She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Mental Health and our finances

Episode Date: July 11, 2021

Happy Monday Angels! We hope you've had an amazing weekend! We have an incredibly empowering story to share with you today, and as a content warning, we do discuss Eating Disorders to quite an extent, so if that's not something you feel like you can hear today; please don't worry! We will see you for our Deep Dive on Wednesday.If you'd like some support or resources around the topics discussed, please visit our friends at The Butterfly Foundation.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN 34 132 463 257 - AFSL 339151.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. my name is tony lodge and joining me for the first money diary brought to you by our friends at shop back so we're now going to call it the shop back money diaries is my best friend victoria and we get to talk about shop back every week which we already do in our office but like that's not the point it's not the point but now we're going to start asking all our money diarists how

they've been using shop back ask for their hacks i'm excited to find out because i only just downloaded it to my Chrome. What are you doing? I know I'm an idiot. You are slack. I know I was using the app like a fool anyway. So today's money diary is a really touching one I know that it's going to be a bit of a tough listen for a few people out there so I just wanted to add a little trigger warning right at the top. We will be talking about eating disorders and disordered eating and some mental health struggles. If you're just not comfortable having that conversation today we would suggest jumping on to the next pod and seeing you next time but I think it's really important and I don't know what this money diary is about just yet but I think it's really

important to give you the warning and let you know that that's what we're going to be talking about because at the end of the day maybe you're just not feeling it today and we want everyone to feel safe and understood so we'd never ever ever want to put you in a position where you were hearing something that you weren't prepared for so with that in mind if you are leaving we love you but If you're not, Tony, would you please read out this week's Money Diarist's email? Hi, Victoria and the She's on the Money team. I've always been a saver, but this has meant that I've struggled to spend money on myself, including my mental health.

Over the past few years, I've really tried to challenge my beliefs by knowing my worth, both personally and professionally. I moved out of home when I was 18 and reached my goal of saving $20,000 the month before I turned 20. Before 20? Uh-huh. Okay. Crazy.

unrelatable content the following year I realized that my career goals didn't align with my values and I went back to studying becoming the first person in my family to graduate from university oh that's so sweet very cool all while this was happening I was struggling with poor mental health and an undiagnosed eating disorder while I'd been to a couple of therapists in the past the high fees were an ongoing barrier and it wasn't until I started to seek help through my university that i really began to understand what was what i was experiencing my money story came into play with my disordered eating too i would often worry about my cash flow and spending money on food and this would contribute to feeling shame and guilt particularly around binge eating

since graduating at the end of 2019 i've maintained regular ongoing therapy regardless of my income or employment status i've also had two contract roles negotiating my first offer from $45,000 to $54,000. Yes. And then successfully asking for a salary of $66,000 in my current position. Yes, queen. Let's talk to her. She's already on the line. Hello, money diarist. Hi, thank you so much for having me here. Oh my gosh, we are so excited about this. This is going to be such a good story. Yeah, and thank you for getting in contact. It's always such an honor to read people's stories. It's like super intimate details. So thank you for sending it through oh my pleasure it was so strange hearing it being read by someone else

I think that was quite yeah I wasn't expecting to feel emotional but it was really nice to hear oh was it I love that I hope that it made you feel proud of yourself because of what you've achieved you know you've obviously um gone through a lot and to kind of hear it as if it's like from a different perspective you're like oh if I heard that story about someone else I'd be really proud of them. Yeah, that is so true. It is such a good story though. So let's jump straight into the questions. First question, as always, what is your attitude towards money? So I've always been a saver, as I mentioned in my email. And I think I learned from a very young age about the value of money. So growing up, it was just mum and I. And while we never went without anything,

I definitely experienced what it was like to grow up in a single income household and that has always been quite a motivator for me to learn about finances and to do as much as I can to become financially secure and I think that's definitely influenced my life in a lot of ways, mostly positive but I think as we'll talk about today, there have been definitely some difficulties around that as well. And we'll get into that in our chat, which I'm really looking forward to. Next question is, what do you do for work and how much money do you earn? I'm really excited to say that I work in health promotion.

