She's On The Money - Spending Money On Things That Bring Joy

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

They say money doesn’t buy happiness, but is that really true? Studies show that whether or not money can buy happiness is dependent on how our purchases align with our goals. So today we explore how money drives our emotions, how guilt impacts our purchases, and we share YOUR stories of things that have brought you happiness that you’ve dropped some cash on! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kurni, Wolperi and Awadjuri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjuri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for people who want to be able to enjoy their hard-earned money as well as have financial freedom. My name is Bec Syed and with me as always is Victoria Devine. Hello, my friend. I'm really excited about this because that is a really good point. And sometimes we put these really hard boundaries on ourselves that if we're going to be saving money, you can't spend any of it and you can't enjoy the ride. And that's not us, Bec. we are all about the journey, aren't we? Absolutely. So saving money, having money, reaching goals. It doesn't always bring us joy, does it? Like, I mean, sometimes it can,

but just saving for the sake of it, if you have no goal, not that exciting. At the end of the day, it's all about your money story and your mindset. And we've done so many episodes exploring money mindset over the years of the show. And I guess this idea of arriving at what your personal financial goals are. And often on the show, we're really trying to counterbalance this overwhelming comparison culture that exists that does send people into debt. But today, I wanted to talk about something that I think is very important as well. And Bec, I've got a little secret for you, but guess what? What? You're actually allowed to spend your money on things that you like. Like you don't have to save all of it. You don't have to invest all of it.

You don't have to go really, really tough on yourself. Like, we can have fun. That is good to know because I have been doing just that. You've just been doing just that the whole time though, hey? Just that. Yeah, well, now I'm giving you permission officially. Oh, yes. I mean, you will be investing this year.

That's a non-negotiable. Sure. Yeah, like we're getting there. But after the break, you and I are going to be hearing from the community about things that have brought them happiness that they've spent some cashola on. But before that, we're going to step through a bit of, I guess, the key psychology around how money actually drives our emotions because we know that money is inherently emotional that is why I am so passionate about talking about money stories and how you grew up around it and Beck

what do you value versus what do I value and please stop looking at me for my values when you're trying to work out your own like it is inherently emotional and I think that there's just such a disconnect especially now from people being like well I have to save for a house this economy is absolutely screwed like oh I have to you know invest because I need to create wealth and you know there's just this idea of putting pressure on ourselves but like Bec we also need to live a little. V this is like honestly one of the most privileged things I've ever heard and I'm sure you've heard it too they say like money doesn't buy happiness of course which is you know all well and good if you have money but is that really true? Yes and no. So as you know the saying money

doesn't buy happiness I think is yes very true because you know having had your money story and me knowing deeply about your money story and you having shared a lot of it with the community I'm pretty sure money would have made your life a little bit more comfortable growing up yes even if it was an extra like 30 or 50 bucks a week right like we're not talking about having millions and then I think on the flip side lots of people say flippant things that really disregard how important money is for day-to-day life. They'll be like, money doesn't buy happiness, but I prefer to cry in a Maserati. You're missing the point entirely. But according to a study that was released last year by the British Journal of Social Psychology, whether or not money can buy

happiness is actually dependent on how our purchases align with our goals. It's almost like I paid them to do that research. I didn't, but like, I love that they've done this research. Totally, may as well have. In this study, Bec, researchers asked 452 participants in an online survey to describe a recent purchase. They were asked to write about something that they'd spent money on in the last three months, ranging from about $60 all the way up to $1,200, excluding everyday expenses like bills and groceries. After describing it, people were asked to indicate the extent to which the purchase actually helped fulfill a different goal for them. They also noted how much they felt that

the purchase had contributed to their happiness and their life satisfaction. We're not asking questions like this previously. I think this is so good. But the research found, Bec, the more a purchase actually reflected someone's intrinsic goals. So an intrinsic goal is something that motivates you internally rather than externally. The more they thought it improved their personal well-being. In other words, the greatest well-being occurred when people spent money on something that was personally important to them. Yeah because I was going to say actually one of my expensive purchases and I probably couldn't have afforded this it wasn't in my budget but I did buy Fitbit and that really helps me that's my own personal. But like you thought about it that goes back to

