She's On The Money - MONEY DIARIES: The Ripple Effect of Trauma Healing

Episode Date: January 28, 2024

This long-term SOTM community member grew up in a well-off situation as a child and things drastically changed when her parents divorced. Her healing of the trauma of sexual and psychological abuse with professional help has had a positive ripple effect on my money mindset, and she has been able to reach goals she never thought possible. We can't wait for you to meet this gorgeous member of our community! Links National domestic family and sexual violence counselling service:1800RESPECT online or call 1800 737 732 Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our Money Diary episodes where I get the absolute pleasure of sitting down with one of our community members to learn all about their journey. Before we jump straight into it, I do want to give you guys a little bit of a content warning. We are going to discuss the topic of sexual and psychological abuse. So if that's something that you're not interested in consuming this week, I totally get it. We have literally hundreds of other episodes that you can dive straight into. But if you're sticking around, let's jump into

the message that I got this week, it sounded exactly like this. Hi V, my trauma healing journey helped my money mindset. I went from being in a well-off situation as a child and when my parents divorced, things changed and I had to pay my own way through school. I used to live in fear of spending any money at all, but now I am informed and empowered. Healing through issues like sexual and psychological abuse with a professional had a positive ripple effect on my money mindset. I've been able to reach goals I never thought were possible, like buying a new car, going on a dream Europe trip, which led to me getting engaged, and now my focus is on budgeting for my engagement and wedding while working full-time in foster care and studying uni online.

I've been a loyal She's On The Money subscriber since the very first podcast. money diarist i'm so excited to meet you oh gosh that feels so weird hearing it back isn't it crazy when you hear your own story back and you're like wow that's pretty impressive hey absolutely how does it make you feel does it make you feel proud does it make you feel overwhelmed like what's that feeling like oh hello baby who's that who's that oh it's my cat lucy she loves the computer so oh hello Lucy. Good name for a pet though. I would definitely use that one. I feel really proud listening to that. Almost like makes my tears well up when I think, yeah, it's just been such a long journey getting from where I was to where I am now.

And now you're just getting back from a European holiday, engaged and you're planning a wedding. Is that not the coolest, most surreal thing ever? It was the most fairytale holiday. It just really could not have been more perfect. I adore it. You deserve it so much. All right, let's start this episode the same way I always do. Money Diarist, if I asked you to give yourself a money grade from A through to F, what would your grade be? I think I would give myself a B. When I look at how I used to see money, I just was so scared to buy food, spend any money at all. I would literally go to the shops. And if I was hungry, I would just not buy food for the sake of not even spending money. So

now I have such a balanced approach. So I would say a B. I've come so far, but there's always more. Let's learn more about that. I'm really excited to dive into this one. Money, Doris, my favorite question of all time. Can you tell me a little bit more about your money story? So I think I have had two completely opposite experiences in terms of my money story. So when I was really young my parents stood together my dad retired really early was really well off no issues no mortgage nothing everything was you know a breeze and then my parents split and I went to go live with my mum which was the complete opposite side we would be really struggling to get groceries and meet bills and I had to actually pay my way through my high school

years as well so I did go to a public school so nothing crazy but for a 16 year old those fees and those excursions it's a huge amount of money and it's a lot of pressure as well it's not just the money it's the mental load when you should be learning and playing with friends and not necessarily worrying too much about the financial aspect of life what type of work were you doing I was doing just the usual retail I think I have three jobs circling at one time when I'm in high school it's not ideal but I just knew had to pay you away yeah I really had no choice so yeah that's where that just grew such a scared mindset for me to be you know when I become an adult I don't want to be living that life because it's terrible really and unfortunately I had a few

issues as a young child things like sexual abuse and psychological abuse which I think just in turn instilled that scared scarcity mindset and I never told my parents about that because I just know knowing them and their work that I do as well like I work heavily in trauma-informed care so like I just know the support really wouldn't be there so I was able to get some support through professional help on those issues which I think really fed into me being able to take control of my money mindset as well because it was just scared about everything really. For good reason because you'd been through a lot it makes sense like to go through the trauma that you've been through and then add on financial issues like all of those things just weigh so

