She's On The Money - Should You Save for a House or Boost Your Super? (Plus a Seriously Spicy Wedding Gift Dilemma...)

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

You’ve dropped over $1,000 being in the bridal party... dress, hen’s, flights, accommodation… the works. So when the wedding rolls around, do you still owe them a gift? This week’s episode brings the wedding etiquette drama (and the budget stress) we all secretly talk about. Plus, one of the biggest money dilemmas we hear:Should you throw your savings into super and score a tax win, or save for a house deposit and try to beat the market? We’re breaking down how to figure out what’s actually right for you, including the First Home Super Saver Scheme, and how to balance future-you with right-now priorities. And it's Friday so we've got all your money wins, DIY car repairs, homemade jelly, and the kind of broke tips only this community could come up with.Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here. Join our 300K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.  Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. it is our favorite day of the week because i get to get my team together to celebrate you how incredible she's on the money community miss jess grichi she's here to share our favorite money wins miss beck syed is here sharing her broke tips and we're going to be helping to answer a money dilemma which this week is all about choosing between contributing to your super or saving for a home and something that you slid into our dms about whether you should still give a wedding gift if you've already spent a grand on being in the bridal party? Anyway, before I get

into that and we get Jess's opinion and I've got no idea what it's going to be. How were your weeks my loves? My week was really good. I've started a new book series and it's a fun thing where you know when a book series is really, really good and you just can't put it. I'm like carrying my kindle i'm brushing my teeth holding my kindle i was curling my hair this morning you need to send it to me because i'm finally halfway through what iron flame oh well done what's the series you're reading so it's the for everyone i do not have very high brow taste it's a romantic no that's exactly what we want um so it's called ruthless boys of the zodiac it's a spin-off from a series called zodiac academy which okay i will say zodiac academy not the best written series

i've ever read but again i devoured it it was really good but this spin-off series there's actually a lot of research to say the more intelligent you are the less lowbrow the comedy you enjoy oh well i must have a very gorgeous yes yeah we are so intelligent yeah um but i'm like literally my kindle is in my bag right now every spare second i'm reading it so it's it's just so fun i'm like not scrolling on my phone i'm just thinking about this series the only problem is i was up like very late last night. I did the same thing. I was actually shocked. Alice, who are you? I love this. Literally, I'm only halfway through Iron Flame. Are you loving it though? Yeah, like I'm back into it. As I think most people who follow me on Instagram know, I was really into

that series and got quite frustrated when the series ended and the book wasn't coming out. And so like, I literally pre-ordered this book. Like it came out, what was it, January? So everybody has read this book already and like I have not read any other books this year like I wish I could be like oh my god I've read like four books or what no not me not me guys like absolutely not my best friend read over a hundred books in 2024. Wow. Harriet. I think I'm on track for that. It's actually insane. Really? Like as in that's incredible about that right that's like two full books at least a week. Yeah. That's insane. Right? I read one of these books in a day. I can't imagine, but like completely possible if you are able to dedicate the time. And I mean,

she's child free. So it must be nice because I am now in May still trying to get through one book that I bought in January. So thank you. I have tried my best. It is really good though. So I'm looking for more recommendations because I just like even the idea that I have my Kindle on me. Like, I just like that that's an option instead of like mindless scrolling. Totally. That's what I'm loving. Yeah. But I have to be really invested in the series. Like I don't just, it's like, I can't be bothered wasting my time if the book isn't gripping me. Yeah. Like I just straight out. Fair. Straight out. So anyway, that's my story. Bec, how's your week? It's been really, really nice. I honestly, I wish I could tell you something juicy. Next Friday, if I don't

have anything juicy I'm gonna I'll make something up for you oh good well actually I've got something juicy and it involves you I ran into your best friend at Kmart yes I'm in Rosebud actually I yes that was coincidental and we were talking about what she was doing and she was um sorry Liv but she was buying slippers for a love interest oh and she was like I'm just gonna love bomber and I was like oh that feels like a book like a page straight out of you know a Beck Syed book and she's like I wrote that book like I am the one who taught Beck how to love just two lover girls yeah and I was like honestly Jess and I talk about this all the time like we honestly should just be lesbians because you guys are way cooler than us and the expectation in the

bar by you has been set up here what do you mean you just thought that the person that you're interested in would love a fluffy cozy pair of slippers so you click and collected them that is really sweet would your partner ever i don't think so no that's really it's just like it's it's how we all like girls your love language it's how we do like even like if if victoria if you said to me like i i really want some hand warmers and and next time i see them i'll be like oh my god i'll buy this for you know what it's just like how we think and i feel like you are aware of each other and that's i like that's is that how you say it just and that's i and that's Jess and that's I.

