She's On The Money - Reclaiming Control After Financial Abuse

Episode Date: September 8, 2024

Trigger warning: This episode contains references to financial and domestic abuse.  In this episode, we hear from a Money Diarist who bravely shares her journey of escaping financial abuse and reclaiming her life. From a young age, her finances were controlled by her parents, leading to shame, secrecy, and a mountain of debt that impacted her own family. Hiding the truth from her partner, friends, and colleagues, she felt trapped and powerless as her financial situation spiralled. A year ago, she made the courageous decision to take back control. Tune in to hear her inspiring story of resilience, recovery, and the path to financial freedom. If you or someone you know is experiencing financial or domestic abuse, you can call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit their website for online chat and video call services: 1800respect.org.au. In an emergency or if you’re not feeling safe, always call 000.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to shoes on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries where I get the absolute pleasure of talking to one of our She's On The Money community members all about their journey. Let's jump straight into it because this week we got a message and it sounded exactly like this. Hello, She's On The Money. I wanted to share my story on escaping financial abuse. My parents controlled my finances from a young age, which caused me so much shame and led me to hide it from my partner, friends and work colleagues. I felt so much guilt and had no control. It resulted in me going into mountains of debt, my own finances and bills falling short

and my own children suffering the consequences. It's been about a year since I've regained control and although my credit score has taken a hit, I'm down to one debt. I've just had a baby in January and I've been able to save for my first family holiday. I'm now saving for my first home, my mental and emotional health is thriving and my family is never missing out. As you guys can tell from this money story I do want to drop before we get into it a little bit of a content warning. So in this episode we are discussing financial abuse that intertwines a lot with other types of abuse. Now, we don't go into too much detail on that, but we do definitely discuss in, I would say, a fair bit of detail financial abuse. So, to make sure that everyone is well supported,

I've put a whole heap of links in the show notes. And if this is an episode that you just feel is not for you today, that is so fine. We will see you on the next episode of Money Diaries. And there is a plethora of She's On The Money content out there that you can dive into right now. So, let's welcome our money diarist to the show. Money diarist, thank you for wanting to share your story with us. Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I'm so excited to share this part of my journey with you. Oh my gosh, it's a deep one. Can we dive a bit more into it? My first question before we get further in though is always, money diarist, what would you rate your money habits if I asked you to give them a grade from A through to F? At the moment, it would definitely be a C+.

I feel like I'm at such a pivotal point in my money journey. This is someone who I guess was constantly running behind every week. I owed a week, a week in advance all the time. So I lived my life in reverse for quite a few years and I'm finally getting that concept of money, credit score, savings, emergency fund, all of those sorts of things. So I'm going to say a C+. All right. Let's take the C plus. I want to dive into it. I know for some people, this could be a little bit heavy, but I want to know, can you tell me a little bit more about your money story? Okay. So, my money story, it's a little bit sad to be honest. My very first memories of money and like my first jobs being 13 or 14 was a lot of my paycheck

going directly to my family, especially times around like Christmas, Easter. I come from a huge family. There were seven of us. So every birthday, every Mother's Day, Father's Day, I was sort of given the torch to pay for those things. It's very sad that all your first memories are that your money just went straight to other people instead of you. But like, how did that start? How did that work? Like, was it an expectation from the second you got a job that you were going to work and the money was coming to them? Like, was this something that was, I guess, intertwined into the conversations you had when you were little? Like, I've just, I've got so many questions. I hope I'm

not overstepping. No, absolutely. You're not overstepping at all in hindsight. And now that I feel like my frontal lobe has developed as children. We really want to impress and I guess get that attention from our family members. And it was almost like when I first started doing it, I was so proud that I was helping my family. Like it was this badge on my chest. I thought it was amazing. And I think I thought internally that this is going to fix all our problems. unfortunately when it comes to financial abuse it is a form of family and domestic violence and more often than not it can intertwine with other types of abuse as well so we were always sort of made to feel that everything was our fault and it was our fault that we were struggling it was our

fault we didn't get that shiny thing anything that was going wrong was always put onto the children so I guess to combat that I thought I was helping them by giving them bits of money and it would have been my first and my earliest memory of like oh this isn't quite right would be taking my siblings out to the shopping center we bought gifts for my mom and dad around Christmas time all the kids bought a gift there would have been four other children including myself. Bringing that home and having them just kick off, call me ungrateful and demand things for themselves, for all of the children, for my grandparents, for my uncles, nieces, things like that. Then I started to realize, oh, it's an expectation that I buy and spend my entire

