She's On The Money - The Myth of Making It Financially

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

Why are we striving to “make it” financially? Is it because we think we won’t be stressed, and that we will be happier? Is it even possible to ever "make it"?Today, we look at some of the mental traps, pressures and toxic cultural narratives that drive this myth and how we can strive for our goals and keep it real! Acknowledgement of Country By Natarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements. The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs.  Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708,  AFSL - 451289.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, my name is Natasha Nabanunga-Bamblett. I'm a proud Yorta Yorta, Kernai, Wolperi and Awadjeri woman. And before we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of which this podcast is recorded on Awadjeri country, acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through. As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and the storytelling of you to make a difference for today and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it. She's on the money.

She's on the money. Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast for millennials who want financial freedom. Hello, Vicky D. Hello. Sorry, I shouldn't have called you that. Why? I mean, we'll move on.

We'll move on. I thought we left that behind. We did. I wanted to see if you'd respond. Yeah, I do. And you did very quickly. Negatively. Nothing gets by you.

No. All right. And what am I going to call you? Becky S. Becky S. Oh, that rolls off the tongue. That's awful. That's easy.

So today we are talking about the myth of making it financially. I'm excited to talk about this. Yes. I'm very excited to talk about this because I feel like people assume that once you have a certain amount of money or like you become rich, you've made it. Yeah. Narcissist. Nah.

And we were talking about this concept the other day where we were talking about your work-life balance and you were like, I just want to sit in the grass with my friends. And I was like, we need more of this energy. We need to be talking about like the lifestyle that we have and the type of life that we lead as opposed to the materialistic items that we have because they don't actually lead to an increase in happiness. So now is the time to have that conversation, my friend. Exactly.

I think we'll walk away from this episode feeling very confident and happy within ourselves. I hope empowered, like you're just empowered to smash life out regardless of your financial circumstances. Yes. We don't let money, what's the word I'm looking for? Hold us back. hold us back and define us. Yeah, 100%. So I guess like my first question is, is the myth that you can't ever really make it or is it more that it won't necessarily lead

to happiness? Yeah. Okay. So there's two edges of this sword, I suppose. So like if you're not feeling great about the way that you deal with money or how much you know about the intricacies of finance, you are absolutely not alone. Obviously, She's On The Money exists to empower you and our culture of encouragement that She's On The Money has kind of like fostered over the last few years should be one where excessive consumption is not that sexy. Financial systems were designed to be complicated because people need to make money and therefore our job is from my perspective to really break them down. But I think that a lot of money myths exist and I think it's kind of both, right? Like there are people who in this world are going to want to quote

make it. And I think that that means a lot of different things. I just think that there's this misconception that making it means you become extremely rich. And I just think that some of the richest people in my entire life are not the ones that have loads of money. So I think we need to have that conversation. But then also we know, and we'll get to the research, but we know that there is a cap on happiness and there is a point at which happiness doesn't increase regardless of how much more money you have. I think it's very naive of me if I said, look, Beck, money can't buy happiness because that's such a catchphrase that we hear. And in reality, intrinsically, that's true. But if our base needs aren't being

met, like we're not able to put a roof over our head, we're stressed about debt repayments, we are not able to put food on the table, why would we be happy? Like that makes us feel like trash. So I think that yes, money can actually buy happiness because Beck, if I said, look, how happy would you be if I could guarantee that the income that you earn each and every single year it's always going to put you in a position where you're a-okay like you're you're in a perfect position like you are absolutely fine you are never going to go without so we're not talking about that side of things because I think that that would be incredibly tone deaf to say something like oh my gosh well money can't buy happiness you're gonna look at me and be like

well actually you know what I'd be really happy if I could pay my grocery bill Victoria I'd be really happy if I could afford the apartment that I need, Victoria. So I think it's let's put that to the side because those are base financial needs. That's base. Honestly, I think everybody should just have access to that. And we create a lot of content on making sure you have access to that. However, the conversation today is about taking it to that next step and that myth around does money buy happiness or like what's this idea of making it financially? At what point are we good enough for ourselves and I suppose this creeps into the realm of we record money diaries every single week and we always ask our community like oh on a scale of you know A through F like

how would you rate yourself financially and a lot of people will say oh I'm a B and you might listen to the story and be like oh my lord like they're an A plus what the heck that's you overlaying your personal values onto what that is somebody who might call themselves a B you might go wow they're like the most financially literate people I've ever met, but they will say something along the lines of, yes, but to take it to an A, I just really want to feel like I've actually achieved those goals I'm setting. They might have the clarity to be an A in your eyes, but they just don't feel like they're there yet because they want to prove it to themselves. As I've said before on the podcast, sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, girl, no, you're absolutely an A, but I'll never

argue with you over that because that's your own judgment of yourself and I can't overlay my values on that. So I think it's important to understand whether you think you're an A or an F, this myth of, I guess, financially making it is going to mean different things to different people. And that's what makes our world so beautiful. Like how cool is it that your values are so different to my values, but the beauty of that friendship is that we both respect one another. You might go, V, why have you got two cats? What the heck? Whereas I might go, Beck, grass, It makes me itch. I'm not going to lay in that. What are you talking about? So I think it's just about really embracing that every single person in this community is so different, but how do we