Do you know what? Growing up, my dad used to be like, don't say me, say I. Like he would be like, oh, Jess and me are going to the shops. He'd be like, Jess and I are going to the shops. And now I don't even know which one's right. I know. When are you allowed to use me? I don't know.

It's a great question. It's a great question. And I don't think anyone knows the answer. So Jess and I are very like that with each other, but not with our partners. Yes. Yes. And that's the thing is so like if you have two women who are just naturally quite aware of the people around them and consider it.

And it just so happens. It's just like a very natural, organic. Being straight is not a choice. I'm going to stand by that. You know, and not to say that some men are very the same, but, you know, luckily I am gay. But that's why we need our girlfriends. Exactly.

Isn't it, Jess? That's exactly why we need our girlfriends to heal that side of life, to talk about our books together, to like talk about warm, fuzzy, cosy slippers. And do you know what? I'm nourished. It's fine. I'm not actually complaining.

Just a little bit envious. That does remind me, my best friend moved to Melbourne finally. She was on the peninsula. And she's opening up a gay bar in Fitzroy North. Oh, that's so exciting. But that is very exciting. So that's kind of like the only thing on my mind right now. That's so fun.

And just like, yeah. Am I allowed to go to the bar? Of course, yeah, absolutely. It's a safe space for, well, I'm sure she'll. Has she opened it yet? The Girls, the Gay Bar? No, not yet. Yes, exactly, exactly, exactly.

When it does open, can we go? And can we take some friends? Absolutely. Liv Spa. Do we know what it's going to be called? No, nothing. We have no idea. Oh, this is so exciting.

I can't wait for the update. I'm invested now. I feel you have to keep us like in the loop on everything as she plans it. Of course. I'll keep you guys posted. But yeah, the name thing has really been stressing a lot of people out. It's hard. It's hard.

Naming a business is hard. Naming a bar is harder. Exactly. Because you want it to be like classy, but not too classy. And you want it to be just one word. Approachable. Something that's easy. Yeah.

Something that will look nice on Instagram. You know, all these things. Aesthetics. I already used it. Sorry. Oh, Zella. Yeah, okay. We'll go with Zella.

Yeah, perfect. If that's okay. Zella bar. Say less. Say less. All right. Well, would you guys like another five-star review? Absolutely, please.

Because I have one this week. We, as in Beck and I, recorded an episode the other day. And at the end, we said, could you please, like, leave more reviews? Because they obviously push our algorithm and help new friends find us, which it's working, guys. It's working. we're getting some new friends but then I said you should also say really nice things about Beck and Beck said oh I'd hate that um so we have one and it's all about you um so are you ready so

five-star review from somebody whose username is actually just numbers I'm not gonna read that out I love Beck oh my god please never take Beck off the show she's so relatable and always says what I'm thinking I love her she's awesome oh my god I completely agree that's the whole review that's the whole review thank you thank you just about you baby oh my god that's so nice i really do love this and in even if i say that i don't it's just because i get shy but i really really love it stop it i love it your embodiment of have you seen those videos going around where it'll be like i'm so shy and then it'll be someone doing something like crazy like dancing on a bar or whatever. I feel like that's you. I'm so shy. And Bex's like, yep, karaoke? Me first.

