She's On The Money - Should You Salary Sacrifice Into Super Or Save For a House? Plus a Spicy Sibling Debate About Financial Fairness

Episode Date: November 6, 2025

\What’s actually better for future you... adding more to your super, or growing that house deposit? This week we’re unpacking one of the biggest money dilemmas of adulthood and how to think about both goals without feeling like you’re failing at either. Turns out you don’t have to choose and there’s a smarter way to grow future-you’s money while still getting closer to those house keys. Then, things take a turn for the spicy. One community member's family drama has us asking what “fair” really means when money’s involved, and if parents should ever be expected to split things evenly. Plus your favourite mix of money wins, confessions, broke tips... and just the right amount of unhinged energy to start the weekend.Need the team’s take on your money dilemma? Send us a voicemail here.Or if it's more of a spicy money drama and you want the communities verdict? Slide into our DMs here.  Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here. Join our 400K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Nartarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My name is Natasha Bamblett, I'm a proud First Nations woman, and I'm here to acknowledge country. Tii, gilinyan ganya, nianakaka yao yinbina waka, nianakai nianbina yakarumja, duminyagumiga dumiga ithawaka nirawamundamun imalan, mumibangada boma ininyalan waka, gaunan yakarumja, wutunadana. Hello beautiful friends. We gather on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank, acknowledge and respect the Aboriginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,

bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. She's on the money. She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It is our favorite day of the week because I get to get my team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's on the Money community. Miss Jessica Ricci, she's, That sounds weird. I can't say it that way.

That's how you say it when you're just normally talking. That's how the people want me to say it. I can't do that. Miss Jessica Ritchie is going to be sharing our favourite money wins. Miss Bex Syed is back and she's going to be sharing her broke tips and we're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma about whether you should be salary sacrificing into your super or focusing on other goals and something that you slid into our DMs

about a spicy sibling drama about your sister getting money that isn't being given to you. I just have thoughts and feelings. I believe some values about that one. I do. I do. And I can't wait to get there. But before we get there, my friends, team question from the community. Last week, I got to ask you a question, but they have been rolling in hot and heavy. Apparently the community have a lot of questions for you guys. And if you didn't listen to last week's show I've started a new segment and instead of saying to my team how are you I say hey here's a question from our community and I don't give them any warning yes that's my favorite part about it so I've been putting out a call for all your burning questions for Jess and Beck and I might

even get involved sometimes and they've been rolling in so this week's question is from our friend Grace and Grace wants to know what is your best second hand slash op shop slash marketplace find that you have found in the last 12 months and how much money did it cost i just thought this was a good one because a good one beck the queen of marketplace is actually miss jessica rich i know i'm a facebook marketplace find i'm trying i've had some good like finds this year but i i still think my best find it has not been in the last 12 months when i say anyway it was my i've got a full dinner set from in the roundhouse like 15 pieces 16 pieces however many pieces it is. And I wanted this specific set. They do these beautiful scallop plates for anyone

who doesn't know. And there were two colors that I really wanted. I still want the pink. And then there's like a white with a red trim. And I found the exact set that I wanted for $120 when I think full price they retail for about $250. Oh. In the box, every single piece. The original listing said that it was missing the platter. And I was like, oh, that's fine. I don't need the platter. and then when I got it the platter was in there so I don't know what happened but literally just thought it was a large plate maybe maybe lucky girl energy was with me because I've been hunting for that thing yeah gorgeous how about you well I this is the thing is that I really am into metal at the moment like functional metal not not tacky metal that's like because metal's kind of in for

like decor I'm talking about it's kind of in right now I was imagining like like metal music you are so cute why can't you do that it's like okay you've never been to a metal show before and that's okay but no like you know like a metal teapot or something that like yes I see was made that way to begin with like years ago because that's kind of the only resource we had and like I'm really into that stuff and so like finding that now from like older people who don't realize how cool it is and so I found this like fruit bowl that is it's not gonna make sense right now but it's like metal and it like it it goes upward and it just it's almost like a palm it's almost like fingers are holding it's just it was ten dollars because

no one knows that this stuff is so cool I shouldn't be saying it on here because if it's like old you've barely used it it's from like the 1970s it's like a metal fruit bowl that is so cool and I really want to get my hands on it anyway that I just found out the other day and but my the greatest thing about the story is that I realized that we have a suburb called Dallas in Melbourne and that's where I picked it up from and that's my favorite buy that's so good it was really cool so metal okay so this is really niche and you're gonna be like what the hell Victoria but I'm really excited about it so maybe like three or four months ago I just had this flashback memory of an egg maker that I had when I still lived at home. I haven't lived at home for like ages now.

