She's On The Money - My Wedding Plans Are A People Pleaser’s Nightmare

Episode Date: September 24, 2026

Riddle me this: why are people pleasers framed as the problem? Surely, we should be turning our focus back onto the boundary-pushers! This week on Friday Drinks, we’re coming in hot. Join Victoria, Jess and Bec to discuss the community’s best Money Wins, Broke Tips, and a Question of the Week that starts off bookish, but quickly gets… wild? You’ll have to hear it to believe it.  The gang also covers this week’s community dilemmas concerning Capital Gains Tax (CGT) on your primary residence, and a rather juicy DM from a bride-to-be who wants to know who actually has a say in her wedding plans. Fiscal and familial drama ensues.  WEDDING BUDGET: Here’s a link to V’s wedding spreadsheet to help you budget for yours, shesonthemoney.com/download-resources CHAT TO AN EXPERT: The key to making better financial decisions? Surround yourself with experts, like our team of mortgage brokers at Zella. Book at consultation at www.zella.com.au/book-consultation/  MYGOV’S CAPITAL GAINS TAX CALCULATOR: A handy tool that could be useful in your investmentswww.ato.gov.au/calculators-and-tools/capital-gains-tax-record-keeping-tool#ato-Gotothetool  New here? Follow us on Instagram (@shesonthemoneyaus) for Q&As, bite-sized advice, daily money inspo... and relatable money memes that just get you.  Acknowledgement of Country By Nartarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements (queenacknowledgements.com) The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 4451289See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My name is Natasha Bamblit. I'm a proud First Nations woman, and I'm here to acknowledge country. T. Glynianganya. Neenakakakya. Neenakana, you've been aakarumja, Duma'embeka, Duma'uakana,

Duma'uakana, Amalana. Mewa bangada, I'maqrumja, Wutanada Nā. Hello beautiful friends. We gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank, acknowledge, and respect

the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering on today. take pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. She's On the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections, bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast where we usually discuss all of the issues concerning your wealth goals so that you can feel more in control of your financial future. Today, today, my friends, it is Friday. The day where we like to swap the serious stuff for something light and a little bit refreshing.

That's right, it is Friday drinks time, where we gather to discuss questions, DMs and saucy delemons from the She's on the Money community. Joining me today are my favourite co-hosts. Leo Queen, wearer of caps and voicer of the people. Ms. Beck, Syed. And collector of Trinkets, musical, theatre aficionado and partnerships, maestro, just garici. Oh, lovely. So this might be a little bit confronting,

but would either of you, and I know the answer to one of your responses, would either of you consider yourself a people-pleasing person? Ha-ha. What does that look like? You know, we like to please. I think we like to please. In the nicest possible way, I think we might be three possible people-pleases me,

less so, because I feel like over time I've learned to just push back. But that's not a bad thing necessarily. But let's just say this week's DM is for those of us who are struggling with appeasing others. We'll also be discussing whether one community member actually owes tax on profits they didn't earn. So don't go away. There is going to be so much more after the break. Welcome back, my friends.

And what kind of Friday would it be without a five-star juicy review every single week? We sift through your comments and select one of the very best. to feature on the pod. And this one is no exception. It comes from La Rutherford, who wrote in just after our thousandth episode to say. This was such a great start to my birthday. Congratulations, ladies. I usually listen at night when I'm at the gym, but I woke up early today to tune in. You should all be so proud of what you've done to help women's financial literacy. I recommend this podcast to so many friends and community groups, and I've seen others do the same. You guys are fighting the good fight.

Happy belated birthday. Happy belated. Exactly. And thank you for writing and for recommending us to your friends. Yeah. Thank you. That's so sweet. That's my favorite way to find new friends.

If you've always wanted to give us a shout out, please review She's on the Money on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts because we would love to hear from you. Now, naturally, our community love a little bit of a yap. And we get the odd question here and there about stuff that we're already chatting about. but rarely we share outside of our Slack channels. And honestly, they're some of our best conversations. So today's question of the week comes from Sasha, who has asked, What is your favorite activity that is free? I fear mine is boring, but reading.

Is it free? Well, if you go to a library, yes. Oh, that's a good, yeah, I was about to be like, I bought my Kindle, does that count? Yeah, like I obviously favor my Kindle, but you could do it for free of the library, and that's what I do as a kid. I love.

The library still do. Probably reading or otherwise just being outside. You're a good little reader. I like a hike. I like a long walk. I like nature. I like adventuring, which I don't know if you would count that as an activity,

but especially when I was younger and not working like a full-time job, I would often, with my best friend, we'd just get in the car and drive somewhere we'd never been. Just like find somewhere that looked pretty on Google Maps. That is so cute. Spend the day there, you know, I can go to a beach or go to a meadow or whatever it is. I have seen you in. A lot of random fields.

Love a flower field, absolutely. That's free. You do have to pay the petrol, but you could do it on the train. Yes, you could. You do have to pay for a train ticket. We're trying really hard here, but not a lot in life is free. That's true. You could walk in your local area.

You could walk to a florist. You could walk to a florist and look at their stuff. Absolutely. How about you back? I feel like you've got a good list. Well, I'm thinking completely free. And I know this sounds weird. So if I'm at the beach, I like to dig or make sand castles.

