She's On The Money - Polyamory & Equity

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Happy Friday! With Bec away today V and Jess will play...and bring you all the SOTM community content we LOVE to celebrate to round off the week. Jess brings (our ever favorite segment) community money wins from the Facebook group. Plus this week, V shares a Money Dilemma which asks what to do when you discover that people doing the same job as you (who started after you) are getting paid more! Plus this week, you slid into our D.Ms about equity in polyamorous relationships. The gals had a fascinating chat about it not to be missed! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it is Friday, which means I get to round up the team, which this week is only Miss Jessica Ricci. Hello. And we get to talk about our incredible She's on the Money community. Today, we're going to be sharing our favorite money wins. We don't have a broke tip because Beck has bailed on us. We're going to be answering a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about pay parity for the same job. And we're going to be unpacking something you slid into our DMs about, which this week is finance in a polyamorous relationship. But let's start off the podcast, Jessica, by asking you how your week was.

It's been a rollercoaster this week. I've been identity thefted, stolen. My identity's been stolen on the internet. On Instagram. On Instagram, yeah. Not like my credit card information or anything. Not yet. They're close. Don't even put the juju out there. That's so stressful. But just a little note to anybody, there is a really really good fake account they have stolen two months worth of my content videos posts they've copied all of my story they have 12 000 followers they've copied the number of followers that i like is as good as a fake eerily similar really really and it it is jessica with

two eyes instead of one yeah and your username and what are they trying to do jess trying to get people to buy crypto of all the things that they could do i just and i feel like most of our community are smart enough to realize that that's not a thing or that you've been hacked if they do think it's your real account. But I thought it was very funny because someone slid into my DMs earlier this week, Jess, and they were trying to do a little welfare check on you because they were like, hey, V, I hope this is OK to message you, but I think Jess is going off the rails. Oh, my God. She's trying to sell me crypto via DMs. And I had to be like, babe, that's not Jess. like so if anybody in the she's on the money team you think ever messages you especially to purchase

anything we will never we would never ask you to purchase anything in dms and if we are dming you it's probably because we know each other so i would be really wary of any account i don't care who it is or where it is if they are messaging you and you've had nothing to do with them before and then all of a sudden they're trying to introduce you to an opportunity massive red flags be so skeptical. They're so sophisticated nowadays. And I feel like even just choosing the two I's in the username, because they're so skinny. I thought it was you. Your I's just skip over the I's. You tried to scam me. Yeah. You tried to scam me and I was like,

sis, not today. Let me teach you a thing or two about finance, Victoria Devine. I did lead them down the garden path and I was like, wow, Jessica, that sounds so interesting. Please tell me more. You're like, how much of their time can I waste? Until I got the link to the Bitcoin sign up. And essentially what they're trying to do is get you to buy Bitcoin. Then give them your login details so they can steal it. Oh my goodness. So yeah, please be careful. We would never, ever, ever do that. If you're feeling generous and would like to report the page, we've been trying really hard to get it taken down. Turns out that's really challenging to do. So the more people who report it, the better. But otherwise you can always DM

us and double check. All of our normal accounts are just our names and all of our official accounts, Victoria's account and the shares and the money accounts are all verified. So also look out for that. I just don't have the time to scam you. I'm really sorry. Like if that's it, Jess, I'm so glad that you found the time, but like, you know. She's a busy lady. I'm just going to have to up your workload. How has your week been? Oh, it's been good.

I mean, I got scammed by Jessica Ricci and I got to watch the Matildas. So that's a 10 out of 10 week for me. Let's jump into our favourite part of the week. Jess, I want to know, what have you pulled out of the community to be our money wins of the week? Okay, my first money win this week comes from Teresa, who said, Money win. My partner didn't get a tax bill. So the money we'd put aside for a potential bill, we paid the equivalent to almost six payments off of our car loan, saving almost six months of interest over the course of the loan.

Money win. Money win. And it is that time where people are getting tax refunds. So a good reminder, think about what you can do with it and whether buying that new pair of shoes is the right choice. It could be. I'm not saying it's not. But just think about it. There's a lot going on online at the moment, Jess, about girl math.

