She's On The Money - Spending Is My Love Language

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

It's Fri-yay! Celebrate with the team back together this week as J-Ric shares your money wins and losses, B-Sy brings the best Broke Tips, and V-Dev sheds light on how the Medicare safety net threshold works in this week's Money Dilemma. Plus, what is your love language in a relationship? What do you do when your other half likes to spend up big, but you prefer a more budget conscious approach? Listen back to what the gals have to say. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, my friends, it is Friday, which means we actually have gotten the team back together. And we are here to celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Ms. Jessica Riucci is going to be sharing our favorite money wins. We've got Bex Syed on board to share her best broke tips. We're going to be helping to answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about Medicare rebates. And we're going to be unpacking something you slid into our DMs about buying gifts in relationships, which I think can be a little bit of a fun topic. I can't wait to see what the community has said. But before we get there,

Jessica. Hello. Are you feeling better? I am. The flu knocked me for six, but that's okay. I'm back and better than ever. My favorite thing about that is that you just were refusing to let it get you down. You were like, oh, can you just jump on Zoom? And I'm like, no, you need to go to bed. and you're like, I just really want to do this one thing and I'm like, okay, no worries, let's do this one thing and then I'm like, you look like you died. Could you please go to bed? I don't do well with not being able to do anything.

Yeah, no, I get that. I'm the same. But as your employer, I think it's important that I push you to go back to bed. Appreciate it. It just feels so irresponsible to be on a Zoom with someone who is unwell. I'm like, go to bed.

That's very sweet of you, V. It's not even about the business. I just feel guilty, Bec. Yeah, that's fair. Like, why are you doing this, please? It doesn't matter. So you're better. You're back on board.

This is very good. Bex Syed, how has your week been? Did you like doing an episode without Jeffs? Was that good? No, I didn't like it. Oh, you didn't like it? I love hanging out with you one-on-one. Oh, good save.

But I love when it's the three of us, to be honest. I think the three of us make the episode. Yeah, I think so. It's way better with Jeffs here. So much better. So I'm glad you're back. We just went rogue. There was nobody to keep us in line or tell us to stop.

I feel bad for Annalisa. We stopped listening to Annalisa. No, you're joking. We were like, block her out, block her out. But when you're on a mic, you just whip us back into shape. Yes, exactly. Back on track. In a kind, gentle way.

Oh, my gosh. So we've had good weeks, have we? Yeah, really good week. Good to hear. I'm very excited. Let's dive straight in. I really want to know, Miss Jessica Ricci, I got to do this last week and it was actually so much fun.

I was kind of like, oh, I hope Jess isn't around this week so I get to do it again. But what were your favourite money wins and confessions from the community this week? My first money win this week comes from Erin who said, money win, I wanted cocktail glasses for my T-Swizzle birthday party on Saturday. Your T-Swizzle birthday party.

And I was very tempted to buy the Kmart glasses, but $16 for four was a no. So I went to the op shop and I got six glasses for $4 and another six for $6. What's a money win? So she got 12 for $10. Whoa, that's so good. Good quick maths.

I don't know, not the fastest, but we got there. You know what, we did it. We got there. Speaking about getting there, I really don't think my invite to the T-Swizzle party got there. No. What a fear of getting there. No.

Must have missed my inbox. What do you think people, do you dress up at a T-Swizzle birthday party? Surely. Yeah, surely. It would be really good. Either you pick your favourite era or your favourite outfit. What's T-Swizzle? Wait, what?

Sorry, I was thinking. Are you done? Ignore me, actually. Immediately, no. Both your faces were kind of scary to see. You both like literally stopped and turned very slowly toward me. I thought she was doing it to bait us. No.

I didn't realise it was legit. I wish it was a bit. Bec. Yes. You literally work for a radio station. It's from the song. It's in a song. T-Swizzle.

T-Swizzle, T-Pain, rapping on the same track. No, we're talking about Taylor Swift. Definitely. Okay, cool. Oh, she's onto it. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. You know what's slower than Jess's quick maths? What?

