She's On The Money - Should you pay for your partners kid?

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

This week G + V breakdown the intricate and not so simple situation of managing a relationship with a partner who has a child/children. Should you be financially supporting them? Is that your responsibility, or is it theirs? Is it perhaps a joint responsibility? What if you haven't moved in together yet, what happens then?Join us for a pretty pervy convo on how to have the discussion, but also to learn about some things you should be taking into consideration.The advice shared on She’s on The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She’s on The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. Victoria Devine is an Authorised Representative of Infocus Securities Australia Proprietary Limited ABN 47 097 797 049 AFSL - AFSL 236523.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. In Australia, 10% of families are blended or stepfamilies. And as the rate of divorce continues to climb, it follows that that percentage will only increase. Is that it? Only 10%?

Yeah. What? I was shocked by that. Did you think it would be more? I definitely thought it was going to be more than 10%. Definitely. So that was data from the 2016 census. So pretty recent, I suppose.

Yeah. I was surprised. I'll let you get on with your intro. Yeah, all right. Back into my professional speaking voice. While there is plenty to navigate when it comes to perfecting a new family dynamics, what's the best way to manage money in blended families, specifically if your partner has a child, but you don't?

My name is Georgia King and joining me as always is financial advisor, Victoria Devine. Bet you didn't know I was here. Yep. Surprise. It wasn't just Jay on the show. I imagine you would be working with clients all the time from blended families. How have you seen people managing their money if that is their family dynamic? Oh my gosh, everybody is so different. Do you know what? It really depends on your financial situation and your ability to

support other people. And there's no one size fits all approach when it comes to managing money with a person who has a child from a former relationship. I don't think that there is a right or a wrong. And you and I were talking about this episode before we hit record. And I said to you, I feel like this is more of a conversation episode. Like we want to open up the topic of, well, how do you have that conversation? And at what point do you have that conversation? Because it's becoming increasingly prevalent for people to, you know, divorce early, which I think they should if they're not in the right relationship. But it's also very common for, single moms to have kids and want to get into another relationship. But also, how do you bring

that up with your partner? From the flip side, what if you have a kid? Are you expecting this person to financially provide for your child? And at what point does that happen? And why would you have that expectation? And how does that work? So, G, I feel like it's going to be a bit of an opinion episode from us because some people do want to keep their finances completely separate so that they don't have any confusion. And the person who has a child is going to work with the parent of that child to pay for their expenses. And if there's no ex, they might painful for that child's expenses, but then obviously that's going to significantly impact their relationship with money in a way, which might mean that they don't have the financial freedom that the person who

doesn't have a child or doesn't have that financial burden does. Conversely, G, there are families where both couples contribute equally to child expenses, and some believe that that creates a better family dynamic. It's very different for very different situations. But from my conservative financial advisor seat over here, G, is really important to highlight is that in most cases, there is absolutely no legal obligation for a step-parent to pay for or provide for a child or pay any child support if you later separate from the parent of that child. There are obviously going to be some exceptions to this and I won't go through them because they are few and far between, but it's a really personal situation and there's no right or

wrong. But I feel like this is going to be a really interesting episode, whether you have kids or not, or you're in this position, or you might not ever think you'll find yourself in this position because I think that a lot of people listening are going to be like, V, I'm not a parent. I don't have a kid and I'm not dating someone with a kid. What are you talking about? But you could find yourself in this position in the future or conversely, G, you might have a friend who finds themselves in this position. They're like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. And you'll be like, well, actually sit down, my friend. I have a whole heap of information for you. Yeah. It's not something we've ever really discussed and I've definitely never really thought

about. So, I am quite interested in today's episode. Could a couple potentially divide things along percentage lines. I remember when we did our equity in relationships episode, that was something that was thrown up in the Facebook group and we just didn't have time to cover it. Like, what do you do if you have a child, but your partner doesn't? How do you split money in that sense? Could you do it on a percentage-based kind of scale? Totally. You absolutely could do it on a percentage-based scale. And if we distill all of this down G to just being really pragmatic about it. If you have a child, your expenses are going to be increased. You're going to be paying more for groceries. You're going to be paying more