Something about like this. That's really wholesome. But if I'm like just in my backyard, this is free. And then there's something about like getting into the dirt with my hands and my fingers and trying to replicate this feeling of creating it or building a sandcastle. You just never know what people are doing in their own backyard. Or like just like, I just playing in it like creating like little clay. I like to eat grass.

You guys know I sometimes like to eat grass. And so. You do. And I think people are listening to this. And if they're new to the. pod, they're going to be like, what is going on? Is she making this up? No, no. I wish I was. I wish we were like, hey, we pay Beck to say these unhinged things. But like, can you imagine doing a surprise inspection? Like one day, I just randomly turn up at your house, Jess. Like,

you'd probably look at me and be like, what's up, V, didn't expect you here? I'm just sitting at my computer and here's my cat. And I'll be like, wow, that's exactly what I expected. We go to Beck's house and we do surprise inspection. Walk in, where's Beck? She's digging in her garden with her fingers and she turns around like a tiny gremlin and you say, what are you doing, Beck? And she goes,

mud pies. He's like a mud kitchen. I really would. I really would. But you know, there's something about looking at things really closely. You know, like we can see the grass but if you go into the grass and you're like looking at the mud or the dirt,

you're like, it's really quite spectacular. You're a very tactile person. I think that's what it. I think it's like, yeah, you know. But that's the only free, because I'm talking about like not on my phone, not reading, not like anything that probably requires you moving from place to place. Like really get into that mud and start digging with your hands.

And you could create something beautiful. I wonder if there's a single person of the thousands and thousands of people listening who are like, you know what, Beth? That's exactly what I'm going to do. If you're going to jump, please send us a photo, month pile photo. I would love to see it. What is going on? I've lost all train of thought.

Like, I agree. I'm going to like make it boring again. Please, no. I also enjoy reading. I can't say I've ever felt the need to go into my garden and dig up the dirt. In fact, I think I would pay not to. Have you tried gardening? I don't know.

No, why would you do that? Yeah, it's actually a fantastic idea. Because you could dig into the dirt and plant things. Yeah, you could plan things. That's such a great idea. And it would be free if you used like your avocado pit or your leftover herbs and put them in water to grow roots. Or you went to your local community garden. You went to your local community garden and got some things from there.

And then you could use those things to then grow new things. And in the process, play in the dirt. Oh, my God. Free avocados. It only takes seven years. My sister actually just bought her first house, which is very exciting. Congrats, Alex. My favorite part.

That's not the new. That's news. But like, my favorite part is she has an avocado tree that produces avocado. Really? Oh, that's very exciting. That is like a flex. Yes, it really is. Like, what do you mean?

You've just got them growing in your garden. Oh, my God. What the hell? Persimans as well, you would love it. She's got a very beautiful garden. But like, what do you mean? An avocado tree. She's going to be out of four to second house before you know it with all the avocado

toast. She's not going to be the wealthy one. I'm on to her. I like reading. I like walking. I feel like my favorite free activities are like hanging out. Like, spending time with people.

Yeah, I feel like this question was asked as like an inspiration question. Like, oh, what's something that you do that's free, like that we could share that, you know, we probably haven't heard of,

but I'm really sorry, we've got nothing. No. We've got nothing. But yeah, if you are among friends, so many games you could play that you don't need any equipment for.

We're assuming we're alone. That's true. But one of my favorite free activities is having my friends over. Yes. And I think a lot of people, assume that when your friends come over, you have to like entertain and that involves going and buying a cheese platter or like, you know, making a fancy dinner. But like, I just love having my

friends come over to my house. Like, Jess, you've been to my house a million times. I'm like, oh, do you want to drink? And then we open the fridge and just see what's available. Like we're not, you know, going, oh, I've made this fancy cocktail. That is really fun. And I do love doing that. But I don't know, you want to come over? You're hungry? I've got some apples. Yeah. Like, just sitting on a couch and like, reading together at the same time or watching TV together, like just being with somebody. I love that. My best friend to literally comes and stays the weekend at my house and we make no plans

and then we scroll on our phones together. Perfect. It's amazing. That is a dream. We do fight over what we put on TV and we usually default to my husband. I'm like, well, you pick so we can blame you if it's not good. Yes. Very clever.

Anyway, obviously I was right when I said, our community loves a good yap because that went sideways, but if you've got a question that you are dying to be asked on the podcast, please send it through to our socials. Who knows, it might actually make a cameo next week. Miss Jessica Ricci. We like to think of our community as absolute wealth magnates, but sometimes we celebrate the small things as well. What money wins have been following us this week? Well, very on topic. I have a money win from Casey who said she took up gardening as a hobby two years ago. Did you pre-read all of your money wins? Well, yes, you did. you picked them.

I see what you've done. And she said she realized she was casually heading to her backyard to pick all the items she wanted for her lunch. The amount of money she saves on veggies and herbs, things like lettuce, capsicum, spinach, times, snow peas, beans, basil, oregano, etc. is amazing. Wow. So I really do think you should give gardening a go.

