She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: Struggling with Toxic Perfectionism

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

Today's Money Diarist knew something was really wrong when she found herself crying on the floor after she landed her dream job. She uncovered a toxic perfectionist pattern in her life and after a good old soul search, returned to uni to study international development and climate change. She then went into 20k of debt to look after her aging doggo, lost her father to cancer, and through therapy was diagnosed with OCD. It has been a huge journey for her and we can't wait for you to meet her!This year our Money Diaries are being brought to you by the legends at Shopback! Check them out at https://app.shopback.com/aus/partner/SOTM and you'll get a cashback bonus when you sign up!Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708, AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Victoria Devine, and I am so excited to welcome you back to another one of our Shop Back Money Diaries, where we get to talk to one of our beautiful She's on the Money community members and learn a little bit more about their journey. So let's get straight into it. This week, I got a message from one of our diarists, and it said, I went to uni straight out of school, and I wanted to do everything right. This developed into a toxic perfectionist pattern. When I landed my dream job, I realized something was really wrong after long periods of bad anxiety and finding myself crying on the floor. After much soul searching, I returned to uni to study

international development and climate change. At around this time, my 16-year-old dog got really unwell. After a year and a half of vet bills, that added up to $20,000, my beloved pup passed away. While this was happening, my dad's cancer returned, and he was given a short period of time to live, passing away in July of last year. This, of course, put work and uni on hold. After a diagnosis of OCD, but some wonderful therapy, I now work full-time at my real dream not-for-profit job, where I earn less, but my cup is full. Money diarist? What a journey, what a story. Thank you for wanting to share it with me. No, thank you so much for having me on. I'm very excited to share some more. Oh my gosh, it started with like, I landed my dream job,

then I was on the floor, then all of this other stuff. My gosh, I am so excited to dive straight into it. As always, let's start with the most common question I ask, my favorite one of all, can you tell us a little bit about your money story? Yes, for sure. So I guess it really starts when I was younger, I had what I've learned from you actually was a bit of a scarcity mindset growing up when it comes to money. So my family wasn't super well off and money just wasn't something that we had laying around to spend. However, my parents always worked really, really hard. So from a young age, I really had this mentality that kind of took over my brain that basically you had to work really hard to get anything that you wanted in life.

So after high school, I went to university to study what I thought would be a degree that got me the most money, basically. What degree was that? We want to know. So that was just a basic kind of business degree with some international relations chucked in from my own interest area. And I thought that was the exciting thing that I could do to make money, basically. That does definitely sound like you could be rich, rich after doing that. Sounds fancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get the logic. Yep. So I spent uni basically working a lot part-time, studying really hard to get good grades and doing a ridiculous amount of unpaid volunteer work to try and build up that resume,

basically. So after I finished my undergrad, I thought it had all paid off when I got a dream job straight out of university that was paying almost 90k. Wow. Which was just wild. That's so much money straight out of university, like straight out of uni. I was on like 40k and I thought I was making bank. Yeah, it was overwhelmingly wild. So it was the first time I'd ever actually really had money and I had no financial literacy at the time. So I basically went wild. Like we're talking like $50 bottles of wine during the week, Uber Eats and dinners

out daily. Like it was just draining and I was definitely living what I thought was my best life. I mean, that does sound pretty good. I would definitely crack a bottle of $50 wine on a Wednesday and call that a good week. So I see where you were going with that. Yeah, it was chaotic. It really was chaotic times, but it was fun. But yeah, so in a bit of a plot twist, it actually turns out that I really wasn't that happy. I might have thought I was, but on those nights that I wasn't kind of out with friends or like having a fun time with my partner, I was just so exhausted and overwhelmed. And I finally realized that I was genuinely really burnt out when one day I was having a proper panic attack in the kitchen

lying on the floor just like bawling my eyes out and my partner was talking to me and he was like I think maybe this isn't what you want in life and I was like maybe you're right maybe this isn't it that's some good insight I mean that's probably a good indicator if you're having a panic attack on the floor and you are bawling your eyes out I just feel like yeah he's pretty switched on Yeah, he's a good reader. I'll definitely give him that. He's a very good emotion reader, which is very handy. So yeah, so I got to the point then and a bunch of self-reflection after that moment, realizing that money probably wasn't all I wanted in life. And I really wanted to do something that was a bit more meaningful and could help me help people and kind of lean into my

