She's On The Money - The City That Never Sleeps... And Sends You Broke

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Happy Friday! It's a special Friday ep today, with V and Jess joined by Brooke and Gabbie in the Big Apple! Yes, NYC was fun. Yes, V lived out some Wall Street dreams... but damn it's expensive! The girls chat about the best micro-investing platforms, and dive into a difficult DM about splitting finances in a relationship BEFORE you have children. Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

hello and welcome to she's on the money the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Welcome, my friends, back to another Friday episode where we celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. But this week, my friends, it looks a little bit different because Miss Jessica Ricci, as always, is here. Hello. But Jessica, where are we? We're in New York City. We actually are. And this week we are joined by two friends, I would say friends of the show, but also She's On The Money employees who were dragged on an all expenses paid trip to New York. It's a really hard life. They're really salty. We have Gabby Farnham and Brooke Taylor. Hello. Hello. Let's introduce them first, Jess, because I feel like you and I are incredibly

comfortable behind a mic, arguably sometimes too comfortable behind a microphone. Gabby, straight under the bus, who are you, what do you do, and why are you in New York? I'm Gabby. hi Gabby welcome thanks I am the PR and marketing manager at she's on the money just moved on from V's EA which is a bit of a sad little journey but it was sad to be my EA to New York and I'm here just for the vibes you know for the good times I mean we're also going to a finance conference that's mainly why we came but we also have a heap of really cool interviews that are going to drop over the next couple of weeks that Gabby organized entirely. So you guys will love them. I'm really excited about it. And Brooke Taylor-Green, who are you?

I'm Brooke Taylor-Green. That's government name. You're welcome. I do all video content. So any bad TikToks you watch, I probably made them. And I'm here because it's way more fun to do a daily vlog on behalf of Vee than to have Vee do it herself. So I'm just filming everything and anything and going to the conference also. If you're not following us on Instagram, you absolutely should be. And TikTok as well, because there is so much good content. We've been having so much fun with it. There's lots of finance stuff, but there is also the little BTS moments that I feel like everybody loves. And turns out New York is really expensive. So that's been fun for us. It is really expensive. It's been a little bit gross. I'm going to actually

replace Bex Broke Tips with like... Why we are broke. Yeah, why we are broke because we've come to America and the exchange rate is awful. But, yeah, I feel like it's really exciting to actually be here finally. We've been talking about this America trip for literal years. Jess and I came to the US last year for the same conference, got a lot out of it, and we are going again. It's called FinCon for anyone who is interested. If you listened last year, you knew that we were there

and we were excited about it. But it's one of those things that it's kind of like a pipe dream. Guys, we're recording in New York City. That is wild. It's so cool. It's like she's on the money gone gossip girl. Yeah. But let's move on and get some normalcy to this podcast.

Miss Jessica Ricci, what are your money wins of the week? All right. My first money win this week came from Grace, who said my partner and I went to give the car a quick power wash at the DIY car wash and the meter still had money on it. Free car wash equals a money win. That is a pretty big money win. Car washing is getting expensive.

I also would never leave money on the meter. Like even if I was done cleaning it, I would find something to clean. Like if I've put $10 in and there's still a few dollars left, I'd be like, well, I haven't cleaned it enough. Like, I've got to wash it. I'm the same. You can cash it out, though. I would not walk away without cashing it out.

No, not at the one that I go to, I don't think. At my one, you can cash it out. Oh, I just, money win. I just get it detailed. No, I asked my dad to clean my car when I go back home. Absolute genius. My next money win comes from Kirby, who said, we went out to dinner with my family and the poor waiter

accidentally dropped my partner's meal all over him and the floor. We were more than happy to just get a replacement and a few extra napkins, but the sweetheart got a meal remade in record time and gave him a refund for his meal and gave him a free drink. And she said, bless his cotton socks. That is literally the sweetest, but as a... We have a good little story.

