She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Sharing Money With Family

Episode Date: August 8, 2021

Happy Monday Friends! Today's Money Diarist has shared her story to reach out to the Asian Community of She's On The Money, and share her reality and why what some people think of as a burden, she sees as a gift and a privilege. Love ya xThe advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN 34 132 463 257 - AFSL 339151.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Toni Lodge and joining me for another Shop Back Money Diary is Miss Victoria Devine. Good morning, friend. Thank you so much for joining me. Didn't really have a choice.

Did not have a choice. I dragged you in here by your hair and went, we're going to have a lot of this money to earn. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. I sound like a demon as well, apparently. You do actually. You usually do. That is not true. Don't tell people I sound like a demon.

No, no, no, no. And I'm always actually really excited to do Money Diary. So it's usually me being like, are you ready to record? Are we doing this? yay yay yay um a bit of a different one today which i think you're gonna love which i say every single week but it's absolutely true every single time you're gonna have to find a new intro tony i am always the same maybe i'm just gonna copy and paste this one into all of them from now on maybe it's actually the same audio you hear at the start of every single podcast i promise

it's not i promise it's not we take the time lovingly to curate every single thing except It just is so exciting. Yeah, because every single money diary is different and I think they're all going to be great. And they're all special. So Tony, can you read me this week's email? Here we go. Hi, she's on the money team. I've been a long time fan, been listening to the podcast since the beginning and absolutely love it. I'm a 25 year old gal trying to figure this money saving lifestyle out. I was born in Korea and came to Australia when I was nine. My mom, my sister and I have known the struggles as my mom had left everything she knew and had to start her life over again. I've worked ever since I could legally work to help support my mum and

take the burden off her as much as I could. Since my first paycheck from when I was 15 until right now I still give my mum a portion of my pay so I can support her despite my mum being financially stable. Oh that's so sweet. Due to my past I do have a lot of anxiety with money and it's something that I'm trying to fix. I am now trying to be in the journey of learning that success doesn't always mean having lots of money and it is that you're truly happy where you are in life. I know I'm not the only she's on the money listener who consistently gives a portion of their pay to their parents especially those in the Asian background it's quite common for children to give their parents money I'm now moved out married and own a house with my husband that was gifted to us by

my mother-in-law oh my gosh how lucky we are now trying to save enough money to start a family I'm a nurse at an emergency department and also have a side gig of IV vitamins like those hangover drips oh so she's like an actual special human yeah nurses are so cool I hope I can at least reach out to the asian community of she's on the money to let them know it's okay i understand where they've been and hopefully let them know there is light at the end of the tunnel love your number one fan oh so sweet let's have a chat with her as always we've got her on the line already hello money diarist hello oh my gosh how special i am so excited to learn more about your money story and what you get up to i think this is the first time that we've had a money diarist that gifts money to

their parents on a regular basis I've got so many questions but as always let's start the podcast in exactly the same way we always do and that is with the first question of what is your attitude towards money um so yeah I might give my attitude towards money is more like it used to be more anxiety based or just kind of kind of get everything and like save but like try to spend money but like you know you're trying to figure all this out but now I feel like I have some kind of routine so a little bit it's a bit happier now I guess like having a stable job um being a nurse so even during COVID you would have still been able to work which is something that we've seen recently has impacted so many people did you feel like going into such a stable job has helped with

your anxiety around money a little bit as well oh absolutely especially in the covid times because yeah because obviously i see a lot of facebook posts about people losing their job or like new supports and things like that and i've been very very lucky to have a very permanent stable job especially emergency just never shuts down does it i bet yeah no and that's really special like that's such a special job to do as well like emergency nurses blow my mind I've got a couple of girlfriends who work in emergency and I'm always just like the stuff you see and deal with and then seem to move to the next patient and have exactly the same empathy even though you've just experienced something arguably really traumatic it's wild like you're really cool I love it all

right so we already know that you're a nurse but the next question is what do you do for work and How much money do you earn? So, yes, I've been a nurse for the last five-ish years. Oh, wow. Yeah, and obviously do my little side gig. I think last financially tax return I had a little look. I think it was about $90,000 pre-tax. Is that both jobs combined?