passion for the environment as well so I went back to uni which was my safe space at the time and enrolled in my masters of global development and climate change and started working part-time so about this time is actually when I found your podcast as well welcome to the family yes yes so it was very exciting so I was actually getting on top of my money I was figuring out how to do baskets I was saving all my part-time earnings like things were looking great and then these three major things kind of happened over the span of a few years so as you mentioned at the start my gorgeous gorgeous dog that i'd had since year two got really sick what kind of dog tell me about her she was like this little beautiful silky cross like one of those bits of dogs that's like five

different things yeah she's very sweet so she was 16 and she got all of the things wrong with her basically at the time. So over the 2018 to 2020, I ended up spending, I think it was about $22,000 all up on her vet bills as I didn't have pet insurance because I got her when I was so young. And she ended up passing away in 2020, but it was totally worth it. But obviously took a huge dent in the old savings. That is the worst. Pets are, as you probably already know, if you've been listening to the pod a while. I am the biggest pet person ever. I have three of my own and they are the best things to ever happen to me. And I mean, it's not going to make you feel better about this, but you mentioned pet insurance before. Your Bambino had a very good inning. 16 years

is very impressive, especially for a dog, but most pet insurance will not cover any dog over the age of 10 or 12, depending on what insurance policy it was. So they might not have even covered that. So I don't think insurance could have saved you there. Unfortunately, that's all up to old dogs. Yeah, exactly. That's very true, actually. And it has helped me learn now for our dog that we got only a few years ago. We have a joint account, my partner and I, that we push money into as a big savings just

in case, which is very nice. Oh, my gosh. They're babies that need being looked after. So I am totally there. But then your story develops further. That wasn't the only bad thing to happen during that period of time, right? Yeah. So early last year, I got a call from my mum that my dad was in hospital because his prostate

cancer that he'd been dealing with really well for the last six years had come back and had spread. Wow. And I was so used to him being sick that I didn't really think about it at the time. it wasn't until for the first time she said you better get here because we've been told there's only months that I was like oh my goodness yeah this is serious so yeah after going down to visit my family and realizing that this was it so I basically decided then and there that family was more important than my uni and my work and all my other things I had going on so I ended up

spending about one week a month for six months going in between my home and my family's home visiting while I could to just support and be with dad and it was just such a tough time and he ended up passing away last July but I wouldn't trade it for a day taking that time off uni pushing things back and taking that time off work to be with my family it was the best decision that I've ever made I think. I'm so glad to hear that you had that time with your family I mean there's no you know right or wrong when it comes to stuff like this but the fact that you're saying like this is the right decision for me I love that you had the ability to make that decision and it sounds like your dad probably really appreciated that too like oh my gosh he would

have loved that time with you right? Yeah we had a lot of fun and we had a lot of like quality family time which you don't always get when the kids have all grown up and we've moved to different States. So that was really nice as well. So silver linings. Yeah, especially as an adult. I mean, let's try and see that as a silver lining. And then what happened? You put work and uni on hold and then what? So then after dad had passed away, I kind of went back to my usual life, tried to just dive straight back into things as, you know, the overachievers do. And then I realised something was very off and it didn't feel like my regular anxiety. Things were going downhill really quickly. And I was lucky enough to have had a friend who had been diagnosed with

OCD a few years prior to me. And I thought, this sounds a lot like what my friend was telling me about. So I went straight to a psychologist within about a month of it coming on. So I think that was really lucky for me that it didn't have enough time to develop into something really, really bad. But yeah, I got diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder and it has easily been, apart from everything else that I've gone through, one of the toughest things I've ever dealt with. It is dehabilitating. It just drains you. It wastes so many days of your life. And I didn't really understand what it was before it happened to me. And I think a lot of people don't understand it either. So that was really tough with work and uni again, trying to figure out how to navigate that. Monita, I want to ask a pervy question here because you said that, you know, OCD is not really understood. And one of the reasons why it's not understood is it manifests really differently for different people. So it doesn't always look exactly the same and there's no one quote indicator of it. And I think that a lot of people joke about it and say, oh my gosh, I've got OCD, I have to clean the sink. And it's just like, no, sit down. That is not what it is. So could you teach us a little bit about how that might manifest for you? Because obviously it is debilitating, but that means different things to different people. And I feel like that insight could be really powerful here.