get clarity on what our goals are? But then what does financially making it even mean? Yeah. I guess if you're constantly setting different goals and thinking like, oh, once I make it here, then I'll be happy. Or once I make it there, I'll be happy. But the goals are constantly moving and we keep growing and, you know, it's just, it's just not the best thing to like kind of aim for. It's like talking to somebody, obviously complete pivot, but it's like talking to somebody about their diet. Yes. So like someone will be like, oh, once I lose another five kilos, I'll be happy. And then they lose five kilos and they actually haven't addressed the underlying issue of the lack of confidence. And they lose that five

kilos and you'll say, how do you feel now? And they say, oh, do you know what? I've got to this point. I just need another five kilos. Not addressing the fact that it was self-love that we were lacking. It's not about weight. So I think it's really, really similar in the financial realm because I think some people will go, well, do you know what? I would have made it back once I have $10,000 in my emergency fund. Guarantee the second you get to that, you'll go, oh, okay, cool. But I've thought about all these other goals now that I have this level of financial security. Bec, I really want to buy a house or I really want to buy a new car or I really want to go on a holiday or there might be a million other things floating around, but there's never

this idea that you've made it. I feel like we make that up in our heads. Exactly. We make it up in our heads and maybe it's motivating to be like, I will have made it and then you kind of work harder to get to that point. Yes, you get there and you're like, oh, you just don't really, sometimes you don't even realise that you've gotten there. Maybe it's a demotivational podcast. Demotivational.

We just, we want to demotivate you to financially making it to be okay with who you are in this moment. That's kind of wholesome. We want you to stay right where you are. We're reverse engineering it and just changing your mindset. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But, V, I suppose it's a question, too, of what does making it actually mean to you?

And I know this is subjective, so, V, I'm sure you can remember our episode, How Much Is a Lot of Money, from Jan 25, I think it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bec, it's literally halfway through the year now. Oh, my gosh. You've been on the podcast nearly six months. Does that feel weird? It does feel weird.

Let's have a Barbie party. Yeah. You know what? I think we should have a Barbie party. All right, done. Can we whip that up real quick? Yeah, real quick. Great.

See it on socials later. Great. so the for some people in our community it was you know never having to check your bank account before you go shopping and for some it was never having to work again it's all subjective but I guess I loved that conversation actually I really liked it I liked that some people were applying a dollar amount other people were replying a thing so the responses on that we asked the community on an Instagram story and we said hey guys like what to use a lot of money we didn't give a lot of context about what it was for or how it worked. So we got like, I guess, the most

organic responses. And some people commented $10,000. Some people commented $50. Some people commented $1 million. Other people commented, oh, a lot of money. If I had a lot of money, it would mean that I could get the most expensive sushi train plate without even thinking about it. And then other people would say things like, oh my gosh, yeah, as you said, I don't have to check the bank before I tap my card. Like that's what a lot of money would mean. And I just think it's so subjective to the circumstances that you've grown up in it's so subjective to the circumstances that you're currently in that making it is exactly the same it's so similar like there's no question of what making it means because to you making it is your definition of what success

in life would mean and then you know how much money is going to really depend on where you came from because beck your opinion was like oh v like when we talked about it it was definitely not a million dollars. Whereas I think that was my response. I think I said, oh, look, a lot of money. What's a lot of money? A house is a lot of money. And on average in capital cities, Melbourne and Sydney, it's about a million dollars now. So I just thought that's a lot, like that's a lot, a lot of money. But I could have said a billion dollars. That's a lot, a lot of money. True. It's all just where's this coming from? And usually it goes back to your values. So I find it super interesting. Yeah, absolutely. So I guess like,

let's talk about this idea of financial freedom. Sexy. Again, it's relative and not to diminish anyone's situation here, but where does the average Australian sit in a global context with what we are able to afford? Oh, we're rich. We're rich. We're rich.

We are ballers. Some of us. Yeah, but at the same time, Bec, even if you're struggling, you are so much better off than a lot of other people in a lot of other countries. Like, obviously, I don't want you to go, oh, I have to check my privilege when I'm stressed about debt repayment. that's not the case at all. But I think it's about just really going, wow, like we're a first world

nation. That is pretty cool that we have the privilege of living in this society. We have a society where if you're not able to generate an income independently, we have welfare. You're not going to be left high and dry. It might not be the lifestyle that you want for yourself. It might not be the ultimate end game, but isn't it crazy that our government will step in and make sure that you can in a way put food on the table. I mean, there's always going to be shortfalls. There's always going to be issues like this is not a conversation about the welfare system and what it does or doesn't do. It's just in comparison to the rest of the world, we are so flipping lucky. So basically, if Beck, you have a roof over your head, you have three meals a day,

you have access to running water and you make more than $40,000 a year, you're actually in the top 1% of the world's highest income earners. Really? Yes. Top 1%. Like when they talk about the 1%, who would have thought that's basically all of us? Yeah, that's going straight. We are the 1%. That's going in my Instagram bio. Top 1%, baby. Exactly. And the stats say, get this, the worldwide median, so the average annual household income. Do you want to guess? Do you reckon, do you want to guess? I'm kind of scared. Is it going to make me sad? I mean, I don't think so because obviously the world is made up of lots of different like average incomes. We know that the average income in Australia is going to be very different to the average income in a very