Yes. And how that can be taken into consideration. and I think it's really funny because I can see both sides of the argument, right? I can see girl math makes sense. Like if I was gifted a gift card for a coffee shop, that's free money to me. That's free coffee. That's exactly how that works. But I think a lot of people are extending that thought and feeling to money that they hadn't expected to come in, like your tax return, and they might get an extra thousand dollars. And instead of putting yourself in a better financial position, what you're doing is girl mathing it away and going, oh, well, actually,

I'm going to spend this on a few dresses or I deserve X, Y, Z without really thinking of future you. So girl math trend, kind of funny because like we've all done it. But I also think it's really stereotyping women into not being good at money, not being smart at money and like being like, oh my gosh, ha ha ha, women don't know what they're talking about. It's girl math. It makes sense because clearly it doesn't make sense. That's why we're saying it. We're laughing at ourselves, but hopefully we're laughing at ourselves because we know we're better than that. We know we're more intelligent. And I mean, I'm still going to pretend I am one of the most financially literate people, Jess. I'm she's on the money. You still give me a gift card with

money on it. Free money. Yeah. Relatable. But I think we need to have that level of financial literacy that goes, well, actually, could this go to something else? Do I have a solid emergency fund? Am I in any personal debt? Maybe it could just be a little treaty treat and that's okay. Yeah. But I think we need to think about it before we actually dive in. It was really interesting. We put up a post on our Instagram this week about the girl math trend on TikTok. And we very purposely didn't really comment our opinion on it because we wanted to see what happened in the comments. We were just waiting to see what happened. We were baiting you. And it was really interesting because it kind of lent one of two ways. There were people who took

it, I guess, really from a political social perspective and said, hey, like, I hate this. I feel like we're really demeaning women. I feel like it's implying that women are stupid and don't know as much as men. And then there were people who were like, oh, my God, I do this all the time. This is so me. And it's really interesting to look at because I think, as you said, it's really we should be looking at somewhere in the middle. Like, I don't think these trends are harmful necessarily because they can be a really good

way for us to recognize those trends and go, oh, that's me whenever I get my little gift card. I'm so good at dopamine spending. Like, you're enabling my dopamine spending by giving me a gift card. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's one of those things where you go, okay, well, I'm fine saying, yeah, like I've girlbathed some things and I'm comfortable using that term. But when it becomes this math thing that people pile onto and it starts to get recontextualized or I guess adjusted and those additional social things get laid over the top, and that's when you go, oh, like,

is it making people feel bad because they're talking about something? It's not because they're not smart. Just a funny concept that I think we can all relate to. And I mean, boy math, Jess, that exists. Oh, a hundred percent it does. Boy math exists. How do the groceries get in your cupboard, Stephen? How much does a round of golf cost? Turns out not that much according to him. But when I looked, some rounds of golf are like a hundred bucks. And I'm like, wow, wait, what? He's like, if I hit that ball a hundred times, that's a dollar a putt, baby. Have you seen my handicap? Like, absolutely not. There's girl math and there's boy math. And I think it's just a way of saying sometimes we justify spending to ourselves in frivolous ways

and that's okay but I think that we do need to acknowledge that some people have taken it as a stereotyping of women and that's not it we're smarter than that we're talking about it because we know agreed agreed next money win that I have comes from Nikki who said money win I'm away on holidays at the moment and bought a travel e-sim for $50 saving myself $150 in data roaming charges from Telstra. I love that. Got to look into that if you're planning on traveling. Next, I've got Emily who said, I am 31 years old and for the first time in my professional life, I have just started catching the bus to work. Get it clean. I will save $200 a fortnight in parking and more in petrol and overall wear and tear on my car. And I wish I had done it sooner. I saw a video

the other day. Guess where? Where? TikTok, obviously, because I live on TikTok. But it was a video talking about how developed countries seem to have mistaken independence and wealth for driving yourself to work when in reality traffic could all be condensed down to three buses or like small like you know or bikes or whatever if we were smarter and is the hallmark of being a developed country not being smarter about money and resources and making sure that they become more sustainable. So like catching the train, really sexy. Like so smart. Like if you can, definitely do it. Catch the train, catch the tram, catch the bus. Public transport is incredible and I promise it's cheaper than driving. Oh, absolutely. In this economy. In

this economy, we got to save those pennies where we can. Next, I've got a money win from Jasmine who said, I've been on a job search recently and I applied for a position. Unfortunately, I didn't get it. However, in their email to me, letting me know that I wasn't successful, They snuck a cheeky little discount in the email for me, $100 for applying for a position that I wasn't successful for. Oh, that's a bit of a money win. How random is that? Sorry you can't come here but still buy our stuff is how I saw that.