Yeah, no, 100%. It can look so significantly different for different people. So for me, I had like certain themes that would pop up. So the general way that OCD works is that you have an obsessive thought and then you feel this urge to compulse on that obsessive thought so one that I had was there's so many but one that is probably not as stressful for people to listen to at home was that I had this obsessive thought that I had done something in the past to cheat on my partner and it's the most ridiculous thing because I knew that I hadn't but my brain was convincing me that I had and then

you get into this cycle of overthinking like I have this initial obsessive thought like you did something inappropriate with that guy once and then your brain starts to think oh let's get to the bottom of this and that's the compulsion so it can look like you overthinking a scenario trying to get to the exact bottom of a memory it can look like you going to your partner to try and get feedback from them and that confirmation that no you didn't do anything wrong or it could be you sitting on your phone like trying to search answers for hours and hours and so many different things so it's like that really negative cycle and you might think that you've solved it but then you've strengthened that obsessive thought and then it comes up again and again so the best

way to deal with it is for me at least it was going to therapy and doing exposure therapy so it's when you're actually exposed to the things that bring on that obsessive thought but then you have to force yourself to say this is OCD and not lean into those compulsions. And it probably sounds really easy to the average, lovely, healthy mind out there, but it's really, really hard. So that mixed with some really good drugs that helped with my OCD really helped me get on top of it. And I was very much scared of taking any type of medication, but life changing. One of the best things I've ever done. I feel like there's such a stigma around medication. Why were you apprehensive to take medication?

I've been told to take it before for my anxiety because I've been dealing with anxiety for about a decade. And I always just kind of thought, no, mine's not that bad. You know, it's not bad enough. Other people have it worse. And it's such a lie that you tell yourself, like, especially when you get to the point if you're crying on the bathroom floor, it's developing further into something like OCD. And yeah, I just got to the point where I thought, why not give it a go? Like, it's pretty bad. If it's going to help, it's going to help. And it honestly changed my life. Yeah, it's incredible. As somebody who has had their life changed as well by various medications for ADHD, for anxiety, for depression, I currently take medications for all of those. I bought into that

stigma for a really long time. In fact, I went off one of my medications for a really long time because I was like I don't need it like I don't need to be defined by this and now I look at it and go you wouldn't say to somebody with diabetes don't worry don't take your insulin like you're better now you're functioning fine like I literally have a chemical imbalance in my brain and these medications help fix that I just think that you know things like OCD and anxiety are dealt with in a very similar way because most of the time and there's obviously a million different reasons why people have these symptoms but for me it's just a brain issue like it is literally I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and that's what's creating it so I just fix it with a medication how

crazy is it that I can do that and now I get to live my best life I'm not advocating for everyone to jump on medication but I just think that sometimes the doctors do know what they're talking about when they say maybe you should consider this a hundred percent yes definitely I was just going to say, so that was all pretty terrible, but I'm definitely on top of it now. And then moving into this year, the money story is actually looking quite well. So I moved cities and I ended up getting my real dream job. And my partner and I have actually just bought our first apartment as well. Oh, congrats. How exciting. Thank you. Things have changed. Things are good. Oh my gosh. It is a journey, but it sounds like

you're on the light side of it at the moment, which is so exciting. All right. I have so many questions for you, but I know I want to get through these questions first. So now I want to know, you said you got your quote, real dream job at your not-for-profit, but what do you do for work now? How much money do you earn? So I work in international disaster and crisis response. Wow. What does that mean? I am based in Australia, but I basically coordinate response work to other countries especially in the asia and pacific regions so yeah it's all about mostly giving funding but also capacity development to disaster workers in other countries and really working to help localize responses to disasters especially in an era of changing climate and