paycheck on everyone. That's wild to me. This wasn't just you. I'm just trying to learn a little bit about your family dynamics. So there was five kids and for all of you, when you got your first jobs, was that contributing to the family or was that, you know, you just copped it or like, oh, I definitely felt like I copped the brunt of it. I was the eldest and I guess the responsibility pushed on me was if we die tomorrow, it's going to be your fault that the kids don't get Christmas. So there's a good, I'm a good decade older than my siblings. So they would have only been small children when we're walking around the shopping center and buying things and yeah I would spend it was almost like every time I saved up for my first car all of that

money would go towards my family and that would go on for years. Wow and learning a little bit more about your parents what type of jobs did they have like what types of income were they bringing into the house? I constantly remember my parents being unemployed and being very like used to that. So they didn't have a job and maybe that's why I worked so hard. I always worked two or three jobs in school. I was always working because I saw how much we suffered living off benefits. And is that something that was kind of, I guess, generational? Often you see when, you know, a family does have an unemployed mum and dad, that often is a generational trait because I feel like work ethic is often inherited. Like you learn from example, right? Like, and I'm

going to get into it, but I'm assuming it's been a lot of work for you to get into this like mindset of like, no, I'm going to do something completely different because yeah, changing from where you've come from is so hard. Cause even though it's really awful, like that sounds terrible. And like you have touched lightly on the fact that financial abuse is often intertwined with other types of abuse. And we might touch on that a little bit later, but it's one of those things where even though that's the case, change is not what humans crave. And so that's why so many people stay in positions like this for a long period of time. Cause it's like, well, I have been told that the grass is greener, but like, I don't know that for sure. So like, maybe I'll just do what I've

always done. So tell me, obviously this is just what you grew up with. Was that intergenerational and like then tell me a little bit about the change and why you knew you needed to make that oh I could say generational and maybe even cultural so I am from I'm going to be careful how I say this but it's very common in Polynesian culture to send money back to the islands or send money back to New Zealand because it's a hard life overseas and I feel like that slowly trickled onto me. My parents, I don't know a lot about one side of my grandparents, but the other side I know were, it was just extreme levels of poverty. And both of my parents came from extreme levels of poverty. That's probably the best way I could describe it.

That makes sense. And I guess that's where I get a little bit, I want to say pervy, but I'm often interested when having these conversations. It's like, well, where has this stemmed from? Because I don't believe that many people wake up one day from their, you know, nine to five Monday to Friday jobs and go, hi, husband, I would really like to not be employed anymore. And you both just quit your jobs and that becomes the lifestyle you live. Like usually it's quite ingrained. And then having lots of siblings, there's obviously a massive age difference between you and your siblings. Yes. Like how did that come to fruition and like did that play into it was the decision to not have more kids immediately after you

financial so I think from so like there's myself and another sibling we're incredibly close in age and then there's a 10-year age gap when we grew up I do remember both of my parents working they would go to have three more children in like two or three years but as I said it's that big 10-year age gap and I just remember they stopped working like I have memories of my parents not working for decades like and we were struggling like I remember you know standing in line at like the Salvos or St Vincent's or like the churches and things like that to get groceries and yeah we were just always sort of struggling and I think my mum made the decision to be a stay-at-home mum. And I think it could have been a mental health card, honestly, from in hindsight that

maybe they thought they couldn't work. I think it had to do with their overall mental wellness and health as well. Yeah. Okay. And like all of that makes sense. And like, I'm not here to judge anyone's decision. I'm just here to learn a little bit more about you and share this story of yours so that we can hopefully stop other people going through this. Yeah. having grown up going to the Salvos and, you know, having, I guess, to seek support from other places to just put food on the table. How does that change your mindset? What does that mean for you? Not just today, but growing up, like, how did you see it? Was that the culture that you grew up in? Was everybody around you doing that? Or is that you're the outlier at

school? Or tell me a bit more about that. Definitely. Like in our street, there was, there were two families. I remember there was eight kids on one side and another five kids on the other side and they were going through exactly what we were going through. So, they were struggling as well. I guess that's where we sort of looked out for each other. I remember sometimes they'd drop groceries to our door or we'd invite them in for dinner, things like that. But when I really sort of look back at it, it was quite confronting. I remember being maybe seven or eight years old and my dad sort of sitting me and my brother down and just saying that Christmas isn't real you're not going to get anything this year you know this needs to go

