She's On The Money - The Equity Irk

Episode Date: April 27, 2023

As we roll into Friday, join Victoria, Jess and Bec as we celebrate your money wins, share the losses, and we answer a tough Money Dilemma about unexpected funeral costs. Plus, should you pay less for household expenses if you're on a way lower salary that your housemates? Should equity exist in friendships? You slid into our D.Ms this week to ask just that, and boy does it get SPICY! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money. She's on the money.

Hello and welcome to She's On The Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Today, guys, it is Friday, which means it is time to get our little team together and celebrate you, our incredible She's On The Money community. Today, Miss Jess Gritchy is going to be sharing with us some money wins. We're going to be helping answer a juicy money dilemma, which this week is all about unexpected funeral costs. And we're going to be unpacking something that you slid into our DMs about. This week, we're going to be having a chat about whether equity should be applied in friendships. That made people angry. It made people so mad in our DMs. I was like, usually the like, you know, community DM that we address on the pod is a little bit

spicy. It's always like a little bit like, oh, you don't want to like publicly ask the question. So you slide into our DMs so that you can get kind of an anonymous response. This one, babe, you're glad you slid into our DMs and the response, you're anonymous because there were some people coming for you. Like they were coming for us and we just asked the question. We didn't even say we had an opinion on it at this point. Juicy. I'm so excited. It was a lot. But I also feel like this week has been a lot. How's your week been, Bec? What you been up to? I've really liked this week, actually. It's been a bit jarring. I had a bit of whiplash because, you know, there's the weekend and then you go back to work and then there's another weekend. Yeah, there should be

a half weekend. Yeah, it's a half weekend immediately after you start working. Public holidays on Mondays or Fridays only. I agree with that. I feel like that should be exactly. But I mean, Anzac Day is really important. I mean, it's important to me. So I think that we should celebrate it on the right day, but the government should be nice and just have given us Monday off as well. Exactly. I wouldn't hate that, honestly, because it's very... I think it's good. It's good for morale. Our engagement would increase. We know what happens when people are engaged. They produce 50% higher shareholder return. Hear that, government? Give us more days off. Yep.

How could you say no? Exactly. So what else did you do? You had Whiplash and? I had Whiplash. On Tuesday, I saw our producer live. Annalisa, live. Annalisa.

She's actually going to be famous one day, like really famous. I think she kind of is. She's already famous. In like definitely where, you know, I'm from, Brunswick area, everyone knows it. Everyone knows her, do they? Have you guys heard of Triple R? Yeah, she's got her own radio show. Yeah, she's a big deal.

A big deal, the biggest deal. Yeah, seriously. I can't hear Brunswick without thinking of the garage party. Like, I just can't. That's all we do there. Do you know why they had a garage party? Because Annalisa was playing? No, to celebrate Annalisa.

Yeah, 100%. That's why it went viral. Annalisa was playing there. They just didn't know. She's a big deal. We'll put a link to her stuff in our show notes this week so you can creep on her because I just feel like everybody needs to know who she is.

She's the cool person that if you go to a She's On The Money event, you, like, look across the room. Woman in the pink sparkly suit, yep, that's Annalisa. Yep, you do want to meet her. beautiful. She's real hot. It'll just die. My favourite part about this whole conversation is she's currently in the room and she's so

uncomfortable. It's amazing. Take the love, you deserve it. She's also a cat person. Take it and run. She's also a cat person, so we love this. Yeah, that's true. I mean, what can't she do? I don't know. There's not one thing that we've asked her to do that she hasn't done. No, that's true. Wild.

Let's move on though because she's suitably uncomfortable. She's suitably. I feel uncomfortable with her uncomfortableness. Yeah, it's great. Miss Jessica Ricci, how's your week been? It's been good. Just a normal week for me this week, enjoying the sunshine, loving it. Just bopping along.

Bopping along. I had a rental inspection this week. That's hot. Yeah, really fun. That's about as thrilling as it gets. Did they say that they were tripling your rent? Because I feel like that's what's happening to everybody who has a rental inspection at the moment. Oh, thankfully they can't in Vic.

Oh, you're in the first 12 months of your lease as well. Yes. So it's just to make sure we haven't ruined the place, which we haven't. Not yet. Two thumbs up. Not yet, and they didn't find all the stuff you hid? No, no bodies under the floorboards yet. Stunning.