I'm wondering if maybe she meant gift card, like $100 gift card. Oh, that would actually be, that's really sweet if that's the case. That's what I'm thinking, like, that's kind of cool. Girl math, that's free money. Next I've got a money win from Caroline who said, I batch cooked 23 meals and two lots of soup this week. I'll be advertising more items for sale on various internet sites and I'm hoping to reduce my mortgage by an additional $10,000

by the 31st of December 2023. Jessica, when you batch cook things, how many serves are you doing? Because, like, my max is, like, eight. Caroline, let us know. What are you cooking? How many sets of Tupperware do you own? Are you putting rich, rich? Yeah, you must have a huge freezer.

And then lastly, my money win. And then my last money win for this week is from Rebecca who said, money win I heard about the thing where you call your internet provider directly and ask for a better deal and was quite skeptical Rebecca I'm shocked and offended that you doubted us she said but hey I figured the worst I could do is say no exactly I'm glad I tried though as I've ended up with a cheaper deal for the next six months money win money win there's a ebook on our website get a better deal get a better deal we think we know what we're talking about and it turns out our community have only just caught up to backing us that's all right so that's very kind

but more of you should absolutely make use of that. All right, Jess, we don't have a Bexbrook tip and I don't think either of us could fake one well. So let's go to a really quick break. And on the flip side, we're going to talk about pay parity for the same job. And we're also going to be answering a sneaky DM all about finances in a polyamorous relationship. So don't go anywhere, guys.

Welcome back, everybody. let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. hi she's on the money so let's say three people do exactly the same job i who are one of the people get paid 38 dollars per hour another gets paid 46 dollars an hour and another 50 dollars an hour

and plot twist they got hired after me how would you approach your boss with this information and ask for a raise match preferably to the 50 of course thank you jessica i feel like you've got a spicy opinion on this, what would you do? I mean, I'd be calling somebody up and I'd be saying, this is absolutely not good enough. It's hard to navigate though, because I suppose you need to have a look at, is there a pay secrecy clause in your contract? Just reminding people that that is unfortunately still a thing in some places, if it was pre-existing. If it was pre-existing, it can still be enforced, but it's illegal for new contracts. I think a lot of people are assuming that because it was made illegal, then it null and voids their current

contract, which unfortunately it does not. No. So obviously I'm assuming you found this out because you've had a chat with some of your teammates about what they're earning. Which you should be doing. We love to see it. All about that. Obviously the difference between $36 and the difference between $50 is astronomical. I did the math. Of course you did. What does it work out to be? So hypothetically, because I'm assuming you're probably in like a casual or a part-time role, which is fine. I've just decided to pretend for the example, I suppose, that all of these are full-time roles. So if you were earning $38 an hour, you would be on $58,000 a year if we annualize that into a full-time role. If you are on $46 an hour, you're on $69,000 a

year. And if you're on $50 an hour, you're on $74,000 a year. Jessica. That's a huge difference from, you know, bottom to the top. Jess, annualized, that's a difference of $16,000. For doing the exact same job. Correct. And so I guess the thing that I would be doing is approaching your manager or your HR department or whatever is relevant to your employment situation. And I would honestly be putting the numbers on the table and I would be comparing any responsibilities that you have as compared to your co-workers and saying, hey, like I do X, Y and Z. Joe does X, Y and Z. Sally does X, Y and Z. Why are we being paid differently? because if your role responsibilities are the same, regardless of experience and things, it shouldn't make that much of a difference. The only time experience or time with the company really should come into play is if within those roles, you have different levels of responsibility.

Like if I'm only looking after two tasks and Joe's looking after four, then maybe it makes sense for Joe to be earning more than me. But otherwise, if we're all doing the same thing, I don't see any good reason for someone to be paid that much. Especially in the situation that you've given us because the way you've said I earn $38 an hour makes me think that it is more of a casual slash part-time role. It's not like, oh, Jess and I are both full-time, but Jess has been working in the industry 10 more years and she's actually super efficient. Same roles, but super efficient, gets way more done than, you know, Victoria does, which makes sense. And, you know, HR could definitely talk their way out of that and go, well, Jess, I see that maybe you've been talking to them, but like their experience really comes into play. And those are open, honest conversations you should be having with your employer anyway to go, well, you know, what would it take for me to get there then?