increasing a more unpredictable disaster event so yeah really moving towards away from traditional kind of humanitarian aid models, more to working with communities on the ground, which is really exciting. And I currently earn $82,000, which I only just started two weeks ago. I went on a mini little pay rise, which was very exciting. I feel like that's a really good income for the type of work that you do. Am I right in saying that? I feel like in the not-for-profit space, it's really common to not have very high salaries. And I mean, that's not super high, but it's a good innings. Yeah, it definitely is. I am quite lucky where I work does pay its employees quite well for the non-profit space. And I started off in a lower position on about 65k, but I recently just moved

up into a new role. Oh my gosh, congrats. That and apartment. Oh, you are killing it at the moment. All right. I want to know, given you've just bought your own apartment, what's now your big money goal? What are we working towards? So one of my biggest money goals is to pay off our mortgage as soon as possible. So we actually bought something that's quite cheap. So we realised that our values isn't really property. So we only really ended up buying because of how significantly the rental market is going up. And we realised that buying a nice cheap apartment would work out really well for us. So we got the Victorian First Home Buyers Scheme. So we're planning to pay off that contribution as soon as we can and then start to pay that off. And my long term is to

really get into investing to set myself up for a sustainable future as well. Yeah, wow. All right. That is super exciting. The next question I have for you, though, is do you currently have any investments? If so, what are they? So I don't actually have any investments at the moment apart from my super, but it is my massive goal in the next financial year to start building. So I'm currently doing a lot of research into what funds I want to put my money into. As you can probably tell, I'm really interested in putting my money into ethical and environmentally friendly investment funds. so it's very confusing. So I'm doing a lot of research to try and figure out where I want to put my money. And then that's my plan to kind of start really significantly building that up in the next couple of years. I'm not surprised to hear that in the slightest, given what you've told me, especially about your career. But it is a really prickly position to be in at the moment

because ethical doesn't necessarily mean ethical in the way that you would accept it. And so there's a lot of conversation going on about greenwashing at the moment. In fact, if you want to go back, I don't know if you've been through the pod that deeply yet, but we did an entire episode of what greenwashing is, how it works and how to pick investments that align to your values, which I'm a bit biased, but I think it was a good episode. I don't think it was too bad. But moving on, you mentioned your mortgage. I want to know more about that, but I also want to know, do you have any other debts? If so, what are they? So apart from the mortgage, the only other debt that I have is my Hex debt, which is rather large given my master's degree. But I will credit my

mum for that one because I remember watching a news story with her one morning. It was about credit cards and she was telling me how terrible they were. And I remember at that moment at like five, I was like, no, I'm never having one of those. So shout out to mum for that. Shout out to five-year-old you for making the decision to not get a credit card when you're older. Like that is not what I was thinking of when I was five. I think I was just convinced that one day I would meet the red wiggle. So you are definitely miles ahead of me thinking about credit cards. It makes absolute sense that you're in such a good position now. Talk to me about your mortgage though. I want to know how much is left on that and how you're

paying it off. Definitely. So it's literally just started. So we're actually moving in next week. Oh my gosh, exciting. Welcome to debt life. Oh yeah. It's very chaotic at the moment. So we've got quite a small mortgage. It's only 350k and we got about 20% of it through the Victorian Homebuyer Scheme as well. So we actually got a significant reduction in our interest rate and we didn't have to pay stamp duty because we're in Victoria. So we were so lucky in getting this mortgage. So Money Diaries, before you said you used the Victorian Homebuyer Fund, which I actually think is really important to mention here because you said one of your goals is to pay off your mortgage as soon as possible and obviously for some people that actually isn't

the best financial decision but for you it definitely is going to be because this fund actually enables you to have like a five percent deposit and then the Victorian government could or can contribute up to 25 percent of the purchase price in exchange for an equivalent share of the property which means with this scheme you probably want to pay back your mortgage ASAP so that you can buy the government out. Is that right? Yep. That's basically it. So we got about 20% of our mortgage through this scheme and we actually have to live in it full time until we've paid the government out of it. So that is one of our biggest goals to pay off that. It's about $85,000 for us. So to get that paid off so that we can actually move overseas eventually is the goal.

