She's On The Money - Navigating the Social & Financial Anxiety of Christmas

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

You know how much Victoria and Jess love Christmas, but it is also an unbelievably stressful time for so many! In between breaking your budget, over extending yourself on the social front, and tricky family situations it can be a time that fills us with anxiety instead of joy. So on today's episode we talk practical tips for taking the pressure off in the silly season!Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708, AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. With me today, I have a lady who knows just how much I love Christmas, Victoria Devine. Hello. Yes, you are basically a Christmas elf. And to be honest, when I saw that movie, is it Buddy the Elf? Yeah, I was like, wow, this is Jess. Santa! I am 100% that meme. We can't be I'm so excited, though, because today's Christmas episode is not as fluffy as you guys have come to expect from us. No, definitely not. Christmas is one of the most stressful times of year on all fronts, and we've had a lot

of people reaching out and asking how they can balance their regular savings goals with the spirit of the season and all of the pressure that they're feeling as a result of that. And it's quite possibly one of the hardest things to manage at Christmastime. We want it to be special. We want to show people how much we love them and how important they are to us. but at the same time there's kind of this deadline thing at the end of the year a lot of stuff is due a lot of repayments it seems like all of a sudden life is just a real money pit and I think that that really adds to that feeling of pressure that people experience can we cancel that you know the

thing where people be like oh my gosh Jess it's coming towards the end of the year we should catch up yeah and then everybody wants to get drinks with you in December and I'm like babe I'll be here in January. Yeah. April, May, all of those other months that we didn't catch up. Why now? Yeah, absolutely. It's all at once. And it's really lovely that people want to spend time with you. But at the same time, it can be very anxiety inducing, I think, for a lot of people. Yeah. And I guess this episode has actually come from me having a few chats with a few friends coming up to the silly season where they're like, oh, Christmas, I get so anxious. And I was like, what about? And it's like, it's about the spending, but also the expectation and then kind

of, you know, if you're a young female, maybe you don't have the funds to buy really fancy presents for your parents when you really want to, but they have the funds to kind of buy you the fancy presents. So you just feel like there's a bit of a power imbalance or an imbalance in what you want to get versus what you can get. And I just think nobody should be going through that stress because at the end of the day, like summary of this entire episode, it's the thought that counts. So if you don't have much time, that is absolutely the main takeaway from here. But last year, the insurer HCF actually revealed some research and that research said that 71% of Australians were, quote, bracing for a stressful Christmas. 22% of Australians felt

more pressure to spend time with friends and family, which kind of makes sense. 19% of Australians felt pressure to spend too much money and 19% felt lonelier and sadder at this time of year. That breaks my heart because as much as I'm like, yay, Christmas spirit festivity, and I'm so about it, it makes me really sad to know that it is a huge stress. Like 71% of people, that's more people than not that are stressed. You can come to my Christmas. Yeah. And it's a whole bunch of things that would be the finances, the pressure to spend time with people, or maybe feeling like you don't have people to spend time with. It's like a big pressure cooker of anxiety. And if you don't have the closest relationship with your family,

sometimes that just really exasperates it and makes it really obvious because you know you catch up with friends that are like oh I'm just going to mum's for the weekend or I'm just doing this and like having worked in the space where a lot of my clients have become some of my best friends but a lot of my clients came to me because of an inheritance I often come up against this because I'll be like oh yeah I'm just going to my parents and they'll say something really kind like have so much fun wish I could do that too because most of those friends have lost a parent or both their parents. And it's just this really shitty period of time where I just want to scoop people up and be like, you can come to my Christmas, like you can borrow my family.