heavily on shoulders that aren't ready to carry the weight of the world. I'm so sorry that your family isn't the support that you know you need in that moment and I think a lot of people can probably resonate with that because you either don't want to have the conversation or know that the conversation won't go the way that you need it to. How did you know to reach out for professional support? Because it sounds like growing up, you know, once you hit those teenage years, you just didn't have the support you needed. How did you know where to find that and what you were looking for? Because there are so many teenagers that would have no idea that these resources exist, let alone that they need them themselves. It's only in the last couple of years that I've really

sought that advice because my lovely fiance now look at your little face when you talk about them sometimes I really wish that money diaries were visual obviously this is anonymous but I can tell you right now she just like had that cheeky smile when she mentioned my fiance I love that so much I could see that those issues I'd never dealt with and I never got any support when I was young and I never told anyone until I met him yeah I could just see it was really affecting my relationship and I just thought this is something that I really you know want to see out so and working in the industry that I work in I knew I guess you know the resources that were out there I was about 25 at this point when I decided to reach out to someone so yeah I just did that

I guess to benefit how I would be as an adult and repair those hardships oh my gosh so let's jump backwards a little bit you finish high school then what do you do wherever we landed what does I guess between the end of high school and 25 look like it was a roller coaster I definitely have had many ups and downs during that time and I think it was just as people that go through such traumatic experiences like that I think the trials and tribulations really play out when they come to that adulthood and they're finding themselves. So jumping from job to job and doing a lot of things that probably didn't serve me in terms of partying and going off the rails. So then when I came to that 25 ages, things started to slow down and I really started to work

on myself. I love that. And so now let's jump forward to your money story. When you wrote in, you said that your trauma healing journey had helped your money mindset. Tell me how those two things link together. With that trauma that I had experienced, you know, it was so scary when I was young and it was, you know, for a really long time that it did occur. And yeah, I guess I was just scared of the world, really scared to do anything. And it just led into all aspects of my life, whether it was socializing, spending money. And when I started to see someone and really unpack why I was so scared to do things it just kind of cracked open all those little parts of my life where I just didn't think that they were related I just thought that they were all

part of my roller coaster but as I really started to get into it I just could bring it back to you know I was just I guess scared to grow and scared to trust and those sorts of things so as I worked through those issues. And then help from She's On The Money, I found She's On The Money so early and I just was so scared having to pay my own way through school. It's just something that's so instilled when I thought about my future. I thought, gosh, I don't want my children to be doing that. I just think it made me feel really empowered to crack those things open and understand why I just built up that scarcity. Yeah, it's heartbreaking when you hear this, but then also I'm just, I know you're in such a different position now. And sometimes we have to

go through these things to really value where we're at now. No one should have to go through them, but I think it does give you a really beautiful perspective on the world where you go, wow, like I went through that. I'm so proud of myself, but it makes a lot of sense to me where you're working now, because I feel like, you know, I've had this conversation a million times. I did psychology. I thought I wanted to work in psychology, obviously stumbled accidentally into finance, which arguably I still think is psychology. But I look at it and I go, it takes such a special person to work in the area that you work in because the most valuable people, unfortunately, at the same time as fortunately, are the ones that have actually experienced it.

Because when you're going through that and you're helping other people, especially in that foster system, especially, you know, when they've experienced trauma, it's a way of connecting in a way that you can't if you've never experienced it. And I just think that is such a special position for you to be in because obviously you could just bury your head in the sand and go get a job in finance and never talk about those things again. And it takes such vulnerability to step out and be like, well, I'm going to help people with this every day, which actually means I've got to confront my own demons and I've actually got to go through my own trauma cycle and I've actually got to get through these things. Otherwise I'm not going to be helpful at all. So that leads

into the question of what is your official job title? And my friend, how much money do you earn? So my official job title is a carer support officer. And essentially what I do is I offer support and advocacy for foster carers, which would be people that are looking after children in the foster care system I earn about 107,000 inclusive of super which is paid at 11% and being in the industry that I work in you are entitled to a salary sacrifice what's a money win 15,900 dollars of my pre-tax pay is paid across the weeks directly into my bank account as a sacrifice I guess for being in that industry and you can use on things like rent car and do you have to stipulate what you're using your salary sacrifice on or do they just give you a set amount and you

allocate your own budget towards that there's lots of different things you can do you can get novated leases or food and grocery cards that that money gets there's different options it It really depends on what works for you. So I use it for rent, each to their own. Yeah, fair. I love that. That is like really, really cool. What do you find, I guess, the most challenging thing about working with foster carers?