That is really sweet. Thank you so much. One, two, three, eight, nine, seven. I really, that's really made my day. It was very, very sweet. All right. Now moving into, I guess, the juice of the show, Jessica Ricci. You're going to share our favourite money wins. What are they this week? Alrighty, this week. Firstly, I've got one from Christine who said she's paid her car loan off this week old her would have used this as an excuse to upgrade and just take out another car loan but educated her knows that her toyota corolla is going to last her forever and now she's got a hundred dollars a week to put towards paying off her credit card debt instead that is so good the mindset shift yes your whole mindset is shifting and like

that feels good and especially when you're able to identify it like sometimes you don't see that your mindset is changing but she's seen it well done queen next i've got a money win from brianna who said money win i've been away for 25 days on holiday and during that time i had my roundups turned on on my bank account totally forgot that she'd done it all of the spending that they did while they were away on holidays left her with an additional 520 dollars in her bank account oh my goodness so cool also how much spending were you doing no judgment i'm assuming she's turned on like a higher like yes no judgment literally I'm just like oh girl like I have like I think 50 cents way to make it work for you next I got a money win from Olivia who said with Mother's Day

coming up my mum sent me a Pinterest post of some crochet potholders that she loved luckily for me I already had a stash of crochet cotton in her favorite colors and the skills to match so I whipped up a set of three for her they're handmade they're personal and best of all they didn't cost me a scent i love that that's so great handmade gifts i feel are so fantastic yes um we would like to put in an order for more of those jess biscuits yeah i'll say i can do cookies um and they were very very good and this was what like two months ago at this point and we still haven't stopped talking i know honestly they turn anything a little bit of salt into a wild animal like filthy i just take a bite and then i'm like i like you know you get that food noise and then

my mouth waters. And then I just, it's, I turned to a beast. Oh, that makes me so happy. I'm glad you guys like them. I'll definitely make you some more. But the crochet thing, incredible. Amazing. Very well done, Olivia. And then last of this week, I've got a money win from Angie, who said she saved up for a ticket to see a theater production of her favorite book at QPAC. She booked a bougie hotel for the night so she didn't have to drive home from the city. It took her months to save up, but she said she's so excited to be a queen for a night. that is actually so sweet there is nothing like making an event out of like one thing like if you're gonna go go all out yeah because it's gonna become a cool memory and i think the theater is

such a i don't know what it is about life it feels extra fancy seeing a player a musical a hundred i go out and i'm like oh this is like a night on the town yeah right i feel so right even if you just get dumplings beforehand or something or you're just like scoffing a muesli bar in your hotel room like it just feels good it's fun to romanticize life and well and dress up and spend like five more minutes on your hair and makeup feel nice as well absolutely good job for saving up and for something you want like it's okay to spend on things 100 it is it's about the journey not just the destination totally and that's it for me this week gorgeous love miss beck syed what have you got when it comes to broke tips yes so okay i have as usual have two from the community and one of my

own. So this first one comes from Lil. I think this is so clever. And I mean, I don't, I don't encourage this for like small businesses, but like maybe like bigger companies where it just like doesn't really matter at all. This is what Lil says. This is super povo, but F shipping prices, I'll spend over the minimum to get free postage, then return the unwanted items. If you want to, if it's easier for you, you pay with afterpay. It doesn't cost too much upfront. And then when refunded it kind of comes off after pay as well so i think if you have the money to do that and if it's not because it's like sometimes like only nine dollars but you have to return it too you do have to return it but often like if it's like you know asos or something that's double check they do

free returns yeah yeah double check they do free that's actually a good idea double check they do free returns because otherwise you're like oh good i'm paying lots of money some places they'll just take it out of like your refund amount yeah totally I just I really wish and I know that this is like still paying for it but just like build shipping into the price like if it's a it's a $10 item and you're charging me $15 but I get free shipping I feel like I've won you've won everyone's paying for their postage I'm not trying to find a sneaky way around it yeah exactly just gaslight me it's fine um this next one comes from megan or megan i never know how well it depends because like different people might well exactly right different exactly right enunciations megan

says sign up for free pet food samples on company websites example prime 100 equals free pet food prime 100 is that yeah lucy is prime 100 yes that's a good one so you get free you can get free samples from them i don't know if you know that that's cool that they do sam that is really really cool so she loves it so like i would say you don't even need a sample because i have the world's fussiest dog but like go get that because that's not cheap yeah like prime 100 is not like some pedigree stuff that you can get at supermarket like it's the stuff that you can only get at the pet shop yeah and it's annoying because it's like good for them but like good for them usually equals more expensive yes and then your dog falls in love with it and you're trapped in a cycle of