on electricity, on water, because turns out kids need baths. Wild, but true. You would, in a lot of circumstances, have increased rent or housing costs because that child usually or sometimes might have their own room. And I feel like none of this is taken into consideration in a relationship. Like you might just be 50-50 with your partner and that's totally okay, but it can also be a bit of a friction point in relationships where one person might not have the kid and they're like, I don't understand why I'm 50-50 when they have this room at our house and they increase our grocery bill when they're here. And as we've said so many times, it is very different for very different people, but I really want to empower you guys to have this conversation and make sure

you're comfortable because as we know, money is the number one thing people argue about in relationships and it shouldn't be that way. Like money is a tool and we can allocate it to purchasing goods or services and we can actually empower ourselves through money. And if we can be more open and honest about money and how it works and how it impacts us, I think that we can be more empowered in general. So, this is I guess what this conversation is about. So, if you have a child V and you've had the conversation and your partner is like, no, I don't believe I need to pay any of that child's expenses. I'm not interested. Does that raise red flags for you or is that perfectly acceptable? I think it is perfectly acceptable from my perspective. And I also think

it is very dependent on the relationship. Like, did you get with that person recently? Like, it would set off massive alarm bells if somebody like you got in a relationship G with somebody and they had a kid and they're like oh been together for six months yeah you should be covering the cost of my child like no absolutely not it does depend on how long that relationship has existed as well but I don't think it should set off alarm bells especially if they don't want to pay for a child that's not theirs like I don't believe they should have to and if a partner doesn't want to pay for your child or if you don't want to pay for theirs that doesn't mean that you don't love that child. It doesn't mean that you don't feel a connection with them or have a great

relationship with them. No one should be putting pressure on you or themselves just to pay for something when they don't think that they should. I feel like we should be having this conversation and saying, well, at what point does that happen? I mean, it might be a very different situation if you've been in a relationship with someone for the last 10 years and you've got a child who's 13 or 14 and yeah, maybe some expenses come up ad hoc because you're not with them all the time and they're with their step-parent and it might become a friction point if they're like, no, you can't have that because your mom's not here to pay for it. Like, I feel like that is a deeper issue than someone saying, well, gee, that's your kid. You should be paying for it. And I think we

should be really aware of that. It's a privilege to have somebody else financially contribute to a financial obligation that you have. There's not one size fits all, but I guess the alarm bell for me would be bubbling up if they're completely unwilling to talk to you or hear you out or see your side of the story and support you if that's actually something you desperately need. And conversely, if they are the one with the child and they're being too intense that you contribute when you've made it quite clear that you don't want to or you are not in the position to do so, then I guess that would then raise some red flags for me. But yeah, I feel like you shouldn't have the obligation, but we should have the conversation at some point,

especially if you are in a serious, committed relationship with someone with a child. Yeah, for sure. And also like they may have multiple children. That could get quite spanner. Exactly. But then also on the flip side, you know, let's say you get with someone who has a far higher income than you and you are a single or you were a single mom and you've got two young kids and you're putting them through school and you're trying to keep up with the Joneses in a way because your partner wants to go on holidays and do all these fancy things with you and your kids but doesn't want to contribute to your kids and it's putting significant financial pressure on you that's when I would be having the conversation around okay these are your values

as well like there needs to be some kind of give we need to talk about how that can still happen without putting me under such significant financial stress so I think that there is a line it's not just cut and dry there's not a oh I don't want to pay for your kids full stop end of story but there is a lifestyle maintenance perspective, I guess, to overlay over this. And it's like, well, George, if you're really rich and we're in a relationship, no, I don't expect you to pay my way for my kids. But if you expect me to be able to come to the table and keep up with your lifestyle and put the same amount of money on the table when it comes to experiences, and that's just not viable, we really need to be having that conversation about, you know, what are the obligations? How

does this work how do we negotiate this so that one everybody's comfortable but two nobody's being put in a worse off position because of the decisions being made or the experiences you want to have as a couple yeah brilliant and we will be talking about how to broach that conversation and when the right time to have it is after the break sneaky yes little forward plug the before the show i was doing some quite strange reading i must admit on like reddit and Quora, like all of these strange blogs, spicy part of the internet for you to be doing research for She's On The Money, Georgia King. Okay. So, in researching this topic, there's like no information beyond these. It's not a thing. It's not a thing. People don't talk about

it. It's just like you and I being like, what happens? And our community being like, what happens? So, all of the information though exists within these forums. And I have to tell you, I think it's just people feeling really confident behind a computer screen and like on their keyboards, as we are very familiar with, Fee, but like they were pretty adamant, quite consistently that as a step parent, you have no obligation to pay anything for your partner's child. Like absolutely not. Not in a million years would I be doing that. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