Yes. I think you might really enjoy it. I also think that's such a good money saving tip. Like if you cook regularly and you buy basil a lot, like consider. a basil plant because I was, I wasn't shocked, I was just annoyed by it, I was in a mood the other week when I was at the supermarket. And you know when you're like, know the price of something, but you pick it up and then you're like, hold on, what do you mean $4 for some fresh basil? That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. So grow your own plants, but like maybe start with herbs and

things that you can just small, use them as they go. Maybe you don't have a lot of room and you could put a pot in a window somewhere. Or you can get portable garden beds because I always wanted to grow veggies or cut flowers, but I've never done it because I've been renting and I've been thinking, well, how would I take it? Much longer. I know, which is so exciting. But I saw recently, I was like, oh, a little too late. But I think they're called veggie pods and they're like raised garden beds on wheels.

So you can move around your backyard for sun, but also like if you were moving house, you just move the whole planter with you. So if you put all your time into building a garden, you wouldn't then have to leave it when you moved out of the rental, which I think is very clever. Can you imagine telling the removal list? Yeah, if you could just like get the bed in that room and also the garden bed. And you'll be like, what next? The kitchen sink.

Can you be like, well, actually, there's a pot of water. Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. In my mud kitchen. Next, I've got a money win from Jessica, great name, who said I was able to pay for my my car rego for the year for the first time in years. Yes. Super proud of myself and it might not be a big deal to others, but it is the perfect start to achieving my 2026 financial year goals.

Amazing. Very proud of you, girl. Next, I've got a money win for. from Simonet, who said I revisited my phone and internet separating them to fit them into the Sheath and the Money Budget spreadsheet. It revealed my phone plan had increased a month or so ago. I negotiated with the telco. I pushed relatively hard, got three rounds of counter offers, but I'd done my homework.

And I got my bill down from $60 to $25 per month for the next year. Gorgeous. So many wins in that. Well done. Yeah. And if you want the budget spreadsheet, we do have a free version. It's available on our website. We'll link it in the show notes.

Then I've got a money mean from Piper who said I was quoted $300 for a friend's gender reveal cake. I decided to make it myself. It was 20 bucks and it turned out pretty great, I think. Stop, $20. And it's very cute. She gave us a photo. Oh, that is cute. It was very professional.

Beautiful little heart cake. Stop, I would pay money for that. Absolutely. 20 bucks compared to 300. I'd pay more than 20 bucks just to make that abundantly clear. Absolutely. She did a really great job. Next, I've got a money win from Kayla who said we're renovating and during

my cleaning, I've managed to sort through lots of old stuff and I've made some quick cash for a rainy day by selling things on Facebook marketplace. I have been doing the same thing. I wanted to say in the lead up to my move, I've made like $800 just selling things. What? $800. I've been keeping. God, what are we selling? Wow. I have been keeping track. Let me tell you. Thank you. We need the laundry list. Yeah, please. I sold an old watch, an old pair of marino wool pants, some pillows, like throw pillows, or not sleeping pillows, obviously some old books, some old Halloween decor, and then just some old clothes that I had lying around. Wow.

$770 so far. That's so much money, Jets. Heaps of money. So people go through, do it. And especially if you're moving, because the less things you own, the less stuff you've got to move. Exactly right. And then last of this week, I've got a money win from Cassandra who said there was recently a skiing accident whilst they were in Queenstown.

She said everything's okay. Everyone's all right. That is crazy. She posted that yesterday because she messaged me about that yesterday. That's hilarious. She said, everything's okay. Hubby's got a dislocated shoulder. It's back in place.

He's just a little sore. But the scripts were free. What a country. She thought they'd be out of pocket. It was all covered. This is not someone I know personally, by the way. This is just like one of the She's on the Money Community members that I like talking to on Instagram. Like people slide into my DMs and I just think that we're best friends all of a sudden.

She messages me that she's in Queensland. She's like, you love Queensland. Here's my like cafe recommendation. And I was like, thanks, Angel. Like, that's amazing. And then the next day, she sends me a picture of her husband in the hospital with like an arm sling on. And I'm like, oh, what happened?

And she said skiing accident. And then I looked at the picture a little bit more closely. And I was like, oh, that's a gas tank. And I was like, dislocation. And she's like, yes. And I was like, I do not envy you. Oh, my goodness. Well, I'm glad to hear everybody's okay.

Glad to hear that everything over there was free because who knows, maybe myself while I'm there. But yeah. But what I mean? What's up, Cassandra. One day maybe we'll meet in person. Yeah. It'd be amazing. Queenstown meetup.

Anybody? Respect, Syed. What have you got? Okay. So this week, as per, I have two from the community, one for myself. This first friend comes from Laura, who says, apparently you can get free groceries slash items at IGA if you sign up through mouths of mums and review products.

You don't have to be a mum to qualify. And right now they have an offer for getting a whole roast chook. But sometimes they send out gift cards to redeem at IGA. Isn't they gorgeous? I love a roast chook. Like a product testing kind of. Yeah, like a product review product testing. Mouths of Mums.

So have a little Google. You don't have to be a mum to sign up. This next one comes from Miriam, who says, I sold a pile of broken jewelry to gold kiosks the other day, $1,400 later after I'd driven it around in my car for six months. I didn't know you could do that because I feel like there's so much. Maybe it's not the best-looking jewelry, but there's like bits of chain everywhere.