purchasing only that i didn't even know you could get samples of stuff like that that's so cool neither did i until now you can also do that with and i know this because you know i'm a gym bro so you're like supplement you gym bro samples and stuff like that you can get them from certain websites you're too nice to be a gym bro that is really nice you don't give gym bro vibes i'm so sorry i'm not so far i'm actually not allowing you to identify as that that's so fair it probably also is the lack of definition and muscle tone no you are looking buff and also thank you maybe you're just keeping your muscles warm exactly wrapping them in an extra little bit of love exactly we're going into winter you're strong as hell that's the sexy part that's really nice

thank you so much oh my god you guys i feel so happy i'm calling i'm calling her girlfriend Jess to let her know that I'm not in fact hitting on Beck. I just think she's really nice. Just stating the truth. That's all. That's so sweet. Well, thank you so much. And I hope you think this is hotter, what I'm about to say. Yeah. I changed my brake pads over the weekend just because like that was like something I was going to do anyway. But then I like Googled because I was curious to know how much that costs. You changed your brake pads. And it's like $250. Yes. I didn't even know Or you could change your own brake pads. And I tell you what, it is exceptionally easy.

It depends what car you have, I think. But I just have like a little Toyota Echo. So it's very easy for me. If you know how to change a tire, you have immediate access to your brake pads. While you're there, you may as well just do it. You know what I mean? While you're there, you may as well do it. What about changing your brake pads?

The annoying thing is when you watch YouTube tutorials and stuff, they don't often give you like, they'll just throw out words and you don't know what they mean. they do that in the finance community yeah exactly car bros gym bros creating investing yes so if you are watching a video and you're like i can physically see what they're doing but they're using a term that i don't understand message me and i'll run you through everything but also the sorry the main point with that was that the brake pads cost me that just like it was four pads it was like two for each front oh yeah okay um brakes and that was it was 61.99

I'm so impressed. Just super cheap auto. It's $1, $62 really, but at the mechanic it could be like $250, $300. Several hundred, yeah. Exactly. So my broke tip is let me know and I'll tell you everything and then we can do this on the cheap. We're all going to learn together.

We'll learn together. I'm obsessed with this. And that's me for this week. Oh, I love that. All right, let's go to a really quick break because on the flip side, it's going to get juicy, guys. We are asking about whether you should be choosing between adding extra to your super or saving for a home. And then something that we've got no idea

how Jess feels about is whether you should still give a wedding gift if you've already spent more than $1,000 on being in the bridal party. So don't go anywhere. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve, the She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma. Hi, guys. My question is around whether it is better to salary sacrifice into super or put

that money towards a home deposit. At the moment I'm in a position within my career where I earn enough to comfortably afford to salary sacrifice into my super and max it out every year. At the same time I'm currently saving for a home deposit and if I don't salary sacrifice into my super I expect to have a decent deposit together within a year and could borrow a decent amount for decent enough property. So my question is, would it be better in the long run to max out super knowing that it could potentially affect my borrowing power and delay my savings goal or wait until I have purchased a property and then salary sacrifice into my super? Thank you. I have questions about where this information is coming from, because if you're saying that

that would decrease your borrowing power to have more of an asset, I would politely disagree. Maybe it's like the taxable income is lower if you, because salary sacrifice is before tax. Maybe that's what they mean. Like it looks like their taxable income is lower. I don't know if that makes sense. Does that make sense? That just makes sense. Okay. Well, interestingly enough, you're saying, and like, let's just say that you and I have had a chat. I need to make some assumptions to have this conversation very cleanly. So I sat down and this person is basically Jessica Ricci. She wants to buy a house. Doesn't matter. Like that's just the goal, right? So we know you want to purchase a home and you're saying, should I be doing salary sacrificing into super? The

question I have for you is, are you aware of the first home super saver scheme? It is a mouthful, but a very cool program, which means you can salary sacrifice into super and then pull your money out after for your home deposit. And to me, it is a no brainer that you would put your money into a first home super saver scheme to essentially get more of a deposit so that when it comes time to buy, like you're ahead of the game. So if I make an assumption that you are on what is known as like the most popular marginal tax rate, which in Australia at the moment is 30%. If you contributed. So like, let's say that you contributed the max amount. So you're saying that you are contributing the max amount to super already, like as in you can cap it out because

you've got cashflow, which is very sexy. The highest amount that you can contribute on an annual basis to the first home super saver scheme, sorry, it's a mouthful and I've just got a lot to get out, is $15,000 a year annually. You can do that up to five years in a row, which means you could cap it out. But like, let's say that you do that over three years. So that means that over five years, you could essentially contribute up to $50,000, which is the cap of that scheme. So let's pretend that you earn $100,000 because you've told me that you have free cash flow. So I'm assuming you aren't on like $50,000 because like that would be tight. So let's say that your salary sacrifice contribution, so is taxed at 15% inside the superannuation environment.