All right, I want to know what's been going on with our community, Jess. What are the money wins and confessions that you've round up this week for us? My first money win this week comes from Tansin, who said, Money win. I desperately wanted to join in on the Frank Green water bottle trend, but I could not justify the price for myself until I was scrolling on Facebook Marketplace and saw a chick advertising the exact one for $35 brand new after she was gifted two for her birthday. I have officially joined the emotional support water bottle trend.

$35. It's a good deal. But I don't know. How much do they cost usually? About $60. $59.95. Yeah. Hmm.

Still a lot of money for a water bottle. Yeah. Kmart does a good dupe. Oh, 100%. $9. I've got this little Systema plastic water bottle. There's nothing better than an insulated water bottle. I'll have to try it one day when I have some.

As a little bit of a water talk update for those of you playing along at home, my Stanley drink bottle has arrived. I am in love with it. It is bigger than my head. It's huge. Take it to the whole table. It's peach. She's stunning.

It is on brand. And Jessica Ricci has bought me two, not one, but two drink mixes this week. She bought me the green apple and the cherry flavoured Jolly Rancher drink mix, which I think is just wild. Have you tried them yet? No, no. And do you know what?

I have absolutely no faith that they're going to taste any good because they are, one, I don't like cherry flavour. So apologies, Jess. But you know what, Jess? You knew that when you purchased that, didn't you? I was like, it'll be good content. It'll be good content. She wants me to.

I feel like it's just going to taste like cough medicine and the green apple flavor. Very excited to try it, but they're sugar-free and I do not enjoy artificial flavors. Like I just, artificial sweetener needs to get in the bin. I cannot get my head around it. It's going to be a bit of an aftertaste. Yeah, so we'll see.

We'll see. But I will film that content because I love water talk. Very niche for anyone else who's on the same type of TikTok because you can't relate. I keep sending videos of water talk to Jess. If this is making no sense to you, you don't want it to make sense to you. But I keep sending them to Jess so that she will also end up on water talk. It's kind of like ruining her feed from my side of the table.

Ruining her life. Yeah. Speaking of water, my next money win is from Alicia who said, our washing machine wasn't working and it kept saying check the filter. Didn't even know the filter was empty. I was hesitant about calling someone to fix it as I knew it would probably be expensive and I didn't know if I would need a plumber or an appliance technician. My partner was catching up with one of his mates who happens to be a plumber,

so I made him ask his mate for some tips. It was a simple fix and we now have a working washing machine for $0. How good. Life win. My next one comes from Goji who said money win. Local yoga was closed for renovations and they are now offering free unlimited classes for the first week and I booked seven classes for free.

Oh, my God, seven? Taking it to the nth degree. I love that. You've got to respect it. It's like when 7-Eleven has those days where they say, bring your own container and you can have as much Slurpee as you want. I used to love that as a kid. It was so fun.

Wild, but like where's the line? Yeah. Where's the line? I'll bring my Stanley cup. I feel like that's the line. That's a lot of Slurpee. Not big enough, I would say. No, we did a mixing bowl once, me and my brother,

but we shared it, to be fair. Oh, you shared it? Yeah. It's cute. I feel like I've seen people with those gallon water things, you know, from like the water fountains where they like tip it upside down and then just like ruin the environment with their fake filtered water. Like that's arguably a little bit irresponsible, but that's okay. But I've seen people take those and get

that filled with Slurpee. Slurpee on tap. That's the dream. The absolute dream. Maybe we should buy a Slurpee machine for the office. I would actually die. There are a lot of things that we want in this office that we probably shouldn't purchase. Our office, if we just let ourselves buy the things that we wanted, would look like it was designed by a six-year-old. Like there'd be slides, There'd be swings, there'd be slurpy machine. It would just be ridiculous. I'm not sorry for that. I'm not even sorry.

I have no regrets. No regrets. My next money win came from Tina who said, just found out that you can go to your local council, take your rates notice and get two free native trees. That's all the information that I have. I don't know if it's every local council. Please, Tina.

Just look on your, can you give us some more information, Tina? But I thought that's a good tip. Like jump on your local council website, two free trees. That's pretty cool. And also local councils always have good stuff going on. Yeah. Why are they ever marketed? I've never, I never hear about these things until someone ran away.

Because they probably don't have the budget, let's be honest. That's fair. Yeah, and I think it's changing, but a lot of government or local government teams generally are made up of more mature people and so they're not as tech savvy a lot of the time. So they are marketed, like I see flyers and stuff sometimes. Cute. I'm like, that's not reaching the people it's got to reach,

like stapled to the telephone pole. No one's looking at the telephone pole. The telephone pole or the community notice board at Coles. Yeah. Like the one that you kind of like awkwardly glance at as you're going out of the self-checkout. Yeah. Not all council people are old, but they should hire more young people.

