She's On The Money - Removing the Guilt of Not Giving

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

Very often in life you can’t make your money go far enough to do all the things that you “want” or even “should” do. Giving to charity can be one of these things that we know is super important, which is why we often carry guilt when we can't afford to. So today we talk about the mindset of giving, managing the guilt around not being able to afford it, other ways that you can give that might not impact your budget and so much more! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Hello, Victoria. Hello, Bex. Are you ready? I seem so solemn. I know. It's a really, really sad episode today. No, it's not. It's never a sad episode. Terrible gag. Move on. Okay, let's get on with it. Look, very often in life, you can't make your money go far enough to do all the things that you want to do or even should do. It can be really stressful. It can be very stressful. Giving to charity can be one of those things that we know is super important it makes us feel good and really kind of grinds on us when we can't afford to do you feel that same dilemma oh absolutely and i feel like so many of us feel that or like get

the guilts when i don't know you're at a stop sign and the guy comes up with the like tin for like the children's hospital or something you're like i don't have coins all the way through to feeling really guilty that you know you might know somebody else who donates a portion of their paycheck and you just can't do that. So I feel like that's why I want to talk about it today, because we want to remove the guilt of not giving today. Because obviously, if you know me well, you know that's something that is very, very close to my heart. It is something I do. It is something my husband and I do together. I also think it's interesting because I find it weird when people openly talk about what they give and how they give. Weird flex. It's a little bit of a humble

brag. Yeah weird flex so like that's all I'm gonna say on that because I just feel a little bit uncomfortable being like well we do this and this is how we do this and it's a flex like disgusting. You know what I hear? I have money. Yeah exactly and you're just like cool and does that make you feel good? It must be nice. It must be nice but anyway so it's something that lots of us want to do and amongst our heavier and denser episodes where you learn about investing for example. I think it's also super important to talk about our mental health when it comes to money and our She's On The Money family know that that's really important to me as well. So this is one of those little check-in episodes to make sure we're all on the same page and we are mentally healthy.

So I'm going to start with a little bit of personal experience. So way back when I was at uni, I was about 20. I had a sponsor child through World Vision. So growing up, my parents had a sponsor child for my sister and I, and that was a way that they gave back. So when I became an adult, I really wanted to continue that because I felt like it was a really beautiful experience. Like, I don't know if you've ever seen how that process works. And to be honest, I know that there are lots of companies that do and don't do the right thing when it comes to sponsor children. But the company I went through, I felt like was really legitimate.

And you kind of get a relationship with that child and you feel, I don't know, you just feel good. Anyway, really like it. And when I moved into my first full-time job and my parents kind of weren't the bank of mum and dad in that way that they financially made me feel secure. I was really struggling and I had to cut back expenses. I've spoken about this quite openly. I ended up in literally more than $30,000 worth of personal debt. And a decision that I made was that I had to stop sponsoring my sponsor child because it just, it was too much. Like it was just adding up

and I felt guilty and sick and I would stay up late at night just thinking about that, how some poor kid in a different country was not being looked after because I couldn't get my shit together and that really weighed very heavily on me and it's kind of hard to remove that guilt when we know how privileged we are even if we are struggling like we're living in Australia and I could just go to the supermarket and like oh yeah anyway so we get this idea that somebody else needs the money more than we do and then we feel terrible and I think I'm not the only one who's been in this circumstance regardless of whether it was a sponsor child or giving money or as I said just giving coins to somebody who asks for them on legacy day but I just think that is a

good way to start this because I have been through periods where I haven't been able to give and it's a value that I have and you know what if you don't give and it's not in line with your values I'm not here to try and change your values no like let's talk about a few common experiences when it does come to giving. I don't think anybody should guilt you into giving. This is never a good reason to do anything. And I'm talking directly to the people with yellow clipboards on the corner of Collins Street in Melbourne CBD as I say this. Don't come up to me and be like, do you know how good you've got it? You will not be getting my money. Goodbye, sir. You'll get my tears. Giving to charity doesn't make you a better person. You can't actually buy being a better

person. I don't care how much money you give to charity. You can show kindness in your everyday life and make the world a better place. Because if that, you do not need to share your money with anybody. Like I think that a lot of people see it as like, oh, you must think you're such a better person because you give to charity. No, that's not something that exists. And if you even hold that value about yourself, I think that you need to really revalue that. It doesn't make you a good person. We need to talk about why you give in the first place. What does that make you feel? Why are you choosing that charity in particular? Why do you do what you do? And, you know, giving you more examples because I am really passionate about this. Something that I don't

