She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Loss, Lingering Grief & Legacy

Episode Date: December 10, 2023

Today's Money Diarist has endured huge loss. With the passing of both her nana and mum within a couple months of each other, she has come into some inheritance that allowed her to buy and apartment. She's had to restructure a lot about her life, future and finances and wants to share her complex story of grief and money. Send us your Money Diary Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our Money Diaries, where I get the absolute pleasure of sitting down with one of my friends from the community and talking all about their money story. Before I read out the letter I got this week, I just wanted to give you guys a little bit of a content warning. We are discussing inheritance today, which can be a little bit of a tricky topic for some. This is a beautiful Money Diary talking about a positive experience with inheritance and how the money has been used to help them thrive but if it's not a conversation for you

today or for you at this point in time we have so many other episodes you could dive right into now so thanks for coming and we will see you next time for those of you sticking around here is the letter i got hi victoria earlier this year i lost my nana and my mom within a couple of months of each other since then i've come into some money and managed to purchase an apartment to live in since the passing of my mum I've had to restructure a lot of my life my future and my finances in a heartbeat I would trade my apartment and the money I received to have my mum back and I think grief and money is a discussion not often had money diarist I could not agree with you more kick you while you're down your mum and your nana like so close together like I'm sorry

that's actually quite rude isn't it yeah but you know life and the opposite of life happens to all of us yeah yeah exactly but that's just bullshit like you don't deserve to lose one let alone both at once anyway that's really really awful I'm so sorry for your loss but I think talking about it is also something that as you said in your letter I think grief and money is not a discussion often had but also just like the burden of all of that it's not just oh you lost your mom and your nana it's also like the admin the life admin everything that is then put on your shoulders can you tell me a little bit about that before we get into I guess our more structured questions yeah of course I thought I would write in after I noticed a couple of the episodes you know you

were talking about inheritances and obviously you have a lot of experience with this and you're very familiar you know with walking people through it and we're already emotional about money and finances. And then, you know, you add grief on top of it and it becomes, you know, significantly more complex. It's everything tied into it all. So for me, you know, I think we've spoken about this. I just wanted to honor my mom and my Nana. I am in some regards, very lucky. I know that sounds weird to be starting off this conversation with that. Essentially, obviously my dad was the inheritor of everything because it was his mother and his wife so it all kind of came to him and he wanted to help my sister and I out and he gave us access to a portion of the money earlier knowing

that I wanted to buy a house you know my sister and her partner as well and things like that so I don't know it's like a whole thing like you're grieving somebody who you love so dearly my mum was only 58 years old she was really young it was quite sudden in the end and you're going through all of this and then you have to go through a crap ton of paperwork and make shitty decisions about deaths that no one wants to have to make yep something that like I didn't even realize about until obviously these last few months my dad had to go in and file a tax return on behalf of my mother yeah you do right like and you don't even think about those things just the shit things that you have to do. Like, it's horrendous. Like, there's not one good thing about that.

Yeah, exactly. Even things like, obviously, because, you know, I'm a direct descendant of my mum, I could ask for a portion of that inheritance. But I've got a really good relationship with my dad and wanted him, you know, to have the money to make his own decisions with that. Yeah, of course. But I was going in whilst grieving and signing documents saying, you know, I don't know the exact amount of my mum's superannuation account, but I'm signing all of this over to my dad and I'm fully cognizant of that and I'm happy to do it. And I was just thinking to myself, my goodness, I'm lucky. I am so lucky that I have such a good relationship with my dad, with my sister,

and that I'm also financially informed and I know the kind of decisions that I'm making. And there are some people out there, you know, we were having discussions prior to my mum getting put into palliative care, a nurse comes and meets with you and they go through like a list of questions and they ask you things like, do you own this house? Are you on any form of support or financial assistance? Are you working? Are you able to take leave? And there are some people who will be answering, you know, I rent. No, I don't own this house. Yes, I am on support. No, I do not work currently. And, you know, all of these things. And again, I was just thinking, my goodness, I am lucky to be able to mostly focus on my grief and not deal with all of these