I've been burned. And then so it went on. I'll link it to you after the show. Oh my gosh. I want to read all of that. So recently, George, I had an article go up, which was very exciting in the Sydney Morning Herald and the Herald Sun here in Victoria. And it was about how I believe we should have complete pay transparency and we should be talking about our salaries with our colleagues and with our friends so that we can have more open, honest conversations and really

understand our value. And I found myself on ABC radio the other afternoon, which was super fun. and I'm super grateful for these opportunities. But it was hilarious because it's obviously not the type of person that is going to be like, oh my gosh, totally, we should be open and honest about our salaries. So, I was talking to Raf on the radio about this and he's like, you know, why do you think you should be talking about salaries and all of this other stuff? And they obviously have like a text hotline open at the same time. And the messages that were coming through about this people like nobody deserves to know about my pay mind your own beeswax and i was like oh my god like i'm trying to empower you like i'm not trying to be pervy

and make you disclose something if you're not comfortable too like george you don't owe anybody an explanation if you don't want to tell someone what you earn don't but i want you to be more comfortable having conversations about pay because that person who wrote in and was like none of your beeswax like mind your own business and like I think he called me a nosy millennial or something and I was like yeah that's me girl that's me but I feel like we should be having these conversations because he could be earning significantly less than his colleagues and just having the conversation could have put him in a significantly better position but then conversely like if he was in a really good position it could empower somebody at his workplace to ask for a raise or be put in

a more powerful position that they deserve to be in. So I don't think that there is any debt. And I mean, obviously this is a very topical conversation, but I don't believe that our salaries and pays should be something that we don't talk about. So when it comes to, you know, talking about taking on the cost of a child, like we should be talking with our partner about the income we derive and how that works. But it is funny how spicy people get on the internet and how vocal they get. And it's interesting to see how those conversations are being taken outside of the She's On The Money community. I feel like, gee, I live in a bubble of this gorgeous group of supportive people who want the best for each other and want to have these deep money

conversations and want to be a part of the journey. And they want other people to succeed. And they're all of this opinion that a rising tide lifts all ships. And I'm so proud of them. But it's funny when you find yourself on ABC radio and someone's like, mind your own business. And you're like, oh, I'm not used to that. Or I find myself on the wrong side of TikTok when I create content on there. And I'm like, oh, I wish I wasn't here. Yeah, it's you out in the wild. It's me out in the wild.

I don't want to be in the wild. I want to come back to my community. So I guess your point in telling that story was that like people have a lot of opinions. They've got a lot of opinions, G. and they're not afraid to share them but they never seem to share them in person yeah well that's that's the thing keyboard warriors on reddit keyboard warriors or text message warriors on abc radio also the comment section of daily mail articles about us wildly spicy if you read the daily mail then boy the daily mail they've they've featured us a fair few times so i would

say they're a legitimate source of content. Oh, for sure. And I use them frequently for my research. I'm kidding. I don't. I would hope not. V, just before we move on from that radio chat, Harper's dad last Friday night was like, George, I heard your friend, she's on the money on the radio. And I was like, oh, it was me. Oh my gosh. So Harper's dad's, maybe he was the one texting telling me to mind my own beef classic phil um the biggest angel in the world shout out to phil shout out to phil if you're listening okay so basically would you say that you do or don't agree with those reddit people who said that absolutely in no way should you be providing anything if you are the step parent i'm assuming you don't agree with that no i don't agree with

that and it's not because i don't agree with the sentiment of not paying for kids if that's what you want to do and that works for your situation, fantastic. But it's not black and white. And I don't want to judge anyone's decision on this space because I don't know their personal situations. What I want, though, is for you to be having open, honest conversations about what contribution actually looks like and what your expectations of your partner is and how that works. Like, we're not here going, you should be paying for your partner's kids. But what we're saying is you should be having the conversation. And it's not something that is easy to bring up because it's a you know it's a big piece of responsibility but at the end of the day like your decision is