I've done many roles in this industry. I used to work a lot with youth homelessness face-to-face. So with foster carers, I think it's really hard because you're not in the home with them to see it on the ground and there's only so much you can offer and it really is about educating them and instilling informational strategies as much as I can from my little office so you're not there to give them that really intense face-to-face support I think that's really hard sometimes especially with the message can be getting lost and you know foster carers of course it's not just a job for them. It is their life, which I completely understand. And sometimes things

get lost in translation. There's lots of emotions there. So sometimes it does feel like you can only provide so much support from the roles I've experienced. Yeah. Wow. And what's the best thing about it? Because it's such a beautiful space to be in at the same time as it being really challenging. The best thing when children are in the out-of-home care system, there are ways to permanency that be adoption or guardianship when the child is no longer in the system seeing those journeys and they are very long but hard work and commitment from you know their casework team and their supports just seeing that bond between them these children have been through so much just seeing that bond grow and grow and grow it's an ever-long journey but I think that

is the most rewarding part that would be so beautiful to see like ah it would be so rewarding being like you finally have permanency and obviously the kids sometimes don't understand what that means for their future but like especially being in the position that you're in you go that would have meant so much like it's just so beautiful tell me now obviously you've been through a fair bit and you've now got a relatively positive money mindset I need to know what are your big money goals what are we working towards my friend well my biggest money goal was my recent Europe trip anyone that has been to Europe knows that it's so expensive but it was so worth it where did you go what did you do Europe is a very very large place

oh it's my first Europe trip so it was the Spain London France Italy Amalfi Coast Greece it was everywhere I don't want to see a plane for a little while now after all that fair and how much did your Europe trip cost you do you think oh we're not talking about that we're bearing our head in this I would think it'd probably be on that 25,000 mark but one of my greatest feats and I know this doesn't work for everybody but my partner and I would do share a credit card for daily expenses so our flights to Europe were more than half the price which were such a great money win for me. So yeah, that's roughly what it would cost. So that was my money goal. And I also just bought a new car, which was super exciting. But now I think the

next money goal is our engagement. And we were going to have a wedding, but that's not happening anymore. Oh, tell me about that. So what's the plan with the engagement and wedding and what do you think that'll cost? So the engagement, we're having a party with close friends. We're budgeting for about 7 000 for that and with the wedding I never wanted a wedding but my partner said oh you know it would be so nice to have all of our friends there and have a big celebration and then I started to send him the quotes and you both were like you sir are now on my page aren't you and I said look we could have a great wedding which would be great or we could go traveling for six months in Asia, up to you. So that's going to be our goal. Oh my gosh. So is it extended travel

and we're just not getting married or is it extended travel and a different route to marriage? We're just going to go to the registry. Yeah, cute. Yeah. I tried to float that idea at some point. I just thought there was something so romantic about going to the registry and just marrying the love of your life. If you've seen social media, that is not the wedding that I had. had a very large wedding. And that was mainly driven by my husband going, no, this is meant to be the biggest party of my life. And me going, if we're being honest, I don't have that many friends. So 90% of the room were his friends and that's okay. I had the most fun ever and I don't regret it. But also I just, I am a little bit envious, even like I wouldn't change it for the

world, but like this registry vibe, just so romantic, so cute, like so sweet. And the idea that you're going to have this big holiday together, like quality time is always going to trump a fancy party. Absolutely. I just really could not justify the cost. And given the money mindset that I came from, like, you know, so scared of spending money. It just didn't make sense.

Yeah, it didn't make sense. And, yes, I've come, like, such a far way, but it's still one of the core things that, you know, I do reflect on. So, yeah, I just could not. So just a registry wedding and then a dinner with, like, our closest friends and family and that's it. I love it. I couldn't love it more. All right, Money Diarist, I have so many questions for you. I want to talk about investing and debt and good and bad money habits and everything in between, but we'll get to that straight after this break.