third world country. And you might say, oh, wow, like, you know, I don't know if the right terminology here is there, but like when you say what's the world's average income, I kind of like take into consideration the average income of an Australian, because we know that that's about $60,000 to $70,000 on average. But then you also, I don't know, my head goes to like World Vision and they say, for a dollar a day, you can do all these things for somebody. And I go, okay, well, that's $365. So like, where's the median? Does that make sense? Because you kind of go, all right, well, you know, and obviously there are people in this world that live on way less than that. But what does that mean? What do you think the average median household income is?

I'm going to say $50,000 a year, $50,000 flat. No, no. Do you know what's wild? It is $9,733 is the world's average household income. Oh, my gosh. Household. Not individual household. Wow, wow, wow.

Okay. So we're pretty lucky. Yeah. Okay. I can see I'm getting some perspective now. Humbled. Very humbled. Absolutely.

Okay. That is outrageous. And I do actually feel very humbled right now. So this actually makes me think about how we compare ourselves to other people a lot. And even just like trying to guess what that was, I was kind of scared because I thought if this is higher than how much I'm making or how much I've historically made, I'm going to be very sad. Why do we do that? What is it about comparison culture? I think your response is actually a really beautiful example, right? So the example is that we often, even when asked to look at something on a global perspective, which we did, you don't actually have the ability to step into the shoes

of people that you don't surround yourself with. So your number, I can almost guarantee when you said $50,000 actually came from the average of the people that surround you. So your friends, your family, like the people that are surrounding you, right? And that makes sense because we are so likely to compare ourselves to our friends and our family and the people that we want to be like the most. And that is so fine to do, but that is why your type of comparison culture is always going to be like, oh, my friend Liv has X, Y, and Z. I want X, Y, and Z. Whereas if we went up a different like salary band, those things that those people want are very different. It's kind of like if we shot all the way up to billionaire status, like billionaires compare themselves to

other billionaires. And they're like, oh, no, bloody Sophia. Did you see her wedding? Oh my God. Well, her wedding was X, Y, and Z. We all have to do a better one. Like it's one of those things where we actually compare ourselves to our own social circle. And this idea of keeping up with the Joneses actually has levels. And that's where this idea of keeping up with the Joneses comes from, the Joneses, they're our average next door neighbor. So you're average next door neighbor and you're just trying to keep up with them. You're not trying to keep up with somebody in a completely different salary bracket to you. You're not trying to keep up with someone who is in a completely lower salary bracket to you. You're actually just trying to keep up

with where you think that you align. And that is fine to do. But by doing that, you're absorbing all of their values. You're absorbing all of their goals and wishes and hopes for the future. And I find it really interesting. And this brings me back to another point that we've mentioned on the podcast before, and that's there was research done in the US that said the people most likely to go broke were the neighbors of small time lottery winners. So it wasn't people who won a million dollars, two million dollars, because to be honest, usually that bumps you up a salary bracket and you might sell your house and move to a different one. But you compare yourself to people who are similar to you and you're more likely to go

broke because the Joneses, those guys next door, you send their boat. I've always wanted a boat. Maybe, you know, maybe my husband and I should consider that. We don't have the money for it. Maybe we'll get a loan. We'll get a boat. Yeah, that's a good lifestyle. Kind of like that where you're comparing yourself to like, but you don't understand their financial circumstances. And that actually robs you of true happiness and actually creating fulfillment in your own life because you get the boat, right? The Joneses next door, they've got a boat. They look really happy. Have you seen them in the driveway when they clean their boat after they come back from being out, you know, doing donuts with the kids all afternoon. Like, have you seen them? Have you seen how happy they

are? I want that happiness that I can see they're experiencing. And I'm pretty sure it comes from that materialistic item that they have. I'm going to get one of those because my family wants to experience that too. Isn't that lit? Then you get the boat. I hate being on the ocean. I have the worst seasickness in the entire world. Maintenance. If my husband and I went out, yeah, maintenance, Absolutely not. I actually don't want to spend an hour after I get back in washing the boat. Absolutely not. That's not going to create happiness for me. What I could see is that they were really happy in that moment. And I was trying to channel that with the materialistic item that I thought was tied to their happiness. And that's not the case at all. I should have been

working on maybe my family dynamics or the way that I am grateful for things, not at all the materialistic items. And I think that's why when we get something, we go, I didn't solve it. That didn't make me happier. What's next? Maybe we need a new car actually, Bec. Have you seen their car in their driveway? Do you know what I mean? That must be the missing link. It must be. It has to be the missing link. Like, oh, you got a new car. Oh, Bec, your t-shirt looks so nice. You look so happy today. I think if I got that t-shirt, I'd look just as cute. I'd be happier. I'm going to go get that t-shirt. Then I put it on and realized that that's not where your happiness was coming from. So I think it's really important to remember, I guess, your values and your goals and what you

want to achieve and that the boat's not going to do anything. It's just an example of you seeing someone else. And I think social media perpetuates this. I see it all the time on TikTok. Do you know why? Because I am the biggest sucker for TikTok. I see some girl with a new skincare routine and she looks real cute and has that puffy headband that they put on. I'd be an influencer if I got a puffy headband. Do you not see my bathroom right now? The damn puffy headband. It's so ugly on me. What the heck? Did it do anything to make my morning routine feel better? Absolutely not. In fact, probably the opposite. Do I need their new retinol that somebody on TikTok is posting about? No. It's so wild to think that I, even in this position where I would argue that