That's what I'm saying. 100%. Moving right along, please don't come for me. My next money win comes from Kim who said, sold my daughter's cot for the price of what it would have cost me to upgrade her to a single bed. Love a cost-neutral upgrade. And I was like, I just love the term cost-neutral.

Cost-neutral. Cost-neutral is great. We are taking that and running with it. This is where my head went because you said, don't hate me but I now realize that was in relation to your last comment I just thought that Kim had sold her kids cop before her kid was done with it sold her cop money win now my kid sleeps on the floor oh my god could you imagine that's very Montessori uh Montessori very fancy very fancy I'm on that side of TikTok yeah you're on every side of TikTok I live on

TikTok that's okay no judgment over here that's all my money wins for the week so should we take a quick break so VD can get her TikTok fix. She's shaking. She's literally shaking. I'm not even mad do you want to see this TikTok of this guy who dances and takes vests off? We don't have any choice so let's do it. Welcome back everybody. Let's jump into this week's Money Dilemma. Hi there. Have you got a money dilemma you just can't solve? The She's on the Money team is here to help. Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small, to answer your most burning money, career and life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website and leave us a short voice recording and you might just find yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to this

week's money dilemma. Hi, Ed, she's on the money. I have a money dilemma. Last year, my father sadly passed away and I needed to pay $3,000 of my savings for costs involved with cremation and the funeral home. Now I am expected of my family to purchase a plot and headstone and while I loved my father I am not a high earner and struggling with these unexpected costs. Does She's on the Money have any advice on how to pay for these unexpected costs and how to get any kind of funding. I live in Australia and I'm paying these costs in New Zealand. And I'm wondering if I could even get some kind of a rebate, whether through its GST or a tax time. Firstly, I just want to say I'm really sorry that you're going through this. That's a really tough thing to deal with in and

of itself, dealing with a loss with then having a financial burden on top of that. And I'm shocked at how much it costs to be cremated, $3,000. Yeah, it's a lot. I've never thought about the cost before now, if I'm being honest. Yeah, look, it's a lot of money and I guess it makes sense when you think about it. In Australia and in New Zealand, it is like kind of a restricted thing. You can't just turn up and become cremated. Like there has to be a death certificate and a whole process behind it, right? I know because my mother actually worked in the death industry for a very long time. Here in Australia, the total funeral costs of a traditional burial, this is just me reading from the Australian Bureau of Statistics website, can average between $7,000 and $15,000.

What? While here in Australia, a cremation can cost anywhere between $3,000 and just $7,000. Oh my gosh. Obviously, these figures can go even higher depending on like your local cemetery fees and like regulations and stuff because there are different regulations that are involved. So these fees, they usually cover what you're deemed to be, quote, the essentials. So things like logistics. So you need to move the body from location to location.

You can't just stick them in the cheapest Uber that you get. A death certificate, filing notices, permits, stuff like that. If you're looking for anything extravagant, like you want a nice casket, that's even more money. You want to do viewings of your loved one. That is going to increase the amount that the funeral home charges you. If you want to do like some kind of special celebration or clergy or like a nice flower arrangement, that's way more money again. And flowers are very expensive.

Even for funerals, you can actually expect to pay anywhere between like maybe $300 and up to like $5,000 on florals for a funeral, depending on obviously what you do and how you do it. I know that in my family a lot of people have said if they've had like a death notice they say in lieu of flowers can you donate to a particular charity which is nice but you you kind of like want it to look nice as well I don't know there's that mix of working out celebrating somebody's life yeah so in most cases the person who arranges the funeral whether that's like a friend or a family member they actually have to sign a contract directly with the funeral director and then that person is the person that's kind of in charge of all the payments which is why our listener might have written in and said hey it seems to be all on me because she might have

taken on the brunt of that responsibility let's assume she's not maybe she's the only financially stable person in the family that has access to funds that can be really really hard so it's important to know that there are actually a few things here in Australia and I've done some research and understand that there are similar things in New Zealand as well. So what I'd be looking up for anyone in this circumstance is bereavement assistance. So here in Australia, bereavement assistance can either be like a non-for-profit organisation or it can be through the government and they will help you with unexpected funeral costs. In New Zealand, the average funeral cost is actually $10,000, which is a lot of money. But they say only 5%