So $10,000 times 15% is $1,500 tax per year. And then your net contribution would be $10,000 minus $1,500, which is the tax that they cut off the top when it goes in is $8,500. But if you did that inside your like savings account, that tax would actually be double because your marginal tax rate is 30%. So therefore it's $3,000 instead of $1,500. So you're able to contribute less, right? So then if you'd saved annually, like $10,000 outside of super, you'd actually be left with seven grand each year instead of eight and a half. So you're going to get more bang for your buck by putting it into the first home super saver scheme. And over five years, $7,000 times five is $35,000, which is actually $7,500 less than if you'd use the

first term super saver scheme. And I'm pretty sure that if I asked any person purchasing their first time, Jess, Jessica Richie, would you like $7,500 of free money by following this scheme while saving for your first time? Say less. Like it is a smart scheme that puts you in the right position. I would actually be also speaking to a mortgage broker because it sounds like you have really high cashflow. You're conflicted about whether you should be adding more subannuation or you should be saving for your first time. Get a plan. Like go speak to a broker, work out what your borrowing capacity is, what type of deposit you actually need and all of that. Because then once your mortgage broker says, okay, well, again, I'm going to use Jessica

as an example, because I can't give personal advice. Just sits down and says, okay, cool. Like I've worked out that, you know, this amount of money needs to go to my house deposit each month, but I actually have a hundred dollars extra now to quote play with. And I could decide that that goes into my house deposit, or it could go into super. You can choose whether you want to put it into your house deposit to get into the property market quicker, or you could put it into super knowing that it doesn't impact your ability to get into your dream home. Does that make sense? Yeah. Jess, what are your plans? So I did, I have used that scheme. I've capped it out. I think it's a great one. Genius. I wonder who suggested that. That must be so smart.

So clever. I believe that if you were salary sacrificing the cap without the intention of using the scheme, because you can also do that without salary sacrificing, you can make post-tax contributions as well. But I believe if you were just salary sacrificing into super without using a scheme, the amount you can contribute is higher. So the amount you could potentially reduce your taxable income by is higher. So it also depends, I guess, on what your goals are specifically. Cause as you said, for me, it's all about the house deposit. Like that's where my priority is. Like all of my spare money is pretty much going into that deposit. Like that's where all my funds are being funneled. But I do understand that there are, in addition to the

tax benefits, there's the compounding benefits as well within super, but you can also invest outside of super as well that's also an option if you want to take advantage of that my personal take on it is a year is not that long of a time if you're saying no you could only use fifteen thousand dollars worth of the first home super saver scheme as well yes or if you're smart sorry to jump in here financial yeah yeah it's may and it is yeah exactly it is the financial year so if it's may you could put fifteen thousand dollars in today and then come july the first you could put another $15,000 in, thus making it in a calendar year, $30,000. But in each financial year, you've only done $15,000. Yes, totally. So I think like, to me, a year is not that long

to pursue one goal really strongly. If you want to get into the house, you said you could have your deposit within a year. That's crazy. And also really cool. Really impressive. My inclination would probably be to pursue that utilizing the scheme, knowing that I'm getting the, you know, some tax benefits, but you also have to be aware that, you know, that money is impacted within super in the same way that the share market is. So we've seen a lot of volatility, you know, recently with all the stuff going on in the US. So that's also something I guess to keep in mind as well. Totally. And I feel like that's, I guess it's so hard to say, okay, well you should do this or this. My best advice, honestly, go talk to a mortgage broker. If you're buying within the next

year. They want to talk to you now anyway. They want to prep you, make sure that you're using the first home super saver scheme. They want to make sure that if there are any grants or schemes that we can apply for, we're getting you in the door on that ASAP because some grants and some schemes are capped. So they only have like, you know, a couple of thousand people able to use them. Therefore, I want to get your name on that list ASAP. Like 12 months is not that long of a period of time. So like start having those conversations now because they're going to give you a cash flow. they're gonna help you be in the best possible position any other additional thoughts before we talk about wedding drama no i was just gonna say why not both it seems like this