I'm acutely aware of what drives goals and values and reasoning and financial happiness, I still get sucked into being like, that's shiny. Like a little magpie. Like shiny, I need that. Shiny, I need that. And that is where I think it's really important for me to be open about this circumstance because that will then help you go, even the experts don't have it all figured out. I know semantically what that means. I know pragmatically how that works. In reality though, my gosh, shiny things, 10 out of 10, 10 out of 10. You can take the shiny thing away from that. I don't know what my analogy was going to be, but basically I understand what you're saying completely. We're just all different. And I think that we need to break down this, I guess,

hustle culture narrative that we seem to all be so used to and segue away from that into why are we hustling? What are we hustling for? What does making it actually mean? Because how many times have we heard stories about the dude who's making it and we think he's a big dog and then his wife divorces him because he's not present. Is that what we want? Is that how it works? Like where were your values? Because seemingly it's only once his wife divorces him that he realizes what he had and what he's now missing out on. How do we be more grateful for the things that we already have so that that feels like enough? Yeah. V, I'm not sure if you know this this is kind of out of left field but there is an international day of happiness i did not

know that yeah isn't that so what do you do just like hold hands and sing kumbaya you must be happy it's illegal to not be happy on this day on that day did you know that we are ranked number actually guess guess like as in out of all the countries i believe it's worldwide worldwide out of all the countries who's the happiest yeah no what number are we oh what number are we i wanted to guess like who was number one that's a good question you're on i reckon if we asked americans they would say we're the happiest and i can almost guarantee that they're not probably not i'm gonna i'm gonna guess we like number five i reckon we're number five number five you reckon yeah i reckon five i have bad news oh we are actually number 12 but that's still pretty high that's oh oh i guess

out of all the countries, that's not too bad now I think about it. Our producer just said that number one is Finland and didn't I say a Nordic, is that a Nordic country? Yeah, all the Nordies, they're so happy. The Nordies, oh my god, they're so happy. They're so happy. I'm obsessed with them. They just live their little

best lives. They're living their best lives. And what was the last one? I apologise. Afghanistan. Look, that actually makes quite a lot of sense as to why they wouldn't be happy at this point in time. Oh, that makes me want to hug them all and do something. No. Our producer has also just let us know that America was about, like, 15. New Zealand was ahead of us, unsurprisingly.

Oh, yeah, that seems about right. Unsurprisingly. And their prime minister just quit. So, like, I'm surprised because I'd be really unhappy with that. Maybe this is old data and they were just, like, happy when they had Jacinda. Yes, exactly. I'd be rioting once she left.

But anyway, it is so important to talk about it and I guess how they measure that is really important as well because I think it wasn't a surprise when a Nordic country was number one, but then also when Afghanistan was the last. So that study actually looked at things like people's freedom to make life choices, which is really important. The generosity of the people in that country, GDP, so gross domestic product. So obviously that's kind of like how much money is coming in and out of the country to make sure that economically it's doing well. perceptions of corruption among citizens healthy life expectancy so i guess that stretches into

lots of different areas at the crux of it and then things like social support so that makes sense because the noughties they've got elite amounts of maternity do you know they get like a year of paid leave that is so classic they are so good at what they do healthcare across the board yeah no no you don't need to pay to go to the gp they're like what's a gap we've never heard of one No. Never. Medicare, we don't need you. This is possibly fake news, but I heard not a single bully. Not a single bully. All right. Well, we'll have to put an asterisk on that because I'm sure that there are some naughty, naughty. There's possibly some bullies. Possibly some bullies, but you know what? We're glorifying them. We're putting them on that big pedestal.

Obviously, understandably, a population is only going to be experiencing really high levels of overall life satisfaction if its people are like pro-social, healthy and prosperous. So all of that makes a lot of sense. In other words, basically, it's people have to have high levels of what Aristotle get this called eudaimonia. So at the level of society, life satisfaction and eudaimonia go hand in hand. Bec, that's a mouthful of a word. It's a mouthful. We might have to Google what that means. Altruism, also a mouthful of a word, but altruism is also highly linked to happiness. And the study that was done that we're talking about actually consistently found that we get greater joy by giving to others oh that is so wholesome isn't that cute yeah that's really cute

