She's On The Money - She Gave Up Uni, Work and Financial Control for Love. Leaving Changed Everything

Starting point is 00:00:00 My name is Natasha Bamblett, I'm a proud First Nations woman, and I'm here to acknowledge country. Ti, gilinyan ganya, nianakaka yao yinbina waka, nianakai nianbina yakarumja, duminyagumiga dumiga ithawaka nirawamundamun imalan. Mumu bangada boma ininyalan waka, gaunan yakarumja, wutunarana. Hello beautiful friends. We gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank, acknowledge and respect the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. She's On The Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,

Starting point is 00:00:41 bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast that lets you be pervy about other people's money stories for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one of our money diaries brought to you by our friends at Sky Wealth, where I get the absolute privilege of sitting down with one of our incredible She's on the Money community members and talking to them all about their journey. Now let's jump

Starting point is 00:01:13 straight into it because this week I got a message and it sounded exactly like this. hi she's on the money after leaving a financially abusive marriage after a relationship of 14 years i moved back home with my parents and changed jobs out of desperation i was broken emotionally and financially after two years i have a fifty thousand dollar deposit saved i started my share portfolio and i want to buy my own place for me and my dog and work towards financial freedom i never want to feel trapped again and i am ready to become even more empowered money diarist i am so excited to have you on the show hi thanks for having me oh my goodness i am genuinely so stoked for this like sorry 14 years in a financially abusive relationship and sorry

Starting point is 00:02:05 now the queen has 50 grand saved a new job and like do you even recognize yourself no not at all Completely different person. But isn't that so special? Yeah, it is. It's been a journey. I'm so proud of you. I am so flipping proud of you. That is genuinely my favorite thing ever. I think it'll never get old, right? Like being in this beautiful community of people, hearing messages and stories on a weekly basis of people saying, oh, I got out of a financially abusive relationship like what do you mean that like I got to play even a teeny tiny small part of that like that's wild to me yeah you are a big part of it in fact stop yeah no and I'm definitely will get to that but I'm so grateful to be part of this community I'm very shush about my situation

Starting point is 00:02:55 I don't talk about it like my parents know and maybe like one friend and that's it so yeah take it as a testament to what you do that I'm actually feeling you're comfortable enough to share this with me I'm ready to go oh my queen I am so excited all right let's have a chat first cab off the rank as always if you guys hear a little sob or a little cry our friend Campbell has decided to join us for this recording because she simply won't get put down today and this working. She's doing so good. She's doing it all. I'm just trying my hardest guys. What grade would you give your money habits if I asked you to give them a grade from A through to F? I think these days maybe a B with some known areas for improvement. All right. I need to learn more

Starting point is 00:03:43 about that because like right now you sound like an A plus to me. Now let's step back in time. Hopefully it is not too hard to talk about, but tell me a little bit more about your money story and the things that have impacted it yeah so interesting to unpack a little bit in my mind and I obviously contacted you and I was thinking that through of how to even try and like journey through some of what I've been through I mean growing up you know we weren't very well off but we were really loved by my parents and we worked hard so I mean I when I was a teenager so you were rich so you were to love exactly exactly but it did teach the value of money and things so I worked three jobs when I was in high school I got a little Safeway job and I got

Starting point is 00:04:28 a job at a little local produce store and a Saturday shift at a real estate agent and I just worked really hard so work ethic through the roof yeah thanks mom and dad for that so saved up for my first car and then I was you know pining to get to uni and sort of start life and then things took like a little bit of a turn because I fell in love. You know what it does dirty things to us sometimes doesn't it? It does it does. So tell me about this love. Yeah so well I met him when I was 21. Oh still a baby. I was a little baby and he was not a little baby he was 11 years older. Okay. I see where this is going. Yeah. Yeah. And if only she had it as well, but we don't have, we don't live with regrets. No, no, no. Because even like, let's just step back to her

Starting point is 00:05:18 for a hot second. Even if you and I had met and you were 21 and I said, babe, this is a terrible idea. You'd be like, I know better. I know better. I'm 21. Like no one would have heard. Yeah, exactly. I know better. Victoria, he's so nice. He cares about me so much. You don't know what you're talking about. And you know what? There are some journeys you have to walk alone so that you actually learn and I don't see it as a bad thing because you've come out the better side bigger for it but like I think so many times we say things like I wish I'd known girlfriend even if you did know you would have still walked this path because you've got to learn it so true so true and like I guess I can't live with regrets and I choose not to but no no it's one of those