like this money coming in does it have to be one or the other you know what i mean i wonder if they can push the goal out that's a good point like you could say if they're taking a year to save a house deposit take two years maybe and yeah yeah double dip that's what i'm thinking like it doesn't have to be because super is very hard to can be very hard to access even if you have like, you know, this first home super saver scheme thing going on. I had worked in super before and I just know it's like so much paperwork. So it's like if you split it right down the middle, then you have access freely to one and also the other,

but just without. Fair call. Would you like some juicy wedding gossip? Yes, please. Okay. So the DM we got this week is giving. All right. Hey, she's on the money.

I need the community's opinion on this. so my husband's in the groom's party for his mate's wedding and it's already cost us so much like the suit bucks night travel accommodation not to mention all the time we've given with organizing and running around now the wedding's finally here and he wants us to gift them a gift too and I'm like um didn't we already give them enough I know giving a present is the thing people do but we've spent more than a thousand dollars already just for him to be a part of the wedding I don't think we should have to give anything else. He reckons it's really rude not to, but like, do people actually give a wedding gift after spending so much money already?

Or am I just being tight? What would you do? I don't think a gift is necessary, but I also have, I'm very lucky to have friends that are not super traditional. So I guess if I was going to a more traditional wedding and I wasn't like super good friends with these people, it sounds like they are good friends because they're in the bridal and groom party. But yeah, I just couldn't, I just wouldn't like, I don't even, some people don't have that much money to spend anyway. Like if you're invited into like a bridal party or a groom's party, it can be very anxiety inducing being like, Oh my God, now I've got to spend all this money that I, it just was not in my future. It was not in my plan. You have, maybe you have every single thing lined up and any kind of like

hump in the road or whatever, like you just not prepared for that. And then as soon as a friend of yours is like would you be my maid of honor or my groomsman or something and and like it can be very anxiety inducing you might just literally physically not have the money to even be part of that but so you are and you do spend all this money i don't think a gift is necessary i don't think a gift is ever necessary even if you're not in the bridal or groom party just do whatever you can afford like if you go and you literally can all you can afford is a card just do that i think a card it's really nice right yeah I just don't think if they have a wishing well even just putting a card in with like your thoughts don't like write to Victoria from Beck like that doesn't

mean all that much but like put some nice thoughts I would much prefer that than cash same yeah absolutely I don't think we should be forcing this isn't even just like suggesting it's like weddings are wild weddings are insane yeah it's almost you're almost forcing your friends to spend money that they might literally not have. Like sometimes I have $12 to my name in total. And if I had a wedding to go to that same weekend, then I would just be screwed. There's no money there. What can I do? You know, you either get a loan, you go into debt. What do you do? You just should not be putting that pressure on people. You don't have to bring it. And you also don't know. You don't know. I don't, I don't think a gift is necessary in no way. Jess, what are you

doing? Oh, I completely agree. I, when you said, I don't think a gift is necessary ever. I feel Like that's such a true statement. Yeah. And I know that. Are you having a wedding to get gifts? Yeah. And I know that there's cultural standards that, you know, you have to consider as well and things like that.

But I think particularly the expectation now in pre-wedding activities, you know, the bridal shower, the hens, the bucks, like there's so many things, so many opportunities, like it can be quite hard to participate in all of them. I love when people say your presence is the present. Like to me, a wedding is about celebrating two people's love. And gifts. Nope.

There's no little asterisk at the bottom. It's just two people coming together on whatever scale that is, whether it's a courthouse wedding and you meet friends for a picnic in the garden afterwards, whether you have a wedding with 100 people there or 200 people there. The point is it's about two people falling in love and solidifying that. Yeah, and I understand that we want to celebrate that. And for those of us, a lot of gifting is our love language

and I totally get that perspective, but I think we need to step away a little bit from the expectation that it's about anything more than just love. It's the two people coming together to celebrate and be like, we're in love. We want you to share that love. In my mind, that's where the expectation should end.