other things as well. Yeah, wow. It was a very eye-opening experience. So your mum was sick and then she passed away at 58 years young. Tell me a little bit more, I guess, about the estate planning process for that. Did she have a will in place? Had she discussed these things with you? I know some families do, some families completely like bury their heads in the sand and don't want to have conversations about that because obviously it's overwhelming. Like it's not very sexy. It's not nice conversation to be having, especially when you want to be, I guess, savoring every moment that you can get together. What was that like? So luckily my parents had had a lot of these conversations when everybody was well, which is so important, right? To have these

conversations before the concept of death has even entered into your life so I knew that there was a will already and look my parents have been together since they were 19 years old oh so cute yeah yeah they were set up by my mom's brother no they weren't that's so wholesome very wholesome so they were together for a very very long time over half of their lives so they split everything like everything was shared the only thing separate was my mom's superannuation account and some shares in terms of the actual estate itself that was quite straightforward because you know there was no hidden secret relationships or secret children oh thank god like honestly as a financial advisor I have seen it all I have seen the secret children

come out of the woodwork I have seen the secret partner that lives in a different state and they thought that their husband actually was traveling back and forth for work, but they weren't. They were maintaining two different lives. Any of my ex-clients, if you're listening to this right now and you want to share that story publicly, you just slide straight into my DMs and I'll get you on the show. Just let us know. I will be listening to that episode. Yeah, I know, right? Like I need all the juicy details, but I'm obviously not going to share it without their permission. But it's interesting how messy it can get. And I'm very, very grateful that you didn't have that experience. No, I've been raised by two incredibly pragmatic people and they always had their house

in order and were debt-free at this point. Oh, very nice. Get it, mum and dad, by 58. Yeah, so very together. Yeah, really planned it and yeah, they always lived within their means. So again, like this is a very good kind of like financial situation to be in for them. So obviously in terms of like the finances and the estate, that was just a matter of paperwork. But the other side of it is acknowledging and knowing that you are passing away and that your loved one is passing away. So, when somebody is sick for a while, coming to that realization can really hurt and there are some things that you have to do sort of in those final moments like putting in insurance claims and saying that you have a terminal illness. And that is the bit that I think

my mum struggled with the most because it's admitting defeat and that was probably the hardest part in terms of you know your initial question of the estate planning yeah there was a rush to get all of this paperwork through yeah all of your ducks in a row yeah because we had so much hope and we were so just focused on like it's okay we can do this and it'll be fine and then very quickly it wasn't and so yeah getting all of that was tricky in the end but the rest of it yeah I'm very grateful to have been raised by two parents who had their heads screwed on yeah I can tell but also I can just tell that they were just like wholesome human beings oh your mum sounds like a legend but talk to me I guess a bit more about this admitting

admitting defeat vibe, because that's really shitty. I have had to work with clients who are dying and we have had to go through those things. And a lot of the time I'm like, look, we have to go through this. Obviously this is what medicine says, but wouldn't it be cool if I could call them and say, ha ha, let's withdraw that. We don't need it anymore. How did you have those conversations with your mom? Obviously admitting defeat at the end, it's just really shitty. Like there's no other way to put it. Like I don't want to, you know, romanticize it and be like, some miracle could happen because it doesn't help to do that. What would you say to somebody going through the same process that you have just been through to make it a little bit easier?

Well, the diagnosis was never curable. So we knew it was just a matter of trying to extend life as much as possible. So since that initial diagnosis, which was about two years prior, I'd made a point of always, you know, finishing every conversation with I love you. And I moved back home, you know, everything just became significantly more intentional. And I had those conversations with my mum when she was well and happy and feeling positive about, you know, how she has and her regrets. To be able to have that conversation is amazing. So many people get a diagnosis of, you know, this is it. And they have so many people that they need to call, people that they need to apologize to, things that they worry about. Whereas that wasn't the case with my mom.