Starting point is 00:05:54 things so yeah he had two children already from a previous marriage and that was who I fell in off with. And that's okay because he could have been Prince Charming. He could have been. But he wasn't, was he? He was not. He went more the toad route as it turns out. Oh, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. Tell me, what did that relationship look like when it came to the finance side of things? Very much on his terms. So he was in charge of the money and I put my happiness and my money in his hands. I went, okay, you do it. So at 21, you were working? I was working. I was still doing some of those part-time jobs while at uni and then he said very convincingly look I think maybe you should leave uni so that you can earn a bit more money to help with the household so I

Starting point is 00:06:42 left uni oh yeah and look after those kids of yours and I did yeah so I well I started off by working full-time and then again quite convincingly we had a conversation where I said I think it would be best if you actually didn't work at all and you can just do all the run around the kids pick them up from school do all those bits and pieces outside of school and I said okay and I did that is that like looking back when that was positioned to you because like for some women and like all power to them for some women being a stay-at-home mom is the dream yeah like you know you might position it to someone and be like hey you know your the love of your life has two kids I might be like Victoria that sounds incredible like I want to have 20 kids and that's just a

Starting point is 00:07:25 starting point and tell me about your mindset because like I'm getting the vibe that you probably love the kids absolutely but definitely did and I kind of saw like a little bit of like gosh don't we have a bit of a sound of music thing going on here like we all get along we all love each other it's a beautiful family like I'm so happy okay whatever you say so when he suggested that you don't work anymore was that a red flag was it something that you were like oh me goodness he's so supportive of me like what was your mindset yeah didn't see it as a red flag and didn't really tell anybody that he'd sort of and there's a lot of this a lot of me not acknowledging his role in things and I just went okay and that was that with work for a bit so

Starting point is 00:08:09 did the stay at home stepmother thing for a little while and then decided to do a bit of study online because I thought well what if what if I can actually get somewhere with these studies that I started. Hey she's still switched on in the background. She tried and yet again that didn't actually end up happening so I started some studying due to needing some money and also at that time my grandparents were both very unwell and both ended up passing away. Oh no that's like being kicked while you're down nobody deserves that I'm so sorry. Yeah that's okay look it's all part of this journey of life and I loved them so much and I gave up a lot of time to be with them so I was very grateful to have that opportunity but yeah of course you were it meant that uni fell

Starting point is 00:08:57 by the wayside stop yeah and like you know what life does sometimes get in the way but it looks like it wasn't the life part that was getting in the way because yes it's a privilege to be able to spend time with them but like in the background your relationship was would you say crumbling at that point definitely so this is where and others who have been in similar situations probably can feel that understanding of how things can snowball without you realizing yeah so he was very much spending a lot of money on himself he'd buy new vehicles and he was frequently going to the movies on his own and going on weekend trips away with the boys movies on his own with two kids like he was just leaving the kids with you yeah that would happen yeah popping off to the movies no like hey

Starting point is 00:09:46 babe, I want to go on a date with you. No, no. Off to the movies, off to get massages. That was just like after hours. Yeah. Yeah. He wanted massages. He was working as a tradie. So he needed a lot of, you know, care. Of course he did. Of course he did. What a little princess. So this is then how it starts to sort of snowball that I'm going, okay, well actually I'm not getting anywhere. You know, the whole time we rented and I was like, we need to have a plan to get a house and do something here and those conversations were ones that he would be like yeah yeah great and not never do anything about and what I found started to happen more was that I was sacrificing more and more and more and he was doing more and more and more instead

Starting point is 00:10:29 so I ended up not really doing anything I wouldn't go out I wouldn't see people I wouldn't buy things that I needed. I just ended up staying home all of the time. And the situation with uni and the situation with money started to really, really weigh on him. And so he decided that I needed to work for him. I needed to do his work and go and help make his life easier because I wasn't understanding the value of money. Excuse me? So I ended up working for him. Like as a tradie? as a tradie and I would go and not get paid sorry what so I'm not getting paid I'm not getting super I'm helping him I'm making his life easier because I haven't been making his life easy in his eyes I've been a drain on him as it started to become known to me and I accepted this I just went oh

Starting point is 00:11:23 obviously like we're not getting anywhere and it's my fault it's my fault no it's not and at the time at the time I believed it all of course because like it's insidious like yeah it just it creeps into every part of your life and it makes you question who you are and even what your own values are and like even the thoughts that you're having you're like oh that's not kind of me even though you are on the right track when you start to question yourself you're like hey something's not right here then you're thinking on the flip side you're like oh my god I'm so mean for thinking that of him like I love him so much and he's exactly he clearly loves me he's like yeah he wants what's best for us you know and even to this point I wouldn't have thought that this was even