You. Jess, what else have you got? Next, I've got a win from Karen who said, after binging and starting my She's in the Money journey, I paid off my afterpay. Congrats and welcome to the family. I know. I also figured out what I want to be when I grow up

after a lifetime of being indecisive. Oh, how cool. That's actually the biggest win ever. That's a life win. Yeah, that's great. And now I'm really curious. So, Karen, please report back. Please report back.

Next, I've got a money win from Amanda. Was it Karen? She wants to be the manager. So different. C-A-R-O-N. Oh, she wants to be... She doesn't want to be the manager. She doesn't want to be the manager.

She probably wants to be a zoologist. Something fancy that. Moving on. Next money win I've got is from Amanda who said, I finally gave in and took my 16-year-old up shopping, walked out with a RoboVac for $50. That's a money win. Purchased a replacement filter pack with new brush rollers and stuff for $100

and now I'm the proud owner of what would have cost almost $600 for the same model. That's a money win. That is a great win. That is a great win. RoboVac will change your life. My name's, like, my robo-vac, its name's Jeeves, and, like, Jeeves is quite dramatic. But do you remember when we stuck googly eyes on it?

Yeah. Like, really big ones. Was I meant to take them off? Can I see your photo? I will find you. We'll find you a photo. There's a whole video of it. There's a reel on our Instagram.

Yeah, it's very funny. I'll show you after. Next, I've got a money win from Linda, who said, I'm a third-year nursing student and currently on my last placement. Parking at the hospital is expensive. There is a concession and student rate. Normally parking would cost $25 for eight hours for the public.

Concession is only eight. I also ended up getting free parking one day because my Apple Pay got declined and I rang for assistance and after what felt like five minutes of delay, the security guy just let me go. Oh, that's a money win. But also, are you joking? You as a baby nurse? No, but like you should not be paying for parking.

You already are doing so many hours of unpaid work and now you also have to pay for parking. You have to pay for the privilege in the bin. I have so many thoughts about that. We should do a whole episode, Jess, about the system that I do not believe in, unpaid, sorry, internships and unpaid placements because in 2023, that I need. There's such privilege in it. Like what if you want to become a nurse but you moved out of home at 16

and don't have the capacity to, you know, go and do unpaid work because it's just not within the breadth of your budget. It's $120 if you're working five days a week just on parking. That's insane. That's insane. And you have to meet a certain amount of, anyway. We're not going to even get there. Don't get on the rant.

Get off the rant. Get off the rant train. Save it for later. That is not a deep dive episode, Victoria. Next, I've got a money win from Brooke, who said, I used Shopback to buy $200 in vouchers for the Iconic as a gift to myself. Genius. Used Shopback earnings entirely to pay for them,

and then I made $20 cash back on my purchase. Oh, who are you? That's great. Gamed the system. incredible and lastly I have a money win from Natalie who said I took my parents out for Italian for Father's Day dinner we didn't order dessert we grabbed 80 cent Macca's cones on the drive home instead biggest serving ever and I wanted to bring this to your attention because Natalie gave us a photo it's chocolate and vanilla in one I'm sorry what they do the two-tone did

anybody else know that this was a thing I don't know where that is either because the cones near my house are like a dollar so what in the money win I don't know but I need someone to tell me is this a thing do they now have chocolate soft serve and this is just gone above our heads well and this one is chocolate vanilla swept together like Jess is like I need them both I don't just need a chocolate do you remember chocolo from Wendy's oh my god Wendy's was so good that was the best ice cream I don't know so you remember Wendy's the place that did the hot dogs yes yes yes they used to have like a soft serve machine and it was like I think it was like I think it was marketed as like a diet ice cream it was called chocolate yeah we don't stand diet ice

cream but I think it was marketed as like a lower fat option okay and so like the mums were around it but I was obsessed it was chocolate soft serve full stop end of story I don't care how many calories it does or doesn't have like I'm there for the chocolate soft serve seriously incredible and that's my last money win for the week I love that thank you for that I feel like I'm inspired And we're all going to go through the drive-thru on the way home. I mean, I am planning on getting some sneaky chippies because I deserve them. You do. Everybody deserves some sneaky Macca's chippies.

They're not a money win though. Bec. Yes. What have you got this week for your broke tips? Okay. Strap in. Oh. Actually, nothing super exciting.