Like, and I think that that's, you know, the Christmas spirit in a way. It's not about having this perfect nuclear family. Like that's the abnormal outcome these days. It's actually about sharing and caring and anxiety. It shouldn't be a part of Christmas. And I think that if you knew your friend was experiencing that, you'd be like, oh babe, like let's do this later or don't get presents or reset the expectations. And I just feel like this time of year is not the time of year where we should, you know, have been working towards all of our financial and life goals to then in December throw all of that away because it's festive. Like, I just don't think we should be doing that. So on today's show, we are going to be offering some solutions to the social and

financial anxiety that ends up creeping up on us at this time of year to help you guys navigate the social and financial anxiety of the festive season. All right, let's start by talking about how we spend at Christmas time. I have some stats of my own that came from a study from MIQ Australia. In 2022, Australians will increase spending, start shopping earlier and combine online product research with bricks and mortar purchase for this festive season because everything's open. That sounds good. Christmas decorations came out at the same time as Halloween decorations this year. What the heck is that about, by the way? I was walking through Kmart. I just can't. I can't with this world right now. And it's totally because businesses

are like, the longer it's out. And you know what? I am guilty of definitely buying some things in October. I'm not going to lie to you. However. Baby, you literally have to negotiate with your partner each year about putting your tree up in August. I know. I try and bring it back a little earlier every year. What about three extra days? What about three extra months? Can we just keep the tree up year round? Literally. Cost per wear. I feel like there's a very good argument to keeping the tree up year round. I think you're not wrong, but it makes sense that the first year post pandemic where we've really been able to do Christmas, I guess, the way that we normally would. And more than a third of Australians, which is 34% to be specific.

That was definitely more than a third. Yep. They're expecting to spend more this holiday season compared to 2021, despite the fact that inflation is on the rise and interest rates and cost of living expenses are both skyrocketing as well. Why do you think that is? Why do you think we are trying to spend more this holiday season despite the fact that everything is more expensive? Inflation is literally crippling us and I feel like everybody's mortgage is absolutely sinking them. Like, what on earth, guys?

I feel like it's a combo of two things. It's the fact that, like I said, it's the first year that we've maybe been able to see family and friends who are in interstate or spend time with a large group of people. But it's also the lipstick effect that we've spoken about before, right? Yeah, that's a good point, where you've had, like, maybe not such a good year. So all of the small things are what you're happy to blow money on because, like, maybe you didn't get to get into your dream house this year or you didn't get to do this big financial goal that you were working towards. So you're like, all right, well, whatever. At least I can

buy a really nice gift pack from Mecca, which I definitely will be doing this season. Oh my gosh, we love them. V, what would you say your biggest stress point is at Christmas time? Oh, what would it be? So I think my biggest stress point is actually, I don't know, I find gift giving really hard. So you would know that gift giving is definitely one of my love languages. Funny because I don't like it back. I don't like other people paying for me or buying things for me. I literally get really, is anxious the right word about that? Like when you give me a gift, I immediately go, oh my God, like why? Why did you think that I needed this? Like, thank you so much. But also like that was really expensive. You didn't have to, it gives me anxiety to think

that I've put someone else out, which is something I clearly need to work on because that is not healthy. But I think it's about really finding the perfect present at this point in the year. And I mean, I am in such a privileged position where Christmas for me, yeah, like we budget for it, but like I have the budget to, you know, buy my parents some really nice gifts. But even though I have the budget, I still really stress about it. So just because you have the money for it doesn't make it an easy process. I think in fact, you know, now that I have like my big girl job, I put a lot more pressure on myself to like get my parents really good gifts because I love them and I adore them

And I want to show a really high level of gratitude to them. And because gift giving is one of my love languages, I put a lot of pressure on myself there. But I think that that also, I need to go back and take some of my own advice because my parents don't care. If I wrote my dad a card, he'd be like, this is the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. And if you ask him what he wants for Christmas every year, Jess, like he's like, oh, love a new white t-shirt.

Because he just doesn't buy any of that stuff himself. And he knows that I'll go buy a good quality one. And he's like, oh, love Country Road. Such good quality cottons. Like that impresses him, honestly, nearly as much as me going out and being like, I got this tool that you really liked and I thought really hard about. He'd be like, oh, thanks so much. I mean, that's the same reaction to the t-shirt.