Starting point is 00:12:07 abusive at this point in time I was like no he's really reasonable and then the money strain started to become worse and he decided again I wasn't really valuing money I was working for him and I'm not really contributing. So it got to a point. Well, yeah, because you're making me work for free for you. Yeah, because it was making his life easy. His job was physically easier because I was carrying materials and cutting things and doing all the trading stuff. Crazy. But then I ended up having to buy this. This is a weird part of the story. There's two more weird parts. Oh, I'm ready. I'm strapped in for the tangent. Strapped in for the weird things. So it got to a point where again I'm being reminded all the time constantly that I'm not valuing money I'm

Starting point is 00:12:52 not good with money no of course not what do women know what do we know so we don't know anything please help us his solution to this was that I had to get my own refrigerator what and it had to live in the back room and that was where I needed to keep my food so I could eat separately from the family and start you know finding a way to save more money because I wasn't earning money I'm not earning money I'm working for him sorry sorry backtrack yes go he made you go and eat in the garage on your own out of your own fridge because you were eating family resources and you weren't part of that family yeah yeah I had my own fridge and you know what and like it doesn't blow my mind that he could convince you this was a good idea like it's crazy looking back looking back it's

Starting point is 00:13:39 not crazy none of this is it is manipulative that's what it is it's manipulation to its core like yeah and the core was rotten oh so rotten and it's crazy to get to that point and be like oh everything this person's saying is so reasonable like it's not that's what you're thinking though and I just I really want to validate that because I just know that someone is listening to this being like oh that's not what happens in my relationship but they're drawing parallels to a different thing that their partner is making them do going hold on is that a red flag yes babe it is yeah it is a red flag the red flags matter and it's I think part of it is that you're so busy putting out little spot fires every day that you can't see that the whole forest is on

Starting point is 00:14:22 fire around you yeah and you were probably treading on eggshells this entire time when he made that suggestion that you get your own fridge and you have your own food how did you respond okay internally were you thinking okay that's crazy or were you like okay I guess like I'm such a burden like what was the narrative I think I knew deep down that it was wrong because I knew that I couldn't tell anybody yeah yeah that's a big one like I knew that it had to be hidden like if you feel like you can't tell a friend because you're scared of what they'll say that's something that we should probably be a little bit concerned about right yeah yeah I think keeping it hidden keeping it in my own little heart and in the back room and

Starting point is 00:15:03 all of these things meant that I knew that it was wrong but I was so you know concerned about fixing things things felt wrong but I needed to fix it and it was me that had to do it yeah and I mean in those moments things do feel wrong you can't put your finger on what it is at that point because you've been so manipulated you're like something's cooked here something's not right you're right I don't feel right then when they suggest something else you just agree because you're like well maybe this will fix it you're right maybe maybe this is the solution yeah maybe this is the solution and I'm so silly like I wouldn't understand what's going on because I'm just a girl I'm just a girl and I'm just trying to save for a little honey I'm so

Starting point is 00:15:42 sorry it's okay like I mean it's not what he did was not it's not okay but you look like you are thriving and we're not getting to that part yet we're always there yeah so tell me a bit more like once we've got our own fridge in the garage we're eating our own food how did you organize that because you didn't have any money to stock the fridge yeah I didn't so I started selling things online I would just find things around the house some of my old clothes and things like that and I'd sell it and that's what was stocking the fridge yeah and it was like basics we're talking like a bag of rice like that's what I'm getting like and that's what I would be eating like tuna rice like rations basically and to draw a comparison what was he having inside he was a

Starting point is 00:16:26 big fan of like really fancy whiskey and meat he was like a Ron Swanson and so he would spoil himself with steaks and he would make what he would refer to as meat salads which were pretty foul which were just different types of meat salad salad which was just like different meats cooked together and I mean that wasn't appealing to me anyway but I'm sorry no no no no no no no like it was sorry meat salad tell me tell me more about this like he was just cooking random meat just me just a bowl of meat in a fry pan or like was it mitts no it was like yeah different cuts of steak in a frying pan and then he would eat that which is just really appealing even to talk about let loan to see stop it this man oh I'm what was I doing no no no no queen I don't judge you at all

Starting point is 00:17:19 I judge him and the more gloss you give the like more I've got but so he's inside literally eating steak with his kids and you were selling your clothes selling anything you could find so that you could afford rice yeah yeah and he did not see this as a problem he did not see this as abuse he saw me as the problem like we weren't getting anywhere financially we weren't getting anywhere like together emotionally we were getting further apart funnily enough and it was my fault because it had to be it couldn't be his fault and I remember saying to him at times when it felt like okay things are not good it's starting to not feel good here look maybe we should talk to somebody maybe we should actually seek some therapy or help here oh he would not have liked that he