i think it makes sense because i just love giving people presents we should try that today but you actually try that every day i'm gonna try to start doing that i love that all right let's go to a really quick break let's go to the flip side we need to re-establish and we will go back to talking about the myths at hand we are back we just had another look at the actual ranker um and it is very interesting i recommend googling that i'm moving to oh 100 sorry we forgot to mention we are both moving to finland yeah i'm moving to finland i want to live there i just think that they're happier also they're really hot and they're hot they're hot they're really hot people and i'm hoping that via osmosis i will get hotter listen to us we're comparing yeah we are but like

sugar that's science that got me osmosis is a scientific term yeah where if you yeah anyway we'll we'll go on about that later this is not she's on the science it's she's on the money carry on. Okay, so back to the topic. I'm wondering, V, what are some of the traps we get ourselves into when we focus on this, quote unquote, making it myth? Bec, obviously, it's super important to be doing things like setting goals. And that's really positive and totally natural to want to have things like ambitions, whatever that means for you. But we need to be careful about not letting these things become toxic and flipping into a narrative that either is not going to work for us or is actually detrimental to the rest of our life. That completely makes sense.

And I guess it kind of makes me think, and this could probably sound a little bit random, but random, is there more pressure on women to be like everything? Be it all? A hundred percent. I even feel the pressure to be it all, right? Like it is no secret that I really want to be a mom. Like I want to have a baby. At some point it will be the light of my life. I'm hoping, imagine if I got there and I'm like, this is trash. Why did I do this? But it's just this idea that I want to be a career driven woman. I want to be a mom. I want to be a good wife.

I want to, you know, be financially successful, also life successful. And I feel like that we feel that additional pressure, not only because we put it on ourselves, but also because women are judged so harshly. Like there's a case in point right here, right? I follow Steph Clare Smith on social media, obsessed with her, love her. I think that she is this incredible role model for women and people everywhere to just be, I don't know, more wholesome, do a better job, be the best version of you. Like I'm obsessed with the whole kick vibe.

Anyway, we won't go on and on about that. But it is wild because she posts so much content about her and her son Harvey online. And Harvey, honestly, that kid is one of the most aesthetically pleasing toddlers you've seen in your life. Like he has these curls that you could just eat. And, you know, there's these beautiful videos of her making porridge with him or just doing mum stuff. And I just, I find that from my perspective, so motivating. And I just think that there's this idea that, wow, she can be it all. But the amount of criticism that this poor woman gets because of the amount of work that she does, people are like, oh, where's your son? Who's looking after your son? Oh, you don't spend

enough time with your kid. You don't do this. You don't do that. Like, obviously she travels a bit. for work, as do I. It's going to be the reality of my life at some point too. But that doesn't mean that this kid isn't fulfilled. And there just is this idea that you can't have it all. So people want it all. But then if you're seen to be having a good life and balancing it, and I don't believe in balance, I just don't think it exists. Well, people will cut you down and let you know that, oh, well, what are you doing? Where's your kid? Why aren't you looking after your kid? As though that kid doesn't have another parent that is completely competent and capable. Like I swear, if somebody ever asks me about my child one day and where

they are or what they're doing, heads will roll. Yeah. Heads will roll because that to me is undermining the fact that I have a completely capable life partner that can also help me in that circumstance. And I just don't believe in this concept of work-life balance in the way that it used to exist because the way that it used to exist was that one entity in a family could go to work and earn enough money back. One person could go to work, earn enough money to buy a house, pay the mortgage, put food on the table, go on a humble family holiday each and every single year, put children through education and have a good life while having another party who stayed home full time to do housekeeping duties. Oh my God, imagine that.

Do you have anyone in your life where only one person in that relationship works, but they own a house, have kids, like live their best life and don't have any financial stress? Not a single person. It's not the reality anymore. No. And this idea that that's the type of commitment we should be giving blows my mind. But also, it's just so unrealistic. I also think it's really important that regardless of how the circumstances are changed,

beck is it not the coolest thing in the entire world that one day i might be able to become a mom who has her best life at the same time like i am obsessed with she's on the money i cannot imagine leaving that community to focus on creating a family do you know why because i'd be really upset i would not be motivated i would not be the best version of myself and if i'm not the best version of myself how the hell am i going to be a good mom and i guess to further that I'm so flipping lucky I grew up in a family where both my parents worked full-time and I think that's where my work ethic ended up coming from do I feel like I had less do I feel like I missed out on anything no did I love after school care every single time no not ideal but like you get

what you get and you don't get upset sometimes because even that was a privilege when you look back on it like why is this concept that I would need to be with my child 24 7 for them to have a good fulfilling life the reality yeah it makes to me absolutely no sense but the idea that all of that burden is put only on the mum have you ever heard someone go I was just about to say Steve Steve where's your kid right now you're in a meeting what are you doing yeah how much time do you spend with your child that's so wild and then obviously this is you know I don't have kids so this is not a projection of my own parenting technique or anything like that but I guarantee at some point, I'm going to post a picture of my child and my husband just at the park and

they're going to go, he's such a good dad. He's so good. Oh my God. Is he pushing that kid on a swing? Elite. Yeah. But I've emptied the dishwasher. I've done like three loads of washing. I've cleaned the house all before my kid and my husband woke up. I did all of these other things and people were like, where's your kid? You grew a human. I grew a whole entire human and I don't even get a, oh, you get a gold star, Bec. Yeah. I get a, yeah, well, you're the mum. Exactly. You're the mum though. Yeah. And you know what? Then, I guess to stretch this further, because lots of my friends have kids and I'm obsessed with them, the audacity on those tiny toddlers to then make the dad their favourite. Oh. Are you joking? Are you joking, tiny terrorists?