Like I moved out when I was 18 and I remember being like, I had this, it was a Sunbeam egg cooker. The bottom was white. The top was like a yellow kind of like completely like transparent yellow. It has little chicken feet and it was by Sunbeam and it was like a snack series thing. So it was like novelty right and inside it had a it had these cups and you could poach three eggs without any like you would fill the base with water poach the three eggs if people are listening and this triggers a memory oh my god it was so good anyway so it was this egg poacher thing right and when the eggs are ready the the little egg chirps and I was like oh my god that would be so helpful nowadays because like my son eats a lot of eggs I also low-key loved that I ate a lot

of eggs and I was like I wonder if you can still buy it I googled you cannot buy that you can buy egg poachers they're a lot more fancy they're a lot more durable this thing is like quite little right like smaller than a football good for storage good yeah good for the cupboard gorgeous so I'm like oh my god I need to find this and so I looked on marketplace absolutely not like this thing is more than 15 years old like not a thing oh wow and then because I'd searched it marketplace place recommended when one popped up said you might like you know it's like it sends you like listings anyway Robert in New South Wales was selling one for $15 new in box he'd pulled it out when he moved house he had never used it it came with the novelty egg cups oh and I messaged

him so quick I was like hi Robert it's me it's me I'll buy this from you but I'm happy to pay whatever in shipping yeah you're in New South Wales he was like oh I'll just go to the post offers. $10.80 later, it was shipped to my house by Robert who looks like he joined Facebook before it existed. And I've got my egg poacher. Oh, that is my favorite thing. And I think it cost me about $30 in total. That is so cool. I can still find vintage find. That's so fun. I'll post a picture of it online because it's actually like the cutest thing ever. But it was like in this series that had the egg poacher, there was like a fairy floss machine. There was I think I had the fairy floss popcorn maker. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds familiar. And don't sleep on

gumtree because a lot of those things are probably on gumtree because people who don't realize marketplace is a thing are the same type of people selling these old school things. True. What a fun convo. So yeah. Anyway, I'm glad that was Grace's burning question. Cause I got to tell you guys about my egg poacher. You are welcome. I want to get further into the show though, before we get there it is time for a five-star review amazing are you ready ready this one says just lots of love five stars from chloe jean long-term listener here smiley face just wanted to write a review to show my appreciation for your hard work and really solid financial advice i've taken on many of your strategies over the years a special mention to beck syed though the more i listen to the podcast

the more my love for her grows she's so genuine so vulnerable about her own finances thank you for being so giving with your experience it ensures that everyone listening feels heard and seen no matter where they are on their financial journey you also sound just like a really cool person smiley face so yes thank you thank you so much that is so nice oh my god you actually made my heart race I love the addition of you actually sound like a really cool person. She is. Yeah, she is. That is so nice. Thank you so much. It's cooler than I'll ever be, ever. That's not true. No, it is true. It is true. You know those people that are just inherently cool? I've got to try to be cool. And even then my sister's like, sit down. That's not true, Victoria.

I would, I would say you're cool to the core. But moving on, tell me more about the community, Miss Jessica Ricci. When it comes to community money, wins and confessions, what are you bringing to the table. All right, firstly this week, Amanda has a money win. She went out for dinner and found a pub where kids eat free. Okay, that is a good deal in 2025. Yeah, that's gorgeous. $32 in kids meals, which included a drink and ice cream. What? Sign me up for that. I'm a child. Seriously? Yes, seriously. At what point can you go, oh, just the kids meal, thanks. I'm really young on the inside, I promise. I am not yet mature. Next, I've got a money win from Anya, who said money win. I hit $10,000 invested between Sharesies and Vanguard.