I'm sorry to get your hopes up. But I would say very useful. I'm excited. So that's the best kind of broke tip. Let's be honest. Best kind of broke tip. My first broke tip for this week comes from Emily, who has said, for those with babies, there are lots of free things to do with babies run by the libraries, councils, community centres to take babies to, like sing time, play groups, baby massage courses that are sometimes $150 privately. That's kind of cool.

That is really cool. I didn't even know that was a thing. Maybe because no one at this table has babies. Yeah, exactly. But still, for anyone listening who does have little babies, but basically the council pays for them. It's a great way to meet new parent friends or go with friends instead of going to a brunch or something that's more expensive. That's so smart. And a good way to get out of the house while on parental leave when the money is often tight.

Yeah, because if you're on parental leave, you're either being unpaid, like you're maybe down to one income or have unpaid leave completely. Or maybe you're like on half pay or something. Totally. And money is tight. And what you forget is that like nappies and baby basics are actually really expensive and do eat into your budget. Totally. Do you know a hack? Obviously, complete side note. A hack that one of my girlfriends did recently at a baby shower, and I just thought it was so smart. So they didn't find out the

gender. They were having like a baby shower that was also the gender reveal. And they said, bring wipes if you think it's a boy and bring nappies if you think it's a girl. Oh, that's clever. That's great. So she like got to stock up on all these basics she actually needed instead of like six million cute outfits, which I guarantee she's already bought and I already bought for her. So she didn't need more outfits but she definitely needed nappies and she definitely needed wipes and I was like that's genius. Yeah that's very clever. Sorry that's my that's my input to the broke tip. I love

that. Ask for what you need is it? Yeah ask for what you need. Exactly have a little registry. I think that's smart. I love that. My second broke tip this week comes from Nicole who says buy woolly salads when they are on sale for one to two dollars on Friday afternoons. They are still fine for a few days for lunches and dinners over the weekend and to start off your work week and they are a quarter of the price as well. So that's pretty cool. I didn't even know they did that. Good to know what day. Yeah, actually good to know that it's like a Friday. It might be different for different like locations, but maybe have a snoop. Also shopping close to 9pm when they do their markdowns is a good time. Sweep in and get the deals. And do you know what else is really

good that I've learned recently from TikTok? I feel like all I do is talk about TikTok on this podcast. This is basically she's on TikTok, not she's on the money, is you can buy those cheap salad mixes but if you get the coleslaw one you can just use it in a stir fry so it's like the stir fry base because obviously like cabbage and carrot and all of that stuff you put in a stir fry like if it's marked down yeah there's your stir fry veggies for real cheap that's clever V hey what have you got though what's your actual brogue tip because I feel like I've interrupted with a few sneaky ones this week sorry not sorry um so my one for this week is have you guys heard of E-Club? It's an app. No. It's like a... I've heard of it. Yes. But I can't remember what they

do. That's fair. Sorry. Well, I actually hadn't heard of it, but my friend was telling me about how she went to, it's basically an app where you can search like locations around your restaurants, foodie sort of places and see what kind of deals they've got going on. You might be able to find a 50% off whole meal or whatever you've got. Wow. Well, that's a good deal. You just have a little peruse on the app if you're wanting to go out. It's more so like you're broke, but you're not too broke that you can't go out with mates, but you still want to not spend too much money. That's quite smart. Go on an e-club, find what's around you, see what's cheap, see what's on special,

last minute deals, and you might find yourself a very cheap, affordable night out. Love that. Yeah, I think that's genius. I am a little bit disappointed that you weren't going to tell us there was a club that existed purely for eating. Like there's chess club. My favourite kind of club. Yeah, like Jess and I are going to be like boots and all in. I mean, we're still boots and all in just in a different way. The excitement is quite different. Yeah, that's fair. But I think that's really cool. Yeah. It's really cool. So download it right now. So

you can just save money when you're already going to catch up and go out with friends. Exactly. Money win. All right. Let's go to a really quick break because on the flip side, we have a juicier topic. And when I say juicier, I don't mean like... Juicy like a steak? No, I don't mean juicy like a steak, Jessica. I mean like it's probably going to be a bit meaty. So I want to like leave enough time to talk about it because we're talking about Medicare rebates. And then we're also going to be unpacking a DM that you guys wanted us to chat about on the show. This week, we're talking buying gifts in relationships. So don't go anywhere. We will be right back. Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma.

Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hey, girls. I was just wondering if you understand the Medicare safety net threshold. I've currently just had an overwhelming amount of medical bills all come at the same time due to multiple injuries and illnesses. And, you know, when it rains, it pours, it seems. But yeah, I'm just wondering if you know much about the Medicare safety net

threshold and how I can sort of try and get some money back or save where I can with all of these upcoming expenses such as specialists and GP appointments and scans and everything like that. Thank you. This is a good one. Do either of you know anything about the Medicare rebate thresholds? I've literally never heard of it, but I do want to say that I hope that you're doing okay, but you sound stressed and I can understand how if you've had a lot of health stuff going on, the last thing you want to be doing is thinking about your finances as well. So I just hope you're doing okay and that your health is ticking along all right. Yes, I do agree. I feel the same way. I hope that you're doing okay. I don't know if this is relevant and obviously I don't have any

advice at all, but if you use Health Engine or like Hot Doc or something, you can find bulk billing places around you. So I don't know if that's useful. I don't actually know. Depends on what kind of appointment. Depends on what kind of appointment, who you're trying to see, et cetera, et cetera. But you can kind of like filter your search that way. That's it for me. I feel like we should go to the expert in the room. Agreed. I mean, I had to look this up. I don't know what the thresholds are, but there are a number of numbers we are going to discuss. So essentially,

Medicare safety nets do have thresholds. So when you essentially spend a certain amount in gap and out-of-pocket costs on medical, you're going to reach a threshold at some point. So once you've reached the threshold, you're actually going to start getting higher benefits from Medicare because they're like, oh, stuff's really hitting the fan here. We need to give Jess a bit more help in this circumstance. And this means that you'll essentially get more money back from Medicare. So like, that's a good thing. That's cool. people yeah I think I thought it would be the other way around I was gonna say I think you guys might have assumed that once you reach a threshold it's gonna get more expensive because

you're no longer covered no it's actually the opposite a safety net exists to go oh my gosh you've been scooped up in an illness and this is all consuming and overwhelming it's the government's way of going we can't offer super super discounts to absolutely everybody so we'll just do the normal medicare rebates for everybody but if everything is going really badly and you reach your threshold, that then means that you're going to get a little bit of extra support, which is definitely well needed at that point in time, right? It can be really confusing. And I think that that's where this question is coming from. I don't know if you're coming from a position where you know once you hit that threshold, it's going to actually ramp up what

you get back, or if you're worried that a threshold means it's going to get more expensive. So that's why I wanted to kind of be like, this is what this means. So essentially, only verified payments contribute towards that threshold. So you'll have to talk to Medicare about what that means and how that works. But essentially, you know, if you're just going to get a remedial massage down the road and you think that's going to contribute, it might not. It might be things like the PBS, so the pharmaceutical benefit scheme, so medications, you know, genuine hospital check-ins. It might be very real things that are a bit more than a remedial massage. And I'm not saying that because they're definitely excluded. This is something

where please rely on the Medicare team. Call them, talk to them, give them a buzz and be like, what's this mean? What's included? How does it work? Like what happens when I hit the threshold? Like, do we communicate that? How do I ask for more back? Obviously, all of this is actually managed through your MyGov portal online. We love at She's On The Money, the MyGov portal, because it's just so easy to use. But if you haven't already set it up for Medicare, please do, because it will enable you to make sure that for every appointment that you're getting, you're actually getting your cash back. And in a circumstance like this, you want to make sure that things aren't slipping through the cracks. And if you have a medical expense and the receptionist

at the doctor's surgery said, oh, Bec, don't worry, we'll process the Medicare for you. What if it doesn't happen? Those small things can add up when you're going to the doctors all the time. And I mean, they're usually pretty regular, but you do want to stay on top of it. So the amounts that are contributing towards the threshold, they change on the 1st of January every single year. It's important to note that because I think a lot of people line up anything through their MyGov portal with the tax year and just assume that, oh, it must be mid-year. It's not. It's the 1st of January each and every single year. And the 2023 Medicare safety net thresholds are as follows, my friend. So the original Medicare safety net threshold or the OMSN,