of New Zealanders have what's called a pre-planned funeral. So you can actually do that yourself at any point. It's a very morbid concept, but I mean, if your death is going to be expected, it's something that a lot of people like doing because they feel like they've got control over that circumstance and it can actually be a really therapeutic process. It's not nice by any stretch of the imagination, but at any point you can actually go down to a funeral home and prepay for your funeral as well as like kind of plan it out. Like you could do everything. You could do the bare minimum, which would be just paying for it. Or you could go all the way through to, all right, I want to look at the guest list. I want to have a look at, you know, what songs

you're going to play. What's my intro song? What's my outro song? Who's speaking? Like you can plan literally everything if you wanted to. So in New Zealand, there are also bereavement services you can call upon if you find that you're not able to afford it. So I would be doing, honestly, because it changes based on either local state or council regulations. I would be looking up just bereavement services in your area and seeing what type of support there is. Further to that, I probably, given you're the one in your family who has been loaded with all of these costs, I would, obviously, I don't think it changes whether you loved your dad or not. You said that in your voice note. You're like, oh, I loved him, but no, no, no. We know you loved him,

but it's actually really unrealistic and unreasonable to assume that you're the one individually that would bear the brunt of all of this. I think going back and going, okay, well, what does this look like? And maybe having a conversation with the people who are closest, who are trying to help you plan that funeral and help you plan these services and the cremation and stuff and going, hey, like, should I just be keeping track of this? Because there are a couple of things that could happen. So obviously when a death happens, not everything financial happens at exactly the same time. What you can do is keep track of all of those costs and then get repaid by your father's estate. And so that would mean like if I spent, you know, let's call it just $10,000

because that's the average cost of the New Zealand funeral, I pay $10,000, keep track of it, keep all your receipts and everything. And when your dad's estate is being, you know, broken down and given out, before that happens, you get repaid that $10,000 before anybody else gets like an inheritance. So that could come from whatever savings your dad had, whatever Kiwi saver he had, whatever kind of assets he has, if you're planning on selling them or, you know, liquidating them to cash, or maybe you even just do it in lieu of assets. Maybe you get first choice. This will all have to be done through your solicitor or through, you know, whoever is dealing with the family estate, but it can be repaid. You will have to go through a process for that to make

sure it all gets done properly because you don't want someone coming back later and being like, oh my God, well, Beck got $10,000 more than me. Like, no, Beck was repaid the money that she spent for that process to happen. And that's actually really fair. You didn't get more because you just got repaid the money that you spent on that process. So essentially that can happen, but obviously that can only happen if your dad does have an estate to share with you. And in the case that there is no estate that could pay it back. So an estate is just a fancy word for saying stuff that the person who passed away had. So that could be money or houses or literally any type of asset. If there's no money there to repay that, you could just have a good

conversation with your family and go, hey, like I'm keeping track of this. So either the estate can pay it back and they might go, oh, well, Jess, there's no estate. And they might come back and go, okay, well, maybe the family could help. Another way of doing this is to announce when the funeral is happening that you can actually contribute to the funeral costs. So you could say, in lieu of flowers, we'd love a donation towards the funeral costs for XYZ. And that could go towards paying the costs. So I think there's a few things that you could do. The first thing I would honestly do is look up bereavement services and make sure that, you know, if there's anything local to you that you could access, we do that. I'd also be having a chat to the funeral

home that you're working with, because if anyone's going to have experience in what you can access and what you can't, it's going to be them. And maybe they might even have a level of sympathy that you didn't expect them to have. And they might go, wow, we didn't realise you were in this circumstance. Let's see what we can do to help. But I think just talking about it and just seeing how people can help you is probably the best thing that you can do because obviously I don't know where in New Zealand you are or how that works but I guess long story short I'm really sorry that that's the circumstance and it does really suck but unfortunately these things happen and we should be having these conversations about well what does this mean how does this work

like these things unfortunately happen every single week in our community and if you don't know you just don't know and we need to have a conversation about okay well these are the first steps. Okay, well, make sure that you're in, you know, the best possible position. This is why people should be doing their wills and making sure that things are planned out. Because I personally know that I wouldn't want my family members having to pay for my funeral because I hadn't planned it. Like I just, I don't want to put my family in that position and then not have it on the other side. But most people don't think about this because it's awkward to think about death, right? Yeah. No one wants to have this conversation and that's okay if you're not

ready. But I think it's something that we do need to plan for. But then also we need to talk about the flip side of that. And maybe we do a whole episode on this because I think that there's a lot of unexpected costs in death that we don't talk about. But then also, what about all of the people that are currently being taken for a ride if they have funeral insurance? Like that to me makes absolutely no sense. What do you mean funeral insurance? So the amount of times I have spoken to people and they're like, oh, we found out years later while going through mum's stuff that she had funeral insurance, but we didn't know about that because the insurance company, when she passed away, didn't step up, didn't notify us. We had no information. It wasn't in