She's hit five tickets. I know. She said she never would have imagined that she could do that with savings aside too. That's going to be Bec soon. I know. You're making huge progress. Bec has just hit more than $1,000.

That's amazing. I'm so proud of you. Sorry. Who was going to say, oh, Miss Bec Syed has more than $1,000 invested in less than 12 months. Crazy. Sorry, but she's actually rich now. We may.

Yeah, I guess you could say that. Yeah. A hundred percent. You could say that. Well done. Next, I've got a money win from Bella who said she hit her emergency savings goal this week. She's been pouring every extra dollar she has in since January and finally reached three months of her earnings set aside.

Incredible. People are kicking goals towards the end of the year. Well done. Next, I've got a money win from Renee who said she invested in three beehives and now she has a side hustle selling honey. Oh. And she provided us a video of said honey. It looks very beautiful.

Oh, gorgeous. That is so wholesome. i know last week we were talking about cows this week we're talking about getting bees i just do you guys want to get a farm i would love that nothing more yeah i'd like that yeah chickens can we get ducks yeah absolutely i really want a pet duck we can get ducks yeah last of this week i've got a money winner from tess who said she was looking at new light fittings last week on temple and webster they were 99 each she looked again this morning after putting a bit of time between her and her spending and they were reduced to 79 she said she'll be saving

approximately $60 across all of the lights that she has to buy, which is proof that resisting impulse buying is a good thing. Gorgeous. Well done Tess. Yes. Good on you. 24 hour trick. It always works. That's it. We're very, very proud of you. A thousand percent. But you know what else I want? Miss Bex Syed's broke tips. And I can give those to you. I can give those to you right now. Oh, look at her coming up. Okay. So this first one comes from Francis who says the way I save money on groceries is by having a three week roster on a whiteboard in my kitchen with 21 dinners, blue week, red week, green week, then we cycle back to the start. This means I have my shopping list prepped ahead of time and I always know what I need to buy. So I can get extra when

things are on special being confident that it will get used and there is not going to be any wasted. That's actually so smart. And this next one comes from Ness who says, I take my toddler to Ikea for a fun morning out. A lot of the rooms are set up for pretend play for kids. Also meals half price on Fridays and already so cheap. Anyway, there was also a free play center for kids at the front of the store with little play kitchens and soft toys. Stop it. That's a great tip. I know. That's actually really great. I wish that she'd reminded me of that, not in November, but more like in June when it started raining and I didn't know what to do with my crazy 18 month old. Yep. That's it. But like Ikea slay. Totally. Occupy your home loving 31 year old

friend in Ikea for many hours. Yeah, totally. So on the weekend, I'll be swinging past Jess's place, picking her up and her and Harvey are having a play date at Ikea. He's going to crawl around and she's going to fill her cart. Just a really quick mention. Ness says that she did end up buying the gigantic bear, which I always, always, you guys know that big brown bear? Yeah. It is so hard to walk away from it. Yeah. A thousand percent. And anytime you go, I think Jess is on the same page as me, but anytime you go to Ikea, you must take home a bag of frozen meatballs. Yes. They're mashed potato. They're like sauce and they're gravy because nothing hits different than Ikea Swedish meatballs.

They're actually really budget friendly as well. And sorry, quick meal from the freezer. We love it. Gorgeous. Ikea meal prepping sleigh. Yeah, maybe I will get some of those today. So the next one comes from me. When you book a holiday, you have flights and accommodation

and you have to change your plans at the last minute. And there's like, you know, you can't get a refund, yada, yada, yada. You lose your money. So bad deal. Money loss. That's bad. That's a money loss. I don't like losing money in this house.

But there's actually a website like Transfer Travel, Spare Fare and Cancelo that are basically secondhand marketplaces for travel. So if you're someone looking for like a cheap travel situation or you're someone who needs to sell their travel plan, then it's like you just get to buy someone else's holiday for a lot cheaper. So you can list your unwanted holidays and recoup some of the costs or you can buy other people's holidays at a discount rate. That is very clever.