I studied sustainability and development and within a year of graduating, I managed to get this amazing role in community development within a community health setting. Oh, cool. Yeah, it really ties in kind of all of my passions in one. and I'm really excited to see where it will lead to. That must be so fulfilling for you as well. Yeah, that is such a cool space to work in and I genuinely think that knowing a little bit about your story

from the email, it just makes sense that's where you ended up. Yeah, definitely. So how much money do you earn to get to the Pervy stuff? I earn $66,000 a year and I only just started a new contract So, I've been extended for another 12 months, which is really exciting. Congratulations. Thank you. And I can also, so with my salary, I can also salary package because we're not for profit.

Yeah, cool. So, that increases my pay-per-money pay. Yeah, that is an absolute money win. I don't think enough people take advantage of that properly. It's so good. All right. Next question. What is currently your big money goal?

well I think I think my big money goal is always to kind of move towards financial freedom but at the moment I'm starting to look at buying an apartment which is equally exciting and terrifying oh yeah definitely terrifying at the same time as being exciting yeah I love it all right next question do you currently have any investments I do I have an investment portfolio of around 22,000 what all right tell us what it is we don't want to hear investment portfolio I want to know what is in your investment portfolio so it's all shares and it's a mix of individual stock and ETF and I've had that I think I started doing that it was during like the peak lockdown period so oh good time to finally put the plans

absolutely and it's grown a lot since then which is really exciting that is so cool so how did you start that journey i know that you know we often ask people but when they say share portfolios often people like well what does that even mean like you know how do you pick a platform how did you pick the shares that are in your platform did you get advice like i've just got lots of questions i'm sorry no please don't be i well it's something that like i've been that person of not knowing where to start for years like I think you know as soon as I had a decent amount of money like in my teenage years even I knew that I wanted to invest as a way of becoming financially independent but I didn't know what that was like I think where the turning point

for that was probably having people in my life who knew about investing and so I was able to talk to them in a really informal way about their experiences and learning what they're doing. I use the same platform as them. So that was really great as a starting point. But also listening to lots of podcasts, reading a lot and just doing a lot of research before actually taking that step. Yeah. So what platform did you end up deciding to invest with? So I went with ComSec and then I also have ComSec Pocket. I think something that I've really struggled with as well is that with the amount of money that I had and that I wanted to invest, it didn't feel like it was enough to justify

speaking of life. Yes, that's literally why I decided to partner with Sixpac to do the platform that I've done because I was like, there's no way I'd want someone with, you know, let's say you had 20 grand at the start. I would not want you to go then spend three and a half thousand dollars of that twenty thousand dollars on advice as much as some people do I was just like that's so much money that could stay invested so no I totally get it my next question which I have an inkling I know the answer to but I'm going to ask anyway do you currently have any debts I think you would be writing thinking no

I don't have any bad debt. I've never had any sort of bad debt. I do have a hex. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah, I think that's sitting at around $30,000 and that's hopefully it until I get a mortgage. Yeah, not bad. Not bad. Pretty good. Not bad, good size. No, and I think that's important to understand that it's there, but I like that you were like, no, I don't have any bad debt, but I have a hex. And I like that people are now seeing that as a different type of debt that is actually constructive for their

futures and I just you know so many people I've met you know throughout my shoes on the money journey you could say have been in positions where oh my gosh I'm aggressively smashing down my my hex debt and I'll be like why like what what are you doing that kind of just tick along and do it yeah what are you doing that for like start investing start saving like reach your financial goals and obviously I can't give that advice but sometimes it really does make sense to go you know what i'm just really happy with that sitting there for now sorry money dyrus i don't think you said in your email how old are you i'm 25 okay oh wow that's good she's bambini yeah little friend and she's got so much money say yeah i'm very envious yeah me too what a cat