Starting point is 00:18:01 didn't want to no I don't need to change I don't need to change you're the problem money daris you're the problem exactly so I went alone well you still went myself see that's what kills me you're like looking up how to save your relationship in your situation and you're still saying this is something that can be fixed and he's there being like I'm not even willing to work on this yeah exactly he started to just become I mean he was obviously quite self-centered but the whole focus for him was was what he needed to do and to achieve and so the next thing that kind of happened that ended up being more of the catalyst for the actual breakdown of the relationship was that he woke me up one day and said letting you know me my parents and my brother

Starting point is 00:18:45 we've all put in an offer on a property on a block of land we're all going in on that so we'll send you the paperwork so you need to sign up you need a job to do that sorry what and so I was woken up to that and I was like hold on hold on this is just like in the morning he like comes in and shakes you awake wake up tells me that and then leaves and I'm like half awake like what how old are you at this point I must have been about 34 still baby kind of we're just babies I'm 34 I'd like to still be a baby toddler at that point so yeah then that was a whole situation where he had without talking to me about it at all had decided with his parents and with his brother that they were going to buy a block of land and it was going to be worth $10 million in a decade. They all

Starting point is 00:19:34 believed this. It's going to be an investment. So we're all going to put in on this block of land together. So there's an asset out there that's going to be worth $10 million. And I don't mean to take a stab in the dark, but I'm pretty sure this man wasn't buying like a $5 million property so it can double in value in 10 years, which would be somewhat reasonable. No, it was like an $850,000 very rural block of land. They're nice. Who taught them that? Who, who made them think, oh, this is going to be worth 10 mil. I'd like to talk to them about. They decided. So obviously, yeah, like don't question that, which is what I did. I questioned that funnily enough. Oh my goodness, honey, that's a terrible idea. Yeah. I was like, hang on. Firstly, don't we have

Starting point is 00:20:19 our own plans and intentions with buying our own home? Isn't that something we're trying? No, we're not doing that. Also, surely this is something to be communicated before we put in an offer together. No, apparently not. One would think. And so I said, look, I would like to be very reasonable about this. I'd like to understand why we're doing this decision. And you're asking me to sign something. Ask me to sign this. Let's do some due diligence. And we caught up together with the family and they told me, well, you've spent time studying and you haven't really been contributing to the household we you owe him you owe him you've come from a bad family which is inaccurate they said actually a lot of horrible things about my family and I was like this is

Starting point is 00:21:04 really not okay but okay I guess I need to do this thing because he seems to really want this and so I got on board with it I said okay and we put in an offer for a block of land and to do stop so it got to offer stage to do this the family didn't have much so the brother sold his car to put down his part of the deposit stop and it's all just terrible financial decisions being made in front of my eyes a little bit of what my husband at that time had had he had bought himself a caravan and a really fancy raptor and he was like maybe my parents can take over the payments of these things so we look better financially so they agreed to do that and this had all happened before it even got to that morning what did this man he was a tradie but

Starting point is 00:22:01 what like kind of income was this man making? Like most tradies earn anywhere between a hundred and $200,000. Definitely not that much. So his whole situation with his money, which I always sought to try and understand, but he was never very, very clear with me about was that he didn't pay himself a wage. It was all one lump sum of business money that he could pick out of for his movies and massages and things. No, that's not how it works. That is not how it works. And when we first got together, the conversation I had with him was like, oh, are you paying superannuation and things? And he said, no. Yes, queen. Good question. He said, no, I'm not doing that. I was like, oh, you need to, you need to do that. Yeah. Because you were

Starting point is 00:22:37 looking after him and you were like, I'm trying to put you in a good financial position. We all need to be doing this. And he said, oh, okay. I'll set that up. And he never did. No, of course he didn't. Of course he didn't. So we get to this point of this whole block of land that we're all just so thrilled to get and the offer falls through. Oh, wow. That's crazy. Crazy. Because turns out the brother has all of this tax debt and all of these outstanding child payments that he needs to be doing and so no we can't have this block of land but it was the brother's fault not yours thank god it wasn't my fault which was really great because I was getting into a really really really bad situation with putting in that offer on that block of land yeah and you would

Starting point is 00:23:19 have been anxious but feeling like you couldn't back out and you would have been the devil if you did. Thanks brother for pulling one out. It turns out you're just as toxic as your brother is. And I didn't know his financial situation. The broker actually told us, like wrote it in an email and said, these are the reasons you can't get this block of land. And it was this amazing broker. And I was like, oh my gosh, thank you. I needed to hear this. Yeah. Because you know what, this would have been twisted into being your fault again. A hundred percent. And then that was the breaking point. That was the breaking point. And not long after that, he got into an argument with me one night because he'd lent the caravan out to somebody and I didn't know where it had gone.