So Jess, what kind of big stress points are being put on you? I relate to the gift thing, I think, because it's also one of my top love languages. Although unlike you, I love both giving and receiving gifts. I wish I was more not weird about it. Just, it's a personal values thing. And I think when I reflect on it, the thing that I like about gifts, as you said, it's not about the financial amount. It's not about whatever it is. It's the fact that someone's thought about you. But that kind of plays into my stressor because for me, the thing that I really stress about is getting a gift for every person that I know. Like I will

get a gift for my mailman because he comes to my door 10,000 times a week. Like if I'm going to Are you being serious right now? Our postal workers work very hard. They absolutely do. But, like, is that within budget? Yeah. Okay, I like this. I think that gratitude is really important.

That's your way of showing it. What are you getting the postman, though? Oh, only something small. Like, it would be, like, maybe some chocolates or a, you know. Okay, all right. I'm on board with that. Yeah, nothing ludicrous. Now you're just making me feel guilty.

I've never bought my postman a present. This is bullshit. Sorry, I'm going. But, like, if I go to a Christmas dinner with friends, for example, And I'm like, oh, like there's two people out of 10 people that I'm really good friends with that I would normally buy a gift for. If I'm going to a Christmas event, I'm like, I'm going to buy a gift for every single person there.

And I want to spend the same amount of money on every single person because I feel bad. And so for me, it's almost about wanting to show love and appreciation and wanting everybody to feel included. And then I stress myself out because if I don't know someone well enough, I'm like, I don't know what to get. And it just becomes this big thing in my mind. You are triggering me so much to a part of my money story that I had completely forgotten. And it's interesting because obviously gift giving is my love language and it's absolutely

my mum's love language as well. And I remember every year we'd do the Christmas shopping and she would pick up like two or three additional quote gifts to wrap and put under the tree in case anyone popped over that she'd forgotten about or were going to like a last minute like Christmas drinks or something so she could take a present and you know make sure that people weren't forgotten about if she'd actually left them off the radar and I feel like you are cut paste my mother yeah we have a gifts cupboard but it's like that thing and I think you go take a step back if I didn't buy a gift for my best friend's brother's cousin I don't think they just twice about it I think I didn't

get me a gift but it's just putting that I think wanting everyone to feel good and wanting to show love to everybody and it does totally become a bit of a money pit and I'm very conscious of it and I do budget for it and it's not like I'm putting myself into debt but that's something that I personally find quite stressful is knowing where to draw the line. That's a lot of pressure to think that you need to provide so much for other people that you don't even know and it's funny because I was talking again before we organized this episode like you're doing that for them but Jess if we all went out to a group dinner you'd be like well I'm not going to pick up the tab for them I don't know them they can split the bill with me so why do our values change

so much at Christmas time where I go from being like oh Jess let's split the bill to oh Jess like well it's December so I'm just gonna have a little bit more financial anxiety because I need to give you a gift like it makes no sense at all so like let's segue back into the episode that we have been trying to pull together because I feel like we've gone on a little bit of a tangent which honestly it's she's on the money what were you expecting but something really worthwhile keeping in mind, according to MacRindle, an Australian-based social research, demographics and data analytics agency, the top three things Aussies are most looking forward to at Christmas is spending time with family, the food and celebrations and the Christmas cheer. And also that Australians

apparently value experiences over just small things, which I absolutely agree. So I feel like we need to put things in perspective. Jess, does your postman really need a present in light of of this conversation. I'm still going to buy a present for the postman, but maybe not for my best friend's brother's cousin. Yeah. Okay. No, no, no. But I mean, I feel like I've got a good relationship with my postman. He knows where to put the parcel. So Steve doesn't see them when he comes in. Oh my God. Postman just really do the most. What a man. 10 out of 10 doing the most. Also, he's nice to my dog and any person that's nice to a dog is a nice human. I agree. With all of that in mind, V, what can we kind of do about this pressure that makes us more often than not

blow our budget a little bit out of proportion. All right. So I've talked about this on the podcast before. I feel like we talked about it actually during our live shows earlier this year, but I want to talk about a really interesting way to drop your Christmas list. And it's by identifying your love languages and that of your intended gift recipients. So Jess, you're acutely aware. And I mean, this is probably hard for the postman because you don't really know him that well, but I mean, you could pop out when he's dropping off your next Amazon parcel and be like, hey, babe, I just want to talk to you about your love languages. Which one is yours? Not creepy, just interested. Just curious. Just having a casual chat. But understanding the love languages