Yeah, we do, we do. That always sounds familiar. As a previous waitress who tipped an entire glass of red wine over someone wearing white pants once way back in the day, like the mad anxiety, like in that moment, you cannot do enough to make up for it, which is funny because that's not the experience. Brooke Taylor-Green had, is it?

No. Recently I was on a flight back from Thailand and the air hostess walked past me and spilled an entire cup of coffee, like not a little bit, an entire cup of coffee, and was like walking at full pace and goes, oh, sorry, and then just did not worry and then threw a towel back to me. Like nothing. Clean it up yourself.

He was not worried about it. He was like, yeah, you deal with this. That's why we now fly United. That's fine. That's absolutely fine. Jess, what else have you got? Next I have one from Chantel who says, I'm learning to plant cook and preserve a veggie garden I spent the weekend making way for some

summer veggies to go in and this is what I've picked I suppose it's a small continuous money win as it's almost forced away to keep me active and I have to do something with what I grow aka eat it or find ways to reuse the scraps and there's a little photo we love a photo I do love a photo albeit I do have to admit that like I don't have the commitment for that and my favorite types of photos that people put in them when threads are dogs yes we do love a dog we love a dog I feel like I go through the phase like every summer where I'm like this year is the year I'm gonna do a veggie patch and mum comes and like helps me pick all the beginner ones and then I just give up and they die that's quite it's not a money win I think yeah no it's morbidly wholesome

I want to get one of those veggie pod things and it's funny because someone put I have another money in from Jess great name who said I bought a veggie pod to start growing vegetables at home and I got $60 cash back, hopefully growing some veg continues to be a money win. I've always wanted one of those things because it protects them from the sun and the bugs and, like, all that kind of stuff. I have that pot I made a couple of years ago. Do you remember when I went and got the worm garden and put it in a really big planter and now it's –

The worms freak me out. So just like Gabby, they all died. They all died and I pulled them out recently and I'm going to replant them and it's going to look lush for approximately three months. I'm excited to eat some homegrown carrots from Victoria's backyard. Me too. Not cilantro as they call it here. Next, I've got a money win from Brittany who said, I didn't tell my employer I had finished

paying off my Hexer and I just cashed it in when I got my tax back and I got seven grand. Money win. Forced savings and I'm really happy about it. Gabby was celebrating the other day because you got a tax return you weren't expecting. Yeah, I decided to take the plunge and actually pay a tax professional to do my tax this year, which had a little bit of a moral debate about it. But anyway. I was just like, if I can do it myself on MyGov, but MyGov told me I was going to owe $2,400, went to the taxman, got back $2,400, did a full switcheroo.

We have broken even. That is a tax slay. Absolutely. Yes, it is. So for those playing along at home, when you put Brooke, Green and I in the same room, what's the word that we use too much? Slay. Yeah, and Gabby does not like it.

All the Perth and IWD people will be getting PTSD right now. Yeah, yes. I tried to put a slay limit on, but... It's hard. I actually had to stop myself because there's many moments where, like, a money win, that's a slay. Like, you've slayed. Replace the slay with a money win.

Yeah, but it just doesn't hit the same. They told us their money win and I want to celebrate it. And be like, ooh, slay! It's fine, it's fine. Slay the Boots Cats now. You know, I'm... Boots Cats. All right, Jess, what else have you got?

Every money win, just know that the team thinks it's a big slay. Lastly, I've got a money loss from Alana. I think this is a very relatable one. She said, money loss. Mecca holiday has dropped. The lady at the register asked if I wanted them wrapped, and I said, no, they're all for me. I'm sorry.