So genius. How do you transfer things into somebody else's name? I actually don't know. I think you have to pay a fee a bit. But I'm sure they would teach you. Yeah. But accommodation or something? Yeah.

I think it's fine. I don't know how it works, but do you know what it reminds me of? This was actually a trip that Jess and I were meant to go on to Sydney a while ago just for work. And then something came up really last minute and we were like, we have to cancel that because we've got to do this other thing. And I was reading the terms and conditions of the hotel that we were going to stay at and it said no cancellations with less than 48 hours notice. and I was like oh like you would like forfeit all of it and this is probably going to make me look

like a really dodgy human being but I mean if it helps you and it helped me does that really mean that I'm dodgy so I didn't cancel it I called them up and then I picked a random date like two months in advance and say hey can I just move my booking and then they said yes and they were really nice about it and then I called back the next day and I cancelled the booking that's genius and they gave me a full refund with no questions asked I just had my fingers crossed that it was a different girl on reception perfect that's genius but yeah that worked so if it says like less than 48 hours notice no cancellations well I'm not cancelling I'm just like changing my thing and I was like how can you just change it to like you know the end of November and she was like yeah no worries

like rebooked you're in on the 30th or whatever and I was like yep thanks so much and then the next day I said hey so I made a booking for the 30th and I actually don't need it anymore she's like oh you've got heaps of notice no worries we'll just cancel that and you'll get a full refund. And I was like, oh, thanks so much. That's really thoughtful of you to do that for me. That's so smart. So that's like a little, like a sprinkle on the top for your broke tips. Totally. That's great, VD. Don't be dodgy, but like be like VD.

Yeah, seriously. That's gorgeous. Yeah. Well, that's me. Yeah. Anyway, I feel like that's really good. Let's go to a really quick break because I'm very excited to help you guys answer a money dilemma about whether you should be salary sacrificing into your super or you should be focusing on your other goals. And something you slid into our DMs about, which I just have thoughts, feelings and opinions. A spicy sibling drama about your sister getting money that isn't being given to you. Guys, don't go anywhere.

Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi, guys. My question is around whether it is better to salary sacrifice into super or put that money towards a home deposit. At the moment I'm in a position within my career where I earn enough to comfortably afford to salary sacrifice into my super and

max it out every year. At the same time I'm currently saving for a home deposit and if I don't salary sacrifice into my super I expect to have decent deposit together within a year and could borrow a decent amount for a decent enough property. So my question is, would it be better in the long run to max out super knowing that it could potentially affect my borrowing power and delay my savings goal or wait until I have purchased a property and then salary sacrifice into my super? Thank you. Oh, I would say property first because you never know if the property prices will rise but the other thing I'm thinking you could do that first home the first home super saver scheme you've got to say it really quick first home super saver scheme yeah

that's really good thank you I can't believe that came out so clearly do you know how many times a week I say that it's actually like I should have cancelled that's crazy that's why you're so good at it no no so this is my question can you do the first home super saver scheme if you pay super before tax which is salary sacrifice either or after it's either or well it's either or so it just can't be your your workplace contribution so your like mandated 12 doesn't count doesn't count any type of additional contribution you could go back and be like hey could i please access that so whether it was you setting up an additional salary sacrifice with your employer and saying hey could you do an additional two percent or could you do 50 bucks

a week or whatever that looks like, that can be leaned on for first-time super savers game. I see. But then on the flip side, you could also be like, oh my gosh, I have some extra cash and I want to chuck that into my super to make the most of the first-time super savers game or the FHSS, which feels a little bit less aggressive. Yeah. But that's what you did, Jess. You had your house savings and then hypothetically, you got some very legitimate financial advice

not from your friend. And then you made lump sum deposits into that because what would happen then. Yeah. Is, yes, it's after tax, but come tax time, Jess would have put it on her tax return that she'd done that. Yeah. And then she would have got the difference of that base 15% tax rate inside super back on her tax return based on what she earns

and her marginal tax rate. Oh, I understand. So it actually doesn't matter how it gets in. Yeah. As long as it was like a voluntary contribution. And is the only benefit to this the tax element or is it because I'm thinking like. The primary benefit is the tax. The primary benefit is tax.