her will and they're not going to pay it out if it's already happened, right? And usually if you're getting funeral insurance, it might be because you're a little bit older and you want to look after your family and you're talked into this great policy. But from my perspective, there's only two things in life that are certain, taxes and death. Why are we insuring for something that's guaranteed to happen? So like we talk about insurance a lot on this podcast and obviously I'm the biggest fan of income protection. I think it's the best insurance for me personally, right? I think everybody should be looking into whether they can get it or not. But when an insurer gives you an insurance policy, they're kind of hedging their bets. They're like, all right, Bec, have you

got any pre-existing conditions? You'd be like, no, I'm fit and healthy. I'm great. And then they go, yeah, all right, well, we'll insure you for X amount per month. They're hedging their bets that nothing's going to happen to you because financially they're going to end up in the best possible financial position if nothing happens to Beck. And then they might go, oh, Jess, have you had anything happen to you? And you might say, yeah, actually, I rolled my ankle a heap of times at netball and that's compromised. And they go, oh, Jess, we're not going to cover your ankle. We're going to exclude that because we don't want the possibility of us having to pay you out to increase. Death is guaranteed. Why are we in this position where we are literally insuring it

in a way that it gets paid out as an insurance premium? Right. Just like put money aside for the funeral. Yeah, exactly. I feel like so many people get taken for a ride because they're trying to do the right thing and they get this beautiful policy that covers up to $15,000. That makes them feel really good. But what the insurance policy is betting on, this is really morbid, is it's going to take you a really long time to die. That's what they're betting on. They are betting on the fact that, all right, Bec, do you want to organize this funeral insurance? Okay, well, it's, you know, X amount per month. They're hoping that you pay more in premiums before you

die than actually dying. Exactly. Right. So I think it's something that we could all think about. And it's something that, you know, emergency funds as you get older could be, you know, allocated towards or making sure that you have cash aside. But there's a lot I have to say on the death industry you could say and how during times that people are most vulnerable because our listener is vulnerable right now right like she needs someone to grab her by the hand and be like I've got you and I have your best interests at heart but there are a lot of people out there that would take your hand and go I've got your best interests at heart and they really don't so it's a terrible conversation to have but it's one that genuinely as a community we need to have

these conversations more often because you could find yourself in a pickle but there are lots of things. As I said, there are a few different bereavement services out there. Talk to your funeral home, talk to your family and actually just have an open, honest, money conversation. Be like, this is putting a lot of financial pressure on me. Maybe they don't even know. Well, I didn't know. You wouldn't know. No. If you've never been through it, I'm so glad that you've never been through it. If you've never been through it and then you're going through it, like how are you meant to know, right? Yeah, exactly. I think that's really solid advice. I really do hope that she takes something out of that.

And I really am sorry for your circumstances. We're sending you lots of love. Lots of love to anyone going through circumstances like that at the moment. It's just really trashy. It's not a good place to be. No. All right. Let's bring the mood up, though, because that was a really good segment.

But we have to change tunes completely because our DMs got really lit up this week because a lot of people have a lot of things to say. So our community dilemma this week went like this. Hi team, I'm battling extreme levels of jealousy that I haven't ever felt before. I'm really happy for my housemate who's climbing the career ladder quite rapidly, which she absolutely deserves. She's gotten a $20,000 pay rise and I'm so happy for her, but I can't help but feel so jealous. I'm still studying and I make around $37,000 a year. She's now on a really good six-figure salary and I can't help but feel annoyed when she texts me saying it's my turn to buy toilet paper etc because she just makes so much more money than me

and I just think why can't she help me out and buy it. I guess I'm just wondering does equity apply in friendships like it does in relationships? We did some polling didn't we? We did do some polling so the first poll question we asked was what's your current living situation? 15% of you lucky ducks said you lived on your own. 14% of you said that you lived in a share house. 61% of you, you live with partners and 10% of you are other, which I assume may be like, you know, random situations, live with parents, whatever. The next question we asked you guys was if you live with a partner, does one of you earn a lot more than the other? And 43% of you said, yes, my partner earns more than me. 30% of you said, yes, I earn more than my partner. And 27% said, we're actually