Doesn't everyone have like bits of chain there? car. More than they're like in their car. I don't know. Maybe you found some while digging in the dirt. Maybe that's very found it. They would just melt it down. Like you'd probably they pay by weight, I imagine.

And they'd melt it down into new things because obviously gold you can reuse and remade. True. I think what is it? Beck was maybe a magpie in a previous life. Actually, probably. That makes it all of sense. You like digging in the dirt. Yes.

Worms eating grass. Eating grass. What else do they do? I like to swoop. I have been swooped by Beck before 10 would sweep again In fact out the front of my house at the moment There's a really big, oh not at the moment

There is a really big tree out the front of my house Always, but at the moment there is a magpie in it That is building a nest And I am not entirely sure if this is good So if anyone has tips on how to befriend the magpie I don't want the magpie to leave Like that's his house, that's all her house I don't know who's building the house

I assumed it was the male, which is very bad of me. But how do I make friends with magpies? I love chat. Like, do I go out and just be like, hey, here's an offering? Because I know from my copious amounts of research on TikTok that if you befriend a magpie, they don't sweep you. True. Because they're smart. They know who you are.

But if you're going to live outside my house, I think we should be good neighbours. They like good snacks because I put food out for our neighbourhood stray cats and sometimes the birds eat the dry. food. So maybe just get a little bird feeder or something or some cat food, double in for all the animals. I already have a cat. Well, there you go. Also, are you saying that there are stray cats that I could attract to my house? Oh yeah. Definitely. This is my long-term play. I just have many cats. More cats, more better. I like it. Miss Beck, Syed. Yes. And then from myself, whenever I want to buy a big bouquet of flowers for someone, I pick like two or three of the most affordable ones. So I'm talking like, you know, you got your straw flour, usually like $10,

your baby's breath just to fill it up. It's like also usually $10. But if you pick a couple or like max three really cheap or affordable bunches, you get a bouquet. You go to the desk and they usually put it all in there for you in a nice arrangement. And then you have a whole bouquet, which usually would cost like $50, $60 for what might be like $35, you know. And it's also more personal because you're like picking them yourself and you're kind of, you know what the person likes. And I just think it's a lot cheaper in the long run instead of a whole bouquet of flowers. So give that a go. I love that.

I love that. Way back when I was in uni, I used to live backing onto a park that had a lot of like eucalyptus trees. And I would maybe liberate some of the foliage to pack out my bouquets. and I'd be strategic. I would buy a native bunch of flowers and then put a heap of gum leaves and stuff and it would become a really big bunch of flowers. Clever. That's a free way of doing that. Yes, very clever. Money win. All right. Well, if you have enjoyed today's tips, my friends, there are plenty more where they came from on the She's on the Money Facebook group. And if you haven't already joined in on the conversation, please do. You never know what genius you might be

finding in the comments. Next up, this week's Money Dilemma. And let's just say things get a little prickly. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a Money Dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning

money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi, Queens. I'm hoping you can give me some advice because I'm feeling really stressed about a tax situation. We sold our family home in April this year and it was our primary place of residence on 15 acres. We've since found out that we're going to have to pay capital gains tax on part of the property because it's over a two hectareth threshold, even though it was literally just our home

with a hobby farm. We don't have an ABN. We never earned any income from the land. So it's come as a huge shock. And even the real estate agent who sold the property didn't know that this was a thing. So our accountant has estimated our tax bill could be around $30,000, which would completely wipe out our savings. On top of that, I'm super stressed about how this might affect our Centrelink child care subsidy. I've been told that the capital gain will be included in our taxable income for the year. So our income is basically going to be much higher than what we estimated. And I'm so scared we're going to end up with a big Centrelink debt as well. We're already stretched with our mortgage repayments and child care costs.

And after paying for those, there's only really just enough left for, like, food and bills. Is there anything we should be looking into or any advice you can give? Thank you so much and absolutely adore the pod. Whoa. Well, thank you for your lovely words. That's very sweet. Thank you for calling us queens. Yes, we love that.

My only personal knowledge of capital gains, and it sounds like this, it's well outside of that. I just know for if you were selling an investment property, for example, if you make a profit when you sell your house. You have to pay capital gains on that. So if you built your house for 500,000, then you sold it for 550,000, you would owe capital gains on the 50,000, I'm pretty sure. I don't even need to be here. That is correct. But that's separate, like, I don't know what the two hectare rule, or how that would factor in training. I do know about the two hectare rule, because I own a mortgage, broking business and we're always talking about property and property sizes. And a lot of the time, my brokers are kind of like, we like to do a little bit of

like cash flow and budgeting with our clients as well. So like if we know we will share it with you, be like, oh, just FYI. You know, it's above two hectares. That means it's not actually categorized as a hobby farm anymore. It's too big. So that's what's happened. And yes, you are correct in that if you're paying capital gains, it means you've made a profit. So like, I get that it's financially really hard, but you'll be paying tax on a profit. So there should still be some profit there. So I'm kind of like, is that not a good thing? But obviously, I don't want a big tax bill either. So the first port of call, I would talk to my accountant, be like, what does this actually

look like? How does this work? You've obviously spoken to the real estate agent and you've had a look at, you know, whether this was appropriate or not. And he's deemed it, yeah, that's correct. I have seen historically people in very similar situations because like two hectares is actually a really, it's a normal amount of land that people would subdivide to if you were like cutting farms up, if that makes sense.