Yeah, that's both jobs combined. Wow. So do you work full-time as a nurse and then just do the hangover IV drips like when you have time, or do you every Saturday morning you go out and do that? No, I do part-time at the hospital and stuff on my days off or after work I kind of pick that up. It's not just hangover.

It's like different types of vitamins. So, yeah, we get different, all different kind of patients. I've got so many questions about that off air later. Like I just haven't comprehended. I've seen it before. Like it's been all over my Instagram. I feel like there's been like one company that's been doing some kind of influencer push, so it's all over my Instagram feed.

Oh, yeah. But I have so many questions for you. Next question is what is your big money goal? Well, I don't know my big money goal yet. So obviously, as I said in my email, I'm trying to, you know, that I've wanted to kind of have a family now. But I think my husband and I are kind of deciding whether we want to invest in a house or start investments.

Yep. So maybe that's my money goal. Well, I think that's, yeah, I mean, if you guys have got your own home and, yeah, you're saving up to have a family, which is obviously like the most expensive thing. I think people don't realise how expensive having kids and stuff is. I definitely, well, I don't have kids and don't plan on it, but buying toys for my nieces and nephews is apparently actually just the tip

of the iceberg when it comes to having kids. I think it was like the big reality check when I listened to the podcast. Oh, sorry about that. No, no, it was good, about how much, like, having a baby costs. And so I've been, like, researching how much everything costs and, like, putting it down and kind of estimating how much I might need. Oh, you're such a planner. It's so much more than I initially thought about it as well.

And it was one of those things where, I don't know if you guys know, but I recently wrote a book. I feel like such an idiot saying that. But in the book I really wanted to deep dive into how much does it actually cost to have a baby, how much does it cost to have a child, what can I be expected to spend and all of that. So I started doing research and talking to mums and talking to people. I was shook like obviously it's a varying scale like if you're in a situation where you have

you know a family that has a whole heap of you know hand-me-downs and stuff it obviously really helps in that initial phase but if you've got to buy everything outright yeah it's so expensive like I didn't I was like baby cast 800 bucks right maybe oh no like five or six hundred dollars if you want the bougie baby one and it could be more prams I'm thinking what five hundred dollars maybe no no no no especially if you go for the bugaboo they're the top of the line is like the creme de la creme apparently two grand yeah what and that's without the attachments you got the bassinet you got the forward facing pram the rear facing why do i know all this okay that's you don't even want to be i don't know but but even something as simple as not everybody chooses

to or can breastfeed so if then you need to buy formula you know think about something that you potentially don't plan on needing to purchase that's like you know a big potential um you've got to have it in the budget just in case yeah and like at the end of the day there's no shame in either like at the end of the day fed is best feed your baby yeah but no one wants to be in a position where they can't afford to feed their baby exactly significantly impacts their budget it to a point where they're like oh we we're really struggling now we didn't think that yeah so we weren't planning on needing to buy this but yeah so I think that you definitely I mean you haven't told us what your best and worst money habit are yet money diarist but it sounds like

you're a really good planner so I'm interested to hear about that wait all right so I guess in theory yeah well that writing it down is the the best first step yeah absolutely absolutely all right so next question is do you have any investments um so from listening to the podcast um i obviously have my super but and i also i love that all that money does yeah so i obviously know that my super's an investment i'm like yes queens um and i also have race but um yeah i don't really it's racist it's kind of there in the back of my mind i'm just kind of keeping an eye on it and yeah it's exciting um and you also said that you're planning on buying an investment property is that kind of coming up soon or is