i wish i could wind back the clock and be 25 and and have 22 000 in investments yeah okay well Sorry, I can't fix that, but we can start investing, Tony. Yeah, great. Once you pull your finger out, it'll be good. Maybe we need our money diarist to give us some help. Oh, my gosh. Let's move on in questions. Something that's really popular in our community is ShopBack,

and we're going to start asking our money diarists if they use ShopBack. So do you currently use ShopBack, my friend? I signed up for the shoes on the money discount code. Oh, that's what we like to hear. That's what we like to hear. What do you use it for? What's your best ShopBack hack? um i did just recently order some new skincare through shopback and so that was really exciting

skincare is aligned to my value yeah i agree i like it i like it be smart with your purchases approval you've got our seal of approval all right next question what is your best money habit is it buying skincare i i've had to teach myself to let it be okay to buy buy skincare or to buy anything for that matter so I think my best money habit would probably be that I think about my purchases before I make them I really like to do as much research as I can and I'd much rather like save my money and then buy say one or two good quality items that I know will last and that I know align my values rather than spending like a small amount of money on lots of little things yeah I agree and I think that that's a hard mentality to come into because so many times especially when we're

younger we're just so used to volume purchase that when you go no I'd just like to purchase one piece of makeup or one skincare item that really makes me feel special it's just such a different mentality and I can tell you right now you value it so much more yeah and that's yeah that's where I'm at in my life in saying that I could probably rein it in a little bit on my skincare purchases so I've been to skincare collaborations all right in contrast to that because that was a good money habit I think it's a good I think that was a really good money habit that lots of us can learn from what is your worst money habit I feel like I have two and they're big contradictions

all right I want to hear both of them you don't just get to pick one well I think my first one would be that I've definitely experienced some lifestyle creep but having said that I think looking at the big picture it's more that I'm starting to spend the money on the things that you should be spending my life exactly like rent to make my mental health better or you know like seeing a psychologist or even like but that's not lifestyle and that's not lifestyle creep at all so lifestyle creep is when your expenses increase without you noticing what you're saying is you now have an income to look after yourself with and I don't want you to think that that's negative or bad or that you're in like your expenses have increased

in a bad way like I'm so grateful for you to be able to afford to see a psychologist to be able to afford rent and you know I think that too often I hear people who feel guilty because they're like oh my lifestyle creeps so bad I'm like hold up hold up hold up let's like weigh this up just because you've got increased expenses doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing yeah and I think that's actually a really good point and something i do really need to check myself on i've spent years living on like a really low late wage whether that was while i was at uni or you know doing like not working full-time and i've only been working full-time for a year and so i think i need to be a little bit careful with myself there oh like be careful but don't put so much

pressure on yourself because it's a learning process yeah i can already hear that you're like oh it's naughty and I'm like no it's not my friend like this is why we treat ourselves like when I say treat yourself I don't mean like go and buy a new outfit or a dress that you're going to wear once I mean treat yourself consistently by paying your psychologist because that is one of the best things that you can do um and I think that sometimes we really have to give ourselves permission to do that but also sometimes we need to hear someone else go that's okay and if you've never heard that before let me be that person to be like no please keep spending that money and don't compromise on that find somewhere else in your budget if you need to strip back but your

mental health should not ever suffer yeah yeah but your psychologist probably said that so but also like the same way that if a friend said to you i really need to start seeing someone you would never go oh well does it work into your budget you'd go yeah that's a priority for you you know like we need to remember that our mental health is the same as if you broke your leg you wouldn't go oh I just bought some new skincare so I probably can't afford to go to the hospital now so I might just go in two weeks when I get paid again you you would never you would never force yourself to suffer through a physical injury so why would you force yourself to suffer you know such a good way of looking at it I'm so smart I know you are I know you are so what was your second bad money

habit I think that other bad money habit is probably more true and that's that I don't like spending it I think I at times have a lot of anxiety around spending money and that is you know it goes back to exactly what you were saying about it not so much being lifestyle creep but needing to spend money on the things that help me or being okay with going out and buying a coffee because it's a nice day and being okay with spending money that's when we hear from a lot of people that have grown up with you know like a single income family single parent family things like that you do learn to be quite frugal because you need to be like that's all the only option that you have so I'd say that given what you've how you've grown up and stuff that that