So that's definitely the plan at the moment, but still it's an amazing scheme for us in our position at the same time. Yeah. How did you learn about that? I feel like this is one of the lesser conversed about schemes. And when you mentioned it, I was like, oh, do you mean the first home buyer scheme or do you mean the fund? I mean, you were definitely talking about the fund. So I want to know more. Let's use this time to educate the community. How did you get involved? How did you sign up and how did you decide that it was the right thing for you guys? So it's actually a very funny story how we found out about it. So we actually thought that we were going to apply for the wider federal government first homebuyer scheme. And we really wanted to go with a

particular bank that suited our kind of like environmental and ethical stance. So we reached out to this bank, thought we were applying for the scheme. And then they came back and all the documents were saying the Victorian Homebuyer Fund. And we were like, that sounds a little bit different. What are we applying for here? And then we looked into it and we were like, oh, for our circumstances, this is way better than what we would have been getting with the other scheme. So it worked out really well for us. And because we're buying an apartment, the value of our property isn't going to go up significantly like a house might. So we're not as stressed about the government owning a percentage of the property as what we might be

if it was a house. So it does work really well for us in this stance where we've got such a small mortgage and a property that likely won't go up too much in the next five, 10 years. Yeah. And I feel like that's a really valid consideration because that's one of the things that I was like, oh, I'm not sure how much I want the government to own my property given in my area. Honestly, so many houses have gone up by like $200,000 in the last three or four years. So for me. I was like, oh, that's risky because then I'd owe them more. And I feel like you have approached it really smartly in saying that. I'm glad it worked out well for you, but this is a very good lesson that you should never go straight to a bank and you absolutely should go to a mortgage broker

and have a chat to them. Obviously, I'm being a bit biased here. I own Zella Money and I adore the brokers there, but they would teach you all of this and put you on the right track to get into the right scheme and even apply for you. So if you've been thinking about it, definitely get in contact with a broker because it will be one of the best things that you can do. I mean, I'm glad it worked out for you though, Money Diarist. It sounds like it was a perfect outcome. Yeah, it definitely worked out well, but considering the stress of filling out different documents and trying to think of where things are at in application processes, I would also recommend going to the broker and I will next time. I love that. All right, moving on. I want

to know, if you're shopping online, do you currently use Shopback? So I actually used Shopback for the first time about three weeks ago. What a queen. Was it because you knew you were going to get asked this question on the podcast? No, no, I promise it wasn't. I actually wanted to buy some new swimwear and I usually don't shop online very often, but I have heard so much good things about Shopback through the pod. And I went on just to kind of suss out what type of swimmers I could find. And I ended up finding a pair that I really liked. And I think I saved about $20. So I was like, great. Oh, money win. It was perfect. I mean, it sounds a bit ballsy of you to be buying swimwear online. I don't think I could ever do that. Swimwear shopping

is my worst thing. Like it is the worst. I hate swimwear shopping, but to think that I couldn't try it on beforehand, like my friend props to you, you deserved that discount a thousand percent. I want to know next though, what is your best money habit? So I would actually say that my best money habit stems from when I was younger and we didn't have a lot of disposable income in that I'm not really a big spender. It used to be probably a little bit more of a toxic trait in that I would never spend any money on myself. But I've got to a point where I really only just buy the things that I want.