And I feel that in my soul. There's nothing wrong with that. But there's also nothing wrong with that. But you guys know whenever I order from Mecca online, by the way, level four are waiting for them to invite me to their next level once they decide to create one. but i always write to victoria slay victoria and i always ask for gift wrapping and then i open it because nine times out of ten this is not a good thing to admit i can't remember what i put in my

box i just know i needed it yourself to me from me exactly true it's probably packed faster when you gift wrap it because it's a smaller section i used to work in the mecca warehouse is it actually in melbourne it's two separate at least at the melbourne warehouse it's two separate divisions. Oh my gosh. So if I tick normal box slash not normal box. It's just higher volume in normal. Like they're packing like their lives depend on it. They do because do you know how quickly I knew my Charlotte Tilbury? Very quickly is the answer. Yeah, they're brilliant. We love you Mecca. All right. So unfortunately, Beck did not come to FinCon with us this year. She's got other work to do at home, which is fair. Yeah, that's fair. Like she works for iHeart, not for

Victoria Devine, which is quite sad. I mean, you guys are probably quite envious, but that's okay. But I decided this week, instead of doing Bex Broke Tips, we're going to do She's on the Money is What's Making You Broke This Week in New York City. Jess, the other day, I think you're going to talk about your acai refreshers that you're obsessed with. You had a conniption at the dining table when you realized what? That I hadn't been taking into account the convention. To be honest, I hadn't even asked them how much they were. I just remember that I loved these last year and I just came in and I was like, tap, tap, tap, terrible habit, don't do it, tapping away

and then I was just checking my bank account to see where we were at and I was like, oh, my God, I'm paying $12.50 a drink at a little meltdown. And you don't even get the big ones. You just get, like, the grande. Which is really the size of, like, medium at home, I would say. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I was very sad about it, but Money Me and Victoria bought mine

this morning for me. Yeah, because I felt bad for you. She was like, I'm not going to get one. Yeah. Because it was, like, $12. having a meltdown which makes sense and i was like well you deserve a strawberry acai refresher from starbucks you do and you don't have coffee so i feel like you need to yeah just always deserves it yeah if you don't drink coffee the refreshers have caffeine in them they're delicious they taste

like juice oh 10 out of 10 gabby what have you learned about money while being in new york city oh i just think the massive like the tax on top of what you're buying like it is the biggest like went to Sephora, bought a lip balm and a lip gloss and it cost me like $85 Australian. What? And I was like, oh, there's a tax on that too? I didn't even think about it in the shops. I was like, I didn't even know.

Do not check my bank statement. But then, you know, when you buy it in USD, you're like, oh, it's only $40. It looks so cheap. It's fine, but it made me cry a little, but that was fine. It's not because the exchange rate's $1.60 approximately in my hand. And I have another good one. The Uber Eats the other night, we Uber Eats popcorn and two Cokes

because we did a wholesome little movie night in and we Uber Eatsed two Cokes and they looked, you know, you pay a little bit more on Uber Eats, it's fine, you expect it, from like not far away at all. And it was like $38 between the conversion, the tax, the service, the delivery, like 10 different fees. And the tip. And the tip.

I can't wrap my brain. I have never been more thankful that Australians just keep it so simple. I know. Then you feel bad for not tipping. yeah and like the onus is on you so you could tip 10 but then you look like a bad person and then you like are basically saying to them oh i don't think you did a good job but they did do a good job so we're gonna give them the 20 but 20 on anything you buy so much money that's a lot of money if you go but that's what i've been putting because i'm an anxious girl and i don't want people

to think that i'm not kind yeah like i'm not gonna go to a restaurant and be super nice to you gabby and then be like you are not worth a tip ill and 20 standard so if you really like them you should be giving yeah like 25 but if you have like a hundred dollar lunch then that's oh i'm very bad at math so talking about a hundred dollar lunch actually we the other night we got in quite late from our plane we arrived from australia we got to our airbnb we set up and then we ordered chick fillet i have not shared with you how much this cost so oh no taylor green has been running on how much does it cost and i thought i'd just bring it up on the show okay so how much did our chick-fil-a order the other day cost everybody got chicken tenders you got a side of chips and

you all got a standard sized drink nothing exciting on the side and we did out on like a couple of sauces here and the sauces are included in the cost of the tenders okay yep oh no i think i got an extra weird yeah i ordered extra sauce you need to like the chick-fil-a sauce i need 50 chick-fil-a okay yeah lucky we removed that you're gonna have polynesian bottle how much did that Cost. Delivered. It was on Uber Eats. I'm going $120. I'm trying to do the math mentally in my head and figure it out. No, you cheat by doing the math. Stop cheating, Jess. You've got to say quickly. Fast and loose, baby. Fast and loose. $85. It was about $100 USD, which converts to $160 on takeaway. Doesn't that make you want to cry? But how good was it?