She'd done everything right. Oh, mom, of course she did. Yeah. She just knew that she could go in grace. However, because she was so well for the majority of her time the end was very quick yeah I suppose I want to say to people movies do sensationalize a lot of this stuff and so does literature and all of these things and you know those conversations those final goodbyes it's not always like that don't think that you're meant to you know have this big final moment with somebody because somebody's final moment isn't the entirety of their life, you know, you've got too many good memories leading up to it. So yeah, I suppose that's what I would say about that. That's really sweet. I really like that. I think it's so

important to share more conversation about this more regularly as well, because there is a very complicated relationship between grief and money. And one thing I do want to ask before we get back on track with Money Diaries, I've got so many questions I want to ask you. Something that I've always dealt with, I guess, as an ex-financial advisor is guilt. So, you know, you've gone through this, you've done absolutely the best you can for your mum, right? End to end, you know she had a life well lived and that is so beautiful. But then the end comes and it's usually not immediate. It might be two or three months after the passing, you're finally making some big decisions around some inheritance, around some money, whether that is the thousand dollars that

you've inherited and need to allocate or it's a whole house or it might be an entire investment portfolio that sets you up for the rest of your life. There seems to be a lot of guilt around, I guess, spending that money. And you said something earlier about honoring the money. And that's what I really, you know, drive people towards. I'm like, no, your mom can't be here. Like, obviously anyone who has gone through this can empathize and say in a flash, I'll trade my apartment. I'll trade the money that I received. I want my mom back 10 out of 10, even if it's for a day like I would take that back in a heartbeat however have you dealt with the I guess guilt that comes with taking on such a large responsibility I don't know if I would frame it as guilt good

because it's not no one of the biggest lessons that I've learned is life is significantly too short to be messing around with those kinds of feelings right and I suppose the other side of it Maybe I didn't so much deal with guilt, but I did for a period of time felt this almost like impending sense of, you know, oh my goodness, I haven't done the things that I want to do just yet. And what if I don't have the time to do it? You know, my mom did the things that she wanted to do and she made all of the right decisions. And then you end up putting that mirror on yourself. and so I think for me it was we can get into it when you ask me some of the questions but you'll find out this year I've made a lot of big decisions all right all right let's get into the questions

then I've done it eyes wide open no I love it I love it so back to the first question I usually ask people but I wanted to talk about your mum at first sorry yeah I know she's worth it she 100% is worth it. Exactly. What grade would you give your money habits if I asked you to give yourself a grade from A3 to F? I think I'm a solid A. You're a solid A. I love the conviction. Next question, I want to know, obviously, a bit more about your money story. How'd you grow up around money? What did that look like? You've dropped in conversation a little bit earlier that you were brought up by, quote, two people with their heads screwed on. What was that like?

yeah they were raised in very humble homes and not to the point of having food insecurity but to the point of you know both leaving school at 16 to get work and you know moving out of home pretty quickly to you know be independent and to not you know burden their family and things like that my mum also lost her mother when she was quite young as well so a bit of a legacy there and then they met quite young and were very smart about things so you know if you look at their timeline they waited a while like you know this was in the 80s so a while for the time being like six years before they even got married oh what yeah that's a lot of time yeah mum and dad were savvy exactly they waited almost 10 years being together before they even had kids

oh I love this from them yeah they were planned and I was too and it shocks me I'm like who chose this right really okay me all right no worries that was a choice like my mom has always been very financially informed, which was a great role model. She's a woman after my own heart. I already love her. I would go over and she'd be like, what superannuation account are you with? Yes, mom, you're a queen. She'd be like, I don't think that they're as competitive as the other one. I think you should change to this one. And then she'd like, give me the spiel of why. I hope that's the mom I am. Like you, right? My kids, if it comes out and it's called superannuation. Don't be surprised. One of my mom's friends got divorced quite later in life.

And in that relationship, she had no financial independence and obviously had to learn a lot in her 60s. And, you know, my mom got some finance books and went over and, you know, had some catch ups with her and helped her get herself set up. And she's back in the workforce and all of these kinds of things. Mom sounds like she was queen. yeah exactly and she learned about shares when she was working at a bank and she bought some and then they sold them and they paid off the house and then they renovated the house and then like remortgaged and they were always yeah doing what they could and my sister and I both went to really good schools we both got university educations and it's always just sort of been