So this is quite common, but you could have the land resurveyed and it might fall just below it, which would mean that that changes that situation. You can also call the ATO and be like, well, what do I do here? Like it never generated a profit and see what they say. But your accountant should also be able to discuss this with the ATO and see if there's any exemptions because it was never a property that was generating an income. And that's why you're experiencing that additional tax. Again, I'm not a tax professional.

These are just people that I would reach out to. Like whenever I've got a tax question, the first person that I call is my account, Louie. And I'm like, what up, Louie? Tell me what to do here. Even if I think I know the answer, because he's got his finger on the pulse every single day and has probably, you know, looked into that before. But yes, I would literally just be getting some advice.

And then if you're up for the $30,000 and there's no way of getting out of it. You can talk to the ATO about a payment plan instead of having to transfer them your $30,000 and savings and be high and dry and work out what that actually means. But again, I can't tell you how that inter connects into your childcare subsidy and like your taxable income. But ultimately, if you have made money from an asset that you have sold and tax is needing to be paid, I feel like that's a good situation to be in. I obviously don't have any advice.

The only thing I do want to say is that I'm really sorry that this is happening. It just feels so like hard. It feels hard. And it feels like if the real estate agent didn't know, it's like this. this random, if you don't know what you don't know, then you don't even know to ask or where to look for it. It's like this random rule of two hectare plus whatever. If I'm not asking my real estate agent, hey, if I cough 20 times a day, will I be taxed on that? It's completely, it just feels arbitrary. It just feels crazy. It's like, all right I know to ask that question.

And so now you're here with this huge bill. It feels so mean. It just feels so unfair. So I'm really sorry. I agree. I also think it's a really good lesson in surrounding yourself with the right professionals who are really competent, like having a good broker who can talk you through all of the property costs and disposal costs of a particular property, having a really good accountant who can help you with those things, you know, the real estate agent,

honestly, they might not have had to know the tax implications of you buying and selling a property because it's actually not their job, but they might have known. And yes, you don't know what you don't know, but surrounding yourself with professionals when making a really big decision,

and like purchasing a home, I think is really important. Like even me, you know, talking to Jess about go see the right broker, make sure that you're in the right hands so that you're looked after, but also have a good conveyance up because that will be worth its weight in gold for like reviewing contracts and being like, hey, did you know that there's an HOA on here? Or, hey, did you know that there'll be body corp or whatever that looks like? Or, hey, did you know that you'll be up for some additional tax? Because my conveyance, Layla, she took me through absolutely everything,

to be like, did you know that you'll have to pay this? And I was like, no, but thank you for letting me know. And I think that that's where the value, and I'm not saying that that's what you should do because, like, clearly you weren't in that situation, but for people who are learning from the podcast, the value of the people you surround yourself and making the biggest financial decision of your life is so important. 100%. Moving on from that, I have something else for you.

It is a DM from a community member that is in the throes of wedding planning, and they wrote in and they said, Hi, team, I'm newly engaged and beginning to plan my wedding. I love planning and have always been really excited for such an important event, but it is turning into a people-pleasing nightmare. My partner doesn't like attention and the thought of spending so much money on one night makes him sick. He would rather spend the money on our honeymoon or on our future children. I want a big wedding so I can dance the night away, but I'm happy to cut costs in other ways through doing a lot of DIY. Not only that, but my family has become very opinionated and unrealistic when it comes to spending money on the wedding. They want me to have everything and disregard when I say

we can't afford something or just don't want it, saying things like, I need to live a little and just enjoy life. Do I have the big wedding or do I have a small wedding? Firstly, I just want to talk about people pleasing and then I want to move on to this, but I'll be really, really quick. So I think that there's such like a negative, like, stigma about people pleasing and it's crazy that all the attention is on people that are too nice, they're pleasing too much, they're accommodating, they're too agreeable and like the attention is never on the people who are just like not very considerate and taking advantage of people and also probably a little bit mean and it's like let's instead, because we wouldn't have to be

putting ourselves in really bad situations if people were just like just checked themselves a little bit. I'm like, oh, it might be this person uncomfortable. So it's like it's not all on the people pleaser. It's actually, should mainly not be on the people pleaser. Because what I'm saying. Anyway, you could have a medium wedding because it's like, I don't really understand where all the money comes in because I've never had a wedding. I've never had to plan wedding. It's like the venue. It's like your food and drinks package. It's like if you think about it depends on the type of wedding. But if you think about a wedding starts off as a blank room, right? And then anything you, and this is a generalization, obviously different venues, whatever. But it's like every single thing that

you put in that room, then cost money. So if you want to put napkins for people, if you want to put cutlery for people, if you want to put chairs for people, every single item that you bring in, you pay a fee for, and then you often have service charges. So if you're doing a dinner, for example, you have to pay for the food to be made if it's being brought in externally, because not all venues provide food. You might have to pay a service fee. Same with the alcohol. Like, you pay for the alcohol if it's being brought in, but then you might also have to pay the service fee for the alcohol to be served. Yeah, it's actually crazy back. Crazy. Okay. Like all kinds of fees. Like for my wedding, we paid so many different things that I didn't even know. So like I was very lucky and had a