yours alone but i want you to be having open honest conversations about money for sure i think it also changes for you depending on circumstance so for example if you start to date a widower who has like a two-year-old and you then get married and you raise that child as your own compared to coming into a relationship where they have two 17 year old twins like that's a very different situation would you agree with that yeah I would absolutely agree with that like as we said before different situations call for different outcomes and there's no one-size-fits-all approach and it's yeah it's very very hard but it's something that we should just be open and honest about and it's also as I said before tenure of the relationship like if you've just met a

widower and they have a two-year-old and you're in a relationship with them but you've only been dating them for six months, I would feel like the obligation is very different than if the intention is to move in together and to build a life together. And you're taking over that deep parenting role and you really want to contribute. And I think something that we haven't touched on here, George, yet, and I think the reason we haven't touched on it yet is because neither of us are parents, nor are we dating parents, is that parents are package deals. Like parents, and if you have a kid and you get in a relationship with somebody like it's you and your kid and that person it's not just you and that person in the relationship like that kid is a part of the

relationship like they are a package deal at the end of the day like if I you know if Steve and I broke up and I was dating a guy with a kid like that kid's part of that relationship and they need to be honored and respected and looked after and if I'm choosing to get in a relationship with that person I'm choosing their whole person in their whole situation I'm not choosing you know just them because I want to date them but I didn't sign up for the kid like I'm quite opinionated on that when you're signing up to be in a relationship with someone who has a child you're signing up to that child being a part of that relationship and finances become a part of that conversation yeah whether you contribute or not is a different story and it means different things to different

people but I mean that child probably has another parent or in most circumstances that child is going to have another parent they might be working and contributing but you're now a part of that parenting relationship whether you like it or not in a way so I just feel like we need to be really respectful of that and you know you and I haven't brought it up earlier because we're just not in that position but if we were it's something that you need to consider and you know if you don't want to take responsibility for someone else's kid, this is going to sound like a really terrible thing to say. I would say don't date people who have kids. Like, don't make that decision because they're a package deal. You can't just pick up the kid and put it to the side and not make them

a priority. Have you seen that show Love Me, V? I don't believe so. Oh, you really should. Sounds like some junk I would watch though. No, it's not junk. It's like a high quality. Give me the So it's a high quality Aussie drama, I would say, based in Melbourne and it makes Melbourne look so chic, which it is, but you know, it also rains a lot. Anyway, basically it's like, it follows three different love stories within a family and it's beautiful. It's really well done. I would highly recommend to everyone listening. Love me. All right. It's on my list. Where can I find it? It's on Netflix. It might be SBS or ABC. Yeah. Cause I had so many good glowing things to say about the demographics of ABC. No, that's, that's so nasty of me. I adore the ABC, but yeah,

usually I don't find the type of content that I want to consume on there. Cause I'm the type of person who, who watches trash, like actual trash. Like recently I just finished inventing Anna obsessed. Like I want juicy trash. I don't want your smart, nice, gorgeous shows that you watch because you're more intelligent than me. I'm watching Inventing Anna too. I've just Googled it and it's on binge. So I completely mucked that up. Apologies. She's sorry, not sorry. The moral of this tangent is that one of the storylines is that this beautiful young woman falls in love with someone who has like an almost adult child he's like 15 and i'll tell you what i don't usually want to punch kids but this one you want to have a bit of a bifo with oh he was

vile and i can just imagine in a lot of those situations it would be like really really hard and we shouldn't underestimate that like it's not always going to be the brainy bunch spec you know yeah no toddlers are cute though they are we'll take a toddler which we will take a toddler but We'll renegotiate the teenage years. Yeah, fair. Anyway, that was kind of a pointless little sidestep, but here we are. I highly recommend everyone watches Love Me on Binge. I'm glad everyone's still listening. I reckon we should actually go to a break. We'll collect ourselves and we'll see you on the other side. We certainly will. Straight back into it, Vee Lord, when would you say is the right time to

be having conversations around kids and finances with your significant other? I feel like this is a really unproductive podcast, like good topic, great content, but my opinion is it is different for everybody once again, but it's going to change for every couple, right? Obviously, this isn't a conversation that I would super encourage you guys having on the first date, being like, hey, George, so nice to meet you, sir. I have a kid, would you pay for them? Like, that's not what's going to happen. But I would encourage that once it's clear that the relationship is getting quite serious and you're perhaps considering moving in together and will have shared expenses that you need to take into consideration, or maybe you're considering marrying the person, if that child's going to live with you, it would just make sense to have a discussion around what the expectations around money are going to be moving forward and how that works. And, you know, it's definitely not a first date conversation, gee, and it's definitely not something that should be jumped into straight away or you should feel any kind of pressure to have that conversation immediately. I don't think anyone would actually expect that. And if they do, I feel like that might be a red flag.