So I bought swimmers because I genuinely needed them. And I also get all of my clothes. I'd say about 95% of my clothes from op shops, which my mum instilled in me when I was young. I like to say that I was op shopping before it was trendy and it's easily one of my best money habits. I find so many bargains. It's amazing. I love that. I feel like it takes a lot of time though to like find the right outfits. What are your best hacks for going op shopping? Oh, I have so many good hacks. So you've got to find which op shops kind of suit your particular style, which I know sounds a bit extreme, but you'll get a vibe when you figure out which

op shops are around you, which ones kind of stock certain things. And my biggest tip actually is to have an idea in mind what you actually want. I think when people go op shopping, they just think it's an op shop, so I'll just kind of pick up what I could find. But if you go in with like a mentality of, I really want a new skirt, you know what colors you like to wear, you know what style you like to wear, it's just so much easier to just flick through the shelves, figure out and then just go from there. It makes it much quicker and you're more likely to find those like really high quality items that will last you ages and only cost you like $10. Yeah. Money win. I love that. All right. Well, let's take the mood down a little bit. I now

want to know what is your worst money habit? So my worst money habit is easily spending way too much money on food, which I think seems to be quite a common theme for money diarist. I can resonate with that too, let's be honest. Yeah. I spend nearly, I'd say 80% of my social money in my social basket each week just on food, takeout, all that kind of thing. It's something that I'm really trying to work on, trying to put in place things like going for a picnic as opposed to going out for dinner with my partner and spending $90 just on dinner. But yeah, it's a tough one, especially after a big week at work, easy to just want to go out, especially with daylight saving, makes it so much harder.

Oh, it does, doesn't it? I have been so guilty of that now. I'm like, oh, well, why don't we just pop out for a wine on a Thursday night? It's still so light. It's still so nice. And then my bank accounts are like, why, Victoria? Why? A hundred percent. Yeah. All right. Last question before we go to a really quick break. I want to know, what grade would you give your money habits if we forced you to give yourself a grade? I think at the moment I would probably give myself maybe like a C, C plus, but I'm really hoping that by the time I can get on top of my investments now that I'm in

a full-time steady income and I've got this lovely mortgage in my life I'm hoping that by the end of this year I want to be able to say that I'm more of a B. I love that what would it take to get you even higher? I think even higher than that would be having really steady investing money going in but also having a balance between not getting too fixated on just building that having money going towards travel and other things as well I think would really build me up and I'd be happier to say it was more of a B or an A. I feel like you're on the right path though sometimes when I ask money diarists what it would take they have these big extraordinary plans that you know they're not currently implementing I feel like you're definitely on route to that outcome

so let's leave it there we are going to go to a really quick break and then afterwards i'm going to take you all the way back to the start of this money diary when you mentioned scarcity mindset because i want to deep dive into that don't go anywhere guys all right we are back money diarist i am really excited to ask you about this because it is something that i have spoken about a lot historically but i haven't recently so i want to dive back into it. You mentioned before that until you listened to the pod, you hadn't really identified that you kind of grew up with a scarcity mindset. And I feel like this is a mindset that is really common in our community and not often identified. And when it is, you feel a lot more

powerful. Can you tell me maybe a little bit about where your scarcity mindset came from and what it meant to be able to identify how that's impacted you definitely so as I mentioned when I was growing up we definitely weren't super well off my parents both worked very just kind of average jobs I guess in terms of income and they were doing their best raising three kids working really long hours and just getting us by and in general I never felt like I was going without but at the same time I knew that I didn't have the money that my friends had if that makes sense so like friends would go on extravagant holidays or always have like new surf brand gear which was really cool when I was younger. It was cool when I was younger too like it was hot topic

in my family to get a rip curl pencil case because I didn't have one and it's all I wanted and it was like my favorite Christmas present one year so I resonate with that. Yep and that was like the big thing and I really just kind of got used to knowing that I wouldn't ask like my mom if I could have a particular jacket from the surf store and I couldn't have the brand name muesli bars we would get the home brand ones and I never thought too much about it until I'd say my first two years of uni when I would be with my partner in a shopping center and he would be buying like a new shirt or something that was say $80 and I would just freeze and be like how could you spend $80 on a shirt. I would just be horrified. And he always used to mention, are you okay? That's

weird that you're freaking out about this. And I'd be like, no, you're just like, you shouldn't spend all this money. And it probably wasn't until I'd say I properly started listening to the podcast and hearing some of the episodes about kind of how your childhood changes your money story and I was like oh that clicks in maybe that's why I'd never let myself kind of go on that trip or maybe that makes sense why I've never really bought myself like that new dress when I really wanted something or kind of just missed out on things that I didn't need to even when I did have the money and always having that fear of like if you make this decision it's gone then and then money's gone forever and it was always so scary so I think the power in just recognizing