that like a far away dream it's just it's just like a conversation that i've been having um like it's something i do want to do but we're kind of cut between whether we want to um buy have an investment or actually have like a gonna do stuff or etfs or things like that so i do really want to see a financial advisor but yeah just kind of going from there yeah i find that i find it really interesting can i be really pervy is that all right yeah so you're saying yeah we're thinking about investment property and stuff like that you obviously earn good money tell me what's your partner do for work how much do they earn and how much have you got in savings so he graduated as a podiatrist um but because of you fancy girl that's the cash that feet cash

that's what a podiatrist is yeah yeah yeah like like the way you looked at me and said cash was too much we were going down only fans territory not down podiatry not down doctor You know, whatever makes, you know, the good money. Yeah, exactly. No government here. Honestly, if we could get a money diarist, just low-key shout out, if you've got an OnlyFans for your feet and it's making bank, I feel like that's a story I just perfectly want to hear.

Yeah, my best friend Jane has an OnlyFans for her feet. Oh, you're just going to out Jane on the pod. Yeah. It's called Only Jane's Feet. She's not doing well though. Oh, we'll give her a little shout out. I love that maybe we'll get her as a diarist anyway money diarist sorry back to your husband and how much he earns and how much you guys have in savings um so currently um I think

because he only works part-time he I think together like I don't know how much exactly who owns a yacht. That's all right. It's so bad. No, but we both, I think, together, we have about $40,000 in savings. Awesome. Doing well. So, well on the way to buying an investment property,

hopefully in the near-ish future. Yes, but, yeah, obviously, since listening to the podcast, I've been trying to figure out what aligns with me and my husband because I obviously know there's pros and cons to both just investment property versus stock kind of thing. Different courses for different courses. And also you're only 25. You are so young.

You know, like this is all pretty far along stuff for someone that's only 25. Like you definitely got your shit together. Yeah, true, true, true, true. I try to make it till you make it kind of thing. Yeah, okay. So next question is, do you currently have any debts? No, I don't have any debt because I wasn't a citizen,

an Australian citizen while I was at uni. I actually paid for my uni's upfront. Oh, my gosh. All right. I want to be pervy. How did you pay for that and how much was that? so it was about i want to say 35 000 oh my gosh that's so much money three years so i had three jobs paying it off oh my god money diarist people don't give international students the credit that

they deserve that's hot that's crazy to me because who's got 35 000 while you're you're full-time you're studying full-time and also as a nurse you have to go and do a lot of prac And a lot of unpaid work. Yeah, so you're doing, that is mental. Yeah, so what I was, because I was still a permanent resident, so it'd be the same fees as a, like an Australian kind of, not like international fees. Yeah, but you don't get HECS.

No, you don't. Or any like fee help or Centrelink or anything like that, right? Yeah, you have to stay up front. No, you get Centrelink, so that's the one thing that really pushed me through. That's so, oh, I'm so glad to hear that. Yeah, wow, that would have made it a little bit easier. And how good is that?

Like, I think that people, I think that we have this negative connotation of Centrelink for some unknown reason. Yeah, like the stigma attached to us. Yeah, but look what Centrelink did for us. Got us another nurse. Yeah. Money win. Life win.

Honestly. How good? Centrelink was so good. I very appreciated, like, obviously that little bit of money helped a lot. It does. It does. It makes a huge difference. yes it was yeah um and the thing because i think not anymore i don't think but when i was at uni

they gave that thousand dollars every six like every semester for uni books and helps and things like that and that contributed to my uni um fees which was so helpful yeah it was so good i'm so proud to hear that you paid all that off though yourself like that's really really impressive and also whilst giving money to your family which we'll get to next question that we've recently started asking do you currently use shop back no I've never used shop back before but I have heard good things about and I do want to use it eventually awesome next question is what is your best money habit I think my best money habit is every time I get paid I put a set amount aside consistently that's smart yeah um because i know if it's in my spending bank account i'm

going to spend it because i think it's just my spending money yeah um but if i put it aside i know that i shouldn't touch it that's that's there for savings and this is for spending yeah and i'm trying to allocate my money in that sense and on the flip side of that what do you think is your worst money habit oh I feel like it's like all money diaries but food and and um I have I don't know why but I have a tendency to I love giving my friends gifts so I have no money limits for my friends so sweet we had someone say that recently it was actually the money diaries where we spoke to um our priest in training and she said the same that her worst money habit was that she didn't know how to budget to to spoil the people in her life yeah

