She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: The Financial Side of Fertility

Episode Date: August 20, 2023

Todays gorgeous Money Diarist is a 29 year old Law student, and full time employee in litigation. She's also a part time step mum dealing with infertility, and juggling her finances while doing it all! Having spent 10k on 3 rounds of IVF with her partner, she wants to share her experience of navigating the fertility journey, and the impact that these procedures can have on your finances and your relationships. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our Money Diary episodes where I get the absolute privilege of sitting down with one of our She's On The Money community members and talking all about their money story. Let's jump straight into it because this week I got an email and it went like this. Hi V, I'm a 29-year-old law student and full-time employee in litigation. I'm also a part-time bonus mom dealing with infertility and juggling finances while doing all of that. My partner and I spent $10,000 for three rounds of IVF and I really want to share my experience

of the impact that these procedures have on your finances and on your relationships. Mani Darist, welcome to the show. Hello, thank you for having me. No, thank you for wanting to share your story with me. I'm very excited and very grateful. Do you want to dive straight in? Yeah, let's go for it. All right, first question, as always, is if I asked you to give your money habits a grade

from A through to F, what would you grade your money habits? So I gave this a lot of thought and I think I've settled on a B minus. A B minus. All right. Let's get into it. My favourite question, which comes as no surprise to anyone, is money, Doris, can you tell me a little bit more about your money story? Yeah. So I grew up in a family where money was never really something that was discussed, but it was also never really something that was an issue. We were very much thoroughly middle class, which I think really impacted me when I finally moved out of home and went to uni because I remember very clearly the first time I had $20 in my bank account and I went, what am I going to do? What am I going to do for food? And I ended

up working two jobs at a time and pulling it together. But that was a really big turning point for me was learning how to actually do a budget for the first time because I never had to budget before. No, totally. And money's hard and you don't realize it's hard until you're on your own with it. Yes, exactly. Because before I could always rely on my parents to bail me out when I spent my, you know, $50 paycheck from working at the chicken shop on lip gloss. Oh, I love that. That's so relatable. I worked at the ice cream shop, which was just down from the chicken shop. And I was going to Priceline and buying all my lip glosses when I had free time. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. Lip Schmackers had them all like the glossy ones though. Cause

obviously I'm not a child. I didn't just have the balm ones. No, no. The balm ones with the little crystal lids. Oh yeah, those were bougie. But the glitter in them was too gritty. Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. No, same page, same page. That's why it doesn't exist anymore. It's got nothing to do with the fact that times have changed and everything to do with that was a flaw in their product. Yeah, but they could have marketed it as an exfoliant and then problem solved. I had a blue one, so I'm glad that we're on the same page. Yes, very much. So you became an adult and you had your first $20, what then happened? You went to uni, take us all the way through to the age of 29. Okay. So I went to uni originally when I was 17 years old and I didn't

really know what I wanted to do. I said, what makes me sound smart and employable? And I decided to do journalism. Then my first day of my journalism course, the lecturer stood up and said, journalism is a dying profession. You have two weeks till the census date. I suggest you consider doing something else. Ah, cool. I guess I'll just see myself out, sir. Nice. And so were you like me and you were like, see you in hell and kept doing it or did you change? I did for a little bit. I did. And then I promptly fell into a pretty bad loop of anxiety and depression. And that was the end for me. I was like, you know what, we're done. We're going to take a break. We're going to focus on ourselves. And I ended up working a few different jobs,

working in retail. And then I eventually moved into the public service where I started my career as a criminal investigator. Oh, wow. Yeah. A bit of a like left turn. Oh, I just started my career there. That's all good. That's normal. But it was through that role where I started doing investigations and working more in regulation that I discovered my passion for law. So I left the public service and I'm now in a litigation team in a private law firm. Oh, that sounds so fancy. And you're still just in your 20s. Yeah. Well, yes, I'm still in the process of getting my law degree but you know we'll get there direction is more important than speed I love that that is very very true so tell me a bit more about your personal life so obviously you've got

bougie job you've had some very fancy experiences but when you wrote in you said I'm also a part-time bonus mom tell us about that and then I want to talk about infertility because we don't talk about that enough. Yes. A hundred percent. My stepdaughter is pretty much the coolest person in the world. I know it's kind of lame to talk about it like that, but she is so confident and funny and bubbly. And she just, she just does not let anything hold her back. And it's just really cool. I don't know. She's just a cool girl. I love that. I love that so much. Yeah. I feel like all stepdaughters deserve their future stepmoms or current stepmoms to have that same amount of energy for them. Yeah. Well, I met her dad through work when we were working together