which it would appear on the portals as, is $531.70. Who's it for? Absolutely everyone who uses Medicare. What counts towards the threshold? Your gap amount for the calendar year. And what benefit are you going to get? You're going to get 100% of the scheduled fee for out-of-hospital services. So that's a bit of a money win. Then there's extended Medicare safety net. So that's when your fees start to really add up. So that's $2,414. Again, that benefits everybody who's in Medicare. Everyone, when I say everyone who's in Medicare, that's usually Australian residents and Australian citizens. If you're not an Australian resident or citizen, you might not have access to Medicare. And that's often one of the benefits of becoming a citizen of Australia, right?

So what contributes towards that? Your out-of-pocket amount for the calendar year. So again from the 1st of January. And what are you going to get back? It then drops down. So then 80% of out-of-pocket costs or the EMSN benefit caps for out-of-hospital services. That obviously is going to change again if you are on a concessional or family benefit tax. That amount is $770.30. And that's essentially for concession card holders and families who are eligible for the Family Tax Benefit Part A, Jessica. I know your eyes are glazed over. I'm sorry. This is really important. Again, the same thing contributes towards it, and that's 80% of the out-of-pocket costs of the EMSN benefits caps for out-of-hospital services. So I think it's important to understand

these caps and what they mean. Essentially, the safety nets exist to put you in the best possible position. And make sure that you're aware of when you'll be getting more money back for your Medicare services. I guess a Medicare benefit is the dollar amount that they pay when you make a claim for a medical service. Usually it's between 85 to 100% of the scheduled fee and a scheduled fee is the dollar amount that the Australian government sets. That is not what your doctor charges though. So you need to be really clear on what the difference is. So you know how we talk about like bulk billing versus not bulk billing. If the scheduled fee, let's just say is $100, but your doctor charges $150, that doesn't cover the gap. So you need to be really

clear about that. And that's something where if your medical fees are starting to really add up, something I would do is if you're seeing a GP or you're seeing a specialist regularly, sit down and go, hey, this is getting really expensive. I'm going to have to consistently utilize your services. What can I do to either make my appointments a little bit shorter so that I'm not paying as much? Like, is there a way that we can cut the small chat, get in, get out, I get the tests, maybe you email me scripts or something, what can we do? Or at what point are you able to bulk bill me for this so that there isn't an out-of-pocket cost? I think in these circumstances, it's really awful. It really sucks. But communication is going to be the key.

Communicate with your doctor and most of them are going to be pretty understanding because they know that during a period of time where you're really sick, you're probably not working that often and things are going to be a little bit tighter because no one, you know, we've all got, hopefully, we've got or we're working towards or we are aspiring to have emergency funds, but not many of us are going to have $2,500

sitting in an account for when we get sick. Like, that's not that common. I know we've got, you know, maybe three months' worth of our expenses, but we don't have three months' worth of medical expenses. So I think it's just about making sure that we understand what our fees are. You can obviously search what a scheduled fee should be on their MSB. So that's on the website. You can access that through the myGov website. And

actually, you know, every session and doctor's appointment will actually have what's called an item number. So you can look that item number up and see what that fee should be. And you could even negotiate with your doctor and go, hey, what can we do? How can this work? Like, you know, if things are getting really expensive, maybe transfer to a different doctor who does bulk bill. It's not the most helpful because obviously medical costs are something that you can't really get out of. But I think open, clear communication where possible, building up your emergency fund so you're not so financially stressed and just putting yourself first. Again, this is a season. It is not forever, hopefully. If you have more questions about Medicare and if

you qualify for those different caps or where you're sitting or the breakdown or anything like that, you can contact Services Australia directly on their website. You can email them or you can call them and they should be able to answer your questions they have a very good website to be honest just really clean really clear they'll you know have a number of questions often I google services Australia and then the question I have and it will automatically come up with the page that I'm looking for instead of like you know going through the whole website but yeah that's where I would be I'm so sorry that you're not well and it's just a really not fun period to be in but the safety net is there to protect you and the best thing you can do is get in contact with