pretty even, TBH. The next question we asked was, if you live in a share house, do you have a housemate that makes a lot more money than you? 31% of you said, yes, my housemate makes a lot more. 33% said, I'm the housemate that makes a lot more. 36% said, we are all on pretty even incomes. That's a pretty even split of responses. Yeah, that was like nice little thirds. I liked that. It made my little maths brain very happy. But guys, before we go to the community spicy responses, what are your thoughts? I just, I'm trying to be nice. I just don't know why. I understand the jealousy. Absolutely. Like I can see how being in close proximity to someone that you perceive to be doing better than you absolutely can raise those feelings and that's

very normal. I think the thing to consider here is though you're not that person's responsibility and as much as your housemates and your friends and yes we want to look out for our friends ultimately she is in that place because of the choices that she has made and she's not a millionaire. Like if you've got if you've got so much money that spending money on things doesn't matter to you you're probably not living with a housemate. So even though if you are you're probably living some kind of sex in the city lifestyle that we want to know about. Yeah. So I feel like, yes, potentially she's earning six figures, but does she have hex debt? Does she have other debt? Is she saving for something that means her budget is really strict?

I just, I don't think it is reasonable to make yourself somebody else's financial response. And yes, the cost of toilet paper is arguably negligible, but if you're using it equally, in my opinion, it should be split equally. The only time that that is different is if you're with a partner and in that situation it's more about make his pockets hurt is that what you mean it's more about joint finances joint goals and the money is pooled and shared whereas if you're living with a housemate you're operating I'm assuming independently financially and as human beings yeah that's where I feel like the big difference is I just I can't fathom going you earn more than me and therefore you need to buy me things yeah I do agree with that even though

I'm kind of oversimplifying it, you know. No, but, like, that's kind of it. Why can't you help me out? And, like, that's me reading into the tone of the message, I suppose, and I really shouldn't do that. But the idea that you think she owes you toilet paper because you used that as an example, like, I've got my opinions and I'm actually going to wait until Bec's there.

But the idea that she owes you that makes my blood boil. Yeah, I think that's the thing. But I totally get it as well, Jess. Like, as you said, I know that feeling of feeling so like, how are you there in your life? And I'm here and you just feel really inadequate and really, really crappy. So I completely get that feeling. That on its own, totally fine.

If you're in a share house and like, let's say this person, you know, they made a $20,000 pay rise and now they're expected to up their, I suppose, like what they're contributing to the house. And like, it's like the expenses have gone up and then their pay's gone up and like, they're kind of just breaking even. You know what I mean? I know that buying toilet paper isn't going to, they're not going to be breaking even there. But, like, if you're expecting that of someone who's made a 20K pay rise to then chip in way more for the house and chip in way more for, like, going out for drinks with mates and chipping in, like, where do you draw the line?

He's just saying, like, oh, maybe they're, like, hounding me for, you know, to buy toilet roll and things like that. I get that that can be annoying. But where do you draw the line? If you're saying they need to buy the – they should buy the toilet roll if we're lacking. They should buy this if we're lacking. Like, what are you expecting from them, you know? They've just – they've done this really cool thing. They've got a huge pay rise.

You know, just celebrate that. And everything else should be exactly the same. Just split everything. Just split everything. You're in a share house. Yeah. It's in the name. You share.

Yeah, you share. You share the house. Split it. That's it. Jump on, beam it, and just split everything. I couldn't agree more. I feel like you guys are, like, I'm just going to basically reiterate everything that you said. The fact that you know about your housemate's salary increase, though, that's a privilege.

Not every, you don't deserve to know about her financial circumstances. She was probably so excited to share that with you and was like, oh my gosh, V, I got this pay rise and I'm so excited about it. That didn't mean that she was telling you so she could afford to pay for more things for you. She's, you know, excited about her journey. And, you know, we were saying before that, oh, she did this really good thing. That doesn't mean you're not doing really good things. It just means you're on different journeys. Like maybe your time hasn't come to have that income yet because you're still at uni. And I remember when I was at uni, it's crazy. I was at uni, I was earning a fair bit because I was working so many hours. It's just like a retail job. But

for a uni student, I wasn't like super, you know, living on rice and noodles all the time. I had enough money to buy, you know, the nicer groceries. But I lived with a housemate who was working full time. And at no point did I ever expect them to contribute more. Like it was just not the situation. It's just you pay for your stuff. I'll pay for my stuff. We're housemates. And I guess it comes down to, I've been asked similar questions historically, and I do not believe that you should have any level of financial dependency on someone that you're not building a financial future with. Like if Jess moved in with me, I would expect her to pay the rent that we agreed to, contribute equally to the household bills and the household chores and whatever else