How does that work? But it's a kick in the guts to be finding out that the people that I'm assuming started after you and you trained are now making more than you. If so, why? When, where, how? Like, I want to know all of that. I think the conversation from my perspective would actually start around pay parity and going, all right, well, let's pretend Jess is my boss. Jess, do we have pay parity across roles? What does that mean? How does that work? How do you manage that? Like, is pay parity something that's

important? And they might go, oh, yes, they'll know where you're going with the conversation. But I think it really is a touchy conversation. And if you're going to have it, I think you need to go into it as educated as possible. So Jess, if you're walking in the door and you're saying, well, I found out that Victoria earns more. Well, that's great. But could we have a look at what the industry average is? Because you might all be being underpaid. And if you're going to go into that for yourself, we need to go into that for the whole hog, right? We need to make sure that maybe they're taking advantage of all of you. Yes, one's being paid even more, but like, let's have a look at what the hourly freelance rate is. Or let's have a look at what on average

people make in this role just to make sure you're advocating for yourself properly. So go do your research, find out and then have that conversation once you've worked out all of that information because it's much harder to say no when cold hard facts are being put on the table. 100%. It's interesting as well that the newest employee is the one earning the most and it probably comes back to that conversation we've had before about job hopping and I know that we have an episode I believe coming up on that topic in the next couple of weeks and the fact that often you can increase your salary by going somewhere else. And it's just more of a reason that even if you're not leaving your job, you need to be reviewing your salary with your managers

internally because it might just be that you came in and you said, okay, I want 60,000. And your boss said, okay, no problems. And then the next person came in and said, oh, I want 80,000. And the boss said, okay, no problems. And theoretically, if they were looking after pay parity and if they were an equitable employer, they would be making sure that everyone was brought in. Maybe the person on 60,000 was brought up to meet the person on 80,000. But unfortunately, a lot of places don't do that. And they just go, oh, 60,000, bloody bargain. Exactly. That's all she asked for. So I agreed to it. She's happy. I gave her what she wanted. I'm happy. I'm under budget. Everybody's happy until they start talking. So it also isn't... And I think employers have a lot of audacity in

assuming that you won't talk about your hourly rate. We've got nothing else to talk about, babe. Yeah. How much do you earn? Prove them wrong. What are you putting in your super? Yeah. Oh, that looks expensive. Where'd you buy that? Oh, my Facebook marketplace. Good girl. We're all talking about money nowadays, guys, watch out. So I think it's really important to just one, advocate for yourself, do your own research first. Don't take it personally either, because it could have just been a hiring decision, not immediately because they thought that they were better, but maybe times were a bit more desperate. You might've been with the organization for a couple of years and it was much easier hiring you. And now all of a sudden there's like

one or two candidates applying and the candidates that are applying are asking for 90 grand a year and they're like, oh, far out. Well, we're going to miss out on this candidate and that role isn't, do you know what, just offer them 50 bucks an hour and we'll see what happens. And then they said yes. And that might be how they landed there. Is that okay? Absolutely not. But it might not have been conscious. They might not have been going, oh, I hope that Jess is okay with this, or I hope the rest of the staff are being treated equitably. But maybe it was an honest overlook where maybe a different manager hired you versus, you know, HR might have gone in and hired someone else as the business has grown. So I think it's, I mean, we always make sure that we dot all our

I's and cross all our T's, but I think that there's something really beautiful about expecting the best from people and just going into that conversation, not assuming that they're taking advantage of you, but going, maybe they just don't know that this has come up. Maybe they just don't know. And that's, from my perspective, a kinder way to approach it because it also downplays your anger. Like, you should be mad. I totally get that. But like, let's take a step back and not be angry. Let's not be upset. It's actually just pragmatically work out what the hell is going on, Jess. And then we can go from there. If your boss doesn't want to talk about it, babe, we're angry now. Yeah, 100%. We are mad. And you know what, we're probably leaving and finding a place that

pays us $60 an hour. So catch you because I now have all this experience. Look, I trained those stuff. Yeah. Good luck without me. See you. Bye. All right. Should we take a little swing around because I have some questions about this week's community dilemma. I have some questions about your segue. Should we swing around? Oh my God, I didn't even know that. That was a really good one. You know what, we're leaving that in. Let's jump into it. This week's community dilemma goes a bit like this. I'm in a polyamorous relationship and my main partner and I split everything, but he is currently seeing someone who has just lost her job and is paying for more things now they're in a relationship. I'm not jealous of their relationship in any way, but I'm