Starting point is 00:24:00 And I said, I would really like to know these things. And then he started yelling at me and I said, is there a reason why you're yelling at me? And he said, because you're worth yelling at. And I said, I just, I just. No, nobody is worth yelling at. I just remember feeling really still and silent and then I just went I'm done and I left oh my god like I'm so sorry someone said that to you because that is disgusting but I'm so glad he said something that pushed the right buttons in you that said no actually that's it that's it I'm done yeah I was done there'd been so much that had gone on to have gotten to like such a bad point and he said that and I was done I was done so in this moment were you saying well I'm done or were

Starting point is 00:24:47 you just in the background making some plans and having some thoughts but you just decided for yourself that was where we were going I didn't know I was done until I said the words I kind of just said it without it was like an out of body experience oh you spat it out I just said I'm done and then I just I remember like shaking and I just grabbed some things and I got in the car and I just went to my parents oh my god I'm so proud of you that's so big yeah yeah and what happens you get to your parents and your parents were they like we saw this coming money diarist or were they like this came out of nowhere like they knew things weren't right they did not know the extent because I'd been hiding so much and I had been cutting myself off from people

Starting point is 00:25:29 so they just didn't know how bad things were but I started to share a little bit more and more and more and increasingly they were like you you can never go back you just can't go back yeah it's like when you finally tell your mum something and you can't go back it's like if I tell my mum something like if I like oh like it was like in high school if I was like oh so and so said this about me and my mum would be like Victoria Devine she's not a very nice girl you should not hang out with her I'm like well I can't now I told my mum about you no backsies now no backsies my mum hates you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, so you're starting from scratch. You've just moved in with your parents. Unemployed with my parents. I've got my dog and I've got my car. That's all you need in

Starting point is 00:26:17 life, honestly. That is all you need in life. But you're probably in a hole emotionally. I was broken. And financially. Financially, I didn't have much super at all. I didn't have any savings. I had my dog and I had some stuff, most of my stuff I just left. And I was like, well, what do I do now? And so it took a little while, definitely of, I don't know, licking my wounds a little bit and kind of coming to terms with just how bad it was. I don't think I had even realized when I left just how bad it was. I needed to kind of come to terms with that. So I then thought to myself okay I need a job I need a job so bad and I started applying and I got the first job I could which is the job I'm currently doing oh congrats yeah yeah so I got this job so let's move into

Starting point is 00:27:06 that what do you do for work how much money do you earn so I'm a course consultant for a university it's quite oh very cool job it's okay it's quite entry level I get 70k a year for my salary with a little sprinkling of commission in there oh good and it's a hybrid job which is good because my parents live pretty far away from the city in the office so it takes me two hours to get to the office oh my god but that's part of what I'm doing to kind of make ends meet how many days a week are you traveling into the city to go to work two days a week okay so like frustrating yeah not the end of the world but just not sustainable forever yeah not sustainable forever and would like to do more than just sort of what is kind of a call centering role really girlfriend you are destined

Starting point is 00:27:53 for so much more look at this look at this attitude like this is just the beginning it has to be yeah no it is it doesn't have to be it is like the only place we can go is up true true true true so so you're still living at your parents which is a bit of a money win it is and so initially I thought well okay great I'm going to just get my own little rental or share place and I'm going to move out. And that will be what I need to do to kind of end up feeling like a grown up for once in my life. And then I had, you know, conversations with my parents and with some friends that I made up this new job. And I thought, actually, I'm in a position here of saving some money. Yeah, 100%. And this could be my chance to actually get a place. Yes, it is. And if other

Starting point is 00:28:39 people are living at home and they are not making hay while the sun is shining, guys, what are you doing yeah so I was like hey mom and dad gonna have this little chit chat with you what do you think and they were so on board with me staying here and saving and I love them so much and I'm so grateful for them and they're not charging you rent or anything I pay board and I okay you know help out of course but yeah they don't charge me a lot they're like no you're going to save and you're going to get on your own two feet and we're going to make this work for you so goodness they must be so proud of you yeah I think so I think so so what does board cost each week only a hundred dollars a week okay good deal and honestly you couldn't rent out a place for that but it's also

Starting point is 00:29:21 about like creating these habits and feeling like you're contributing as well like this is perfect and honestly I know you said oh I earned seventy thousand dollars the fact that you're at home and you're able to save like you would be saving at least twenty or thirty thousand dollars each and every single year. So your $70,000 job is probably worth like a hundred right now with the fact that you don't have overheads and bills and all of that other stuff. Exactly. Exactly right. Money win. I've got no debts. I've got like a hex debt from the attempted studies.