that you have that mindset is so important to then be able to overcome it and just kind of change the way that I view money, which is a slow thing. It's definitely not overnight, but I can tell that it's changed significantly even in the last like five, six years. I love that. And I love that you've been able to identify it and kind of go, well, that doesn't have to be the way that I live my life in the future. I mean, it doesn't mean you need to go out and buy $80 shirts for yourself now to justify it and say that you're over it. But it definitely is really good to identify because I feel like it opens you up to have more of a growth mindset and that's what you need to be able to create wealth.

And like, it sounds like you're on the track to do that anyway. You've thought about what it looks like in the rental market and decided to buy a property and found the best outcome for you. And I feel like you're killing it. And I'm very excited to watch you grow. I want to go back and actually want to talk about your dad. He sounds like a really special human. obviously you adored him to spend one week every single month with him but I want to know how that

took a bit of a toll on you financially because to say I'm going to travel to my family home and spend a week there every single month like that obviously isn't the easiest decision to make and I would argue might have been a bit financially taxing can you talk to us about how you made that decision and how you supported yourself during that time Yeah, so it was definitely a huge financial, I don't want to say burden because it wasn't a burden. It's the wrong word, isn't it? Impact.

Yeah, it definitely had a huge financial impact in terms of draining the little savings that I did have and in terms of having to put off part-time hours because I was working part-time while I'm doing my master's to travel. But the funny thing was there was never a decision. I never made a decision about it. I literally got that original phone call from my mum to say this time we've found out there's only a few months to go. And I actually had work on that day. I had a workshop that I was running for this volunteering that I did. And I just texted everyone that I was doing things with the next few days and said, look, this has happened. I

have to go. And all of a sudden my whole schedule was cleared. And it was just in itself a really profound moment of oh my goodness all of this stuff that I put so much energy into it's important but it it's not the most important thing to me that my schedule can be cleared that quickly and that people are so understanding and I yeah I genuinely never made the decision as such it was just I need to be there for my family I'm lucky enough that I'm in a casual job so I have that flexibility which I wouldn't have if it had been this year so it would have been a whole different story. And I had that support of friends and my partner and my family. When I did have particular financial struggles, my partner stepped up or my family stepped in a couple of times as well. So

I was genuinely so lucky as well going through that. I love to hear that you're, I guess, so like, oh, it wasn't really a decision. It kind of just happened because in most circumstances, this is how it happens. It kind of like creeps up and then life has changed and then you're doing it every single month and it makes sense. And I'm really glad you had that time. But also, what would you say to people who are going through a bit of a hard time with parents that might not be well? I feel like that's something that in our community recently, I've seen a lot of people going, oh my gosh, what can I do? How can I support? And most of the time it's quality time, right? But what would you say to people going

through a similar circumstance. I think what both of my parents appreciated the most was kind of what you just said, that quality time, just being there, just helping with cooking a meal here and there. My parents ran a business together, so my mum was trying to do it all her own, just helping out with random little bits. It's just like all the little things, even being the person that kind of fields all of the well-wishers who might be a bit overwhelming and kind of playing that role as well but also taking a moment to look after your own mental health is really important through that I think sometimes as the kids we feel a responsibility to shelter our parents and sometimes take on too much baggage and I know I was doing that for my

mum and I wouldn't change it but having then my own support system was absolutely essential as well oh my gosh I definitely can understand that and I'm glad that you are pointing out mental health there because as much as you're caring so much for somebody else you do also have to take a little bit of time to fill up your own cup to make sure you can keep pouring some out so I have loved this money diary thank you so much for joining us I feel like this is probably a good place to leave it because I have taken up more than enough of your time but money diaries thank you so much for joining us as always I am super super grateful to be able to share stories like yours on our pod thanks so much for having me oh my gosh no of course we will see you guys on wednesday

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