to the other children and he just always sort of ingrained that into us and I guess that's what holidays look to us so it was Easter's coming up it's about the younger kids so they don't miss out but also not being able to process that we were children you're a baby you're just yeah you're just a baby being forced to grow up like I think it was that just feeling of oh my goodness like we've got to take because those young kids you know they can't miss out but actually realizing that maybe our parents had a bit of favoritism towards the children and I just think they didn't know how to handle that very well so it was very like you know Christmas has come around we've gotten some money and it was look can you think about us we need to put food on the things like

that and always having to give and give and give what would have happened if you'd said no like I worked for this money I don't want to give it up like obviously the guilt no you would not look definitely like we would be punished is the best way to describe that that's just not an option like you were going to work and you were bringing that money back and it was definitely for the family no questions asked and especially around like as I said being 13 or 14 and thinking I was doing the right thing by rewarding my parents because they worked so hard for it that was my mindset as a child and just being punished for it like it was so dramatic it was like something you'd see on a tv show where the mum's like throwing stuff down the stairs kicking over the

Christmas tree you know lots of swearing lots of like it would turn into a fight sometimes it would get physical and just crying like just watching just crying being like oh my goodness nothing is enough and instead of going like what's wrong with my parents I'd go I've got to work harder I'm gonna get that approval I'm gonna get that and that's the cycle of abuse for you in a like and I won't say in a nutshell but like in a very good example because you know as an outsider and this is what frustrates me people look in and go well why wouldn't you just push back or why wouldn't you just leave like you don't know anything different no but it's not even that you don't know different like your mindset is I deserve that like you're right I should have

worked harder I should have done something different like oh my god mom was so angry at me because I just, I messed up far out. Your mindset is not where someone who's been in a healthy environment has been because you've never known the healthy environment. And I think that's what's so heartbreaking about this is you just don't know what you don't know. And we say this all the time at She's On The Money, like, you know, whether it's about investing or it's about saving or it's about financial abuse, like you cannot look at someone else's situation and then give advice and say well this is what I would do different because that would work that's not gonna work like that's not how it works like I wish I could like wave a magic

wand and be like well actually this is what would fix it and it's just trauma like that is so ingrained that it would have taken you years to even come to the I guess conclusion that that wasn't okay so literally talking less about what had happened tell me more now when did you start to realize that mom maybe throwing things down the stairs was not the way that other moms were parenting like when did you realize that was maybe not how it worked goodness if I'm being completely honest I would have been about 19 when I met my current partner current fiance like it's gonna be the father of my children so cute you were just babies and he had a beautiful two-year-old and I just remember there was something that

he did like as as kids do he threw he broke something and I just remembered looking and going I'm not going to yell at him I'm not going to turn this into a fight like it was very clearly an accident and that was just like this overwhelming like my brain shutting down like how could they treat people like that that was my like whoa this is how you're meant to be treated this is I'd never do that to my children I just didn't have it in me to be so aggressive or angry towards this child and that was like the whoa how long has this been happening for yeah and that's a slippery and very confronting slope so tell me a bit more about obviously that moment happened And then what? Then were you reflecting on your situation or did you bury it and go,

I don't want to think about this? There was one more moment and this has only just come up now. I didn't even think of it until right now. My 18th birthday, I remember my dad took me to the pub and my birthday is in January. So straight after Christmas and that's my birthday. I usually missed out on birthdays and things like that. That's just sort of how it was. And I remember being 18, I had just paid for Christmas. I spent months of everything I was earning as an apprentice. So like maybe $250, $300 a week towards my family and extended family. So it looked very vibrant and things like that towards Christmas. We had a sunroom full of gifts and I would have spent thousands and I remember we went to I guess the pokey room and I remember watching my parents

and I'm counting the money put around five thousand dollars into this machine and I remember I kept tapping my dad and my mom like come on we should take this out and we should go home we should take this out we should go home and not actually like being able to process what had happened and we stayed there from like I remember knocking off at four o'clock we got there at five and we were there till four o'clock the next morning oh my god and they were winning these ridiculous amounts like majors and all of these like lots of lives lots of money and they just put it back in there and I just remember thinking like oh my god I didn't pack lunch this week you know there was nothing in the cupboard I bought a loaf of bread and had to live off it like

and there was five thousand dollars put into this machine and it was so confronting at that time and just being like oh my god it's not my fault none of this situation none of like the poverty we were going through none of that was my decision that was my parents decision and you're just watching them choose for hours on end to not step up and to just waste it like that would have been how were you feeling after that because I'm assuming with the dynamic that you had in your family that confrontation was probably not the way you dealt with that. I would confront them it was a huge fight I remember walking home crying and then walking to I guess my boyfriend at the time and sort of telling him what had happened and then just having to quickly put together and