I've actually seen you know the negatives here because we also didn't pay for it. So Like, sorry, VD, but I love the whole experience. That's a money win. Yeah, that was actually a money win for us because we saved ourselves like $30 each. But then on top of that, I had to tip and obviously taxes were added to that. But I had to tip and I was really worried

that if I didn't tip enough, they wouldn't bring my food very quickly and it would be cold. So I don't know, this economy makes me incredibly anxious. It's stressful. It is. Because all the onus is on you. Like, you are part of the process.

Whereas in Australia, you go to Macca's, $10. Yep, done. Thanks, bye, have a good day. $10 is $10. It is what is on the label. Yeah, and then here you get a service charge, you get a tip, and then it's like a, is there anything more? Yeah, taxes.

Oh, yeah, and then taxes. Taxes on top. Hectic. Brooke, what have you learnt about money while being in the big USA? Accommodation in America is really expensive, like anywhere you go. Like hotels, even like a dodgy motel, $300 a night. What? In Australia, like a dodgy motel, you can get like a $50 dodgy motel.

You're not staying in dodgy motels, Brooke. No, no, I know. But, like, even I was, I recently was in, like, Lake Tahoe and it's, like, middle of, it's not the correct season to go. I stayed in the dingiest place ever. It was $370 a night and it was, like, there was not even a fridge. There was not even a fridge. We didn't even have an iron.

Like, it's just expensive. Everything's expensive. Yeah. Do you know what Jess doesn't like about the US, actually, because talking about they didn't even have a fridge. I know what you're talking about. They don't have kettles here. It's so, so somebody, my friend is studying here

and she said that if they're making, like, a tea, they put it in the microwave. No. No, they don't. That's jail. Jail time. That's wild. Yeah, last year, Victoria had to buy me a kettle for our hotel room

so I could fill up my hot water bottle. Did you bring it this time? Crisis. No, because we left it in the US because it was a full kettle. It was a full kitchen kettle. This woman had a full conniption that she could not put water in her hot water bottle and you could see her having an internal meltdown.

It wasn't external. It was one of these meltdowns where she was trying She was just trying to keep it together in front of me and she was like, it's fine, it's fine, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. And you know when someone's just like talking to themselves at the same time as saying that? So we made a late night dash to Walmart,

which is terrifying, by the way. Why do you sell groceries, clothes, shoes and guns in the same location? It's like a Swiss army now for shops. But anyway, we asked, didn't we, Jess? We asked for a kettle. The guy looked at us like we were on crack. He didn't even know what it was.

He was like, what's a kettle? And we were like, you know, you put boiling water in there. And he did not understand. That's fine. We did find one kettle in the whole store. It was really expensive. We had to buy it because Jess wasn't going to sleep. And then we left it.

Do they call it something different? No, it's literally called an electric kettle. It's a hot tea maker. They don't care about the commodity. It's not a hot commodity. They don't care about them. And the electric one as well because sometimes like our Airbnb has one you put on the burner.

But most people at home wouldn't use one on the burner. But that's because the people that we're staying at's house is really fancy. So, of course, they have a very aesthetic copper-like style kettle. I would almost bet that they don't drink tea. I feel like that's not very American. They do. They've got a tea drawer.

They've got a tea drawer. Yeah, it's lovely. I had a little look. Going through all their stuff? No. Because it's snow. Yes. Please, I've got time.