And I think for them and what I've seen is independence, like a strong sense of independence and needing to stand on your own two feet and not burdening other people with your financial needs, you know, like not doing things that you can't afford. So, you know, you live the life that you can. And then also just one foot in front of the other, like making sure that every decision that you make is putting yourself in a better position than you were the day before. And that might be small, but you'll find yourself like five years later and you'll look back and you'll go, my goodness, I never thought that I'd be here. No wonder your parents

have a daughter that had such conviction that she was an A. Like, it's not surprising. I should have asked you the other one first and then been like, right, so you think you're an A financially because like I expect nothing less at this point. All right, tell me now, what do you do for work? How much money do you earn? I work in HR. I've been doing that for about five years now and I'm on 118,000 a year. Is that including or excluding super? Excluding super. Oh, so you get super on top of that. I'm actually so proud of that. My first job out of uni five years ago was like 50k. Hold on. So in five years, you've gone from 50k to 118 plus super? Yeah. Sorry, quick crash course. How do we do that too? Never leave a job unhappy. Always fix your situation first.

and you talk about it a lot in your books and things like that. You push for those promotions, but you ask them, what do I need to do to get that pay rise? What do I need to do to get that promotion? Get your manager to spell it out for you and then keep track of what you do. And then you can be on 118 plus super. All right, I'm just going to copy you. That cut, paste, stunning. I love that advice. That's so inspiring. In five years, you've gone from 50 grand to 118. Queen, I love it. That is very, very impressive. So tell me a bit more about your big money goals. What are you currently working towards?

Well, I just achieved my big money goal. I settled on my apartment in September. Congratulations. Thank you. That's so exciting. Your mama would be so proud. She'd be like, get it, little queen. That's exactly how I taught you.

Exactly. And it's what she wanted, which is why, you know, you're asking me about how I spent the money and everything. it was all 100% on putting a very generous deposit down on my apartment. Because in today's economy, I wanted to reduce the amount of money that I was borrowing from the bank as much as I could. Yeah, because it's crippling right now. Oh, yeah. So I didn't want to invest in shares or anything like that. I was also made redundant earlier on in the year. Yeah, about like two months after my mum passed away. Oh, kick you while you're down. Are you joking? That should

be illegal. I know. I got a three month payout from that. Okay. Not too bad. And I secured a job before my redundancy had even been confirmed. Oh, okay. So it all works out. But like in my head, that should still be illegal. Like that is not acceptable. How's your mental health now? Oh, we're good. It's all right. But at the time, I am assuming that that wasn't the most comfortable of periods I was just honestly thought like you know what this isn't as bad as what I've dealt with already this year like I think when you lose somebody really close to you you think that's a problem this is not a problem this is fixable yeah okay I can fix this I can't fix somebody dying but I can fix getting a new job yeah okay it makes these problems seem very small in comparison

it really does I was like oh that's just work like we'll figure that out yeah that's fine like honestly, at this point, don't even need a job. Yeah. So I also got like kind of that additional bonus money as well. I want to say about 20K. Yeah. Maybe. For those listening who might not understand redundancy, you are lucky, but also there's different tax rates applied to redundancy payouts. So obviously you'd be on a pretty good tax rate if you're on 118 plus super, but you often end up walking away with a bit more cash in the bank than you would have if that was treated as normal pay. So 20K is good. That would have been a nice little bonus, especially if you had sorted out another job. Did that just all go straight to your home deposit? Most of it, yeah.

And then part of it went to a holiday. So that is why I kind of also was very confident in spending the money that I got from dad through my Nana and my mom in just putting that straight onto the deposit because I had a little bit of like extra fund money come in at the time that I was able to spend on you know some stuff that you know just for me so I did that you deserved that thank you so then I started a new job and then I went overseas and my dad texted me while I was overseas being like there's some money in your bank account I was like oh chill no worries no problems at all he sent me like 140k just a little bit of change dad oh my gosh but that's life changing. I was like at a restaurant and I was like, okay, all right, we're just going to not

react. Yeah, no, no, no. We don't want to react, but also like it's a life changing amount of money, right? Like it puts you in such a different situation and it's a lot. All right. I have a lot of questions. Let's go to a really quick break on the flip side. I want to talk about your property journey. I want to talk about investments and I want to talk about, I guess, how you've structured this home loan, because you said before, obviously I wanted a bit more of a chunky deposit because interest rates are so high. So I've just got so many questions. Guys, don't go anywhere. All right, Money Diarist, we are back. And I want to know, first cap off the rank, do you have any investments? If so, what are they? Yes. So I have my house, which

I live in. We cannot classify that as an investment. Oh, you've been listening to the podcast. I see you. Depending on your perspective, whether you like to think of it as an investment or not. Well, obviously talk to me about the house. If you see it as an investment, why do you see it as an investment? How does that work and what does that look like? Yeah. So first of all, I adore it and I'm super happy living in it. It's an apartment. I could have gone further out and bought myself a house, but I like living close to the city and I thought I'm not going to buy something for a future that I don't even know is going to happen. I'm single. So you're a catch as well. Look at this. She works in HR. She owns 118K.