So the First Home Super Saver Scheme exists to put you as a first home buyer in a better financial position. So the way that it works is it allows you to use your superannuation environment as a savings tool for your first home. So you can contribute $15,000 each and every single year up to $50,000 total. And then instead of paying like, let's pretend or not even pretend, I know that most people in our community have a 30% tax rate. So by taking your savings and putting them inside superannuation and then pulling them back out later for your first home, you're going to get

15% immediately back on that money because superannuation tax rate, 15%, your actual tax rate, 30%, you get a refund. And so you end up coming out of the wash with more cash for your first home. And it's like one of the government's ways of getting first home buyers into their homes a little bit quicker. That's clever. That's very clever. It is capped, but like if you're buying with a partner, yes, you only have access to $50,000 in your super, but like, let's pretend you and Jess were doing it. Actually, you couldn't do it because your partner, Jess, already owns an apartment. But hypothetically, if she didn't, you could then have $100,000 across both of your circumstances. And on $50,000 each in the long run, you actually end up, I believe about nine

and a half thousand dollars better off individually. So you'd be in like what? $19,000 better off as a couple. And do you get the gains on that money as well? You do. Oh, you do. You do. You get your returns. Interest returns. Yeah. It just depends how long it's been in there. Yeah. It's taxed on the way out, but still free money. Sorry. Sorry. Money is money. Yeah. Like we're not complaining that's when we pay taxes because we made money yes they're not going to tax you what money you didn't make exactly you can't you can't come back in the natives tax me it's very sexy love it love it love it okay slay like i want my tax to be really high like i want to tell you i don't want to brag about my tax return because i'll be like look what i did well in this case

because i guess like in the long run it doesn't really affect your super as much but i think you should prioritize property but you can still do it in this way that doesn't actually like boost your super at the end of it all i'm assuming but no but you could like split it you could split So you can contribute up to $15,000 a year to the first home super saver scheme. And hypothetically, if you had more, which are unrelatable, but whatever, if you had more, that additional amount could still be going towards your super, but don't forget you have a $30,000 cap each year of what you can contribute to super in total. There's lots of rules and regulations around that. You and I just recorded the second part of our superannuation series,

and that's coming out in a couple of weeks. So I'll make sure that our first part is linked in the show notes and the second part you can keep your eyes peeled for. But your employer's contributions make up part of that 30%. So let's say like you go to work every day and your superannuation contributions from your employer are $9,500 per year. That takes up part of your $30,000 contributions. Then maybe your $15,000 in home savings, you don't actually have a lot of more wiggle room before you incur more tax. Is that unrelatable because most of us can't contribute that? Yes. But like, those are the rules and regulations. What I would say is the important thing about the first home super saver scheme is that once you put it in, if it's not

being withdrawn for property, it does get taxed on the way out and you're not going to end up in a better position. So if you're planning on pulling it out, haha, you can't unless it's for property. So if it's other goals that aren't property related, I would be considering seriously not using super as a vehicle for that and I will tell you on our second part of this super episode personally I don't make additional contributions to super to top up my retirement because I have very grand plans of retiring before the age of 65 so like you guys take that however you wish or Jess Jess any additionals no nothing for me I think can you just say first time because I have this game really quick.

She's done. She's done. That's amazing. Good job, Jessica. She's so quick. All right, guys, I'm excited for this one because I am opinionated and I think you guys are going to be too.

So are you ready for the DM we got this week? Ready? Hi, She's On The Money team. I have a little bit of a money dilemma for you. My younger sister is engaged and currently making wedding preparations. I found out recently that my parents are paying for the entire wedding. My long-term partner and I decided long ago that we will not be getting married or having kids as that's just not what

feels right for us. My parents are fully aware of this. It is unlikely that I would bother broaching the subject with them as I know their response would be just something along the lines of well if you get married too we'll pay for your wedding too. I would love to know y'all's thoughts on whether or not it would be fair for my parents to financially assist me in other ways considering I don't have any plans to get married. Big yes personally and I understand that like no one actually owes anyone money so if they paid for your sister's wedding it still feels unfair but it's like I think that it's different if it's like oh my sister needed surgery and they paid for her surgery and then and then I'd be like oh they don't owe you anything but like there's