go to work and just crying my whole shift like it was so confronting I couldn't stop sobbing I was a mess oh my god my heart and so I guess those situations and those experiences showed you that maybe that's not what you wanted to be moving forward what did you do how did you like I know that you're now 23 and you're out on the other side but like what did 25 oh 25 oh yeah your parents were part of that until 23 sorry yes so you get to 23 and you're trying to change your life like what were those steps like because that's hard it was incredibly difficult but you know at this stage you know I had been with my partner for four years and our Christmas was still like buying these ridiculous luxury gifts like I remember my father asking for five thousand

dollar like Gucci sunnies and my mum asking for like designer handbags and like Dolce & Gabbana makeup and just these ridiculous expensive luxurious glamorous gifts that were not in line with their income at all like or in line with the lifestyle that they were living like it's heartbreaking to see how their values were being I want to say portrayed when they had children and responsibilities yeah it's a perfect way to describe my household they are struggling to pay rent they're scared that you know the cost of living all of these sorts of things but they still have a BMW parked in the front yard and like a brand new Prado that they've just spent, you know, $50,000 on. So, their priorities around money, it's not linear in any way.

Gosh. And do you know what? When people are so deep, the unfortunate thing is you're going to have to pull yourself out of that because more often than not, they're not going to change. like that's not something that they're going to go well actually money diarist we started listening to this podcast and we want to change like these things are often so deeply rooted that change is very very very uncommon and that's where we see lots of people in our community having these conversations about their parents and going well that's not who I want to be that's not what I want my narrative to look like and I definitely remember like thinking like could I accept this behavior because anything that's not changing I'm accepting I'm allowing my children to see

them treat me like that I'm allowing myself to be treated like that and it's like what's too far because there's no boundaries anymore boundaries don't exist in this household what are the next steps. And the perfect way to describe it is decisions were often made without any of my input around my finances. I would end up getting a really good corporate job and I started at like an apprentice sort of mechanic level and I grew into a salesperson and then eventually to a business manager slash advisor to the directors of the company. Wow. How good is that? Look at you glow. It was amazing at the time. And as you just said, like, wow, what an amazing opportunity.

But what my, I guess, direct family and friends started to see that was, okay, well, she's in charge of this mechanical business. And that's where I'd start to get that thousands and thousands of dollars worth of debt because it was just a drive through for them. They would drop their cars. They would, you know, abuse staff members. They would expect it to be done. I would get like 20 missed phone calls. They would call the office. They would send text messages. Like it was so out of control all the time. And how did you feel about like, if that was, you know, spitballing here, if that was my family, I'd be mortified. Like, is that what you're going to work and just being like oh no like literally and like almost losing my job that

I had worked this was my dream job I had worked so hard to get here being in a male-dominated field and getting to the position I was at you're killing it and having the rest of your family take the mickey what the hell yes and there was a really hard conversation with the directors because they're obviously opening up these accounts. I had to start paying for these accounts. I guess feeling so trapped, helpless, and this huge amount of shame, I couldn't say to them, please stop accepting my parents. I don't want to pay this. I never agreed to this. I didn't say, hey, I've got their card. I've got their tab. I've got it. It was just assumed that I would take care of it. And it was hard. It was really, really hard. So talk to me about the turning point.

You decided this life isn't for me. What did that look like? I think there were two pivotal moments. I would end up leaving this position to a job that was closer to home. And I had only been there a couple of weeks. And I got in this phone call that the BMW has broken down. And I went, oh, I'm at work. I'm still on, like, I really can't just leave right now. And I was, I was forced to leave. During this point, as I was forced to leave, I've gone into Burson. I've had a quick look at the car. I've grabbed the oil. I've grabbed the coolant. I've grabbed a couple of tools. I grabbed like a jump starter I had in my ute and we tried to get this car going. It was very clear from the quick diagnosis I've done. I'm like, your engine's gone and it's the