I'll take referrals. Yeah, yeah. I'm working on it. You own your own house. You're a catch. 10 out of 10. If you popped up on Bumble for me, I'd be like, yep, 10 out of 10. I'll never forget. My dad once said to me, he's like, when you buy a house, you're going to be so much more attractive because men will be attracted to your assets. Oh, get in the bin, dad. I'm not going to tell the men that. That's a secret.

I'll pop out on our wedding day and let them know. Oh, by the way, did you also know that I'm very financially secure? Pragmatic dad advice. You know what? I like that he's interested. So I got the apartment $680 for it and I put down just over $180 on it. So I got my loan under $500. And then on top of that, obviously, you know, stamp and legal fees and all of that kind of

stuff. So I basically cleared my savings out because I saved up 70K. Oh, that's so good. Yeah. And plus dad's money. And so then that kind of, yeah, dropped my overall loaning amount down quite significantly. And then I signed up for a principal and interest loan. So the way you're asking me about how I see this as an investment, the way I see it is that I'm building equity. I'm in a very resellable suburb. It's not going to go up massively like houses do, but it will go up maybe a little bit.

But in the meantime, I'm putting money away essentially so that if my life does change, then I'm setting myself up to make my purchase in the future more accessible for myself. I'm in the market essentially. I love this. Do you think that your mindset around purchasing was a little bit more stable because you actually had saved such a significant amount of money on your own? So like you obviously said, I actually saved 70 grand of this on my own and then obviously

140 turbocharges it. That's very sexy. We love that. But I feel like sometimes if you only are working with inheritance, there's a lot more apprehension. How did you feel? Yeah, like part of it was, yeah, this is my money because not all of it was just the money from my parents that I had saved up a significant amount of money. I wouldn't say that 70k is

insignificant at all. Nobody would. And if they do, they're not in our community. Like they're not our people, my friend. But having said that, I was very quick at making my decisions because I just came and saw this place and I was like, that's perfect. The real estate agent was like, this will buy it today. And I went home and I did the math and everything. I made an offer and within four hours, the owners had signed and I was lying in bed. It was like nine o'clock at night. and I was like, oh my God, I own an apartment. What just happened? I love that so much because so many times people have like painful money journeys when it comes to property. They're like, oh, I've put in offers on 50 properties and I haven't got them. And then,

you know, it went 100K over at auction, et cetera, et cetera. And you just walked in, made an offer, four hours later, it was all yours. Do you think your mom had anything to do with that? Because I think she did. When I was moving, I was living at home and I'm going through the garage and everything and I'm finding four sets of cutlery that my mum had put aside. I'm finding a whole bunch of like shelf cooking. I'm finding like beaters and all these extra, you know, bits of things to have in the house.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, she had plans. I love her. She knew what she was doing. She was involved. She's the mum that had the money magazine and was like meddling in your super and was like, they're not competitive enough. Like you best believe that wasn't going to stop. so at the moment let's talk about the debt that you have you said you took out a five hundred

thousand dollar loan what's currently owing on that and do you have any other debts so hex is sitting at about 35k i want to say i'm just ignoring that it comes out pre-tax and you'll knock it over my friend i don't think on 118 grand you need to worry too much about your hex it'll slowly tick away and you'll be just fine yeah it's going down it started at 45 you know we're 10k off already happy days oh money wins and I've only just gotten the loan so I haven't worked too much off of it but we're down I think to like 497 98 yep so just chipping away at that slowly and that's it the debts I don't have anything else never took out a loan in my life That's very sexy. And to be honest with parents like yours, I'm not surprised that that's what

you would say. Tell me a bit about what you think your best money habit is. Best money habit, I'm organized. I treat it like my life. I schedule in my payments. I know exactly what's in my bank account. I can really research when I need to. I've got my house in order. I don't have any skeletons in the closet. I was just going to say quickly, we mentioned investments. I do have super and I also do have some shares as well. Oh, tell me about those shares. How did you forget those? You should know me well enough by now, my friend. I got distracted by the house chat. Yeah. Okay. That's so fair. Tell me about your shares.

