She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: She's An Egg Donor & An Inspiration

Episode Date: September 11, 2022

Today's Money Diarist gives SO much to those around her. She is a Māori mother of two, emergency services worker, and egg donor. As the first in her family to get a degree, she has been working on the money story she grew up with, and changing the narrative! She is insightful, she is inspirational and we can't wait for you to meet her!This year our Money Diaries are being brought to you by the legends at Shopback! Check them out at https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/SOTM and you'll get a cashback bonus when you sign up!Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are Authorised Representatives of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN 47 097 797 049 AFSL - AFSL 236523.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another Shop Back Money Diary Monday, where we get to chat to one of our community members to learn all about them, their money, their story, their journey, their life, and all of the fun bits in between. Victoria? What are you going to say about this one, Jessica Rui-Chi? I have an outstanding diary for you, Shay. There's a new one for you. I am very excited. Should we get straight into it? yes, let me tell you what they said. So our diarist wrote, Kia ora, she's on the money team.

Kiwi friend! I am a 36-year-old New Zealand Maori mother of two, emergency services worker and egg donor. I am the first on the Maori side to graduate from university. Growing up, money was very stressful. It was always tight and argued about often. We were never taught financial literacy and it made me want to get a good job or career in order to never have money problems. I can't wait to share my story with our community. Epic. Oh my gosh. Let's get straight into it. Money Diarist, welcome to the show. You're hiding in the background. Kia ora, guys. How are you? We are so well. I'm excited to hear about your money story. Are you ready to get straight into it? Absolutely.

All right, let's go. So first question is, could you tell us a little bit about your money story? Yeah, absolutely. I've had a bit of a thought about this. Growing up, I'm one of five kids, And we grew up in a very small rural town in the South Island population, less than a thousand people and one income family. So dad worked and he worked very hard. Money was extremely stressful growing up. It was never talked about and there were always many arguments about it to the point where I think all of us kids, there was just so much stress around it and I knew that in order to live a life how I wanted, I needed to get a good career. so back then I would say very stressful pessimistic about money and but now that's obviously changed over the last sort of good five years are more positive about money and optimistic

I would say yeah so you're changing the narrative of where you've been to where you want to be absolutely yep I love that all right well share with us the pervy details Marnie Durrist what do you do for work how much money do you earn okay I am a paramedic and I'm part-time and I'm on 106k oh very nice is that pro rata because you're part-time yeah yeah and that's not including super very cool I feel like paramedics don't get enough credit like you guys do such a special job how epic do you love what you do yeah it's challenging and every day is different. I'm coming up to 12 years in the job and obviously the last couple of years have been, you know, stressful for everyone. And this year in particular, I've really, really struggled

working just with workload and with, you know, what was going on with lockdowns. And then I've had a few family members that died as well. And I've ended up having to take a good eight weeks off work I was burnt out and I ended up having to see a psychologist which I still see and she's fantastic and she said you know you need time off you either go down work cover or we use Jessica Cleave she goes because I don't want you to get to a point where it's too late where you've gone past that exhaustion and you're off work and you can't get back on road because she said that she's got paramedics that have had two years off road and they can't get back on road because they just went past the point of exhaustion and burnout. And so I'm in a much

better place now. I'm back at work and yeah, feeling better, but I'm still seeing the psychologist. Oh, I'm glad. Like, I'm glad that you got to pick it up as early as that, because you do hear about people in our frontline roles that just get so burnt out. But I also just don't think, you know, this is maybe another stereotype, Jess, that we need to break. But I just feel like people in those roles care so much about other people that when it comes to caring for themselves, they just don't reach out for the help when they need it. And it's like, well, guys, like you need more support than anybody. Like you're carrying the weight of the world and so much trauma that other people go through on you. Like, it just makes sense that burnout would be a very real