I love seeing their face and seeing their reaction and like I always write down like when someone says like oh I really want this I write it down and then when I get get it for them like like three four months down the line and seeing their face I do that too oh I'm glad we're friends now money diary actually really special like I feel so excited my notes section on my phone is filled with just ideas like if someone says something I'll be like yep write that down I want to remember that or like if Tony said oh like there's this thing I really want like I take note of it because I'll be like okay cool like if it comes to her birthday and I can afford that I'll do that or like maybe I'll go in with a couple of people and buy it and I just would prefer to get people

presents that they go oh my gosh I can't believe you remembered how did you know and like maybe they've completely forgotten the conversation you'd be like oh I just knew like it's it's so exciting I feel like there's yeah giving gifts is one of my favorite things but it's hard because it's almost not a worst money habit because it's such a generous thing to do but it does strain the bank account if you haven't planned for it and sometimes you see the perfect gift and you're like oh that's out of my budget but it would be perfect and then you convince yourself and you're like oh I'll just get it like it's worth it because like I don't want to yeah and then yeah I'm so naughty with that too I get it I get it like I won't I won't have family for this week

it's fine it's fine oh so sweet I love that just before we go to a really quick break what grade would you give your money habits if I forced you to give yourself a grade um i'd say i don't know maybe a b minus sorry what an e minus a b minus both of us were so you should have seen our faces we just looked at each other like this woman no no way not a chance no i love that i think that that's good you're on the way you are planning to invest you know you've got some good savings i'm not gonna argue with you and no debt i reckon you could go B plus if you were pushing it, but that's fine. We'll take that. We're not going to argue with our diarists. That doesn't get us off on a good footing to then be real pervy in

the next section. So let's get pervy right after this break. All right, we are back. And you mentioned in your email that you had an Asian background and therefore it was pretty normal to gift money to parents. Now, as someone who is Australian and, you know, doesn't have as much diversity in their family tree as a lot of people here in Australia, that is not something that I ever would have thought was a thing. Like, of course, I'll support my parents and all of that, but I think it's actually a given that children in Asian families actually support their family financially, locally, and, you know, in the home in a way that the Australian culture just doesn't don't race in the same way right so money diarist i'd love to hear a little bit more about you know

is this something that's really common is it something that happens all the time like how does it eventuate is it your parents being like hey can i have your income or are you going nope cool please have please have it like what's the situation how does that work amongst my asian friends it is quite common yeah but i think it's becoming less common whether i'm not talking to a lot of people about it but for me my situation is that because obviously my mom's been a single mom um and it's kind of like a thank you and that sounds like really no I love that like the reason why I sent in the money diary was because when when I tell people that I give my mum like a portion of my pay they get quite judgmental yeah yuck no that's yeah so yeah so

I just kind of want to like put it out there you know manifest that people's how lucky is that you're in a position where you can support your mum in that way and you can share that and I love that you're like it's kind of like a thank you I'm like how nice is that like thanks for growing me into the human that I am today mum it's basically yes if I help my mom like you know a little bit like that bit of payment it's not something like bad yeah I think a lot of people do think it is like oh like your parents are trying to take money from you or things like that but it's absolutely not it's something that you know I'm very happy to do it's something I'm willing to do and it's not like my parents are telling me

like oh give me money give me it's not nothing like that um it's quite the opposite yeah that's actually really sweet I'm glad we get to share this story um I have a question about your partner so does he have a similar background to you and how do you broach that kind of conversation in a relationship like it might be easy to do while you're young and like single and you just get to do what you want with your salary but I'm sure that that could become a tension point for a lot of families if you know tony and i moved in together and then tony's like yep so i have to send money to my parents yeah i'm like well but we're trying to save for a house tony like what's going on so how have you broached that with your husband and how does that work so me and my husband