as investigators. It was very like office romance. It was gorgeous. And then when I decided, you know, I was like, ah, this man's going to be my husband and I'm going to, you know, do the stepmom thing. I kind of really sat down with that and was like, well, I'm going to take it really seriously because she deserves, like she didn't choose this circumstance and she deserves 100% of my effort. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it right. So I kind of just jumped in feet first and it worked out really well somehow. Clearly, I love that. And then you and your husband, you've been trying to become second time parents? Yes. So I have a fertility issue, which is called primary ovarian failure or primary ovarian insufficiency. So essentially

what that means is I'm perimenopausal at 29. That's so hard. Yeah, it's kind of a big thing to come to terms with. We started going through the IVF and the IUI procedures and getting all of those ducks in a row because even getting to the point of the actual fertility procedure is so long. Like you have to do so many tests and there's so many hurdles. And we actually fell pregnant in November last year, but we miscarried at the start of the year in about January. I did too. That's exactly my timelines. I'm sorry. It sucks. Yeah, no, that is so bad. I'm so sorry that you went through that. It's the shittiest club to be involved in ever yeah I know but I will say actually like and I hope this

isn't like too kind of like but when I saw you posting about your experiences at the same time I was going through it it was kind of really nice oh I'm so glad because that's why I did it I feel like there were lots of people and you know what miscarriage is such an underspoken about topic and the more I spoke about it the more I realized I know it's one in four but when you start talking about it you just feel like it's like everyone's doing it everyone's got a story I swear every single person that I spoke to would be like oh yeah me too or oh my sister oh my like everyone had a story and I was like well why didn't I know this before I was going through this and this felt so lonely why didn't I know this going in because I just thought it was locked

and loaded the second I got a positive pregnancy test. Right. Like I just thought that that's how it worked. Right. Like I'm healthy. I'm okay. I'm not in a circumstance like you. I just thought it was going to be perfect. And unfortunately that's not the circumstance and like, that's okay. But I think talking about it makes it so much easier because if I share my load and you share it with yours, I know that I'm not alone and I know that I'm not the only one to go through this. And you know it's not a reflection of me being a terrible mum it's actually got nothing to do with that and I think a lot of the time we blame ourselves for not doing something or doing something wrong or messing it up somehow and that's not the case at all absolutely not the case no but sometimes you

need someone externally to give you that reminder a hundred percent so you went through three rounds of IVF, had a miscarriage. Yes. That's bullshit. What happened next? So essentially we're at the point now where we need to look at using donor conception and using donor eggs. So we did the three rounds of IVF. We spent about $10,000 getting that all together. And that's including things like interstate travel, hotels, accommodation, because, and this is something I did not know until I started getting into this, is that where I am in the ACT, there's no bulk build IVF clinics. What? Really? Yes. So if you're in the ACT, you have to travel to Sydney to be able to access bulk-billed IVF. So a bulk-billed IVF round is about $3,000 a cycle,

where a private clinic IVF round is about $10,000 a cycle. That's an insane amount of differences. And obviously that's the difference between you being able to do one round and three. And three is what led to your pregnancy, right? Yeah. Oh my gosh. It's crazy. But yeah, so the next step for us is looking at donor conception. So we're very lucky that the clinic that we are going through in Sydney, they've actually just recently introduced known donor conception services in their bulk build rounds. Yeah. So we got very lucky with

timing because it's really, again, just the price difference, like to be able to do a bulk build round with the donor program coordination fees, the costs associated with IVF cycles in general. keep in mind you're basically doing it with two people so I would be having IVF medication my donor would be having IVF medication all of that it's about maybe five thousand dollars a cycle I mean that's not as bad as it could be but I mean the idea that it could be more fruitful as well gives me a lot of hope yes yes and again the private clinic it's about fifteen thousand dollars a cycle. Oh my gosh. So how did you learn so much about the difference between public and private? Because I feel like fertility and going through this is so convoluted. I know a lot about

it here in Melbourne because I've been going through the processes myself to make sure that I will be able to have a healthy pregnancy. But looking at the price differences, like I just, I'm shocked at the differences even between private clinics and what that looks like and how that works and the waitlists in Victoria for the public system to me are insane. So how did you navigate this when going head in? I'm very fortunate that I had someone very close to me who had gone through, my cousin had gone through six rounds of IVF to have her little girl. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So she was a really, really good resource to me personally. If anyone is looking at IVF as well. There was a reality show recently. Was there? It's called Big Miracles.