Starting point is 00:29:53 That's fine. And that's the only debt I have. My car's, she's a little older. She's like 10 years old, but she's still going. That is exactly what we want. And I don't have any debt, so I can just save and it's good. icon so what's your big money goal what are we currently working towards is it buying our own house because you've got that 50k deposit I want my home I want my nice little peaceful little home all to myself oh queen you are gonna get there and I'm so excited about it yeah tell me what is it

Starting point is 00:30:24 like now having come out of that relationship how far out of that relationship are we oh it is in of dust that is so far behind me and I'm not like anti-men or anti-love or anti-anything like that but for the time being I am so pro me and I'm just gonna do my own thing that's what I want to hear yeah yeah so it's been so good I'm healthier and happier than I ever was she's thriving all right let's go to a quick break and on the flip side I'm gonna ask you a few questions about your investments. I want to know a little bit more about that HECS debt. And then we're going to talk personal insurances and best and worst money habits. So guys, don't go anywhere. Money Dressed, we are back and I feel like we've caught you at the best time.

Starting point is 00:31:13 You're at the start line of what is going to be an incredible journey, but you don't have any debt. You're just building up your savings. You've got $50,000 is saved already towards your dream house what does life look like now in comparison like do you look back and go I don't know that girl do you look back and go oh my goodness I want to give her a hug like what does it look like when you reminisce oh I think the idea of hugging her sounds really impactful to me the idea of just being able to reassure her that it's going to be okay and in fact she can trust herself more than she can trust anybody I think that's the lesson I've proven to myself by getting to where I have now yeah that's crazy and to come out of a

Starting point is 00:31:53 14 year relationship like my queen yeah lots of people take a long time to come out of that sometimes it takes multiple times leaving and then coming back and leaving but you kind of like slayed it in the first go you were just like by the way I'm out and he probably thought you were coming back did you get that vibe I think you probably assumed like she'll be back it's not a problem and there was no real attempt from him to sort of try and fight me like come back and argue or anything because he knew you were better off yeah yeah we all knew in the end and what has that looked like because you obviously would have had a relationship with his kids yeah and that's been the toughest thing because I have so much love for them and I don't really

Starting point is 00:32:37 see them anymore and that was a choice that they made and you know I'm never going to undermine you know their dad and their parents and their life and I'll always be here for them but it was a big part of that grief during that time was that letting go yeah that would have ruined you like that would have just been like heartbreaking yeah but at the same time I feel like my brain goes immediately to they would have only seen the narrative that was fed to them by that person that also manipulated you so that makes a lot of sense to me exactly so I'm always here for them no matter what but stop you're so wholesome there's been a lot of grief and hurt there definitely and I'm a lot better than I was yeah yeah wow you are a strong woman like that would

Starting point is 00:33:23 have been so challenging yeah yeah it was so let's talk a little bit about investments yeah it's like you said that she's on the money's been a little bit of part of the journey and so therefore if you know about she's on the money you would absolutely know about investing and know how important I think it is. Do you invest? If so, what in? I do invest. So, well, of course, you know, there was a time when Victoria Devine came into my life and it's you. And it was amazing because I got to a point where I was like, okay, so much of my life has been out of my control and I've got this job and what can I control while I'm staying at my parents? And I decided it was my money. I want to focus on my money and really build habits and really understand it more

Starting point is 00:34:06 like really develop my literacy with it so Victoria Devine came into my life and I well it sounds really boring right like if I say the words financial literacy you think oh she's pointing at my books queen but if I say financial literacy that sounds so dry yeah yeah but it's the power and the empowerment behind that I wish it was a sexier word yeah it doesn't sound sexy but it really feels sexy to be like I know what I'm doing like I know what this means yeah exactly and you can say no to anything any situation any place any person that you want to be like catcher you can yeah exactly so in getting Victoria Devine into my life and she's on the money I started investing and I got shares of course and it is so user-friendly and really cute and