reality. However, we just need to identify it earlier and give ourselves the self-care and the space to get through that. So I'm glad that you're back on the road. That's so exciting. We're so lucky. Yeah, yeah. And you're absolutely right. Like, and normalize it by talking about it. I talk very openly to any of my colleagues that I'm working with because all of us need help at some stage, all of us do. And yeah, like I talked to my family about it, whereas, you know, growing up, mental health was another thing that was never talked about. It was, everything was swept under the rug. It's just not helpful. No, it absolutely isn't. All right. Next, I would like to know, my friend, what's your big money

goal? So my husband and I are very fortunate that we already own a house, but our big money goal, because he's also a paramedic, and so we've got some long service leave. So we're planning in 2025 to take a year off and live overseas. So we'll be able to do half pay for some of it, and then we'll have some annual leave. So a year off living overseas with our two kids. Oh, my gosh. That's so exciting. Where are you going? Tell us more. In typical fashion, we're very disorganized, but we have the plan of basing ourselves in Italy. Oh, you're living my dream. We're so privileged. I can't even comprehend how very lucky we are. We both know this. So

very fortunate. Our kids are very, very lucky as well. No, no, no, no, my friend, we need to reframe that actually, because you just said you're really lucky. But what you told me is you have this plan that you're working towards and you're working really hard to do that. I don't actually think luck comes into it. I think that what you're going to achieve is because of your hard work and determination and the fact that you guys are killing it. So if we could just see it that way, like my friend, luck is finding two dollars on the ground. It's not working so that in 2025, you can live a year in Italy. appreciate that thank you yeah all right let's move on to the next question I want to know do

you have any investments if so what are they absolutely so super the last time I checked that which is probably I think four months ago it was at 150k oh good work yeah very very lucky and then I also have started the last couple of years investing in shares. So I made sure I did a lot of reading up on that before I sort of dipped my toes, but that at the moment I think is at 35K. Oh, very nice. Can you tell me a little bit more about that though? I'm really pervy. I want to know, how did you get into the market? What made you take that next step and how did you pick the asset that worked best for you? Absolutely. So I love to read and knowledge is power so I just read a lot of financial books I've read a lot I can't remember

in particular which ones and also podcasts she's on the money of course and oh this isn't about ego stroking I literally want to know because as women like it's so hard to take that next step to go all right I've read I've listened like you know there are even people in my team that are like Victoria I hear from you all the time I'm just still analysis paralysis and I don't know how to go on to actually purchasing my first share so no it's not about did you listen to cheese on the money it's like how'd you do it please share we want to know yeah I think for me you've just got to work out what's works best for you so I was just like I didn't want to overwhelm myself with which platform is the right platform I just thought I end up just going with Comsec I

just made a decision yes some of their fees are a little bit high in terms of compared to other platforms but I was like I'll do it and then researching about good standard blue chip stocks ETFs I really liked and I would just sort of read into them as well and you know what to look for I'm not going to be picking random stocks that I don't know what they are or you know someone's given you a tip on what stock is gonna you know be the best so the majority like the S&P 500 of course. Obviously, that's Warren Buffett. He was a huge influence too, as well as the very dry financial book, which I think you recommended. I'd read a while ago. I forget the name of it. Oh, The Intelligent Investor. Oh, yeah. I did recommend that. My favorite dry book is actually

The Richest Man in Babylon. But I'll read them for you guys. We did actually a recap a couple of months ago on the podcast of my favorite books, so you didn't have to read them. But I'm glad you did my friend yes it's very dry it can also put you to sleep at times good night time reading I reckon if you can't sleep pop that book beside your bed promise you won't suffer from insomnia again exactly I agree so yeah I just really did a lot of my own research and reading and I just thought you know what I'll do a thousand dollar lots and and just I started off I think which was my first year probably an ETF of some kind or a listed investment company and I know that they're good sort of standard stocks and then just reinvest the dividends yeah what a queen I love that thank

you for sharing all right next question my love do you have any debts if so what are they yeah absolutely obviously the mortgage which I think is at 400k at the moment and no consumer debt we got rid of that quite a few years ago paid out of cars and all of that but I have my student loan from New Zealand and should have paid it off years ago but yeah look there were a few years where you know just wasn't paying and then paying minimum you know the interest so I've actually made a goal for myself to pay it out by June next year I've already got 16k set aside because I think it's at 31k and I'll just knock that out of the park. Yeah. How exciting. I love that you've got a plan for it. I feel like that's, yeah, no, that's really exciting because I feel like