really impacts what the way that you look at money we've had money diarists before say the same thing and so I think it's really normal it's just one of those things where you need to remind yourself that you've worked really hard and you're in a place where financially you can actually go and have a coffee in the sun if it's a nice day and you know like you shouldn't feel guilty about spending money because you know that you're gonna do it in a responsible way you know yeah and I think we need to give ourselves a little bit more credit but it's so important because if you want to go out because it's a nice day and grab a coffee with a girlfriend like you shouldn't have money guilt over that like I mean don't do it three or four times a day every day for a year

but if you want to go do that one afternoon like that's absolutely something that's aligned to your values and that's why I am so values driven I don't want to talk about the percentage in which people should be saving because it's not fair but hey do you want to spend your money on that yep great it's your money it's your money yeah you're in control and that's what we want to drive home here that you are in control not somebody else yeah I'm gonna sound like such a fan saying this but I think it was the week that your book arrived that I finally opened up a separate account for my emergency funds and I think that made such a big difference in my mindset oh my god are you serious oh it makes my heart so full I cannot tell you how proud I am that

you know this is the impact that you know one our community but two the book is going to have and that people are taking it seriously that they need to look after future us and you know I guess it's a good question to add in here like how do you feel now you have an emergency account and why didn't you do it sooner? I wish I did it sooner I think I feel so much better now that I know that there's that separate account and I think as well for me it's that if an unexpected bill comes up or my rent gets increased with two weeks notice which has just happened I know that that won't affect my savings it's like a buffer that sits in between my my cash flow my savings and that has been just really really good to to know that won't be

jeopardized yeah but that's just it right like I think too many times we go but we've got savings and in reality you do we're not saying that you don't but the second you dip into them you're creating this mentality of missing out on something else in the future and an emergency account means that okay like there's been some bumps in the road but my savings didn't get hit I've got a separate fund for that I'm planning for you know mistakes or things that just pop up and I think that it can be so empowering and you genuinely don't know how empowering that can be until you have it let's move on with money habits and ask the last but definitely not least question of the list and that is what grade would you give your money habits if i forced you to give yourself

a grade well i think my my initial reaction is to say b but i think i will say a yes queen i would agree i think you're so good like literally i can't wait to ask you so many more questions but i would agree and i really like it when people give themselves a it's good it feels good it's hard but i think it's i think it's accurate i think which is terrifying to say no it's accurate it's so good you heard your own story back to yourself before and you were like oh who is she if it was someone else i would give them an a yeah exactly and we need to be putting ourselves in that position more often because too often we're so harsh on ourselves instead of being like well if Tony was going through this what would I tell Tony oh I'd say this oh well why don't I say

that to myself like that never happens I'm happy to be everyone's metaphorical friend that you run that test through as well like only metaphorical oh yeah not real friend oh okay yeah sorry even you no just kidding yeah I thought that might be the case all right well I've got a lot of questions for our money diarist and we'll get to them in just a minute all right now we are back and jumping straight into it you mentioned in your email to us that you've gone through a fair bit so you've gone through struggles with money and just feeling really overwhelmed by it but also that kind of manifested into an eating disorder and I would love if you're willing to share with us to know a little bit more about how that came about

and how that was impacting your money story and how that just impacted you in general because I think that eating disorders in general aren't spoken about enough but then also impact more people than we think they do because too many times and you know I don't know your story yet but too many times people just think it's about wanting to be skinnier or wanting to lose weight and then it getting out of control but for most of us it's not actually about that it's usually about control or something bigger that's manifesting so I would love if you shared your story on that oh thank you I I would love to and I'm so excited to have this platform because I completely agree with you I often say that I didn't know that I had an eating disorder