of your intended gift recipients is going to be really powerful, right? Because Jess, let's like use you and I in this circumstance. Like I do get a little bit uncomfortable with gifts, but I love experiences. I love things that are really thoughtful. I love things that people have spent time doing, not necessarily like, oh, I hunted down this expensive thing for you. Like, I just don't care about the stuff. And that's not me going, I don't care about the stuff because Lord knows I love stuff, but I want to buy it myself because that doesn't make me feel guilty. So if you were buying a gift for me, maybe you're not thinking about a thing, but maybe something we could do together. And I think if we look at love languages, especially if you are a gift giver and

your instinct is to absolutely go into overdrive at this time, which Jessica, I'm literally staring at you. But this isn't the way that every single person deciphers love and deciphers value. So I think that if your loved one is a quality time person or an acts of service person, like have a think about that. Like I know my partner Steve is a thousand percent an acts of service person. So I know that if I made up a really cute gift voucher book and like did all of these things and said we'd do this or that, or I'll rub your feet if that's something that he's interested in, which is not, by the way, it's just a really random example. I'm the one that wants to have my feet rubbed. I know he would value that above and beyond just getting another thing. He's just

not a thing person. And maybe you don't need to buy them a present. Maybe you can make like the voucher I was talking about or do a thoughtful act or spend some time together and try and marry these up to reduce the pressure that you put on yourself and your finances. So sure, you absolutely can't do this for everybody on your list, like your postman or maybe your boss, but you'll very likely find that this will have an impact on the way that you spend at Christmas time, from my perspective. Absolutely. And if you're hearing us throw around the phrase love languages and you're like, what are we talking about? There's actually a test called the five love languages and it essentially categorizes the way we like to give and receive love. And those can be different

because as you said, you like to give gifts, but not receive them. And so identifying the way that you like to display love and the way that your friends and family like to receive love, you might find that more often than not, you don't need to be spending money. Maybe it is just about carving out some time to say, oh, let's go to a picnic together and you can spend $20 and do a really nice DIY cheese board and buy yourself like a, you know, five to 10 bottle of wine. What was it? $25 Aldi cheese board, pick up some La Mule Rose. You are on your way, my love, you are on your way. And it's, you know, here in Oz, it's summertime. It's a great time to get outdoors and celebrate with people and you don't necessarily have to have money. If you don't know

your love languages, there is a free quiz that you can do online. We'll link it in the show notes. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's really interesting as well. Like I keep being like, what do you mean I don't like giving gifts? I love the idea of giving gifts. I just feel awkward about it. And in saying that, I also think that there's this idea that you have to go out to celebrate. Like I love the idea of being like, hey Jess, do you and James want to come over? Like I'm going to make this lasagna or whatever I'm going to make. Do you want to bring dessert? And like, we'll provide the wine or whatever. Cheap night, really exciting. I'm going to go old school here and say that I break out the board games a fair bit when friends come over. I was just going to say that

board games are such, if you give someone a board game, you can usually get them for $20 or less. And if you popped a little note saying, here's a board game and an IOU for a night, you know, with our couples or with our group of friends, that's really cute. That is really cute. And Kmart have some really cheap ones. Okay. I've just thought of a gift on the fly that I think you're going to love Jess. So again, I'm just like pumping Aldi's tires up. They aren't sponsoring this. I'm just like a mega fan. They recently won, I think it's like a gold award for their Pinot Grigio. It's $4.95. Bargain. Get a bottle of wine. Buy a really cheap board game. It doesn't even have to be like a branded board game. It could just be an activity that you do together.

that's the gift yeah 10 to 15 dollars and it's thoughtful and you could write a really cute card and it could be a you can't open this until we're having dinner together like how cute is that I 10 out of 10 would love that present because it's the thought that counts Jess I love that I think that is such a sweet idea let's dash to a break and then when we come back V I want to talk through your list of tips that I know you've always got about how to keep Christmas on track financially Don't go anywhere, guys. Cancel Christmas. That's the plan.