sometimes when we have outstanding debts, especially ones that we've been putting off for a long time, we just stick our head in the sand and we'll be like, oh, I'll just keep chipping away at it. Like it'll go away one day, like, and you've got a plan and you know when it's going to happen and you kind of smiled all the way through that. So it's not even worrying you that much which I love oh yeah I think that I know I should have had it knocked out years ago anyway that's all right that is all right well let's talk about maybe a money win do you use shop back I do yes I think I've got $50 in there at the moment oh free money we love that yeah I love that what I've been doing is ordering the likes of you foods or muscle chef they're really

handy meals to take. Oh, the meals on there too. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're much smarter than me. I hadn't even thought about that. I knew that like supermarkets were on there, so that's a good money win, but I didn't know you could order meal delivery service. I learn something new every time I ask that question, honestly. Awesome. All right. Speaking about money wins, I want to know what is your best money habit? When I set goals, I get that tunnel vision and I'll do it. So for example, like I've said, I've set this goal of paying out my student loan and I'll know I'll do it by June. So yeah, get that sort of determination and tunnel vision and just do it. I love that. Let's flip the narrative for a hot second. What's your worst money habit?

it I can take money out of savings sometimes well not sometimes I might do it a bit too often then I want to like oh I'll just take out a bit of money and it's generally to spend on food yeah like takeaways and like so yeah that's probably the worst one at the moment that is not too bad if I do say so myself also because I get it if it's for snacks like that just story adds up last question before we go to a really quick break what grade would you give yourself if we forced you to give yourself a money grade I think it would be a solid B we're on the way to being very financially stable yeah I like that what would you have to do to get to an A To get to an A, I would have to have the student loan knocked out and maybe the mortgage reduced a bit.

We've already got our emergency fund, so I feel, yeah, that's not a problem. But it's just those other things, yeah. I like that. June next year, you're an A then. That makes sense. Story checks out. let's go to a quick break because after the break I really want to dive back into your money story don't go anywhere guys

all right we are back and money diarist I feel like you've got a really interesting money story and we touched on at the start of the structured questions but I want to dive back into it because you said that growing up your parents argued a lot about money and I feel like we all do that in different ways, shapes and forms. But as a younger human, what did you take from that? Like, did you feel it was just an overwhelming sense of anxiety or were there specific money issues they argued about? And I guess, how does that now trail into the conversations you have with your partner about money? Yeah, really good question. It was definitely a lot of anxiety. I think the unknown as to what our situation was whether we could afford to still rent where we

were or oh look there was always food we always had a roof over our head and typical small town community like there's always support from you know the community and we had a lot of family so that very privileged in that respect but I feel like for a long time into my 20s as well still held on to that anxiety so even when I was working wasn't fantastic with money because we weren't taught about it so basically spending all that we earned or not thinking about my future self in terms of putting money aside because it wasn't we didn't learn about it and it was you know you got money you spent it basically so I think for especially my sister and I we always knew that we needed to get good jobs good careers as a way of ending that cycle

of being financially and stable I guess. So that was my first step but with this good career and earning decent money that doesn't mean that you know what to do with money and that you're going to be

financially stable or independent. Do you still feel anxious when people ask about money or talk about money? Like where are your feelings at on this? A little bit. I think that's over the years

that's actually reduced because when we paid out our car loans and we had a credit card and there was another debt that we had, the anxiety started to go away. And it's amazing that the weight that's lifted off your shoulders by doing those things. So I feel that a lot of that anxiety has gone for sure because we don't have that consumer debt. We have a really decent emergency fund. We have good supers and we have a goal as to what we're doing in terms of investing for our future so yeah I'd say that I don't have that anxiety now I can still in my mind think about when we grew up and and not ever