been together for about 11 years now oh my gosh you were babies when you got her yeah so he's No, I'm from the get-go, and I've basically – we've had this conversation for the longest time. So it wasn't a secret. I've told him everything, and it was kind of more like, this is what I do, and he's like, okay. Great. And he obviously has quite a supportive family if his parents, you know,

literally gifted you a house. Yes. Obviously, they're just my family now. Oh, so sweet. So, okay, all right, let's get pervy. Not everybody gets gifted a house. No, they don't. Because, like, I would put my hand up to be gifted a house.

Yeah, I'm interested if he's got any brothers. I'm not going to lie, that's a lot of privilege. How do you come to acquire that privilege? I don't know. But is that something that they saved for and they had planned to give to their son? Is it something that they gave it to you guys because you were struggling? Is it something that, you know, they had, you know,

done just because it was a wedding present? Like, how do you come to be gifted a house? Like, and how does that conversation happen? I think, because I haven't had this conversation with my mother-in-law, I'm not too sure, but I don't know. It was always kind of. Like a given. Yeah.

Like, it was like, we never asked for anything like that. It was, you know, this is, yeah, this is kind of where you'd be living. and I'd be like, yeah, that sounds great. So was your husband from an Asian background as well? No, no, he isn't. So he's more of a European background, but obviously born in Australia. Yeah, okay, okay. So it's not similar in that they're looking after them if they can

because I feel like Asian culture, it's very family orientated. So how does that work when it comes to just different cultures and your partner not having had the same culture as you? um i think i've been very lucky in the sense that so my mother-in-law looked after her um her mom in the house as well yeah okay so they all live together so i've kind of already had that conversation the sense that you know i would like to look after my mom when she's obviously older and can't look after herself because i just yeah i can't bear to send her in a nursing home yeah absolutely absolutely I get it it's just so interesting learning about

the way different family dynamics work given your background yeah and you know some people and I obviously as a financial advisor have experienced this before where couples come to me and their money stories are really different and one of them is supporting a parent but the other can't seem to comprehend why they want to do that and you know you work through that but having different money stories isn't actually our choice it's just a background and a history and the way your approaching things is very much like no like it's a thank you but you would have learned that as you were growing up it's not just you going okay cool like it's a thanks to my mom like I've just personally decided to do this it's very ingrained in an Asian culture to think that way and rather

than a personal value it's like a family value that yeah everyone takes on yeah and everyone just goes well that's the way it is yeah that's what we do for our family and you go do you know what that's so nice like that makes so much sense yeah and I think it really does help that I've been with obviously my husband since we were in high school that it was just kind of a part of the conversation because I feel like as an adult like going into a new relationship it is harder to bring this conversation up but because we've been together for such a long time it was just kind of yeah as it happened he was kind of there and because you were so young when you got together it was probably that like you just said he was just kind of there but when you were learning

about money and trying to gain your own financial independence you were just both there together when most people if you get together you know when you're 25 um you've kind of done all that growing already and it's like okay how do we come together now whereas you guys were kind of just always like alongside each other which is I mean really special but also not a very common relationship type of like how your money comes together yeah absolutely yeah and um i just feel like i've just been very lucky in the sense that like things happen the way it happened but you've also worked incredibly hard you know you paid your own way through uni that's so special you know that's so smart yeah well yeah yeah i don't know give yourself more credit my definitely

But I still have questions, all right? So I've got questions about money. Surprise. Yes, go for it. So when we talk about giving money to parents, obviously that could mean like $50 a month or it could mean $5,000 a month. How much of your salary do you gift away? So initially I actually gave about a quarter of my pay.