All right, no worries. Let's go to a really quick break. On the flip side, I want to talk to you guys about a money dilemma. This week we're talking about micro-investing, and then we're also going to be answering a juicy money question that you slid into our DMs about, which this week, we're talking about splitting finances in a relationship before having children. Don't go anywhere, guys.

Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's On The Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now let's take a listen to this week's Money Dilemma. Hi, she's on the money team. So I'm currently wanting to start micro investing about $20 a week. And I've also heard a lot about the roundup feature on the different apps, which sounds a lot of fun. It's just very confusing with all the apps out there

and the monthly plans that are pretty high in fees at the end of the day. So yeah, just wanting some advice on this and how to make sure that with such a small amount of money invested every week, I don't end up paying a lot in fees. How much are we looking at percentage wise? If you girls could clarify that, that would be amazing. Thank you so much. so obviously we cannot give you personal advice we can talk about the functionality of different products absolutely i i can talk about my experience right like that's not yeah totally no no what do you do tell us so i use shares and you guys know that they're a friend of the show but i like them because i started off micro investing before i started investing larger

amounts and they have the roundups feature which i really like they have the ability for you to buy shares in the u.s stock exchange which is something else that i really like even though they are a platform that allows you to invest in very small amounts from as little as one cent. So relevant for this episode, Jessica Ricci, because what did we do right before coming to the iHeart Studios to record this? We touched a bull. Where did we do it? Wall Street! We went to Wall Street! I'm officially a Wall Street girlie. I stood in front of the Wall Street. Oh, sorry. I stood in front of the American Stock Exchange for a good five minutes staring at it before Gabby was like, we have places to be. And I was like, do you not realize

how iconic this moment is for me. Stop it. And she was just like, we've got to go. Like, we're on a timeline. And I'm like, I don't. Gabby's got to run a tight ship. This is a bucket list item for me, Gabby. I was trying, but I was like, all right, we've got, like, two minutes.

And then when V says we're running ahead of schedule, she's like, this is great. Like, we'll just go get a coffee. And I'm like, oh, but that will put us behind again. Like, let's just keep going. It's Victoria's World. You just live in it. Yeah.

That's true. 100%. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Back on track, Jessica Ricci. Back on track. I think you definitely need to look at different platforms. I like the fact that on Sharesies, there's a few different options. You can pay like a monthly subscription that kind of covers those fees or you can pay as you go. But all of the platforms have different percentages, which is

why it is so important to do your own research and why we are so quick to say there's no one platform for everybody. So have a look around, have a look at the features you want, because not all of the platforms have those fun features. So if Roundup is something that's important to you, make sure that that's available on whatever you want to use. But yeah, it's going to vary place to place. And it really depends on if you want an easy to use app or if you want something really fancy. If you want something fancy, Sharesies is very simple, which is why I chose it when I was starting out. Whereas if you want heaps of reports and big fancy things, I'm not one of those girlies. I might just keep it simple.

I'm a both. So as you guys know, I do invest on Sharesies, but I also do love a little bit more of a complex platform sometimes just because I like the research and the insights. But she did specifically mention micro-investing, which I think is worth talking about because you technically micro-invest, Jess, on the Sharesies platform. So you are taking small amounts of money and investing them with Sharesies, right? And you use the Roundup feature and it all makes sense. That feature is also on platforms like Raise and like Spaceship, which are incredibly popular within our community. However, those are more, I would say, true micro-investing platforms where, Jess, you got to pick your ETF that you're investing into. You have a lot more control

over your portfolio and it's still just as accessible as the, quote, micro-investing apps. But I think, I've said it before, I love micro-investing app. It's like the gateway drug of investing because you don't feel overwhelmed when you start, right? Like you can just do a few dollars here and there. You can download the app. It's all really shiny and easy. However, once you get to a solid amount of money, you find that most people want to sell down their micro-investing app and go over to a quote, real investing app to have a bit more control because that is going to take you all the way through to retirement. So if I use you as an example, which I'm really glad I have you to use this example of, you're not going to need to leave