Oh, I saw that. And then I blocked it out completely because I didn't want anything baby related in my life. Yeah. So I turned off the TV, but I'm glad it was good. Yes. No, I did the exact same thing because it aired when it was still a little bit too close to home for me after my miscarriage. And I went, no, thanks. Thanks. Bye. I don't care about your big miracle. yeah enjoy your baby but I ended up going back and re-watching it recently oh I'm glad it's really really helpful resource as well so that's a really good place but I think a lot of it just comes down to independent research because as you said even between the private clinics like Jenea just costs so much their prices are different to IVF Australia or you know it's really just about

digging in and taking the free consultations and working out what's going to be best for you in your individual circumstances. It's so time intensive as well, like doing all of that. I just, my heart goes out to you because I'm just like, oh, this must be such a stressful process and it must be really hard. But I want to know a bit more about, I guess, your feelings towards this. You seem really positive. I like, I talk to so many people about topics like this all the time and it's not as upbeat when you have this conversation. Like you seem to be a very, very similar mindset to me where you're like, you know what?

It was shit. It was awful. I hated every second of it. I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but also it is what it is and I will move on. Is that where you're at? Like how have you managed this? How have you dealt with all of it?

Because it is really heavy. Yes. First and foremost, I would like to shout out my therapist. She's done a lot of the heavy lifting. Same. we really appreciate her she's done a great work but yeah I think it was the DNC was probably the single worst experience of my entire life and at the end of the day it sucked and it was horrible and it's not something I would ever ever wish anyone to experience but I can't change it yeah

and you know the donor route it's not anyone's first choice but it's the cards that I've been dealt with my body and there's no point trying to be angry at my body because it's done a lot of good things for me too to keep me safe and keep me healthy and keep me going but yeah I don't know it's hard it's hard yeah no no I'm really proud of you that I feel like you are on the right track doing good things. And I can tell you're going to be the best mom. Like it's coming. It's coming. That's so exciting. Yes. Put it into the universe. It'll come true. I put everything into the universe. I promise. All right. I want to know now, I need to know a bit more. You said that you work in full-time litigation. So what does that mean and how much do you earn?

Yes. So I earn about $97,000 a year. Oh, big dog. Big dog energy. Woof, woof. Please don't put that in the podcast. Nope, it's staying in. It's staying in. I'm keeping it. No. I am the producer. Not a few Glen Cooker can get out. Nope. Nope. I'm keeping it. I loved it. Yeah. So I am a legal secretary in a litigation practice in a private law firm. So that means that our primary clients are Commonwealth government agencies and we represent the Commonwealth government agencies in litigation when other parties initiate litigation against them. Yeah, so we represent the government. When they get sued. Basically, yeah.

Yeah, cool. Yeah. How fun. Is that real spicy? obviously you're going to have signed an NDA so you can't tell me any spicy stories but I'm sure you can tell me whether it is spicy or not oh my the spice levels are through the roof some of the goss see that's why I should have worked in law I should have worked in law for the gossip honestly I think that's why I'm becoming a lawyer is because the tea is so hot

as long as you're not sharing it exactly it's good just keep that to yourself and then when you're at the supermarket and that person walks past you, you can be like, hey, I know something you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. It's honestly, it's so good. But yeah, some of the gossip, incredible. And it's also really helpful as well, because I am in the process of getting my law degree. So being able to work full time in a private firm in that litigation space, getting that exposure before you actually jump in, that's really cool. And all the networking, all the contacts. Oh I love that for you. Yeah. All right I want to know next what is your big money goal? What are you currently working towards? So currently we have two big money goals. Our

first is to save a deposit to buy our own house and our second is to save up a bit more money so we can commence some further IVF rounds using an egg donor. Oh how exciting. Do you have timelines on either of those goals? So we should be able to purchase a house late next year. So we're looking about November, December next year, we'll be able to buy. And then hopefully we'll be able to start IVFU visiting an egg donor just after that. How exciting. Yeah. I have someone who's agreed to be an egg donor for me actually yeah that's so special yeah my cousin oh no that's so special yeah because then we have at least a genetic bond yeah no I love that so much yeah she's been through so much with her IVF journey that she was like let's do it but she's just given

birth so she wants to wait about 18 months which is so fair totally fair so that takes the pressure off a bit. Yeah. Time to set up, time to plan. Oh my gosh. I'm so excited for you. That's such a special connection that you guys will have. How awesome. All right. I have a million more questions. I'm going to go to a really quick break, but on the flip side, I want to know about your investments. I want to know about your good money habits, your bad money habits, and if you have any debt. So guys, don't go anywhere. all right money diarist we are back and i am loving this chat i feel like it's so open so honest so raw but also like we just think we're really funny this whole entire time