But I think what was actually happening was that I knew I had an unhealthy relationship with food in some way. What I didn't know is that that was considered disordered eating and that there was help out there for that and that I could access that help. And I think that's something that is really important for people to know. I wish I knew that years earlier. so when I first went to see a counselor I again didn't quite know what exactly I was there for and it wasn't until I went through that process that I started to realize what it was that I was experiencing and I think personally I found that having a name for it helped in the sense that I knew I wasn't alone so I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder and I think that that's

one that is not like it's going back to exactly what you were saying about how there's all of these misconceptions about eating disorders i think when we look at the statistics binge eating disorder is the most common by far in australia it accounts for almost half of the eating disorders and it's something that's just not really talked about and i think any eating disorder is such a difficult and complex mental health issue and you're exactly right it very rarely is about weight loss and being skinny and I think that is something that really frustrates me but it also motivates me to do the work that I'm doing in health promotion in that I would love to one day work in this space in a bigger capacity. That's really special that you can look at it in that

way you know these things that we go through and from your perspective as well that we're just learning about your story but there'd be a lot of trauma associated with that and the fact that you can look at that in a way that makes you want to help other people is really really special yeah I think I'm really grateful to be able to look at it that way and I think it's taken quite a number of years to get to where I am I think I guess going back to my experience when that started money definitely came into play with it and I think I should add too that while I was trying to limit my spending or food intake throughout the day by the time I got to leaving work or uni or a social event or whatever it might have been I more often than not would feel

so overwhelmed or stressed and emotional but also physically hungry that I'd end up buying food and eating in secret. And that for me was a really big part of the eating disorder where I'd feel like I'd completely lost control, but it was also my strategy for coping with or suppressing emotions. And this just contributed to those thoughts of shame and guilt and not feeling good enough. And for me, a lot of the experience was about emotions and not really knowing how to regulate my emotions and so food would be the tool to do that um and so you know I might have a stressful day at uni where I'd be working on an assignment all day and not eating because I didn't have time but then going home there would just be this feeling of overwhelm and

food would be where I'd go to I guess to either overcome or to suppress those emotions and that would happen in any any given scenario i suppose it's interesting the more people that i talk to who have experienced eating disorders um often talk about the dimensions of control that come into an eating disorder and i would say that's the underlying reason that eating disorders exist it's not again not about being skinny not about being thinner and like for some people that absolutely is it but it usually comes down to controlling something that is in our lives that we are in one way shape or form out of control of and food intake great really easy for us to control in comparison to something like our emotions or you know a situation in our life and I think it's

so interesting how that manifests but then having this conversation around money like it makes sense that these two things could be related and could have a relationship with one another and how that's come to impact you like not eating so that you can go home can understand like people you know going all right well I skipped meals too because it's cheaper to eat at home like I've got food at home right but like it is something that is on your mind 24 7 you can't not think about it you like can't wait to get home so that you can do that but it is not really about the money is it it's about the control of it yeah absolutely so when it came to the money side of things obviously like saving was something that you were really trying to control like how did you get on top

of that like you saw a counselor what were the next steps like where where were the resources that helped you yeah I think that I think that's a really good point too is that there's definitely that element of control that's kind of sitting behind it was sitting behind my eating disorder and I was very similar around controlling my money so I think in terms of the resources that I was able to access I think there were a couple of times where I would try to see a psychologist and it was the fees for a barrier and it seemed odd to say that now because I know that at the time I had savings but I was living with that money mindset of being on a student income and so it wasn't until I could access a free service that I was really able to start

talking about what was happening and realizing that this is something that I need to or I want to be putting my money towards, that I want to be accessing help for. I think that took a long time. I think as well there was also this fear of recovery in the sense that if my eating patterns changed, that I wasn't feeling better mentally, then what does that mean for being able to access the services that I was accessing? so I have been really fortunate in that I've been able to I started seeing counsellors through

university and then once I graduated I was at a point where I made the decision to go and see a professional outside of that and I got to see a specialist and I've continued with that through my unemployment through lockdown through all of that no matter how much it costs and I think as well another really important thing for me to be able to access was both the mental health care plan and also the eating disorder plan so that was really helpful in that even though there was still constant barriers to accessing service there was some amount of help available that I could tap into yeah and it's do you know what it's really hard to admit that you have an eating disorder like it is not something that someone says oh by the way so what