you know I'm always like put 24 hours between you and your spending and like obviously we're going to talk about some bougier purchases later because I think we need to normalize like celebrating other people like Beck I know you said you bought your Fitbit and some people will be like oh I definitely couldn't afford it but I don't think we need to compare ourselves to Beck's bigger purchase and go, well, so annoying. She could afford it. Like when one of us rises back, we all rise. Like if you can see another woman doing something cool, be like, wow, they must be just in a different part of their journey than me. Like, wow, they're getting it. They are absolutely slaying it. How good is it that they bought something in line with their

values? Hope I can do the same thing one time. I completely agree with you. I just think we need to change our mindsets because so often you might see someone, you know, buying a house or doing these big things and you just go, oh, I'm so jealous. We don't need to be jealous no see it as permission that you can do it too i completely agree and like this is the thing that money is actually like so much more emotional than we really realize but we did an episode in april about comparison culture and talked all about our psychology as social creatures and we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and money and the amount of material goods we have is one of the main ways we do it but when it comes right i feel like so many times we're

like, oh, but she earns more. Oh, but they earn more. Oh, but I earn less than them. And it's toxic. You're being toxic. But when it comes to like our goals, how do we shape these? All right. So when it comes to your goals, first things first, I find it fascinating that we have so many different goals and everyone's on such different pages. And I mean, that's, I think why I love our dynamic. Like we have such a juxtaposition of who we are and what we're doing and what life stage we're in. Like, you know, I'm a new mom and you are Beck and you're vibing. And if I ask you what your favorite thing in the world is, I can almost guarantee you like, do you know, I really loved on Saturday when I laid in the grass. We're just so different and

it's my favorite thing ever. But according to self-determination theory, goals reflect our intrinsic and our extrinsic motivation. So I touched on this a little bit earlier, but extrinsic goals are things that other people expect from us. For example, working hard at your job, not because you're passionate about the work, but because you need the money or you want a high status job to impress other people it's kind of like I see extrinsic as things on the outside and they're usually the shiny indicators of wealth like they're the things that you know you see someone driving past in a Ferrari and they're like I'm a big dog like anytime you see someone drive past in a Ferrari and their windows are down and their music is playing like they need you to notice them

they need you like you need to stroke their little egos because they can't survive without that that's them searching for extrinsic validation whereas an intrinsic goal on the other hand Beck they're the ones that we have strong internal motivations to pursue so they're the things that just make us feel good we don't care what other people think of them we don't necessarily care how you know they're perceived you know you might do them in private you might go sit in the grass on your own Beck it's not something that you have to post on Instagram to get validation from it's actually really important to also understand yourself because neither of those things are bad so as much as I gave the Ferrari driver as an example for an extrinsic goal that's just so

that you can remember the difference but I can be extrinsically motivated as well like I knew I really wanted to buy my first house I just thought that's a really solid indicator that I am successful like to me to my peers to you know our community like I'm doing what I said I was going to do and we need to understand about ourselves whether you're intrinsically or extrinsically motivated you can be both like you don't have to have one or the other but we need to understand the difference but that doesn't mean that you should feel guilty if you want to spend money on something that's important to you right so like it's not you know the ego stroking of having a Ferrari I think it's really important to understand that if that's what's important to you get it queen like go and

get it and look after yourself. I think guilt starts to creep in and you really feel you shouldn't be spending money on something or spending money on yourself at all. And that guilt actually really feeds into scarcity mindset instead of really promoting an abundance mindset, which is where we want to all be. Why do we feel guilty? We always feel guilty, right? And we talk about it on the pod all the time, Bec. Our money stories that we have inherited or we've developed over time. But when you feel guilt, it's when our actions create a discrepancy with our story or our money story. And this can actually trigger the emotion of guilt because they're not lining up, which is why many people interpret it as an indicator of like doing the wrong thing.