talk about enough is my role as the treasurer and I'm on the board at TLC for Kids. TLC for Kids is a children's charity that basically gives practical and emotional relief to sick kids and their families all across Australia and they do, you know, rapid responses. So if you're a sick child and you need something, you submit a request and they help you. They've also got this beautiful offering, Bec, that makes me cry. Like it is so moving, right? So sick kids and their families don't have the opportunity to just go home whenever they want, right? And obviously if you want to take a sick kid home, often you need like an ambulance because they're so sick that they need the support. But obviously you can't just give every sick kid an ambulance so that they

can just go home and pat their dog or go to the beach or do whatever they want because we need to reserve ambulances for emergencies like you can't just use them as you want to anyway tlc for kids has a new initiative and it's the tlc ambulance and it's for sick kids to have rides to where they need to go to do what they need to do and often these rides are used as their last rides they might want to go home to see the dog or they might want to you know go to the beach or like put their feet in the sand or do something with their family and often it's a really mundane trip. Like it's not like, oh, let's do Make-A-Wish and take a cancer kid all the way to Disneyland. Like it's not stuff like that. It's wholesome content and that's what they do.

And I feel so privileged to be involved and so proud of the work that they do. And that's why I'm involved. It doesn't make me a better person. Like listen to the stories. Like you listen to the stories, you meet the people, you see how passionate they are. And like the CEO, Tim Connellan, holy moly, he is one of the most wholesome human beings. And like just being able to hold space with people like that is an absolute privilege. And that's what I get from that. Like, I genuinely believe that I get more out of that experience than they ever get from me. And I think that that is, to me, one of the most valuable roles that I have. That's really awesome.

It's so cool, Bec. It is so cool. But I just think that if we did enough research on our own, people would be able to find the same passion that I have for TLC for kids for their own charities or their own causes and a lot of the time we're just like yeah well you know there are starving kids in Africa I can't save them all and that's okay that might not be a cause that's that close to your heart but I'm sure that there is something that you will find that could resonate with you but we don't just give cash because it makes you a good person yeah like that's actually a really surface level and to me really gross yeah like I remember going on a date once with some dude I met on Tinder, which there are a whole host of stories. We could start another podcast.

Okay, let's do it. Yeah, let's do that. Tori's Tinder tales. But I remember that was like one of the first things he wanted to tell me that he was like super charitable. And I was at uni and I was like, this is ick. Like I couldn't give anything. And then he was judging. Anyway, red flag, red flag. But also where you give and the way that you give is personal to you and your values. And I don't think anyone should be asking you about that or making you feel bad about that. It's a very fickle space. And I don't think people should be giving because it ultimately makes them a better person. I think we should be giving because you get so much out of it.

Yeah. There are so many reasons to give and the benefits that, you know, the receiver and the giver actually get. But there's also this thing called tithing. Yeah, tithing. Where you give a percentage to charity or church as a part of your religious beliefs. Is that, am I kind of explaining that right? Yes. So it's called Tything. And I find it very interesting because, Bec, the church quite clearly does not have enough money at the moment. They really need 10% of your income. Scraping pennies. Just really scraping pennies. They do not own the most amount of real estate in the entire country or even the entire world. I think they've got the biggest property investment portfolio in the entire world, actually, the Catholic Church. Wow.

Yeah, but it's not just... Good on them. Yeah, good on you. You must have worked really hard for that. But let's not get into the religious side of things because we're not here to offend people and it's not actually about our religious perspectives. It's actually about this idea of tithing. And a tithe is a portion, usually 10% of your income that is given as an offering to your local church. Fun fact, the word tithe literally means 10th in Hebrew, which I find really interesting because I just like knowing where words come from. Because the custom of tithing is biblical. Many Christians and Jewish people practice it as part of their faith, but it is expressed in lots of different ways across organized religion. And I just,

look, I find it really interesting and we might do a whole episode on it because they say it's, you know, a choice. It's something that you don't have to do, but obviously there are a lot of repercussions if you're not seen to be tithing. And there are actually a lot of stories. Again, I've been on TikTok recently and I have found myself on Mormon Utah TikTok and like I've talked about this before and I find it really interesting because they obviously are obsessed with like Diet Coke and soulmice so like I keep watching their videos and then I keep being served more of them but it keeps coming up about this tithing and a few content creators have come up on my feed talking about how much debt they've gone into but they were still tithing 10% of their income

to the church and it just gives me the ick and it doesn't feel like that's the best possible use of your personal funds. Like if you're in debt, why are you still giving a church worth literal billions, regardless of what it is, 10% of your income? It seems like they don't care or mind that you're struggling to make ends meet. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't sound like a very mutually beneficial relationship, maybe? I don't know. I can't say. I've never tithed. And I can basically guarantee I never will tithe. No, I've teethed. I've teethed, but I will not tithe.