something that always gets to me about like this tradition that is just like it is really cool really beautiful like weddings have just been around since as long as I can remember but I don't I don't think we need to get married I think it was like something that was just like kind of you know maybe it was religious maybe it was born out of religion I'm not too sure transfer the ownership of a woman from her father to her husband thank you Jess exactly and that's what I try and say and I don't want to like sound like my husband didn't even get a dowry when he married me well that's the thing and it's like and so the dad walks the daughter down like he's this is your property now and like that's the thing it's like a transfer of ownership and it's like okay we're

way beyond that now, which is great, but it's like, you know, but we still get married and I think that's, that's really beautiful, but we don't need to. So I feel like, like I have friends, I probably wouldn't get married. I have a lot of friends who probably won't get married. One of my friends is like, I'm not having children, but I still want to have a party. So I'm going to have a non-children party and a non-marriage party because we deserve gifts just as much as anyone else. But I understand that if you're spending a lot of money on a ceremony, then, you know, it's really nice if people kind of like contribute to your life moving forward, which is lovely. but I don't think it's an essential thing. Some people want it to be, some people are quite

religious and it is an essential thing, but because it's so like, it's so you don't have to do it. You don't want to be, not that you're directly being like punished for not doing it, but to see that something that your sister doesn't need to do is it's being funded. And like, this is a big party to celebrate her and her love and all this kind of stuff. And you don't want to do that because you were like, well, what does it actually mean for me? It doesn't mean anything for me. So why would I do it? And then, you know, so I think that like having this conversation with your parents and be like, what is marriage? Like why marriage? What the hell does it mean? Why are we all doing it? And why do you just like give money so much money away without even thinking

about what it is and why it's happening? So I think like if your parents could understand that you've kind of like seen through all of that and you're like, it's not really for me. It's just a waste of money or whatever it is, whatever that looks like. It's not really important for you. But you are still doing things that should be valued as highly as a wedding because you love someone so much.

But maybe you want to open a studio and have like a creative art space. Maybe you want to start your own business. Maybe you want to like go on a trip. All these things should be, this is what really annoys me, is that like all these things that we do for ourselves and for the people we love just like no one places any value on it but it's you get married and everyone's like oh my god such an achievement but it's also an achievement to do all these other little things not little things I shouldn't say little they're all big but I think if you explain

that to your parents like I did this thing which was really cool I did that by myself I did this thing that was really cool no one helped me fund that it's like if you kind of explain that they don't owe it to you but it will build resentment within you and we're just trying to avoid the resentment is all I'm trying to say, but everything that we all do is valuable, including getting married, including not getting married. I think it's also a different tangent than like, do they owe you that? Because it's all about, well, you know, the way you're seeing marriage and the way that your views are on that. Cause like, as someone who is married, like I look at it and go, Oh my God, like I did not get married because I want to submit to my husband and all

of that. And like, if you know my relationship well enough, unlucky guy, I refuse to take his name I made sure that our kids had our name sorry mate you want to be a divine well if you want to marry me that's the rules yeah it's weird that it's just like by default the opposite and it's like cool if it's not you know what I mean it's like yeah no it should just be it can be anything on your terms it doesn't mean you have to get married you don't have to lots of people I know don't but it's more like I guess the underlying question here is not whether your choices are valid but like should your parents be funding your your life Jess what would you do yeah it's something I've been reflecting on a lot exactly as you're kind of touching on Beck as someone who

like is not really following that traditional pathway I don't know that I'll have kids I don't know that I'll care to get married you know where a lot of my friends have ticked those more traditional quote-unquote accomplishments and there's something just in reflecting I think on the fact that as you said we celebrate these milestones but not everybody will it will want to pursue those you know it's only recently that same-sex couples were able to get married For a very long time, that wasn't even an option for people, you know? And I think that there's something to be said, not that celebration or the things that come with that, like the gifting, the money, et cetera, not that it has to be reciprocal or equal. That's not what I'm getting