wedding that people would say it was a really big wedding. And I regret nothing. I really enjoyed it. But one of the things that I think led to that decision being made was we could financially afford it. Like we had already bought our first home. We had our emergency fund. We had, you know, some money sitting aside. for our savings, it made financial sense for us. Would I say, oh, everyone should do that? Absolutely not. In fact, I would think it is very financially irresponsible to do what I did if you weren't in the financial position that I was in. And I say that not because I'm like, oh, I'm better than this. Like, I'm saying it because it genuinely is. And I felt so lucky to have that wedding. But like, I was even paying for things like cutlery, as just said, napkins. I paid for different chairs to be

brought in. I wanted a particular champagne because it's my favorite and we didn't have a wedding cake and my husband and I had a champagne tower, but they charged us to serve that champagne at our wedding because it wasn't on their wine list. I see. I see. I had to hire different wine glasses for those champagne that we hired, a photographer, a videographer, florist. I had to pay for the florist to come back to take the flowers away. It adds up so significantly. Yeah, I see. I mean, there's a free wedding budget tool on our website. too, if anybody is interested in making sure that they don't miss a thing because I didn't list what I paid, but I listed every single thing that I did pay for so that you don't miss

a thing. That's a good idea. And so this is what I think is like try and really figure out what parts of the wedding are most important to you. For me, if I'm going to have a big wedding, and you know, I don't really care about weddings personally, but if I was going to have one, I would want it to be like, aesthetically I want to be amazing. And then if you can narrow it down to exactly what you want, you want to dance.

So I would scrap the venue and be like, you. like, what do I need to make it legally a wedding, maybe a celebrant or whatever the hell it is. But then just you go out into a paddock somewhere. Just see if someone has a big house that you could do it at. You say that, but those weddings are more expensive. Oh, really? Like, because if you go into it, where are we going to the bathroom? Oh, where you go in the bathroom?

You've got to go to the bathroom. Like, if you've got like 100 people coming to your big wedding in the paddock, like it's crazy. But private estate weddings is, you know, how I'm going to refer to it. They are usually more expensive than just hiring a venue. Yeah. Like, how are you getting electricity? You're going to take your own generator?

Right, right, right. A very light solar panel. Oh, yeah, cool. But like, where are you buying the fairy lights? Because they're not just at the venue. It's actually crazy how much this stuff adds up. So I get it. Yeah.

But also, as the only person in this room right now who's gotten married, go back to what you want. It is your day. And you just heard me talk about my wedding. I didn't go. Jess really liked the cutlery I picked. Did you? I hope you do. You probably didn't ever remember it. I couldn't tell you what it was. Exactly. So it doesn't matter. You're doing it for you. I think the one thing that I went into

wedding planning was, I want people to feel like they were wanted at my wedding. I want people to feel like, for me, it was really important that you were there. So the DIY components of my wedding, I think became the most impactful as opposed to Hovey had beautiful flowers. Like I did, but that's not what made the wedding. One of the things that people still talk about, like if my wedding comes up, is that on, and this took forever, but on every single person's table, they had a name card, it had their name on it. On the back of that had a personal letter to them. Oh my God. That's beautiful. They were in the room. Like, hey, Jess, like, and I don't know what I wrote in Jess's, but it was a personal letter to Jess and Jess brought her partner. So it was a personal letter to Jess's partner.

There was not one person in that room that my husband and I did not want at that wedding. And I wanted them to walk away feeling that. Yeah. That is free. That took me a really long time and a really big spreadsheet of writing letters to literally every person that I then transposed over onto those cards. But for me, that was the impactful stuff. So your wedding does not have to be big.

It doesn't have to be small. It doesn't have to be anything. But sit with your husband and talk about your values. Like he doesn't like that. Great. So how do we make that night for him really comfortable? Does that mean that there's an area where he can just like have a little side drink and you're dancing with the girls?

Or does it mean that, you know, he's just like, oh, babe, I don't mind. Like it's just not for me. I'm happy to dance with you, but like I wouldn't have done this otherwise. So I think when it comes to money and other people's opinions, I think you can just say thank you. You don't have to take it on board. Thanks. That's a really great suggestion.

Popping it in the bin. Absolutely. I was just to say, I feel like there's two different like elements to our message, right? Like there's the you and your husband need to be on the same page and then there's your family. And I think for your family and the external people, we've said many times before, no money, no problem. Like you're not paying for the wedding. You actually don't get an opinion. I'm so sorry. And even if you are paying for the wedding, you know, that's a debate in and of itself. But what they say or what they want should be completely irrelevant. I think that you and your husband to be do need to be on the same.