getting a little bit frustrated as it's now affecting our budget. I'm not too sure how many people are actually in this situation, but I was wondering if you girls had any thoughts on how I should approach this issue. Can I start off with a dumb question? Yes. You didn't mean the swing around thing. I had no idea. I'm not 100% across what a polyamorous relationship is. And I feel like my response is going to be dependent on what it is. So can you explain it to me? I think it's a good question because it's not the experience of lots of people, right? Like you might've heard of it and there's lots of things going on, but essentially I Googled it, polyamory or to be polyamorous means that you are engaging in a form of ethical and consensual

non-monogamy that involves having romantic or sexual partners with multiple partners at the same time. So from my understanding, this means, Jess, you could be dating James and you could also be dating me, but that doesn't mean that I'm dating James. But you have two partners and it could go in any way that you want it to go. You could have multiple partners, you could do whatever you want. But the most important thing here is that's completely consensual. They're being adults choosing how they want to run their lives and run their relationships and I think you and I were talking about this before this is a legit question I feel like it's really legit because you know what if I was in that circumstance and my partner was spending our budget that I had allocated for

like our first home or whatever on something else that's not aligned to my values I'd be like okay well what's going on we need to talk about it but guys sit down with the judgment this is not the community for that. She's on the money, accepts literally anyone, exactly how you are. And if you tell me that you're in a consensual relationship, I'm all for it. I don't care who, with what, when, where or how, that is none of my business. If you are happy, you are thriving, you have a relationship where you are completely in control. 10 out of 10. Yeah. So I feel like some of you needed that reminder because we're not rude. Before we jumped into it. 110. But Jess, what would you do? It's hard enough to budget for one person or two people

if you're in, I suppose, a traditional couple. I can't imagine how complex it would be when you start adding additional people in, particularly if you are like in this situation, they're obviously spending money together in multiple partnerships, which is such a level of complexity. And that's why I asked the question, because my thought is if the example you gave, so I'm dating you and I'm also dating James. You lucky, lucky lady. What a good life I'm living. But in that scenario, to me, the finances operate independently. Like my budget with Victoria and my budget with James operate as two separate entities. Yeah, I would agree. It's not as if we're all three of us budgeting together with shared finances, because from what I understand, you're not

dating James as well. So like you guys aren't sharing finances, but we are. And so it's kind of hard because really any person who's dating multiple people and committing financially with multiple people, you have to budget your budget always. Does that make sense? Yeah. I just got lots of questions. Like, you know, you and James have been together for years and years. I've just come on the scene. Yeah. Why am I now James's or your responsibility? Like, why is that the case? like how serious is this relationship? And, you know, it could be super serious. It could be really casual. But I think that that needs definition as well as to how, you know, if you say dating, like, I don't know, there was a period of my life where I would have said I was dating

multiple people, Jessica. I don't know what the difference between dating and in a, you know, committed relationship looks like in that circumstance. Had they known each other for three weeks and they've just like, you know, fallen head over heels and they're, you know, in that love bubble and he's now funding her life. Yeah. And how do your goals, I guess your long-term goals, how do they align with each of those relationships? Because James and I want to buy a house. So, you know, we're obviously budgeting for that, but at some point, are you and I going to want to buy a house? And if so, how are you defining or allocating your finances to achieve both of those goals? Because that's a really hard thing to do. Do you think that there

would be a delineation between a shared cost and a personal cost and maybe there should be in this style of budget you know we break it up and then you've got your food fuel and fun account Jess and I've got mine and the fun part should be your spending on your other partner because obviously there's probably something in the budget around you know going on dates and stuff because like we might have our date budget Jess where you know we go okay well we can spend $200 a month on going out for nice dinners or whatever. But then I'm assuming there's a separate budget so that you can go on dates with other people, which would make sense. But what does that budget look like? How have you allocated that? And what are your values around how much that is?

Yeah. I think it's worthy of a deeper conversation with your partner. And obviously, that's a bit of a hard one because your partner would want to really help their new partner as well. Yes. And it's like in this situation, I guess the way that my brain is rationalizing it, And I don't know that this is the case because I've never been in one of these relationships, but is there like a primary relationship and a secondary or are they all equal? Because that would, again, impact how you do your finances. It's very complex.