Bec, let's use you as a really good example. Like scarcity was definitely a mindset that you grew up with. Like you just didn't have enough. Like at the end of the day, it was challenging. Your world was filled with love, that's great. But also when it came to money and spending, it was always something that you were like, we have to be so careful with this. We might not have enough until the end of the week. We might not have enough until the end of the month. If you haven't dealt with that, going and buying your Fitbit could have made you feel so guilty because you're like, oh my God, that's like a nearly $300 purchase or so. I shouldn't be doing this because what if I don't have enough money left? But in reality, your circumstances are so different to what you've

grown up with. And if we haven't addressed that difference between where your money story was developed and what your reality is today, you're going to hold on to those scarcity mindset tools that didn't provide you any value in the first place, but also stop you from thriving into the future because you love your Fitbit. Like you're obsessed with it. And I would say that that's a great purchase for you. But if you hadn't come to the realization that, no, that's okay. Like I'm different now. I've changed. These are my money values. And this is aligned to what I want to achieve. That's a fine purchase. But it could have sent you into a bit of a spiral of being like, oh my gosh, I can't believe I did this. Like my mum never could have done this. Like I shouldn't

do it then. Like you just get into a different mind frame and that can be really toxic. That's so true. Actually, I did have a little spiral. So I'm glad that you're saying that makes me feel a lot better. But now let's go to a really quick break so we can get to the bit we've all been waiting for. So we did put a call out to our beautiful community to hear about all the things that have brought you happiness and you've spent some big bucks. We know what your Spano purchases were, so don't go anywhere, guys. Welcome back, guys. We're talking about spending our money on things that bring us joy on today's show. So V, what's an expensive purchase that has brought you joy? Okay, well, I didn't know this was going to be like the tables have

turnt and it will come back on me. I feel like I have bought a few things that bring me joy in saying that. I often feel like when I talk about expensive things, I have to like foreshadow it with like, I'm in a privileged position. I this, that, the other to justify my purchase. And that's actually a toxic trait of mine because I shouldn't have to justify my purchases, Bec. Like at the end of the day, I am a woman who did not come from wealth, who has created her own wealth who works incredibly hard to make the money that I make. And I make some really bloody good financial decisions around, you know, my entire life. But I would say one of my biggest purchases was a watch and it was a bit of a designer watch and it cost a lot of money.

And every time I look at it, I'm like, yeah, you did like you deserve that. Like it's one of those things that, you know, people have commented on my Instagram. They're like, oh, where's your watch from because they might see the band or something. And I just don't reply because I feel so awkward about it. But at the end of the day, we shouldn't be downplaying our successes or the things that spark joy. We should be celebrating them because Beck, if I said, do you want to buy a watch to the same amount? You'd be like, no, what a waste. That's ugly watch. And that's cool because we're all different, right? Right. Beck, what's your big purchase? Okay. So as I mentioned before, my Fitbit but I would like even go lower and I'm gonna say that honestly just buying myself

a coffee every single day that does treat yourself yeah and I can't always afford it there have been times where I've been actually downstairs at the coffee shop and I've seen a colleague I've ordered my coffee and then been like hey can I borrow your card I will pay you when my pay comes in tonight and if you're listening to this you know who you are I've to them a few times so that for me certain parts of the month certain parts of the year that is such an expensive purchase but it brings me so much joy I don't need it but it's like such a wholesome thing before we move on I actually have another question which is a complete segue I know you talk so openly about being like V I'm so bad at money and like I want to sit you down and shake

you sometimes because I know what your income is and I know that you could afford that if you had budgeted better. Like I'm always like, Bec, I know where you sit with this. I know what you get paid and this should not be your reality. But you're like, y'all over here, I'm just living my best life. And you know what? I'm not going to interrupt that, Bec. But when it comes to other people spending money, so we're going to talk about some pretty big numbers, like six figure plus that people are spending on things that spark joy for them. As somebody who right now could not make that purchase. How do you feel when someone goes, I spent $100,000 on my wedding? It doesn't shake me. I kind of think because my values are different. I'm like, oh, if I had that