Will not tithe. Let's go to a break, Bec. I think we might leave it here. We desperately need a break. Let's go for a little break. Let's go for a cup of tea. Be our bee. Welcome back. We are talking about the guilt many of us experience if we can't manage to give to charity today, right this second. One thing I want to raise is that just because we can't give right now doesn't mean we can't ever give. Yeah, absolutely. Our circumstances will

change hopefully. And in the future, you might be in a different financial situation. Maybe you can give then. Yeah, 100%. And I mean, I actually think it's really important to prioritize you and look after your mental health and your physical health and make sure, you know, you've got a good emergency fund before you're doing these things. Because as much as I think it's beautiful and I think it should definitely be part of everyone's ultimate budget. When I say ultimate budget though, that's after you've got your emergency fund and you're not in personal debt and you're in an okay situation and you have a disposable income. I feel like getting yourself in a position to look at your budget and set goals is actually a really good investment. And one of

these might be to regularly give to charity and that's okay. But I just think there's been a lot of content around recently, just floating around the internet, floating on Instagram, other money podcasts talking about it that just makes me feel a little bit like we should be guilted into it and as we said before we don't we don't do that but I'd actually like to ask you about it Beck because you know you shared before that you haven't earned a massive income and you've been in debt and you've gone through bankruptcy what what's your take on charity because I feel like people that I know in similar situations to you it just doesn't even come across the radar like we don't even think about it because it's just not a frigging option it's not something you can consider so why spend

too much time on it I know that's so true I mean I I did used to give a little bit to save the children yeah and I don't know how but it just dropped off but it wasn't heaps of money I guess like my main thing is now exactly this like I I'm not in the financial situation to give money and certainly not enough that's, and you know, this might seem silly, but not enough to actually maybe feel like I'm making a big difference. Yeah, totally. Like I know that probably a dollar a month among other millions of $1 per month makes a big difference. But if I don't feel good about it, I just feel like it's a bit of a cop out. I'm going to wait until I have the money to give and to a charity I actually want to give to. Like I really

care about animals kept in captivity really, really stresses me out. And that's kind of a pause that I want to maybe go down, you know, and animals don't know that I'm helping them, but it still feels good. Do you know what I mean? And that's why we do it. And that's why we do it. It feels good. 100%. I think I'm going to wait until I'm a little bit more financially stable and kind of feel like I'm making a difference, you know? And that's okay. That's totally okay. But what I don't think is okay, if someone was like, oh, Bec, you don't give even a dollar? How ick? No, absolutely not. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, there are ways to give back that don't involve money you could volunteer time for any number of volunteer organizations

there are plenty out there and as you say v like it's not always one-sided you get so much back from the community the connections the experiences that you hadn't even bargained for these are things that yeah exactly you can't you know they're priceless exactly i feel like it just brings i guess another layer to your life and it's kind of like having a hobby in a way or like a passion project or an interest or something that you just do for yourself that makes you feel really good and they're like I mean a lot of people are going to be like what I don't want to go down to the local soup kitchen that sounds boring that's fine that might not be for you but like what are you passionate about and you said before Bec that you're really passionate about

animals kept in captivity and I think that there are probably a lot of things that you could do if you wanted to and you had the privilege of additional time to be able to do that that you know, could work towards that. But something else I want to touch on is actually this concept that I have seen recently about this expectation that there are big, rich people who don't even give back. And that's okay. That's all right. You do you. But this idea that I've never seen them at the soup kitchen. I've never seen them, you know, pack a gift bag for a charity event. I've never seen them, you know, do the hard yards. All they do is throw cash at it and think that that makes them a better person. One, we're already distilled, doesn't make you a better person. But let's