ECU and I can't fix this. It's not just a quick fix. You're going to have to take this to a specialist because they have specific computers for this. And I'd already spent half my day trying to get this car going we eventually got it going I've taken it to this luxury BMW sort of dealership that specialized with these cars and the bill got handed to me and I guess I just kept getting phone calls from both of my parents they started calling like my work number and again it was almost like PTSD from the last position being dragged into the office and like having a stern talking to like, what are you doing? You're here to work. You've spent this many hours on the phone and I would end up paying nearly $800 to get this car out for them. The engine needed to be rebuilt

and they thought I would just cover the $15,000 to have this engine rebuilt. My God. But why? Why would you just cover that? and like really just thinking about like none of my cars cost 15 grand by the way like I have all of these cars under 10 grand and I'm like wait what and during that time I was borrowing my partner's car they had taken my car and I could hear the way they were driving it and it was so and it's an older model Hilux okay this car is older than me and I can hear them revving it and like slamming the brakes and they're like you need a pay and like the fight that I would have with them and I'm like oh my goodness they're telling me they're gonna write off my partner's

car who doesn't know that I've just given this car for them to quickly borrow yeah and your partner had no idea that any of this was going on right oh my goodness no idea and I've had to like obviously call him I've walked to this dealership that was like on the other side of town to pick up this BMW and just being so cautious. So, I ended up paying the repairs that they had done and I had gone, you know, I'm still getting yelled at on the phone. I'm usually really chill and easygoing. So, I'm like, oh, okay. I understand. Yes. Yes. So, I was a bit of a yes man and they had my partner's car and having to get on the phone to my partner, explain what had gone. I'm hysterical. I'm just mortified. He loves this car more than anything.

He drinks his coffee every morning and stares at this Hilux. He loves this thing. Oh, I love people who love their stuff. I really do. You just know they're grateful for what they have. Like there's just something so special about that. He could win the lotto tomorrow and he would still have this car. He loves this thing.

Oh, my God. That would just stress me out. And he was so calm. He cuddles me and he goes, sweetheart, it's just a car. I'm sorry your parents are doing this. like he had no anger no resentment and was that the moment that you were like I know I need no way no no no I know I need to marry this man that too yeah because I would have been like I think I might marry this you are the father of my children I don't know if you know

this but literally and just being so mortified like oh my god you know my parents I don't know if my parents have written off your car or not because I just refused to pay their $15,000 like engine rebuild and my partner going and i think it was also his mindset like sweetheart it's just a car you know yeah we'll get another one like it's all right you know it's old anyway like being so calm and collected about the whole situation and i guess just maybe it is the grass is greener with him and being able to see that you know when accidents and all these crazy sort of narratives happen doesn't prompt a response for violence. And that was my big like, oh my goodness. That's not how everybody. This needs to change. Yeah. Wow. And so what did change look

like? So for me, I did end up moving out of my parents' house. That was a big one. And I remember just blocking or like turning my phone off. I just feel like that's a bigger thing than just moving out though like you're moving out of this situation like how'd you tell them how did they respond like what did that look like because I feel like in those situations they had from what I have learned they had coercive control over you so the second that you said I'm actually leaving this situation they would have felt out of control completely like you're no longer theirs to tell what to do to use your money to do all of these things. And I'm sure that that stayed for a little bit, but I'm assuming that that's the case. So how did they respond when you said, by the way,

I'm leaving? At the time it was really supportive, but it would be later on. And at this point I started to get some help because there is, and it's so underrated. There are so many free resources out there. And I had no idea. And I started to pick up on behavior patterns. And if I didn't respond to them, say within a couple of hours or that sort of thing, there would be this huge like triggering message that you'd respond to. And I slowly started to realize that that was a pattern of behavior that if they weren't getting what they wanted, it had to be this huge blow up, you know like oh my god xyz is happening like oh my goodness grandma like someone think about grandma pop you know or my own mental health like whatever it was to get that reaction out of me

and you would slowly start to figure those little things out eventually I wouldn't say it stopped but I just blocked what I didn't want to see. So I deactivated like my Facebook and Messenger because that was like their direct portal to me. Yeah. I just downed the screen time and downed ways for them to see me. So sometimes they were pretty notorious for just randomly showing up. Wow. But just sort of like, you know, my partner would calmly open the door. Sorry, she's not home and oh can we come in no mate sorry and just having that support network wow what an icon this man I think I'm in love with him too he was so onto it and he just knew I wanted out he really really did and he just supported that what an icon I love that so now you're out

now you're on the flip side what does that look like you have some children you have a very support. Tell me, tell me all of the fun stuff. So I do. I had my first biological child. I had my daughter, Kaya, in January. Congratulations, mama. How exciting. So good. Amazing. I love it. I love it so much. I was one of those people that was so sick during their pregnancy. Oh, same girl, same girl. Like I am traumatized from that. Literally. If anyone else is pregnant, I never share my story around pregnancy because I'm like, you don't want to know. I tell them like, no, no, no, that's all good. Yeah, no, I loved pregnancy. Pregnancy was the devil. I hated it.