But our listener who wrote in did actually ask less about how they budget and how they should approach it, which I feel like is something we can talk about. That's true. I think when it comes to any money conversation, I think the most important thing is giving your partner warning that you want to have a conversation about finances. obviously this is a topic that could be a little bit icky. So going, hey Jess, I really want to go through our budget. I know that you're probably not in the mind frame right now because you're just making your Weet-Bix, but do you think that later tonight we could sit down or later this

week we could sit down and have a chat? And I might go, oh, why? What's prompted that? Just be like, oh my gosh, I just feel like our budget's getting a bit out of control or I've just noticed you spending a lot more than I am or, you know, define it however you want, but plant enough of a seed so they have reflection time so that they come to that conversation as prepared as you are because right now you've trusted us with this question which is so kind but you've trusted us you've had the thought to message us you've had a lot of reflection time you probably had this whole podcast to talk about it before you're having this conversation with your partner he might not see a problem he might not have even had that on his radar and doesn't want to be you

know, side railed by it. So I think it's really important to, yeah, hey, Jess, can we sit down and chat about it? And you're like, what the hell? Like, where did that come from? No worries. But at least you've given them enough notice. And then when you do sit down, really reiterate how comfortable you are with the relationship. Or that's what I would do. Just be like, oh, I don't see this as an issue between you and X. Like, I've got absolutely no problem with that. But just starting to stress a bit because we've got all these financial goals. And I'm just wondering if you've thought about how this might impact our goal setting. Yeah.

And I think that that's where if you've chosen this type of relationship, I'm assuming that stuff like this does come up. Yeah. Do you and your partner now need to sit down and just realign some of your goals so that you can both live your best lives? Because Jess, if I lost my job in my relationship with my husband, well, I'd have to reset my goals because right now I need a bit more support. And maybe that's the way we should be seeing this.

your partner actually needs a bit more support because their partner does and that's just the way it's going to work yeah but we do need to have open honest conversation about how that works and what that actually looks like because there's no normal right like there's no normal budget there's no normal relationship there's no right or wrong i think it's just more jess are you happy with what's going on right now our listener isn't happy with what's going on he needs to talk about it. But often communication is the key. Maybe they've got a new job and your partner hasn't told you that yet. Maybe something has popped up and they're getting a lot more support. Maybe, you know, they're taking some time off and reassessing their goals and they're going

to move into a share house. Like we don't know what that looks like. So I think opening the conversation, but letting them know you want to open that conversation is really important. Yeah. Clarity is key. What did everybody say outside of some of the slightly judgmental comments. Oh, I just blocked and deleted those people. So that's fine. So some people said, allocate pocket money for you to use on things solely for one partner, like their girlfriend. Someone said, I think him supporting his other partner would be seen as a gift and not a shared cost. Someone said, this is tricky. I honestly have no idea, but I can't wait to listen to the pod. Hope you enjoyed. Someone said, you just need an honest conversation about splitting costs with

other partners so it's fair both ways this could happen to you. Well that's a very good point is that exactly the shoe could be on the other foot and then you're seeing somebody else and then are you committing financially so. Exactly someone said you shouldn't be using money from the primary budget for the other partner your partner should be using his own fund money for this. Someone said I wouldn't be okay with this impacting on my budget and yeah I think everybody was as I guess pragmatic as we are about just have a conversation, work it out. You know, you could be in this circumstance because what goes around comes around. I'm assuming that you might be in a similar circumstance and might want a little bit more grace at some point. Someone else said,

we really need some more information. Like how long have they been dating? That's what I asked. I just feel like, you know, what if you found out just that they've been dating for five years on the side? Yeah. To me, that's a different relationship and a different level of commitment that you've got to that person so I don't know I just feel like having open honest conversation is going to be the best way forward and you can never go wrong with that especially if you approach it from a position of kindness and not judgment but more frustration yeah like you're not approaching it from a position of frustration where you go oh my god Jess I'm so annoyed that you're spending all this money on this other person and I just can't believe it

like that's not going to go down well for anybody yeah so I think talking about your feelings is just going I just feel like I'm not completely across this like what's going on how long might this last because you might find out it's only going to last another two weeks and you might go it's not even worth having the conversation now yeah so open honest conversations always I love that what a perfect place to leave it all right I think we're all done we can uh wrap this up Jessica Ricci I'm sorry Bec's not here because I feel like she would have had some really good conversation or really good points agreed to add but we can just ask her offline that's all right You guys miss out.

Sorry. We will see you next week for an episode of Money Diaries on Monday. But till then, have the best weekend and we love you lots. Go Matildas. Woo! The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes

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