And I know that there's like the standard of, you know, you cover your seats or blah, blah, blah. In the beam with that. Yeah, I do understand. I don't love that. I've had friends, they've had wishing wells. Of course we've contributed, but I don't love it because it does feel transactional. I think the important thing

to caveat here is I know that there are a lot of cultural differences as well. Like right now we are talking, assuming that this person doesn't have any of those cultural overlays of like, oh no, there is the expectation that you'd give cash or you'd do this or that, because I'm assuming they would have disclosed that to us in the letter in, right? So I'm just assuming that this is a very standard way of doing things. And when it comes to the cultural side of things, hop off. Like, I think that is fantastic. And you guys honor a wedding in the way that makes sense to you. We're just talking about it in, I would say, the most Western way. Like, is that fair to say? Because I don't want people going, oh, well, it's actually good luck for us

to gift money or actually that's a part of our culture and you have to do a gift otherwise it's xyz like totally that's a different conversation I think than a bride being like I expect a wedding gift if you're coming to my wedding after spending a thousand dollars to be there well that's it and even the expectation that you've had to spend a thousand dollars ahead of time I think is pretty crazy like that's a huge expectation to put on someone I know that there have been many a year when friends of mine have got married that if that was the expectation on me like I wouldn't have been able to participate no yeah absolutely and like I'm gonna be really spicy here because I've always been like oh it's your wedding it's your values like I have had a wedding and I'm a

firm believer that your bridal party should never pay a cent to be your bridal party they are there to support you if you want them wearing a particular dress you buy it you want them to be wearing a particular pair of shoes that is on you as the bride and groom to purchase it and if like this is going to sound real spicy and I don't even mind. If you cannot afford to clothe and pay for all of the expenses of your bridal party, you cannot afford to have a bridal party. Full stop, end of story. I find it insane to think that I might turn around to Jess and be like, Jess, I'd love you to be a part of my wedding to celebrate only me and my husband. And that's actually going to cost you a thousand dollars to just participate because I don't know, I think

after having had my wedding and then having had so many conversations about this and like I know of a girl who got married and had been going around communicating that she's had a more expensive wedding because she expects all of her family and friends to contribute generously to the wishing well and that would then cover the wedding that's crazy I think that is insane behavior like actually insane to be putting your financial burdens as a responsibility onto your family and friends. So like, I know that that's not going to go down well with a lot of people, but genuinely, if you cannot afford to pay for all of the expenses of your bridal party, don't have one. Yeah. Yeah. Or like, you know, like the dress thing, like I love it when I see

weddings where everyone's worn like one of their own dresses. Can everyone wear, you know, if you all have a blue dress, like is that something everyone has? Can you all wear your favorite blue dress? Or, you know, there's ways to do it that it doesn't put the pressure on. But I think a lot of weddings and it's probably with the rise of social media but a lot of it feels very like almost like keeping up with people one-upping people like very performative almost yeah 100% and not to diminish like anyone who's had a big beautiful wedding like I know Victoria your wedding was no no no my wedding was over the top Beck it was insane and I regret not one part of that but the entire thing we had because that's what Steve and I wanted and like I was like I

posted about it online but like I think Jess you were there we didn't host most of the wedding online because it wasn't actually about that it wasn't about what it looked like but now I'm like looking back and going oh my god like we spent so much money on that yeah do people think that that was performative oh my god no it was so that people like Jess and you know if I had known you at the time that you could have had a bomb time at my wedding because I wanted guests to walk away being like oh you had the best time yes I think we achieved that absolutely and I think like ultimately the crux that I think is if they're your friends I would hope that they're not going to hold it against you if you don't get them a gift like that's what you mean don't treat

friends that way they're there they're there to celebrate their love they want you to be a part of that because you're obviously a very special person in their life and so my thought would be that there's no pressure or expectation on you to give them anything above and beyond your your presents 100% yeah what did everybody else oh my god oh god so juicy sit down strap in we asked a few questions first as always we said if you already spent heaps to be in the wedding should you still give a gift 21% of you said yep of course 23% of you said no being in the wedding party is enough 20% said it depends on what we have spent and then 36% of you said I would give something small. It's pretty even split. Pretty across the board. That's not where it gets spicy.