That's exactly it. So, two children, my partner obviously had a child from a separate relationship, so a bit of a shared family. Yeah, bonus mum. Yeah, absolutely. It's lots of fun. It really is. Moving forward, like my future looks like now, I've got a dedicated like holiday fund yes queen how good yes all of my loans payments and I had every payment you could think of I'm talking plenty I'm talking zip pay zip money after pay you were just collecting like pokemon it was a game nimble everything you can possibly think of latitude I had we've taken that down from all of that to one loan oh my gosh which

it's fantastic. But having dedicated like savings to holidays, houses, an investment account, like it's just up from here. I'm not falling short anymore. All of my arrears is paid off. Oh my gosh. Who are you? Life looks so different. Like if you touched base with me a year ago, it would be a completely different conversation. My God. And so are you still in contact with your family or is that just something that you're like, that is not for me. At this stage, I did. I gave a lot of opportunity and I think you really nailed it on the head here where sometimes when they're so deep rooted into certain behaviors, certain

spending styles, and I guess just who they are, they don't want to change. I can't change them. and I think people really need to realize that it's okay if they don't want to change but are you going to accept that and live with that or are you not going to and I didn't want to anymore yeah that's fair and I feel like drawing that boundary is probably the best thing you've ever done for yourself absolutely like you're creating the family that you deserve not the family that you were just born into and I think that that is such a powerful position to be in it really is and like boundaries are so powerful and a boundary is only a boundary if it's being respected. Yeah, a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And often people don't like your boundaries because

it's a way that they can take advantage of you. That's right. Oh, you don't like my boundaries? Is that because you wanted something for you that I was saying no for me? Like, oh, interesting. Whether it's a toxic boss, like a toxic girlfriend from high school, like I just utilize and live that mantra every day. Boundary is only a boundary if it's being respected. Exactly. So tell me, what do you do for work? How much money do you earn today? So I am working casually and I work night shift, which is really great for my lifestyle because I don't feel like I'm missing out. You've got a baby, what, seven or eight months now? The fact that you're working is impressive. Oh my goodness. Thank you. But we decided to make

a decision that we obviously changed our budget and we were we were living comfortably but we made the decision for me to return back to work casually get all of that loading and it's only going to our housing and savings account oh how exciting you just really feel like you're contributing when it goes straight into something like that hey really is and it's like oh my goodness we're ahead all the time what do we this is great so sexy I love it it's amazing but I work in hospitality and I've actually just been offered a duty manager position in the couple of months that I've been there. Of course you have. So that's obviously going to be a big pay rise, but at the moment, depending on the hours I want to do, it's anywhere between $800 to $1,200 a

week. It's casual. So there's some loading there. Sometimes it's a little bit more, sometimes a little bit less, but that's usually what we're looking at. How good's that? And if I take on the duty manager role, it'll be about 80,000 a year. Oh, how good is that? I bet you didn't see that coming. No, not at all. And it was just a job I enjoyed. It's really sweet. It's almost like an RSL sort of vibe, you know, it's the same locals and they're really beautiful. And I do, I enjoy it. I love that. So tell me a bit more, what are your big money goals? You've obviously started setting everything up. You've got this like holiday fund, but like, what are you currently working towards? So for us, we are currently saving for our very first investment property.

And what does that look like? How will that work? So at the moment, we're in one of those suburbs that just quadrupled during COVID. So we will likely be rent vesting. So we're looking just out of Southeast Queensland, greater Brisbane. How good. All right, let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, I have a whole heap of questions for you. Don't go anywhere. Money Dice, we are back and I feel like you have changed your entire story. Like you haven't just changed a few things and like, you know, gone from being in debt to out of debt. Like you've changed the entire trajectory of your entire life. And I am just, I'm so proud of you, but so excited to see where you go like every job that you've had I don't know if you've noticed this pattern

but you've told me every job you've had you've like gone in they've seen your value really early on you've probably had this epic work ethic and you've moved up the ranks really quickly you've just done it again you went back casually just doing some like night shift stuff so that you could bring some extra cash in and they've already offered you a duty manager role like be for real like obviously you are killing it but that's insane when you say it out loud yeah but like it's so cool that that's the case and you can just see it and you were even doing that when you were experiencing such adversity that now you're not like I can't wait to see where you go but back to the set questions before I get completely off track again have you thought