wanting to be in that situation yeah that is so fair and I feel like this is a really common narrative in our community where it's an underlying anxiety. You've grown up with it. You're not really sure how to reframe it, but you're starting to take positive steps towards creating a secure financial future. And then I feel like there's a bit of an ah moment where you go, this is how I can do that. And that anxiety dissipates. You mentioned before, we now have our emergency fund. I want to know about your emergency fund. Have you always had one? If not, how, when, where, why and what's in it and how did you decide how much needed to be in it yeah good question because i i find this fascinating everyone's emergency fund amount will always be different so from what

i've read the information is anywhere from three to six months of living expenses some people might do that as their three to six months wage but for us i think i set the minimum of 25k so we have 25k in there at the moment very nice very nice very healthy and we're just letting that each fortnight we get paid i think 200 a fortnight goes into that we'll just let that keep trickling away i love that why are you continuing to contribute to your emergency fund do you feel like there's not enough in there or have you picked an amount like did you go i want 25k because it covers three months worth of expenses or is this a number that just makes you feel really comfy like where is it that that's a good question I know I think I set goals in terms of so you know 25k and then

you're like oh I could set it to be higher but I think if there's always a minimum of 25k happy with that and I think any excess in there I think I'll just put into shares so yeah I like that I don't mind that you're keeping on contributing to that that's not a bad thing I just want to know people's mentality around it. Because it's interesting having had a conversation this week with someone who's like, oh, I don't really need it. I've got a credit card. And I'm like, ah, that gives me mad anxiety. But different things work for different people. And as much as, you know, I would love, love, love, love, love and genuinely believe every single human needs an emergency fund. My job is actually to educate you on all the options and then you make the best

one for you. And if you decided that's it, then that's all good. But my gosh, that would give me mad anxiety not knowing that I had some cash stashed away for a rainy day. Absolutely. Yeah, I agree. I wanted to ask you about something that you mentioned in your writing. You said you're an emergency services worker and an egg donor. And I liked that you put it there because I feel like it kind of signaled to me that that was something that was really important to you. so I wanted to know more about why you made that decision why you wanted to be an egg donor have there been any costs associated with that because if I'm being honest it's not something that I know a lot about but I would really like to know how does that work yeah it's a very long

story so I'll try to condense it when my husband and I decided to try for a family we were very realistic I guess probably because of the job we do in terms of we talked about okay so what happens if we can't conceive naturally what are our options so we you know we talked about IVF we talked about other fertility treatments what if that can't happen what about egg donation from another woman adoption all that so we're very realistic and also I said to my husband and this was back I think 2013 or 14 when I was sort of looking into starting a family that one of my brothers is gay he lives in London with his partner and I said that if he ever wanted to have a family I would hope someone would donate the eggs to them and egg donation is something

that I would like to do provided I could have my own family because it's such a special gift having children is incredible and if I could do that for someone else knowing that you know someone might do that for my brother and his partner if they wanted kids yeah you are such a special human my gosh a paramedic someone who cares that much about other families that is wild I love it were there any costs associated with that for you yeah so then we fast forward to 2017 and my husband found an online article for look at an Aussie couple New Zealand Maori and an Aussie couple looking for a Māori egg donor and they weren't getting anywhere because obviously it's very narrow.

Yeah, that's niche. That's niche. But that has your name all written on it. So my husband's like, oh, what do you think? And I was like, oh, do you think I – because, you know, obviously the younger you are, the better quality your eggs are. And at that stage I was 31. And I know I'm not old, but obviously, you know, your quality of eggs and your number of eggs starts reducing, especially after 35.

And he's like, no, no. I said, you know what? Yeah, let's email. And just basically threw my hat in the ring. And so I sent an email saying who I was and about my family, what I do, what tribe I descend from in New Zealand. And, yeah, just a bit of information. And it felt good knowing that there would be, you know, I thought, yeah, there'd be other women that would have done the same. And the boys, as I call them, had an overwhelming response from women in New Zealand and Australia of Maori descent.