at. But I do think that for people who choose less traditional pathways, it can be really hard to feel like you're not being celebrated or not achieving things that people view as valuable. I think it's great that you're choosing your own path and I think that you're totally right my only qualm I suppose is that as you said you're not owed something and like I think it's really generous and it is somewhat traditional that the parents want to pay for or contribute to the wedding it's hard because I don't think you can necessarily turn around and say well you've paid for something for one person you have to pay in an ideal world yes it would all be fair but at the same time you know I've also said on this show before like nobody owes anybody anything

like you shouldn't expect your parents to pay for a wedding a house deposit or anything else do I think that you know there's something to be said about I do think you should definitely have a conversation explain the perspective to them of well I'm never planning on being married but does that mean that my other things that I hope to do purchasing a house or traveling or doing whatever are less valuable and don't deserve to be you know I think there is a lot of gray to play in here because on one hand I very much don't think they are anything but on the other hand I do also think that there's something to be said for providing equally valuing equally respecting decisions that your children might make and I don't really know that

I have a good answer for that but I guess my reflection is just very much echoing what you said back that more and more people are choosing non-traditional pathways and I think that should be celebrated like I think just because you don't want to follow the path that has been laid out for us particularly as women for so many generations you might disagree with marriage as an institution because of like you know the history of what it means yeah you might want to have a huge beautiful wedding because that's fun and exciting and both of those things are okay but like whatever path you choose should be equally valued by the people around you is how I feel totally I am so glad that both of you were like so kind in your responses and I echo all of that like I agree and would

like to cut and paste what you've said into my response but then I'm also going to say something that could get me cancelled um and that's okay because like I sometimes see myself as like your big sister when it comes to money and like you don't always want to hear what your big sister's got to say but sometimes it's really helpful and I think that's really entitled like I just look at it and I go your parents are choosing to do something with their money it is their choice I can completely see that you might go oh well that's unfair because I didn't get what they got why no no like care about your own financial security build your own financial future I personally wouldn't mention it and this is why I'm saying like I could get cancelled you can do

whatever you want um it can feel unfair but also the spending that your parents make is in line with their values and if they made the choice to help you with something big I'm sure they would broach that I don't think you need to jump up and down and say hey please value my life as much as this I also think that sometimes we forget how much they might have contributed to other things growing up like there's this really good I don't know if it's a quote but it's all about how even in the same household, children don't experience the same parents. So like when one day I have more children, like the parenting that my next child gets in comparison to Harvey is not going to be the same. Their experiences are coming from different lenses. They are different people.

They will be treated differently, not because it's not fair, but just because one might have a learning difficulty and I need to invest more in their tutoring than the other, or one might really love football and I invest in, you know, making sure they go through that and the other ones to stay home, play video games. Like you are going to have different experiences and equal doesn't mean a dollar amount from my perspective. Like I think I would be, you know, if I extrapolate this out, even just to a work sense, right? Like if I go down to the cafe with Jess at lunchtime and I buy her coffee and then she comes up, she goes, oh my God, money, when V bought me coffee, would you turn around and go well why did she get coffee I want a coffee like it just is that

sense of entitlement that it's like I do feel like over time these things ebb and flow and like you know what we hear it in the community all the time and you know what the most stereotypical thing is when the older sister is complaining about the younger brother they're like oh my god like I had to work for bloody everything I got like I got my first job I did this I saved up for my first car I bought it. And then for my brother's 18th birthday, he just got gifted a car. What the heck? Like, I'm not saying that any of these things are right, but I think we need to kind of stay in our own lane. And the most healthy approach to this is like work on your own financial confidence and your own financial independence and like celebrate the choices

that you've made because they were the right ones for you. Like you're not going to get married. And I know that your parents are saying they would come back and be like, well, Jessica, if you got married would pay for your wedding don't worry that is not a reflection of how much they care about you that is a reflection of their values and maybe they're really outdated stereotypes based on weddings that your dad should be paying for your wedding do you know what I mean like I just don't think it's a reflection of your parents not caring or loving for you and if you distill that down to finances I kind of go what the heck that's not what life's about sure I don't know I just feel like it's there's so many ways that you could look at it so exactly and I'm not

saying that I don't agree with the two of you who had much kinder responses but I was like can we just talk about this entitlement piece because like I do know someone like that and they're like oh well my parents spent x and they literally go and ask their parents for the same similar cash amount and I go that's because it benefited the parents yeah like that's and it just gives me the ick like I just really don't like it and maybe that's just because again I'm so black and white that I'm like, there's right and there's wrong. That doesn't mean I can't live in the grey and give you context. But I also think, does that resonate? If so, maybe take that with a grain of salt as well. What did everybody else think? I feel like there's going to be lots of. There was.