about investing. What does that look like for you in the future? Or have you discussed it with your partner? Or what are your thoughts and feelings? So, we're definitely looking down the investment route. We're actually booked in this week to touch base with a financial advisor. Oh my gosh, get it. Yeah, we're really excited for. So, we're looking at utilizing our superannuation a little bit better. And yeah, we definitely want to get into shares and those sorts of things. but for the moment we're really sort of our focus is around our first investment property like that's our big sort of ticket item that we're and that's an investment like that's still there that absolutely makes sense and you touched on super so I just feel like you're in the right

place you're going places my friend thank you so much thank you but really excited to see what the financial advisor will have to say and we're just going to sort of work from there we're really really excited. I love it. All right. Tell me about debt. So you have smashed down so much debt. It's not even funny. What are your current debts and how long do you think it'll take to get out of them? So this is where my partner and I are sort of on the fence because we do solely have, as I said, an entire job going dedicated to savings. And we're deciding whether we pay out all of our debts or whether we still go for the investment property but our capacity will change so what we can actually loan is going to change. So, that's what we're sort of on the line of.

We refinance some debts. So, my partner has a personal loan. He refinanced and I've just got my car loan. So, you've just got one each? One each. Oh my gosh. If we went back like three or four years, would you believe that you only had one? Absolutely not. I just remember always having a negative account and always getting the scary phone call of like, you owe this. And now if I said to you, oh my gosh, this bill has popped up, like it's a hundred dollars, like you'd have the cash in the bank for that. We do. Oh, how exciting is that? That's my favorite thing to hear. Like obviously an emergency fund

is literally my favorite thing because it gives you financial control even if you are still in debt. Like even if you are still going through it, like just knowing that you've got cash at your fingertips to get yourself out of a pickle, like it's literally the best thing ever. I want to know though, like side note on the debt question, you've obviously smashed down so much of it. What's your best smashing down debt tip? That is such a good question. Something that I did and I was heavily pregnant with my daughter when I did this. I picked up a job in my last trimester. Oh my gosh, Icon. I think I was dying in my last trimester. Oh, I was. I had to walk around with a nappy. It wasn't pretty for anyone involved. So you're just at work wearing a nappy.

No, no, no. How would they know? Oh, and the vomit bag. But it was kind of beautiful because it was male dominant. They didn't want to ask those questions because they're like, so much information, you know? Scare them away, Icon. I think the best tip I could give is just focusing like in my case it was arrears and refinancing so I was a really really silly girl and something that they don't tell you is if you're not paying off your finances and maybe I think I went into like an emergency program so they stopped taking money out and I had six months to pay that off what they don't tell you is that you have to pay six months interest on top of that yeah and I did that with all of my loans so my arrears were insane yeah during that

time we sold off just things that we didn't need like the the trailer that was hanging out in the front yard that no one's touched but I I worked and we just solely used my partner paid the bills and I paid like all of the arrears and finances and within you know four to five short months everything was almost gone and then we refinanced oh my gosh that's so exciting and I love that you were so resourceful I mean the fact that you were willing to wear a nappy to work and like get it queen you're a woman on a mission I love it it was and I look back and I look at like the lifestyle I have now with my daughter like and even now like I'm sitting with my daughter like it's so amazing but I still have cash flow coming in and I still have savings and an emergency

fund and you know as a dedicated holiday fund. That's so exciting and that's just not how you grew up like these are things and experiences that you're able to give your daughter because you've been able to take control of this situation. I'm obsessed. Oh my goodness absolutely even like it's gotten down to like our son and like his first bits of pocket money. And we're sort of explaining that like, okay, so half we're putting away and then half again. So a quarter you can spend on whatever, that's your splurge money. The other quarter is, you know, are you saving for that Lego? Are you saving for that basketball? And we're just trying to teach him around money and get his literacy up as well, which is really exciting too. And I think that that's such a

really good point. Like you get to instill this in a future generation, which is really cool, but also something that I want to go back on. Earlier, you said something, you said, I'm such a silly girl, I believe, like around how you managed your debts. And I just wanted to nip that in the butt because you said, yeah, I'm such a silly girl, or I was such a silly girl. And just you were doing the best that you could with the time and the energy and the knowledge and the resources that you had access to you were just getting by and I think that we need to be so gentle with our past selves because that's who got you to here like they might not have had the time and the resources and she might not have had the knowledge that you have today but that didn't make

her silly because she's the one that got you out of that situation like I just think it's so important to be so kind to past us because so many times we call ourselves silly or dumb or oh my god I'm such an idiot and like it's not true like and it doesn't help us to be in that mindset no no it doesn't it doesn't help anyone it's very true though like I think just the reflection on looking back and and seeing where I you wouldn't believe it I do I can see it and it's so cool it's insane like literally I think I had a photo memory come up today where I was heavily pregnant with my daughter and I remember like the loan sharks knocking on the door oh yeah wow that was a photo memory that came up so then like you know having savings living comfortably you're all of