Are you joking? Like they go, you do all the work, you get all the societal pressure. Nobody is going to step in and help you but the second they see your husband pushing a kid in the supermarket being like they're like oh do you need a hand like oh that must be hard work looking after that toddler no you know what for them the kid to be like also by the way you're not my favorite mom daddies daddies and you know there's something quite cruel about the fact that children do say dada a lot faster look there's obviously this is just like stretching into like a science lesson with Victoria, but I did actually do psychology. Few things to note there just on the science front. First thing first, dada is an easier phrase for little kids to say quicker and

often because the mum is always talking about the dad. It comes up quicker, right? That makes sense. You know, oh, when's dad coming home? Oh, dada, rah, rah, rah. Like they are going to pick that up easier than mum because the articulation is a little bit different. But then also, I think it's up until the age of 18 months, kids actually see their mum as an extension of them. They do not view their mother as a separate individual to them. They just go, well, that's mum because I have no capacity to look after myself. So that's me looking after myself. That's just mum. Dad, he's really exciting because he is actually an independent body and that's really fun. Mum's actually a given. So the fact that mums are not the favourite,

it's not because you're not the favourite, babe. It's actually just because their little brains think that you are them and they are you and same. That is so cute. It's kind of cute, right? And once you understand it, you're like, oh, well. And you know what? I guarantee when I'm a mum, this circumstance will happen and I'm going to be elated. It's 5am on a Sunday morning, Bec. My kid can say dad. They're screaming dad and I get to roll over in bed and be like, it's you, honey. Perfect. That's you. Oh my gosh. I can see it now. It's going to be stunning. I'll be like, that's you, that's not me. In that case, I'm kind of happy about that.

Yeah, so like we're not mad. Not mad. They're the favorite because I am that child. So therefore, I'm also your favorite. Yes. Stunning. Anyway, let's get back to talking about this idea of having it all. So V, there's a term that we probably both hear a lot recently,

and that is girl boss. Oh, that's hot. So I kind of just wanted to touch on girl boss, hustle culture, that kind of vibe. I'm not a girl. I'm actually a woman. can we just start there? I feel like even the term girl boss, if you like sit and stare at it for a hot minute, it's like the patriarchy sticking their middle finger up at you because

they won't even call me a woman in that circumstance. A girl is flitty and fun and like doesn't take anything seriously. I'm not just a boss. I'm a girl boss. Like I feel like there was this culture where we're really trying to embrace it for a while. But I just think that this idea that we need to reference our gender when talking about our professional capabilities blows my mind. Oh, a female doctor, female lawyer, girl boss. No, I actually just happen to be a boss of a business. I actually, I don't even call myself a boss. I think that that's actually really toxic because I don't want to boss my team around. I actually want to be a leader. I would love to think that, you know, if you sat down my team individually, they'd be like,

yeah, V's a really good leader. Like she leads by example. I don't want to be somebody that bosses people. It just, the whole thing to me is toxic. But the idea of this girl boss culture and this hustle culture, Gen Z, they've got it covered. I want to be a Gen Z when I grow up. They have it covered. They have canceled it. They're pushing it back. They leave on time. They leave their jobs. They're like, oh babe, it's 5pm. And people will be like, well, why are you leaving? Like we've got heaps to do, they'll be like, well, are you going to pay me? Like the audacity on a Gen Z needs to be cut and paste into every other generation because I'm obsessed. But then you talk to the baby boomers and they'll say things like, oh, but you have to cut your teeth. Oh,

but you have to put in the time, energy and effort. Oh yeah. Well, I had to do it. So you have to do it. Absolutely not. We're cancelling that. Like your ability and your capability and your worth as an individual is not dictated by how many hours you put into that thing. Like it just, it blows my mind. But this idea of having it all, I think there is this idea of having it all, but it looks really different these days. And I think that, I guess, to flip this to be a little bit of a personal anecdote, COVID taught me a lot about having it all. Like you guys know, I would hope by now enough about me to know that I came out of corporate. I was running a relatively large business. COVID happened. We decided to really scale it back. I just didn't want to do

what I was doing. Like I was the girl boss. And I think that we need to acknowledge that I did fall into that. Obviously my mentality now has changed, but like Beck, get this. I would get up. This is disgusting. And I mean, if you want to scroll back that far on my Instagram, you're probably going to find it because I haven't tried to hide it. But yeah, so I used to get up at 4.30 AM. I used to go to the gym there was a very long period of time where I thought a bulletproof coffee was real cool so I'd make that in my Nutribullet I blend butter with coffee because obviously that's genius and I'd put MHC or something there was like some kind of special that sounds no no it was like this oil I can't even remember but I would buy it online from iHerb

anyway I'd have my bulletproof coffee and I would have gone to the gym and I was like stacking on the protein I would like journal I didn't even know what I was writing at that point but like this is how to be successful this is what you do like I was journaling junk like I wasn't putting down my real feelings I was writing things out like I am a boss I'm a badass bitch like it was like really bad and then I had this idea in my head that to be the leader of the company I needed to always be at work so like I would make sure I was at work by like 7 or 7 30 so that I was there before every single one of my staff got there. So I could be like, oh, good morning. And I was like there before you. Also, if you were still there in the afternoon, there is absolutely no chance