And I think over 70 women emailed. Oh, wow. Yeah. Look, and I don't think if all of those women met the criteria in terms of age and things like that. But I think my email was lucky last, which caught there. eye as well and so it was a bit of a process for them to sort of filter through everything and they they sort of narrowed it down and ended up having Skype chats with I think they sort of narrowed it down to five women and then from there we had to go to our GPs and get blood tests because they can

do like a blood test it's an anti-mullerin hormone blood test which basically can look at how many eggs you've got left so obviously you want to pick a candidate that's got a good range of of eggs the process from there so then I think they're from there there was a couple women that didn't quite meet that good criteria and then it came down to sort of a personal decision for them both and which they spoke with their families and they they ended up picking me which is in the end I was just happy that they had someone and so in Australia so obviously egg donation surrogacy sperm donation is not commercial meaning you don't get paid for it so you know you hear of it yeah in America they do they do that's right so it's an altruistic you do it

because you're a kind human absolutely and so basically what is covered so the boys will pay everything associated with the process so that the IVF medications the GP visits that the blood tests the going getting the ultrasounds the flights up to because they're based in Queensland the flights up to Queensland for the egg retrieval the accommodation the food any days that I had to take off work all covered for I mean they they treated me like an absolute queen and we have a fantastic relationship all all of us and I mean so my husband and and the boys so they I've actually done IVF twice for them and they have a little girl how special yes and they're looking at doing another transfusion there's a little girl and she's just over two now and I

have met her and you just don't know how you're going to feel because she's come from me she's yeah she's genetically part of you right yeah that's right but it was because I'm known as auntie which is a very endearing term as well in our culture and it was beautiful like it was emotional obviously when I met her but not like I didn't feel like I needed to take her home and that she was mine it was just yeah she's just a very special little girl yeah yeah oh that is so special because you always like people talk about egg donation as being something that is so you know altruistic and so kind and special but then there's you know maybe that flip side of going well what if I meet this child and I feel like that's my child like because quite

literally genetically they've come from you but oh I love that I love that for you and seeing that come full circle does that mean that there will be another baby at some point that is related to you in that family? I hope so so they look at you so obviously they have a surrogate and I haven't met her yet but she's also another beautiful person so hopefully looking at doing a transfer the first transfer this month so with their daughter that they have at the moment that she was the fourth transfer. So the fourth embryo that took. Wow. That is honestly so special. I want to ask though, would you do that for other families or are you like, no, this was just one, that's enough. Like, or is this something that you'll continue to do? Like,

how does this stuff work? Cause I can imagine that IVF is really taxing on your body. Yeah. It's a really good question. Cause I find it all fascinating too. And each state has their own different laws so for me personally for me it was always going to be I had to have a connection with a couple and for me it's always been that I would donate to one couple whereas I know that other women have donated to multiple couples yeah and I believe in Victoria the law is you can only donate to 10 women I believe I think New South Wales might be five donate to five couples and I think they actually they include your own children in that oh wow really yeah I'm not quite clear on that yeah so that's my personal stance other woman might yeah be more than happy to

to donate to multiple couples yeah how special oh my gosh and I want to be really pervy as your brother gonna have a baby at any point is that some route that he wants to go down look yeah I know I I hope so so he lives in London with his beautiful partner and look they both adore their nieces and nephews because they've got a niece and nephew in England as well and it might it might be I'll have to ask him because he he'd be very upfront he wouldn't mind me asking at all But, I mean, I just want him and his partner to get married. I want to go to a gay wedding. You're like, I want to go to a wedding.

I want to have a party. I like your partner. Lock it down. How exciting. Oh, my gosh. You are honestly such a special human being in your work, in your life, in the things you do for others. I am so glad you are part of our community.

How lucky are we? I appreciate that. Thank you. Oh, my gosh. But Jess, I do think that is sadly all we have time for today. So Jess, why don't you wrap up the boring but important stuff? Of course. Don't forget, guys, that the advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature

and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision. And we promise Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of InFocus Securities, Australia Proprietary Limited, ABN 47097797049, AFSL 236523. We'll see you on Wednesday, guys. Bye.