Sharesies for your entire life. Like if you decided, right, Sharesies is it. I've picked my two ETFs. I only know you've got two because I look at your portfolio too. So pervy. I'm like, what you got? What you got Gabs? What's in there? Show me. But I think it's important to understand that a Sharesies platform is a little bit more scalable, whereas something like a micro investing platform that to me is dipping your toes in the water and getting a little bit comfortable with it and you might progress to a bigger platform. The fees should be relatively comparable. In saying that, you are always going to be paying more fees on lower amounts because the same transactions have to occur on a dollar versus a thousand dollars, right? You've got your

brokerage, you have transaction fees, you might have app or administration fees, and all of those things are reasonable. That's why it's probably worth jumping into our Facebook community and understanding what are other people in our community using? What apps could I look at? Have a look at our investing guide that's on our website. Go back to our investing series that we did on the podcast a couple of months or even probably a year ago with Sharesies. I think those things are really important to understand because if you want to start small, you don't necessarily just have to go for micro-investing platforms anymore. But be aware that the fees at the very start are going to feel in percentage terms a lot higher. But for me, that's an investment

into your financial literacy. Because even if you're paying $2.50 a month and you're investing $10, that 25%, that's a lot. But look what you're learning. Look what's compounding. Look where the growth is coming from, not just necessarily in terms of making money, but in terms of your growth mindset and putting yourself first. So when money starts to compound, you're in the best possible position and you kind of have to start there but once you get to having a bigger portfolio like I know you do Gabby and I know you do Jess and I'm pretty sure you do too Brooke because you're like a little investing queen you're a bit of an investing bro though I do I don't want to talk to her on the podcast about what she invests in because she consistently offends me however

no I don't I have no money in crypto you said the other day it was a joke I can't take a joke. I didn't pick up on that. I thought you were serious. No, I have a good portfolio. I slay. How did you pick your portfolio? Side note.

Oh, I went through due diligence. Like I went on many a Reddit forum, a lover of Reddit. Oh, yeah, Reddit, reliable source of information. No, no, no. Because I wanted to see what everyone else was investing in and then I actually did like weeks of research. I Googled every like diversified fund ETF because I knew that was the best way to go. Yes.

And then I went through and clarified what I wanted and then I diversified again because I was panicked. I don't want to be broke, so I'm panicked. I love this. That was a very she's on the money answer. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it. And I know that Jess and Gabby are the same. But once you have those bigger portfolios, you're aiming for about 1% in fees. Like anything under 1%, slay. Anything above 1%, you kind of go, what could I be doing differently? Is it the platform? Is it the ETF? You also have to be

very aware that an ETF is going to have fees and the platform is going to have fees. So there are going to be fees coming from two places and you need to consider that. That is not me warning you, oh my gosh, their fees don't do it. Just be clear on what it is. Because obviously, from little things, big things grow. You've heard this said a million times on the podcast, but I do genuinely believe that it's an investment into your education. And if you start worrying about fees really, really early, like I said in my very first book, if you pay peanuts, you're going to get monkeys. So you want to be investing in something that makes sense for you, that is scalable, not necessarily going, what's the cheapest option? Yeah, definitely. I think for me,

personally, I'm still in a very beginner phase of my investing journey and I would still consider myself micro-investing. How are you doing that? Do you have a micro-investing platform? You're on Raise, you're on Spaceship? Yes, I'm on Sharesies and I'm just investing small amounts monthly from my pay, which obviously a dollar doesn't stretch as far as it did a year ago. Not in America, at least. No, very true. But like you say, Vee, I have found like just wrapping my head around the statements and all of that really, really helpful. And I think, like you say, the education you get from doing it is really, really important. And even though you don't see massive returns at

one point and I'm as beige as it gets with investing. I'm just in ETFs, the boring ETFs. Actually, no, I did know that. I did know that. Yeah. So I think that I'm a very basic investor, but I do think the education I'm getting from that is really, really good. And I didn't know the 1% thing. So I'm happy I'm sitting here and learning about where my fees should be going. Yeah. Hold on. Slay. Slay. Ah, we got a slay out of her. All right. I feel like that answers the question. that is a 10 out of 10. So we have a very spicy DM that I'm excited to get two new opinions on