page though, because as much as you go, well, this is my big dream wedding, it sounds like it's not his and it is also his day. And so I think you need to sit down and come to a place where you can compromise in a way that makes both of you happy, exactly as Victoria was saying, you know, can you create spaces for him where he doesn't need to be the centre of attention? But will he still be comfortable and be able to enjoy himself? You know, I think that more often than not, opposites attract and so it's about finding a middle ground where everybody can enjoy their day, where everybody can feel comfortable with the money being spent. And like Victoria was saying, making sure that you're spending within your means as well. Because there's a difference between, I guess,

your partner saying, oh, like, it's not a money value of mine to spend that much money, which is also extremely fair and valid. Like, it is very reasonable for them to say. I just don't see why we would spend this money on this item, whether that's a wedding or a new TV or whatever. And again, then that's something that you guys need to come. We can't tell you what the answer is. Do you make it smaller? Do you meet in the middle? Do you find a way to earn the extra money? What that looks like is so dependent on you guys, your current financial position, your preferences, all these things that we don't have information on. Yeah. But I just wanted to say that your partner's not wrong either. Like you need to come to a middle space that's good for

everybody. And then as for people pleasing other people, I know easier said than done, like the irony of me telling you to ignore what other people saying is not lost on me. But like, just don't have to shut up. You know? Yeah, I feel that deeply. And I think if you and your husband can get on the same page and go, hey, let's not even talk about budget. We're getting married. Why are we getting married? We love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Great. No worries. I would. And like, this is what kind of happened with our wedding as well. I sat down with my husband. He, like, quote my husband, aren't the party of the year. Okay.

I didn't. I enjoyed every other, like, a little aspect of our wedding, but I would have been very happy if there were 20 people there. Like, I didn't need it to be big. In fact, if you looked at our wedding list, more of Steve's friends came than of my friends because I have closer female friends and, like, smaller circles of friends. My husband's involved in a soccer club. I'm pretty sure we had to invite everyone from the soccer club.

That was very important to him. But like we were very different in that aspect. But we were very on the same page about, okay, well, if we get married, why are we getting married? Okay. Like, who would we want there? That was really important to us. And like we both got that.

Who would we not want there? What would that look like? How do we want people to feel? How do we want to feel? Like the morning and a good question that we asked ourselves, the morning after our wedding, how do we want to feel? Oh, just so excited. We got to see all of our favorite people.

it had nothing to do with, oh my God, I want someone to compliment the flowers. Yeah. Like that was not it at all. And so I think going back to the drawing board is really important and having a clean and clear budget. You're going to see me pivot back to my money conversation here. But your language, I think, also could change to help you set boundaries. So instead of just quote Jessica Ricci, just tell them to shut up.

Probably not the best way to go about it. Maybe not saying, oh, we can't afford that, saying we haven't put that into the budget and don't want to. Oh, that's... Stop, stop, stop, stop. But that is a different conversation than I can't afford it. Because when you say I can't afford it, sometimes that means I'd really like it, but I don't have the money for it.

And your family might be like, oh, well, you need to live a little and get it from somewhere else. Whereas when you say, we did our budget and we didn't put that in the budget and we don't want to, that's a pretty clear, like, I don't value that. It's no priority. Yeah. And also, mum, if you really want Karen to come, it's not. $350 a head. Yeah, you're paying for Karen doll. Sorry.

Yeah, like, sorry, this is not a free event. It's your wedding. It's your wedding. Yeah. Totally. So it's not for them. It's for you. Anyway, I could go on and on about this for days. And if anyone ever wants to talk more about my wedding, I will happily, happily talk about it. So we obviously took this to the community and we asked, if you were planning a wedding today, what would you prioritize? 32% of you said keeping costs low. 30% of you said, saving for future goals, so my home or families, etc. 21% said the honeymoon and 17% said a big celebration with loved ones. Beautiful.

You could split across the board. Yep. And then we asked whose opinion should carry the most weight when planning a wedding. Unsurprisingly, 91% of you said you and your partners. Oh, thank God. So like I love this because like I think when we say 91%, you go, wait, there's 9% of you who think it's not you, seven percent of you said those who are paying for it.

Yeah. Like if somebody else was paying for my wedding, I will obviously take their opinions under consideration. Take it under advisement, but also it's still your day. Yeah, but so like I think that's like a pay to play model. You get to play, you don't get to win. But also influence is subject to how much you're contributing. So you're contributing 10% you're not dictating all the choices.

No, you just get to be told what that might be contributing towards. 2% of you said it's a balance of everyone's views. Oh, okay. And 0% said immediate family should have some say. Well. Wow. There you go. Okay.

But isn't it funny? This is like a people please episode, but like we all say, no, no, they shouldn't. But then all of a sudden we've got money dilemmas being like, my family say, I have to do this. It's hard when you're in the moment. I know. Like, do you mean, like it's well and good to know what you should say. But if any people please is out there will know, you get a lot of. you get on the spot and you just go, oh yeah, no, absolutely, that's so fine.

100%. Isn't it so bad? And you might like roll played in the car on the way there. And you're like, I'm going to tell Jess, no. I'm just going to say so sorry, Jess, I don't have that in the budget. And then Jess goes, you really need it. And I go, you're right. I do. I do, I do, I do, I do. Fold like a house car. Also, it made me think of something, and I did touch on it just before, and that was language being really important. So like, during our wedding planning, process, I don't think a lot of people questioned me on not having things because it wasn't ever financially communicated. So like, for example, and I don't think anyone noticed this, we didn't have a wedding cake. We had the dessert that was included in the package and I was like,

that's enough. Like, I'm not paying for an extra cake to come out, you know, at the end and everyone has wedding cake, which arguably, don't get me wrong. You might have had the best wedding cake in the entire world, but cake is not inherently better than apple crumble. No. True. And so we had Apple Crumble because that aligned to our values. And when people were like, oh, where are you getting your cake? I'd say, we don't want one. Yeah. That language wasn't, oh, we can't afford one or we haven't thought about it.