kind of money, I would not be spending it on a wedding. Or if I was getting married, if that's something that happened down the track, I'd probably try not to spend as much. Like it just feels like these big purchases, because sometimes it's not my personal goal. I'm like, oh, I'm happy for you, but I don't see myself doing that, but I'm always happy for them. I don't ever feel like, oh, that's so unfair. They can afford. Yeah, totally. And I think maybe I used to be like that, but now I'm in a place where like, you're exactly right. Like if I had probably budgeted better, I wouldn't be so broke all the time. And so that's completely on me and that's the way I want to live and that's it. But so I never feel bad about it or jealous. What if it's something

that is in line with your values? What if it's like a big purchase that you've always wanted to purchase? What if it was like a close friend purchasing something that you're a bit envious of? How does that change the sitch? I think sometimes I get a little pang in my belly where I'm like, oof, I probably could be where you are if I had done X, Y, Z. But then again, if I had done X, Y, Z, I would have sacrificed the things that made me very happy in that moment. I love that. I feel like that's a good conversation to have and that kind of prefaces it I agree in a way that you know a lot of people can't preface it right like I can't be like oh you shouldn't be envious but at the end of the day a lot of people will be like V that's

because you can't afford a coffee a day and like again checking my privilege that is a privilege but also I have worked my butt off to be in the situation that I'm in that does not mean though that people who have lower incomes aren't working just as hard as me like sometimes you have so many things that just push you back and getting ahead feels absolutely relentless. Like it feels like you just can't get ahead no matter how many times you put forward. I think that that's another, you know, check of privilege, the amount of time people are like, yeah, but I work 80 hours a week. I'm like, have you met a single mother? Like that's not equating for me, but I think it's a good like check in before we jump into it. That's a really, really good point because there probably

are people listening out there that are like, hey, I work hard too. I'm not quite. Oh, you all work card absolutely but I don't know speaking of money and purchases and things like that it's time for the bit we've all been waiting for and we did ask the community about spino purchases some of these might be unrelatable some of these might be relatable but that's okay we're just talking about them totally and they've genuinely bought you joy so V what did they have to say all right so if this brings anything up in you and you're like oh I'm so envious let's reframe it too I'm so proud that somebody else has achieved that because they're paving the way for me to also be able to do the same thing. And women are cool. So first things first, Lydia shared, she said,

I spent, and I don't feel bad about this at all, $140,000 on my dream wedding. Fair enough. I love that. Go off. That's so much money. That's a lot of money, but good for you, Lydia. Get it? That the day was just as perfect as you imagined.

I'm assuming that it was because she said it was her dream wedding. That's so true. I love it. All right. So there were lots of comments on this thread. I'm not going to read all of your names, but this, Bec, is something that I relate to. Lots of people said I spent a thousand dollars on a VIP ticket to Taylor Swift. I don't blame you guys. Honestly, it's an experience. I know. And I loved every second of it. I have absolutely no regrets, but I also go, you're right, that is a lot of privilege. But also, Bec, would you ever spend a thousand dollars on a ticket to a concert? I can't say it. Maybe Missy Higgins. I'm a stupid fan. I love Missy