medicare and be like at what point do i hit this how does this work what happens when i go over it what happens here here and here and they're probably going to have some really helpful tips and tricks because they do this every day yeah sending lots of love yeah okay yeah we hope you're all right that sucks does all right let's pivot let's move because there's no good segue from that let's move on to the other topic that we've got to talk about this week you slid into our DMs about a spicy topic. I don't know if it's that spicy, but it's something we should definitely talk about because my partner and I are never on the same page about this. We try, we try again, and then we don't do anything about it. So we're talking this week about buying gifts

in relationships and here's the DM we received. Hello, you lovely people. I am after your opinion on buying gifts in relationships. My partner buys me such extravagant gifts, but I don't spend nearly as much on them. They are more of a splash cash kind of person whereas I'm a strict saver. Whilst they are on a higher income it just doesn't sit right with my money values to spend so much on materialistic things and I rather that they save their money. But how am I meant to tell them that when they're trying to do something really lovely for me? It just makes me feel super guilty and then I feel more pressure to spend more money on them. Do you think that introducing a spending limit for presents is a good idea in our relationship? I just don't want them to think

that I'm ungrateful? It's a tricky one. It's a good topic, though. It is a really good topic. First of all, does a couple share money? If not, does our listener maybe make less than their partner or vice versa or whatever? You know what I mean?

Does their spending habits directly impact the person who's writing them to us? It doesn't say. It doesn't say. So that's where it gets a little bit tricky. Yeah, it doesn't say in the thing. like not only that let's say it doesn't impact at all this person's spending capabilities if they're spending a lot of money on gifts it's still at the end of the day puts a lot of pressure

on the other person who's not spending as much money i've definitely been on the receiving end of extravagant gifts not to brag or what's the most extravagant we need to go off on the side like jess and i need to know i'm literally just i'm actually gonna just use me and i'm always using me and Liv as an example because we're like she's not even in a relationship we're not in a relationship but like you've acted like it but we do act like we're in like we'd make a real hot couple though oh that's very nice thank you well that would I think we're unfortunately not able to do that we don't see each other but you're like we're best friends and that's it but thanks we look hot together we kind of feel like siblings at the at this point but no like you know Liv

makes a decent amount of money and is comfortable spending money for my birthday and if I'm not really there i literally have last year i i borrowed a thousand dollars from her so i could buy her a really good present oh my gosh i felt like a little baby a thousand dollars on a present a thousand dollars was also like just for me to live as well yeah so it was like kind of like i'm buying your present as also it's going to be a big weekend where we're going out and doing all these things and also i don't have enough money to make it to the end of the pay cycle so i just said send me a thousand dollars but yeah so there have been times that has happened but we have put gift like limits on what we're giving each other because it does tend to get out of hand like if

if she spends two hundred dollars i'll spend two hundred i love that you have a friend that you just like love so much it's so awesome it's the best i don't know how this happened but she's you know she's my favorite person in the world anyway but yeah so we will tend to put like little caps on on our gifts otherwise it makes the other person feel pressure to end up spending that much money you know so yeah i guess that's maybe what you could do just have a little conversation about more how it's affecting your own like making you feel a bit pressured to spend that much you know what I mean not that you're ungrateful it's just that you can't keep up match it you can't match it exactly you don't want to or you don't want to yeah no that's fair just I

want to ask a pervy question I know you and your partner semi share money like you do but you don't but you do but you don't where's your present budget come from like is that individual or is that something that is in shared costs we don't our only shared costs really are bills and groceries like things that we actually are splitting like we don't share money for other things so gifts come out of our own budget and we always tend to like we've never spoken about it but it's just always kind of been we spend around the same amount of money on each other and obviously the longer that we've dated the that budget has grown but so longer term relationships are more expensive oh from my experience yes if we've been dating for three months i'm not dropping don't marry them