No, please don't. Welcome back, everybody. Today, we're talking about Christmas, the social and financial pressures and anxiety that a lot of us feel around that time, and most importantly, how we can avoid that. And Victoria? All right, Jess. Well, I guess the answer to this is actually just to cancel Christmas. Oh my gosh, please no.

Tell me you've got some other good options on your list for me. No, I mean, I've got a few options on my list. but honestly, if you just entirely skipped this period of the year, like you would save so much money. You would, but I don't want to do it. No, we're not going to be doing that. So do I even need to say this as the first tip? Yeah. Like we need to set a budget. We need to identify how much you've got to spend and what you want to spend per gift or by each category. So don't discount homemade gifts or practical presents or experiences in the gift of time through babysitting or cooking dinner for a loved one. I've got a few girlfriends who have had their

first babies this year and honestly it's the most exciting thing in the entire world I get called Auntie Tori and I get to steal their babies and it is my favorite thing but being so close to them now I know that they would absolutely adore babysitting here is a gift voucher I'm gonna come over obviously if you're trusted with the kid I think that this is like a pretty fickle area because you can't just be like oh just give it to Jess and Jess is like I don't want you to look after my kid but I think it's like one of those things where if you know you're trusted with the baby be like hey I'm gonna come over and give you like a night off you can go and have your own date night money win and you get to spend some quality time with a kid that you love

like yeah that's huge I'm obsessed but don't feel like you have to spend every dollar you've allocated either like if you see a really good gift for like 60 and your budget was 75 please bank that difference or reallocate it to something else. Don't just be like, oh, well, I'd budgeted $75 for Jess's gift. I really should get another extra thing to add on. Like, that's not what we do. That is not a smart money decision, my love. And then know your shopping style. So think about it. If you're more likely to overspend when you're in the store and feeling a bit sentimental, maybe we need to do a little bit more online shopping. But if you're more likely to go overboard online by adding everything to your cart and just quote, working it out later,

maybe you need to go physically into the store where you can't just get click happy and add everything to your cart because it doesn't feel as real the other thing i would say is listen to our points hack episode and use your loyalty or rewards points thinking about your shop back cash back is probably a really good thing right now i mean shop back's not gonna love the fact that i'm telling you all to take all your money out all at the same time but anything you've accumulated is gonna discount what you actually have to spend on christmas make a list and check it twice or just stick to it. I don't even care how many times you check it. It's estimated each and every single year that waste increases by 30% at Christmas. So do your bit for the environment and your budget

and make a list. Maybe on the back of a piece of recycled paper so that we're not contributing to that additional waste. As well as gifts and stuff like that for your nearest and dearest, you also need to factor in group gifts. So like Kris Kringles and wrapping paper and postage and decorations. I cannot tell you how much money over the years I have spent on last minute gift wrapping, gift bags and cards because I just haven't pre-planned it and don't have my stash of $1 cards from the $2 shop, you know? Like I just feel like being prepared at this point of the year is a really, really good idea. And then also plan the festive food that you're going to prepare so that you don't over cater and throw food out. And potentially, this is another tip

that I got from my mom. If you're making like a really big salad, which maybe you are, maybe you're not don't put all the dressing on the salad like put the salad dressing on the side because you can't put salad back in the fridge if it's covered in dressing it goes all soggy and gross but if people just put their dressing on the plate you can pop the salad back in the fridge and then have it for a few days instead of it all going soggy and you having to throw it out because it's absolutely gone to absolute sh1t as my dad would say Jess. The next thing I want to say is suggest that your family and friends only buy gifts for the kids or organize a like secret Santa among adults. So in my family, we do this. So if you're under the age of 18, you get presents