It just needs to be at a time that feels right for you and feels right for the relationship. Like maybe it's starting to happen. Then it's a good time to have that conversation. but I do think that it's important to just have the confidence to have that conversation. Yeah. And I guess it does make sense that if you are combining finances, that you would do it at that time, right? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Okay. In terms of actually broaching the conversation, how do we do that? Because we know money conversations can be very awkward. Oh, money conversations are fickle and hard to have.

And I obviously have lots of tips on how to have them. And the first tip is having it face to face, like, probably don't text them the question, should I be paying for your kid? Not going to work out as well as it could. And also have an idea of how you want that laid out first. Like, what do you want to say? How do you want to say it? So, perhaps frame it so they're ready to have that conversation as well. So, maybe in the morning say, hey, tonight while we're having dinner, can we have a chat about family finances? So, that they're ready and I guess open to having that discussion. I don't think it is fair to just spring it on somebody when you haven't spoken openly and honestly about money before. The next thing I think is to be honest, like just approach

the situation with honesty. If you can't afford to contribute, then make that really clear. I think too often people get caught up in feeling bad or feeling guilty or, you know, I know you really want to contribute, but if it's not within the scope of your financial circumstances please don't take on that pressure because it's just going to add more pressure and down the line you're going to end up having arguments over it and it's just it's just not worth it like just be honest from the get-go and then get really specific and set really clear expectations if you're planning a holiday together will your partner contribute more for that child like what's the expectation there or are you always just going to split things 50 50 which

I know a lot of couples will just be like look let's just split costs 50 50 and call it a day there's no paying for this kid in a separate, you know, line item on our budget. It's just 50-50 and you're okay with that. But knowing exactly what to expect from your partner and from each other can make things much, much easier. And another tip I have, which is a little bit left field, it's not necessarily about talking about money. It's actually about having productive conversations with somebody else. And that's making sure you're not accusing somebody of something. So, Georgia, if I was to have a conversation with you about money and I'm feeling uncomfortable, I wouldn't say, Georgia, you always tell me that I'm bad with money.

Like that's accusing you of doing something. And they're going to come straight back and go, no, I don't. I don't do that. Whereas on the flip side, we should be approaching that conversation from our own perspective, from our own shoes, not putting on what somebody else does and taking feelings into consideration. So, in that circumstance, I would say, Georgia, I feel like when I do this, you think I'm bad at money. Instead of saying, Georgia, you always tell me I'm bad with money, which is not going to be productive and not going to get to the end outcome that you want to get to. So, I think it's really important to lead with feeling conversations and I say that from, I guess, a psychological perspective of having productive conversations,

but also from a little bit of a, this sounds terrible, but gee, people can't argue with their feelings. They can argue with facts. Yeah. Like I can tell you I didn't do that thing, but you cannot argue that I feel disappointed that you've done something. Like I can't say, gee, you always stay out really late and I hate it. But I could say, I just feel like you stay out really late and it makes me really sad or something along those lines. It's not being manipulative it is making sure that you are always approaching a situation where you're taking into account that takes two to tango like it's not always about putting it on one other person so i think it's important to know how to have a constructive conversation without blame like

the blame game needs to be put in the bin yeah and i think it's also important to remember it's not one conversation it's not sitting down and setting the expectations like we should always be talking about money we should always have open lines of communications about situations and children and what's going on because a two-year-old is going to need different things than a 14-year-old and how that works is going to change. So, we need to be really aware of that. But open, honest, consistent communication, Georgia King. Brilliant. Okay. Are there any, I guess, dangers, V, that could arise if we decided to financially contribute to our partner's child's upbringing? Like anything we should be mindful of? Danger, danger. It was a heavy word.