the present you have to get them for the wedding yeah seriously i will never financially recover from this so expensive so i think that it's gonna vary couple to couple and how you manage your finances and your perspective on things i guess the other thing to consider is like values as well so like we've spoken before about how like v and i you and i are both like big gift givers i love giving gifts like that's a huge value to me whereas this person it sounds like they don't care for it as much like they appreciate the thought they appreciate the effort but it sounds like they're kind of saying oh like I don't really want them to spend that money like I don't care about it that much whereas the person who's giving the gift it might be to them they're going oh but I

love you so much I want to give you something because to me this demonstrates to you how much I love you so it's not even just about how you view it financially but I think also like how you view it as an expression of love love languages is where i want this conversation to go and we we talk about it a lot or we have historically talked about love languages a lot on the podcast and i think it's important to discuss because they tie so deeply to finances so obviously like the gift giving thing yes it can be a reflection of love but it can also be something that's detrimental like you could be like jess and i and love giving gifts but also have no cash for it but still give gifts and then get yourself into a financial pickle. So I think if it was me,

I would probably want to start where you're saying, Jess, like understanding your love language. Like, you know, you might be someone where gift giving doesn't matter so much and your partner might actually still want to get you those expensive gifts. And I think that that's where a good conversation of like, oh, well, what is your love language? Oh my gosh, you don't know, Beck, how about we do this online survey and just see what your love language is. And then we can have this. That makes so much sense, Jess, as to why you always buy me beautiful gifts and why I'm always trying to make you tea and toast in the morning. So I think it's, it's understanding your relationship and where you're coming from, because as much as you, I think this immediately

goes to, okay, we probably should set a budget and, you know, say, okay, Jess, if I spend a hundred dollars on you, you can only spend a hundred dollars on me and we'll call it that. Well, that might not work as well because I might really want to get Jess a present but Jess might really want to do this beautiful weekend that costs not much but has so much time and energy and thought and is all about spending personal time together and that's where your values are so I think if you're in a relationship it's not tit for tat I don't think just because you spend a hundred dollars I should spend a hundred dollars I think understanding your love language is so important and you know as I'm talking about this I'm thinking about my relationship I'm definitely

a gift giver like that is. I just really like it. It's really fun. My husband is a quality time and acts of service kind of guy. Like I can guarantee that for my birthday, he'll be thinking of things he can do for me, not things he can buy for me. In fact, he never knows what to get me. He's the first person to pop up in Jess's DMs come close to June, like, hey, what should I get Victoria? I've got no idea. But he'll always be like, oh, I've taken the morning off work. I want to take you out for breakfast. I've made you a cup of tea. I've done all of these things. And like to him, that's his love language and I adore it. But I think really understanding that because, you know, my love language and the love language I want to receive might be different to that.

And if there's a disconnect in that, then you go, oh, he always just throws money at the problem. He always just buys lots of big expensive gifts when maybe you're not recognizing that that's actually his love language and that's the way that he sees, you know, showing you love. sure but you want to accept something different and he actually needs to learn that so that he can show you love in a way that you really want to accept it they might not realize that it makes you uncomfortable either because it sounds like from this message that the inability or the the fact that you don't want to spend as much as putting your bit on edge which if your partner then realized that you were feeling that way they then might feel bad so it's like a you need to

talk really yeah we need to have a chat and work it out because as much as it you know in this circumstance it actually might be the best solution to set a budget for each of you because both of you have the same values and goals and you're like, V, I don't want to talk about this fluffy love language stuff. It doesn't make sense to us. I just want to cap Jess out. A hundred bucks, Jess, on you. A hundred bucks on me. Call it a day. That's what we do for presents. That might be really good. But I think having these deeper, fluffy chats can actually lead to more wholesome outcomes. So yeah, we got that DM. We did ask the community a few questions. Do you want to hear what they had to say? Always. So first we said, how do you and your partner

to purchase gifts? 40% of you said, we set a number so we spend the same amount. 60% of you said, there's no limit. We spend as much as we feel is right. I'd be interested to know more about that. That like, if you spend whatever, what does that mean? The next question we asked was, how would you feel if your partner spent more on you? 39% of you said, guilty. And then I feel a lot of pressure to spend more on them. 61% of you though, not guilty. That's their choice. That's kind of how I feel. Get it, Queen? Look, you chose this life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. You chose to go to the shops and buy that. That's not on me. I'm so glad you think I'll like it, but that does not mean I'm spending 500 bucks on you. Yeah. Because it's the thought that should count. Here's this card I made with Texter. A coupon for one free dinner with me.