regardless. If you're over the age of 18, you go into the family Kris Kringle and then you only have to buy one present for one person. And given we have a larger extended family, this ends up working out really, really well. And I kind of like when a present turns up and I have no idea who it's from until Christmas day. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, it's from my aunt or whatever it is. And it's actually really, really sweet. So definitely set a budget and stick to it, but I promise you're not the only one stressing about finance. Like if you're stressing about it, Jess, your sister's probably stressing about it. If your sister's stressing about it, your parents are probably a little bit worried because finance is something that is universally

stressful. It's not just you who's worried about it. It's everybody. We're going through a crisis of an increase in cost in living. We shouldn't be surprised about these things. But I think up until now, it's always been so taboo to talk about. It's always been like, oh, don't say that money stresses you at Christmas time. Christmas time is about giving. No, it's not. It's about also being festive and kind and generous. And sometimes you need to do all of those things for yourself. Obviously, I'm going to say find low cost ways to have fun. We talked about board games and dinners at friends' houses, but literally don't let money be the thing that cuts you off from your friends and family. Like last year during COVID, I learned and I don't

know how. Is this legal? I don't know, Jess. You're about to tell me. I learned how to make a really good espresso martini and put it in a Frank Green cup and go for walks with my girlfriends. Genius. You can do that at the park. You could probably don't do it at the children's park, but you could walk through the park and go for a walk with a cocktail in hand and have a really fun time. And if you can't afford super expensive restaurants, but you really like a cocktail with a girlfriend, invite her over. Say, hey, Jess, do you want to do a cocktail night at my place? You'll obviously say yes. And I'll be like, okay, cool. I'm going to bring this spirit and these sides and you bring that spirit and these sides and we're just making it together

by ourselves. So cute. So cute, but also far more budget friendly. I think that there's this idea that if Jess, you're coming to my house, I must cater for absolutely everything. And it's a bit rude to ask you to bring something to my house. Like, is that, I feel like that's a thing. Yeah, I agree. I grew up and my mum always said, don't turn up empty handed ever. Like if you're going over to someone's house for dinner, like you would always take chocolates or a gift or whatever it is. Like, why don't you just make that a really productive quote gift or hey, Jess, why don't

you do dessert or I'll do dinner? I just feel like I have a lot of feelings on this. And I also think that that doesn't need to be expensive either. Like there is something really wholesome about being, hey, Jess, do you want to come over for dinner? We're having spaghetti bolognese. It does not have to be a fancy steak that you never make at home. Why don't you just make a classic that you know is well-loved?

Like, I know you're going to love it. Jess is a pasta fiend. Ten out of ten, invite her to my house, feed her pasta. It is cheap, it is easy, and she is going to have a fun time. I like that a lot. That's because you like pasta a lot, Jessica. It's very true. Let's come back, though, to talking about how over Christmas

it often gets a little bit overwhelming for people in terms of mental health and, you know, feeling good about ourselves, how can we reframe those expectations into useful or practical conversations that we can have with the people around us to kind of take the pressure off of ourselves a little bit? Yeah, this goes back to like the community around you and the circle that you have around you. And I think it's really important to weigh up all the obligations and wants over that period of time. And remember that it is a really short period of time and that other people in your circle probably have those same pressures being applied to them and saying hey Jess how about you just catch up in the new year when we're both a little less stressed they'll be

like oh yeah great no worries I think sometimes like for example if I said to you hey Jess we really need to catch up before Christmas you might get a pang of guilt like oh if he really wants to do that I might be asking you because I feel guilty because I haven't seen you in nearly 12 months and I've just realized that I haven't caught up with what I thought was a really good friend in almost 12 months. And I'm a little bit stressed about it. If you turned around and said, oh my gosh, this time of year is crazy. How about we sit down and have a proper dinner together in the new year? I'd be like, oh, great. No worries, Jess. So I think you need to remember that you're not the only one experiencing this stress. There's a lot more demand on our time and our energy and

our finances during this time that you're not the only one that is going to be stressed by this. Yeah, that's really good advice there. And on the flip side of that, for people who are feeling isolated or lonely, maybe they've got past trauma or they're not super close with their family, Christmas can be particularly triggering. And we know that the festive season is not so festive for everybody. And it's a time when we see suicide rates increase and mental health crises escalate as well. What are some things that we can keep in mind for ourselves and the other people around us when considering mental health over Christmas? Yeah, look, 100%. And it's honestly so important to keep this front of mind at this period of time. I mean, during the entire year,