A very strong word, I would argue, that it is too strong for this circumstance, but it can definitely cause complications if you're on a different page to your partner. You don't want resentment to build if you feel like you're contributing too much, or you're doing too many things, or you haven't had the conversation and you're uncomfortable with the contribution you are making, but you feel like you have to make it. So, again, be as open and as honest and stand your ground. Like, I think that a lot of people are like, oh my gosh, this is my burden to carry. This child's a burden. Like a child's not a burden. A child's a blessing. Having a kid is really cool. Like, yes, there are so many, I guess, financial things to take

into consideration. Yes, there are people who choose not to have children and that's okay. But Georgia, as I said, if you're choosing to be in a relationship with somebody who has a kid, you are choosing that. And it's not just a thing on the side. They deserve the same amount of respect you give your partner, even if they are a 14-year-old absolute twat. Like, I totally get it, but they still deserve your respect. I think it probably goes without saying as well, G, but if you split, it's not like you can claim any of the money that you contributed to that child's upbringing back. I would hope no one would want to do that, but it's definitely worth considering because I've heard people ask about that before, but I'm a very big believer in only

contributing what you can afford to contribute and seeing it as a contribution, not an investment that you're expecting a return on. It's the same with like gifts and presents and doing something for somebody else. Like I'm very much a believer that if you do it, you can't ask for it back unless it's a loan. And there's, you know, obviously a conversation happening around that. I just believe if you give your partner a gift, like that's not something to claim back later down the line when the relationship isn't going the way you wanted it to. And this is probably a little bit too deep for the conversation we are having right now, but I'm just a very big believer that if somebody asks for something back at a later date that was

meant to be a gift or was intended to be a gift without any type of reciprocation, they never gave it for you. They only gave it for themselves. And now that it's not serving themselves, they want it back. And I just think that's a reflection of their personality, not yours. So, I think it's important to remember that as well, but also having that clear conversation with your partner. If you do think that could be a thing or you're a bit concerned, like, oh, cool. Well, anything you claim back, like, I just feel like it's not the nicest thing to do, but in saying that money is fickle and it complicates situations significantly. So, I think it's important to only give the things that you are never going to need back.

Yeah. Okay. This is kind of a different situation, Bea, but I'm curious as to your take on it, because I'm sure it comes up all the time. If you are in a partnership where you don't contribute to the finances of your partner's child and your partner and their ex decide that they would like this child to go to private school and fork out how many thousands of dollars, like 30k a year? Oh my gosh, it is so expensive. I was creeping on one of Melbourne's private school websites recently, year 12G. How much do you reckon that costs at a super private, super fancy school nowadays? Like 50 grand? Yeah, more than. Insane. Insane. Like that's someone's salary for one year of education.

Like what? Well, and that's it. So, presumably making this decision or if your partner is making that decision for their child, that could impact your ability within that relationship to like go on holidays and live your best life. Like there may have to be a level of sacrifice there. Of course. What does that look like? Like, do you have any stake in saying, oh, maybe we should just send him to the local, like, what do you, what do you do? That's not your decision to make. Yeah.

I think when it comes to finances and, you know, let's not even talk about kids. Like, let's just talk about two people in a relationship who have different values we need to be respectful of the fact that I have different values to you George and I want different things than you want and a relationship at the end of the day is always going to be about compromise and something has to give we can't have it all but we can have it at some point so I think it's really important to go okay well that's their value and sitting down and having a deep discussion with your partner about okay like this is a financial value to you and we're going to contribute money to this whether you're contributing to that or not it is going to impact you in some way but that is true of

any financial decision in a relationship right like george my partner steve obsessed with golf obsessed that's one of his core values in fact i'm pretty sure at this point golf is a personality trait of Steve's. It is fantastic. And I adore that he has a passion, but it's not my place to talk to him about not engaging in that because it doesn't align to what I want to spend. So, I think we need to have some level of flexibility because there's going to be things in my budget that Steve's like, Victoria eyelash extensions, really? Like, is that something that aligns to my values? No. Do they benefit him in any way, shape or form? Absolutely not. But we need to be having conversations about our financial lives and what financial commitments