Higgins. Oh, she's so good. All right. So Monica, she said, I bought a really expensive car and I regret nothing. Isn't that so good? Yeah. Like I feel like sometimes people buy expensive cars and then they have massive regret because they're like, I wish I didn't do this. I haven't really done my maths. But if you've done your maths or you've saved up for it, or you've worked out how it fits into your value system and your budget, like get it queen. In fact, side note, Bec, my friend actually recently was talking to me about budgeting because I feel like that's all we talk about when we go out for breakfast and she was like I'm about to buy a Lexus and I remember being like are you sure because like any purchase that my friends are going to make that's a bit

bigger I'm always like do you really want to think about that first and she was like V you're going to be very impressed with this it's actually about the same price as a brand new Toyota like it's not as ridiculous as you're thinking it is like it's far more affordable than you think it's going to be. And honestly, I was about to be like, babe, you're making a grave mistake. And then she showed me and I was like, that's actually slay. Yes. I was going to say, actually, I probably don't look like the type, but it is on my bucket list to buy a luxury car. Oh, you want a fancy boy car, do you? I just want to like, you know, just drive around in it every now and then. She wants to get around in a Lexus. Or maybe I can connect you with my friend. She can show you hers and you can like

formulate a plan. Yeah. I just want to sit in it. Anyway. Yeah. All right. Well, maybe we'll call and we'll both see them. Yeah, okay. All right. Aislinn said, I spend thousands of dollars on Indigenous art. Yeah, nice. I can imagine that being very, very, very joyful. Sparking joy too. Yes. And that's something that brightens up the environment. I love art. I think that I've always backed expensive bits of art. Adore. Lots of people said this, and I'm not going to name names because there were so many of you that said, I actually always spend my money on travel and or business class flights. Fair enough. And I was like, I totally get it. After my team and I went last year, Bec, to the US and we got to fly business class because we like points hacked

our way there. I was like, this is why people fly business class. I get it. My entire travel experience has been ruined. It was very, very sad. Oh no, now you can never go back. Yeah. But you have to. Yeah, I know. So painful. All right. Sarah said, I spent more than $10,000 on my braces. Yeah. Okay. I can back that. I know Jessica Ricci, who's also on the show on Fridays. You guys know her. She's just finished her Invisalign journey. And I know she doesn't regret one cent of that. She's just like, my teeth are slay. Yeah. It brings so much confidence. And if that's something that you want more confidence in, get it, queen. Go for it. Next one is Kate Beck. And she said, I spent $729 on MFK perfume. Oh, I hope it's the biggest bottle to ever exist.

Yeah, I think that's like a 200ml bottle of perfume and it's probably very telling that I know exactly what she's talking about. So MFK is Maison Francis Courtejan and it is a very bougie brand you can buy at Mecca. In fact, my favourite perfume is from Maison Francis Courtejan and it is the rose one, which I get lots of compliments on. But holy moly, don't listen to this part if you're working for Mecca. One of my friends works there and got me a discount, so slay. but that's expensive but I get it it's so beautiful so expensive though Beck yeah have

you worn it in the studio before because I don't know that I've smelt it cool so she's never even noticed my expensive perfume I'm so sorry yeah actually Beck I wear it every day oh really you do not wear $800 perfume every day I do oopsie I do straight under the bus you know what I'm just gonna do Beck I've decided I'm just gonna trot on down to Chemist Warehouse I'm gonna pick up I don't know, Sarah Jessica Parker, whatever is on sale, Britney Spears, J-Lo, like anything that's on sale, I'm going to throw my MFK in the bin because other people have appreciated it.

If Bec doesn't, I'm out. I wear Le Labo every day, I want you to know. You wear Le Labo? Hold on. This is a pot calling the kettle black. It was a gift, I want to say. It was a gift. It was a gift.

For those playing along at home who have no idea what perfume costs, what's Le Labo cost? I do want to say I am not. Oh, it was a present. It was a present. it was like 300 bucks though but I didn't pay for it. It's a $300 bottle of perfume and you're telling me. Anyway we will move on from that. That's true we're gonna fight off air. Yeah off air and also I feel like we've aired some dirty laundry on air that's kind of unrelatable. True

yeah. As I said I did get a discount on this perfume and would never have purchased it full price because it just pains me but Bec lots of people had lots of things there were lots of comments along the same lines as yours lots of people like I will spend literally $100 a week on coffee and I don't care. And I just think there's something so liberating, Bec, when you're aware of your spending. So we're not saying don't spend. We're saying spend on the things that spark joy. Spend on the things that bring you genuine happiness into your life. Because if you need to have that coffee every day, Bec, get it queen. I mean, if you're broke, we should be talking about budgeting because ultimately I want everyone to have a really solid cashflow plan. I want everyone