So don't go anywhere. All right, Money Diarist, we are back. I'm so excited about your journey. I feel like there's so much to be, you know, pervy on. Obviously your entire money mindset has changed and now, I don't know, you look back on it and you look at where you've come from and this situation of being, you know, you said I was well off as a child and then, you know, basically everything flipped and changed and I was, you know, basically living in poverty, growing up, had to find my own way. Do you think many you would look forward and go, wowee she's been on this big europe trip she's engaged to the love of her life like you know she's gonna have this registry wedding and then go on another six months in asia would she believe

that absolutely not no way even the fact that i was able to buy my own car you know just being able to do that i just know many me would never ever think that those dreams are possible i love that you're doing it but I also just love that I get to meet so many people in our community who are the people that our mini people needed like young you needed you right and I just I look back and I go that's so cool that you've become that person and you mentioned before like I don't want my kids to go through that and you just know they're not like you just know with the mindset that you have now they're in such a good position because you've done the work and you've made the change. It makes me so proud, even though I didn't do it. I'm just like, I'm such a proud

mom of everybody that does this. But now talk to me. Money mindset is hard. You've obviously got more of a positive money mindset, but one of the hardest things is investment. So tell me, what are your thoughts on investment? Are you investing? If not, why not? If so, what are you doing? When, where and how? So I don't have any investments currently. My partner, he's dabbled in investments I want to it is such a big thing it's a massive thing and that's why I'm saying like I actually expected you to be like absolutely not yet Victoria no I would love the safe route and my vision is that you know my partner's invested in a few ETFs and that's really where I think I would go but I just want to really understand more before diving in especially

just something that is so, it's a completely different language, right? Like it just feels overwhelming. I promise that once you're in it, you'll be like, oh, this is so much easier than I thought. But like, that's the way with everything, right? Absolutely. But they don't teach you that sort of stuff in school. So. No, that's why I've got a job, my friend. That's why I can actually do this for work. So as much as I'm trying to get it into schools, I'm low-key like, I might become redundant or I hope I become redundant oh gosh but yeah so investing is definitely on the cards well that's how my dad was so well off in my younger years that he really like played the stock market and did it very well so that's always been in the back of my mind that's

something that I want to do but yeah getting there is the journey yes absolutely and we're on it and I love it. Tell me about debt. Do you have any debt? How do you feel about debt? What does that look like? I have a hex debt, but I only started studying when I already worked full time. So it's at $3,000. Oh, easy. But every year, because I am still currently studying, it just pays down really because I've always earned over that threshold while I've been studying. So there's that and like I said I do have a credit card that my partner and I share but we use it for daily expenses and groceries bills and so once that accumulates to the month then we clear it every month so it's not really a debt when that figure that we like to set on that does blow over

I get back into my scarcity mindset but you know sometimes things happen yeah absolutely what can you do so I'm still learning that balance yeah and finding that balance is really hard but also really important obviously you've got that credit card with your fiancee tell me who suggested getting that credit card I have a sneaky suspicion it might not have been you and how did you feel about that because if you've gone through what you've gone through often we are really averse to taking on any type of debt or avoiding that like the plague because it can feel like a really really heavy burden funny enough it was me it was you who is she she's a changed woman when we moved in together we already agreed that you know we wouldn't be sharing everything 50 50 and we were

just going to open a shared bank account where we would do that we travel pretty frequently and I did some looking into you know those points hacks and all those sorts of things and I thought why don't we get a credit card with the view to just use it for daily expenses? And it works for us in another way without us having to do anything really. So yes, that was my decision. And I understand not everyone can do that. I'm pretty irresponsible personally, which is why I can't be in that, but I have got it through my business and I'm so clean in my business that when we rack up virgin points, I'm always like, look at us, we're upgrading to business guy. I feel such a sense of achievement. I'm always like, this is on me, even though I did literally nothing for it

except for use the card. Yeah. So if the points situation was not there, then I wouldn't be really looking at that credit card. But those points have got us free flights to New Zealand, half flights to Europe. I love it. Tell me now, what is your best money habit? Because obviously going through all of this, trauma and all, you actually do end up with some pretty good money habits that serve you well right like they're not coming from the best of places but they are on paper very good money habits so what are your best money habits no shock here but I am definitely not a impulse spender when I am looking to buy something or yeah a purchase of some sort I'm really weighing up the practical side of things whether you know is this something that I actually want