I would have left before you. I would make sure I was a first in and the last out because that's how business owners should be, right? I had absolutely no life. My mental health was in the bin. I looked pretty cute though, because like I got up and I always put on my little power suit and looked great, rah, rah, rah. But that was not a reflection of my mental health space. COVID happened, forced, and there's obviously like a few gaps in this story, that's fine. But COVID happened, realized that that was trash, was forced to work from home. Obviously mental health for everybody during that period of time sucked. So I was spending way, way, way more time in bed. I also wasn't having to please anybody or like adhere to these cultural norms

of being there at 7am. So I started sleeping in and I started not having that disgusting bulletproof coffee. And I started like listening to my body and how it works. And now the way I run a business is entirely different. And I do think that having it all means something so different. Like, do I want to be the biggest business in the world? No. Like I am so adverse to hiring new individuals into the team, unless it's absolutely critical to maintaining the quality of content that we put out here. I don't want to be the biggest podcast in the world. I don't want that burden. I don't want that responsibility. Do you know how much fun we have every day. Like we come in, it's relaxed. Like I get to catch up with what I feel like are

my good friends. Like we create some content. We don't put timelines on things in the same way that I would have done historically. Like I've been talking about a new investment course for so long. I'm so excited by the way it's coming. We've done all the branding. I have started writing it. It is coming. But like we haven't put a due date on it because I'd prefer it to be created in this beautiful way that everybody's always engaged with it. And when it happens, we'll start announcing it. But historical me would have been like, all right, Bec, so we need to sit down and we need to map this out and get it done by the 1st of March. And then it goes out. Here's the marketing strategy. Like I've just taken away the aggression from what I have been creating. And I think that

that has meant that we've thrived even more. Like this idea that my team don't have set working hours. It's just like 38 hours a week. Yep. Call it even. Like, I just think this idea of hustle culture, it's dead. And you know why it's dead? Because you can't be your best self when you're focusing so hard on something that shouldn't even define you. I don't want to go to a barbecue and people go, are you that girl from She's on the Money? Yeah. Also, I'm a really cool friend and I really like talking absolute trash and I really like this other friend I'd like to introduce you to and I'd like to have a nice cocktail and have a good time. I don't want to be defined by my work. It's very unlikely that I would talk to you about that because I'm like, I do that all week. Can we

not talk about that. So I think it's really important to go, well, what's of value to you? And I'm pretty sure, Bec, if I sat you down and said, what are your values? Do you want to be defined by the work that you do? Not really. You don't want to be a video producer forever and a podcaster? Like that's who you are and what you do and you live and you breathe it? I'm kind of getting that way, but I definitely don't want to be. Yeah, but it's because you're passionate, not because you're forced into this idea that you need to adhere to the social norms of what a video producer would look like. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. It's crazy to me, this idea that especially as women, we are expected to adhere to our job, right? Like if you see a lawyer on Instagram, a female lawyer, a female, a girl lawyer, I'm going to start being really condescending and I'll be like, doctor, male doctor. Oh my God, it's a boy doctor, boy doctor, boy scientist, a boy scientist. I've never heard of that before. But I just, I think this idea that as women, we need to be professional 24-7, absolutely out the window. Like it, straight out, straight out. It makes absolutely no sense. Why can't I be seen as an absolute professional and also love cats and buy fairy wings on the internet and love painting my nails rainbow colors and talking to my friends about absolute trash

and sharing that publicly while not diminishing the fact that I am actually a finance expert. I have a lot of credentials in this space. I'm actually relatively intelligent. My fun and my life, it doesn't matter. I might be a train wreck on the weekends. Does that change the level of intelligence and value I bring to the world? Absolutely not. You do you, boo. Absolutely, sis. 100%. I'm not about to go create an OnlyFans. It's just not my vibe. But like if I did, does that mean that I am not as smart when it comes to managing money? No, absolutely not. But that doesn't make me any less of a human because I have different values and goals and things that I like engaging in. I think that when it comes back to what does making it actually

mean? What do you actually want out of your life? I think a really big question that we need to ask ourselves is, is my career dictating who I am? And if it is, and you're so passionate about it, great. Because as much as I personally talk about not wanting to be defined by my job, far out Beck I'm obsessed like I live it I breathe it like I get up in the mornings and I'm thinking of new things that I can do I'm so passionate about it yeah you might not have that passion and that doesn't matter doesn't matter not everyone has a passion exactly V we've talked heaps about this kind of like grass is greener mindset and this kind of like comparison culture and things like that but I guess what should we take away how can we shift our mentality and kind