There was. It was a little bit spicy. So the first question I asked was, guys, how would you handle this situation? 44% of you said, let it go. It's their choice. 27% said, have a conversation about fairness. 21% of you would ask for the same amount for another milestone and 9% said I'd be quietly resentful. Next question I asked was, should the money a parent gives for a wedding be matched with the same amount for siblings who choose not to marry? And this is pretty 50-50. 51% of you said, yep, it's only fair. 49% of you said, no, weddings are different. Interesting. And then I said what's your two cents and you guys let it rip so the first person said my parents raised us on the basis of what they do for one child they will always do for all cool but that's where

the argument of like your parents go well beck if you want to get married we'd pay for your wedding yeah we'd do that for you too i'd be like here's a chunk of money you can use that for a wedding you can use that for a business you can use that for travel yeah i quite like that idea you know i think there's something having a conversation with them and just asking why is the wedding the thing that you think is worth fun? Is it that outdated? You feel like it's your responsibility to pay. Like our parents are of an age where they do come from a different time. And I think there's something in just having the conversation to understand their perspective, not necessarily to change it. Yeah. And like for me, I just look at it and go, oh, okay. So your parents are

probably spending their money in line with their values. And like, that's a good thing. Next person said parents are emotionally driven when investing in a wedding. There is a very big social aspect to that, not money. That does make sense. Yeah. That's a great point. Next person, financial help should be provided if and when it's needed. It doesn't need to be dollar for dollar equal. Sure. That's fair. Next person said, weddings should not be the only thing that is celebrated in our lives and our parents should learn to match. Yes. Another person said, who's to say you won't get married in 20 years. Things could absolutely change. It's also a fair take. Then I've got a little two-parter. Often parents want their kids to get married so they're happy to foot that bill.

Some want kids to buy homes so they gift a house deposit. Everybody is different. And then I have three more for you. I have one more two-parter. Someone said, so before becoming a parent, I would have totally thought it was unfair and that they should be compensated in another way. But now as a parent, I know that I don't owe my kids any money at all. And then the last one is equality versus equity. If you're not having a wedding or a baby, then you actually don't need help with that expense. Why are you asking? Oh, that makes sense too, actually. Yeah, I see. So yeah, but like, that's why it's so nuanced. Yeah. But like, I actually kind of like that your parents have said our values are, if you choose to get married, we are happy to foot that

bill. Yes. Like we're not gifting, like, I think in the flip side, your parents could turn around and say, well, Jessica's getting married. If she asked us for $20,000, we'd say no. But if she's getting married, we will foot that bill because that's aligned to our values and our goals and what we want to be spending our money on. But if she chooses not to get married, we're not funding it. Well, that's true. And I guess it's like, are you going to have a birthday party this year? Yes. Well, I pay for it. If you don't, then I'm not paying for your birthday party, but you're not getting cash instead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And after the wedding, they're not going to have cash to show, but they're not going to be better off. They just paid for the wedding. So I guess, okay.

But again, it's just about like really thinking this through. And I think that's where, you know, when I distill it down, maybe it's because I've had so many conversations and maybe I have been privy to a lot of entitlement throughout my career. And that's because I worked in the ultra high net wealth space. And like, I cannot tell you how many times I've wanted to fly across the table and fly kick someone because I'm like, can you not see the privilege that you have and you're still complaining? Like, I don't know. I just, maybe that's coming out of me in a little bit of a spicy way today. So maybe I need to go to McDonald's and get a really crispy Coke and say less all right well that's the end of the show then guys thank you so much for sticking

around for another friday episode and we'll see you bright and early on monday morning for a money diary bye the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa, PTY, LTD, ABN, 321-649-27708, AFSL 451-289.

you