Yeah, exactly. I just assumed you were about to say one free foot massage, and I'm like, Jess, I'm not that generous. so the next question we asked was do you think a spending limit is a good idea in a relationship 80 of you said yes and then we asked for your two cents as we always do so here are some of the comments one of you said when i don't stick to mine i actually end up feeling guilty and tend to feel guilty for a few weeks after do you if you blow your budget on a friend do you feel guilty i mean if it was impacting my budget i think i would yeah i'd feel stressed yeah that's

don't feel guilty yeah that's fair someone else said we have the same goals having just bought our first home so this makes it so much easier if there is a limit someone said no guilt and everything is fair someone else said we're married so some years we spend a lot because it's a big birthday other years are just token years and we don't spend a lot that's a good way to view it as well that is good come and go the next is my partner and i only set budgets for the big gifts like birthdays and christmas i don't get my partner presents any other time is that meant to be like times maybe no no way just because little present anniversary i mean but what's a because present is that me going you needed new jocks so look how nice i am

i bought some because you're a male and i just knew you wouldn't that's the thing or is it like oh i bought you your favorite lolly because i was doing the shopping and i thought you were like but then is that a gift is that just and then it's yeah i don't know because i do that a lot but i definitely am not the type of person that's like oh jess valentine's is coming up what are you getting your partner yeah you're not getting a valentine's gift from me i already spent all my money buying heart-shaped chocolate for my team sit down all right someone else said we have shared goals of saving for our future together, so it makes sense to have a set amount. Someone else said, we don't go over our shared gift for budgets. Someone said, I am the primary income

earner, so whatever he spends is actually my money. I kind of love that. And I guess if you share finances, that's the case too, right? Yeah, I love it. Someone said, someone started part one and part two. So part one, spending limit, taking into account each other's financial positions at that time. And then part two says, I'd rather get a $20 present than a present that put my boyfriend in a stressful financial position over a present. Amen. Amen. I really like it. I also feel like I'd much prefer a present that just meant more. Yeah. Thoughtful. Write me a song. Write me a whole, write, direct, produce a short film. I would pay a lot for my husband not to do that. Like, oh, I can't think of anything worse than him singing or serenading today. I'd be so

awkward. I'd recoil. Someone said we have a $20 limit on Christmas gifts. It forces us to get very creative. Yeah, I like that. Fun. I think I've told you guys before that in our family, like Kris Kringle, we have handmade, secondhand or homemade. Oh, I love that. So you have to like either buy it secondhand, make it in your kitchen or whatever, or like build something for them. Very fun. Yeah. So that puts a lot of pressure on it. And I'm having to like start planning for Christmas in October because I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do. Someone else said, no, seriously, a limit only ends up starting fights. And there's just a lot of people with a lot of expectations.

I'm a bit of the opinion that yeah, an amount can actually just set a realistic budget, especially if someone keeps going over. But if they keep going over on you, especially after you've had a conversation about a budget, I genuinely wouldn't worry too much. It might be because that's their love language and they just really love gifting you things. And we need to see, I don't think we should always feel guilty about accepting presents. Like sometimes it's really nice that someone thought of you, like that time and that energy and that effort to put it together. Like Beck, I don't know if you've ever received a present from Jess, but they're the best. Oh, we did once.

Oh, you did. Yeah, we got those sensory toys. Oh, yeah. That's right. I more mean like a birthday present. Like you don't just get, oh, hey, I bought you this coffee mug because it reminded me of you. She might buy the coffee mug, but it comes like in a basket

with other things and it's like decorated and has bows and stuff. Like the effort is elite. TLD-er, be friends with Jess. Christmas is big in this office. Yes. I'm so excited. I think that's all we have time for today, guys. I've got to go plan my Christmas present.

And we are going to see you on Monday for a Money Diary. Have the best weekend. Enjoy it all and we'll see you then. Love you. Bye, guys. Bye. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.

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