I hope that, you know, over time She's On The Money becomes a place where if someone's going

through something really tough, they know that we'll have maybe not all the answers but like we can point you in the right direction and help you on that journey and so many people it's it's heartbreaking how many people go through this and you know message me and say hey like I don't know what to do but this has just happened and I'm like okay these are the next steps this is what's gonna happen and you know I'm really grateful that I get to be that person for some people because you know if you've just lost a parent and as you said you didn't have a dad on the scene either because unfortunately you lost him as well like sometimes you just need someone to tell you hey it's all right these are

the next steps so yeah no I'm really grateful that you've shared this story with us and yeah that's really special so thank you thanks for letting me share it no thank you for sharing it with us and you know letting us learn a bit about your crazy mom and a bit about your journey and your debts and how much you earn and like it's just such a powerful story to share and I think our community is so much richer because these stories do get shared and we genuinely go, oh my gosh, you're right. Like I would have so immediately jumped to going, how did you get into $30,000 worth of credit card debt? Like, okay, no, there's usually a reason. People don't get into debt on purpose ever. Or choose to do that. Nobody chooses that. Nobody would ever logically choose that. There's

always a reason and there's always a journey and you don't know anything about anybody else until you've walked a mile in their shoes so i think that that tony is probably a really beautiful place to leave it thank you so much for sharing that with us we honestly really really appreciate it all right and as always just before we head off we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to australia's aboriginal and torres strait islander peoples they're the traditional custodians of the lands the waterways and the skies all across australia we thank you for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn we pay our respects to elders past and present and we share our friendship and our kindness the advice shared on she's on the money is generally

nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision and we promise that victoria divine is an authorized representative of australia pacific funds management proprietary limited abm 34132463257 afsl 339151 yay that was pretty good thank you thanks for cutting this episode by the way anytime what a legend literally anytime oh it's like it's your job my love see you next week guys