Yeah, wow. Yeah. Yeah, but then moving out, it has kind of gone a little bit less because obviously I have to support my – Pay your own bills. Moving out is so expensive. It is. Yeah, it is so expensive and I guess I knew you were going to say something

to that effect, but my question is like what if you can't afford it? How does that conversation go? Like obviously like you're being incredibly generous and it's very ingrained, but like what happens if you lost your job? What happens if you took a part-time job and only earned half the salary? Like, how does that conversation go? I've actually had this conversation with my mum. And, like, yeah, as I said, because it's not, like, a forceful thing,

if I can't afford it, I can't afford it. And it's fine. So until I am able to afford it and I am able to have that kind of extra money to give my mum, yeah, it's absolutely fine. And I think that, yeah, a lot of people who don't know about this kind of get worried about, like, oh, like, you know, if you can't afford it, like, what do you do? And it's like, well, then I don't give my mum money.

Yeah, your mum's not sending a debt collector after you going, oh, my daughter hasn't sent me the money this month, you know. Like, it's obviously they view it, well, in your certain situation, your mother views it in a way that she appreciates the gift and takes it where she can. but it's not, yeah, she's not going to come up to you and say, oh, where's my money? Yeah, and my mum's obviously very, very grateful as well.

Of course. Yeah, and I think, yeah, what people do think is like it's a kind of debt collector thing, be like, you know, the first week of every, like first Monday of every month you have the gift and it's absolutely not that. Does your sister give your mum a gift of money every month as well? Yes, she does as well. I love that.

That's really, really special and just so different to what my family is like and what I've ever experienced. It's so interesting learning about different cultures and what you guys do with money and how you treat it and that it's seen as a gift, not necessarily as a given. And to be shared as well, which most people don't have that open relationship about money at all. and it's not learned because it's like money is to be made

and to be saved and to be spent on a house. And not to be spoken about. Yeah, and, you know, you don't talk about how much you get paid. You don't talk about, you know, how much money your parents have because that's their business. I think it's a really, and I know that you're saying it's like quite an old tradition, but it seems to be such a forward-thinking way of treating money inside your family.

Yeah, it's really sweet. Yeah. yeah um yeah obviously and then obviously the um the money that we do give it kind of helps pay with the mortgage and things like that and kind of takes that burden off as well and yeah it just kind of works out either way and i don't know i i'm happy like i get really happy giving it to my mom because then it kind of makes me feel like you know i'm able to kind of help and contribute And, you know, obviously as people get older, it's harder for them to work full-time hours and things like that

and you're not earning as much money as you used to and you kind of take that burden off. And I think a lot of people, I think I kind of compared it to like giving your parents a board, I think, for all Australians too. Yeah. So it's kind of like an equivalent to that but, you know, you kind of keep going even when you're not living at home. Yeah.

I think it's really special and with the changing nature of like retirement and how unaccessible it's becoming for so many people it's such a great way to give your parents that freedom to live the lives that you know I believe they deserve in a way that makes it sustainable as well like and if every child was always supporting their parents like retirement for everybody would be that much easier yeah like so much easier because when you reached preservation age it wouldn't just be what you'd contributed to your super you know it would be what over time you'd been gifted and looked at and how you'd been looked after I think it just um leads to a much more open conversation around money in your family and obviously this isn't going to be the situation

for for everybody but money does do you sound like you've got a very loving and close family and relationship with your mother and your sister and yeah it has made you so open to chat about money which is so special and and not that common you know that wasn't yeah that's not the going rate for most people's family that you can just chat about money it's genuinely so special to hear these stories and i hope we can get similar ones you know on the pod in the future but again it's always about who puts their hand up to share a story with us and that's all we can do but i am so grateful for this story thank you so so much for sharing it i think i think that's all we have for listening though um but thank you for listening yeah of course thank you for sharing

with us because like we always say we literally can't do this without people sending in their stories and being generous with their time so we really really appreciate it thank you so much well i also want to thank you guys because you know you guys have made me kind of more financial literate i want to say and you know my little entertainment in my car every week. No, we want to keep hanging out in your car. Oh, yeah. Thanks for having us. But just before we head off, we'd like to acknowledge and pay

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