to know what's coming into their bank accounts and what's going out of their bank accounts and I want all of you to one day be in the position where you have an emergency fund so you can get out of any situation. You don't need to rely on anybody else financially, right? That is my wish for everybody in the community. However, I also think we need to overlay the fact that life is short and old age is a privilege that is denied to many and we should be enjoying the journey as well as the destination. Like, I don't know. Beautifully said, V. You want your coffee, babe? you're gonna get your coffee also if you can't afford your coffee can you just ask me and i'll buy it because i don't want you to have to owe people stuff qv you're gonna regret that though

yeah i know i am i already buy a coffee most days guys side note from all of this what is expensive is going to be really relative to everybody and there were things on that list of i guess spending that were really practical so one person said they had that laser guy surgery but there were also some things that some people would really consider as being frivolous. Like some people said, I don't regret my Chanel double flap handbag, or I don't regret buying some Gucci slides. And I totally get it. It's very different. Like everybody has their values, but ultimately it's up to you and you need to decide what is expensive to you. And more importantly, what expenses you feel are actually worth it. And once you've done that, then you can begin to work

past the mindset that you're not allowed to treat yourself. I think we need to just understand that for one person, expensive might mean $10. And for another person, it might mean $10,000. But that doesn't mean that one's worse or better or different or less. We just need to understand our own values back and stick to them and not compare them to somebody else's. Because if one of your friends is buying a $10,000 handbag, that does not mean you need to buy a $10,000 handbag. it means you go, great, I'm so glad that they've budgeted and saved and worked out how to purchase something that's so in line with their values. Yeah, completely agree. We love that for them. Yeah, we do love that for them. V, any final thoughts on how we can better manage our mindset

around money and emotion in general? I feel like first things first, comparison is a thief of joy and we should not be comparing ourselves to others. I get it. We're still going to do it. Like everybody does it. We just need to be way more in check with it and what it means. I've said this before and I'll say it again put 24 hours between you and your spending don't make impulse purchases I promise it will be available tomorrow and if there's a sale and you're so worried about running out let's have a think about why you wouldn't purchase at full price oh that's a great question why wouldn't you purchase at full price where's this sense of urgency coming from because you're going to save 50 bucks like don't get me wrong saving $50 on an

item that you were already going to buy, money win. Yes. But like, why is the call to action that you want that item now it's quite cheaper? Mind blowing me. Why you want it. Next is set a budget so that you know you're covering the fundamentals and allow yourself some treat money in that or preferably set savings aside for bigger purchases. So this is something that I'm going to sit down with you, Bec, and be like, all right, well, you can have a Fitbit. That's fine. I know you went out and purchased it, but it can't come at the cost of your financial well-being. It can't come at the cost of you putting yourself behind. So let's just make sure that we are planning things because I'm not saying not now, but it might mean not right now. Can we

buy it in another week? Can we buy it next pay cycle so that we are not behind? Like definitely about this treat yourself culture because I think we all deserve a little treaty treat. I'm the queen at that. But I want to make sure that you are firstly looked after, future you is looked after because that's the person that matters the most. I promise an impulse purchase is not going to make you happy long term. It's just not. Completely agree, V. Like no one's going to put on my grave, had a really great designer bag collection.

They're not. And that's really disappointing because it's probably what's worth the most, you know? Sure. And that's something you want people to know about. I'll put it on there for you. V, I think it's a really good place to leave it. Let's go get a little coffee. Let's treat ourselves a little bit.

I love it. Let's go ask my friend if we can sit in her car. Perfect. Let's go. See you next time, guys. Bye. the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances she's on the money exists purely for educational purposes and

should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision if you do choose to buy a financial product read the pds tmd and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN 321 649 27708 AFSL 451 289.