you've been diagnosed with is is binge eating disorder you'll go nah nah that's not what I have that's not me that's not me not not a thing so I think it's one thing to be diagnosed it's another thing to come to terms with it but I think underlyingly there are probably a lot of people that are going through this that are listening that go oh that's me like but I'm not ready I'm not ready to get help and I can absolutely empathize with that like sometimes you're just not ready to have that conversation in which case there's a foundation called the butterfly foundation and they specialize in eating disorders and helping you through that and they are a confidential and free support service that if you are maybe even not sure if you've got one

you can have a chat with them because they're there for anyone who's concerned by eating issues and body image issues and whether you need support for yourself or even if you just want to call up and be like, my best friend's going through this. How do I support them in the best possible way? They are absolute legends and do so much beautiful work in this space. And it's also so special that you're talking this through with us because I know firsthand how hard it is to talk about an eating disorder as someone who has had one. And thankfully, I'm not in that position anymore. And to be honest, I don't even see myself as that person anymore. I look back on that time and I go, wow who is she like she's not I don't remember her like she's not we don't even have the same

mindset or mentality or take on life where are you at on that journey like can you do you still experience this you going through it like do you look back on it and go oh my gosh like that's not me anymore or do you think this is something that's going to stick with you for a while yet that's a really good question I think I think I'm somewhere in between it's something that I still struggle with at times but as well I you know even talking to you about this today like there is no way that I could have seen myself doing this a couple of months ago I think but that is epic progress. Yeah definitely I actually was really lucky to be able to work on a short-term project at work around eating disorders and I think that was a really big step for me in terms of talking

about my lived experience in a professional space but it also really forced me to it also really gave me the opportunity to kind of stop and reflect. I think it's really difficult to recognize that full recovery is possible when you're in the middle of it and I still at times feel like I'm in the middle of it I'm in this weird space where I'm confident that I won't always be and that's really nice to start to recognize yeah and to be honest if someone is listening and you're going through this like it's it feels like it will never be over it feels genuinely like it's such a part of your personality that you don't even know how to change that nor do you know if you even want to because you go well who am I if I don't do this yeah like who

am I without this like I don't know like this is you know just who I am this is how it works and it is so overwhelming to go through that but I think knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and there are people that are there for you and there are tools and resources that you can access to do that but you know as much as I say hey like I am fully past it like in times of stress you still feel those feelings and you sometimes slip back into old habits and you like thankfully with the right tools and resources you're able to catch yourself and go no no no that's actually really naughty like I shouldn't be doing this and you know you change it really quickly so it doesn't impact you long term but I think one of the things that is really hard about

eating disorders and is something that a psychologist once sent to me because I've gone through a lot of this and I'm very happy to talk about it because I hope that even just one person listening to this going wow like I just really need to go talk about this is that voice in your head that tells you that you're not good enough and I don't think that anyone would ever ever ever be able to tell me they understand it without having experienced an eating disorder that there is a voice in your head that tells you no don't do that and it is overwhelming it speaks over you and it tells you that you are not good enough and that you are not worthy and that you are you know it squashes your actual personality it squashes your actual thoughts

and values and beliefs and behaviors and I've had to do a lot of work to get there but knowing that you personally have said I really want to maybe work in eating disorders like you're the perfect fit because not only do you know that and you're passionate about that but there's a level of empathy that I don't genuinely believe other people can have and I remember that day that a doctor turned around to me and said what's the voice in your head say about that and I was like what how do you know about that like I just didn't know that other people knew or understood that and I didn't want to sound crazy like I didn't want people to go oh there's voices in her head and you know that's not a bad thing either we can get treatment for that too but like