these accounts and this was only within a year 18 months time which is insane I am so excited for you so tell me what do you think is now your best money habit you know what my best money habit at the moment I'm on the fence between prioritizing debt or my like house savings account because I love that like you wake up every week looking and like wow look how much that grew I think that's my favorite definitely my house savings account I think that that is a really really good money habit tell me though do you have any naughty little money habits what's your worst oh my goodness now like I feel like so many people relate to this too and it's almost like it's a bit naughty it's a bit naughty that's all right that's all right we're here for it irrespective

of how naughty it is I love a naughty snack from the server oh no sorry I'm I'm here for that like not one thing hits better than a 7-eleven sausage roll that's right like it's it's not even naughty to me I'm like this is this is a treat it's self-care guys yeah exactly and I mean if the coffee is a dollar like am i not saving money by being here oh my goodness but i'm really bad for that like it's me and my partner because we look at each other i'm like oh would a maxi bond be nice right now it would be it would be really nice it would be really nice but that is something like you know we stay on top of checking our accounts often we look and we go oh you know maybe we just buy a pack of maxi bonds instead of like our little midnight trips see that's what kills me

knowing how cheap they are at the supermarket like just knowing that I'm spending what I could have spent on a box of four on one like I'm always like oh this pains me but then I tap my card and I did it anyway that's it that's so that's something that we're slowly working on but it's also like this idea on our head. We were like, well, it does make us really happy and we love doing it. True, true. We are living within our values. Money Diarist, at the start of this episode, you said, I'm a C plus. I think I'm a C plus. And I'm not going to argue with you. I feel like you have been through the absolute ringer and come out the other side for the better. I'm so proud of you. You've been through so much and changed your whole trajectory for the better. You're

Your daughter is in the best possible position. Your family is going to be so well looked after. What would it take for you to get to an A or an A plus? Like what would that look like? What work do you think needs to be done? I think it's the power of the unknown at the moment. I feel like I'm so new to understanding money. And even though I'm passionate about it, I'm reading every book I can find on it.

I think when I have a better understanding on say like investments and prioritizing debt a little bit more and I guess having a stronger knowledge on budget I have the most basic pdf budget you can think of it's you know I could change things up for sure but I think really sort of investing more time getting some more advice from like experts like financial advisors and things and moving forward from there. Oh, I can help. I can help. I'm going to set you up with our money masterclass. I feel like I keep doing this on the show, but I'm like, not even a little bit, sorry, but I'm going to set you up with our money masterclass, which I think is going to really help. If you said you'd have a PDF budget, move over. Like that, mine is going to run rings around

it. You're going to love it. It's also very aesthetic. We love that, but it's also got a heap of videos. So it will take you through like why you feel certain ways about money, how to get through that, what that looks like for you in the future, and also like why it's important to invest, you know, what insurance might look like, debt reduction, all of that fun stuff. I mean, you're probably across the debt reduction. You don't need me for that. But the budgeting side of things, I think I could really help with. So, I'll set you up with that. But the rest of it, I mean, girl, you're seeing a financial advisor this week. Like, you're going to be an A-plus by Friday by the sound of it.

Oh my goodness. I hope so. I hope so. I'm excited to start making money work for us in like an investment way, not just reducing debt, not just paying deals, but like really making money work for us. I think that's my end goal. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with this whole story of you coming out the other side and just being so positive. Like you've just got so much to share with the world and like knowing that you've gone, you're a mom, you have a seven or eight month old and you are now working and now you've been offered an $80,000 a year job like you are going to be fine we have to do like a she's on the money where are they now like I need to do money diaries and babe I'll call you I'll call you in a year I'll call you in two years we

need to know updates because I'm just so excited for you like the change it's amazing what's the date we're in August we're in August August next year I'm excited I'm excited let's do it let's do it. All right. Sadly, that is all we have time for today. I have loved hearing your story. I have felt very privileged that you've trusted us with it and that you want to share it with the community so that they can put themselves in better positions and really just understand what they're going through. I'm going to have a whole host of links in the show notes. So if anyone's going through something similar like you are, they are well supported and we can send you in the right direction. But Money Diarist, it has been a pleasure. I'm just so grateful that you want

to share this with us and i know our community is going to love this episode thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to use this platform to help others i i'm just blessed thank you so much you're an icon you're an icon the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money

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