I inherited some from my work. Part of my package was to be given shares. So I kickstarted off with that. And then I invest prior to owning the house, I was putting away $50 a week into an ETF. And then now it's down to $20 a week. Yeah, because you have a mortgage and life is expensive. Yep. So that's just kind of sitting there. It's about $6,500. So we'll just let that slowly build over time. I don't know. The share market, I think I'm just happy to be slow about it and just I'll get it to probably maybe about 15k and then I'll look at investing in the blue chips. I love. And in the meantime, I'll just let that slowly build. And then my super's at about 40.

Hey, that's very sexy for your age. No, $40 or $40,000. I was about to be like, sorry, I think you're lying. I just realized I said like 40 and didn't clarify how much of 40 it was. I've read you like a very open book. It is okay. But what I want to know, you mentioned before that you're putting $50, now $20 a week into an ETF. It's a really beautiful way of investing. You said, look, I'm just going to let that chip away. Like, you know, I've got my priorities in other areas, but at least I'm investing. How did you pick that ETF and what platform did you go with?

I bought Investing Rishis on the Money. Oh, that's a great book. I heard great things about that book. I injured my back and my brother-in-law sat next to me and read it to me while I tried not to cry about my sore back because he's a gem. Oh my gosh, what a legend. Also, you could have picked a better book. Like, if I'm sad and my back hurts, I don't want to hear investing where she's on the money. Like, read me some, I don't know, Fifty Shades of Grey. Probably inappropriate for that dynamic that you had? Not for the brother-in-law. I'm from Tasmania, so maybe that's okay. I don't know.

But at the end of the day, like I would have picked something a little bit more engaging that maybe would have felt less painful. But you do you, Boo. Well, we learned things and that was fun, Vic. I couldn't agree more, but obviously the book isn't going to give you exactly what ETF to invest in, but more like a process of elimination and how to pick one. But what did you come up with? What did you say? All right, well, now I've done my research. This is the ETF for me and this is how I'm going to do it. So for me, it was about choosing socially responsible ETFs because that's something that I'm quite passionate about. So I didn't want to be accidentally investing in my money that would go against sort of my own values. So I broke it

down based on my values. I then looked at what capacity I had to contribute. I get paid weekly, so it's easy for me to manage my contributions weekly. I can't like put money away, know it's there to like build up to then invest in one big bulk go so I have to do it you know in incremental amounts so then that kind of led to me making a decision on what the fees would be in terms of like my purchases and what would hurt me less so I suppose there was both that kind of like financial decision along with also the moral and you know kind of personal values decision and that's sort of how I got there in the end. Yeah, gorgeous. Can I ask what platform you picked to invest on? Jerseys.

Why am I not surprised? A little she's on the money, Stan. And then what ETF did you pick? Just out of interest, not advice, obviously. We're just being pervy. I need to know. The socially responsible option that they have on their platform. Very sexy. I like this. Yeah. So it's a combination of a few things. Yeah, I'm just using it as an opportunity. It's not doing super well at the moment. No, the market isn't. So that makes sense. So I'm just letting it chip away and then I'll check in in like 10 years. That is a very good way to approach investing. I don't hate that at all. All right. Let's flip

the narrative. You are an A money person. I would assume also an A personality type because you and I are very similar. So tell me now, which is probably going to be hard for an A personality type. What's your worst money habit? it. I don't know if you would be surprised by this, but I think there's definitely a threat of people pleasing that comes from an A personality type. Yep. And I would say probably setting boundaries, which I'm working on. We're getting there. I get excited about things that my friends want to do. And sometimes I don't always have the capacity to afford it. Yeah, that's fair. I don't have a credit card, so I'm never like borrowing to do things. It just means that maybe