Starting point is 00:34:58 I started investing in a few little ETFs and I've got about 3,200 saved at the moment in my portfolio. Yeah. And what's the plan there? Cause obviously you are aggressively saving for a house as well. Is that the priority or is that just something there like V that's ticking away on the side? And then once I get my house, I'm just going to like set it up. Yeah. It's on the side. like my main goal is getting my own place getting my own little home yeah but I want it to be doing its little compounding and doing its little thing so I do a little bit in there at a time I was building up my emergency fund at the same time so I've got my emergency fund you do I do I do it's like she's a baby one she's only 4k because I'm like you don't need anything

Starting point is 00:35:47 more right now but four grand yeah yeah which is really helpful to have and so it's there and then I've got my shares portfolio just a little bit every so often you know I put in a bit every fortnight yep I salary sacrifice because I'm playing catch up on my super I was about to ask about your super because you didn't work for a period of time there and you also told your ex partner that that was a priority and he never took you seriously so clearly you know what was up from the start yeah I knew that it mattered I didn't really understand everything about it so I in reading your books and in listening to the podcast I was like oh my gosh high growth get in there so I started moving my super into high growth and making sure it was doing the thing it needs to do

Starting point is 00:36:34 and salary sacrificing a bit so that's a hundred dollars a week salary sacrificing that goes in there just to kind of play that catch up and then even build upon it from there crazy I love that I'm so excited about that for you and just you've always known you've always been on the right track yeah talk to me about this hex step because that's from you starting university and then not finishing it that's right there are a fair few people in our community who have started uni degrees have the debt from it but haven't finished degrees and it kind of feels trashy because you're like I'm paying back this stuff that I'm never going to use. Yeah. Talk to me about that. It's a really weird feeling because obviously I understand with Hex how it works. It's like a nicer debt to have.

Starting point is 00:37:14 It's like, it's just there, but it is there and I'm aware of it. And I think the big thing that I'm aware of with it is that it's $60,000. It is. That hasn't led to anything because I don't have a qualification. Could you return? Would you return? Such a good question. I have been approved for a course. It's a financial planning course, Victoria. Oh, stop it. We're going to get you. We're going to get you to the dark side. I really want to do even more. And I think I've learned so much about how empowering it is to just be a female, figuring out money, being able to manage it. And there's so much to be done there. And your space has been so inspiring. I love this so much oh my whole heart all right if you're into financial planning you probably know a lot

Starting point is 00:38:04 about personal insurances as well and how important they are do you have personal insurances set up i don't and i know spicy so i've got you know the little basic little superannuation ones that are there and i don't think i'm in the best super fund but i don't want to cut and run because i've got those basic little insurances there no do not so i've got that there personal insurance i was thinking about setting up especially income insurance yeah once I get a little bit closer to getting my place once I get to do I think that's pretty reasonable yeah that was my thought especially if you're living at home like I'm not saying that that's what you want forever no but at the moment you're really prioritizing things yeah maybe I'd start the conversation of understanding

Starting point is 00:38:47 what that would look like especially while you are as young as you are because unfortunately the older we get the more likely we are to experience a significant health event but I would probably be doing exactly what you're doing let's be honest yeah that's what I was thinking I'm like I don't really have any assets at the project at the moment but definitely when it gets to the point where I feel a little bit braver and I'm ready to spend my deposit on a place then I will be set it all up yeah our brokers make sure like that's a conversation that I feel bad when I say force but like I'm the boss of the business and I say that the team has to do it so I feel like they're forced to do it is mention to our clients that that would be a

Starting point is 00:39:28 really good idea because I'm like I don't want them to have never had this mentioned and then something happens and they can't pay their mortgage like yeah exactly no especially the income insurance like that idea of protecting like and I learned that from you like the idea like oh my gosh I do need to protect that because if I don't have an income then what Yeah, exactly. And most of us do not have lifestyles that would be supported by a Centrelink income. And I don't think that's a bad thing to say, but most of us are spending beyond that at the moment. And yes, there are some fantastic government supports if something went wrong, but we'd have to strip back a lot. we'd have to give up the dream of owning property and income protection is probably going to stop that from happening and make sure that life can still be exactly what you wanted it to be. Yeah. And that can be a hard pill to swallow sometimes too. Yeah, definitely. All right,

Starting point is 00:40:20 money diarist, I feel like you've probably got some really good money habits that put me to shame. So what do you think your best money habit is? My best money habit, I just think I'm a bit stingy. Like I do things like, you know, I work in the office two days a week. I'm not taking in food. They've got some cereals there. I eat cereal for lunch. I will save money however I can, especially because I feel like I'm playing catch up and I want to get somewhere with my money. Mad respect for that though. Yeah. I'm very strict with my budget. I do have money I put aside for my fun money. I've got a magic and mayhem account. So magic is my spending money. Mayhem is my emergency fund. Stop. That's amazing. Magic and mayhem sounds so fun. Yeah, exactly. So that's