this is something that I actually need. So never, ever have been an impulse shopper. I love that. And let's flip it. What's your worst money habit? Funny enough, my best money habit sometimes becomes my worst money habit. Every six months, I consolidate my bills to just make sure that, you know, my weekly spendings and whatnot are all on track. And now I make my fiance do that too. But when I am feeling stressed or, you know, things are getting too much that's in a way sometimes my coping mechanism and then I will do it before it's my set time to do it and then I kind of ruminate on do I have enough money for this and I do but you know it just as trauma goes it's never gone and when things get a bit wobbly

in life you revert yeah those things come up again so that then becomes my worst money habit it because I ruminate on it too much and then it doesn't make me feel good until I have to take that step back and go, okay. Actually, I have got this. I'm doing really well, actually. Yeah. Have you got a bigger like budgeting cashflow plan or is this something that you just kind of go, all right, I'll budget month to month or like, are we doing this annually? Like what does taking control of your finances look like? So right now I guess we'll be looking at saving that pool of money for our extended travel so we have a sort of rough numbers on what we want to save for that so I think it changes every time we have a new goal

as it should yeah buying a house in Sydney is way out of my debt may the odds ever be in your favor so that's why I do it every six months because sometimes things change things fall off things get added so I track that in comparison to whatever that current goal is to make sure we're on track love all right last question I've got for you I want to know like I just feel like you've been through so much but you're such a glowy happy human like I never read the stories that are written into me before we jump into the show because I really like to be as pervy as possible and I guess as organic as possible right watching you when we jumped on I was like oh this is going to be such a positive money story. She's so happy and glowy. And obviously we dove into it and I was

like, oh, she's been through so much. And then obviously we started talking about your fiance and you like lit up again. And you're just in this place that I go far out, meaning you needed you and you're doing literally everything right. Tell me now, what does the future look like? Like what does life look like moving forward? Obviously there's a few really exciting things on the horizon. You've just gotten engaged. You're having an engagement party. You're going on a big trip but what after that what do you think life looks like in the next 10 20 years I couldn't paint a very detailed picture and my partner he comes from you know a similar socioeconomic background and you know in terms of those struggles and we're just completely on the

same page you know we don't want our children to suffer I guess the way that we did and we want them to feel that you know don't worry like the groceries won't have to be cut down this week because you know the electricity bill is coming or things like that so we're both on that same page that we just want to create a home that meets all of those basic needs yeah those basic needs that they absolutely you know deserve so how does it feel knowing that you can do that though like because we both know you can do that the position you're in now is not the position you grew up in. Is that something where you go, I'm just so excited for it or are you overwhelmed or are you, I don't know, proud? Like what does that look like for you? I am really proud. And I

think anyone who's been through those kinds of hardships thinks if only I had someone that, you know, could put me on the right track or that I could lean on, but then I wouldn't have this mindset. I might take things more for granted. So, you know, I'm appreciative really of those things that I've gone through and yeah I guess I am super proud that I can look back on it and see it as they are hardships but you know it's given me the growth it's part of your journey yeah so now tell me last question because I don't have much time left with you at the start of this episode you said I think I'm a baby what would it take to get to an A plus gosh that is a sticky one my big thing is to understand that investing side of things more i think if i had that grasp

i'd definitely be on maybe the a minus side of things and that's a good position to be in yeah so that's what i think it would be for me i love it oh my gosh i have adored this chat i'm just so proud of you like i want to jump through the screen and hug you and be like ah you've done it like this is just so exciting to meet people from our community who have changed their money stories. As you know, I'm wildly passionate about them because we can't change our money story history, but we can kind of reinvent what the future looks like. And I think so many of us forget that we have that power and we have that control no matter where we've come from or what we're planning on doing. We actually can do these things and your story is clear proof that that is

possible. And I wish you could see her face. She's just such a happy, glowy human being. and I want that for everybody in our community, right? So, Money Diarist, it has been a pleasure sharing this time with you and getting to know you and getting to know a little bit about your journey. I really, really appreciated it and I know our community has as well. Thank you so much. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.

She's on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's on the Money are authorised representatives of MoneySherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289. Thanks for watching!