so solid 10 out of 10 to us but talk to me do you have any investments if so what are they so i'm in the process of growing my spaceship portfolio so i've got roughly about a thousand in Spaceship and I've got $96,000 in Super. Oh, how do you have so much in Super? That's a flex at $29,000. Yeah, no, I got really into this money podcast. I don't know if you've heard of it. It's called She's on the Money. No, probably not. Sounds trash. Yeah. And I started doing some salary sacrificing into my Super account and really bumped it up. So I've been able to really contributing to that with the view of using some of those additional contributions to help fund our house deposit through the first home super saver. Oh, how good is that? How long have

you been doing that? Probably about a year and a half, almost two years now. Yeah. And they've just increased the cap as well, which is helpful. They did. It's now $50,000 instead of $30,000, which goes a lot further. Like $30,000 is not enough. And I mean, $50,000 in most places is not enough either, but it definitely takes the pressure off. And I did all of the maths and you end up on a marginal tax rate of 32.5 cents in every dollar, nearly $10,000 better off by using the scheme, which is a money win, massive money win. And most people are actually on that 32.5 cents in the dollar. If you have a higher marginal tax rate, my friend, you are actually even better off because the more tax you're paying, the more you're saving by using the

First Home Super Saver Scheme. So money win for everybody. Tell me how you started contributing to that for the First Home Super Saver Scheme though. Did you contact your super fund and explain yourself or did you just start be paying it over or like what was the process? Yeah. So I actually sat down about 18 months ago and reviewed my whole financial situation. Very sexy. I like that. I know. It's very hot. My husband and I have monthly financial date nights. 10 out of 10. Yeah. A bottle of Aldi wine and a Domino's pizza and our life has never been better.

Money win. Money win. Right? Which Aldi wine though? The Rosé, obviously. The Lemuel. Yes. An elite choice. See, obviously. But yeah, so I sat down, I reviewed my Superfunds performance. I decided I wasn't happy with the way they were performing and the fees I was paying. So I kicked them to

curve, called around and spoke to my now super fund and said, this is my goal. This is where I want to be. I'm looking at joining. What can you do for me? And they set me up with one of their financial planners and they sat down with me and said, if you join our super scheme, this is what we can do. This is how we can do it. And I was like, sure. How cool. Yeah. They've been really, really helpful. And I just BPAY at the end of each financial year. I do a big bulk. Can I be real pervy? So you did all your research. Who did you decide to go with? Not so I can share my opinion. I'm just real pervy, you know, I just want to know where you picked and why. So I ended up going with UniSuper.

And why? Previously, I was with the public sector superannuation fund and PSSAP. They were good, but their fees were just astronomical compared to Unisuper. Unisuper was performing on average better. And I know past performance, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know. But they on average performed better over the last five, 10 years. And their fees were about half. Cool. So I was like, let's go. Why would I not want to pay less to get, if not, but better results? So you mentioned before that they set you up with a financial advisor and I know that's a service they provide. But a lot of people listening are going to go, what? Did you pay

for that? Was that a paid service when you sat down with your financial advisor from Unisuper? No, no, it was absolutely free. And it's something that all super funds, maybe not all, most, most super funds, yeah, offer. And it was really helpful. They also had a bunch of really good resources they do webinars they have ebooks and you can access a free financial advisor through them a couple of times a year money win yeah money win who doesn't want to be set up for retirement I mean lots of people because they just want to bury their heads in the sand but not you by the sounds of it which I think is very very good thank you so you've got your spaceship and then you've got your $97,000 in super it's going to be used towards your first

home super saver scheme. Yes. Let's bring down the mood. Do you have any debt? I am consumer debt free. Very sexy. Thank you. I do have a hex debt, which is roughly about $20,000. And by the time I finish my law degree, it's probably going to be sitting a little bit higher up closer to about the 60 grand mark. That's all right. Yeah. Look, when I'm earning the big bucks as a partner, it'll be worth it. It'll be fine. And you'll pay it off in no time. And be honest, a lot of my clients when I was a financial advisor used to be lawyers. And because they have such high incomes, they smash their hex debts off really, really quickly. And I used to be very envious of that. Ah, good to know. Yes. So it is something definitely to look forward to.