Like, I was quite clear, we don't want one. And so people were like, okay, cool, Victoria. So I think maybe having that background of having conviction with your partner, you know, are you having a live band? Nah, we want a DJ. Yeah. Nah, we love this Spotify playlist. we've made ourselves.

Yeah. Like, sorry, if you've got conviction in what you're saying, it's much harder to argue than, oh, live a little. That's so true. What do you mean, live a little? I love the playlist I just made for my own wedding on Spotify, and I have complete control of that. Yeah.

It's all my favorite songs. Exactly. Some people really want the satisfaction of knowing that they can show that they know about something. Like, sometimes you're just like, if you're going to Barbados and I had some random knowledge about that, I would need you to know that I know that somehow. And so people are just like, sharing a whole podcast.

Sharing their opinion in some way. If you've got money and I know about money, I need to tell you those stuff about the money. Exactly. And so sometimes it's just if you say something like that where it's like, no, I don't want a cake. Then people are like, oh, I'm satisfied knowing that you have thought about cake and you don't need my extra two cents, you know? It didn't make sense. We also didn't do bonbaniaries. Yeah.

Like so sorry. Sugar almond. Well, Bonoenieri is, is it anything that you take home? Yeah, it's kind of like, okay, maybe Jess is about to trip me up because people came to my wedding did take stuff home. But I think this was smart. So I just don't, I don't think anybody wanted a candle on the table that said Victoria and Steve. No. But I just don't think they did.

And no shade if you really wanted to do custom candles. But like, I don't think I want to spend my money on a tiny candle that Jess is going to take home and be like, cool. I feel bad throwing this out now. Yeah. But I did pay for our florist to come back and wrap all of our flowers into bouquets for our friends and family to take home. Beautiful. Because I could not comprehend one thing I learnt during the wedding planning process was that most people just throw out their flowers after. That's crazy.

They style this venue beautifully with so many florals and then, well, they're done. They're disposable. So then how are people or you can take them, donate them? to a local hospital or an elderly home or somewhere like that, somewhere that spread joy. True. But you have to think about ahead of time. And this is where the extra money comes in because if you're sending it somewhere, how are you getting it there?

Yeah. And I promise you the day after your wedding, you don't want to have to do like errands. Yeah. That's crazy work. Yeah, that's an all day of bed situation. I was so hung over. We did then ask, did your wedding end up being 47%. Not married, but following along because I want answers.

37% of you said exactly what we wanted, 12% said a wedding was bigger than we had planned, and 5% said smaller than we had planned. I then obviously said, guys, what is your two cents? Like, what do you think about this? And overwhelmingly, people were like, they're not paying, they're not playing. We then had other people suggesting things like elopements. People along your route were saying maybe you could find a perfect Airbnb to host the wedding. Another person said, it's your day unless they're helping for.

fund it. They don't get a say. Another person said, just do what makes you happy. I don't look back at my wedding and think, oh, m.g, we didn't have X. That's really a good thing to say. Like, people who've come out the other side. And like, sound off in the comments on Spotify, if you can. Like, if you got married and you had to make a compromise, which I think most people getting married do. Do you really look back and regret not having whatever you had to cut? Or do you kind of just go, oh, like, in the scheme of the day, it was irrelevant. it. Totally. And I feel like during the wedding process, you get so caught up in like, you know, you talk to a florist and they're like, this is the best. And you go, yeah, that is the best. And

then if you go, oh, what could you do for this lower budget? They go, oh, I don't know if I'd recommend it. So you like push towards the higher budget and that doesn't necessarily align with your values. There are lots of people in our community who have actively said before. And maybe we can put a thread in the Facebook group to have like further this conversation. But they've actively said, I wish I didn't spend so much on my wedding. And I think there. And I think there. that is really valid because it's so easy to get caught up in it. And at the end of the day, it is just one day, but it is also your day to make all of the decisions. And I think if you get too caught up in other people's opinions or what social media is doing, and like social media

is cooked. Like, how often do you see a quote normal wedding on social media? The amount of the extravagance and the pressure that then puts on people is pretty crazy. Exactly. So that is actually not normal. And that is not expected. And I promise your friends and family just want to be there to celebrate you and your love. And yeah, closing in on that, the most talked about thing from my wedding were never the things that we spent the most money on. Yep. People didn't care. Just doesn't even remember them.

Couldn't tell you what the fork of life. And I am glad because that's not what our priority was. Yeah. Anyway, I think that that's a great place to wrap it. I think it genuinely is about prioritizing you and your partner. Thank you for tuning in for this episode of Friday drinks. We hope this episode has left you feeling empowered or at least validated in prioritising yourself for once. Please make sure that you are subscribed so that you never miss an episode.

And next week we'll be back with a fresh money diary plus a juicy deep dive filled with the new financial goss for the year. Until then, take care of each other and have a great weekend. Bye guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's on the Money is generally next. nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial

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