Miss Jessica Ricci. Are you ready to hear it? Yeah. So here's the DM. Hi, she's on the money team. Could I please get your advice? I've been with my fiance for five years and we are starting to talk about having a family. We both earn $110,000 a year, but I have less outgoings and also receive bonuses. My issue is at current, I do a majority of the cooking, the cleaning, the groceries etc but I also contribute more financially I see where this is going we split rent 50 50 but I often pay for groceries utilities date nights and when I bring it up that I'm paying for a lot of our lifestyle my fiance doesn't agree and it becomes really awkward so I just drop it now that he's wanting to discuss planning for kids I really want to be firm that unless he

can cover all of our bills with his wage I will not be having children I don't think it's fair that i do all of the extra work and still contribute heavily to bills he says he is going to do as much child care and housework as me but based on the last three years that just isn't true and i'm starting to feel resentful please send help i feel like no i really want their opinions first jessica because they're not yeah i was gonna say you guys get in there. I'm ready. I think I'll start. Because Mike's going to be mean. Yours is going to be mean, is it Brooke? It's Mike's going to be honest. You're going to have a blunt delivery. No, I can't empathize with this situation that much

because I don't have a partner. I've never lived with a partner. But I can imagine that would be very frustrating if I was living with a man who wasn't really pulling his weight and I was contributing more financially and just to everything around. I think we're going to have just a unanimous decision here. I know where this is going. Like, I think it's very fair to not want to have children with someone who clearly isn't aligning with you in that space. And I just feel bad for her because that's very frustrating, especially when she's trying to communicate that to him. And it might be like talking to a bit of a brick wall. Yeah. And she's saying that she doesn't want to have kids with him if he doesn't want to do all these things, but she already has

a child. She's already supporting him financially. She's doing his cooking and cleaning. Like she already has a child like if your partner is not stepping up now he's not going to step up then because it's harder then you're going to be on less sleep so either there needs to be something that gives like she can't do everything she's not wonder woman yeah i think it depends on how much how important having children is to you as well because if it's something that you're desperate for then it's it's not going to work but if you're kind of like oh like i don't mind like my lifestyle now i'm happy with it obviously like i think that you should get to a place where you feel satisfied with the amount that he's contributing. And I think that we need to

remember that the household chores are a mental load. Being a stay-at-home parent or a stay-at-home partner is a full-time job in and of itself. Running a household is a job. If one person is doing all of that labour and contributing more financially, that's a lot for anybody, I think. I would agree. I feel like I have to play diplomat here, though, and put on the table that we need to have some conversations about this. So let's be honest. Someone has to be diplomatic. Yeah. Like, I mean, to me, it's a red flag if you're saying, I don't want to have kids with this man, because I have been in that situation before, not with my husband, because to be honest,

I think my husband is the best thing that's ever happened in the entire world. You haven't had kids with your husband, have you? Would be a bit too late. He is a bit too late. Give me three months. But it's one of those things where that was what I was looking for in a partner. I was quite clear that I wanted someone who was exactly on the same pages me when it came to just life and how you divide up tasks and what you do and what that looks like. And I feel really grateful for that, but that was very intentional. It's not an accident that my husband is good at those things. I didn't train him or anything like that. I just was very

attracted to somebody who was relatively self-sufficient and independent and had their stuff together. But I also think if your partner's not seeing it the way you are, we need to do a bit more investigating and go, okay, well, let's not have an argument. Using words like, Gabby, you do this, is actually really aggressive. Let's take those conversations off the table and go, I just feel like this. How can we explore that a bit more? What would that mean? You're saying that you're doing 50-50. Why do I feel that it's not? Because one thing that I have learned, and this is not a good thing, thankfully, Steve and I don't argue too much, but I have a very deep belief that you can argue your way out of anything, except you can't tell me how