We then said, would you feel rude turning up without a gift? 10% of you said, only if I'd already done so much. 19% of you said, nope, gifts shouldn't be expected. 20% said, depends on how close we were. 51% of you said, yep, I couldn't turn up to a wedding without one. I get the anxiety. I get it. But then you show up and the people aren't even there yet. Like I feel like you could definitely get away with, like no one's seeing you walking with a gift. It's like sneak in the back door. Yeah, like a ride shows up after you. Unethical money hack, put a card on the table, gift table, that mentions in the card,

hope you love the gift. We put a lot of thought into it. And then they won't know which gift you got and cards fall off things all the time. That's very true. Don't do that. That's terrible advice from an ex-financial advisor. but we also said to the community what is your two cents first cab off the rank a gift can be sentimental and doesn't have to cost anything at all so i think that that's very beck coded because i think that you would turn up to a wedding with a gift but it doesn't necessarily have to be cash or money or like love hard 100 yes there's a lot of clapping hand emojis in this so i'm not going to read all of those out but in between each word is a clapping emoji so don't

have bridal parties you can't afford to pay for. Amen. That's it. That's it. Copycat, but okay. Next person said, weddings are money sucks. Give them 50 bucks. I mean, it's true. Somebody else said, and this is a two-parter, I spent two grand total being in a friend's wedding and now we barely speak because I actually can't get past it. I'm actually paying for my entire hen's party weekend because of this so nobody else is out that's two thousand dollars it's just such a staggering amount I know for something you don't you didn't have any control over for me it's the same as getting into a car accident and your friend asking you to be in the bridal party I'm like wow here's this huge unexpected cost that I didn't prepare for it's no not like it's actually wild right and

I keep bringing this back to me I think because I've had a wedding but also I'm a finance person Like I was a financial advisor. I talk about money all the time. I run she's on the money. And when I was starting to plan my wedding, one of the first conversations I had with my husband was like, Hey, like, I don't think we've seen any of our friends do this. Cause like my husband had been in a plethora of bridal parties before grooms parties or whatever we want to call them. And like, so would I, and we'd all paid for it. And like, I'd actually never held a grudge. So like, just to be very clear, if I was in your bridal party and you asked me to pay, I don't feel bad, but then my opinion is very different to like the facilitation of that,

right? Like you asked me, I'm actually willing to do that. That's fine. No skin off my back. But when it came to my wedding, I sat down and said to my husband, our bridal party doesn't lift a finger. Like they do not, like they're there for us. They do not spend a cent like on their suits, on their makeup, on their shoes. And I even paid so much for my own hen's weekends and hence trips that we went on because I was like I'm not having other people pay for something that I'm getting like yeah hopefully they enjoyed it but like this was for me like this wasn't for anybody else yeah so for me I was just very adamant that the money would come from me and my idea on that was that if I couldn't afford it we wouldn't be doing those things because if you

can't afford it why would your friends be able to afford it and people don't love you less because they don't have that money to give you. Absolutely not. Another comment was something needs to give with weddings. It's not actually realistic in 2025 to do this any longer. Yeah, 100%. The entire financial landscape has changed. So that is so true. Another person said you don't have to accept being in the wedding party and you can always set boundaries on finance, which is true. But like if your best friend or someone you're so close with is like, I would love for you to stand by me on arguably the most important day of my life it's a big question yeah yeah and that's so beautiful it doesn't all come back to finances which is why like there's a split between

me going if somebody asked me to be part of their bridal party and I had to pay no grudge but I'm very much of the opinion that if you want to speak from a financial perspective that should not be the burden of the people participating yes another person I'm going to do two more another person said why do hens and bucks have to be so extravagant these days what is wrong with a simple afternoon or night out with the boys totally another person and this is the last you will never regret giving a gift you may end up regretting not giving one though you can give one later yeah that's true oh also bonus one someone said make a loping great again honestly yeah it's quite funny here for it oh please like if anybody wants to get married elope yeah elope go to the

courthouse and then have a dinner with your family and friends i think it's so cute no no no just to turn up one day jess and be like by the way i'm married like yeah yeah why not absolutely i love it anyway guys it has been a good little chat what a good friday episode yeah gorgeous so we'll see you guys bright and early on monday morning for a money diary and have the best weekend bye guys the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision if you do choose to buy a financial product read the pds tmd and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards

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