Yes. I want to know now, though, what do you think is your best money habit? My best money habit is that my cash flow system is completely automated. So everything is set up, the money hits the bank accounts, it gets transferred where it needs to go. And I don't have to check my bank account at all. It's all completely automated and ready to go. How did you do that? That sounds like some wizard stuff. The budget and cash flow masterclass. I feel like I'm just like spruiking you at the moment. I'm really enjoying this conversation for incredibly selfish reasons. I was about to be

like how did you automate it all like I'm genuinely interested though can you tell me like how did you set it up to work for you because obviously in my budgeting cash flow masterclass there's you know a set standard but it doesn't tell you like which bank to go with because that would be illegal and it doesn't tell you you know where you should actually put your money when it comes to the actual product how did you decide that and make sure it worked for you yeah so my personal bank account, I am with Up because that works for me. And I love being able to have lots of individual sinking funds and all that kind of stuff. Whereas my husband is with a different bank. So primarily we have a two-up account and our paychecks both hit the account. And then from there, we are able

to automatically transfer money. So he gets his spending money portion sent off to his bank account mine gets sent off to mine and then each of our savers gets transferred to and we also added in some additional transfers into that budget and cash flow masterclass things like we have a savings account set up for my stepdaughter so when she turns 16 she'll have ten thousand dollars oh my gosh yeah she's set up for life yeah well the goal is she her current goal in life. Keep in mind, she's seven and we love an aspirational queen. She wants to be a marine biologist and move to the beach. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So we're like $10,000. She can pack up. She can move to uni. She's got way more aspiration than me. When I was seven years old,

I'm pretty sure I would have been in like grade one or two and they did a careers day and they said, what do you want to be? And I said, I wanted to be a cleaner because my mom says she likes it when I help her around the house. And I mean, there's absolutely nothing wrong with becoming a cleaner. But, you know, I feel like I've done a few more things, you know? Yeah. Well, look, when I was her age, my goal was to operate, you know, at McDonald's, the soft serve machine. Oh, yeah. That would be a really good job. That was my dream. My dream was to operate a soft serve machine. I love that. And I became a lawyer. Like, that's disgusting. Maybe this is why I'm always talking about bleach in my house. I'm organizing my pantry.

I have the most organized fridge you've ever seen in your life. Maybe I've missed my true calling. Yeah. You should be one of those home edit girls. Absolutely not, because I wouldn't want to show you all the stuff I hide so that my fridge can look good. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's very relatable. Yeah. All right. Let's flip the narrative again. I want to know, what do you think is your worst money habit? Okay. My worst money habit is definitely dopamine seeking through spending. Amazing. We are two peas in a pod, my friend. Yeah. I'm in the process of getting a formal ADHD diagnosis and learning about how my little

treat spending affects my money is bonkers. It's so intricate. It's amazing. Yeah. It's really rude too. Like when they start telling you things about yourself and you're like, I've never had an original experience in my life. I know. Like what? You mean this is normal? I thought that this was my personality. I know. It's the single worst thing about TikTok, I think, is that I've realised. Every experience I've had is had by someone else and that sucks.

Yeah. What? I thought I was original, but I'm living in this world of clones. We all seek dopamine by spending our money and then wonder why it's not working and try again. I know. I know. But yeah, that's really bad for me. My worst habit, though, is particularly dopamine seeking through buying bubble tea.

Bubble tea. Mm-hmm. That's something I can absolutely relate to. What's your order? Well, it depends on the day. I've got two. So option one is peach green tea with mango popping pearls. Okay. Very good. I hear you. Yep. Or a taro milk tea. Oh no, you can't have the milk tea. No. Okay. No, my go-to order is a passion fruit green tea with half sugar. Obviously you're going to have the normal pearls, but you're also going to add lychee jelly and fresh passion fruit oh yeah that's the elite order and then you do half ice because they want more tea than ice because it's already cold so like don't mess me over got to do

the half ice it's like when you go to mackers and you get your drink and they fill it up with all ice and you get this much it sucks yeah exactly and i already ordered a diet coke like let me have the full cup you know this isn't hurting anybody except my my body like stop it i love it Money Dyrus, we have nearly reached the end of the episode. At the start of the episode, you told me that you were a B minus. And then we had all of these great conversations. You told me a whole heap about your automated cash flow system, how you're actually a big dog earning $97,000 a year, that you have these big money goals. You're already using your first home super saver scheme. You are utilizing this superannuation advisors very well. I just,

do you still feel like you're a B minus? And if so, that's okay. But what would it take to get to an A plus? Maybe we can say I'm a B plus. Okay. All right. I like this. I think to get me to an A plus, I would like to be a bit more effective with managing my little treat spending and having my little treat fund, you know, budget for it and then it's fine. And I think when I get a little bit closer to some of my big goals, I think that would make me feel good. Oh, how exciting. Unfortunately, that is all we have time for today. Money Darest, thank you so much for being so raw and so real and so funny and just sharing so much with me today in this short period of time that we have had.

I have absolutely loved it and it has been an absolute pleasure. Fabulous. Thank you so much. No, thank you. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD

and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.