it is really important, but Christmas makes people feel extra lonely because it's that one holiday during the year. Cause it's not like a birthday where it's your birthday and it's not mine, Jess. It's that one period of the year where everyone is showering each other in love, showering each other in attention, and it can feel extra lonely and it breaks my heart. But split families and unresolved complex do contribute to Christmas anxiety and family and relationship problems can be a massive trigger for anxiety. And there's a few things that I want us to think about. So first things first is to set really realistic expectations. Like Christmas might not actually be that sunshine and lights and fabulous family reunion that you'd ever hoped for.

So maybe plan how you might manage these feelings during that period of time. Like, are you going to feel extra anxious? Are you going to feel a little bit depressed during this time? Like, can you give the gift of a phone call and check in with a friend or a family member? Like, we know this is a really lonely period of time for some people, but also when it comes to family, it's a bit of a controversial and spicy topic. Like, you don't have to spend time with people who make you feel like shit, Jess. Like, you can call it and be like, I'm just choosing not to engage in that. And it might not be the stereotypical thing. It might not be a cultural thing, but I just think that you putting your mental health first and going, do you know what,

that is not worth it for me, is one, becoming far more popular these days, but two, just so important and such a strong decision to make. Like if you have an incredibly fractured relationship with a family and you're like, oh, far out. Like I've been really dreading Christmas day because I have to go to my parents' house and I have to do this. And I hate them. I don't like them. I don't want anything to do with them. Why does this one part of the year have to change if you don't want to engage with them at any other part of the year? I think setting realistic expectations about one, how you feel, but two, how you're going to manage it is really important. And asking yourself the question, if I was being kindest to myself, what would I do?

It's probably a really good place to start because often we ask ourselves, what should I do? And what should you do usually comes from other people's expectations. But the answer to the question of what is the kindest thing I could do for myself in this situation comes from you actually putting yourself first. And I think that that is really, really important. Or if you are lonely or even just really low on cash and still want to give back, you can volunteer some time for national organizations like the Red Cross or St. Vincent's to Paul, or literally there are so many places. And the one place I would visit is like your local council website and see if there's like a Christmas lunch happening that you could volunteer some time at. Like that's such a good

way of giving back. And it's definitely not what you expect it to be. I remember one year my mom was like, hey girls, like I really want you to see that Christmas is not the same for every single family. And instead of having family lunch at our dinner table, as we always would with our family, we literally went down to a community Christmas lunch and helped serve that and do that. And that was one of the most wholesome experiences of my entire life because one it gave me a really beautiful sense of gratitude but two I was like there are all these really cool people here that I got to spend Christmas with and there's just so much love floating around there so if you are on your own that could be a really good opportunity and another one if you're lonely or you are on a

budget is attend community events like find out what's local and get involved whether it's Christmas carols or wandering through a local market, getting out and about can really help relieve loneliness. And if you're on a budget, why not pack a little picnic? Why not do it on your own and listen to the Christmas carols? Like that's so wholesome and so beautiful and you don't need another person's permission to enjoy your time on your own. So I think that's probably a really good place to leave it, Miss Jessica Ricci, because the second I said Christmas carols, your eyes just lit up and I knew you weren't going to be around for the rest of the Yep. I'm ready to go listen to All I Want for Christmas Is You on repeat. But just to summarize,

we totally understand and both can really relate to feelings of anxiety around Christmas. And that can be very confronting because you go, oh, I'm meant to be happy, but I'm sad. Why is that? And that's so okay. We just want you to know that if you're putting pressure on yourself, it's not necessary. And if you're finding that this time of year is exasperating existing mental health conditions, reach out and chat to somebody. We'll have some resources in the show notes because unfortunately, mental health doesn't take a day off just because it's Christmas. All right, guys, that is all we have time for today. We'll see you on Friday. See you then.

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