we have. And if that then changes the scope of what we can achieve together, we just need to be clear about that. And I think that you'll find that if that's the conversation you're having, and you're actually having a more holistic conversation about goals and values and doing a budget together and writing out things that you want to achieve together, it's going to help take that financial commitment into perspective as opposed to going, oh my gosh, they spend so much on that and I could do so many better things with that money. Okay. Well, that's what their values are. You can't argue with somebody's values. We need to find a happy medium, but I'm a very big advocate of going, all right, well, that's their decision, but you need to be educated enough to

know what all the opportunities are. Like if they're putting you in a situation where you're going into significant debt to put them into private education. That's, again, a different conversation about, is this the right thing to do? And is this going to work for us long-term? And I feel like a lot of financial animosity comes from not having had more holistic discussions about your values and your goals and understanding your partner's needs and your partner's wants, because that might be a core value to them. They might go, no, this is like, I've worked my entire life to get to this point to put my kid through private school that might not be your value you might have gone to public school and be like that's fine like i don't need to spend money

that is fine those are your values but you can't assume that just because you're in a relationship with someone they would absorb your values and see everything from your page like that is not how it works we need to have some level of flexibility but if that is something that is a bit of a fickle point, have a chat about it. Be open, be honest, talk about what your values are and why that is impacting you and how that works. But I just think it's really important to see things a little bit more holistically than it's school fees. Like I totally understand the example though, because that is a massive commitment. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Interesting. So, I guess in all of those types of situations, just have the conversation, be open, upfront, honest.

the how important is it that we establish a binding financial agreement or a prenup as they are also known before marrying someone with kids is it more important than if they didn't have kids no it's important in any way shape or form if you're in a relationship to consider a binding financial agreement i mean there are a lot of couples in the she's on the money community who are like i don't need that that's cool all i want is for you to be educated on the topic and if it's right for you getting one established so from my perspective super important even if you don't have kids but this is one of the best ways to protect your finances and make sure that you don't get the short end of the stick if the relationship doesn't work out like if you're creating wealth

assets together and then you break up and they take all your wealth assets but the kids were yours like i think it's important to make sure that we are all well and protected and gee we never get in relationships with the intention of them ending like you're not going to go move in with someone, especially if you have children, if you don't see a future with them, like that's crazy. So, I feel like, yes, it might not be nice to bring it up. It might not feel comfy. It might be a bit awkward. There might be some tension, but binding financial agreements are important. They do in the long term save a lot of stress and a lot of heartache. And George, at the very start of this episode, you said that 50% of relationships end up in divorce. So, you know. It's one of my

Favorite stats. It's not my favorite stat. It's pretty depressing. As someone who is planning a wedding, I don't want to hear that from you right now, but I think it's also important to just realize, turns out, gee, as humans, we're not that great at picking successful relationships. So, even if you are really committed to it, doesn't mean it'll work out, but we should always protect ourselves. Nailed it. Before we head V, it's okay to change our minds if we're committed to a certain contribution to our partner's child, we can backtrack. If our circumstance changes or whatever it may be, we can change our minds. Of course you can. And I feel like that's just a good, healthy relationship with boundaries and communication and having

conversations. Also, if you're in a situation where you're like, I am not comfortable paying for my partner's child, that's okay. If that changes in the future, that's also okay. Because even if you're just moving in with them, you're like, oh, like we've just moved in together. We've been together for six months. I'm not ready to take, you know, our relationship to the next level of me taking ownership and responsibility for this child. But who knows, in 10 years, that might be completely different. And that's okay because things change. Nothing's stagnant. Nothing's stuck. The only consistent we have, Georgia, is change. So, it's really important to remember that money conversations are not a one and done kind of thing. They are consistent

and they are happening all the time and they might be over the price of milk or it might be over a $50,000 education for your partner's child. But money conversations should be consistently being had. Brilliant. All right, Bea, I think that's probably, it covers as much as we can in a 40 minute little podcast episode. Anything else to add? No, all good. All right, see ya. Thanks for having us bye all right let's actually be serious though because as always we would before we head off like to acknowledge and pay respect to australia's aboriginal and torres strait islander peoples they're the traditional custodians of the lands the waterways and the skies all across australia we thank you for sharing and for caring for the land on which we are able to learn we pay

our respects to elders past and present and we share our friendship and our kindness and remember guys that the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or a financial decision and we promise victoria divine is an authorized representative of in focus securities australia proprietary limited abn 47097797049 afsl 236 523 see you next week guys bye guys