I just felt like I was a bit crazy and when you're young as well you just don't know how to deal with that and you don't know what is normal and what isn't normal and it's something that people don't talk about like you said enough so you don't know what is okay and what's not okay and what you can say and whether your mum's gonna understand or you know and more often than not they don't because they've never gone through that and looking back like I wish my parents had the resources that the Butterfly Foundation had and that you know psychologists have today and I was so lucky that my parents bent over backwards to get me the help that I needed but they definitely didn't have the tools and resources that are available today and I know

they would have felt far more empowered because they had no idea what was going on like no idea and so just knowing that those things exist for us and we are supported and you know if you want to talk about it like she's on the monies here reach out like we are your friends like you can talk to someone on our team about literally anything and we'll hook you up with the right places to be and let you know what what is the next step if you don't know where to go but I would never want anyone in our community to feel any less than not because of somebody else but because of some silly voice in our head that tells us to distort our eating and I think that that is yeah wild yeah I think yeah and that for me was a huge realization around I remember sitting

in my psychologist's office and she was drawing a picture of the thought process of someone with an eating disorder and just realizing that I wasn't alone and that I wasn't the only one who thinks like that and who feels like that was so eye-opening and I think as well something that I've learned throughout this process is that my mom actually had a very similar experience to me and now being able to talk to her about that has kind of helped in two ways in that you know again it speaks to that feeling of not being alone but also knowing that it it almost makes sense as to why I've had that experience because she has had that and I've seen that modeled to me and she has had that modeled to her as well in her childhood and it's this generational

behavior that has really been a part of that story as well and I'm just so grateful that we that I am at a spot where I can talk to her about that now I think that's been a really beautiful way to connect with her to really grow our relationship as well yeah that is so so so special and I think you know we're running out of time very quickly but I think one last question I have for you is just more around the people in our community that might be going through this because you know as much as this is a money podcast this stuff impacts your ability to earn an income it impacts your ability to save to invest and as you were saying like one of the reasons you were restricting eating was money like these things run deep what

is the one piece of advice that you would want to share I think if it could only be one thing it would be to be curious you know I think there are definitely resources out there like what you were saying with butterfly and there are resources out there that can help and I think being in that position is really difficult and I think having that curious mindset is a really great tool in that first instance where as you were saying like someone might not be ready for change but starting to think about that is a really great step and that can lead to more steps i agree the first one is really hard yeah but it doesn't mean you have to talk to someone immediately just like do the research have a look on the website maybe have a look at the definitions and see if you resonate

with any of them i think it's just understanding yourself sometimes is one of the most important and powerful things that you can do and you know give yourself that gift of just more knowledge and you're right I think being curious is very helpful in this situation thank you so much though oh my gosh what a story thank you so much for having me I'm really glad that we've been able to talk about it oh it has been so special like it's something that obviously I don't talk about a lot on the podcast because it's just not relevant it's not part of it but it's not something I'm ashamed of it's not something that upsets me it's something that I'm really proud to talk about because you know if it impacts one person then that's more than enough for me so I

think it's yeah it's beautiful that you also want to share that story because I think you know especially in a community of women like you know we're not all women it sheets on the money but there are a whole heap of us like we go through so many diverse experiences and to just know that it's not just me is so empowering yeah thank you so much for having me that was honestly just so that was honestly such a special story and i'm so grateful that you shared that with us but as always tony that is all we have time for today so just before we head off we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to australia's aboriginal and torres strait islander peoples they're the traditional custodians at the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia. We thank you

for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn. We pay our respects to elders past and present and we share our friendship and our kindness. The advice shared on She's on the Money is generally nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision and we promise that miss victoria divine is an authorized representative of australia pacific funds management proprietary limited abm 34132463257 afsl 339151 and if you pop below into the show notes you'll find all the resources for our friends at the butterfly foundation so if this episode brought up anything for you or you just want to have a chat with them

yeah or you need to know how to support a friend you can contact them they're amazing you can call them and they'll call you back or use their online messaging service they're honestly a really great resource to have so and if you don't even want to talk to them they've got a whole heap of epic resources on their website that you can download for free if that's not a money win i don't know amazing see you next week guys