Starting point is 00:41:05 what I've got and so I've got a little bit of money in my magic fund and if I spend that in the week on whatever fine otherwise it gets saved and that goes towards like maybe a little trip or something in the future I don't know that's how I manage it as well except I've started referring to that money as fairy money oh because like like it's a bit magic right like we're on the same page because I'm like well the fairies would buy me a coffee out wouldn't they and it's like just a little bit whimsy in a period of time where I feel like money does not feel whimsy we need the whimsy definitely money daris on the flip side what's your worst money habit it's a good question i think with where i'm at now i do have certain like fears about spending money like there's

Starting point is 00:41:46 real hesitancy and i think that comes definitely from my experience of course it does so like i've got this deposit it's in a high interest savings account it's sitting there and i want to get my own place but i'm like oh that's a big little leap for me so i've got to kind of get a little bit of that braverism on board and get on with it. But I do find that I can be quite reluctant to spend money on the things that do matter and the things I do need. But that's very self-reflective. I don't think that there are a lot of people who come out the other side and so openly say, yeah, I'm actually a little bit traumatized from my situation and therefore I'm pulling back. I feel like that's something that it won't be easy, but something that you can definitely

Starting point is 00:42:29 work through. Maybe it's about talking to more friends and family about it, or it might be even seeing a therapist but I do think these are things that need to be worked through because I want that home buying journey for you to be magic not mayhem like I want it to be you know a little bit whimsy I don't want you to be stressing like I want you to be able to pick up the phone to your broker and be like guys I found the one like and they accepted my offer and that should be nothing but pure excitement and right now I feel like if you picked up the phone and said, I've been accepted, you would be crying on the floor because that feels so overwhelming. Yeah. And we don't want to put you in that situation. This should be magic.

Starting point is 00:43:08 Yeah. Yeah. That's it. The focus of magic and whimsy, I think, is it's all I want in life now. I just want to have a little peaceful, magical, whimsical little life. And that's what I want my money to help me with. Stop it. I love that so much. Now, this person that I've been talking to, crazy cool like really big money goals has started investing has kicked a douchebag to the curb after 14 years like sorry what a queen and she thinks she's a b yeah I do I think you know I'm aware okay I'm not going to disagree but what would it take to get to a because like right now what I'm seeing ain't the b that you're seeing I think it's the things like personal insurances and maybe I don't know I just gotta work on that self-confidence too I think I will help there

Starting point is 00:43:54 I will try my hardest but at the end of the day I think you're a weapon like this is so cool and I'm just so glad that we got to cross paths and you know it's not a story that I want to be talking about because I hoped that these stories weren't still happening in 2026 but by sharing it and you being so generous with your time and I know that would have taken a lot of energy as well I'm just so grateful because there is someone in our community that just listened to this and it's kind of like that additional little red flag in the back of her head that goes hold on hold on this isn't feeling good maybe maybe I'm in a similar situation and helps direct them where they need to go yeah if someone has listened to this episode and is feeling really overwhelmed

Starting point is 00:44:39 but they can't put their finger on it what would you say to them oh it's a big one to answer because I think like I've referred to it as a journey multiple times in this conversation I think and it is a journey you can only truly be ready when you are ready and for me it was that moment when I was like I'm done yeah and it was like your subconscious let you know that you were done as opposed to you consciously making that decision yeah but I think to get to a point where I was really putting my happiness and money in the hands of somebody else and being like okay do whatever you want with those really important things I think that's something to question and I hope that no one else is going through something similar but if you are just listen to yourself

Starting point is 00:45:23 listen to your gut and if it feels like something that has to be a little bit of a secret maybe there's a reason that it's a problem yeah my heart well thank you so much for sharing so much of you so much of your journey with us because I just know it's putting someone else in a good position or it's helping people understand that these things do happen. Like there's nothing worse than finding out that a friend is going through that

Starting point is 00:45:46 and not knowing how to tackle these conversations or not having like a little toolkit to go, oh my gosh, like I can help you here, here and here. Just knowing that the one thing that really helped you was putting your finances first

Starting point is 00:45:58 and starting to build from there. Like we can all do that. Yeah, we can. We can. We've got this. I love this. Money Daris, it has been an absolute pleasure.

Starting point is 00:46:07 Thank you for sharing. Thank you so much for absolutely everything. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.

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