I feel. So the second I tell you how you feel, I can't be like, oh, well, Jess, if you feel left out by that, that's on you. I'm going to have to go, oh, actually, let's do a little bit of self-reflection, if that makes sense. I love when you talk psychology to me. That's really good. It's important, though. So like, maybe we can sit down, maybe we can do a budget. If you feel genuinely that you're paying more, I'm sorry, but that's actually quite black and white. You could print it out and be like, well, let's do a budget. Let's actually look at this. What does your shared finances look like? If you're saying you're paying more, but he's not,

maybe there's not actually a fair division. And if you're saying that this is a man that you want to have kids with, maybe we do need to talk about, okay, well, maybe we have a shared account and you both transfer the same amount to that shared account, still have completely separate finances, but there's an agreed amount for bills and for groceries and everything that's 50-50. maybe that will make you feel a little bit more in control and then i think we should also talk about the division of labor like if we're talking about who's vacuuming and who's washing up and what does that actually look like i know that sometimes i go oh my god steve never cleans the bathroom it's the worst gabby's laughing because she spends a very significant amount of her time

at my house that's me with tunnel vision because that's just a job that i have elected to do There's no division of labour. But, Gabby, Steve does everything else, right? Steve is a, yes, very domestic goddess kind of thing. He's the perfect house husband. I think it's so hard to, like, track those things. Like you say, it's easy with the budgeting because you can literally sit down and go A, B, C, D.

It's black and white. But then with division of labour, it's like if someone thinks that they're doing something, it's very hard to take them out of that. And, like you say, you get tunnel vision. Yeah, exactly. and you might have and I'm not saying you do I don't want to gaslight you into thinking that you're the problem you are absolutely not but like if I look at it and go we were having a very isolated conversation and I go oh no Steve never cleans the bathroom that's kind of actually

true does that mean that he's a bad person when it comes to division of labor no because everyone on my team knows he does way more than me I've never taken out the bins I can't remember the last time I emptied the dishwasher. I've even done those things at me. All right, moving on. But I think it's one of those things where, you know, we'll sit down and have a think. Like sometimes in relationships, there might be, and I don't ever want to call them boy and girl tasks, but there might be tasks that he does that he's like, no, I am, but you don't see them and vice versa. Because if he's not seeing them and you're not seeing them, Maybe he doesn't see how much you're contributing.

Maybe he grew up in a household where his mum did literally everything for him and it's just something he didn't think about when it comes to doing the washing or finding his undies or, you know, literally doing anything of that type. So I think having a conversation about, okay, what does division of labour look like right now, once we get that solid, maybe we can talk about having kids because if after that you still don't want to have kids with that man, that's a red flag. Unless you don't want to have kids.

oh that's a different story let's we're just assuming that she's in a position where she does want to have a baby she just doesn't want to have a baby with that man right now that's okay i hate these dms when we're like we just need like a little bit more i always want the context i'm like babe can i call you get them on yeah give me your ghost like i need it oh my god what else did he do does he cook dinner what does he cook can he cook it sounds like she does want to talk about kids she just doesn't want to talk about it Until she, like she said, she's starting to resent him. Yeah, it's not equal.

It doesn't feel like equal playing field. So she's just going to get another thing lumped on her. Yeah. And tell your partners, like, if they're not contributing enough, tell them Victoria said it's very sexy. It is sexy. It is hot. Very sexy.

It's a turn on for sure. Ten out of ten. All right, let's leave it there because otherwise I will gloat way too much about my husband. We have a lot of New York to explore and spend money on. Magnolia Bakery, you better watch out. Thank you for joining us, Gabs and Brooke. Thanks for having us.

We're going to do another episode next week. Jess, we're from? New Orleans. Hey. All right. See you later, guys. Have the best weekend and we'll see you on Monday bright and early for Money Diaries. Bye.

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