of bring ourselves up and stop this, like, looking at the Joneses and our neighbours and trying to, like, you know, one-up each other. So you know horses? Horses I do know. Yeah, yeah. Well, so they have these things called blinkers that they put on them so that when they're racing they don't get distracted by the horse beside them because they'll be like,

oh, horsey, that's crazy. And that's what I'm like. so I need to put some blinkers on to make sure that I can't see what other people are doing and I think that that starts by only following content online that actually resonates with you I think there's a very big difference between aspirational content and content that you're following because you're envious of it deeply and I think we need to have a look at that and go well where are we starting because obviously when we talk about the grass is always greener mindset there's this black and white view that it's all or nothing. And I think that when we talk about,

well, where are you getting your content from, Bec? Like, how is this working? How do we put maybe some blinders on ourselves so that we can only see our personal goals and what we are trying to achieve and still celebrate what people are doing on the sidelines, but it's not the main focus. It's not something that really distracts us. We can engage with it. You know, you could completely turn around and go, Victoria, what are you doing? How does that make sense? But then you're able to get back on track and see what your goals are with clarity instead of them being confused. Like, I don't want you to go into someone else's lane because it looks like the grass is greener because it's genuinely an optical illusion. Like everybody's life is a highlights

reel. And I know that we talk about this before and it's not something I haven't mentioned on the podcast, but when we say it's a highlights reel, obviously social media really exemplifies that because, you know, you see people's stories every day, even my stories, right? Like I'm not going to post the parts that I'm feeling a little bit flat because it's just not engaging I'm not going to post the parts that are a little bit mundane and boring like me walking to different meetings or taking notes or you know looking at my pod content being like oh what are we doing next I'll post the part where someone brings a coffee into our studio and it's all uppity and fun but also that stretches into life Beck I'm not going to sit down with you at brunch and go how

are you and you go trauma dump like you're going to go oh I'm really good and you're like internally you kind of go, wow, Bec's really good. I'm not really good. Like the entire world is a highlights reel because we always want to focus on the positive and share the positive because we usually have some type of guilt by burdening other people with negativity. So you don't want to do that. So the grass is always greener because someone's telling you that their grass is so green right now. How is it over there in that pasture, Bec? And you'd be like, look, it's really nice. Like, thanks for asking. I'm having the best time. Look at my green grass. And then when you look down, you're like, fire, it's pretty muddy in here. I'm feeling real trash about this. Got no

fertilizer. Things are going to go to absolute SH1T next week. Like we're not looking at it in the way that we should be looking at it. And just because your grass looks greener, one, it doesn't mean it is, but it also doesn't mean it's catastrophically terrible. And I think that there's this juxtaposition where people say, well, if the grass isn't greener, you got there and it was terrible. No, like might be the same, but like the grass is greener where you water it. The grass is greener where you're actually nourishing the grass and growing your own and putting your own pastures in to sow. Like it's really sexy to have your own pasture. Heck, mine might be full of clover, but you know what? I love my clover. It's very, very good. But I think that there's just

this idea that it's all or nothing. If I'm going to be a career girly, I need to go all in with it. You can do everything. Just doesn't mean you have to do all of it all at once. Exactly right. Slow and steady, no rush. Just get it done. Dabble in the things that make you happy. Like obviously, comparative thinking is really negative. Fortune telling sucks as well. So like a type of bias is where your brain believes it's able to see into the future. Literally, it's a psychological phenomenon where your brain just thinks it's able to predict the future. How many times have I said, if I could predict the future, I'd be real rich. Because you can't do it. And the narrative that

you'll hear in your head, Bec, when that comes up is, I'd be so much better off if I X, Y, Z. I'm going to be in a better position if I ABC. I'd be so much better off if I had what Bec had. That's fortune telling because you don't know that. It's not guaranteed. Who absolutely knows that? Nobody. So I think it's really important to kind of just talk about this narrative because the grass is greener mindset. Honestly, it oversimplifies the alternative as being the better alternative. I might be allergic to a grass. I don't know. Yep. All right, V, so what I'm taking away from this, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm going to go through and list these out. Okay, so first things first is be mindful of your thinking. Stunning. Challenge your thinking.

Yes, absolutely. Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for what you already have. For what already have. Yeah, exactly. I feel like that's the most important thing. Yes, for what you already have. Not to say that because literally, you know, a couple of weeks ago I said, if someone says you should be grateful, then you shouldn't be grateful. But I'm saying be grateful for what you already have in your world. Yeah, 100%. 100%. Be present, as present as you can be. Be focused. Love. And make changes carefully. So brainstorm options, list the pros and cons of possibilities, talk to others when you need it act and evaluate the change and of course last but not least seek professional help if you do feel like you're struggling 100 there are so many resources out

there that can help you my favorite one at the moment is beyond blue and i'm saying that because i think that there's this misconception that you you should only reach out to professionals like that when things are really bad like it's catastrophic like narcissists if you want to just change your mind frame. These are great resources to be helping you do things like reframe and they're usually free. So go check them out. But Bec, as always, it is a pleasure hanging out with you each and every single week and getting to do a little deep dive into a topic that I'm wildly passionate about. But that is all we have time for today. So let's go and we'll see you beautiful people on Friday. See you guys then. Bye.

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