I'm eating two minute noodles for the week to do things and that's okay or not. But I've implemented a buffer fund to stop dipping into my savings and that's actually worked really well. And then I think it just comes with time and maturity in terms of the kind of friends that you have around you, the people that you trust and how you communicate just boundaries in general with people and I think it's just I'm slowly getting there yeah I love that and I like the I guess ability to self-reflect on that saying oh I'm a bit of a people pleaser needs to be better at setting boundaries is something that I need to do too but then also when I look at my money story and I look at my values I kind of like being a people pleaser at the same time I think there's

this very negative connotation when you say oh she's a people pleaser like that it's a negative thing. I want to make people happy. Yeah. And do you know what? If I've got the funds and I know that this thing that I could purchase is going to make your day even better, I'm going to do it anyway. And I don't think that that is a negative thing. I think we just need to be really aware of those things so that they don't end up negatively impacting our bigger goals. Because if making those decisions is what's getting in the way of purchasing your first home, if that's your biggest goal or investing or getting out of personal debt, then we really need to like reflect a bit more. However, like, I think you would be on the same page as me. Like, I kind of like being

a little bit of a people pleaser at the same time. Yeah, I need to be maybe a little bit better at boundaries and not agree to so much. However, I really like that one of my personality traits is, you know, being generous and being kind and, you know, wanting the best for other people. And I don't think that's ever negative. And I think that we need to change that narrative around like, oh, she's such a people pleaser to like, oh, she's a really kind and generous human being. Exactly. And if I'm the friend that people think will say yes to the wine tour, then I'm not mad about that perception at all. Yeah. I'm pregnant, but I'm still there. I will be there with bells on.

You're like, I'll drive. Yeah, exactly. Look how much value I'm bringing as a friend already. Oh my gosh. I love this. I love our conversation. Unfortunately, we are almost out of time. However, at the start of this episode, you said, I'm an A. I'm not going to argue with you. I don't think anyone listening to this episode is going to argue with you, but you didn't say A+. What would it take to get you to an A plus? I think I could be a bit more strategic about things sometimes like, you know, researching the actual shares and investment economy and things instead of choosing a low effort option. That's not a bad option though. That was a smart decision from you

for a very passive investment portfolio. So can't say you're wrong there. Yeah. So I think I make the right decisions, but I do sometimes choose the easier ones just to stay in my comfort zone. So I think I could push myself a little bit out of my comfort zone. That might bolster me up to an A plus. I know everybody talks about the side hustles, but I'm really not going to do that because I'm like, ah, working is enough. That's so valid. Like, I obviously love a side hustle, right? Like, get it, Queens? You are obviously the queen of side hustles in the sense that now look at you. Yep. And it works for me, but you know what? It doesn't work for everybody. And I think that

there is a lot of beauty in actually having off time. So find your niche and love it hard and don't feel bad when other people are doing different because different doesn't necessarily mean better. More money is not necessarily better. Lifestyle and enjoying your world is to me the most important thing. 100%. I have always said, you live to work or you work to live, right? And if you're living to work, then you have to do your passion. You can't live it any other way because it's going to be your life and it has to then be what you love. But if you're working to live, you don't have to do something necessarily that you adore, but you have to make sure that you've got time to do things that you adore. I love that. I choose something that I am

good at and I like it. It's not exactly my passion. I would say that my passion is reading about 150 romance books a year. Oh, that's a slay. That's just a little bit of a flex. She's on the money's books. We're not the romance ones though, hey? No, they kind of took it down to like maybe 145 romance books. Yeah, I can see why you didn't get your brother-in-law to read those to you because it could have gotten very awkward very quickly. But I love this. I love this for you. And I think that's honestly a perfect place to leave it. Money Diarist, I am so grateful for you and your story and you sharing a little bit about your mum. Like it's so nice to talk about people

who aren't with us anymore. And I think too often we just sweep it under the rug and go, oh my gosh, you lost your mum. That's so unfortunate. Bye. Let's change the topic of the conversation because sometimes it can be awkward, but I can tell you love talking about your mum. She was a brilliant person and you beam when you talk about her and you deserve to talk about her more. So I really hope that more people around you want to have more conversations, not like this one, but like more conversations about your mum and about her legacy and what she's created and how proud of you she would be. But it has been an absolute pleasure having, I guess, an hour to sit down with you and chat and learn about you and your life. So thank you so much for that. Thank you. It's been a delight

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