is going on. Whether I earned more or she earned more, I don't think it matters because we entered into this agreement when Jess moved in with me. I'm not paying more of Jess's stuff and vice versa. Jess isn't paying more of my stuff because we don't have shared big financial life goals. no I'm not saving for a home with Jess I'm not you know saving my emergency fund for Jess I'm not doing those things I'm doing that for me and then I get in a relationship with Steve that dynamic can change because now Steve and I are on the same life path Jess and I aren't what happens if I you know like let's flip it let's flip it and I'm I'm really happy to pay for Jess let's pretend that I'm the most generous person in the entire world and Jess moves in with

me and I go oh Jess you don't earn as much as me so I'm going to pay for everything is that creating a financially independent woman who needs no man it's a power imbalance like there's a massive power imbalance to that like I'm I don't want to pay for your stuff because above and beyond the fact that it's not my responsibility I'm not your parent you're not minor that creates a power imbalance what are you going to ever move out Jess you probably got it too good. I feel like the toilet paper really grinds my gears as well because that's an equal use basic necessity of a household, right? Like you should be paying for that. But that's where I draw the line. Like sharing expenses, fine. But if your more wealthy housemate comes home and says,

oh, Jess, I want to get Uber Eats. It's Friday night. I had the biggest week at work and I can't really afford it and they still really want to do it, I think that's their expense. I don't mean that, oh, you shouldn't be contributing to it, but if they want to go do an activity and I go, no, Jess, I really want to do it with you. I think that your housemates should be paying for that experience if it's not in your budget and you've been clear about what that looks like and how that works, because that's not fair. Like that's not fair to then be like, oh, I want Jess to match my lifestyle when she doesn't have that income to support that lifestyle. I think then, you know, maybe go hang out with your friends who can afford Uber Eats if you want to split it equally

but you know I love hanging out with somebody who isn't on the same I will pay for that experience and I think that that can extend to housemates like if they were arguing that they need the most expensive toilet paper yeah I'm just gonna say it's the upgrading of product I guess like if you're like I just want home brand one ply I don't care sandpaper but toilet paper it's in my budget and that's fine and your friend's like I want the gold rimmed yeah exactly hand woven toilet paper then you're okay that's a different story yeah exactly like I just I'm making the assumption that it's just like base level like we're just buying the stuff that you know both of you would normally buy anyway it's not yeah the upgrade we're not going from having you know

a normal dinner to oh well actually my housemate keeps putting salmon fillets on the weekly grocery budget and I have to split that like to me that's a different story if they were expecting you to match their lifestyle also she's texting you to say it's your turn for toilet paper is she potentially carrying the mental load a little bit there too because like I've been in that situation in a housemate setting where one person is always the one who notices that something's missing or notices that you're about to run out and is therefore then the person who starts carrying the load because they're always the one that goes oh yeah she's texting you asking you to do it and you have yeah you're right I feel like this dm didn't expect us to have this

response where we're kind of being like, well, what about your housemate? But yeah, do you know what? I used to be the housemate that would text people, be like, hey, it's your turn to X. Also, as somebody who sometimes has earned more than some of my friends, I am so happy to be generous. I actually love it. I really love being able to be like, oh no, Beck, I'll grab a coffee or, you know, Jess, I'll do this. Like, that's fine. Second you expect it, I'll cut you off yeah the second anybody's like oh well V can pay I do not think so yeah that is not how this relationship works that's so true does that make sense and I feel like that's a really common like if you're doing that to your housemate your housemate has picked up on that

vibe if I was your housemate I'd be like no sorry are we being harsh though what did everyone else say no we're being really gentle we're being really gentle Jess that makes me feel better so someone dm'd us um i'm not even reading a lot of the responses that came through in our like our question box because it's too short everybody actually just sent us along with the dm so sit down oh hell no she is financially responsible for her friends everyone has choices and she chose to study and earn minimal money wild. Everyone does have choices. Of course, you chose to study. Of course, the choice to study means compromising other areas of your life. I feel like it's just everyone's on a different

journey and that's okay. I mean, that was a regressive response. That's fine. Someone else said, when you moved in with your housemate, you agreed to split expenses equally. If you don't have shared finances or financial goals it needs to stay equal. Your housemates shouldn't have to carry more of a load because they have more resources. It would be nice of them if they did but they may be working hard towards a goal where every single cent counts. My husband can't work right now and I pay for everything because we are a team and have entirely shared finances but if he was my roommate I wouldn't be paying his way. I know they may seem like small things but if that's what you'd agreed on, you need to respect them and their finances.