preface this a little bit better, right? So say you're a CEO of a really, really big company, right? And your time is valuable. Like let's say you're a lawyer because lawyers have really high charge-out rates. You're a really big dog lawyer. You make like $1,200 an hour working with clients, right? Big dog lawyer, right? So you're earning this $1,200 per hour and there is a charity event going on down the road and it's a cause that's really close to your heart and they need some help packing some gift bags and you go, far out, that would be really good. I really want to help this charity I really like. Is that the best use of your time and money to spend your time going and packing gift bags where, you know, a minimum wage, you know, casual worker could do that and

let's say it's 30 bucks an hour to hire somebody to go and pack gift bags. I know a lot of people who jump at the chance to pack gift bags for 30 bucks an hour, right? Is that the best use of that CEO or that lawyer's time to do that? Or is a better use of their time to work a few more hours and then donate a chunk of cash to charity that they can use to pay for those gift bags or, you know, pay for services that that company renders or pay for, you know, a TLC for children, you know, pay for something these kids need. I feel like we really need to reframe what giving means because there's this idea that, oh, you just give money. That's not good enough. It's so black and white. It's not this idea of, is that the best use of my time? And I have done historically, you know,

my fair share of stuff like that. But now being a business owner, I kind of look at it and go, well, actually, it might be a better use of my time to donate a percentage of my business's income or my business's profit to charity than it is for me to take days off work and go and help out somewhere? Why don't I help them hire someone to do that? Why don't I help actually fund that? Or why don't I give money towards the cause that they're trying to raise money for? So I think it's an interesting conundrum because a lot of people are like, oh, CEOs won't lift a finger. And then there's all these, you know, something that really frustrates me is this like CEO sleep out. You know that? Never in my wildest dreams.

It's like a charity event and that's so fine. And it does raise a lot of money for a really, really good cause but it's this idea that they'll take a ceo and make them sleep on you know the mcg grounds in a cardboard box for the night and it's totally okay and like it does raise money and you're like paying you know you might like contribute funds towards this particular ceo that's raising money i just think it's such a cop out because it's like you don't need to sleep in a cardboard box on the mcg to raise money or do good or be good like it's just also i feel like homeless people maybe don't like they have the spikes on the little you know like sidewalks and stuff like they don't get a cushy mcg i mean in a brand new box like sit down i mean yeah so i just

think there are a lot of things that are for show in the charity world and that really frustrates me like true charity is done from the kindness of your heart from a place that does not shroud your heart with guilt it is done from a place of actually wanting a better world and it's usually done really humbly and we're not talking about it and we're not you know it's good to talk about it because it might be motivating for other people to do it as well but I just think you know it's not actually there as a status symbol or to make you look like a better person yeah I agree with that completely so V me as a modest individual not much money what can I do and people like me what can we do to make a change okay so my favorite thing that you could do personally

that does not involve any money and you get a free snack, you're in. Yeah, I'm so in. You can get a free snack. You can get a free milkshake, unlimited cookies, Saucy Trolls. Yeah, okay. It's giving blood to the Australian Red Cross. Oh, she got me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right?

So one in three Australians will need a blood transfusion in their lives and it's so easy to roll up your sleeve and donate and get a free snack. It is free to do and there are permanent blood donation centres scattered across our country. And then there's also a mobile donor van that visits some universities that you could just like literally step out of the classroom on your break and donate some blood. If needles aren't really your thing, I totally get that. As somebody who used to faint at the sight of a needle, totally get that. The Red Cross Blood Bank is actually also always looking for volunteers to keep donors well fed and hydrated before they head home. Because if you donate

blood, you need to kind of stick around for like 15 minutes to make sure you're okay and you don't faint or whatever. Another good one is Clean Up Australia Day, for example. And with so many other initiatives and organisations around the country that you can support, I feel like there's always a way to support the world without giving cash. It doesn't always have to come back to money. I mean, this is she's on the money, but it doesn't have to come back to money. It can sometimes just be doing good and being good and it could be your time. Do you know what? It could be you going for your morning coffee walk and seeing some rubbish on the ground and just popping it in the bin. And I do think that what goes around comes around and the energy that you put out.

I'm such a fluffy human being, but the energy that you put into the universe comes back threefold. Like if you do good things, good things come to you. And it goes back to that, you know, positive mindset kind of thing. Like, why are we doing it if you expect credit for it? That gives me the ick. Don't do it for the credit. Do it from the goodness of your heart.

Full stop, end of story. I probably think that's the end of the episode. Yep. Amen. I love that. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. Have a lovely evening.

See you on Friday, guys. See you then. Bye. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD

and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of MoneySherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.