I like the comment where she said, I'm paying for my husband for everything. If he was my housemate, hell no. That's like a clear, in my mind, there is a clear delineation between you working towards something with someone and you just kind of coexisting in the same space. And housemates are coexisting, doing their best, but on their own path. And therefore, you should be responsible for your own shit. Yeah. Yeah. Another person said, in a share house, split everything evenly

and make a toilet paper roster. I feel like this is getting petty. Like a star chart. If there's like a toilet paper roster, like I have lived in a house with a star chart before. No, you have not, have you? Yes. A star chart.

I implemented the star chart. That's really cute. No, that's not cute. It's passive aggressive as hell, Jess. Why did we have star charts? There were two housemates who were doing it all, carrying the load, and there was one housemate who was just not. The naughty kid.

Yeah, exactly. And when there are three girls sharing a bathroom, you know what? Sometimes you've just got to find a way to equalise it. That's fair. What did you get if you filled up your star chart? It wasn't that fun of a star chart. It was a I did my stars. It's bad.

I did my chores this week star chart. That's so cute. That's very embarrassing. Hot girl shit. Hot girl shit. All right. So this one, it said, in a share house, split everything evenly and make a toilet paper roster. It helps people feel like they're not the only one buying and you just get into a mechanical

routine. It's not personal and not a repeated internal battle. Any super outstanding extras that only one person uses, so for example, my housemate has a car, so she gets car space, they can pay extra. If it's only one slight, one person uses the aircon slightly more than the other, then that's just life and it's fair to split it evenly. At the end of the day, that's what you agreed to regardless of incomes or whether someone is profiting slash playing less or more because they're subleasing. That's a very thorough covers it all. Yeah. Someone then said, I feel like the way or the tone of some of these messages is just not vibing with me. Like, I feel like I'm being personally attacked, even though I'm not. It's kind of scary. We've all had a shithouse,

mate. And it's triggered. Yeah. Okay. So this one said, your choices have left you with a lower income. That's not her responsibility to pay for you. I say this because I have been both the friends in this situation. She probably has goals and she shouldn't have to compromise them because you're a uni student who just earns less. I'm saying this as I'm now a full-time uni student who actually earns $70,000 a year, which in itself is a very privileged position to be in. I like that you've disclaimed that. Thank you. But I wouldn't expect my friends to be buying things for me just because they earn more. And being a uni student and working full time, it's really hard. I want to use any excess I have in my income to get ahead in life and on myself,

which I think is very fair. 100%. So long and short of it is, sorry to tell you this, but no, she's not going to pay for your toilet paper. Yeah. There were lots of other messages that said, this is gross this is weird this really irks me um and I think I think it does because as you said Jess we've all had a shitty housemate remember the time I told you about my housemate who decided to become vegan one weekend and threw out all of the food in my freezer yeah yeah like we've all been there right she also used to borrow my underwear but that's a different story for a different day um but I do think that that conversation it kind of makes sense that it came up in our community because it's kind of like, oh, I can see why, you know, if you're in a position where you're like,

oh, I'm just finding it really hard to make ends meet and she's not. Like, I can see why that's come up because we always have the conversation about equity versus equality in relationships. And I do believe that those things need to be taken into consideration. Like, I don't believe that if your partner earns, your life partner earns more money than you, that it should be split 50-50. I just don't think that that is an equitable way of creating, I guess, independence and an equitable relationship. I do think that things should be split a little bit differently, but I do not believe that that should happen in a housemate situation. Like you've got no idea. Also, you're only making that assumption because you know what she earns.

That circumstance would not be different if she'd never disclosed what she was earning and you just made an assumption she was also on $37,000 because she was in a grab position, right? That wouldn't have come up. And money is private. Money is often really secret. Like, how do you know that your other housemate that is also at uni with you and you haven't spoken to her you just assume she has not as much money as you how do you know she doesn't have a trust fund yeah and she's actually worth millions she just hasn't said anything because she's managing her money well maybe she's actually none of your business exactly maybe she's Beyonce and you just don't know but like money and other people's money is none of your business unless they've

chosen to share with you and if they have shared that with you it is a privilege that you shouldn't be abusing yeah good on you for thinking critically about finances but on this one it is a no from us um if we could get a bow right here that would be great no i like that i like the one we did oh yeah south bow bow is nice sorry about sorry so sorry thank you so much for writing in we really see where you're coming from um and i hope that we weren't too harsh we were really harsh i'm so sorry keep listening i'm so sorry let's go all right have a beautiful weekend guys we will see you on monday for a money diary we love you bye the advice shared on she's on the money is general in nature and does not consider your

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